Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Akito took his school shoes out of his shoe locker and put away his regular shoes. He recognized the sound of Tsuyoshi behind him, putting away his own shoes.

Aya rounded the corner. “Tsuyoshi-kun!” she called. “Sana-chan is back!”

Akito moved as he usually would, pretending that this news didn’t mean anything to him even though his ears had perked up all the same. As he turned around, he noticed Tsuyoshi squeeze Aya’s hand in warning, giving Akito a sideways glance. Akito rolled his eyes.

“Have you seen Fuka?” Akito asked, to remind Tsuyoshi that he had a girlfriend. A girlfriend who was not Sana.

“I think she was already headed toward her homeroom. She said something about having morning cleaning duty.” Aya said.

The three of them walked along the hallway together toward their classroom. And then, he saw her.

Sana and Fuka were high-fiving, and he could hear both of their voices clearly. Each of them were considered loud on their own, but together? They were a disturbance to the peace.

“When did you get back?!” Fuka asked excitedly.

“Partway through summer break.” Sana answered.

“What? Why didn’t you call?” Fuka asked, clearly hurt that Sana hadn’t reached out.

“Well, there was a lot going on…” Sana trailed off, clearly feeling guilty.

God, these girls were easy to read.

Tsuyoshi and Aya hurried ahead of him to Sana.

“It’s really you, Sana-chan!” Tsuyoshi said.

“Tsuyoshi-kun! Aya-chan!” Sana said, turning to them excitedly.

“It’s been a while, Sana-chan!” Aya said.

“Yeah, really.” Sana said, a fake smile plastered on her face. Even if no one else could tell, Akito always knew when she was faking.

“How’ve you been?” Tsuyoshi asked her, but it was no use.

By then, Sana had seen him. Their eyes locked across the crowded hallway. He wasn’t sure what seeing her again was going to be like. Sana’s smile was wavering, and she looked uncharacteristically nervous. Even so, he made his way toward his friends. They were going to have to interact sooner or later. 

“Yo.” Akito said, reaching the group. “You’re alive.”

“Look at how surprised Sana-chan looks!” Aya observed.

“Sure! He grew five inches in four months. I bet his body makes noises in the night!” Tsuyoshi said with a laugh.

“It makes my muscles hurt.” Akito said, rubbing his arm.

“You sound like an old man!” Fuka retorted.

Throughout this conversation, Sana looked like she was at a loss for words. Even as Akito looked to each of his friends as they were talking, his eyes kept gravitating back to her. Finally, he made an attempt to draw her into the conversation.

“Didn’t you bring me a souvenir?” Akito asked, raising his eyebrows at her.

Come on, take the bait.

“Of course I didn’t bring you a souvenir!” Sana exclaimed.

Ha, easy.

 “We were in the middle of nowhere.” She continued, her eyes meeting his with their usual fire.

The first bell rang, indicating to the students in the hallway that it was time for them to go to their homerooms. Akito turned to Fuka.

“Hey Fuka, can I borrow your dictionary?”

“Again? Isn’t it time to start bringing your own??” Fuka chided, pulling the dictionary out of her bag and handing it to him.

“Thanks.” Akito said.

“I’m going to go to the bathroom before class starts!” Sana said loudly, turning to go. She then began a mad dash down the hallway and around the corner. Fuka said something to him, but he didn’t hear it. He was watching Sana run.

Akito waved goodbye to Fuka, then turned around to head toward his own classroom. He could feel Fuka’s eyes on him. He felt anxious and defensive, like Fuka could tell that something had happened between Sana and him.

But nothing actually happened between us. Akito internally corrected himself.

He had liked her, he had showed her that he liked her, and she hadn’t reciprocated. That was okay, that was normal with first crushes. Things were better now, she had Kamura. And he had Fuka.

Fuka was really smart, and a very talented gymnast. She was also really pretty, although Akito didn’t like to think too much about her more than passing resemblance to Sana.

He was Fuka’s boyfriend now. Sure, they hadn’t gone anywhere without Tsuyoshi and Aya. Sure, all they did was walk home together. Sure, sometimes there were quiet moments where Fuka would look at him, and he knew that she wanted him to kiss her. And sure, he had continually pretended not to notice because his heart wasn’t in it.

Fuka could be kind of a nag. She had really high expectations for herself and how she conducted herself, and those expectations were also leveled at Akito. But still, he would take the nagging over the insane babbling and unhinged arguments.

Sana’s such a wacko. It’s better to be over her.

He spent the rest of the day trying to keep his mind off of the auburn pigtails that were just a few doors down from him.  

Chapter Text

The bell rang for lunch, and Akito went down to the cafeteria with Tsuyoshi and Aya to pick up their food. After collecting their trays, they sat down at their usual table. Tsuyoshi and Aya were talking about… something. Akito wasn’t really listening to them, he was lost in thought.

He noticed the pigtails walk into the cafeteria before he noticed his own girlfriend, which made him feel irritated and guilty. From the corner of his eye, he watched them chat amiably, going about collecting their meals. The girls turned around to find a table, and he could see Sana point out the table that he and their friends were sitting at. He briefly made eye contact with Fuka, who immediately looked away and directed her and Sana to another table.

Great.  

Once lunch was over, Akito began making his way back to their classroom. He rounded the corner just in time to see Mr. Suzuki bump into Sana, causing her to drop the vase of flowers that she- wait, had she been carrying those on her head?

What a clutz.

Mr. Suzuki was clearly in a hurry to get somewhere. “Hey, you! Go help her clean up, please!” he said, pointing to Akito.

“Sure.” Akito replied. But only because Mr. Suzuki was one of the few teachers around that he actually liked.

He quietly went to the cabinet and grabbed the cleaning supplies, returning to the puddle of water that was left in the hallway. Sana was back to being uncharacteristically quiet, so he decided to break the silence.

“What were you doing?” he asked.

“Uh, I’m in charge of flowers, so…” Sana trailed off.

Akito tried again. “Your teacher seems nice.”

“Uh, yeah, I think so…”

“My homeroom teacher sucks.”

“You’ve got the science teacher, right? He seems creepy.”

They took the soaked cloths to the sink to wring them out.

“So, two inches in four months, huh? Do you want to grow up to be a giant?” Sana asked tentatively, giving him a quick glance.

Akito was quiet for a moment while he considered. “And so what if I do?”

They lapsed into silence again, the only sound was the trickle of water being wrung out of the rags.

“You’re doing that wrong.” Akito said. “This is how you wring cloths out.”

“Since when do you know everything about cloth wringing?” Sana asked in a challenging voice.

Akito raised his eyebrows at her. “I’m a cloth wringing pro.”

He could see the light come back into Sana for a moment, as she excitedly turned to him. “Hey, Hayama, how are things going with karate?”

“Well, I’m finally getting to do a lot of new things.” Akito replied. “So it’s starting to be fun.”

“That’s great!” Sana said, turning away from him for a moment.

And that’s when he saw it – a red horizontal line underneath her school uniform. Before he even realized what he was doing, he found himself reaching out to touch her back. It felt the same as usual, yet somehow different. Running his fingers down the middle of her back, they were interrupted by the ridge of a bright red bra.

“Kurata… when did you get a bra? I can see it!”

Sana turned to Akito angrily. “You pervert!” she cried, taking a swing at him.

Fortunately for Akito, his defense had improved. He managed to duck just in time, but she was just a little bit faster. He made contact with her other hand.

Akito threw one of the rags they had been using to clean right into her face.

“Hey! You can’t just throw rags at people!” Sana yelled, waving the cloth at him as he turned away to walk down the hallway to his locker.

He rolled his eyes as he reached in to grab Fuka’s dictionary. When he turned back around, he could see Sana right where he had left her, looking over her shoulder to see if you could really see the bra through her uniform shirt.

“Hey, Sana. Can you give this back to Fuka?” he asked, holding out the book to her.

“Uh, sure…” Sana said, reaching out to take it.

She paused for a moment as she held the book.

“Hey! Hold it right there! What did you say to me?” she asked, clearly getting riled up.

Oh, great, what was it now? “Uh ‘give this back’?” he asked, confused.

“No before!!” she asked.

“Uh… ‘Hey Sana’?”

“How dare you! How dare you be so casual with me!” she yelled, in a full on rampage now.

Akito was confused. They were friends. And after everything they had been through together, surely they were on a first name basis, right?

“What’s the big deal?”  he asked. “Or should I call you Samu?” he chuckled, remembering an old joke.

“You can’t just call me ‘Sana’ like that!” she protested.

“Fuka always calls you that, and I must have copied her.” Akito said. He knew it wasn’t the right thing to say, but it was the truth.

Sana’s whole demeanor changed. “Ah, I see.” She said. “I guess people do pick up on the way the people they hang around with talk. Next you’ll have her accent!”

“I’m not around her that much.” Akito added, raising his eyebrows in confusion. Where was this coming from?

“Whatever! Don’t call me Sana, and don’t make me tell you again!” she shouted, stomping down the hallway back to her classroom.

Was that really such a big deal? Watching her stomp off, Akito felt that familiar irritation that only Sana could cause start to prickle beneath the surface of his skin. But the way she had looked after he mentioned Fuka… It almost made him wish that he had hadn’t mentioned Fuka at all.  

The rest of the afternoon passed by without incident, although Akito still felt irate and he was pretty sure it was because Sana was back. Plus, Tsuyoshi and Aya wanted to drop in on the gymnastics team’s practice to cheer on Fuka and Sana. He had tried to make his excuses and sneak off home, but Tsuyoshi had just about memorized his karate schedule.

Which is how Akito found himself standing outside of a sliding window looking into the gymnastics studio. Fuka was helping Sana do some kind of gymnastics maneuver. When Sana noticed the three of them looking in the glass, she scurried away, walking on her hands.

Damn, she was strong.

Despite his best efforts, he ended up walking into town with Tsuyoshi, Aya, Fuka, and Sana. A few minutes later they were seated around an outside table, munching on snacks and drinks.

“Hey Akito, your shirt…” Fuka began.

Great, let the nagging begin.

“You should button it up all the way.” She finished.

“Nah.” Akito said. “What are you, my mother?” he muttered under his breath.

Fuka turned to Aya for support. “Doesn’t it look sloppy, Aya-chan?”

Aya immediately grew uncomfortable. Akito knew that she hated upsetting anyone one way or the other. “Ah, well…”

“Why can’t he look neat, like Tsuyoshi-kun? It looks awful.”

That comment in particular really made Akito’s hackles rise. He unbuttoned all of the buttons of his uniform. He hated being told what to do. But that move just brought on an onslaught of criticism.

“What’d you do that for? It looks so bad. Are you goin' to leave it like that the whole day? Who do you think you are, showin’ off your chest? Some teen idol or something? You look stupid! What d’ya think, girls are gonna chase after you or somethin’?”

Akito sighed, buttoning up his shirt. As much as he hated being told what to do, Fuka could be relentless when she got fixated on something.

“Why didn’t you just do that in the first place?” Fuka asked, rolling her eyes.             

“I feel like such a fifth wheel, sitting here!” Sana said, that fake smile back on her face.

There were various sounds of “Huh?” from around the table.

“Well, you guys are both couples, and I’m by myself!” Sana explained, laughing uncomfortably.

“Well, you can’t help it that your boyfriend goes to another school!” Fuka said empathetically.

“Yeah! And we want you here with us, silly. We all missed you, and we’re dying to hear what happened. You were on a film set! You must have a ton of stories, and you haven’t told us a thing.” Aya said.

The smile fell from Sana’s face. “Hold it. What boyfriend?” she asked, looking around the table.

Akito put down his drink, looking at Sana with sudden, rapt attention.

“Oh, don’t try to fool us!” Tsuyoshi said, waving his hands. “We read all about you and Naozumi Kamura!” Fuka and Aya murmured their agreement.

“Wait… you all believed that story?” Sana asked, her face blank. “It isn’t true.”

That’s when it all came spilling out. The tabloids printing their stories when Sana and Naozumi’s managers couldn’t do anything to stop it. Sana not correcting Ishida’s assumption that she was dating Naozumi so that she could let him down easy.

“So, even though I didn’t say anything about it myself, you all believed Ishida and the press?” she asked, crestfallen.

All Akito could do was stare.

Tsuyoshi went on the defensive. “But Sana-chan! It’s not our fault we believed it, you and Kamura-kun get along so well! And everyone said it was true!”

“Of course we get along well, we’re friends!” she retorted angrily.

“We couldn’t get ahold of you…” Aya offered.

“I was in the mountains! I got to make one phone call the entire time I was there!” she emphasized.

Akito was taken aback, though his exterior remained expressionless. Was he the only person she had contacted when she was away?

“I feel…” Sana said, her voice trembling. She turned away. When she turned back to them, that phony smile was plastered back on her face. “I’m sorry, I really need to get going.”

And then she took off into a full-on run. This was the third time that she had run away from him today, and Akito was tired of it.

“Sana, come back!” someone yelled.

Before he even knew what was happening, he had taken off after her. He had to know. Why was she so upset? Why had she been looking so uneasy around him? Why had she spent half of the day pretending to be okay in front of the people she called her closest friends?

“Akito!” Fuka called out from somewhere behind him. He didn’t care. The only thing that mattered was closing the distance between himself and Sana.

Akito was taller now, and training had made him faster. It didn’t take long before he had caught up to Sana, reaching out to grab her by the arm. She turned back to him, tears rolling down her face.

There was a moment of silence as they looked at each other. His chest was heaving from the run, she was moments away from full-on sobbing.

“Why are you crying?” Akito demanded.

“What do you want?” Sana asked at almost the same time.

“Relax!”

“Let go of me!”

“Is that really something to cry about?”

“Go away, okay?”

“No.” He wasn’t going to leave her. Not until he had answers.

“Let me go!”

“Sana-“

That’s when he saw something shift in her. Her great sadness turned into great anger before his eyes. She turned to him angrily, swiping a hand across his face.

“I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT!” she shouted, then turned and ran away.

Akito stood there and watched her go. He touched the cheek that Sana had slapped – it still stung.

Once she was out of sight, he turned around to make his way back to Fuka and the others. He couldn’t decide how he felt – if he was concerned or if he was annoyed. Annoyance might be the winning emotion. He turned to a trashcan on the sidewalk and kicked it repeatedly.

Chapter Text

Akito was equal parts irritated and mystified as he walked back to his friends. There truly was no one that he found more infuriating than Sana Kurata. He did his best to compose himself, knowing that the group would have questions when he returned. He focused on his breathing, forcing his heart rate to slowly return to normal.

“He’s back!” Tsuyoshi announced. Aya and Fuka turned to look at him as he walked up.

“What happened?” Aya asked, her face wrought with concern.

“She yelled at me and slapped me and went home.” Akito grumbled, sitting back in his seat between Tsuyoshi and Fuka. “What’s with her? I understand her even less than I did before.”

Tsuyoshi looked like he wanted to say something, but before he could verbalize it, Fuka sighed.

“I’m so stupid. Even though I’ve been hurt by rumors myself, and I know you can’t believe them…“ Fuka trailed off sadly.

“But the scale of the rumors was different for Sana-chan…” Aya said, reaching out to pat Fuka’s arm.

The rest of their meal was quiet – each member of the group was lost in thought about Sana and Naozumi. Akito kept his eyes firmly on his hamburger, trying his best to ignore the glances that Tsuyoshi and Aya were exchanging across the table. Eventually, it was time for everyone to make their way home.

Akito and Fuka made their way down the street, walking together but each in their own thoughts.

“So Sana wasn’t dating Naozumi after all…” Fuka asked, looking down at the pavement in front of her. “What are you going to do?”

Akito was taken aback by the question. “The same thing I’m doing now. I’m going out with you now, so that has nothing to do with me.” He replied coolly.

“I would like to believe that, but I can’t really believe what you say.” Fuka said, looking up at the trees as they walked underneath them.

“What? Why not?” Akito asked, stopping to turn and look at her.

“Last month I lent you a CD and told you to give it back to me tomorrow, and you still haven’t returned it.” Fuka said.

Akito sighed. Was that all?

“And even if we say we’re goin’ out, all we ever do is walk home from school together and that’s only on days when you don’t have karate.” Fuka continued.

She looked like she was about to launch into additional reasons, but Akito had an idea.

“Wait there!” Akito said, breaking out into a full-on run.

The streets were mostly empty, as most of the students were home from school already and most adults were still at work. He weaved around the few people he met along the way, rounding the corner to his street. He threw open the gate to his home, ran up the walkway, and threw open the front door.

His sister, Natsumi, was sitting on the living room couch working on homework. Akito didn’t stop to take off his shoes, running through the house and up the stairs to his bedroom.

“Akito! Your shoes!” Natsumi shouted angrily. “Honestly, you have no respect for this home-“

Before she could finish her sentence, Akito was stomping back down the stairs with a CD in his hand. He left the house without acknowledging her, letting the door slam behind him on his way out. He knew he was going to hear it from Natsumi later, but right now it was hard to care. He was on a mission.

A mission to prove that he was trustworthy. He knew that he had been slacking as a boyfriend because he was caught up in the past. But there was a perfectly great girl right now in his present – it was time to put in the effort.

She was looking away when he reached the spot where he had left her. He arrived sweating and panting slightly, holding out the CD.

“My CD! No way, you ran all the way home!” Fuka exclaimed, taking the CD from him.

Akito nodded in the affirmative, a smirk on his face.

“I’ll walk you home.” He said.

Fuka seemed  much brighter as Akito walked her home. She was chattering away about something that had happened in gymnastics practice earlier that week. She was outlining how much better their chances at a title were now that Sana was back at school. Akito nodded along as she spoke.

When they reached the gate to her home, they stopped. Fuka gave him one of those long looks – Akito knew what it meant, but still couldn’t bring himself to kiss her. Instead, he reached out with one arm and pulled her into his chest. Fuka wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed. Then she pulled back.

“Thank you for today.” She said, smiling softly.  

“For what?” Akito asked, raising his eyebrows.

“I think you know.” She replied, still smiling softly, but with a kind of sadness behind her eyes. Fuka made her way to the front door before turning back to Akito and waving.

Akito waved back, turning and walking down the street toward his own home.

“I think you know.” She had said. That was so cryptic. What did it mean?

Akito’s thoughts kept looping around on his walk home. He tried to focus on Fuka – he wanted to understand what she was trying to say. But his thoughts kept circling back around to everything that happened that day.

“What are you going to do?”

“You can’t just call me ‘Sana’ like that!”

“I can’t really believe what you say.”

“I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT.”

“I think you know.”

He kicked a garbage can as he passed it. Why was this all so complicated?

By the time he arrived home, Natsumi’s anger had mostly subsided. However, she did make him vacuum all of the areas where he had walked with his shoes on inside. Then she made him help her chop the vegetables for dinner. She also instructed Akito to call her “Onee-san” and refused to respond to “Natsumi.”

Akito grumbled each time, wishing he had been born into a culture that didn’t have such a hangup about using your name.

When his father arrived home from work, the three sat around the table and ate together. He registered that his father and Natsumi were having a conversation, but he was too emotionally drained to participate.

After dinner he grabbed a can of soda and began to make his way up to his room to complete his homework, but Natsumi stopped him.

“Oh, Akito. Someone called you while you were out.”

“Who?” Akito asked, unsure who it would be besides Fuka.

“I’m not sure. They didn’t say, but I think it was a guy. They left a weird message though. They just said that you should watch Channel 4 at 7:00 PM this evening.”

Akito looked at the clock – it was 6:58 PM. “Thanks, Onee-sama.” He said, smirking at her.

“Ack, when you do that you ruin it!” She huffed.

Akito entered his bedroom and closed the door behind him. The defiant part of him didn’t want to watch the program just because some strange message said to, but Akito was admittedly curious about who left the strange message in the first place.

Akito decided to turn the TV on, but only to have something on in the background while he was doing his homework. Not because he was being told to. He was only half-listening to it as he cracked open his soda and scanned his textbook. He heard a familiar voice onscreen, and looked up to see Naozumi Kamura. He rolled his eyes, looking back down at his text book.

“We’ve been hearing a lot of things about you and your costar, Sana Kurata. How long have the two of you been official?” the interviewed asked.

“That’s false. It’s getting quite troublesome that everyone believes it. The truth is, I do like her. But she turned me down!” Naozumi said with a slight smile.

Akito’s ears perked up at this, he took a drink of his soda and placed it on the ground next to him.  

“Are you sure you want to talk about this?” the interviewer asked.

“It’s fine. It’s because there was already someone she liked.” Naozumi replied.

Akito wasn’t sure what to make of that. Knowing Sana she had probably developed a crush on an older actor or something.

“I’d like to know who that is. An actor?” the interviewer asked.

“No, an ordinary person. I can’t say who it is, but I can give you a hint.” Naozumi replied, his tone teasing.

 Maybe it was an older crew member. She liked old guys.

“The morning she left to go shooting on location. He was jogging, and he went to see her off.” Naozumi said.

Akito knocked over the can of soda, but barely registered the sound.

“Well I don’t know who it is at all!” the interviewer exclaimed.

“You wouldn’t know who it is. Anyway, that’s what Sana told me. And it’s the truth. ” Naozumi said, shrugging his shoulders.

“I see, even though you do a lot of work together…” the interviewed trailed off as Akito turned off the TV.

Akito felt as though all of the air had been sucked out of the room. The silence in the aftermath of the TV being turned off was ringing in his ears.

It was him. He was who Sana liked.

It had to be – unless someone else had come to see Sana off before she left for the location shoot. And then had left before he got there. But that was impossible. Or was it?

Akito was dumbfounded. Why hadn’t she told him herself? After an entire year of showing her, time and again, how much he liked her. Why hadn’t she said anything?

This was so typical. It was so selfish of her to do this now, when he was with someone else. Couldn’t she have done this before Fuka had ever asked him to be her stupid boyfriend?

Akito felt immediately guilty. Sana hadn’t technically done anything. Kamura was the one who had aired their relationship on national television.

What did this mean for their relationship? Was a mysterious phone call and an interview with Naozumi Kamura going to be the catalyst that finally got them together?

He was hit with another wave of guilt as he remembered his girlfriend. Fuka… he was with Fuka now. It didn’t matter what he had felt. It didn’t matter that Sana might have feelings for him.

She was in the mountains for months, and she got one phone call. She got one phone call, and she had used it to call him. And he had used it to tell her that he was dating Fuka now.

That must have hurt her, to hear that, from him.

He was always hurting people. He didn’t know how to stop.

The idea of breaking up with Fuka made him sick to his stomach. He had just that day recommitted himself to their relationship. He had told her that he was going to keep dating her. That Sana being single had nothing to do with him. And six hours ago he had meant it.

The idea of walking away from Sana made his chest hurt. She was someone he found equal parts infuriating, annoying, hilarious, kind, and warm. He had never completely understood the why of his feelings for her. They just were.

There was no way out of this without hurting someone. Either way, someone was going to end up with a broken heart.

He was pretty sure it was going to be him.

Before he realized it, his alarm was going off for school. He hadn’t slept at all. He was too exhausted to complete his usual morning run, so he skipped it and decided to take a shower. He hoped that the water would wake him up enough to get through the day.

He yawned as he came down the stairs. He sat at the table across from his father, and slowly began eating the food in front of him. Fuyuki took a sip of his coffee.

“Hey, Dad. Is that stuff any good?” Akito asked.

Fuyuki was quiet as he looked into the cup. “I’ve been drinking it for so long that I honestly don’t know anymore.”

“Can I have some?” Akito asked.

“No.” Fuyuki said flatly. “It’ll stunt your growth.”

Akito grumbled as he continued eating. He really felt like he could use the caffeine today.

The walk to school felt longer than usual. Everything felt hazy. He only narrowly avoided bumping into people on the street. He knew that he had said hello to Tsuyoshi and Aya by the shoe lockers. He couldn’t remember making it to his seat, yet here he was.

Class was happening, but he didn’t know which one. He felt like every time he blinked a different teacher was standing at the front of the room. First it was Mr. Sengoku. Then Ms. Nakamura. Then Mr. Suzuki.

He didn’t realize that he had been falling asleep until he fell out of his chair.

“Hayama! Are you alright?” Mr. Suzuki asked, his tone worried.

Akito mumbled an embarrassed yes, and began to go back to his seat.

“You hit your head pretty hard. Go to the nurse’s office.” Mr. Suzuki instructed. “Do you need help getting there?”

“I can take him!” Tsuyoshi volunteered.

“It’s okay.” Akito said, waving him off. “Thank you, Sensei. And I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it, just take care of yourself.” Mr. Suzuki said with an encouraging smile.

Akito managed to make his way to the nurse’s office. She decided that he was not concussed, but said that if he was so sleepy that he was falling asleep in class that he should probably take a short nap.

He was grateful for the suggestion, and fell asleep almost immediately in one of the cots.

It wasn’t the most comfortable thing in the world, but he was so tired that he didn’t care. While he was asleep he was vaguely aware of people coming in and out for treatments. Bandaids, menstrual products, ibuprofen. Then, all of a sudden, he could pick out one very familiar voice.

“I’ve kind of got cramps. Can I rest for awhile?” someone who sounded like Sana asked.

“I’ll get you some medicine. Be quiet because someone is sleeping beside you.” The nurse said.

“Thanks!” Sounds-Like-Sana said, getting into the bed beside him.

Akito pulled the curtain dividing the beds to the side. If he thought it sounded like Sana, this really looked like Sana too. He rubbed his eyes sleepily.

“Wha-what’s wrong?” Sounds-Like-Sana asked.  

“I didn’t get any sleep last night. And I was so sleepy today that I fell out of my chair right in the middle of class.” Akito said, continuing to rub his eyes.

“That sounds bad.” Sounds-Like-Sana replied, getting out of the bed. “Nurse, I’m fine now!”

“But I just got the medicine out!”

“Thanks, I’m fine!” Sounds-Like-Sana made a beeline for the door, sliding it shut behind her.

That’s when Akito woke up enough to realize that it didn’t just sound like Sana. It was Sana. And she was making her escape, once again. He couldn’t let her get away. He had to know the truth. If someone’s heart was going to be broken, he needed all of the facts.

“Thanks for letting me stay here, Nurse!” Akito called in passing as he slid open the door.

Sana was standing just outside the door, looking like she was about to have a panic attack. When she saw Akito next to her, she began to run away again. For once, Akito was faster.

He took her by the shoulders and backed her into the wall. He had to know.

“Kamura said something weird on TV last night. I’ve been worried because I don’t know if it’s true or not. So tell me the truth. I won’t believe it unless you tell me yourself.” He said.

Chapter Text

“I won’t believe it unless you tell me yourself.”

Sana looked as though she was frozen with fear. She was quiet, staring at the wall somewhere behind him. Finally, she dared a small look into Akito’s eyes.

“First, you tell me the truth. How do you really feel about me?” she demanded. Before Akito could open his mouth to argue with her about this attempt to turn the tables, she was launching into another thought. “Last night, Naozumi said that maybe you liked me all along.” She said, looking away again.

Naozumi… what’s he trying to pull? Starting with that interview. And maybe the phone call? Akito thought to himself.

“Naozumi and I are just friends. Well, we’re not speaking right now. He told me that he liked me but I turned him down.” Sana looked back into his eyes. “Because I… like you.”

Sana looked like she was about to be sick. The silence that hung in the air around them was heavy. Akito felt the anger begin prickling beneath his skin. He knew he should take a moment to compose himself, but before he knew it his voice was rumbling through the hallway.

“You like me? Who’re you kidding? Stop joking around!” he fumed.

“Why are you so mad? I’m telling the truth!” Sana retorted.

“Why are you saying this now?” He demanded, the volume of his voice increasing.

“I only realized when we were out shooting!” She replied, matching his volume.

“Agh! You!” Akito exclaimed in a strangled voice. “You’re so.” He wanted to scream. He managed not to. “So dense. How did you never realize how I felt about you?” He finished with a growl.

“How would I know your feelings?!” Sana rebutted.

“Sana, I’ve always liked you.” Akito said emphatically. “You… you just… never saw it.”

They were quiet for a moment as what he had confessed sunk in. 

“Really? Me?” Sana asked, pointing to herself. “Why didn’t you just tell me?!”

“You can’t just come right out and say it!”

“You can so! I just said it!”

“Yeah, well so did I!” This is embarrassing.

“If you didn’t say it, how would I know?!”

“Everybody knew!”

“It can’t have been everybody because I didn’t know! Am I not a person now?!”

“Agh! You’re so dense!”

“I guess I’m just a tofu-brained stupid girl!”

“What are you talking about?! I said you’re dense, not stupid! There’s a difference!”

“What is the difference between dense and stupid, then?! Since you’re so smart!”

Akito didn’t have a response for that. He looked into Sana’s large brown eyes. The look on her face made his chest feel tight.

She turned away. “Goodbye.”

“Wait! I’m not finished.” He said, grabbing her wrist again. He had thought she would turn around to face him, but her arm was limp in his grip. She stood facing away.

“You said you liked me, in the past tense. Fuka is the one you like now, right?” She said softly.

He didn’t know what to say. If the past twenty-four hours were any indication, his feelings for Sana were very much not in the past tense.

But… there was still Fuka to think about.

Before he could decide how to respond, the door to the nurse’s office slid open with a bang.

“What are you kids doing? If you have enough energy to be that noisy, get back to the classroom.” The nurse reprimanded. She pointed around the corner, shaking her finger. “You too!”

They didn’t look at each other, but Akito knew that they were both horrified at the prospect that they were not as alone as they thought. How much of what they had said had been heard?

Sana ripped her arm out of his grip, ran to the corner, then stopped dead in her tracks when she saw who was there. “F-fuka!”

Akito’s blood went cold. Shit.

“You only jammed your finger… I was wondering why it took so long. So I came to check on you.” Fuka said flatly, looking away from both of them. There was a beat of horribly uncomfortable silence, and then Fuka turned and began running down the hallway, Sana hot on her trail.  

“Fuka!” Sana called after her. “Wait! Fuka!”

Akito stood there for a moment, paralyzed with anxiety. Fuka was upset. He was Fuka’s boyfriend. He had said he liked another girl in front of his girlfriend. He needed to go to Fuka. But what would she say when he got to her?

What would Sana say?

The girls ran all the way down the hallway and into the stairwell, heading downstairs. The door slammed shut behind them, and the sound brought Akito back to earth. He took off running.

He finally caught up to them in time to see Sana grab Fuka’s wrist. “Please, Fuka! You have nothing to worry about!” Her voice was panicked.

Fuka whirled around, crying angrily. “Nothing to worry about?! Sana, Akito just said he liked you. Why now?!”

Sana softened immediately. “I’m so sorry, but please don’t worry.” It was clear to Akito that she didn’t know what to say next. She struggled to choose her words. “He said he liked me as in used to.”

She swallowed. “And Hayama is in my past as well. I realized how I felt when I was gone, but that has nothing to do with now.” She said frantically. “So please forgive me. I’m so sorry.”

Hayama is in my past as well. Her words echoed in his ears.

“But I still have to worry about Akito…” Fuka cried, her eyes darting between Sana and where Akito stood several feet away. Her eyes met his, and it killed him to see how filled with pain they were. “I won’t break up with you!”

Fuka ran off, he wasn’t sure where she was going. Sana turned to look at him.

Instead of wondering what he should say, he accepted that there was nothing to say. Sana had already said it all for them. It was in the past. It has nothing to do with now.

He turned away, without a word, and went back inside the building. He heard a small sob from behind him. There was a part of him that wanted to turn around and take Sana into his arms. Comfort her.

He felt guilty. It should be Fuka that he wanted to comfort.

Rather than return to class, he decided to just leave. He went to his locker, retrieved his belongings and changed his shoes. When he came back outside, Sana was nowhere to be seen. Neither was Fuka.

No one made any attempt to stop him as he left.

As he turned onto the sidewalk outside the school gates, he realized that skipping school was not all it was cracked up to be. He couldn’t go home because if he was home before Natsumi then she would suspect something and tell their father. He couldn’t go to the dojo, his class wasn’t for several hours. The arcade was out of the question because he was still in his school uniform, and he would probably get grief from most of the cafes and fast food restaurants in the area because it was fairly obvious that he was skipping. He ended up in the park near the elementary school.

Akito was disgusted with himself. The more he sat with his self loathing, the more he began to blame Sana. If it was all in the past for her, she shouldn’t have said anything. Never mind that he had pushed her into confessing, that was besides the point. It wasn’t fair of her to do this to him, and then say it was in the past.

In a strange way, he felt angry because he felt rejected. Sana had chosen her friendship with Fuka, a girl she had known for roughly six months, over a relationship with him. What did she owe Fuka anyway? The guilt and the blame would fall squarely on him if he were to break up with Fuka to be with her.

But could he break up with Fuka to be with her? The very thought left him feeling nauseous. He could picture how Fuka would look, her eyes filled with more of the pain he had seen that afternoon.  

He couldn’t do it. It just wasn’t right.

As much as he loved Sana, he had already made a promise to someone else. Yet still, he felt betrayed by Sana.

Forget a relationship, she had chosen her friendship with Fuka over her friendship with him.

“After everything…” Akito muttered, looking up at the sky with a frown.

They weren’t going to be able to come back from this. He knew that.

He sat in the park until it was time to go to karate. During his walk his thoughts looped obsessively while he recalled the details of everything that had been said that afternoon.

“Fuka is the one you like now, right?”

“But I still have to worry about Akito…”

“And Hayama is in my past as well.”

“I won’t break up with you!”

Karate was a welcome distraction. With karate, you have to remain fully present. If your thoughts aren’t solely about what you are doing in that moment, you will hurt yourself or someone else. Even so, he knew his performance wasn’t his best. And clearly Sensei Kunimitsu had noticed as well.

“Hayama!” he called, as Akito exited the locker room.

“Yes, Sensei?” Akito replied politely.

“Is everything alright, Hayama? You seemed somewhat distracted today.”

“I’m sorry, Sensei. It won’t happen again.”

“I’m not reprimanding you, Hayama. You weren’t distracted to the point of being unsafe. I just wanted to make sure that everything is alright with you.”

“Thank you, Sensei.” Akito paused. He and his teacher had a good relationship, but it wasn’t exactly a close one. While Sensei Kunimitsu had extended a friendly hand on multiple occasions, Akito never knew how to accept it. So their conversations had remained polite yet distant.

“Sensei, today it was difficult for me to remain present because of something that happened at school. I don’t know how to stop thinking about it.”

“Ah, I understand.” Sensei Kunimitsu said, nodding. “Hayama, have you ever tried meditating?”

“No, Sensei.”

“Well, if you have a few minutes, we can go through some meditation exercises in one of the practice spaces.”

“I have time, Sensei. Thank you.”

Sensei Kunimitsu and Akito headed into one of the practice spaces. Kunimitsu carefully lowered himself to the floor, and Akito followed suit. From there, Kunimitsu walked him through the steps of using his breathing to help empty his mind. It felt familiar to him, as breathing techniques were already a part of his karate practice. And after several minutes of sitting with him, Akito felt some of the tension leave his muscles.

He thanked Sensei Kunimitsu for his time and the additional advice, and then he made his way home for dinner with his family, homework, and sleep. Meditating one time hadn’t cured him, but after the heaviness of the day, it had helped him feel just a little lighter.

The next morning his anxiety had returned with a vengeance. The prospect of going to school felt impossible. He had considered calling Fuka last night when he got home from karate, but had convinced himself that it would be better to speak to her in person. He was now regretting that particular decision.

When he walked up to the school’s entrance, Fuka was waiting inside the gates.

“Mornin’.” She said, waving to him.

“Morning.” He replied, waving back.

“Can we talk?” She asked.

“Yeah.” He replied, following her to a bench underneath one of the school’s larger trees.

Fuka took a deep breath, but Akito raised his hand.

“Can I go first?” he asked.

Fuka simply nodded silently.

“I’m sorry. You don’t have anything to worry about, I promise.” He said.

Fuka smiled weakly. “Okay.” She said.

“Thanks.” He said, taking hold of her hand and standing up. She was giving him that look again – and once again he just couldn’t kiss her. He leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to the top of her head. She smelled nice. She looked pretty.

When she looked up at him, a light blush dusting her cheeks, he thought for a moment she was Sana. And for a brief moment, his heart wished that it was Sana that had looked at him that way.

Akito shook his head, trying to shake the vision from of his head. Fuka seemed pleased by the small advancement of physical affection from Akito. He knew that there was probably more that he should say, but he just didn’t know how. So instead they made their way into the school building to meet up with Tsuyoshi and Aya.

A few weeks passed. Sana hadn’t returned to school, and in many ways that made everything easier for Akito. If she was out of sight, then it was easier to keep her out of his mind. If only he could keep her out of conversation. People were starting to wonder where she was.

Tsuyoshi recounted to them what he had heard from Sana when he saw her and her mother leaving the school earlier that morning. Sana was going to be working more regularly, meaning she wasn’t going to be in class much for the remainder of the school year.

“Sana hasn’t been back at school since that day. Is it because of me?” Fuka asked sadly.

“It’s her own decision. It has nothing to do with you.” Akito said.

“Aren’t you worried about her?” she asked.

“No.” he lied.

“Then I won’t worry either.” She replied.

To assuage his guilt, Akito did his best to be a better boyfriend, but knew he wasn’t rising to the occasion. He felt numb when he and Fuka began to spend more time together alone. Fuka seemed to think he needed cheering up, so she threw all of her energy into trying to make him smile. She dragged him to the gym to practice backflips, she cooked him omelets at her house, she introduced him to her pet bird. The most he could give her was a chuckle.

The only peace he was finding was his newfound daily meditation practice. He tried to spend some time meditating at the beginning of the day after his run. If Sensei Kunimitsu was available after karate practice, they would meditate together in one of the empty practice rooms. His racing mind always felt a little quieter after those sessions.

A few days later, Akito was walking home from karate practice, completely lost in thought. He was alarmed to see there was someone waiting outside the gate to his home.

He was even more alarmed to realize it was Sana. When she saw him approach, she turned to him with a small smile and a wave.

“You’re keeping up with karate practice? Good for you!” She said, her voice upbeat. Akito stared - she was putting on a front.

She paused for a minute, the joyful façade crumbling away. “I’m sorry about what I said the other day.”

Good, she should be.

“I came to say goodbye.”

Wait.

“I’m going to focus on my work from now on.”

Wait. No.

“So we probably won’t see each other much anymore.”

This isn’t what he wanted.

“Hey, maybe I’ll meet someone!”

No. No.

“And then… I can forget you.”

“Forget…”

It was one thing to wish he never had to see her again, it was another for that to become a reality. Every impulse in his body was telling him to stop her. To tell her to come back to school. To tell her not to go. 

“Yeah, forget. So please forget about what I said. And please tell Fuka… that I’m sorry.”

She had been lying when she had said it was in the past. She had been lying. She had been lying.

But did it matter?

Even if she was lying when she said it was in the past. Even if she still had feelings for him.

There was someone else he belonged to.

“Sana, you know… I just can’t hurt Fuka. It isn’t fair to her.” It killed him to say it.

“Of course. I know…” She said with an understanding smile.

A moment of silence. Her face fell, and the way she looked at him was devastating.

“Bye bye, Hayama. Take care of yourself.” She said, turning away.

No. No.

He couldn’t let her go. Not like this.

In one fluid movement, Akito had taken her hand and pulled her back and around into his arms. They had hugged before, sure. Those hugs had been when they were younger, though. They always hugged with their arms around each other’s shoulders. They had been the same height. Even when Akito had kissed her last year, he had grabbed her by the shoulders to do it.

This felt… different. He was taller now. When he pulled her into his chest, her head could rest there now. He took one arm and wrapped it around her waist. His other hand cradled her head. It was like they were made to fit perfectly in each other’s arms.

It felt as though time had stopped just for them. When Akito had first wrapped his arms around Sana, she was completely rigid. But after a moment she relaxed against him, her small hands clinging to the back of his jacket.

Sana’s body shuddered and she sniffled, clearly crying. Akito squeezed her tighter. The scent of her perfume and the feel of her silky auburn locks beneath his fingers was familiar and comforting.

How long had he dreamed of holding her this closely? Of her returning his feelings?

Why did it have to be like this?

Time stops for no one, and all dreams end when you wake up.

Sana’s hands made their way from his back to his upper arms, and she gently pushed herself backwards.

Away from him.

She wiped her tears, gave him one last smile and a wave. Then she turned and ran away.

He imagined a world where he chased her down. Caught her in his arms. Wiped her tears away with his thumbs. Cupped her face in his hands and kissed her for everything he was worth.

She disappeared from sight.

He felt numb as he made his way upstairs to his bedroom. He took off the hoodie he had been wearing, and brought it to his nose. He had held her long enough that the jacket smelled like her. He stuffed it into a pillow case to preserve the scent.

Wracked with guilt over Fuka and longing for Sana, Akito didn’t get any sleep that night.

Akito woke up in his homeroom to a stinging pain on the back of his head. He sat up groggily.

“Would you care to wake up and pay attention?” Mr. Sengoku asked.

“Not especially, no.” Akito replied, his eyes challenging.

“Get out.” Mr. Sengoku said.

Later that day, Akito, Fuka, Tsuyoshi, and Aya were walking to the arcade after school.

“Akito, you can’t act like you did today.” Tsuyoshi said, his voice bordering on a whine.

“That bastard is always on my case, he pisses me off.” Akito replied irritably.

“That’s because your attitude sucks!” Tsuyoshi admonished. He was about to continue his diatribe when Aya interrupted him.

“Look over there! It’s Sana-chan!”

Akito looked up and was stunned. Across the street was a giant billboard of Sana’s face. Somehow she looked more mature. Her lips were turned up in a playful smile and her eyes glittered as though she had some kind of secret.

She was gorgeous.

“It’s huge!” Fuka exclaimed.

“It’s beautiful! Is Sana-chan usually that beautiful?” Tsuyoshi said, astonished.

Akito ripped his eyes from the billboard and turned away quickly. “Makeup and good photography.”

“Don’t say that!” Tsuyoshi said reprovingly.

“Sana-chan’s on a roll! She’s on TV all the time. I can hardly believe she’s the Sana-chan that we know.” Aya said, still staring at the billboard in awe.

“Fuka-chan, you’re in her class. Does she still come to school?” Tsuyoshi asked.

“Every once and a while, but never for more than a couple of hours. I don’t really get to talk to her.” Fuka replied with a sad shrug. 

“Oh, really? So she must have even less time to see us.” Tsuyoshi said disappointedly.

“Tsuyoshi, would you just drop it already?” Akito hissed, his voice low and his eyes burning.

Akito stomped away, and he could feel Fuka following behind him at a safe distance.

“Huh? What’s your problem?” Aya called out. Akito clenched his jaw. He could hear Aya say, “Tsuyoshi-kun, something must have happened. Those two have been acting strange.”

Once they were on their own, Fuka handed Akito a small present wrapped in tissue paper.

“I’m one day early, but, here’s your birthday present!” Fuka said cheerfully.

“Oh, thanks. Tomorrow, I-“ Akito began.

“I heard.” Fuka said kindly, squeezing his hand.

It was nice to not have to explain spending his birthday in a cemetery.

“What is it?” Akito asked, unwrapping the gift.

“It’s some kind of handheld game, I don’t know.” Fuka said with a light laugh.

“Thank you.” Akito said, giving her a small smile. He turned his attention to the game for a moment, then remembered that he should use this opportunity to be a better boyfriend.

“When is your birthday?” he asked.

“Mine? December 24! Christmas Eve.”

Akito stopped dead in his tracks, dropping the game on the sidewalk.

“Ah, why did you drop it?! Is there something wrong with my birthday?!” Fuka asked.

“No, nothing…” Akito said, bending down to pick up the game.

But what were the odds?

“We’ll celebrate our birthdays together, on Christmas Eve!”

Chapter Text

The morning of October 12, Akito woke up with a start. He had had some kind of nightmare. The details were fuzzy, but he could remember seeing his mother and Sana walking away from him. The further they got from him, the darker his surroundings became.

He tried to focus on his breathing, to clear his mind, to regulate his heartbeat. But it wasn’t working. The dream had left him too keyed up. He guiltily pulled the pillowcase with his hoodie inside from under his bed. He pulled the hoodie to his nose and inhaled deeply. The scent of Sana still lingered on the front.

As soon as he took the first breath, he felt himself beginning to calm down.

Somehow, this irritated him. He felt guilty and defensive, like he was doing something wrong or creepy. Before he could dwell too much on it, there was a knock on his door.

“What?” Akito responded quickly, stuffing the hoodie back into the pillow case and shoving it back under his bed.

Fuyuki’s voice came through the door. “Come downstairs, your sister is almost done making breakfast.”

“It’s okay, I’m not hungry.” Akito lied. He was actually very hungry, but he wasn’t quite ready to be around people yet that morning.

The door opened quickly, and Fuyuki stood in the doorway – his stubborn energy radiating off of him. “You are a teenage boy and you need to consume an excess amount of food in order to support your excess growing. Now come downstairs and eat the birthday breakfast that your sister made you.”

Akito’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. Natsumi had… made a special breakfast for him?

Akito got up and obediently padded down the stairs after his father. Breakfast in the Hayama household was usually a quick and basic event – none of them had time in the morning to really indulge, so breakfast often consisted of rice, miso soup, precooked salmon, and whatever pickled vegetables were leftover from the previous evening’s dinner.

“Happy Birthday, Akito!” Natsumi said, waving at the table with a flourish. She had prepared all of his favorite breakfast foods – there was the obligatory rice, but there was also seasoned seaweed, egg drop soup, tamagoyaki, a really nice-looking tuna, and…

“Natsumi… you made natto?”

“I did!” Natsumi said, her nose wrinkling. “I don’t know how you and Dad can stomach the stuff, but it’s not my birthday, so.” She pointed excitedly at the table. “Look! I rolled the tamagoyaki this morning, so they are super fresh!”

“It looks really good. Thank you so much.”

“Eh??” Natsumi exclaimed. “I think this is the first time you have ever thanked me for anything! It sounds weird!”

Fuyuki chuckled, sitting down at the table. “Happy Birthday, Akito.”

They ate breakfast together in a more relaxed manner than usual, since it was a Sunday. There was an unspoken somber air around the table – they all knew what they were going to be doing that day.

After they cleaned up the breakfast dishes, they each dressed for the day and headed to the cemetery by foot. They stopped at the usual flower shop to pick up Koharu’s favorite flowers, then headed to a stand to pick up her favorite snack (tsukimidango dumplings), then made their way down the familiar route to the cemetery.

When they arrived at the grave site, they each went about their usual tasks. Scrubbing the stone to remove the year’s grime buildup, arranging the flowers, lighting the incense, and making their offering. Then, they each kneeled down to pray.

Hi, Mom. Akito silently prayed. I know that I always say that you can’t miss what you never had, but lately I have been really wishing you were around. Nothing is simple anymore, and everything is painful. I don’t feel like I can talk to Natsumi about anything, she would just make fun of me. And I don’t think Dad would get it. It’s been thirteen years, and he still doesn’t love anyone but you. He wouldn’t understand…

Why did you have to die?

“Aa-chan. I gave birth to you because I love you. I want you to go on living…”

Words spoken a long time ago echoed in his ears. He angrily tried to wish the memory away.

He was trying to offer a prayer to his dead mother who by the way died giving birth to him why the hell was he thinking of Sana?

He did his best to focus on the woman he knew only from photographs and the memories of others.

The next day, Akito made his way up to Fuka, who was waiting for him near the school gate.  

“Mornin’.” Fuka said, with a small wave.

“Hey.” Akito replied, raising his hand in response. They began walking into the building together. “I won’t be able to walk you home today. I’m going to karate.”

“You got class today?” Fuka asked curiously.

“No, but my belt test is coming up. I need to train.” Akito replied.

“Oh, well, good luck.” Fuka said with a smile.

“I’m gonna hit the restroom. Go on ahead.” Akito said, indicating a door to the right.

“But that’s the teachers’ bathroom?” Fuka said, raising an eyebrow.

“Hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go.” Akito shrugged.

“Okay, later.” Fuka said with an amused expression, then she continued on down the hall to her homeroom.

When he opened the door to the teacher’s restroom he saw Mr. Sengoku moving his hair. At first he couldn’t process what he was seeing, because hair shouldn’t move like a hat. That was when it hit him – Mr. Sengoku wore a toupee. Akito tiptoed carefully out of the bathroom so that he would not be seen, the last thing he needed was yet another altercation with Mr. Sengoku. He made a beeline for the student restroom upstairs.

Why is it always me who sees these things? But… I feel bad for him. I won’t tell anyone. It’ll be an inside joke… with myself.

Classes proceeded on like normal, he goofed around with Yunchi and Tsuyoshi, looking at a sports magazine. One of the other boys in their class – maybe one of Yunchi’s friends? – appeared from out of nowhere.

“Um, It’s time for lab. Everyone else left…”

“He’s right! We’d better get moving!” Yunchi said.

“Forget it. I’m skipping.” Akito said.

“C’mon, Akito-kun! Mr. Sengoku will just get even more angry with you, let’s go.” Tsuyoshi chided, tugging on his arm.

Once they made it to the science lab, they split off into their usual lab groups. At the beginning of the semester they had been permitted to choose their lab group, so Akito was with Tsuyoshi, Aya, and Yunchi.

“Alright, class, follow the written instructions, and don’t forget to turn in your reports. Be careful with the ethanol, and don’t drink the red wine.” Mr. Sengoku said, indicating some instructions on the chalkboard.

