Chapter Text
The first thing Jooyeon noticed when he entered the group dorm was Hyeongjun asleep at the table. His head resting on his folded arms and strands of his dark hair sticking out at random angles. His lips were pressed together in a tired pout while his dark lashes splayed out across his pale cheeks.
Jooyeon thought he looked stunning.
He paused for a few moments to take in the view. It was rare for him to be able to see the older this way, so vulnerable. Hyeongjun was a shy man, and, although Jooyeon had known him for a year or so now, he still had never seen him as vulnerable when he was awake as when he was asleep. He was on edge most of the time when he was awake, always watching his words and thinking his sentences through before he spoke.
But when he was asleep, he looked so free and peaceful. Hyeongjun was relaxed, not caught up thinking about what others thought of him. Not worrying about how he came across. Focusing solely on dreams of wonder.
It really was a sight to behold, Jooyeon had to admit.
He pushed the door closed behind him as quietly as he could, desperate not to wake the older, before setting his bag down and slipping off his shoes. As Jooyeon approached, he noticed the sleeping man was using a soft green notebook as a pillow, half a page sticking out under his arm.
Jooyeon recognised the book immediately. It was Hyeongjun’s diary, a book the man worked tirelessly to keep private from the other members. He had often wondered what was hidden in such a book, what secrets the latter had yet to share, but he knew it was none of his business. “If Hyeongjun wants to share and is ready to share then he can come to us about it himself,” Gunil had declared one afternoon. Jooyeon knew he was right, too.
His steps faltered for a moment, before he gave in to his wild thoughts. Pulling out the chair beside the man, Jooyeon lowered himself into it as silently as possible. From up close, he was even more beautiful.
He wasn’t sure when, but at some point his eyes drifted to the diary beneath the man’s head. He realised a second too late that he was looking at Hyeongjun’s private feelings. In that second, what he did see caught his attention completely. It was only one word, but it had Jooyeon begging for more.
It was his name.
If you hadn’t worked out already, Jooyeon had a slight crush on the older. He’d developed it a while ago now, and no matter what he did, he couldn’t shake it. He was fairly sure Hyeongjun didn’t like him back, considering it was unlikely the older was even attracted to men. He himself was a closeted bisexual and, the more he thought about it, the more he realised that the chances of there being another LGBTQ+ member within Xdinary Heroes were extremely small. That didn’t mean Jooyeon felt hopeless. No, there was still a part of him that believed, no matter how unlikely it was, that there was a chance he wasn’t alone.
And an even smaller part that believed there was a chance his crush liked him back.
Jooyeon was dying to know what Hyeongjun really thought of him. That thought kept running through his mind, telling him it was okay, as he slowly pulled the book from beneath the man, careful not to wake him. The first page was crinkled from its time beneath the sleeping angel, but it was the second he was concerned with. His eyes skimmed the words, barely taking in their meaning in full, until they reached the sentence they were searching for.
'I don’t know what to do, Jooyeon is so beautiful, sometimes I fear I’ll out myself by accident.'
Jooyeon froze.
Wait…
He kept reading, taking the words in at lightning speed.
'I have no idea how the members would react if I told them I was gay, it’s not a topic we’ve discussed before. If I trip up and go into gay panic while around Jooyeon, who knows what they’ll think. I don’t think they’d hate me - it might just disrupt the balance of everything. But I really don’t know.
'And how would Jooyeon react? I’m sure he’s straight, I’ve heard him talk about girls before. I know it’s selfish, but I wish he wasn’t. I wish he was queer too. I wish he liked me too. Then we could go on dates, and hold hands in a romantic way, and cuddle until we fall asleep.
'I wonder what that would be like?'
The entry ended there, but it had already said everything it needed to.
Hyeongjun was gay.
Hyeongjun liked him back.
Jooyeon’s heart pounded against his chest as the realisation hit him like a ton of bricks. His crush was not unrequited, as he had thought for so long. His eyes trailed slowly back over to the sleeping boy’s face. The world seemed to slow as Jooyeon realised he had a choice. He could leave Hyeongjun to sleep peacefully and ask him out sometime in the next few days, or he could wake Hyeongjun now. He much preferred the second option, but he knew the older would panic at the thought of him reading his diary.
Swallowing hard, Jooyeon knew he couldn’t wait. It’s not that he was impatient, it’s just that he wanted to talk to Hyeongjun about this now. He wanted to ask him out now. He knew it was probably selfish, but he couldn’t help himself. He had been telling himself for months now that his crush was unrequited. Now he knew that it wasn't, he wasn't about to sit and watch while he could be actually doing something about it.
He gently shook Hyeongjun’s shoulder, attempting to rouse him from his sleep. Jooyeon held his breath as the older’s eyes fluttered open for a moment. But the waking world was too bright for Hyeongjun’s tired eyes, so the man rolled over, pressing his face into the crook of his elbow. This made the younger chuckle softly.
