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Chocolate was... a beginning. Not of an easier life, no. Life has never been easy for Kim Rok Soo—hell, with the fucking cataclysm, life was bound to be much harder, much crueler.
But it was the beginning of learning how to be desperate to live, to survive.
Of learning how to hope—how to let himself hope—after chocolate came with the man called Lee Soo Hyuk.
Of breathing just a little easier despite the disgusting smell of monsters permeating the air, because for the first time since his parents died, Kim Rok Soo was not alone.
For the first time since his parents died, Kim Rok Soo found someone to believe in.
His parched throat had burned when he took a bite, but the chocolate bar Lee Soo Hyuk tossed Kim Rok Soo's way when he was trapped under the rubble was the sweetest thing he had ever tasted.
As they walked, weaving through obstacles and destroyed concrete, Kim Rok Soo wolfed it down right where Lee Soo Hyuk could see, causing the man to snort in amusement. But if you looked closely, you could also see a hint of satisfaction in his eyes.
"You ate it," Lee Soo Hyuk had said teasingly.
"Yes."
"I thought you had no money?"
"I'll pay you back later."
Lee Soo Hyuk raised his eyebrow, smiling. "Really?"
"When I have money."
For Kim Rok Soo, chocolate was a reminder of what hope tasted like.
After the company's test for new employees, Kim Rok Soo and Choi Jung Soo got Lee Soo Hyuk to treat them to an expensive meal. Although his face betrayed nothing, Kim Rok Soo was quite happy then. Lee Soo Hyuk could tell; he was always good at reading people.
When he took out a chocolate bar, he swore Kim Rok Soo's eyes sparkled.
Lee Soo Hyuk laughed, "That's twice now."
Kim Rok Soo didn't bother looking at his team leader, busy tearing the plastic open. "Count this and the one from before as part of the meal."
"Shameless punk."
Choi Jung Soo hadn't minded back then, as he preferred savory more than sweet himself, but he took note of what Kim Rok Soo liked.
The next time Lee Soo Hyuk offered Kim Rok Soo a chocolate bar, he held it in one hand while opening his other palm, making grabby motions.
"Pay up, rookie."
Kim Rok Soo blinked twice. He eyed the chocolate bar, then the team leader, then back at the chocolate bar again.
He shoved his hand in his pocket, brought it out to slap it against Lee Soo Hyuk's open palm, snatched the chocolate bar, turned, and walked away.
...A high five.
Unfortunately for Lee Soo Hyuk, Kim Rok Soo was a scammer at heart.
It was Lee Soo Hyuk's turn to blink. dumbfounded, he exclaimed, "Yah, this little—!"
Despite himself, Lee Soo Hyuk only laughed louder than last time.
And then there was Choi Jung Soo, bursting out into giggles somewhere behind Lee Soo Hyuk. He chased after Kim Rok Soo, not without getting a smack in the back from Lee Soo Hyuk just because, laughing all the way.
Later on, Choi Jung Soo tried to bribe Kim Rok Soo into doing his share of paperwork with chocolate.
Clearly enough, he didn't learn from Lee Soo Hyuk, and so Choi Jung Soo quickly earned himself the position of Kim Rok Soo's second chocolate scam victim.
(Little did Kim Rok Soo know, Choi Jung Soo's chocolate bribes came from Lee Soo Hyuk's secret stash, kept cool in one of the team leader's drawers.
Choi Jung Soo had shamelessly wheedled them from—
"Dear Team Leader-nim! Ah, no, hyung? Please? It's for a good cause! Hehe!"
"...And Rok Soo's the good cause?"
Lee Soo Hyuk inwardly smirked, perfectly aware of Choi Jung Soo's intentions, but outwardly sighed and gave Choi Jung Soo a third of the chocolates he kept.
Kim Rok Soo would get the chocolates without falling for it, anyway.
Choi Jung Soo deserved a good bash at the back of the head for trying to skip out on paperwork, Lee Soo Hyuk thought. He'll do that later.
Haaa. What shameless little rascals he had.
Listening to Choi Jung Soo whistle mischievously, he let his lips form into a smile.)