“Tsuyoshi-kun, I think the flame is too high. This is scary.” Aya said nervously.

“Don’t worry! Akito-kun, you should be the one to check the temperature. Do it every minute.” Tsuyoshi ordered, getting to work setting up the rest of the equipment.

“Who, me?” Akito grumbled.

“Yes, you.” Tsuyoshi replied, rolling his eyes.

“But what’s the point of this experiment? How does this help me in the long run?” Akito said, taking the test tube of red wine out of its holder.

“Cut it out, Akito-kun.” Tsuyoshi warned.

“If I have to study science, I’d rather study biology. It’s much cooler.” Akito said, swirling the wine around in the tube and raising it to his nose to smell it.

“Oh yeah, me too!” Yunchi said loudly. Loud enough for Mr. Sengoku to march over to them. Akito felt that familiar pain on the back of his head as Mr. Sengoku struck him, causing the red wine to go up his nose.

“Get back to work! And I said not to drink that!” Mr. Sengoku hissed.

“Akito-kun, you’re always causing trouble.” Aya chided.

“Can’t you try to get along with him?” Tsuyoshi chimed in.

Akito gave them a deadpan stare. “Are you joking?”

Tsuyoshi huffed. “Did you mark the temperature?”

“Yeah, yeah, stop asking.” Akito grumbled.

Yunchi wasn’t helping at all, and instead had gotten up to look out the window. “Hey, Hayama-kun! Isn’t that your girlfriend doing P.E.? She’s jogging! Wow, she’s really cute! So how’s it going with her?”

“How’s what going?” Akito asked with a raised brow.

“You know, everyone talks about how fast you are. You should have had one or two kisses already!” Yunchi laughed.

“You really wanna know?” Akito stared at him.

“Yeah! Is she hot?” Yunchi asked excitedly.

“Come here.” Akito beckoned to Yunchi, indicating that he was going to say something into his ear. Instead, he took one of the empty test tubes and tried to shove it into his ear canal.

“Oww! I’m sorry, I won’t mention your girlfriend again.” Yunchi groaned.

“What’s going on over here?!” Mr. Sengoku snapped. “You little perverts! Talking about sex? So, Hayama has a girlfriend, huh? Well don’t think flaunting her all over school makes you a big man. It doesn’t. It just makes you rude and vulgar.”

Mr. Sengoku glared at Akito, then turned around to speak to another group.

Akito felt embarrassed, the whole class was giving their table a sidelong glance. The anger was bubbling under his skin, and before he knew it he had opened his mouth.

“Sensei, your wig is crooked.” 

A hush fell over the classroom when Mr. Sengoku whirled around. The look on his face confirmed that what Akito said was true, so the students began chattering excitedly about this particular development.

“Shut up! All of you! Hayama, how dare you violate my privacy this way?” he snapped.

“You started it. You talked about my personal life first. You think being a teacher gives you the right to say whatever you want? I knew for a while, I was going to keep it a secret.” Akito snapped back.

“Shut up! You little-“

Before Mr. Sengoku could finish his sentence, Tsuyoshi stood up. “Sensei! I’m sorry, sir, but I think you’re out of line.” He said firmly.

Akito was taken aback by this sudden display of defiance, and he was thankful for it. He looked at Tsuyoshi and was overwhelmed with gratefulness for his oldest friend.

“Tsuyoshi-kun…” Aya said affectionately, stars in her eyes.

“I mean, I have a girlfriend too.” Tsuyoshi said, rubbing the back of his head.

All the gratefulness that Akito had been feeling left his body.

“What, now you’re bragging?!” Yunchi exclaimed.

The class was distracted, and it was clear that the conversation was on Mr. Sengoku’s toupee. Whatever intimidation factor he had seemed to be lost among the students as they chattered away about this revealing news. Mr. Sengoku dismissed class early, then made his way toward Akito’s table. The class began packing up and cleaning the lab equipment, still prattling away.

“Hayama, I will see you in the prep room when you’re done here.” Mr. Sengoku said in a threateningly quiet manner as he walked by. Akito merely nodded in response.

After class, Akito made his excuses to Tsuyoshi, Aya, and Yunchi and then went into the prep room after Mr. Sengoku. Mr. Sengoku closed the door behind Akito, then proceeded to lunge at him.

He landed a blow to Akito’s stomach and swiped his face as well. His cheek stung and his stomach hurt, but he wasn’t in much pain. Akito did his best to remain calm.

“You won’t get away with this. You can’t abuse students this way.” Akito said in as measured a way as he could.

“I can, because you won’t tell anyone.” Mr. Sengoku hissed. “If you talk, I’ll change as many of your class reports as I want. I can doctor them all.”

Akito internally rolled his eyes. He was one of the top students in their class. Even if he failed this course his overall scores would be fine. “Did you really think that would scare me? You’re the one who’s scared, don’t try to hide it. I mean, hitting a student? You’re in big trouble.”

“You – from the first day of class, I’ve hated you! I hate the look in your eyes. You remind me of him! I hated him in high school! He was always harassing me, he’d steal my lunch money… And you! You’re just like him! I knew it the moment you walked into my classroom. I hate guys like you.”

What is he talking about? He’s cracked… Akito thought.

“I get it now. You were picked on when you were a kid. And now you’re taking it out on me.” Akito said coolly.

That remark seemed to really set Mr. Sengoku off. He lunged at Akito again, pulling his fist back for another punch. But this time, Akito was ready. Due to his training, he could clearly see the path Mr. Sengoku was taking. Instinctually, Akito blocked Mr. Sengoku’s arm, shifted his stance, and punched him in the face. Mr. Sengoku crumpled to the ground with one hit.

Uh oh, I didn’t mean to do that. But I didn’t hit him hard. What a weakling.

A ringing sound could be heard from the classroom. “That’s the bell. I’m outta here. We’ll call it even.” Akito said, heading to the door. He turned around. “Oh yeah, your toupee? Now it really is crooked.”

The adrenaline was still pumping through Akito’s veins as he made his way back to their homeroom. He sat down in his desk next to Tsuyoshi.

“What happened? Did he yell at you?” Tsuyoshi asked lightly.

“Actually, he tried to beat me up. I couldn’t avoid the first blow.” Akito replied.  

“What? He hit you?” Tsuyoshi exclaimed.

“Don’t worry, I hit him back.” Akito said matter-of-factly.

“What?! Akito-kun, you can’t hit a teacher.” Tsuyoshi said, immediately uneasy.

“Why not?” Akito asked.

“What do you mean Why Not?? You just can’t, that’s all!” Tsuyoshi exclaimed.

Akito shouldn’t have been surprised when he was called to the Vice Principal’s Office. He sighed. Typical. On the one day he needed the laid-back principal, he was out of the office.

“Did you or did you not hit Mr. Sengoku?” The Vice Principal asked.

“Yes, but he hit me first.” Akito said, avoiding looking at Mr. Sengoku.

“What?!” A teacher exclaimed.

“I did no such thing. Hayama’s attitude in class has been bad, so I took him aside to speak about it, that’s all.” Mr. Sengoku said calmly.

Now Akito was angry all over again. “What a lying sack of-“

“Akito Hayama! How dare you speak to a teacher that way?!” Another teacher exclaimed.

“See what I mean? This is how he acts.” Mr. Sengoku said with a small shrug.

The Vice Principal and two other teachers stepped into a closed office and conferred with each other for a while. When they came outside, they had made their decision. Akito was to be suspended from school for ten days.

This did not bother him much.

He almost made it out of the building when he was ambushed by Tsuyoshi and Fuka.  

“Akito! What happened?!” Fuka shouted.

“I’m outta here! Looks like I get ten days off from this dump.” Akito said, throwing up a peace sign to his friends as he continued on his way.  

“What did you do to get suspended?” Fuka interrogated.  

“Well, it’s just…” Akito struggled, trying to find the words to explain. He turned around. “Nevermind. It’s no big deal.”

“Wait a sec, it is so a big deal!” Fuka exclaimed. “I’m your girlfriend, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So, you’re supposed to tell me stuff.”

“I am?”

“Yes!”

“Alright, you see…” Akito struggled again, but it felt like there was too much. “Forget it. I’m not in the mood. Go ask Tsuyoshi.” He turned around again, heading out the door.

He could feel Fuka’s eyes drilling into his back, but it was hard to care. There was too much. He would have to explain his history with Mr. Sengoku, he would have to explain that Yunchi had been eyeing her and that that was what started this whole mess.

And even if he could get all of the facts straight, he wasn’t sure she would understand. She would never understand the adrenaline rush that had made him strike a teacher. To Fuka, teachers were pretty much infallible. She had good relationships with all of her teachers, because she was a good student and contributed well during class.

He just didn’t feel like he could talk to her about this.

Other than the part where Akito was suspended from school and told to leave the premises, the rest of the afternoon passed by without much incident. Karate was fine. Dinner was going fine, until-

“Suspended?!” Fuyuki exclaimed.

“Yeah his school just called. He got in trouble for punching a teacher! Can you believe that? Still a brat! And then he went to karate all afternoon like nothing was wrong.” Natsumi explained, shooting Akito a dirty look.

“I did it, but only because he hit me first. Of course no one was going to believe me.” Akito added hastily, glaring at Natsumi.

Fuyuki was shocked. “What? Did he really?” he asked.

Akito lifted up his shirt to reveal a yellow and purple bruise on his abdomen.

“Wow, he really did hit you. Why didn’t you show that to the other teachers?” Fuyuki asked.

“They wouldn’t care. Besides, now I’ve got some time off.” Akito said, pulling his shirt back down.

“I see… a little vacation, huh?” Fuyuki commented, his eyebrows raised.

“Yup. Holiday time!” Akito said, taking another bite of his dinner.

They were silent for a moment as Fuyuki seemed to be searching for the right way to say something.

“Akito, I think I should tell you… I was once a real hoodlum. I got suspended a lot too.” Fuyuki said.

Akito and Natsumi were aghast at this revelation.

“You’re kidding?! I thought you were a good student?! I’m totally shocked!” Natsumi exclaimed.

“Eh, no. Sorry.” Fuyuki replied with a shrug. “So I really have no room to talk… Still, I can say that violence won’t solve your problems. That’s all I’ll say about it.”

Natsumi was still reeling from this information, and kept sputtering out follow up questions while Fuyuki pointedly ignored her.

“You gotta feel a little sorry for the guy, though. Going bald so young. My hair’s been getting thinner lately…”

After the dinner dishes were cleared away, Akito headed up to his room, flopping on his bed.

Now I’ve got some time off… but what am I gonna do?

He wasn’t sure what was going to happen with his future schoolwork, but he had completed everything that had been due up to now anyway. With a sigh he picked up the remote. The first channel he came across was a loud evening talk show.

“And tonight’s special guest is Sana Kurata!”

“Hello everybody!” TV Sana said cheerfully.

Akito turned off the TV and threw the remote at it, immediately irritated at the impromptu reminder of her existence. When he looked up, the first thing he saw was the dinosaur that she had gotten him for their middle birthday last year. Yet another reminder.

“Damn it, Sana.” He seethed, taking the dinosaur and shoving it in a drawer.  

I don’t want to think about her anymore. She really pisses me off. She’s such an idiot. First, she says she loves me. Then she says she doesn’t. Then she says goodbye. And then she keeps showing up everywhere I look!

Akito looked at his bedside table, where the handheld game that Fuka had gotten him was sitting.

Fuka’s not like that. Fuka is pretty cool.

He laid down on his bed, turning on the game.

So that’s settled. It’s Fuka.

He played a round of the game, then turned it off and placed it back on his bedside table. He paced around the room, beginning to make preparations to go to bed. As he turned around to go back to bed, he saw the pillowcase under his bed. The one with the hoodie inside.

I don’t want to think about her anymore!

He marched over and picked up the pillowcase, pulling the hoodie from inside of it, he turned to throw it across the room and into his laundry hamper, but stopped himself.

But, what if Sana was lying when she said it was over? It seemed phony when she said it.

But I could be wrong. But what if I’m right? If she heard I was suspended for fighting, she’d be so mad.

He could practically hear her voice in his head. “Are you crazy?! Don’t be an idiot!”

I don’t want to think about her.

I want to forget.

He dropped the hoodie with Sana’s scent on it into the laundry basket.

He put on his running shoes.

He headed out the front door.

While Akito appreciated Sensei Kunimitsu for showing him how to meditate, there were simply times when it didn’t work. One of those times was when he was filled with nervous, frantic energy. Running was the only thing that kept him from taking that destructive energy and turning it somewhere else. He tried to stay focused on the feeling of his feet hitting the pavement. He thought that if he ran long enough, he could forget.

Morning came before he forgot.

He stumbled in the front door just as his father was coming down the stairs.

“Eh? Akito?” Fuyuki said, quickly making his way toward him.

“Hi Dad, I’m home.” Akito said casually, then collapsed onto the floor.

“Good morning, Dad. Akito! What happened?! Is he alright?!” Natsumi asked, rushing to them.

“Looks like he’s been running nonstop all night long. Who knows how far he got?” Fuyuki said.

“What for?!” Natsumi asked incredulously.

“He said he couldn’t sleep.” Fuyuki said simply, picking him up and taking him upstairs. Natsumi followed.

“Well if he’s been running all night, he should sleep just fine now.” Natsumi said with a grim chuckle.

“Let’s hope. I didn’t even hear him leave. My son is a wild one, eh?” Fuyuki said with an affectionate laugh, laying Akito down on top of the covers.

“It’s not funny, Dad!” Natsumi protested.

“Running around is better than causing trouble.” Fuyuki argued.

“I guess so…” Natsumi conceded, but didn’t sound convinced.

They left him to sleep, shutting the door behind them.

Akito was already asleep. “Sa… Na…” He moaned.

“Did you hear something?” Natsumi asked.

“No? Did you?” Fuyuki responded.

“I guess not…” Natsumi trailed off.

“Sana….”

His head was filled with dreams of Sana.

It looked like forgetting wasn’t an option right now.

But maybe he just hadn’t run far enough.  

Chapter Text

It had been one week since Akito was first suspended. He slept all day, and he went out running every night. He hadn’t felt particularly hungry, so hadn’t been eating much. His father and sister were mystified by his behavior.

It’s bad enough when you can’t see someone.

Once again, his thoughts were on Sana. He was remembering earlier that year when she was away in the mountains. When she had first left, it was like his days were incomplete without her enthusiasm.

But now we don’t even want to see each other anymore.

Akito’s feet pounded rhythmically against the pavement. It’s not that he didn’t want to see her. It’s more that she didn’t want to see him.

Why did things turn out this way?

He rounded the corner, coming to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk. Across the street, Sana’s billboard glowed brightly – shining brighter than all of the lights in Tokyo. He looked at her eyes, frustrated to find that he couldn’t read the emotions in them. She looked far away.

I don’t understand.

She was far away.

The following afternoon, Akito made his way to the dojo for his next belt exam. As he entered the room, Sensei Kunimitsu and another one of the dojo instructors flagged him down.   

“Hayama, we can’t let you take the exam.” Said Sensei Kunimitsu.

“What?” Akito asked, incredulously.

“We heard you were suspended from school for striking a teacher. Why didn’t you report this to us?” The other instructor demanded.

“Please let me take this exam, Sensei.” Akito pleaded.

“No, Hayama, I am afraid that you can’t. You will sit in seiza until we are finished.” Said Sensei Kunimitsu, looking more than a little bit disappointed in him.

Akito couldn’t meet Kunimitsu’s eye. He knelt with some of the other students on one side of the room while they watched the others participate. Akito’s stomach was tied up in knots. He felt like he had failed Sensei Kunimitsu somehow. On the other hand, he was angry. No one from the dojo staff had bothered to ask him what had happened. They had all just taken the school’s word for it.

It didn’t matter how much he changed or repented. People were always going to assume the worst about him.

He sat obediently for the rest of the session, but inside his anger was festering. When the class was dismissed, Akito gathered his belongings and left without a word.

As he exited the building, he was surprised to see Tsuyoshi, Aya, and Fuka standing outside the gate, waiting for him.

“Here he is!” Aya said excitedly.

“Hey, how’s it going?” Tsuyoshi asked with a smile.

“I knew you would be practicing karate, even when you were suspended.” Aya said with a light laugh.

“How did your exam go?” Tsuyoshi asked.

“They didn’t let me take the exam.” Akito said flatly.

“What? Why not?” Tsuyoshi asked, confused.

“Because I got suspended. Any other questions?” Akito snapped, moving past the group to exit the dojo grounds.

“Uh… no. That’s too bad, Akito-kun, I’m really sorry.” Tsuyoshi said sympathetically.

Akito began kicking a trash can on the sidewalk. “I’m really pissed!”

Fuka was noticeably silent as the group looked on. For some reason, this left Akito feeling especially irritated. He kicked the trash can some more.

Finally, Tsuyoshi couldn’t take it anymore. He made an attempt to distract Akito. “Why don’t we go to the arcade?” he asked.

Akito stopped, turning to the group. “Can we? I’m still suspended.” He asked.

“It doesn’t matter.” Tsuyoshi said, waving off his concern.

Akito was still hesitant, but then Fuka spoke up.  

“Yeah! Let’s go to the arcade!” she said enthusiastically.

That was all the permission Akito needed. He crossed over to her quickly, throwing an arms around one of her shoulders.

“You’re a good person. Let’s go!” he said with a mischievous glint in his eye.

They fell into step on the sidewalk, Tsuyoshi and Aya following behind them.

“I said we should go to the arcade, but I didn’t bring any money.” Fuka said sheepishly.

“I have some.” Akito replied.

As much as Akito wouldn’t admit it, it was nice to be back in the arcade spending time with his friends. He felt lighter. All of the things that had been plaguing his subconscious seemed to float away as they made their way around the different games.

Aya was an absolute shark at air hockey, and she beat Fuka and Tsuyoshi swiftly. Akito gave her a run for her money, but after a lengthy battle she defeated him by one point. Fortunately Akito was the best in the group at fighting games, he had a really good sense for timing that left him victorious almost every time. After the third time he was beaten, Tsuyoshi grumbled his way back over to the air hockey table and Fuka joined Akito for a round of some zombie shooting game.

Akito wasn’t as good at this one, and he quickly ran through all of his coins in pursuit of the next level. He handed a 1000 Yen bill to Fuka.  

“Fuka, can you get some change, please?” he asked with a small smile.

“Are ya sure? We already spent a lot.” Fuka asked, looking unsure.

He nodded, and she left. He returned his attention to the game. Even if he sucked at it, he was still having fun.

After his character died for what felt like the thousandth time, he realized that Fuka hadn’t returned with the change yet. He waited by the game, anxiously watching as the “Continue? Insert Coin Now.” countdown went from 10, to 9, to 8…

Still no Fuka.

7, to 6, to 5…

Still no Fuka.

4, to 3, to 2…

He heard some shouting coming over from the change machine. He was a little bummed to be losing his game progress, but decided to investigate Fuka’s whereabouts. When he rounded the corner, she was talking to two older guys. Probably in high school. Even without seeing her face, he could tell that she was pissed.

“Did not! You forgot and left it there.” Fuka retorted angrily.

“This girl’s too much!” One of the high school guys said.

“What’s going on?” Akito asked, coming up to her side.

Fuka turned to him quickly. “They just called me a thief because they left their change in the machine!” she cried.

“Because you just tried to steal by walking off with our money.” The other high school guy said.

“That’s such a lie! Now I’m really mad! If I knew this would happen, I would have just taken the money and left.” Fuka exclaimed, in a full on rage now.

“How much money are we talking about?” Akito asked, his eyebrows raised.

“200 Yen!” Fuka answered.

“This is stupid, just ignore them.” Akito said.

“But-“ One of the guys began.

“You’re lucky she found it.” Akito interrupted. “If it was anyone else they would have just taken the money. You should be grateful to get it back.” He said, turning to go.

It was then that one of the guys kicked him in the back.  

“You piss me off!” the guy said.

“Piece of shit. Let’s go!” said the other guy.

Tsuyoshi, having seen the whole thing, crossed to Akito quickly.

“Akito-kun?” Tsuyoshi asked, his eyes full of concern. “Did he kick you hard? Does it hurt?” Then, seeing the look in Akito’s eyes, he added quickly. “You can’t fight.”

Akito turned around to look at the guys. Tsuyoshi grabbed his shoulder, trying to get his attention.

“You absolutely can’t fight when you’re suspended!” Aya cried. “You’ll get expelled!”

It’s not so much that the kick to his back had hurt. It wasn’t even so much that the guys had been harassing Fuka. It was that they thought they were hot shit. That really pissed Akito off.

He felt like an animal in a blind rage. Before he had even made the decision, he was flying at them, his instincts having taken over completely. With his improved defense skills, the guys weren’t much of a match for him. Even though they were both taller and older than Akito, they were slower and clumsier. They talked a big game but in the end they had just been talking.

He was vaguely aware of some of the sounds in the room. He could hear his friends shouting. He could hear the guys swearing.

“Akito!” Fuka shouted, grabbing hold of his shoulder. “Stop!”

“There’s a fight!” said another arcade goer, pointing out the skirmish to the arcade manager.

“Akito-kun! Let’s get out of here.” Tsuyoshi shouted, grabbing hold of his arm and yanking hard.

Akito relented, and the group took off running down the street. Akito wasn’t sure how far they had run, but finally they all came to a stop.

“I guess we’re clear.” Tsuyoshi said, his voice still anxious.

Akito turned to look at the group just in time for Fuka’s hand to swipe across his face.

“What were ya thinking? Why didja do that?” She cried angrily.

Akito didn’t understand. “What? You weren’t pissed off too?” he asked.

“Did I ask ya to do that? You can’t just beat someone up like that. You can’t do things like that, especially while you’re still suspended-“ She ranted.

Akito had had enough. He was tired of her always trying to tell him what to do. He was tired of not living up to her high expectations. He was tired of feeling confused and not understanding what the hell she wanted.

“Don’t. Order. Me. Around.” He said in a low voice.

His tone had clearly freaked out Fuka and Tsuyoshi and Aya. He couldn’t stand the looks on their faces – Fuka’s was a mixture of fear and confusion. Tsuyoshi and Aya looked at him with pity in their eyes.

He turned on his heel and walked home.

When he arrived back at the house, his father and Natsumi were making dinner together.

“Welcome home, Akito! How was your belt exam today?” Fuyuki asked.

“They didn’t let me take the test.” Akito said angrily, kicking his shoes off at the door and stomping upstairs.

A few minutes later, Natsumi was banging on his door.

“Hey! Come downstairs and eat dinner! We didn’t spend all this time cooking just for you to not eat again.” She said irritably.

“I’m not hungry!” Akito replied, his irritation rising to match hers.

“Fine! But you’re still doing the dishes!” she griped.

He thought about slamming open his bedroom door to yell at her some more, but restrained himself at the last second. Instead, her turned to his bed and kicked it. Since his feet were covered only in socks, it hurt very badly.

He swore, sitting down on the floor to inspect his foot. It didn’t look like any real damage had been done, but it still stung. He hobbled around the room as he got ready for bed. He turned off the lights and laid down in bed. He hadn’t gotten his usual day of sleep because he had had to get up for karate practice. He should have been exhausted enough from the day’s events to fall right to sleep. But somehow he couldn’t.

He felt deeply misunderstood.

Sensei Kunimitsu, who he had just been beginning to trust, hadn’t tried to hear him out at all.

Tsuyoshi and Aya looked at him with pity in their eyes.

Fuka… looked scared of him.

He couldn’t stand it.

Sensei Kunimitsu would have understood if he had heard the truth.

Tsuyoshi and Aya wouldn’t pity him if they tried to understand him.

Fuka wouldn’t look afraid of him if she had trusted him.

He had been staring at the ceiling long enough. He needed to run.

Running had always given him peace before. But for over a week it hadn’t been enough. Nothing helped.

His foot was killing him. Maybe he had done something to it when he kicked the bed. He sat down on the sidewalk, resting on the side of a building. He massaged his foot with his hands, though he wasn’t having much luck with his shoes still on. He decided to rest for a moment.

He saw a pair of fluffy boots approach him, stopping just in front of him. He looked up.

“You.” He said flatly.

Sana stood in front of him. Her chest was heaving, as if she had also just been running. There was a hood covering her auburn hair. Her eyes were watery as she looked at him.  

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Running a marathon.” He responded, emotionless.

“How are you?” she asked.

What are you doing? How are you?

Who the hell did she think she was? She was talking to him the way that she would talk to an acquaintance, not someone who she had left devastated and confused.

“What do you want?” he asked icily.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked, her eyes filling with tears.

She knelt down in front of him. He maintained his cold stare, but watching the tears begin to roll down her cheeks made it harder for him to maintain his anger with her.

Sana reached for Akito, pulling him into her arms. Her fingers tangled up in his hair. He did not resist, but remained rigid. And then he caught a whiff of that familiar and comforting scent. Before he knew what he was doing, he leaned into her. His head rested on her chest, his arms slid up her back. He could hear her heart beating fast. He knew his was doing the same.

“I heard you were suspended, and that you got into a fight.” Sana sniffled. “Tsuyoshi-kun is really worried. What are you doing?” she asked, her voice catching on the last word.

“I don’t know. I don’t know why I’m like this.” He said softly. “Why am I like this?” He sighed.

“I don’t understand either.” Sana said, her voice trembling.

“It’s because of you!” Akito said accusatorily.

“What?!” Sana cried.

“It’s all because of Sana-chan!”

“What do you mean by Sana-chan?”

“I didn’t want you to get angry, so I added -chan! And you got mad anyway! You’re such a princess!”

“That’s mean! Stop saying that!”

“Don’t you have a lot of goofy names you call everyone?!”

“That’s different!”

“You’re such a princess.”

“Why are we hugging and fighting?!”

“How would I know?”

“We look like fools!”

Even though they were hugging and fighting, Akito felt better and more at ease than he had in months.

The ringing of her cell phone in her pocket broke the spell.

“Oh, it’s my cell phone.” She released him, and Akito’s hands returned to his sides. She took her cell phone out of her pocket. “It’s Rei-kun.” She stood up and turned away to answer it. Akito stood up as well, the pain in his foot completely gone from his mind. “Hello? I’m sorry. Okay. Now? But-“ she said.

She was busy. He knew she would be. When was she not?

He turned to continue his run, when her voice stopped him.

“Ah! Hayama!” she cried, dropping her phone for a moment. Her face was wrought with concern, her eyes still teary.

“You still have to work. You should go. I’m okay. You don’t have to worry.” Akito said, his voice softer than he had heard it come out of his mouth in a long time.

With a slight wave, he turned and began to run down the street. He could hear her sniffling behind him.

After all this time, she still couldn’t let go of the stray dog she had rescued. Still, it was nice to know that she cared.

Chapter Text

Akito’s first day back at school was going about as well as he had expected. As he walked down the hallway he could hear the students whispering to each other about him.

“I heard he hit a teacher.” “He looks really scary.” “That’s him?” “He’s back!”

He couldn’t pretend like it didn’t bother him a little bit. But he supposed it was only a matter of time before his bad deeds caught up with him. He opened the door to his homeroom and was immediately greeted by Yunchi’s enthusiastic cry.

“Hayama-kun! Long time no see!” Yunchi waved him over. “It must be tough doing nothing.”

“Hey, heard you hit Mr. Sengoku. Nice.” Said one of Yunchi’s friends.

Akito sat down in his desk, resting his head in his hands.

“What’s wrong?!” Yunchi asked, concerned.

“I want to sleep. I’ve been sleeping every day.” Akito groaned, rubbing his forehead.

“What were you doing when you were suspended?” Yunchi asked.

“I went running at night and I slept during the day. I would run until I threw up.” Akito informed him.

“Why?”

“I had too much time.”

“It looks like you lost weight.”

“Is that right?” Akito asked, starting to get annoyed.

It was then that Mr. Sengoku entered the room, and a hush fell over the classroom as he began to take  down attendance.

“Honda?” Present.”

“Miyazaki?” Present.”

“Sugita?” Present.”

“Sasaki?” “Present.”

“Nakayama?” “Present.”

“Nonaka?” “Present.”

“Hayama?” Mr. Sengoku called, refusing to make eye contact with him.

You could have heard a pin drop.

“Present.” Akito answered, his voice measured.

After he finished calling roll, Mr. Sengoku turned to write something on the board and the class began murmuring.

“Wow, that was tense.” Yunchi said in a loud whisper.

“Hayama-kun, how hard did you hit him?” Yunchi’s friend asked.

“Okay, we can stop talking about this now.” Tsuyoshi said softly but urgently.

Mr. Sengoku interrupted everyone’s murmuring by reminding everyone to turn in their surveys to the classroom aide that day.  

“Akito-kun, this is the survey due today. Fill it out before you go home.” Tsuyoshi said, placing a copy on Akito’s desk.

“What is this? Pain in the ass.”  Akito grumbled, looking over the questions.

“It’s a survey on your life. We did one in elementary school. They probably just want to know what high schools you are planning on applying to.” Tsuyoshi said with a shrug.

“My good friends from school? Tsuyoshi and…? I’ll write in Yunchi too.” Akito said, absentmindedly filling out the questions.

“Hey, Akito-kun…” Tsuyoshi started nervously.  

“Yeah?” Akito asked, glancing up at him.

“I know things have been stressful, and that might be why you’ve been acting this way. So if you have something you need to talk about. You can talk to me, okay?” Tsuyoshi said with a smile.

“What are you trying to say?” Akito asked, confused.

An exasperated look crossed Tsuyoshi’s face, but before he could further explain what he meant, someone called out to him from across the room. “Sasaki-kun, my survey’s ready! Where should I put it?”

“Ah, one second!” Tsuyoshi called back, heading to the classmate who had called him.

Akito shrugged and returned to his form. Someone was standing in front of Akito’s desk. Akito looked up.  

“Um, Hayama-kun? Can I write your name in this section?” said the boy, someone from their class with a bowl cut and droopy eyes. Akito was pretty sure he was a friend of Yunchi’s or something.

“What? Why?” Akito asked, confused.

“Um, because…” the boy started, trailing off, looking embarrassed.

“Why would you want to do that? You should write down your friends’ names. I don’t even know your name.” Akito said bluntly.

“Hayama-kun!” Aya nudged him. “That’s rude! You can’t just admit to not knowing your classmate’s name.” she whispered quietly to him.  

“But I’ve never spoken to him.” Akito protested.  

“His name is Kobayashi.” Aya whispered.

“I’m sorry Kobayashi.” Akito apologized.

“My name is Komori...” The boy corrected, trailing off.

“You were wrong, Sugita!” Akito hissed, bumping her with his knee.

“Whoops!” Aya cried.

Thankfully Mr. Sengoku told everyone to return to their seats, inadvertently rescuing Akito from having to deal with the awkward consequences of that social interaction.

The rest of the day was uneventful. Even though Akito had missed two weeks of classes, he was up to speed. Tsuyoshi and Aya had taken turns taking notes for him, which he was thankful for. He had always found academics came easily to him, so it wasn’t hard for him to teach himself through the notes.

He didn’t see Fuka that day. Maybe that was better. She probably still needed some time to cool off after the way they had left things the other day.

Akito went through the motions: karate, dinner, dishes, homework. After having to stay awake for the full day, he was exhausted. He fell asleep easier than he had in weeks.

The next morning, Akito was passing the shoe lockers when he saw something that surprised him. Fuka was chatting at the shoe lockers… with Sana. It had been so long since he had seen Sana at school, he completely forgot that this was a place where it was even possible to run into her. The girls both looked at him blankly, as if it was perfectly normal for the three of them to be in the hallway together. Instead of greeting either of them, Akito power walked out of the area and down the hall to his homeroom.

Students were milling about the classroom, but none of his friends were inside yet. Akito sat down at his desk and rested his head on his hands.

What was he supposed to do now?

The last time he had seen Sana was when they fought and hugged. It was a strangely emotionally charged situation to be in with someone who was not his girlfriend.

The last time he had seen Fuka was when she had slapped him and he had snapped at her and walked away.

The decision paralysis was destroying him.

 “Hayama! Come here for a moment.” Mr. Sengoku said, beckoning to Akito.

Akito was suspicious. “What for?”

“Don’t ask, just come over.” Mr. Sengoku replied, his eye narrowing.

Fuck.

Chapter Text

Akito followed Mr. Sengoku into the hallway, expecting that the journey would stop there. He was surprised when Mr. Sengoku kept walking down the hallway. Akito followed.

“Where are we going?” he asked, suspicious.

Mr. Sengoku didn’t say anything in response, just continued down the hallway.

Akito’s mind raced – was Mr. Sengoku planning to attack him again? Probably not, too many people had seen them leave together. He had only just returned to school, and the day before had been pretty quiet. He couldn’t imagine what else he could possibly be in trouble for now.

Mr. Sengoku stopped in front of the faculty room, sliding open the door. He indicated that Akito should enter first.

Mr. Suzuki and another teacher were talking to an older woman wearing glasses, her hair tied back in a bun. Mr. Suzuki noticed Akito first, locking eyes with him immediately – a concerned look on his face. The older woman turned around angrily.

“Are you Hayama? What did you do to my Kazuyuki?!” The woman yelled.

“Komori-san, please calm down. Our normal procedures-“ Mr. Suzuki said.

“I can’t be calm now!” Mrs. Komori cried.

What a loud old hag.

“Sit down.” Mr. Sengoku ordered.

Akito sat down in one of the faculty chairs while the adults all stood. He felt anxious and cornered, but given how concerned Mr. Suzuki seemed, he did his best to maintain his composure.

“Hayama, Kazuyuki Komori left this letter, and then disappeared last night. The police are looking for him now.” Mr. Suzuki explained, passing him a piece of paper.

Akito took the paper and read, his brow furrowed with confusion.

“Hayama hurt me. I am very sad. I am so sad I want to die. I will commit suicide tomorrow. Mom, Dad, I’m sorry. Goodbye. – Kazuyuki”

What is this? He thought to himself.

“Do you know what he’s referring to?” Mr. Suzuki asked.  

“No. I just found out his name yesterday. I had never spoken to him before then.” Akito said, passing the letter back to Mr. Suzuki.

“What did you talk about yesterday?” Mr. Suzuki asked.

“He came up to me out of the blue. He asked me if he could write my name in the part of the survey where it asks who your good friend’s names are. Since I had never spoken to him before I thought it was strange.”

“And then?” Mr. Suzuki pressed.

“I said that I didn’t know his name and that it would be better if he wrote the names of his actual friends.”

“Is that it?” Mr. Suzuki asked, his eyebrows raised.

“Yes.” Akito said, holding his gaze.

Believe me. Believe me. He willed Mr. Suzuki. He knew there was no way Mrs. Komori or Mr. Sengoku would believe him, but Mr. Suzuki had always treated him kindly and fairly. Believe me.

“He must be lying! Kazuyuki wouldn’t want to kill himself over something so trivial. There must be something else! Tell us the truth!” Mrs. Komori shouted.

“I am." he replied, his voice measured. But Akito couldn't keep himself from launching into what he really thought. "I think that Komori is full of it. Someone who really wants to die would just go out and do it. They wouldn’t warn other people. He’ll probably come home later.”

“How dare you!” Mrs. Komori exclaimed.  

“Hayama, do you know where Komori might have run off to?” Mr. Suzuki asked.

“I don’t. I’m sorry.” Akito said sincerely.  

“Why don’t we do this? Since Hayama doesn’t know anything, you can return to your classroom while we-“ Mr. Suzuki began.

“Given his past, I don’t believe Hayama.” Mr. Sengoku interrupted.

“I knew he was a bad kid! He has such a bad attitude and terrible manners. What has he done?” Mrs. Komori asked.

Akito’s had begun feeling increasingly tense as the conversation had gone on. He was focused heavily on maintaining his composure. He still didn’t believe that Kazuyuki was actually going to commit suicide… but what if he did? He would feel bad, of course. Add it to his list of things to feel guilty about.

But what would that mean for him? If he was found responsible?

Mr. Sengoku launched into his monologue. “I have recently heard a lot about crimes Hayama committed in elementary school. For example, two years ago there were a group of fifth grade boys from Jinbo Elementary who were caught stealing. In the end, the store owners and the parents settled the case. The gang’s leader was never caught.”

Mr. Sengoku’s eyes flashed over to Akito.

“I don’t know if these students were afraid of their leader, or if they were just loyal to him, but no one revealed his identity.” Mr. Sengoku continued.

Akito remembered the incident in question. One of many over the course of that year.

“On another occasion, these boys got into a fight with some boys from the junior high school. One of the elementary school boys ruthlessly knocked out some teeth and broke some noses. But since the junior high students had brought knives, they were also at fault. But no one could figure out who broke the noses.”

Akito remembered this incident as well. Those jerks from the junior high school had been picking on Tsuyoshi every day after school, and Akito had had enough of those stuck-up pricks. So he had rallied the other boys into teaching them a lesson.

“Both were you, Hayama?” Mr. Sengoku asked, his eyes narrowing and the corners of his mouth upturned slightly.

Akito was angry – it was sick how much Mr. Sengoku was enjoying this dramatic reveal. And he didn’t really care that he knew, or that this old hag knew about his past. But he didn’t like the idea of Mr. Suzuki thinking of him differently – so he took a breath and decided to be honest.

“Yes, that’s right.” He said, keeping his voice as even as possible.

Mrs. Komori gasped, her hand coming to her face.

“I heard from my colleague at Jinbo Elementary that in the sixth grade, your gang turned the classroom into complete anarchy. Someone got pushed into a pond. People who resisted you were beaten up. And he always forced the other students to do his dirty work for him. Very sly.”

“Stop it!” Called a voice from outside.

Akito turned, and was shocked to see Tsuyoshi climbing through the open window.

 “You’re making this all sound worse than it really was!” Tsuyoshi exclaimed.

“Tsuyoshi Sasaki, what are you doing there?!” Mr. Sengoku hissed.

“Akito-kun never ordered anyone to do those things. Yeah, he got into fights. But he always won! So everyone looked up to him and thought he was cool. He didn’t want to be anyone’s leader! They just did all those things on their own to try to make him like them.” Tsuyoshi cried.

“Tsuyoshi…” Akito said. He was taken aback by this display of passion, and he was filled with gratitude for his best friend.

“That’s the truth!” Tsuyoshi said emphatically.

“I see… and you stood by and let him do all that?” Mr. Sengoku asked, his voice threatening. “All of those students who did bad things to “impress” Hayama regret it now, and they hate him for not stopping them sooner. Wounds can heal, but the scars on your fellow students will never go away.”

A vision of a young girl with short black hair and bangs came to Akito’s mind. The guilt that he had pushed to the side came bubbling back to the surface.

“And just because you’re a kid… you think you can get away with it all. You’re worthless, Hayama.” Mr. Sengoku finished, the look on his face triumphant.

“Mr. Sengoku, you’ve gone too far. Now is not the time to uncover Hayama’s past deeds. It’s time to focus on Komori-“ Mr. Suzuki said, trying to steer the conversation back.

“That’s why I’m telling you what kind of person he is! He’s a liar, and I’m certain he did something to hurt Komori.” Mr. Sengoku retorted.  

“Right, this horrible boy must have done something to Kazuyuki! I want the police to take him for questioning immediately!” Mrs. Komori demanded.

Akito heard another voice from outside the window.

“No!” the voice said, before being muffled. Was that?

Sana?

“Mrs. Komori!” Mr. Suzuki bellowed, raising his voice. “Hayama has been completely open with us. He’s admitted to his past, and told us what he knows. I believe him when he says he doesn’t know.”

Akito’s chest felt tight. It was a relief to hear that someone believed him. The last few weeks had been filled with frustration and confusion. But someone believed him.  

“Both Hayama and Komori are valuable students in our school, so we have to focus on what’s important: the whereabouts of Komori. Do you have any idea where Komori is likely to go?” Mr. Suzuki asked, turning to Mrs. Komori.

“Well, I already went to look for him near his cram school.” Mrs. Komori stammered.

“His cram school?” Mr. Suzuki asked skeptically.

Akito and Tsuyoshi looked at each other, both completely mystified on what they should be doing now. Mr. Sengoku picked up on this, and turned to them both.  

“Sasaki, Hayama - please go back to your classrooms. Actually, Hayama, you should just go home. If possible, tell your parents the situation and let them accompany you. If something changes, I will contact you. Just wait at home.” Mr. Suzuki said, giving Akito a reassuring smile.

“Yes, sensei.” Akito said, his voice measured.

Akito and Tsuyoshi were silent as they walked down the hallway. Akito wanted to thank Tsuyoshi for sticking up for him, but wasn’t sure how to say it.

Akito stopped at his locker, kneeling down to unlock the door.

“Akito-kun, will you contact your father when you get home?” Tsuyoshi asked, hovering behind him.

As Akito opened the locker, a black notebook slid out and landed in front of him. Akito picked it up. His eyes widened as he read the name – Kazuyuki Komori.

Komori?

“Akito-kun?” Tsuyoshi repeated.  

“Yeah, sorry. I will.” Akito slid the notebook into his bag with his other books and stood up. "Thanks for before, Tsuyoshi.” Akito said.

“Huh? It was nothing.” Tsuyoshi said with a smile.

Akito raised a hand to wave goodbye then made his way home. He was walking as quickly as he could without running. He wanted to get home so he could look at that notebook properly. Maybe he should have turned around and taken it to Mr. Suzuki, but what if it was nothing? Or what if it was something that incriminated Akito? He had to examine it before doing anything else.

Barely two hours had passed by the time Akito returned home. The house was completely still and quiet. He kicked off his shoes and headed upstairs to his room. He cracked open the notebook.

“Today by the lockers, I said good morning to Hayama. He said “Hey” back. I think we’re becoming good friends. Yesterday, I got home late and Mother was angry with me. So today, I rushed home and she wasn’t angry.”

“Today we had a class picnic and I sat two seats away from Hayama. I was very happy. A couple of dumb girls asked to take their picture with him, but he told them to bug off. He is so cool! I didn’t finish my lunch, so Mother was angry when I got home.”

“Today I sat near Hayama during lunch. I’m so happy that we’re friends. I finished my lunch. And I got a perfect score on my exam at cram school today. Mother will be proud of me.”

“Today Mr. Sengoku asked Hayama “Would you care to pay attention today?” and Hayama said “Not really.” And then he just walked out of class! He’s so brave standing up to that bully Mr. Sengoku. I’m proud to be his friend.”

“Today Hayama and I went to lab together. Hayama said he forgot his lab coat.”

“Hayama was suspended for punching a teacher. But I know he’s innocent.”

“Hayama betrayed me. I can’t believe it. My best friend. How could he do this to me? I wish I could disappear. I wish I was dead. We took a class trip to a forest near Lake F. That would be a good place to die. I hope Mother doesn’t find me. She’d be so angry.”

“Hayama has betrayed me! Hayama Hayama Hayama Hayama I’ll kill myself because of you.”

The next sentence Akito read made his blood go cold.

“Hayama I’ll kill you.”

The doorbell rang, bringing him back down to earth from the world of the diary. He quickly stomped downstairs and answered the door to find Tsuyoshi and his little sister, Aono.

“Hey.” Said Tsuyoshi with a wave.

“Hey, Tsuyoshi. Hey, Squirt.” Akito said, stepping aside to let them step inside.

“Akito!” Aono cried happily, throwing her arms around his legs.

“You’re gonna make me fall, Squirt.” Akito said, patting her on the head awkwardly.   

“I can’t stay long, I have to take Aono home.” Tsuyoshi said, digging in his pockets for something. “I thought you should have this.” He said, passing a piece of paper to Akito.

Akito unfolded the piece of paper. “What is this?” he asked.

“It’s Sana-chan’s phone number. Maybe it would help you to talk to her about what’s going on.” Tsuyoshi said with a shrug. “She and Fuka came running outside to see what was going on in the faculty room. Apparently Sana was there when Mrs. Komori came in.”

“I see.” Akito said flatly, looking at the number in his hand.

“She’s really worried about what’s going on. She wanted us to call her if anything else happened.”

“Okay, I will. I still haven’t heard from Mr. Suzuki, so I don’t have any updates.” Akito said. He knew he couldn’t tell Tsuyoshi about the notebook, it would just worry him.

“I thought so. Let me know if you hear anything though, okay?” Tsuyoshi said. “Come on, Aono, let’s go.” Tsuyoshi said, tugging on the back of Aono’s jacket.

“No! Akito!” Aono cried, clinging tighter to Akito’s legs.

“Come on, Squirt, time to go home. I’ll see you soon.” Akito said, untangling her arms from his legs.

“No you won’t! You never come over anymore.” Aono said, pouting.

“That’s because your brother never invites me over anymore, he only invites Sugita. Isn’t that right?” Akito asked.

“Yeah.”

“And you like Sugita, right?”

“Yeah! She’s really nice and pretty! But I really want you to come over sometimes too.”

“Okay, Squirt. You just gotta invite me and I’ll be there.” Akito said.  

Tsuyoshi smiled at Akito gratefully, then tugged on Aono’s hand and turned to leave.

Akito waved them off, then closed the front door.

It was time to make a plan.

He was going to Lake F’s Forest, and he was going to find Komori.

He wasn’t sure how long it would take him to find Komori – the forest was pretty large, after all. So he packed his backpack with a flashlight, tape, a compass, a couple of bottles of water, and a few protein bars. He knew it was going to be cold, so he layered his clothing with a tank top, a hoodie, and his warmest jacket.

He slung his backpack over his shoulders and began the walk to the train station.

Shit. There was one thing he was missing. He made his way to the pay phone, inserted his phone card, and punched in a number.

The phone rang twice, and then he heard a familiar voice begin talking a mile a minute.

“This is Sana. Tsuyoshi-kun? Fuka? Who is it? What’s going on? Hello?”  Sana asked insistently.

Akito paused for a minute, wondering if this was a good idea. “It’s me.”

“Ah, how’s it going? Is anything-“ Sana asked, her voice wobbling.

“Tsuyoshi came over earlier, he gave me your number.” Akito explained.

“Oh. So…”

“I need to see you.”

“Ok, where are you?”

“The train station. Are you sure you’re not busy?”

“With work? I just finished.”

He wasn’t sure how long he waited for Sana, he had forgotten a watch. He leaned against one of the columns, waiting. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a girl with auburn hair wearing a black fuzzy hat bounding up to him.

“What’s up?” Sana asked.

“I have to… go somewhere.”

“Huh? To where?”

“To find Komori and bring him back.”

“What?! You mean you know where he is?”

“I don’t know for sure, but I have an idea.” Akito pulled Komori’s notebook out of his bag, and handed it to Sana.

“What’s this?” Sana asked, looking at the cover with a puzzled look on her face.

“This was left inside my locker.”

“Komori’s journal?! Can I read it?”

Akito shrugged. Sana opened the notebook.

Akito watched as she quickly read through a few passages. She was always a quick reader. Probably an actor thing.

Finally, she closed the book and looked up at him. “All he wrote about was you. And his mother. Are you sure you aren’t good friends?”

“No. As far as I know I never spoke to him before yesterday. Maybe he told me good morning once and I said hello back. Do you think it’s a crush?”

“No, I don’t think so.” Sana said, shaking her head. “He’s the type to really idolize you. You do what you want and say what you want. People who can’t do that hope to be like you. But he is strange. He’s completely imagined this whole friendship with you.”  

“I want to try looking for him at the Lake F Forest.”

“But he said he wants to commit suicide, that he wants to die.”

“I don’t think so. He was being so passive aggressive, putting his journal in my locker like that. I don’t think he will kill himself. He’ll be waiting for me. Pain in the ass.”

Sana looked puzzled again. “If you already figured it out, why did you call me?”

“I don’t have money to buy a train ticket, would you lend it to me?” Akito asked, trying to look as innocent as possible. It didn’t work.

Sana’s anger radiated off of her in waves. Akito began damage control.

“I don’t want to drag my dad into this, and I, uh, recently spent all of my money. Tsuyoshi and Fuka are broke, so I thought you could help.”

“Fine! I hardly ever carry cash, but I probably have enough for your train fare. Did you tell Fuka where you were going?”

“I haven’t told anyone.”

“You should tell her. She said you never tell her anything. Is this enough?” Sana asked, handing him a few bills.

“Yeah, thanks.” Akito said.

There was a silence between them. Akito sighed.

“I’ve… done too many bad things. Mr. Sengoku really pissed me off today, but it was the truth. I’ve probably hurt a lot of people, and they all hate me. Even if I feel sorry, even if I regret it, it’s too…. I can’t change it now. There’s nothing I can do. So now I have to do what I can. I don’t know Komori. I have no idea what he wants from me. But it looks like he really needs me, so I’m going to go.”

He felt like he was talking in circles, like he wasn’t making any sense, but Sana listened quietly while he spoke.

“I see what you mean.” She said softly.

When he looked at her, he could see that she was trying to understand, but the worry was still written plainly all over her face.

“Why don’t I go with you?” she asked, in the same soft voice.

It was a tempting offer. They had gone through so much together, and having her at his side would be a comfort.

But this was something he needed to do alone.

So he shook his head. She nodded in understanding.

“The train will arrive on platform three. Passengers should stay behind the red line.”

“That’s my train.” Akito said, looking at his wrist, only to remember that nothing was there. “Ah! I’m sorry, can you lend me your watch also?” he asked, turning around quickly.

“Sure, but it’s a woman’s watch!” Sana said with a grim smile, taking off her watch.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Wait a second. Oh! Okay.” She said, struggling to get it off of her wrist. She finally took it off and placed it in his palm, her fingers brushing his skin.  

