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As Veronica Sawyer marched toward the open double doors of Westerburg High, she felt fine. It seemed more than a little anticlimactic to her, but that didn’t make it any less true. As part of the “Heathers”, she could stomp around school like she owned the place, because she was friends with Heather Chandler, who basically did. The whole routine was tired, but it was pretty much set in stone. If Veronica cared, she could’ve probably made an incisive comparison about how greeting Heather Chandler the same way every morning was akin to French nobles presenting themselves to the King at Versailles, or something. But, as she had mentioned before, she was bored. It was surprising, then, to see the two other Heathers, Duke and McNamara, waiting anxiously just inside the doors.
“Hey, guys, what’s up?” Veronica asked, an easy smile masking her surprise that they weren’t prostrating themselves before Chandler already.
“Veronica, can we talk to you about something?” Mac’s normally bubbly voice had a nervous edge to it that Veronica couldn’t recall hearing before. As she looked at Duke, she found a similarly disconcerting expression.
“Uh, sure, yeah. What is it?” Veronica’s smile fell slightly as she rubbed her arms, suddenly wondering if she’d done something wrong. She thought she’d been getting on well enough with the Heathers, but clearly something was amiss.
“It’s about Heather…” Mac started, before trailing off, as if uncertain where to begin. Not that Veronica blamed her, considering the Mythic Bitch of Westerburg was a subject not often broached by those who wanted any semblance of a social life.
“She’s been acting real weird lately.” Duke put in, earning a grateful look from the still tongue-tied Mac. Veronica furrowed her brow.
“I don’t remember her acting particularly strangely as of late…” Duke and Mac shared a knowing look, “What was that? Is there something I don’t know?” Veronica’s voice rose slightly as she felt a strange sense of defensiveness setting in. Why did she care so much about whether or not she noticed if Heather Chandler was extra bitchy yesterday? They weren’t even real friends. She ignored the growing pit in her stomach and forced herself to focus on Mac, who was shushing her frantically while Duke shot nervous looks over her shoulder.
“Sawyer, if Heather overhears us, or if someone overhears us and tells Heather, we’ll all be nobodies before lunchtime.” Duke snapped, glaring at Veronica until she gave the girl a placative nod.
“Fine, fine. Can you tell me anything about what’s going on beyond ‘Heather’s been off’? And why me? I’ve known her for way shorter than you two!” Mac and Duke shared that same look they had before, and Veronica pushed down the painful twist in her gut that there might be something she didn’t know about Chandler that was right in front of her. She tried to convince herself that she just didn’t like to be blindsided by things, an excuse she couldn’t even force herself to pretend to believe.
“Veronica, we’ve tried!” Mac said, before adding guiltily, “Sort of…” Veronica looked unimpressed. “But the important part is this: you need to talk to Heather about what’s bothering her, okay?” Veronica frowned at how peppy she sounded.
“Why should I be the one to do this? Sounds like this is a suicide mission considering the way you two are talking about it!” Duke made a noise that sounded something slightly like a “Not for you”, but Veronica figured she’d just misheard a cough.
“Veronica! We just want the Heathers to not fight a lot! You know I don’t like confrontation.” Veronica looked at Mac, unmoved.
“Heather hasn’t been fighting with me more often than normal.”
“Well the world doesn’t revolve around you, Sawyer. So Heather’s off your back, whoop-de-fucking doo! She’s too busy tearing me a new one to get after you.” Veronica took a step back from the suddenly seething Duke, who cut her off when she opened her mouth to speak. “No, I’m not done yet Veronica ,” she spat, putting extra venom in the name, “You’ve got to fix this so Heather will get off my dick, capisce?” Veronica rubbed the back of her neck
“Sheesh, fine. If it’ll get you to stop with this whole mobster routine I’ll talk to Heather, alright?” Duke stepped back, looking mollified.
“Thank you, Veronica!” Mac exclaimed shrilly, “You won’t regret it!” As Veronica waved goodbye, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she would, in fact, regret agreeing to talk to Heather Chandler.
Veronica was, in retrospect, shocked that the two subordinate Heathers had come to her instead of using whatever was wrong with Chandler to their advantage. Duke especially seemed like too much of a social climber to pass up an opportunity to unseat the Queen of Westerburg. Veronica almost felt proud of them for acting like real friends. Mac seemed genuinely worried for their friend group, while Duke was mostly self-interested, but altruistic if only by happenstance. Maybe there was more to the Heathers than Veronica had given them credit for. Veronica pushed that thought down as she reached her first period class.
Certain Veronica was well out of earshot, Duke and Mac discreetly entered the nearest ladies’ room to talk privately.
“Thanks, Heather, Veronica was really uncooperative!” Mac sounded a little put-out despite her usual bright tone. Duke nodded.
“Eh, she just needed a good kick.” Mac frowned, looking at her reflection in the mirror.
“Heather and Veronica, they really do work together, don’t they?” Mac sounded almost unsure, tapping the sink rhythmically.
“Oh, definitely,” Duke replied in a monotone before catching onto Mac’s tone and adding, “Seriously, they make sense. I mean, Heather needs a friend who is really going to stand up to her.” Mac looked relieved, but not totally satisfied.
“I know, right? And besides, if they can work it out it’ll get Heather to stop her nightly rants!” Duke and Mac shared a grimace at that.
“Veronica this, Veronica that,” Duke said in a poor imitation of Chandler’s voice, “Jesus Christ it’s like Veronica’s the second fucking coming and she’s trying to get in good before the Rapture!” Mac giggled.
“Remember when she asked if she should buy Veronica a car, you know, as a friend?” Duke snorted, putting down her copy of Moby Dick .
“She never bought me a fucking car.”
“Well you’re not Veronica Sawyer.” Neither of them said anything for a beat, as the finality of those words settled in. Finally, Mac said, “Really, though, Veronica could really help Chandler, soften her a bit, you know?” Duke whistled.
“Do I ever. If Veronica Sawyer is what it takes to get Heather off my back, I’ll kidnap her myself.” Duke paused, looking more serious. “But yeah, Veronica is good for Heather, for all of us.” The two girls looked at the clock. They’d only gotten Veronica to forge them notes for first period, so they’d have to split up until lunch. Mac hugged Duke and said goodbye in the overly-cheery way Duke said she hated but secretly didn’t.
