Work Text:
Ed spotted the poor bugger immediately. No one in their right mind would wear a teal three-piece suit that looks like it’s straight out of their parent’s youth on the New York City subway. Then again, most of the bastards on this train aren’t in their right mind. Maybe this guy was just a kind of crazy that was normally reserved for the Upper West Side. Instead, he was in Brooklyn, but heading north into Manhattan.
The man looked nervous, never a good emotion to wear on your face in this situation. This guy was gonna get himself mugged, at the very least. Ed weaved his way through the train car to stand by him. He didn’t understand why he felt protective of this man (eat the rich, and all that), but he was cute and looked so helpless. No one deserved to get mugged (well, Ronald Reagan, and the rest of the dickheads in Washington sitting on their fat butts while his people died could get mugged and beaten to death and Ed would laugh, but he didn’t know if blondie had skin in the game yet, and if he did, what side he was on- Ed sure hoped it was his side).
Fuck.
Ed hadn’t really dated the past couple of years. How could he? He was kind of busy trying to prevent genocide. He spent the entirety of the 60s and 70s fucking around, and this decade, well, he’s finding out. Not that AIDS was his fault, but uh, yeah. He was finally doing something with his life.
“Hello!” a cheerful little voice said from behind him.
Ed turned around. Was this fucking maniac talking to a stranger on the subway? Fuck. This guy wasn’t gonna get mugged, he was gonna get murdered.
“Hi,” Ed said.
“I’m trying to get to Midtown Manhattan, and the bloody map is so confusing.”
“Where in midtown?”
The man paused, like he didn’t know where the fuck he was going. Alright, this was happening.
Ed grabbed his hand and pulled him across the car to where a dirty, nearly unreadable map was. Somewhere in the back of his head, through the leather fingerless glove, he noticed how nice the man’s hand was.
“Now, the orange line, the one we’re on, will take you all the way into the Bronx if you stay on. It’ll weave around the west side of Central Park. If you want to go east of Central, you’ve got a lot to do. You’ll get off at Washington Square, take the blue line to Lexington Ave, and then hop on the green line north. That will also eventually take you to the Bronx,” Ed used his free hand to map out those paths on the map. He then turned and looked at the stranger, who looked terribly confused. Ed realized he probably needed to tone it down a bit. “Why don’t you just get off at Rockefeller Center and take a cab to where you need to go?”
The man breathed a sigh of relief. “That sounds much more manageable. Thank you so much for your help. I’m Stede, by the way.”
The man pulled his hand out of Ed’s grasp only to hold it out for Ed to shake.
“Ed,” Ed said, shaking his hand. This wasn’t the weirdest morning on the subway he’d had, but it was definitely at least worth sharing when he got into the office.
Stede made his way back to his seat, and patted the space next to him, so Ed squeezed in between Stede and a babushka knitting an obscenely long scarf. He’d never felt comfortable with this much contact with strangers, hence the leather jacket.
“I just moved out here,” Stede sighed.
“Yeah, that’s a bit obvious, mate.”
“Got divorced two months ago.”
“Shit! Sorry.”
“No, no, it was for the best, even if it cost an arm and a leg. I don’t understand why they can’t just let people divorce for… being uncomfortable in a married state.”
Ed eyed him. Being gay had been legal in New York for a couple of years, but by all means it was not accepted. Especially not with the renewed homophobia that AIDS and the Republicans brought. Maybe this guy just fuckin hated his wife or something.
“Yeah, shit’s rough,” Ed said. “Lemme give you a tip, though, man.”
“Yeah?”
“Maybe don’t share your life story with every leather-clad stranger you meet on the subway.”
“You’re right, I probably shouldn’t. But you’ve been so helpful and nice.”
Ed was taken aback. He wasn’t used to being called “helpful” and “nice.” He hadn’t founded Queens' Aid and Relief (QAR) to be nice. He wasn’t afraid to scream slogans, punch a cop’s block off on more than one occasion, and go to jail. He was also a great leader who was very persuasive and brought in donations. He’d gotten around to being helpful (though usually not being told he was outright) but not nice. He was a menace. And he liked it that way.
“Oh. Uh, thanks.”
