Work Text:
Everything is gray.
That’s how life has been for Michael for a long time. Empty. Neutral.
Numb.
No bright light from white, no depth that came with black. Just… gray.
He deserved it, he supposed. This feeling of hollowness. This feeling of being… alone.
He had been alone for a very long time. He wasn’t at one time, he supposed. But back then didn’t matter. Back then made him hurt.
So he didn’t think about it. He did what he did every morning, a colorless routine. Wake up, make himself a halfhearted breakfast, ( Remember, don’t remember, don’t remember ) and went to work. A monotonous, empty existence.
That’s how he liked it, he supposed. No surprises. Just… gray.
And then Jeremy came along.
He was mopping the floors of Freddy Fazbear’s one day, restlessly awaiting the moment he would be released from work so he could just go home. Sleeping had never sounded better and, to be entirely honest, he really hated this place. But his boss seemed to have other ideas.
“Hey Michael,” Scott called to him. “Come over here for a minute!”
Michael begrudgingly looked up from where he was half-heartedly cleaning the floors. Scott was waving to him from halfway across the pizzeria, with someone Michael didn’t recognize standing uncertainly next to him. Michael sighed.
Normally, Scott ignored him. And Michael happened to prefer it that way. It’s not that he disliked his boss, but he was just a tad too… nervous for Michael. It reminded him of something.
He tore himself away from his thoughts and trudged over to his boss. When had his limbs become so heavy? Just moving felt like a struggle. He wished he wasn’t so damn tired all the time.
“This is Jeremy!” Scott exclaimed when he had approached them. “He’s new here, and I would like you to show him around tonight. He’ll be shadowing you tomorrow, but I thought it would be good to get the tour started early.”
Michael responded with a halfhearted thumbs up. If he noticed Jeremy giving him a concerned look, he ignored it and motioned for Jeremy to follow him instead. Jeremy seemed frozen in place for a moment before shaking his head and jogging to catch up with Michael.
“Hey dude, are you alright?”
“Just peachy,” Michael responded, not fond of the idea of having to interact with this “Jeremy” more than he needed to. Jeremy gave him another concerned look before dropping the issue, much to Michael’s relief.
He tried to make the tour fairly quick, partially because it was the end of the workday and partially just because, despite everything, he really didn’t want to encourage Jeremy to work here. The worse impression of Fazbear’s he got, the better.
So, when six PM finally rolled around, he bid farewell to Jeremy and left to go home to another colorless evening, just like the hundreds before it.
The next day rolled around, and he found himself struggling to get out of bed. Not that it was anything new, he always had a hard time getting up these days. What was the point of getting up to a gray world?
It’s better this way, he reminded himself, finally rolling out of bed and grabbing the ugly purple button-up that Scott required them to wear.
As per usual, he heated up a frozen waffle and only ate half before throwing the rest out. He didn’t like wasting food, but it felt almost… satisfying. Like he was taking his anger out on something, no matter how small. It wasn’t like he was actually hungry anyways. It was like his fath-
He grabbed his keys and left for work.
He groaned when Scott came up to him with Jeremy trailing behind once again. Can a man not do his job in peace?
“So, I think I mentioned this yesterday, but Jeremy will be shadowing you today. Just teach him the ropes! You’ve worked here longer than almost anyone, so I trust your judgment!” Scott exclaimed, smiling at Michael. Michael did not reciprocate.
This didn’t seem to put a damper on the man’s mood, and he quickly trotted off to go do God knows what.
Jeremy stood awkwardly there, scanning Michael’s features. Michael refused to meet his eyes.
“So,” Michael began, eager to get this over with. “What do you already know?”
“Not much,” Jeremy responded, bouncing on his heels. His short, blonde hair bounced with them, making Michael raise an eyebrow.
“Okay then,” Michael said, “Come back here.” he beckoned for Jeremy to come behind the Prize Counter where he was re-stocking.