“The train has arrived on platform three. Express train going to F Prefecture.”  

“Sana.” Akito said, wrapping his fingers around the cold metal.

“Mhmm?”

“I still… love you, Sana. Please wait for me. I will-“

The train made a dinging sound that indicated that it would be leaving soon. So he turned around and quickly took a few strides onto the train.

He heard a strangled “Hayama…” from behind him as the doors closed. When he turned around he could see the tears running down her face as he looked at her out the window.

The train began to exit the station, and because it was an express train, it began to pick up speed quickly. He could see her covering her face with her hands, her shoulders shaking.

He was so tired of making her cry.

“Please wait for me. I will come back to you as soon as I can.” was what he had meant to say. But there wasn’t time.

Oh well. He thought as he clasped Sana’s watch onto his wrist. At least I got the important part out.

I still… love you, Sana.

Chapter Text

The walk back from the Lake F forest was the longest walk that Akito had ever taken in his entire life. He was aware of Komori walking quietly beside him, and he was aware of the throbbing pain in his arm. His arm was wrapped in two shirts and slung in a tote bag. Not his best work, but if he had anticipated being stabbed he would have brought bandages. As it was, this was functional. If he moved his arm even the tiniest bit, he felt a shooting pain throughout his entire body and would feel a new wave of blood trickling into the bottom of the bag.

It was taking all of his strength to put one foot in front of the other. He felt dizzy and weak. He could have cheerfully laid down on a bench and taken a nap, but he was focused on his mission – he needed to get Komori home first.

The automatic doors slid open as Akito and Komori entered the train station. They turned toward the turnstiles, which was when Akito heard Komori make a small “Oh” sound and he was suddenly aware of the presence of a lot of people clamoring around them both.  

“There they are!”

“Where?!”

“Both of them!”

“Thank goodness!”

He couldn’t really tell who was talking or what they were saying, but some of the voices were familiar. He felt relieved, these people would certainly be able to get Komori home safely.

A hand swiped across his face. It stung.

“You knew where he was and you didn’t tell us?! What kind of brat-“

A woman’s angry voice rang in his ears.

“Please, Mother, stop it!”

Komori, speaking up.

“I’m just glad that you’re both okay!”

Someone trustworthy, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Akito.”

Dad?

“Yo, Akito!”

Fuka?

“Akito-kun! You’re as white as a sheet!”

Tsuyoshi?

“Totally! Are you sure you’re okay?”

Fuka. Fuka.

Akito swallowed, trying to find the strength to speak. He had so much he needed to say to her.

Sana had said that he should have told Fuka where he was going, but he hadn’t. She wouldn’t have approved. But she must have been so worried. And, what he had said to Sana, at the station, before he left? That was so horrible of him. He had no right to say that, not when he was with someone else.

“Fuka? I’m… sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Everything went dark.  

He was aware of the sound of panicked yelling above and around him. Someone turned him to lie on his back. Someone touched his face.

The hand was small, and soft. And it smelled familiar.

But it couldn’t be Sana.

He lost consciousness.

When he came back, he was in the back of an ambulance. He felt like there was a stack of bricks sitting on top of his chest. He coughed, his lungs felt like they weren’t working. There was something covering his nose and mouth. It was uncomfortable. It felt like that’s what was making breathing so hard.

He lost consciousness.

The sound of wheels, and the sensation of being rolled somewhere. The voices above and around him were firm and authoritative. He felt a pinch in his forearm.

He lost consciousness.

When Akito awoke, he wasn’t in any pain at all. He was walking down a long, tiled hallway. He was aware that he wasn’t wearing shoes. Looking at the tile, he knew that his feet should feel cold, but he couldn’t feel anything. There was a white robe drawn around his shoulders, but he couldn’t feel that either.

And yet, it wasn’t something that he felt was a cause for concern. It was simply something that he observed.

The hallway split. There was a path to the left, or the path that went forward.

He looked down the hallway to the left.

There was a gaggle of people at the end of the hallway, but he could only make out two figures.

The girl on the right had long, auburn hair.

The girl on the left had shoulder-length dark brown hair.

They were both crying.

He had hurt them both.

He knew that he should turn and walk toward them, that he should be honest with them about how he felt.

But he just… couldn’t.

I’m so tired.

The very idea was exhausting.

So he kept walking down the hallway.

As he walked, he had time to reflect on everything that he had ever done wrong, ever.

“I hate you! You betrayed me! I thought you were my friend! My friend!”

“Wounds can heal, but the scars on your fellow students will never go away.”

“Hayama, we can’t let you take the exam. You will sit in seiza until we are finished.”

“I won’t break up with you!”

“You said you liked me, in the past tense. Fuka is the one you like now, right?”

He reflected on the hurtful things that had been said to him.

“You killed mom!”

“You’re the devil!”

Living. To go on living… was so hard. He was so tired.

At some point the tiled hallway had disappeared, and he now found himself walking down a hallway that felt like his house, but the layout was wrong.

It was the same carpet, the same walls, the same ceiling, the same doors, but it still wasn’t his house.

And he was still so very tired.

Maybe there was a bed where he could lay down and go to sleep. All he wanted was to rest.

As soon as he had the thought, the hallway came to and end and a door appeared in front of him.

He reached out and grasped the handle.

He couldn’t feel his feet on the carpet beneath him. He still couldn’t feel the robe he was wearing. But for some reason, he could feel this door handle.

He turned it. He began to pull it open.

All of a sudden, the door was pushed into his face. Hard. 

That he could feel.

He heard laughter, and he looked up to see a woman enter the doorway and shut the door behind her.

“That was close. Good thing I was on guard duty, eh?”

The woman had shoulder length, dark blonde hair. She wore a mid-length, white dress. She was barefoot. Her manner was casual and overly familiar. He even wondered if she had a steel pipe under her dress, everything about her screamed “delinquent.”

“Out of my way, lady.” Akito said, trying to push past her to get to the door.

The woman stepped in front of him. “You’re too young to be here.”

“I’m not a little kid.” he argued.

“Why do you wanna get through so bad?” the woman asked.

“I don’t. But I feel like I have to.”

“Why?”

“I’m a bad person.”

“You are?”

“I’ve broken two girls’ hearts.”

“You’re a cad, eh?” the woman asked with a laugh.

As they talked, Akito felt more and more like a child again.

“I couldn’t help Komori at all. I just made things worse for him.”

“That’s not a good enough reason.”

“It’s not?”

“No.”

He realized that he was sitting on the floor looking up at the woman now. She gave him a sad smile, sinking to the floor next to him. When she picked him up under the arms and pulled him into her lap, he realized that he was a child again.

“It takes real courage to admit your mistakes.” The woman said, stroking his hair with one hand. “If you think you did something wrong, then you should live with it. If what you want is to be punished, then let your guilt fester inside of you and eat at you for the rest of your life. Go on living – that’ll be worse than coming here.”

The feeling of being held this way was foreign to him. He’d never been held like this by someone when he was small.

But the feeling of comfort was familiar. It reminded him of something that had happened before. But what was it?

“I’m so tired. I can’t go on.” He said, resting his head on the woman’s chest.

“Yes, you can. Look, Natsumi-chan and your dad are giving you blood right now. See?”

The hallway melted away, and they were in an operating room. He saw himself, lying still on the operating table. He saw his father and sister lying nearby, tubes attached to their arms.

He looked up at the woman. She was looking at his father and sister with so much love in her eyes. He could see that she noticed that he was staring at her. She looked over at him and gave him an encouraging smile. The same look of love was now directed at him.

“Are you-“

“I’m so sorry that I couldn’t be there for you myself.” His mother said.

“Akito, I love you. That’s why I gave birth to you.” She said, helping him out of her lap so that he could stand on his own two feet.

“So live. For both of us. And since you’re doing that, make it a life full of love and not of guilt.” She ordered, giving him a knowing look. They stood face to face. He was little taller than her now.

“Live, Akito.” She said, rubbing a thumb across his cheek.

She was gone, but her words hung in the air.

“I love you. That’s why I gave birth to you.”

I’ve heard these words before, but from someone else. Who was it?

A comforting smell. The feeling of someone his own age and height running their fingers through his hair. Feeling feverish.

I remember.

It all came back: Auburn pigtails. The sensation of being smacked with a rubber mallet. The first time she cried for him. A hug when he felt so very lost indeed. A sticky, lemon-flavored kiss. Sitting in the grass at the bottom of a cliff. Ramen in the middle of the night. Falling asleep with her head on his shoulder. Snow falling all around. Another kiss.

I remember.

Waving goodbye. A phone call. A TV interview. The school hallway. The most painful hug he had ever experienced. Being surrounded by people and still feeling lonely. Hugging and fighting.

Akito remembered. He had to know where she was, what she was doing.

The operating room melted away, and he could see the hospital waiting room instead.

The first thing he noticed was Fuka. She was sitting in a chair, her face streaked with tears. She was looking off into the distance, her face contorted with worry, her lip trembling. 

Tsuyoshi was sitting in the chair next to Fuka. His face was in his hands. Aya sat next to him, rubbing comforting circles around his upper back. Akito could see that Aya was still crying – a steady stream of tears rolling down her face.

These were his friends, and it was nice to see them. But it wasn’t who he was looking for.

“Hayama!”

He turned. He could hear it, clear as day, Sana calling his name.

She was sitting in a different row between her mother and Mr. Sunglasses. She was crying. Her fists were clasped in front of her, her hands shaking.

Sana! He tried to call out, but she couldn’t hear him.

“Hayama!”

Sana’s heart was calling out to him. He followed it as confidently as if she were calling his name from the next room.

The next thing he knew, he was blinking in the light of a hospital room.

“Akito!” “Akito-kun!” “Aki!” So many different voices, calling out his name.

He felt like he had gotten into a fight and lost… badly. Every inch of him felt bruised and sore. But the pain in his arm? It felt far away. But there was another pain much closer to home.  

“I’m hungry.”

The room was in uproar.

“What?! That’s all you have to say after you nearly died?!” His sister exclaimed, diving at him.

“Stop it, Onee-san, you’ll kill him!” Tsuyoshi cried, grabbing her shoulders.

“Where’s Komori?” Akito asked, looking around the room.

“He left with a cop.”

Akito tried to sit up, which he immediately found out was not a good idea.

“Akito-kun!” Tsuyoshi cried.

“Lay back down, young man! You need more rest!” A nurse ordered.

Akito’s eyes frantically searched the room until he found his father. “Dad, what happened wasn’t Komori’s fault. I pushed him to do it. Please make sure they know.”

“All right. I’ll tell them.” Fuyuki said, trying to give Akito a reassuring smile.

One of the nurses began to ask Natsumi and Fuyuki some questions. And Aya had melted into a puddle of relief in Tsuyoshi’s arms - they exchanged comforting words quietly. 

Akito felt his bed sink as someone sat down near his legs. He looked up to see Fuka. Fuka.

“I’m glad you’re okay. You can’t get outta makin’ things up to me by dyin’, ya know. We gotta talk.” Fuka said in a voice no one else would have been able to hear. She gave him a sad smile, patting his calf.

The nurse came in almost as soon as Fuka finished her sentence.

“That’s enough for today, kids. He has to rest.” The nurse ordered, shooing everyone out of the room.

The goodbyes were quick as the nurse shepherded people out of the room. She shut the door behind them and turned to look at Akito.

“We gotta talk.” Fuka’s voice echoed in his mind.

“We’ll get you some food in just a few minutes, but right now we want to monitor how you’re feeling. On a scale from one to ten, what is your current level of pain?”

Current level of pain? It wasn’t bad right then. Whatever they had given him really seemed to be keeping the pain at bay.  

Current level of emotional pain? Ten.

Chapter Text

That night, Akito slept but didn’t feel rested. It felt like every time he drifted off into a deep sleep, there was a nurse shaking him awake to check one vital or another or to inspect his stitches.

Akito’s entire body felt sore. The pain medication certainly took the edge off, but the exhaustion ran deep into his bones.

As he drifted in and out of sleep, his mind anxiously replayed the events of the last few days.

“I hate you! You betrayed me! I thought you were my friend! My friend!”

“Wounds can heal, but the scars on your fellow students will never go away.”

“You should tell her. She said you never tell her anything. Is this enough?”

“You can’t get outta makin’ things up to me by dyin’, ya know. We gotta talk.”

He managed to get a couple of hours of fitful sleep in the early hours of the morning.

The next morning, he was wheeled all over the hospital for different evaluations and tests. He obediently answered all of the doctors’ questions about his pain and how he felt. Got up and down off of so many tables he could hardly keep track of which test was happening when.

After he completed the rounds of testing, he was wheeled back into his room. The nurse helped him out of the wheelchair and back into the bed.

“Hayama, how are you feeling?” the nurse asked gently.

“Fine. The same as before. Just tired.” He said flatly.

“There is a detective outside who would like to speak to you about what happened. Are you feeling well enough to meet with him?” she asked.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” 

The nurse nodded solemnly, stepping out into the hallway and indicating to someone outside that they could come in.

The police detective came in wearing a suit and carrying a jacket.

“Akito Hayama?”

“Yes.”

“I’m Detective Wakamiya, may I ask you a few questions?”

“Yes.”

“Where were you on the evening of October 29?”

“I was in the forest near Lake F.”

“What were you doing there?”

“I was looking for Komori.”

“What is your relationship with Kazuyuki Komori?”

“He is my friend.”

“Your teacher, Mr. Suzuki, asserted that you had no meaningful relationship with Kazuyuki Komori. Is what he said inaccurate?”

“No, when Mr. Suzuki asked me that question, Komori was just my classmate. Now he’s my friend.”

“What happened between you and Komori on the evening of October 30?”

Akito sighed. And then he did his best to explain. He told Detective Wakamiya about opening his locker to find Komori’s journal, realizing that there was a clue inside about where Komori was. How he realized that Komori clearly wanted Akito to find him. How he searched the woods for hours looking for Komori. How Komori had wanted them to commit suicide together. How Akito had refused, and pushed Komori to stab him. How that action seemed to change Komori’s mind entirely – and how Akito insisted on getting Komori home.

“Thanks for telling us what happened, Hayama. We appreciate your cooperation. Take care.” Detective Wakamiya said, making his exit.

Akito exhaled. It was a huge weight off, being able to tell the Detective what happened. Now that the detectives knew that Akito was to blame, Komori would be okay. Now, he was looking forward to getting some real sleep.

When Natsumi entered the room, he realized that plan was going to have to wait. She gave him a grim smile in greeting, crossing the room wordlessly.

“Did you tell him everything?” Natsumi asked, unpacking an overnight bag with some of Akito’s belongings. A toothbrush, toothpaste, a comb, a change of clothes, some school books, some magazines.

“Yeah.” Akito replied, watching her to see what other things came out of the bag. Then he remembered what he had seen in his vision – her and Fuyuki giving him blood. “Oh, thanks for the blood. The nurse told me. I’ll pay you back.”

“That’s a strange thing to thank someone for.” Natsumi replied, looking at him with a raised eyebrow. “Dad’s talking with the doctors now. They said it was a miracle that you lived through this.”  

Akito’s mind was still on the vision of his mother. A voice echoed in his head. “Live, Akito.”

He was still unsure of whether or not that vision of his mother was a dream or if, in some strange way, it was possible that he had met her. He wondered if asking Natsumi a couple of questions would give him the confirmation he hoped for.  

“Hey, Natsumi-“

“Why don’t you ever call me Onee-san?” Natsumi interrupted.

Akito rolled his eyes, and adopted an overly reverent tone. “Onee-sama…”

“Forget it, that’s too creepy.” Natsumi said, grimacing.

“Exactly." Akito replied.

Natsumi continued unpacking Akito’s overnight bag. Akito decided to try to broach the topic of their mother again.

“Uh, was Mom a delinquent?”

Natsumi looked at Akito blankly for several seconds, then wordlessly left the room and walked across the hallway to the nurse’s station.  

“Excuse me, I think there’s something wrong with my brother. Can you do another brain scan? He’s acting strange.” Natsumi said quietly to the nurse.

“Hey!” Akito called from his bed. “I’m fine!”

Natsumi came back in the room and leaned against the doorframe, crossing her arms. “If you were fine, why on earth would you say that about Mom?” she demanded.

Akito was quiet for a moment, internally debating on whether or not he should tell Natsumi about what he saw.

No one would ever believe that I saw her. Maybe it really was all just a dream.

“I guess, while I was in surgery, I had… a dream… about Mom.” Akito said carefully, trying to gauge Natsumi’s reaction.

“Wow, that’s weird. Have you ever had a dream about her before?”

“No.”

“Huh. I do sometimes, but I think it’s just my old memories playing on a loop.” Natsumi said, pulling up the chair next to Akito’s bed.

“I’m jealous.” Akito said honestly. “I don’t know where this dream of Mom came from, or if it’s what she was really like.”

Natsumi gave Akito a sad smile, drawing her knees up into her chest. “I’m sorry. I don’t always remember that while I have very few memories of Mom, you have none at all.”

“Not your fault.” Akito said, looking away.

“I can tell you what I remember.” Natsumi said, leaning back in her seat. “She was so pretty – her hair was like yours, but she had my eyes. She was always kind and patient with me even though I was just a little kid. I wanted to be near her all the time.”

Akito nodded as he listened to Natsumi recount her few memories of their mother, Koharu Hayama.

“What was your dream of Mom?” Natsumi asked curiously.

“It was really weird, like I was having an out-of-body experience. I was walking down a hallway, and when I tried to go through a door at the end of the hallway, she wouldn’t let me through. She smacked me in the face with he door, and she was squatting like some kind of yan.”

Natsumi laughed. “That’s too funny! I can’t believe your subconscious would invent something like that about Mom!”

Akito gave a hollow laugh in return, disappointed (though not surprised) at the reaction. “Yeah, it’s crazy.”

Natsumi was still giggling when their father entered the room.

“What’s so funny?” Fuyuki asked curiously.

“Nothing.” Akito said quickly. “What did the doc have to say?”

“Not much – the scans have all come back and it looks like the surgery went perfectly.” Fuyuki said.

“That’s great!” Natsumi exclaimed. “When can he come home?”

“Not yet. They still need to monitor him and make sure that there are no infections at the site of the wound.” Fuyuki said, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, Akito, you’ll probably be here for a couple of weeks.”

“It’s okay.” Akito replied flatly. “It is what it is.”

Fuyuki and Natsumi talked a little bit about what happened at work and school. Akito asked if they had heard anything from his school – Fuyuki said that it was all taken care of. All that Akito needed to do now was heal.

When visiting hours were over, Fuyuki and Natsumi rose to leave. As they were leaving the room, Akito thought he noticed a flash of intense worry cross over Fuyuki’s face.

The nursing staff was kind, but the hospital itself was cold and standoffish. Akito drew an immense amount of comfort from having some of his belongings from home. Natsumi had even been kind enough to pick up a few new magazines for him to flip through.

Akito picked one up, but thought better of it. He was exhausted from the lack of sleep the night before combined with the full day of tests and visits.

He fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

The night’s sleep was significantly less interrupted than the previous night’s, and Akito soaked up every minute of the peaceful, dreamless sleep.

When he awoke the next day, it was almost noon. One of the nurses told him that they had tried to wake him up earlier that morning, but that he had stubbornly refused to wake up – so they had given up and just let him sleep.

Akito enjoyed flipping through the first new magazine that Natsumi had brought, but quickly grew bored. He was deeply disappointed to find out that the TV in his room was an additional cost. He wasn’t even allowed to get out of bed and go to the bathroom without a nurse’s help. He picked up Sana’s watch every fifteen minutes to see how much time had passed. The answer was always “never enough.” He hated it.

He was stewing in his frustration, resigned to the fact that this horrible and boring hospital stay was probably karma for all of the bad things he had done in his life, when he heard a knock on the doorframe.

Sensei Kunimitsu was standing in the doorway. “May I come in?” he asked.

“Yes, Sensei.” Akito said, nodding. He was still hurt by Sensei Kunimitsu not allowing him to take the belt exam, but was secretly very pleased to see him.

“How are you feeling?” Kunimitsu asked, pulling up a chair alongside Akito’s bed.

“Sore.” Akito admitted. “They’re already starting to lower my pain meds.”

“That’s understandable.” Kunimitsu said with a small smile. “You’ve been missed at the dojo.”

Akito raised his eyebrows in disbelief. Kunimitsu laughed.

“No, really. Your classmates miss sparring with you, and I miss having you in class.”

“Thanks, Sensei. I miss being in class. I’m worried that I am falling behind by being here.”

“Don’t worry about that, Hayama. You need to focus on getting well first, and then you can focus on getting back up to speed at the dojo.” Kunimitsu said firmly. “The most important thing is that you regain your strength.”

“Yes, Sensei.” Akito said. Internally, he was frustrated.

“Focus on getting well first” was something that everyone was saying to him right now. But he had no idea how to do that. He hated that the answer seemed to be that he needed to stay in bed and keep doing nothing.

Sensei Kunimitsu stayed for about an hour, and Akito was grateful to have the company to help pass the time. Finally, Kunimitsu needed to leave.

“I’m sorry, Hayama, I need to get back to the dojo to teach my next class.”

“It’s okay, Sensei. Thank you for coming.”

Kunimitsu nodded kindly, and then he was gone.

Almost automatically, Akito picked Sana’s watch up from his bedside table.

 Huh, it’s already two o’clock. I’m hungry.

 Sana’s watch slipped through his fingers, hitting his right hand on the way down to the bed.

Akito almost didn’t think anything of it, until he realized something.

He hadn’t felt anything when the watch had struck his hand.

No cold metal, no slight sting or bruising from the weight and force of the fall. Nothing.

Nothing at all.

Akito could feel his heart slamming inside his chest.

He must have imagined it.

He brought his left hand up to pinch his right hand. He realized he was holding his breath.

He pinched his hand. He could feel the skin between the fingers of his left hand.

But there was no pain on the top of his right hand.

His brow furrowed. He was still holding his breath. He pinched each of his fingers. His palm. Other parts of the back of his hand.

Nothing.

His heart rate increased as he began desperately trying to get air from quick, shallow breaths. Everything felt like it was closing in. The monitors next to his bed began to beep wildly. A nurse came swiftly into the room calling over her shoulder for backup. And then everything went dark.

When he came to, there was a doctor and a nurse conversing at the end of his bed.

“Oh good, you’re awake.” The nurse said kindly. “How are you feeling?”

“My hand-“ Akito began, the panicky feeling returning.

“I take it that your father did not give you the news?” the doctor asked solemnly.

“What news?” Akito asked slowly.

The doctor and the nurse exchanged a concerned look.

-

It wasn’t hard to believe the doctor. Looking back, Akito realized that he had known as soon as he saw the watch hit his hand.

But it didn’t make the reality of the situation suck less.

The surgery had gone perfectly. He had escaped a near-death experience with his life. The cost was that there was permanent nerve damage in his arm that caused him to be paralyzed from his wrist to the tips of his fingers.

The road ahead was going to be long. He would have regular, frequent physical therapy.

He would need to relearn how to write. Simple things like buttoning a shirt or tying his school tie were about to be a lot harder.

And karate? He wasn’t ready to think about that yet.

He was still processing this news when he heard a familiar voice in the hallway. He could feel his stomach begin to tie itself in knots.

Not now. He wasn’t ready for this now.   

“I’m here to see Akito Hayama. Can I go in?” Fuka asked.

“Yes, but try to keep it short, he needs his rest.” The nurse at the nurse’s station replied.

Fuka stood in the doorway, carrying a bag of fruit. “Hey, you’re awake.”

“You’re lookin’ better.” She continued, crossing the room. “Everyone wanted to come see how you were doin’, but we all thought it might be a little too much for you. So I’m here representin’ all of us.”

“I see.” Akito said, the anxiety building inside of him.

“Can I sit here?” Fuka asked.

“Yeah.”

Fuka sat down in the chair next to Akito’s bed. There was a horrible and long moment of silence. Akito hardly knew what to say to Fuka, and he was still reeling from the news about his hand.

Finally, Fuka broke the silence. “Sana missed school again today, it seems like she’s gotten in trouble.”

“In trouble?”

“She stayed here ‘til we heard you were okay that night. She was supposed to be doin’ this live show, but she missed the first half or somethin’. I’m not sure what’s goin’ on, but I don’t think it’s too good.”

Sana had stayed that long? When she had work? Akito could hardly wrap his head around what that meant.

“But… she’ll get in trouble for that, won’t she?” he asked, the anxiety continuing to build.

“Duh! That’s what I just got through tellin’ you. But what was she gonna do? It was a real life or death situation.” Fuka said emphatically. “She was at some big press conference on TV today. She didn’t mention your name or Komori or anything, though. Hey you’ve got a TV, weren’t you watchin’ it?”

“No, it costs extra.” Akito said bitterly.

Fuka launched into a stream of consciousness. “Huh. It must be tough being a celebrity. They say all you need is nice teeth, but I dunno. Oh, hey, I brought you a buncha fruit.” She said, setting the bag on the table next to his bed. “Here. It’s from all of us. We thought about getting’ you some sushi, but then we thought that was a dumb idea. I mean, your heart stopped, you shouldn’t be eatin’ sushi the very next day. But you kept sayin’ you were hungry, and I figured you oughtta be able to eat fruit at least.”

“Thanks.”

“Sorry, I’m blabbin’. I’m just nervous.” Fuka said finally, growing quiet.

“Nervous?” Akito said, confused.

“Well, cause, you know. We haven’t been talkin’.”

“We haven’t?” Akito asked.

He didn’t understand what Fuka was getting at.

“Yeah. And when we do talk, it’s all about nothin’. I guess it’s finally time. This is weird though. But we won’t really have broken up unless I say “we should break up.” Like when I said “let’s go out” and we did. I don’t really understand. It’s confusin’.”

It was then that Akito realized what was going on. He struggled to find the words to express how he really felt.

“Fuka. I want… I want to say… I really do like you. But...” Akito said, avoiding her eyes. “I don’t know why, but it has to be Sana.” He continued. “I’m sorry.” He said, finally feeling brave enough to look her in the eye.

When he did, she looked away. “Do you remember when I first moved back and I said to you that a broken heart never heals?”

“Yeah. I remember that.”

“Well, now I think that it does.” She said, smiling sadly. “I’ll be fine, Akito. You just worry about gettin’ better.”

Fuka stood up, collecting her school bag and her jacket.

“Alright, I’m sayin’ it. We’re breakin’ up! Later, Aki. You’re too much for me, anyhow.” Fuka smiled, and began to head out of the room.

This almost felt like it was too easy. He had hurt Fuka, badly. He had wronged her. She should be yelling and screaming at him. He would deserve that.

“Fuka…” Akito started, but she interrupted him.

“You’ve already said sorry enough. Catch you later. Just get better, okay?” she said, smiling. But Akito knew her well enough to know that there was sadness behind her eyes.

He wasn’t sure what to say. She gave him a small wave, and then disappeared out of the room.

There’s another crime on my conscience. I should be in pain. Look at how much pain I’m still causing.

“If you think you did something wrong, then you should live with it.”

It had been a shitty day. That evening, when Fuyuki came to visit after work, he came alone. He stood in the doorway, looking unsure.

“May I come in?” he asked, looking to Akito for permission.

“Yeah.” Akito replied, gesturing to the chair next to his bed, unmoved from when Fuka vacated it.

“So… how are you feeling today?”

“Shitty.”

“I see…”

They lapsed into a deeply uncomfortable silence. Akito was angry that his father had not given him the full truth about his paralysis. Fuyuki could probably guess as much, and was clearly feeling guilty.

Finally, Fuyuki broke the silence. “The doctor said that he told you about your hand.”

“He did.”

“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you myself.”

Akito sighed. On one hand, it would be easy to stay mad at his father. On the other hand, he knew that he wasn’t mad at his father. He was mad at the situation, and looking for something else to pin the blame on.

At the end of the day, he was the one to push Komori to stab him. He was the one to blame for his own paralysis.

“It’s fine.” Akito replied. “I just wish I hadn’t had to figure it out myself.”

“I understand that.” Fuyuki said. “I am sorry.”

“Okay.”

Another silence. Fuyuki broke it again.

“So, Komori is in custody and being evaluated. He still might have to go to court. He seems alright with everything though.”

Akito grew panicked. “Don’t they care that I don’t want to press charges? It was my fault.”

“It doesn’t matter what happened, he’s committed a crime. He’s already confessed.” Fuyuki explained. “Since he’s only thirteen, they won’t do much to him. But his behavior was pretty disturbed. They’re trying to figure out what to do with him.”

Fuyuki dropped the subject of Komori after that. Akito participated in the conversation with his father, but his mind was on Komori. What was going to happen to him?

Fuyuki left for the evening, promising to return the next day. So Akito did what he did best - obsessed over the details of what had been an incredibly terrible day. Finding out that your hand was permanently paralyzed, being dumped by your girlfriend for being in love with someone else, and finding out that you were the reason that a friend was going to court because you pushed him to commit a crime.

It all felt like too much.

He briefly wished that he had pushed his mother aside and walked straight through that door and into the afterlife. Then he immediately felt guilty – his mother had given his life for him. He was supposed to be living for both of them. Natsumi and his father had given him their blood, so that he could live.

And how had he spent this life? Hurting people.

Fuka was hurting, because of him.

Komori was in trouble with the law, because of him.

Sana was in trouble at work, because of him.

So many people had made sacrifices for him. And how had he repaid them?

Akito felt like no matter how deeply he gasped for breath, he couldn’t get any air. The monitors began their now familiar frantic beeping. His world went dark.

Akito was aware of his father sitting next to his bed, holding his hand. Fuyuki’s voice sounded strange – strangled almost. The stress and the sadness radiated off of Fuyuki.  

Another crime on Akito’s conscience.

“Akito, don’t worry about Komori, do you hear me? You stopped him from killing himself. And you brought him home safely. You did everything that you could to help him. Let's just worry about you getting better.”

I don’t care about my body… There are things… more important.

The next week took on a new routine. Akito would wake up, go to his physical therapy session, have a few tests run on him, and then return to bed. He would read a magazine until he had a visitor – sometimes Sensei Kunimitsu, often Tsuyoshi. That visitor would leave, and then someone from his family would come to visit. He would talk to them until visiting hours were over, and then go to sleep. Once the distractions of the day were gone, he had nothing to keep him from obsessing over his guilt and his hand.

He had a panic attack. Every evening, like clockwork. Ordinarily a panic attack could be dealt with through breathing exercises or other methods. But due to the strain on his body from his injury, these attacks were much more serious and required medical intervention.

Akito hated the monotony of this new routine. He found that, if he was careful, he could get out of bed without pulling out his IV. The hospital was always busy, so the nurse’s station was always bustling. Fortunately, they were often too busy to notice Akito sneak out of his room.

Sometimes, Akito would just walk around the hospital. But most of the time, his goal was to make it to the vending machine at the end of the hallway, get a snack, and return to bed without the nurses noticing.

He was successful about fifty percent of the time.

“Hey, there he is!”

“He’s sneaking more junk food!”

“Why’d we bother with an IV?”

“Get back here!”

He figured out that he could use the IV cart as a kind of scooter. Sometimes, the nurses would chase him. He got a lot of enjoyment out of that.

One particular afternoon, he was speeding down the hallway on his IV cart, a bag of shrimp-flavored chips in his mouth. A nurse was yelling at him from her station, ordering him to return to his room. He stopped short when he saw Tsuyoshi in the hallway, with two new visitors: Aya and Yunchi.

“Hey.” Akito said, stepping down from his cart.

“Well, looks like you’re doing much better!” Tsuyoshi said with a laugh.

They followed Akito back to his room, each finding a place to sit.

“I’ve been so worried!” Aya said. “It’s so good to see you more like yourself.”

“When do you get to take your sling off?” Yunchi asked.

“Uh, not for a while.” Akito replied.

“It’s gonna suck if you have to have that on your arm when you’re back at school. Can you imagine writing with your hand in a sling?” Yunchi said lightly.

“Well, I’m not going to be writing at all with this hand anymore, so…” Akito said, trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

“Akito-kun, what do you mean?” Tsuyoshi asked.

“My right hand is paralyzed. Something to do with nerve damage from the surgery. So I’ll have to relearn to write with my left. No big deal.” Akito said with a shrug.

The smile faded from Aya’s face, and she looked like she was going to cry. “Oh, Hayama-kun. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine. Really. No big deal. I’m just looking forward to getting out of this place.”

The next week continued in the same way. Wake up, physical therapy, annoy the nurses, read a magazine, host a visitor, talk to his family, have a panic attack. Sometimes he couldn’t wait until his family was gone before launching into an attack.

With each attack they witnessed, Fuyuki looked more tired and worn down. Natsumi grew more anxious and frazzled.

The doctors and nurses asked what Akito needed to feel less anxious, but he had no answer for them. He just didn’t know.

Then one night, after a particularly draining attack, he heard a familiar voice from the doorway.

“Hayama, can I come in?”

His head snapped up immediately. There was no way it could be her.

“Hi!”

Here she was – Sana Kurata, crossing the room, standing by the foot of his bed, carrying a jacket.

“Fuka told me I should come see you…”

Her eyes were filling with tears.

Akito didn’t know who reached out their arms first, but within seconds Sana had rushed to his side and taken him into her arms.

He clutched tightly to the back of her dress. The familiar scent and warmth were making him feel more at ease than he had in months.

“Hayama… No matter what kind of painful things might happen in the future, don’t run from them. Because I’ll be here, by your side.”

“Thank you.” he whispered. She responded by holding him tighter. 

"I'll be here, by your side." 

At last.

He could breathe again.

Chapter Text

"I'll be here, by your side." 

Akito wasn’t sure how long they sat like that – Sana cradling his head in her arms, his left arm clutching the back of her dress. He could have stayed like that forever. Feeling her warmth gave him a comfort that he could barely describe.  

Finally, she began to pull away. And although he did not want her to, he let her. Her hands slid from around his neck down his arms until she was holding his left hand in both of her own.

He looked up to see Sana looking into his eyes. Her eyes were still wet from crying, but they were bright and hopeful.

Seeing her that way made him feel the tiniest bit of hope as well.

Her eyes darted down to his right hand, dangling from the end of his sling. She reached out gently to touch the tips of his fingers. He couldn’t feel a thing.

He hadn’t given a lot of thought to losing the sensation of touch within his right hand. He still had his left hand, after all. But watching Sana’s fingers graze his own, without being able to take hold of her hand or feel the softness of her palm, left him with a twinge of sadness.

“Your hand… it really won’t move?” she asked softly.

“Yeah… From the wrist down, there’s just… nothing.” He replied, looking down at his arm.

“You got stabbed in the arm, but only your hand is messed up? That’s weird.”

“Yeah, they said it’s what happens with radial nerve paralysis.” He looked up. The bright hope he had seen in her eyes just minutes ago was becoming clouded by a deep concern. “But, y’know, I’m not really stressed about it… really. I thought it would be worse.” He added, hoping that he could say something, anything, to keep her from worrying.

“The doctors seem to think your attacks are from stress. Is there something that’s been making you feel anxious?” she asked.  

He paused for a moment. “Maybe it’s because all I do is sit here and think about the past.” He said at last. “I worry about Komori, and other stuff.”

“You’re worried about Komori? After what he did? Why?” Sana asked, incredulous.

“Because he’s my friend.”

“Huh?! He is?!” She exclaimed, making a face so genuinely surprised that it was hard for Akito not to laugh.

It took Sana a moment to recover, but when she did, she launched into what she knew. “Well, I can tell you what my mom said. She told me that Komori finally told his mother how he really felt. He said all the things to her he’d been keeping inside. She thinks they still have some family trouble to work out… but that it looks like this whole incident may be the best thing that could have happened for Komori.”

Sana looked up at him with a bright smile. “So Komori is gonna work things out with his mom, and now he has you for a friend. So everything will be great now, right? Pretty awesome, huh?”

Akito stared at her blankly.

“What?” she asked, confused.

“You’re just… always so cheerful.” Akito replied, stifling a chuckle with his hand.

“But you’ve really done something great, Hayama!” Sana said fervently, taking hold of his hands again. “And I know it’s all gonna work out. If it doesn’t… we’ll worry about it later. Okay?”

“Okay.” He said, the corners of his mouth turning up ever so slightly.

Sana looked like she was about to say something else, when one of the nurses peeped her head into the room.  

“Excuse me, visiting hours are over.”

“I guess I have to go.” Sana said, standing up. She squeezed his hand, gently pulling her hand away to gather her things. “I’ll see you soon. Take care.” She said, turning to wave at the door.

“Okay.” He said.  

She smiled, then left.

“Sorry I was here so long.” She said to the nurses at the station across from his room.

And then she was gone.

"I'll be here, by your side." 

For the first time in what felt like months, Akito exhaled.

Sleep that night was easier than it had been in a long time. Everyone – doctors, nurses, and Akito alike – were surprised when he awoke the next morning without having had an attack.

After the second night without an attack, the doctors decided to move Akito out of the intensive care unit and into a regular room. They stopped monitoring his vitals as closely, and instead increased the amount of physical therapy that he was required to attend. It was tiring, being shuffled from specialist to specialist, but it was better than reading magazines alone in his room.

Every time he felt like he couldn’t breathe, or that things were too scary to handle, he would remember what Sana had said.

"I'll be here, by your side." 

He had heard from Natsumi that Sana had called and was planning to visit him again as soon as her exams were over. He was surprised to see her burst through the door at noon just two days later – well before the end of the school day.

“Hayama!” Sana called, practically running across the room to him.

“Hey! How were exams?” He asked, closing his magazine and putting it on his bedside table.  

Sana began to sink down to sit on his bed. “I tried, but…” she started, then cut herself off, shaking her head. “Did you hear about Komori?”

“Yeah, he’s on probation.” Akito said, raising an eyebrow.

“No, not that! He’s moving! Today!” Sana exclaimed.

It took Akito a moment to process that information. He hadn’t had a chance to see Komori since that day at the train station. Akito had figured that once he got out of the hospital, he would see Komori at school and get his phone number. He had imagined sitting together at lunch – with Yunchi, Tsuyoshi, Aya, Fuka, and Sana. He could see them going to the arcade together. He had been looking forward to seeing Komori’s surprised face when Aya schooled them at air hockey.

If Komori moved, then that was the end of that. They would never see each other again.

Sana studied his face closely, waiting for a reaction, but Akito was too deep in his own thoughts.

Sana broke the silence. “He’s leaving on the 1:00 train. Let’s go.”

“What do you mean, ‘let’s go’? I’m in the hospital.”

“I mean, let’s go! We can go to the train station, you can see Komori, and then we can get you back here before anyone notices you’re gone.”

Akito paused for a moment, considering the possible ramifications. From a health perspective he was unconcerned. The nurses had greatly reduced their checking of his vitals – all he had now was a pulse monitor that was clipped on to one of his fingers.

But if his dad found out, he’d be furious.

But if he didn’t go, he would never see Komori again.

“Okay, let’s go.” Akito said, unclipping the pulse monitor and getting out of bed.  

“Rei’s in the car out front. I’ll distract the nurses.” Sana said with a wink, heading out into the hallway.

Akito hid behind the door, listening. He couldn’t hear much of what Sana was saying but then he heard a loud “Of COURSE! I would be HAPPY to sign autographs for ANYONE WHO WANTS ONE.” Followed by the sound of lots of squeaky soles and footsteps making their way toward the nurse’s station and various calls of “Sana-chan!” “Sana-chan!”

Akito took that as his cue to slip out of his room, and make his way down to the lobby. He didn't dare look at the nurse's station, but could imagine that it was surrounded by nurses and doctors wanting Sana's autograph. The receptionists at the desk in the lobby weren’t paying any attention to him. One said to the other. “Sana-chan is giving autographs on the third floor! Want me to get you one?”

Akito walked through the sliding glass doors and out of the hospital. It was so nice to be outside.

“Hayama-kun!” Akito heard a voice a little ways away. It was Mr. Sunglasses.

“Yo!” Akito replied, waving once as he made his way over to the car.

He expected he would have to explain to Rei what he was doing outside, when the rear passenger side door opened from the inside and Rei gestured wildly for him to get in the car. Akito quickly closed the distance and got in the car.

Akito was surprised to see that Sana was already in the car.

“But... how?” Akito asked.

“Komawari Mannequin Switcheroo Technique!” Sana announced proudly.

Akito simply nodded, impressed. Rei turned on the car and began to drive.

“Well, we snuck you out…” Sana said, looking over at Akito with a smile. Akito could see the next thought occur to her as her smile faded and was replaced with a concerned look. “I hope we don’t get in trouble! Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m fine.”

Sana looked like she was about to press further, but Rei interrupted. “Sana-chan, you said the train was at 1:00?” 

“Yes!” Sana replied.

“We’ll make it, we have plenty of time.” Rei replied, glancing at the clock on the dashboard.

“Don’t take any chances, just hurry!” Sana said urgently.

Rei increased his speed slightly, rounding corners and changing lanes with expert precision. Even Akito was impressed, especially considering that Sana was leaning forward, practically climbing into the front seat to watch the speedometer on the dashboard as Rei drove.

“Come on, Rei-kun, hurry!” Sana urged.

“Sana.” Akito said, touching her arm.

Sana whipped her head to look back at Akito. He gave her a look, and she finally sighed and settled back in the seat next to him. Feeling more confident, he took her hand in his.

Sana looked over at him, clearly a little mystified by this hand-holding business. Akito kept his eyes firmly forward, certain that if he looked her in the eye he would blush. He could already feel his face getting hot.

And then, a horrifying thought occurred to him. What if Sana didn’t know that he and Fuka had broken up?

He thought back to Sana’s arrival in his hospital room the other day. “Fuka told me I should come, so…” she had said. He had assumed Fuka had told her. But what if Fuka hadn’t told her?

But if Fuka hadn’t told her, then Tsuyoshi would have? Right? Right?

Oh, God. Sana must think he was such a bad guy. Trying to hold her hand when she thought he had a girlfriend.  

But Sana didn’t seem too concerned, having turned her gaze off of Akito and to the view outside the window. She hadn't pulled her hand away – so Akito felt encouraged.

The minutes rolled by with relative silence, the primary sound being the low sound of the radio. Periodically Sana would ask how close they were and Rei would respond that they were almost there.

Akito’s thoughts turned to the mission they were currently on – it felt almost impossible. Even if they got to the station in time, how would they find Komori’s train? And even if they did, would Komori even want to talk to him?

As soon as Rei parked, Sana had thrown open the car door and was dragging Akito by his good hand to the train platforms.

There was no need to exchange words as the two split up to look in the various train windows. After a couple of minutes, Akito heard an excited squeal.

“Here he is!” Sana cried, gesturing wildly.

Komori was sitting next to his mother on a train bound for Fukushima. Akito crossed to the train quickly, tapping on the window.

“C’mon, get out!” He and Sana called, gesturing for him to leave the train.

Both Komori and his mother looked surprised. Komori quickly rose and exited the train car, his mother looked away.

“Uh, Hayama-kun? I’m so sorry… I heard about your hand…” Komori said, his eyes filling with tears.

Woah, that wasn’t what Akito wanted.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s no big deal.” Akito said, brushing off Komori’s apology. “I’m looking forward to trying one-handed karate. You keep checking the karate magazines for me. I’ll be the famous one-handed karateka.” From behind him he could hear Sana make a surprised noise. He chose to ignore her.

“How are you doing? Things okay with your mom?” Akito asked.

“Uh… yeah… We can talk now… at least a little bit… I’ll be… okay.” Komori said, sniffling.

“I’m glad.” Akito said.

“Hayama… I want to tell you. I’m better now because you came to find me that day in the forest. Th-Thank you. I didn’t think I’d see you again.” Komori said.

“Of course he would! Because you’re friends now!” Sana interjected.

“She’s right…” Akito said. Then realized that he had no plan at this point. Sana helpfully slipped a cat-shaped notepad into Akito’s hand, then stepped away to give them some space. “So give me your new address.” Akito handed the notepad to Komori, who wordlessly took it and wrote down his new address and phone number. Komori passed the notepad back to Akito, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

An announcement came from overhead. “The platform five train for Fukushima will depart in… one… minute.”  

“Good luck.” Akito said, waving goodbye.

Komori smiled gratefully, waving goodbye in return.

Sana and Akito watched as Komori got back on the train and settled back in his seat next to his mother. They watched the train pull away, and then Komori was gone.

“Yay!” Sana cried. “We did it!”

“Yeah.” Akito agreed.

They began to walk back toward to station’s parking lot to find Rei.

“Komori-kun looks so much better, doesn’t he? You really saved his life, you know.” Sana said excitedly, still riding the high of their success.

“No… I was the one who hurt him.” Akito said, and Sana fell behind him as they walked through the station. He could hear her having a full-blown conversation with herself behind him, but she was speaking in such a soft voice that he could not hear what she was saying. Eventually, he heard a sound that made him think she had come to some kind of conclusion.

He then felt her hand connect with his back with a loud “thwack.”  

“Cheer up!” Sana said loudly. 

They passed a group of boys a little older than them.  

“Hey, is that Sana Kurata?” “No way!” The boys said to each other.

Sana didn’t seem to notice.

“Hey, when do you get to go home? Soon, right? Let’s have a big homecoming party! It’ll be fun!” She said, turning to him excitedly.

Hardly his idea of a good time.

“Um… no.” Akito said, shaking his head. "I don't need that." 

“Too late, I already decided!” Sana said, skipping a few paces ahead of him. Then she stopped in her tracks. “Hey, where’s Rei-kun? I’m totally lost, where did Rei-kun park?”

“I think… over there.” Akito said, pointing out the double doors to the parking garage.

“Come on, then! Let’s gooooooo!” She exclaimed, the last word in English. She took his hand, and began to drag him in the direction Akito had pointed.

She had taken his hand without hesitation. He welcomed the ease with which they were able to touch each other. But that alone wasn’t enough – it was time to have a conversation. At the very least, he needed her to know that he was serious.  

He was pretty sure that she still cared for him. Possibly as deeply as he cared for her.  

“Sana.” Akito said, tugging back on ther arm.

“What?” Sana asked inquisitively, turning around to look at him.

Akito wasn’t sure how he wanted to begin. He decided to start with the facts. “Fuka and I… we broke up.”

“I know… she told me.” Sana said, looking visibly uncomfortable.

“So… what about us?” Akito asked.

“What do you mean?” Sana asked, avoiding his gaze.

Akito held on to Sana’s hand, his gaze steady.

He was done with running away.

He just hoped that she was too.

Chapter Text

“Uh…” Sana said, trying to take a step back. “Um, well… I think we should go and find the car… we can talk there.”

Akito shook his head. “No we can’t, Mr. Sunglasses is there.”

Akito dropped her hand and walked over to one of the station’s benches. He sat down and patted the seat next to him, indicating that Sana should sit down with him. Sana followed and sat down, but was still unable to meet his eye.

“Well, Fuka and I had a talk… about a bunch of stuff.” She began, staring at the floor. “She told me that last year, everyone thought we were going out already, and that we just didn’t say so. So, I was thinking…” She trailed off, struggling to find the words. “Ah, this is weird!” She exclaimed, her frustration mounting.

While she was struggling to find her words, Akito was distracted by a couple of younger guys loudly whispering a few yards away from them.

“Hey! It’s Sana-chan!” The first guy exclaimed.

“Let’s take a picture with her!” The second guy said excitedly. “Do you have a camera?!”

“No, you go talk to her!” The first guy said, pushing the second forward.

Oh hell no. These two doofuses weren’t going to interrupt this conversation, not on Akito’s life. He had waited too long to get this figured out. He gave them a devastating glare, and the guys backed off immediately.

“He’s scary!” one said to the other, before they quickly vacated the area.  

Meanwhile, Sana was still struggling to express herself.

“If we get together right after you and Fuka have broken up… Well, maybe we shouldn’t get too serious yet.” She said, giving Akito a sidelong glance. When he made eye contact with her, she looked away again.

Another couple of fans had noticed them sitting on the bench, and one commented to the other “Hey! Isn’t that Sana-chan?” “Yeah, it is!”

“I mean, we can be friends, like we always were. It’ll just be… different. I guess. I mean… well… what I’m trying to say is, I want us to be ourselves. Aghh! I don’t know what I’m trying to say! This is too hard!” Sana exclaimed, burying her face in his left shoulder.

Akito gave the two fans another death glare, trying to make he and Sana look as unapproachable as possible.

“Are you even listening?” Sana demanded, frowning.

Akito nodded confidently. “Yeah, of course I was. I know what you mean.”

“Huh? You do? Really?” Sana asked, looking hopeful.

“Sure. It’ll be just like it’s always been between us, except now we can make out.” Akito said with a grin.

“That’s not what I meant! Is that all you can think about?!” Sana exclaimed, elbowing him.

“Well, that’s pretty much what you said…” Akito said with a smirk. He had forgotten how much fun it was to get a rise out of her.

“Well I didn’t mean it that way!” Sana exclaimed angrily. 

“How did you mean it then?” Akito asked smugly, raising his eyebrows at her.

Sana still looked enraged, but she was blushing furiously. She had just opened her mouth to retort when she was interrupted by the appearance of Mr. Sunglasses himself.

“Where’ve you guys been?” Rei asked.

“Rei-kun!” Sana said, turning to look at him.  

“Did you find Komori?” Rei asked.

“Yup!” Sana said proudly.