“So… where are you headed today?” Stede asked.
“Office. I work at a nonprofit. My nonprofit.”
Stede looked impressed.
When Ed told his mother he was starting a nonprofit, she had been very impressed. Her face did fall a little when he explained the cause. She’d never really gotten around to the fact that he wasn’t going to settle down with a nice Jewish girl and start a family.
“It’d be different if you were gay,” she told him once. “But you like women, Ed.”
“I’m just not the marrying type,” he replied. Of course, finding a Jewish girl wasn’t entirely out of the question. There were plenty in NYC. If he did find one though, she almost certainly would not be “nice.”
“Oh wow. What do you do there?” Stede asked.
“Um… We raise money to help support people with AIDS and get them medication. Raise awareness, go to protests, and stuff.”
Stede nodded sagely. “Poor buggers need all the help they can get.”
“How bout you? What’s your day job?”
Stede sighed. “I’m starting today as a clerk for Page & Harraway.”
“Oh.”
“Went to law school when I was young to avoid getting married for as long as possible, and got barred in New York, but I’ve never used it until now… I know it must look rather pathetic, a middle aged man just starting his first clerking job.”
“Nah mate, you can’t be afraid to try new things.”
“Speaking of, do you think we could get together sometimes?”
Ed was, once again, thrown off kilter. This guy had balls of titanium.
“I’m still looking for new friends in the city.”
Ohhhh. Friends. Friends are good.
“Tell you what, come to Sergeant Peppers in Alphabet City this Friday night, at 8. They do karaoke there, and my whole office goes on the second Friday of the month.” Ed didn’t know how to explain that this was a gay bar, but hoped between the name and location, Stede would get it.
“Oh, exciting! I’ve never done karaoke before.”
“No kidding.”
They chatted until Ed arrived at his stop, and Stede got up.
“Aren’t you going further into midtown?” Ed asked.
“No, I think I’ll just get off here,” Stede said, with nervousness in his voice Ed couldn’t begin to unpack.
They walked out of the station, and Ed paused for a moment and watched Stede pathetically stick his hand out trying to hail a taxi. Ed sighed, and whistled loudly, and a taxi came right up.
“Wanna get in? We can go to your offices first,” Stede said.
“Nah, I’m only a block away.”
“Oh, alright. See you Friday.”
“See you then.”
Thank God it was already Wednesday.
~~~
Stede Bonnet wasn’t 100% an idiot. The jury was out on how much of an idiot he was (estimates usually ranged between 60-99%) but it was certainly not 100%. So when he got on a grimy subway car that morning wearing his nicest suit (he wanted to make a good impression at work), he was vaguely concerned he wouldn’t get to his destination. What if he was kidnapped for ransom?
He tried to keep his eyes to himself and be as unnoticeable as possible in the car. He noticed when a man wearing leather from head to toe got on and started staring at him. Stede tried not to meet his gaze. Was he one of those “muggers” he’d heard so much about? Or a gangster?
The man walked over. Oh shit. Oh fuck. But then… he stood guard. Stede tried not to stare at the stranger’s ass. The subway rattled along to a stop, and after it took off again, Stede realized he had no idea when he needed to get off.
Stede had done a few crazy things in his life. Once in college he took a puff on someone’s joint. He divorced his wife after realizing they would never love each other. He’d moved to Brooklyn. If he was going to be murdered, at least it could be done by someone hot.
“Hello!” he said.
~~~
For some reason, Ed’s first instinct when he walked into the office that QAR had rented, wasn’t to tell everyone about the delightful man he met or the fact that he invited him, without anyone’s permission, to karaoke night. Instead he asked Izzy for the numbers on the fundraiser and checked out and complemented Lucius’s flier designs.
(The name of the charity used to just be Queens Aid and Relief, back when their offices were located in Queens. After they moved to Manhattan Izzy suggested that a name change was in order. Ed tacked an apostrophe onto the end of "Queens," came up with the unofficial slogan of "by queens, for queens," and that was that.)
It wasn’t until lunch that he casually went:
“Oh, by the way, I invited someone to karaoke night.” He was sitting with Frenchie, Wee John, Pete, and Lucius.
