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Walt loves Junior, this much Skyler is certain of- but he's different with Jesse.
Maybe it's because Jesse needs. Needs affection, needs praise, needs desperately to make somebody proud. And he's a sweet boy, always has been. Lord knows Walt likes feeling needed, and Skyler loved doting on Jesse when he was the only child in the house, but he's not anymore. He hasn't been in a long time.
Junior is their second child, and really, he is the free bird of the two of them. The cerebral palsy keeps him dependent on Skyler and Walt to some degree, but he's growing up, looking past Albuquerque despite that. Skyler encourages it- his disability doesn't make him a damn bit less deserving of a full, rich life. She wants him to have that, even though she knows it'll take him away from her. It's about learning to let go.
She had to do it with Jesse, too, although in a very different way. Jesse is something other now- a drug addict she doesn't really recognize. He's rarely around anymore, he doesn't keep in steady contact, and she doesn't know where he's staying. She suspects Walt might. He was always closer to Jesse than she was.
So when Jesse gets into heroin, Walt is the first to know. Apparently, he's played nice with enough of Jesse's junkie friends to get them to feed him information. And when Jesse shows up on their doorstep at nine in the morning, close to tears, Walt is the only one who doesn't seem surprised.
"Dad," Jesse chokes out as soon as Walt opens the door, blue eyes wide and shining.
"Jesse?" Skyler calls from the kitchen, and then she catches a glimpse of him. There's a flush high on his cheeks and he's trembling, dark shadows under his eyes like bruises, like he hasn't slept in days. Skyler's heart sinks. He's high, and Walt has eyes for no one else. That's the way he always is upon seeing his first-born son, even when said son is viciously high and can barely stand.
Walt doesn't hesitate, just pulls Jesse inside and closes the door. Jesse breaks down as soon as Walt's arms are around him, slurring his words as he cries into Walt's shoulder. He's clinging like a child, knees nearly buckling beneath him.
"Come on, Jesse," Walt says quietly, pulling back just enough to press a kiss to Jesse's temple. (The entire time, neither of them have spared Skyler or Junior a second look.) Then Walt glances over at Skyler, nodding as if to say I'll take care of this. Skylar doesn't even entirely know what this is. She never does, with them.
Walt leads Jesse to the bathroom and closes the door behind them. The shower begins running a minute later.
Jesse's come home high before, and each time Skyler's told him why he can't. She's pleaded with him to stop, and sometimes it's even seemed like he was on his way to getting sober. She's been disappointed every time. But this is the worst he's ever looked, and she so desperately wants to overlook her own standards and let him stay.
And then she hears footsteps behind her, and is reminded of why she can't do that.
She tears herself away from the sight of the closed door. Junior's come out of his room, having heard the commotion, and looks at her with wide, uncomprehending eyes.
"What- what's going on?" he asks.
"Nothing, Jesse's just upset. Your father's dealing with it." Skyler forces a smile onto her face and changes the subject. "Do you need a ride to Louis's?"
"That'd be nice," Junior says. "Thanks, mom."
She nods, and doesn't think about how giving Junior a ride will mean leaving Walt and Jesse alone together, which makes her slightly uncomfortable for reasons she can't quite place. "Go get your bag, then."
"Sure."
Walt comes back into the room a few minutes later, lips pressed tightly together and expression grave.
"How is he?" Skyler asks, busying herself with putting the breakfast dishes in the dishwasher.
"Not well. He's going through withdrawal," Walt answers. "He's graduated from marijuana and whatever else he was on, clearly. I... found track marks."
"What does that mean?"
"Heroin, according to Hank."
"Oh my God," she gapes. "Jesse- heroin?" She's frozen to the spot, heartbeat going a mile a minute. Jesse, her baby, on the worst kind of drug there is. She glances toward the bathroom, where the shower is still running, and feels the almost irresistible urge to go to him, make sure he's still there. It's a raw, aching thing in her chest, and one look at Walt says he feels it too, though he's suppressing it. (And for what? Her peace of mind? That evaporated the moment he opened the door.)
"It's alright," Walt says soothingly, stepping closer. "He's taking a shower, I'll talk to him afterwards. He's just had a bad trip, from what I understand."
"A 'bad trip'?" Skyler asks.
Walt looks vaguely sheepish. "A... negative experience while on drugs."
Skyler takes a good look at him then, and feels that sense of unbelonging that had cropped up before, in Jesse's youth. Her son is hooked on heroin- she should be glad that Walt is so willing to help him. Instead, there is this sinking feeling of wrongness in her stomach. Jesse came to their door and asked for Walt, even while halfway out of his mind. Walt hadn't even looked back at Skyler when he let Jesse in, even knowing full well what she thought of Jesse coming near Junior while high.
And of course it isn't that Skyler and Jesse aren't close, because they are. He still looks at her with the clear blue eyes he inherited from her, adoring as a child. He still compliments her cooking, still beams when he sees her. He's just... different with Walt, and Walt is different with him.
