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Lan Wangji was pristine. He was perfect, the epitome of graceful and smart. More than that, he was kind, and all too pretty. He was the best of them all. Wei Wuxian had known that in his heart ever since he met him for the first time on that roof. And oh, he had him gone. But he was all too good, way too good for him.

And he was betrothed to another. To keep indulging this one-sided crush of his would only bring harm to himself and Lan Wangji if he let it continue any further.

…This had been the conclusion he came to after he found out about Lan Wangji’s betrothal. But it had been excruciating to try and move on. He’d found out about the marriage proposal in the last weeks of his stay at Cloud Recesses. During then, Wei Wuxian had tried everything. Distancing himself, acting like he didn’t have a care for him… it had all come out naught. He was still infatuated with him, his heart leaping every time he saw his tall figure, those golden eyes that seemed to drown out the rest of the environment around him, so bright but impossible to look away from.

After he’d been kicked out, he’d tried his hardest to distract himself and act as if nothing was wrong around his siblings and fellow sect members. He’d gone along with all of their games as he usually would have, but little did they know that these were all just distractions for Wei Wuxian so that his mind would stop wandering back to him. It was a tragic fate and was agonizing for Wei Wuxian, but for the sake of his own future and for Lan Wangji’s marriage, he had retreated into himself and hidden these feelings, swearing to never tell a soul. These feelings were a curse that had been laid upon him, that he couldn’t share for the sake of Lan Wangji’s happiness.

Because Lan Wangji should be happy and loved – that was the most important thing. Everything else, including his own happiness, could come after that. Even if that meant that he had to stay silent. Even if that meant Lan Wangji stayed ignorant of Wei Wuxian’s feelings for him for the rest of his life.

So Wei Wuxian took the brunt of all of the pain this curse inflicted, if it meant that Lan Wangji could be happy.

For all the poems and stories he’d read revolved around love, Wei Wuxian had found out something else by himself. Love was the strongest feeling in the world, and it was a double-edged sword. It could cause happiness, yes, of course – if they were requited. Which Wei Wuxian’s feelings were not. Love could also ensue the most pain out of everything.

Wei Wuxian had thought to himself that maybe, just maybe, this all had subsided in the time they’d been separated, that these feelings would have gone away, and he wouldn’t have to deal with the self-loathing, the tearing pain of it all. That he would be normal again. But to his horror, when he saw him once again at the so called “education” provided by the Wen Clan, he was surprised that his feelings hadn’t shrunk at all but had been terrified to find that they’d actually grown.

He'd swiftly shifted his gaze away from those snow-white robes, schooling his expression to an indifferent one, all the while struggling to calm his ragged breathing and slow his heart rate back to resemble one of a normal humans’. He’d told himself that he would have to employ harsher measures upon himself, to forcibly rid himself of these distracting emotions. But…

He couldn’t help it. Couldn’t help his eyes wandering while they were walking to that cave, couldn’t help noticing the boy following rather slowly behind the rest of them, couldn’t help noticing his limp, couldn’t help the concern rising in him. Couldn’t help walking over to him, even if his mind was screaming at his heart that this would ruin all his efforts over the past months.

Lan Wangji had shut down every one of Wei Wuxian’s questionings of his strange gait. It had made Wei Wuxian’s fingers curl at his sides. Why did he have to act like everything was fine all the time?

He couldn’t help how his heart ached as he watched his back walking away.

He also couldn’t help but try and seek out a distraction, anything, at least just to stop his mind from straying to the boy that had occupied every waking thought of his since he walked into his life. The boy that had saved him and simultaneously also managed to make him so very miserable.

So, his heart in tangles, Wei Wuxian had thought up a plan – one that involved the Jin girl named Mianmian. He knew deep down that this was unfair, that he was using her just to get over another. But he couldn’t think of morals right now, all he wanted was to ease this pain. Even if the only balm to his suffering was to have to pretend that he liked somebody else, he didn’t care. He didn’t care.

He didn’t care.

