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It was the night before Obi-Wan was due to ship out with Feemor, Kit and Quinlan. Alpha had already been training the Clone Commanders for the last few weeks on Kamio. They were to meet with Alpha and receive their CC in preparation for deployment. It marked Obi-wan’s first assignment from the Council since Rattatak and thus the end of his brief, not long enough medical leave. There is no rest for the weary, not when there is a war on. Certainly if it were up to Head Healer Vokara Che, Kenobi wouldn’t have been assigned to the front at all.
Yet Obi-Wan was to lead the Third Systems’ Army and Vokara’s gut had sank with the knowing few other Jedi had Obi-Wan’s military experience. There was a reason Obi-Wan had been promoted to the Council and assigned as a Jedi High General. His experience was unparalleled within the Order: Melida/Daan, Naboo, Geonosis to name a few.
There was foreboding sense that hang in Feemor’s apartment that evening. He could sense the way Obi-Wan held his shoulders. The younger Jedi even turned in early and didn’t turn down the offer of a sleeping pill.
Feemor sensed the disturbance in the Force, another nightmare likely. He sighed, deciding whether to reveal his knowledge of these nightly hauntings to his lineage sibling or not. There was a reason the Shadow Council had asked him to care for his unusual house guest. The not-so-quiet utterance of ‘fuck’ roused Feemor from his bed, slipping into his dressing gown.
“Obi-Wan?” Feemor called softly, announcing his presence. He didn’t feel like getting stabbed today. It was best not to spook the man.
“Sorry, did I wake you?” Kenobi asked, barely above a whisper, as he leaned against the balcony, staring at the stars. He was lost in thought, barely even in the room. Feemor made a soft sound of concern as he approached.
“I don’t sleep much these days either.” Feemor shrugged. He had a whole host of neurological health problems and depression. It escaped him while the Shadow Council thought it best for Feemor to be Kenobi’s keeper, but he supposed few other beings in the galaxy might have any inking of understanding the horrors Kenobi sururived.
“I can’t sleep,” Obi-Wan murmured, his eyes wet as he avoided Feemor’s glaze.
They just stood there quietly until Feemor coaxed Obi-Wan back in, not wanting him to stand out in the cold too long. Not when they barely had put him back together again, his poor lungs.
“Shit, you’ve opened your wound.” Feemor frowned, encouraging Obi-Wan to sit while he retrieved the first aid kit. Obi-Wan didn’t realize he had pulled his stitches up and was bleeding.
From the fresher, Feemor made out a terrible raspy breath coming from the living room.
“No. No, not again.” Obi-Wan wheezed, clawing at this face. Afraid the Sith mask was back, squeezing the life and light from his body.
Obi-Wan’s heart thumped in his chest loudly. He couldn’t breathe. He was suffocating again, the darkness threatening to swallow him whole. He was no longer in his body, unsure where and when they were.
“I’ve got you, shhhh. You’re safe. You’re not there anymore.” Feemor soothed. He prompted Obi-Wan to describe five things, something he could see, touch, hear, smell and taste. Obi-Wan wheezed, tucking his hand into his sleep shirt’s sleeves.
Once Obi-Wan’s panic began to recede, Feemor pressed the inhaler against Obi-Wan’s lips. The Jedi Master, on autopilot, moved to settle his mouth around the mouthpiece as Femor delivered the medication.
“I’m going to fix your pulled stitches now, okay?” Feemor said.
He got a nod from Obi-Wan and squeezed his hand, “Obes, I need to hear you say yes or no.”
Weakly Obi-Wan opened his mouth, “Y-yes.” It was a small, vulnerable sound that escaped Kenobi’s lips. Fermor’s heart ached to see his lineage sibling shaken. Obi-Wan let out a hiss as Feemor cleaned the area with antiseptic and begin to restitch the wound. Feemor tried to tell him stories of his first master, a quiet kind man to distract Obi-Wan.
“Almost done.” Feemor reeassured as he watched Obi-Wan’s hands begin to shake. With care Feemor, applied a clean bandage to the area. Obi-Wan’s palor went white and sickly as he fought the onslaught of memories, not being able to breathe brought to mind.
“I’m not there anymore, “ Obi-Wan repeated to himself repeatedly, like a mantra unsure of where he was at times.
