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Eyes closed, Jooyeon lay back on his bed and sighed gently. Every day felt so long at the moment, drawing into each other and blending in the most uncomfortable way.
Seungmin could tell the younger wasn't in a good mood. Everyone could tell. It wasn't as if he was trying to keep it a secret. But Seungmin seemed to be the only one who could tell this was something more than just a mood. Jooyeon was down about something.
He pushed the door closed as gently as he could, trying not to wake the sleeping younger. It came as a surprise to him then when he turned to see the younger already looking at him. "Jooyeon… I thought you were sleeping?"
"No, just resting."
He hummed, voice soft to not disturb the peace, "do you want to talk about it?" This sentence seemed to confuse Jooyeon. He sat up more, frowning at the words, so Seungmin elaborated, couching down beside the younger’s bed. "Something has been on your mind for the past few days. It's been affecting your mood and concentration. If you want to talk about it, I'm always here for you, Jooyeonie."
He had barely finished talking before tears began to fall down the other boy's cheeks. Rubbing at his eyes furiously, Jooyeon rolled back over on his bed and wrapped his arms around his toy. Seungmin could barely make out what he was saying, face pressed into the soft material. “I’m fine, just tired. I’ll be okay after I sleep a bit more.”
The older was at a loss. How could he help his friend if the boy was so intent on the fact that nothing was wrong. Pursing his lips together, he reevaluated the situation. Eventually he pushed himself to his feet and made his way up the ladder to his bed, letting out a loud sigh while doing so. “Alright, I won’t ask anymore questions. Just know I’m here for you and I’ll always listen if you need someone to talk to.”
The room filled with silence. It wasn't late, but both boys had wordlessly decided to sleep. The echoing sound of covers rustling was loud in Seungmin’s ears. Jooyeon was restless, soft sniffles emanating up from the lower bunk. It broke his heart, but he didn’t know what else to do in the moment.
After a time, a huff broke through the wall of quiet. “Seungmin-ah?” Jooyeon startled at how barely there his voice came out, especially after his loud huff. The older still heard it through, humming in response. “Do you love me?”
The question itself wasn’t the thing that caught Seungmin off-guard, it was the tone of the youngers voice. He spoke as if he didn’t really believe it. His mouth opened and closed a few times before he snapped back to reality and rushed to reassure the younger. “Of course! Of course, Jooyeon! I love you! I’ll always love you!”
Jooyeon’s silence spoke for itself.
“I love you, Jooyeon, and nothing can change that,” Seungmin said, voice coming out a little sterner than he had intended. “Did something happen to make you doubt me? Am I not showing my affection enough?”
“No no!” He hesitated a second too long. “It’s nothing, sorry. I’m just tired.”
The lie was as clear as day. “You aren’t, please don’t lie to me. And I did mean what I said before. Y’know, about telling me anything. I’ll always listen no matter what it is, and it won’t change my feelings towards you! Even if you killed someone, I’d help you hide the body.”
The smallest smile crept onto Jooyeon’s lips. But that did nothing to stop his silent tears from flowing down his cheeks. He had been doing a pretty good job of keeping the waver threatening to overwhelm his voice in check, but he wasn’t sure how much longer that would work. “I love you too, Seungmin-ah,” he whispered. “Just… It’s just this is different.”
“Different how? Worse than murder?” Seungmin tried to joke, but it only seemed to make the younger more nervous.
Jooyeon rolled around a few times, hugging his soft toy closer to his chest. “In some places, yeah…”
Furrowing his brows, the older kept silent, struggling to work out what he could possibly mean. What was worse than murder? His mind settled on one thought, but it couldn’t possibly be true, he decided. Jooyeon would never do it. He was a sweet and caring guy. He couldn’t ever… he wouldn’t ever… “Are you talking about sexual assault?”
The boy sat bolt upright in bed, head smacking painfully against the top bunk. “Oh god no! No no no! I would never! I’m talking about liking men!”
Seungmin pressed his lips together, an overwhelming feeling of shame washing over him. “O-oh of course… I’m sorry, I never thought you did, I just was trying to think of things worse than murder… I’m sorry.”
Jooyeon mumbled out a soft, “it’s okay.”
Sighing, the older continued, “and just so you know, liking the same sex isn’t worse than murder. Personally I don’t see anything wrong with it. Some people just have their heads stuck in the old ways, even if those ways are bullshit. If you don’t like women, why is it such a big deal? You’re still human after all.”
His lips parted, more tears bubbling up in his eyes. “I-I…” Jooyeon could barely get words out, a lump forming rapidly in his throat. So, instead of speaking his thoughts, he staggered out of bed - not after giving his toy one last tight squeeze - and made his way up the ladder to Seungmin’s bed. The older blinked at him for a second before he was enveloped in the younger’s tight embrace. Happily accepting the hug, Seungmin kissed Jooyeon’s hair and told him softly he still loved him and that he always would.
Tears wet the blankets and the older’s shoulder, not that anyone minded. Both were focused on holding each other as close as possible. Eventually, Jooyeon pulled away just enough to mumble out, “I’m b-bisexual, Seungmin-ah… I-I like men a-and women… I was s-so scared to tell you… so t-thank you for ac-accepting me…”
Seungmin brushed a hand through the younger’s long brown locks. “You don’t have to thank me, Jooyeonie. I’ll always accept you. You’re one of my best friends, I love you so much. I should be thanking you for trusting me with this. I promise I won’t tell anyone until you are ready.”
He wasn’t really sure if it was the sincerity in the older’s voice or how overwhelmed he felt at that moment, but Jooyeon started to cry once again, pressing his head back into the crook of Seungmin’s neck. Even though he felt so vulnerable, like his entire soul was laid out the other to see, Jooyeon felt calm. He felt safe. He trusted the older with everything he had.
Even his greatest secret.
Especially his greatest secret.