Archive of Our Own

They got a tip that there was a major drug exchange going down, and Jay had managed to get information from a contact he had in a local gang member about when and where it was happening. It was a nondescript house on a dead end street, and Jay was invited to join the exchange as a trusted confidant. He pulled outside of the house in the undercover van, Mouse and Kim tucked in the back for surveillance while he went in. It was all set, the rest of the team set to come in as soon as Jay had proof of an actual drug deal happening in front of him. 

"Hey," Mouse said, leaning forward to tug at Jay's sleeve before he got out. "Be safe, okay?"

"Yeah, of course. You too," Jay said. "I'll be back, okay?"

"You better, mister," Mouse said softly.

"Just get out of the van, you're disgustingly cute, we get it," Kim said with a wrinkled nose. Jay didn’t have to look behind him to know that Mouse had stuck out his tongue at her, practically two siblings bickering often over nonsense things these days. It was nice to see, Mouse settled into the unit like he belonged there, more family than he’d ever had looking out for him, and not nearly enough at the same time. Jay would give him the entire world if he could. He’d fill their home with people who loved Mouse as much as he did, especially after his parents’ cold reaction to him coming out all those years ago. He didn't know where Mouse stood on children of their own, strangely. They'd danced around the subject for years, focusing on the girls instead of talking about their own family, focusing on work and on themselves. They'd had to work out a lot of their lingering trauma responses before even really working on their relationship, and God knows they couldn't bring a child into that mess. 

He hopped out of the van and fixed his sweatshirt to make sure it was appropriately rumpled. Part of his routine when going undercover was always what Mouse called dirtying down, the opposite of cleaning up, and it was exactly what it sounded like. He mussed his hair, dirtied his hands, rumpled his clothes, and slipped on a beanie he’d stolen from Mouse before he’d gotten clean. He knew how to act the part, years of working alongside dealers and mobsters a way better training than any academy class ever could be, but this made him feel like he had an armor on. He couldn't walk into a deal with his nice coat on and his hair styled. He had to play a part to fit in, and the moment he slipped the beanie on, he felt ready. 

Then, he headed for the house, greeting his contact at the front door as he let himself inside. His contact was just a kid, younger than Jay by a good five or more years, but he looked ragged already. His nearly black hair was wild and unkempt, brown eyes sunken into his paled skin, and Jay could see the track marks on the inside of his arms. He'd been picked up for possession, and they'd gotten him to roll on his dealer with the promise that his sister would be safe and moved to a safer prison.

“How was your trip in?” Linus asked, patting Jay down vaguely. He touched Jay’s service weapon at the small of his back and kept moving past it as if he hadn’t noticed it at all. 

“Alright,” Jay answered. “Bridge traffic nearly sent me into the river, but -”

“You made it. That’s what matters the most.”

“Of course. Glad to be here.”

Linus nodded him into the living room, and Jay followed. It was easy to fall into the identity he’d created for this, a kid from the worst side of town who was trying to climb out of his pit and make something of himself and live a comfortable life. He’d gone with a nondescript name, Andy, something no one would question or remember, just as he always had. He didn’t want to leave an impression and blow his cover or get in too deep too quickly. 

A woman with thinning blonde hair and nearly paper thin skin sashayed into the living room and hung on the arm of the main dealer, like a trophy. She smiled at Jay, making eyes at him obviously in front of everyone. It wasn't unusual for women, and men, to hit on him. He was aware he was attractive, but none had done it so blatantly in front of what Jay assumed was their boyfriend. He kept his eyes on the dealer, though, only glancing at the woman out of the corner of his eye occasionally.

The problem was, things went bad quickly. One moment, they were discussing price, and then, someone was whispering, and another person was taking out their gun, aiming it right at Linus and Jay. 

“Whoa,” Linus said, hands going up. “What are you doing, man?”

“You bring a snitch into our home, Lin?”

“No!” he said, and it came out too fast, too squeaky, and Jay had to breathe to keep himself from sighing heavily. Sometimes, criminals were so fucking stupid. “No, this is Andy, I’ve known him since I was a kid.”

“How come you’ve never mentioned him, Lin?” the woman said. “We known you for six years and this hunk has never come up.”

“It’s not like that, Zee.”

“He’s too clean, Lin,” the main dealer, a man named Joshua, said, leaning to look at Jay with big, suspicious eyes. Everything about him was big, his hands, his shoulders, his chest. He was almost covered in hair, giving the impression of a wolf man or yeti standing in front of Jay than a man. “He’s got that snitch smell .”

“More like a bitch smell,” someone else muttered.

“I’m just here to back up Lin, that’s all. I don’t mean any harm.”

Joshua barked out a laugh and it startled Jay and Linus at the same time. 

"Do you?" Joshua asked, stalking closer to Jay. If he found the wire on Jay, or the Glock at the small of his back, they were fucked. "Because I'm pretty sure I've seen your bitch ass face before."

"Yeah, he was with that twink at the market," one of the men at the back growled. He didn't flinch, but he wanted to. If this went sideways at all, that painted a target on Mouse's back, not just Jay's. 

"So, I have a boyfriend. That doesn't mean I'm a snitch, man. It just means I get my cock sucked by someone with a beard instead. It's 2022, bro. Get over that." He shrugged. "Not sure why having a man in my bed at night suddenly makes me a fucking cop or whatever. Especially considering cops have a history of fucking up queer people like me."

Joshua didn't look convinced, and Jay shrugged again. 

“Look, man, I get it. I’m pretty, and I’ve got a pretty boyfriend. I get it, you’re jealous, but that doesn’t mean I’m a fucking snitch . Can you lower your fucking guns so we can get on with this?”

“What? Have to get back to your little boytoy for quinoa night?” the woman, Zee sneered.

“Yeah, what the fuck’s it to you what I do when I leave here? You’ll be getting your money, I’ll be getting our product, and you never have to fucking see me again.”

Joshua looked at him, eyes carefully tracking over him from his dirty beanie down to his scuffed work boots. 

"I don't trust you," Joshua said.

"I don't trust you, either," Jay said, "but I can move past that for my business, you know."

Joshua frowned at him, and glanced over his shoulder at his companion. 

"Shoot him, baby," she purred, leaning into his side, her waifish body almost waving like a flag in the breeze. Joshua removed a gun, a Magnum from what Jay could tell, from his waistband, and Jay's breath caught in his chest. "Take out the doubt in it."

Jay didn't want to walk out of here with another bullet hole in him, especially considering he'd barely survived the last one, and Mouse had nearly lost his mind during Jay's recovery. He couldn't put their family through that again. 

"Josh, don't," Linus begged. "C'mon, man, you're not a murderer ."

"Maybe not," Joshua said, and then he cocked his head at Jay, raising the gun so it was aimed directly at him. "But the only good snitch is a dead one."

"Boss," one of the men at the side of the room said with a gruff voice. "We got incoming. Two unmarked and a patrol, no lights or sirens."

"Which one of you is wearing a fucking wire?" Joshua snarled, and he swung the gun between Linus and Jay. Jay dodged and grabbed Linus out of the way just as Joshua pulled the trigger. The gunshot was loud, like a crack of thunder, and the bullet barely missed them both, exploding in the plaster behind them. 

"Get the fuck out of here," Jay said to Linus, shoving him towards the front door. His backup would be coming soon now that a gunshot, then two, then three sprayed the wall behind him, Jay just had to get somewhere safe. He ducked out of the room and into the hallway adjacent, skittering on quiet toes into the first open door. It was cramped, clearly more of a pantry than anything else, and he was immediately greeted by the awful smell of sweat and urine and feces. And then, he was met with the screaming cry of a baby. He startled, tucking himself behind the open door to find a laundry basket in the corner with threadbare blankets bunched underneath and around a writhing form. Jay couldn't help himself from dropping down and scooping the baby out of the basket, and cradling them to his chest. They were a hefty weight, and Jay could tell the rancid smell was coming from them and a heavy diaper attached to their hips. 

"Oh, hi," he cooed, trying to soothe them even as more and more rounds of gunfire were traded on the other side of the wall. He ducked his head and spoke down towards his chest, to the wire still taped to him. "If you're hearing this, Mouse, I need someone in the hallway pantry, to cover me."

They couldn't risk an earpiece so he couldn't get confirmation right away from his boyfriend, so he stayed still, cradling the child who was screaming their little lungs out and he could only hope that they wouldn't notice he was in here over the baby's cries. It didn't seem like they cared much for the child, if the state of their diaper stood for anything. 

"Halstead," Kevin's voice said, tapping on the door. "You in there?"

Jay cracked open the door further and peeked up at his teammate, and Kevin raised his eyebrows at him, gun up and pointed down the hall, Adam at his back. 

