Chapter Text
Seungmin blinks his eyes open, and through the gap between his blackout curtains he can see that the sun hasn’t set yet, but that’s okay. Seungmin likes watching the sunset, and through his windows, the rays don’t burn his skin too much.
When he walks by his front door, he notices a letter lying on the floor. He tilts his head in curiosity — this letter wasn’t there before, right? Did someone bring him a letter during the day or did Seungmin just miss this one? Either way, Seungmin picks it up, suspecting it to be one of many love letters.
Yes, as a relatively young vampire of high status, Seungmin gets many love letters. Most of them are just after his money or want to experience a more exciting love with a younger vampire, so Seungmin doesn’t really care. That, and Seungmin’s heart is already taken by someone, so usually after opening the letters and glancing over them briefly, Seungmin just throws them away.
Why does he still receive love letters when he’s already in love, you ask? Well, it’s complicated, but to put it bluntly, Seungmin is still in love with his ex.
He tried to move on after their breakup, but, even though Seungmin has already lived long enough to have had multiple partners who he genuinely loved, he cannot get Hyunjin off his mind. It's been a few months already, but Seungmin's dead heart still yearns for Hyunjin.
Hyunjin made him feel alive, loved like no other, and even though they’re so different (both because Hyunjin is human and because their personalities are just different), Hyunjin understands him, and Seungmin could listen to Hyunjin talk for hours on end.
Either way— they broke up. However much it sucks, they had their reasons and those haven’t changed yet, so Seungmin will have to deal with it, but he’ll probably still throw the love letter away.
He opens it and scans over the first few lines— oh. This one isn’t like the usual cringy or obviously-after-the-money-and-status letters, this one feels genuine — the handwriting looks like it has been put effort into, though Seungmin has the feeling this person’s natural handwriting isn’t necessarily neat — so Seungmin can’t help but read the whole thing.
‘Dear Seungmin,
You have been on my mind for a while, but only now I have gathered the courage to send you a letter. I admire you a lot, and I just want you to know. I want you to know that you’re way more than just your status and money, and that you are deserving of a deep love.
I could list everything I love about you, but I’d have to write a whole book, so I just hope you take my word for it and believe that you are beautiful both on the inside and on the outside. I am not courageous enough to approach you with this or sign my name, but I’m okay with just watching from the side, admiring and loving you from a distance, and letting you know through my letters.
Maybe you’ll hear from me again, soon. Until then, if you want, you can cherish this letter.
Love,
A secret admirer.’
Seungmin’s mouth falls open and his hands get a little clammy as he reads the letter, unable to believe someone admires him like this. Yes, he also sometimes gets love letters that aren’t focused on his status or money, and he’s had a share of secret admirers as well, but somehow this letter manages to touch him. It gives him mixed feelings, though, because he hasn’t moved on from Hyunjin, and while he never promised Hyunjin anything and he doesn’t owe him anything now they’ve broken up — hell, he never even promised himself to ever try to get back together with him, though he did and still does hope there will ever be a second chance for them — Seungmin would feel weird pursuing someone else.
Nevertheless, Seungmin isn’t planning on throwing this letter away, he’ll keep it, at least, maybe cherish it like the letter asked him to, because he is still touched, whether he wants to pursue the secret admirer or not. He wonders who wrote it, if it’s someone he knows, a friend or an acquaintance, or if it’s someone who has only been admiring him from a distance. Seungmin doesn’t hope it’s the latter option, that would be kind of creepy, but if it’s the former option, then Seungmin could potentially find out who it is if they see each other regularly.
He shakes his head, thinking that he shouldn’t fret about this too much. If the admirer is keeping their identity secret, it’s not up to Seungmin to find out who it is, and who knows if he’ll get another letter anyway. He’ll just have to wait and see.
Right now he should head out to meet his friends as they planned. Seungmin pockets the letter and grabs his umbrella against the last few rays of sunlight. It should be getting darker sooner and sooner, so in a few weeks he will probably wake up when it’s dark. Once he’s outside, he can’t help but glance over to his left, to where the human part of their town (if you can even call it the same town) is. The nearest human house to the vampire part coincidentally is Hyunjin’s, just like Seungmin’s home is nearest to the human part, so, even though there are still a couple of hundred meters and a fence between their houses, Hyunjin liked to call them neighbors, and Seungmin liked that description too, he still does. It gives him some sort of sense of being connected to Hyunjin even after their breakup, and he likes that, though Hyunjin also used to call them soulmates and thinking about that makes Seungmin want to cry and punch a wall in frustration.
Damnit, when will I stop thinking about him? Seungmin thinks with a soft sigh to himself. Never has Seungmin felt this way about a breakup before, not even about the ones where they didn’t have a friendly split-up (usually that only took him a month at most to get over), and he doesn’t really know why. Maybe he really genuinely loved Hyunjin. Probably. No, he knows he does, he still loves Hyunjin, but he doesn’t want to think about that when Hyunjin is not someone within his reach.
“Damn, Seungmin! What’s that frown for?” Jeongin pulls him out of his thoughts, and Seungmin only now notices that he already reached the cafe they’d meet at. The fact that Felix is basically almost sitting on Jeongin’s lap doesn’t help Seungmin’s mind stay off hopeless thoughts.
“Nothing– I mean, I got a love letter when I woke up,” Seungmin sighs as he sits down with his two friends and they order some artificial blood packets. Felix perks up and Jeongin raises an eyebrow in interest.
“And? Usually you throw them away, right? Even before you dated Hyunjin you did that, but... does that mean you're already over Hyunjin?” Felix asks curiously, and Seungmin presses his lips together, feeling a bit embarrassed. His friends know him too well for him to get away with a lie, but he trusts them, so he can tell them anything.
“No, I— I’m not over him, I guess,” Seungmin answers softly before he gets the letter out of his pocket. “But… this letter I got was really sweet, and– yeah, I don’t really know what to think of it yet.”
Felix asks to see the letter, and Seungmin thinks that it’s okay to share it with his friends, even if they would know who it is, they wouldn’t just expose them, so he hands them the letter and they read over it with sparkling eyes as the waiter brings them their blood.
“Wow, Lixie, I wish you were this romantic with me, ” Jeongin teases with a grin, and Felix laughs.
“Then you would only complain that I’m embarrassing you, but if you really want that, I can of course up my game,” Felix retorts, fondly ruffling his boyfriend’s hair before he turns to Seungmin again. “But really, Seungmin. This is super sweet, and really romantic. I wonder who it is, do you think there’s a chance that it’s Hyunjin?”
Seungmin gasps, not having expected Felix to say that, and his mind starts racing. “What? Well— I guess it’s a possibility, but… but we broke up. Do you really think he’d do something like this when we can’t be together?”
Felix shrugs and Jeongin seems to be thinking about the possibility as well.
“I mean, he didn’t want to break up, right?” the youngest comments. “You both didn’t want to. Heck— that was the first time I had seen you cry, so I imagine that you still have feelings for him, and maybe he still has them for you, too.”
Seungmin ducks his head in embarrassment — he doesn’t like remembering that time he cried so much because of the breakup, but Jeongin is right. Still, Seungmin doesn’t want to assume it’s Hyunjin.