I guess the conversation is over. Akito thought to himself, disappointed. They hadn’t gotten any closer to defining their relationship, but Akito was still relieved to hear, more or less, that Sana still cared for him.

Regardless of what came next, he could get through it if she was with him.

The three of them began making their way back through the station to the parking garage.

“Hayama, I just called the hospital to let them know you were okay. They told me that you’re getting out the day after tomorrow. Did they tell you that?” Rei asked Akito with a smile.

“Oh? No, they didn’t.” Akito said, a little surprised.  

“Really?! Awesome! You’re free!” Sana exclaimed, clearly delighted.

“Isn’t that great?” Rei asked, giving Akito a long look.

“Yeah, thanks.” Akito said.

Rei continued to look at him, leaving Akito feeling uncomfortable. He couldn’t read Rei’s expression through his sunglasses, but he felt like Rei was looking for some sort of bigger reaction to the news that he was getting out of the hospital. If Rei was waiting for a reaction, he would be waiting for a long time, Akito thought. Big reactions and expressions just weren’t his thing. 

Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. “What?” Akito asked in a cool tone.

Rei was immediately taken aback. “Uhhh, you’re really getting tall, aren’t you?”

“What do you think I’m gonna do, shrink?” Akito replied in a deadpan voice. That seemed to shut Mr. Sunglasses up.  

Akito looked around for Sana only to find that she had been cornered by a few more fans. He sighed internally – this was going to be the new normal, he supposed.

“Sana, can I shake your hand?” one of the fans asked.

Akito came up behind Sana and pulled her backwards by her backpack. “Don’t wander off.”

“Ok!” Sana said cheerfully, waving apologetically to her group of fans before continuing on her way to the car.

“Yay! You can go home! When should we have the party? Not for a few days at least.” She said.

From the look on her face, Akito could tell she was already mentally planning.

“No party!” he said firmly.

“Okay, okay, no party.” Sana said with a smirk.

Akito didn’t trust that face at all.

They got back in the car, Akito sliding in the back seat next to Sana.

Akito left his hand on the middle seat between the two of them, hoping that she would reach out and grab it. Sana chatted animatedly for the duration of the drive, talking with her hands the entire way back to the hospital.

Rei parked on the curb by the hospital’s entrance.

“Thanks for the ride.” Akito said, giving Rei a one-handed wave as he got out of the car.

Sana got out of the car with Akito and walked him to the automatic doors.

“Do you think you’ll get in trouble?” Sana asked anxiously.

“Eh. Who cares?” Akito shrugged. He paused for a moment. “Thanks for coming to get me. It would’ve sucked to lose contact with Komori, after everything.”

“Of course!” Sana said with a grin. “We couldn’t let him get away!” She said, giving a fake evil laugh.

“You’re a goof.” Akito said with the slightest of smiles.

Sana smiled back, her face getting pink. God, it was cute.

They both stood their awkwardly. Akito wasn’t sure what to do. He knew what he wanted to do, but Sana was clearly struggling with the changes between the two of them. He wanted to pull her into his chest for a long hug.

What happened instead was that Sana waved goodbye awkwardly, turned, and ran back to the car.

Akito was disappointed.

He walked into the double doors of the hospital where he was immediately reprimanded by the nursing staff. He was escorted back to his room and told that if he left hospital grounds without permission, he would spend the remainder of his visit strapped to his bed.

He obediently returned to his bed and sighed, picking up a magazine from his bedside table.

Two more days.

He could do this for two more days.

The hours ticked by slowly, a monotonous repeat of the weeks that had already passed. He woke up, was shuffled to different parts of the hospital for different therapies, he would read some of his magazines, either his father or Natsumi would come to visit him, he would read some more, he would go to sleep.

By the time he was actually at home sitting at his own dining table, he felt like he hadn’t been home in years. The Akito that had stepped out of the front door with a backpack filled with tape and a flashlight felt far away.

What had happened in the woods had changed him, he thought, looking at his motionless right hand dangling at the end of his wrist. Forever.  

“Let’s eat, guys!” Natsumi said, clapping her hands together.

The sound brought Akito hurtling back to the present moment. He looked around the table at his sister and father.

“We’re glad you’re home, Akito.” Fuyuki said warmly, picking up his chopsticks.

“Thanks.” Akito said, hungrily looking at the meal before them.

Sushi…

His father had gotten them sushi for dinner that evening, and from Akito’s favorite place no less – Dharma Sushi. There was a spread of delicious sashimi and nigiri, in addition to some of his favorite maki.

Akito lifted his right arm to pick up his chopsticks, but then noticed that his hand was not making the grasping motion he was telling it to.

Right. He was left-handed now.

 Akito picked up his chopsticks with his left hand. He moved them over to the maki that he had been eyeing, but lacked the dexterity to move the sushi to his plate. He took a pause, and then tried again. The chopsticks clacked together uncomfortably, his grip on each slipping.

He felt like a child.  

“Akito, it’s okay to eat sushi with your fingers. In fact, you’re really supposed to eat it that way. Unless it already has soy sauce on it.” Fuyuki offered.

“Oh… I wish I had known that sooner.” Akito said, putting down his chopsticks and reaching for the maki he had been trying to move. It felt strange to hold sushi between his fingers – like he was breaking the rules.

“Dad, I forgot! When Akito was in the hospital, he was saying all these crazy things! He said that mom used to be a yan, isn’t that so rude?” Natsumi said excitedly. She was such a tattle. “I mean, I know you were a delinquent, but-“

“Huh?” Fuyuki interrupted, his eyebrows raised.

“He said he saw her in a dream.” Natsumi continued, still laughing.

“A dream?” Fuyuki asked, looking over at Akito.

“Uh… yeah.” Akito answered, turning his gaze to a piece of nigiri he had selected.

“How could you dream that about her? I mean, come on!” Natsumi scoffed. “Mom was very beautiful and elegant. I always remember her being so nice and gentle with me… so ladylike.”

“I have to admit that your mother and I… we weren’t always on the straight and narrow…” Fuyuki said, awkwardly avoiding the piercing stares of his children.

“Mom was a hoodlum too?!” Natsumi exclaimed, her face aghast.

“Tough luck, Natsumi. That’s our family.” Akito said with a smirk, feeling all too pleased with himself.

“Well, I mean, we did do pretty good in school and everything, but-“ Fuyuki said with a shrug.

“This can’t be true!” Natsumi interrupted, her face in her hands.

“The thing is… I know I’ve hurt people. And I’ve been hurt. That’s just part of life.” Fuyuki said, taking a sip of water. “It’s what everyone goes through. But if you have at least one person you can depend on, you’ll be able to get through anything. It could be a friend, a lover, family… anyone. As long as you have that person.”

Dad speaks! Akito thought. It was so rare for Fuyuki to open up in this way. But Akito kind of understood what he meant.

If you have at least one person you can depend on, you’ll be able to get through anything.

“Dad, was Mom that person for you?” Natsumi asked.

“Well… Ahem. I suppose. Maybe.” Fuyuki answered, turning his attention to his dinner.

“C’mon, Dad, just say she was!” Natsumi chided.

Dad’s shy?

After dinner, Akito made an attempt to help with the dishes, but was promptly shooed out of the kitchen by his sister. He sat with his father on the couch in the living room for a little while, watching the last portion of a basketball game.

“I’m taking my bath.” Akito announced, standing up.

“Do you need help?” Fuyuki asked.

“No.” Akito said firmly.

“Are you-“ Fuyuki pressed.

“Look, this is how I have to live from now on. So I don’t want you babying me. Got it, boss?” Akito said.

“Boss?” Fuyuki asked with a raised eyebrow.

Akito headed upstairs to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He turned on the tap to fill the tub and watched as it began to fill with water.

That part wasn’t bad. The tough part was taking off his shirt unassisted. He struggled in the darkness of his layered shirts as he tried to take them both off with one hand. Once he managed to get them off, he turned his attention to his pants.

It wasn’t going well.

He felt warm water on his feet and looked over at the tap.

“Shit!” Akito swore, as he slipped and slid across the bathroom floor to turn off the faucet.  

There was a light knock on the door. “I could help with your hair?” Fuyuki offered.

“I said no!” Akito snapped, finally managing to turn off the faucet. He turned to grab a towel to clean up the water spill, and promptly tripped over the pants around his ankles. “Owww!”

When Akito had finally gotten the mess cleaned up and himself undressed, he carefully submerged himself in the water, trying not to spill any more of the water over the edge. He still felt tense from the battle that he had fought just to get there, but as he slowly started to relax he began to feel more at ease.

It was really good to be home.

When he was finished cleaning himself, he began to fight a new battle – dressing himself.

“I’m tired… good night.” Akito announced, making his way toward his bedroom.

“You’ve got the wrong button…” Fuyuki pointed out. The phone began ringing, Natsumi answered it.

Akito looked down at his pajama top, the buttons out of alignment. “Whatever.” Akito said, rolling his eyes.

Natsumi opened her bedroom door and stepped out into the hallway. “Akito, phone call. Do you want to get it in your room?”

“Sure.” Akito said.

He picked up the phone and sat down on the couch. Before he could even open his mouth to say hello, a cheerful voice came through the line.

“Hayama? It’s Sana! Happy Homecoming!” Sana said, her voice upbeat.

“Thanks…” Akito said, the tension he had been feeling beginning to melt away.

“Are you glad to be home?” Sana asked.

“It’s all right.”

“I’m coming to school tomorrow.”

“You are? Cool! Guess what? I actually passed all of my exams! What are you doing about exams?”

“I’ll make them up later.”

Akito was beginning to get really drowsy. The exhaustion of the day was really starting to hit him.

“That’s cool. You did really well on midterms so you probably don’t have anything to worry about.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Did your dad get you sushi for dinner?”

“Yeah…” Akito responded, laying his head down on the arm of the couch.

“I knew it! Good for you!” Sana said with a laugh.

Somewhere in his dreams, Akito could hear a far-away Sana squawk “Hey are you asleep? Hayama, wake up!”

He woke up the next day with the phone in his hand and a flat dial tone emitting from it. Whoops. 

The next morning felt like any other. Akito ate breakfast with his family, (kind of) helped with the breakfast dishes, and gathered his things for school. He even consented to letting Fuyuki help him with his school tie.

The walk to school was pleasant. The weather was getting colder as the end of the year drew near. As he walked up to the school grounds, he took a deep breath, squared his shoulders and marched inside as if it was any other day.

The halls were crowded with people as Akito made his way to the shoe lockers. As he rounded the corner, he could see Tsuyoshi and Aya waiting nearby for him.

“Good morning, Akito-kun!” Tsuyoshi said cheerfully.

“I’m so glad you’re back!” Aya said warmly.

“Thanks.” Akito said with a slight smile, as he changed into his school shoes.

The three of them made their way down the hallway to their homeroom. Passing by in the opposite direction was Fuka. Akito could see Tsuyoshi and Aya both immediately become nervous.

“Mornin’!” Fuka said to the group with a big smile and a slight wave. Then she continued on the way to her own homeroom.

Akito felt that under ordinary circumstances, they would have all paused to talk in the hallway for a moment.

But he supposed it was too soon to expect that they could be friends again.

He sighed internally. It had been 5 weeks since he and Fuka had broken up. It felt like a lifetime ago.

But hey, she wasn't ignoring him. He could tell that she was really trying to make things easy for the group - it would just take time. 

Tsuyoshi, Aya, and Akito entered their classroom and each went to their respective desks. Akito began pulling things out of his bag for the day, when he noticed several figures appear before them.

“Hey, Hayama-kun, how’s it going?” one of his classmates asked.

“We heard that you and Komori-kun both disappeared. Where were you?” asked another.

“Did you hear that Komori-kun transferred right after that?” remarked another.

“How come you were in the hospital so long? Did Komori-kun do something to you?” the first classmate asked.

“Are you the one who found him?” asked the other.

Akito gave them a withering stare. The boys got the picture, leaving him in peace.

“Akito, do you want me to take notes for you?” Tsuyoshi asked.

“No. Don’t baby me.” Akito said firmly, pulling out a notebook. “If I miss anything, I can get it from you later.”

“Are you sure?” Tsuyoshi pressed.

Akito was about to insist that he was fine, when the homeroom teacher entered the classroom and Tsuyoshi was forced to return to his seat.

“Now, don’t think you can get lazy just because exams are over. We’re heading right into our new topics.” The teacher announced.

Akito internally sighed. Time to hit the ground running. 

Later that day, Akito was sitting back in the science lab for chemistry with Mr. Sengoku.

“How much is that?” Tsuyoshi asked, jotting down a series of numbers on their report.

“2.2, I think.” Akito answered.

“You think?” Yunchi asked emphatically.  

“Ah, group two – all done?” Mr. Sengoku asked, pausing his rounds of the lab.

“Yes, sir! We’re just finishing our report.” Tsuyoshi answered.

“Very good. In that case, put your results up on the board. Yasuda, you write out the chart.”

“Yes sir.” Said Yunchi.

“Hayama, you write out the results.”

“What?” Tsuyoshi asked, aghast. “Uh, but Hayama-kun, he- I’ll do it.” He sputtered.

“It’s okay.” Akito replied, looking at Mr. Sengoku.

“But-“ Tsuyoshi argued, looking frantically between Akito and Mr. Sengoku.

“I’ll be fine. I have to learn to cope, don’t I?” Akito said, making his way to the board.

“The rest of you, keep working.” Mr. Sengoku said to the rest of the class.

“Are you sure it’s okay?” Yunchi whispered as they each picked up their chalk.  

“Yeah.” Akito said.

When he had said it was okay, he had meant it. His handwriting was sloppy, sure, but what do you expect? He had only been writing with his left hand for a few weeks.

“Hayama, I can’t read that at all. Start over, please.” Mr. Sengoku said imperiously.

Akito’s blood began to boil, but he remained outwardly calm. He turned his focus to forming each individual character, ignoring the fact that his classmates were finishing up around him.

Now for the straight line…

Akito used his right elbow to hold the ruler straight as he slid the chalk in a diagonal line down the graph.

It wasn’t perfect, but it was legible.

“All right, groups that are done – clean up and write your reports. Compare your results to Group 2.” Mr. Sengoku said as Akito wordlessly returned to his seat.

Once they were out of class, Akito made his way to his locker to get his lunch card and then made his way to the cafeteria to meet Tsuyoshi and Aya for lunch.  

“Akito-kun, I just ran into Sana-chan in the hall. I told her about what happened in science class. Sorry about that. I know, I’m a blabbermouth.” Tsuyoshi said nervously.

“It’s no big deal. I don’t care.” Akito said with a shrug.

“But, she got really mad about it, too. And she ran off to go talk to Mr. Sengoku. That’s a big deal, right?” Tsuyoshi said with a grimace.

“Why didn’t you say that in the first place?!” Akito snapped, leaving Tsuyoshi and Aya in the cafeteria and hurrying toward the faculty office.

He couldn’t make out the words, but he could hear Sana’s angry voice echoing down the hallway.

The door to the faculty office was open, and it seemed that Sana and Mr. Sengoku were the only two people inside. Akito hid behind the open door so he could listen.  

“Well, if you don’t like it, why don’t you just quit then?! It’s not like you’re any good at the job!” Sana yelled.

“Oh, I’m sure I’ll quit sooner or later. Whenever I find something better to do. I’m sick of having to deal with all you brats anyway.” Mr. Sengoku hissed, turning on his heel and leaving Sana seething in his wake.

Once the coast was clear, Akito stepped out from behind the door. “Sana, why are you arguing with him?”

“Hayama!” Sana said, turning when she heard Akito’s voice. Her face flushed completely red with anger. “I am so mad, I could just-“ she let out a strangled scream of rage. “What is wrong with that man?!”

Akito shrugged in response, then began walking down the hallway back to the cafeteria. Sana followed, still in a rage.

“I’m a million times more pissed off than the last time he was being a creep!” She continued. “Someone has to do something about him!”

“Forget it, Sana.” Akito said, his voice calm. It was easier to look past Mr. Sengoku’s actions when he knew that Sana was by his side, looking out for him.

“Aren’t you angry?! He knew all about your hand, but he made you write on the board in front of everybody! He’s totally picking on you. I think it actually qualifies as abuse, it’s awful!”

“Yeah, but I’ve been awful to him.” Akito said.

“What?” Sana asked, confused.

“Well, I told everyone about his toupee. Now everybody makes fun of his wig all the time. I think that really hurts him. So… we’re even.” Akito said with finality.

“Okay, maybe he deserves a little pity. But Mr. Monkeyku’s done way worse stuff than you! Besides, you feel bad about what you did to him… but do you think he cares about what he’s done? I’m sure he doesn’t! People like that are just hopeless!”

Hopeless. An interesting choice of word.

He could remember a time, not that long ago, where he felt completely without hope. Where he could look at his actions from the outside and wonder why he was doing those things. He remembered a time, years ago, that he propelled himself down a dangerous path with no return.

“Sana, I could have been one of those people.” Akito said quietly.

“What?! What do you mean?” Sana demanded, still coming down from her rant.

“If I’d… never met you… I might have become like Mr. Sengoku. Or maybe Komori.” Akito said, pausing to look out the window. “They didn’t have that one person in their lives… that person like you. I think I’m lucky.”

“Lucky?” Sana asked, her voice soft.

“Yeah, lucky. I’m a lucky guy.” Akito said, turning to look at her with a slight smile.

“Oh.” Sana said, blushing. She clearly didn’t know how to respond to that. “Well Komori has you for a friend now, right?”

“Yeah. I’ll call him once in a while.” Akito said, continuing the walk down to the cafeteria.

“Good!” Sana said, sidling up next to him. “Hey, Hayama! Let’s throw a party on the 24^th!”

That again. Her and her parties.

Akito let out a longsuffering sigh in response.

“Come on, let’s! Remember? We agreed to do it last year cause it’s our middle birthday."

“Oh. Yeah.”

And then Akito remembered something else.

Me? It’s December 24^th.

“And it’s Fuka’s birthday! Did you remember?” Sana said cheerfully.

“Yeah.” I guess it’s just easier to blurt it out.

“Plus, you just got to come home and it’s Christmas Eve! There’s so much to celebrate, we have to have a party! We’ll call it the “We’ve Got So Much To Celebrate” Party!”

“That name is too long…”

“Okay, it’s a plan. I’ll tell everyone! It’ll be fun!”

“All right, whatever you want…” Akito conceded, shaking his head.

“Okay, later!” Sana said, skipping ahead of him down the hallway.

“Wait, what about work?” Akito called after her.

“I’m off until the 26^th!” Sana called behind her.

Classic Sana. Of course she would want to spend the most romantic holiday of the year… with everybody.

No progress at all. One of these days…

Chapter Text

The next day Akito had his first after-school physical therapy appointment. Fuyuki had a work meeting that ran long, and insisted that Akito shouldn’t go alone. So Akito was seated at a table with his arm laid across it while Natsumi’s face hovered just a few inches above his physical therapist’s hands.

“So if I learn these exercises for his hand, we can do them at home too?” Natsumi asked.

“Yes, the more he does them, the faster he will progress. If family members can help, it’s ideal. And Akito, you can continue to work out the rest of your body while working on this arm, okay?” The doctor said.

“I see. All right, please teach me how to do the exercises.” Natsumi said, getting a notebook from her bag.

“What else do I have to do?” Akito asked.

“We also want you to get regular shortwave treatment, massage, and hydrotherapy.” The doctor said, standing. He crossed to a wheeled cart on the other side of the room and picked up a small plastic object that looked like an arm-sized harness. “You should wear this brace at all times – it will keep your arm from stiffening up.” The doctor said, easing Akito’s arm into it.

The brace wasn’t comfortable, but Akito felt he could manage. He looked at his hand. For the first time in several weeks, it wasn’t dangling from the edge of his wrist. This would be significantly easier to manage.

Natsumi and Akito said their goodbyes to the doctor, and made their way out the door. Akito turned left out of the building, but paused when he realized Natsumi was following him.

“You don’t have to come with me to karate, you know.” Akito said, frowning at Natsumi.

Natsumi looked unsure. “Are you sure? You only just got out of the hospital.”

“I feel fine. Really. I walked to school today alone, and that’s a much longer walk than here to the dojo, or from the dojo to home.”

Natsumi still looked uncertain, but she relented, waving goodbye and heading down the sidewalk in the other direction.

Akito watched her go, knowing she meant well but still feeling a little annoyed that she was babying him.

When he arrived at the dojo, he was greeted just inside the door by Sensei Kunimitsu.

“Hayama! It’s good to see you.” He said warmly.

“Thank you, sensei. It’s good to be back.” Akito said.

“Would you mind having a quick conversation in private?” Kunimitsu asked, indicating for Akito to follow him into an empty practice room. Akito followed obediently.  

“Hayama, your father let us know about the condition of your arm. Are you really sure you want to keep training?”

“Yes, sensei.” Akito said quickly.

“Why?” Kunimitsu asked.

Why is he asking? Why am I doing this? Akito wondered to himself.

“Tell me, is there anything great about you? Then you’re no match for her, you know.”

Akito would never admit it, but Kamura had been right. A portion of his motivation had always been because he didn’t want to be eclipsed by Sana’s star. He wanted to achieve something.  

Akito had always been a top performer in school – but only because school had come easily to him. He was strong and quick on the offense, which made him a naturally gifted fighter. Other boys seemed to admire his strength, so he often found himself thrust into leadership roles.

But he hadn’t worked hard for any of those things – they just sort of fell into his lap.

Discipline, restraint, defense – these were what made karate a challenge for him. Karate was the first thing that he had had to work hard at.

And as much as he was doing it for Sana, he was doing it for himself.

“To improve myself, sensei.” Akito answered finally.

“I see. Today, you will sit in seiza.” Sensei Kunimitsu said.

Akito wanted to argue, but knew better. “Yes, sensei.”

It was frustrating, but he knew that he had been out of the dojo for so long that he would be a safety liability to his fellow karatekas if he tried to participate at the same level as before.

So I have to start all over.

Later that evening the Hayama family were gathered around their table for dinner.

“So, Akito, did you go to karate?” Fuyuki asked.

“Yeah. But all I did was sit in seiza for the entire class.” Akito said, trying to keep his voice from turning into a petulant whine.

“Oh… is that fun?” Fuyuki asked, confused.

“Hardly.” Akito said, trying not to roll his eyes.

“Guess not. But you still want to keep going?” Fuyuki asked. Akito nodded in response. “When is your next class?”

“In two days.”

“I see. I’m going to be leaving town on that day for a business trip, will you be okay by yourself?”

Akito was confused by the question. Fuyuki went out of town for work all the time.

 “Huh? Of course I will. No problem. You can travel for business anytime.” Akito said with a shrug.

The next day Akito was walking home from school with Sana. It was nice to get to spend time with her, but more than anything it was a relief that Sana was still treating him the same way she always had.

“It’s creepy. Even Natsumi is being nice all the time. All of a sudden she wants to be a doting big sister. And Dad’s being all weird too.” Akito ranted.

“Really?” Sana laughed. “How is your dad?”

“He’s out of town, on business.”

“Really? Where?”

“LA.”

“Seriously? I can’t see your dad in Los Angeles.”

“Really? He goes there all the time.” Akito said with a shrug.

A thought occurred to Sana, Akito could see it on her face.

“Oh, you know our party? On the 24^th? Looks like no one can come.” Sana explained.

“Huh? Oh.” Her party idea…

“So what if we did something instead? Just the two of us? Is that okay?” Sana asked.

Her question was so casual, Akito almost missed it. But he had heard it. Sana just asked him to go out just the two of them. Was “one of these days” finally here?

“Yeah, okay.” Akito replied.

“Yay! All right, you get to decide where we’re going!”

“What? Why do I have to decide? Can’t you decide?” Akito asked, immediately beginning to panic. Knowing Sana, she had some crazy idea or expectation. He didn’t want to spend the next week agonizing and trying to guess what she wanted.

“You want me to decide. Really?” Sana asked.

“Sure.” Akito replied.

“Hmmm. Sri Lanka?” Sana said, a faraway look in her eyes.

“Wait.” Akito interrupted. “Let me decide.”

“Okay! Just let me know when you make up your mind, okay?” Sana said, skipping on ahead of him.

“Okay.”

“Bye bye!” She turned and waved to him – then she was gone.

What a goofball. Akito thought, shaking his head.

Sri Lanka? What the hell was that supposed to mean?

Akito floated through dinner and his homework – his mind was on their Christmas Eve date. Christmas Eve was one of the most romantic days of the years. It was made for couples.

And yet, he couldn’t think of anything.

He made a call to Tsuyoshi’s house, to see what he and Aya were doing. Maybe that would help inspire him.

Aono picked up the phone after the second ring. “Sasaki residence!”

“Hey, squirt. Put your brother on, would you?”

“Akito?” Aono said inquisitively. “Akito! I miss you!” she exclaimed. 

“Miss you too, kid. Where’s your brother?”

“I don’t know.”

“Can you find out?”

“Okay!” Aono said cheerfully. Akito could hear the phone’s receiver being set on a table, and then heard Aono bellow “Tsuuuuyoooooshiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!”

A few seconds later, Tsuyoshi picked up the phone. “Akito-kun?”

“Hey, Tsuyoshi.”

“Hey! What’s up?”

“Um…” Akito stammered. He was now feeling supremely embarrassed. Why was he asking for romantic advice from Tsuyoshi? It was true that Tsuyoshi and Aya had been in a much more… stable… relationship, but since when was Tsuyoshi the King of Romance?

“I was wondering if I could borrow your notes for English Language class tomorrow. I definitely didn’t get everything today.”

“Sure!” Tsuyoshi said brightly. “Was there anything else?”

“Nah, that was it.” Akito lied.

“Okay, Akito-kun! See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow.”

Akito hung up the phone and flopped back on his bed. He had no ideas.

The next day, Sana bounded up to him in the hallway.

“Good morning! Here! It’s for you.” She said, dropping something into his hand.

He looked at the pile of yarn in his hand, unable to make out what it was supposed to be. “Uh, what is it?”

“A sweater!” Sana said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“What am I, a worm?” Akito said, unrolling it to see that it was about three rows of knitting with a knot on one end. He realized if he was rough with it at all, it would completely unravel.

“Oh, don’t be so picky! Hurry up and decide where we’re going on our…” Sana paused for a moment, while she was choosing her words. Akito looked at her curiously. “... date. Okay? Don’t forget to call!”

She disappeared down the hallway.

He carefully rolled up the “sweater” and put it in his pocket.

He smiled internally. She was calling it a date.

Later that day, Akito was leaving physical therapy. Today had been electrotherapy – which was a strange feeling to say the least.

“Take care!” said the nurse at the front desk. Akito nodded his head in response.

When he rounded the corner, he came face to face with someone he had not expected to see.

“Hi.” said Naozumi Kamura.

As if it were very normal for them to run into each other.

In a physical therapy treatment center.

“Sana-chan told me you were coming to this center.” Naozumi explained. “You know, this is only the third time we’ve met. But I’ve heard a lot about you.”

And I’ve seen you on TV. Akito thought, still confused about this meeting.  

“I just want to talk. Are you free?” Naozumi asked.

“Sure.” Akito replied, following him outside to the treatment center’s courtyard.

“You know that article? That stuff about me and Sana? You believed what they said, didn’t you?” Naozumi said.

It was more of a statement than a question and Akito didn’t like the implication: that he was stupid.

“I don’t believe everything I read, you know.” Akito said testily.

“But you did think we were going out.” Naozumi said flatly. “Sana’s a star. There will be stories like that again and again. And not just with me. Can you handle that?” He stopped and turned to look at Akito.

Akito paused, thinking.  

“I dunno.” He said with a shrug.

“What do you mean ‘I dunno’?” Naozumi asked, annoyed.

“I mean, I don’t know.” Akito said, also annoyed. “How should I? There’s no way of knowing that until it happens.”

“Can’t you just lie and say you’ll be fine with it? Just to make me feel better.” Naozumi said, exasperated.

“I don’t like lying.” Akito replied matter-of-factly.

“What’s your problem?” Naozumi said, clearly frustrated.

“Wanna fight?” Akito asked, unsure of why he wanted to escalate this interaction.

“I was afraid you’d be like this.” Naozumi said with a longsuffering sigh. “We’re just not going to be able to have a conversation about this. We’re too different.”

“No kidding. What did you really come for?” Akito said, giving Naozumi a suspicious look.

“I’d like to know just what it is that she sees in you.” Naozumi said honestly.  

“So would I.” Akito replied truthfully.

The two boys sat for a moment with the truth of what had been said hanging in the air. Although neither of them would admit it, they were both impressed with the other’s candor.

“Sana has shed so many tears for you. I’ve seen her crying time and again, and always over you.” Naozumi said, giving Akito a long look.

“Why are you telling me this?” Akito asked, feeling defensive.

“I just thought you should know. I figured you didn’t. I just don’t want to see Sana crying ever again. So please, don’t make her cry again.” Naozumi said. Akito knew that it was more of a command than a request. “Bye.” Naozumi said, waving goodbye.

Akito silently watched him leave. He was beyond irritated. He hadn’t felt this angry since… before Sana had come to him in the hospital. He kicked a park bench.  

He didn’t want to go home. So he began to wander aimlessly. Before he knew it, he was taking one of the routes that he used to use when he ran during his suspension.

The route that went right by the Kurata’s house.

He paced at the end of the walkway for a while, unsure of what he was doing there. But then, why shouldn’t he be there? He and Sana were… together. It made sense that he could come by her house. Misako liked him. Rei tolerated him. That Shimura lady and him had exchanged about ten words total in the almost two years they had known each other.

Akito could see Rei talking on the phone in his bedroom, waling in circles. He must be on the phone with his movie star girlfriend. Rei walked to the window, and Akito immediately panicked. He knew Rei would be able to see him. Rei would wonder why he was out there. Rei might tell Sana that he had been there.

Akito turned and marched to the front door, ringing the doorbell before he could think twice about it.

Sana opened the door, and her face lit up when she realized who was standing on her doorstep. “Hey, Hayama! What’s up? Are you on your way home from therapy?”

“Well, I was gonna call, but then I thought I should just stop by.” Akito said awkwardly. 

“Oooh! Did you decide where we’re going? Where is it?! I’m so excited.” Sana asked, stepping out onto the doorstep with him, shutting the door behind her.

Akito internally panicked. He still hadn’t decided. “You’ll find out when we get there.”

“So it’s a surprise? I love surprises! This’ll be fun!” Sana said, clapping her hands together. “Where shall we meet? How about the train station?”

“She was crying over you…” Naozumi’s voice echoed in Akito’s head.

He hated the idea of Sana crying at all. Let alone over him.

Akito reached out, cupping Sana’s cheek with his left hand. Sana looked a little bewildered, but she still smiled as they locked eyes. His hand slid down to her shoulder, and he pulled her into his chest.

Akito rested his chin on the top of her head, taking in her warmth and smell. For a moment, Sana was uncharacteristically quiet. Her arms slid around his waist, gripping the back of his jacket tightly.  

“Hayama? What’s wrong?” Sana asked, her voice a little muffled by his jacket.  

Nothing was wrong, per se. He was just feeling the weight of all of his shortcomings. He wanted to be someone she could be proud of. He didn’t know how he was going to do that without karate. He wanted to be able to hold her with both arms.  

He wanted to apologize for making her cry.

Instead of saying any of that, he answered her earlier question. “At the stairs… by the south exit.”

“What time?” Sana asked, looking up at him.

“11:33.” Akito said.

“You’re so precise.” Sana giggled.

He held her for a few moments more. Then they could both hear the roar of Misako’s tiny car engine rolling down the hallway and the sound of a horn. “Sana!” Misako called.

Sana looked at Akito apologetically. Akito tucked a wayward strand of hair behind her ear.

“Bye.” He said.

“Bye!” She said, waving as she returned to her house.

Akito began his walk home, looking up at the sky as he went.

He really had to figure out this date.

Chapter Text

It was the morning of Christmas Eve, the day of Akito and Sana’s date. It was a chilly winter’s day. On an ordinary day the sky would be gray and overcast, but today the sun was shining brightly. The sky reminded Akito of Sana’s sunny outlook on life.  

He could always count on his sister to cloud his mood.

“You’re going out today with Sana-chan?! Alone together?” Natsumi asked as she massaged his right hand.

“Yeah.” Akito answered, watching her fingers pressing the palm of his hand yet feeling nothing at all.

“This isn’t… is it a date?” she asked, realization dawning on her face. Akito nodded affirmatively.

“You guys are going out? No way!”

“Yes way.”

“Are you for real? I thought she was dating Naozumi Kamura.”

“No, that was just magazine gossip.”

“There’s no way! I don’t believe this!”

Akito rolled his eyes, letting Natsumi continue working on his hand. While she continued complaining about how she had no idea why Sana would date him in the first place and that Naozumi Kamura was a much better match, Akito’s thoughts drifted to the strange meeting he had with the star just yesterday.

What’s up with that guy anyway? She already turned him down… so why does he keep worrying about her? I don’t get it…

“Don’t make her cry. I just don’t want to see Sana cry.”

I know they’re in the same business, but they hardly ever see each other. And they were together when they were little, but they were just babies. They couldn’t remember each other from back then. He talks about her as if he’s known her forever. Oh well, whatever. I guess he doesn’t mean any harm.

“Hey wait,” Natsumi said suddenly, rousing Akito from his deep thoughts. “What about the girl with the Osaka accent that used to call here? What was her name? Matsui? I was starting to think she might like you.”

“Oh, Fuka? We broke up.”

“What?!” Natsumi shrieked. “You were going out with her?! I had no idea!”

“Why should you? It’s not like you asked.” Akito said with a shrug.

“I feel like I don’t even know you! Girlfriends? Why would they like you?!” Natsumi ranted.

“Hey.” Akito snapped defensively.

The phone in the kitchen began to ring, Natsumi stood up and walked around the back of the couch to answer it. 

“I’m older than you, and I haven’t had a boyfriend yet!” she continued.  

“Well, you’ll need to work on your personality first.” Akito said, beginning to stand up. Natsumi elbowed the top of his head with her bony elbow, forcing him back down onto the couch.

The phone rang again. “I bet it’s Dad.” she said, picking up the receiver. “Hello? I knew it!”

Akito went upstairs to begin getting ready for their date. Once he was safely in his bedroom, he opened his closet door to choose something to wear.

Paralyzed by choice, he simply stood and stared into the depths of his closet. The minutes ticked by, and he knew he needed to make a decision soon, but nothing jumped out to him.

Their date would be spent mostly outdoors, and it was the end of December, so it was going to be cold. So he should make sure he would be warm enough.

What if Sana wasn’t warm enough? Would she need to borrow his jacket? Should he bring a second jacket?

While he was spiraling, he ran out of time to overthink it. It was almost time for him to leave to meet Sana. He shrugged a long sleeve shirt over his head, and followed it up with a hoodie. He grabbed his keys and wallet, and then took the stairs two at a time to head out the door.

He had almost made his escape when he heard Natsumi shriek “You are going out with Sana Kurata wearing that?!”

“What’s wrong with it?” Akito asked defensively, pausing at the door to look at his sister.

“Everything.” She emphasized, dragging him back up the stairs by his good arm.

They went back to Akito’s room, and Natsumi threw open the closet door. She began looking through the hangers quickly.

“It’s not like you’re an expert on fashion.” Akito huffed, sitting on the bed.

“The jeans are fine.” Natsumi muttered to herself absentmindedly. “Put this on!” she ordered, pulling a dark green cable knit turtleneck out of the closet and throwing it at Akito.

Akito muttered mutinously but obediently took off his hoodie and plain long sleeved shirt, trading it for the turtleneck. It was hard to get over his head with only one arm, but he managed to tug it on without stretching out the fabric too much.

“Wear the nice coat that Dad got you for your birthday.” Natsumi said, pulling it out of the closet as well. “The loops on the buttons should make it easier for you to take it off and put it on.”

“What’s wrong with my old jacket?” Akito griped.

“It’s about four inches too short in the arms and barely zips up, since you refuse to stop growing.” Natsumi retorted, holding out the new light tan-colored coat for Akito to put his arms into.

Once he was fully dressed, Natsumi steered him towards the mirror hanging on his closet door.

“You look better. I was right.” She said smugly.

“Yeah, yeah.” Akito grumbled, not wanting to give her the satisfaction.

“Thank me later.” She said in a sing-song voice, and she left him in the room.

He hated to admit it, but he did look better.

But now he was almost out of time. He would have to run to make it to the station before Sana.  

Back down the stairs he went, out the front door, and down the sidewalk at a hurried pace. He needn’t have worried, as he made it to the station by 11:23, leaving himself with ten minutes to calm down and regulate his breathing.  

After a few minutes of waiting, he heard a voice from behind him. “Hey!”

Akito turned around to see Sana walking up to him. She wore a camel-colored coat very similar to his own and a light pink winter hat with pompoms hanging by strings.

She was so cute.   

“Hey!” Akito replied.

“I guess we both got here early.” Sana said, stopping in front of him.

They fell into an easy conversation as they made their way to the train platforms. Akito took the lead as he had planned the date, and Sana fell into step beside him.

“So where are we going?” Sana asked as they stopped on a platform. She began looking around for a sign to see what route it was. Before Akito could answer, he was interrupted by a station announcement.

“The train has arrived on platform seven. Passengers should stay behind the red line until the train comes to a complete stop. Doors will open automatically.”

Once the train doors opened, Akito and Sana let the other passengers off before making their way onboard to find their seats. Sana looked out the window as the train began to exit the station.

“Hey, doesn’t this train go to Ribonland? Are we going to a theme park? Wait! It goes to Safari Park too, right? Then again, that’s not very Christmassy, I guess. Well? Aren’t you going to tell me where we’re going?” she asked, turning to him at last.

“The cemetery.” Akito said simply.

The look on Sana’s face was priceless. Her eyes went wide with shock, her jaw dropped. She had no idea how to respond. Akito realized more context was needed.

“When I died-“ he began.

“Wait, what?” Sana interrupted.

“When I was in surgery, I died for a few moments…” Akito continued, looking over at Sana to gauge her reaction.

Sana was looking at him with rapt attention, hanging on his every word. He felt encouraged, and continued on.

“I saw my mom. I got to talk to her. She told me to live, even if I had to live with feelings of guilt, to live. Or something like that.” Akito trailed off, feeling embarrassed.

“No way! Really?! What an amazing story!” Sana exclaimed.

“You believe me?” Akito said, trying to keep the surprise out of his voice.

“Of course! Why? Were you lying?” Sana asked, looking at him suspiciously.

I wouldn’t blame you if you thought I was… he thought to himself.

“No, it’s the truth. But I’m not even sure what really happened. I mean, I’ve heard about out of body experiences from books and TV. Maybe it was just something my brain came up with. Maybe it wasn’t real.” Akito said, looking out the window past Sana.

She then began one of her usual mile-a-minute streams of consciousness. Akito enjoyed these because it was fun to listen to her verbalize every single thought she was having in real time.

“I think it was real! I think your mom came and saved your life! Isn’t that cool? You know, I believe in ghosts. I played a ghost once! So that’s why we’re going to the cemetery. We’re going to go see her grave so you can thank her? That’s so nice! Let’s buy her some flowers!”

When the train arrived at the station, Akito showed Sana the familiar walk that his family took every year on his birthday. The pair stopped at the same flower shop that the Hayamas always did.

Akito hesitated as he looked at the wide array of bouquets.

“What flowers do you normally get for her?” Sana asked brightly, looking down the row of colorful blooms.

“Chrysanthemums, I think.” Akito said. “But I don’t see them here.”

“Chrysanthemums are only in season between August and November.” The shop keeper explained.

“Hey! Your mom loved the seasons, right? That’s why you guys are named Akito and Natsumi!”

“Well, a special kind of flower we only get at this time of year is the Japanese Daffodil. They are grown in the south near the beach, and we get a select few for our shop at this time of year.” The shop keeper said.

“We’ll take them!” Sana said.

They thanked the shop keeper for his help, picked up their bouquet of daffodils, and continued on their way.

Akito and Sana stopped in a convenience store on the corner.

“We normally get tsukimidango dumplings or roast sweet potatoes.” Akito said thoughtfully. “But that’s because those are autumn foods. I think when Dad comes on his own, he gets mochi.”

“How about these?” Sana asked, picking up a package.

“That works.” Akito nodded, picking up some incense to add to their purchases.

They continued down to the cemetery with their offerings. The shrine looked barren in the cold winter – the trees were without leaves and the air was still. Akito wondered if anyone else happened to be visiting on that day. It didn’t seem like it.

Sana was quiet as they continued down the stone pathway. Finally, Akito came to a stop at the familiar tomb stone. His grandparents on his father’s side were already interred there. When Fuyuki’s time came, he would be interred there with Koharu. It wasn’t fun to think about. Akito shook his head, and began busying himself with the usual business of removing any debris, weeds, and leaves that had blown into the area.

“I don’t know what to do.” Sana said. “Can I help?”  

“Ok.” Akito said, giving her a slight smile. He explained the rituals associated with a visit like this. Clearing away any overgrowth (since the Hayamas had washed the stone just a few months before, he didn’t feel a need to do it), arranging the flowers, setting out the food offering, and lighting the incense.

Once they had completed everything, Sana was downright cheerful. It had been strange to see her so unsure, but it made sense. Her family was small, and they were thankfully all still alive. She hadn’t experienced loss.

“Should I take my hat off?” she asked.

“I dunno.” Akito said with a shrug.

“Off, I think.” Sana said, pulling it off of her head.

Akito put his hands together in prayer. Well, tried to. The fingers on his right hand curled around his brace.

But this was life now.

Hi Mom. He prayed. This is Sana. She’s… important to me. I wanted to come here so you could see her. And… I guess… to say… thank you. You were right. Life here is harder.

But it’s worth it.  

Akito and Sana put their hands down around the same time. Akito looked over to see Sana beaming at him.

“You’re really lucky!” she said.

“Why?”

“You died and your mom saved your life. It’s like you’ve been born twice!”

Classic Sana. Always finding a way to take something and make it something else. Still. It was endearing.

And… a nice way of looking at it.

But “I guess…” was all that Akito said in response.

“Hey! Maybe your mom can help make your arm better!” Sana said excitedly, clapping her hands together.

“What? I don’t know… Don’t you think it’s asking too much?” Akito asked, uncomfortable with the idea of asking for anything.

He already had more than he deserved.

“Oh, come on, it doesn’t hurt to try!” Sana said, picking up his arm and raising it to the sky. “Excuse me, Okaa-san!”

Akito stole a look at Sana’s face. It was clear that she was hoping for a miracle. Her face was plaintive.

“Please make him better! Okaa-san?”

“All right, that’s enough.” Akito said gently. He didn't want to get her hopes up. 

Sana gently lowered his arm back to his side. “Um, okay! Yeah, I guess that was pretty silly.”

Akito shook his head. “I think that this is my punishment for everything I’ve done.”

“Punishment?”

“Maybe living with this still doesn’t make up for everything. And if it does, maybe I’m getting off too easy. But living with it, and being strong… is all I can do. So I’ll keep going.”

“I see. I think.”

They began to make their way back to the path leading out of the cemetery.

“I guess it’s like when they say: when you’re young, you gotta roll with the punches. You know?” Sana said, pumping a fist into the air. 

“Who says that?” Akito asked skeptically, certain that Sana was once again confusing a phrase or idiom.

They walked on in silence for a little while. Akito was the one to break it.

“I gave birth to you because I love you.”

“You know what? My mom said the same thing to me that you did.” Akito said.

“Really? What did I say?” Sana asked, turning to him inquisitively.

Akito immediately felt embarrassed. What if Sana didn’t remember that time from elementary school? Or if she did, but remembered it differently? “If you don’t remember, then forget it.”

“But I don’t know what you mean… come on, tell me!” Sana insisted.

“Nope.” Akito said, remaining steadfast.

Sana continued pushing to know and Akito continued refusing to tell her all the way to the train station.

“So… what’s next?” Sana asked as they stepped onto their train.

“Huh? That’s it, why?” Akito asked, feeling defensive.

For all that he had been looking forward to a romantic date with Sana, he had truly come up with no ideas. Everything felt too mundane, too cliché, too ordinary.

At least the trip to visit his mother was meaningful.

“Are you kidding me?! That’s it?!” Sana huffed. Then her face lit up as she saw something out the train window. “Hey, look! An ice skating rink! Cool! Let’s go, let’s go! Come on, let’s go skating!”

“What?” Akito said, turning to look out the window.

Sure enough, there was an ice skating rink decorated for Christmas.

Akito wanted to say “no.” He had never been skating before, he was certain he would make a fool of himself. If Sana wasn’t any good at skating, then it was unlikely that he would be able to help her.

Sana was looking at him expectantly, her eyes shining.

“Fine.” Akito said with a sigh.

It was really hard to say no to her.

Sana walked authoritatively to the counter and paid for their entrance fee and rented their skates. She began to lead Akito over to a bench to put on his skates.

“I’ve never been skating.” Akito admitted, using his feet to slide off his shoes.

“Don’t worry! I’ve only been skating twice before! It’ll be fun!” Sana said, having already gotten her skates on. She noticed Akito struggling to get his foot into one of the bulky skates with just one hand. “Here, let me tie your skates!” she said, unceremoniously shoving his foot into one of the skates and securely tying the laces.

“Thanks.” Akito said, giving up and letting her. “What’s so fun about sliding on the ice? I’m not a penguin…”

“Oh, be quiet, and let’s go!” Sana said, grabbing him by the hand and yanking him to a standing position.

“… or a polar bear.” He muttered.

Walking on ice skates on the carpet was odd enough, but skating on the ice? That was something else altogether.

Sana did her best to patiently explain to him how you slide one foot out and then the other.

“Like when you’re running with socks inside on a hard wood floor!” she said cheerfully.

“My house has carpet…” Akito grumbled, swearing each time he fell.

Admittedly, once he got the hang of it skating wasn’t so bad.

“See, didn’t I tell you this would be fun?!” Sana said, beaming.

Much to Akito’s chagrin, she was right. It was fun. Now that he understood how it worked, he began to skate a little on his own. No longer gripping the wall or Sana’s hand was nice. It was almost pleasant.

A voice from behind him called out “Auuughhh! Watch it!”

Akito turned just in time to see a group of several young boys about to barrel into him.

If he’d been anywhere else, his reflexes would have allowed him to get out of the way.

But on the ice?

Akito and all of the boys fell down on the ice in a big pile. The ice was hard, and Akito felt bruised… and grouchy.

“Why don’t you watch out, kid!” Akito snarled.

“I’m so sorry!” The boy responsible apologized profusely.

“Hey, what’s on your hand?” Asked another boy. “Can I see it?!”

“This?” Akito asked, raising his wrist so that they could see his brace. 

“That’s so cool! What is it?!” Asked the first boy.

“Wow!” Exclaimed the second.

“It’s my super speed booster arm band, developed at my secret headquarters. With this on, I can skate really fast.” Akito said matter-of-factly.

The kids ate it up.

“Awesome!” The first boy shouted.

“I want one!” The second boy whined.

“This button shoots laser beams.” Akito said, pointing at his wrist. One of the boys reached out to touch it, Akito pulled his hand out of reach. “Watch out, this thing’s loaded!”

Akito then noticed a small crowd had gathered around Sana.

He always forgot that she was so famous.  

“Come on, we know you’re Sana-chan! We’ve been watching you!”

“Would you sign this?!”

“Can I take a photo?!”

“Uh, it’s my day off…” Sana said, politely trying to extricate herself from the crowd.

“Look, it’s Sana!”

“Hey!”

Akito nodded to the boys, then skated full speed into the crowd knocking many of the people over like bowling pins. He skated behind Sana and gently nudged her away from the crowd. He turned to look back at the crowd.   

“Don’t bother her!” He said firmly, giving the people there his iciest stare.

In that moment, Akito felt very cool and powerful. Like he had just protected the woman he loved from being harassed.

It was all very heroic, until they both lost their footing and fell over backwards, Sana falling on top of him.

“Ow!”

“Are you okay?” Sana asked, laughing.

“My butt…” Akito grumbled.

They struggled to their feet and began to skate to the edge of the rink, stepping off of the ice and onto the carpeted floor.

“I’m kind of hungry, actually.” Akito admitted. “Should we go somewhere?”

“Lucky you, I brought a picnic! Ta da!” Sana said, pulling out a bento with a flourish. “I made sandwich rolls and French-style onigiri. Plus lots more.”

“Huh? You can actually cook?” Akito said, trying (and failing) to keep the surprise out of his voice.

Oops.

As soon as he said it, he regretted it. That was not the right thing to say.

Luckily, Sana took it in stride.  

“I made way more stuff than this, this is just what came out okay. Everyone at home is eating my mistakes today!” She said proudly. Then she looked sheepish. “Maybe you didn’t need to know that…” she trailed off.

Akito picked up one of the rolled sandwiches and took a bite. It was good.

“What do you think?” Sana asked nervously.

“I’m hungry, everything tastes good.” Akito replied honestly.

Sana gave him a karate chop to the head for that.

That was also not the right thing to say, it would seem.

“Hayama… did you and Fuka-chan go on any dates?” Sana asked, looking away like it was a very casual question.

Oh god. Oh no. Why is she asking? Why does she want to know?

“Don’t ask me that…” Akito said, taking another bite of the rolled sandwich.

“But I want to know! It’s bothering me!” Sana whined.

“Fine. Yes, but only with Tsuyoshi and Aya.” Akito answered, returning to the bento to grab one of the sushi rolls.