“You can’t just invite people to karaoke night,” Pete said.
“Why not?”
“It’s company only.”
“We’re not a company. We’re a nonprofit.”
“It’s nonprofit only. If you’re not in the 501(c)(3) then you can’t come to karaoke.”
“I didn’t know you knew what a 501(c)(3) was,” Ed said, mildly surprised.
“I work at one.”
“You just called it a company.”
“Leave Pete alone,” Lucius said. “Who did you invite?”
“Guy I met on the subway.”
“You invited a random guy from the subway??” Frenchie asked, bamboozled.
“You off your rocker?” John added.
“No. He’s a fancy guy. New in town, looking for friends.”
Lucius raised an eyebrow. “Friends…?”
“Oh don’t you start.”
~~~
“Fuckin’ hell Ed, if he murders me I’m gonna kill you,” is how Izzy takes the news.
“I suppose that’s only fair.”
Everyone else seemed to take it a bit better, or just not care as much. Izzy always cared about Ed loads more than everyone else, so this made sense.
When he went home at the end of the day, a small stupid part of him hoped to randomly stumble into Stede’s train car again, but of course, that didn’t happen.
~~~
The next morning, Ed’s train arrived at the station and he was about to get on, when two cars down a blonde head popped out of the doorway.
“ED!”
Ed rushed into Stede’s car.
“What are the odds?” he asked.
“Not good,” Stede said with a chuckle, deciding it would be terrifying to say that he purposefully got on the same 7:30 train and got into a car in the middle of the train so he’d have the best chance of spotting his guardian angel of the subway.
“How was your first day of work?”
Stede sighed and leaned against a railing. “Terribly boring, I’m afraid. The other clerks are all in their 20s and 30s and going on about hip hop and parachute pants, meanwhile the boss is in his 80s and tried to offer me hard candy from the Great Depression.”
“Woof.”
“I’ll manage. How about you? How was your day?”
“Average,” Ed said, with a shrug. “Everyone’s worried you’re going to murder them at karaoke night.”
“Murder them?? Me??”
Ed laughed. “I know, I tried to explain your whole… deal… but normally you don’t talk to strangers on the subway.”
The train suddenly stopped and Stede lost his balance and fell right into Ed, who caught him, of course.
Once, in the late 60s, Ed was high as balls and watched a whole rom com someone put on, while two people passionately made out next to him, and there might also have been a seagull with a heavy New Jersey accent commentating on the film and also the walls were melting. He couldn’t remember anything about the film other than that the leads were pretty and the seagull booed when they kissed, but he was pretty sure some cliche shit like this happened.
“Oh my, sorry,” Stede said, getting up and wiping the wrinkles out of his suit. “I’m still finding my subway legs, I’m afraid.”
“Stand feet apart,” Ed said helpfully, demonstrating. “It’ll help your balance.”
Stede copied what Ed was doing, and grabbed onto the pole instead of leaning on it.
“Also, wash your hands when you get into the office,” Ed added.
Stede looked at the sticky metal pole that probably hadn’t been cleaned once in 20 years and almost certainly had every fluid known to man on it. “Yes, that probably would be for the best.”
They got off at the same stop again, and for a split second, Ed thought about asking Stede to lunch. There was this charming little deli nearby that Ed and the rest of the QAR employees were regulars at, but he stopped himself. That’d be weird, right?
“Well…” Stede said. “See you tomorrow.” He then whistled with the hand that wasn’t holding the pole and a taxi came over. Stede turned back and looked at Ed with a big smile, and then got in.
It may have been October and like 50 degrees, but Ed was about to melt into the sidewalk.
~~~
“I’m getting intrigued now, to be honest,” Lucius said in the break room, before taking a sip of his coffee.
“I hate to admit it, but I am too,” Jim replied. “I caught him whistling when I walked by his desk.”
“Whistling??”
“Do you want to know the worst part?”
“Yes, always.”
“I’m pretty sure it was a Billy Joel song.”
“Which fucking Billy Joel song?? You’re killing me Jim!”
“What’s this about Billy Joel?” Frenchie asked, walking in.
“Boss was humming ‘The Longest Time’ earlier,” Jim finally explained.