“Could I make you a cup of tea?” Feemor asked softly.
“I’d like that.” Obi-Wan nodded.
As Feemor made tea, he realized he could see Obi-Wan’s scared torso adore with a number of injuries and scars in various states of healing. Obi-Wan’s eyes soon met his knowingly, as he offered a mournful smile.
“Scars remind us we lived to tell the story.” Obi-Wan shrugged.
“Yes, I suppose that’s true. But it’s the ones you can’t see I worry about the most.”
“I never minded pain. It reminds me I’m alive and breathing.” Obi-Wan explained.
“Are your missions always this harrowing?” Feemor asked.
Obi-Wan laughed wetly, “Hmm, as of late, yes.”
Hearing the kettle whistle, Feemor turned his attention back to preparing their tea. He pulled some snacks out of the cabinet and fixed a tray offering to pour Obi-Wan’s cup. They sat in compaionable quiet.
Obi-Wan’s eyes closed softly, swept into the memories of his harrowing torture at the hands of Ventress. He makes a soft noise in the back of his throat, feeling the race of his heart and the quickening of his lungs.
“You still with me?” Feemor asked offering his hand across the table and feeling Obi-Wan squeeze it.
Obi-Wan merely hummed in reply. There were still moments when Obi-Wan was adrift in the remembering of the horror he experienced. But in this moment, he knew he was in Feemor’s apartment, they were having a cup of tea and Ventress couldn’t hurt him anymore.
He reminded himself of his mindhealer’s words, “Trauma responses are the body’s chemical and embodied way of responding to what we experienced. Our heart races, our breathing changed, the chemicals in our body provoke a fight or flight response. They aren’t bad reflexes, that’s our body’s job to protect us. We can chose what we do next.”
“Sorry, sometimes my mind slips back to there. ” Obi-Wan explained, blowing on cup of tea and taking another sip.
“Understandale. Want to talk about it?”
“Not partirucarly, no.” Obi-wan laughs bitterly, before adding, “I was thinking it will be nice to see Alpha again.” He explained with the wave of his hand.
“I look forward to meeting him. From Quinlan and Kit’s accounts, Alpha is the reason you both made it home alive.”
“Yes, he is certainly very good at his job. And an even better friend.” Obi-Wan hummed, closing his eyes again as he remembered Alpha’s arm around him as they made their way to freedom. He hadn’t seen Alpha since having fallen consciousness from the crash of admerirel and subcomming to the pain and sensory overload.
When he woke, Quinlan and Kit were doing their best to provide first aid as they were bound to the Temple for further medical aid. There’s not much Obi-Wan remembers about those early moments, but he does recall the sense of relief he felt in Alpha’s arms.
Brotherhood and camaraderie are borne from blood, suffering, war. It’s the language that Obi-Wan and Alpha were made for. There was something unnerving to the Jedi about being good at waging war, but he supposed there would be more death and suffering if not for Obi-Wan’s intimacy with war. The Jedi were not made for war, but Obi-Wan would lead them.
Obi-Wan warms his hands, taking a sip of his tea as he drains the cup. He offers a thoughtful hum, “You’ll like Alpha. He’s one of the best men I know.”
“I owe him. He kept you safe when I could not.” Feemor squeezed Obi-Wan’s hand. They sit together until Obi-Wan feels settled enough to rise. Feemor calls to him, offering Obi-Wan one final balm for his weary soul.
“Would you mind if I cleared your room of its force lingers? I suspect that’s why you’re having ruminating nightmares.”
“No, go ahead. Thank you, Fee.” Obi-Wan’s voice hitches with a smidge of emotion at the act of care. He squeezed Feemor’s shoulder, letting the shadow sit to work. He watched as Feemor gathered some crystals and sank into meditation as Feemor drew the Force signatures into the crystal. When Feemor was done, the room left lighter, and Obi-Wan’s eyes were heavy.
“I’d like to gift you this one. Remind me tomorrow when you have rested to teach you.” Feemor offers Obi-Wan the light screen crystal that hums with a strange familiarity. When Obi-Wan holds it in his palm, he is reminded of the scent of a pine forest and of a mission he went on with his creche clan, a camping trip shortly before his padawanship began.
Obi-Wan smiled at the warmth the memory sent through his being and held it close to his chest. “Thank you for taking care of me, Fee.” Obi-Wan whispered.
