Work Text:
NARRATOR: T wast the morn after the grand assault. Our heroes took hence to the vast sea, bidding adieu to their new cousin. But hark! Fair Gillion hast said but a word to the wind. Tis joyous demeanor hath seemed to vade with the tide as they rippl’d and shaked. But Chip couldst care more about the shine of the traveling lamp reflecting off the ingots shadowing his gaze. This is whither our tale begins.
(enter Chip and Jay.)
CHIP: Good morrow, fair Jay! My forks ache from the previous night! Aye, they hurt so greatly yond not even this lovely slumber couldst replenish mine own heart. But even with the birds of the sea singing in my ear, i wast able to catch but a wink ere the sun did rise once again. A life of a scoundrel, be the life of a pirate. We wake, we square, we drink, we court, we elope, we leave, we parish.
JAY: hold thy crown up, pitiful whoreson! Thee must not grow self affected! These waters hast be filled with hazard, and a tongue like that couldst get our ship sent to the bellows of the ocean.
CHIP: hold there, dear Jay. Pray tell, who be sailing our dear ship.
JAY: aye, nothing but the wind.
CHIP: great heavens! Doth thou have the brain of a toad? No being could make such mistake! Hence! To the wheel I go!
(Chip and jay exit and chip renters left, gillion enters right)
Chip: oh gillion! What hast thou done? Our fair ship shrouded in ice! Hast the fingertips of Lunadea lay bare on our deck?
Gillion: awaken, dear Chip, and hear mine plea.
No longer will I bend my knee.
Grab thy weapon, face me hence.
Face thy honorable consequence.
Chip: Fair Gill, hast thy mind been lost to the seas? Does thee wish to duel?
Gillion: Indeed.
Chip: Why, pray tell? Have I not given thee a bed to sleep, a boat to travel, a life to live? Were thee not sea foam floating in the riptide before thee interlocked thien hand with mine? To say I am shaken is generous.
Gillion: thou pray yet thee yield to no god.
thou treat me as if I was comparable to cod.
thee call me friend, all I see is a lie.
That evil inside of thee must perish and die.
Chip: hast thou gone mad? thee speak of nonsense, perhaps the great battle hast plagued thy mind with foolish thoughts.
Gillion: twas the first truth thou told, the fight.
I spread the gas, thee striked the light.
Chip: thy rhymes bore me, there will be no duel today! Return our ship to its glory and retreat to the quarters!
Gillion: I shall do no such thing! I must protest!
The ship will stay frozen until thou accept.
Chip: thy art blinded by honor, thou do not see the madness of theins words. Is it true thee think so little of me? That thou believe that I as a man hold no pride, no honor, no glory?
Gillion: thy words repeat into an ill sung song.
You say thou has honor? Then prove me wrong.
Chip: this is blasphemy! An insult to my leadership! Like sheep for the shepard, thy must follow me, and I will guide thou to wonders of the unknown. That is how this courtship works! thee art mine crew, and I am thy captain!
Gillion: thee art no captain of mine!
Chip: fine! to hell with this charade! if 't be true that thee wanteth to square, then I shalt raiseth mine swords and strike thee down!
Gillion: within this wall of flesh, there is a soul that counts thee its creditor. Thank thee, dear Chip.
(anime grunt sounds ensue as they fight totally not homo eroticly. After a while, Gillion brings Chip to his knees.)
Chip: forsooth thou hath proven thy point. Well, fair gillion? finish the job. strike me down. claim thy pride.
(Chip grabs Gillions wrist and holds his sword to his throat.)
Chip: do't thee recreant! if 't be true that I am such a monster, then maketh sure that I nev'r walketh again!
Gillion: now thou art the one who hath gone mad! thee either yield and admit defeat, or pick back up thy sword and continueth this duel!
Chip: I refuse! Now, taketh mine head! I know that t is thy only desire. To see me lay dead on the deck of the ship we hath built together. To chuckle in thy victory as I lay in a pool of mine own blood. Now do it! Finish the job!
(Jay intercepts with her sword, flinging gills across the stage)
Jay: enough of this madness! This be a ship, not a battlefield. Thee apeareth to be fools, squaring in such a manor! Thy sex controls thy mind, placing thy pride above thy health. I cannot bear to gaze upon this quarrel any longer!
(Jay helps Chip up)
Chip: Thank thee, sweet Jay.
Jay: if 't be true thee believeth that I find thee innocent, thou must be a clotpole. While what Gillion didst wast dangerous, t wast not unprompted. Thee has’t been treating that gent as if he wast a pet.
Chip: Jay, surely thee jest. How on Mana could thou taketh the side of a psychotic fishman.
Jay: thou complain yet thee just proved our point. Behold the sight of Gillion and see another fish in this vast ocean. Refuse to see a kind sir, one who hath listened to thy every word, like gold woven into fine silk.
Chip: I has’t treated that gent perfectly fine! T be his fault for not seeing through mine jests.
Gillion: shifting censure yet again,
I wast a fool to ever calleth thee a friend!
Chip: this be ridiculous, I should has’t nev’r pick thou up in that ocean, Gill.
Gillion: henceforth, I nev’r should has’t taken thee hand.
Jay: by Asters throne, this crew be a mess.
Chip: nay Jay, this be barely a crew. Sir Gillion, I wanteth thee off mine ship.
(chip exits)
Gillion: with Chips final exit, the duel is done,
I retreat to mine quarters, for I hath won.
(Gillion and Jay exit, Chip renters, fiddling with a coin.)
Chip: Oh Arlin, mine life hast gone to shambles. While I wish more than anything for thy safety, part of mine mind hopes thou never sees my cold body in a way such as this. Lest I plagued with an emotion forgin to me, one of guilt. Perhaps Gillion wast right. Perhaps this crew wouldst be in good health if I laid lifeless on that deck. But as long as the wind blows and the wave crash onto shore, we wilt just has’t to roll with t.
(end scene.)