He couldn’t have a care in the world that Lan Wangji had gotten engaged. Good for him. Why would Wei Wuxian be hurt? He was just a boy that he had met for a fleeting half-year, one that had made clear that took a great disliking to him, at that. And he had just announced that he was to be wed! Congratulations were in order. Or not. He wasn’t even that close with him, anyways. So why did he care so much? He shouldn’t…

He shouldn’t like him this much…

So, even if he was hiding the tears behind his eyes, he had pushed through as he had walked up to Mianmian to flirt with her. And while he did it, Wei Wuxian couldn’t help the way his eyes flickered to Lan Wangji.

And Lan Wangji’s amber eyes had been on him at that moment, but in the next he had averted his gaze to stare straight in front of him. And Wei Wuxian had felt his heart crack, just a little bit more.

And now…

Wei Wuxian flicked his eyes to Lan Wangji next to him, who was looking back at the lake they just emerged from, hair dripping. They were both completely drenched. Wei Wuxian felt his ire raise higher and higher every second. He couldn’t believe that after all the hours of preparation and fighting the tortoise, all for the goal of getting out of here, that bastard had blocked the exit! His hands clenched into fists, and he fixed his jaw. Annoyance was an understatement of his feelings right now. He’d almost died being in the tortoise’s mouth for that long with the resentment-filled sword. Now they had no choice but to wait for Jiang Cheng and the others to come rescue them. They’d spent so much of their energy in the fight, they might’ve been in a worse position than they were when the tortoise was alive.

He was hungry. And exhausted. It was a sort of tired that seeped down to his very bones. He didn’t quite realise it until all of a sudden, his legs gave out and Lan Wangji quickly turned and stepped forward to catch him. He was alarmed at this for two reasons – one, that he had run out of strength, and two, Lan Wangji’s sudden nearness. Which didn’t make him uncomfortable, but the opposite. Alarm bells exploded in his mind, and he almost too swiftly detached himself from him, saying something about how he was fine, and he really didn’t need to help him and that he could walk on his own.

Wei Wuxian felt a shoot of panic at his own reaction. He really didn’t want Lan Wangji to be suspicious of why he was so quick to decline his touch, because that could lead to him learning of his greatest secret. For Lan Wangji’s sake, he didn’t want him to find out. It would only make him uncomfortable and would cause him – because he was so good – to feel that he had to give him an answer, and Lan Wangji telling him that he didn’t like him back would only shatter his already fractured heart into a million pieces, unable to be healed. Unable to be somewhat relieved of that pain by temporary distractions like Mianmian. After that, Lan Wangji would want to stay away from him, and go out of his way to ignore him. Wei Wuxian couldn’t help the fact that that would make him hurt even more, because even though his mind was telling him that he should try and stay as far away from him as possible, so as to not make this harder, and distract him from his plan – he wanted to keep allowing himself to talk to him. Because he could not stop himself from seeking him out. From wanting to be with him. From even just being able to stay at his side. If Lan Wangji learnt of his feelings, whatever hope that Wei Wuxian had of keeping Lan Wangji in his life, even just as a “friend,” would be ruined.

Even if Lan Wangji couldn’t love him back, he was fine with that. Or watching him from a distance, being happy with his… wife.

He just wanted to keep those eyes in his life.

Most importantly why Wei Wuxian didn’t want him to find out was because he didn’t want Lan Wangji to feel bad for turning him down. And of course he would turn him down, because he was engaged, and there was no way in hell that he could possibly reciprocate his feelings back – despite Wei Wuxian’s inability to keep himself from hoping. So, it would just be better if he tried to act as natural as possible around Lan Wangji, so this endless list of possibilities he was turning around in his mind that would ensue did not turn true.

Yes, he would take that secret to the grave.

So he forced himself to try and be more cautious and careful in his reactions to him, because the thought of Lan Wangji finding out about his feelings made him so fearful of the repercussions that he would rather act like nothing was wrong at all. Even if that meant that he had to act like he would before he found out about Lan Wangji’s marriage, before he realised his feelings towards him and swore to himself that he would make sure to never let him know of these, for his and Lan Wangji’s sake – for Wei Wuxian’s selfish hope that he could keep Lan Wangji in his life.

Which reminded him. Pulling himself back to reality, he took a deep breath. Lan Wangji didn’t look like he was suspecting anything just yet, but it had been a close call. He needed to act more natural in the future.