The three exchanged looks.
“No fuckin’ way,” Frenchie said. “Ed would never whistle a sappy song like that.”
Jim shrugged. “Look, I’m no expert. Maybe I got it wrong.”
“Well, we’ll just have to see if he does it again, won’t we?” Lucius said with a sly look.
~~~
For some fucking reason, everyone had to talk to Ed today. He didn’t have his own office, but he had a nice big desk in the corner where he could have his own space. On a normal day he was bothered, of course. He was the boss, after all, but today was something else. Everyone needed a signature on some shit, or confirmation of dates, or asking how to spell a recipient’s last name even though it’s right fucking there.
When lunch finally came around, he went into the breakroom and--
“I think we overdid it,” Lucius said, “now he’s just pissed off.”
He suddenly snapped shut when he noticed Ed, who walked past the table crowded with his employees to get his lunch out of the fridge. Turkey sandwich and an apple-- nothing special.
He should’ve asked Stede to lunch. Get a nice ruben or something. Or a pastrami on rye. Pickle on the side. Maybe Stede wouldn’t like pickles and Ed would get two pickles.
He internally slapped himself. He was a grown ass man. Fuckin badass. The fuck was he thinking about???
~~~
There was a split second, before Stede went to call a taxi, that Ed looked like he had opened his mouth to say something. But then he closed it, and Stede called a taxi, and drove away.
He sat at his desk, drumming a pen, wondering about what Ed might’ve wanted to say instead of doing his work.
“Hey Bonnet,” one of the clerks said, rolling over to Stede on his wheely chair. It was Carter Rasmussen, who immediately set off Stede’s bully alarms. He hadn’t actually said anything mean, he just came off as a stuck-up twat. “The rest of the clerks are going out to drinks on Friday. Wanna come?”
“Oh, no, sorry, I have plans,” Stede responded, staring off into the middle distance. Rasmussen rolled away.
“I knew grandpa wouldn’t come,” the youngest clerk in the office, Leo Ventski, said with a smirk.
“Was still worth a shot,” Rasmussen replied. “I bet he knows some old timey mixed drinks that’ll get you fucked up real good.”
“Maybe… but he looks too square to really party.”
Stede wondered if that meant cocaine. He’d never done cocaine. He’d seen it a few times. The rich dicks he used to spend his time around were as fascinated with the white powder as everyone else. He had even been offered a line several times, but refused. Cocaine was just a step too far for him.
He wondered if he’d be offered any at karaoke.
~~~
“I SAID YA MOTHER TOLD YA ALL THAT I COULD GIVE YA WAS A REP-U-TA-TION!” Ed sang in the mirror, using his toothbrush as a microphone when he should’ve been brushing his teeth. It was Friday!! Let’s fucking go! He looked back into his bedroom to the clock on his nightstand. Fucking fuck he needed to go. Boots, jacket, hair tie to fix hair later, wallet, keys!!! Don’t forget his fucking keys!!
Ed went and stood in the middle of the platform, and watched the train speed in. When it came to a stop Ed looked as quickly as he could for Stede, but he was nowhere to be found. It would’ve been literally insane for them to find each other three days in a row, but he’s still a little sad. It’d been fun having someone to talk to on the train. Instead, he focused on pulling his hair halfway up like it usually was, using the reflection in the window.
~~~
When Ed hadn’t shown up at the train station, Stede sighed in disappointment. Three days in a row would’ve been too much anyways. He crossed his legs and twiddled his thumbs. Tonight he’d be going to karaoke. He suddenly became worried. He didn’t have much of a singing voice and didn’t know any popular modern songs. Perhaps he could just watch everyone else sing.
What if Ed invited him to duet?
Stede felt something unfamiliar in his heart. Well, not completely unfamiliar, if he was honest with himself. The first time he felt that was in the 6th grade when Bobby O’Dalley flashed him a smile in the hallway. It had happened several more times since then. Stede was lonely. He wanted friends. He wanted to be Bobby’s friend, at one point. He was just excited to become friends with Ed. And all of his coworkers. Was it weird he was going to a private work gathering? It wasn’t an official work thing though, right?
