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ACT I
It's her first stage.
Miko is terrified.
Her heart palpitations are unsteady and off-beat with the booming bass. There's a faint static sound coming through her earpiece that drives her up the wall. She hasn't gone up on stage yet but her brow sweats from the crowd's fever-high tension.
Both her fans and everyone else's fans are here, expecting a picture-perfect performance like none they've seen from her yet. They want to see her improvement from the last time she danced and sang, to cheer her on as she gives them everything they want, or to see if she's worth following.
She has to perform for them all, alone on stage, with her subpar dance skills and frail voice.
Everyone was able to perform so well during rehearsals already. They completely blew it out of the water today, where they've all been able to give it their all and then some, putting on a show beyond what Miko could envision at practice.
Meanwhile, there's Miko, who's blanking on all the choreography she thought she memorized.
Could she perform as brightly as them? Could she live up to everyone's expectations?
Or, would she soon become a nobody — a tiny ripple in the vast waters, to become a fading sparkle when midday breaks over the horizon?
What happens after that? When she loses everything and becomes a piece of ocean garbage, where will she go?
"Miko-chan?"
Her beating heart bashes against her ribs and bursts out of her body. She clutches her chest to keep it in, finding no such hole in the first place. Miko shakes her head and wipes away the cold sweat before turning around.
"H-Hey, Sui-chan! Wow, it's already almost your turn, right?!" She hopes she puts on a convincing smile.
"Yep, then it's you. Feelin' hyped? Excited? I know I am! There's not a thrill like this out there!"
Suisei bounces towards the curtains right where the fabric ends, as if she were a fan on the edge of their seat. The light in her eyes is so genuine that Miko's act falters.
"Those are… words, yeah."
"D'aw, don't sweat it," Suisei brushes her off, still engrossed by the other idol on stage dancing her heart out.
Miko doesn't know what to say to someone like Suisei, both because they haven't talked much until now and because Suisei is so different from her. She can't begin to understand her energy for performing or how she looks forward to it so much.
It's her specialty after all. That, and Suisei is used to being on stage at this point.
"Idea!"
"Whuah?!"
She snaps before twirling to Miko.
"You watch me put on a show and everyone's gonna be super excited for you, then you can really wow them into next week!"
It's difficult to refute Suisei when she gets like this, even the staff know this. Miko fares no better; her nerves are already reduced to jelly. Suisei patting on her shoulder could topple her as easily as a stack of dominos.
So, Miko relents and agrees without a fuss. "R-Right, sounds like a plan?"
"I'm a genius, I know." Suisei's smirk is all too proud considering how muted her reaction was just now.
The crowd goes into an uproar as if to affirm Suisei's claim.
Miko flinches at the applause while Suisei is incredibly impassive to it.
"And that's my cue, see ya and break a leg!"
She watches her retreating back leave for the stage, her white and blue ribbon flowing behind her as she runs to take the center.
Miko is already left speechless by her. Even more so as the music swells and crashes in waves controlled by the starry-eyed idol. Her smile is bright, her movements are sharp, and her features are flawless.
It's scarier than the expectations put on her by miles.
She can't fathom how this girl is human. She can't begin to wrap her head around how Suisei can move and sing with such a light smile against all the pressures that weighed over their heads. She can't believe that they both exist and work under the same company.
Miko watched her practice, of course, but there's something there in the real deal that wasn't there before like she was hiding a secret weapon for this moment. Worse over, it hardly seems intentional, effortless if anything. She's a natural performer in every sense.
Suisei is so scary that Miko isn't scared of the stage anymore.
It's even more terrifying how she bounces off the stage and high-fives Miko with a carefree expression, the sweat of her glistening smile framing her face all too perfectly.
Miko doesn't turn back as she now takes the center position and performs while embracing that fear yet not afraid of letting it be bare on her face.
ACT II
They're together in the setlist again with Miko behind Suisei.
Something is set aflame in Miko's chest, though she's sure that she's not suffering from any heart issues.
"Mikochi!"
"Oof!"
A hand slaps her back. The impact smacks any of her scrambled nerves out of her system but it still hurts like hell. She only knows of one person who would hit her that hard, and sure enough, she's correct.
"Oh, hey Sui-chan."
Only one smile can start this strange fire.
"Whatcha looking stiff for?"
She sputters and spits like a car engine trying to start up underwater. "Stiff?! Me?! Never!"
The way Suisei laughs at her stokes the kindling fire. Miko isn't sure why she's so frustrated by Suisei simply being around her. It's a feeling that she doesn't like to hold onto since it's not like she did anything wrong but Miko can't calm down around Suisei anymore.