“So, this is fairly simple.” He said, gesturing at the shelves lining the wall behind the counter. “If something is out, or running low, you just go grab some replacements from the back. Or just under the counter. That’s normally what I use, just because it’s easier.” He motioned to some boxes that didn’t fully fit under the counter that were overflowing with soft plushies and small toys that a child could probably choke on. Whatever. It wasn’t his job to micromanage safety regulations.
“When we open, children will come up here pretty regularly. Just make sure they have basically the right amount of tickets and then give them what they want.”
“Cool!” Jeremy responded, a tad too enthusiastic for someone working at Fazbear’s, in Michael’s opinion. “Scott said that this is where I’ll mainly be working, and that sounds pretty fun!”
“I normally work in the back.” Michael responded, gesturing to a door labeled “Maintenance and storage.”
“Not a big fan of crowds?” Jeremy asked.
“Not a big fan of kids.” Michael said. They were far too loud, and far too gross, too many memories no stop no no no remembering not again please-
“Seems kinda like the wrong move to work at a children’s establishment, in that case,” Jeremy said, picking up a Toy Bonnie plush and examining it for a moment, then gently setting it on display next to some others so that they would be visible to the children.
“I guess so, yeah,” Michael responded, leaning against the counter. Jeremy didn’t press any farther, and they fell into silence. It gave Michael a chance to finally look over his new coworker.
He looked about the same age as Michael, with fluffy blonde hair and freckles plastered across his face like someone had taken a paintbrush and spattered brown paint across his cheeks. He was taller than Michael, though that didn’t really say much; Michael had always been fairly short. Jeremy wore red high-tops and hideous, bright orange pants that went surprisingly well with his purple button-up, which he had already decorated with pins sporting the names of boy bands and album covers.
And his eyes. Bright blue stared back at him, like a deep pool of sky, stars sparkling in their depths. They were so much… Deeper than his own.
Michael had always hated his reflection. It reminded ( No no remembering don’t bad no ) him of something he wanted to forget. And even then, his own eyes were a cold and icy blue, like a frozen lake, cold and abandoned. Jeremy’s eyes looked like a spring pond.
He didn’t even notice they had made eye contact until Jeremy chuckled and said; “I know I’m pretty, but am I really that good to look at?”
Michael’s face heated up. Stupid, stupid! He said a rushed apology and hurried to the maintenance room.
Red.
He paused at the thought.
Something had interrupted his gray.
Even after that awkward interaction and after he was done shadowing Michael, Jeremy began to press to hang out with Michael. Initially, it was simply him saying good morning, but eventually “good morning” became full conversations.
Jeremy’s enthusiasm and sass was contagious. After only a few weeks, Michael found himself wanting to hang out with him. He was just so sweet, and charming. He never went too far, or asked too many questions.
The first time he had made Michael smile, he had looked far too pleased with himself.
Orange.
Michael actually enjoyed being around Jeremy. Which is not something he has been able to say about… well.. Anything, for a long time.
Michael found himself thinking about him outside of work and their conversations before work. The way that he almost skipped instead of walking. The way he always waved at him in the mornings. The way he smiled.
Just the thought made him feel something he has not felt in a very long time.
Yellow.
Something had interrupted his gray. And he was happier.
Or, well, he wanted to be. The voice in the back of his head was louder than ever and quite prominently disagreed with him, as much as he didn’t want to listen to it.
You don’t deserve him.
He’s too good.
You’ll taint him.
You’ll make a mistake.
He hates you.
He knew he should probably stop. Cut contact with him. But he couldn’t bring himself to. Every time he wanted to, just the thought of his smile, or his starry freckles, or the way he twiddled his fingers-
He just couldn’t.
So he didn’t.
He smiled. And he laughed, for the first time in years. When was the last time he had laughed? Truly, honestly laughed? Felt this… full?
No don’t remember bad things will happen please please don’t remember don’t think about it no no no bad don’t please no no no no no
Jeremy made him feel feelings he thought were dead. Feelings for movies, and sappy TV shows. Maybe his life was just a sappy TV show. He wouldn’t mind.
If his life was a sappy TV show, maybe everything would end up okay.