He had hoped that that would be the end of it. But Sana clearly had more things bothering her.

“Did Fuka ever make food for you? Was it as good as mine?” she asked.

She’s not gonna give up on this…

There was no way that this conversation led to a good place. Akito swallowed the last bite of the sushi roll and stood up quickly.

“Well, thank you for the meal. I’m gonna skate now!” he said, making his way back to the ice as quickly as someone walking on ice skates could do.

“Come back here!” Sana shouted, following him onto the ice.

“What’s with you? Have you got a screw loose or something?” Akito said, irate.

“Maybe…” Sana said with a chuckle.

I can’t deal with this. Akito thought, skating faster to try to put some distance between them.

Why was she bringing this up? He didn’t want to talk about the past. Or Fuka. Or the months when they were apart.

“Wait, Hayama! I want an answer!” Sana yelled, quickly closing the distance between them.

Akito didn’t know how much Sana should know. From his perspective, she didn’t need to know anything. And her curiosity seemed masochistic. It would only upset her.

“Stop nagging me!” he shouted, beginning to feel very overwhelmed and cornered.

“I can’t help it! Women nag!” Sana insisted.

“Oh yeah?! Fuka didn’t nag!” Akito shouted, whirling around.

He regretted it the minute that he said it.

Sana’s face was twisted with rage. At one time, there would have been a lightness behind this facial expression. She would have pulled out that rubber mallet, smacked him on the head, told him he was being an idiot, and moved on.

Today, this facial expression was angry... and sad. 

She skated away from him, exiting the rink and heading over to a bench to take off her skates.

Akito supposed the date was over.

The logical part of him knew that the best thing to do would be to apologize. It wasn’t fair to compare Sana to Fuka.

And it had been a lie, besides. Fuka had always been nagging him about something. If it wasn’t his clothes or his shoes or his hair or how he organized his locker it was his grades and his attitude and how he little he said when they spoke on the phone.

Compared to Fuka… Sana was laid back.

The other part of him was frustrated. He had said something impulsive because he felt cornered, because he didn’t want to talk about it. Why had she brought up Fuka at all? They had been having a perfectly nice day, and then Sana had to go and ruin it by bringing up her.

They rode the train in silence. Akito internally warring with himself over whether or not to try to salvage the date or not. Sana was pointedly refusing to look at him, staring out the window. The breeze coming off of her cold shoulder was icy indeed.

The train pulled into the station. Sana gathered her purse, and the two exited the train. They walked through the station and up the stairs onto the sidewalk.

Akito was lost in his thoughts when he and Sana heard a familiar voice from behind them.

They turned around to see Fuka herself.

“Hey guys! What’re you doin’ here?!” she said, bounding up to them. “What a coincidence! Oh, right. You couldn’t have that big party – so you guys went on a date, huh? We just got back from church. We’re on our way to dinner. That’s my mom and dad.” She said, pointing at the adults behind her.

“Oh, right! I forgot, your family is Sebastian.” Sana said sagely.

“That’s Christian, not Sebastian.” Akito said out of the corner of his mouth. 

“No, we’re not Christian, it’s just Christmas. I already explained it to you.” Fuka said, giving them both a withering stare.

“Oh, before I forget, happy birthday!” Sana said, giving Fuka a high five.

“Thanks! Remember, I don’t mind late presents!” Fuka joked.

“You’re too funny!” Sana said with a laugh.

“Ah, you’re so lucky! I always dreamed of spending my birthday with a boyfriend. But here I am with my family again, how sad.” Fuka said with a longsuffering sigh.

It was at that precise moment that Akito wished that he could simply cease to exist.

“But, no biggie! I’m gonna enjoy myself now!” Fuka continued, seeming energized.

“That’s right, Fuka! Set your sights on the prize and you’ll win the tournament!” Sana said encouragingly.

“That’s right! Wait, what tournament?!” Fuka said, finally hearing what Sana had said. She then launched into another thought. “Oh, didja see the big light display yet? It’s really pretty!”

“Where?” Sana asked excitedly.

“Just down the street! You guys gotta check it out.” Fuka replied with a smile.

“Okay…” Akito said quietly.

“Fuka, come on!” Her parents said, gesturing for her to come over to them.

“Later!” Fuka said, waving goodbye.

They watched her join her parents and continue down the sidewalk until she disappeared from view. They turned and headed the other direction, toward the light display.

“She seems happy.” Akito noted.

“Yeah, I guess! I mean, Fuka’s always so cheerful!” Sana said, sounding confused.

Cheerful. Maybe once. But Akito didn’t know that Fuka.

“Huh. Whenever she was with me, she always looked so unhappy. I guess it was my fault.” Akito said quietly.

They walked along in silence for a few moments.

“Hayama… did you like Fuka?” Sana asked in a small voice.

Akito couldn’t help it. He was annoyed.

This again?

“You’re so stubborn.” He said, frowning. Then, after a moment. “I wouldn’t go out with her if I didn’t like her.”

“Mmm. That’s true.” Sana agreed.

Okay. Here we go. Moment of truth.

“Fuka’s a really nice girl. I still like her, as a friend. Just not in that way. I just couldn’t…” Akito paused, struggling to find the right words. “For me, there’s only you.” He said finally.

It was mushy, but it was the truth.

“But I feel bad about what I did to Fuka.” Akito continued.

“Hayama… Fuka and I both know that what happened isn’t anyone’s fault.” Sana said gently.

Akito sighed. “Hmm. I’m glad that you can see it that way, and that you’re still friends.” he said, turning to Sana with a small smile. And he meant it. He would still live with his guilt, but it was nice that the two girls he had implicated in this situation didn’t have to live with that weight on their shoulders.

The Christmas lights twinkled around them, decorating the leafless branches of the trees. Fuka was right, it was really pretty.

“Hayama?” Sana said, looking up at Akito. “I’m sorry about the way I acted today. I guess I was feeling a little jealous.” she said sheepishly.

Akito turned and looked at her incredulously.

A little?

“Oh, that’s right! I want my watch back!” Sana said out of nowhere.

“Sorry, I forgot about it.” Akito replied.

“It’s my favorite watch!” Sana insisted.

“Okay, we’ll go get it.” Akito said, taking hold of Sana’s hand and heading down the street toward his home.

When they arrived at the Hayama home, Natsumi called from the living room. “Is that you, Akito?”

“Wait here.” Akito said, rushing up the stairs.

He could hear Sana and Natsumi chatting amiably downstairs, and knew that Sana would be fine down there while he found the watch.

Unfortunately, he had no idea where it was.

The last time he remembered having it was at the hospital. He remembered the way it fell on his right hand and how instead of feeling cold metal he had felt nothing.

But what had happened to it after that? He wouldn’t have left it in the hospital.

Akito began opening the drawers in his desk. He looked under his bed. He looked through his backpack.  

“Hey, haven’t you found my watch yet? It’s almost seven!” Sana said, standing in the doorway. 

“I think I might have lost it…” Akito admitted, but continued his search. “I’m sure it’s here somewhere!”

“What? What about the jacket that you were wearing?” Sana asked.

“Aha. Maybe!” Akito said, heading to his closet and going through the pockets of his coat.

Behind him he could hear Sana giggling about something. He chose to ignore it.

“Ah, here it is.” Akito said, finally locating it in the front left pocket of the jacket he had worn on that day.

He turned around to hand the watch to Sana, only to see her laughing so hard that tears were beginning to form in the corners of her eyes.

“What? What’s wrong?” Akito asked, confused.

“Hayama, you’re so cute. I can’t believe it!” Sana said, pointing to the dinosaur that she had given him on their middle birthday one year prior. He had put the “sweater” that Sana had made for him around its neck.

“Well... what do you think I should have done with it?” Akito said defensively.

“I know, I know. But a scarf for your dinosaur?” Sana giggled.

“Is that bad?”

“Oh my god, I don’t remember the last time I laughed that hard. That oughtta last me a while.”

“Really? How nice for you.” Akito grumbled, dropping Sana’s watch into her open palm. “Take your watch! And, um, thanks.”

“Okay, well, I better get going. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Sana said, turning to leave.

“Yeah.” Akito said.

But instead of letting her go down the stairs and out the front door, he shut the door to his bedroom.

“Ouch!” Sana said as she accidentally smacked her forehead on the door.

Akito didn’t exactly have a plan here. All he knew was that he didn’t want the night to end. He started to lean in close to her.

Sana turned to him, a confused look on her face. “Hayama, what-?”

There was a redness on Sana’s forehead from where it had smacked the door. Akito leaned forward and kissed the spot.

He pulled back, taking in the look on Sana’s face.

A blush was creeping across her cheeks. Her eyes were searching his. She looked… nervous.

Akito hadn’t really realized it yet, but they were alone. In his bedroom. No one was going to drop in or interrupt them.

Akito took in the sight of the beautiful girl before him. Who he had loved for years. Who had changed his life in every way, for the better.

Her eyes were still searching his, looking unsure. The air in the room felt electric. Akito could feel his heart thumping in his chest. He decided to take the plunge.

Akito leaned in slowly. Sana closed her eyes in anticipation – that was all of the permission that he needed. He gently captured her lips in a kiss.

They broke apart, Sana looking up at him in a slightly dazed but happy way. Akito smiled at her, using his left arm to pull her close to him. Sana’s arms snaked around his neck. She stood up on her toes and tentatively gave Akito a kiss on the lips. She pulled back slightly to gauge his reaction, but he was already gone.

Akito kissed her again, with more force than before. Sana kissed back. Neither of them really knew what they were doing, but it didn’t seem to matter. How could it, when Sana’s hands were gently caressing the hair at the nape of his neck? When Akito’s senses were flooded with the familiar scent of her shampoo. When Sana made a little noise that indicated her desire to continue kissing, and Akito knew that he would be replaying that moment in his head forever.

Finally, Akito broke away. Sana began to protest, trying to pull his face back to hers, but instead Akito gently pulled her over to the small couch in his room. They flopped onto it abruptly, Akito’s right arm resting lifelessly on the back of the couch, his left hand on Sana’s right knee. One of Sana’s hands was on his shoulder, the other on his waist. It felt like everywhere her fingers touched left a burning trail in their wake – his hair, his neck, his shoulders, his chest. The way their lips melded together so perfectly and so easily made Akito forget that this was their first time being together like this. It felt like coming home.

Suddenly their rapture was interrupted by a loud knock on the bedroom door. Instinctively, Sana and Akito sprung to opposite sides of the room.

“Sana-chan? Your cell phone was ringing in your coat pocket, so I brought it upstairs.” Natsumi said, her voice muffled by the sound of the door.

“Thank you!” Sana said, her voice sounding a little funny. She crossed to the bedroom door and opened it, taking the ringing phone from Natsumi who was looking at the two of them curiously. Natsumi finally shrugged and headed back downstairs. Sana cleared her throat, and then answered the phone.

“Hello? Hi Mama! I’m at Hayama’s house. Yeah, it was a really great day! Ok, I’ll come home now. Okay. Bye bye.” Sana said, hanging up the phone finally. She looked over at Akito, and her face began to blush again.

“You being summoned home?” Akito asked, trying not to sound too disappointed.

“Yeah.” Sana said.

“I’ll walk you home.” Akito said.

They went back downstairs and put on their coats and shoes. Sana said goodbye to Natsumi, and then Akito and Sana began their walk.

They held hands, both blushing and feeling quiet.

“Hayama?” Sana asked.

“Yeah?” Akito replied.

“I have one more question.” Sana said guiltily.

Akito sighed, turning to look at Sana with a slightly exasperated smile. “What is it?”

“Um… did you ever kiss Fuka?”

“Besides kindergarten?”

“Besides kindergarten.”

“Other than kindergarten, no.”

“Oh, okay.” Sana said, clearly pleased by the response.

Akito squeezed her hand. “You’re the only person I have ever really wanted to kiss.”

Sana blushed at that, and for once in her life, seemed unable to come up with a response.

They walked the rest of the way to the Kurata’s in silence. Akito walked her all of the way to the front door. They looked into each other’s eyes for a moment, and then Sana stood up on her toes to kiss him goodbye.

She stood on the doorstep, waving goodbye to Akito as he made his way down the path and around the corner.

"I'll be here, by your side." 

This life was difficult, but worth it. He could deal with a paralyzed hand, he could deal with asshole teachers, and he could deal with uncomfortable breakups.

Akito felt like he could get through anything as long as Sana was there by his side.

Chapter Text

The next day was a school day, and one of the last class days before a short winter break. Akito woke up early for his usual meditation and morning run. When he arrived back at the house, Natsumi had already left for school. When their father was away on business, the siblings didn’t sit down together for a formal family breakfast. Natsumi liked to make plain toast and eat it on her way to school, while Akito was happy to rummage through the fridge for whatever was available. After he showered and dressed, he began the walk to school.

He and Sana had plans to meet before the end of semester ceremony.

“You’re here early!” Akito remarked, as Sana ran up to him outside the school gates.

“Yeah, I thought I should be on time to the closing ceremony at least.” Sana said sheepishly.

“That’s just like you. Only showing up for a ceremony.” Akito said teasingly, rolling his eyes.

“Mind your own business!” Sana snapped, but her eyes were sparkling.

“It’s still early, let’s go to the park.” Akito said, extending his hand to her.

“Mhmm.” Sana nodded, taking his hand.

There was a park near the school grounds, the same one that bordered the elementary school just a short walk away. There was still a bit of time before the school day began, so there were some older elementary school kids running about. Chasing each other around the playground, pushing each other on the swings.

“Hey, Hayama, want to come with me to buy Fuka’s birthday present today?” Sana asked.

“Sure… but don’t you think a present from the two of us would be kind of… weird?” Akito asked in response.

“You only think that because you have a negative attitude! Fuka will be fine!” Sana said confidently, then added, “I think.”

“What does she like?” Sana mused, carrying on with her plan. “Let’s see, she likes gymnastics.”

“Puppies.” Akito added.

“Okonomiyaki!”

“Takoyaki.”

“Alright! We’ll give her an okonomiyaki shaped like a dog eating takoyaki while doing gymnastics!” Sana exclaimed, pumping her fist into the air.

“Who can make that?” Akito asked, deadpan.

“You can!” Sana countered, not missing a beat.

“No way.”

Sana giggled at the absurdity of her idea, then she quieted.

“What about that ‘Takaishi’? She said she liked him.” Sana asked.

“Oh him? I’ve met him.” Akito said.

“Hey… what?!”

“Fuka’s friends from Osaka came to see Tokyo, and Takaishi was coming and bringing his girlfriend along. So I went with them and pretended to be Fuka’s boyfriend.”

“Ah!! I didn’t know!!” Sana exclaimed, incredulous.

“The whole thing made me feel pretty weird. He absolutely still liked Fuka… but in the end, Fuka decided to back off.”

“Really? I didn’t know!” Sana said. She paused for a moment. “I’ll go investigate!”

Akito opened his mouth to tell Sana that he didn’t think that was a good idea, but he could see that the wheels in her head were already turning.

It was too late to get her off of this path now. Like her many dogs, once Sana had a hold of something she just couldn’t let it go.

They made their way back to the school grounds and into the gymnasium for the closing ceremony. Students were required to sit with their homeroom classes, so Akito left Sana with Fuka and went to find Tsuyoshi, Aya, and Yunchi. Akito could see the back of Sana’s head during the ceremony, and found it much more interesting to watch her and Fuka exchange glances and make weird faces at each other than it was to actually listen to the boring faculty speeches.

After school, he and Sana made their way to the shops. On the way, Sana recounted to Akito her failed attempt to sneakily look at Fuka’s address book. How Takaishi’s name was crossed out because Fuka had tried to call but the number had been disconnected.

“She said it wasn’t important anymore. But if that was true, she wouldn’t have called! And now she can’t get ahold of him. It’s pretty sad, if you think about it.”

As Sana was recounting this, Akito had a sudden memory from his day in Tokyo with Fuka and her friends from Osaka. He found a bench, sat down, and began rummaging through his backpack looking for his wallet.

This would have been easier, had he been able to use both hands.

“What are you doing?” Sana asked curiously.

“Let me check something.” Akito replied, finding his wallet at last. He pulled the cards out of the pocket in the back, finally locating what he was looking at. “Ah, I found it!” He handed the card to Sana.

Sana took it from him, reading the text quickly – Yuri Watanabe, Number 2 Middle School, Osaka.

“You’re having an affair?!” Sana cried, smacking him deftly across the head.

“Ouch, that hurts a lot!”

“Isn’t this a girl’s business card? Are you dealing with this girl for sex? Are you? Ah!!” Sana continued, growing increasingly hysterical.

“Idiot! I’m not some horny old guy!” Akito snapped angrily. “One of Fuka’s friends from Osaka gave me this. She gave one to Fuka and one to me. I put it in my wallet and forgot about it.” He explained.

“I see… haha, I was just kidding!” Sana said lightly, ignoring Akito’s pointed and irritated stare. “Alright, maybe she knows where Takaishi is! Let’s give her a buzz!”

Sana wandered over to the closest phone booth, Akito following behind. Sana dialed the number, handing off the receiver to Akito. The pair listened to it ring, then a young girl’s voice answered the phone. Thankfully, it was Yuri.

“Hello, this is Hayama.” Akito said tentatively.

“Yeah, I remember! You’re Fuka’s quiet boyfriend. Thanks so much for last time!” Yuri said cheerfully.

“I’m trying to find Yuta Takaishi, did he move?” Akito asked.

“Ah! Yeah! But since he still lives in Osaka, he didn’t change schools.”

“Could I get his new address and phone number?”

Yuri kindly gave him the new information, which Sana took down quickly on her trusty cat-shaped notepad. Akito thanked her, hanging up quickly.

He hoped that Yuri wasn’t about to call Fuka to ask what was going on. Sana wasn’t worried about it at all.

“Success! Now let’s call Takaishi!” Sana said, pumping her fist in the air enthusiastically.

“Me again?” Akito complained, making a face.

“Yeah! Because you’ve already met him! I’ve got no relationship with him!” Sana explained patiently.

“Wait a minute.” Akito said, raising his hands.

“Yeah?”

“If Fuka’s really over him, she might get mad at us for meddling.”

“Yeah… she may get mad, but we have to take a chance! If we don’t do anything, it’ll be worse than getting her mad!”

“Alright. I’ll do it.”

The phone rang once before a bubbly older woman answered the phone, presumably Takaishi’s mother.

“I’m sorry, Yuta isn’t home from school yet. Can I have him call you back? Oh, wait – I think I hear him coming in right now.” She said, pulling the receiver away from her face. However, Sana and Akito could still hear her say “Welcome home! Yuta, there’s a boy named Hayama on the phone for you! Is he a friend of yours?”

Akito and Sana could hear some muffled mumbling on the other end of the phone, and then finally Takaishi answered.  

“Hello?” he asked.

“Hello?” Akito echoed.

“Hello?’ “Hello?” “Hello?” and on and on they went… until Sana couldn’t take it anymore.

“Are you two named Hello?? Give it to me, let me talk!” she snapped, snatching the phone away from Akito.

“How are you? I’m Fuka’s friend, Sana Kurata. I’ve heard so much about you!” she crooned sweetly.

I should have let you talk right from the beginning… Akito thought to himself, leaning against the glass wall of the phone booth.

“Excuse me, why didn’t you give your new address to Fuka?” Sana asked. “She said she tried to call you recently, but the number was disconnected.” Akito could hear a surprised squawk from the other end of the line. “Mhmmm.” Sana agreed, nodding sagely. “How are things with your girlfriend?” She asked suddenly. “Oh, really? Oh, that’s too bad.” She said – the tone of her voice remained even and sympathetic but her face looked smugly satisfied.

After Sana and Takaishi hung up, Sana recounted the parts of the conversation that Akito hadn’t been able to hear.

“So he broke up with that girl, because he’s been thinking about Fuka this whole time! Isn’t that wonderful?” Sana said, excitement radiating off of her.

“Yeah. Great.” Akito said, still feeling tentative about Fuka’s response. It had been a long time since Sana had dragged him along to meddle in someone else’s life. He wasn’t sure if he was uncomfortable with the meddling or just uncomfortable with the idea of being a part of someone’s personal life… particularly his ex-girlfriend’s.

Sana and Akito made their way back to the school, Sana racing ahead to stick her head into the practice room where the gymnastics team was meeting. Akito stood back as Sana excitedly asked Fuka to meet them after practice.

Once Fuka was finished with practice and changed back into her school uniform, she met them in the hallway.

“Ta-da!” Sana sang, presenting the cat-shaped piece of paper with a flourish.  

“What’s this?!” Fuka asked, clearly annoyed.

“This is your birthday gift! This is Takaishi’s new address and phone number. He wanted us to give it to you!” Sana explained cheerfully.

I knew she would be mad… Akito thought, wanting to fade into the ether.

“How could you guys do this without asking me?!” Fuka said angrily. “I already said there’s nothing between us!”

“But Takaishi already broke up with his girlfriend! He said he couldn’t stop thinking about you!” Sana whined petulantly.

“…What?” Fuka said, her rage subsiding for a moment.

“Takaishi still likes you! But he felt he wasn’t good enough for you. He also thought you were still dating Hayama... Why don’t you call him again?” Sana said, pushing the paper towards her.

“Takaishi… he’s really… If he still likes me... I don’t know what to do.” Fuka said quietly, turning away from them.

“Why?” Sana asked.

“I don’t want to date anyone right now. I don’t need that to be happy.” Fuka said firmly.

“But it’s so obvious that you want to call him. You want to talk to him, right? Don’t be stubborn.” Sana said, the volume of her voice rising.

Fuka met her volume and intensity. “What did you say? Why are you such a pain in the ass. You two are happy now, so you want us to be like you?” She snarled.  

“What?! You’re not being honest!” Sana snapped.

“Mind your own business, nosy bitch!” Fuka yelled.

Somewhere between “pain in the ass” and “nosy bitch” Akito had felt it was time to intervene.

“Hey… Hey… Hey… Hey…” he waved, trying to get their attention.

“Shut up Hayama! Stay out of this!” Fuka and Sana raged in angry unison.

“Alright! I didn’t think you’d be this angry. Maybe I was crossing the line.” Sana said, following it up with a sarcastic “I’m sooo sorry.” Before she bounced from the room.

Fuka turned away to angrily storm the other direction. Akito stopped her.

“Hey…”

“What do you want?!” Fuka grumbled, glowering at him.

Akito raised his hands in a peaceful gesture. “You know, even if you guys aren’t going out, you can still be friends, right? Why don’t you take this?” he asked, offering Fuka the cat-shaped piece of paper.

“I don’t want it.” Fuka said proudly, turning away again.

“Really? Okay, then I’ll throw it out.” Akito said, slowly walking over to the trash can. He waited for Fuka to stop him, but she never did so he tossed it into the wastebasket. “Alright! I threw it away.” He announced.

“… I already memorized it.” Fuka said softly.

There was a moment of silence.

“She meant well.” Akito said quietly.

“I know! That what got me so mad.” Fuka said with a grim chuckle.

“Your friendship with Sana is like boys’ friendships. It’s cool.” Akito said, turning to leave.

“That isn’t a compliment…” Fuka said, and even though his back was turned to her, Akito could hear the eye roll in her voice.

“Bye.” He said, raising an arm.

He met up with Sana just outside the hallway doors.

“Was she mad?” Sana asked anxiously.

“Of course she was.” Akito said, giving Sana an exasperated smile and placing his hand on top of her head.

My stubborn girl…

Now that the end of the semester had officially been marked, they were off for a short winter break. The next day Sana and Akito had plans to spend the day together, at least until Akito’s physical therapy appointment that afternoon. Akito was really looking forward to spending some quality time with Sana without the pressure of a “first date” hanging over their heads.

Akito was so excited about the day that he woke up without his alarm for once, going through the motions of his meditation and morning run with a slight smile on his face. After he finished showering, he wrestled a hoodie on over his head. Today he would be comfortable and dressed like himself at least.

Natsumi was out with her friends for the day – both Hayama siblings were enjoying their last bit of freedom before Fuyuki came home from LA.

The doorbell rang at 10:07 – she was late, but he didn’t mind. Akito took the stairs two at a time, then paused at the bottom so that he could casually open the door… his pride wouldn’t allow him to show her that he was excited to see her.

“Morning, Hayama. Sorry I’m late!” Sana said apologetically. She turned to wave to Rei who was scowling in the car out on the street. “Bye, Rei-kun!”

Akito lifted an arm in greeting, Rei did the same before driving off, still pouting.

Sana stepped inside the house, taking off her shoes. Akito wanted to help her take off her jacket, but with only one hand it seemed like it would make things unnecessarily difficult. When she finally got her shoes changed and jacket hung up, Akito used his good arm to pull her close to him.

“Morning.” He murmured into the top of her head. Sana giggled, looking up at him.

“So what movies are we going to watch today?” she asked.

“The 1990 National Karate Championships, Mens and then Womens.” Akito said flatly.

“Hayama…” Sana growled, glaring at him.

“Fine. Reruns of Child’s Toy.” Akito said.

“Hayama!” Sana said, stomping her foot.

Akito chuckled. It was so easy to make her mad. “I rented some award winners from the last few years that I hadn’t seen before. Thought we would start with Crest of Betrayal.”

“I haven’t seen that! Sounds cool!” Sana said, making her way toward the living room to sit on the couch.

“Oh!” Akito said suddenly. “I thought we could watch it upstairs in my room!”

“Oh?” Sana asked. “I thought Natsumi wasn’t home today?”

“She’s not, I just… like the couch in my room… better.”

It was a lame reason, and they both knew it. Sana gave Akito a strange look, but crossed back over to him anyway, heading up the stairs in front of him. Akito followed.   

To tell the truth, Akito was hoping to recreate some of the magic of their first date. He had spent the last 48 hours thinking obsessively about kissing Sana – he had replayed the memories in his head over and over and over. The smell of her hair, the softness of her hands, and the sweetness of her lips… it had all been too much. Yet at the same time, it wasn’t enough. He felt like he would burst if he couldn’t get a fix.

Especially since they both knew that Sana was going back to work the next day, and would be working steadily throughout the break. They wouldn’t have as much time just the two of them going forward – so Akito didn’t want to miss this important opportunity.

Sana opened the door to Akito’s bedroom as casually as if it were her own, and flopped onto the squidgy little couch inside. Akito went over to his TV set, changing the channel to the correct station and putting the tape into the VCR.

He didn’t know much about the movie – he had heard from Tsuyoshi that it was cool and from Aya that it was scary. He secretly hoped that Sana would also find it scary. Not too scary – just scary enough that she might grab hold of his hand in fright or bury her face in his chest.

As the movie came to life on the screen, Sana clapped her hands excitedly. “I think Watanabe-san is in this movie!”

“Who is Watanabe?” Akito asked.

“She’s a friend of Asako-san’s that I met at Mansion of Water’s premiere! She’s a super cool actress! I can’t wait to see her!”

“Oh. Cool.” Akito said, putting his right arm over the back of the sofa. He looked at Sana out of the corner of his eye, trying to subtly gauge her reaction.

She did… nothing. She didn’t snuggle into his side, but she also didn’t scoot away. Akito left his arm where it was, unsure of what to do next.

As the film progressed, Sana’s attention was firmly fixed on the TV screen as she looked to see if she knew any of the people involved. Finally, Eriko Watanabe was on the screen. Sana put her left hand on Akito’s knee, pointing to the screen with her right.

“Look, there she is!!” Sana said excitedly.

“I see, I see.” Akito said, far more focused on Sana’s hand on his knee.

“She looks so cool in this movie.” Sana sighed. “Asako-san says that Watanabe-san is working on a really good film right now – she’ll probably win Best Actress for it next year.”

“Wow.” Akito said dully – his voice was flat but he was beginning to feel quite warm around his collar.

Sana leaned back, snuggling into Akito’s side. “She’s so good. I can totally see it.”

“Yeah.” Akito said with a slight smile, enjoying the feeling of Sana nestled in his side. He pulled his arm off the back of the couch and draped it around her shoulders. At first, Sana went rigid at the contact – she must not have realized that she had snuggled against him – and then, after a moment, she relaxed.

Akito was thrilled, but fought to keep his composure. There was a strange lightness building in his stomach, probably something to do with the way the air felt electric when Sana was around.

They continued to watch the movie. Tsuyoshi was right, it was a cool movie. He could see why Aya was scared, she didn’t like violence of any kind and this movie was full of it. Sana was completely unfazed. It had probably been too much to hope that he might be able to comfort her – this was Sana after all. She was fearless and eternally optimistic – a movie, even a Best Picture winner, wouldn’t throw her.

Akito relaxed, enjoying the closeness. They had the whole day together. They had the rest of their lives together – what was his rush? Akito blushed a little at the thought of “the rest of their lives” he hadn’t meant to think it, but still – a part of him just knew. There would be plenty of time for kissing… and other things.

The second that that popped into his head, Akito regretted it. How could he be thinking of sex when Oiwa was being stabbed on screen? The more he tried not to think about it, the more he found that he was thinking about it. His imagination took all of those little memories he and Sana had made the other night and twisted them into something else entirely.

Oh, shit. Akito thought, the panic setting in. His brain had engaged… another part of his body. He could feel his pants getting tighter.

Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit – Akito swore internally, trying to calm himself down. He could not believe that he had a boner from sitting on the couch next to his girlfriend. He couldn’t believe he had gotten so keyed up over the concept of sex. Although, it wasn’t just the idea of sex. It was the idea of sex with Sana.

That clarification didn’t help.

What if Sana noticed? What if Sana asked what it was? What if Sana laughed at him? The mental image of Sana pointing and laughing at the tent in his jeans did not bring him any comfort.

He didn’t know what to do. Standing up and excusing himself to the bathroom, he felt, was too risky. If he tried to shift his legs to make it less noticeable it might make it more noticeable. There was only one option left to him.

Think of gross stuff.

He thought about the smell of the locker room at the dojo. He thought of Sengoku-sensei’s bald head gathering sweat underneath his toupee. He thought about that time the family had left some takeout in the back of the refrigerator… and accidentally developed a science project.

It worked. He felt the waves of panic recede as everything returned to normal.

All of a sudden, the credits were rolling. Sana shifted on the couch next to him.

“That was really good!” Sana said. “Thanks for choosing it.”

“Don’t mention it.” Akito said, internally breathing a sigh of relief.

Just then, Sana’s stomach made a little noise.

“Are you hungry?” Akito asked with a chuckle.

“Maybe a little.” Sana said, flushing lightly with embarrassment. “But it is lunchtime.” She added defensively.

“Okay, let’s go get some food.” Akito said.

They went downstairs and bundled back up in their jackets and coats. It was a chilly December day, and the sky was overcast. They hurried down the street to a fast food restaurant, hoping to grab a quick burger so that they could get one more movie in before Akito’s physical therapy appointment. They ate quickly, both anxious to get back to the Hayama’s house so that they could enjoy this time together to the fullest.

When they finally arrived back in Akito’s bedroom, Sana sat on the floor looking at the group of VHS tapes that Akito had rented for them to watch.

“You picked so many! How many did you think we were going to watch today?” Sana asked with a light laugh.

“I wanted us to have options.” Akito shrugged, sitting down on the floor next to Sana. “Of course, there’s always the 1990 National Karate Championships.” Akito said, holding the tape up.

“Give me that!” Sana said, rolling her eyes.

Sana grasped for the tape, but Akito kept moving it just out of her reach. He was chuckling and she was giggling – they were both feeling a little silly. Finally, Sana got hold of the tape.

“Ha!” she said triumphantly, until she found that she couldn’t pry it from Akito’s grip.

Sana’s arms reached up and overhead, and Akito’s longer arms reached further back. Somewhere in all of the silliness they realized that there were mere millimeters between their faces. Akito looked Sana dead in the eye, daring her to look away. Sana blinked slowly, a blush creeping across her face.

There was a clatter as the tape dropped to the ground, the pair each dropping their arms to reach for the other. Their lips found each other immediately, and Akito reveled in how much more comfortable Sana seemed to be today.

The problem with making out while sitting on the ground, is that there is no logical place for a person’s legs to go. Sana and Akito ran into this problem almost immediately, as they continued shifting their bodies, trying to find a comfortable kissing position. Sana broke away.

“My butt hurts.” She admitted with an uncomfortable laugh.

“Ok.” Akito said. “Where do you want to go?” he asked, his eyes drifting toward the couch.

He saw Sana’s eyes drift toward his bed, and then quickly look back at the couch.

He had to have imagined it, right? There was no way that Sana would be looking to make out in his bed.

Akito stood up, pulling Sana to her feet. “I’m following you.” He said, testing her resolve.  

Sana took his hand and pulled him towards… the couch.

There’s no rush... Akito reminded himself as he followed her lead.

Once they were back on the couch they found themselves situated similarly to how they had been a couple of days before. It almost felt like they were picking up where they left off.

And Akito wasn’t complaining, but kissing on the couch was only moderately better than kissing while sitting on the floor. He felt a pull, a need to be closer to Sana. It was like something inside of him was demanding that their bodies be flush together, like they were when they kissed standing up.

Akito broke away for a moment. “Hold on.” He said.

He lay down on his side with his back against the back of the sofa, his right arm pillowed in front of him. He patted the space next to his chest with his left hand, indicating to Sana that she should lie down next to him.

It was a risk, he knew. Which is why he was all the more pleased when Sana laid down next to him, resting her head on his arm.

“I feel like I’m going to fall off.” She said with a nervous giggle.

“I won’t let you.” Akito said, snaking his left hand over her waist and pulling her closer to him. He would make sure that she was secure in his arms.

They passed the time kissing until their lips were red and puffy. At some point, they dozed off into a light nap. Sana’s head resting on Akito’s chest, his head resting on hers.

It was the most blissfully calm Akito could ever remember feeling.  

At some point, it was time for Akito to leave for his physical therapy appointment. He had thought that Sana would go home and they would part ways, but he was happy to find that she wanted to come with him. She didn’t mind waiting in the lobby and she wouldn’t be bored, she promised. So Akito agreed.     

Knowing that Sana was out in the lobby made this particular physical therapy appointment go even slower than usual. He couldn’t wait to be done so that he could be back out in the world with her.

Once they were finished, Akito thanked the doctor and headed out to the lobby. Sana was sitting in one of the chairs, flipping absentmindedly through a magazine. Akito wondered what she was thinking about. It was then that she caught notice of him.

“How is your hand?” Sana asked, putting her magazine down and standing up to greet Akito.

“Same thing.” Akito said with a shrug.

The two began walking down the hallway and out to the courtyard.

“I have to start working tomorrow, so we’ll see each other less. But I’ll do my best to see you as often as I can.” Sana said, giving Akito an encouraging smile.

Something about the mention of Sana’s work in conjunction with the location reminded him of Naozumi’s recent visit to the medical center.

“Your work is with… Kamura?” Akito tried to ask casually.

“Huh? Yeah, some of it. Why?” Sana asked, confused.

Akito decided to drop the pretense. “He came to see me.” He said.

“What? Really?!” Sana asked incredulously.

“He said you told him about this place.” Akito said, giving her some side-eye.

Sana swallowed uncomfortably. “Ah! I did mention it.” She changed the subject. “What did you talk about?”

“He told me not to make you cry. He’s really… different.” Akito mused.  

“Is that so?” Sana said skeptically.

“Yeah… he’s very deep.” Akito said finally.

A silence fell between them. 

“Hayama? Are you jealous of Naozumi?” Sana asked, an eyebrow raised.

“No. Um…” Akito replied quickly, feeling his face get hot.

“Don’t worry! I’m only yours.” Sana said, touching a finger to his lips and giving him her most starry-eyed gaze.

If his face was hot before, now it was on fire.

“You!” Akito choked out. “You’re acting like you’ve got a screw loose again! Go find your lost screw! Go on!”

“What are you so shy about? Hee hee!” Sana giggled teasingly.

It took a full five minutes before Akito felt normal again. They made their way to a small café. Sana wasn’t especially hungry so she sipped on some tea while Akito ate his second burger of the day.

“What do you want to do next?” Sana asked.

“Sorry, I have to be back early. My father comes back from LA today.” Akito said.

“Okay! Tell him I said hi!” Sana said cheerfully.

They finished their food and headed back out into the cold. Sana started to wave goodbye, but Akito insisted on walking her home. Initially Sana protested, but she relented, taking his hand. Akito guessed that she wanted to soak up this time together too.

He walked her to her front door, pulling her into his arms as best he could. She wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed. She looked up at him. Akito cupped her face with his right hand and gave her a soft kiss on the lips. She was blushing now, and Akito wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to walk away from her. He gave her one more kiss on top of her head, and then stepped back with a wave.

“I’ll call you over winter break, but you should call too!” Sana playfully admonished.

“Ok. Go find your lost screw first!” Akito teased.

When Akito arrived home, Natsumi was in the process of cooking dinner.

“Welcome home.” She said absentmindedly, her brow furrowed.

“Sorry I’m late. Need any help?” Akito asked.

“If you could set the table, that would be great.” Natsumi replied.

They were just about finished getting dinner together when they heard the front door open.

“Dad! Welcome home.” Natsumi said cheerfully, her mood brightening immediately. 

As silly as it was, Akito felt the same way. He had missed his dad. 

“I’m back!” Fuyuki said, rolling his suitcase inside and taking off his shoes. “Akito, how’s your hand?”

“It’s the same.” Akito said.

“Dad, do you want to eat?” Natsumi asked. “It’s ready.”

“Okay.” Fuyuki said.

Natsumi chatted amiably throughout dinner, giving Fuyuki updates on school, groceries, and the physical therapy appointments she had accompanied Akito to. Fuyuki told them about the beautiful sunshine and the great cuisine in Los Angeles.  

Finally, Fuyuki put his chopsticks down, growing serious.

“I know this is sudden, but I’m being transferred to the main office, in LA.” He said.

“What?! Another assignment? You’re going to move to Los Angeles again?” Natsumi asked, her eyes wide.

“Yes.” Fuyuki answered.  

“For how long this time?” Natsumi pressed.

“I’m not really sure, so we’re all going this time.” Fuyuki said.

“The whole family? It’s not like before, where you would just go alone?” Natsumi continued.  

“No, this time the whole family will go. I want the three of us to stay together.” Fuyuki said.

Akito said nothing.

Chapter Text

Natsumi was the first to react. “You can’t just spring something like this on us!” she cried. “I don’t want to change schools.”

“I know this is sudden, I’m sorry.” Fuyuki said, lowering his eyes.

“I don’t want to go either. Can’t you go by yourself?” Akito asked.

“No, it’s already arranged. I already rented a house, we will be moving at the end of January.” Fuyuki said.

“This isn’t fair, Dad! I can’t believe you didn’t talk to us about this first.” Natsumi said angrily.  

“Didn’t you want to study abroad? I thought you would be happy about this.” Fuyuki countered.

“I didn’t want to go now, Dad!” Natsumi explained with a huff. “I meant one day like when I was in college.”

“I’m sorry, but it’s all settled. You’re coming with me.” Fuyuki said with a resigned shrug. He seemed apologetic, but also like he wasn’t likely to change his mind.

Akito grew quiet as he tried to process what this meant for himself. On one hand, it was a testament to how close his family had become that his father would want to keep them together.

On the other hand…

“I’ll be there, by your side.”

Akito felt his chest begin to get tight as he considered going through life without Sana at his side. He felt like he wasn’t able to get enough air.

It was the first time since Sana had come to visit him at the hospital that he felt like he might have another attack. He closed his eyes, trying to regulate his breathing.

“I’ll be there, by your side.”

He took a deep breath. It didn’t matter where they were, he wasn’t going to lose Sana.

“I’ll be there, by your side.”

She would probably laugh when he told her. She would tease him about flirting with American girls.

“I’ll be there, by your side.”

Her words became his anchor, and he felt himself coming back down to earth. He stood up from the table and took his dishes to the sink. Natsumi and Fuyuki didn’t say anything, they just kept eating in silence. Akito went upstairs and changed into his long sweatpants and grabbed his running shoes. He headed downstairs.

“Where are you going?” Fuyuki asked.

“For a run.” Akito answered flatly, putting on his shoes.

“It’s a bit cold for a run.” Fuyuki said pointedly.

“I’ll be fine.” Akito said.

Then he headed out into the night.

His feet took him along the route that he had been running when he was suspended.

He didn’t want to go. There were too many things that he would miss.  

He would miss his house.

Other than the two years that he had spent living somewhere else in elementary school, it was the only home he had ever known.

He knew that in Los Angeles, his family would still watch TV together. But it would be American TV, in English. It wouldn’t be the same.

This house was where he and his father and his sister had truly become family.

He would miss his walk to school. He would miss the tree lined sidewalks that made him feel like he wasn’t living in a big city.

He would miss the feel of the tatami under his feet at the dojo. He would miss Sensei Kunimitsu’s commanding “Ready? Begin!” as it rang out across the room.

He would miss watching Aya destroy him and Tsuyoshi in a vicious two-to-one match of air hockey.

He would miss Yunchi’s whining about not having a girlfriend.

He would miss the cafeteria at Jinbo Middle School.

It felt strange to admit, but he would miss Fuka. He regretted that they probably wouldn’t have enough time to truly repair their friendship before he left.  

His feet pounded the pavement. He hardly dared to think about what else there wouldn’t be time for before he left.

Just that day, he had been reminding himself that there was plenty of time for them to progress their relationship. But now? He felt like he and Sana were running out of time.

He was going to miss her smile. The curve of her lips when she was pouting or yelling at him. The silky feeling of her hair under his fingertips. The little chuckle that she made when she was nervous. Her soft hand in his.

How she always did what she thought was right. How she always said exactly what was on her mind. How she embraced each day with joy and optimism.

How she made him feel like he could too.

He ran past the Kurata family’s house, all of the lights were out. Sana was inside sleeping peacefully and preparing for a long day of work tomorrow.

It was late. He had karate the next day.

And at some point, he would have to tell Sana the news.

He spent the rest of the run home thinking about how the hell he was going to tell her.

The next day, Akito was quiet. He went through the motions of his morning meditation, although he skipped the usual run. He went downstairs and wordlessly helped his family prepare breakfast. Fuyuki and Natsumi chatted – although Akito noticed that neither of them brought up Los Angeles. Every few minutes, Akito would catch Fuyuki looking at him. Akito would return the glance with an intense stare. Fuyuki would look away.

He wasn’t trying to punish his father by not speaking to him. He just didn’t have anything to say.

After breakfast, Akito collected his karate bag and made his way to the dojo. It was a boring class day. He was allowed to participate in kata, but he still wasn’t able to spar. He spent the sparring portion of the class sitting off to the side in seiza, dangling a weight from his injured arm.

“We need to make sure that arm stays strong.” Sensei Kunimitsu had explained, giving Akito a sympathetic glance.

Akito understood why, but it didn’t make him hate it any less.

Later that night, Sana called when she had a break on set.   

“I’m taping a New Year’s special. It’s so weird! They have us saying ‘Happy New Year’ even though it’s still December.” Sana said.

Even over the phone, Akito could hear the smile in her voice.

“Yeah, you must be tired.” Akito commented. “Do you have to work on New Year’s day?” he asked.

“Sure do! And I have no time to think about the essay for “My Daughter and I Part 2.”

“Right, you’re doing the forward?”

‘That’s right!”

Sana worked a lot. Akito had known that from the start. But he also knew that his news wasn’t something that he could share over the phone. “When will you have some free time?”

“After the third, things are back to normal.”

“Okay.”

Akito heard someone say something to Sana, but he couldn’t hear what they were saying.

“I’m sorry, Hayama. My break is over, and I need to go back to set.”

“It’s okay.”

“I’ll talk to you later!” Sana said cheerfully, and then she hung up.

This news wasn’t something he could share over the phone. And it certainly wasn’t news that he should tell her while she was at work.

Or was he making excuses? Was he intentionally setting difficult situational requirements to avoid telling her because the “right time” would never come?

Akito wasn’t sure.

The rest of the week went by uneventfully. School was still on winter break, so Akito fell into a new routine. He would wake up, meditate, run, go to karate, go to physical therapy, call Sana, work on his make-up work for school, go to bed. Repeat.

It was the evening of December 31^st, and the Hayama family were watching New Year’s specials that evening. Fuyuki made sure to put on Sana’s special. They picked up midway through the New Year’s Variety Show – Sana, Naozumi, and a couple of actors their age that Akito didn’t recognize were sampling different kinds of food and trying to identify them.

“Please identify the food that you just ate.” said the announcer.

“Mermaid!” Sana cried.

“Wrong! That doesn’t exist!” said the announcer.

Naozumi gulped, looking sick. “Um… sea lion?” he guessed.

“That is correct!” The announcer said.

The show shifted to a commercial break, and Fuyuki chuckled.

“That Sana-chan… she really is so funny. Have her come over soon, okay Akito?” Fuyuki said.

“She works a lot.” Akito said flatly. He was sure that Sana would be happy to come over and talk with his dad, but he was still mad at his father and felt like being subversive.  

Fuyuki took the hint and returned his attention to the TV. Natsumi rolled her eyes, saying something under her breath.

The show returned with a segment where Sana and the other actors had to guess the name of a song from just the first few bars. Sana, of course, instinctively smacked the buzzer but had no idea what song it was. Her outlandish guess garnered more than a few laughs from the live studio audience.

“So Dad, do you know how long we’ll be in LA yet?” Natsumi asked conversationally, standing up to take care of the last few evening dishes.  

“Hmmm. Probably two or three years.” Fuyuki replied, his eyes still on the TV.

“Oh…” Natsumi said, sounding disappointed. Akito understood. That meant that there was a high likelihood that Natsumi would be graduating high school in the United States.

On TV, Sana and the other actors gathered around a giant clock, beginning to count down the new year. Akito watched intently as she began to excitedly call out each number.  

“5… 4… 3… 2… 1… Happy New Year!” The actors shouted, all smiling and clinking their glasses together.

“Oh… it’s midnight.” Natsumi observed, her voice lacking its usual energy.  

“Happy New Year!” Fuyuki said with a pained kind of cheerfulness. He was really trying, but Natsumi and Akito were having none of it.  

Happy fucking New Year. Akito thought to himself, staring at Sana while the credits rolled on the program.  

The next morning Tsuyoshi and Aya came to Akito’s house so that the three of them could walk to the temple together and for New Year’s. It was the first that Akito had seen of them during the whole break, so after everyone recounted their holidays (including a painstakingly long account of Tsuyoshi and Aya’s Christmas Eve date) Akito decided it was time to break the news to his friends.  

“What? Los Angeles?” Tsuyoshi exclaimed in shock.  

“Yeah.” Akito replied.  

“How soon are you leaving?” Tsuyoshi asked anxiously.  

“We have to leave by the end of January.” Akito answered, trying to keep his voice from sounding too depressed.  

“Huh? But that’s so sudden!” Aya said softly, seemingly in as much shock as Tsuyoshi.

“What did Sana-chan say when you told her?” Tsuyoshi asked.  

“I haven’t… she’s been too busy.” Akito said.

Tsuyoshi and Aya stared at Akito in disbelief.  

Akito tried to explain. “But I know she’ll be okay.” He added quickly. “She’ll complain about feeling lonely at first, but then she’ll find the positive – ‘Los Angeles is really close!’!” Akito said in his best Sana impression (which wasn’t very good at all).  

Tsuyoshi looked skeptical. “I think you should tell her soon.” he said.  

“Is she working today?” Aya asked.

“She’s probably done by now.” Akito said, looking at his watch.

Tsuyoshi and Aya stared at him in disbelief again. Akito stared blankly back at them.

“Hurry up and call her.” Tsuyoshi said, unable to keep the irritation from his voice.

Akito grumbled as he made his way over to the closest payphone, dialing Sana’s cell phone number from memory. As he had guessed, she had just finished up her interview on a morning talk show. She could meet them at their usual café as soon as she was out of hair and makeup.

The trio continued to their local shrine, making their way to the center to make their first prayers of the new year.

Tsuyoshi and Aya both bowed their heads, and Akito did the same.

But he wasn’t sure what to pray for. His future felt uncertain, and his present filled him with worry.

In the end, he walked away without having prayed for much of anything. Aya convinced them to stop at one of the stalls to purchase omikuji so that they could get their fortunes for the year. Akito balked initially, but eventually relented.

Tsuyoshi and Aya opened theirs – both receiving good fortune. Akito opened his to reveal the word “Daikyo.”

Terrible luck, certain disaster, great curse.

Akito sighed. Life certainly didn’t seem to be looking up. This fortune just confirmed what he already knew.

There was no way it could get worse, right?

Once they reached the café, Akito sat with Tsuyoshi and Aya at their usual table, waiting for Sana to arrive.

“Hi! Happy New Year.” Sana said as she walked up to their table. “Hayama, how’s your hand?”

“Same as usual.” Akito replied, scooting over in the booth to make room for her. Akito was about to ask her how work was, but Tsuyoshi interrupted.

“Sana-chan, Akito-kun has something important to tell you.” Tsuyoshi said, giving Akito a pointed look.

“Really? Something important? What is it? He’s not proposing, is he? Hee hee.” Sana giggled.

Akito gave Tsuyoshi a death stare – Tsuyoshi just raised his eyebrows in response, looking over at Sana. Akito sighed. This is not how or where he would have chosen to break this news, but he was feeling rather on the spot – and Sana was looking at him expectantly.

“My father has been transferred to his company’s main office, in Los Angeles. My family is moving to the United States at the end of the month.” Akito said.  