She doesn't hate Suisei, right?
She shouldn't when they work together more often now. Suisei isn't a bad person in any capacity: she's just being the annoying, cheeky girl she's always been and that brings out the same side in Miko.
Yet, practices where they end up together are the days Miko dreads the most. Seeing Suisei nail her complicated moves in no time flat while Miko stumbles and falls over hers you can imagine does a number on her ego.
"So? Did you memorize your choreography properly this time?"
"Of course I did!"
She can't stand Suisei's laidback smile and laughter right now. Miko tepidly shuffles to the edge of the cliff on fours while Suisei hops and skips about, even daring to lean over and challenge the heights or push Miko off.
Miko wants to show her up, at least once. Just this one time, let her prove to Suisei that she isn't the bumbling ball of nerves from before.
With poise, she shifts her body weight and twirls around. Her form is balanced and she manages to pull it off without losing her footing afterward, just as practiced. Miko's proud smirk is one that she knows is well-earned.
Suisei's victorious smirk, on the other hand, shows up to irritate her further.
"You're supposed to spin for one count, not two."
Miko stumbles over air. "Wha-- you're kidding."
With surprising ease, Suisei pulls off the motion with finesse and grace as her choreographer showed her so many times before. It looks perfect, both because it's Suisei and because it looks exactly the same.
There's no way she misremembered today of all days, right? Miko swore that she was able to do it well and got tons of praise for it, but as she recites the sequence, even she can notice how her steps suddenly become offbeat.
"Oh boy~ Do your best!"
Her blood boils at Suisei’s nonchalant tone. Not just her tone, but Suisei herself reminds Miko of the annoying boys that picked on girls and made fun of them for being too slow when running around.
Seeing her pull off her own dance step with extreme ease like she knew it better than Miko herself, thinking about it over and over again drives her up a wall.
How dare she show Miko up like that?!
And how did she even know it that well in the first place?
Suisei pushes her shoulder and runs up the stairs, showing her back to her again. "My turn! See ya later!"
"Ah, later,” her hand falters mid-wave.
She knows that she should be practicing her steps again while she has the chance. She knows that she can't let herself make another mistake. She knows that she doesn't have the time to watch the performances from behind the curtain.
Miko knows all of that, shouts— scolds— screams it all at her paralyzed form, like a doll to take her frustrations out on.
Her body ignores her voice, her heart gets pulled out of her chest and wants to follow the elegant motions of a star on stage while keeping from coming too close for comfort. It's scared of Suisei slapping it away with a wink.
She doesn't hate her.
She's just jealous.
A terrible envy she doesn't want to show and kept it hidden under the floorboards of the stage. Miko finally remembered that feeling she buried, now with no way to ignore it.
She uses it as reigns for her eagerly beating heart, keeping it close to her chest. Miko is sure that the moment she steps to the center position, it'll burst into vibrant and cloudy colors.
The thought of that brings a smile to her face, determined and strong.
Suisei steps down, Miko walks past her without sparing a glance. She feels the stars follow her back — she becomes a masochist for how her chest hurts at that, smiling all the brighter.
Miko won't lose to Suisei anymore, not as long as she can bare herself in the intensity of blinding spotlights.
ACT III
She's caught up to her by the time they make it to the next stage together. Miko knows that she has truly perfected her dance this time, beyond a shadow of a doubt.
Losing herself in the hand rubbing her back lets her forget about her worries.
"You'll be fine. We worked hard together."
She knows this time she'll put on the best performance yet, because Suisei pulled her along.
It's the same hand that reached out when Miko was on her knees, exhausted from long hours of practice. She didn't want to take it but she did, and in no time flat, Miko found her footing. Dance practice went from a chore to a job to something she actively looked forward to.
Miko wants to prove herself today no matter what.
"You're up next, right?" She softly asks. "Go on standby, I'll be fine."
Suisei nods. "Yeah, but I have time. Don't mind me."
"The staff is gonna have your head if you're late."
"They gotta catch me first."
"You're crazy," she laughs, letting out the little bits of tension in her bones.
"Crazy talented, I know. They'll forgive me when I put on a show."
Miko doesn't refute it. She's hardly miffed by her confidence anymore, long grown used to it over the months, years now, of performing together.
All of her bitter jealousy was chased from her body the last time they stood on stage together. She doesn't feel hollow, but there is something she's still missing that she doesn't know.
Miko wonders if Suisei has the answer.