Kim Rok Soo's desk was situated next to the team leader's and yet through the years, Kim Rok Soo never found out about Lee Soo Hyuk's secret special chocolate stash. He only ever saw one chocolate bar at a time, often in Lee Soo Hyuk's hands, sometimes in Choi Jung Soo's.
A chocolate bar tapping his head. An urge above him to stop recording and take a break, damn it, or else Lee Soo Hyuk will whoop his ass.
"Aigoo, are you going to disrespect your team leader like this, Rok Soo?"
Kim Rok Soo couldn't do anything but grumble, taking the treat.
A chocolate bar being thrown at him from the window on the third floor, with a loud "Rok Soo, catch!"
Kim Rok Soo had never whipped his head around so fast in his entire life. Was he really out here scrambling to catch a fucking chocolate bar from the sky?
Kim Rok Soo made for a funny sight, if Choi Jung Soo laughing was any indication.
"This bastard," he mumbled under his breath before proceeding to flip Choi Jung Soo off.
Ignoring the sound of uncontrollable laughter, he nibbled on the chocolate to hide his own little smile.
A chocolate bar greeting him on his desk, after Kim Rok Soo woke up from a much needed nap, lines imprinted on his cheek from where it laid on his wrinkled sleeve.
With every chocolate bar, warmth bloomed in his chest.
For Kim Rok Soo, chocolate was a reminder of what home was.
Kim Rok Soo never found out about Lee Soo Hyuk's secret special chocolate stash, until the whole team was dead and he was alone again.
Kim Rok Soo had taken it upon himself to clean up everyone's stations in the office. The reason why... Kim Rok Soo didn't exactly know either.
His hands moved mechanically, detached as he transferred pen holders, folders, mugs, trinkets, and the like into his teammates' designated boxes.
He didn't want to think about where these would go yet, knowing that none of them had families.
So his hands continued moving, moving, moving...
Choi Jung Soo's station. The book of pure Korean words, notes of his unfinished sword art, a photograph of them three. And then...
Kim Rok Soo left his team leader for last.
...Lee Soo Hyuk's station, right beside Kim Rok Soo's.
In the first drawer, there were numerous thick binders and envelopes with various documents the team leader was required to hold and look over. Stationary supplies as well. Lots of pens, highlighters, paper clips, and post-its—everything needed within reach while working.
The second drawer looked more like a first-aid kit, sort of. Kim Rok Soo knew there was already one for the entire office, but perhaps Lee Soo Hyuk figured it would be good to have lots of band-aids here too...?
...Oh.
These must have been... these were mostly for him.
Kim Rok Soo was prone to paper cuts, given the nature of his ability. He regularly had to record and analyze the mission data of other teams in order to prepare strategies for his own team. With the speed he turned the pages, he had a bad habit of letting the cuts accumulate.
The paper cuts always hurt and sometimes they were deep, but Kim Rok Soo was used to it.
Lee Soo Hyuk, ever the attentive team leader, had given Kim Rok Soo a scolding the first time it happened.
"Aish, you punk. Do you want to bleed all over the papers? Look at your fingers!"
And so it became a routine. Kim Rok Soo would get his hands treated by Lee Soo Hyuk after recording all that he needed to record, or he would find band-aids and bandages on his desk before a round of recording, left by Lee Soo Hyuk when he wasn't in the office with him.
Kim Rok Soo had always thought they came from the first-aid kit of the office, but this...
...
No wonder.
...
To the last drawer, then.
Pulling the final drawer, Kim Rok Soo saw packets and packets of instant coffee.
It was almost considered a staple here in the office actually, but if anyone asked who drank the most instant coffee in the team, all fingers would immediately point to the team leader.
It was rather common to see the team leader walking around with a paper cup in hand, sipping the strange coffee mix that Kim Rok Soo knew just tasted like bitter water.
(Lee Soo Hyuk had made Kim Rok Soo try it for fun once. Kim Rok Soo didn’t enjoy what little he drank at all.)
Lee Soo Hyuk was someone who ran on caffeine, particularly only from americanos, before the cataclysm. After, however, one couldn’t be picky. Lee Soo Hyuk constantly needed the adrenaline, so he had to settle for instant coffee that didn’t quite taste like coffee.