~~~
Ed went home that night before going to the bar. He had to spruce up. Shiniest boots with the buckle things around the ankle that served no purpose but everyone loves, his favorite leather pants, purple shirt for good luck, jacket, silver hoop in his right ear, and a smidge of eyeliner and mascara. A spritz of cologne his mother gave him for his birthday. This wasn’t a date, but you never know, right?
~~~
Stede stood still in his walk-in closet for an absurdly long time. It took forever to find an apartment in Brooklyn that had a walk-in, so by God was he going to spend some time there to make up for the increased rent and hassle. Of course, that’s not really why he was standing there. He had no fucking idea what was approrpriate to wear for karaoke night in Alphabet City. He eventually started scouring his wardrobe.
Blue skinny jeans? Good place to start.
Doc Martens? When the fuck did he buy these? Well, Ed would probably like them.
He also found a short sleeve button up that was black with funky neon patterns on it. He bought that after the divorce.
Realizing he’d probably need a coat, he grabbed his favorite bomber jacket and headed out.
~~~
Ed walked straight into Srgt. Pepper’s and headed to the room they always booked. Lucius was sitting on Pete’s lap in the corner while Roach and Buttons were knee-deep in an animated argument about the proper way to butcher a sheep.
“Have we started drinks yet?” Ed asked.
“Nah, waiting on a few more people,” Lucius said. “You antsy, love?”
“No,” Ed lied.
“Okay, let’s get a drink in you. A round of shots, anyone?” Lucius said, getting up.
“Shots? I’m down,” Jim said, rolling in with Olu, Wee John, and French in tow.
“Someone help me carry them,” Lucius asked.
“Got it!” Ed said, following him out the door and squeezing past the people coming in.
Lucius had seen Ed get pepper sprayed by cops while looking less anxious than he did now. He simply had to meet the man who could make Ed worry like a thirteen-year-old going on their first chaperoned date.
“So tell me about the subway man,” Lucius said, after ordering enough tequila shots for everyone.
“Well, his name’s Stede. He’s divorced.”
“Oh wow.”
“Shut up. He’s a clerk at some firm.”
“Really?”
“Just started. Apparently got a law degree to put off marriage but never used it until now. He seems loaded. His ex-wife probably kept all the money though.”
“Ex-wives usually do.”
The bartender came back with an armload of shots, and Lucius and Ed scooped them up to take them back to their room, and Lucius noticed that Ed took another glance towards the front door.
By the time they got back, Ivan and Fang had rolled it (they’d gotten enough shots for everyone in the office though, so this wasn’t a big deal), and they all took a shot together. Ed immediately took a second leftover one which got some “woahs!” from the group.
“Big night,” Ed said with a smile. “Who’s taking the first song?”
“Me!” The Swede cried, popping in.
“Hell yeah man, let’s go!”
~~~
A police car flew past Stede and he immediately tried to fix his hair. He was desperately lost in Alphabet City and it didn’t seem like the safest place. Also his feet hurt like hell and he was getting some terrible blisters on his ankles.
He eventually walked up to a group of women smoking cigarettes outside a club.
“Hello?” Stede asked. “Misses? I’m trying to find Sergeant Pepper’s.”
The women turned and looked at him. “Right down the block babe, you’re almost there,” one of them said, helpfully pointing in the direction of the club.
“Thank you!” Stede said, rushing off. He was two for two talking to strangers and not getting murdered or mugged! He hoped the win streak wouldn’t go to his head.
It really was right down the block. Stede crossed one street and there it was. He went inside and was met with loud music and bright neon lights and about the entire population of New York City. It was a tad overwhelming, especially since he didn’t see Ed, but he made his way in anyways. The vibes were certainly… something… in here. And then he saw two young men being very handsy in a dark corner. Yep. Suspicions confirmed. Anyways.
He went to the bar.
“Excuse me? Barkeep?” Stede asked.
“What?”
“Is there, by any chance, a person named Ed here?”
“Ed Teach from Queens' Aid and Relief? Yeah, in room C.”
~~~
Pete was currently singing “Waterloo” and staring right at Lucius. The two shots Ed took earlier were starting to wear off. Still no sign of Stede. With a small sigh, Ed slipped out to go get a beer from the bar, when he saw that golden halo.
