Chapter Text
I sat on the ledge of the water fountain, tracing two fingers over the frozen water, imagining both Eula and I figure skating across the ice. The scarf around my neck, that Miss Lisa knitted, hid my mouth and nose, only leaving a single blue eye peeking over a wall of thick yarn. One gloved hand pulled each side of my trenchcoat together to prevent any warmth from leaving me, the trenchcoat was gifted to me by the outrider who proudly said it ‘radiates Kaeya energy’ and the gloves were gifted by a certain Bard as a reminder of who he is. The beanie that the acting grandmaster had bought for me as an early christmas gift last year fit comfortably around my head, surprisingly. And the turtle neck I wore underneath the layers that Sister Rosaria gave me saying ‘just because you’re a cryo allogene doesn't mean you have built in resistance”. Though the gifts that were given by friends -Friends that I am very thankful for- surrounded my body as a reminder of why I'm still walking Teyvat, I couldn’t help but feel a little bit gloomy during a winter evening, despite my endless love for the winter feel.
I stood at the gate, doing my daily patrols and collecting information from the knights guarding at the front. From there, two children caught my attention. I watched the two little boys play in the snow on the bridge. One of the boys accidentally threw a snowball to the other’s face, sending him in a panic
“Ah! I’m sorry!” the older boy said, helping the younger up, the younger boy laughed
“It’s okay brother!” he giggled, the older brother wiped the snow off his little brother’s pants
I had a heart filled laugh, that used to be Diluc and I when we were younger. Little Diluc, as the older sibling, would underestimate his strength or overestimate little me’s resistance, knowing damn well he was the physically stronger one.
“Oof!” I felt a heavy weight slam into my lower back, quickly, I regained balance and turned around to see what hit me with such unexpected force
A little girl stood against me, my body catching her from the fall “oh! I’m so sorry Sir Kaeya!” She apologized frantically “I didn’t mean to bump into you!”
Her sincere apology was sweet for something so little, reminds me of someone. I smiled and patted her on the head “No worries! Accidents happen” I picked up my hat that fell upon impact and put it back on “I apologize for being in the way” I was in the way after all, standing in the middle of the gateway maybe wasn’t the brightest of me
The girl smiled and thanked me, she ran off to the two boys who were waiting for her
“Milly! Was that sir Kaeya!?” the little brother asked, the girl nodded
“Uh-huh! He’s really nice!” Milly said, fixing her high ponytail
“I can tell” The older brother looked at me, thinking I couldn’t see them, then back at his brother and friend “one day, I’m going to be just like him!”
I chuckled, a push of wind passed me. A man walked up to the children with a friendly smile.
“Dad!” the two brothers yelled
“Hey boys!” The father said “Hey Milly!”
“Hello Mr. Vurth!”
“How about we head inside for some hot coco?”
“Okay!” All three children somehow managed to cling on to the man.
Those children heavily remind me of some familiar faces. They fit me, Diluc, and Jean quite well. I was always the defenseless one who was too scared of actually hurting anyone if I did throw the snowball too hard, Diluc was the opposite of me but if he did end up hurting another, he would apologize quickly and make sure that they’re okay. Jean was always the overly apologetic, she hasn’t changed one bit but was still a kind hearted soul.
And the dad of the boys, he matches Fa- I mean! Master Crepus! Yes, he matches Master Crepus offly well. Kind, easy-going, laid back, gentle, straight to the point. I miss him, Dearly, I miss Master Crepus a lot. Perhaps more than a fake son should.
As the day goes by, I catch a Glimpse of Deaconess Barbara and Acting Grand Master Jean near the Souvenir shop. Barbara is holding Jean by the hands and jumping up and down in excitement, her wooly dress puffed up each time she fell from each jump. Unfortunately, Barbara’s last jump took a turn for the worse
“Woah!” Barbara slipped on the ice, her hands whipped out of Jean’s and waved around in an attempt to catch herself on air.
“Barbara!” Jean caught her by the hands, barely. Her weight almost pulled Jean down with her. The two sisters stared at each other, the staring soon turned into uncontrollable laughter.
“Oh!” Jean yelped as she lost balance on the ice, dropping both Barbara and herself on the ground. Their crackling deepened and became more vocal as they lay on the snow-covered ice.
I smile, Barbara and Jean seem to have the ideal sister relationship, I wish I had what they had. To be honest, I feel kind of envious of them. After my thing with Diluc, I tried to get closer to Jean and Barbara to fill in that empty void in my heart, but it never worked. I know why I’m just kind of disappointed that I can't make things easier for myself.
I find myself staring at the alchemy stand where Albedo and Klee stood, munching on some cooked fish that, I’m going to assume, they got themselves in the ‘Klee way’.
I could overhear a little bit of what Klee is saying, she’s a loud talker after all.
“And then, Kaeya gave me a blue Dodoco!” Ah yes, that is correct. Randomly I decided to give Klee a blue Dodoco as a gift from me to her. Klee pulled a blue ball of fluff out of her dress pockets and held it up to Albedo, she then pulled out a black string
“Can you help me?” she asked, a small smile formed on Albedo’s face when he saw the string and the blue fluff ball. He took the doll and the ribbon, and tied the string around the blue doll’s face. What are they doing?