“It was a pleasure. I only wish I had the chance sooner.” Feemor offered Obi-Wan a hug, wrapping his arms around the too-thin lithe man and squeezing him lovingly as their foreheads met.
“I’m afraid there is no rest for the weary.” Obi-Wan sighed.
“Don’t think for a moment I won’t kidnap you. Master Yaddle and I have our means, you know?” Feemor teased, but truth and sincerity rang true in the force
“Good night, Fee.” Obi-Wan yawned when Feemor reluctantly let him go. Though, the desire to kidnap Obi-Wan lingered as Feemor murmured goodnight and bid him well.
In the morning, Feemor arose to find Obi-Wan suspended in a moving meditation far too active than the elder Jedi would’ve liked someone whose stitches he redid to be engaged in. With a sigh, Fee let it go.
“I made breakfast,” Obi-Wan announced as he released his body gently into a different kata and moved into a child’s pose before arising with care.
“Hmm, you didn’t pull your stitches, did you?” Feemor frowned as he moved to pull back Obi-Wan’s tunic.
“I was carefully Fee.” Obi-Wan rolled his eyes.
“You and careful in the same sentence? Hilarious.” Feemor deadpanned. He searched for any signs of wound reopening before helping Obi-Wan resecure his obi and tunic. Obi-Wan gestured dramatically at the porridge with maja fruit he had self-warming on the stove.
“A treat you shouldn’t have” A smile tugged at Feemor’s lips.
“I wanted to as a thank you for taking care of me. I know I’m not an easy patient.” Obi-Wan explained almost shyly, squeezing Feemor’s shoulder affectionately.
“You’d do it for me.” Feemor shrugged as they began to prepare the toast and tea together before settling at the kitchen table pressed shoulder to shoulder. There was something comfortable and intimate about sharing space together. It made Feemor ache at the fact they were headed out on deployment and having to watch Obi-Wan lose the peace he had gained.
“I wasn’t sure if you’d come back to us in one piece.” Feemor admitted quietly, a frown on his lips after breakfast as they did the breakfast dishes together.
“It takes more to strike me down than that.” Obi-Wan reassured but it didn’t settle the lump in Feemor’s throat.
It devolved little by little as Obi-Wan lost the carefree smile and relaxed way he held his body as they made the walk to the hanger. Feemor and Obi-Wan walking with their go bag over their shoulders. Kit and Quinlan were waiting for them. Feemor gave them a moment, as he headed to main deck and plotted the coordinates into the ship naviagtation.
“Obi-Wan, nice to see you upright and on your own two feet.” Quinlan beamed like a cat who caught the mouse and Obi-Wan rolled his eyes.
“You’re such a bastard, Vos.” Obi-Wan scoffed, affectionate annoyance bled into his tone as Quinlan squeezed his hand. There was something about the way Quinaln looked at him, serious and solem, a look at had no business on his friend’s face.
“You look like you’re healing well.” Vos said softly.
“Feemor is a quite a caretaker.” Obi-Wan said quietly.
“Who wouldn’t with Yaddle and Tholme breathing down their neck?” Quinlan deadpanned.
“Don’t tell me you are in on the kidnap Kenobi plot.” Obi-Wan rolled his eyes.
“ I am quite talented at making people disappear, and I promise, sweetheart, I’d do whatever I have to to keep you alive and one piece.” Quinlan gave him another shit eating grin.
“Ugh, go help Fee; I’d like a moment of peace before I have to deal with both of you. You are all insufferable.” Obi-Wan teased.
Quinlan gave a little sarcastic salute. Obi-Wan’s eyes met Kit’s, there was a deep sense of gratitude that for Quinlan and Kit who had brought him home from the whole nightmare. Kit hugged Obi-Wan, not wanting to let go, having one been afraid of not feeling the warmth and breathe of his friend in his arms once more.
“Thank you, Kit for bring me home.” Obi-Wan whispered.
“Always.” Kit swallowed the emotion that made his voice quiver.
Obi-Wan laughed wetly as they both discreetly wiped tears away.
It was strange, Obi-Wan reflected as they settled onto the ship. The last time he had been with Kit and Quinlan, he was unconscious and fighting for his life. Now he crosses the threshold on his own two feet and prepares to face Alpha again.
