Chapter Text
1.
It’s too warm. Much, much too warm, despite Kihyun strategically sprawling on the floor right in the draft they’ve managed to create by opening every openable thing in the apartment. Kihyun is trying to tell himself they’re being eco-friendly by not having air-con. It works a little until Hyungwon accidentally brushes his arm. Hyungwon is sweaty. And gross. And warm.
“Put me out of my misery,” Kihyun says softly and Hyungwon makes a sound that would be a laugh if he’d put the needed energy in.
“It’s not that bad,” he says, sounding utterly unconvinced himself. It is that bad. They both know it.
“Are we sure the heat death of the universe hasn’t already started?” Kihyun asks, stretching his limbs like a starfish. It’s supposed to do something, he’s just not sure what.
“I don’t think this means what you think it means,” Hyungwon says wisely as he changes channels on their TV. He’s trying to escape the news. It doesn’t work.
Kihyun raises his head just enough to get a glimpse of the screen, where Strike Two or whatever his name is, Kihyun kind of lost track after a while, is chasing another dude dressed all in green. Was it Gnome? Maybe it was something slightly less ridiculous. Anyway, they’ve just totalled a car and are now speeding down the main Gangnam avenue. There’s police cars and people either screaming or recording, or both.
“You know,” Kihyun says, feeling suddenly slightly angry. It’s not a good thing, anger always makes him hot. “It’s this guy’s fault if we don’t have air-con.”
“How so?” Hyungwon asks, giving up and setting himself halfway propped against the couch, the remote on his belly.
“The first time the repair gal got stuck on the other side of the river when Strike Two collapsed a bridge to prevent whoever the fuck to do I don’t remember what. So we rescheduled but then she didn’t want to come because our block was right in the path of Reaper’s death ray. Which, okay, understandable. And then she canceled again because Gnome was in the middle of leveling the park she lives nearby so she had to go home and move her car.”
“Did you just call him Gnome?” Hyungwon asks after a short silence. He sounds giggly.
“It’s not Gnome?” Kihyun asks. He would turn to look at Hyungwon’s face but it’s too much effort.
“No,” Hyungwon says, still sounding smily.
“What is it, then?”
“I’m not telling you,” Hyungwon says, “it’s funnier that way.”
Kihyun shrugs, not caring enough to argue. There’s people who keep track, and there're people like him, who thought it was cool the first six months when all those superheroes started popping up left and right, and then got a bit tired of it after getting their car totalled once or twice. Or all their windows smashed. Or just, like, got blasted to smithereens, because that also happened. Like with Reaper’s death ray. That was NOT a good day. Kihyun had had to rush out of the apartment in his plush pajamas, hair uncoiffed, teeth unbrushed, and he had ran straight into the hot guy across the hall who had called him “kid” despite Kihyun not being a kid but a hot guy himself. And then Hyungwon was laughing next to him in only his boxers, and since he was going to the gym lately he looked nice instead of gangly and stupid like he used to. That would have been the right time for Reaper’s death ray to put him out of his misery but it didn’t even happen. Hurricane took him out before he could. So now Kihyun was still alive and much too sweaty. He vaguely considers going to Gangnam to just lay right in the path of destruction currently happening on his TV screen but the commute there was going to be a nightmare. If only Hyungwon’s car hadn’t exploded two weeks ago.
“Have you called back your insurance company?” he asks then, and it takes Hyungwon much too long to answer. The change of subject might be too brutal for his brain to catch up.
“What? For my bicycle?” he finally answers and it’s Kihyun’s turn to buffer.
“What happened to your bicycle?” he asks. He wasn’t even aware Hyungwon had a bicycle.
“It got melted.”
“Melted.”
“Yeah, I don’t know. I showed up one day and it was just, like, a solid puddle of metal. With rubber here and there.”
“I was talking about your car but wow dude you are cursed.”
“I know,” says Hyungwon, and then he sort of deflates. Goes from propped up against the couch to boneless against the floor and Kihyun feels his pain, he really does.
It’s quiet for a while there, and the silence itself feels hot to Kihyun’s ears. Something needs to happen or he will explode.
Nothing happens, though. Just Hyungwon turning on his side and asking him stupid questions.
“Would you believe me if I told you I was secretly a superhero?”