"You come into a drug bust and walk out with a baby," Adam said, glancing at him and the baby. "That makes sense."

"Shut up," Jay said, shifting the child in his arms. In the light, he could see that the baby was a chubby little boy but he didn't seem to be as old as his weight might suggest. He didn't want to hurt his head or neck, just in case, so he shifted him against his chest, supporting his head and back with the same arm he looped between his legs. It meant the disgusting diaper was pressing into Jay but at least he had a jacket on between them. "Just get us out of here."

“Alright, come on,” Adam said, and he and Kevin guided Jay free of the house out of the back and around to the van where Mouse pulled open the sliding door at their arrival. Shots echoed through the quiet street, and he could see people poking their nose out of their windows in curiosity. 

“Is that a baby ?” Mouse asked. “Did you bring out a drug deal baby?”

“Not the time, Mouse,” Jay replied. “Did Linus make it out?”

“No,” Adam said. “Sorry, Jay. I saw him go down as we were heading around.”

“Shit,” Jay hissed, and he passed the baby into Mouse’s arms without another word. “Shit, okay. Jesus. Are you - do patrol and the rest of the team got this? It’s - this kid needs to be looked at. He looks bad .”

Mouse shifted the baby a little and carefully looked over his little face, red-faced as he screamed in Mouse’s arms. Jay could see the veins in his skin, his color unnaturally pale even while he was screaming. 

“God, he is rancid, isn’t he,” Mouse said, shifting him again to lift his leg gently. There was clearly some kind of rash on the inside of his thighs and closer to his hips where the diaper had ridden up too high. It was clearly too small of a diaper for his body, and it was digging into him. “Oh, look at this poor thing.”

“He needs to see a doctor,” Jay said. 

“Yeah, you’re right. You’re right. If you drive, I’ll hold the baby,” Mouse said.

“Yeah, let’s get him somewhere safe,” Jay agreed. “Are you two good to stay and clean up?” 

“Yeah, go on. We’ll finish up with patrol,” Kevin said. “Get him out of here. We’ll brief everyone, too.”

“Thanks, man,” Jay said. “Alright, Mouse, let’s go.”

Will hated working the late night shift, knowing that he was missing dinner and bedtime with his girls, especially when he was just sitting around and waiting. He had his head tipped back and he was spinning around in a rolling chair at the nurse’s station, listening to Felicia and Mona gossiping about their boyfriends behind him. 

He was texting with Connor, while he waited for another patient to come in, and was chuckling at the story Connor had sent him about Theo telling him about the debate her class had about whether cereal was a soup. Theo was strictly Pro-Soup, apparently.

“Doctor Halstead,” Felicia said, and he looked up just to see her nod towards the entrance. He turned in the chair, and paused while his eyes found his brother. He was clearly dressed for undercover, with a rumpled shirt and a beanie he was sure came from Mouse’s closet at some point in the past. The thing that startled him more, though, was the barely dressed bundle in his arms, a loud and upset baby screaming at the top of its lungs. 

“Jay?” he said, standing up and rounding the corner of the station to meet him. “What are you - what - is that a baby?”

“Yeah, clearly, it’s a baby. He’s - I don’t know, man. He needs to be looked at, probably.”

“Oh, yeah, come over here. What’s his name?”

“I have no idea,” Jay said. “I found him at a deal we were monitoring. He was, god, he was in a laundry basket with like, one awful blanket, and no one was caring about him. He needs, he needs some kind of help, man.”

“Okay, that’s fine. Lay him down in here,” Will said, leading Jay over to the quiet setups they had in one of the side treatment rooms so that they had some privacy from the other resting patients, Mouse following them quietly. “Let’s take a look at you, huh.”

Jay laid down the baby in the middle of the large bed, and he dragged his fingers over the baby’s chest and belly before finally stepping back. Will stepped in close and then winced as the terrible, mildewy scent hit his nose.

“Yikes, oh my god,” he hissed. “Wow.”

“Yeah, I’m not sure that he’s ever been changed, honestly.”

“Doesn’t seem like it,” Will agreed. “Hey, sweet thing. I know you don’t care, probably, but my name is Doctor Will. I’m gonna take care of you, okay?”

He rubbed the baby’s belly and gave him a quiet shush. Slowly, he checked the baby's vitals, cooing at him as he worked, and Mona came to join them. He ordered the appropriate panels from his blood work, and Mona nodded, going straight to work.

"Alright, let's take a look under that diaper, huh," Will said, and gently undid the barely holding Velcro tabs. Underneath, Will almost cried, looking at the poor baby's inflamed skin, a serious rash showing underneath the crust of feces and urine and destroyed diaper. "God, bud, that's - okay, okay, we're going to take care of you. Let's get you cleaned up, right? Mona, do we have a baby bath down here?"

"We have a sponge bath? Will that work?"

"Yeah, can you grab me that with some lukewarm water, mild soap, and some antibacterial cream? He needs to get this off as soon as possible," Will said. She dashed off as Will threw the diaper into the medical waste, and inspected his legs and bottom as best as he could. "You are a chunky little thing, huh. Look at those sausage rolls. I love chubby babies, you're the absolute cutest."

He kept his voice low and light, his tone drawing the baby's attention. He was still fussing, although his screaming had settled down, kicking his legs and generally squirming. 

"I know it's an ongoing case, but what can you tell me about his parents?"

"No idea," Jay said tiredly. "I don't know who he belongs to, if he belongs to any of the suspects we had on scene, if he's kidnapped, or abandoned. I was just getting away from gunfire and found him by accident. He was in a hall closet with a bunch of junk, like they thought he was trash."

"Okay, Jesus," Will sighed, and looked up at Mona as she returned. 

"I can take care of it, Doctor Halstead," Mona offered. 

"No, uh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna take care of him myself, if you don't mind. This, this breaks my heart. You can draw his blood and I'll get him cleaned up and in a new diaper."

He set to work cleaning him, meanwhile talking to him as sweetly and kindly as he could. He told him a story just like he used to with Theo when she was small, like he still did with both his girls now, about how he was a hero who saved the entire world through kindness and compassion, coming to the aid of the needy and the broken, and how he was lauded as the greatest adventurer ever to live. He told him about the mountains he would climb, and the rivers he would cross, and the sights he would see, the oceans he would swim in, and the heights he would reach. He told him about the people who would love him, and the friends he would make, and the difference he would make in the lives of everyone he met. 

When he finally had the baby cleaned, and redressed with clean bandages underneath his new diaper, he lifted him out of the bed and set him against his chest. The baby’s fussing turned sour at the change in position, and Will wondered if he’d eaten recently, or ever had a check up, if anyone had shown him even the basic care. 

“Oh, I know,” he said gently as he moved like a wave, swaying to a slow, steady beat in his head. “I know, mister, you’re okay. The world has not been very nice to you already, but we’re gonna take really, really good care of you, baby boy.”

“I don’t know, Doctor Halstead, he’s quite a chubby boy. They must have been feeding him really good at least,” Mona said. “Maybe a little bit too good. Looks like they could have cut him back, even.”

Will’s eyes snapped to her as a flare of anger surged through him, and he couldn’t help the way he curled his arms around the baby tighter. 

“Just because the baby is chubby, doesn’t mean he was being fed. Some babies are just born bigger. Some children are just chubbier without being overfed. In fact, he probably stored whatever fat he could get from what food he was given, because his body is in starvation mode. You should be careful what you say about people’s weight and eating habits.”

“I didn’t mean -”

“You might not have meant it that way, Mona, but if you were to say that in front of a larger patient, they wouldn’t see you as an ally in the healthcare field anymore, as someone they can trust with their continued care. Comments like that lead to eating disorders and body dysmorphia, and I know you know better than that.”

"I'm sorry, doctor," she said.

"It's not me you need to apologize to," he told her, swaying with the baby in his arms. "It's to all of your fat patients who do not come here for your judgment, they come here for your compassion."

He looked down at the child, still fussing in his arms, and carefully pushed his finger into the baby's mouth. Immediately, he suckled aggressively on the tip of Will's finger, but Will noted that his mouth was dry.

"He needs fluids, and probably a bottle. We're going to admit him, and get him transferred up to the pediatric wing for them to take care of," he said, and he knew he'd have to let the child go to do that, but he didn't want to. He didn't want him in the care of anyone else, unsure that they'd treat him as well as he deserved. He was just a child, a little baby who needed to be protected, who had been cast aside and starved, and Will wanted him. He wanted him in a bassinet at his bedside until he was comfortable enough to sleep in a crib. He wanted to hear his first words, and watch his first steps. 

If what Jay said was true, this boy needed a family who wanted him, who wouldn't treat him like a piece of refuse, and Will wanted to be that family for him. 