But she leaves her side before Miko can ask.
"My time's up," she slaps a low grunt out of Miko as she gets up, "see ya later!"
"Later, break a leg…"
Miko doesn't know how many times she's seen this. The view from behind of Suisei running forward, a comet tail that orbits the center of the stage, is burned into her mind, something she sees whenever she closes her eyes.
She thought she caught up, yet in classic Suisei fashion, she dazzles the crowd and Miko in ways she can't bear to look directly at. Still, Miko doesn't think being blinded by Suisei would be a bad thing.
As Suisei belts a powerful note, she pauses for but a moment as the spotlights dim. In what could have only lasted for a second at most, Miko notices a faint twinkle shining in her direction. It must be for someone else, surely, yet there's no one else behind the curtains except Miko.
The stars wink kindly over her attention. Bright blue spotlights cloak her form as she continues to sing towards the crowd, Suisei blissfully unaware of how she's making Miko feel, as always.
She's scared.
She's jealous.
She admires Suisei, more than anything else.
The comet that never flew in one single direction had hit her square in her middle and through her body. A plume of pink flowers that burst out from the impact softened her fall to let her focus on the sky rather than her pain, to keep watching Suisei properly until the end.
Her applause was just as loud as the crowd's as if she was actively competing with them. Suisei runs backstage towards Miko. The child-like grin that meets her is a light year away from the Suisei that she witnessed on stage.
She admires this Suisei too, very dearly.
No longer does she want to stand behind or stand in place of Suisei.
Miko stands proudly alone as the vivid blue lights transition to a gentle pink of her own hues.
ACT IV
On this stage, she performs before Suisei.
She inhales slowly for three counts, then exhales for the same counts. She looks upon the occupied stage and then repeats those steps again, this time closing her eyes. Sure enough, she finds the brightness of a star there to cradle her into the soft bed of pink flowers she's grown comfortable in.
"Hey Mikochi," Suisei taps on her shoulder suddenly, but timidly, "are you doing good?"
It's never been so easy for her to smile before.
"Super good! This is gonna be my best yet!" She pumps her fists up in triumph.
Suisei responds with a polite laugh before adjusting her white gloves. Her eyes hardly stay still for a moment, always looking between the center stage and her pristine boots. Though it's barely noticeable, there's a roundedness in her posture that renders the confident aura from Suisei's taller frame null to Miko.
A smirk stretches across her face. Miko swings her hands behind her back, locking her fingers together. She rocks on her heels as she looks up at Suisei.
"Don't tell me that the Hoshimachi Suisei is getting cold feet? That's an SSR-level rare moment!"
Suisei shakes her head and pulls her cheek. Miko whines in pain but she quickly lets go. "You shush, there's still a show you gotta put on."
She quickly rubs the spot that Suisei pulled before looking over her appearance one last time. Her idol outfit is as clean as clean can be, her hair shouldn't be sticking up in weird ways aside from her one signature strand, and she has all of her dance moves memorized down to the particular way to point her fingertips.
"I'll be going now!"
Miko doesn't hear Suisei's response as the crowd's cheers rise and fall in wait for the next performance.
She quickly leaves and bathes in the pink glow. It's a sight that exhilarates her every time without fail, whether she was scared or nervous or forgetful, there was always a bed of flowers to fall upon safely.
Thousands of faces cheer in unison, joined by her song and dance. At the same time, Miko finds herself committing as many of those faces to memory, to let her heart recall those smiles in her darkest nights when there isn't a star in sight.
With everything she's gained over the stages she's walked, Miko enjoys herself to the fullest.
When her stage ends, Suisei isn't there on standby. Instead, another girl takes her place.
She's gone.
Dozens of staff are running around backstage, shouting and yelling orders at each other, barely minding Miko who pushes past them all.
Suisei is missing.
There's no way to know where Suisei is, but Miko tries searching anyway. Most of the staff search the immediate stage area, so Miko heads towards the dressing rooms. She ends up barging in on a few girls who haven't seen any sign of Suisei since the show started.
It's right at her wits end when she checks one of the makeup rooms. Half of the lights are turned off and there's someone curled up into a ball in the corner of the room, across from the counter and the mirrors lining the wall.
A heavy bass is all that can be heard from this far away, so lowkey that the room still manages to remain in pin-drop silence.
Miko walks towards the person. She doesn't bother to turn on the lights as the blue tail is a hue she can recognize even if all of the light in the world was absent.
She sits beside her. "Hey, Sui-chan."
