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The Avengers often filled their downtime between missions by teasing each other about anything and everything. It might have been Natasha or Tony who started keeping track of who was ‘winning,’ but it was definitely Clint who started the First Great Prank War by swapping out Tony’s shower gel for one with an insane amount of glitter.
Tony sparkled for over a week but Clint hasn’t been able to get rid of the tramp stamp that appeared on his lower back no matter how many tattoo removal parlors he visits.
The First Great Prank War eventually drew in Steve (What the Hell, Tony!), Thor (Did you truly not remember who my brother was?), and even Bruce (Lame? Vaseline on the toilet seat is a classic Tony.). Of course, The First Great Prank War ended when Natasha stormed furiously out of her room wrapped only in a soft purple towel while holding a tranq gun and proceeded to knock out every single one of the Avengers who was in the tower at the time. They all woke up naked and hanging from the ceiling over a pit of spikes while Natasha explained that the prank war. Was. Over.
‘Wait, wait wait–this is my room. Where did all these spikes come from?’
‘Shut up, Tony.’
But just because they couldn’t physically pester each other anymore didn’t mean that was the end of it. Oh no. The verbal abuse became even more and more elaborate. From straight up insults to complicated puns to running gags that took Tony far too much time to think up and execute, the Snark War raged on. And by most estimations, Tony was far in the lead.
Except for this one time…
Most everyone was relaxing on the common floor of Avengers Tower but Bruce and Tony had been wrangling for over an hour over the possible dangers of testing out one of Tony’s latest inventions. (it was supposed to be a compact gadget that would translate your brain waves into food–last movie night had been Hitchkiker’s Guide to the Galaxy–and Bruce was solidly against this idea ‘Because, Tony! Because if you get the signal strength wrong you’ll fry your brain! Or mine. Or, knowing you, you’ll create some horrible biologic agent when all you wanted was a cookie.’)
Tony finally huffed in annoyance and backed away from Bruce while shaking his new toy at him. ‘You’re totally harshing my groove, Banner.’
Natasha perked up at this and said in a surprisingly deep voice, ‘I’m sorry, but you’ve thrown off the Emperor’s Groove.’
Everyone stared at her for a moment before Sam snickered and did a very good Doppler effect ‘Sooorrrrryyyyyy.’
Tony did a double take between them a few times in evident confusion. ‘What?’ There was an audible intake of breath from half of the Avengers. Tony didn’t know what was going on? Tony didn’t know the pop culture reference?
It was lemon juice being poured into the cut when Thor spoke up ‘This is the one with the llama, correct?’ And the floodgates were opened.
Clint: ‘Tony’s a llama?
Natasha and Sam spoke in unison before cracking up. ‘A llama? He’s supposed to be dead!’
Tony started huffing angrily. ‘This is my tower! No quoting things I don’t know in my tower.’
‘Welcome to Kuzcotopia! The ultimate summer getaway–complete with waterslide.’ Tony turned to stare at Steve in horror while he smirked and said with whiny self-congratulation, ‘It’s like my birthday gift to me! I’m so happy.’
‘Pepper!’ Tony shouted as he crossed to where she was diligently working on her laptop. ‘Everyone’s gone insane. What’s going on?’
She looked up calmly from her work and there was an upwelling of sorrow from the Avengers. This was it. She’d explain what they were quoting and that would be the end of that. ‘Tony, I believe it’s called a cruel irony. Like my dependence on you.’
The room exploded into cheers and raucous laughter. Tony was floored. He just couldn’t do it anymore. Even Pepper was against him. ‘How did we get here,’ he whined as he rubbed his forehead with both hands.
Bruce crossed to the movie station and tapped several times on the display, bringing up The Emperor’s New Groove before saying, ‘Ya got me. By all accounts, it doesn’t make any sense.’ Then he pushed play.
By the time the movie was halfway over Tony was throwing popcorn at everyone and threatening to boot them all out of the tower for comparing him to Kuzco. ‘I am NOTHING like this guy. I don’t know what any of you were thinking. I’m hurt–I’m seriously hurt here.’ Clint made an insulting noise and everyone laughed, even Tony.
The Snark War continued to rage on after this, but on a bit more of an equal footing. And it was weeks before the Avengers stopped quoting The Emperor’s New Groove en masse at Tony at every opportunity. But that was okay. None of them would have had it any other way. Even Tony.