“No,” Kihyun simply says, and Hyungwon does an approximation of pouting.
“Why not?”
“Cause I’ve known you since you were like twelve and you’re an uncoordinated idiot.”
“That’s fair,” Hyungwon says in a sigh, flopping onto his back.
“Although I’d love to see you in spandex,” Kihyun adds, deadly serious. “I’m sure you’d look dashing.”
“Really?” Hyungwon lights up, craning his neck to look at Kihyun with a huge smile. “I’ve been working on my glutes a lot. Does it show?”
“I was kidding,” Kihyun says then and Hyungwon has this pained expression that would be accompanied with a smack if either of them had the will to move.
Kihyun isn’t really kidding, though. He noticed the glutes. It’s been sort of a problem lately. You’re not supposed to like, stare at your childhood friend’s glutes. But then maybe your childhood friend wants his glutes stared at, otherwise why would he wear such tight pants? Kihyun doesn’t know what to think anymore. This is an ethical dilemma his philosophy degree didn’t prepare him for. Speaking of which, he still doesn’t know where he put that degree. What if he needs it someday? Not that it’s likely to happen but still. You never know.
“Oh wow,” Hyungwon says then, breaking Kihyun out of his spiraling thoughts.
“What?”
“Captain Korea showed up.”
Kihyun sort of struggles to prop himself up on his elbows just enough to see the screen, and indeed, Captain Korea showed up. In tight, tight spandex.
“He’s kinda hot,” Hyungwon is saying. “He’s my gym inspo.”
Kihyun stares at Captain Korea doing something complicated and violent on the screen and it’s hard to deny that he is not just kinda but really, really hot. Unnervingly hot. Kihyun side-stares at Hyungwon and the guy has a slight blush on his cheeks, all sparkly-eyes staring at the screen.
“Do you have a crush on Captain Korea?” Kihyun asks, and he hates every word on the way out.
“No,” says Hyungwon in a tone that says yes, I do, he’s so dreamy, he’s a dreamy dreamboat or something, Kihyun might be exaggerating a little bit. But it still stings. Isn’t he hot too? Admittedly he cannot crush watermelons with his thighs like someone did on live TV once but he has other charms. Like, great hair. Nice complexion. Lots of knives.
So Kihyun just sighs, and stares at Captain Korea’s ass wiggling on TV, wishing he could just blow him up with his mind. And then he feels bad about it because Captain Korea is actually, like, really nice, even he has to admit it, nice and humble, which is sort of rare with superheroes these days. You save the city once or twice and then you think you’re the king or something. Anyway, The Gnome or whatever is getting pummeled on live TV and it’s sort of nice to watch even if Kihyun sometimes wonders what kind of influence seeing burly folks dressed in spandex maul each other every other day will have on the upcoming generation. Hopefully it will be gayer. And spandex-ier. Anyway. Kihyun watches Hyungwon watch Captain Korea and wishes he himself was a burly folk in spandex right about now. But sadly he’s just a guy with great hair, nice complexion and lots of knives, which seems to be doing nothing for Hyungwon.
But he shouldn’t care. It’s not ethical to care. Or something. Anyway, Kihyun needs to get out.
“I’ll go get some air,” he says, and then proceeds to do absolutely nothing.
“In this heat?” Hyungwon asks, and he has a point. There is no air to get.
“Yeah,” Kihyun says pathetically. Maybe he can just keep laying there, and cry.
“Oh,” Hyungwon says then, and when Kihyun looks, Captain Korea, having won, is doing some sort of heroic hero pose but naturally enough that it doesn’t seem forced. Sometimes Kihyun wonders if they get classes on poses. They must have some sort of PR training after all. If he ever gets rescued by a super, he’ll ask. That’s not the problem now, though. The problem now is that Hyungwon looks smitten and Kihyun cannot look at this any longer and so he stands, Hyungwon’s gaze snapping to him.
“I’m going to get coffee or whatever,” he says and Hyungwon nods, smiling.
“I’m going to the gym later today, so don’t forget your keys.”
“Fantastico,” Kihyun says for no reason at all, and wonders if he can stab himself in the throat right now. With one of his many knives.
It would be a tad too dramatic though, so he just waves awkwardly and leaves. It’s fine. Everything’s dandy.
2.