He knew he couldn’t tell Jeremy about these feelings. He knew what he felt, and was certain Jeremy didn’t feel the same. And even if he did, they couldn’t be together. Michael didn’t deserve him.
He came into work that day with a smile on his face.
“Hey Mike!” Jeremy greeted him. In the few months since they’d met, Jeremy had let his hair grow out into a messy mullet. It looked good on him.
“Hey.” Michael greeted in return, blushing slightly but still going to lean against the prize counter, as he did every morning. And, as he did every morning, Jeremy made him laugh. They joked around, lightly shoved each other. And Jeremy made him feel like maybe… He was good enough. He could smile. He could laugh.
Green.
Jeremy flipped Michael’s world on its head that night.
“Hey Mike?” Jeremy asked as he locked up the pizzeria. It was beginning to get cold, the long summer finally fading into a chilly fall. Michael huddled close to Jeremy but avoided touching him, hoping to get some of his heat from proximity alone. “Yeah?” He asked, shivering.
“I just, uh,” Jeremy looked nervous. Jeremy never looked nervous. Michael furrowed his brows, now concerned. “Would you, uh, maybe want to go out with me sometime?”
And just like that, Michael’s world exploded in color.
Jeremy was amazing. He was so sweet, and caring, and considerate. Michael didn’t think he had ever loved someone this much. He got butterflies in his stomach just looking at Jeremy. He made the tiny voice in the back of Michael’s head quieter. He made Michael feel good, just by being there.
“Hey,” Jeremy said, peeking his head into Michael’s bedroom. He was holding two warm mugs, and gently passed one to Michael as he sat down on the bed next to him. Before he could even get settled, Michael pulled him into a deep kiss, then laughed at the flustered look on his face.
“So,” Jeremy said, gently nursing the hot chocolate in his hands. “I was wondering.” Michael glanced at him, curious.
“Yeah?”
“Can we talk?”
Michael blinked, suddenly uncertain. “I guess. What’s up?”
“I just,” Jeremy looked at Michael, sharing his look of uncertainty. “I worry about you.” Jeremy glanced away, staring into his mug. “You lock yourself away sometimes. You become so… closed off. It’s little things, sometimes. Sometimes just something someone said, or something someone did. You just… you get quieter. I know that some… bad stuff happened when you were younger, and I just… I want to make sure you’re doing okay.”
Michael stared at him. Was he right? Now that he thought of it, he could remember some times that that had happened…
Why? Did he reme-
No don’t please I can’t I can’t don’t no please-
“I can’t.” He said suddenly. Hot tears pricked at his eyes.
Jeremy looked startled for a moment at his response, mild panic evident on his face when he noticed the wetness of Michael’s eyes.
Jeremy placed his mug on the table and turned to Michael, placing a gentle hand on his cheek and guiding Michael’s eyes to his.
“Can’t what?”
“Remember,” Michael whispered. “It’s so painful.”
Jeremy gazed deep into his eyes, sadness welling in the depths of blue. Startling, calming, lovely, familiar blue. The blue that Michael loved with all of his heart, all of his soul. All of his colors.
“Oh, Michael.” Jeremy said, nothing but love in his movements as he shifted to hug him. The tears were falling fast now, and Michael couldn’t stop them. He wasn’t supposed to remember, he was supposed to be gray-
“Sometimes the only way to move on is to remember.”
He couldn’t stop it now. The sobs escaped him, shaking his whole frame as Jeremy hugged him tighter. Not painfully, never painfully. Too many memories, too many thoughts. Too much pain. But he didn’t try to stop it. He doesn’t think he could at this point. But instead of pulling away, Jeremy only tugged him closer.
He had never felt so loved in his life. The way that Jeremy gently traced circles in his back as he sobbed, his familiar scent, the way he whispered sweet nothings into his ear. Those blue eyes that were never anything but gentle.
Blue.
Despite everything, he was happy. He wasn’t gray anymore. Nothing was. Jeremy made sure of that.
So he hugged Jeremy a little tighter and allowed himself to cry. Allowed himself to be vulnerable.
Michael’s life has never been more colorful, and everything is blue.