Veronica was staring holes into the clock as she watched the minutes drain all too quickly in her last class before lunch. Before she knew it, she was robotically putting her binder into her bag and heading for the door. She was pretty sure somebody was trying to make conversation with her, but they might as well have been talking underwater. As far as Veronica was concerned, the only thing she could allow herself to focus on was how to survive her conversation with the Mythic Bitch of Westerburg.
Veronica experimentally probed the feelings her conversation with Mac and Duke had stirred up. When Duke had said Heather was acting weird, Veronica had felt… guilty? For what? Not noticing it? And it wasn’t like she had an answer for why she had to be the one to talk to Heather, as if their relationship was somehow special. Veronica scoffed derisively, earning glances from other people walking down the hall, though she paid them no mind. As far as Heather was concerned, Veronica was a nobody that she had made popular, a monument to her power, and thoroughly expendable if ever she abandoned her role as sycophant. The very thought of Heather Chandler’s smug, perfect, oddly alluring face was enough to make Veronica’s blood boil. And her lips, with which she humiliated people regularly, those were awful too. That must be why Veronica was constantly struggling to tear her eyes off of Heather's lips when they were together.
But as Veronica swallowed hard and entered the lunch room, she couldn’t help but think of that other side of Heather Chandler. It was rare, and just as quickly as it appeared it was buried under an avalanche of feigned ignorance and nasty comments. But it was there, that much Veronica knew. Like when Mac was having trouble with a guy who wouldn’t leave her alone, Heather had taken care of him, even though he was popular enough that he would’ve added to the Heathers’ aura of social invincibility. She hadn’t said anything to anyone, or even showed any outward signs of acknowledgement when Mac had confessed on a Friday night that she was uncomfortable around him. Veronica had consoled her, offering to walk with her between classes and put herself between them. Duke had looked furious, and promised to kill the guy. But Chandler had just sat there, impassive. When Monday came around, Veronica and Duke went with Mac to every class, waiting for the guy to make a move. He never showed. After a full week, they started asking around. They learned, from incomplete rumors and hushed whispers they couldn’t fully overhear, that someone had told the guy if he didn’t leave Mac alone that he’d become a nobody. When they asked Chandler, she acted like she hadn’t heard the question and went on with the lunch poll. Maybe, just maybe, Veronica could catch that side of Heather Chandler at lunch.
As Veronica strode to the table, the other three Heathers were already seated. Duke and Mac immediately looked up when she sat down, Mac looking happy that Veronica showed and Duke looking expectantly between Veronica and Heather.
“Hey, can you two do the lunch poll for today?” Veronica asked, forcing a smile to cover her anxious expression. Mac stood up so fast she nearly knocked her lunch over.
“Of course! Just let me get the question here… come on Duke!” Duke nodded at Mac, before sending one last look at Veronica. She didn’t have to say anything to convey her message: don’t chicken out now.
“Veronica, there’s really no need…” Heather began, a dangerous hint of irritation in her voice.
“No, it’s no big deal!” Mac shouted, already walking to a cluster of tables on the other side of the lunchroom.” Heather scowled at Veronica.
“I always do the lunch poll, Veronica.” Veronica nodded and tried to look bashful.
“I know, and I’m sorry. It’s just… I need to talk to you about something.” Almost imperceptibly, Heather’s expression softened. She was still frowning, but her nostrils weren’t flaring anymore and her posture had relaxed ever so slightly.
“Fine, but make it quick.” Heather tried to sound bored and reluctant, but Veronica knew her well enough to catch a tinge of interest creeping in. She decided not to dwell on the swell of pride she felt for knowing Heather Chandler well enough to pick up on something like that.
“Well, uh, I guess…” Veronica suddenly found herself unsure of what to say next. Heather was looking at her, stone faced and she felt her throat closing up. “I was wondering if there was something you needed to talk to me about.” For a fraction of a second, Heather went white as a sheet. Her eyes went wide and her lips were pressed in a thin line. Then, as abruptly as it had come, the expression disappeared and Heather regained her usual air of arrogance and disinterest.
“What makes you think that?” Veronica noted how Heather’s voice was higher-pitched than normal.
“Well, this morning Mac and Duke were talking to me, and they said that there was something off with you…”
“I’m going to fucking kill those two…” Heather muttered under her breath, earning a gulp from Veronica. She wanted to get up and run as far away from Heather Chandler as she possibly could. But something that Veronica could not–or would not–describe kept her seated at the table and spurred her to press forward.
“Seriously, Heather, I just want to know if anything’s wrong…” Veronica trailed off, shooting a nervous look at the still-furious Chandler. “Did I do something wrong?” Veronica asked the question without thinking, her curiosity getting the better of her. As soon as she did, she wished he hadn’t. Heather immediately winced as if something was causing her physical pain.
“No, no Veronica. You didn’t do anything, not intentionally anyways.” Veronica couldn’t help but hear the strain in Heather’s voice as she tried to keep an even tone of voice.
“If I did something, whether I meant to or not, I’d like to help if I can. What can I do?” Veronica didn’t know why she suddenly felt obligated to volunteer, or why Heather’s pained expression made her feel so guilty. Again, she opted not to think about it too hard.
“Listen, Veronica, I appreciate your offer, I really do, but I can’t tell you about it, okay?” Heather’s voice sounded like it was about to break until she suddenly straightened and added, in a much harsher voice, “So just drop it, Sawyer.” Veronica was taken aback by the sudden shift, but by now her incurable curiosity had totally betrayed her and she ignored Heather’s request.
“What is ‘it’? And why can’t you tell me about ‘it’? Heather, I’m offering to help you here!” Veronica felt frustration steadily take the place of the concern she had felt for Heather and the curiosity that had driven her to keep asking. Why wouldn’t Heather just tell her? Had she not earned enough trust? What the fuck would she have to do to be allowed to know about… whatever the hell this was about? And why were Mac and Duke so insistent about it having to be her who talked to Heather? Veronica’s simmering was interrupted by Heather’s cold, commanding voice, having now returned to its full force.