“True, but I… I don’t want to get my hopes up and end up being disappointed,” he sighs, taking a sip of the artificial blood. “There is a reason the sender is anonymous, so… if it’s Hyunjin, he doesn’t want me to know. If it’s not Hyunjin and I confront him with it, it’s only going to make things awkward, and if I assume it’s Hyunjin and someone else comes forward to tell me it’s them, I’m going to be disappointed as well. So…” he exhales and slumps in his chair. “I don’t really want to think about it right now.”
Felix reaches over to supportively massage his shoulder, and Seungmin lets the gesture calm him down a bit.
“So you don’t want to get over Hyunjin and find someone else?” Felix asks softly. “I’m not saying you should! I’m just wondering what you want . You said you’re not over him yet, and maybe you want to get over him, but you’re talking about it as if the only thing you want is to get back together. Am I hearing that right?”
Seungmin presses his lips together and runs a hand through his hair, messing it up, but he doesn’t care. “I— Honestly, I don’t know. On one hand, I do want him and only him. On the other hand, if it’s not possible… if we’re just going to break up again because everyone is harassing us and we can’t even show ourselves in public, then I would like to move on. But I don’t know if I can.”
Felix and Jeongin share a look, probably silently communicating the realization that Seungmin is really that far gone and most likely not getting over Hyunjin. Seungmin is postponing that realization for now, and he’s glad that Felix speaks up again and changes the topic.
“Well— maybe this news will be good to hear, then?” he says hesitantly, and Jeongin seems to know what he’s talking about because he’s smiling giddily. “There will finally be a change of power in the community again, and I am thinking of trying to get into the council? Everyone is supposed to get a notice about it and the upcoming events surrounding it somewhere tonight.”
Seungmin’s eyebrows shoot up and his mood immediately lifts. “Really? That’s great news! Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help, it would be great to have you in there!”
Felix smiles bashfully and waves them off as Jeongin agrees, but he does excitedly tells Seungmin all about his preparations and plans when Seungmin asks about it. The current council consists of old weathered vampires who think of humans as ignorant reckless peasants when, in Seungmin’s opinion, they could definitely learn from the almost naive positivity some humans have (like Hyunjin, but also Felix as a vampire has it). That’s why Seungmin is elated to hear this, and on top that the upcoming events and helping Felix will probably nicely distract Seungmin from overthinking about the love letter and Hyunjin.
Maybe this will even ease the divide between vampires and humans and let me and Hyunjin— Seungmin stops his thoughts there and shakes them away. Much like with the love letter, he shouldn’t get his hopes up, he shouldn’t be thinking about Hyunjin this much more than two months after the breakup. For all he knows, Hyunjin has moved on, or he’s at least trying to, unlike Seungmin. He’s afraid to ask or approach Hyunjin, because they’ve seen each other maybe once after the break up with their conflicting sleep schedules and the whole taboo of even going to the other side of town (Hyunjin, being the night owl he is, used to be better at sneaking away unnoticed than Seungmin would during the day, having to carry his umbrella and all).
Either way, Seungmin will do his best to support Felix, whether that will result in vampires and humans mixing more or not. And besides, even if it will result in that, it’s not like it will be instantaneous, right? And, as everyone likes to remind Seungmin, Hyunjin doesn’t have an infinite amount of time to live. He doesn’t get to live an eternal life like Seungmin does, and thinking about it makes Seungmin feel awful, afraid, even.
And there he is, thinking about Hyunjin again. Even when Felix tells him he will throw a party to connect with people and appeal himself to potential voters, Seungmin can’t help but think back to how he met Hyunjin at a party Seungmin’s parents were throwing. He sighs softly, thinking, wow, I’m really hopeless, huh?
Seungmin was bored out of his mind, not feeling like talking to any guests anymore. They were all here for his parents anyway, and the people who weren’t necessarily, were here to sweet talk Seungmin to get on his parents’ good side, or maybe to get access to his status and money. He looked around to see if he could sneak away for a little, and when he noticed no one was paying attention, he took the chance to go outside and breathe in some fresh air.
There were some guests standing outside as well, but most of them didn’t pay Seungmin any mind, fortunately. After removing himself from the crowd a little, Seungmin saw someone looking a little lost. He wasn’t dressed for the party at all, Seungmin thought his clothes looked kind of weird— human-like? That thought made him frown. It wasn’t really safe for humans to hang around in vampire territory, and he seemed to be lucky that no one around had noticed him yet.
“Hey, can I help you?” Seungmin decided to approach him before anyone else did. He didn’t look down on humans like his parents and most of the vampires in town did — Seungmin found this whole divide between vampires and humans ridiculous anyway. Just because vampires have had centuries to gather wealth and power didn’t mean that they are better than humans — so he wasn’t going to do nothing and let the human accidentally come across someone who would attack or insult him.
The human seemed a bit startled, and he blushed as he rubbed his neck sheepishly.
“Uhm— yeah, I— I am kind of new in town and I was taking a walk around to explore the town, but I got lost,” he admitted softly, and okay— this was definitely a human. Vampires almost never move, and if they do, it’s because they got exiled from their previous community, but then Seungmin would have heard of a new vampire moving in.
“Are you aware that you’re now in the vampire part of town?” Seungmin asked, and the human looked at him with wide, surprised eyes. Now Seungmin got a better look at his face, Seungmin noticed how handsome he was. Long hair, a pretty mole under his eye, a small soft face… Are all humans this handsome?
“Oh— I— shit— I shouldn’t be here, right? They told me about it, but I— I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I didn’t mean to trespass—” the guy stammered panickedly, flinching when Seungmin put a hand on his shoulder. “Uh— please don’t attack me!”
Oh, he’s afraid? Well, Seungmin guessed it was warranted if he was any other vampire. “I’m not going to attack you. Don’t worry— though, you might want to watch out for other vampires. I’m just here to help, and frankly, I’m glad to have an excuse to leave my parents’ boring party.”
The human relaxed a little and breathed out a small, awkward chuckle. Seungmin didn’t really know what to do to make him feel more at ease, so he just introduced himself and asked for the stranger’s name.
“Oh, I’m Hyunjin. Nice to meet you, Seungmin,” he said with a tiny smile, still seeming a little hesitant (understandably).
“Nice to meet you too, Hyunjin.” Seungmin offered a small smile as well, feeling a tad awkward, but at least it was better than talking to any of the guests at the party. “I do know the way to the human part of town, but after that, I can’t really help anymore. Do you want me to point you in the right direction or maybe walk you there?”
Seungmin hoped Hyunjin would choose the latter option, not only because he wanted an excuse to leave the party, but also in case Hyunjin would accidentally stumble upon other vampires. It would be safer if Seungmin, a well-known vampire, was with him, but Seungmin also wanted to give Hyunjin a choice, since he seemed afraid of him.
“I… I probably would get lost again if you only point me there, and you said to be careful of other vampires, right?” Hyunjin twirled his fingers around each other nervously. “I mean— I just met you as well, but I guess if you wanted to harm me you’d have done so already, so I’ll take the chance.”
Hyunjin chuckled at himself and Seungmin found it cute, and he was also happy that Hyunjin gave him an excuse to get away. Seungmin told him to follow him, and they headed toward the human part. To break the tense silence and because Seungmin was genuinely curious, he asked Hyunjin about where he moved from and how that went, and Hyunjin told him about how he finally was able to move away from his parents and sort of start over.
.