"For the sweetness of the past, Rok Soo," he had explained. "It's nice that there are some things that are still the same."
"What are you talking about? The coffee's shit."
"But it's still coffee!"
What sweetness of the past, Kim Rok Soo thought now, just as he did before.
Yet Kim Rok Soo decided to keep the instant coffee for himself. They shouldn't go to waste, after all.
There was still something under all the coffee; he had to get to that, too.
Kim Rok Soo started picking up the packets one by one...
Then he froze.
There it was, sitting innocently within the drawer.
Plenty of chocolate bars, neatly placed into rows in a tray.
Lee Soo Hyuk's secret special chocolate stash.
...For Kim Rok Soo.
It was a punch to the gut, seeing how many chocolate bars were still left in Lee Soo Hyuk's drawer. How many there were that Kim Rok Soo had yet to receive, how many there were that Lee Soo Hyuk had yet to give him.
How many there were that Lee Soo Hyuk cannot give anymore.
Kim Rok Soo clenched his teeth as he stared at the chocolate bars.
This is dumb, his mind told him. This is stupid. You'll regret this.
He hadn't even realized when the coffee packets slipped from his hands, but distantly he watched himself reach out for a chocolate bar.
His fingers delicately thumbed at the edges of the wrapper, tore it open, and brought the bar to his mouth.
When it was all gone, Kim Rok Soo picked up another chocolate bar, opened the wrapper, and ate that too.
Then he picked up another.
Another.
Another.
And another.
For some reason his eyes stung while he was at it, but Kim Rok Soo simply ignored it and kept shoving more chocolate into his mouth like a man dying of hunger.
Another.
Another.
Another.
Until nothing was left but plastic wrappers and a sick Kim Rok Soo puking in the toilet.
Kim Rok Soo swallowed his tears and a cherished brother's worth of chocolate that day.
(It was easier to get it over with than to stretch it out and be reminded of a warmth that will never return.
He didn't eat chocolate again, for it was a reminder of what—who—he had lost.)
Years passed; Kim Rok Soo sat at the same desk he used since he was a rookie, except now it was the team leader's desk too and not the one beside him.
The office was busy. Each member was assigned an amount of work for the year-end report, but Kim Rok Soo took on most of it.
Everyone had complained, had sent him frustrated yet worried looks because "Team Leader-nim, you're doing everything on your own again!" but their words went through one ear and out the other, disregarded completely.
Kim Rok Soo breathed out a weary sigh, took a big gulp of the instant coffee that didn't quite taste like coffee, and was about to bring over another stack of papers in front of him before he felt something... recognizable almost, but impossible.
Something tapping his head. an urge above him to please, "Stop recording and take a break—"
("—damn it, or else I'll whoop your ass!")
"—Team Leader-nim, or else Jung So Hoon and I will force you."
(Not Lee Soo Hyuk. Lee Soo Hyuk was no longer here.)
Instead, there was Kim Min Ah, looking as tired as he was and waving a very familiar chocolate bar.
"...Kim Min Ah. what's this?"
(Kim Rok Soo knew very well what it was.)
"Chocolate. You look like you need it, Team Leader-nim."
"I've got coffee already."
"The coffee's shit."
"..."
Kim Min Ah nudged the chocolate bar closer to his face, which made Kim Rok Soo lean back a little. There was an odd expression on his face that she couldn't quite discern, though she was too exhausted to care any further.
Thankfully, Kim Rok Soo accepted it in the end, if a bit hesitant, but that was all that mattered to Kim Min Ah.
After sending Kim Min Ah back to her work station, Kim Rok Soo observed the chocolate bar in his hands.
...How long had it been, since he last...?
His fingers delicately thumbed at the edges of the wrapper, tore it open, and brought the bar to his mouth.
A bite. Two.
Miles better than the awful instant coffee.
It was... sweet.
Just for a moment, Kim Rok Soo allowed his heart to ache, finishing the rest of the chocolate.
But that was that. Kim Rok Soo was still nowhere close to completing his job, so he tucked away the chocolate wrapper in his pocket and the painful nostalgia with it.
Back to work.