“Drop it, Sawyer.” Heather repeated, any trace of fragility or distress long since purged. Now, if Veronica had been thinking, she would’ve heeded Heather’s not-so-friendly advice and went over to talk with Mac and Duke. Unfortunately for her, all the anger at Heather that had been lying just beneath the thin veneer of surface-level friendship burst out in a sudden, furious tirade.
“Oh fuck off, Heather. What the hell is wrong with you? I’m offering to help you, out of a concern for your wellbeing that I didn’t think existed until five minutes ago, and your response is to spit in my face?” Veronica paused for a moment to catch her breath, focused back on a seething Chandler, and continued, “And it’s the same fucking thing. Every time you do something nice! Every time you think of someone else! Every fucking time that you’re anything more than the Mythic Bitch of Westerburg, you always pretend it never happened! With Mac and that guy, did you think we were so stupid we wouldn’t notice? And yet you lied to our faces, and for what?” Veronica swallowed hard, adding before she could stop herself, “What are you so afraid of, Heather?” People were staring open-mouthed at Veronica. As soon as she fell silent, Veronica heard hushed whispers, probably trying to process that somebody had just said that to Heather Chandler . Veronica probably could’ve heard what they were saying if she had tried, but she was frozen, mesmerized by Heather's expression.
To say Chandler looked furious would be an understatement. Her face was the color of her favorite top, her eyes had narrowed to slits, and her hands were fists shaking with rage. But what struck Veronica was the difference between this expression and Heather’s usual angry expression. Her eyes flicked around, looking at everyone around them, and her head hung slightly, more like she was wounded than enraged. If Veronica hadn’t known any better, she would’ve figured Heather was scared and hurt by what she’d said. But before she could explore that line of thought, Heather ripped her from her panicked observations.
“I don’t want to see you coming near me or any of the Heathers ever again, Sawyer. You can forget about the party tonight,” Heather’s voice was deadly even, “In fact, you can forget about being a Heather. Ever.” With that, Heather stood up and turned on her heel, leaving the awed lunchroom and a miserable Veronica for a few awkward minutes until the bell rang and everyone trudged off to their next classes. Looking around for Mac and Duke desperately, Veronica found that they were gone. A bitterness settled in the pit of her stomach. Had they manipulated Veronica into angering Heather to get rid of her? Duke she could see, but Mac? Veronica shook her head and blinked away the beginnings of angry tears as she packed up her uneaten lunch and left the table.
Unfortunately for Veronica (and Heather, for that matter), they actually had the same class after lunch. Perhaps when Heather had been castigating Veronica she had forgotten, because, despite the fact that they took seats at opposite sides of the classroom, there was a nervous buzz in the air. Heather was still steaming, Veronica was livid as well, and the rest of the class was eagerly and/or nervously anticipating a rematch. Instead, Veronica shot glances over at Heather, looking away when they were returned. Once, Veronica caught Heather looking at her, seeming almost apologetic, but as soon as Heather realized Veronica had noticed, her features hardened. When the class finally let out, Veronica gathered her things and practically ran out of the classroom.
Mac and Duke stood anxiously in front of Chandler’s red Porsche, looking around to catch a glimpse of the other Heather, and, hopefully, Veronica.
“Do you think Heather’s mad, Heather?” Mac asked, returning to her nervous tic of drumming her fingers, this time on the hood of the Porsche. Duke looked up from Moby Dick , wearing a bored expression.
“She’s always mad, it’s kind of her thing.” Mac looked disappointed.
“Come on, you know what I mean.”
“Fine, fine. I guess it’s possible? Though I kind of doubt, no matter how well it went she’d spend a lot of time with us, you know?” Mac smiled slightly at that, and Duke felt a small smile forming despite herself.
“Yeah, yeah. Maybe it went well, maybe they had a good talk, maybe they’re closer friends than ever, maybe…” Mac trailed off, though Duke knew what she was referring to.
“You really think they could? And, I mean, with all the guys, why would they?” Duke asked, nervousness creeping into her voice. She hated how talking to Mac sometimes made her sound like some sort of repressed school girl.
“Uh, I don’t know. Who were we even talking about, anyway?” Mac forced a laugh but her face was flashing a warning to Duke to drop it. Duke, however, was wringing her hands, too caught up in her own thoughts to catch Mac’s expression.
“You know who I’m talking about, Heather and Veronica. Do you think they co–”
“Does Mac think that Veronica and I could what?” Heather Chandler said frostily. When Duke didn’t say anything for a beat, she added, “No, I want to hear this one, Duke. What about me and Veronica?”
“Nothing, Heather. Sorry, Heather.” Duke looked desperately at Mac for help, who practically jumped between the two of them.
“Now that you mention it, Heather, what did Veronica say to you? And, speaking of Veronica, where is she?” Mac’s peppy tone slowly faded as she continued, looking behind Chandler for any sign of Veronica.
“I ought to wring both of your necks for the shit you pulled.” Mac’s eyes widened and she looked at Duke, who was still staring at the ground.
“Wh–what do you mean, Heather?” Mac asked, her voice abnormally high-pitched.
“You know damn well what I mean!” Chandler snapped, before composing herself. “Veronica is no longer a Heather. She got out of line at lunch, thanks to you two clowns. I expect that I won’t have any such issues going forward.” Mac tried not to look as distraught as she was, and Duke still obstinately refused to look up.
“What did she do? We can fix this! I’m so sorry Heather! It wasn’t Veronica’s fault! I-I–” Chandler silenced Mac by putting up her hand.
“Save it, McNamara. I don’t know what you told her to do, but she seemed to take it as carte blanche to make unfounded accusations against me and attempt to destroy my reputation.”
“I’m sure she didn’t mean to!” Mac gasped, getting a flat look from Chandler in response.
“And what exactly did she say?” Duke asked softly, finally having summoned the courage to look up at Chandler.
“Excuse me?” Chandler responded, looking unpleasantly surprised. Mac looked back and forth between Duke and Chandler anxiously.
“You heard me.” Chandler scowled.
“It doesn’t matter what she said. The point is that she’s not a Heather anymore.”
“I knew it!” Duke yelled, earning some stares from other people in the parking lot, “Veronica tried to help you, and you just bit her head off, didn’t you? It’s like your incapable of any fucking human connection! You know what would make Veronica like you more? Not a fucking car, the ability to act like a fucking human being!” Duke stormed away from the Porsche, leaving a stunned Mac and an inconsolably furious Chandler.