Connor couldn't find Will when he arrived at the hospital the next morning. He'd dropped the girls off at their school, and headed to the hospital to start his shift. Usually, he'd pass Will in the locker room when he worked a night shift, Will heading home to sleep and Connor arriving at work. But that day, Will wasn't anywhere in the ED. 

"Where's Will?" he finally asked Maggie. 

"Thought I saw him heading up to peds."

"Peds?" he asked, and she shrugged. 

"Not sure, but he had a face."

Connor still had half an hour before he was due on the floor, so he caught the elevator up to the pediatric floor. What he didn’t expect to find there was his husband, in one of the kangaroo care units, shirtless with a baby against his chest, eyes closed. He was rocking back and forth slowly, and there was a look of absolute contentment on his face as he rubbed the baby’s back. Even from a distance, he could see Will’s mouth moving, minutely, his voice probably low and quiet, and Connor could imagine what he was talking to the child about. Connor loved the tales that Will spun for their girls, one of them usually sprawled over him, telling them all about the wonders that he’d seen. Sometimes, he’d tell them stories featuring themselves as the heroes, and those were Connor’s favorites. He loved watching the girls’ eyes light up as Will told them about Theo the Brave and Jacey the Cunning, two knights of honor and renown who managed time and again to save the day from dastardly villains and tricksy monsters.

“Okay,” Connor said, pushing into the unit and catching Will’s attention, “what are you doing? Who is that child? Did you steal someone’s baby?”

“Con!” he said with a grin. “Hey. I didn’t steal a kid. This is a patient that Jay brought in from a raid or something. He needed a lot of care and attention, and it felt, it felt wrong to walk away from him yet.”

“Will, you didn’t get attached to this kid, did you?”

“Yeah. No, I did.”

“ Will ,” Connor said with a small sigh.

“Don’t. You haven’t seen him, or his cute little face. He needs someone. He needs someone to look out for him, and care about him.”

“And that someone has to be you?” Connor asked.

“I don’t know. Right now it’s not anyone, so I’m stepping up.”

“We have volunteers for this.”

“I know,” he said, and Connor could already see it, the attachment, the warmth of fatherhood in Will’s eyes. “But you should have seen him last night, Con. He was so scared , and hurt . He’s not even three months old, Harris said. Three months! He’s just a baby, and no one has looked after him the way they should. He deserves someone to care for him, that’s all.”

“We don’t have the room,” Connor said.

Will nodded.

“Yeah, I know,” he agreed. “I know, I’ve gone over it in my head all morning. I’ve thought about it so much, all of the pros and cons, and I know we can’t actually adopt him, but he’s just so small and helpless.”

“Baby,” Connor said, and he crossed the room to crouch down in front of Will, looking up at him. "Have you called DCFS?"

"Yeah, but they can't get someone out here until this afternoon, and either way, we can't release him into anyone's custody yet because he has an infection in his kidneys already from how neglected he was, so we're monitoring that to make sure his fever breaks and he doesn't get worse. So, there's no point finding a placement for him yet if we don't know if he'll be able to be released."

The baby made a whining noise, and Will lowered his voice, smoothing out his tone. 

"Look, I know we can't feasibly adopt him, but I can't let go until I know someone is going to be here to take care of him the right way, and right now, that's no one."

Connor shifted so he could see the baby, and he knew exactly what Will meant. He knew where Will's heart was, and how big it was. He knew how much love Will carried in him, how much he had to give. Connor knew they didn't have any room for him, not in their current home, and Will didn't want to move out into the suburbs with a house, afraid of moving the girls and uprooting their lives. 

"Have Jay and Mouse considered it?" Connor asked, touching the baby's cheek. It was soft, but he could feel the heat coming off him, his body fighting an infection he shouldn't have to deal with yet.

"Adopting?"

"Having kids at all," Connor clarified. 

"I don't know. They've probably discussed it, but they've never talked about it with me. I don't even know if they're planning on getting married."

Connor hummed. 

"You know, before you, before you and Theo, really, I wasn't sure I wanted kids. I'd seen what my dad had done with parenthood and was terrified I would become him. What if I hurt you, and the kids, because of who he was and who he raised me to be, you know? But, thankfully, I have a very good partner, and the best kids in the world to show me that I'm not Cornelius and I won't hurt you the way he hurt me and my mom," Connor said. "But not everyone goes through that kind of journey, and they're not obligated to."

"Yeah," Will said, and he shifted as the baby started to fuss. "I think I'm gonna stay with him a little longer. I don't want to leave yet, especially not before the volunteers come in."

"Okay," Connor said, checking his watch. He still had some time until he had to be back downstairs for his shift, so he settled into one of the nearby chairs and rocked himself in time with Will. "Keep going. I love your stories."

Jay sat up straighter in his chair, tapping the end of his pen against the desk repeatedly. Hailey reached over and stalled his hand.

"What?"

"The baby is fine," she said. "You know Will would have contacted you if he wasn't."

"No, it's not — I mean, it is, but it's not that. It's that that baby doesn't exist. We can't find any birth records for him. There's no social security card, no birth certificate, no sign that they had had a child at all. So, either he was stolen or they cared so little for him that they didn’t even make sure we knew to look for him.”

“Unfortunately, I think it’s the latter,” Hailey said. “But we have him now. The hospital is looking after him, and we’ll find a good home for him. Kim is trying to get information about the baby from our suspect, and we’ll see what we can do from there.”

“I just don’t get it. I saw him in that basket, and just, my heart broke , Hailey. How does someone treat a child like that? Their own child, probably? They discarded him, treated him like trash, and they literally never even asked if he was okay once we got him out of there. They fired into the room he was in, so clearly they didn’t care if they shot him . So, how does someone carry a child, give birth to them, and then not care that you’re actively torturing him? How heartless do you have to be?”

"I don't know," she said, and he didn't either. "What's got you so riled up about this case? This kid?"

"The ones with kids always get me, you know that. It's — what if that was my nephew, you know? What if he was my family? That would absolutely destroy me to see him like that, and they — they act like he's absolutely nothing."

He picked at a spot on his desk.

"Jay," Hailey said and she sat forward. "Do you want him to be your family?"

"What?"

"This isn't just a case with a kid, not to you. You're treating this like it's personal. You're treating this like he is your family."

"I," Jay started and shook his head before he could say anything stupid. “I don’t know. I just, I saw this little boy, this tiny, defenseless little thing, and I thought, goddamn it . He needs so much help, so much love, and affection, and I know they’ll find him a good home, but it sucked seeing him like that in the first place. I was probably the first person to hold him who gives a shit about him, and that’s so unfair to him. He deserves better. He hasn’t done anything bad. He hasn’t committed a crime, or learned to hate people, or how to hurt them. He’s just, he’s just a baby .”

Hailey looked up away from him, over his shoulder, and Jay lifted his gaze to look. Mouse was standing behind him with a cup of coffee, and a sad smile.

“C’mon, babe, it’s time to take a break.”

Jay followed Mouse from the bullpen and into the little lounge area they took breaks in, away from the stress of the case. He sank into a couch, and Mouse sat down on the coffee table across from him.

“What’s your face for?”

“I don’t have a face,” Jay replied automatically.

“Yeah, but you do, so let’s skip the denials, okay? Talk to me. What’s going on in your head, Jay?”

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “I really, I don’t know what I’m feeling. I’m anxious but I don’t know why. I want to go see the baby, but that won’t do anything. I can't do anything for him. I'm not, I'm not family, or, or anything. I'm literally nothing, and that's strangely the worst feeling I've had."

"Sweetie," Mouse said, shuffling forward until his knees bumped into Jay's. "Do you want kids?"

In all of the years they'd been together, they'd avoided the topic. It wasn't like they didn't get to help raise their nieces, and they saw plenty of them with Connor and Will working weird hours constantly. They didn't need to talk about having their own kids when Theo and Jacey were their kids, too, albeit indirectly. They were still wartorn souls, and Jay wasn't sure he'd ever be truly healed from what they'd seen and what they'd done overseas together, so he had never broached the subject with Mouse. 

But he didn't lie to Mouse. He'd never lied, and he never would. When faced with a direct question, he would never lie to his best friend and life partner like that.

"I – I don't know. Maybe."

The baby was all Connor could think about, his little pudgy cheeks and pale complexion from lack of nutrition. He found himself drawn to the nursery during his shift, and checked on the baby's progress with the on-duty nurse, a younger woman with a high ponytail named Alicia that he vaguely recognized.

"He's doing good," she said. "Sleeping finally. He was fussing after Doctor Halstead left. I think he misses him. He's got to be the first person who showed him affection and care, honestly."

"Yeah, I've been there," he mumbled. 

"It's almost his feeding time if you'd like some time with him," Alicia said. "He needs some more person contact, I think, because he's been so inconsolable all day."