He had pushed Lan Wangji away, though, and had to keep going without his help, even if he was completely out of energy. Wei Wuxian’s vision was going blurry. His mind felt like it was coated in spiderwebs. He dragged his feet as he shuffled forward, Lan Wangji quietly following behind him. Not two steps later, Wei Wuxian’s legs gave out again. And Lan Wangji caught him. This time, he held a hand to his forehead.

After a moment, he said, “Wei Ying, you… are burning up.”

Wei Wuxian hadn’t had a fever in a long time. “…I am a little dizzy,” he said, the words much harder to force out than usual, trying awfully hard to not meet the amber eyes that were fixed completely on him.

“I will help you to the other side of the cave where you can rest.”

Wei Wuxian could barely keep himself awake – he blinked sleepily, the air suddenly feeling like it was dragging him down; oppressive. His skin burned. Wei Wuxian distantly registered Lan Wangji looping his arm around his waist and starting to help him walk.

“Lan Zhan… Just leave me here. I’m fine. You don’t have to help me, I’ll be okay.” His words were slurred murmurs.

“Cease talking and conserve your energy.” Lan Wangji’s voice came from right next to his ear, and his voice was low and sonorous.

It took Wei Wuxian longer than usual to comprehend the meaning behind his words. It was like his every thought had to trudge through a sea of mud. Once he did, though, he thought, Did Lan Zhan just tell me to shut up? It seemed so absurd that Lan Wangji would ever do such a thing, it was extremely funny to Wei Wuxian, that he started laughing. “Haha, was that a joke? Aiyah, Lan Zhan, you cannot be kind, pretty, smart and funny. My little heart cannot take it.”

Lan Wangji went quiet, probably deciding to ignore him, thinking that he was just joking, or teasing him, not meaning it. He couldn’t help wanting to fill the silence. He forced himself to continue on his original thought. “I can walk on my own. Your leg is injured, and you did most of the work killing the thing anyway. You’re probably more tired than I am. I don’t know why I have no energy. I keep telling my legs to walk, but they just won’t.” He looked down at his legs, which were lifelessly dragging along the ground. “Legs, move!” he ordered them. Obviously, they didn’t answer back, and certainly didn’t comply. He was just about to say more when he heard Lan Wangji’s voice.

“Wei Ying, you can hardly walk. I can help you.”

Lan Wangji was really way too kind. Wei Wuxian turned his head and flashed Lan Wangji a wide grin. “Lan Zhan, you are too good. Far too good. Your wife is a lucky girl indeed. If only…” He shook his head. “Ah, I’m dreaming again. That could never happen.”

After a moment of silence, like Lan Wangji was deliberating whether to ask, he said, “If only…?”

“Haha, I won’t tell you. Well, I can’t. It’s a secret. I made a promise, you see. It’s a secret between me and my heart. It would be unkind to tell you. Unkind to myself, because I’d break the promise, and it’ll only make me sad, because I already know your answer. It’s better just to continue trying to get over you by myself, yes.” In his mind, this made perfect sense, but he heard a sharp intake of breath next to him. He then said, unable to help how he still cares so much about what he thought, “Lan Zhan, am I a bad person? I feel bad for using Mianmian like this. But I just want you to know that I’m doing it all so that I can get rid of my feelings. Then, you won’t have to worry about me, and you can just focus on having a nice life with your nice wife who I hope will love you just as much as I do but you’ll love back.”

Lan Wangji froze in his tracks. Wei Wuxian felt it, because he was no longer being moved. “Wei Ying.” He heard his own name, although distantly. His ears felt like they were clogged with cotton wool. Every limb on his body felt like they weighed tonnes. His head felt like it was expanding from the inside.

Wei Wuxian managed to respond a “Hmm?” He closed his eyes, no longer having the energy to keep them open. He also couldn’t bare the bright lights dancing in his sight when he opened them. But he wanted to see Lan Wangji’s face, so his eyelashes fluttered as he fought against the desire of sleep dragging him down. When he focused slightly, he saw Lan Wangji’s amber eyes looking at him directly. He didn’t remember when they’d turned to face each other entirely. Lan Wangji’s grip on Wei Wuxian’s hips were the only thing grounding him.

