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The room Kaeya led him to was in the back of the luxurious library, and compared to it, it was small and cramped. There were piles and piles of books crammed on the corners and on the desk, along with fluffy pillows spread around on the floor and making it difficult to walk. It made Diluc think of a child's hiding place - but he did not comment on it, and as Kaeya gestured for him to take a seat in one of the pillows, Diluc hesitated before awkwardly complying.
He had never really been much of the casual type, and the current situation seemed like it was meant to be just that. Kaeya had a smile as he lit up the other lanterns and, as Diluc tried to distract himself from his discomfort, he tugged at his gloves, trying to figure out what books were being kept here.
Many did not have any title on the spines and seemed like journals - the others that he could read seemed to have a specific theme...
History of Khaenri'ah.
It was no wonder that he couldn't find much about the country earlier, when he had been looking in the library. It felt as if Kaeya had managed to cram the entire collection into the room.
"So, Grandmaster~" The Emperor starts as he moved to a pillow close to Diluc's. "What do you think of my little hiding place?"
"It is very... full," he admitted carefully, fidgeting with his gloves as he looked away from the books to the Emperor. "You keep many books in here."
"Well, I brought here what I could," Kaeya shrugged off his cloak as he made himself comfortable on the pillow, his posture far more relaxed than he reasonably should be. "My grandfather's diaries are in here, too. I've been reading through them and learning what I could."
"That's good," the Grandmaster gave Kaeya a small nod, trying to show at least a bit of support in this awkward situation. "I can't imagine it being easy."
"It... it isn't," Kaeya agreed, and for a moment, his smile faded before it came back full force as he turned his attention back to him. "So~ I thought this would be a good place for us to talk. Not even Dain comes in here - we have some bit of privacy."
Diluc couldn't tell if Kaeya was being naïve, or if he was being dangerously manipulative. Diluc had come to Khaenri'ah in a diplomatic mission - and if he was caught alone with the Emperor without even any previous awareness of a meeting, it would suggest something a lot more intimate than it actually was. On the other hand, if this really was such a private place, why would Kaeya bring a foreigner dignitary here? Diluc had agreed to go through with the plan and pretend he was being courted, but that did not mean that Kaeya should just give up any pretense at guarding himself around him.
"... What do you want to talk to me about this time, then?"
"I just thought that we could bond a little bit," Kaeya explained, giving him a half-smile. "I'm supposed to be courting you, remember? I don't know what it's like in Mondstadt, but in here - we have a certain expectation of... intimacy."
Diluc tensed at Kaeya's words, his gaze lowering to his hands. Without thinking, he tugged his gloves up as he tried to adjust himself on the pillow, the discomfort making his stomach twist.
"I think we are doing just fine."
"Maybe fine enough to convince your delegation," Kaeya continued, leaning a bit closer. "But they are not the ones we need to convince, now, are they? It's the nobles from Khaenri'ah that we need to be worried about."
"Isn't it enough to justify as just... you respecting my boundaries? The fact that I'm not comfortable..."
"Diluc," the Emperor let out a sigh, shaking his head. "You flinch when I get close, and you take a good few moments before you actually reach out and touch me when we have to. I think it's normal to want to at least have some more contact."
"... Like?"
"Like, holding hands. Having a smaller distance between us. Like, maybe..." Kaeya trailed off for a moment. "Maybe a kiss-"
"No."
Diluc's response was immediate as he looked away from the Emperor, his heart beating fast. He knew that this would happen. It was both the necessity of this stupid plan, but also-...
Well, it was Diluc. What else was he supposed to expect from the situation? Things would certainly escalate, if they involved him.
"Diluc, look at me."
"Just- no. We're fine the way things are."
"Diluc..." Kaeya lowered his voice as he looked at him, his gaze focused on his face to the point that Diluc couldn't help but feel slightly uncomfortable. "That's why this is a good place. It's easy for me to talk about trust and confiding in each other, but I haven't given you much of myself to make you trust me, isn't it? So, I thought we could get to know more about each other, and get used to being around each other. Little by little, without any expectations. I'd like to be your friend."
"... I don't know about this, Kaeya."
Kaeya said he wanted to be his friend. That was... a dangerous thing to say, not really something Diluc trusted - and not something he should submit himself to. Diluc knew better than to let someone get so close to him, whether there was a worthy plan or not. There should be plenty of ways to do this without putting them in this situation. He hoped there was, at least - as much as he may want to help, Diluc didn't want to lower his barriers. He didn't know how to be around someone without them.
"Here," Kaeya leaned back on his pillow, stretching out his legs in front of him. "How about this? Stretch your legs over mine. You can pull away whenever you want, there's no requirement for how long you stay there. Just... a bit of touch."
Looking at Kaeya for a few moments, Diluc focused back down to his legs. That was a simple enough gesture, and if Kaeya wasn't lying, he should be able to free himself if and when he wanted. He had touched Kaeya before, and it wasn't as if it was bare skin.