Connor couldn't help himself, lifting the baby from the crib and into his arms. He carried him over to the rockers in the corner and sank into the seat carefully. He didn't have a lot of experience with babies, not since the girls were both older when they'd come into his life, but he knew enough of the basics. He knew how to hold them, and rock them, how to soothe them a little, and he knew how to feed them. Alicia brought over a bottle for him, which Connor took and carefully nudged the nipple against the baby's lower lip. Eagerly, the baby took the nipple into his mouth and suckled from it, making the sweetest noises. 

"Oh, he took that so good for you," Alicia said as she was lifting another baby up out of one of the warmers. "He likes you."

"Yeah," Connor responded, and he swayed back and forth in the rocking chair with the baby in his arms. "What do you think, Pudge?"

"Pudge? Like the fish from Lilo and Stitch?" Alicia asked. 

"Yeah, just like," he said with a smile at her. "Theo discovered Lilo and Stitch this week, and I'm glad. I was getting a little sick of Frozen."

"Oh, I've been there! My Carter? Absolutely obsessed with Frozen and Olaf. I've seen all of the mini movies and we had to dress up as the Frozen characters two years in a row for Halloween." 

Pudge, in his arms, reached up and grabbed his wrist, holding the bottle tighter to his mouth. 

"Easy there, bub," he soothed, and Alicia stepped away to let him have a moment with the baby. He sighed, watching the baby eat eagerly, sucking down the formula. He looked up at Connor with these sleepy, dark blue eyes, and Connor knew exactly what Will had seen. He knew what it meant for a small little boy to reach out and just grab his heart in his tiny hands. “You’re going to be okay. I promise, sweetie, we’ll make sure you’re okay. You’ll find a nice, loving home where they have room for you, and love for you, and want the best for you. You’re a good little boy, and you absolutely deserve someone who wants you in their life.”

He muttered gently to him, not trying to be overheard as he reassured the baby. He rocked slowly, over and over, until the baby had finished about half of the bottle, and lifted him up onto his chest to burp him. He was a hefty thing, but it was a nice weight against him. Connor rubbed his back between patting him hard enough to shake a burp or two loose, including a bit of formula spit up. 

“Gross,” he muttered even as he laid the baby back down in his arms to finish the bottle. He didn’t want to leave, so he waited for Pudge to finish his bottle, even though he knew he should head back to the ED, and rested him against his chest again to burp him. "You're a gross boy, you know that?"

The baby burped in response and Connor laughed. He kissed the baby's forehead, and breathed in, because somehow he still had that new baby smell. 

"Oh, Pudge," he groaned, and looked over at Alicia who was grinning at him. "You didn't see anything."

"My lips are sealed, Doctor Rhodes, but, uh," she said, and she nodded towards the doorway. He turned, and caught Will's fond smile as it turned into a blush at being caught. 

"Con," Will said, walking over and kneeling in front of him. Connor looked at him, letting his eyes linger, and shifted the baby a little who fussed at him. 

"Okay, Pudge, I know, but you gotta go back into your crib for a little bit, okay? I know you don't want to go, but –" he stopped as Pudge started, just little baby babbles, fussing and whining more than anything yet, but he listened. "I know. I know, bud."

He lifted Pudge back into his arms and rocked him gently to ease him to sleep, all while Will's eyes watched him with a weakness that Connor knew. It would be almost impossible to say it out loud, to admit that this baby was their baby, because there was no way to guarantee that. The way that he felt in Connor’s arms as he held him, the way that the baby responded to both of them like he’d always been there, even just his presence in their life these last hours made it hard not to feel like he belonged to them, like he belonged with them. He could imagine Jacey and Theo with him, being gentle and kind, the way they always were, even when they fought. He could imagine Theo feeding him, his chunky body in her long arms, a bottle cradled in his mouth. He could imagine the baby sliding right into their lives, right where he belonged, completing their family. 

There wasn’t anything wrong with their family, but he’d always felt that there was something missing, something that would just make them whole . There was also something about raising a baby that he longed for, because when he’d met Theo, she was already a toddler, and Jacey had been even older when they’d brought her into their home. He’d never gotten to rock them, and soothe them, feed them with a bottle, teach them their first words, hold their hands through their first steps. He wasn’t any less their father because he’d come into their lives later, but he wanted those experiences, too. 

“Con,” Will said again as he laid the baby in the crib after he’d finally fallen asleep. 

“I know,” Connor said, and he smiled sadly at Will. “C’mon, I need to change before my surgery in an hour.”

“Can we talk about this?”

“I think I need, I need a minute. Let’s talk tonight? After I get home, and the girls go to bed?”

“Yeah. Okay. Sure. We’ll talk later.”

Mouse was quiet when they got home that night, and Jay hated that he’d made his favorite person in the world feel like he couldn’t talk to him. He made a cup of tea for them both, and sat down next to Mouse on the couch where he was staring hard at his phone, a game of Candy Crush nearly abandoned. 

“I think we need to talk, honest and open, about this,” Jay said, “before it gets too big.”

“You? You want to talk first?”

“Ha ha. Very funny.”

“You’re right, though,” Mouse said, and he shut off his phone screen and set it down on the table, turning to take the mug of steaming tea from Jay. “Because I don’t, I don’t know what to do. You know how I feel.”

"Yeah," Jay said, nodding slowly. 

"I don't, I don't not want kids. I wish I could want kids. I wish that it was just that simple, to decide we're going to adopt, and then do it, and it goes flawlessly. But, with the way I – I can't be trusted with a child, Jay. Not every day. Not, not to be responsible for. My parents fucked me up so much, and there's absolutely no way that I can do that to someone, especially not a little kid who didn't ask for me as a father."

Jay nodded to let him continue but nothing else came for a moment.

"I absolutely, absolutely get that, baby. But I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit. Yes, your parents were incredibly selfish and overall trash people, and I'm sure still are, but you have grown so much since then. You hit rock bottom and managed to climb out by yourself. You got clean, you went to college, and got a degree. You decided that you wanted to get better, and you did , and you've held onto that for years. You've been clean with no slips for five years, baby. That's, that's not nothing ."

"No, I know that. I know. But I will always be an addict, Jay. There is always a chance something will make me use again. How can we bring a child into our lives if there is even the smallest chance that they'll have to experience that?"

"Is there anything else?" Jay asked.

"Isn't that enough?"

"No, yeah, I just – I want to make sure neither of us are hiding something major."

Mouse took a sip of his tea and looked at Jay with steady eyes, gaze sad. 

"I need you to know that no matter what we decide, I'm not leaving, Mouse. This won't break us. I won't let it. I've been so unbelievably happy just with the two of us that I never thought that we needed kids to be a family. You are my family. You are my future, Mouse, okay? I just – why are you looking at me like I just broke you?"

Mouse's eyes had glazed with the thinnest shine of tears, and he quickly brushed the back of his free hand over them.

"I got really lucky with you, and your family, and – if I had told the me I was before, shooting up in dirty bathrooms, desperate for some kind of good feeling, that I was going to have this someday, I wouldn't have believed you. I wouldn't have been able to. I'd have laughed you out of the fucking country. Because a home to come back to at the end of the day where I'm safe, and a man I can call my own who loves me, and a family that trusts me, that's fantasy fiction, Jay. That's always been a fantasy that I never let myself even believe could happen. If I hoped, and you left, or I relapsed, or whatever, I wouldn't survive that."

Jay gripped Mouse's knee, unaware that he'd even touched him in the first place. It was testament to how much Mouse trusted him when he didn't wave off the touch. 

"You can dream with me, Greg."

The girls could tell something was wrong between Connor and Will, the awkwardness from their earlier conversations lingering. Theo waited until Will was sitting down after dinner to climb up into his lap. 

"Hey sweetie," he said, setting his phone down and shifting her closer to his chest to keep her from sliding. 

"Are you and Papa fighting?" she asked immediately. 

"Fighting? What makes you ask?"

"Well, you haven't kissed," she said. "And you're not talking to each other."

He frowned and shifted to look over his shoulder where Jacey was talking animatedly to Connor in the kitchen, helping him clean up the rest of the dishes that Connor had waved Will off of, even though it had been Connor who had worked a full shift and Connor who had made dinner. 

"We're not fighting, baby," he said, and he turned back to Theo, her expression full of doubt. "Sometimes, adults disagree on something, or need time to think before they continue talking. That doesn't mean we're fighting."

"So, you're not gonna break up? Because Lila's mom and dad broke up, and now she has to keep changing houses every week."

"Oh! No, baby, no. Not at all. Papa and I aren't breaking up. We're still very in love with each other, and want to be together. I promise, you won't have to change houses every week."