The stars are hidden from view tonight. Miko still looks for them anyways.
"Did you see me perform?"
Buried into her arms, Suisei still manages a nod.
"It was scary, but fun… The best thrill ever." Miko closes her eyes and recalls as many smiles as she could find in the crowd.
"Good for you." Her form closes even tighter.
"It's because of you that I can think like that, don't be such a jerk."
The heavy bass comes to an end just a moment too soon to hide the sound of a sniffle. Miko reaches out to Suisei's boney shoulder. The elegant form she admires becoming frail without the spotlight to shine under makes her star only more endearing.
"We're behind the stage right now. It's just you and me."
She rubs as gently as she can, wanting to coax the gem out from the shell she's created. The shadows remain stagnant as time slowly ticks on, Miko getting lost in the way the light in the hallway reflects off the mirrors. She can't tell if this was the same room that they used earlier or not.
Suisei raises her head until her curled lips peek out. "I saw you… practice, rehearsals, on stage — everywhere. I'm always watching you."
Miko's heart thuds to the fast-paced rhythm the bass bumps to.
"Stalker," she pokes her cheek.
Suisei's smile returns briefly to swat her shoulder, coming out of her ball, though her knees still remain close to her chest. She looks above Miko's head, at the mirror behind her. Her smile turns wry.
"But earlier, I thought, 'wow, she's beautiful,' but then my hands started shaking and I got confused and scared and jealous because you--"
Suisei faces her at last. They're inches away from each other, their bodies freeze up, and then Suisei jerks her head away from Miko.
"Your smile, and all of your expressions… they're the real deal when you perform, you practically bloom up there. Compared to you, I'm hollow."
Suisei makes a jilted, pitiful sound as if she was laughing at herself.
"This is dumb and contradictory, I'm gonna shut up now, forget it."
"Don't you dare, dummy!"
Shouting into Suisei's ear when they're so close was not the best move, Miko realizes. She quickly sputters an apology before clearing her throat.
"I know how you feel, I've been there before!"
She scoffs. "How do you possibly get what I'm talking about?"
"Because I've been right behind you this whole time."
Suisei unravels before her. Long slender legs sprawl out, the soles of her feet reaching further than Miko's. Their stockings of black and their respective colors glow under the mirror's reflected light. The two of them remain in the shadows of the room.
"We're idols and rivals — we're the only ones who know how we are behind the scenes, there's things only we can know."
Miko plays with her thumbs, admiring the texture of the white glove made just for her.
"If you wanna perform more honestly, you gotta start being honest, y'know? So, it's okay to say it to me. I get it, really."
"You felt like this before?" She asks the stupidest question Miko's ever heard.
"You have no idea," she sighs a very long and exaggerated sigh, letting out her frustrations for the world in a single breath before jabbing Suisei's arm lightly, "but, that's what makes you who you are."
The banter lets Suisei laugh and laugh in their quiet room. She keeps going and going like she's about to run out of air every single time before heaving in another deep breath. Miko doesn't stop her, too enchanted by Suisei's genuine laughter, so familiar to the fear she felt before seeing her happiness yet so different.
She wipes away the tears that build up in the corners of her eyes, her giggles finally dying down. "Yeah… what am I thinking? Must be going crazy for real."
"'Cuz you are."
Suisei jabs her arm back. It hurts a bit more, but Miko isn't the one performing soon.
Speaking of which, "are you good?" Miko asks, just to be sure.
With a slow inhale, then an exhale of three counts, Suisei slaps her cheeks and hops to her feet. "I'm ready now."
Miko stands up from the ground and they both walk into the bright hallway. "Can't wait to watch you."
"You always watch!"
Miko doesn't argue back. The vision of Suisei running ahead enchants and draws her in, making her scared, envious, and head over heels all at once.
How many more times will she lose herself in Suisei?
She chases after the twirling, flighty comet tail to their next stage.
Epilogue
Two white ribbons float above the concrete floor. One is accented with pink, the other in blue.
"Ready?"
"As I'll ever be. You?"
"Of course."
"Not gonna go hide again?"
"Hey! That was just that one time, Miss Perfect-Memory!"
"Don't sass me!"
"Shush, it's almost time."
The duo hold hands, though they don't know who grabbed whose hand first.
"Break a leg?"
"Yeah, yours."
"What the--"
Cheers and screams are as loud as ever as blue and pink lights cover the curtains.
"Alright Mikochi! Go go go!"
"R-Right behind you, Sui-chan!"
At their next stage, Miko stands next to Suisei in the center.