“Stede!” Ed yelled, rushing through the crowd over to the bar.
“Ed!” Stede said happily. “I found it! Finally!”
“Yeah, man!” Ed said, taking him in for a hug. Oh shit, maybe those shots haven’t worn off yet. He let Stede go. Stede was standing close enough to see the eye makeup. It made him look somehow hotter (Stede probably wouldn’t look very good with makeup on…)
“So, uh, I was coming out to get a beer,” Ed said awkwardly.
“Sounds good. I’ll have whatever you’re having.”
“Two Guinnesses,” Ed said to the bartender.
They got their beers and Ed showed Stede back to their room.
“Technically you’re already two drinks behind me,” Ed said. “I should’ve ordered you two tequila shots so you can catch up.”
“I think I’m good for now.”
They went back to the room, and Ed introduced Stede to everyone. Everyone seemed to take one glance at him and immediately let go of their worries about being murdered tonight. For a bit, he just watched everyone else. Stede noticed that Ed and this little guy with permanent bitch face had yet to go. After Olu and Jim finished “Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!” Ed chugged what was remaining of his beer and stood up.
“My turn! My turn!” Ed said, “Hand me the mic!”
Olu handed it over and everyone sat down to wait for Ed’s performance. It probably took him a bit too long to find the song but when he did, a drum beat and series of “ohs” that were even familiar to Stede started. Ed started bouncing back and forth to the rhythm.
“Uptown girl! She’s been living in her uptown world! I bet she never had a backstreet guy! I bet her mama never told her why, I’m gonna try for an uptown girl!”
Ed looked at Stede and winked, which made Stede’s face go red (or maybe it was the alcohol, it made his cheeks burn sometimes). To solve this, he took another sip of his drink.
By the end of the song, Ed had switched the pronouns.
“And when he’s walkin’ he’s lookin’ so fi-i-ine! And when he’s talkin’ he’ll say that he’s mi-i-ine! He’ll say I’m not so tough, just because I'm in love with an uptown girl!”
Stede smirked a little bit at him for forgetting to change “girl” to “guy” or something. Normally being called a girl made him feel like a worthless piece of shit, but it didn’t this time.
When the song ended, everyone applauded, Ed handed the mic to Frenchie, and he collapsed next to Stede and put his arm around him.
“You have a good voice,” Stede said.
“Thanks, mate. You should sing something.”
“Oh, I don’t know anything popular.”
“Then sing something unpopular.”
“Oh I don’t know. My voice isn’t that good.”
“Stede, the only one of us who has an actual good voice is the Swede. Just sing something!”
“What about that guy? He hasn’t sung.”
“Oh, Izzy doesn’t sing. He just drinks and sulks.”
“Why is he here then?”
“Not sure, frankly. Maybe he’d rather drink and sulk here than at home.”
“Well, alright.”
“HEY! STEDE’S GOT NEXT SONG!”
Stede had no idea what he was going to sing. When Frenchie finished, he went up to the machine and started scrolling through the oldies. Should he match Ed’s obviousness? Not? What was he thinking? Was he gay? Was he a homosexual this whole time? It made sense. Was he panicking a little bit right here in front of a bunch of very cool strangers and a very cool man he wanted to impress and was maybe having extremely gay feelings about? Stede pressed the first song he recognized. It was a slow song. Dammit. It would ruin the vibes.
“Come with me, my-y love, to the sea, the sea of love,” Stede sang shakily, standing still. He really wished he had more than one beer in him. He should’ve taken Ed up on that offer for two shots. “I want to tell you, how-ow-ow much I love you,” fuck fuck shit fuck this was so obvious, and he was going to put everyone to sleep on top of it all. “Do you remember when we met? That’s the day I knew you were my pet. I want to tell you how-ow-ow much I love you,” Stede looked at Ed. He had a little crinkle in his eye. He looked at the rest of the people. They seemed to be enjoying it. No yawning, no boredom (save Izzy). They were listening to him sing this silly old song. Stede relaxed a little. “Come with me, to the sea… of love!” he sang with a little more confidence, swaying to the rhythm.