“Los Angeles? And you’re moving too?” Sana asked quietly.  

“Yeah, that’s what Dad says.” Akito said, feeling a tinge of annoyance with his father.  

“For how long?” Sana asked.  

“I think for two or three years.” Akito replied.  

“Oh… I have worked overseas before, but only to Hawaii and Guam. They’re pretty close, but LA is so far. And you’re going to be living there… for years.” Sana said, her voice getting smaller and smaller as she spoke.

The table was all quiet for what felt like a full minute.

“Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom.” Sana said suddenly, standing up and hurrying across the café.

Once Sana was inside the restroom. Tsuyoshi looked at Akito with a sad smile. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Akito just glared. This was not how it was supposed to go. She took the news hard, that much was obvious. And it didn’t seem like her outlook was as sunny as it usually was.

Aya and Tsuyoshi chatted awkwardly about the menu, stealing glances at Akito periodically.

“How long has she been in there?” Tsuyoshi asked.  

“Too long! 15 minutes already.” Aya replied, glancing at her watch.

Without comment, Akito stood up. In a few strides he had crossed the restaurant and gone into the women’s restroom.  

“Sana?” Akito called, before noticing her crouching on the ground.

Sana was leaning against the wall, her knees to her chest. Her face was covered by her arms.

“Hey…” Akito said, squatting down beside her. He reached out an arm to comfort her. Perhaps she wasn’t feeling well.

“Don’t…  don’t go.” Sana said, looking down. Akito couldn’t see her face, but the tone of her voice was panicked. “Don’t go, please!” She repeated.

There was a beat of silence before Akito nodded. “I understand.” He said.

“What?” Sana asked, looking up at him with wide eyes.

“I’ll ask my dad if I can stay.” Akito said.

“Would he let you?” Sana asked.

“I think so. He left us here when I was in the second grade. And now that I’m a middle school student, if I ask him seriously, I’m sure he’ll let me stay.” Akito said.

“Really?” Sana asked, the tiniest bit of hope in her voice.

“Yeah.” Akito said.

He would have said anything to keep the worry off of her face and the panic out of her voice.

“Finish up in here now.” Akito said, standing up and helping Sana to her feet.

“I didn’t have to go.” Sana said, giving him an exasperated look.

They returned to the table, Akito was determined to salvage the outing with Tsuyoshi and Aya. Sana was quieter than usual, and Akito could tell that she was really bothered by what he had said.

All of a sudden, Sana’s cell phone rang. She answered it.

“Hi. Okay, I’ll be there in a minute.” She said. She hung up, then stood up. The group looked at her, all confused.

“Sorry, but I’m going home now. Rei-kun is outside. Bye.” Sana said, making her way to the door.

“I’ll walk you out.” Akito said, standing up to follow her.

“It’s okay. I’ll talk to you later.” She said, holding up a hand. Then, she turned and left.

After that, the group paid their respective checks and began their walks home.

“Some prediction, Akito-kun.” Tsuyoshi said as they left the café.  

“I’m surprised that she acted like that.” Akito said.

“I think she’s traumatized.” Tsuyoshi stated.  

“Traumatized?” Akito asked.

“Well when you were separated for just three months, you ran off and got a new girlfriend!” Tsuyoshi pointed out matter-of-factly. “This time you’re going to be separated for two or three years.”

“Are you saying she can’t trust me?” Akito asked, frowning.  

“Maybe. I wouldn’t trust you either.” Tsuyoshi said with a shrug.

Akito attempted to karate chop Tsuyoshi over the head, but Tsuyoshi blocked it with both arms.  

“I won’t get hit every time!” Tsuyoshi said, a glint of challenge in his eye.

Aya sighed in a longsuffering way, trying to get the boys to return to the conversation.   

“It’s not a question of trust. It’s loneliness!” Aya insisted. “She’s been so happy since you got together, and now she’s afraid of losing that.”

Akito thought about Aya’s words. He remembered the intense loneliness that he felt when Sana was away shooting Mansion of Water. He felt bad that she was going to be in that position this time.

They reached a split in the road, and the group parted ways to go to their respective homes.  

When Akito arrived home, he said hello to his sister, who was folding laundry in the living room and headed straight for the kitchen. “Natsumi, what are you going to do about LA?” Akito asked, pouring himself a glass of juice.  

“I thought about it. I don’t think going will be too bad. I can practice my English.” Natsumi said, folding a pair of socks together.

“Right…” Akito said, disheartened. He had hoped that he and Natsumi would be able to present a united front – he thought that might help his chances of staying.

“I want to ask Dad to let me stay.” He admitted.

“Really? Then bring it up with him.” Natsumi said, though Akito could tell from her tone that she didn’t think it was a good idea.

Akito waited until after dinner before cornering his father in the living room.

“Dad?” Akito started. “I would like to stay in Japan on my own.”

“No way.” Fuyuki said firmly.  

“Why? I’m in junior high, I can take care of myself.” Akito insisted. “And I’m used to using my left hand for everyday things.”

“So you can support yourself now?” Fuyuki asked, the annoyance that he had been repressing finally bubbling to the surface.  

Akito didn’t know what to say, so he was quiet. Fuyuki continued.

“You said you can take care of yourself. If you want to disobey me and live on your own, you can’t expect any help from me. How are you going to pay your bills? You’re not looking to rely on me for spending money? Right?”

“Well…”

“Am I wrong?”

“No.”

“Exactly. Now look at this list of schools in the US.” Fuyuki said, pulling a paper out of his briefcase.

“Stubborn old man.” Akito grumbled, taking the paper.  

“What did you say?” Fuyuki asked angrily.

“Nothing. God.” Akito scoffed, walking away.  

Once he was safely inside his room, he flopped onto the little couch. He looked at the list of schools, then dropped it on the floor, letting his mind wander.

When I was in second grade, Dad went to Los Angeles for two years. Natsumi and I were split up and left with relatives.  

“I’m sorry that I can only take Akito-kun. There’s just not room for two kids.”

“Thank you, I know this is putting you out. Akito can be a tough kid to handle.”

“Akito, you have to behave, okay?”

Are you really leaving?

Dad… don’t leave me… don’t go!

“Why don’t we go together this time?”

“Don’t go!”

The phone rang, and Akito could hear Natsumi answer it downstairs.

“Akito, it’s for you!” She called up the stairs. Akito picked up the phone in his room and waited for the click of Natsumi hanging up the other phone.

It was Sana. “Hayama? I was really worried after what we just talked about at the café.” She said. “I’m sorry about what happened, I was just scared.”

“That’s alright.” Akito said.  

“About the transfer… how’s that going? Did you ask him?” Sana asked.  

“Yeah, I did. And… I can’t stay.” Akito admitted, then unloaded his annoyance with his father. “He was so stubborn, he’s taking us whether we like it or not. It’s so unfair.”

“Are you going?” Sana asked softly.

“What else can I do?” Akito replied. “But, even if we have to be apart for awhile, I-“

“You said you wouldn’t go. You lied!” Sana said, her voice angry and bitter.

And then she hung up the phone.

Akito was dumbfounded. He tried calling the Kurata home number back, but all he heard was the busy signal. She must have left the phone off of the receiver. He tried to call her cellphone, but it went straight to voicemail. She must have powered it off.  

She’s always been emotional, but this isn’t like her. Maybe she just needs a few days to cool off.  

He prayed that she just needed a few days to cool off.

What would he do if she didn’t?

They were running out of time.

Chapter Text

Akito didn’t sleep well that night. All he could think about was the way that Sana’s voice sounded right before she hung up the phone.

“You lied!”

When he woke up the next morning, it was still dark. He decided to skip the meditation portion of his morning routine. He just didn’t feel that he would be able to sit and clear his mind. He was full of frantic, anxious energy. And so he ran. And ran. And ran.

For the first time maybe ever, he wished that he had school that day to help keep his mind off of everything. Even a day in Mr. Sengoku’s chemistry classroom would be better than him replaying his phone conversation with Sana all day.

“You lied!”

He got home hours later, dripping with sweat despite the cold winter air outside. He went straight upstairs to the shower, the hot water slowly warming his cold and clammy skin. He put on a pair of sweatpants and collapsed in bed, tired enough from his run that he was able to sleep at last.

Akito awoke many hours later to the sound of the doorbell being rung repeatedly. In his half-asleep state he wondered why no one was answering it. He glanced at the alarm clock by his bed to see that it was after four in the afternoon. He had slept most of the day away. Then he remembered that although he was off of school, his father had work and wouldn’t be home yet. Natsumi also must not be home.

Akito shrugged on a hoodie and dashed down the stairs to see who could be ringing the doorbell so insistently. He secretly hoped it was Sana – maybe she had come to apologize for hanging up on him yesterday. Yes, that must be it. And then she would tell him that everything was going to be okay and that even though they would be far apart they would make it work and -

“What do you want?” Akito asked suddenly, roused from his daydream by the fact that when he opened the door it wasn’t Sana.

It was Mr. Sunglasses.

“It’s Sana-chan… she’s very ill.” Rei said.

The pit in Akito’s stomach formed immediately, and he was sure he was going to be sick.

Akito felt like he was in a trance as he put on his shoes and followed Rei out to the car, sliding into the passenger seat.

Rei was uncharacteristically quiet on the drive to the Kurata’s home. He didn’t make any of his usual snide remarks or awkward attempts at small talk. He simply drove – it was almost like he was in a trance too. Akito was sure they both had the same thought on their minds.

This couldn’t be happening.

Rei parked the car in the driveway, and Akito numbly followed him up the walkway and directly into the house. Akito had barely taken off his shoes when Misako appeared from down the hall, quickly making her way towards them.

“Um… is Sana-“ Akito began, when he was interrupted by Misako grabbing hold of the front of his hoodie with both hands.

“Hayama-kun?” Misako said. The tone in her voice indicated to Akito that this was not a greeting, but an interrogation. Up close, Akito could see that her eyes were tired and filled with worry. While she was usually quick to laugh, he could see that she wasn’t in a joking mood. He braced himself for the verbal attack he knew was coming.

“How are you doing?” she asked calmly, releasing him.  

“Uh… I’m fine.” Akito said, surprised that that was all she had to say.

“Good, good.” said Misako with an uncomfortable laugh. “I hear things have been rough for you lately, but you look very well.”

“Uh… he said… Sana was sick. What’s going on?” Akito asked, unable to keep the worry out of his voice.

“Hayama?”

Akito turned to see Sana making her way down the hallway toward him. “Was that Hayama’s voice? Hey! I thought I heard you!”

She padded down the hallway in her robe and slippers, but she didn’t seem sick at all. Her voice sounded completely normal. Hearing the sound of her voice made Akito relax – he felt like the breath he had been holding since Rei first told him that she was sick could finally be exhaled.  

“What… She looks fine! What kind of trick is this?” Akito demanded.

“Hayama-kun! Hang on!” Misako said quickly. She took off her hat and hairpiece, a candy house that the squirrel was currently eating. Misako plopped the whole thing – Maro and all – on top of Akito’s head.  

“Hee hee, you look so silly!” Sana said.

Akito could feel the anxiety bubbling under the surface of his skin.

She sounded normal, her voice was exactly as it usually was. But her face…

It was completely blank. There was no smile in her eyes, no laughter in her cheeks, none of the things that made Sana the vibrant person that she was.

“Mama, don’t be so ridiculous. What’s going on? Why is Hayama here?”

“Sana. Your face – what’s going on?” Akito asked, taking a few steps toward her. He wanted to pull her close to him, but didn’t think that present company would appreciate that.

“Huh? Nothing’s going on.” Sana said, expressionless. “Oh no! I’m in my pajamas! I’ll be right back.” She said, hurrying back down the hallway to her room.

“Wait!” Akito said, reaching after her.  

“Come here.” Rei said, pulling him into the living room, Misako close behind.

“Sit.” Rei ordered, pointing at the couch.

It wasn’t like Mr. Sunglasses to give orders, and in spite of himself Akito sat.

Misako picked up a stack of paper from the coffee table and turned towards him.

“Hayama-kun, this is a chapter of My Daughter and I that wasn’t included in the final draft of the book. It’s about a time when Sana was sick – she was about seven years old. Please read it, I think it will explain things.”

Akito took the stack from her and leaned back to read. Rei and Misako sat on the couch opposite him, speaking quietly to each other about Sana. At some point Shimura came in with a tray of tea, placing it on the coffee table. She then took a seat in a chair next to Rei and Misako.

Akito began reading.

My daughter has forgotten the time in her life when she turned to stone.

Up until that time, I’d never seen her go a day without smiling. But for fifteen days, she became an emotionless doll. It happened the year she turned seven.

One day, she came home from her Komawari theater class as usual, but unusually there was no expression on her face. I’d heard of cases where someone lost the ability to speak due to a shock or psychological trauma, but the ability to smile?

None of the doctors I took her to were able to diagnose Sana’s condition. And the most alarming thing about it was that she seemed to be completely unaware of the problem. There was no medical term for what was wrong with Sana – I called it ”Doll Syndrome”.

The main symptom was a complete lack of expression on her face. No matter how she was acting, her face remained a blank slate. And perhaps, because of the emotional strain, she would sleep endlessly.

Whatever was wrong, I was sure it was my fault.

I told Sana she was adopted when she was just five years old. She was too young to understand what that meant, but she kept trying to work it out. She kept saying to me “You’re my mommy but you’re not my mommy?” In her bewilderment she would cry alone in her room, but I always knew.

By the time she was seven, she finally understood what it meant to be adopted. She knew that I was her mother but not her birth mother.

That summer, when she began rehearsing a play at the Komawari theater called “The Comedian” the doll syndrome began. Sana played a girl named Michiko – the laughing girl. She was cast because her laughter was so infectious. She was planted in the audience to get the crowd going. But Michiko was an orphan, and was passed around from person to person.

When her symptoms began, I decided to take her out of the theater group temporarily, even though her problem didn’t seem to have any affect on her abilities. In fact, everything about her seemed perfectly normal… except for her expressionless face.

When she said she wanted to go to school, I let her go – although I secretly watched over her every day. As I continued to observe her behavior, I realized that her illness was serious. She was becoming completely unable to express any emotions.

Akito looked up, completely in shock.

“Do you understand now?” Misako asked.  

“I think so…” Akito said.

Doll syndrome… is this for real?

“Hayama-kun, I need to know. Did something happen between you and Sana?” Misako asked. “My only guess is that it has something to do with you. Can you think of anything that might have caused this?”

Akito took a deep breath. He had a pretty good feeling he knew what caused this.

“My father’s job is transferring him to LA. We’re supposed to move at the end of the month.” Akito said.

“You mean, Los Angeles? As in the United States?” Rei asked, aghast.  

“Your father is being transferred? That’s so sudden!” Misako said. “This must be it. Especially since she was so happy before this.”

“I don’t know… this isn’t as serious as finding out you’re adopted. Then again… maybe it is.” Rei said, trailing off.

It was quiet between the four of them. The tea sat untouched on the coffee table, growing cold.  

“So the first time it only lasted fifteen days? Right?” Akito asked suddenly, breaking the silence.  

“Yes, and then she was suddenly normal again. I have no idea how or why. On the day that she got better, I couldn’t go to school with her. So Shimura-san went instead.” Misako replied.  

“That’s right. But when they all got out of class, I didn’t see her. I looked everywhere. I finally found her asleep on the side of the road. When I woke her up, she was normal again.” Shimura said.

“Sana doesn’t really remember those fifteen days. She remembered going to school, and ordinary things that happened, but she doesn’t remember being ill. Since she never even knew she was sick, it’s not really surprising.” Misako said.

“What happened to her on the way home that day – if we can find out what happened, maybe we could cure her again?” Akito asked.

“Maybe, but we have no idea what happened. We don’t know if anything did happen.” Misako replied. “She might have gotten better on her own. And since we don’t have any idea…”

There was another beat of silence as the group considered this.

“I learned about the depths of the human heart when I met Komori. Or at least, I thought I had learned. But I guess I still don’t really get it. If I’m the cause of her illness then I have to help her get better.” Akito said, his voice firm.

“It’s not that simple…” Rei said kindly. It almost made Akito recoil, that wasn’t the way Rei usually spoke to him.

“May I go talk to her?” Akito asked suddenly, standing up.

“Of course.” Misako nodded.

“Sensei!” Rei whined.

Akito smirked inwardly – there was the Mr. Sunglasses that he was used to.  

“But please don’t discuss her condition. I don’t think she’s ready to confront the situation. It’s very delicate. As hard as that may be to believe.” Misako said, and Akito knew she was serious.

Akito nodded, making his way down the hallway to Sana’s room.

“Sana?” Akito called, knocking twice on her bedroom door.

A few seconds later, the door opened with Sana standing there still in her pajamas. “Hey Hayama. What’s going on?” she asked, seeming to have forgotten their exchange out in the hallway.  

“Nothing. I just wanted to see you.” Akito replied with a shrug, remembering what Misako had said.

“You did? Hee hee.” Sana giggled, but it wasn’t really a giggle.  

So she can still laugh, it just doesn’t show on her face…

Sana opened the door and indicated for Akito to come inside.  

“Wow, you’ve never been in my room before, have you?” Sana said.  

“Nope.” Akito replied.

Ordinarily, Sana’s room would have been of great interest to Akito. He had often wondered what her room looked like, what sort of things she kept in it. If there were any traces of him in her room, the way there were traces of her in his room.

Today, however, he was focused on trying to test the boundaries of this so-called “Doll’s Syndrome” without speaking about it directly to Sana.

He reached down and flipped up the back of Sana’s robe with his left hand. Damn. If it had been his right he would have gotten her robe and nightgown.   

“What are you doing?!” Sana said angrily, bonking him on the head.  

“Ouch!” Akito cried, rubbing his head.  

“You jerk, you never change…” Sana muttered, stalking away angrily.  

It’s true – other than her face, she hasn’t changed. Still got the swing.  

Sana sat down on the ground, leaning her back against the bed. Akito joined her.

“So what’s going on with your dad?” Sana asked.  

“Nothing’s changed since I talked to you last.” Akito said. “When I told my dad I could take care of myself, he asked how I was going to support myself. And I can’t-“

“Let’s just drop it okay?” Sana said.  

You brought it up… maybe she is acting kind of strange… although she always was strange.

“Hey, Hayama!” Sana said suddenly, pulling a brightly colored piece of paper off the top of her bed. “Look, I won this on a quiz show! Tickets to that new amusement park! Let’s go!”

“I’ve seen the ads for this place on TV, it looks huge.” Akito said, taking the paper from her.   

“It’s supposed to be really big and cool! Like Disneyland.” Sana said excitedly.  

“I dunno, it’s pretty far away.” Akito said, his brow furrowed. As much as he wanted to make Sana happy, he wasn’t sure it was a good idea to go to an amusement park if she was sick.  

“It’s not as far as LA.” Sana said flatly.

Akito didn’t respond.  

“Stop bringing up LA!” Sana said testily.  

“I didn’t!” Akito grumbled.

“Do you want to go?” Sana asked, taking the paper back from him.

“Sure, let’s go.” Akito said – he wasn’t sure of what else to say.  

“Awesome! We’re gonna go!” Sana said, her voice happy. Her face remained completely blank.  

“No… don’t go.” She whispered, staring at the paper in her hands.  

“What?” Akito asked, barely able to hear her.

She put the paper down next to her, and turned to him, wrapping her arms around his neck.  

“Don’t… go…” Sana said, her voice muffled in Akito’s shoulder.  

Akito wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight to him.

After a few moments, Sana fell asleep in his arms. He didn’t dare move – he would do anything not to break the spell of this moment. It was the first time alone they’d had together in several days. As imperfect as it was, he would take it. He wasn’t sure how many moments they would have left.

So Akito tried to engrave this memory into his mind, leaving out the bad parts. He chose to focus on the smell of her hair, the feel of her slow and steady breathing on his neck, the feeling of his arms around her waist.

Suddenly, there was the sound of a doorhandle being turned. “Sana? I brought some tea...” Rei called, opening the door.

In a flash, Akito had his arms out on either side of him. He couldn’t extract himself from Sana’s sleepy grip, but he could make sure his hands were nowhere near her.   

Rei's face was flushed with anger, and he looked ready to blow a gasket.

“She fell asleep.” Akito said dumbly.

Rei looked like he was struggling to keep his thoughts to himself, but he grumpily helped Akito lift Sana off of the ground and into her bed.

“I guess I’ll go home. But I’ll come back.” Akito said.  

“That’s a good idea.” Rei said, his voice strangled.

Akito said his goodbyes to Misako and Shimura, put on his shoes, and began the walk back home.

If he was the cause of her illness, he had to be the cure. That morning he had felt helpless as he ran, but now he felt filled with purpose. He quickened his pace, eager to get home to see his father.

If Fuyuki didn’t understand, Akito would make him understand.  

Chapter Text

Akito opened his front door, quickly kicking off his shoes. “I’m back.” He called.

“Welcome home!” came Fuyuki’s voice from the living room.

Akito made his way over to the couch, where his father was reading. Without really thinking about his approach, he blurted out, “Dad, I’m serious about wanting to stay here.”

Fuyuki took a deep breath, putting down his book and turning to look at Akito. “Why?” he asked.

“Because…” Akito began, taking a moment to think. But all he could think about was Sana. “All of my friends are here.”

“You’ll make friends in LA. So what’s the problem?” Fuyuki asked, his eyebrows raised.

“Can you just tell me why you want me to go with you?” Akito huffed.  

“We’re family, we should be together.” Fuyuki said simply.  

“You split us up last time.” Akito argued.

“I’m sorry, Akito. That's my final answer.” Fuyuki said, turning away and picking up his book again.

“I don’t need your apology, I just want to stay. Please.” Akito said with a slight bow.  

“No.” Fuyuki replied firmly.

“I don’t see why not. You’re such an old man…” Akito grumbled.  

“Is this the way you speak to your father? You little brat!” Fuyuki said, bonking Akito’s head with his fist.  

Without even thinking about it, Akito swiped back with his left hand, striking his father across the jaw.

“How dare you hit me?!” Fuyuki growled.

“A tooth for a toothball!” Akito retorted.

The “conversation” that had been happening quickly devolved into chaos, with father and son taking various physical and verbal jabs at each other.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Like father, like son!”

“What was that? Little punk!”

“Old fart!”

“How awful. Such a rotten family.” Natsumi said from the dining table, sipping on her tea while she studied.   

Fuyuki collected himself. “We’re leaving in a month no matter what. I’d suggest you start packing.”

And then he went upstairs.  

“I don’t get him.” Akito mumbled, frustrated.  

I can’t do anything… Why do I have to have my life ruined by my dad’s job? I guess that’s what happens when you’re a kid. But Sana… I have to help her. I have to do something. But what?

“Dammit… I don’t know how.” He said softly, burying his head in his hands.

Natsumi looked at him curiously from her spot at the dining table. When he didn’t say anything else, she returned to her studies.

Akito felt completely deflated as he returned to his room to sleep that night. The determination he had felt on his walk home had completely evaporated, and he was back to feeling anxious and restless. The person he would turn to for advice and comfort was the person who he needed to help.

The next morning, Akito received a phone call from Rei.

“Hayama-kun, Shimura-san remembered what had happened on the day that Sana regained her smile.”

“What happened?” Akito asked, beginning to feel optimistic.

“Apparently, when Shimura woke her up on the side of the road, she asked Sana what had happened, and Sana said she met a foreign girl.” Rei explained.

Akito was silent, feeling less hopeful now.

“Has she ever told you about that?” Rei pressed.

“No.” Akito answered.

“I see.” Rei said, disappointed.

“Sorry. Akito replied. “I have karate today, but I’ll come after.”  

After they hung up, Akito went for a brief run before karate. It was another day of weight training while everyone else sparred. He wished he could be out there on the tatami with them. He was filled with so much energy and he had no outlet for it other than running.

After he finished for the day, he went straight to the Kurata home.

Shimura answered the door, and Akito stepped inside.

“Hi.” Akito said with a nod.

“Oh, Hayama-kun! Welcome!” Shimura said. “You’re just in time, we have something to show you.”

“What is it?”

“Kamura-san is giving a little performance. And for free!” Shimura giggled.

Kamura? What’s he up to? And why’s he here?

Akito followed Shimura down the hallway to a room he had not been to before – Misako’s room of impulse purchases.

“Hi, Hayama-kun!” Naozumi said cheerfully, with a wave.

If something had been in his mouth, Akito would have choked on it. Because Naozumi was standing there in an auburn wig pulled up into two pigtails that looked like Sana’s hair.  

What’s going on? Akito thought to himself, as he looked around the massive room. There were boxes and bags stacked up to the ceiling filled with God knows what. They had clearly pushed aside some boxes to set up a long table in the middle of the room that was covered in wigs.

“Hey, this one’s good too! Kurata-san, why do you have so many wigs? It’s kind of weird.” Naozumi said with a chuckle.

“It’s just one of my hobbies! I have lots of useless stuff!” Misako crowed proudly.

Akito looked at both of them, dumbfounded.

“Perfect timing, Hayama-kun. You can play Sana-chan. You don’t need to talk, I’ll do both of our lines.” Naozumi explained, plopping the Sana wig on Akito’s head.

“What are you doing?! Stop playing around!” Akito snapped.  

“I’m not playing! This is serious! We’re trying to help Sana-chan remember something important from her past.” Naozumi said, trying on a new wig.  

Rei pulled Akito to the side. “We think meeting Naozumi-kun might have cured Sana-chan last time. It turns out that he’s the “girl” she met back then.” He explained.

Akito was silent while he processed the information. All around him the others were preparing for their reenactment. Akito tried to listen to Naozumi’s instructions, but it was hard to focus when all he could think about was “We think meeting Naozumi-kun might have cured Sana-chan.”

“Alright. Ready?” Naozumi asked, a serious glint in his eye.

Akito nodded, taking a deep breath.

Misako opened the door to Sana’s room. Akito could see her sleeping in her bed.

When they had fallen asleep together on the little couch in his room, she had looked peaceful. But now?

She looked more like a corpse.

Akito stepped into position, just inside the doorway. He held his hands over his eyes and pretended to cry as Naozumi made the sounds of sobs from out in the hallway.

Sana woke up suddenly, and looked around. “Yes?” she asked.

Akito didn’t say anything, just continued to pretend to cry. Misako was blowing a fan over dry ice, creating a swirling mist that crept slowly into the room. Rei and Shimura made various chirps and cheeps, trying to simulate the birds and bugs outside.

“Who are you? What’s wrong?” Sana asked, her expressionless face looking at him with empty eyes.  

They’re having too much fun with this… Akito thought to himself as the mist grew thicker.

Naozumi made his entrance, wearing a long wig that was the same color as his natural hair.

“Um, Sana-chan?” Naozumi asked. “You’re Sana-chan, right? What’s wrong?”

Under his breath, Naozumi hissed “Sana-chan, you’re too tall! Scrunch down!”

Akito glowered at Naozumi beneath his raised hands. “You’re just short!” he whispered back.

“Stop it.” Naozumi whispered. And then, being the consummate professional that he was, Naozumi pitched his voice slightly higher and began his impression of Sana.

Akito had to admit, he was good. Naozumi was even able to make the sound seem like it was coming from Akito.

“I only got an 8 on my math test. I want to be a good girl. I wanted everyone to think I’m a good girl. But I flunked the test, I’m no good…”

“Don’t be silly, you are a good girl! It’s just a math test, it’s nothing.”

“Who are you?”

“Um, I’m a big fan of yours. You’re always saying such funny things, you make people laugh. You make them happy. That means you are a good girl. Getting good grades doesn’t mean anything.”

“It doesn’t?”

“Everyone thinks so! Everyone loves you.”

“Really? Even Mommy?”

“You’re a good girl, Sana-chan. You don’t have to do anything to prove it. I’m sure your mommy agrees.”

“But she’s not my birth mommy…”

“That doesn’t matter, Sana-chan. I promise you, it doesn’t!”

“Oh… Oh.” The real Sana said, bringing a hand to her forehead.

“Sana?” Misako asked, quickly crossing from the hallway to her side.

“I forgot… When I figured out what it meant to be adopted, that you weren’t my birth mother…I thought I had to be really good and perfect so that I wouldn’t be sent away like Michi in the play. I was so stressed out…” Sana said, staring out into space. “I thought if I was really good, that you’d love me more… I tried so hard.”

“So that’s what you were thinking… silly girl.” Misako said affectionately, running her fingers through Sana’s hair.

“I know.” Sana said. And although her face was blank, her voice sounded almost sheepish.

“Naozumi-kun, your kind words were what helped Sana. You told her what she needed to hear most. Thank you.” Misako said, her eyes welling up with gratitude.

“You don’t need to thank me, I just wanted her to stop crying. I didn’t even know that she was sick that time.” Naozumi said, waving his hands.

“Naozumi-kun, you might have been a little boy, but you were the only person who could understand how another orphan felt.” Rei said quietly.  

“Sana-chan remembered, how wonderful!” Shimura cried. “To think it was you… it’s like destiny brought you together.”

“Maybe if Naozumi-kun keeps helping her, she’ll get completely better?” Rei wondered aloud.

“I don’t know, but I’m willing to try.” Naozumi said helpfully.

The others were deep into their conversation, and no one but Akito and Misako noticed Sana get out of her bed and cross to Naozumi.  

“Oh, Sana-chan?” Naozumi said, surprised.  

“So you’re the girl that I met when I was seven?” Sana asked.

“Yes, but I’m not a girl.” Naozumi said with a smile.   

“I thought we met for the first time on that commercial shoot?” Sana asked.

“No, that was the first time we worked together. We met when we were babies.” Naozumi corrected.

Sana closed her eyes, taking hold of both of Naozumi’s hands in her own. It was a strangely intimate gesture, and one that Akito found impossible to watch.

Naozumi and Sana had been close since they met, Akito knew that. They had bonded over their shared history and their common profession.

But it was hard to see the girl he loved holding someone else’s hands.

Even if she was sick. Even if she didn’t mean it in any particular way.

Maybe everyone was right.

“It’s like destiny brought you together.”   

Akito and Misako locked eyes briefly, each giving the other an imperceptible look. Akito blinked first, turning to go.

Kamura… his bond with Sana runs deep.

“Hayama-kun?” Rei asked.  

“What? Hayama?” Sana said, finally seeing him for the first time. “You’re here?”

“Yeah.” Akito said in a dull voice. “I’ll be leaving.” And with that, he turned and began walking down the hallway to the front door. He could hear Sana making confused sounds behind him, but he kept walking. He quickly slipped on his shoes and had just closed the door behind him, when he heard the door open behind him.

“Hayama-kun, wait!” Naozumi called.  

“What do you want?” Akito said in a threatening voice, glaring.  

“I wanted to know what you think. When Sana-chan remembers her past with me, will she think we’re destined to be together?” Naozumi asked, a cocky smile on his face. “Because I believe that we are.”  

Chapter Text

“I wanted to know what you think. When Sana-chan remembers her past with me, will she think we’re destined to be together? Because I believe that we are.” 

“I believe… that you really piss me off.” Akito replied in a low voice, clenching his fist.  

Somewhere behind them Akito was aware of Sana muttering something, but he couldn’t quite make out what it was.

“So you want to fight it out, huh? Well then, I think you should know…” Naozumi began, looking as cool and collected as ever. “I couldn’t even beat Sana-chan at arm wrestling! I had to cheat to win!”

You could have knocked Akito over with a feather. That’s nothing to be proud of…

“Anyway, don’t act like such a stupid kid, stomping off when you get mad. We know how Sana-chan was cured before, but we still don’t know what to do for her now. And you’re the cause of it.” Naozumi said with a frown. He looked at something past Akito’s shoulder. Akito turned around to see Sana, Misako, and Rei standing in the open doorway, watching them. Naozumi sighed. “Come on, I want to talk to you. In private.”

Akito and Naozumi walked further into the yard, out of earshot from everyone waiting at the front door.

“Listen, Hayama-kun, I know you see me as your rival. And what I said is true, I do feel like Sana-chan and I should be together.” Naozumi sighed, then continued. “But she doesn’t feel that way. It’s just me. And I know that’s how it is. But I guess, when you act so suspicious of me, I can’t help but pick on you.” Naozumi said with a chuckle. “I’m not your enemy, Hayama-kun. I’m not even your rival, I’m just… I’m Sana-chan’s friend. Which means we should be allies. Don’t you think? So, why not be friends?”

Akito was floored by the request. It all felt weird and wrong – like there were hidden cameras somewhere, and this was all part of a prank show.

When Akito didn’t respond, Naozumi sighed again. “I guess you don’t trust me. Well, I can’t say I blame you.” He paused, changing the subject. “So the move to LA came as a real surprise, huh?”

“Yeah.” Akito replied.

“If you told her you were staying, maybe she’d get better.” Naozumi offered.

“Lying won’t resolve anything.” 

“You’re right.” There was a beat of silence. “And there’s no way you can stay?” 

“No, my dad is being really uptight about it. He said if I stay behind then I’m totally on my own.”

“Wow, I guess sometimes having parents isn’t so great.” Naozumi said, raising his eyebrows. “So you need money to stay…”

While Naozumi began thinking through ways that Akito could make money, Akito was thinking about Naozumi’s comment.

I forgot Kamura has been on his own his whole life…

He supports himself with no parents…

“I know! You could go into show business like us! After we saw you at the rehab center, my manager was saying that he thought you had some real potential! And if you did that, you could support yourself!” Naozumi said excitedly.

“Are you joking? Please be serious.” Akito scoffed.  

“I was being serious…” Naozumi deadpanned.

Akito considered for a moment. He had no idea how Sana and Naozumi did what they did. When Sana had a quick turnaround on an acting project, she would bring her scripts to school so that she could work on memorizing them between assignments. It looked impossible, but somehow she always managed. Akito could never do that.  

“Yeah, I guess you don’t have the personality for it.” Naozumi said, interrupting Akito’s thoughts. “And you’d have to cut all your ties to your family… Right now let’s just think about helping Sana-chan get better. And since you’re the cause of her problems, it’s your job to be extra nice to her. Whisper sweet nothings to her! Give her your best smile! Make her feel that she’s truly loved!”

Akito had no idea how to be the princely type, like Naozumi. He felt hopeless, and the expression on his face must have betrayed as much.

“I guess that stuff doesn’t come easily to you?” Naozumi said with a raised eyebrow.

“Nao, we need to get going!” came the call of Naozumi’s manager, who had just parked their car on the sidewalk outside of the Kurata’s gate.  

“Ah… duty calls.” Naozumi said with a small smile. “I’ve got to get to work, but I’ll keep thinking about what we can do. Good luck. Tell Sana-chan I said goodbye.”

With a wave, he got into the car and disappeared. Akito turned around and headed back to the house. Once he was back inside, he wasn’t sure where to go. The large home felt empty. He padded forward to the living room, but no one was there. He stood awkwardly in the hallway, trying to figure out where to go, when Shimura emerged from a doorway.

“Oh, Hayama-kun! Would you like to see Sana-chan? She and Misako-san are working on her homework in her bedroom.”

Akito nodded in thanks, and then made his way there.   

“Hayama! I’m glad you’re still here.” Sana said, her voice cheerful although her face didn’t match. “What were you and Naozumi-kun talking about, hmmm?” she said in a teasing tone.

“… stuff.” Akito replied awkwardly, glancing at Misako.  

Misako took the hint, standing up. “Hayama-kun, would you help Sana finish her homework?” she asked.

Akito nodded, and Misako left them alone. Akito pulled up a chair and sat at the table, pulling one of Sana’s notebooks towards himself. He picked up a pen, adding a couple of notes to a nearly empty page on a book they had been reading for their literature class.  

“Wow, you’ve gotten really good at writing with your left hand now, huh?” Sana remarked.   

“Not great, but good enough.” Akito said absentmindedly, making another note.

“How’s your right hand? Is it getting any better?” Sana asked.

“No, it’s the same.” Akito said, finally looking up.  

“Oh…” Sana said. Somehow her blank face was subtly tinged with sadness. It was gone in a flash, replaced by the blank mask. Akito would never get used to seeing her so expressionless.  

Naozumi’s voice echoed in his head.

You’re the cause of it.

It was hard for those words not to cut him to his core. He would do anything to stay by her side, anything to bring back her radiant smile.

Whisper sweet nothings to her!

“Hey, uh…” Akito began, having no idea what to say. “… chocolate cake.”

“What did you say? Are you hungry?” Sana asked.  

Akito immediately felt self-conscious. “Forget it.” He said, waving his hand.

Give her your best smile!

Sana looked at him blankly, Akito returned with a slight smile – it didn’t feel natural on his face, and Sana was obviously confused.

“Don’t stare at me like that! Wanna fight?” she said, raising her fists.  

“Uh, no. Forget it.” Akito said with a sigh.

Maybe I have Doll’s Syndrome. He thought to himself. He felt like he was trying too hard. He reached across the table, opening Sana’s math notebook. Maybe he couldn’t be a white knight who brought flowers every time he came to visit, but he could do this.

He opened the notebook, scooting his chair so that they could both look at it together. 

“So you divide both sides by three…” he started.

“Hey, Hayama?” Sana interrupted.

“Yes?”

“I was thinking, would you kiss me?”

That was not at all what he thought she was going to say. It had been almost two weeks since their movie day date. But kissing her when she was sick, when there was something psychological going on with her? It felt… wrong.

“Don’t be stupid, I can’t just kiss you like that.” Akito said, shifting uncomfortably.

“Of course you can! You did it before!”

“That was different!”  

“And now you won’t do it when I want you to?” Sana huffed. “Fine, whatever. I’m never kissing you again.” She said with finality, then she began to giggle at her joke.

“Smile.” Akito said. It was somewhere between giving an order and begging.

“Huh? I am smiling, it’s funny.” She said, her blank face staring back at him.

“No, you’re not.” Akito said firmly.

“Not you too, why does everyone keep saying stuff like that? I’m getting really sick of it.”

“Then get mad!” Akito said, getting frustrated.

Sana turned to look at him, and then blinked slowly. Akito wasn’t sure what was happening, but all of a sudden her eyes closed and she began to tumble backwards out of her chair.

“Sana!” Akito cried, reaching his right arm behind her to catch her. But she slid out of his grasp, collapsing to the floor. Akito was by her side in a moment, gently propping her up.

He heard footsteps and then the door opened.

“What happened?! I heard a loud crash!” Rei said, his voice panicked.

“She just passed out in her chair and fell. She might have hit her head.”

“What?!” Rei said, crouching down next to them. “Sana-chan?”

She didn’t respond, and he carefully scooped her into his arms and carried her to her bed. Akito hovered anxiously next to him, his eyes glued to her face.

“It’s okay, she’s just sleeping.” Rei said. They looked at her in silence, then Rei turned and left the room, leaving Akito to be with his thoughts.

I tried to catch her, but my right hand is useless. I couldn’t support her at all…  

Akito looked at Sana’s sleeping face. She didn’t look like she did on the day they had napped on the couch together. Her breathing wasn’t as deep, her face didn’t look as relaxed.

He sat back down at the table, closing and stacking her notebooks neatly. He brought his knees to his chest, looking at Sana sleeping in her bed.

What should I do?

At some point, he fell asleep with his head on the table. He woke up to a finger poking him gently on the head. He stared groggily at Sana, trying to remember his whereabouts.

“Morning! I mean… night.” Sana said with a wave. “What are you still doing here? It’s late.”

“I wanted to talk to you properly before I go home.” Akito answered, rubbing his eyes.

“You do?”

Akito nodded, indicating to Sana that she should sit in the chair next to him.

“I wanted to say. When my dad said we were moving, all I could think about was you. So I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to leave you.” Akito said firmly. Of everything he wanted to say, he wanted her to understand that he didn’t want to leave her.

“But honestly, I was a little happy about the idea. Until now, when my dad has moved away for work, he always left us with relatives. We never really lived together like a normal family. So I was happy to hear that he wanted to keep us together this time.” He continued, daring a look at Sana, who stared blankly back.

“But I didn’t want to leave you. It was confusing. But then he didn’t even listen to how I felt. And now, I don’t want to go at all. Sana, I don’t want to go.”

“That’s not true, you want to go. You just said so.”

“It’s not a matter of wanting to go. No matter what I want, I can’t change it. Don’t you see? I have no choice! You’re the one who said that no matter what kind of painful things happen in the future, we shouldn’t run from them, because we would be together.”

“I did?”

Akito was starting to get frustrated. The one person in the world that he could confide in, the one person he needed to work this through with, wasn’t listening to him.

“Sana! I’m trying to figure this out, and it’s not easy. I want to talk to you about it. I don’t know what I should do anymore-“

“Just forget it, I don’t want to hear about it anymore.”

“How are we going to work this out if you won’t talk about it?!”

“Let’s talk about going to Dreamland instead.” She said, picking up the paper display to show him again.

“I’m not done talking about this!” The frustration was bubbling up in Akito, and he thought he might explode.

“I don’t want to talk about that.” She said, getting up from the table to leave.

I’ll be here, by your side.

“Sana! Snap out of it! This problem isn’t going away and we need to talk.” Akito said emphatically, his voice growing louder. He crossed the room to her, taking her by the arm.

She reacted as if she’d been burned, pulling away from him. “NO NO NO! I said I don’t want to!”

“SANA!” Akito yelled, trying to get her attention again.

“No, I won’t! Now go away!” She cried, yanking her arm from his grip and running across the room to Misako, who had appeared in the doorway.

A pit formed in Akito’s stomach as he saw that she was shaking with fear from their encounter.

“Sorry, Hayama-kun. That’s enough for today. I think you’re pushing her a little too hard.” Misako said firmly.

Rei swiftly escorted Akito out of the room, down the hallway, and to the entrance.

“Wha- Sana!” Akito called after her.

He needed to apologize for shouting. He needed her not to feel afraid.

“You need to understand that she’s really emotionally fragile right now. You need to be careful.” Rei said in a warning tone.

“She won’t talk about anything, she’s just running away from her problems.” Akito explained, feeling more like a petulant child than he had in years.

“Well, sometimes people need to escape their troubles. She’s tired from trying too hard. I’m sure she hasn’t told you, but I think she blames herself for what happened to your hand. She thinks she should have stopped you from going after Komori. She feels none of this would have happened. She thought that she would just try her hardest and get through things, just like always.” Rei explained.

“Excuse me, Okaa-San! Please make him better!”

“Let’s go ice skating!”

“She had so much stress piling up on her, she was starting to crack even before you found out you were moving. She had just been forcing herself to be as cheerful as ever. This syndrome was cured after only 15 days last time. So we need to be patient and trust her. Let’s not rush things, okay?” Rei said gently.

Akito wasn’t convinced, but he nodded. “Okay…”

Akito’s feet were heavy as he trudged back home. He couldn’t get the image of Sana shaking out of his mind. He hated that he had frightened her, but most of all he hated this.

“I’ll be there by your side.”

Akito kicked a nearby trashcan. He knew that on some level he deserved this – being separated from the girl he loved, his useless right hand – they were his punishments for the people he had hurt in his past.

He didn’t understand why his karma was impacting Sana this way. Sana – who cared so deeply for others, who couldn’t pass by someone who needed her help, whose smile lit up a room. She was so good… why was this happening to her?

Selfishly, he wanted his Sana back. The one who would argue with him, who would yell at him when he was being stupid, who had cried for him. He missed her expressions – the angry ones, the silly ones, the ugly ones. Most of all, he missed her smile.

It took a long time for Akito to fall asleep that night, so naturally he overslept. He barely managed to get his run in before it was time to go to physical therapy. He had thought that he was going for a quick check in with his doctor, but upon arrival he found out that they had a series of treatments for him to go through that day.

Akito went into the atrium to the payphone on the wall, sliding his phone card into the slot.

Rei picked up the phone on the receiving end. “Hello, Kurata residence.”

“Hi, it’s Hayama.”

“Ah, Hayama-kun, hello.”

“It looks like I’m going to be at the rehab center all afternoon.” 

“I guess you can’t come over then. Well, maybe it’s best. A doctor is here to see Sana. We’re not telling her that he’s a doctor, we’re just saying he’s an old friend of the family.”

“Okay. I’ll come by after karate tomorrow.” Akito said.

They made their goodbyes, and Akito hung up the phone.

If a doctor was coming by, then that meant that she must be really sick. Misako had been so determined that Sana would get better on her own… Akito was surprised that she was intervening with a doctor.

“Hayama-kun, it’s time for the ultrasonic bath!” His doctor called, interrupting his thoughts.

“Okay!” Akito said, following his doctor to the treatment room. Akito took the brace off of his right wrist, and his doctor wrapped two bands around his forearm. The doctor clicked a switch on a machine, which sent water through the attached tubes to the bands on his arm, which pulsed at varying pressures. The doctor picked up his clipboard and began making notes while this was going on. All Akito had to do was sit there, which was honestly pretty boring.

“Doctor, do you know anything about psychiatric problems?” Akito asked.

“Well, I studied psychiatry in med school, but it’s not my specialty. Why?”

“I need to know about treating emotional illnesses.”

“Really? Is there something bothering you?”

“No, not me. A friend of mine. Maybe me too. A little.”

“Well, illnesses caused by emotional problems are different in almost every case. There’s really no set way to cure any of them. Without knowing your friend’s case, it’s hard to know. Treatment may not look the same from patient to patient.”  

“I see.”

“Is your friend seeing a doctor?”

“I think so.”

“Then you should listen to what they say. But mainly it’s up to the patient to make themselves better. Although the support of the people around them will help. That doesn’t help, does it?”

“No, it does…”

When he returned home that evening, he called the Kurata house again so he could talk to Sana. He hoped that 24 hours was enough time for her to come around.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me. How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine. How was rehab today?”

“It was long and pretty boring.”

“I see.”

“I have karate tomorrow, but I’m gonna come over right afterwards, okay?”

“Oh, don’t bother. I don’t want you to go to the trouble.”

“It’s no trouble!”

There was a pause while Akito waited for Sana to respond.

“Hayama, we’re a strange couple.” She said finally.

“You’re the one who’s strange.” Akito said, calling back one of his most-used jokes.

“When did things get like this?” Sana sighed sadly.

“When I told you I had to move.” Akito said flatly.

“Oh, that’s why. I always thought that once we were able to be together, things would be great. But they’re not. Life was so much easier before we…” Sana trailed off.

Akito wondered if she had collapsed again. “Sana?” he said tentatively.

“Maybe this was all a big mistake.” She said softly.

Akito felt like all of the blood in his veins went cold. This could not be happening. Was she trying to break up with him?

“I don’t understand what you’re saying.” He lied.

“Neither do I.” She said, sounding like she was in a faraway place.

“Sana, you’re just tired. I’ll come over before karate tomorrow, okay? We’ll talk some more then.” Akito said quickly.

“Okay.”

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

After he hung up, Akito buried his face in his hands.

I don’t believe this. I don’t believe this. What’s going on? Sana?

“A… big mistake?”

It’s not like her to give up. This sucks.

He couldn’t lose her. Not like this. Akito went to sleep that night hoping that tomorrow would be a better day.

Little did he know, it would be much worse.

That morning Akito sped through the motions of his morning run and breakfast. He even threw a quick meditation into the mix, hoping that it might center him a bit for whatever Sana had to say that day. The whole morning he felt sick to his stomach, and he prayed that he could get her to understand how much she meant to him and how badly he did not want to break up.

Rei let Akito in and led him down the hallway to Sana’s room, where she was working on her homework. He stood in the doorway for a moment, watching her hyper-focused on her writing. She finally took notice of him, looking at him blankly.

“Who's that?” Sana asked, looking at Misako for an answer.

“Sana?” Akito said.

“You’re kidding, right? It’s Hayama-kun.” Rei said, his eyebrows raised.

“I don’t know him. Besides, I have homework to finish.” Sana said.  

“Sana? Hayama-kun came all the way over to talk to you.” Misako said, and Akito could see she was trying to keep her tone even – but her face was wrought with concern.

“I don’t know him. Mama, can you help me with my homework?” Sana asked, turning back to her notebook.

While this conversation was going on around him, Akito was starting to get angry. He had been understanding. He had been gentle. He had been patient, but there wasn’t enough time to continue coddling her. He couldn’t just wait around for her to forget him in her spiral.

“Kurata-san, can I talk to Sana alone please?” Akito said tersely.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.” Misako said back in the same tone.  

Fuck that shit.

Akito grabbed Sana’s wrist, yanking her to a standing position.

“Hey!” Sana objected, her face blank.  

“Hayama-kun! Wait!” Rei cried.  

“Come with me!!” Akito ordered.

And then they ran.

Chapter Text

This wasn’t the first time they had run like this – Akito’s hand around her wrist, dragging her down a flight of stairs or across the schoolyard. But this was the first time he didn’t know where they were running to.

“Hayama-kun! Stop him! Stop him!” he heard Misako yell.

“Yes!” he heard Rei reply, followed by the rapid sound of footsteps.

They went down the hallway, up a set of stairs, and into one of the first open doors Akito found. Once they were inside, Akito whirled around, taking Sana by the shoulders.  

“What do you mean, pretending you don’t know me?” Akito said, trying to look into her eyes, but she kept avoiding his gaze, struggling beneath his grip. “Stop joking around!”

“You’re scary!” Sana whined.  

“What?” Akito said, hurt.  

“Help, Rei-kun! Someone! There’s a scary person here!” Sana called.  

“Sana, you can’t be serious! Get a grip!” Akito said.

“Help!” Sana cried, wrenching herself from his grip and running out of the room.