Fidgeting uncomfortably, he stayed quiet before slowly - and somewhat reluctantly - stretching his legs so they were resting over Kaeya's somewhat gingerly. It was a cautious and nervous touch at first, but slowly, Diluc pushed himself to relax the weight of his legs, trying to convince himself to rest.
"There we go~" Kaeya gave him a bright, approving smile - almost dazzling in its enthusiasm. Diluc felt like he couldn't understand him. This hardly warranted such a reaction. "That's not so bad, is it?"
"... It is not such a big deal, either," Diluc responded in a somewhat gruff voice, looking away from the Emperor. "I just don't like physical touch, it doesn't mean I can't do it."
"I know. I'm just glad that you're doing it."
Kaeya made him feel at loss. He had heard a lot about him - he had heard him being called a tyrant, a monster. He heard about horrible stories of him having nobles torn apart by dogs - and even though Diluc had understood the dire circumstances of Khaenri'ah, how the nobles were corrupt and had caused the death and torture of countless people - it was still hard to fully put together and figure out just who was the real Emperor Kaeya Alberich. Was he the man who had a sharp, dangerous smirk and a calculating gaze, or the one who smiled to him so warmly simply because Diluc had placed his legs over his...?
"I realize that... we both have our reasons to dislike touching," Kaeya said, breaking Diluc away from his thoughts. "You keep yourself covered and keep to yourself. I know my clothes are more revealing, but... I still have my own things to hide, and I know that I can't ask you to trust me if I don't give you reasons to do so."
As the Emperor spoke, he reached for the loose sleeves of his shirt, starting to roll them up and expose his arms before presenting them to Diluc. On the inside of his arms, the Grandmaster could see marks - thin, light scars, laid one over the other. Some scars were older, some were new. Some seemed to have been deep cuts, others were thin - and as Diluc took in the sight, the understanding had him feeling his stomach twisting.
"... Kaeya..."
"This is what I hide, Grandmaster," Kaeya spoke, his voice softer - looking away from Diluc as he did.
"... I'm sorry," Diluc murmured, but his voice seemed quiet to his own ears. "I did not want to make you feel like you had to earn my trust-"
"No, no... I wanted to show you," the Emperor interrupted him, shaking his head. "... I never had someone I could speak to this way."
Diluc didn't know how to react. What was he supposed to say to this? He had never really had allowed himself to be close to anyone, and as much as Jean had tried to earn his trust, as much as Varka had tried to get him to open up to others, Diluc had always kept others at distance. No one had pushed quite the way Kaeya did.
The Grandmaster almost reached out for Kaeya. Almost. He stopped himself when he realized what he was doing - embarrassed at both how inappropriate the small gesture was, and at his own boldness.
"You can touch, if you'd like," Kaeya invited - but, after a second, Diluc shook his head.
It didn't seem right. It seemed like far too intimate a gesture, and yet-... and yet, Kaeya had shown so much of himself in this little time. They had barely been in this room to begin with.
Diluc hesitated - and, breathing in deeply as he tried to gather himself, he offered Kaeya his hands.
The Emperor seemed confused. He looked at him and, fighting down the urge to draw back, Diluc nodded towards his gloves.
"... You can take them off."
Kaeya's gaze moved from the Grandmaster's hands to his face. There was no reason for him to question if Diluc was sure - it seemed like it would only make him nervous. Instead, he cupped one of Diluc's hands in his, running a finger along the inside of his wrist before slowly starting to tug the thick leather glove down.
With every inch, burn scars were revealed to his eyes.
The first glove fell to the pillows. Kaeya repeated the process with the second, letting it fall as well before cupping Diluc's hands in his own. He turned them over, taking in the scars.
Glancing up at Diluc's face, Kaeya felt a tenderness for the other.
"You have worked hard, Grandmaster." Kaeya murmured, leaning down to press a light kiss to the back of one scarred hand.
Diluc could feel his hands shaking as he struggled to keep himself in place. Anxiety made him feel nauseous, his heart racing in his chest, and as Kaeya removed his gloves, as he touched his hands with so much care and gentleness, he had to fight back the self-loathing burning in the back of his throat.
"... No. This isn't... this is not work," Diluc mumbled thickly. "... It was... training. Vision."
"I imagine that pyro is a difficult element to control," Kaeya hummed, rubbing his thumb over his scars. "You are the only person I've met that turns down a compliment from an Emperor~"
... Kaeya didn't know. Of course he didn't. In Khaenri'ah, he was the only person who had a vision - he did not realize that a person was not supposed to be hurt by their vision.
He didn't realize just how much Diluc was wrong, as a person, for his fire to burn him.
"... Using a vision should be natural... I just-..." He swallowed hard, looking away from Kaeya to take in the marks on his hands and the scars on Kaeya's arms. He hated to show his burns... and Kaeya must hate to show his own scars.
Maybe they weren't so different.
"... I was ten..."