Albedo held up the doll by the chain, and it turns out the string was a miniature eye patch “Look Klee! It’s DodoKae!”
DodoKae…DodoKae… I like that, it’s a cute nickname
Klee looked up at the doll and clapped “DodoKae! Yes!” The pure joy in her face and voice was easily identifiable, you couldn’t miss it even if you tried.
“Speaking of Kaeya” I heard Albedo mention my name in a serious matter “I haven’t seen him in a bit”
Now’s my chance, I approached him from behind. I held a finger to my lips and glared at Klee, my way of telling her ‘hush, I want to have fun’ Klee giggled. She smacked both her hands over mouth in order to not let out another noise .
“What’s so funny?”
I placed my hand on Albedo’s shoulder and leaned into his left ear, with a silent “Missing me already?”. I could feel him flinch beneath my skin. Albedo turned around swiftly resulting in a mouthful of platinum blond hair in my mouth.
“Kaeya!” Klee shouted, running up to me for our signature big hugs
“Kaeya!” Albedo yelled followed by a startled sigh.
I laughed “My apologies, I didn’t think that would scare you so much, Chief Alchemist” I picked Klee up and kissed her gently on the forehead.
“I-” Just as Albedo was about to protest, I returned the same kiss I gave to Klee, to Albedo. He shrugged, he knows my interesting ways of shutting friends up. I giggled.
“It’s been a while,” He said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear
“It’s been a week” I replied playfully
Albedo picked up his clipboard and shoved it into my free hand “I finished the painting you modeled for me.” And as always, I’m blown away by the sheer talent Albedo’s wrist holds. I’ve modeled for him multiple times on numerous occasions, I know all the equipment he uses too, slime concentrate, mashed herbs or flowers, acrylics, powder activated by water to be used as paint, Klee’s crayons, markers, ink, oil paints, but my favorite coloring materials he uses are the water colors. They blend so beautifully and mix so well! That’s why I love this specific painting so much.
Albedo caught me staring at it for quite some time
“Are you alright?” He flashed me a smile
I nodded, “Yes! Of course! This is amazing!”
“Let Klee see!” She grabbed the clipboard from my hand and her jaw dropped and she gasped “Wow! It’s so beautiful!”
I stayed for a while, Talking with Klee and Albedo made my heart lighten up a lot, always such a stress relief or even when I’m not under stress they’re still great distractions
“Kaeya, look!” Klee held up the doll I gave her “Albedo said it was dodoKae!”
I chuckled “aww a Dodoco named after me! How thoughtful” I pinched the fluffy ear of the dodoKae. Klee is such a caring child, fierce and protective, bright and always so happy, nothing can get in her way, She’s different. She makes me feel whole, like I've finally found someone who can fill in my brother’s spot. However that feeling is always temporary, it never stays with me like it did with Diluc. Guess nothing really can erase those memories.
I finish the fish skewer that Klee and Albedo handed me “I must get going now” I say. Albedo nods and Klee begs me to stay longer, I could, and I do want to but my mind wants to wander elsewhere.
“Alright, stay safe Kaeya” Albedo says “And come back to dragonspine maybe tomorrow. I have a portrait idea and I need to use you as inspiration” I nod. Being an inspiration for Albedo is probably the biggest compliment anyone can receive. I wave my farewell to the two siblings and head to the Barbatos statue
The statue of Barbatos always felt overly calm to me, not in a bad way of course, it’s like a sense of peace that fills my body like water does a rushing river. Sometimes when I’m admiring, there’s a strange breeze that’s always so sudden, hah, it’s funny to feel so safe next to a statue of an archon who helped destroy my home. A-ah- maybe i should stop thinking about that right now… I’m having an amazing day so far, i don’t want my idiotic self to ruin it.
“Kaeya!” oh? “Kaeya! Are you coming to the tavern or what!?”
Venti and Rosaria pulled up in front of me
“Ah, apologies. Lost in thought” I said, i pressed two fingers to my forehead
“It’s fine” Rosaria, the life saver “I just want to get my hands on one or six bottles of those sweet, alcohol-washed, Dandelion wines”
Venti and I laughed. Rosaria is my ‘Drinking-away-our-sorrows-Buddy’, Venti is my ‘black-out-drunk-for-shits-and-giggles-buddy’ but all together, we’re just drinking buddies, though, having a complex name for us would be fun.
“Well then what are we waiting for!?” Venti pulled Rosaria’s sleeve, he reached for mine and almost pulled off my glove, dragging us to the tavern we’re all very familiar with
We entered the tavern to be greeted by the same red-haired man.
“Good evening master Diluc!” Venti said, taking a seat right in front of him
“Good evening…” Diluc replied, a sense of annoyance was there in his voice but we all should be used to that by now.“Your usual?”