I need the help… Akito thought to himself, before racing after her.

“There you are! Are you okay, Sana-chan?” Rei asked, as Sana nearly ran right past him.

“Don’t get in my way!” Akito yelled, speeding after her.

“Hayama-kun, calm down!” Rei exclaimed, grasping hold of Akito by the shoulders and pulling him to a stop.  

“Sana! Don’t run away from me!” Akito yelled after her. Rei turned Akito around and pushed him toward Misako, who had appeared behind them.

“Hayama-kun! I’m begging you, please don’t over do it.” Misako said emphatically. “Her doctor says we need to treat her gently.”

“I don’t want to be gentle! She’s being a brat, she’s trying to escape from reality. Why are you letting her do that?!” Akito snarled.  

Rei took Sana by hand and walked her out of the room. A silence fell between Akito and Misako.

“If we push her too hard it could break her!” She said in a low, threatening voice.

“So if she breaks, we will fix her!” Akito retorted, the volume rising in his voice.   

Misako’s normally calm demeanor shattered in an instant. “And what if you can’t?!” she raged. “She isn’t a thing! It’s irresponsible to speak about things you know nothing about!”

Akito felt the gravity of her words – he could hear the fear and anger in her voice when she had asked “And what if you can’t?”

Rather than continue yelling, Akito was silent. He was still feeling the adrenaline from the heightened emotions, and his heart slammed against his chest. Misako was trying to compose herself, taking several deep breaths before she spoke again.

“Hayama-kun, I realize that this is upsetting for you.” Misako said. “But I think it’s just temporary. She’s really confused right now. I think that subconsciously, she thinks things will be easier if she just forgets about all of her problems. Try not to rush her. Just be patient and supportive, okay?” she asked.

Akito didn’t respond. Misako sighed. “Shouldn’t you be at karate now? You should go.”

“Okay. I’ll come back after.” Akito said, meeting her eyes for a moment, then turning and leaving the room. He retraced his steps down the stairs and down the hallway back to the front door. He noticed Shimura looking at him curiously from the kitchen, but she didn’t say anything, so neither did he. He put his shoes back on and left the house quietly.

He would try not to rush. But it was hard when he was almost out of time.

“Who’s that?”

“Just be patient and supportive, okay?”

Just be patient and supportive. Two words no one had ever used to describe him. Was he up for the challenge? He was sure Naozumi would be.

“I’m not your enemy.”

Akito wondered if Naozumi would be visiting Sana today.

I bet she knows who HE is… he thought darkly. He shook his head, deciding instead to put those thoughts out of his head and focus on what would make Sana better.

The walk to the dojo was long, and he kicked several trash cans out of frustration along the way. When he arrived, a couple of his fellow karatekas greeted him. He waved back, heading to the locker room to change. He put on his gi and went to the practice room. Sensei Kunimitsu greeted him warmly, handing him the familiar weight that he was to dangle from his wrist.

He kneeled in seiza, trying to make his wrist stronger, while the rest of his class sparred. All Akito could think about was the way Sana’s voice sounded when she didn’t know who he was.

This isn’t taking my mind off things at all… Akito thought to himself.

“Hayama, is there something you want to talk about?” Sensei Kunimitsu asked.

Akito imagined what it would be like to explain to him what was going on.

“Well, my girlfriend is so depressed that she can’t smile, sleeps all the time, and doesn’t even recognize me, what should I do?”

He quickly decided against it. Sensei Kunimitsu’s mind would be blown that he had a girlfriend at all.

When Akito didn’t respond, Sensei Kunimitsu spoke again. “You’ve been very patient.” He said kindly. “Are you ready to try some sparring again? I’ll be your partner.”

Akito looked at him, shocked. Then he began to nod fervently. Sensei Kunimitsu laughed.

“Okay, then, take off your brace.”

Akito took off his brace, feeling giddy as his feet tapped along the tatami.

Sensei Kunimitsu and Akito took their ready stances, Akito trying to center himself.

“Ready? Begin!”

It was clear from the outset that Sensei Kunimitsu was holding back, which disappointed Akito slightly. And it wasn’t long before Akito’s excitement turned into frustration when he realized that he wasn’t just rusty, he was no longer fully capable. With his right hand out of commission, he couldn’t block, he couldn’t punch, and he couldn’t jab. Worse than that, he felt like a safety concern to his fellow karatekas, with his hand flailing about he was likely to hurt someone else.

After their match, Akito and Sensei Kunimitsu bowed to each other, and Akito tried to keep the crippling disappointment off of his face.

He could see Sensei Kunimitsu trying to approach him after class, but Akito made a quick getaway for the locker room. He didn’t want to talk about it.

It’s hopeless. My hand is useless. I can’t do karate if I can’t even make a fist.

Akito couldn’t remember the last time things had felt so dark. It must have been before Sana. Everything had felt different since Sana came into his life. Fuyuki’s sudden hospitalization. Having to face the consequences of the people he had hurt. His paralysis. All of it had felt bearable because Sana was in his life.

Whenever I felt like this before, when I saw her smile it gave me the strength to keep going.

His feet felt especially heavy as he made his way to the Kurata’s home. He was dreading seeing Sana again. After the disappointment of karate, he wasn’t sure he could bear her blank face staring at him without a trace of recognition.

I bet she still won’t recognize me. Akito thought glumly, as he approached the gate. He was about to round the corner, when Naozumi passed by him quickly.

“Kamura?” Akito asked, surprised.

“You’re late!!” Naozumi yelled, tears streaming down his face.  

“Kamura, why are you crying? What happened?” Akito asked, taken aback.

“Go ask Sagami-san. He was listening at the door.” Naozumi sniffed. “Oh, I almost forgot. I brought you these counseling books.” He said quickly, changing the subject. “I thought they might help you with Sana-chan. There’s stuff about how a counselor gets a patient to talk. You just let them talk until they figure out their feelings. Anyway, I thought you could use them to help her.” He finished, wiping his eyes.

Akito took the books from him, looking over each of the covers. “Thank you.” He said, as sincerely as he could.

“Tomorrow, I leave for Egypt.” Naozumi announced.

“Egypt?!” Akito exclaimed.

“And when I return, I will be a man. Men don’t cry over these things!” Naozumi said, nodding sagely.

Akito was more confused than ever. What had happened while he was at karate?

“Hayama-kun, I think you’re the only one who can help Sana-chan. So please don’t give up.” Naozumi said, giving Akito a small smile. Then he turned and headed down the street. After a few paces, he stopped, then turned back to look at Akito.

“Oh, Hayama-kun? You’ve seen those three little moles on Sana’s butt, right?” Naozumi asked, looking smug. Then he walked away.

“Hey!!” Akito called after him. How does he know about those?!

“Later!” Naozumi said, waving a hand.

“Nao, hang on! Wait for me!” said Naozumi’s manager, racing after him. Seeing Akito, he stopped. “Oh, Hayama-kun, would you be interested in modeling or acting?”

“Uh… no.” Akito said, looking confused.

“Damn. Oh well.” Said Naozumi’s manager. “By the way – Nao knows about the moles from her baby photos, that’s all.”

Somehow, Akito felt relieved by that.

He knocked twice on the door. Rei answered almost immediately.

“Ah, Hayama-kun, how was karate?” Rei asked awkwardly.

“It was fine.” Akito said, taking off his shoes. “Apparently I’m supposed to ask you why Kamura just left here crying?”

“Yes…” Rei said, trailing off. “That is…”

“What is it?” Akito asked, raising an eyebrow.

“That is, Naozumi-kun told Sana-chan he was going to Egypt for a work trip, and Sana-chan asked to go with him. She seemed very fixated on the fact that he was coming back in about ten days. She said that maybe… she should have gone out with Naozumi-kun instead.” Rei said carefully.

“Oh.” Akito said. “And that made Kamura cry?”

“Yes.” Rei answered quickly.

Rei looked very uncomfortable. It was pretty easy for Akito to tell that he was lying. Something else had happened, but it was clear that Rei didn’t want to tell him about it.  

“I see.” Akito said slowly, looking at Rei rather intensely.

“Do you want to go see Sana-chan? She seems a bit better than this morning.” Rei offered, seeming desperate to change the subject.

“Sure.” Akito said. Leaving Rei at the door, he made his way down the hallway to Sana’s room.

Whatever had happened between Sana and Naozumi, he was sure he would learn one day. But at the moment, there were too many things going on. He simply couldn’t take the time to focus on that.

Akito stood in Sana’s doorway. She was standing in the middle of her room, crying. She wiped her eyes and then looked up and over at him.

“Hayama?” Sana asked, her eyes flickering with recognition.

“Hey.” Akito said softly, crossing over to her. She remembers me, that’s a relief.

“Hayama, I – I…” Sana began, struggling to get words out.

“It’s okay. Mr. Sunglasses told me.”

“I hurt Naozumi again. I’m the worst.”

“Sana, don’t worry. He’ll be fine. I think he’s the strongest of all of us.”  Akito said, trying to give her a small smile of encouragement. The tears continued to pour from her expressionless eyes.

“Hayama, I think there’s something wrong with me.” Sana said.

Akito was shocked. Was she really acknowledging her condition?

“Hayama? What’s going on? What’s wrong with me?” she asked again, her hands shaking as she wiped away her tears.

It was clear that it was hard for Sana to face what was happening, and it broke his heart to see her sick and crying. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know if he was allowed to acknowledge or point out her illness. So he took her into his arms, and she leaned onto his shoulder. He could feel her tears pooling onto the front of his shirt, but he didn’t care. For the first time, he felt a sense of relief and the first glimmer of hope. It felt like they were changing course, at last.  

“What can I do?” he asked softly. She merely sniffled in response.

“Tell me something.” He murmured into her hair.

“Like what?”

“Anything. Like a wish, or a worry.”

“A wish?”

“Sure.”

“I wish your hand was better.”  

“Your hand… it really won’t move?”

“Please make him better! Okaa-san?”

“How is your hand?”

“Hayama, how is your hand?”

“How’s your right hand? Is it getting any better?”

“I think she blames herself for what happened to your hand.”

Akito nodded, he should have realized that that would be at the top of her mind.

“Okay, well I’ll work really hard at physical therapy. What else?” he asked.

“I want us to go to Dreamland together.”

Dreamland again. This was not the first time she had mentioned it. And as much as Akito hated rollercoasters, if it was something that might bring her smile back, he would do it.

“Okay. We’ll go. How about this week? Anything else?”

Sana’s blank face looked somehow hesitant.

“Sana? You can tell me anything.”

She paused for another moment, took a deep breath, and said “Fuka. I think everything is okay between us, but I still feel guilty. I feel bad about what I put everyone through, and I wish things could be like they used to be. I hate feeling so tired and confused all the time.”

Akito nodded. He also hated what he put everyone through.

“But- but no matter what, I feel like I can get through anything if you’re by my side. Well, that’s how I felt, but then you told me you were going away. And everything just seemed so hopeless.”

Akito understood that particular feeling very well indeed.

I didn’t realize how much she was going through.

Akito pressed his forehead to hers, his left hand gently stroking her hair. Her small hands clung to the sleeve of his shirt. Akito lifted up her head, and looked into her eyes.

“I won’t leave you, Sana. I’ll stay right here with you.” He said, hoping that the words would make it through to her.

“But you can’t, Hayama, your father won’t let you.” Sana sniffled, resting her head on his shoulder.

“I don’t care what he says, I’m staying. So just try to feel better.” Akito said, stroking her hair.

“But I don’t understand. Get better from what? What’s wrong with me?” she said, her voice breaking.

All he could do was hold her close.

Chapter Text

Akito had hoped that Sana’a acknowledgement of her condition would be a turning point, but he was quickly disappointed. The rest of the winter break passed slowly. Save for the occasional karate class or physical therapy appointment, every day was pretty much the same. Wake up, go to the Kurata’s house, sit with Sana, watch her grow weaker and weaker, go home, read the psychology books that Kamura had brought him, try to sleep.

Sana’a condition began to affect her ability to eat. She couldn’t keep down the majority of what she was eating. Dr. Iwasaki brought in an IV to make sure that she was getting the essential nutrients that she needed. Akito overheard Misako and Rei discussing the possibility of a feeding tube in hushed tones. Shimura stood alongside them, silently weeping.

At this point, Sana was sleeping almost all of the time due to her body being so weak. Akito watched as her face began to thin and the color faded from her cheeks.

There was nothing he could do.

How could this happen to someone so full of life?

It all felt so unbelievably unfair. Sana was unfailingly kind. She gave so much of herself to others. She didn’t deserve this. Akito moodily began to wonder if this was more of his punishment for the wrongs that he had done in his past. Maybe going to LA would actually make Sana get better.

But the way her small hand would grasp tightly to his in her sleep made him too unwilling to take the risk.

He would stay there, by her side.

Although with winter break winding down, that was becoming less of a possibility. School was around the corner - and he doubted he would be able to skip for very long without his father finding out.

Not to mention, Misako was adamant that he not miss school.

“Your education is of utmost importance.” She stressed. “Sana wouldn’t want you to miss out on any more school - she was already concerned about your studies with how long you were in the hospital.”

Akito nodded in response. Misako looked at him thoughtfully for a moment.

“It might be all right to let some of Sana’s friends know what’s going on, if you’re sure you can trust them.” She said finally.

Akito nodded again. “We can trust them.”

The next day was the first of the new school term. After weeks of visiting the Kurata’s every day, Akito’s usual school routine now felt foreign to him. He sat on the ground in his bedroom, trying to quiet his mind to meditate but it was no use. Meditating just seemed easier when he was running.

After several days of not running, his muscles felt tight and it took longer than usual for his body to warm up. The cold wintry air stung his face and his hands. He tried not to obsess over what was happening to Sana, but it seemed to follow him no matter how far he ran.

The rest of the morning, Akito went through the motions. Tying his school tie, gathering his textbooks, eating breakfast with his family - all of it felt like a colossal waste of time. He couldn’t understand why his father cared if he went - as far as Fuyuki knew, Akito was starting over in Los Angeles.

Akito caught up with Tsuyoshi, Aya, Yunchi, and Fuka in the hallway before class. They all greeted each other warmly (well, as warm as Akito could manage). Fuka gave Akito a tentative smile, Akito raised his hand in response.

Shit. With everything going on with Sana, he had completely forgotten about Fuka. Thankfully, things didn’t feel too awkward.

As the group chatted animatedly about what they did over the Christmas break, one of the school office administrators approached Akito.

“Hayama-kun, please let your father know that the American school received your school records and are processing them.” They said.

“Okay.” Akito responded.

The administrator waved awkwardly to the group before heading on their way.

“They sent off your school records?” Tsuyoshi asked.

“Yeah.” Akito said with a shrug.

“So this is it? You’re really movin’…” Fuka remarked.

“Hayama-kun?” Yunchi sniffed.

“I’m sad to see you go, but it’s not like you’re going to the moon!” Aya said, her voice wavering.

Sensing the heavy cloud of sadness that had entered the conversation left Akito unsure of what to say. Thankfully,  Fuka stepped in.

“Totally! LA’s not like a zillion miles away or somethin’.” She said, clapping her hands together. “You can just hop on a plane and be there in ten hours!”

“Yeah, she’s right. Why am I crying?“ Tsuyoshi said, wiping his eyes.  

The group murmured their agreement, and Akito gave Fuka a grateful look. She gave him a brief smile back, before changing the subject.

“So, how’s Sana-chan? She must be workin’ like mad, we never see her.” She asked.

“Um…” Akito said, unsure of how to begin. “Tsuyoshi, Sugita, Fuka – come with me.”

“Why can’t I come?!” Yunchi whined.

“Because you and Sana have never met?” Akito answered, his eyebrows raised.

“We’ll, we would have if she was ever in school…” Yunchi mumbled, irritated. “Fine, I’ll see you in class. Later!” He said, turning away. As he did, some other boys from their class appeared and Yunchi easily fell into step with them. Akito breathed a sigh of relief - he didn’t want to see Yunchi sadly slink off to home room. Thankfully, Yunchi was a generally cheerful guy, and his bounce back rate was almost faster than Sana’s. It was probably better they hadn’t met yet, actually… That might be too much positive energy for the room.

Akito waved to the others to follow him outside to a quiet corner. They followed obediently, but Akito could hear Tsuyoshi and Aya whispering to each other.

They group stood in a small circle, looking at Akito expectantly. He sighed, unsure of where to begin.

“Well?” Fuka asked, her eyebrows raised.

“Umm….”

Aya shivered, the air outside was cold.

“Akito-kun, is Sana-chan alright?” Tsuyoshi asked cautiously.

“No.” Akito said finally. “She’s really sick.”

“What kind of sick?” Fuka asked quickly, her voice concerned.

“Sick in the heart.” Akito said quietly. “It’s psychological. She has been really stressed and worried for a long time, and so she lost the expression in her face.”

“Lost the expression in her face?” Aya repeated, confused.

“I know it sounds weird. Her mom calls it “doll’s syndrome” - it happened once when she was little.” Akito explained. “Basically, her voice and her personality are completely normal but there’s no expression on her face.”

“How long has this been going on?” Tsuyoshi asked.

“Since we left you at the cafe on New Year’s Day.” Akito replied.

“What?! I thought we didn’t see Sana because she was working so hard. I figured you guys were happy and wanted some time alone!” Aya exclaimed.

“She must be really sick then, huh?” Fuka whispered.

A hushed silence fell over the group. Akito didn’t know what to say or to do, but in a strange way it was nice. He hadn’t realized how alone he had felt, not talking to anyone about what was happening. Being able to tell his friends granted him a little bit of relief.

“But if it’s not physical, then that means she’s well enough for us to all visit her, right?” Tsuyoshi asked hopefully.  

“Yeah, maybe it would cheer her up!” Aya said, smiling.  

“Yes! Let’s cheer up Sana!” Fuka exclaimed, pumping her fist into the air.

“Okay. I’ll call Sana’s mom after school and see if it’s okay.” Akito said. “But don’t get your hopes up, she’s very… protective… of Sana right now.”

School went by slowly - and any moment that class wasn’t in session Akito had his nose stuck in one of the psychology books that Kamura had brought him.  

After school the group dutifully walked to the nearest phone booth for Akito to get permission from Misako. Misako tentatively agreed, but said that if it seemed that Sana was pushing it, she would have to ask them to leave. Fuka, Tsuyoshi, and Aya agreed, and the group made their way to the Kurata’s house.

“Hi, guys! Long time no see.” Sana said with a wave. As usual, her face was completely expressionless. Akito had almost grown used to it, but the others were shocked.

Tsuyoshi managed to speak first. “Uh, yeah, it’s been a long time.” He said lamely.

“What’s goin’ on?” Fuka said softly, sinking down by Sana’s bedside. “You’re so skinny...” she said, looking over Sana’s hollow cheeks and bony arms.

“It’s nothing, I’ve just been tired a lot lately. So they gave me an IV.” Sana replied with a shrug.

Akito stood back as their three friends sat by Sana’s bedside, asking her questions and telling her about what they did over the winter break. Misako appeared in the doorway briefly, her fan covering the lower half of her face. She made eye contact with Akito, then left the room.

A little while later, Aya’s stomach began to rumble. Fuka and Tsuyoshi laughed at Aya’s bright red face.

“I’m so embarrassed!” She exclaimed, covering her face.

“Nah, you’re just hungry.” Fuka said with a grin. “Let’s go get some snacks!”

“I don’t think I can go…” Sana said, indicating the IV in her arm.

“That’s okay! We’ll bring the snacks to you.” Fuka said kindly, patting Sana’s hand. “What sounds yummy?”

“Um… cake?” Sana asked.

“Perfect.” Fuka said, standing up. Aya and Tsuyoshi stood up as well, gathering their coats.

“See you soon!” Aya said, following Fuka out of Sana’s bedroom. Tsuyoshi began to follow them, but hesitated in the doorway.

“Akito-kun?”

“I’m staying here.” Akito said. “I don’t want anything.”

Tsuyoshi nodded in response, Sana and Akito could hear his footsteps quickly echoing down the hallway as he hurried to catch up with Fuka and Aya.

Alone at last, Akito crossed to the chair by Sana’s bed, kissing her forehead as he sat down.

“How are you feeling today?” Akito asked.

Sana shrugged. “The same. How’s your hand today?”

Akito shrugged. “The same.”

They both exhaled a little, and Akito gave Sana a small smile. He knew that if she were herself, she would give him one back. Instead she gave him the same blank look he had seen for weeks.

Sana sighed, laying back on her pillow. “I don’t know why I’m so tired.”

“Take a nap. They won’t be back for a while.”

“Will you stay with me?”

“Yeah.”

Sana closed her eyes, and Akito held her hand. It was all starting to feel routine.

Akito hated that.

It didn’t seem fair that in order to get a lot of quality time with his girlfriend, she had to be this sick.

Akito rested his head on the bed, dozing off and on. He thought about getting one of the psychology books out of bag, but in order to do that he would have to let go of Sana’s hand. Not wanting to disturb her, he stayed where he was.

About an hour later, he could hear the opening of the front door and the chattering of their friends grow closer to Sana’s bedroom. Akito squeezed Sana’s hand.

“They’re back.” He said quietly, as Sana began to stir from her slumber.

She tried to sit up on her own, but struggled. Akito helped her sit up.

“Can I go to the table?” She asked.

Akito nodded in response, helping her swing her legs over the side of the bed and get to her feet. Akito slid an arm around her waist, using his left hand to drag the IV along with them. Sana wrapped both her arms around his waist - Akito’s right arm dangled useless at his side. Together they managed to shuffle across the floor to the table. Sana all but collapsed into the chair, immediately starting to shiver. Akito rolled the IV stand next to her, then went back to her bed to grab a blanket. He awkwardly shook the blanket out with one hand, trying to smooth it over her legs, but struggling with one hand.

“Let me help.” came Aya’s voice from over his shoulder. He hadn’t heard the others come back into the room. Aya kindly but firmly nudged Akito out of the way, adjusting the blanket on Sana’s lap. Fuka and Tsuyoshi began to unpack the bags of snacks that they had brought.

“Thanks.” Akito said awkwardly.

“Yeah… thanks.” Sana echoed, her expressionless eyes watching as their friends busied themselves with preparing their snacks.

“Isn’t this awesome? They’re from this new place right near your station.” Fuka said, opening the boxes of tiny cakes.

“Yeah, they’re so cute!” Sana said, pulling one slice towards her.

Looking at the assortment of cakes on the table made Akito’s stomach rumble too.

“I’m hungry, can I have some?” Akito asked.  

“Sure, which one would you like? Aya said cheerfully.

“Doesn’t matter, whatever is fine.” Akito replied.  

“Hey, Sana-chan, we need chairs!” Tsuyoshi said, looking around the room for other seating options.

“Boys can sit on the floor!” Aya said primly, giggling with Fuka and Sana.

Akito could hear Fuka telling Sana about some comics that she brought for her as he left the room to find two more chairs. By the time he returned, the table was almost completely covered in food. “Hey, where’s my cake?” He asked indignantly.

Tsuyoshi put down his spoon quickly, his mouth full. “I don’t know.” He said in a muffled voice.

“Sugita, did you give my cake away?!” Akito grumbled.

“You said you didn’t mind which one, and there was only one strawberry left!” Aya said defensively.

The group laughed as Akito grumpily grabbed another piece of cake to eat. The atmosphere was lively and fun, but Akito couldn’t help but worry about Sana a little.

“Are you okay?” He asked quietly.

“Yes, I’m having fun. It’s so nice to see them.” Sana replied.

“Good, I’m glad.” Akito replied. And he meant it.

Finally, it was time for everyone to return to their homes for dinner. Fuka promised she would take notes for Sana while she was absent, and Tsuyoshi and Aya said they would bring more cake soon. Sana wrapped her blanket around herself and followed the group outside to see them off.

“I’ll be back tomorrow.” Akito said, giving her a quick hug, aware that their friends were watching. “You should go inside now.” He said.

“Okay…” Sana said, turning to head back to the house where Rei was waiting in the doorway.

That evening Akito ate dinner quickly, giving his family one-word answers to any questions that they asked him. He ran upstairs, zipped through his homework, and cracked open the next psychology book on the pile.

“He may find it impossible to engage in normal conversation or to attend to the simplest practical affairs. He may speak curtly and show none of his usual interests. These are emotional effects upon probability which might have been considered in Chapter X. They can occur, however, only when a stimulus characteristically precedes an aversive stimulus by an interval of time sufficiently great to permit behavioral changes to be observed. The condition which results is usually called anxiety.”

– BF Skinner, Science & Human Behavior

The next day, Tsuyoshi approached Akito by the shoe lockers.

“So, Akito-kun… your stuff must be all packed up, huh?” He asked.

“Yeah, I’m still pretending that I’m going.” Akito replied, closing the locker and turning to head to their home room.  

“What?! Pretending?” Tsuyoshi exclaimed, following along behind him.

“I can’t just leave her like this.”

“But, Akito-kun, your dad…”

“As long as she’s not well, I’m staying with her. Even if my dad wants to disown me.” Akito said firmly.

Tsuyoshi was quiet for a moment, and Akito knew that he was processing. “She’ll be okay.” He said at last. Almost as if he was saying it to himself and not to Akito.

“Yeah.” Akito said flatly.

Akito, Tsuyoshi, and Aya made their way to the cafeteria to meet Fuka for lunch. She was standing with a group of her friends from gymnastics, and they were all looking inside a white box with the word “CREAMY” on the side.

“They’re so cute!” One girl cooed.

“They’re soooo good.” said the girl holding the box.

“I’ve been wanting to try them, but the line is always so long.” Fuka replied.

“What is it?” Tsuyoshi asked, interested.

“They’re cream-filled mochi from CREAMY.” Fuka explained.

“Oh, I’ve heard of those!” Aya said. “They look delicious.”

“Let me see.” Akito said, peering over the group to see into the box.

They were little mochi dumplings which he supposed were filled with cream. The girls were squealing over the cute faces that were drawn onto the mochi. From his perspective, they were the most ridiculous things he had ever seen - it was hard to understand what girls found cute.

Fuka said goodbye to the gymnastics girls, and she and Aya walked on ahead to find them a table. Tsuyoshi turned to Akito, his eyes flashing.

“Akito-kun, we have to go get those!”

“What? Why?” Akito scoffed. “I bet a milkshake is cheaper AND tastier.”

“Aya-chan wants to try one! It’d make a perfect present!”

“What’s the occasion?”

“There is no occasion! I just love her!” Tsuyoshi replied, his eyes glazed over with affection.

“Seems like a lot of trouble for some weird looking snacks.”

“You should get some for Sana-chan and bring them when you visit today!”

“I won’t have time before karate today.”

Tsuyoshi’s eyes narrowed. “Liar. You don’t have karate today.”

Damn. Akito had forgotten that Tsuyoshi basically had his schedule memorized.

“Fine.” Akito grumbled.

“What are you two gals gossipin’ about?” Fuka called, waving to them from the table that they selected.

“Nothing!” Tsuyoshi said, hurrying over to them with Akito trailing behind.

After school, Tsuyoshi made up a lame excuse for not walking Aya home and met Akito in front of the school. They made their way to CREAMY - the line circled through the store and out onto the sidewalk. It was a massive crowd of people. They waited in the line, talking along the way. Akito bought a box of cherry flavored mochi for Sana, and Tsuyoshi picked out an assortment for Aya, his sister, and his mother.

When Akito arrived at the Kurata’s later that day, Sana was sleeping. Akito noticed almost immediately that the IV was gone.

He was about to turn to ask Misako or Rei about it when he noticed Misako was already at his side.

“She hasn’t vomited in over twenty-four hours, so they took her off of the IV.” she replied, guessing his question before he could ask it.

“Good…” Akito replied, looking at Sana. He turned to look at Misako, but she had already disappeared.

Akito set the box of treats down on the table in Sana’s bedroom, then sat down in the chair next to her bed with one of the psychology books. Engrossed in his book, when Sana woke up with a start Akito couldn’t help but be jolted as well. Sana looked around, silent tears rolling down her expressionless face.

“You’re crying. Were you having a bad dream?” Akito said, using his sleeve to wipe her eyes.

“I don’t know. I don’t remember.” Sana said.

“Look, I brought you something. It’s cherry flavored mochi with cream filling.” Akito said, pointing to the box.

“It’s what?”

“All I know is they’re really popular. I had to stand in line to get them.”

“You stood in line? You?” Sana giggled, getting up and walking over to the box. She took a bite of one. “Hey, this is good.”

Akito took one out of the box and took a bite. “Maybe they are worth the hype.” Akito mumbled, taking another bite. He still thought they were funny looking though.

“I worked out how we’ll get to Dreamland.” He said, pulling a railway schedule from his bag.

“You did?”

“Yeah. It’s pretty far, so we’ll have to leave early. When do you want to go? We have to consider your health, too-“

Sana made a strangled sound.

“I’m sorry. It was good, but…”

“You need to be sick?”

“Yes…”

“Hold onto me.” Akito said, wrapping his left arm around her waist. He intended to help her get to the bathroom, but it quickly became clear that he wouldn’t be able to get her there fast enough.

“Mr. Sunglasses!” Akito yelled.

“What is it?!” Rei exclaimed, rushing from down the hall to Sana’s side. He quickly scooped Sana up and rushed her to the bathroom. Akito watched them go.  

It should be him, helping Sana when she was sick. Him holding back her hair. Him comforting her.

But he couldn’t do anything. Not like this. Not with one hand.

Rei brought her back to the bedroom, laying her back in bed. Within seconds she had fallen asleep again.

The doorbell rang, Akito looked at Rei quizzically.

“Dr. Iwasaki, Sensei’s psychologist friend, is coming again. You should come meet him.” Rei offered.

“Okay.” Akito replied, following Rei down the hallway.

 Misako, Shimura, and Dr. Iwasaki were all sitting in the living room, tea on the coffee table. Rei took a seat next to Shimura. Akito hung back, leaning against the windowsill.

“How’s Sana-chan today?” Dr. Iwasaki asked.

“She got sick again, she’s sleeping now.” Misako answered.

Akito raised his eyebrows - that had just happened, how could she possibly know that?

Mother’s intuition was weird.

“Dr. Iwasaki, before you speak to Sana-chan, can I make an observation?” Rei asked. “When Kurata-sensei’s last book came out, we had some problems. I think Sana was afraid of losing her mother, and she got really stressed out.”

“Yes, I remember.” Dr. Iwasaki replied.  

“And now she’s stressed out about a lot of things, but the most crucial is that Hayama-kun has to move to the United States with his family.” Rei continued. “I think that her panic is mostly triggered when she thinks someone might leave her. I would think that if anyone would understand that being physically separated doesn’t mean you lose them emotionally, she would, but… “

“It may be that she can’t fully trust in the bonds between people.” Dr. Iwasaki offered.

“That’s not her problem!” Akito interrupted. “At least, I don’t think so…”

“It’s just a theory.” Dr. Iwasaki said, giving Akito a sidelong look. “It’s possible that her problems could be physical manifestations of her fears. Even though those fears may be subconscious. It’s not uncommon for people to be affected by a dormant memory. Something that they don’t remember, but something that was so stressful it has branded into their subconscious.”

What a load of crap. There’s no way that they’re buying this shit, right? Akito thought, looking around. But Misako, Rei, and Shimura were sitting at the edge of their seats in rapt attention. The doctor continued.

“It’s possible that she believes, not so much in her head as in her body that the bonds between people are easily broken. In Sana-chan’s case, she underwent a very unpleasant experience when she was born.”

“Could that mean… you’re saying that what’s affecting her now is the memory of her birth?” Misako said, growing pale.

“It’s very possible. She may be reenacting her fear of being abandoned.” Dr. Iwasaki replied.

Now Akito was angry. The five of them could hypothesize all day long about what triggered this, but that didn’t help them NOW. Sana was wasting away before their eyes, and waxing poetic about the circumstances of her birth wasn’t going to fix anything.

“Bullshit. That’s a load of crap. Stop talking about things you don’t understand.” Akito growled.

“Hayama-kun!” Rei objected.

“I don’t care what happened when Sana was a baby! Even if your theory is true, who cares? Just tell me what I should do!” Akito yelled, banging his fist on the window sill.

There was a beat of uncomfortable silence. Dr. Iwasaki spoke first. “All right. Let’s think of that together.” He offered.

“Hayama-kun, it’s getting late. Can I take you home?” Rei asked pointedly.

“No. I’ll come back tomorrow.” Akito said, stalking off.

He slid his shoes back on and left in a huff. He was in the mood to slam the front door, but opted not to out of respect for Shimura.

He couldn’t believe this guy. Was he even helping Sana? What was the point of her talking to him anyway? Akito desperately wished that someone would just tell him what to do to make her better.

“I believe we accept too indifferently the fact of infantile amnesia – that is, the failure of memory for the first years of our lives – and fail to find in it a strange riddle. We forget of what great intellectual accomplishments and of what complicated emotions a child of four years is capable.”

 – Sigmund Freud, The Psychopathology of Everyday Life

The next day Akito arrived back at the Kurata’s home. Anyone else might feel sheepish returning to the scene of an outburst like the one Akito had had, but he felt justified in his response. Neither Rei nor Misako said anything about it, so he didn’t either.

Akito could hear Sana’s voice as he approached her bedroom. “Is Hayama here?” She asked.

“Yes, but you don’t have to get up.” Misako replied.

Akito entered the room to see Sana shaking her head, scooting up to a seated position. “I’m fine.” She insisted.

Misako stood up, stroking Sana’s hair gently. She nodded at Akito, leaving the room.

“Don’t you have school?” Sana asked, her voice cheerful but her face the same.

“It’s Sunday.” Akito replied.

“It is?”  

“Have you been able to eat?”

“A little!”

A few minutes later they were situated at the table, homework spread out around them. Shimura brought tea and left them to work.

After a few minutes of silent work, Sana spoke up.

“Hey, Hayama?”

“Hmm?”

“I was thinking… we have to be separated because we’re just kids, right? That’s why your dad is making you go.”

“Yeah…”

“I wish we were grown up so you could stay…”

“Yeah.”

Sana stood up suddenly. Akito was alarmed by how well she was moving unassisted, considering how hard it was for her to move just a couple of days before. She held a finger to her lips, then beckoned for Akito to follow her.

Sana crept down the hallway. She was quiet, but her movement was very conspicuous. Almost like she was doing a charade of the word “sneak.” Akito followed along behind her, walking normally.

Sana turned the corner into the kitchen, heading to a cabinet in the corner. She opened it and pulled out a bottle of sake. Akito raised his eyebrows.

“I know how you feel, Sana. But what are you doing?”

“We’ll pretend we’re adults, okay?”

“Look, I tried drinking and smoking when I was five. It’s out of my system already.”

“What kind of five-year-old were you?”

Sana opened the bottle, sniffing the contents.

“Yuck, it smells like alcohol.”

“Of course it does…”

“Well, I can deal with that.” She said, taking a swig.

As immediately as the alcohol touched her lips, she spit it back into the container. Akito grimaced - hopefully it wasn’t a nice sake.

“I told you so.” He said.

“Bleagh! That stuff’s awful! It’s so nasty! Gross!” Sana said, shaking her head. “Why do grownups drink that stuff? I don’t get it.”

They headed back to Sana’s bedroom.

“I don’t know about you sometimes. Pretending to be grownup won’t really make us grownups, you know.” Akito said, shaking his head.

And then he looked up.

And what he saw freaked him out.

Sana took off her dressing gown, leaving it in a pile on the floor. She was left in a flimsy nightgown with matching shorts. She sat down on the bed, kicking back the covers.

Akito closed the door quickly behind him, his back against the door. He had seen her pajamas before and these were NOT the same.

“Sana, what are you doing?” He gulped.

“It’s all right! Come here. What are you waiting for?” Sana said, patting the bed next to her.

“Sana, stop joking around! Enough is enough!” Akito said, trying to avert his eyes.

Sana hopped off the bed and crossed to him, taking his hands in hers.  

“I’m serious.” She said softly. She stood on her toes, pressing her lips to his softly. “Let’s be adults, Hayama.”

Akito lost himself completely in that kiss. There was a voice of reason somewhere in the back of his head that told him that this was probably not a good idea. There was too much uncertainty around Sana’s condition.

But he was hardly able to give those thoughts any weight when Sana was unzipping his hoodie and pushing it off of his shoulders. When she was tugging at his t-shirt and running her hands along his stomach. When his hands were in her hair and her smell was all around him and he was gone.

She pushed his shirt up and over his head, it fell to the ground by his hoodie. She took him by the hand and back onto her bed. They sat in front of each other, exchanging slow, lingering kisses. Something about this felt more tentative than past times that they had made out. Akito tried to ignore the fact that her face was immobile, it was easy to do so when she kept pulling his face close to hers to kiss her again and again. She wrapped her fingers in his belt loops and tugged, Akito followed the movement until he was hovering over her, his arms caged around her.

Her eyes gazed up at him, and he was entranced by how beautiful she was. The kissing had brought some color back to her cheeks. He kissed her again, unsure of where you were supposed to begin. Tentatively, he pressed his lips to the side of her neck. She giggled.

He ran his fingers across her shoulder.

She giggled.

He raked his fingers through her hair.

She giggled.

“How can we do this if you’re gonna keep laughing? You’re too nervous.” He said finally, sitting back.

“It tickles! I can’t help it.” Sana replied, sitting up.

“We should stop this, your heart’s not in it…” Akito said.

My heart’s not in it… he thought to himself. He felt crazy, but he couldn’t push away the feeling that this wasn’t right.

“I’m sorry.” Sana said softly.

“It’s okay. Besides…” Akito trailed off.

“What?”

“Oh, never mind. Don’t worry.”

Even for someone with experience, it would be hard to only have one hand…

Sana traced a finger over the large scar on his right arm, trailing her fingers down until she was holding his right hand in both of hers.

“Hayama, show me how they massage your hand at physical therapy.” Sana said.

“What? Oh, they press right here, like this. See?” Akito said, showing her.

“Like this?”

“Yeah.”

Despite the strange circumstances, this was really nice. With anyone else he would have felt vulnerable having his surgical scar and limp hand exposed. With Sana, he just felt safe. There was a new sense of intimacy that washed over them by sitting like this together. Together, on a bed. Together, on a bed, with less clothes than usual. Akito would use this memory to fuel a daydream that he would come back to over and over again.

A daydream of a future world where Sana was back to her usual self, where Akito didn’t have to wear the brace anymore. Where they were safe, alone, and happy. Where they were truly adults, bathing in the afterglow of doing what adults did.

Just then, there was a rattling sound and Rei’s voice at the door.

“Sana-chan? I thought you might like some tea.” He said, beginning to open the door.

“Rei-kun! That’s okay, we don’t need any tea! Wait!” Sana cried.

But it was too late. Rei had opened the door, he had seen them sitting on the bed (with less clothing than usual), and he had made the loudest sounds that Akito had ever heard. In a couple of steps, Rei had crossed the room and put his hands on Akito’s throat, threatening to throttle him.

“You perverted brat!” Rei swore.

“Rei-kun! Stop it!” Sana cried, tugging at his arm.

“What’s going on?!” Misako cried, standing imperiously in the doorway.

Rei released Akito and stepped back.

Misako waved her fan in front of her face. “Oh my… Is this before? After?”

“Failed attempt.” Akito dead panned.

“If you touched her!!” Rei cried, shaking his fist at Akito.

“Mama, don’t get mad at Hayama! It was all my idea! I took off my clothes first and invited him into my bed!”

“That’s my girl!”

“Sensei!” Rei whined, his voice cracking.

There was an uncomfortable silence while Misako looked at Akito and Sana. Akito couldn’t discern what her expression meant.

“Well, get dressed before you catch a cold.” Misako said, turning to leave.  

Akito and Sana glumly put their clothes back on and were escorted by Rei down the hallway to Misako’s office.

Sana took the lead on explaining her reasoning to Misako, and Akito was grateful. He didn’t know what to say anyway, and he was certain that whatever he came up with would probably make things worse anyway.

“You wanted to be grown up? Sana! Just doing something that adults do doesn’t actually make you an adult!” Misako said, tapping her closed fan on her desk in an irritated way.

“How was I supposed to know until we tried? You never know, it might have worked!”

“Did you at least have a condom?” Misako asked, her eyebrows raised.

There was a beat of silence.

“Um… no…” Sana said finally.

“But there’s other forms of birth control…” Akito added, looking at the floor.

“I see. Well at least you thought about it. What if something went wrong and you got pregnant?” Misako asked.

“I guess I could just abandon it.” Sana said, stifling a giggle behind her hand.

“That’s a good one!” Misako said, laughing with her.

They laughed together for a moment, until Misako suddenly regained her composure.

“It’s not funny, Sana.” Misako said seriously.

“You laughed…” Sana grumbled.

Turning her attention to Akito, Misako asked. “Hayama-kun, you’re thirteen now, right?”

“Yes.” Akito replied.

“Understand that I’m not mad at you two. But I’m sure you’ve heard what happens when people your age have babies. I’m saying this in the hopes that you’ll understand – if you want to have a long and happy life together, then I want you to take having sex seriously.” Misako said. “That’s all I’m going to say. Got that?” She added, looking directly into Akito’s eyes.

“Yes ma’am.” Akito replied, trying to be as respectful as he could.  

“Good answer. Sana?”

“But we don’t have a long time together!” Sana cried, running from the room.

Akito followed her, catching up with her just outside her bedroom door. “Sana! Hey! Wait up.”

“So when will we be grownups and get to choose our own lives? 20? Coming of age day? That’s so far away.” She sniffled.

“Sana, don’t cry. I told you I’d stay with you, didn’t I?” Akito said, taking her by the shoulders.

“But you can’t. I know you can’t. You have to go and be with your family. I know that. I know that, but… I’m so sleepy.” She trailed off, beginning to collapse.

Akito managed to catch her with his left arm before she hit the ground. It was harder to carry her when she wasn’t fully conscious, but Akito managed to drag her into the room and onto her bed. He carefully covered her with her blanket, and sat back down in the chair beside her bed. He held onto her hand.

Back to this familiar position.

It had been a crazy and emotionally charged afternoon. Somehow, he felt that lately he always ended up back here.

Sana slept for an hour or so, and then slowly opened her eyes.  

“Hayama, can I ask you a favor?”

“Sure. Anything.” He said with a small smile.

Sana then explained a rather crazy idea that she had had.

“Go away?” Akito repeated incredulously.

“Yes. Just the two of us. We’ll just take off. We’ll go somewhere far away. Someplace we can start over, like in an old song.”

“But we don’t have any money. My room in the hospital was so expensive that my dad told me not to expect any allowance for a long time.”

“Me neither. Not cash, anyway.” Sana said, looking around her room. “Oh wait! My piggybank. And I’ve got a checkbook too!” She said, pointing towards her desk. “And see, I read this manga all about eloping!” She said, pointing to the book on her nightstand. “Let’s do it! Let’s run away!”

Akito looked at Sana for a long time.

“Are you serious?” He asked, searching her eyes.

Sana nodded.

“Okay.” Akito agreed.

Akito left the Kurata’s quickly so that he could stealthily pack a few things from home. He packed a small duffel bag with the essentials, and then put it in an empty black garbage bag. Akito headed downstairs, Fuyuki was watching TV.

“Akito, how’s your packing going?”

“Fine.” Akito replied, opening the front door.

“Where are you going? It’s so late.” Fuyuki asked, the sound making him turn around to look at Akito.

“I’m taking out the garbage.”

“Oh, thanks.” Fuyuki replied, turning back to the TV.

Akito made it out of the front door and exhaled. And then he started running, which was probably a good thing because he heard his dad open the front door and call out something about clear garbage bags.

There was a narrow window where he and Sana would be able to make their escape. He felt, once again, like he was running out of time.

Akito met Sana outside of the station closest to her house.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Akito asked again when he saw her.

“Yes.” She answered, her voice steady.

“Okay.” He said.

The two of them made their way to the train platform, holding hands.  

Chapter Text

“Hey, you actually ate some of your bento. How do you feel?” Akito asked.

“I feel fine, and I have my pills in case I feel sick.” She paused for a moment, then let out a small groan. “I think I’d better take some.” She said, pulling the bottle from her bag.

Akito unscrewed a bottle of water and handed it to her. Sana took the pill with a quick swig of water.  

“So we’ll be there by morning?” Sana asked.

“Yeah.”

“This is fun, isn’t it? I should have bought snacks…”

“Tickets, please. Have your tickets out and ready.” The ticket master called through the train car. He stopped to look at the few other people in the car before stopping in front of Sana and Akito. 

“Tickets, please. Hey, aren’t you kids in junior high?”

“Yes, that’s right.” Akito said, passing him their tickets.

“Don’t you have school tomorrow?” The man asked, looking more closely at their tickets.

“No, it’s a holiday – for the principal’s birthday.” Sana explained.  

“I see…” The man said, punching a hole in each ticket, then handing them back to Akito. “So where are you two headed?”

“We’re going to our grandmother’s house.” Sana answered.

“Is this your friend?”

“I’m her cousin.”

“Are you kids okay by yourself?”

“Yes sir. We’ve taken this trip plenty of times. Don’t worry about us.”

“I see. Okay, well have a nice trip.”

“Thank you very much!” Sana said cheerily, although her face was still blank.

“I guess when you act totally calm, people don’t suspect you.” Akito whispered to Sana as the ticket master continued down the car.

Sana giggled in response, nodding.

“Although we still need to figure out where we’ll live and work…” Sana mused.

“Yeah.”

They sat in silence for a moment, considering what exactly that meant for them.

“Let’s worry about tomorrow, tomorrow!” Sana said finally.

“Right!”

“Let’s sleep!”

“Okay!”

Sana snuggled close to Akito, putting her head on his shoulder and holding his hand over his brace. Within a few moments, she was asleep. It seemed that all of the excitement had made her tired. Akito sighed, staring out the window. Because it was night, he couldn’t see much outside. He looked at his reflection, and at Sana’s. In some ways she seemed the most herself when she was asleep, although she looked less peaceful than she usually did.

He thought about what Sana had said about figuring out where they would live and work. He thought about his hand, and physical therapy. He thought about karate. He thought about Sana’s medication - what would they do when her pills ran out? He had no idea how much money Sana had access to. He knew that she worked a lot, and that she was paid well, but did she have ready access to all of that money? What kind of job would he be able to get with a limp hand?

In the end, he wore himself out from thinking too hard. He rested his head on top of Sana’s and fell asleep to the sound of her even breaths.

The next morning they awoke to the sounds of the other passengers getting off of the train. Realizing that this was their stop, they quickly gathered their belongings and followed the crowd. Thankfully the station wasn’t too busy, and they were able to orient themselves and find their way to the main road without issue. According to their research, there was a post office branch near the station where Sana would be able to withdraw her money.

Akito waited on a bench outside, sitting with their bags.

“Okay. Now that we’ve got plenty of money, let’s go!” Sana said, patting her purse and shoving another envelope into her bag.

“Okay.”

The two made their way back down to the station where they could get on a free shuttle that would take them to Dreamland. As they sat down on the bus together, Akito began to feel uneasy. He had no idea how much money Sana had taken from her account, and he didn’t feel comfortable asking. He didn’t have very much money to his name at all, and most of it had gone to their train tickets, which were rather expensive due to the distance.

Not to mention there was the very real fact that Sana was sick. Very sick. Just a few days before she had barely been able to walk without help, and now they were headed to a theme park.

“Sana, are you sure you feel alright? You look pale.” Akito asked, his anxiety mounting.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” Sana said, waving him off. She squealed and pointed out the window at the large Dreamland sign. “Hey, look! Wow, there it is! It’s so cute!”  

Sana was practically vibrating with excitement as the shuttle pulled up in front of the park entrance. Once the shuttle was parked, Sana all but raced off board, with Akito hot on her heels.

“Today let’s just concentrate on having fun! We’ll worry about our future later, okay?” Sana said, making a beeline for the entrance turnstiles. She handed a ticket to Akito and they both went through the brief line and into the park. Towards the front of the park there were some lockers to keep large items in. Sana rented one for their bags, locking it with a key attached to a rubber wristband. She put the key wristband on as a bracelet, but it almost immediately slid off because her wrists were so thin. Akito put it on his wrist instead.

“Whee, look! Hardly anyone’s here! Because it’s a weekday. And we have unlimited ride passes! Yay consolation prize!” Sana sang, dancing around the empty square in front of the big fountain at the entrance.

Well, I’m glad that we finally got here, she seems happy. If she has enough fun, will it bring the expression back to her face? Akito wondered.

Two women walked by, and Akito could hear them speaking in low voices to one another. “Hey, didn’t that girl look like Sana Kurata?” “No way, Sana-chan is much cuter than that! She’s always smiling.”

Akito scowled. Sana was cute regardless of if she was smiling or not, but maybe this was for the best. It lowered their chances of her being recognized.

“C’mon, Hayama, hurry up!” Sana called, she was standing by a large sign with a map of the theme park on it.

Akito jogged up to her. “What do you want to do first?” He asked.

“That.” Sana said decisively, pointing at an illustration of a roller coaster that wasn’t too far from where they stood at the front of the park.

Akito swallowed hard. He hated heights, but Sana loved roller coasters. So he would do his best to suck it up. And who knew? Maybe the sound of him yelling his head off would make Sana laugh and bring her smile back.

“Okay.” He agreed. Sana clapped her hands in delight, and they began to make their way to the first coaster of the day. Akito swallowed again as he looked up at the giant steel structure.