After he finished, he took a little bow, and Ed clapped, and everyone followed suit.
“Hey!” Lucius said, sitting up. “Time to go back to mine?”
“Ours,” Pete corrected.
“Whatever, love.”
“Yeah, let’s go,” Ed concurred. As they went to settle up their tabs, Stede tapped Ed’s shoulder.
“Where are we going?”
“Pete and Lucius’s place. They live like two blocks away.”
“And, um… what exactly will happen there?”
“Drinks, weed probably,” Ed said with a sigh. “My days of hardcore partying are behind me, I’m afraid.”
Stede sighed in relief. “No, that’s perfect, just my speed.”
“Oh, you sang great, by the way.”
“Thank you. I thought I was rather stiff…”
“Nah, not at all. Not here. Don’t want to be a stiff singer, that’d be bad--” Ed said, laughing before he could really even make an innuendo.
Stede rolled his eyes. Fuck, he was gay. He was definitely gay. That explained everything.
Stede took another step and audibly winced in pain. These boots looked so cool but his feet were literally killing him.
“Hey, you okay?”
“It’s the Docs. They’re new. Well not new, I don’t think. I just haven’t worn them in.”
“Oh yeah, you gotta do that before you wear ‘em,” Ed said, “Don’t wait up guys!” he said, and he bent down and unzipped his boot.
“What are you doing?”
“Let’s switch shoes. These boots are about 10 years old and as worn in and comfy as they’re gonna get. I’ll take the Docs.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Pssh,” Ed said, with a little flick of the wrist. “My feet can take it anyways.”
He took off both his boots and was now sitting in his socks on the floor of the bar. Stede couldn’t just leave him like that, so he sat down in the empty chair behind him and untied his boots, and they swapped. Luckily they wore the same size shoe.
Stede had to tuck his pants into Ed’s taller boots, which was quite a look, but it was very late into the night and nobody would care. Plus, they really were very comfortable. Ed looked exactly as badass in the Docs as he did in his old boots.
“Alright, let’s go.”
“We gotta pay first.”
“Ah, right.”
They went to the bar.
“Guy with the sideburns paid for you,” the bartender said. “Lucius, right?”
“He did?” Ed asked.
“Yep. You’re all settled up.”
“Damn. I gotta tell Izzy to give him a bonus on Monday.”
~~~
They walked out into the night towards Lucius and Pete’s apartment.
“Ed?” Stede said quietly when they were on a relatively quiet street.
“Yeah mate?”
“I’m… gay.”
“I sure hope so. Or bi, or something. At least not exclusive to women.”
“No, like I think I just kind of realized it.”
Ed stopped walking. “Like… when you divorced?”
“No… like… tonight.”
Ed’s jaw dropped. “Oh shit man, mazel tov!”
“Thanks.”
Ed wrapped his arms around him and gave him a big bear hug that pulled Stede’s feet off the ground. When he put him back down. Ed looked at him for a moment.
“Was that-- should I--?” Ed asked. Neither were really sure if Ed was talking to himself or Stede. Ed leaned forward and kissed him and Stede reciprocated.
“I am so glad I came to karaoke night,” Stede said when they pulled apart.
“Same. Look, there’s a little grocery store right near here. Let’s go get a cake and some decorational icing.”
“What?”
“The icing is so we can write ‘gay’ on the cake.”
“Uh, well, okay,” Stede said, feeling like he’d stepped through the looking glass.
Ed’s face softened slightly. “Is this-- am I being too much?”
“I’m kind of liking how this night is turning into a rollercoaster.”
And with that, Ed pulled him to the grocery store.
“What’s your favorite color and favorite flavor cake?”
“Blue. And uh, I’m up for any cake.”
“Cool, we’re getting chocolate then.”
“Is that your favorite flavor?”
“Yep.”
Ed pulled a blank white-frosted chocolate cake out of the fridge and Stede got some blue icing. When they were walking to the register, Stede saw some piña colada drink.
“Ooh, I haven’t had a piña colada in forever,” Stede said.
“That’ll probably taste like shit, but you should get it anyways.”
Stede shrugged and grabbed the bottle.
They purchased the stuff and finally made their way to Lucius’s apartment, climbed to the second floor, and pounded on the door to be let in.