“You still got no air-con?” is the first thing Minhyuk tells him when Kihyun reaches the counter of the coffee shop he works at. Kihyun nods miserably and Minhyuk rolls his eyes, sighing. He cannot really say anything, though. When the Mole Man burst his pipes he had to come shower at Kihyun and Hyungwon’s place for like a month.
“What will it be today?” Minhyuk asks, and Kihyun doesn’t even bother to scan the menu.
“You can just give me an ice cup.”
“You can’t just stay there crunching on ice for the whole afternoon. It’s scaring the customers.”
“Alright,” Kihyun sighs, “give me some lemonade then.”
Minhyuk punches in the order, and the barista lounging on his phone behind him makes a show of getting to work.
“This one’s new,” Kihyun remarks and Minhyuk looks at the part-timer over his shoulder.
“Yeah,” he says. “He’s not good.”
“I can hear you,” the part-timer remarks flatly. He has a nice voice. Deep and velvety. He is also clearly fucking up the lemonade which Kihyun didn’t know was even possible. Don’t they make those things in advance? Why is he adding so much sugar?
“Do better then,” Minhyuk shrugs, turning back to Kihyun to smile blankly at him.
“You know you don’t have to use your customer face on me,” Kihyun says then because this version of Minhyuk is starting to creep him out.
“Oh thank god,” Minhyuk says, his face immediately falling. “I keep forgetting you’re barely a customer.”
“I like to think of myself as a good friend who you sometimes give discounts to because you like him so much,” Kihyun says and Minhyuk squints at him, unimpressed.
“Do you even know my full name?” he asks, and Kihyun smiles.
“Of course. Park Minhyuk.”
“Nice try,” Minhyuk says. “That will be six thousand won.”
“What is this lemonade made of,” Kihyun grumbles, “tears of the gods?”
“I don’t make the prices,” Minhyuk says as Kihyun swipes his card.
“Lemonade for… whoever ordered it,” the part-timer says then, and Minhyuk turns to him.
“Do you see anyone else here?”
“No,” the guy answers. “Which should be worrying, right? Why do we have zero customers?”
“Because you’re terrible at your job,” Minhyuk tells him before taking the lemonade from him and handing it to Kihyun over the counter.
“Good luck,” Minhyuk offers him as Kihyun takes the drink. There’s some unidentified stuff floating in it but at least it’s the right color. Kihyun probably had worse.
“It’s fine,” he says, “I just came for the air-con.”
Minhyuk rolls his eyes, clearly about to comment when the bell dings, signaling a new customer. Immediately his face morphs into his polite-but-dead-eyed patented customer smile, and he lets out a greeting. The smile doesn’t last, though. The gal slogging to the counter is covered in scratches, mud, and smells of burnt hair.
“What the heck happened to you?” Minhyuk lets out and she laughs a tired laugh, waving him off.
“Doodle and Shadowstar decided to have a bout in the parking lot and I was not about to let them destroy my motorcycle so I rushed there but believe it or not, I wasn’t the only one with that idea and it kinda turned into an all-out brawl. But anyway my motorcycle is safe and I need coffee.”
“We have a superhero called Doodle?” Kihyun pipes up because, what? He knows all the good names have already been taken ages ago but come on.
“Nah, Doodle’s the supervillain,” the woman answers, which doesn’t make it any better. Even slightly worse, to be completely honest.
“Wait, which parking lot?” the part-timer asks then, wide-eyed, and the woman turns to him.
“The big one near the Lotte,” she says, and the guy leaps over the counter, which is quite impressive, while yelling that he left his bicycle there. The woman wishes him good luck as he disappears through the door, Minhyuk yelling at him that he’ll dock his pay.
“Can you dock his pay?” Kihyun asks then, because that’s what’s interesting here.
“No,” Minhyuk says, “but he doesn’t know that and it’s satisfying to say.”
Kihyun nods wisely, taking a sip of his lemonade and promptly choking on it.
“Not good?” Minhyuk asks him as he turns to prepare the woman’s coffee.
“Well it’s certainly lemony,” Kihyun says, trying to make sense of the horror assaulting his taste buds. There’s too much sugar but also somehow not enough? He usually likes lemonade but this is very lemon and barely ade. Kihyun takes another sip, just in the event he could maybe get used to it. He cannot. It makes him want to shrivel into himself. So he puts the glass as far away as he can on the table he sat at and decides to just enjoy a temperature that is not actively trying to murder him.
