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On September 28th, Thoma knew as best as anyone that Ayaka preferred a more quiet environment. She wished for a peaceful one every year, allowing her to escape the praise and excitement that accompanied the typical occasion of a birthday.
It had been that way since he’d first met the Kamisatos, his curiosity piqued when Ayato approached him to talk of her birthday the next day.
“Ayaka… is not very fond of her birthday. She much prefers staying in her room until I am free from my duties to spend the rest of it with her. I would advise you to avoid the topic when possible.”
Perhaps it may have been due to being a new face that the Kamisato Clan head had recommended he never discuss it with her, but even as he became more a part of their family, he never felt it was his place to directly address the situation. Even so, he fortunately had Ayato to give him a brief explanation of his little sister’s sorrow that day; still, some things always needed to remain a mystery, only to be revealed to him by her.
Not many people knew why it was that she never showed her face (she already didn’t too often, but she quite literally vanished entirely that day), but if anyone knew, it was Thoma.
Everyone handled grief differently, and for Ayaka, he learned that it required a certain amount of privacy for her to properly let her feelings out. Words could never describe how much he worried for her as she hid away that day, but seeing as she always had Ayato by the end of it, and she always felt better the next day, he refused to interfere. The last thing he wanted was to make her uncomfortable.
Sweet, caring, gorgeous Ayaka- goodness, was he rambling again? It was undeniable that he had feelings for the Kamisato Clan’s youngest heir, but he hoped it was never too obvious to anyone else. Perhaps Ayato knew- he had no doubt that he would be the first to tell- but it seemed his general warmth masked any real feelings for her.
Still, in that light, he’d do anything for her, even if she didn’t know how much he lightened her load.
As her housekeeper (and best friend), the young blonde took it upon himself to handle any affairs that usually fell on her shoulders that day. Without any clue as to how she would feel if he interrupted her (needed) alone time, he avoided coming in contact unless she requested for him. He would fend off whoever he had to in order to let her remain undisturbed, so long as she wanted her silence.
Unfortunately enough, as the day dragged on, it became more and more evident to Thoma that her older brother was facing an enormous amount of work; he wasn’t one to slack, and he’d do anything for his little sister’s sake, which is why his absence concerned him.
Hesitantly, he headed towards Ayaka’s room to check in on her, hoping she wouldn’t be all too upset to see him in place of the hydro visionbearer.
Go for it, he encouraged himself, knocking before sliding the door open ever-so-slightly after another pause.
There she stood in her normal attire, the only exception being her hair was down, turned away from the door with both fists clenched and rested on her dresser. He assumed she already had guessed it was him, because she didn’t attempt to face him like she probably would have if he were Ayato. One hand was holding open her mother’s journal with what seemed to be droplets of water splattered onto the pages, and in all her stillness she still shook like a leaf.
“Milady?” he asked quietly as he joined her side, cupping her cheek so she would face him as he gently brushed away her tears with his thumb. “You… hate being all alone on a day like today, don’t you?”
She opened her mouth to speak, but no words escaped her lips. More tears fell, and her face so flushed that he could tell her inability to coherently reply embarrassed her.
“You don’t have to talk, okay? Don’t speak if it hurts to. I can do the talking,” he promised, whispering the words “it’s okay” over and over to try and calm her down, to stop her from trembling and to comfort her, but nothing seemed to stop her quivering.
Holding it together for too long would take its toll on anyone, and for her, the silent sobbing lasted for what felt like hours.
Not that Thoma minded, or even bothered to keep track of the time- he would stand by her side for a thousand eternities if it brought her any comfort.
And it did. Enough that she was the first to reach out to bury her face in his chest, inviting him to hold her with a grip on his arm that begged him to stay. He did exactly as she wished, wrapping his arms around her, calmly stroking her hair with each shake.
She only spoke after the tears ceased, even if her occasional tremble remained. “I-I cannot… do this again. It… it is selfish to coop myself up in here, avoiding everyone on my birthday when all they want to do is celebrate it with me, but how can I? How can I rebuild my family when half of them are gone? How can I…”
She stopped once more, words failing her, on the verge of falling apart all over again when he pulled away to cup her cheeks in both hands.
“You don’t owe anyone anything, milady,” he murmured in reassurance, taking one of her hands to place on his chest so she could feel his heartbeat. “You don’t have to go out there for anyone but yourself. Today is your day, however you want it to be, and if you need it to yourself, that’s perfectly okay. Wherever it is you spend it, if you want me, I’ll be there.”
Ayaka could only nod in confirmation as she stared at her hand on his heart, gazing up at him as she fought back any more tears. “Thank you, Thoma. I will. Truly, I always want you by my side.”
After a moment, she nestled her head into his chest again, and with the lightness of her breathing, he finally relaxed. Her eyes were shut, perhaps still to hide from the memories of the past, but no matter the circumstances, he doesn’t let go.
It took until after the moon had risen for there to be a new, more authoritative knock on the door to warn them that Ayato was waiting there, fully prepared for the moment where Ayaka carefully pulled away from Thoma to hug him.
