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Ei stares at the ceiling, deep in thought. If she wants to be better, if she wants to become the kind of Shogun the people of Inazuma deserve, she needs to better understand the current situation and think of things in a much longer-term way. The succession of the Tenryou and Kanjou Commissions is likely her most immediate concern, and if handled well will be a major boon to her other plans.
The Kanjou Commission will be tricky. She hasn’t really looked too far into their affairs yet, so the Hiiragi are still in charge… but unless the heiress really impresses her, Ei doubts she’ll allow that to continue. The stories she’s heard of the level of corruption that Kanjou Commission has engaged in under the Hiiragi Clan’s leadership disgust her to the point that she may well end up completely dismissing the current Commission and rebuilding it from the ground up — the way they’ve abused not only foreigners but the people of Watatsumi Island is unacceptable, and she’s furious with herself for having been so blind to it. She’d directed Miko to get in contact with the Divine Priestess so that they can work closely with her to help ensure Watatsumi is receiving an appropriate level of aid in recovery and to make the relationship between Narukami and Watatsumi a closer and more respectful one than it has been, and the first such meeting during the Irodori Festival had gone wonderfully, but there’s still a great deal of work to do.
As for the Tenryou Commission… The Kujou have been allowed to hang onto their leadership by a thread, the way Kujou Kamaji had continued to rise to his feet until he physically couldn’t anymore very reminiscent of his ancestor, the Kujou founder, who had done exactly the same thing… though his ancestor had been able to take a significantly longer beating than he had. Still, though, Ei isn’t content to simply leave the Commission in his hands — he’s a mediocre warrior at best and seems to lack much in the way of leadership ability or common sense, given he had walked so easily into such an obvious trap without any way to defuse or survive it.
There is, however, another Kujou who has, from what Ei understands, demonstrated great loyalty to both Inazuma and to the Shogun more personally. If that Kujou is more suitable, as Ei hopes she is…
“Miko,” Ei says quietly. “Tell me more about Kujou Sara.”
The Shogun thinks highly of the girl, that much Ei knows from examining her assistant’s records related to her, but Ei wants an outside perspective from someone more aware of the general goings-on in Inazuma, given it’s been made so clear to her that the Shogun had been blind to most events in the nation.
To the god’s surprise Miko stiffens in her arms, a far more obvious tell that something is wrong than her fox has tended to demonstrate since their reunion.
“Kujou Sara is…” Miko begins hesitantly, but trails off. She strokes her heavy stomach, a pained look on her face. “I never would have thought it, before carrying our child forced me to reevaluate things, but… Kujou Sara is perhaps my greatest mistake.”
“What do you mean?” Ei asks gently.
She squeezes her wife carefully, hoping to show her that she’s here for her, whatever it is that her fox has to say.
“…As a child, she was quite wild but wholly dedicated to the idea of becoming a mighty tengu warrior,” Miko murmurs. “A shy little thing, though, not fond of crowds in a way that sometimes made her the type to get into fights easily… though never through malice. Not terribly bright, but always well-meaning… However, when I met her on the streets, her unruliness concerned me. I… must admit I had quite the distaste for her, and…”
Ei waits as her Miko gathers herself, dreading what it is that her wife is struggling to admit.
“I initially tricked her into living in the mountains, thinking that would be the end of it,” Miko finally whispers. “But then I learned that she acquired a Vision, and so… I directed the Kujou to take her in, in order to… break her of her unruliness, before it could become a danger to Inazuma’s peace.”
“…Oh, Miko,” Ei breathes, horror rushing through her veins. “You can’t mean…”
“Those blockheaded Kujou have never been a clan known for the kindness with which they treat their children,” Miko forces out, voice rough and shaky as tears stream silently down her cheeks. “And all the less so under that filth Takayuki. …Yes, Ei, they abused her until she became the stoic, awkward woman she is now, and prevented her from developing friendships with her fellow soldiers so that she would be alone with nothing but her devotion to you to instill loyalty to Inazuma. Kujou Sara was abused until she lost who she was for no reason other than because I asked for it, thinking that a tengu child who liked to play a little too rough might one day become a problem. I, more than even Kujou Takayuki, am the one who destroyed her life. Even now, when I look at her, I see that child… and until very recently, had continued to despise her, despite the fact that the reasons for it now were all of my own doing.”