“Get her ass to my house. Tomorrow. This apology’s going to cost her.” Mac nodded fearfully at Chandler.
“Will do, Heather.” With that, the cheerleader ran after Duke, leaving Chandler to silently get into her Porsche and drive away.
As soon as Veronica got home, she went straight up to her room and slammed the door behind her, ignoring the questions being lobbed at her by her parents. She had been humiliated, lost her entire friend group, and quite possibly guaranteed her position as Westerburg High’s pariah until she left for college. But what was most upsetting was the fact that she cared at all. Veronica had always been so sure that she was better than the Heathers, that status wasn’t a big deal to her, that the Heathers needed her but she didn’t need them. But now, she wasn’t so sure. Despite herself, she’d grown attached to Mac’s bubbly, if a little too happy, personality. It had taken a while, but she’d managed to enjoy her time with Duke, once the girl let her guard down the slightest bit. And then there was Chandler. Veronica’s best friend. Her worst enemy. Everything she loved and loathed about the Heathers rolled into one, bright red, gorgeous (ignore that part), egomaniacal package. Why did she care that Chandler was mad at her? Veronica decided that she didn’t, that it was just post-friendship blues, and that actually Heather Chandler had always been her nemesis. Veronica tried to shove down the nagging feeling that there was more to Heather Chandler than met the eye, but it only made her feel worse. She would’ve just laid there, bathing in self-pity, if the phone hadn’t rang.
“Hello?” Veronica failed to sound any less surly than she felt.
“Oh, hi Veronica!” Mac’s voice crackled over the phone, and immediately Veronica scowled. “Listen, do you have a minute? Because Heather is going to that college party and you need to go too. Otherwise, th–”
“No.” Veronica responded, brusquely.
“What? What do you mean?” Mac’s voice sounded strangely fragile, and Veronica wondered how much she knew about what had happened between her and Chandler.
“You set me up! Heather was livid and banished me from the Heathers! Was that your plan all along? Get me to ask Heather a dumbass question so you could get rid of me? Well mission fucking accomplished!” Veronica finished heaving, not realizing she had been shouting the whole time.
“No, Veronica, I swear it’s not like that!” Mac sounded like she was about to cry.
“Well then why don’t you tell me how it is, because as far as I can tell, all you’ve done is screw me.” Veronica didn’t hide the bitterness in her voice.
“Shit Veronica, I didn’t think she’d react like that! I swear I only wanted what’s best for both of you!”
“Then where the fuck were you when I was getting skinned alive by Heather?” Veronica demanded, ignoring the small part of her that wanted to believe Mac.
“I’m super sorry about that! You know how thorough Heather is with those polls, I just wanted to make sure I got enough people so she wouldn’t get mad, I swear!” Veronica was inclined to give Mac the benefit of the doubt in that regard, if only because she had seen how rigorously Heather conducted the polls on a daily basis. Mac must have taken Veronica’s silence as some degree of softening, because she continued, “You have to talk to Heather tonight, at the party. If you don’t, she’ll never change her mind. You know how she is.”
“I guess…” Veronica trailed off, unwilling to commit to anything. Why would she even want to stay in the Heathers when this was how she was treated? Maybe she should just let this whole thing die here and now, rather than humiliating herself at some college party in a vain attempt to get back into Satan’s good graces.
“Veronica, you’re great! You’re always so much fun to be around, I-we want you to be part of the Heathers.” For a moment, there was silence, before Mac added in such a quiet voice that Veronica pressed the phone so hard to her ear that it hurt, “Veronica, you help all of us, you really do. I’m not talking about the notes or whatever, I mean you hold us accountable, ground us, make us better people. I’m smarter, Duke’s nicer, and Heather’s less bitchy because of you. I-” Mac’s voice broke, and Veronica let go of the side of her bed, which she hadn’t realized she had been gripping so tightly.
“Yeah?” Veronica asked, her voice low and suddenly raspy.
“I think Heather especially, Veronica, she needs you to ground her. If you’re gone, things are gonna get worse, for everyone, part of the Heathers or not. And to be honest, I’m worried about Heather. I don’t know why she’s being like this, but I-I’ve talked to her, and I know she isn’t acting in her own best interests.”
“What do you mean?” Veronica said, still sitting straight up. There was no response for a little while, until Mac finally said in her usual tone of voice,
“And besides, it would be so hard to reschedule all of our four person events, unless we found a new member, which, like, no.” Veronica shook her head. Had she imagined that quiet part? What the hell was Mac even talking about with Heather’s behavior? What did Mac think “acting in her own best interests” would look like for Heather?
“Alright, alright. I’ll go.” Veronica said, unsure of why she sounded so certain.
“Thank you thank you thank you!” Mac exclaimed, deafening Veronica in the process.
“Uh, yeah, I just need a ride.” Veronica responded, holding the phone away from her ear.
“Of course! I’ll be over super early in case you need anything else!” Mac practically screeched.
“Okay, see you then.”
“See you then, bye Veronica!”
When Veronica saw Mac’s car pull into her driveway, she made her way to the front door as if she was in a funeral march. Her dad looked at her curiously, and Veronica had to admit she cut a pretty confusing picture. Clearly dressed up for a party, she looked morose.
“I’m going to a party,” Veronica said, though she spoke in a tone such that if she had replaced the word “party” with “execution” it would’ve been less jarring. Her dad raised his eyebrow, but didn’t press her, nodding and going back to his book.
“Veronica! You look great, hop on in!” Mac called from the car, gesturing at her passenger seat. Veronica smiled slightly despite herself, and hopped in. Immediately, she noticed that Duke was sitting behind the driver’s seat, looking royally pissed. So it was going to be a fun car ride, then.
“Oh, I’m not mad at you, Veronica.” Duke said, as if reading Veronica’s mind, before adding darkly, “But I wouldn’t mind if you could make Heather mad again tonight.”
“But that’s not why we’re here!” Mac interjected, giving Duke a disappointed look, “We’re here to get you to the party, Veronica, so that you can talk to Heather and work this out! Right, Heather?”