Once Minhyuk serves the woman her coffee and she’s on her way, leaving the shop effectively empty, Minhyuk joins Kihyun at his table with a coffee of his own.
“Okay,” he says, “spit it out.”
“Spit what out?”
“What are you doing here? You didn’t come for the drink and I don’t buy the air-con excuse.”
“It’s not an excuse. It’s really hot at my place.”
“And?”
Kihyun tries to resist. He really does. But Minhyuk has that piercing I-already-know kind of stare and so he just gives up.
“And Hyungwon is there and it was starting to get problematic.”
“In what way?” Minhyuk asks and Kihyun can see the corners of his lips struggling not to lift. He needs new friends.
“He was talking to me about his glutes and then started to get a hard-on for Captain Korea and so I left.”
“Like, visibly?”
“What?”
“The hard-on.”
“No,” Kihyun says tiredly. “No, that was a euphemism.”
“Alright,” Minhyuk says wisely, taking a sip of his coffee. “So you still have a crush on him.”
“I guess so,” Kihyun says, resting his head against the table. The tabletop is cool against his cheek. It’s nice. “And I feel bad about it.”
“Why?”
“Because I am his friend. And I should behave like a friend. As in compliment him on his glutes and agree that Captain Korea is hot. Not freak out and leave because I feel like shit.”
“Aw,” Minhyuk says, patting him on the head. Kihyun would smack him away to protect his dignity but it’s actually nice. Minhyuk has cold hands. “It’s okay. You didn’t do anything bad. You can’t help your feelings.”
“It sucks, though.”
“Yeah, I bet. Especially if Captain Korea is his type of guy.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Kihyun asks, lifting his head. Minhyuk’s hand is still on him, which makes for some awkwardness Minhyuk doesn’t seem to care about.
“I mean, you’ve seen him. And you’ve seen you?”
“I will kill you, Minhyuk,” Kihyun says in a low tone. “I will make you drink that lemonade and watch you choke on it.”
Minhyuk takes his hand off Kihyun’s head and sagely drops it in his lap. He doesn’t have time to answer, though. The door bangs open and in strides the part-timer. He’s out of breath, and covered in mud. His apron has disappeared, so did half his shirt, and his eyebrows are charred. His hair is still perfect though, for some reason. He’s yelling.
“DOODLE MELTED MY FUCKING BIKE!”
3.
Kihyun stayed long enough at the coffee shop listening to the part-timer, or Changkyun as he came to know, recount his parking lot adventures that Hyungwon probably had time to go to the gym three times over. Hopefully he’ll be showered and doing whatever in his room, like sleeping, please let him be asleep, and Kihyun won’t have to suffer his presence. That would be great, Kihyun thinks. More time to be alone with his quickly spiraling thoughts. Maybe he’s going insane. Maybe this is his villain origin story.
He has no time to ponder this prospect, though. When he opens his door he hears laughter. There’s Hyungwon, which okay, might make him smile too and wake some butterfly-y feelings in his stomach he staunchly refuses to acknowledge. And then there’s another heartily handsome laugh who sends those butterflies right back where they came from and Kihyun gingerly steps into his own apartment as if he was intruding. In his own home. The audacity.
“You’re back!” Hyungwon says happily when he spots him. Kihyun acknowledges that yes, he is indeed back, and then his eyes alight on the heartily and handsomely laughing guy currently sitting on his couch. Kihyun understands Hyungwon’s happiness, then. The guy is cut like Captain Korea. It’s a wonder their shitty couch didn’t falter under the half ton of muscle and handsomeness currently sitting on it. Even his teeth are handsome, Kihyun thinks, even his teeth are handsome and I want to die.
“Hi,” he croaks, and the guy promptly stands to bow in greeting and introduce himself. Lee Hoseok. Hyungwon’s gym buddy Kihyun had never heard of.
“Did you notice something?” Hyungwon asks then. Kihyun is about to ask if he means the one meter seventy-something of perfect man meat standing right next to him when something blows on his face. A soft breeze, gentle and cool. Refusing to believe the impossible, Kihyun lifts his eyes. And lo and behold, the air-con is indeed blowing delicious fresh air into their apartment. Kihyun stares, lips slightly opened, not daring to break the spell in case he is just hallucinating.