Ei, for all of her resolve to support her Miko through anything…
Has no idea what to say. This isn’t something she could have imagined, and while a part of her is angry at Miko, and an even larger part weeps for Kujou Sara and the things she must have gone through…
In the end, Ei can’t help but believe that it was her absence that ultimately led to such actions. If she had never left Miko, if she had been there for her all this time… Surely this never would have happened.
Miko directed Kujou Sara’s abuse, and bears full responsibility for her actions. No matter how much Ei loves Miko, it’s not her place to forgive or downplay that. Only Kujou Sara herself could make that choice.
But Ei isn’t innocent in this matter either, for the way she herself shattered her beloved Miko, for the extent to which just how jagged Miko’s edges have become is a sin that stains her own hands red.
“It’s never too late to be better, Miko,” Ei finally whispers. She presses a soft kiss to her wife’s forehead. “We can’t wipe away the past… but we can make the future a brighter one, even for those we’ve wronged.”
“You’re right,” her Miko whispers back. “But I’m not sure I know how.”
“We’ll learn together,” Ei promises softly. “I will always be by your side, my love. I’ll never leave you to face anything alone again.”
Her Miko buries her face into Ei’s chest as she sobs, and Ei holds her quietly, mind racing for ways to make things right.
Nothing, she supposes, can begin without the courage to take a step forward, no matter how frightening and painful the path ahead may be.
Kujou Sara isn’t normally quite this nervous when answering a summons from the Almighty Shogun, rare though they are. For all the awe she holds for Inazuma’s ruler, she knows how to behave professionally in her capacity as general.
But the summons she received wasn’t for ‘General Kujou,’ it was for ‘Kujou Sara,’ and it’s not to a meeting on Inazuma’s security but rather to… lunch.
Kujou Sara doesn’t know how to do ‘lunch.’
“You’re overthinking it,” Shinobu sighs from the chair she’s commandeered next to a changing room. “Seriously. Just treat it like one of our lunches, but a little more formal and without all the kissing… Unless Her Excellency and Lady Yae are still into showing off, I guess. Good luck to you if that’s true.”
“Her Excellency wouldn’t summon me for something so trivial,” Kujou Sara protests, looking back and forth at the clothing in her hands. “And everyone knows they’ve ceased that… unexpected behavior.”
In her left she holds a handsomely tailored suit that she’s been assured would be all the rage in Liyue, and in her right is a more traditional beautiful silk kimono. The suit is far more practical if there’s any risk that she may need to fight off attackers, but would wearing it suggest that she doubts the Almighty Shogun’s ability to protect their gathering? Nothing could be further from the truth.
“Pretty sure Her Excellency just did the first of those, though,” Shinobu points out, waving the oddly informal letter of summons that Kujou Sara had received at her. “Nothing about this says ‘work meeting.’ Who knows, maybe the Shogun just wants more friends? Not like she’s got much of a social life.”
“Even so…” Kujou Sara murmurs, turning away. Shinobu’s irreverence has always been a little much, for all that Kujou Sara knows for a fact that her girlfriend genuinely does worship the Almighty Shogun and simply sees little point in restraining her tongue. “It wouldn’t do for one such as me to presume…”
She doesn’t even hear the sound of Shinobu’s footsteps before she finds herself wrapped in a hug.
“Have a little more faith in yourself,” Shinobu murmurs in her ear. “And pick the kimono. It suits you.”
Sara lets herself relax into the hug, bringing her hand up to squeeze Shinobu’s in an attempt to express the gratitude she’s feeling. This was precisely why she had asked for Shinobu’s help — Sara’s life since she was adopted by the Kujou clan has been one of rigid rules and laws, and there are times that she needs a push to take a step forward when she doesn’t have an order leading the way or a clear path of duty to follow.
Shinobu has been giving her those little pushes ever since they first met. There was a time that Sara never could have imagined regularly meeting up with a friend to drink and talk, but Shinobu has given her that… and so much more.
When Kujou Sara is alone with Shinobu, supported by her girlfriend’s gentle, loving strength… she’s allowed to be ‘Sara’ and nothing more.