"Okay," she said. "You should help Papa, though, with the dishes. It's only fair."

"You're right there, future therapist. Go do your work, and I'll send Jacey to sit with you, okay?"

She hopped off his lap and headed for her bag on the hook by the little reading nook area they'd made for the girls where they could read and complete their schoolwork. Will stood up and walked into the kitchen, touching Jacey gently between the shoulder blades. She looked up mid sentence and smiled at him. 

"Hi Daddy," she said. 

"It's homework time, baby. Theo's waiting for you."

She dodged under his arm and then headed for the nook, too. He watched her grab her bag, nearly tripping into the wall with the momentum of it, and he snorted a little. She was all limbs, her long, lithe figure starting to sprout up with proper nutrition, and it was like watching a half grown puppy try and figure out how to use their big paws. Everything about her was perfect. 

When he turned towards Connor, there was a rigidity to his spine that Will hated. He had done this, getting attached to a baby he wasn't completely sure they could raise, especially because he didn't know if Connor truly wanted another baby in the first place. Before he could stop himself, he slipped his arms around Connor's waist and molded himself against his husband's back, resting his cheek against his shoulder with a sigh. 

"Did I fuck up?" Will asked quietly. "Did I ruin everything?"

Connor chuckled, and he took ahold of Will's hands and pulled him even close. He brought one of his palms up to his mouth, and kissed it slow, letting out a breath into his skin. 

"No, baby, you didn't ruin anything," Connor assured him, and he leaned back into him.

"I've been thinking and, hear me out, okay?" Will said quickly before Connor would or could interrupt him and turn him down. "You've been trying to get me into the suburbs for a year now. You've been trying to buy me a house. What if, what if we finally made the move?" 

"What about the girls? You didn't want to uproot them out of their school in the middle of the year."

"Yeah," Will said, "I know, I know what I said, but – I want our kids to have a house, and a yard, and a sidewalk that they can draw on with chalk. Even, even if we don't bring this baby home, even if this baby isn't ours, even if we don't have any other kids, I want a house for the ones we do have, and I've been scared of it because even though we’re married, and have two kids, it seems like, like that’s a big step, but I want a future with you, I always have. I want a hou-"

Connor leaned to the side just enough to kiss him, catching his lips midword, and Will let out a sigh instead of finishing his sentence. 

"I know you do," Connor said into his mouth. "And I want a future, and a house for us, too, so I may have one in mind for you already."

That surprised him more than anything.

"You do?"

"Mmmhm, I have a realtor on standby at any given moment in case I want to buy something."

"Mmm, right, right, because you're extremely rich."

"Because we're extremely rich, remember, husband?"

"Right," Will said. "Silly me."

Connor nudged Will's arms from around him and then turned to face him. 

"When I was holding the baby earlier, I couldn't not think, what if he was ours? What if we did adopt him?" Connor asked.

"Don't," Will said. "If you don't mean it, please don't."

"I mean it, Will. What if he could be our son? What if we brought him into our home? Is that something that you'd want?"

" Of course , I want that. I'd always want that. I want a big family with you, but I don't want you to do something that you don't want."

Connor chuckled and nudged Will's nose with his own gently, and Will sighed contentedly. 

"I want it," Connor said, and Will knew the tone he was using. It was his Will's being stupid tone. Connor would never call it that, but Will knew how to recognize it. It usually came after Will had skipped meals due to anxiety, or he'd hidden away instead of talking to Connor in fear of making him mad. It was the Will needs something explained explicitly and in great detail tone, which would probably rankle him if it wasn't so warm and affectionate. "I'm sorry if I ever made you think that I am not one hundred percent on-board with a huge family, and that I don’t want to give you absolutely everything that you want. Because I am, Will. I am so on-board, I'm practically on top of you. I've wanted to give you whatever you want for years, and getting to buy you a house, and bringing a baby home to raise with you, alongside our beautiful daughters, that sounds like the best thing I could imagine. I'm so, so sorry for making you feel like this wasn't something I wanted, too, and I will do everything I can to make sure you know that this is mutual. I promised you before Jacey that we'd fill out a hockey team, and I mean it."

Will let out a shaky breath and said softly, "what about this baby, though? Is it, is it too fast? Is it not the right time? We still have to buy a house, and move, and –"

"I want him, too, and I want this baby, Will, regardless of the difficulties that might come with bringing home a baby right now. I want him , that cute little boy who held my finger in a tight little fist despite everything he’s been through, so we should call Casey, and see if she can work some magic so we can bring him home, even if we foster him at first," Connor replied. “We can keep him in our room while we get the new house settled, and we can find a house with enough bedrooms for the amount of kids we want, and if we outgrow that house, good, I want to. Nothing is standing in our way right now, Will. Nothing, except ourselves.”

Will whined, and nudged his nose into Connor’s jaw. 

“I can’t believe how lucky I got with you, baby,” Will said softly.

“So, is that a yes?”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s – it’s absolutely a yes.”

Jay was acting so fucking weird, and Mouse could not handle it. So, once they were home, and Jay was fussing in the living room, picking up and putting down stuff like he was a broken Roomba looking for a job, Mouse saw his opportunity. He didn’t use it often, and especially not outside of the bedroom when he had explicit and informed consent, but with Jay avoiding his gaze, even after their talk, he had to pull out his big guns.

“Hey. Brat. Sit down. Right now.” 

Jay looked up from the coffee table that he was straightening for the third time since they’d gotten home, clearly startled, and dropped into the seat on the couch, looking up at him with big eyes. It was almost sad and scared enough for Mouse to feel a little bad for using Jay’s passive, submissive side against him. Except he couldn’t quite get all the way there when all Mouse wanted to do was look into those eyes, staring up at him, ready for a command. Jay was so willing and eager to please when Mouse did use that slight bit of firm command in his voice, sitting, ready, waiting. Instead, he knelt down in front of Jay and took his jaw in his hands, cradling the sharp angle of it in his palms.

“Why are you avoiding me? I had thought we had sorted this out, but you’re avoiding me again. What’s going on?”

“I don’t,” Jay started and then he shook his head. “I’m not avoiding you. I swear, I don’t want you to think that at all. If it seems that way, I’m sorry, it’s just that I’m, I’m trying, I’m – hold on.”

He let out the cutest huff in the world, and fumbled in the pocket of his jeans awkwardly. When he pulled his fingers out, it was curled in a fist so Mouse couldn’t see what was hidden inside. He paused, and looked up at Mouse.

“This, this isn’t how I wanted to do it, but I don’t know how else – I’m so bad at this. I really am. I know that it doesn’t have to be perfect, because – anyway, whatever. Listen, we’re a family, right? We have a future in front of us. And I want that future to be ours . So, if you want, and if this is something you see for us too, I want to marry you.”

Mouse froze as Jay uncurled his fist and showed him what was just the most perfect wedding band. It was so simple on the outside, a silver band of shining metal, but the inside was raw dark blue and green stones, a sleek cover of resin keeping it smooth. 

“I want you at my side for the rest of my life, and I want everyone to know that you are mine and I am yours. I want to be recognized in case of emergency as being yours, and by the state of Illinois, and whoever the fuck gives a shit about a piece of paper. I want, I want you more than anything, because you and I are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“So, you want to marry me.”

“I want to hold you, in my arms, and promise myself to you in front of all of our friends and our families. And afterwards, I get to call you my husband forever.”

“Forever,” Mouse repeated.

“Did I break you, baby?”

“No, no, I’m here. I’m just, you bought me a ring. You bought me a ring that’s so fucking me that I can’t even say no to it, even if I wanted to. You went out, and you picked out this incredible ring, and I’m – yes. God, yes, Jay. That’s – come here.”

He pulled Jay off of the couch and down onto his knees in front of him so they were in each other’s space, completely flushed together just right where they belonged. Instinctually, Mouse gripped Jay’s jaw and kissed him, hard, excited, unending. Jay, in return, found his hands in Mouse’s shirt, tight enough that his fingernails dug into his abdomen a little. It was perfect, even as they lost their balance, and fell onto their sides, wrapped around each other, clinging to one another. Their attention was entirely on each other, even as the ring dropped from Jay’s hand, even as something fell off the coffee table on top of them. They couldn’t draw themselves out of this moment, even if they should, even if they had other things to do, even if they had adult things to do like make dinner and fold the laundry. They didn’t have to, truly; they could ignore the dishes and their rumbling stomachs. All they needed, right then, in that moment, forever if they could, was each other. All Mouse needed was Jay’s arms, and his mouth, and that sweet little noise of incoherent joy he made as Mouse held him close, and for once, it looked like he was going to get whatever he wanted.

After they had surfaced from each other, the furniture had been pushed back, and they were curled into the other, their bodies bare and sweat cooling on their skin in the apartment’s air conditioning. Jay chuckled, and kissed Mouse on the chest where he rested his head. 