After a few moments, he peeled himself off the table, blinking as he adjusted. “Oh, Jooyeon…” his words trailed off into a yawn. Reaching out his arms above his head, he stretched his still sleeping muscles. When he looked up again, Hyeongjun’s line of sight fell on the light green diary. His entire body stilled for a moment as his brain caught up to his eyes. Then, he threw himself forward with surprising speed to snatch it up. He closed the book in a desperate attempt to cover its pages, which were dripping with his raw unfiltered feelings - something he never wished for anyone to read, especially not the man in front of him.
Jooyeon blinked for a second. Had he made a mistake?
“Please…” the older’s voice was soft, but the words exploded into the silence like fireworks, “tell me you didn’t read it…” His face was screwed up and his cheeks were pink as he clutched the book to his chest, arms wrapped around it protectively.
Taking a breath, Jooyeon began to speak the words that had been on his heart for months now. “Hyeongjun, I’m bisexual. I-I’m bisexual and I have a really big crush on you. Like, a really big crush.” The older raised his head slightly, peering over at him in shock. “I have for a while, but I didn’t know if you felt the same or not. I didn’t know if you even liked men. I am sorry I read your diary, I know I shouldn’t have. I only read half of the final page. Yes, I know your gay, and yes, I know you have a crush on me, and I’m sorry. I know you weren’t ready for me to know that, but I reciprocate your feelings. Quite strongly, might I add.” Jooyeon hesitated for a second, “and sorry for taking in circles, I guess.” He scratched the back of his neck, embarrassed at himself.
Hyeongjun just stared at him in awe, lips parted to form an ‘o’. He took his time, taking each word in before he spoke again. “Y-you really like me…?”
Jooyeon blinked at the doubt present in the older’s tone. “Of course. You are so kind, and sweet, and considerate, and… just all round perfect. I know you’re shy, but it adds to your charms. You mean so much to me. And you’re beautiful, and hot, and, well, you know how you look!” He groaned, falling back against the table. “How are you just so… ugh, I don’t even know how to describe you in words!”
Hyeongjun’s cheeks were impossibly pink now. “S-stop…” he mumbled. “You’re the beautiful one…” He froze at his own words. “I-I mean-”
The younger was staring at him, lips turning upwards at the corners. “No! Keep going!” he begged. “You think I’m beautiful?”
Swallowing the lump in his throat, Hyeongjun nodded. “You are really beautiful. And, um…” he closed his eyes, taking a moment to will himself to say the words on his mind, even if the younger already knew, “I really… like you. A-a lot.”
Jooyeon’s face broke out in a huge smile, his heart soaring. “Then, will you go out with me?”
The question made Hyeongjun blush. He nodded enthusiastically, not quite able to keep the grin off his lips. “Yeah… yeah I will.” He placed his book down on the table, fiddling with his fingers. It was clear to Jooyeon that the older wanted to ask him something, so he stayed quiet for a little bit longer. Hyeongjun tapped his fingers against the table as his lips opened and closed a few times. He was nervous.
Eventually, Jooyeon lent over, pressing his hand against the older’s knee in comfort. Hyeongjun visibly relaxed and he took a deep breath before finally speaking. “I don’t really want the other members to know I’m gay yet. If I’m honest, you’re the only person who knows… I’m sorry if that offends you, because that's the last I would ever want to do, but it’s the truth. If you don’t wanna go out anymore, I understand…” Standing up, Hyeongjun bowed politely to the younger.
Jooyeon, on the other hand, just lent over and smacked his arm. “Stop that! Of course I still want to go out with you.” The older blinked at him and he just rolled his eyes. “I haven’t spent months dreaming of this very day to break it all off just because you aren’t ready to come out. Besides, I’m not sure how I feel about coming out yet either. My family knows, but that’s about it. We can go out and still be in the closet. Just… we’ll be in the closet together…” he trailed off, and Hyeongjun burst out laughing.
“That’s so cheesy,” he complained, though his eyes were bright. Jooyeon just shrugged, clearly pleased with himself. After a while, silence fell over the pair once again. “And thanks, by the way. For everything.”
“You don’t have to thank me-”
“I do!” Hyeongjun insisted. “I do… so just… thanks.” He blushed brightly, lowering his head.
Jooyeon rolled his eyes. “You were the one who fell asleep at the table with your diary open. I should be thanking you.” He watched as the older’s face contorted into a look of distaste. “Don’t worry, I promise I will never read your diary ever again. I was never planning to in the first place, I just spied my name and was curious to know what you thought of me. That’s not an excuse, I know what I did was wrong and I’m sorry.”
Hyeongjun reached out, pressing his hand to the younger’s shoulder. “It’s okay. I trust you won’t do it again. Besides… something good did come out of it…”
Jooyeon couldn’t stop himself from smiling. How could he not? “Yeah… something did.” Jooyeon leant forward and pressed a gentle kiss to other’s cheek. Then he went to retrieve his bag from the corner of the room. “I’m going to go shower now. When I decide where to take you for our date, I’ll tell you,” he declared with a wink before disappearing down the hallway, leaving Hyeongjun to process everything that had just happened, cheeks burning and heart light.
The man turned back to his diary and, flipping to a blank page, began to write his unfiltered thoughts, happiness coursing through his veins like a drug. A drug he could definitely get used to.