“Your eye is better than mine,” Sara finally mumbles.
She sets the suit down on a counter from which the store’s staff will eventually ferry it back to wherever it most belongs and makes her way to the front to pay, Shinobu a soothing presence at her side.
“Thank you,” Sara murmurs as they leave the store hand in hand. “Without you, I…”
Shinobu shakes her head gently, giving Sara’s hand a squeeze.
“You’d find your own path someday,” Shinobu whispers to her. “Even without me. I know it.”
Kujou Sara arrives promptly at the time listed on the invitation, back ramrod-straight and eyes fixed unblinkingly forward. She’s escorted to a small dining room by guards, the urge to flee growing stronger with every step.
“Oh, Sara! Welcome!” the Almighty Shogun greets in a surprisingly friendly voice.
Kujou Sara bows as deeply as she can, remembering how badly she’d embarrassed herself when she last spoke with the Almighty Shogun one-on-one during the Irodori Festival.
“Thank you for honoring me with this invitation, Your Excellency,” Kujou Sara says. “I—”
“Oh, there’s no need for all of the formality,” the Almighty Shogun dismisses. “Please do join us.”
Kujou Sara hesitantly steps forward and takes a seat on the other side of the table from the Almighty Shogun and Lady Yae. It’s not a position she finds herself at all comfortable in — for all that she’s spent so much time asking the Lady Guuji questions about the Almighty Shogun, she’s never gotten the feeling that the Guuji likes her much…
And, if she must admit it to herself, she’s never been terribly fond of Lady Yae, either. She’d doubted the depth of the Guuji’s loyalty, something that she regrets given what all of Inazuma now knows to be fact about the relationship between the ancient kitsune and the Shogun, but…
The smile that Lady Yae gives her lacks its usual cruel, mischievous edge. Kujou Sara can’t read expressions very well, but she might almost dare to think of the Lady Guuji’s smile as nervous.
“I do hope you’ve been keeping well,” Lady Yae says. “It’s been some time since we spoke.”
Certainly, it’s true that ever since the start of the Guuji’s pregnancy Kujou Sara hasn’t seen Lady Yae during her visits to the shrine… but having her well-being asked after feels like a trap, or an unusual politeness shown only due to the presence of the Almighty Shogun.
“As well as can be expected,” Kujou Sara replies levelly. “And yourself?”
“Oh, very well indeed,” Guuji Yae murmurs, stroking her stomach. “Very well indeed…”
“I trust there have been no complications with the pregnancy?” Kujou Sara asks intently.
It’s vital for all of Inazuma that the child be born safely. Kujou Sara doesn’t want to imagine how the Almighty Shogun and the Lady Guuji, the two mightiest beings in the land, would react if things went poorly.
“None at all, thank you,” the Lady Guuji confirms.
Kujou Sara watches in slight bemusement as the Almighty Shogun herself begins laying out the dishes that she presumes will make up their meal. Not only is she unable to understand why Her Excellency is personally setting out the food, the content of the first course appears to be…
Well, Kujou Sara had believed Lady Yae when she’d said that the Almighty Shogun liked sweets, but… she certainly hadn’t thought it meant that having a meal with her would involve starting with dessert.
“Dig in!” the Almighty Shogun chirps, already nibbling on a stick of dango.
Kujou Sara hesitantly lifts a beautifully decorated piece of sakura mochi to her lips and takes a bite. Lady Yae appears far less reserved, having immediately popped three of the same into her mouth. It’s horribly inelegant behavior and very unlike Kujou Sara’s mental image of the fox.
“So Sara, how do you like your job?” the Almighty Shogun asks through a mouthful of dango. “Is there anything you think could be improved?”
Kujou Sara watches in horror as Guuji Yae slaps the back of the Raiden Shogun’s head.
“This isn’t a business lunch, Ei,” the Lady Guuji scolds.
“I was trying to make small talk,” the Almighty Shogun…
Well, the only word that Kujou Sara can come up with to describe it, blasphemous though it is, is ‘pouts.’