“Yes, Heather.” Duke sounded bored, but sufficiently repentant, and Mac turned back to Veronica.
“Alright, you ready to go?” she asked, earning an audible gulp from Veronica.
“As I’ll ever be.” Mac looked slightly put-out by the answer and Duke laughed bitterly. “But yeah, I’m ready, I know what I’m going to say to Heather.” Both Mac and Duke looked more satisfied by that answer, and Mac pulled out of Veronica’s driveway, heading to the party.
They arrived on time for the party, which was far too early. Veronica was about to ask why they hadn’t stopped somewhere to kill time when she looked over and saw Mac and Duke’s expressions. It was Duke who spoke first:
“Veronica, I know you’re mad at Heather. Believe me, you are justified, she’s been completely unbearable today, more so than usual,” Duke paused, taking a deep breath, “But you need to be the bigger person and fix this, even though it’s not your fault.”
“Why don’t you do that, Heather?” Veronica demanded, hating how juvenile she sounded. Duke gave her a flat look before responding,
“You pissed her off by offering help. I insulted her. Believe it or not, Heather does see the difference.” Duke waited for Veronica to say something, but she was silent. “Anyway, the reason I’m telling you all this is because it’s more than just you and Heather that’s on the line. If this party plan doesn’t work, the Heathers are over.” Veronica arched her eyebrow.
“Heather was pretty clear that I was the only one being kicked out. I don’t think she has any intention of getting rid of you two.” Even as she said it, Veronica wasn’t sure. Seeing Mac wince at the mention of “getting rid of you two” only made her feel more uncertain.
“I wouldn’t bet on it, Sawyer,” Duke said, “Point is, don’t fuck this up. You’re not the only one with skin in the game, okay?”
“Some pep talk!” Veronica snorted, but nodded anyway, “But I meant what I said when I told you guys I had a plan.” She didn’t add that she wasn’t sure if it was going to work.
“Veronica, don’t worry about it! Just be yourself, and I’m sure everything will work out!” Mac’s bubbly tone sounded unusually forced. Veronica gave a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.
“I will. Thanks.” Veronica reached for the door handle when Mac suddenly grabbed her left arm with a vice grip.
“Veronica, please, cut Heather some slack. A lot of slack, actually. Please?” Mac’s voice was desperate. Looking over at her, Veronica noticed she was drumming the fingers of her left hand on the steering wheel, a nervous tic.
“Uh, yeah…” Veronica really wasn’t sure how to respond.
“Heather, she… she doesn’t know what she’s doing. She’s out of her depth. I don’t think she knows just how much she needs you to be there for her. So… just try to be there for her, okay? Even if she doesn’t appreciate it.” Veronica swallowed hard and gave a stiff nod.
“I will.” Her voice was raspy, and all of a sudden her throat had constricted. Mac stopped drumming her fingers on the wheel and reached over, pulling Veronica into a hug.
“Thank you, Veronica. Really. I appreciate it, and so does Heather.” She jerked her thumb back towards Duke, who was watching the two of them behind an unconvincing mask of disinterest. “And so does Heather, even if she can’t show it.” Veronica gave Mac a quick squeeze before pulling away.
“Why do you guys keep saying that my relationship with Heather is special? First you think I should talk to her at lunch, then at the party, and all the while you’re going on about how she’s ‘out of her depth’. What are you talking about?” Veronica felt the question spill out of her, a whole day of pressure releasing all at once. Mac gave her an apologetic little smile. Duke looked over at Mac, her gaze lingering for a little too long, before looking back at Veronica with a resigned expression.
“Honestly, Veronica, we’ve told you about as much as we know. If you want answers for why, you’re really only going to get them from Heather herself.” Veronica knew it was a cop out, and Mac seemingly did as well, giving Veronica a helpless shrug.
“You really aren’t going to tell me?” Veronica asked, unable to hide the disappointment in her voice.
“Nope, so stop stalling and get out there, Sawyer.” Veronica whipped around to look at Duke, who had looked vaguely queasy since the subject had been brought up. Veronica sighed and opened the door. As she was stepping out, Mac called,
“Good luck, Veronica!” Veronica turned, giving her what she hoped was a confident smile. As she turned away, Veronica could’ve sworn she heard something similar from Duke. Before she could think to ask, the car door closed and the car began to back out of the parking spot. Veronica took a deep breath, looking at the building in front of her. Self-consciously, she smoothed her pants and started walking towards what she was certain was the worst decision she had ever made.
As soon as Mac’s car was out of sight, Veronica struggled to figure out why she’d agreed to this plan. She was working with very limited information, trying to do the impossible. And yet despite herself, she couldn’t help but feel a surge of pride at the thought that she was so important to all of the Heathers, and especially Chandler. But why was she so special? And why did she care so much? Veronica felt a familiar frustration rise in her chest as she tried to come up with an acceptable answer. She refused to consider if that her heart nearly leaping out of her chest when Heather had leaned close to her a week ago had any connection to why Heather Chandler was always on her mind. Or the fact that she was always dreaming about Heather. Or that she had more than a few pages she’d ripped out of her diary that were always about the same topic. Veronica pinched herself; she needed to focus on the task at hand.
When Veronica said she had a plan, she had meant it in a broad sense: find Heather, apologize, and then play it by ear. It didn’t exactly make her Hannibal, but she figured it would work well enough. As soon she reached the door, she realized that even such a simplistic plan was beginning to fall apart.
Outside of the hall where the party was clearly being held, a big guy was standing outside. How could Veronica forget? She was no longer Heather’s plus-one, so she didn’t have a way into the party.
“Hey, I’m here for the party. Can I just go in?” Veronica tried for a relaxed smile, but she was pretty sure her nervousness was still plainly obvious. The guy looked unimpressed.
“And who are you, exactly?” Veronica swallowed hard.
“I’m Heather Chandler’s plus-one, Veronica Sawyer.” Recognition flickered across the bouncer’s face, and Veronica breathed a sigh of relief. Unfortunately for her, she wasn’t out of the woods yet.
“Why aren’t you with her, then?” Veronica wrung her hands.