“I told Hoseok about our air-con problem and he said he could take a look,” Hyungwon is explaining. Kihyun’s ears are buzzing. So not only is mister universe right here the most handsome man he’s ever laid eyes on, he’s also a fixer extraordinaire.
“I’m good with my hands,” the guy says bashfully and Kihyun wishes Doodle would melt him right the fuck now. Instead he squeaks out a thank you very much and just awkwardly stands there, waiting for a death that won’t come. Somewhere on his periphery Hyungwon is asking him if he had dinner, cause they’re about to order something. Kihyun hears himself laugh in answer, which is atrocious, but then he doesn’t end there.
“Don’t worry,” he’s saying, which is alright. “I ate,” he’s now adding, which is a lie, but it’s fine, he has protein bars in his room. But then the entity currently possessing him adds “don’t let me crash your date” and Kihyun wants to claw his own eyes out. Hyungwon is laughing awkwardly and saying something like “this is not a date” and Kihyun is laughing again and the guy too, Hoseok or whatever his name is, Kihyun does not want to remember, and anyway. That’s a lot of awkward laughing so then he just leaves.
This went fine, he tells himself before face-planting on his bed. This went terrible.
I want to die, he texts Minhyuk even though Minhyuk is the least comforting person he knows.
Do you ever not want to die? Minhyuk answers.
Yeah, Kihyun tells him. Sometimes I want to kill you more than I want to die.
I love you too, comes the answer with some ungodly emoticon. Kihyun goes and buys the same emoji pack because why not.
What happened? Minhyuk asks then and Kihyun tries to summarize as best he can.
Hyungwon’s gym buddy is a captain korea look-alike and they’re currently hanging out in our living room, ordering food and giggling. Also he fixed our air-conditioning just because he could. For free. Cause he’s just altruistic like that
Minhyuk texts come in rapid succession now, and weirdly it sort of does make Kihyun feel better. They’re horrible texts, but if there’s something to make fun of, it means the situation isn’t that sad. Or so he hopes. There’s also the possibility that Minhyuk is just a terrible guy.
oh man lol
rip
didn’t know you knew how to spell altruistic tho
Kihyun stares at his screen, trying his best to tune out the sounds from the living room. And also feeling bad. Because he should be happy for Hyungwon. The guy found his soulmate. Come to think of it maybe he liked Captain Korea so much because he reminded him of Hoseok, and not the other way around. Why does Kihyun remember his name so easily? It took him like three weeks to stop calling Minhyuk Minkyung. Which isn’t even a guy’s name now that Kihyun’s thinking about it. How did Minhyuk tolerate him? Maybe people hang out with him because he’s just there and available. Kinda like a smelly dog that’s still sort of cute so you give it scraps. Maybe he’s just unlovable like that.
Are you overthinking? Comes a new text from Minhyuk and Kihyun blinks blearily at the screen. How did he know?
No, he answers. And then, because he does feel bad: I’m sorry I called you Minkyung for so long when we first met.
So you are overthinking, Minhyuk’s answer comes right away. Ngl it was kinda funny. Also nothing to do with this but Changkyun is sorry about the lemonade.
It’s fine, Kihyun answers, smiling. Changkyun makes shit drinks but he’s sweet. Or well, maybe not, Kihyun saw him like one afternoon altogether but it was a good afternoon.
I’m sorry about what Doodle did to his bicycle, he answers, because he actually is. Changkyun seemed to really like his bicycle.
I can’t take this guy seriously.
Changkyun?
Doodle. That’s what my grandma would name a cat.
Maybe his grandma named him.
Supervillains have grandmas?
They must. Everyone has grandmas at one point or another. That’s how progeny works.
And then Kihyun starts thinking about what kind of upbringing would turn you into a supervillain and if ultimately grandmas do have a responsibility in this, until Minhyuk answers.
Look at you using all those big words. Are you really smart or just smart-passing?
What’s worrying is you thinking “altruistic” and “progeny” are big words
There’s a pause, Minhyuk texting back only to abruptly change the subject.
Changkyun says you need to come by next week because he’s training on making drinks
Tell him I don’t have a death wish
He’s saying “pretty please” in a cutesy voice which is disturbing coming from him
Send me a recording
There’s an even longer pose, until a voice note indeed pops up. It’s noisy and barely audible and there’s lots of giggling but Minhyuk was right. It is disturbing coming from him.