It wasn’t a long walk to the human part since Seungmin and his parents live nearby, but that was actually kind of a bummer, in Seungmin’s opinion. Once Hyunjin noticed that Seungmin really wasn’t going to hurt him and opened up a tiny bit, the conversation flowed pretty well, driven by their mutual interest in the other’s lifestyle and culture.
“Okay, so here we are at the fence. It’s a bit old, but it’s supposed to keep us separated, I guess,” Seungmin told him once they reached the fence. Many years ago vampires would watch the fence more closely for trespassers, but now humans had learned to stay away and stayed away out of their own will.
“Ah… so that’s what it was for,” Hyunjin breathed, his cheeks getting a little red in embarrassment. “I guess they mentioned something like that, but it slipped my mind. I kind of thought it was a gate to a park, and the gate was open, so…”
Seungmin chuckled. It was refreshing to see someone so unaware of the divide between humans and vampires. Hyunjin told him he lived in a big city that basically had no vampires so he never really dealt with them and only heard a few stories about them.
“Anyway, can you find your way from here?”
“Definitely! I recognize the surroundings again, and I know that this isn’t too far from my house,” Hyunjin said with a grateful smile. “It’s basically the nearest house to this fence, I think, though it still is a bit away.”
“Same here. My house is closest to the fence as well, though still a bit away.” Seungmin couldn’t help but mirror Hyunjin’s smile. “We walked past it a minute or so ago.”
“Oh! What a coincidence!” Hyunjin’s smile brightened and his happiness radiated onto Seungmin, sunny rays that didn’t burn his skin. “Or wait— maybe not so much, since everyone seems to be afraid of vampires, so maybe there was a reason this house was so cheap for its size and quality.”
“Right.” Seungmin’s smile fell and he let out a soft sigh. “Either way. I’m glad you can find your way home now. I actually enjoyed talking to you, thank you for saving me from that party.”
Hyunjin chuckled happily and agreed with him. “I enjoyed talking to you as well, and thank you for walking me home.” His grin faltered a little and he looked down before meeting Seungmin’s eyes again. “Is there… is there any chance we can see each other again? I— I liked talking to you, and thus far I haven’t really been able to connect with anyone or make friends in town…”
Seungmin was kind of surprised by the question, but somewhere he was happy, too, because despite having friends, he would have loved to have a friend like Hyunjin as well. And, well, if Hyunjin wanted it, Seungmin was willing to put in some effort as well.
“I guess we can try. I’d like to as well, but we’d have to figure out a schedule, since I can’t really go out when the sun shines.”
Hyunjin’s eyes lit up a little, and Seungmin loved how expressive he was compared to most vampires. “No problem! I’m a bit of a night owl, so I can meet you at around this time again?”
Seungmin was glad that it wouldn’t be a burden for Hyunjin, and he felt some kind of giddiness bubble up in himself at the prospect of meeting Hyunjin again that he hadn’t felt in a long time. Maybe it was because vampires don’t experience many new things often, but Seungmin genuinely felt like Hyunjin would become his friend if they would be able to talk more often.
“Yes, let’s meet at the gate at this time tomorrow?”
“Yes! See you then, Seungmin! Bye bye!” Hyunjin waved him goodbye before he almost skipped away, and Seungmin couldn’t help but watch him until he was out of sight. What a fascinating and nice human, he thought, and he wondered what would become of their relationship, if they would form a friendship, and whether their respective communities would allow that. Seungmin was excited to find out.
Just when Seungmin isn't frantically looking if someone delivered him a letter when he wakes up, Seungmin sees one lying at his front door. Seungmin’s heart skips a metaphorical beat and he rushes to the front door to pick it up. He has gotten other letters in the meantime, but none of them were anonymous nor were they delivered before Seungmin would wake up, so this has to be from them, right?
When Seungmin isn't busy with helping and promoting Felix, his mind is going between the letter and Hyunjin. Sometimes his brain fools him into thinking that maybe Hyunjin wrote the letter after all, and sometimes he considers trying to move on, but he never fails to feel horrible about it.
Maybe the second letter will make it easier? Or maybe it will bring me closer to knowing who it is. Seungmin opens it carefully and holds his breath as he reads it.
'Dear Seungmin,
You have been looking busy lately, a bit stressed, even, so I'm sending another letter in hope of bringing some peace and rest between everything. I know you tend to take a lot of responsibility on your shoulders and you like doing things properly, which I admire, but sometimes it can lead to you being too strict for yourself.
I hope you know that just doing your best is enough and you don't have to be perfect. In my eyes you are already as close to perfect as someone can be.
If you want, you can take this letter as a reminder to rest and be proud of yourself. Otherwise, I will just tell you that I will always be proud of whatever you do.
Love,
A secret admirer.'
Seungmin swallows thickly, his throat getting a little dry when he reads the words in the letter. This definitely feels like it’s written by someone who knows him and not some creepy stranger watching him from the side. Now, it could still be an acquaintance since it’s not that difficult to know that Seungmin tends to be a bit of a perfectionist sometimes, but it’s at least comforting to know that this admirer cares about Seungmin being well-rested and proud of himself. Unsurprisingly, it makes him think of Hyunjin, because Hyunjin always reminded him to be kind to himself and how much he thinks Seungmin is doing well with everything, and Seungmin did that for him in return as well. Gosh, he misses Hyunjin.
He will keep this letter, too, both as a reminder to be proud of himself, and additionally, whether he wants it or not, as a reminder of Hyunjin. With that thought, he heads out to help Felix plan some things for an upcoming promotion party. His other friends are there too, and they don’t know about the secret admirer yet, so Seungmin tells them about it, along with showing the second letter to Jeongin and Felix.
He kind of keeps an eye on his friends’ reactions just in case there’s a chance they know who it is, or in case they are the admirer, but Seungmin doesn’t notice anything special about it. They, of course, bring up Hyunjin as well, either wondering whether Hyunjin might have written the letters or whether Seungmin is moving on from him.
“No… I— I don’t think I can,” Seungmin tells them. “However sweet these letters are, I keep thinking of Hyunjin, and… I don’t know. Whatever we had, it– it’s special, I guess. I should probably move on, and I usually can, but this time I don’t think I can.”
His friends symphatize with him and it ends up being a group hug that comforts Seungmin before they get started on planning that party. It’s a tiring day, but, as Seungmin walks back home, he reads the letter he got today again and he feels at ease, also thinking back to how Hyunjin used to give him lots of hugs and kisses before a hectic day (because Hyunjin would be sleeping when Seungmin’s day would end and sometimes Seungmin didn’t want to wake him up even though Hyunjin told him he could).
“What has you smiling this much, Seungmin?” Seungmin is startled out of his thoughts by his mother’s voice, and he only now notices that he slowed down near his parents’ house as he read the letter. “Did you get a nice love letter again? Are you finally accepting them?”
“What? Uhm– yeah, I got a sweet letter,” Seungmin mutters, not liking where this is going.
“How lovely,” she comments. “It’s good that you’re finally moving on from that human boy.”
Seungmin scowls, though he didn’t expect anything different. “I don’t know who it is, though. It’s an anonymous letter.”
“You really think that human has the audacity to send you letters after you already broke up?” his father scoffs. “Should we go pay him a visit again?”
