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Chapter Text

"When my creations roam the earth,

when the nightmares become real

when fear is all you can taste

you will realize the world

no longer belongs to you.

The Nichevo'ya are here

Your reign is over."

— A letter from Ilya Morozov to Tsar Anastas,

after the creation of the Fold.

It is a lonely existence, the one Aleksander Morozov leads.

Born in the shadows.

Practically made of them.

Embedded in his DNA, in his family tree.

His existence is a curse, a prison he cannot escape.

So he hides.

Aleksander Morozov does not live.

He survives.

Aleksander is not Aleksander.

He's Lev, Feliks, Andrei…

He's everyone and no one.

Not even a man.

Sometimes not even human.

Most times he's just an animal, trying to survive.

He's half asleep when the Tsar's men find them. A whole life in hiding, living in the shadows, feeding themselves from the darkness...

A lifetime gone in the blink of an eye.

He manages to get Ulla, Ivan, and Fedyor to safety, but in the process he exposes his shadows, revealing his true nature.

Aleksander knows his life is now doomed, yet cannot find it in himself to care. His sister is fine. That's all that matters to him. If he has to pay the price for her freedom then fine.

He'll pay.

"There were some… allegations, of course. But I never thought I would meet a descendant of Ilya Morozov, much less capture him."

The Tsarevich is a pathetic excuse of a man and didn't capture him, but Aleksander doesn't comment on that.

"I should execute you, publicly," he says, sounding almost bored. "But alas, your grandfather's creatures gain power every day and we need more people in our armies. That will be your punishment."

Maybe he should be grateful.

There's no doubt he will die, but at least it will be anonymous. No need for his sister to witness his public execution.

Whatever his grandfather intended when creating this nightmare doesn't matter now. Tomorrow morning he will be another body for the mimics to kill.

"Maybe your shadows will help, little darkling," Vasily Lanstov mocks him as two of his men escort Aleksander to his destiny.

A lifetime hiding.

More than a century of war.

He always knew it would come down to this.

No matter how much he ran, how well he hid.

His destiny was always to be found and to pay for the sins of his blood.

But knowing is one thing and living is another.

His end awaits.

"I'm sorry! There has to be a mistake!" Aleksander tries to plead, his cowardice on full display. General Yul-Erdene's face lets him know whatever he's trying won't work.

"Save your words soldier, or I might want to share your identity with the rest of the barracks and see how they take that."

Aleksander was ready to start begging but instead he shuts up in order to survive.

"We are the lucky bastards who will bring the destruction of the mimics. We will make sure the sun shines once again on our strong nation!" General Yul-Erdene announces to the Crow squad, just after he introduces them. "Operation Downfall is how we finally defeat those bastards and regain our country."

Aleksander listens as the General explains how they will be the first line of defense, eliminating the threat the mimics pose before the Second Army arrives and decimates everything.

The idea is that the Sun Summoner will vanish the Fold with her light.

General Yul-Erdene wants to make it seem like they have this grandiose part to play when really it all depends on a Sankta. They will be dead and gone when and if she manages to bring the whole thing down.

The Crows must know this, but they never show anything other than bravery and acceptance.

Maybe that is exactly why he fits in with them.

Before the battle he prays for Ulla. If Ulla is safe then at least it will all be fine, he thinks as he's mocked by the Crows.

All their lives hiding, living in the shadows, just like Baghra taught them to.

She never taught them how to use their powers or fight a war.

Wylan helps him get into the suit and Jesper tries to teach him how to properly use it.

"So you have a chance of surviving," he says, although Jesper's eyes show Aleksander he doesn't believe that will happen.

His mother didn't teach him how to fight.

That is up to him.

There's little time to be thankful he's alive.

Sure, he survived a plane crash but now he has to fight to stay alive.

The Fold resembles a slaughter rather than the glorious battle the Tsarevich wanted to project.

Operation Downfall is a catastrophe on every level.

Aleksander knows there's no way he survives and yet, he still tries. If there's even a small chance of ever seeing Ulla again, he has to try.

He has spent most of his life in secret, hiding.

But he won't die a coward.

He catches sight of a Claymore mine next to Kaz's body.

He will die, but he surges towards it nonetheless, determined to take the mimic with him.

It's the least I can do to correct my grandfather's mistakes, he thinks.

The mimic, however, moves too fast and Aleksander gets another idea.

He has his shadows, a burden he has always carried.

The mimic sets its eyes on him and Aleksander makes a decision.

Focuses on his hands, tendrils of shadows coming from his fingers. He manages to form a blade when the mimic cages his body against the sand.

Points at the chest of the creature.

The shadows answer to him.

A way out.

Excruciating pain.

And then, nothing.

He wakes up violently, fear still running through his veins.

The memories of what happened are still fresh in his mind when he wakes up. After dying and coming back to life Aleksander remembers the way shadows answered to him.

He also realizes that what he killed wasn't a regular mimic, but of course, there are more important things to think about.

For starters…

What happened?

Is he really alive?

General Botkin Yul-Erdene telling him his full name, about growing up in Shu Han and the convoluted circumstances that pushed him to fight a war in the name of a country that hates him.