Alright, Kihyun ends up texting Minhyuk anyway. I’ll drop by sometime next week.
Once plans are agreed on, Kihyun drops his phone on his belly and just lays there listening to the sounds from the living room because he hates himself. And then he decides that it is creepy and none of his business if his childhood-bestfriend-slash-lifelong-crush decides to fall in love with someone who isn’t him. These kinds of things happen all the time to a lot of people and they are doing just fine. Or they are not and they throw a tantrum and write universally acclaimed fairy tale The Little Mermaid which is also fine. Kihyun could write a fairy tale. He is smart-passing after all.
Today is not the day though, so instead of writing a masterpiece that will render him immortal in the hearts of millions (and this is the exact point where unbeknownst to him, a branching parallel universe where he does write a tantrum-y masterpiece is created) he rolls off his mattress and onto the floor to grab at the pack of protein bars he keeps under his bed. And since this is now his preferred method of locomotion, he then rolls all the way to his desk and boots up his computer to play a game. While starting a show on his second monitor and also putting on a podcast in order to prevent the chance of any thought occurring. It is a curated system. It works every time. He can’t even hear himself.
But then that means he doesn’t hear either when the front door opens and closes. When there’s a few knocks at his door. When a soft good night, Kihyun, sleeps through and falls unheard to the floor.
4.
“Alright,” Kihyun says, staring straight into the very eager eyes of one Im Changkyun. Next to him Minhyuk is sitting with a notepad, pen lifted, patiently waiting. There is a row of drinks on the table, corresponding to a row of numbers on the notepad.
“This one is ungodly. Nightmare juice. Could and would kill a baby,” Kihyun continues, Changkyun nodding earnestly as Minhyuk scribbles away.
“This one would actually be good if I was on a tremendous amount of cocaine,” Kihyun says of the next concoction. Minhyuk lifts an interested eyebrow and makes a little mark next to the drink’s number on his notepad while Kihyun skips to the next.
“This one’s just water,” Kihyun is saying, “and that one is straight up vodka. Did you think I wouldn’t notice? Why the hell do you have vodka in a coffee shop?”
“We considered making Irish Whiskey,” Minhyuk says then as way of explanation. “But the license for selling alcoholic drinks was a hassle to get so we gave up.”
“Irish Whiskey, you don’t say,” Kihyun watches the both of them in turn. “With vodka?”
Changkyun makes a hapless gesture, pushing one drink with the tip of his finger so that it aligns better with the others.
“Yeah, I don’t know,” says Minhyuk and Kihyun wisely decides not to push the subject. Some things are better left unknown and unsaid.
“Okay, so, second to last. Minty orange juice. Satan’s drink. Do you actually have taste buds?” he asks Changkyun who just shrugs. It’s concerning, Kihyun thinks. For a while there he was pretty sure Changkyun was fucking with him but the kid seems earnest enough. Is there such a thing as color-blindness but for taste? Or maybe it’s a stupid superpower? He’s heard of those. Maybe Changkyun is just the stupidest supervillain in existence right now. Although that honor might go to Doodle for the name alone.
“As for the last one…” Kihyun interrupts himself, grabbing at the drink. “Let me actually taste it again before I say something I regret.”
Both Changkyun and Minhyuk watch him with rabid attention as he drinks. Kihyun’s pretty sure Changkyun’s not even breathing.
“Yeah, alright, it’s drinkable. Even, like, pretty okay. Skirting the border into good territory.”
“Fuck yeah,” Changkyun blurts, clapping his hands together. Kihyun gets it. Must be pretty moving to have finally made something edible after some twenty-something years of life on this planet.
“Congratulations,” Kihyun says, “you don’t entirely suck at this.”
“I’m not the worst,” Changkyun says with a beaming smile as he turns to Minhyuk. Kihyun has to then watch something strange. Like Minhyuk visibly refraining himself from saying something nice and ruffling some hair.
“We don’t know that yet,” Minhyuk says in a strangled voice, “congrats on the almost-good drink though.”
Kihyun almost coos. But then Minhyuk is already glaring at him as if he knows and so Kihyun just sits there while Changkyun gets up, excitedly yelling something about letting the group-chat know.