“No— please don’t. I don’t know who sent them, so please don’t harass him,” Seungmin almost pleads. Almost. He won’t go that low. “And he has a name, you know? I dated him for more than a year and you still refuse to use it?”
“You have dated others for way longer, and you know who we mean anyway. He doesn’t matter anymore now that you’ve broken up, right? It was for the better.”
Seungmin feels the little blood he has in his system from recently drinking boil, but he keeps his annoyance inside. "He does still matter. We didn't break up because we didn't want to be together anymore."
"Oh sweetie, you don't have to hold onto him just to spite us or be rebellious or because you have this weird thing for humans."
"I don't—" Seungmin bites back his words before he starts cursing out his parents.
They are impossible to argue with, so it’s of no use getting angry and worked up. He just mutters something unintelligible about going home and continues walking. Fortunately, his parents leave him alone after that, but his previously lifted mood has dropped down again.
In this kind of situation, Seungmin would want to head to Hyunjin’s home and just hide in Hyunjin’s warm, comforting arms and sleep for a while until Hyunjin would have to get up.
The urge to just not give a fuck and actually do that is definitely there, but Seungmin doesn't want to startle Hyunjin awake or creep him out by suddenly being in his house after more than two months of barely having seen each other. He does still have the key to Hyunjin’s house and Hyunjin still has his — Hyunjin didn't want it back, and Seungmin, too, didn’t see any reason to ask it back — but he shouldn't use it for his own selfish reasons when Hyunjin is asleep and Seungmin doesn’t even know where they stand now, relationship or even friendship-wise.
Seungmin finds himself standing at the damned fence again, looking at Hyunjin’s house in the distance. The lights are off, as expected, and Seungmin wonders what Hyunjin is dreaming of, whether he had a good day, and if he's still thinking about Seungmin like Seungmin is thinking about him.
He shakes his head at himself and heads back home, wondering if he already knew how much he felt for Hyunjin before they broke up, and it's difficult to say in hindsight, but Seungmin knows that the way he feels isn't just because they're apart now and Seungmin only remembers the good things. Maybe he didn't realize the extent of his feelings before they broke up, but they were definitely already there. Seungmin remembers the way they cried when they broke up, but also how he once blurted out his feelings to Hyunjin and almost made his boyfriend cry, and with those memories, he falls asleep.
Seungmin softly knocked on the door to Hyunjin’s bedroom, feeling a bit guilty for possibly waking up his boyfriend despite Hyunjin having told him that it was fine and he liked seeing Seungmin, even if it was five in the morning. When there was no answer, Seungmin hesitantly opened the door and was met with the lovely sight of his boyfriend peacefully sleeping. Seungmin internally thanked his ability to see well in the dark so that he could admire Hyunjin in detail for a little bit. He didn't really want to wake him up, but he had an exhausting day, and talking to Hyunjin always helped him more than only cuddling with him.
The most peaceful and nice way to wake his deep-sleeper boyfriend (for both of them) was to just lie next to him, hug him, maybe throw in some kisses, and wait until Hyunjin would slowly blink his eyes open and grin at him sleepily. So, that was what Seungmin did this time as well, after discarding a few of his clothes and grabbing his spare pajamas from Hyunjin’s closet, he crawled next to his boyfriend, who was already lying such that there was room for Seungmin.
"Hi, Hyunie," he whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind Hyunjin’s ear and caressing his cheek gently, enjoying the warmth his boyfriend always radiated. He placed a tender kiss on Hyunjin’s lips, and his voice trembled slightly in exhaustion and weariness, "I'm sorry to wake you up, but…" he sighed, leaning his forehead against Hyunjin’s. “I just need you right now.”
As if Hyunjin heard him, he slowly woke up, scrunching his nose and hugging Seungmin tightly before he blinked his eyes open. A smile overtook Hyunjin’s face as soon as he registered whose arms were slung around him and whose face he saw, and he leaned in to leisurely kiss Seungmin.
“Good morning, Minnie,” he murmured, voice still rough with sleep, and it already did wonders in calming Seungmin down. Hyunjin exhaled blissfully, “I hate waking up early, but, wow, I do love waking up early if it’s in your arms and with you kissing me and whispering to me.”
Seungmin couldn’t help but mirror his smile, and he didn't want to ruin Hyunjin’s mood by complaining, but Hyunjin already seemed to notice that there was something bothering Seungmin.
"Had a rough day?" Hyunjin’s expression softened as his warm fingers found Seungmin’s jaw and gently brushed over it. Seungmin nodded and leaned into the touch. He may be a vampire who has lived for long compared to humans, but compared to other vampires he's still a teen, basically, and his parents definitely treated him like one today. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Yeah— it's just… my parents and other vampires are being difficult about… about our relationship," Seungmin said with a sigh. "They are just so condescending and act like they know everything better, even what is good for me."
A sad glimmer shone in Hyunjin’s eyes as he pulled himself closer in Seungmin’s hold. "I'm sorry to hear that, Minnie. I… I hope it wasn't too bad."
"It wasn't," Seungmin replied softly, and he took a deep breath in order to not get mad again. "It was frustrating and it made me angry, but I know damn well what is good for me, who is good for me. It doesn't matter what they say, but it's just annoying and it ruins my day."
Hyunjin pouted, his hands still caressing Seungmin’s cheek and back. “It sucks, but I’m glad you can stand up for yourself and you’re confident in what you want and what is good for you.” He then grinned sweetly and Seungmin felt most of his anger seep out of him. “I like that about you, Minnie. You’re always so wise and you’ve experienced a lot already, so, yes, be confident about yourself and what you want. I will always support you in that, because I love everything about you.”
Seungmin’s breath hitched at Hyunjin’s touching words, his boyfriend never failed to move Seungmin with the kind things he always said, and on top of that, Hyunjin was also always so tender and warm with the way he kissed Seungmin. It never failed to make Seungmin melt and feel at ease again, and it never failed to make Seungmin’s feelings overflow.
“I hope I can take some of that frustration away with this,” Hyunjin muttered against his lips after kissing him. He pulled away a bit more, and Seungmin missed the warmth already. “And I’m sorry that your parents are being annoying because of me.”
“That’s not your fault,” Seungmin immediately stopped Hyunjin there before he could start blaming himself. That wasn’t what Seungmin wanted at all when Hyunjin was basically the only one who could lift his mood up again. “They’re just making up an image of you while they don’t even know you, so it’s not your fault. I know that you’re good to me, I know that you make me happy– happier than anyone I’ve dated before, I know that you love me and I know that I love you back with all of my being and no one can take that away whatever they say.”
Hyunjin gasped softly, and Seungmin could see his eyes getting damp. Seungmin didn’t mean to just say that out loud, and he was kind of surprised by himself as well, but it was the truth, so he wasn’t going to take it back.
“You really feel that way about me?” Hyunjin’s voice wavered before he swallowed thickly, and Seungmin wasn’t going to back out and hide the truth now.
“I– I do,” he admitted softly, forcing himself to look Hyunjin in the eyes as he spilled his feelings. “I love you, Hyunjin. I really do. You always make me feel better when I’m down, and you— you’re just such a lovely person. Even after being friends for more than two years and now dating you for almost a year, I still love your mindset, how you view the world, your kindness, how romantic you are…”
“Stop it, Minnie, otherwise I’ll cry.” Hyunjin gently put his fingers on Seungmin’s lips to stop him before he removed them again, his lower lip slightly trembling as he spoke, “I love you too, Seungmin. I love you so much, I feel like you’ve made me a better person and you always support me and you have always made me feel comfortable– you’re the person I feel most comfortable with in this whole town. You're my soulmate.”