Then, Lan Wangji seemed to say something, but Wei Wuxian couldn’t quite catch it. He was too enraptured by the gold intensity of Lan Wangji’s eyes. It was like a river was rushing just by Wei Wuxian’s ears, rendering him unable to hear Lan Wangji’s words. He made a ‘huh?’ sound.

Lan Wangji’s lips moved again, repeating what he said. It seemed to be a question, because Lan Wangji’s eyebrows were furrowed, probably in frustration at Wei Wuxian’s inability to answer him. His vision was very blurry, and he found it hard to focus on Lan Wangji’s face, almost giving the impression of tears in his eyes. Of course, that couldn’t be the case.

But at the thought of Lan Wangji being mad at him, Wei Wuxian tried harder to sharpen his senses. And yet, he didn’t manage to hear him.

God, he was so tired. He shut his eyes, using the last of his strength to fight off the sleepiness almost overcoming him. He wanted to pass out so bad. And he knows that Lan Wangji would catch him. Who wouldn’t fall asleep when they know a pair of strong, warm arms were going to receive them? Wei Wuxian definitely wasn’t an exception to this. Forgetting all about Lan Wangji’s question and his want to answer it, Wei Wuxian suddenly felt an overwhelming wave of exhaustion, and the darkness overcame him, sucking him into sleep.

*

Wei Wuxian closed his eyes and fell into unconsciousness. Lan Wangji had already been holding the both of them upright, but now that Wei Wuxian’s limbs went completely slack, he swayed and leaned forward. On reflex, Lan Wangji caught Wei Wuxian.

He was frozen in shock for a second. Everything that Wei Wuxian had said had plunged Lan Wangji even deeper into terror, devastating him, and now, a lump formed in his throat as he looked down at Wei Wuxian’s face, which was resting on Lan Wangji’s shoulder.

After a moment, he realised that he should care for Wei Wuxian. His condition was serious and seemed to have worsened over the course of their conversation. He slowly and carefully lowered Wei Wuxian’s body and laid him down on the ground. He was going to carry him all the way back to their makeshift camp that they’d used over the last few days, but since the fire had died out anyway, there wasn’t any difference in placing him here – in the middle of the cavern – than all the way on the other side of the cave. And anyways, Lan Wangji was concerned and wanted to care for him as soon as possible. Lan Wangji made extra care to cradle Wei Wuxian’s head the whole way down, so to not accidentally hurt him as he impacted with the rock ground. Lan Wangji sat down next to Wei Wuxian’s sleeping body. His hands shook slightly as he placed a hand upon Wei Wuxian’s forehead, his fingers grazing his soft strands of hair. The skin was alarmingly hot.

Lan Wangji’s mind whirled. He should build another fire to keep him warm. Wei Wuxian, although feverish, was now shivering slightly as the chilly wind in the cave swept by his wet robes. He’d do that later, though. Wei Wuxian needed immediate attention right now.

He caught Wei Wuxian’s limp wrist by his side and started channelling spiritual energy. He had a feeling that if he was awake when he did this, Wei Wuxian would probably have refused his help, saying something like, ‘oh, I’m okay, Lan Zhan. You barely have any left, anyways.’

Damn Wei Ying. Why couldn’t he just accept help and stop acting like he was burdening him all the time? Why was his self-worth so low, when Lan Wangji would be happy to give up everything for him?

Including his marriage.

Once he was done, he looked down and saw Wei Wuxian shifting in his sleep, looking like no matter how much he adjusted, his position was uncomfortable. The rock was probably digging into his back and making him even colder, as Lan Wangji could feel the rough, freezing surface through the material of his robes covering his knees as he kneeled on the ground.

Gathering Wei Wuxian’s body, Lan Wangji hauled him onto his lap. After, Wei Wuxian stopped shifting so much and looked less cold as he shared his body heat. He hoped that he was more comfortable. Looking down at Wei Wuxian’s sleeping face, Lan Wangji could feel his heart break. How could Wei Wuxian have got it so very twisted? How could he have thought that Lan Wangji hadn’t liked him, and thought that his feelings were something that he needed to hide because of his “betrothal?” How could Wei Wuxian have thought that he needed to rid himself of these, even driving himself to pretend like he liked Mianmian to “get over him?”