"Ah," is all she says, and wraps her arms around herself. "Walt, I think we need to talk about this. About Jesse."
Skyler watches him carefully for a response, and he doesn't disappoint. His eyes lose some of their warmth and his chin lifts, like he's already digging his heels in to defend his position.
"What about Jesse?" he says after a slight pause. His tone misses normal by just enough to tip her off.
"He can't keep coming here to ride out his 'bad trips'," she says firmly. "We have Junior to think about, and I don't want him seeing Jesse like this."
"Where is he supposed to go, then?" Walt says, accusation brittle in his tone.
"Somewhere else. Wherever it is he's staying, a hotel, rehab- but he can't stay here, not while he's still using."
Jesse has come to the edge of what Skyler's willing to stand back and ignore. And though her heart yearns to forgive Jesse and let him stay, she's very much thinking of Junior, and what he may have seen. The conclusions he may have come to. She's intimately familiar with the toll that drug abuse takes on the families of addicts- she is the family of an addict. Junior is too young to carry that burden. And she will not have two addict sons.
"Jesse needs help, not abandonment," Walt bites back.
"I never said we were abandoning him!"
"It sounds like you want him to suffer through this alone."
Skyler grits her teeth and tries to keep her voice low. "Remember what Hank said? Addicts are dangerous, Walt. Clearly, Jesse's not interested in getting sober, and I don't want Junior around drugs!"
"Jesse couldn't hurt a fly," Walt defends. "He's not going to hurt anybody."
Skyler's about to snap, but then she hears Junior's door shut and composes herself. "We'll talk about this later."
Walt nods, jaw tense. "Yes, we will."
Jesse's out of the shower when Walt comes back, dressing himself with shaking hands. Walt watches from the doorway.
He's gotten thinner. He's always been slender, but now it looks like he's lost even more weight somehow. His bones seem brittle, like a bird's, and Walt (not for the first time) feels the urge in his chest to tuck Jesse away behind his own ribs, where he'll be safe. The world is a cruel place, after all. It only makes sense that if anyone gets to break Jesse, it would be Walt- no one else knows how to put him back together.
"Come on," he murmurs once Jesse's finished, wrapping his arm around Jesse's shoulders and guiding him through the living room to his old bedroom. Jesse makes no complaints, leaning on Walt the whole way. The house is quiet, and Skyler and Junior are nowhere to be found.
Jesse sits down heavily on the edge of the bed, looking up at Walt with red-rimmed eyes. The shaking has mostly subsided, leaving sporadic shivers in its wake.
"Hurts," he mumbles.
"I'm sure it does. Get some sleep, Jesse."
Jesse, by way of a response, slips under the blankets. Then he shifts over, leaving a space for Walt. "Stay?" he asks quietly, and Walt doesn't see why he shouldn't. He joins Jesse in the bed, and Jesse shuffles closer almost immediately. He puts his head on Walt's chest, tangling their legs together and finally relaxing.
Walt lets him have this for a brief moment before saying quietly, "You're no good like this, Jesse. No good at all."
"Sorry," Jesse whispers, voice beginning to crack with tears. "'M sorry, Dad."
"Jesse-"
"I know I'm a fuck-up, I'm sorry-"
"Jesse, hush and listen to me. Can you do that?"
Sniffling, Jesse nods.
"You have to get clean. You understand? Because your mother doesn't want you coming around here until you do."
Jesse's eyes widen, and he struggles into a sitting position. "I can't see Junior?"
He reaches up and presses a hand to Jesse's cheek, strokes his cheekbone with his thumb. "She thinks you're a bad influence on him."
"That's- Dad, that's bullshit," Jesse says, clutching at Walt's shirt with both hands. He looks angry, but his tone is pleading, like he's afraid Walt won't believe him. "I'm not bad for him, I-"
"Jesse, you are a junkie," Walt cuts him off. "You're not clean. You've got this poison in you-" he taps Jesse on the chest. "And you're not good for anyone unless you get it out."
Jesse absorbs this for a moment, offering no resistance. And then, like a puppet with its strings cut, he carefully lies back down. He nods his agreement into Walt's neck, slumped over with exhaustion.
"But Jesse," Walt continues, voice gentler, "I love you. Do you understand? I love you, Jesse."
It's the truth. How could it be anything but the truth? Jesse is beautiful and young and vibrant beneath Walt's hands, easily malleable, always eager to be whatever Walt needs him to be. He treats Walt the way he deserves to be treated- not like some mild-mannered old man, but the center of his universe.
At this, Jesse begins crying again, clinging to Walt with desperate fingers. Walt just tugs him closer, where he knows Jesse wants to be. He's a helpless little thing- Walt doesn't want him any other way.
Jesse falls asleep, and Walt doesn't move. Instead, he strokes Jesse's hair and thinks about how he could convince Skyler to let Jesse stay.