Seungmin softened, and before he could answer, Hyunjin kissed him again, wiping Seungmin’s mind blank, his senses overtaken by Hyunjin’s warmth, Hyunjin’s lips, just Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin. Seungmin could never get enough of kissing his boyfriend, but eventually, Hyunjin was still tired and wanted to sleep for a bit more. Seungmin was pretty tired as well, so they both slowly settled down and huddled close, falling asleep while comforted by each other’s scent, presence, and love. And if Seungmin dreamt about a red thread connecting them as soulmates, then that was for him to smile about the next day.
It’s the day of Felix’s party, and Seungmin is up early to get everything done. He runs past his front door to get his stuff first before he finally notices the letter lying on the ground. With everything that has been going on, Seungmin can’t remember if he checked for a letter yesterday, so he has no idea if this one even got delivered while he was sleeping or yesterday already.
Either way, he can really use a little calm between everything, especially since Felix asked him to bring something typically human, or something made by humans, and he left the electric toothbrush Hyunjin gifted him at Hyunjin’s place since his own charger broke and Hyunjin didn’t have the opportunity to buy a new one yet (with Seungmin’s money, of course) and Seungmin just borrowed his before they broke up. So, Seungmin will have to stop by Hyunjin’s place because he knows the other vampires will love to hear about this kind of technology from the humans (an electric toothbrush feels great on your fangs), but he’s incredibly nervous to do so, and to see Hyunjin again, so he procrastinated until the last day.
To gain some confidence, he grabs the letter and opens it up, holding his breath in anticipation.
‘Dear Seungmin,
I’m sorry to send you a different kind of letter this time, but I didn’t know what else to do. Maybe you don’t care, which is fine, but I just wanted to get this off my chest. I have been feeling a bit down lately, and I know you’re probably still busy, so I didn’t want to burden you, but writing to you calms me down. You calm me down, even when I don’t have the courage to talk to you about it in person.
I won’t bother you with the details, I’ll rather turn this around and focus on how grateful I am for you instead of complaining. It might sound cheesy, but just thinking about your smile, the conversations we’ve had, your jokes, and just everything about you, calms me down. I hope these letters have the same effect on you, but if not, I hope I can soon gather up the courage to do so in person.
Until then, I will thank you via these letters and hope you are doing well with everything.
Love,
A secret admirer.’
Seungmin’s stomach stirs uncomfortably while reading about the admirer having a bad time, and he finds it difficult to believe that the admirer is thanking him for being comforting, while the admirer is the one sending letters and Seungmin still has no idea who it is (though now he definitely knows that they’ve talked before).
Nevertheless, the letters comfort him, and it gives him a little courage to go check if Hyunjin is still awake (he should be since it’s getting dark earlier and earlier), because the letter reminds him of the fact that it’s basically impossible for Hyunjin to make him feel uncomfortable. Maybe it’ll be awkward, and Seungmin doesn’t know if he’ll survive if Hyunjin has a partner now, but he’d have to find out sooner or later, so he should just go.
He takes a deep breath, pockets the letter, and heads outside towards the fence. Once Hyunjin’s house is in sight, Seungmin notices that the lights are off, and for a moment he’s afraid that Hyunjin might be out and not home, but then he spots Hyunjin just outside of his house, seemingly just coming back home. Seungmin gasps in surprise and his hands start to get clammy with nerves.
He should probably call out for Hyunjin before he’s inside, but his throat feels dry and he doesn’t get any sound out. Fortunately, Hyunjin seems to sense him and he turns around, his eyes widening and his skin paling as soon as he sees Seungmin.
“Seung—Seungmin?” Hyunjin’s voice cracks and he clears his throat. “What brings you here?”
“Uhm, I… There’s going to be a change in the town’s council on the vampires’ side,” Seungmin explains, unable to hold Hyunjin’s gaze for too long. “Felix wants to get on it, so I’m helping him, and… uh— yeah, we wanted to show an electric toothbrush to kind of make vampires see that we can maybe work together with humans.”
Hyunjin’s eyes grow wide and his eyebrows rise in curiosity. “Oh! That— that sounds good. It’s good, right?”
“Yeah, it is— well, the change of council is still a while away, but if Felix manages to get in, that might mean things might change— there’s definitely no telling yet, though,” Seungmin answers, hating how he stammers because of his nerves and the slightly tense atmosphere. Usually he can keep himself together perfectly, but with Hyunjin his emotions take over and he can’t help but feel rather than think, which makes him stammer.
“Ah, okay,” Hyunjin mutters. “Well— your toothbrush hasn’t been charged for almost three months so it’s probably dead now, but I can lend you mine for the day and give you a new brush? I can use a manual one later tonight.”
Before Seungmin can say anything else, Hyunjin already heads inside to get his toothbrush, and Seungmin breathes out deeply. On one hand, he’s glad that he gets a moment to breathe now, but he also feels like Hyunjin wanted to get away from him for a bit (he can’t blame him, though, Seungmin just came out of nowhere, and maybe he is nervous as well).
When Hyunjin is back, he hands him the toothbrush with a new brush on top, and the half-full tube of Seungmin’s favorite toothpaste that Hyunjin apparently didn’t throw away yet even though he doesn’t like the taste of it. “Here you go, you can return it whenever you want and keep the toothpaste. Is that all you need?”
“Uhm, yeah, it is. Thank you,” Seungmin replies, offering a small smile which Hyunjin returns. He doesn’t want to go yet, and Hyunjin doesn’t immediately head back inside either, so Seungmin takes the chance to talk to him some more, just because he has some time before he has to go back and he is curious about how Hyunjin is doing. “How… how are you doing, by the way?”
Hyunjin takes in a breath in surprise at the question, but he seems to relax a little compared to his tense stance from before. “I… I am holding on, I guess.” He shrugs, and Seungmin’s face falls, the urge to reach out and hold Hyunjin’s hands overtaking his body, but he manages to stop himself mid-movement. “What about you, Minnie—Seungmin? Are you busy?”
Seungmin’s dead heart hurts hearing Hyunjin correct himself on the nickname, but he tries to swallow away the sad feeling before he answers. "I'm doing okay, I guess. It's busy, yeah, but hopefully it'll pay off."
"Yeah, hopefully. Tell Felix good luck from me too— if he wants to hear that." Hyunjin can't seem to hold Seungmin’s gaze either, his eyes flicking around, and Seungmin hates this tension between them.
"He'll appreciate it, I'm sure," Seungmin assures him softly. "I… I hope things will become better. For you, too."
A bittersweet smile forms on Hyunjin’s face as he nods in agreement. "Thank you. I hope so too…" he trails off and sighs softly, closing his eyes as he looks down and murmuring, "I miss you, Minnie."
Seungmin’s breath hitches at the words and Hyunjin tenses and looks up, probably not having meant for Seungmin to hear him.
"I— I'm sorry— you probably have somewhere to be, right?" Hyunjin stammers, rubbing his neck awkwardly. He turns around to head back inside, but he stops in his tracks when Seungmin can’t help but say, needing Hyunjin to know,
"I miss you too, Hyunjin."