All because he thought that Lan Wangji was going to get married, that he thought to himself that he should hide these feelings to not burden him. He must’ve heard that rumour of the marriage proposal. Which he gave up for Wei Wuxian. He was going to tell Wei Wuxian that. He was going to tell him, but just never had the right time, and after he had been sent home early from the Cloud Recesses, his home had been set ablaze. He still had been planning on telling him, but after they had seen each other again, Wei Wuxian had been unusually distant towards him, no longer incessantly teasing him, but even seeming like he was going out of his way to avoid him. This puzzled Lan Wangji, but it was after he saw him with Mianmian did he understand.

In the time they’d been apart, Wei Wuxian had found somebody else he liked. Who wasn’t Lan Wangji. When Wei Wuxian had looked back at him while he was flirting with her, he’d gotten the terrible feeling that he actually knew of Lan Wangji’s feelings, and that he was doing this purposely to tell him that he didn’t like him.

It’d shattered him, but then he’d told himself that he couldn’t help it. Lan Wangji had tried to distance himself, as he didn’t want to ruin his relationship just because he liked him. He had given up his marriage for him, but if Wei Wuxian didn’t love him, and loved somebody else, then there was no point in telling him anymore. And yet he couldn’t quite help his selfishness, couldn’t stop himself from staying with him after he saw that Wei Wuxian was going to stay in the cave alone, after he had gotten injured. For Mianmian.

Lan Wangji hated the way Wei Wuxian had been acting in the last days they’d been stuck in here – so distant, and like he was trying to not make a fuss of himself in any way. He’d used almost all of the medicinal herbs that they’d collected from Mianmian’s pouch on Lan Wangji’s wound, saying that his own was fine, and that he didn’t have to worry about him. He hadn’t been playful in the time where Lan Wangji had no spiritual powers and was completely at the mercy of Wei Wuxian’s (usual) teasing and joking, instead solemn and quiet and acting like he’d actually very much prefer if Lan Wangji didn’t talk to him at all. He also very quickly turned down any offer of physical help or touch from Lan Wangji. He didn’t meet his eyes very often, and conversation between them was stiff and formal. It made Lan Wangji sad and confused as to what happened to cause this change, and also made him realise just how much he’d (secretly) enjoyed Wei Wuxian’s teasing.

Had he really found out about his feelings and was just uncomfortable around him? Had something happened at home? Had he heard something about Lan Wangji from his brother or his friends that made him not want to be friendly towards him, like he usually would to everyone? Had he done something wrong?

It wasn’t like he could just outwardly ask him, because if his reason was the foremost, Lan Wangji would rather not hear Wei Wuxian’s turning down of his feelings. So he hadn’t done anything.

And now, Wei Wuxian had just told him that he had been trying to get over him by pretending to flirt with Mianmian – which Lan Wangji had taken as Wei Wuxian not being interested in him, which was why he hadn’t told him of his feelings, and was also why he had tried to distance himself, which Wei Wuxian had also done, and Wei Wuxian had taken him distancing himself as him not being interested in him, and…

Oh, this was all such a big mess that could’ve all been resolved if they had just talked. He felt heartbroken that Wei Wuxian had, for one, felt that he wasn’t good enough for Lan Wangji, and secondly, that he hadn’t had an inkling that Lan Wangji liked him back and because of the rumour that he was getting betrothed, he beat himself up over his own feelings, and then forced himself to pretend to flirt with someone else to get over him. And that he had set his self-worth so low when Lan Wangji had done the exact same thing, thinking that Wei Wuxian didn’t like him back, and that because he was “flirting” with Mianmian – which Lan Wangji now recognises as fake – that he hadn’t been interested in him and thus hadn’t told him that he’d cut the betrothal off and that he was in love with him.

Lan Wangji wanted so desperately to talk to him, to tell him that it was all just a misunderstanding and that he loved him too, but he couldn’t bring himself to disturb his rest and shake him awake. He needed the sleep, but every second that Wei Wuxian was set in this mindset sent another dagger into Lan Wangji’s heart. All he could do for now was to care for him as best as he could, and then when he woke up, they’d talk about it.