“Uh, I had a few things run late and told her I’d meet her here.” The bouncer didn’t look convinced, so Veronica sighed in fake irritation, “Look, can you just get Heather? I’m sure she’ll sort this out.” The guy regarded her skeptically before leaning into the building and having a quick conversation. Returning to his original position he said,
“Since you’ve decided to make my job difficult, we’re both going to have to stand here.” Veronica bit her tongue, figuring there was no use in antagonizing him. Besides, she was too distracted second-guessing herself. Why the hell had she said she was Heather’s plus-one? Sure, she hadn’t thought about how to get into the party, but this was just about the dumbest way to go about it. Couldn’t she have slipped the bouncer some cash? Tried to blend in with some larger group? But no, she chose the strategy with the highest likelihood of humiliation.
After what felt like an eternity staring at the bouncer awkwardly, Heather finally appeared, swaying slightly.
“Is this your plus-one?” Heather looked over as the bouncer pointed at Veronica, who met Heather with what she hoped was an apologetic smile. To say Heather looked flabbergasted was an understatement. Her mouth fell open, her eyes went wide, and she reached out to grab the nearest wall for support.
“V-veronica?” she finally stuttered, looking between the bouncer and Veronica as if this was some sort of elaborate joke.
“Uh, hi Heather…” Veronica trailed off, having no idea what to say. The guy sighed.
“Okay, great, you know each other’s names. Now is she your plus-one, or not?” Heather straightened slightly at the reprimand and seemed to regain a bit of her composure. Veronica looked at her desperately, but Heather wouldn’t meet her gaze. Instead, looking directly at the bouncer, she said,
“Yes, yes she is.” The bouncer gave a defeated shrug and moved so that Veronica could enter. As soon as she got in, Veronica nearly stumbled backwards, an overpowering smell of alcohol hitting her all at once. Heather grabbed her arm and guided her to a quiet corner away from the door.
“Thanks, Heather.” Veronica hoped she could mitigate what was coming, to no avail.
“What the fuck are you doing here, Sawyer? Either I imagined telling you that I wasn’t taking you to the party at lunch, or you’re deaf, stupid, or some combination of the two.” Veronica bit back a comment about how Heather had still let her into the party despite all that and tried her best to sound bashful.
“I know you did, Heather, and I’m sorry. For everything. But we need to talk.” Heather looked around as if trying to find a way out of the conversation, but Veronica crossed her arms and Heather focused back on her.
“Look, I’m just trying to get wasted. Will you let me have this at least? Or are you trying to ruin my night as well as my lunch?” Heather said, no less angry despite Veronica’s apology. Veronica opened her mouth to respond, but a guy she didn’t recognize wrapped his arm around Heather and cut her off.
“There you are, Heather. What do you say we go somewhere a little more… private?” Veronica scowled as the guy smirked like he was being clever. He reeked of alcohol, even more than the rest of the party. Veronica was about to tell the guy off when she looked at Heather, who was staring at the floor. She didn’t look excited, or angry, or much of anything really. She looked like she was going into surgery.
“Sure.” Heather responded in a total monotone, still staring at the floor. Veronica, by now simmering with rage, couldn’t stop herself from exploding,
“Hey dickwad we were talking, actually. So why don’t you fuck off, huh?” Heather finally looked up at Veronica, giving her a silent warning. The guy glared at Veronica, tightening his grip on Heather.
“Why don’t we let Heather decide, huh?” he said, flashing another shit-eating grin at Veronica, who mouthed “fuck you” at him. They both turned to Heather, who was uncharacteristically quiet. Finally, she looked up a the guy and said,
“Sorry Brad, Veronica and I were just talking about makeup. Give me fifteen minutes?” Heather said, sounding unsure of herself. Judging from his expression, it seemed like Heather’s excuse sounded just as lame to Brad as it did to Veronica. Still, he held up his hands and backed off, casting a wary glance over at Veronica, who was giving him the stink eye.
“Fine, sure, yeah. You know where to find me.” With that, Brad stalked off, looking disappointed. Immediately Veronica stepped between Heather and the crowd.
“Are you okay, Heather?” Veronica asked, reaching out to touch Heather’s shoulder.
“Am I okay? What the fuck kind of a question is that, Veronica? You just ruined my chances of getting laid, and then ask if I’m okay?” Heather replied, batting Veronica’s hand away.
“What the hell, Heather? You looked like you were getting a fucking colonoscopy. And that guy? Really?” Veronica said, refusing to think about why she was offended that Heather would even consider sleeping with him.
“Yes, Veronica, ‘that guy’,” Heather huffed, “Brad is a popular college guy, do you know how much he would’ve helped me establish myself in college?” Veronica couldn’t hide her horrified expression.
“What? What the hell does that have to do with anything?” Veronica asked, the concern evident in her voice.
“That’s what sleeping with guys is like, Veronica. It sucks, but you have to do it or you won’t stay popular.” Heather looked at Veronica like she couldn’t believe she had to explain this to her. Veronica was too stunned to speak, prompting Heather to snap, “What? Spit it out, Veronica!”
“Heather…” Veronica trailed off, still trying to find what to say. “Is that how you see sex? Relationships? Have any of your relationships been real?” Veronica felt the questions rushing out of her before she could try to filter them out. Heather looked back at her, unmoved.
“Veronica, this really isn’t that complicated. I don’t get why this so hard for you to und–”
“Can you even imagine genuine emotional intimacy? Not for the sake of social status, but just because you love someone else?” Veronica felt an electric shock run through her body as she spoke. She’d always known that Heather was calculating. Why was it so surprising that it extended to the guys she slept with? And why was she so invested at all? Veronica shoved it down as she stared at Heather, who was silent for a long time, her expression unreadable.
“Yes.” Heather finally said, her voice so quiet that Veronica had to strain to hear it over the music. Veronica moved closer to Heather and said softly,
“Does this have anything to do with what we were talking about at lunch?” Veronica surprised herself with how direct her question was. Heather didn’t say anything, and Veronica wondered if she’d gone and pissed her off again. Then, she saw that Heather was shivering slightly. As Veronica came closer, she realized Heather looked like she was about to cry. Without thinking, Veronica put her arm around Heather’s shoulder and gave her a reassuring squeeze.
Immediately, Heather relaxed. She seemed to be shaking less, which Veronica took as a good sign. Slowly, her breathing evened, and finally Veronica worked up the courage to say something.
