Chapter Text
Stede reminded himself once more, not without a sharp sting of pain in his chest, that he deserved everything Ed would say or do to him.
After all he himself did to him, a man who was ready to leave his well achieved pirate's life behind just to save his own miserable one in exchange of ten whole years being the dog of a horrible king without a single second of doubt, a man who he loved so dearly, a man so incredibly perfect, a man so close to be a god,
A man that he left waiting on a dock in the middle of the night, a man that had to row on an ocean too big with a boat too small, a man that had all the reasons in the world to hate him and never want to see him ever again,
But a man who had accepted him nonetheless when he came back.
Because he did come back, he came back like a sinner praying at the feet of his deity. And he did pray, he prayed and prayed and prayed, night and day, day and night, relentlessly, until he didn’t have one tear left, until his voice breaks and his knees surrender under the weight of his fault. But even then, he kept praying, hands sealed, shoulders shaking, mind burning.
And Ed listened. Ed nodded. Ed held out his hand for him. And Stede collapsed in his arms. He was so very tired, so very sorry, so very relieved. So very happy.
Ed didn’t hug him back. He just walked toward the bed and helped him lay down. Stede wanted to talk more, to ask if they were okay, if they would ever be okay again, but he fell asleep as soon as his head met the pillow. The last thing he saw was the way Ed turned away from him.
Just like he had turned away from Ed that night when he didn’t show up.
And he thought for the first time that he deserved it. It was only fair that Ed broke his heart like he himself had broken his. At least, he was home.
Even if it meant enduring everyday every bitter joke and aborted touch and one-sided hug and smile that didn’t reach eyes. He would endure anything and everything for Ed, just to prove that he wasn’t going anywhere anymore. Damn, he would even endure Hell for an ounce of what they had before.
After all, he deserved it. Didn’t he?