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Something was off.
Something was off about Tsukasa.
Rui wasn’t exactly sure what was off but he knew. He knew that there was something off about Tsukasa.
Call it instinct or whatever but for someone who seemed to be the same old Tsukasa to everyone else, he sure has something about him that just screamed “off-putting” to Rui, who has been very observant of Tsukasa from the day they become friends.
When did Rui start having these restless thoughts?
Oh, right. It all started when Tsukasa suddenly went missing about five months ago.
That night, Rui remembered it was a Tuesday. At around 11 PM, when he was occupied with fixing up one of his robots in preparation for Wonderland x Showtime’s next show, he received a phone call from Tsukasa’s sister, Saki.
Before Rui could open his mouth to greet Saki, he was cut off by Saki’s agitated voice.
“Rui-san! Is big bro there with you!?”
Rui was caught off guard by the question. It took him about two seconds for him to be able to find his voice to reply to Saki.
“No, he isn’t... Is something the matter, Saki-kun?”
Now it was Rui’s turn to feel nervous. Just what happened for Saki to call him sounding so frantic and scared like that?
He could hear Saki taking in a deep breath from the other end of the line.
“Big bro... He... He hasn’t come home yet and he’s not picking up his phone at all...! I-I’ve been trying to call him multiple times now but none of my calls went through!”
Rui could tell that Saki is trying her best not to break down at that very moment. He needs to calm her down before she started to have a hyperventilation episode, which might trigger her illness further.
“Saki-kun, listen to me. Did Tsukasa-kun tell you where he’s going beforehand?”
If Rui could recall correctly, Tsukasa immediately went home after he and Rui finished putting away the props after their practice today. There wasn’t anything that could indicate that something was wrong at all. It was just like any other time when they bid each farewell after a long day.
Saki lets out a shaky breath.
“It was big bro’s turn to cook dinner today so he texted me... that he was going to drop by the supermarket to buy ingredients for Nikujaga. That was five hours ago...”
Five hours ago... That's around the same time that Rui and Tsukasa went their separate ways.
If he hadn't made it home like he was supposed to after he went shopping, then just what the hell happened?
A million thoughts went through Rui’s head at that moment.
It couldn’t be, could it? There’s no way something serious happened to Tsukasa. There’s just no way.
A heavy sense of dread overcomes Rui. He felt nauseous all of a sudden. Bile was threatening to rise in his throat.
“Rui-san?”
Saki’s weak voice snapped him out of his thoughts.
“Don’t worry, Saki-kun.”
What was he even thinking? There was no way Saki could just not worry! Her brother was missing for God’s sake!
“Knowing Tsukasa-kun... He’ll be okay. I believe in him. Tsukasa-kun will... be alright...”
Rui could feel his confidence dwindling towards the end of his sentence. Even he wasn’t completely sure that he could trust his own words.
And he knows that Saki knows that he was also just trying to keep himself composed at the thought that Tsukasa could be in danger out there somewhere.
Out there... All alone... With no one to turn to...
No. He mustn’t let his mind stray too far. He has to be strong. Not just for him, but for Saki’s sake as well. It’s what Tsukasa would’ve wanted. Tsukasa would’ve wanted Rui to be strong.
“Yeah...”
Saki could only weakly agree.
That night Rui snuck out to go look for Tsukasa.
He had to. There was no way he could sleep when he doesn’t know if Tsukasa is safe or not. Even though he was tired and the night’s chilly air was prickling at his skin, Rui still found himself running into the night, turning the town upside down in search of his dear friend.
Rui had zero luck and was forced to return home at nearly four in the morning.
He couldn’t sleep afterward.
The chain of events that came after was merely a blur to Rui. The Tenma’s informed the police about their oldest child’s disappearance and a search party was formed. Everyone frantically looked everywhere for traces of Tsukasa. One day turned into two, two turned into three, three turned into four, and so on until two weeks passed, and still no signs whatsoever.
Things were starting to look grim and it was clear that hope was gradually fading away. It was just a matter of time before the police rule Tsukasa dead.
Tsukasa... dead.
Ha, what kind of sick joke...?
There’s just no way. No. Fucking. Way. That Tsukasa could be dead.
Rui felt like he was starting to lose it.
Why was it suddenly getting so hard to breathe?
Rui wanted to cry. He wanted to wail and scream his heart out. He wished for Tsukasa to just come back already. He missed him. He missed Tsukasa.
No.
No... He had to remain calm. He needed to be calm.
It’s what Tsukasa would've wanted.
The show must go on.
Rui had to be strong. For Tsukasa’s sake.