“Small talk doesn’t involve work, ridiculous god…” Lady Yae sighs. She offers Kujou Sara an exasperated smile that still has that strangely nervous edge to it. “Please do forgive Ei, she’s got the social skills of a particularly dense block of wood. Have you happened to pick up any new interests lately?”
“Oh, that’s a better question,” the Almighty Shogun agrees. “Answer that one.”
The sheer sacrilege that Lady Yae is demonstrating has Kujou Sara half-stunned, but Her Excellency doesn’t seem to mind at all… so she supposes that treating the Almighty Shogun as a normal woman must be a privilege for the god’s wife.
It’s still somewhat uncomfortable to see, but Kujou Sara can ignore it as long as she understands it in those terms.
“I…” Kujou Sara begins hesitantly.
What does she say? That outside of work, she doesn’t have much in the way of hobbies or interests? But the Almighty Shogun herself told her to answer, so…
“I… picked up a spinning top,” Kujou Sara admits quietly. “It’s called the Solo, and I enjoy playing with it when I have a little downtime. I don’t have it with me today because this kimono has no pockets, but I usually carry it…”
She pauses, unable to interpret the gentle looks that the Almighty Shogun and Lady Guuji are both giving her.
“That sounds so fun,” Her Excellency says softly. “I might have to try it myself.”
“Perhaps I will as well,” Guuji Yae muses, a strangely thoughtful look on her face.
Kujou Sara feels like they have to be mocking her, especially since the Lady Guuji is in agreement… but no matter how she looks at them, they appear sincere.
Before she can figure out how to respond, she’s facing a barrage of questions: her favorite food, the kinds of books she reads, ideas she has for decorating a home…
It’s strange and exhausting, but also oddly uplifting. Not once do they tease or make fun of her, even when she has to admit that she doesn’t have an answer to a question, and they seem genuinely interested in what she has to say. Before she knows it, they’ve finished the meal, and she finds herself strangely reluctant to rise to her feet and say her farewells.
“Thank you for joining us today, Sara,” Her Excellency says, beaming at Kujou Sara as she stands up. “We’ll have to do this again… I know we’ve all got busy schedules, but I’m sure we can figure something out a couple of times a month. After all, Miko and I would very much like to get to know you better.”
“Thank you,” Kujou Sara murmurs, rising and bowing. “I would be honored.”
As she departs…
Kujou Sara finds the future she’d once seen as a simple and straight path becoming a far vaguer thing, her own place in the world no longer as clear as it had once been.
She doesn’t know whether or not she likes it.
A few short weeks later Kujou Sara learns that the Lady Guuji has gone into labor when Her Excellency abruptly vanishes from a meeting with all three branches of the Tri-Commission after receiving a note from a small spirit fox.
She offers up a silent prayer to the Almighty Shogun herself that everything will go well, and then she goes about the rest of the day’s duties as usual — while this is no doubt a very happy occasion for the Almighty Shogun and Lady Yae, it’s not something that will have any bearing on Kujou Sara.
It does seem likely, of course, that they’ll have even less time for others now that they’ll have a baby to care for… but it’s not like she had actually been expecting a repeat of lunch, despite what the Almighty Shogun had said. She had known that the ruler of Inazuma was simply being polite to a useful subordinate.
It’s okay.
Which is why it almost gives her a heart attack when the Almighty Shogun suddenly appears in front of her desk as she’s finishing up a report. There’s no knock on her door, no message letting her know that the Almighty Shogun will be paying her a visit: one moment the room is empty save for Kujou Sara, the next it’s filled by the overwhelming presence of a god.
“Your Excellency,” Kujou Sara gasps, leaping to her feet to offer a bow. “May I be of assistance?”
“My name is Ei, Sara,” the Almighty Shogun says gently. “My friends don’t need to be so formal with me.”
The Almighty Shogun appears to be waiting for a response, and no matter how Kujou Sara searches the god’s face she can’t find anything but sincerity.
‘My friends.’
“May I be of assistance… Ei?” Sara asks quietly, barely able to get the name out past her lips, but the burden of ‘Kujou’ ultimately crumbles in the face of the god’s earnest gaze.
And once it has, once the name hangs heavy in the air…
Ei’s face lights up with a dazzling smile that makes her look more like an ordinary woman than an almighty god.