That thought was little comfort to Lan Wangji, who presently felt terrible, sorry, and sorrowful that he had inadvertently inflicted so much pain and suffering onto the person that he would do anything to protect.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji said, stroking Wei Wuxian’s hair. A drop fell onto Wei Wuxian’s sleeping face and traced down his cheek. Lan Wangji wiped it away and blinked at the tears burning at his eyes. His voice cracked. He whispered, over and over, the name that had etched its letters onto the deepest parts of his heart. “Wei Ying… Wei Ying. Wei Ying, Wei Ying, Wei Ying…”

*

Two days passed. In those two days, Wei Wuxian burned with a low fever, alternating between delirious half-consciousness and deep sleep. Lan Wangji intermittently channelled spiritual power to him, and by that, was able to somehow keep his condition from deteriorating further.

Lan Wangji had not been able to have Wei Wuxian lying on his lap the entirety of these two days (to his sadness) but had felt that it was still unfit to have him sleep on the stone floor, so had shed his outer robe, folded it, and placed it under his head, hoping that it made it a little more comfortable.

He had been meditating by the fire when he had heard rustling from behind him. Lan Wangji, recognising that this sound was probably Wei Wuxian rolling around in his sleep again, pulled himself back to reality and turned to place Wei Wuxian back into a more acceptable position and put another wet cloth on his forehead.

He was met with the sight of Wei Wuxian sitting upright, staring at him with wide eyes.

Lan Wangji didn’t have to think of something to say first because the next second, a look of extreme terror washed over his features and Wei Wuxian scampered backwards. The words froze in Lan Wangji’s throat as a million flew out of Wei Wuxian’s mouth with neck-breaking speed, “I’m so sorry for what I said. You don’t have to reply to me, actually I’d rather you not. Please forget everything. I-”

“Wei Ying-”

“I know what you’re thinking right now, and I just want to ask you of a last favour, and that is to not answer me. I already know your answer, and it’ll only hurt me more. Please forget all about me and have a beautiful life with your wife and have a bajillion beautiful children and not have to remember about that one weird classmate that fancied you.” Wei Wuxian then uttered a forced, nervous laugh. He looked so scared, sad, and pitiful, a constricting feeling squeezed Lan Wangji’s heart.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji said again, rising to his feet, walking over to him. Wei Wuxian only retreated more like a frightened animal.

“Lan Zhan, please don’t make it any harder for me. Please just let me do this in peace, so I can get over you. I swear I’ll leave you alone from now on. Just please, please, please, don’t hate me-”

“Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian, who had been staring down at his hands digging into the fabric of his robe, unable to meet his gaze, slowly looked up at him at the sound of Lan Wangji’s sob-choked utterance of his name. After all that talking, he seemed like he had truly been stricken speechless.

Lan Wangji let the tears fall down his face. “Wei Ying, listen to me.” He walked forward a bit more, then sat in front of Wei Wuxian, who was frozen mid-action. “I turned down the engagement proposal.”

That snapped Wei Wuxian out of his shock. “What?” he said.

“I did it the first time I heard about it. You were already gone at that point. I suppose that the news never reached you with all the muddle-up with the Wens, and the Cloud Recesses being burnt down… I was planning on telling you when I met you again, but after I saw you with Mianmian, I thought that you loved her, and I stopped myself from telling you.” He read the question on Wei Wuxian’s face, and said, “Telling you, because I turned the offer down for you. Because if I had to choose anybody to spend the rest of my life with, it would be you.”

Lan Wangji had no idea where all this confidence had come from. He usually would not even be able to think up the words to express how he was feeling, never mind tell them to somebody else. Lan Wangji guessed it was because of all of the emotions he’d been bottling up over the last year, and him desperately wanting to tell them to Wei Wuxian every moment for the past two days – that all of it spilt forth then. He hadn’t even registered the words before they came out of his mouth. In the couple of days Wei Wuxian had had his fever, Lan Wangji had deliberated over what he should say, but everything he’d thought up sounded stiff and insincere, or came off way too strong. He’d gone totally off-script, then. He was vulnerable, offering all of his tender emotions to Wei Wuxian, raw. He only hoped that Wei Wuxian felt the same way.

