Chapter Text
She could tell...
By the sound of his voice alone-over the phone-she could tell.
Something was wrong.
Terribly-
Horribly-
Awfully wrong.
And Nina found that her lunch hour couldn't come fast enough, as thoughts of him seemed to drown her. She couldn't focus or concentrate at her desk-only watch the clock as time seemed to move in slow-motion, just to mock her. He'd sounded so... Strange. She'd never heard him sound that way before. There was something off in the way he sounded so desperate to speak to her, yet refused to say anything more than that over the phone.
He just told her that he was back in town again-after only a month of being back at school in Munich-and that he needed to talk to her.
...could they meet for lunch...
When the time finally did come, Nina had to force herself to calmly walk out of the office, rather than run.
As Nina hailed a taxi to take her to the small café he'd asked her to meet him at, all she could hear was the way his voice had sounded over the phone.
...she needed to see him...
Exiting the cab and walking the small distance down the sidewalk as the chilled air kissed her cheeks, Nina thought-almost hopefully so-that just seeing him would ease this knot growing in her stomach. But as she opened the door to the establishment, and the sound of the bell's heralding ding caused a familiar face to turn in her direction, Nina's heart all but bottomed out into the pit of her stomach.
Because the dismal look on his face was even worse than the sound of his voice.
“Nina.” The call of her name sounded almost pained from his lips as a little smile danced along their corners.
For her own benefit, of course-to reassure her. Nina was certain of it.
He was trying to make her feel better, and when he saw-from the look on her face-that it wasn't working, he dropped the charade, along with his smile.
“I'm glad you came.” This fell from his lips in a disheartened tone, as if he thought-for even a moment-that she wouldn't have.
“Johan.” Nina breathed his name, which only seemed to make her brother's expression appear even more dismal than it already was. “Of course I came.” She smiled at him as she took a seat at the table he'd claimed when arriving before her. “Why wouldn't I?”
Johan lightly chuckled at this with the faint twitch of his head, though the sound of it seemed to carry little joy.
'Oh, Johan', Nina desperately thought to herself. 'What's wrong?'
“You said that you needed to talk to me..?” Nina began a bit timidly, concerned over her brother's obviously fragile state.
And Johan gave a halfhearted smile with another twitch of the head.
“You're on your lunch break, yes?” He asked, and Nina gave the slow, hesitant nod of her head.
Lunch was the least of her worries at this moment.
“You should really order something to eat.” Johan insisted, almost desperately so.
“Johan-” Nina grumbled in protest, and Johan spared her a pointed look.
“Nina.” He whispered. “Please.”
The two held each other's gaze in a silent stair-down. One that it seemed Johan was equally determined to win as she was. In the end, though, Nina's need to hear what her brother had to tell her outweighed her need to remain stubborn and actually win this silent argument.
Because she could.
And Johan knew it, too.
“Fine.” She gave this relenting sigh as she cast her gaze to the table where-it seemed-Johan had already asked for a menu.
...just how long had Johan been waiting for her, anyway..?
As she ordered a light meal for herself-still more concerned over her brother than lunch-Nina noticed how Johan ordered nothing.
“Johan..?” Nina lightly scolded with an almost motherly glance at her older brother as Johan gave a thin, grim smile.
“I'm not hungry.” Was his only replied.
And Nina absolutely hated it. But, she didn't argue. She simply nodded, and handed the menu to the table's host.
When the woman left them in peace, Nina's eyes burned with pain, confusion, and curiosity as she looked at her brother from across the table. Really looked at him.
And as he looked back at her, it seemed as if he didn't see her at all.
...not really...
“Johan-” Nina was about to start in on him again before he interrupted her with the soft tone of his voice from across the table.
“Do you remember the last time we were together like this..?” He asked, not looking at her as his voice seemed distant and far off.
“Yes.” She replied just as softly through a furrowed gaze. “You took me out to breakfast before I went to work. Just before leaving for Munich.” Nina said, and watched as her brother gave a faint bob of the head to this answer.
“That's right.” He said in a delicate whisper. “And you got angry with me...” He expounded on her answer as she frowned.
“Johan-” She breathed his name, only to be interrupted again with the twitch of his head and the words that followed.
“You were upset because you thought I was keeping things from you...” He said before lifting his eyes from the table to finally look at her. “...do you remember..?” And Nina nodded, though her brows knit together in pain.
“I do.” She admitted. “And now-” Nina whispered as she felt her lips tremble with her next words. “you have something you want to tell me..?” And Johan nodded with the hang of his head.
“I do.” He echoed her words.
Yet, when he said those two little words, it seemed to Nina as if he really didn't want to. At all. And Nina began to wonder just exactly how bad this news was going to be. The more she wondered, the deeper this sense of dread began to run within her.
When a salad was brought to the table, along with a glass of water, Nina continued to stare at her brother as she waited for their waitress to leave again. And when the woman finally did, Nina delicately pushed the plate of food away from her, causing Johan to look up from his aloof stupor.
“Nina-” He frowned, and Nina merely offered him a stubborn expression.
“I'm not hungry, either.” She said, causing his frown to deepen. “Johan.” She whispered his name with an alarming level of desperation in her cerulean eyes.
Nina placed her open hand on the table in offering. And her eyes never once left her brother's empty, vacant stare as he looked from her face, to her hand, back to her face. A small, sad smile attractively curved her lips as she silently encouraged him with that smile to just take her hand.
“Hey.” She whispered to him. “Remember how I told you that I'm not going to break just because you give me some bad news?” Nina asked in a quiet voice, holding her brother's gaze as her hand remained open and empty-waiting for his. “Well, I meant what I said.” This parted her lips in a whisper as she continued to persist in coaxing him in a featherlight, tender voice filled with compassion and empathy. “It's okay, you know-” She said, repeating words she'd told him once before. “to tell me that you're not okay...” Her lips quivered when Johan seemed to remain unmoved by her words. “Please-” Nina whispered. “Just tell me what's going on.” She practically begged him.
And it was then, with this plea, that Nina felt her brother place his hand in her own.
“I'm afraid, Nina.” Johan said with the drop of his gaze to the table, and Nina's brows furrowed and knit together towards this.
...her brother was many things...
But he'd never once admitted to being afraid.
Ever.
“Afraid of what..?” Nina breathed in a voice so small that it could barely be heard.
“You were right.” Johan said in a low voice as he continued to avoid her searching gaze. “I have been keeping things from you.” He said. “A lot of things.” This fell from his lips as he paused to find his words, then begin again. “I've been keeping the truth from you for a long time, Nina, because-” Another pause. “I don't want you to know the truth.” His brows knit together in a crease when Nina gently squeezed his hand to encourage him. “I'm scared that...if you know-” He said. “-really know-” This fell from his lips. “-that you won't ever look at me the same way again.”
Silence followed these shame-filled words as Johan refused to say anything more.
Nina waited.
Yet Johan persisted in remaining silent.
But as this silence drew on, and became almost uncomfortable, Nina was about to speak when she saw the first shudder of Johan's shoulders. It was subtle. And Nina knew that she would have missed it if she hadn't been looking. But it was there. And as suddenly as it passed, another little shiver moved through him. This time-followed by what sounded like a faint gasp of air as she felt Johan squeeze her hand back.
His head dipped even further, veiling his eyes with his golden tresses. And then, he sniffed.
“Johan..?” Nina whispered through worry and confusion before her eyes widened and her voice came more firmly adamant in realization. “Johan. Why are you crying?”