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You felt a wave of nervousness suddenly overcome you as you stepped into the entryway of the guy’s dorm. Today you and Hyunjin had finally decided to come clean to the others about your relationship. You were a little hesitant to tell them at first, but with several kisses and his soft assuring words, Hyunjin had managed to convince you that it was time. The nine of you had been friends for so long and honestly you weren’t really sure how they would react to the revelation. In truth, you had never meant to hide it from them for so long. It had happened so suddenly—too fast for either of you to comprehend. A night in painting while the others had gone out turned into whispered confessions and the two of you ended up painting each other's bodies rather than the canvases.
You both wanted to take your time. Since it was all so new you didn’t want to rush into anything immediately and Hyunjin didn't either. The two of you had been sneaking around since then, stealing kisses when no one’s looking, sneaking off to meet up in the middle of the night, and going on dates outside of the city—away from any prying eyes.
The only person that knew of your relationship was Chan. You and Hyunjin had been a little too reckless in his practice room one night. If any of the guys were to spot you watching Hyunjin while he worked on his choreography they wouldn’t have even batted an eye. It was normal for you to show up to their practices, even individual ones. However, it’s the fact that Hyunjin had you pressed against the mirror, gliding his lips against yours heatedly when Chan had accidentally stumbled upon the two of you. Being caught in such a compromising position like that was embarrassing and had you a little on edge as to how he was going to react. Chan had eased your worries then, telling the two of you that your secret's safe with him. He was smiling ear to ear when he left, making sure to tell you that he was happy for the two of you.
Recently Hyunjin had wanted to be more honest with the rest of the guys about everything and you couldn't really blame him—you were starting to get antsy about it as well. The sneaking around had started to get tiring and you felt awful about keeping it from the others. Hyunjin hated having to put distance between the two of you when you all hung out together—scared that he would do something to expose the two of you. He wanted to love you openly without having to hide you anymore. Seeing how well Chan had taken the news, it had him itching to tell the others as well—swearing up and down that it would go over just as well with them. You hoped he was right and that they would be just as accepting as Chan was. I mean they were your best friends, you’re sure nothing could go wrong.
The sound of muffle voices carried down the hall, quietly slipping your shoes off, you made your way down the hall and towards the direction they were coming from. As you approached the entrance to the living room, the muffled voices were now audable and their next words had you stopping in your tracks. The guys were immersed in a hushed conversation, speculating amongst one another who the person was that Hyunjin was seeing.
“What do you think she looks like,” you heard Jisung question the others absentmindedly as he took a rather large swig from his glass.
“Does it really matter,” you heard Chan mumble.
Something about his irritated tone had both worried and relieved you.
“I mean I guess not. I just want to know who it could be. Do you think they’re an idol as well,” Jisung questioned.
“Obviously? You think Hyunjin’s would go for anything less? She’s probably fucking breathtaking,” Felix giggled.
The heavy feeling settled once more back in your chest at the blonde’s words. Anything less?
Out of the seven men present in the room, six began to talk amongst themselves—naming different women that they thought Hyunjin’s lover could possibly be. Some of them you noticed were people Hyunjin was close friends with and others he had been rumored in the media to have been dating. All of which were perfect, gorgeous, talented, kind and deserving of Hyunjin— not anything less .
All things you weren’t. All things you would never be.
“Hey where’s y/n? Wasn’t she supposed to be here as well?”
“What if it’s Y/n,” Changbin teased, getting up to turn and grab another drink.
You quickly moved back, pressing yourself against the wall before you were seen. You should leave, you should leave right now. However, before you could even budge, Minho’s next words had you glued to the floor.
“It’s not Y/n.”
Everyone in the room fell silent at his scoff.
“How do you know,” you heard Chan ask, irritation rolling off the tip of his tongue.
“Haven’t you been listenting? I mean don’t get me wrong Y/n is amazing but she’s not exactly Hyunjin’s type—,” Minho trailed off.
Your heart dropped to your stomach at his words, pressing your back further against the wall as your eyes began to burn. The following sound of their laughter only made you feel more sick to your stomach.