Hyunjin keeps his back turned to Seungmin, but Seungmin can tell from his tense stance that he heard him.
"But we still can't be together?" Hyunjin’s voice trembles as if he's on the verge of tears, and Seungmin hates it. He hates that his eyes start stinging as well, and he hates the answer he has to give.
"I— I want to know for sure that we can before we do anything," Seungmin replies, clearing away a lump in his throat, his hands twitching to hold Hyunjin and make him look at him. "I don't want to— to break your heart more than once."
Hyunjin wipes at his cheeks before he looks back at Seungmin, his eyes red and watery. "You didn't break my heart. Everyone else did."
With that, he heads inside, and the sound of the front door closing is harsh to Seungmin’s ears. Seungmin stands there for a few moments before he remembers to breathe and his body forces him to take a shaky breath.
He doesn’t cry easily, having experienced so many things in his life even if he’s still relatively young compared to other vampires, but somehow Hyunjin manages to bring him to (the brink of) tears multiple times already.
He shakes his head and pats his damp cheeks before he walks back to the vampire side. He manages to calm down before he gets to where he’d meet Felix, but his friends still notice that he’s upset. Fortunately they don’t mention it, yet at least, and they focus on the preparations for the party.
The party goes well, every vampire there loves the toothbrush even if they are still hesitant about the idea of working together with humans to bring technology to vampires. It's still too early to say anything about whether vampires will vote for Felix, but at least it doesn't look like he has no chance just yet. They won't be able to be buddy-buddy with humans in a year anyway, which makes Seungmin anxious about his and Hyunjin’s relationship, but there's nothing he can do to help it or speed it up, no matter how much he wants it.
He is able to distract himself from Hyunjin during the party, but his friends noticed his off mood already, and they ask how it went with Hyunjin after.
"It was… tense," Seungmin tells them. "He said he misses me and I said it back, but— yeah." Seungmin shrugs, and he thinks if he says any more, his voice will break.
More looks of sympathy are directed his way and he's pulled into another group hug, and it all feels like just after his breakup with Hyunjin again. He doesn't feel much better than back then, but now he doesn't have any tears left to cry, though the memory of Hyunjin’s hurt and desperate expression never fails to break Seungmin’s dead heart into a thousand pieces.
Fuck. As soon as he's home, he grabs a pillow and screams into it, letting out his frustration of being powerless and unable to give Hyunjin everything he would ever want. He can't stop thinking about their breakup, but no matter how much he searches for a solution, he doesn’t know what to do to make their relationship possible without feeling a different kind of misery.
After seeing Hyunjin today and knowing that he misses him too, Seungmin decides that he won't stop searching and fighting for it, though. He didn't use to believe in soulmates, but he genuinely feels like he and Hyunjin are, and he will do anything to be together with him again.
Seungmin just woke up, and as always, Hyunjin was on his mind. He always liked starting and ending his days with Hyunjin, hearing about his boyfriend’s day and telling his boyfriend about his own. Lately, it had been hard on them, though, because almost everyone in town was protesting against their relationship. They thought it might go away after a while, but it had been going on for months now, and while it was healing to be together at the end and start of their days, the rest of the day was always exhausting and frustrating.
When he was getting dressed and ready to go out to meet Hyunjin halfway and decide from there where they would stay, he suddenly heard yelling from outside his house. He perked up in curiosity and the little blood in his system ran cold when he recognized Hyunjin’s voice to be the one yelling.
Seungmin rarely used his superspeed, but he was outside within a fraction of a second. He was met with the sight of one of his neighbors holding a struggling Hyunjin, teeth sunk into his boyfriend's neck. Seungmin hissed angrily and was quick to yank his neighbor away, making Hyunjin scream in pain— Fuck .
“Get your hands off him! What the hell are you doing?” Seungmin growled, hiding a trembling Hyunjin behind him who was holding his hand on his bleeding neck and holding Seungmin’s shoulder tightly with the other.
The vampire scoffed. “He’s trespassing. Any human who does so is basically asking to be bitten.”
“You know that he’s my boyfriend, right? You could have killed him if you weren't careful!” Seungmin argued, but, as expected, it was of no use.
“I don’t care. It’s not like you don’t use him as a nice meal once in a while, right?” he spat back. "You don't get privileges just because you're extra rich and you've claimed him or something. Any human is free game once they trespass."
"Fuck off, we have enough artificial blood for everyone to survive, we don’t need to attack every human who comes here," Seungmin retaliated, but his neighbor ignored him and walked away with an eyeroll and a scoff. Seungmin swallowed his anger before hastily turning to Hyunjin, lifting him up, and carrying him inside to treat the wound on his neck. The smell of blood made Seungmin’s fangs ache and his mouth water, but it also made his stomach churn in rage and his chest tighten in worry. "Shit— I'm so sorry, Jinnie. Are you okay?"
"I— I don't know," Hyunjin’s voice was weak and laced with leftover fear as he leaned on Seungmin for support. "I-I was so scared, Minnie. I couldn't do anything against him. If— if you didn't save me…"
"No. I was there. That's what matters right now," Seungmin said before Hyunjin finished that thought— Seungmin couldn’t handle that at the moment. "Just lie here and rest, okay? I'll get some things to treat the wound and get you back to strength."
Seungmin’s mind was racing and he felt all jittery and bad as he got the medical supplies and some iron tablets (he was so glad that he had decided to buy some things to be prepared in case Hyunjin was ever attacked, otherwise he would have been majorly panicking right now). He felt so fucking guilty and he wanted to curse out and go on an angry rampage against the world for doing this to Hyunjin, but he couldn’t— fuck, why is life so unfair?
He hated the sight of Hyunjin curled up and all pale, shaking like a leaf, but at least he didn't seem to blame Seungmin for anything if the way he held onto him as Seungmin treated him was anything to go by. Seungmin, on the other hand, was blaming himself, so he apologized again.
"I'm so sorry, Jinnie," he said, running his fingers through Hyunjin’s long hair as Hyunjin hid his face in Seungmin’s chest. Hyunjin shook his head.
"It's not your fault, Minnie," he protested with uneven breaths. "I-I should have waited at the fence."
"Why didn't you?" Seungmin asked softly, hoping to show he didn't blame Hyunjin. Hyunjin groaned and held Seungmin tighter, his face still hidden in Seungmin’s clothes.
"Can— can I tell you later? Now I just want to rest for a bit."
"Of course, rest all you want," Seungmin murmured, caressing Hyunjin’s back comfortingly. He did have some plans later today, but those would have to be rescheduled. Hyunjin was more important than that.
When Seungmin was sure that Hyunjin had fallen asleep, he wrote a note for Hyunjin and slipped out to cancel his plans with everyone. He was a little late, and he had to argue with a few people when they asked for an explanation (at first he said his real reason, but even when he said it was none of their business why he has to cancel, they got angry).
He came back to Hyunjin being awake again, helping himself to some food like Seungmin suggested on the note. He still looked shaken up and miserable, just like Seungmin felt, but he perked up when he saw Seungmin and he seemed to relax a little.
"You're back, thank goodness," Hyunjin breathed and hugged Seungmin as he came to sit next to him on the couch.
"I just had to go out to cancel some plans I made. Is everything okay?" Seungmin pulled back and caressed Hyunjin’s cheek.