“I want you to come with me,” Ei says, stretching her hand out. “There’s someone I want you to meet.”
Duty, then, in some unexpected way. Posture stiffening once more, Kujou Sara is puzzled, unable to figure out who that might be, especially today… but she takes the god’s hand and finds the world shifting around her.
“Thank you for bringing her, Ei,” the Lady Guuji’s tired voice greets.
Kujou Sara gapes at the sight of the always elegant Guuji Yae reclining in bed, not a trace of her usual poise present. In her arms she cradles a baby with a tuft of pink hair.
“This is Makoto,” Lady Yae introduces, lifting the baby slightly. “You’re the first one outside of the family other than the midwife to meet them.”
“I…” Kujou Sara begins, but…
Kujou Sara doesn’t know how to respond to this. Nobody invites Kujou Sara to meet babies.
“Would you like to hold them?” the Lady Guuji asks.
Kujou Sara is frozen. Hold a baby? Hold the baby of the Lady Guuji and the Almighty Shogun? She’s never held any baby before, let alone such an important one.
A small part of her longs to accept, but most of her is terrified by the very idea.
There’s no clear path forward here, no order that she’s been given: Guuji Yae phrased it as a question prioritizing Kujou Sara’s desire, but how is she to answer truthfully?
Nobody is here to throw her a lifeline. Shinobu’s comforting presence is nowhere to be found, no encouraging words will be whispered in her ear to give her the courage to set aside duty and step onto the path she longs to walk. She has at times, like when she discovered how the jailers had so badly broken the Almighty Shogun’s laws against torture, been able to make her own decisions by putting her loyalty to the Shogun over her loyalty to the Tenryou Commission, but this isn’t a situation where such a determination is possible. ‘Duty’ can’t guide her to what her heart desires here.
‘Would you like to hold them?’
Kujou Sara has no choice but to say no, no matter what her heart wishes.
But, to her own surprise, Sara opens her mouth and says: “Yes.”
The Lady Guuji’s kind, gentle smile as she carefully passes little Makoto into Sara’s arms is unsettling. Even counting the lunch, Sara has never seen Lady Yae acting in such a way. While Sara had been able to accept that she’d been wrong to fear the possibility that Guuji Yae would betray Ei, the image of the ancient and powerful fox in Sara’s mind is still one of unpredictable malice.
Sara gazes down at the baby in her arms, head spinning. Little Makoto is so tiny and weighs practically nothing. To Sara, used to casually hefting enormous weights and blessed with the strength of a tengu, she might as well be holding air.
Little Makoto’s eyes meet Sara’s, and the baby smiles. Sara almost drops them in shock — she doesn’t know much about newborn babies, but she’s pretty sure they’re not supposed to have the ability to focus so intently on someone.
“I think they like you,” Ei says brightly. “What do you think, Miko?”
“I think they must,” Lady Yae murmurs. “To smile like that.”
“Lady Yae, I…” Sara begins, but realizes she has no idea what she wants to say.
All she can do is stare into the eyes of the smiling baby in confused wonder.
“Please, just call me ‘Miko,’” the Lady Guuji requests, leaning her head back on her pillow and closing her eyes. “The distance between us… it’s a tragic thing, and my fault more than anyone’s… but you’re loyal and kind-hearted, precisely the sort of example I wish to have in my child’s life.”
Sara’s breath hitches. She doesn’t know how to handle being told something like that, much less by Lady Yae of all people.
“I agree completely,” Ei contributes. “Little Makoto will be so very lucky to have you in their life.”
“I… thank you, Ei, M-Miko,” Sara manages, surprising even herself with how she manages to keep the flood of tears that want to pour from her eyes inside. “I’m afraid I have work to do, so I’ll need to cut this short and return, but…”
They had meant it. They had meant it when they said they wanted to get to know her better. They included her in even this moment, and so easily discuss the impossible about the future as if it’s a foregone conclusion.
“Oh, I can excuse you from that,” Ei offers.
Terror rises in Sara’s throat. she needs to get away before she breaks down in front of them, but how could she say no to an offer from Ei of all people…?
“I’m afraid I’m rather tired, Ei,” Miko says. “Ending things here for today would suit me as well… I need my sleep.”