“Mhm!” Venti smiled
“I’d like a bottle of dandelion wine, Strongest and sweetest one you have” Rosaria said, crossing her arms. Diluc nodded, noting her order
“The usual for me” I said, he just wrote down my order “Actually, lower that to fifty-percent alcohol” Diluc looked at me like he can’t believe what I just said, to be honest, i can’t believe it either. I just want to try something once Rosaria and Venti head out for the night, and I want to be sober for it too
Once our drinks arrived, Rosaria began chugging the bottle of dandelion wine, Venti cheered her on. I laughed at the sight, I’m actually quite impressed. When I tried downing a bottle of wine, I felt a burning sensation in my throat for hours, Hope Rosaria doesn’t suffer the consequences.
Rosaria slammed the half empty bottle down and wiped her mouth “Hey Kaeya” she said, regaining focus quickly “You haven’t touched your drink?”
Ah, It seems I haven't yet. “How could I? You put up a great show!”
Rosaria rolled her eyes playfully and took a sip of her drink. I wanted to as well, But my eyes followed the man behind the counter. I don’t know how he doesn’t see it yet -or he already knows and just doesn’t care- But i miss Diluc, dearly, I thought i’ve made that clear to myself and him. I miss our young December days where Diluc and I would play out in the snow and I’d get a snowball to the face, or when fathe- Master Crepus would join us in building snowmen around the mansion. Or when-
“Kaeya!” huh? “Teyvat to Kaeya!”
“Oh?” I looked beside me where Venti had been calling my name “are you okay? You’ve been zoning out a lot recently” Rosaria, and even Diluc were glaring at me
I choked out a laugh “I’m perfectly fine! Just tired, that’s all”
“Very unlike you, Sir Kaeya,” Rosaria said. I smiled, though, i have no clue if that was a joke or not.
Almost two hours pass, Venti and Rosaria are not only drunk but about ready to go home too, I trust they can do that themselves. I, on the other hand, want to recreate some past memories with my brother. I have no idea how this’ll work out but who knows! Maybe i’ll succeed and Diluc will forgive me? Maybe he’ll call me brother again? I should stop getting my hopes up.
“Ehe~ alright, see you tomorrow, Kae~!” Venti said, slurring his words. Both he and Rosaria stumbled out the door, one of them probably fell the moment they exited the building, it was probably Rosaria too.
Ah! I almost forgot what i’m here for,
“Hey Diluc” I said, a nervous tone bit my tongue
“Hmm?” He turned his head at me, he looked so at peace, I’m not sure if I want to do this anymore, maybe I'll ruin his night?
“Well I was wondering, and this is completely sober as well!” Archons, here I go. You know, maybe because Diluc seems so calm right now, I won’t need to brace for the worse “You know how when we were younger, you and I would build snowmen together” I’m careful to not mention Master Crepus
“I miss those days, which is why I’m even saying this to you.” Getting off track “What I’m trying to say is, do you want to hang out tomorrow or someday? Like how we used to? Like when we were brothers?”
I looked at Diluc, oh…oh no, why does he look so mad, did I say something wrong? Ugh, knowing me,I probably said everything wrong
“Get out Kaeya” Diluc’s voice was stern, scary, it almost sounded like he wanted to yell
“Huh?”
“Leave my tavern, and don’t call me that ever again” His voice was louder this time. He probably wishes we were outside so he could yell at me all he wanted. “Seriously, just as I’m having a good day! You show up and ruin it with your ‘brother’ act”
Act? Is that what he thinks this is?
“No, It’s not an act, I-”
“Even if it wasn’t an act, why would you think I’d say yes to someone like you!?”
oh.
“Thinking you can just- say something like that and It’ll all be fine!?”
oh…
“Just give up already! I genuinely hate it when you try this stupid stuff you know won’t work! You were never my brother to begin with, so st-...”
oh…
…
Haha… I’m a little surprised he stopped there… Worst of all, he has a regretful expression! I should leave before I make anything worse
I let an emotionless smile slip. Pushing myself off the chair, I handed him enough mora to pay off the bill for that night. “Alright” I tried to maintain my grin as best as I could, but I failed. Of course I did, I always do that, I should listen to him next time. “Have a good night Master Diluc”.
“Kaeya, wait-” I shut the door before he could say anything else.
Usually, and I mean all the time, whenever I have a fight with Diluc, I’m sad or at least a little bit disappointed. And I am, I am sad but now, there’s a new feeling to the mixture. I’m… angry? I… I don’t want to feel this way but I am. I really, really, am, but I… you know what? Maybe, I should allow myself to be angry, just this once. Actually, Diluc is right, why do I keep trying even though I know it won’t work? I yearn for the past and the past is something I can’t relive so I should just give up! Why didn’t I give up sooner is a question I should really ask myself. I’m such an idiot, thinking Diluc would really allow me back as a brother and maybe he was right, I was never his brother to begin with, so why bother!?
If Diluc is going to treat me like we never had a bond, then I shall return the attitude just as much.
I don’t need him
He doesn't need me
Yeah… no, I don’t need him, I-I think- no! I’m sure of it!
A Lesson My Dear No Longer Brother Taught Me: There’s no use in trying again if it keeps on failing, so no point in trying different approaches