“Someone likes their part-timer,” Kihyun says in an annoying sing-songy voice when Changkyun is gone. Minhyuk visibly bristles.
“Mayhaps he’s grown on me a little,” he says through gritted teeth. “How’s the crush going?”
“Oh,” Kihyun says, bringing a hand over his heart. “That was a low blow.”
“So, badly,” Minhyuk remarks and Kihyun deflates. He even considers downing the minty orange juice still being disgusting right there in front of him just to feel something that isn’t pure dejection.
“Well. Gym buddy keeps coming over. They have giggly movie nights and gym dates and shit. All in all very nice. And then this morning Hyungwon told me he would be back late cause it’s leg day or something.”
“Isn’t tonight supposed to be you guys’ monthly movie night or something?”
“How do you know that?” Kihyun asks because, well, he might have mentioned it once like a month ago but he wasn’t even sure Minhyuk had been listening.
“I’m very good at remembering useless stuff I’m not interested in,” Minhyuk offers with a sigh. Useless superpowers might really exist, Kihyun thinks then, and he wonders what his own might be. Having good hair, maybe.
“That must be great for you,” he says, Minhyuk gesturing vaguely.
“You have no idea. Anyway, you got passed over for leg day?”
“Yeah,” Kihyun says sadly. “And I’m sure Hoseok’s going to be there cause Hyungwon had like, really put an effort into his hair and who needs a little bouffant to go do squats? And then he was looking at me all sorry and expectant like I was supposed to say something.”
“Maybe he wanted you to ask him to stay.”
“Why would he want that?” Kihyun asks and Minhyuk looks at him with a decidedly disparaging expression.
“I don’t know,” Minhyuk is saying and Kihyun watches him eagerly as he starts to play absent-mindedly with one of the glasses. It’s the killing babies one and Kihyun dearly hope Minhyuk will take a sip.
“Maybe you’ve been weird and distant lately and he’s testing you.”
“Why would I be weird and distant?”
“Because you’re the type of guy to become weird and distant whenever he has issues with someone. Instead of like, confronting them like an adult.”
“You think so little of me,” Kihyun says, and watches as a miracle happens in real time right in front of him.
“Then do better,” Minhyuk says, bringing the drink to his lips, and taking a sip.
“Oh fucking hell,” he tries to say but then he’s also choking and spitting while trying to put the drink back down, but in so doing he knocks over two others which spill, Kihyun jumping away from the table in case there’s some sort of chemical reaction from the mix because you never know what Changkyun put in there. Minhyuk is red and coughing and there are tears sprouting at the corner of his eyes. All in all it's very delightful.
“I think there’s egg in there,” he’s rasping, “and licorice,” and then he’s really crying while sitting on the ground. “I don’t like my part-timer anymore,” he croaks miserably and Kihyun circumvents the mess currently dripping on the floor to go pat him on the head.
“It’s alright,” he says, “you will get through this.”
Minhyuk looks up to him, trying to look menacing but the whole crying-while-red-in-the-face thing he has going on kind of ruins the effect. He’s about to say something though, Kihyun can almost see the cogs turning in his head for it to come out really scathing, but then there’s a loud banging sound and the building positively shakes on its foundations. Minhyuk goes white, which is quite impressive, and Kihyun turns to look through the store-front but there’s nothing to see – a cloud of dust is obscuring the outside, dimming the light inside the shop.
It’s then that Changkyun bounds back in from the backroom, wide eyed and panicky.
“What was that? What happened?”
“What do you think,” Minhyuk says, gathering himself from the floor, Kihyun helping him up. “Sups’ must be battling it out again.”
“Are we safe?” Kihyun asks in a small voice because that’s definitely plaster raining down from the ceiling and he doesn’t feel super excited at the prospect of getting buried under a collapsed building.
“We should maybe go out,” Minhyuk tries, but then there’s a flash outside and another loud crash that makes them all jump.
“I’m not so sure it’s any safer out,” Changkyun croaks and they all look at each other, dismayed. And then, the store-front explodes. They all duck under the closest table, watching as some guy sort of soars above them and goes to crash against the counter.
“Not the espresso machine,” Kihyun hears Minhyuk say, horrified, before he has to hold him back from bounding toward the dude currently groaning on the floor. He’s dressed in all green, and weirdly familiar.