“I realize I didn’t even properly ask you to marry me. I failed at the one thing I knew I had to do.”

“That’s okay,” Mouse said, running his hand through Jay’s hair slowly. He needed a haircut, mostly for his own preference, but also because if it got any longer, Mouse would start tugging on it. “I knew what you meant. It got the - hey, where's my ring?”

It took them ten minutes to find it, tucked under the coffee table that had been pushed aside. Jay slid it onto Mouse’s finger and grinned at him. It was the start of something, something new, something wonderful, something as old as their friendship. This was exactly where they were meant to be.

“God, that looks so good on your finger,” Jay breathed as he brought his hand up to his lips and kissed his knuckles. “I should have done that ages ago. Look at you.”

“You know that means I get to buy you one, too, right? I get to spoil you right back. And it’s gonna be big.”

“I look forward to seeing you try,” Jay said, and he blew a raspberry into Mouse’s neck, making him squeal and squirm away. It was perfect. It was them. It was everything it needed to be. 

Casey, their social worker, was at the hospital when Connor and Will got there the next morning, sitting with the baby, which they’d both taken to calling Pudge until a name was decided on. 

“So, you want to adopt this one,” Casey said. Pudge was laid in her arms while she fed him, a bottle half-full in one hand. He suckled at the bottle slowly, and there was still a look of disbelief in his eyes as he stared up at Casey. Babies his age couldn’t see very far, only far enough to bond with their caretakers, but he was still looking at her like he couldn’t believe someone was feeding him again. That broke Will’s heart. “You understand that that’s not going to be easy, considering he doesn’t even exist. He didn’t exist until Detective Halstead brought him in. We have no information on him, not a name, a social, a date of birth, nothing.”

“We understand,” Connor said. “But Will has taken care of him since he was brought into this hospital, and we understand what kind of care he might need in the future. We understand that he might have birth defects or chronic illnesses that are associated with his mother’s pregnancy or since his birth. We’re uniquely equipped, in fact, as doctors, to help him, and to give him the kind of care he deserves.”

“Okay,” she said, and she looked down at him. “Cases like his really hit harder, you know. He’s never known any kind of love or kindness, has he?”

“Not from what we could tell,” Will answered. “He was extremely malnourished, dehydrated. He has the worst diaper rash I’ve ever seen, as if he’d been wearing the same diaper for days. He also wasn’t wearing a diaper that fit him, because he’s a big boy, and it was a newborn. He clearly hadn’t been bathed, either. We found some amniotic fluid in his ears, things that should have been cleaned when he was born, if he’d been born at a hospital.”

Connor looked at the baby.

“We want him, Casey. Beyond the doctor angle, we also have enough money to make sure whatever problems he does develop because of the start of his life, he will be comfortable and receive the best treatment and care to remedy it. If he needs special education, or he develops some kind of disorder, or – it doesn’t matter. We both know what can happen to children like him. We want to give him a home that will love him regardless of where he started.”

“You already know I’m on your side. I’ll have him placed with you while we get his information sorted out with the courts and the government. When he can be released from the hospital, he can go home with you, so you’d better get your nursery in line.”

“Already working on it,” Connor said.

“Alright, and I know that apartment is a little small for the family as it is,” she said.

“We’re working on that, as well,” Will replied.

“That’s what I like to hear.” She stood up, and walked over to them, offering the infant to them. Will took him, glad to feel his weight back against his chest, the baby settling easily as WIll kept the bottle steady between his lips. “Better start thinking about names, then.”

“Nothing, and I mean this seriously, nothing that starts with a C,” Connor said at lunch that afternoon, sitting across from Will who had the baby with them to give him the kind of bonding he hadn’t gotten yet. “My father would never stop gloating if I gave my son a C name.”

“ If your father found out,” Will offered, shifting Pudge against his chest while he burped him gently. “I haven’t even seen him since we got married, and definitely not since we adopted Jacey.”

“He’d appear, I swear.”

“Fair enough. Okay, no C names. I’m ruling out anything derivative of our parents’ names in general. No Jude, no Patrick, nothing.”

“Fair. Although, I like Jude.”

“Yeah, but I want him to be his own person, you know? Not just the inevitable next step in the Halstead bloodline.”

“Makes sense,” Connor said, reaching towards them and stroking over the baby’s soft spot gently. “So, no derivatives of William, either.”

“No.”

“Shame, because Liam is a good name.”

“It is, but I’m still vetoing it. He deserves to be his own person.”

Connor took out his phone, and searched for baby boy names, and chuckled.

“Top name suggested is Liam.”

“Another reason not to name him Liam.”

“Okay, okay, let’s see what else is on the list. Noah, that’s a no. I refuse to name our son after Noah Sexton,” Connor said. “Oliver, Elijah, William , James, Benjamin, Lucas, Henry, and Alexander are the top ten.”

“I like Alex,” Will said, “but I don’t like Top Ten kind of names. That’s asking him to have three or four other boys in his grade with that name.”

“Picky,” Connor teased. He scrolled down on the list. “Here’s a good grouping of biblical names. Joseph, Joshua, Samuel, John, David.”

Will snorted and opened his mouth as Connor fed him a bite of his sandwich over Pudge’s head. 

“That sounds like a no, then. Wyatt, Asher, Carter, Julian, Grayson,” Connor said. “I actually like those.”

Will was still chewing but nodded his agreement.

“Okay, well, not Carter, obviously, but let’s look up the others. Starting with Grayson, which apparently means son of the steward from some Middle English word meaning steward. Maybe not, then. Julian comes from Julius, meaning either the Roman god Jupiter, or comes from Greek meaning downy-bearded.” He made a face at that before he continued. “Oh, Asher is cute. It means happy and blessed in Hebrew. I like that.”

Will nodded as he swallowed and said, “that’s a possibility. What was the last one? Wyatt?”

“Yeah, let’s see. Wyatt, comes from the Old English Wigheard ,” Connor laughed, “coming from Wig meaning battle and Heard meaning brave or hardy.”

“Brave in battle, then? Hardy from battle?” Will asked, pressing a kiss to Pudge’s forehead as he shifted him off his chest and down into the cradle of his arms to finish his bottle. “That, I mean, that fits , right? This boy has been through a battle already, and he’s still going strong.”

“Wyatt Halstead-Rhodes,” Connor said, looking at Pudge. “I like it.”

“Me, too. Wyatt, is that you?” Will asked, looking down at the baby as he nudged the bottle’s nipple between the baby’s lips. He was less fervent with the second half of the bottle, sucking it down slower, less frantic, since he was sure it would be there until it was emptied and he was full. “Are you our Wyatt?”

“Wyatt,” Connor echoed and he was smiling at them. “Sounds perfect.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” 

Will couldn’t look away from the baby in his arms, and he let the tears in his eyes free, spilling over. Connor reached up and brushed his thumb underneath one of Will’s eyes as another tear fell.

“Good tears?”

“Great tears,” Will said, his voice warbling. “I’m just having one of those moments where I’m incredibly happy. When we started this, just fucking around in closets and the backseat of your car, whatever, I couldn’t have imagined this is where we’d end up. I really couldn’t imagine that we’d get married, and have two gorgeous daughters, and be bringing this wonderful little boy into our home. I wanted it, I wanted all of this with you, obviously, but it seemed so far out of reach.”

“Yeah, incredible what the truth can do for you,” Connor teased.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I should have been honest. Told you about Theo. Blah blah blah.”

“Now, though,” Connor said, looking at the baby, at Wyatt , and he smiled, “being a father with you, raising these kids, I absolutely get it. I would do anything for them, even if it broke my own heart.”

“Yeah,” Will said, and he eased the empty bottle from Wyatt’s lips and set it on the table. Carefully, he sat him up onto his lap, holding him upright with a hand against his chest, and with his free hand, rubbed up and down his back before patting. “What about a middle name?”

“What if we ask the girls?” Connor asked. “We can’t bring him home tonight, and we should tell them before he comes home, so let them have a hand in naming their brother? Assuming they don’t choose, you know, like Buttface or something.”

“Jacey might. Theo’s got a thing for names. She always gets so excited about explaining that her middle name, Gray, is half Jay and half Greg, which is not even why we chose that.”

“Why did you choose Gray?”

“That was a Julie thing, so I have no idea. She liked the way Theodora sounded with Gray.”

“It sounds nice, but I wouldn’t have, personally, chosen that for a middle name.”

“Yeah, me neither. I wanted either Theodora Jay or Theodora Jude .”

“Oh, Jay would have been insufferable as an uncle if you’d given her his name, too.”

“Yeah, part of why I didn’t push too much,” Will said just as Wyatt let out a big, wet burp, with a little formula spilling onto Will’s hand. “That’s gross, little man.”