Because the park was essentially empty, they pretty much walked onto the ride, and were even able to ride in the front row, to Akito’s chagrin. Sana giggled and screamed the entire ride, Akito tried to keep from being sick. Throughout the ride he would try to look over at her face to see if she was experiencing any change to her expression, but her face remained the same.

As they walked off the ride, Sana was chatting animatedly. “Hayama, remember in sixth grade when we went to Ribon Land? I wonder how Mariko-chan is doing?”

“I wonder…” Akito echoed, trying to see if there was a water fountain nearby where he could splash his face.

If he was going to do a whole day in a theme park, he was going to need to get it together.

The next ride began as a slow roll through a forest decorated with fairies and gnomes.

“Oh, look at that!” Sana said, pointing out another scene.

Akito was less impressed. “This stuff’s for kids…” he grumbled. Although, it was better than a roller coaster.

“Don’t be a grouch!” Sana reprimanded.

As the ride rounded a corner, the cart came to a stop.

“Is it broken?” Akito wondered aloud.

He didn’t have long to wonder, because the hydraulics kicked in and the floor disappeared to reveal a rather steep drop. 

“Eeeee this is so cool!” Sana squealed as their cart hurtled down the track at a significantly faster speed.  

“Get me out of here!” Akito yelled.  

After a couple more slower paced rides, Akito and Sana found themselves sitting on a bench.

“I’m having so much fun, but I’m getting tired.” Sana said dejectedly.

“Go to sleep, then. You can rest on me.” Akito said, offering his shoulder.

“Okay, but get me up soon, okay?” Sana said, snuggling into him.

“Okay.” Akito said with a small smile. Within a few seconds she was asleep.

I guess it was stupid to think she might be cured just by coming here… and I don’t know if it’s really safe for her to be away from home like this.

When Sana woke up, she immediately began digging through her handbag.

“I almost forgot, I brought a camera! They can develop the pictures in an hour!” She said, finally fishing the camera and small tripod out of her bag.

“Uh, pictures?” Akito asked. It might be better not to… What if she sees her real face?

“You don’t want to?” Sana asked quizzically.

“No, it’s just… never mind.” Akito said, shaking his head. He couldn’t come up with an excuse that quickly, it would just be what it was.

Between rides, Sana would set up her camera to take photos in front of the different theme park landmarks.

“Smile!” Sana would say, clicking the button on her camera’s remote.  

By the end of the day, Akito had taken more pictures with Sana than he ever had before. He had also ridden more roller coasters than he had ever wanted to in his life. Between that day and Ribonland in sixth grade, he was set for life.

“We did it! We went on every ride.” Sana said, clapping her hands.

“Yup.”

“I feel great!”

“I’m glad.”

They returned to the lockers and gathered up their bags, then they sat on a bench near the shuttle bus stop.

“Sana, what do we do next? Should we find a convenience store and get something to eat?”

“Well, we should find a place to stay.”

“… Right.”

“I don’t think there’re too many hotels here, but we can probably find a room.” Sana said, flipping through the small travel guide they had brought along with them. “Century Plaza is closest.”

“Isn’t that place expensive?” Akito said, his anxiety spiking. “Are you sure we should stay there? I mean, we’re runaways…”

“Yeah, but everything else is so far.”

Akito sighed, resigned. “Okay, then. We’ll do whatever you like.” I think she needs to get to a bed.

“Okay, let’s see if we can get a room.” Sana said.

They were quiet on the shuttle bus ride back from the theme park. Akito spent the drive worrying. He wasn’t sure what resources they had, but blowing a large amount of it on a fancy hotel before they even had jobs didn’t seem like a good idea.

When they arrived back at the train station, Sana disappeared into the bathroom and came back in a different outfit. She was wearing a floral turtleneck and a long skirt with high heels. Her eyes were lightly lined in eyeliner and mascara. Her lips were pouty and glossed. She looked… different.

Akito wasn’t sure what to make of it.

Century Plaza was a close walk from the train station, Sana’s heeled clacked confidently on the sidewalk. Before they entered the lobby, Sana took a deep breath. Akito opened the door for her, and Sana marched confidently up to the reception desk.

“Hello. I’m sorry, we don’t have a reservation, but we had a sudden change in our travel plans. Do you have any rooms available?”

“Yes ma’am. We do have availability for the evening. Who is your companion?”

“My brother.”

“I see.”

Wow, she really is some actress.

“What is your name?”

“Mako Haneda.” She replied.

“Excellent.” Replied the concierge. “This is the room we have available, and its rate. Is this satisfactory?” He said, sliding a piece of paper across the desk to her.

Sana scanned the paper quickly, then nodded. “That’s fine. Thank you very much.”

“I’ll show you to your room, Miss Haneda.” Said the bellhop.

“Thank you, you’re very kind.” Sana said magnanimously.

Is this really okay? Akito wondered, as they followed the bellhop to the elevator.

Within a few minutes they had made it into their room, tipped the bellhop, and the door was shut closed behind them.

“We did it!” Sana said excitedly. My stylist showed me how to look about twenty with the right makeup. Pretty cool, huh?”

“I don’t know about twenty… maybe sixteen or seventeen.”

“What?! My disguise got us in, didn’t it?”

Akito put their bags on one of the two beds. “You should get some sleep, you must be tired.”

“In a minute. I need to take my makeup off and I want to change.” Sana said, digging through her bag for her toiletries.

“Don’t worry about that… who cares if you have makeup on?” Akito said, crossing his arms.

“Hayama, aren’t you hungry?” Sana said, changing the subject. “Order something from room service. I don’t need anything.” She said, heading into the bathroom.

“Okay…” Akito sighed, resigned. He picked up the menu on the nightstand, and felt like he was going to have a panic attack. Isn’t this kind of extravagant? We’re supposed to be runaways…  

Akito saw the envelope of developed photos sticking out of Sana’s bag. He picked them up and began to flip through them.

I knew it, no smile. Well, not on me either. But she really thought she was smiling…

Akito looked at the expressionless girl in these photos. It was strange, because her body was clearly posing for each photo but there was nothing on her face.

“Don’t confront her with her condition. Don’t push her too hard. She could break down.”

Akito frowned, quickly stuffing the photos back into the envelope.

I’d better not let her see these. He thought, sliding them under the bed.

Then he heard a crash from the bathroom. Akito’s breath caught in his throat as he quickly leapt across the room to the bathroom door. Sana had collapsed onto the tile and was breathing heavily.

“SANA!” Akito cried, dropping to his knees next to her.

“Really, I’m okay. I’m just tired.” Sana said, struggling to push herself to a sitting position.

Akito helped her sit up, then pressed a hand to her forehead. “You’re not okay, Sana! I think you have a fever.”

“Hold onto me.” He ordered, sliding his left arm under her armpits and lifting her to her feet.

Akito struggled to get her across the floor and into the bed. He then picked up the phone and began to dial.

“Who are you calling?” Sana demanded.

“An ambulance! We need to go to the hospital!”

“No! No, I won’t go! They’ll make us go back!” Sana said, grabbing at the phone.

“But Sana! You’re sick! I don’t know what else to do!” Akito cried, his voice rising.

“Don’t worry! I’ll take my pills and I’ll be fine. Please! Just a little longer…” Sana said, grabbing hold of his shirt sleeve instead.  

Akito slowly put the phone back on the receiver, searching Sana’s eyes. She immediately looked relieved, and promised that she would get some rest.

I want us to be together, but she’s getting sicker…

Akito sat on the edge of the bed, holding her hand until she fell asleep.

What should I do?

Akito got up, crossing the room to look out the window.

Somebody please tell me. I can’t think anymore. Her mom was wrong – being patient and gentle isn’t working. She just keeps getting worse.

Akito leaned against the window frame, eventually sliding down to sit on the windowsill. He held his head in his hands.

She just keeps getting worse.

At some point Akito fell asleep with his head resting against the window frame, physically and emotionally exhausted.

When he woke up, he wasn’t sure how much time had passed. The first thing he noticed was that Sana wasn’t in the bed anymore. The next thing he noticed was that the packet of photos was open on the bed and Sana stood in front of a mirror on the wall, staring blankly at herself.

Akito watched her silently for a moment. “If you see a smile in the mirror, it’s just in your head. You’re not smiling.” He said finally, choosing his words carefully. “You have a psychological illness.”

“What?” Sana said, turning to him.

“It’s not that unusual. I’ve been reading about mental health and psychology in these books that Kamura gave me. They’re common enough that there are medical names for all of the different syndromes – lots of people have them and don’t even know about it. I was probably one of those.”

“Hayama, what are you talking about? I don’t…”

Akito stood up, crossing to the photos on the bed. “I mean, if you count every single type of emotional illness you could say that everyone in the world has one. In your case, the symptoms are extreme.” He picked up a photo and held it out to her. “This is how you’ve looked since you got sick.”

Sana stared at the photo blankly for a few moments, and Akito dropped his arm. “Get better.”

“I don’t understand… ”

“I’m trying to tell you… you’re sick. You show no emotions on your face and you don’t even realize it.”

“I don’t know what you mean, there’s nothing wrong with me.” Sana insisted, turning away. “I’m just a little tired, that’s all. Why are you acting so weird?”

Akito dropped the photo on the bed and crossed the room to stand in front of Sana. “This is as much as I can take. If you can’t come back from this then I think I’ll have to break down along with you.”

“Hayama, you’re freaking me out. What do you mean, you’ll break down?” She said, her eyes darting around the room.

“Until you realize that you’re sick, you’re not going to get better.” Akito said, his voice tired.

“I can’t be mentally ill, what are you saying? I’m not that weak.” Sana scoffed, avoiding his eyes.

“You are. Look at yourself.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. We’re supposed to be having a good time. Come on, let’s have some fun!”

“You can’t run from this.”

“I’m taking a shower.” Sana said, turning toward the bathroom.

“Don’t run away from me!” Akito said, grabbing her shoulders and turning her back around to face him.

“I told you, I don’t want to talk about this! Let go!” Sana said, pushing his chest.

“You have to talk about it to get better!” Akito insisted.

“No! You’re going to leave me and go to LA! You could’ve at least let me have some fun until the end!” Sana cried, trying to wrestle herself out of his grip.

“You’re going to leave me.”

No.

No.

No. That wasn’t fair.

Akito felt something long repressed inside of him begin to bubble to the surface. Before he knew it, he was yelling. He was pushing Sana back into the wall. The sound of his loud voice sounded alien to his own ears. And he hadn’t pushed anyone this way in… a long time. It was like he was having an out-of-body experience.

“That’s enough, Sana!” He yelled. “Why don’t you understand? Do you think you’re the only one who’ll be sad and lonely when we’re apart? You’re wrong!”

His breath caught, and he could feel a lump starting to form in his throat. “You’re the one who decided to escape from dealing with it by running off into some dream world. I’m sick of this! Don’t you see?”

He swallowed, trying to make that lump go away. “I’m going to be just as lonely when I have to leave you! In fact, I’m going to be even lonelier.”

The lump won, and the tears came hot and fast. He didn’t know how to stop them.  

“I’m the one who’s going to go to pieces when I leave you!” He sobbed.

Akito tried to regulate his breathing, and managed to subdue the sobs a little bit.

“The last time we were apart, I was so lonely I didn’t think I would make it.” He sniffled, rubbing his face with his shirt sleeve. He was unable to look at Sana.

“This time I thought I’d have the strength to go on… to get through it… because I had you.” He continued.

The reminder of what he was going to lose made the tears return, and soon enough he was sobbing again. “Please don’t do this to me!”

He dared a look at Sana, who was starting to cry herself. “I need to see your smile! Smile! Smile and tell me that Los Angeles is really close!” Akito said harshly. “Please.” He repeated, his voice softening.

Sana took a step towards him, reaching for him. She wrapped one arm around his back, and the other cradled his head gently. The pair collapsed to their knees, Akito crying harder.

Sana stroked his hair gently, whispering “Hayama, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry…” over and over again.

“Thank you, Hayama. I’m so sorry.” She whispered, holding him close.

Akito slumped to the floor, his head resting on Sana’s knees. She continued to run her fingers through his hair as his heaving sobs slowly stilled. His breathing began to feel more normal, but the tears continued to pour from his eyes.

Akito wasn’t much of a crier. The last time he had cried was when his father left for Los Angeles for two years when he was a child. The only way he knew how to deal with heightened emotions was by turning them into anger. In this moment, he felt like he was crying out all of the tears he had been holding back for the last decade. It felt like they would never stop.

Chapter Text

“I need some water. Do you?” Sana asked softly.

Akito pushed himself up from her lap, kneeling next to her. “Yeah.” He answered, wiping his eyes with his hands. His throat was dry and his voice sounded raw and scratchy. His eyes and face felt sticky, but dry at the same time.

Sana stood up carefully, picking up two glasses from the tray next to the ice bucket on her way to the bathroom. She returned to Akito’s side with a glass of tap water, which he took from her gratefully. She kneeled next to him as he drank, the water easing his throat, replenishing him from the inside out.

Akito put his glass down on the carpet beside him, looking up at Sana. Her eyes were watery with emotion, but she was giving him a little smile.

Is she – is she cured?

The room was still and quiet as the pair looked at each other.

“I’m sorry for shouting.” Akito said quietly.

Sana shook her head. “It’s okay.”

“I love you.” Akito said, looking down at his knees.

“I love you too.” Sana replied. When Akito looked up, she was still giving him that small smile.

The weeks of uncertainty and stress of their travel had left the two of them emotionally drained. They were silent as they got up and began getting ready for bed. The bathroom door clicked shut behind Sana as she went to change. Akito quickly yanked his shirt over his head, changing into a different shirt and some pajama bottoms. Sana opened the door a couple of minutes later, wearing a long-sleeved nightgown. Akito took his toothbrush and toothpaste into the bathroom, and together the pair brushed their teeth.

It was all feeling very domestic, until they walked out of the bathroom and Akito was reminded of the fact that their hotel room had two beds.

He sighed, walking over to the unused bed. Sana walked over to the one that she had been sleeping in earlier.

“Well, goodnight.” Akito said with a grim smile, pulling Sana into his arms for a hug.

Sana’s arms wrapped around his waist, and she rested her head on his chest. Akito gave her an additional squeeze, beginning to pull away, but Sana tightened her grip. He looked down at her, confused.

She looked up at him. “Will you stay with me?”

Realization dawned on Akito, and he nodded. “Sure.”

Sana flipped down the comforter and scooted over in the bed, making room for him. Akito tentatively scooted in next to her, lying down beside her on his back. Sana snuggled in next to him, resting her head on his chest, her arm slung over his waist. Akito raised his left arm to turn off the light on the bedside table.

The room was dark, save for the lights from the city twinkling outside the window. All Akito could hear was the sound of his and Sana’s steady breathing. He had sat at her bedside enough this month to know that she wasn’t asleep yet. Akito draped his left arm over hers, running his fingers lightly over her arm.

This whole experience had left Akito feeling raw and vulnerable, but also closer to Sana than he had ever felt before. He didn’t know it was possible. He pulled her further into his arms and squeezed, kissing the top of her head lightly.

Sana rolled onto her side, and Akito did the same. She snuggled back into him, and Akito wrapped an arm around her waist. His body fit perfectly around hers, and he sighed in contentment.

“Goodnight…” Sana murmured sleepily.

Akito smiled, giving her one last squeeze. “Goodnight.”

The next morning, Akito woke up to Sana yelling “Hey!” as she sat up suddenly. The force of her movement pushed him completely out of bed. From his place on the floor he could see Sana looking around the room with confusion, and he watched with interest as he waited for her to put two and two together.

She looked down at him with alarm. “Hayama? Where are we? What’s going on?”

Akito’s eyebrows shot up. Now that she was seemingly back to normal, had she forgotten everything that had happened?

Unsure of how to explain, Akito was rescued by the sound of Sana’s stomach gurgling loudly. The sound reminded his own stomach that they hadn’t eaten since they were in Dreamland the day before, and the hunger pangs hit him immediately. He sighed, looking at Sana.

“Are you hungry?”

She nodded affirmatively, and the two set about getting ready for the day. A little while later, they found themselves sitting in the hotel’s restaurant. Like everything else about the establishment, the restaurant was fancy – and Akito felt very out of place amongst the chintz chairs and the European-style porcelain dishes. Sana confidently ordered them a pot of tea and a selection of baked goods. When their server departed, Sana looked at Akito quizzically – uncharacteristically silent.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Akito asked finally, breaking the silence.

 “Mama telling us to be responsible.” Sana answered, blushing a little awkwardly.

“Okay.” Akito replied, although he could feel his face becoming hot at the memory of exactly why they had been lectured about being responsible. He tried to move past it. “After that conversation, do you remember the idea you had? Do you remember Dreamland?” he prompted.

A flicker of recognition passed Sana’s face. “We ran away.” She answered. “And then we came here. Right. Okay, it’s coming back.”

Akito watched her face carefully, he wondered if she remembered his yelling… or his tears.

As soon as he thought it, he could see her remember something. She looked contemplative for a moment, then said finally, “Thank you for putting up with me.”

Akito shook his head, as if to say that it wasn’t a big deal.

“I guess we’d better go home. Are you ready for that?” she asked, looking guilty.

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

The two shared a small smile as the server returned with their tea and pastries. Both were determined not to think of what the response from their parents would be upon their return. Instead, they decided to enjoy their breakfast and each other’s company for a little while longer.

“Story of two runaways: the end!” Sana said, clapping her hands together as they walked out of the restaurant.

“Let’s go upstairs and pack up our stuff.” Akito suggested.

Sana was nodding along, about to verbalize her agreement when they saw a woman with an odd, yet familiar, hair style standing at the hotel check-in counter.

“Mama!” Sana exclaimed, marching up to her.

Misako turned around quickly, her eyes widening. “I’m busted!” she cried.

“What are you doing here?” Sana asked incredulously.

Misako swallowed. “Well… The truth is, I got here before you.”

“But how did you find us here?”

“It wasn’t too hard to track you down. Shimura-san noticed that your Dreamland tickets were gone, and you took your bank book. We found out that you had withdrawn money from your account nearby and started checking hotels.”

Even though it didn’t matter and even though they were headed home, Akito felt embarrassed. Of course it wouldn’t have been that simple for them to disappear into the night.

At the same time, Akito was struck by the display of trust that Misako had had in him. If he had had a daughter who was sick and then ran away… and he knew where she had run away to and who she had run away with… he would have kicked down the door and dragged her home.

What he was feeling wasn’t exactly gratitude, but a sense of relief. He was relieved that Misako had given him and Sana the space to work through things on their own.

Akito’s thoughts were interrupted by a hand swiping the top of his head. He turned to see his father glaring down at him.

“Akito you idiot!” Fuyuki seethed. He took Akito roughly by the shoulders. “You better not have done anything indecent to Sana-chan! She’s an innocent young girl! I hope you didn’t-“

“I didn’t!” Akito said defensively.

Fuyuki opened his mouth to continue berating him, but Misako interrupted.

“The lecture can wait until after we get home. Let’s go up to my room.”

Rei led the group over to the elevator. Misako hung back to walk with Akito.

“Hayama-kun, her face seems better! Did something happen?” Misako asked quietly.

“Um, well… uh…” Akito stammered.

How could he even begin to explain?

“Well, we decided to go to Dreamland and she wanted to take some pictures that would be developed within an hour and I couldn’t figure out how to tell her ‘no’ so we took the pictures anyway and I decided to try to hide them from her when we got back to the hotel but she found them anyway and when she refused to confront her condition even though she had actual, tangible proof I got frustrated and then yelled at her and then I cried and now I guess she’s better?”

That would never work.

“You can tell me about it later.” Misako said, seeing Akito’s hesitation.

“Okay…” Akito replied.

Misako, Rei, and Fuyuki had stayed in one of the nicer suites in the hotel. There were three separate bedrooms that all connected to a large living room and kitchen. The group settled down in the various chairs and couches, facing each other.

No one knew quite where to begin. Akito sure as hell wasn’t going to talk first.

Misako broke the silence – and Akito could never have guessed what she was going to say.

“Hayama-kun, one of the reasons that your father is moving the family to LA is because he’s found a famous doctor who may be able to fix your hand.”

“What?!” Akito exclaimed, whipping around to look at his father.

“Kurata-san! I wasn’t going to tell him yet.” Fuyuki protested.

“I think he needs to know right now.” Misako said firmly.

Fuyuki sighed in resignation. Akito looked at him curiously.

“His name is Dr. Barnes.” Fuyuki began. “I toured his rehab center, and it’s absolutely amazing. But what makes him really exceptional is that he’s seriously into karate. He’s actually ranked very high himself, and he uses karate as part of his center’s physical therapy. He even runs his own karate tournament, although he includes all sorts of styles of martial arts. When I heard about him I thought that he would be perfect, so I went to meet him.”

“You did?” Akito asked.  

“He’s so famous and busy – you’d think he was the president or something. I went to the center every day to try to meet him.” Fuyuki explained.

“He even waited outside his house! And skipped work!” Misako added with a smile while Fuyuki looked down, embarrassed.

“Why didn’t you just tell us that before?!” Sana demanded. Wondering the same thing, Akito turned to look at his father.  

“It isn’t official yet. I’ve spoken to him about it, and he’s interested. All of the paperwork has been turned in, so now we’re just waiting on the final confirmation from his office. I spoke to his assistant the other day, and she said that everything was fine. We’re just waiting on him to officially sign off on everything. I didn’t want to tell you until I was completely sure.” Fuyuki said, his face filled with concern. “I just want to get you the best treatment possible, and I want you to be able to do karate again.”

“That’s great, Hayama. Isn’t that awesome? It sounds fantastic!” Sana said, clutching her hands to her chest. “Hayama-chichi, I’m so impressed!” she said teasingly. Fuyuki scoffed in response, looking away awkwardly.

Akito was stunned. Sana got up from the couch across from him and sat down next to him. She took hold of his right hand, tears filling her eyes.

“You have to go to LA. If this doctor can really fix your hand, it will be worth it.” She said softly.

Akito considered.

He thought about the time that Sana had collapsed out of her chair, and he wasn’t able to catch her. The sound of her head hitting the ground had made his blood go cold.

He thought about Rei helping Sana rush to the bathroom to throw up. It should have been him holding her hair and rubbing her back.

He thought about how terribly sparring with Sensei Kunimitsu had gone. Sensei Kunimitsu very rarely sparred with students, and his hand had wasted the opportunity.

He thought about Aya shaking out the blanket and smoothing it over Sana’s lap, gently taking over when he couldn’t manage.

He thought about the night before – when he struggled to pick her up off of the bathroom floor and across the room.  

Sana and Fuyuki were looking at him hopefully. Rei and Misako were looking at him expectantly.

All Akito could do was nod.

Sana’s breath caught, and she threw her arms around his neck. “It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.” She sniffled.

Akito wiped away her tears with his thumb. She gave him a shaky smile in return. Even though it was a sad smile, her emotions washed over him like a comforting blanket.

We’re going to be okay.

-

The five of them piled into Rei’s car and began the journey back to Tokyo. The drive was quiet and contemplative. Sana sat in the middle of the backseat between Misako and Akito. Sana and Akito held hands quietly, and Akito spent the duration of the drive lost in thought, starting at their intertwined fingers.

Rei dropped Fuyuki and Akito back off at home, Natsumi came to greet them at the door. Thankfully, she had the good sense not to begin teasing him immediately. That would come later, when they were more settled in Los Angeles. For now, she simply helped him take off his jacket and directed him and Fuyuki to the dining table for lunch.

The Hayamas spent the rest of the day packing up their home.

“Hey, Dad?” Akito said, passing a picture frame to Fuyuki.

“Yes?” Fuyuki answered, taking the picture frame and wrapping it in bubble wrap.

“Would we still be going to LA if I hadn’t wanted to keep practicing karate?”

“I think so.” Fuyuki said, placing the wrapped frame in a box. “Radial nerve paralysis hasn’t been researched in Japan to the extent that it has been in the United States. If things with Dr. Barnes hadn’t worked out, I was looking at a clinical trial at Columbia University in New York.”

Akito nodded, passing Fuyuki another frame.  

“You deserve my support, Akito.” Fuyuki said quietly, taking the frame from him. “I know it doesn’t make up for all of the years that I wasn’t there for you… but I couldn’t just give up on you now.”

Akito was quiet as he picked up another picture frame – this one with a picture of his mother, Koharu.

“I’m so sorry that I couldn’t be there for you myself.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Akito said quietly, looking at the picture for a second longer before passing it along to his father.

That evening, Fuyuki and Akito had a discussion about Akito’s running away with Sana. They both acknowledged that things had gotten out of hand because they both kept important information from the other. Akito had kept his relationship with Sana and her illness to himself, Fuyuki had kept the truth about their move to himself. The situation could have been avoided if they had been honest with each other. Given the circumstances, and the fact that Akito had limited time with Sana left, Fuyuki opted not to punish Akito. However, if anything like this ever happened again, there would be hell to pay.

Akito wasn’t about to press his luck.

Sana called later that evening.

“They’re making me go to therapy!” she whined.

“You don’t want to go?” Akito asked.

“Of course not! I don’t need therapy.”

“Maybe it will be helpful, you never know.”

“Maybe. I don’t know. What’s your punishment?”

“I have to spend as much time with my girlfriend as I can before I leave.”

“I’m sorry, that’s the- wait a minute! That’s me.”

“Yes it is.”

“Hayama-chichi wants you to spend time with me?”

“He wants to make sure I get on the plane this Tuesday, and I’m not doing that if I haven’t gotten to see you.”

“Hayama, no! You have to go!”

“You trying to get rid of me?”

“Of course not!”

Akito chuckled at her indignation. This. He had missed this.

The next morning, Akito and Sana sat on the floor in his room, packing the rest of his things into various boxes.

“What’s this?” Sana asked, fishing a small rectangle out from under Akito’s bed. She held it up so he could see.

Akito looked for a moment, when suddenly the realization hit him. His eyebrows shot up.

“It’s a handheld game.” He answered, quickly turning his attention to the box he was taping shut.

“Ha! I knew you liked these, but I didn’t know you were the type to collect them.” Sana laughed, switching the game on.

“I don’t, really.” Akito said noncommittally, dragging another box toward him.

Sana looked at him quizzically. “Why do you have it then?”

“It was a birthday present.”

“From Fuka?”

“Yeah.”

Sana chuckled, leaning back against the squidgy little couch. “A lot has changed since your birthday.”

Damn right it had. It wasn’t that long ago that finding something Fuka had given him would have made Sana upset – Akito was heartened that she seemed to be feeling more secure in their relationship.

Abandoning the box, Akito slid his bum across the floor to sit next to her, leaning back against the couch. He wrapped his arms around her waist, looking over her shoulder as she played the game. Sana leaned back into him, her hair tickling the side of his face.

Although Akito had crossed the room with the purest of intentions, he was suddenly reminded of the last time they had been alone in his room. His head rested on her shoulder, so close to her neck. It would be so easy to turn his head and press his lips gently into the crook of her neck and shoulder.

Before Akito could act on this particular impulse, Sana’s cell phone rang. She dug through her purse, locating it quickly. She glanced at the Caller ID, then stood up quickly.

“Sorry, I should take this.” She said, smiling apologetically before stepping into the hallway.

Akito sighed gustily, scooting back over to the box he had been working on. Sana was trying to speak quietly in the hallway, but there wasn’t much about Sana that was quiet.

“Hello? Hi! Mhmm. I think it’ll be okay. It hasn’t come up yet. Yes, I know. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it. Thank you.”

Akito could hear almost the entirety of Sana’s side of the conversation, but he couldn’t for the life of him guess what she was talking about.

“Who was that?” Akito asked curiously as Sana came back into the room.

“Hmm? Oh, it was just a work thing. Don’t worry about it.” She answered, waving her hand dismissively. “Now where were we?” she asked, kneeling down next to him.  

“This box.” Akito said, poking it glumly.

“I don’t think so.” She said, shaking her head.

Akito looked at her, perplexed. Sana had an amused and smug smile on her face.

“I think you were planning on putting the moves on me.” She said, her eyebrows wiggling suggestively.

Akito coughed. How had she known?

Sana was still giving him that comically funny facial expression – smug, with her eyebrows wiggling – and Akito wanted to kiss it right off of her face.

So he did.

The next day was a big day for both Sana and Akito. The Hayama family received the official confirmation that Dr. Barnes was taking Akito’s case. The surgery was scheduled for January 19 – less than a week away. Fuyuki was relieved that his gamble had paid off. Akito, for his part, wasn’t sure how to feel. He was happy that there was a greater purpose for the move to LA, but he also had more pressing things on his mind.

Today was Sana’s first day of therapy. She had still been grumbling about it the day before, but Akito really hoped that therapy would be helpful for her. Akito felt that he had almost lost her to her condition, and he didn’t want it to happen again. If therapy was preventative care, he was all for it.

Sana didn’t feel the same.

“It feels like a waste of time!” Sana whined, flopping onto Akito’s bed. “I have so much homework to do.”

“How was the therapy itself?” Akito asked, intensely focused on folding his shirts.

“I don’t know.” She sighed, looking at the ceiling. “I just don’t feel like I can talk to him. He’s asking me to tell him things I’ve never told anyone. I just can’t get into it.”

“It’s Dr. Iwasaki, right?”

“Yeah. I don’t know if he’s doing it just as a favor to Mom, or if he wants to publish some sort of paper on Doll’s Syndrome. Either way – I don’t have time for this.”

Akito stood up, crossing over to his bed. “Do you have time for this?” he asked, leaning down to hover a couple of inches from her face.

In response, Sana’s hands crept up to grasp Akito around the neck, bringing his lips to hers.

-

“Why do we have to go to school today?” Akito complained to his father the next morning.

“Don’t you want to say goodbye to your friends? Your teachers?” Fuyuki retorted, taking a long sip of his coffee.

“I don’t care about my teachers. And my friends are coming to the airport tomorrow, so I’ll see them then.”

“You’re just mad that you don’t get to spend all day with Sana-chan.” Natsumi snickered.

“Shut up.”

“You’re so easy to read!” she said, rolling her eyes in amusement. “If Sana-chan was going to school today, you would be racing out the door.”

Akito countered with a stony silence. She was right.

The school day passed by almost like any other. It was hard to believe that in 24 hours he was going to be on a plane. He wasn’t looking forward to it. Ten hours in the sky did not appeal to him.

It also didn’t help that Tsuyoshi was so emotional all day. He could hardly do anything without hearing a sniff or seeing his eyes get glassy.

“Tsuyoshi. It’s not like we’re never seeing each other again.”

“I know.” Tsuyoshi replied, his voice wobbly. “I know.”

Fuka wouldn’t even look at him – which surprised Akito. He wasn’t sure how much she knew about he and Sana’s escapade. Was the freeze out because she didn’t approve? Because she still harbored feelings for him? No, that was crazy.

Mr. Sengoku pointedly ignored him, and Akito was happier for it. He was surprised that Mr. Sengoku wasn’t taking one last opportunity to exact cruelty on him, but he decided not to question it.

After school that day, Akito made his way to the faculty office. It was empty save for Mr. Suzuki – the person that Akito had most hoped to find. He rapped his knuckles on the doorframe twice.

“Hayama!” Mr. Suzuki exclaimed, looking up with surprise. “What can I do for you?”

Akito stood there awkwardly for a moment, beginning to lose his nerve. “Today is my last day. I guess I just wanted to say thank you. For believing me. When Komori ran away.”

Mr. Suzuki’s face softened. “Of course, Hayama. You’re a good student.”

Akito nodded. “Thank you, sir. You’re a great teacher.”

They exchanged a look of understanding – then Akito turned to leave with a wave.

Akito left the faculty office and headed down to the shoe lockers, where he expected to see Tsuyoshi and Aya or Yunchi or Fuka. But his friends were nowhere to be found. He would be lying if he said it didn’t bother him. Tsuyoshi, Aya, and Fuka were coming to the airport with him but Yunchi wasn’t. Akito hadn’t gotten a chance to say goodbye to his cheerful friend.

Akito sighed, changing his shoes. The plan was for him to go home for dinner, and then go over to the Kuratas’ to hang out with Sana. He heaved his school bag over his shoulder, making his way out of the building. His bag was heavier than usual, because he had emptied his locker that day. As he stepped down the stairs, he saw a pair of brown loafers standing a few yards away.

His eyes snapped upwards, and to his surprise Sana was standing at the bottom of the steps, waiting for him.

“Hi, Hayama. Surprised?” she said with a cheeky grin.

“Yes.” Akito answered matter-of-factly, crossing over to her quickly. “Were you at school today?”

She shook her head. “Not the whole day. I got here after lunch.” She smiled. “I couldn’t miss the chance to walk home with my boyfriend on his last day of school.”

Akito smirked. “Couldn’t wait a few more hours to see me?”

“Nope.” Sana said with a smile.

Akito wasn’t sure what to do with her genuine response, and he could feel his face getting hot. He quickly took her hand, tugging it gently as he began to lead her down the path out of the school. Sana laughed as she allowed herself to be pulled along, falling into step with him easily.

“Let’s go to the park!”

“I have to be home for dinner, so I don’t think I have time.”

“Just for a little while!” Sana insisted, dragging him over to the park between Jinbo Middle and Elementary schools.

Akito allowed himself to be dragged over to the swings. They each chose a swing, easing backwards and forwards without pumping their legs. Looking at Sana, Akito could tell that she had something on her mind.

“What is it?” he asked bluntly, turning to look at her, the chains of his swing twisting over his head.

“Just about us.”

Akito felt his stomach drop. “What about us?”

“I think I just couldn’t get my life together for such a long time.” Sana said, looking skyward. “I fell in love, broke my heart, it was all too much. But finally, we found each other.” She said, turning to look at him with a warm smile. She looked down rather suddenly. “I still don’t really know how to be in a relationship. I understand now that it’s not just about depending on someone else.” She continued staring at her feet, chuckling softly. “I think that I think too much! And I just pushed my brain too far. I guess I really don’t have it together yet.”

Akito felt sick. Where had this come from? What did it mean?

“Are you saying… are you saying that you want to break up?” Akito asked slowly.

Sana whipped her head up to look at him. “No!” she shook her head wildly. “I was just thinking that I won’t be able to give this relationship my all – partly because you’ll be far away and partly because I need to get my life together.  So it might actually be a good opportunity for us to be apart, so that I can take some time to think about everything.”

Akito hopped off his swing to stand in front of her, gently pulling her to her feet and into his arms. “Don’t think too much…” he murmured into the top of her hair.

“Hee hee, okay.” Sana giggled, wrapping her arms around his waist.

They stood like that for a little while.

“I really freaked you out for a second, huh?” she said sheepishly, looking up at him.

“No.” Akito said defensively.

“I did! You should have seen the look on your face. You looked like you were going to be sick!”

“Can you blame me?”

Sana laughed awkwardly, unsure of how to take his earnest retort. Her watch beeped, and Akito heard Fuka’s voice buzzing out from the watch.

“Sana. Come home now. Sana. Come home now. Sana. Come home now.”

Akito looked at Sana with a raised eyebrow. “I thought only you and Mr. Sunglasses recorded reminders on your watch.”

Sana laughed it off. “Oh, you know Fuka, she’s all about being punctual! Come on, let’s go.” Sana said, eagerly tugging Akito by the arm.

The rest of the walk was made at a normal pace. As they made their way up to the Kurata’s gate, Akito looked at his own watch.

“Shit, I have to get going, my dad’s gonna kill me if I’m late for dinner. I’ll come back after we’re done!” Akito said, swooping in to give Sana a kiss on the cheek, and then turning to hurry off. Sana grabbed hold of his wrist, holding it in a vicelike grip.

“Wait a minute! I have something I need to give you. Come with me really quick.” She said, beginning to drag him up the walkway to her front door.

“I can just get it when I come back!” Akito argued, trying to wrench his arm out of her grip.

“It’ll only take a second!” Sana snapped.

She opened the front door, dragging Akito into the house, which was darker than usual.

Akito stood in the entranceway, confused about why the lights were out. Sana clicked on the lights with the switch by the front door, and all of a sudden he was overwhelmed with a colorful array of sights and sounds.

“SURPRISE! GOOD LUCK IN LA!” came the yells of a room full of people.

Tsuyoshi, Aya, and Aono were there, standing next to Fuka, Yunchi, Gomi, Hisae, Mami, and some of their other friends from school. His father was there, standing next to Misako, Rei, and Shimura. Sensei Kunimitsu and some of his friends from the dojo were there.

Akito stood there in shock, trying to process what he was seeing. He looked over at Sana for some sort of explanation, but she just grinned at him in response.

At a surprise party for most people, the silence that followed would have been awkward. The attendees would have looked to the guest of honor for some sort of response or reaction.

Thankfully, the people in this room knew Akito well. So they all milled back to the large room that the Kuratas’ used for parties, knowing that after the shock had worn off, Akito would join them in the celebration.

Fuka stepped over to Sana. “You got him here on time! Nice!” she said, offering Sana her forearm.

“And you got everyone else here on time! Great job! Lucky!” Sana replied, pressing her forearm to Fuka’s.

Akito looked from one girl to the other.

“Sorry for ignorin’ ya today, Aki, I was so sure I would ruin the surprise if I talked to ya. That was stressful!” Fuka said with a big sigh.

“I am… surprised.” Akito said frankly, earning a big laugh from the girls. He felt an arm around his shoulder and turned to see Tsuyoshi standing there with Aya.

“Come on, Hayama-kun, you should see all of the food!” Aya said, beaming.

“Yeah!” Tsuyoshi echoed, steering Akito to the party room.

As they crossed the threshold, Akito’s eyes were drawn to a large table in the center of the room that was covered with sushi.

“Sushi.” He breathed, his pace quickening as his friends giggled.

The first bite was like heaven, as was the second.

“So you two planned this whole thing?” Akito asked Sana and Fuka, one eyebrow raised as he munched on the sushi.

“It was Sana’s idea.” Fuka answered quickly. “She just needed some help with the logistics.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you!” Sana said cheerfully. She then turned to Akito with her eyes full of concern. “Don’t worry, Hayama, your dad is totally okay with us doing this. And the party isn’t going to go for very long, so you’ll still have time to rest before tomorrow. We just wanted to make sure you had a chance to say goodbye to everyone before you left.”

“Thank you.” Akito said quietly, giving Sana a small smile.

Sana beamed, Fuka looked surprised.

“Akito-kun!” came a high-pitched voice near Akito’s elbow. He turned to see Tsuyoshi’s little sister tugging on his sleeve.

“Hey, Squirt.” Akito said, turning to her.

Sana and Fuka giggled at each other, and the party carried on. It was nice, Akito had to admit, to have everyone he would have wanted to see before leaving in one room. His focus was often on his core group of friends, but Akito enjoyed getting to spend some time with their other friends who had ended up in other homerooms. It was nice to see Sensei Kunimitsu and his friends from karate somewhere besides the dojo. He looked on in bewilderment as his father engaged in easy conversation with Misako and Rei, laughing at something Misako had said.

Akito had a chance to spend at least a little bit of time with all of the attendees. Slowly the partygoers began to dwindle, as everyone had to head home to their families or prepare for the next day.

“We’ll see you at the airport tomorrow!” Tsuyoshi said tearfully, waving goodbye.

“See ya.” Akito answered, giving Tsuyoshi an apologetic half-smile.

Fuka and Aya followed Tsuyoshi out the door, and then it was just Sana and Akito standing in the entranceway.

“Did you have fun?” Sana asked, her eyes sparkling.

Akito thought for a moment. He was a little bit exhausted from the extended social interactions, but overall he was happy to see that Sana had her spark back.

So even though he was tired, he rested his forearms on Sana’s shoulders, clasping his hands behind her head. “Yes.” He said, giving her a small smile.  

Sana beamed as Akito leaned down to kiss her chastely on the lips. He pulled back, and Sana was looking up at him with a dazed sort of smile, a light flush dusting her cheeks. It was the sort of thing that made him want to pull her close to kiss her some more. He was about to do so when he heard a pointed “ahem!” from behind him.

He and Sana dropped their hands immediately, making way for Fuyuki Hayama to gather his shoes.

“I’m going to head home, Natsumi should be back from her friends soon. Don’t be out too late.” Fuyuki said, giving Akito a pointed look on his way out. Akito felt his face burn red at the unspoken censure from his father.

“Bye-bye, Hayama-chichi…” Sana said with an awkward wave. She shut the door behind him, stifling a giggle with her hand at the look on Akito’s face. She took hold of his hand, leading him down the hallway to her room. They passed Misako, Shimura, and Rei sitting in the living room along the way.

“Leave the door cracked!” Rei ordered sternly as they passed by.

“Sagami-san! Let them be young.” Misako chortled, swirling a glass of wine in her hand. Shimura covered her mouth with her hand as she giggled along.

Sana ignored them, leading Akito into her room and shutting the door behind her with a loud click. She stood by the door for a moment, while Akito stood in the middle of her room. Sana’s study table to his right, her bed to his left. He had traced the steps around this room thousands of times.

But this was the first time that he’d been there and she hadn’t been sick. She looked at him with a steady gaze, her fingers still on the doorknob. Her expression was difficult to read, but, Akito thought to himself, at least it wasn’t blank.  

Sana took one step, then another. Then she bounded across the room, throwing herself into Akito’s open arms. Her fingers clung to the back of his shirt, pulling him as close to her as possible.

It hurt.

Not physically, of course. Akito let out a shuddering breath as he returned her hug. His right forearm squeezed Sana tightly, hand dangling from the end of his wrist while his left hand cradled her head. It felt so unfair – they had barely had one month together, and Sana had been sick for almost half of it.

Akito felt Sana begin to wiggle in his arms, so he loosened his grip so that she could shift herself. Within seconds she had wound her arms around his neck and was pressing needy, urgent kisses to his lips, his cheek, and his neck.

“Sana, what are you doing?” Akito asked carefully, taking a step back from her.

“This is our last chance.” She said matter-of-factly, raising an eyebrow in distressed confusion.  

He could see why she felt that way. It was hard to think of tonight as anything other than a drawn-out goodbye. Akito cupped her cheeks in his hands, searching her eyes.

“It’s not our last chance.” He said in a low, soft voice.

Sana’s hands slid up to delicately wrap her fingers around his wrists. “How do you know?”

Akito considered for a moment. He thought about everything that had stood in their way: pride, terrible communication, lying about their feelings, hospitalizations, mysterious illnesses. After everything they had been through, it seemed silly that something as trivial as distance would get in their way.

Although, Akito reasoned, he couldn’t see himself going through all of that for anyone other than the young woman standing in front of him.  

“For me, there’s only you.” He said, echoing the words he had spoken on their first date.

Sana’s eyes become glassy with emotion as she closed what little distance was left between them to bury her face in his chest. “Me too.” she says, her words muffled by Akito’s shirt.

Akito wrapped his arms around Sana, committing to memory the way that she fit perfectly into his arms. He breathed in deeply, hoping that the comforting smell of her hair would seep into his very cells and give him enough peace to last two years. Akito pressed his lips to the top of her head.

They would get through it.

But damn if he wasn’t going to miss her.

The next day the Hayamas were greeted at the airport by Sana, Tsuyoshi, Aya, and Fuka. It was fun to have them there to pass the time while they waited to board the flight.

Akito was really not looking forward to this prolonged exposure to heights.

“He’s more worried about the flight than surgery.” Natsumi announced, elbowing Akito with a laugh.  

“Really? Don’t be scared!” Sana said sweetly, taking hold of Akito’s upper arm.  

“Shut up! I’m not scared.” Akito grumbled, shooting his sister a glare.  

“JAL Flight 062 to Los Angeles is now boarding, please proceed to the gate.”

The jovial atmosphere dissipated in an instant, replaced by a sad resignation.

“Later, Aki.” Fuka said with a sad smile. Akito gave her a quick nod.

“Are you really having surgery right away?” Aya asked, her eyes filled with worry.  

“Yeah, in three days.” Akito answered with a shrug.

“Good luck, Akito-kun.” Tsuyoshi said, sniffling.  

“Wish the doctor luck.” Akito scoffed.  

“Silly, he means with your treatment.” Natsumi said, rolling her eyes.

“Yeah.” Tsuyoshi echoed, wiping his eyes.  

Akito and Sana exchanged a meaningful look.

They had already said their goodbyes the night before, drinking in the last moments of privacy they had together, knowing that they would not be alone at the airport. They had held each other, murmured words of reassurance to each other, and kissed as if the world was ending any moment.

Sana smiled weakly at Akito as he gave her hand one final squeeze.

“Thanks for seeing us off, kids.” Fuyuki said with a wave.  

“See ya.” Akito said, raising an arm.

“Take care!” Tsuyoshi called after him.  

“Don’t be fighting with any Americans!” Fuka called in a teasing tone.

“Hayama!” Sana cried.

Akito turned in surprise – what could she say that they hadn’t said already?

 “I… I’ll stay a virgin for you! So don’t you dare cheat on me! Got it?!” She yelled, her resonant voice echoing throughout the gate.  

“Gotcha! No problem!” Akito said, completely unsure of how to respond.   

“I’ll do my best to get better! Do your best too!” Sana called, her eyes filling with tears.

Akito took a moment to try to burn this picture into his memory. Tsuyoshi and Aya, tears running down their faces as they held on to each other. Fuka, looking indignantly at Sana for saying something so brash. People passing by the gate, looking either impressed or scandalized by the words that had rung out through the airport.

And Sana, earnest as ever, focused on giving him one last piece of encouragement. Her face was flushed with emotion, her eyes welling with tears – and yet, she was smiling.

That smile would always be precious to Akito.

We are together in our hearts.

I know we’ll get through it.

Chapter Text

I actually started a table with what everyone calls each other in the series, but it got to be a bit unwieldy with how many characters there are in Kodocha. Additionally, characters may speak to each other but not say each others’ names, so the table had a lot of blanks and question marks. Here’s a simplified list for those who are curious. Information comes from the Japanese versions of the manga.

Sana

• Akito, Fuka, Misako: Sana
• Everyone Else: Sana-chan

Akito

• Sana: Hayama
• Tsuyoshi: Akito-kun
• Fuka: Akito or Aki
• Fuyuki: Akito
• Mr. Suzuki and Mr. Sengoku: Hayama
• Everyone Else: Hayama-kun

Tsuyoshi

• Akito: Tsuyoshi
• Mr. Sengoku: Sasaki
• Everyone Else: Tsuyoshi-kun

Aya

• Akito: Sugita
• Everyone Else: Aya-chan

Fuka

• Akito: Fuka
• Sana: Fuka or Fuka-chan
• Everyone Else: Fuka-chan

Natsumi

• Akito: Natsumi
• Sana: Natsumi-san
• Tsuyoshi: Onee-san

Naozumi

• Akito: Kamura
• Sana, Misako, Rei: Naozumi-kun
• Shimura: Kamura-san
• Maeda: Nao

Misako

• Sana: Mama
• Rei: Sensei
• Everyone Else: Kurata-san

Rei

• Sana: Rei-kun
• Akito: Mr. Sunglasses
• Everyone Else: Sagami-san

Aono

• Tsuyoshi: Aono
• Akito: Squirt
• Everyone Else: Aono-chan

Timeline for Chapters 28 - 43 | 1995

• August 28 - Sana returns to school after summer break
• First Week Of September - Sana and Akito’s Confession
• October 10 - Sana and Akito Say Goodbye, Seemingly Forever | Always Be With You Hug
• October 11 - Billboard With Sana’s Face, Akito Finds Out Fuka’s Birthday Is Christmas Eve
• October 12 - Akito’s 13th Birthday
• October 13 - Akito Gets Suspended
• October 30 - Akito Goes After Komori
• November 10 - Fuka Breaks Up With Akito
• December 15 - Akito Gets Out Of Hospital; Sana & Him Official
• December 24 - Sana and Akito’s First Date

Timeline for Chapters 44 - 50 | 1996

• January 1 - Akito tells Sana he is moving
• January 2 - Sana’s condition begins
• January 3 - Naozumi comes over and they do their sketch/ Akito yells at Sana
• January 4 - Akito is at rehab all day
• January 5 - Sana forgets who Akito is, Sana tells Naozumi she loves him, Sana remembers Akito
• January 6, 7 - Sana gets worse
• January 8 - School starts back up, Akito tells the gang, the gang comes over.
• January 9 - Cherry Flavored Mochi Vomit Incident
• January 10 - Let’s become adults!
• January 11 - Run Away To Dreamland/Akito cries
• January 12 - Parents Come To Get Them
• January 13 - Sana comes over to help them pack.
• January 14 - Akito is accepted into Dr. Barnes’ treatment center, Sana begins therapy.
• January 15 - Surprise Party/Last Night in Tokyo
• January 16 → 17 Flight to Los Angeles
• January 19 - Surgery Date
• January 22 - First Day of School
• There’s a lot of debate on exactly what years Kodocha is set. We don’t get a lot of clues - the anime makes specific reference to the year 1996 (the year the anime came out) where the manga makes some reference to 1994/1995. For all the dates I have chosen so far, I start the series in 1994, meaning that these last few chapters are happening at the beginning of 1996. Unfortunately, when looking at the calendar and counting out the days things don’t necessarily line up neatly. Eight days after Sana’s illness begins would be January 10, 1996 which would be a Wednesday, not a Sunday as Akito says. The transfer paperwork at the beginning of the chapter has a date of January 20, which is a Saturday - not a day we start school in the USA. So all of these dates are approximate, but I did my best.