“I apologize for my tardi-“ he began, but sensed he needed to stop talking when the cryo visionbearer shook her head, burying it into his shoulder.
“I have a cake for you as always, my dear sister,” he finally stated when she decided to break away, placing both hands on her shoulders firmly before he gestured for them to follow after him. When they got to their dining table, he disappeared to go grab it, and Thoma noted that Ayaka seemed to be in better spirits. He couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of relief that she seemed so much more at ease after such a short interaction. At least Ayato could better alleviate her worries- he hated seeing her in such distress.
The tall man returned with a carefully decorated cake in hand, adorned with different Inazuman fruits and flowers made out of icing.
Ayaka giggled- goodness, he loved her laugh- seeming extremely impressed with the craftsmanship of the dessert. “As well-decorated as always, Ayato. I am ecstatic to see how it tastes this time.”
Her older brother sighed, bringing a knife over with him to slice into it when they were done singing. “Just because I burnt your cake once in our youth does not mean I have burnt it again.” Despite his frustrated words, it was clear he was equally as amused as her, taking a seat on the opposite side of her. The blonde took careful note of their conversation, trying to follow along. Somehow, despite being involved with this part of her birthday festivities yearly, everything held a different weight to it knowing what was going on with her prior to it.
Had she cried so much every year without him realizing, only able to calm down with Ayato, and then put a strong front back on just for him afterwards? It didn’t entirely add up to him, but Ayaka must’ve been one of the strongest people he knew- and selfless- if she was willing to worry about even his happiness on her birthday every single year.
Somehow, in that light- even as they sang to her- he couldn’t shove away the attraction he felt as he gazed at her, managing to let down his guard to fully enjoy the happiness in her eyes.
“Miss Kamisato?”
After her cake had been eaten and her gifts opened, the young lady had headed outside to look over the fence surrounding the Kamisato Estate and at the sky.
“Greetings, Thoma.”
Reassured by her appearance when she turned (not a single tear, just a relatively solemn expression), he joined her at her side again, staring at the stars as well.
“Are you well?”
He didn’t specify whether he meant after such a cathartic moment earlier that day, or because she was outside alone, or because of the past, but at the very least, he received a nod.
“That’s good,” Thoma said, offering her a smile. He briefly looked at the moon before turning back towards her and extending his hand.
“Would you mind if I went on a walk with you, milady?”
Ayaka exhaled, flipping the new fan (gifted to her by Ayato previously that evening) closed and putting it away. After a moment, she reached out to take his hand, her grip firm, yet loose enough that he could pull away if he so desired.
“Not at all.”
And so he took her on a walk down the path, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb gently. Nothing about her appearance read as upset- not half as much as earlier- but rather quietly melancholic instead. A silent sorrow, which was both familiar and unrecognizable to him in that moment.
If only he could find what to say- anything to say- that would make her laugh, or smile, but he knew they would have to stop putting off the inevitable discussion of her despair. Even if she claimed to be okay, he knew her much, much better than that. At some point, they would need to address it, and there was no sense in dampening her mood intentionally when there was room for conversation right then and there.
“Is there a reason you were out all alone?” he finally pushed himself to ask, and at the very least, the question wasn’t so sudden that she immediately came to a stop. If anything, she almost… saw it coming?
“My mother used to take a moment to watch the stars with me on my birthday. I remember that much of her… but not much else. I know how silly it is, but I feel more connected to her. She talked so fondly of them in her journal, claiming that amidst adversity, they could guide us home,” she laughed, though it was very halfhearted, enough that Thoma saw through her.
The blonde squeezed her hand comfortingly, listening intently to everything she said, allowing her to stop when necessary and continue when she could. He did his very best to pay attention to her while still keeping guard, watching to make sure no one would harm either of them.
“It grants me the pleasure of thinking… no response required. I just want the luxury of knowing things in my life will never be flipped upside-down so suddenly again. I want things to remain how they are, with you and Ayato every year- but I can never rely on such days lasting forever. Someday, everything will be different again; I know you will find where you truly belong, and perhaps… perhaps it will be far, far away from here.”
“No,” he protested, bringing her hand to his heart. “This is where I belong, milady. The Kamisato Clan is my home, you are my home. If anything, the stars have guided me to you, you and nowhere else. Unless there comes a day where you no longer need me-“ he paused to consider the notion for a moment, but opted to forget about it unless such a time ever came. He reminded himself of what she’d said earlier of always wanting him by her side, but who knew how long that would hold true? “Unless that day comes, I’m not going anywhere.”
Without expecting it, she grabbed both of his hands with hers, slowly holding them close to her. “Truly?” In her gaze, he saw fear and uncertainty, but beneath that, he could tell how touched she was, and how much she trusted him.
“Truly. Happy birthday, milady.”
She relaxed, closed her eyes, and squeezed his hands lightly.
“Thank you, Thoma,” she whispered, and as they made their way back towards the Kamisato Clan, there was no need to exchange any more words. As far as he could tell, his presence was comfort enough.
Joy. As long as he could find it in her eyes, he could find within himself in turn.