———————————————————————
“Rui!? Where are you going!? There’s a storm going on out there!”
Rui ignored his mother’s cry as he marched out of his house, into the heavy rain.
Rui never once gave up on searching for Tsukasa. No matter the circumstances, he would always be outside, searching for his friend. Despite what his parents said about leaving the search to the fire department, Rui felt that if he wasted a single second not looking, Tsukasa will slip further away from him, and he could not allow himself to let that happen. He couldn’t risk it.
“Tsukasa-kun...!”
“Tsukasa-kun...!!”
“Tsukasa-kun...!!!!”
No matter how many times Rui yelled out the blonde’s name, he was always met with nothing. And unfortunately, it seemed that the lack of sleep over the past weeks has finally caught up to the purple hair inventor. Without any warning, he passed out in the middle of his hopeless search for Tsukasa.
In Rui’s hazy dream, he saw him.
Motionless, eyes closed, laying there in the grass, on the hill near their school. The storm was still raging on in the background, yet it was nothing more like white noise to Rui.
His eyes were focused on Tsukasa.
What was the meaning of this?
Rui found himself running towards him. His hands immediately reached out to touch the blonde’s face.
He’s cold.
Unbreathing.
...Why?
Why was he so cold? Almost like a stone statue.
Why was this happening?
“Please... Tell me that none of this is real...”
He quietly sobbed as he buried his head into the shoulder of the cold body in his arms as the thunders roared behind him.
Rui only regained his full consciousness three days later. He came down with a bad fever as a result of being under heavy rain for too long along with his lack of sleep. But the most insane thing was that...
Tsukasa was found.
And he’s not dead. On the contrary, he was as healthy as ever.
“Rui! I’ve been waiting for you!”
Rui couldn’t help but tear up at the sight of Tsukasa beaming at him from his hospital bed. He quickly ran over to the blonde and engulfed him in a bear hug.
“I’m so glad you're okay... I was so, so, so worried, Tsukasa-kun...”
Tsukasa just laughed his usual hearty laugh and patted Rui on the back gently.
Rui was finally at ease.
Tsukasa was found. That’s all that mattered, right? Now everything would surely go back to how it once was.
But it didn’t.
Day after day, while everything seemingly went back to normal, Rui started to feel like something was amiss.
It was a simple different gesture at first.
“Eh...?”
Tsukasa, who normally would've made a disgusted face when he found a bell pepper inside his lunch before begrudgingly swallowing it, was found nonchalantly eating a piece of bell pepper. When Rui noticed this, it caught him by surprise.
“Hm? What's the matter, Rui?”
“No, it’s nothing. Don't worry about it, Tsukasa-kun”
That must’ve been his imagination, right?
Yeah, it had to have been.
But then things started to go south and it was getting to the point where Rui could no longer turn a blind eye to it anymore. It was beginning to make Rui feel on edge.
Tsukasa offered to trade lunches with Rui. It had always been Rui who asked to trade lunches first.
The way he talked was different too. It wasn’t that noticeable because it didn’t happen too regularly but to Rui, Tsukasa would occasionally talk in a more polite tone as opposed to the informal way he usually talks.
His confidence was off too. Even though Tsukasa may look like a loudmouth weirdo to the vast majority, he still had this kind of reliable and mature vibes to him, fitting for a proper leader and big brother. But ever since he came back, it felt like Tsukasa become more... childish, for lack of a better word.
Even during practice, something about him wasn’t quite right either. Tsukasa would occasionally stumble on his lines or even straight-up forget them. His acting felt less lively too, it was just by a little bit but Rui for sure noticed it.
It could be because Tsukasa was still recovering from his trauma of being kidnapped and having to crawl his way back by himself but the more time passed, the more Rui felt like...
He felt like...
God, he didn’t even want to say it.
It was almost as if the Tsukasa that came back wasn’t Tsukasa himself at all, even though his voice, face, and everything were the same as ever.
Rui wasn’t a stranger to the myth of a body snatcher and he’s always been aware that the town where he was raised and grew up wasn’t exactly a place where rumors of the supernatural walking around is uncommon.
But still, it felt too unreal.
Was he finally losing it? Has the stress and fatigue finally worked their magic on him? To the point where he started to entertain the idea of Tsukasa being replaced by “something” while the blonde himself was actually dead?
That’d make for a wonderful suspense and mystery play.
Man, who was he even kidding?
“Geez, Rui! You’re spacing out again! Your popsicle is going to melt!”
Ah. Rui forgot that he was out with Tsukasa for some popsicles but, there it was again. That slight difference in speech style.
“Fufu, Tsukasa-kun... You talk funny.”