The gentle look in Miko’s eyes when she meets Sara’s gaze has the tengu’s tears on the verge of escaping — kindness from the wicked Guuji of the Grand Narukami Shrine isn’t something that Sara had ever expected to receive.
“Oh! Of course, you’ve been through so much today,” Ei fusses, adjusting Miko’s blankets and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I’ll get Sara back, then…”
Sara carefully returns little Makoto to Miko’s arms, a little disconcerted by the way she finds herself not wanting to let go of the child.
But she has to.
The trip back to her office is just as swift as the trip to Tenshukaku had been, and the moment that Ei departs to return to Miko’s side…
Sara buries her face in her hands and cries, the future ahead of her a sun shining more brightly than she can handle…
But she wants to see it, even if the heat burns the wings from her back as she foolishly soars into the heavens.
“Come on, silly bird,” Shinobu murmurs, gently tugging on Sara’s hand. “You’ve already done this twice.”
Sara takes a deep breath and nods, then steps forward and knocks on the door to Ei and Miko’s chambers. It flies open almost immediately, revealing a beaming Ei.
“Sara! I’m so glad you could make it!” Ei greets. “And who’s this? I’m glad you brought a friend, I know I said you could but I wasn’t sure if you would…”
“This is Kuki Shinobu,” Sara introduces quietly. “My girlfriend.”
“Oh!” Ei gasps, clapping her hands in delight. “Your girlfriend! Please, both of you, come in and make yourselves at home. Shinobu, I’m very pleased to meet you.”
“It’s an honor, Your Excellency,” Shinobu says, bowing.
“Oh please, just call me Ei,” Ei laughs. “Any friend — let alone girlfriend — of Sara’s is a friend of mine.”
Sara knows Shinobu is smirking at her under her mask, but she supposes her girlfriend has earned this one. She had been right about Ei’s intentions in a way Sara never could have believed.
“Ei, then,” Shinobu accepts easily. “I hope now is still a good time.”
“It is,” Miko confirms, stepping into the room with little Makoto in her arms. “It’s a pleasure to see you again, Shinobu.”
“L-Lady Guuji,” Shinobu stammers, suddenly far less composed than Sara is used to seeing. “The… pleasure is mine.”
“Relax,” Miko laughs, settling herself onto the couch beside Ei. “This is a friendly setting, dear. You have nothing to fear here… and do call me ‘Miko.’”
“All right… Miko,” Shinobu says, slowly relaxing again. “May I ask why you wanted Sara to bring a friend, Ei?”
“Well, for one thing, we wanted to make sure she had some,” Miko answers bluntly. “If she didn’t we were going to have to arrange some playdates.”
Sara can feel her cheeks burning with embarrassment as she looks away. Having Ei and Miko, the Almighty Shogun and Lady Guuji, worrying about whether she has friends…
She doesn’t quite want to admit to how, despite how embarrassing it is, she’s deeply touched by their concern.
“I see,” Shinobu says. “In the future, I would prefer you simply ask her such things… this was a somewhat unpleasantly roundabout way to handle it.”
“…Yes, I suppose you’re right,” Miko sighs. “I do have some… poor habits, and being straightforward in my intentions is certainly difficult for me… But I suppose there’s no time like the present to correct that. Ei, please hold Makoto for me.”
Sara watches in confusion as Miko hands the baby to Ei and rises to her feet, striding across the room until she’s towering over Sara…
And then she kneels, and bows her head.
“I’m sorry,” Miko murmurs. “So deeply sorry.”
“…Lady Yae?” Sara asks, thrown by the unexpected words. “This isn’t that big of a deal…”
“Not for this,” Miko says. “…It was I who gave you to the Kujou, knowing how they would treat you. Intending that you would receive such treatment, for no other reason than I found your behavior as a child to be irritating and sought to have it ‘corrected’ to ensure what I perceived to be excessive wildness would not become a threat to Inazuma’s peace… but truthfully, I think I simply didn’t like children very much until I had one of my own, and was inclined to believe the worst of them. I know I may never be able to earn your forgiveness, but… if you’ll allow it, I would like to try. I would like to help you reach a future where you’re surrounded by the love that you always should have known, but that I stole from you… I would like to show you the kindness I should have as one of the last ancient youkai meeting the final scion of a line that managed to survive to the present day.”