Is that really how they thought of you? That you weren’t good enough to be with Hyunjin?
“Do you see the way she looks at him though? I feel a little bad for her,” Seungmin mumbles.
“Yeah, I mean have you seen Hyunjin? He’d never go for someone so—.”
“That’s enough,” you heard the sound of a glass slamming on the table causing you to jump slightly.
However, the damage had already been done. There was no use in wondering about the possibility of what Minho was going to say. They were all right and deep down you knew that—you had always known that.
“She’s supposed to be your friend and this is how you treat her behind her back?”
The laughter was no more, instantly ceasing at the venom in Chan’s words.
The tears had finally fallen, feeling your cheeks dampen with their wetness. You needed to leave before they realized that you were here and more importantly that you had heard everything . There was no way you could face them and tell them the truth now knowing how they really felt.
As you moved to push yourself off of the wall a figure emerging from the living room caught you off guard. Your tear filled eyes met Chan’s as his figure froze in the doorway, eyes widening at the sight of you before him.
“Hyung come on it was just a—,” Jisung’s cut himself off as his eyes landed in you.
“Y/n,” he breathed, eyes flicking between yours as he seemed to suddenly register what had happened.
You forced a smile on your face but you knew it didn’t meet your eyes. The sound of shuffling came from the living room and soon seven sets of eyes were on you, each filled with remorse as the sight of your tear filled eyes.
Your gaze shifted to Chan’s, his own apologetic even though he had done nothing wrong.
“It was just a joke right,” you whispered, finishing Jisung’s sentence for him.
Although the others were completely oblivious, Chan could sense that your words had a slightly different meaning.
Has all of this been a joke? According to his friends you weren’t Hyunjin’s type at all nor even someone worth being with. Had he just been messing with your feelings? Was he just dating you out of pity?
With a small nod of your head you cast a weak wave at them.
“I should get going,” you managed to utter out before turning and making your way back to the door.
You barely had your shoes on when a soft call of your name stopped you in your tracks. You turned to find Hyunjin emerging from his room, eyes sparkling as they landed on you. That was until he noticed the tears coating your cheeks. Hyunjin quickly made his way to you, not thinking about what he was doing or more importantly who was watching as he took your face in his hands—gently wiping your tears away.
“Baby what’s wrong,” his tone worried as his eyes flickered over your face.
You heard an abundance of gasps at the pet name leaving Hyunjin’s mouth.
Hyunjin didn’t seem to realize what was going on, only focusing on tears slipping from your eyes. You gently grabbed his hands on your own and using every last ounce of strength you had to move them away from your face.
“This was never going to work,” you whispered sadly, before turning from him and slipping out of the dorm.
You ignored the frantic call of your name as your mind replayed the look of utter heartbreak on Hyunjin’s face at your words. The sound of footsteps picked up behind you as you made your way down the steps. Your head thumped and your chest ached as Hyunjin called out your name once more, this time closer than before. His hand gently grasped your wrist as he pulled you to a stop. Hyunjin’s gaze mirrored yours, eyes wide and teary as a look of confusion and worry settled onto his features.
“Y/n talk to me. What happened? What’s not going to work,” his voice was quiet as he questioned you, afraid of your answer.
You forced yourself to look away from him, unable to meet his gaze. You knew if you did that you would cave, that you would pretend nothing was wrong when in truth nothing felt right to you anymore. You and him, it didn’t make any sense—it never did.
You realize that now as those dark thoughts begin to plague your mind. What did you have to offer him? Why did you think you could have been enough for him?
“Baby,” his voice was gentle as his hands hesitantly slid up your arms.
With a deep, uneven breath you finally broke.
“You know my entire life I never felt like I would ever be good enough for anyone,” you managed to choke out, holding back the sob that was clawing to get out.
“But knowing that I am never going to be enough for you—that hurts more than anything.”
And with that you turned and walked away from the man you loved as you made your way down the last flight of stairs and into the night. Taking the pieces of your broken heart with you and leaving another behind.