Kenobi’s stomach fluttered with anxiety and excitement at seeing his friend and comrade again. He couldn’t thank Alpha enough for freeing him from his oppressor’s tournament. Sensing his brooding, Quinlan rested a hand on Obi-Wan’s shoulder and pulled his thoughts back to the present.
“We better get strapped in for take off.” Quinlan guided Obi-Wan towards the cockpit as they took their seats. If Quinlan held Obi-Wan’s hand through take-off, no one said a word. Closing his eyes, Obi-Wan felt his friends’ familiar, comfortable presence and settled himself.
The journey to Kamino took 2 days in which the Jedi enjoyed group mediation, tea, cards and time just to be. It was the last time Obi-Wan knew in his gut where he might have a little peace. Once they were assigned their commanders and men, the Council would be spending their assignments for the war front.
The closer they got to Kamino, the more unsettled Obi-Wan grew, he was quiet and pensive. Feemor frowned, murmuring quietly to Kit and Quinlan as they watched Obi-Wan take his seat in the cockpit, preparing for landing.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Feemor asked as he sat beside Obi-Wan while Quinlan took over the pilot controls.
“I’ve never quite been able to reconcile knowing am going to war again .” Obi-Wan grimaced stomach sinking.
“The offer to disappear you stands.” Feemor squeezed Obi-Wan’s hand as they were now buckled into their seats.
“I’m afraid I’ll have to decline. Duty calls.” Obi-Wan gives a sorrowful sympathetic smile. It never failed to escape Feemor’s notice that Obi-Wan had a way of smiling even when sad. Closing his eyes, Obi-Wan leaned into Feemor’s touch and prepared for landing.
Time has a way of bending, slowing down, and speeding up. Obi-wan is up and out of his seat, barreling out of the ship when they’ve landed, and the ramp is lowered. The smell of water and storm lingers in Obi-Wan’s senses, transported back to the moment he was last here, fighting Jango Fett.
“Kenobi!” A voice calls.
Obi-Wan rushes toward the sound of Alpha’s voice and is swept into his embrace. They’re both crying softly. Alpha runs a finger through Obi-Wan’s long hair, murmuring a comment about how long it’s gotten.
“Gods, I missed you, Alpha,” Obi-Wan whispered as Alpha brought their foreheads together in a kelebe kiss.
“I wasn’t sure if I’d see you again.” Alpha choked on a sob. They lingered together, touching, pressing hands against exposed skin. Something was reassuring about feeling the pulse and life of thrumming under scarred skin. Alpha and Kenobi were cut from the same cloth, survivors, warriors, and brothers, made for war.
“Of course, I wanted to. You saved me.” Obi-Wan reassured.
“Oh, Manda, I have so much to show you.” Alpha swallowed as the maelstrom of emotions threated to knock him off his feet.
“By all means, lead on, Alph.” Obi-Wan gestured, accepting Alpha offer of his elbow for support. Alpha led Obi-Wan to the observatory deck as Cody drilled the commanders. Obi-Wan’s eyes were drawn to the man in gold, his scarred face and determined jaw. There was something about him that caught Obi-wan’s attention immediately.
Obi-Wan swallows, the force convalescing within him as if to offer reprieve and strength. He was drawn to the man and a few images flash before his eye lids. It had been a while since the Force had manifested so visually for Obi-Wan.
“That’s Kote. He’s the absolute best of the best.” Alpha explained with a knowing smile. He had already decided Cody was meant to be Kenobi’s commander.
“Any man you train is a force to be reckoned with.” Obi-Wan complimented.
Alpha offered a bittersweet smile as he intertwined his arm with Obi-Wan, enjoying the closeness.
“I had to chose the best for you. Someone has to look after your shebs, alor.” Alpha hadn’t told Obi-Wan that his injuries had rendered him retired from the field. He would spend the remainder of his career training the next generations of vod to serve their Jetti.
“I’d like to see a simulation.” Obi-Wan patted Alpha’s arm reassuringly, as they stood together on the observatory deck. Obi-Wan rested his head against Alpha’s arm, watching intently as Cody led his brothers through the simulation with great precision and calmness.
“You’ll meet your Commander in the morning.” Alpha swallowed.
“There’s something you aren’t telling me.” Obi-Wan hummed quietly.
“I don’t want you to be sad.” Alpha sighed.