Wei Wuxian looked absolutely stunned. He blinked once, then again. “Am I dreaming?” he asked, mostly to himself. He reached out to touch Lan Wangji’s face, as if he was checking whether he was real or not. Just before he poked him, though, he stopped himself, realising what he was doing, a look of embarrassment appearing on his face.

But before he could retract his hand, Lan Wangji caught his wrist and pressed Wei Wuxian’s palm to his cheek and said while looking into his eyes, “You’re not dreaming, and I swear that every word of mine is the truth and nothing but the truth. That’s a promise.”

Wei Wuxian turned totally flustered at this action, and he flushed a deep scarlet, his mouth opening and closing but no words coming out. Their usual roles had been completely reversed – Lan Wangji, who words often failed had just burst out a love confession, and Wei Wuxian, who usually always knew exactly what to say at all times turned speechless. After a moment, Wei Wuxian’s eyebrows turned upwards, and he flew forward, flinging himself onto Lan Wangji.

Lan Wangji, not expecting this, lost his balance under the sudden weight and fell backwards onto the ground. The momentum sent him crashing down, and he let out a groan of pain. Immediately, Wei Wuxian had detangled his arms from around his shoulders and sat up, looking down at him with a worried crease between his brows and was asking him if he was okay and telling him that he was sorry and asking again if he’d gotten any injuries and apologising over and over-

It was then that Lan Wangji learnt the only reliable way of shutting up Wei Wuxian. Finally giving into the action that he’d wanted to do ever since he met him, he grabbed his jaw and leaned upwards slightly to meet his lips.

The words Wei Wuxian had been saying cut off, and after a second of surprise, leaned into his hold.

Lan Wangji was kissing him. And he was kissing him back.

Wei Wuxian had fallen on top of him, and when he’d abruptly embraced him, Lan Wangji had acted as a cushion that absorbed the impact to the floor. Wei Wuxian had gotten up slightly when Lan Wangji hit his back on the floor, but with this, Lan Wangji brought him right back down.

Lan Wangji buried his hand in Wei Wuxian’s hair and almost yanked it completely out of its ribbon.

He slowly straightened up. Now, Lan Wangji was sitting on the floor and Wei Wuxian in his lap, legs wrapped around his waist. He had to angle his neck slightly upwards to kiss him. Wei Wuxian had one hand cupping his jaw, the other around his shoulders. Lan Wangji had his left hand on the dip of Wei Wuxian’s waist and the other tucking the loose locks of hair that fell down from his wrecked ponytail behind his ear, and then moved to rest on Wei Wuxian’s thigh.

A thousand years later which Lan Wangji never wanted to end, Wei Wuxian broke away from him, breathless. He looked down at him – panting and hair wonderfully messed. Lan Wangji was so close to him; he could count every one of his eyelashes. The brown of his eyes was highlighted by the dancing flames of the fire beside them, giving them a mischievous glint. He gave him a small kiss on his lips, then planted ones on the side of his face – on his cheekbone, along his jaw. There’s a playful edge to his movements, and Lan Wangji is caught between lingering in it and impatience. He arrived at his ear, which by now were burning, and probably displayed a rather red colour. He bit and licked it, all the while whispering words into his ear, his voice, so close to him, evoking a strange tension in Lan Wangji.

He was so obviously teasing him. And Lan Wangji hated how he was helpless against it – against giving a reaction. Wei Wuxian was his only weakness.

His patience was worn thin by now. Wei Wuxian leaned in and whispered, “Lan-er-gege.” Quite deliberately, he breathed a wisp of steam down Lan Wangji’s neck, a parting gift of heat that drifted underneath his clothes.

Lan Wangji snapped. He hooked an arm around Wei Wuxian’s waist, supporting his back as he flipped him over onto the floor in an instant. Lan Wangji reached up to his forehead and yanked the ribbon free, grabbing Wei Wuxian’s wrists and tying it around them, binding them together. He pinned them above Wei Wuxian as he leaned back into him. Wei Wuxian gasped slightly as Lan Wangji slid his tongue into his mouth.

Lan Wangji could hear his heart beating madly like it wanted to leap out of his chest. His mind was muddled – all that he was focused on was of the disciple underneath him. His tongue moved hotly, restlessly, expressing everything that he couldn’t articulate in words in his actions. In the way he kissed him.