Lucius opened the door and put a hand on his hip. “Bout time. Wait, did you get grocery store cake and piña cola mix? Why the fuck did you spend money on that, Ed?”
Ed looked at Stede expectantly and he realized Ed wanted him to say it.
“I’m gay.”
“Same?” Lucius said, not getting it.
“He just figured it out, Lucius!”
“Ohh!! Congrats!”
“Let us the fuck in so we can decorate this cake!”
Lucius let them in and grabbed the piña colada bottle and yelled for someone to get some real rum and pineapples and ice and to fire up the blender.
Ed opened the box that had the cake in it, took the tube of icing from Stede, and messily wrote the word “GAY” on top.
“It’s perfect,” Stede said.
“HEY! EVERYONE!” Ed yelled into the main room, where people were already drinking and passing a bong. “Stede has an announcement!”
“I’m gay!”
Cheers erupted from the group and everyone raised their cups (and Wee John raised the bong).
“Who wants gay cake?” Ed asked.
More cheers.
Lucius managed to turn the stupid piña colada drink into something drinkable and they ate their cake and passed the bong, which Ed had to show Stede how to use, and everyone kept piping up that one is supposed to do it differently, but Stede just did it how Ed said to do it and it was fine (even if he coughed a bit).
Eventually, it was time to head out, so Ed and Stede, of course, had to walk to the nearest subway station, which was quite a trek.
“This was, without a doubt, the most insane night of my life,” Stede said.
“We could make it more insane.”
“How?”
“You could, uh, come back to mine?”
Stede’s face went redder.
“I can’t let you go home with my shoes,” Ed continued.
“We could switch back.”
“I also don’t want you to walk home in pain.”
“If we keep each other’s shoes… that’s an excuse to get together again. Maybe by ourselves, this time.”
Ed nodded. “Yeah… no, that’s perfectly reasonable, of course. And like, don’t feel pressured, mate, or anything. Feel free to take all the time you need.” Then Ed whipped his head around to make sure they were alone. “Can I kiss you again, though?”
Stede nodded.
~~~
They got on the subway, and Ed stayed on the train with Stede all the way through to his stop, then got out.
“Want me to walk you home?”
Stede yawned. “Don’t you want to go home?”
“I really don’t want my uh… you… to be in danger on the Brooklyn streets alone at night at 2am.”
“I live in a pretty nice neighborhood. Oh! And I got some pepper spray,” Stede said, pulling it out of his jacket to show Ed.
“Look, if you don’t want me to, I won't push it. But just so you know the train to take me back isn’t coming for…” Ed looked around at the signs, “45 minutes.”
“Oh, well that’s different then. You shouldn’t have to stand here for 45 minutes.”
Stede started walking, then stopped. “Then again, I probably shouldn’t show a man I met three days ago where I live.”
“At some point we’re going to have to just trust that the other isn’t a murderer.”
“Well now that makes me think you’re a murderer more.”
Ed just shrugged and smiled. Seeing Stede recoil a little he backtracked. “If I wanted to murder you I would’ve done it by now, right? We’re all alone here.”
“It’s well lit in this subway station, though.”
“I could throw you onto the tracks so easily.”
“I’d pepper spray you.”
“With some cheap commercial spray? Piss off. That stuff can’t hurt me anymore.”
“So, do it then.”
Ed stood there for a second trying to gauge where the banter was going from there, and then went and grabbed Stede and lifted him up.
“Ed, stop, stop!” Stede said, laughing.
“Alright,” and he put him down.
“Let’s just get going. I don’t want you to miss your train.”
They walked back to the brownstone Stede was renting out, shared a kiss on the doorstep, and then Stede turned to go inside. Ed got a spur of the moment idea and put his hand on Stede’s shoulder to stop him.
“Hey, um, would it be weird for me to meet you at your stop on Monday, so we can ride into Manhattan together?”
“Not any weirder than taking your boots off in a dirty karaoke bar.”
Ed took that as a go.
It wasn’t until he was untying Stede’s Docs in his own apartment that he realized they could’ve switched back at Stede’s door. Ah well, it was an excuse to see his uptown girl again.