“You’re retiring from the field aren’t you?” Obi-Wan made a sad sound.
“It’s for the best. I’d only slow you down.” Alpha breathed out shakily.
“I trust so few people to have my six, Alph.” Obi-Wan’s voice waivered.
“I know, that’s why you’ll have Cody.” Alpha and Obi-Wan were quiet the rest of the simulation. Alpha could here the way Obi-Wan’s breath hitched, welling with emotion. Once the simulation was finished, Alpha pressed the microphone and dismissed the men for the evening.
“Obi-Wan?”Alpha called, as he watched Obi-Wan slump against the wall.
“I-I-I don’t know if I can do this.” Obi-Wan pressed his face against his knees.
“Let’s get out of here. You’ll get stiff sitting on the floor.” Alpha helped Obi-Wan up as the hot tears pressed against his blacks.
“Sorry, I’m getting you all wet.” Obi-Wan said tearfully.
“Don’t worry about it.” Alpha guides him discreetly down the hall towards the rec room where they had arranged a cuddle pile with a nest of pillows and blankets. Obi-Wan practically melts against Alpha who wrapped an arm around him.
“Sorry.” Obi-Wan murmured over and over again.
“Sit.” Alpha instructed.
Alpha felt as Obi-Wan settled his head in his lap, and they fell together as they often had in the cells. When Ventress had tortured Obi-Wan until his voice was raw and dumped him on the prison floor like trash, Alpha held Obi-Wan and tried to soothe the hurt the best he could.
“Hmmm, this is nice.” Obi-Wan shivered as Alpha ran his fingers through Kenobi’s longish brown-ginger hair. Alpha remembered how skin hungry and afraid his general had been. He’s still entirely too thin, but Alpha can see the ways in which he has healed little by little since the last time they met.
“You deserve soft things.” Alpha reminded him.
“So do you.” Obi-Wan said with such sincerely that it made Alpha’s teeth ache.
“Carefully, you’ll give me a cavity.” Alpha teased.
“We can’t have that.” Obi-Wan smiled softly.
“The men can’t know I have a soft spot.”
Obi-Wan hummed, “Hmm, you big softie.”
“Only for you sir.”
Obi-Wan nuzzled closer, letting himself be held and cared for. He couldn’t remember the last time he could just fall apart and trust someone else could hold the space for him. Alpha and Obi-Wan sat in the quiet until Alpha finally asked.
“What has you shaken?” Alpha asked softly.
“The war, Alpha. Sometimes, I fear I was mad for waging war. The Jedi are supposed to be peace makers.”
“You do carry swords.” Alpha pointed out.
“They’re meant as a last resort.” Obi-Wan swallowed.
“You aren’t the only one made for war.” Alpha sighed.
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t able to save you and your vod.” Obi-Wan’s voice hitched breathily again.
“It’s not your fault. You can’t save the entire galaxy, Ben Kenobi, you bastard.” Alpha reminded him.
“But someone ought to train.” Obi-Wan shuddered feeling thirteen and thirty-five all at the same time.
“Is it about Melidaan?” Alpha’s eyes met Obi-Wan’s.
“In part, yes.” Obi-Wan sighed wearily.
“I wish you didn’t have to fight another war, sir.”
“Me too Alph.”
Alpha held Obi-Wan until he could feel the man’s breaths go soft, even as Obi-Wan fell asleep. He scooped up the sleeping man and carried him to the Jedi’s quest quarters. Obi-Wan nuzzled sleepily against Alpha’s chest as Feemore looked at them from the shared living room.
“I’ll put him in his room.” Alpha mouthed as Feemor pointed to which. With gentleness, Alpha laid Obi-Wan in bed and removed his boots before covering him up with a blanket. Pressing a kiss to Obi-Wan’s forehead, Alpha murmured a prayer to Manda.
“Good night, alor. I hope you bring justice to our galaxy once more.” Alpha said before closing Kenobi’s bedroom door and joined Feemor at the table. He knew with certainly in his heart that Obi-Wan Kenobi was among the best of them.
“May he have a moment of peace and rest, for in the morning he shall rise a warrior.” There was no other man Alpha trusted more with his vod than Kenobi. While his heart ached that he would not be in the field watching the General’s back, Alpha trusted that Cody would do the job well.
Fin.