“What is that supposed to mean!? I really don’t understand you sometimes, Rui!”
Tsukasa said “I don’t understand” instead of “I don’t get it”...
Maybe Rui wasn’t being delirious after all?
If it’s true that Tsukasa had been replaced by something else...
Rui’s eyes darkened.
“...Hey, can I ask you something strange?”
It was now or never. Rui didn’t care if Tsukasa might end up thinking he was crazy or something. He needs to know the truth.
“Of course, of course! Ask away, Rui!”
“This has been on my mind for some time now. Ever since you went missing and then came back.”
Rui turned to face Tsukasa fully.
“You truly are different from Tsukasa-kun”
.
.
.
.
Tsukasa stared at Rui, eyes wide.
“Huh...? ...................What the fuck?”
Before Rui could properly react to the fact that Tsukasa just cursed, he was met with something a lot more gruesome.
The left side of Tsukasa’s face suddenly started falling off, like he was a zombie, and along with that, his left eye also fell out of its socket. Blood was dripping down from where his skin was rotting.
“My imitation was supposed to be perfect...”
“Ah...”
The mess of dripping blood and rotten skin started to move towards Rui, like some kind of colorful yet terrifying plant.
Rui knew that he was done for.
But instead, he found himself being pulled into an embrace by the thing that looked like Tsukasa.
“….Please don’t tell anyone.”
What?
“For the first time, I was able to live as a human... For the first time, I got to enjoy myself, doing mundane things like going to school, taking care of a younger sister, and spending time with friends and family...”
Rui felt like somebody just grabbed his heart and squeezed it. He couldn’t breathe.
Was it because of the anxiety? Or was it because this embrace is suffocating him?
“Who I am as a person and my body are both borrowed. But I... I truly do love spending time with everyone”
“That’s why... I’m begging you... Don’t tell anyone. I don’t want to kill you nor anyone else….”
The thing was trembling. It was trembling, it was shedding tears onto his shoulder, like a normal human. It was displaying emotions, it was displaying the kind of vulnerability that Tsukasa normally wouldn’t let anyone to bear witness.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
So it’s true?
Tsukasa was... really dead?
Tenma Tsukasa was no more?
The thing was still crying while clutching onto Rui’s sweater.
So disgusting. So fucking disgusting. How dare this thing act like that in front of him? Why was it that the first time Tsukasa showed him such a helpless expression, it didn’t even come from the real person?
“Rui... Please... Look only at me... Treat me like how you always did... Pretend that I— that I am that person.”
Tears started to well up in Rui’s eyes.
Either way, Tsukasa is already gone... So even if this thing is nothing more than a fake, Rui still wanted Tsukasa to be by his side...
Rui doesn’t think that he could live without Tsukasa.
“Anything for you, ‘Tsukasa’. ”
That night, Rui dreamed of Tsukasa again.
Though, it was more like a recollection of things that the blonde had said to him rather than a regular dream.
“Rui, I know you don't hold back anymore when it comes to shows, but if there's something you want to do in your private life, like this, don't be afraid to say so”
“You’re the only one who can make me shine like a star, Rui!”
“...Is this really the direction that you wanted to do the most?”
“I told you that I'd play any plan you're making, to make the best show out of it!”
“You get it, Rui? From now on, do what you want with full power!”
“Even if you’ve lost your confidence, don’t worry! Rui, your directions are novel, so it’ll be an easy path! The best show befitting of a star, and nobody but I can fulfill the role!”
Rui woke up with a start.
How cruel. Having dreams about his dead best friend. What’s next? He started to depend on that fake thing for comfort because he could no longer get any from the real Tsukasa?
Rui didn’t want to cry but the image of Tsukasa’s smiling face as he bid Rui goodbye after they went their separate ways on that day played inside his head again and he couldn't help but wail into his pillow, his voice coming out muffled. No matter how hard Rui tried to stop his tears, they just kept coming. It’s so painful. It’s so agonizing.
Would that thing even be able to replicate the same warmth and kindness that Tsukasa had?
Obviously not.
But it’s still better than having to live without Tsukasa, right?
Whatever. He should just stop moping around and get ready for school now that he’s already up.
Seeing “Tsukasa” at the school gates was certainly a surprise. Upon noticing Rui, he immediately raised his hand and waved awkwardly while avoiding eye contact.
“H-Hey... Rui.”
Oh well, it didn’t matter to him anymore at this point.
“My~, Tsukasa-kun, what’s with the bashful expression today?”
“Ugh... And there you go again...”
“Fufufu~”
It doesn’t matter what you are anymore.
It’s still much better than not having you here with me.