How many times had he thought about this, had chastised himself and pushed those feelings down, had told himself he could never have it? Lan Wangji’s desire had never been quite so sharp, coiling so brightly in his chest that it almost felt tangible. It had cut his skin, drawn his own blood before with every effort he’d made to push it down. Now, everything rushed forward, a tsunami of pent-up want – only further intensifying the kiss.

Wei Wuxian was kissing him back, too. Their kissing turned even more passionate as things shifted – Lan Wangji kissed him slower, deeper. The air mingled between them. It was too much and not enough simultaneously. He was overwhelmed and desperate for more.

“Have you not eaten in so long that you decided to eat each other’s asses instead?”

Wei Wuxian screamed. Lan Wangji whipped his head around and blanched as he saw Jiang Cheng and a bunch of other Jiang Clan elders standing awkwardly on the other side of the cave. Lan Wangji froze in place for a second, unbelieving.

Had they really been so captured in each other that they had not noticed them? They must’ve gotten in by moving all the boulders at the top. That would’ve made a lot of noise…

He looked at Wei Wuxian underneath him, who was gaping at Jiang Cheng. His cheeks were deeply flushed, his lips bruised and hair loose and unkempt. Lan Wangji got off him quickly, and then offered a hand up to Wei Wuxian, who still had his wrists bound. He accepted the help.

Jiang Cheng walked over to them, scowling. Wei Wuxian was trying to bite at the knots he made. He hadn’t realised he’d tied them so tightly.

Jiang Cheng glanced at the purplish-red stained water and the tortoise’s dead carcass, and said, deadpan, “Did you kill it, but you decided to fuck one more time before you escaped?”

“First off, we weren’t fucking-”

“Weren’t far from it,” Jiang Cheng interrupted. “I’m getting shivers just thinking about if we had arrived five minutes later. Euck.” He turned back from where they came from, not even waiting for Wei Wuxian to continue nor looking back to see if they were following. Lan Wangji caught Jiang Cheng whispering underneath his breath, “And here I was, worried that you would be dead when I came back. Turns out you were doing just fine. I really shouldn’t have bothered.”

He had passed the Jiang elders and was heading probably towards the way they came. Everybody stood in place for a moment. The elders all had varying levels of embarrassment and amusement on their faces. Wei Wuxian looked as if he was one moment from his soul leaving his body. For all the times Lan Wangji had called him ‘shameless,’ Wei Wuxian seemed to possess at least a few dregs of shame in him.

Lan Wangji was extremely embarrassed as well. He had never been caught doing something this… well. He had never permitted himself to act on his wants on something this… How could he describe it? Something this… unthinkable, maybe before, that went against his Lan sect rules. And a bunch of elders had just walked in on them. Both of them had been waiting for them for the last seven days, and yet they had to enter at the worst time possible.

At last, the awkward silent staring contest between the two parties across the room snapped with one of the elders turning and going after Jiang Cheng. After that, the rest of them broke off and followed suit, sending a last meaningful glance at them before they went.

Lan Wangji caught his eye, and Wei Wuxian offered him a small, lopsided smile. He cocked his head towards their retreated backs, and they started off after them.

Towards their escape route. Lan Wangji’s chest felt lighter. They were going to escape.

Lan Wangji knew this was a precarious situation, and that there were hardships on the horizon. But they had just been rescued. There was light at the end of the tunnel (Jiang Cheng being that light, swearing as he did) and with Wei Wuxian at his side, Lan Wangji felt like he could overcome anything. The Wens would never be able to take over or tear them apart. Lan Wangji would raze the world to the ground if they tried to touch him. As they were at the moment, they had just confessed and cleared up all of their misunderstandings and kissed. Lan Wangji was presently wondering when he could do it again.

It was then that Lan Wangji felt a hand slip into his by his side. He glanced at Wei Wuxian next to him, and he was looking down, a slight tilt to his lips. Their intertwined hands were hidden by their robes. Nobody knew but them.

Lan Wangji held his hand as they escaped from the cave and leaving with a newfound determination to protect the one beside him. He had cursed fate for its unfairness once, but he found now that it sometimes caused happy accidents, too.