"Yeah— I-I just didn't want to be alone," Hyunjin said, leaning into Seungmin’s touch, and it hurt Seungmin to hear how Hyunjin was still scared.
"Do you still want to talk or do you just want to go home now?" Seungmin asked, still mindlessly brushing his thumb over Hyunjin’s skin. He knew that now that Hyunjin had a job, he didn’t want to make things too late, which was a bummer because it meant they could see each other less, but Hyunjin was happy to have an income of his own instead of relying on Seungmin or his parents for everything, so Seungmin was happy for him, too.
Hyunjin shook his head and leaned forward to rest his forehead on Seungmin’s shoulder. “I still want to talk, and I want to stay with you for as long as you’ll allow me— please.”
Seungmin frowned, his heart squeezing at Hyunjin’s plea, and he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. “What about your job, Jinnie?”
“That’s what I wanted to talk about,” Hyunjin muttered into Seungmin’s clothes. “I– I really had a shit day. I got fired.”
“What?!” Seungmin’s eyes widened before his eyebrows knitted together. “Why? I thought it was going well?”
Hyunjin removed his head from Seungmin’s shoulder and pressed his lips together sadly. “Yeah– it was, but… apparently they found out I was dating a vampire and they definitely could not have someone like that working for them.”
“What? That– that’s fucking ridiculous!” Seungmin exclaimed in frustration, but Hyunjin only shrugged defeatedly.
“It’s okay. I guess now I have more time with you again—”
“But they– they know you’re a good employee, right? Nothing bad happened for the month you’ve been working there. It’s not fair!” Seungmin stood up and ran a hand through his hair in frustration, pacing around the room.
“I know it’s unfair, but you know it’s not your fault, right?” Hyunjin said softly, unable to hide the defeat in his voice. “I will survive without a job as well.”
Seungmin sighed deeply and collapsed onto the couch again. “I know– but… ugh.” He threw his hands up in defeat. “How many sacrifices do we have to make, Jinnie? How many times will we have to deal with people being unfair because we’re dating each other? How many times do we have to say, ‘okay, we’ll endure it for each other’?” He looked at Hyunjin with desperation in his eyes as he continued,
“My neighbor almost killed you, for goodness sake! And your job fired you and your parents barely want to talk to you all because you’re dating me. I know it’s not my fault, but I hate it. I hate seeing you sad and I hate that important opportunities are taken away from you.”
Hyunjin’s eyes turned sad, and Seungmin detested the way it looked like had given up on everything. “I hate it too whenever people are difficult to you, and that your parents want to disown you and take away your inheritance because of me– that’s why I wanted that job, but… ugh– I don’t know. I know you don’t want to or even can live in a big human city– I don’t want to either but— we'll find a solution, right? It’ll get better, right?”
“That’s the thing— I don’t know if it’ll get better,” Seungmin said what has been on his mind the whole day— the whole week, even— even though it was hard, and Hyunjin exhales in disappointment. “We’ve been dating for more than a year now and things have only gotten worse. Not in terms of my feelings for you, but in terms of everything else.”
“So? What should we do then?” A hint of fear shone in Hyunjin’s eyes and his voice trembled. Seungmin deflated and put his face in his hands, feeling powerless and frustrated.
“I… I don’t know.” He rubbed his face and looked at Hyunjin. “Do you— do you think it’s worth it? Is—” Seungmin swallowed, hating what he was about to say, but he couldn’t live like this anymore, not with Hyunjin being attacked today. That was the last straw.
“Is our relationship really enough to compensate for all the hardships around it?” He barely got it out of his throat, his voice already rising at the end as a lump formed in his throat. “Are the few hours we can see each other every day enough to make up for the shit we go through during the day?”
Hyunjin’s eyes widened and a hurt expression overtook his features, but he seemed to try to stay strong. “Are— Are you saying you want to break up?”
Seungmin's chest stung and he swallowed as he shook his head. “I don’t want to break up, but— gosh, I don't know if I can handle this anymore, Jinnie. Especially knowing that you could be in danger if you come here.”
Hyunjin blinked a few times, stray tears falling down his lashes as he looked down. "I— I can wait by the fence from now on, though," he sniffled, wiping at his cheeks. "And I can survive without a job—"
"And what will we do if my parents really disown me and I lose my income as well? It's not only about the danger or the job, it's all of it," Seungmin argued with an unsteady voice, he was on the brink of tears already too, but he tried to ignore it. "Be honest with me, Jinnie. Is— Is it all worth it? Do you— Do you really want to live like this?"
"I don't know!" Hyunjin sobbed, burying his face in his hands. "I-I don't want to live like this, but I also don't— I don’t want to live without you, Minnie. I love you."
That was the drop that made the bucket overflow. Seungmin hadn't cried in years as far as he could remember, but now a whimper escaped his lips as a tear fell down his cheek, and he only started crying harder as he spoke,
"I— I love you too, Jinnie— more than I have ever loved anyone, but—" Seungmin couldn’t breathe between his sobs, and he frustratedly wiped at his tears. " Fuck— I don't want to let you go, I really don’t— but I— I can’t do this anymore. I'm— I'm sorry, Jinnie. I can't give you what you deserve— I can’t protect you from everything bad—or from unfairness."
Hyunjin moved his head in a motion between a nod and a shake of his head, his shoulders still shocking with sobs, mirroring Seungmin’s state. "It's not your fault— I'm— I'm sorry I couldn't make this more bearable for you."
Seungmin couldn’t get out an intelligible answer, so instead, he just pulled Hyunjin into his arms, letting him bury his face in the crook of his neck as Seungmin buried his own in Hyunjin’s hair, wetting each other's skin with their tears as they held each other tight and wept.
Seungmin didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but they wanted to hold on to what they had for as long as they could before they couldn't anymore. They tried keeping their relationship hidden, but people found out, they thought of moving out of town, but there was no way they could find a place safe for humans and friendly for vampires, and even if there was, they would have less to no money (Seungmin has a bit to himself, but most vampires get their fortune through inheritance and/or many long years of saving), and Seungmin would probably have to say goodbye to his friends. So, in Seungmin’s eyes, this — breaking up — was the only option left, however much it sucked.
"Can— can I still stay with you for the night, Minnie?" Hyunjin pleaded softly yet desperately, his breath hitting Seungmin’s damp skin. “Please.”
"Yes, I— I'd like that," Seungmin replied, his breathing slowly evening out as he kissed the side of Hyunjin’s head and hugged him closer.
He kept on scattering kisses all over Hyunjin’s head, wherever he could reach, until Hyunjin fell asleep again in his arms, still holding him tightly.
Seungmin contemplated carrying Hyunjin home and letting him sleep in his own bed, but he didn't have the heart to do it, to let go already, and he didn't want to take the easy way out. He wanted to stay with Hyunjin for as long as he could, and he had canceled his plans for today anyway.
Seungmin sat there for hours and he thought he fell asleep for a while as well, but he wasn't sure. He also thought about his decision over and over just like he had done the past week and especially today, but every time he came to the same, sad conclusion.
Hyunjin only woke up when the sun was already shining, but Seungmin didn't mind, he didn't think he'd be able to sleep soon anyway, and he still wanted to walk Hyunjin home despite the chances of a vampire attacking him being close to zero.