“Here,” Connor said, reaching out with a napkin, cleaning up Wyatt’s face first and then Will’s hand. “There we go. You’re cute, mister, even if you’re spitting up on Daddy’s hand.”

Will grinned at him.

“What?” Connor asked.

“It’s, it’s nothing.”

“Is it that I called you Daddy? Are you being that guy today?”

“Not in a, you know, sexy way, but just – I’m happy. That’s all. This, you, me, him, the girls, all of it. It makes me happy.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Connor said, scooching forward to kiss Will so gently on his forehead. Then, he tilted Will’s head up to kiss him properly on the lips. It was so sweet, and Will sighed. “I love you, Will.”

“I love you. Thank you for this life, Con.”

“Anything for you, sunshine.”

“Hey girls, we need to talk to you. Can you come out here?” Will asked, leaning into Jacey’s door. Theo and Jacey were playing, and looked up at him with twin looks of confusion. “You’re not in trouble, I promise. Pops has some cookies cooling on the counter for after and everything.”

“Okay, I’ll come out for cookies,” Theo said, setting her doll down and pushing herself up. Jacey mirrored her, and followed Will out into the kitchen where Connor was sitting. “I call Papa’s lap!”

She raced forward and then climbed up into Connor’s lap with almost no regard to herself. It was endearing until Will watched her knee go right into Connor’s groin, and his husband had to bite down on his lower lip to keep from outright crying.

“Theo, you’re hurting Papa,” Jacey scolded as she took her own seat. “Be gentle .”

It was what they told the girls when they were greeting and petting animals. They had to be gentle so they didn’t hurt the animal. It was hilarious to see it applied to a fully grown man.

“Oh! Sorry, Papa,” Theo said, and she turned to press a kiss into Connor’s cheek. “I’ll be gentle next time. Promise.”

“I know you will, sundrop. Thank you.”

He shifted her so she wasn’t pressing anywhere she shouldn’t be, and then kissed her on the top of the head. Will sat down in the seat beside Jacey, across from Connor and Theo, and couldn’t help the absent smile that passed over his face. He could imagine right where they’d put the highchair when Wyatt got old enough to eat with them, between Connor and Theo, or between Will and Jacey, depending on who made dinner. The girls would probably be so good with him, too, just like they were with the other kids at school and at their after-school programs, and with Kol. They were gentle, and caring, even if they were still learning to be those things. 

“Daddy and I have some news,” Connor said, giving Theo’s waist a small squeeze that Will could see in Theo’s face as a comfort. “We’re adopting a baby, so you two are going to have a little brother.”

They both broke out in wild chatter at the same time, raising in volume, trying to outbid the other for attention, until Will raised his hand. They fell silent, looking at him.

“Hi, one at a time. Jacey, you’re older. What would you like to say?”

“Do I have to go back?” Jacey asked softly. 

“What? No. No, baby. We’re not replacing you,” Will said, and he reached out to touch her arm. She climbed out of her seat and over into Will’s lap, clinging to him with a sad noise. “Oh, sweet girl. You’re not going anywhere. This is where you belong, with us, at home. No, so we’re bringing a baby home, but we’re not trading you in for him. We’re just adding him to our family.”

“Oh,” Jacey muttered. “Okay. Thank you.”

“Theo?” 

“What’s his name?”

“Oh, that’s the other thing that we wanted to talk to you about. We decided to name him Wyatt, but we were hoping you two could help us pick out a middle name for him.”

“Wyatt,” Theo echoed, and nodded. “Ten out of ten.”

Connor snorted, and Will could see they both were thinking the same thing. Their daughters were growing up too fast, always having something new to say, phrases that they’d never heard before, things that they’d never expect their daughters to pick up. Letting them be around Mouse in general had effectively ruined their speech patterns, but in the best way that Will could ever imagine.  

“Glad you approve, sundrop,” Connor said. “So, what do you think for a middle name?”

Theo and Jacey looked at each other with the same look. They really looked like twins, even if they were different ages and came from different families biologically. They acted as if they were one being sometimes, so in tune with the other that it was as if they had one daughter piloting two bodies simultaneously. 

“We have to confer,” Jacey said before she and Theo moved off their laps and headed for the reading nook for a whispered conversation.

“I’m having a cookie,” Connor said, standing up. “Do you want one?”

“Yeah, I could use one,” Will said, glancing at the girls as they debated quietly in their little space. “We’re raising little weirdos.”

“Yeah, but I wouldn’t want them any other way.”

“Yeah, me neither. They’re perfect.”

Connor carried over the plate of cookies to the table, and sat down, stretching out his feet to rub against Will’s. He offered the plate, and Will took one of the smaller cookies, leaving the big ones for the girls. Connor looked at him, before setting it down between them. They weren’t homemade, just chocolate chip cookie dough from the store thrown on a sheet pan while the girls were playing, filling the apartment with a sweet warmth. Will took a bite and let out a soft sigh. Connor made incredible homemade cookies, even better than the kind his mother would make, but that was a two day process between Connor making brown butter and then letting the dough rest overnight. They didn’t have time for that most of the time. These were enough, though, and he made eye contact with Connor. 

“What?” he asked.

“You’re cute.”

“Don’t start, mister.”

“I’m not starting anything,” Connor said. “All I said was that you’re cute.”

“You’re looking at me with those eyes, and biting your lip. What do you mean, you’re not starting anything ?”

“I’m not! You’re the one reading it as starting something.”

“Liar,” Will said without any heat to it. “I know when you’re starting shit. It’s how we got into this.”

“Into what?”

“Following each other into closets, and back seats of cars, and into marriage, all of it. You, you started it, mister. You started all of this.”

“Yeah,” Connor said with a grin. “Yeah, you’re right. You should thank me for this, all of this.”

“Uh-huh, and I know how you want me to thank you.”

“How’s that?” Connor asked.

“Oh, it’ll have me on my knees, that’s for sure.”

“Yeah,” Connor said, sitting forward in his chair to look at him. His eyes were so bright in the fading sunlight from the windows, and there was a twinkle of something too naughty for the dining room table in his eyes. “Yeah, sunshine, I’d love to see you on your knees tonight.”

“After the kids go to bed, maybe, if they both go down easily.”

Connor glanced at them, and then down at the cookies.

“Don’t,” Will said. “Don’t give them too many cookies so they get a sugar high and then crash hard. They’ll be so grumpy in the morning.”

“I love you,” Connor said, and it was gentle. 

“Daddy! Papa! We’ve decided!” Theo yelled, and Will sighed.

“Baby, inside voice, please.”

“Sorry,” she said, and then she repeated it quieter as she and Jacey marched back out into the dining room. They were stoic and serious as they climbed back up into their respective chairs, and looked at Will and then Connor. They looked at each other and nodded before they answered in unison, “Alexander.”

“Wyatt Alexander,” Connor said, looking at their son, cradled in Uncle Jay’s arms. The pediatric doctor who had been keeping their eye on Wyatt had finally signed the discharge order, and he was being released into their custody. His biological parents, who they had confirmed were biological parents through a DNA test, had signed away their rights immediately, after saying what Mouse had described as truly disgusting filth about Wyatt. They were lucky that Connor or Will hadn’t been there, or that Jay hadn’t been allowed in the interrogation room.  From what they’d heard from Mouse, it was hard enough to keep him from busting into the room and beating their faces in. “What a good baby.”

“I’m going to buy you so many jerseys,” Jay promised Wyatt, who was fighting falling asleep with the way that Jay was swaying. He was good at it, Connor was starting to realize, and it dawned on him that he’d been in Theo’s life since she was Wyatt’s age. He’d rocked Theo to sleep so many times, and given her some place in his arms to feel safe. Not for the first time, he felt a pang in his chest of something like jealousy that he hadn’t gotten to be there for his daughters. He was determined, though, to be there for Wyatt. “And we’re going to have so many ice cream cones, and go to the park, and see the Bears play.”

“The same thing you do with the girls,” Will commented as he was getting a new diaper and outfit from the diaper bag they’d just gotten. “I hate to do this to you, Jay, but you’re going to have to put the baby down. He needs to be changed.”

“He doesn’t need to be changed,” Jay muttered.

“He already has a rash, so, yes, he does. Put the baby down.”

Jay grumbled as he laid Wyatt down on the nearby bed for Will to change. Connor watched the easy way Will handled their son, unbuttoning the snaps on his onesie between his legs and stripping him of the soiled onesie. Connor took it and dropped it into the biohazard can nearby since they wouldn’t use it after they left. 

“Hey,” Will said to Wyatt gently. “You’re so brave, mister man, and you’re gonna go so many places in your life. But I need you to start by sitting still for me, okay?”