Sara stares down at Miko, speechless.
She had never known who had found her laying unconscious on the ground after acquiring her Vision and given her to the Kujou, and truth be told she had never really wondered. It had never seemed to matter to her.
She knows the way the Kujou raised her was not kind. She remembers vividly how the soldiers who had been so sweet to her were cruelly punished, remembers the scolding she had received… remembers endless training and time spent alone. Remembers a little girl whose budding outgoing nature had been crushed and focused into a life of duty.
And Miko… Lady Yae… had known that would happen. Had intended that to happen.
She doesn’t know what to say. The air is oppressive, threatening to choke her. But—
Her past… was not a kind one. Lady Yae treated her cruelly, some might even say unforgivably, when she gave her to the Kujou.
But.
For all of Sara’s struggles, the reason she has Shinobu as she does is the life she’s lived — their paths may likely never have crossed without it. The reason Sara can speak to Ei, the Almighty Shogun, on friendly terms is because of the life she’s lived and the position it’s placed her in.
Without what Lady Yae had done, Sara would have remained a nameless orphan tengu with no home — not the mountains that the kitsune had directed her to during the only interaction she’d knowingly had with Lady Yae as a child, and not the place she has now, by Shinobu’s side. Lady Yae claims that she stole Sara’s chance to be surrounded by love, but Sara doesn’t know if that’s true — she certainly hadn’t had love before the Kujou had taken her in. The love Shinobu has given her is far more than she had ever had before.
It doesn’t make it okay. It doesn’t mean she’s forgiven the kitsune for her cruelty. Now that she knows this truth, it doesn’t mean that she’s not going to be having nightmares starring Lady Yae, it doesn’t mean she’ll ever be able to reach a point where she’ll feel that her safety is truly assured when she’s alone with the fox.
But if Lady Yae… if Miko is genuinely repentant, has realized how much harm her actions had caused, if she really wants to earn forgiveness…
“Okay,” Sara whispers, clutching onto Shinobu’s hand like a lifeline. “Okay. I would like that.”
And she would. She would like Miko to mean it. She would like for the future she’s found herself imagining recently, frightening though its brightness is, to be real. She would like Miko to be able to redeem herself, for the kindness that the kitsune has shown her in their last few meetings to be genuine. Even if a relationship of complete trust will never be possible between them, Sara would like to work towards mending things, for the sake of the hope that she’s been allowed to feel.
It’s not going to be an easy path. It’s more uncertain than ever, and the radiance of a future that promises even something as unthinkable as someone who was party to the abuse she’d faced wanting to help her reach happiness threatens to burn her alive.
But…
Sara has never been known for giving up.
And she doesn’t intend to start now.
And as the years pass, as Sara continues to stand and march forever onward…
She finds herself learning just what it was that Lady Yae had believed she had stolen from Sara when she had spoken of being surrounded by love…
And how integral the foolish, cunning, wicked kitsune herself is to showering Sara in that very love.
It would be a lie to say that Sara’s trust in Miko is implicit, that she’s stopped fearing the fox entirely — but she learns, again and again, that the kitsune’s remorse is powerful and genuine, and drives her to better Sara’s life in every way she can. At times she thinks that Miko must still see her as a child to be doted on, as if she hasn’t aged a day since the first time a bird and a fox met on the street and Sara was told by a strange and beautiful elder youkai about a place in the mountains that she could live and train to be her best as she fulfilled the same grand duty as her ancestors had… but even that idea becomes dear to her as she grows to understand that beneath the ancient youkai’s undeniable and frightening cruelty is a heart fiercely loyal to those few she loves.
Lunches start monthly and become weekly, Sara’s circle of friends expands, little Makoto grows and grows and the name ‘Aunt Sara’ begins to fall naturally from their lips, Ei and Miko begin to feel more like caring older sisters than figures of supernatural awe…
And Sara, Kujou Sara though she may be, Kujou Sara though she may once have been—
For all that she’s grown more comfortable with children over the years and truly enjoys spending time with little Makoto, part of Sara still thinks she’s a poor choice of babysitter for such a young child… but Yoimiya and Ayaka are away on a trip, and that means it falls to Sara. It might not be so bad if her wife were here, but Shinobu is at work helping with international trade laws and won’t be back for a few more hours.
