Work Text:
When Luz shuts her eyes, she can see flashes of everything behind her eyelids. Eda, King, and her on the balcony in Latissa. Kissing Amity for the first time. Whispering to Gus about him creating illusions over Hunter and her, to make them look like one another so that he wouldn’t be taken. Fighting Belos in the head. Watching as he splattered against the wall. Running to the door, the thought that I can’t leave them behind, I can’t leave Eda, I have to go back, I have to get her . Trying to keep it together, as she clung to King, thinking, Please, please, you have to stay with me. I can’t lose you. I can’t. I can’t I can’t I can’t.
Being in the human realm again. Trying to get everyone back, but failing again and again and again. Going back to school, where she has no friends and everyone looks at her funny. Coming back after school to some of her favorite people, to part of her family. Drawing Eda and King over and over, because I can’t forget what they look like, I can’t forget them. Lying in bed at night, unable to sleep, with the thought in her head that this is all my fault.
Luz can’t process anything that just happened. It’s too much. Way too much. Every time she tries to think about it, her head spins.
She just knows that everything is different now.
Well, to be honest, Luz already knew that. She’s known that from the moment she opened the door and there was no portal. She’s known that since she first fought Belos and destroyed the portal door. She’s known that since she first stepped foot into the Boiling Isles.
Everything is different now.
She doesn’t know if that’s good or bad.
Life has been a blur ever since Dad died. At the time, it was a bad sort of blur. The days all seemed to blend into one, the weeks and months passing by. It was terrifying if she let herself think about it. The world kept on moving, even though he was gone. It felt like everything should have stopped, the planet freezing completely, leaving everything stuck in time. But it didn’t. And some days were better than others. Things were…sort of okay after a while. The blurring didn’t go away, though.
It became a better blur when she came to the Boiling Isles and decided to stay. Every second there was something new to learn about, or a new place to explore. Life became an adventure! It was the happiest she’d been in a long, long time. She made friends, got a girlfriend , and was finally starting to do well in school. She has another mom, a little brother—and now she has a big one. And she has a sister! She’d always wanted siblings.
Now, Luz is back to square one.
All of this—it’s her fault. If she had just—but if she had then—but—
She wishes she could cry. But she can’t. Not right now.
She wishes she could disappear. But she can’t.
She wishes she could skip past this part of her life, just get right back to being happy. But she can’t.
She wishes she could go back, and undo every wrong, fix every mistake, so that none of this would have ever happened. But she can’t.
She wishes she could press pause. Just for a moment. Just long enough to take a deep breath, to cry, to let herself rest. To just exist . But she can’t.
If there’s one thing Luz Noceda has learned, it’s that time doesn’t hear. It doesn’t matter how many times you beg or plead, it will not listen. If you ask it to wait, it won’t. The world won’t stop moving. Everything won’t stop living. The clock won’t stop ticking.
All of them could die, and the universe would keep moving on.
It’s a horrifying thought. But at this point, her life is made out of those thoughts. Just something else to add on to the pile.
Luz remembers wanting nothing more than to find a way back to the human realm. She finally got what she wanted. She isn’t sure it was worth it. She wanted it so badly , she never really thought about if she was ready .
Now, they’re going back to the demon realm. It’s the only thing she’s wanted for months. And Luz isn’t ready. But she doesn’t have a choice, not really. She has to be ready.
So she steps through the portal with her mom, hand-in-hand, and thinks about how time has kept moving on for everyone in the Boiling Isles. Even with them gone, things kept happening. The Collector probably destroyed everything by now. Everyone could be dead.
Time will still have kept on, as it always has, as it always will, though.
Even though she knows it won’t hear, Luz asks time for just one favor.
Please let them be okay.