He kicked his legs in return, and Will laughed. 

“Oh, yeah, of course. Of course. How silly of me.”

Connor had the car seat set to one side, ready for Wyatt, and he watched Will and Wyatt together. That was his husband, and that was their son, and they were a family. 

“So, where are we keeping this munchkin?” Jay asked, sitting near Connor. “You only have a three bedroom, unless you’re moving the girls into one room.”

“Uh, no, actually, we’re buying a house,” Will said, and Jay’s eyebrows shot up towards his hairline almost comically. “In the suburbs. Out in Clarendon Hills.”

“Oh my god,” Jay said. “You’re serious?”

“Yeah, it’s, well, it’s excessive,” Will said, looking at Connor with the playful kind of accusation that normally came with Connor spending any amount of money on him. “It’s five beds, five baths, it’s got this big backyard. The kids could go to this incredible award-winning school. And it was under a million dollars, which Connor got all pouty about. I refused to let him buy the one he wanted, which was two and a half.”

“Christ, that’s excessive,” Jay agreed.

“Oh, stop, it’s not. We live in a major metropolitan area. It’s a miracle we found a house that nice for that little,” Connor said. 

“Says that man that owns our apartment building,” Will muttered. 

Connor rolled his eyes and directed his next comment at Jay, “besides, knowing Will, he’ll see a litter of kittens on the road in a week and we’ll need the space for the strays we bring in. Plus, five beds means that you and Mouse can stay over whenever you want so you can be close to the kids.”

“Oh. Yeah. It’ll be like, half an hour to get to them now,” Jay said with a frown. “That sucks.”

“It’s a half hour by the L,” Will said. “But you can always come over anyway. And hey, maybe this’ll inspire the two of you to get out of that bachelor pad apartment.”

“One major life development at a time, please,” Jay said, and Connor saw the moment Will picked up on something in his tone, turning with a hand resting on Wyatt’s chest, the baby half-dressed.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, fuck,” Jay whispered. “Nothing. I didn’t – I didn’t say anything. Forget you heard that.”

“No, no, what do you mean?”

Jay sighed, and reached into his shirt to pull out a chain where his dog tags used to hang. Instead, it was home to a slim silver band, except for the line of dark green uncut gems running down the middle, almost like the inside of a geode. He reached up and unhooked the chain, sliding the ring free just for him to slide it onto his left ring finger.

“Holy shit,” Connor said first, and then glanced at Will who was so obviously startled that he’d forgotten about Wyatt fussing behind him. Connor moved to take over, nudging Will so gently out of the way.

“You’re – you’re engaged?” Will asked. 

“Yeah, I asked Mouse last week, and we’ve been waiting for this to settle before we told anyone, because Wyatt coming home is a big thing, and we didn’t want to detract from that at all.”

Will reached forward and pulled Jay into a hug, which was the most Halstead act he could have chosen, and they clung to each other while Connor turned his attention back to Wyatt who was kicking and fussing about being half-naked on the bed.

“Listen, Pudge the fish, you’re gonna have to chill so I can put your pants on. We can’t go out just Winnie the Pooh’ing it wearing just our t-shirt, alright? That’s frowned upon in our society. Not that you’re not absolutely rocking this look. You are. You’re the next fashion week model in your old man cardigan, and oh, matching mittens and hat. Daddy’s got you all kinds of fancy, hasn’t he?”

He slipped the blue-grey joggers up Wyatt’s legs and settled them underneath the cardigan over top of his diaper, before he tickled the baby’s tummy gently. He let out a burble of bubbles that quickly turned into a soft little giggle, and the room paused.

“He just laughed,” Jay said.

“I’ve never heard him laugh,” Will commented.

Connor tickled his tummy again, and same as before, he let out a burble and then a little giggle, pushing his feet towards Connor. It was absolute magic, and Connor wanted a million of these little bundles to fill their house and their hearts. He’d bring in as many strays into their lives if it meant he got to hear them laugh like that, like they'd never been hurt. 

“You’re the most precious little bean,” Connor cooed as he let go of Wyatt’s tummy to grab the socks that Will had laid out, a light gray pair that fit right underneath the elastic of his joggers. “Oh, look at your little feeties in your little socks. You’re very handsome. You look like you’re going to take on the day, get right up, stroll on out, and take on all of Chicago.”

“Super baby,” Jay commented. 

“Super Pudge,” Will added. 

Connor took the hat in his hands next before he carefully maneuvered it over his head, protecting his soft spot and nestling it low enough to cover the tops of his ears. They were slightly pointed in an almost elven way, and it was adorable. He leaned over and kissed Wyatt on one of his ears, and the baby giggled as his beard scratched him gently. 

“Alright, last thing, baby bean. We gotta cover those cute little fingers so you don’t get too cold on the drive home, okay?” Connor said, picking up his mittens to slip one by one onto his hands. They’d trimmed his nails so he wouldn’t scratch himself, but it was getting chillier so they’d grabbed the hat and mittens when they were at the store. “There we go, what a big strong boy. Let’s get you up, huh?”

He supported Wyatt’s head as he picked him up and then rested him against his own chest, swaying with him a little.

“Now, listen, mister, I’m gonna put you in your car seat, and I know that’s gonna seem strange, but you’re not going to be far, okay? Daddy will be in the backseat with you the whole way, and then we’re going to be home. You’re going to meet your big sisters who are so excited to see you, and meet you.”

He was speaking softly to him, and the baby curled his fist in Connor’s jacket with his little fist. Connor felt that fist holding tight to his heart, little sausage fingers burying deep into him so he would never part from Connor. Wyatt would always have a piece of Connor’s heart, no matter where he went, or what he became, and he couldn’t deny it. He didn’t want to. He was so glad to have this little boy in their lives. When he glanced up, Will was looking at him in return, and he could see that expression mirrored in his face, and it felt like they were whole.

The girls were so excited that Mouse and Jay had to hold them off the ground in their arms while Connor brought the car seat into the apartment. They were squirming, trying to escape their own personal arm jails, while Connor carefully set the car seat down on the coffee table, and eased back the handle and then the hood so they could see him dozing peacefully in the seat. Will came over, setting the diaper bag down near the couch while Connor unbuckled Wyatt gently, and then picked him up from the seat. He began to stir, grumbling a little, while Connor settled on the couch, holding Wyatt in his arms. Finally, Mouse and Jay let the girls down, who rushed over, and Will had to catch them before they launched themselves into Connor.

“Okay, a couple rules,” Will said patiently. “He’s really little, so you have to be really, really gentle, okay? No jumping, no bouncing, and we’re going to use our inside voices. He’s trying to sleep, and he needs to get a lot of sleep so he can get better and get bigger and grow up. So, quiet, and gentle. Did you wash your hands like we asked?”

“Yes,” they both chorused. Will set them down by Connor’s side, and they both leaned into his space, staring at Wyatt as he fell back asleep. 

“So, Theo, Jacey, this is your little brother, Wyatt,” Will said, sitting down on the coffee table with his knees pressing into Connor’s. “Wyatt, these are your big sisters, Theodora and Jacey. They’re gonna help look after you.”

Wyatt yawned and stretched in Connor’s arms, and Theo reached out to touch Wyatt before pausing. 

“Go ahead. Soft, though. Gentle,” Connor said.

She touched his cheek and then his nose, and then looked at his hands.

“Why’s he wearing mitties?” she asked.

“Because it’s a little cold outside. He doesn’t have to now that we’re inside,” Will said, and he eased the mittens off Wyatt’s hands. Theo touched his hand, and Wyatt instinctually wrapped his hand around her pointer finger, holding on. She grinned and looked up at Will with her big eyes. “He’s got a good hold, doesn’t he?”

“He’s strong,” she whispered.

Jacey shuffled forward and leaned into Connor’s side. He turned his head enough to kiss her on the forehead. Distantly, he could hear the imitation click of a camera shutter from a phone camera, and knew that Jay or Mouse had documented this moment, and he was so glad.

“What do you think?” Connor asked Jacey.

“I love him.”

“Yeah, baby,” he muttered as she rested her cheek against his shoulder, “me too.”

“When he’s old enough, can we show him how to bake your cookies? The way you taught me? I think he’d like that.”

“Yeah, firecracker, that sounds great.”

“And we can collect rocks with him at the lake, and go to the aquarium, and the science museum,” Jacey said. 

“Yeah, we can do all of those things.”

“Good. Good, yeah. I love those things. And I love him.”

Connor looked at Jacey and Theo, where they were running curious fingers and gazes over the sleeping form in his arms, and then up at Will, and finally over at Mouse and Jay who were wrapped in each other, all parts of their family present. They were home, and they were whole, and they were here, and they had a world of opportunity ahead of all of them.