“Can we play, Aunt Sara?” little Makoto asks, staring up at Sara with pleading eyes.
“Of course we can,” Sara promises, casting her thoughts around for anything that would qualify as a good game to play with a five-year-old.
She’s got plenty of toys and games suitable for older children, Klee had made sure of that as Sara had gotten to know the cheerful girl that Yoimiya and Ayaka had adopted… but a five-year-old won’t be able to do much with most of them.
An idea strikes her, strange though it is given her past thoughts on the matter, and she kneels down as she slips her hand into her pocket to withdraw the small top that’s been with her through so many things, her constant companion that’s given her more fun and provided comfort more times than she ever could have imagined when she purchased it.
“This is called the Solo,” Sara says, showing it to little Makoto. “It’s a kind of top. You can make it spin, and if you’re good enough it can keep going for a long time.”
“Really?” little Makoto asks, staring at the top curiously. “Can you show me?”
“Of course,” Sara agrees. “Watch, it goes like this…”
Sara sets the Solo down and spins, watching proudly as it continues its rotation for well over five minutes before it begins to slow.
“Wow…” little Makoto murmurs, shining eyes locked on the toy.
Sara can’t help but laugh softly at the entranced expression on little Makoto’s face, the world around her fading out until all that’s left in her awareness are herself, the happy child, and the wobbling little top that connects them. She finds herself needing to squeeze her eyes shut to hold back what she’s suddenly afraid would be more than a few tears. How could she ever have thought that the Solo’s name meant it was a toy that was only to be used when one was alone?
In this moment, sharing the simple toy she’d come to love so much with the adorable child of a god she still reveres perhaps just a little too much and a kitsune who she’s come to view as precious family despite the small, lingering ache remaining between them…
Sara is happy in a way she doesn’t think she’s ever known. It’s not the kind of quiet, self-affirming happiness she feels when she’s spending time with Shinobu, it’s not the rush of joy that had filled her heart when the Shogun had first acknowledged her, it’s not the kind of wild cheer that she has only vague half-memories of once having known in her early childhood before she had become ‘Kujou Sara.’
It’s a simple, soft happiness that fills her chest with warmth and makes her think ‘I’m glad I’m here.’
“Can I try, Aunt Sara?” little Makoto asks excitedly.
“Of course you can,” Sara agrees. “Here, let me show you…”
It takes several tries and a great deal of gentle coaching, but little Makoto is eventually able to get the top to spin around and around for a handful of seconds.
“I did it! Aunt Sara, I did it!” little Makoto cheers, bounding forward to hug Sara around the waist.
“You did! Good job!” Sara praises, returning the hug. “You’ll figure out the trick for having it spinning longer the more you play with it. Do you want to try again?”
“Yeah!” little Makoto agrees immediately.
As Sara watches little Makoto try again and again, sometimes failing to get the Solo spinning at all and other times getting it to go for a little while…
Sara understands, at long last, how wrong her thoughts had been all those years ago when she’d first met the child that’s become such an important fixture in her life.
It’s not that the future she’d seen was too bright, it’s not that the path is an uncertain one.
Sara had been in the darkness walking along a tunnel that permitted no deviation, and when she’d stepped outside at long last her eyes had needed time to adjust to the light. When she’d seen all of the possibilities arrayed before her, she had needed to learn how to appreciate that they were all real, that they were things that it was okay to want and pursue.
Here and now, as a member of a large and happy family, as an aunt to little Makoto and to little Hanabi and to Klee… as a wife to Shinobu… as a sister and friend to Ei and Miko and Kokomi and Yoimiya and Ayaka… having grown close with Rikka, starting with bonding over their experiences as generals and discovering how much they had in common… having even learned to get along with Shinobu’s idiot brother Itto, even if he does still sometimes cause her headaches…
Sara knows, now, that her wings will not be burned from her back for daring to fly too high — for she is the crow that dwells in the sun, and its light could never do other than welcome her home.