“We don’t have to talk about it here if you don’t want to, Heather.” Out of nowhere, Heather straightened. Veronica recoiled slightly, fearing she’d angered her, but when Heather spoke she sounded less angry and more just plain sad.
“Veronica, I need you to drop this question. Now and forever. Please.” Veronica didn’t say anything for a beat, so Heather begged, “I’ll do whatever it takes. You want back into the Heathers? I never wanted to kick you out anyway! I’ll buy you anything! Get you any guy you want! I’ll make some nerd do all your homework for the rest of the year! I-I-I’ll–”
“Heather, Jesus Christ, slow down. I’m not going to force you to talk, alright? I’m just worried about you, is all. Whatever this is, it seems to really be getting to you.” Heather threw off Veronica’s arm and made a beeline for the door. Veronica had to run to keep up with her. “Heather? Heather! Come on, talk to me here! Please?” Veronica said, shouting over the music as they made their way through the crowd. She nearly ran headfirst into Brad, who gave her another drunk smirk.
“You wanna go somewhere a little more private?” he said, in the same self-satisfied voice he had used when he’d said it to Heather.
“Jesus Christ, Brad ! Will you fuck off?” Veronica all but shouted, shoving him out of the way. He made some confused noise, as if he couldn’t understand how anyone could resist his clearly captivating charms. It was too late, however. Veronica had totally lost Heather in the crowd.
In a desperate hail mary, Veronica ran out to the parking lot. Luckily for her, a bright red Porsche was parked conspicuously in one of the closest spots to the exit. Veronica sprinted toward the car, actually beating Heather there.
“Leave me alone, Veronica.” Heather sounded utterly broken, and it hurt Veronica to hear. “Please.” Veronica cursed herself internally. What the fuck was she thinking, putting her arm around Heather? Seeing the beginnings of tears at the corners of Heather’s eyes, she snapped out of her rapid spiraling.
“Heather can we please just talk? Please! No judgment, no reputation, no nothing. You clearly aren’t okay.” Heather still wouldn’t look at her.
“Get out of my way, Veronica.” Heather was trying for her usual authoritative tone, but it just came off as pleading.
“Heather, I need a ride. We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.” Heather looked slightly guilty, though Veronica couldn’t be sure in the dark.
“Can’t you get another ride back?” Heather asked, looking for an excuse.
“My ride was one way. Come on, please?” Veronica persisted. For a terrible second, she thought Heather was going to refuse. Finally, Heather sighed.
“Fine, Veronica. Get in.” Veronica nodded, and the two of them got into the car. Silently, they drove off of campus, Veronica shooting nervous glances at Heather, who not-so-subtly returned them. The lack of conversation was driving Veronica crazy. She couldn’t be alone with her thoughts, not tonight. Finally, she broke down and said, in a whisper so quiet she didn’t really expect Heather to hear, much less understand,
“Why don’t you want to be seen as nice?” Heather looked over immediately and Veronica froze. Then, completely unexpectedly, Heather responded instead of shutting her down.
“I can’t be seen as weak, Veronica. If I’m everyone’s best friend, then somebody’s gonna come after me. It’s better to be feared than loved, and all that.” Veronica couldn’t help but smile at the reference.
“Machiavelli? I didn’t know you had it in you, Heather.” Veronica hoped she was lightening the mood at least a little.
“Contrary to popular belief, I read, Veronica.” Heather replied in mock offense. Veronica laughed.
“That didn’t stop you from making me do all the work on our English projects.”
“That was different! We can’t all be masters of the English language at fifteen.” Veronica laughed again, and this time the smile stuck. With all the worrying about Heather and what was wrong with her, Veronica realized she hadn’t thought about how much she liked to talk to Heather when it was just the two of them.
“You know, being kind isn’t a weakness, Heather.” Veronica prepared herself for a sharp reprimand, but it never came. Instead, Heather responded simply,
“Yes it is, Veronica. It makes you vulnerable. If you keep putting yourself out there, then sooner or later someone’s going to leave you twisting in the wind.” Veronica frowned at that.
“But without emotional vulnerability, you’ll never have real relationships. You have to trust the people you care about to care about you.” Heather looked at Veronica sadly, as if the advice she’d just received was wonderfully naïve.
“But that’s not how you get to the top, Veronica. I’m the Queen of Westerburg High, remember? If that means I can’t have meaningful relationships, then that’s just the price I pay.” Heather sounded so certain, so resigned, that for a moment Veronica almost thought that she might have a point. She shook her head at the idea.
“It’s not worth it, Heather.” As Veronica said it, the car stopped.
“We’re at your house,” Heather said, not bothering to respond to Veronica’s comment.
“Come over,” Veronica said, before she could stop herself, “Please.” Heather turned toward her for a second, looking torn.
“I can’t.”
“Heather, come on. You’re tired, probably shouldn’t have been driving at all tonight, and you clearly need to get some things off your chest.” Veronica felt her confidence building as she went on, looking Heather in the eye. Heather looked away.
“I don’t know, Veronica…” Heather started, “What about your parents?” Veronica snorted.
“They won’t give a shit, and even if they did they wouldn’t punish me until later. This is more important.” Heather tightened her grip on the steering wheel, like it was the only thing keeping her from agreeing to go with Veronica.
“You need to sleep, Veronica. We’ve got a busy weekend planned.” Veronica laughed softly at that.
“You let me worry about that, Heather. Come on, let’s go.” Veronica expected Heather to look defeated when she finally gave in, but instead she looked relaxed, as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
“Fine.” Veronica gave Heather a smile before hopping out of the car, missing how Heather’s cheeks caught fire.
Veronica opened the door as quietly as she could, cringing at the creaking it made. Unfortunately, her father was sitting in a chair facing the front door.
“You’re late, Veronica.” She winced.
“I know dad, and I’m really sorry. But can Heather stay the night? It’s just a one-time thing, I swear. Please?” Veronica was fully prepared to beg, but her father didn’t say anything. He looked from Veronica, who was wringing her hands, to Heather, who seemed to be trying to make herself as small as possible.
“Fine. But if this happens again, there’s going to be big problems. Am I clear?” he said finally, earning a grateful expression from his daughter.