Hyunjin didn't want to let go at first, but he slowly loosened his grip on Seungmin when Seungmin told him he'd walk him back. The walk was horribly silent as Hyunjin held Seungmin’s arm and Seungmin carried his umbrella with his free hand, but as they stood in Hyunjin’s hallway and Seungmin could put away his umbrella, Hyunjin looked at him with sorrowful eyes as he spoke,
"So this is really it for us?" he asked, reaching out to hold Seungmin’s hands with his warm ones. "Is this the end? Do we really have to cut ties?"
Seungmin swallowed before he would get emotional again. "I don't want it either, but… you've seen that they'll find out either way even if we try to be discreet. I— I just hope that you can be happy without me as well—"
"Don't say that, Minnie," Hyunjin pleaded softly, still looking like he was about to cry even though he already shed so many tears. "You're— you're basically the only one in town who is kind to me along with your friends. I don't think I can get over you."
Seungmin’s breath hitched and he was speechless for a moment as tears welled up, mirroring Hyunjin’s state. "I-I don't know if I can either, Jinnie, but— until things get better I don't think this will work, and who knows when things will be better, if ever."
"And what if you turn me?" Hyunjin took Seungmin by surprise with his desperation.
"You— you can't just make that decision, Hyunjin!" Seungmin breathed. "That would turn your whole life around— it's not just an easy painless brief process. You may know about vampires, but turning into one is a whole different process you don't know about. I'm not going to turn you on a whim."
Hyunjin sighed, nodding defeatedly as he swallowed sadly. "You're— you’re right. I'm sorry." He let go of one of Seungmin’s hands and ran a hand over his face and through his hair. "I… I guess this is really it, then."
They sorrowfully gazed at each other for a moment more, wanting to prolong this moment for as long as they could, and it was Hyunjin again who spoke up, "Can— can I have one last kiss before you go?"
"I want nothing more than that," Seungmin replied breathlessly before Hyunjin cupped his jaw and kissed him desperately. Seungmin slung his arms around Hyunjin’s middle and pulled him as close as he could while they kissed, parted briefly, and kissed again, chasing each other again and again.
At some point, Seungmin tasted the saltiness of tears mixing with the taste of Hyunjin’s lips, but he had no idea if they were Hyunjin’s, his own, or both, he only cared about feeling as much of Hyunjin as possible, because this could be their last kiss, the last time they’d touch each other like this.
When they were out of breath and their lips were sore to the point they barely felt each other’s lips on their own anymore, they finally parted for real, but Hyunjin still buried his face in the crook of Seungmin’s neck for one last hug.
“I will love you always, Seungmin,” he muttered almost inaudibly, and another tear slipped from Seungmin’s eyes. Usually, Seungmin wasn’t very dramatic and he didn’t like to believe in eternities, but he couldn’t help but feel the same as Hyunjin, even with his much more concrete and real idea of ‘always’.
“I will love you always, too, Hyunjin,” he whispered before he placed a kiss on Hyunjin’s temple for the nth (and last) time and slowly, oh so slowly, started to let go. The more he did, the more his heart cracked as Hyunjin’s devastated expression came into his view.
It took all of his willpower to turn away, grab his umbrella, and walk away. His skin stung in the afternoon sunlight as he softly cried, the tears didn’t seem to want to stop, but the sunlight didn’t hurt as much as the pain in his chest. The future looked very grim in Seungmin’s eyes, but it was even worse to be afraid his neighbors could hurt and maybe even kill Hyunjin if he would visit Seungmin and to see Hyunjin sad and in pain because of everything bad happening to him just because they were dating.
Seungmin hoped things would become better, and whether that would be through them moving on and finding happiness elsewhere or through them somehow finding a way to be together without the current hardships after all, didn’t matter to Seungmin, though deep down he knew that he wasn’t going to be able to move on, and he hoped for the latter option.
Ever since Seungmin went by Hyunjin’s home to borrow and return his toothbrush, he can’t stop thinking about him, and reading those love letters he’s getting is giving him both a bit of comfort and extra guilt. He wants the secret admirer to be Hyunjin so badly, and on one hand he feels like they are (because of the time of delivery, and because of the romantic and sweet words), but on the other hand he isn’t sure (because they seem to know that he has been busy lately and Seungmin doesn’t know if Hyunjin dares to come to this side of town considering he was attacked the last time he came here).
Seungmin doesn’t expect another letter so soon — it’s only a week or so after the previous one — but there it is, lying at his front door. He’s extra nervous to read this one, and he kind of feels like he has to definitively decide between whether to pursue the secret admirer or Hyunjin after reading this newest letter (assuming it’s not Hyunjin). He has calmed down since last week when he broke down after seeing Hyunjin, but the thought of trying to move on from Hyunjin still makes him sick in the stomach, so, even though the letters are super sweet, Seungmin doesn’t think they can win over how deeply he knows and still loves Hyunjin.
Nevertheless, he’ll read the letter. He still wants to know who wrote them, after all, even if it’s not Hyunjin.
‘Dear Seungmin,
I’ve been thinking a lot lately, so that’s why this letter came so soon after the previous one.
I’ve been thinking about eternity. It sounds so long, so unpredictable, and so ruthless, almost. However, if I think about an eternity with you, it suddenly sounds like something I want to experience. If I have an eternity with you, I know I will be happy, I know we could face anything that would be in our way, and I know I would never get sick of being with you.
I don’t know if you feel the same way, but if you do, I hope an eternity will become something we share. If you’ve read these letters and they have been of at least a little bit of comfort to you, I am already happy, though. If you’ve read these letters and thought of someone you hope wrote them, I hope you will be happily surprised when you find out. And if you already know who I am and you want to give us a chance… You know when to find me.
Love,
An admirer.’
Seungmin’s eyes are wide when he reads it, and his mind starts racing. He tries to process it all — they want to spend an eternity with me? — and it reads like Seungmin should know who it is since they didn’t sign it with ‘a secret admirer’ anymore, but Seungmin can only think of Hyunjin. He doesn’t know if that is because of his own bias or because it really is Hyunjin, though.
He reads the letter again and notices the line ‘you know when to find me’ again. At first, he read it wrong, then he thought it might have been a mistake, but now he wonders whether it’s on purpose. Who can I only find at a certain time rather than a certain spot? Again, Seungmin’s mind brings up Hyunjin. He’s a human with a different sleep schedule, they met each other at the gate at sundown every single day when they just started to become friends and then still when they started dating, so… it must be him, right?
Seungmin looks outside and notices it’s already sundown, and his body takes over. He pockets the letter before he heads outside and starts running. He isn’t even sure if it’s actually Hyunjin, but he’ll definitely find out this way— if he’s on time. He doesn’t care that he planned to meet his friends to brainstorm about how to tweak Felix’s campaign, they can start without him.
Seungmin almost breaks down when he sees Hyunjin standing near the fence, wringing his hands together anxiously before he spots Seungmin and perks up, but Seungmin tries to keep his hopes down until he knows for sure that it’s Hyunjin who wrote the letters and it’s not just a coincidence that he’s standing here.
He quickly closes the remaining distance between them and meets Hyunjin’s wide eyes with his own, desperate ones,
“Seungmin—”
“Is it you, Hyunjin?” he breathes, somehow out of breath from rushing here despite having used his superspeed. “Is it really you? With the letters?”