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Jojo's words echoed in his head as he approached the classroom. If you don’t know what you want out of your sexual relationships then you won’t have a healthy relationship she had said, most likely not even realizing the effect it was having on Ca$h, hearing those words. It was like verbal confirmation to his deepest insecurities that he and Darren could never work. Sex is an important part of any relationship
"Miss?" he asked, standing in the doorway of the SLT classroom. Jojo looked up at him in surprise.
"Ca$h" she said, caught a bit off guard by his sudden presence. "SLTs isn't until after lunch" she reminded him. "Did you need something?"
"Um, actually yes" he said, swallowing back the feeling of anxiety growing in his throat as he cautiously walked over to her desk, pulling a chair to sit across from her. She nodded and looked up at him intently, waiting for him to continue, and he suddenly wanted nothing more than to run out of the room.
"It's about our lesson that we had about, uh, desires" he started awkwardly, avoiding her gaze. Eye contact was hard for him at the best of times, save for when he was with Darren, let alone when he was about to open up about his sexuality (or lack thereof) with his teacher.
"Ca$h, if you have some sort of obscure kink or something, that's nothing to be-"
"It's not that" he cut her off, feeling panicked at the thought of anything like that. She clamped her mouth shut and nodded.
"Okay" she relented. "What's on your mind, Ca$h?"
"You said that sex is important to, um, relationships, right?" he asked her, looking up at her with uncertainty. She nodded again, visibly confused. "Well, it's just that..." he took a deep breath. "I mean, I had already talked to Darren about this, but now I found that there's apparently a word for it, um..." he swallowed again, feeling pressure under her intent gaze as she listened to every word that left his mouth. "I think I'm... Asexual"
Jojo was silent for a second, and Ca$h had his eyes clamped shut, fearing the disgusted look he was sure was on her face. Enough time passed though, and the anticipation was killing him. He risked looking up only to see a confused but warm smile on her face. "I'm not sure I know what that is" she told him. "Could you explain it to me?"
"It's um... Sorry" he apologized, letting himself properly breathe for the first time in the conversation. "It's a term basically used to describe someone who doesn't feel, uh, sexual attraction, I think" he explained clunkily. "But it's like a whole 'spectrum' I guess where some people like the act of sex, just don't feel the, uh, attraction, and other people don't want sex at all, um..." he looked up at her fully. "I think I'm part of the second lot"
"Okay" she said, voice drawn out a bit as she tried to take in this new information. "I... Suppose that makes sense... So, you and Darren-"
"No" he replied. Then, "And I would prefer not to talk about the level of intimacy with my partner with you"
"Right, right" she agreed. After the whole allegation with Amerie, she'd been trying to stay out of any trouble like that, so she truly didn't have any interest in pushing Ca$h on a topic he wasn't too comfortable with. "Okay... That all makes sense" she told him. "And I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable in our last class. I'll try to use better language in the future"
"Really?"
"Yes" she confirmed, failing to see the point of surprise. "Part of what I've been trying to do since the beginning is make this class more inclusive than the old curriculum. If I said something that was unknowingly excluding a whole subsect of people, let alone one of my students, then I would like to correct that"
"Oh..." he breathed out a sigh of relief. "That's... Really cool of you, miss"
"Now, your classmates will be here in a minute or so"
"Right" he replied, getting to his seat. "Thank you, miss"
"No" she responded. "Thank you for talking to me about this, Ca$h"