“Thanks, dad.” Veronica made her way up the stairs, Heather close behind. Heather turned toward Veronica’s dad and mouthed a silent “thank you” before she could stop herself. He nodded.
When they finally reached Veronica’s room, Veronica sat on the end of the bed and patted the spot next to her. Heather went and sat down next to her, still completely quiet. She stared off at nothing in particular, propping her head with her hand. Neither said anything for a moment.
“Why, Veronica?” Heather asked suddenly, turning to face the other girl, “Why’d you do all this? You could’ve just ignored Mac and Duke, it’s not like they could force you to do anything. And you must have known I wouldn’t react well.” She swallowed hard before continuing, “You could’ve just coasted through the rest of high school as one of the Heathers. But you risked it all… for what?” Veronica tentatively reached around Heather’s waist and gave her a squeeze.
“Believe it or not, Heather, I don't have an angle here. The status quo of just being a Heather wasn’t enough for me,” she paused, “I guess that makes two of us.” Heather made a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob. “But I’ll be honest Heather, I want to be there for you, as your friend. I don’t want to spend all this time acting like we’re coworkers and our job is being popular or something. I want to be your friend, to get to know that side of you that isn’t the Ice Queen.” Veronica couldn’t help the small smile that formed on her face as she spoke about the idea of just being with Heather, without all the expectations or clawing to hold onto popularity.
“But Veronica, what if that isn’t enough?” Heather asked, the self-loathing in her voice almost tangible. Veronica froze, completely stunned. Had she totally misread the situation? Was there really nothing more to Heather? Was there nothing special about their relationship? Those questions, among a million others, raced around Veronica’s head as she tried to fight to stop her throat from tightening.
“What? What are you saying, Heather? Am I not enough?” Veronica didn’t keep the hurt out of her voice, not that she could have if she’d cared to try. Heather stifled a sob. For a terrible moment that seemed to go on forever, she didn’t say anything. Then, in a voice so small that Veronica couldn’t be sure she wasn’t just imagining it, Heather finally responded.
“That’s not what I mean, Veronica.” Heather turned away, looking guilty. “You’re enough, it’s just friendship isn’t.” Veronica couldn’t even think. Her mind was racing, trying to find any other interpretation of Heather’s meaning. It couldn’t be. This had to be some elaborate ploy, right?
“What do you mean, Heather?” Veronica asked, hoping to get some clarity as her own heart pounded so hard she thought her chest would explode. Heather began to sob, no longer able to stop herself. Veronica wrapped her arms around her, holding her close. She tried to find something to say, finally settling on some simple phrases: “Alright, breathe. You’re safe, you’re okay. You’re here with me, right? Focus on me, okay?”
Heather looked up at her, and in that moment Veronica felt that feeling she could not, no, would not, describe surge over her, overpowering all of her inhibitions. The longing, the desperate hope, the fluttering in her chest that she got at all the wrong times. Heather was a mess, her hair going up in all different directions and her mascara running. But more importantly than any of that, she looked so vulnerable, so human .
“You’re beautiful.” Veronica nearly slapped her hands over her own mouth after she said it. Desperately, she tried to rack her brain for some excuse. She was so wrapped up in her own futile attempts to find a way out of what she had just said, she didn’t notice Heather closing the distance between them. Suddenly, their lips collided.
It lasted only for a moment, a chaste peck Heather ended almost as soon as it began. But in that moment Veronica felt clarity rush over her so powerfully it almost hurt. All of those twisted feelings she’d suppressed, dismissed, and intentionally misinterpreted suddenly made sense. She was in love with Heather Chandler. And the worst part was the realization that she’d been in love with Heather Chandler for a long, long time.
“Shit! Shit, Veronica, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to, just forget about it.” Heather had her head in her hands, and seemingly took Veronica’s silence as rejection. “I never should’ve agreed to this sleepover, this was a bad idea. I never should’ve let you talk me into this. I shouldn’t have given you a ride. Or let you in at the party. Or let you in the Heathers in the first place. Oh, I’ve fucked it all up now Veronica!” Heather began to sob again, unable to bring herself to look at Veronica. “I’ve ruined our friendship, what you wanted Veronica. And you could out me in front of the whole school, become the Queen of Westerburg yourself. I’d do the same thing if the most popular girl in school gave me that information. Oh fuck Veronica, I don’t know what I’m saying, I never know what to say around you. I never know what to do. God damnit Veronica, say something, please!” Heather was heaving by now, but she finally forced herself to meet Veronica’s eyes.
“You love me? You love me. You love me! You, Heather Chandler, love me, Veronica Sawyer?” Veronica managed dumbly. Heather’s total emotional collapse seemed to be overtaken by irritation for just a moment as she said,
“Are you pulling my dick right now, Sawyer? I just spent the most painful three minutes of my life pouring my heart out to you and you’re not sure if I love you?” Veronica stared at her for a moment. Then, a goofy smile spread across her face. Veronica felt lighter than air.
“I love you too, Heather.” Immediately, the irritation and dejection were overtaken by a blush that turned Heather a red that would have made her scrunchie jealous. She gulped like a fish out of water, unable to form a coherent sentence, or do much of anything. Gently, Veronica leaned down and placed a kiss on Heather’s lips.
This kiss was a proper kiss. Veronica knew it was coming this time, which certainly helped. The first might’ve been the source of her epiphany, but the second changed her entire world. Heather’s lips on hers just felt so good, so right that she wasn’t sure how she’d ever lived without them. All the thoughts that had tortured her for so long were gone. The only thing that brought her back to Earth was Heather’s soft moan. Almost timidly, they drew apart, and Veronica immediately felt the loss of Heather’s lips on hers.
“Is this real?” Heather blurted out, the vulnerability evident in her voice. Veronica laughed softly and wrapped herself around Heather.
“Yes, this is real, Heather. I’m real, we’re both really here, and I always will be.” Heather relaxed, snuggling into Veronica.
“Good, because if you were fucking with me, you’d have a closed-casket funeral, Sawyer.” Veronica chuckled at that and opened her mouth to respond before realizing Heather had already fallen asleep. She couldn’t have known it from the girl’s grip, which was still vice-like. Softly, Veronica placed a kiss on Heather’s forehead.
“Goodnight, Heather.”