“Oh my god,” Kihyun says in a breath. “It’s Gnome.”
“Who the fuck is Gnome?” everyone asks. Including the guy who just crashed into the counter, who’s now sitting up and looking at them, his mask halfway off. Kihyun vaguely remembers Hyungwon remarking that Gnome wasn’t, in fact, named Gnome.
“I’m Gambler, for fuck’s sake,” Gnome is saying, looking vaguely pissed.
“You’re not Gambler,” a voice pipes up then, and they all turn towards Changkyun, who’s staring at the guy. “You’re Lee Jooheon from accounting,” he says, almost accusingly.
“You’re taking accounting?” Minhyuk asks then and Changkyun says that yes, he is, even though it is kinda boring but he was missing some credits, and Minhyuk is saying that if he’d known Changkyun knew how to count he’d have put him at the cash register instead of letting him actively poison everyone, and then Changkyun counters that he is, in fact, terrible at accounting and he hates cash registers because it is too much pressure. He’d rather keep poisoning everyone if that’s okay.
During all that Gnome/Gambler/Lee Jooheon from accounting is just standing there, staring at them while bleeding from a cut on his forehead.
“You know I didn’t have air-con for like a month because of you?” Kihyun starts then, and the guy just blinks at him owlishly.
“Sorry?” Gambler tries, visibly confused by whatever it is that’s currently happening.
“Sorry? You’re sorry? Do you know how hot it is outside? Do you know what I suffered?”
Kihyun suddenly feels very, very angry. The guy responsible for his not having air-con for so long, spending sleepless nights in a puddle of sweat on his bed, is right there. Within striking distance.
“Don’t–” Kihyun vaguely hears Minhyuk say, but it is too late. He is possessed by a righteous anger that propels him halfway across the room before Jooheon from accounting can even react.
“How dare you inconvenience people this much,” he hears himself say. He sounds very righteous, and also kinda like his dad. “Do you think the city is a playground for you to do your little battles in? Do you not think that everyone is tired of your shit?”
Gambler is shrinking against the counter. He didn’t sign up for this. He signed up for getting punched by some burly folk in spandex, not lectured in a half-crumbled coffee shop by an angry normie. Weirdly enough the normie is scarier than the guy in spandex waiting for him outside.
“I missed I don’t know how many job interviews,” Kihyun continues. He’s now sort of repeatedly stabbing Gambler in the chest with his index finger. “I spend half my life being late because of idiots like you. I had to rush out in pajamas the other day. Looking like shit in front of my crush. I’m reaching my thirties soon and I’m already the embittered husk of the man I once was. All because of presumptuous little assholes like you.”
Somewhere Minhyuk gasps, clasping both his hands over his mouth. Gnome or whatever is looking slightly panicky.
“I hope you fail accounting,” Kihyun says, a gasp now coming from Changkyun. “I hope you fail everything you try from now on. I don’t care about your villain origin story, just work out your issues like everyone else without leaving good people without air-con for days on end.”
Kihyun could stop there. He’s already feeling slightly better. But he needs a big finish.
“And green is NOT your color.”
At that Gambler makes a wounded little sound before sort of crumpling to the floor at Kihyun’s feet. He was so sure green was his color. Also he is failing accounting because supervillain-ing is really cutting into his study time. This day is really not going as planned. At all.
Kihyun turns around, and marches right towards the gaping hole that used to be the front door. There is another dingus outside, he knows it. The good guy. He hopes it’s Captain Korea. He hopes it’s Captain Korea because he has a couple of words to say to him, too. He is so angry. It feels nice. Minhyuk makes a hapless sort of gesture to stop him but it’s okay, Kihyun wants to tell him. He has finally snapped and he feels invincible.
He feels invincible right up to the point where it is indeed Captain Korea outside. Captain Korea who, with all the dust, cannot really see who it really is coming out of the shop. And who, because it must be Gambler, because no citizen would just walk out onto an active battlefield, sort of like preemptively punches. Really hard. Right smack in Kihyun’s face. Who falls to the ground really, really slowly, under a string of ohmygodshitImsosorryIthoughtyouwereGamblerohmygodareyouokaypleasedontbedead.
Kihyun is trying to give a thumbs up, but then all fades to black.