The Crow Squad groaning when the General discovers the card game. The teasing, the merciless bullying.

The aircraft exploding mid air, forcing them to make an emergency deployment.

The mimics butchering them the second they land.

It's

All

The

Same

How?

Should he consider it a near death experience if he still did… die?

Aleksander wonders if he's dreaming, if this is a fucking nightmare.

He died, he knows as much.

But as General Yul-Erdene calls him every insult in the book and takes him to the Crow Squad Aleksander knows he lived this day already.

He knows everything that happens, everything that will happen.

He knows he died. He knows that without a doubt.

Still, a question remains: what the fuck is going on?

The urge to save them is too big to resist.

Once Aleksander has made peace with whatever the fuck is going on, he redirects his efforts to try and save everyone. Ulla, Ivan, Fedyor, the Crows, General Yul-Erdene…

His efforts are in vain. He never manages to save them.

Doesn't even manage to save himself.

Brothers in arms, the Crow Squad.

Every loop starts the same with Aleksander being picked up by General Yul-Erdene and then unceremoniously dumped in the barracks of the Crow Squad.

They don't know him, but over time, he has gotten to know them.

There's Kaz, the ring leader. With a penchant for black just like himself, his eldest brother was taken by the mimics and this is his way of honoring his memory.

There's Inej, who is skilled and deadly. He has no words to describe a person who sees war as a way to escape slavery; only respect.

In a better world they wouldn't have to make the choices that brought them to the army.

There's also Jesper who seems bound by the war through loyalty to his friends. Whereas Wylan seems to be bound to war because of Jesper.

There's love in war. Even if they can't see it.

There's also Nina and Matthias.

She's there because it's mandatory, because she's skilled and good at her job. Nina is a soldier and Aleksander respects that.

He's there because of Djel. In a world where things lost meaning a long time ago, Helvar still believes.

Aleksander doesn't want to get attached to them. There's no point. He will watch them die in multiple ways less than twenty four hours after meeting them.

Still, he can't help but think about the lives they would have had if not for his grandfather's actions.

The one good thing he finds about being stuck in a time loop is that at least he gets to have a real chance at fighting.

He still doesn't know why or even how. Aleksander has no clue how to end the war.

He's just a man, a coward bestowed with a great power he doesn't know how to use.

Learning how to fight and defend himself seems like a good first step.

He'll figure out the rest later.

His first encounter with Sergeant Starkova is not the best.

(It was fitting though, he thinks, after he has gotten to know her.)

He approaches her, inadvertently saving her from an attack of a mimic he didn't realize was there.

He can feel himself dying, but she's unfazed, pushing him away from her.

"Sorry," she says without looking at him. "You have a hole in your stomach."

Fucking hell, he thinks as he awakens, once again resetting the day.

The second time he meets her is no better. Her second in command, a squaller with the name Zoya, blows him away after he tries to introduce himself to the Sergeant.

Maybe whatever is happening to him is a Grisha thing, he reasoned before approaching again.

He falls flat on his ass, and as he dies, he curses the squaller and her powers.

The third and fourth time he approaches he's equally unsuccessful. But, the fifth time he approaches Sergeant Starkova, everything changes.

He grips her arm a little tighter when he realizes she's not moving, but rather, looking at him with shock in her eyes.

A far cry from the Angel of Os Alta image everyone is trying to sell.

"We need to move!" He shouts, trying to make himself heard over the explosions and all the chaos.

She shakes her head, coming out of her surprise.

"Find me," she says, a voice softer than he expected.

"What?" Now it's his turn to be surprised.

"When you die, find me. I will train you," she explains.

He looks into her eyes seconds before an explosion kills them both.

There's a hum deep inside his bones, something that's only awoken when he touches Sergeant Starkova. Something he doesn't have a name for, but it makes him feel warm inside. Makes him feel complete.

He doesn't pay attention to the tether that exists between him and the Sergeant. When he wakes up he only has a one track mind: to find her.

Maybe with her, he'll have answers to his questions.

Everyone looks at him as he enters the building where the Second Army trains. He can't even blame them, because he's not Grisha; he's a stranger, a nobody who's intruding.

But Sergeant Starkova told him to look for her, even if she doesn't remember him now.

He lays low until he finds her, in the middle of a deserted rig, in the middle of a yoga pose. Something pulls him to her, something beyond her order, something he cannot explain.

Maybe she feels it too, because his steps are silent and she seems focused but she still notices his presence, turning to look at him.

Their eyes meet and Aleksander knows, without the shadow of a doubt, that they are connected.

In more ways than one.

"Who said you could talk to me?" Sergeant Starkova asks, voice so sharp it could cut him. She barely even reaches his shoulders, but the Angel of Os Alta, the Sun Summoner, the Solarpunk bitch contains multitudes.

She's larger than life.

"You did," he answers with a temple that surprises even him. "You did, tomorrow, at the Fold." His voice carries a certain strength, an undeniable conviction that doesn't leave room for arguing. "We meet tomorrow."

She doesn't say anything, her chocolate eyes scanning him. He holds his ground, ignoring the way something burns inside him.

"Come with me," she says, legs already moving, leaving him to catch up. "You and I, we're going to change the world."

Dr. Safin-Kostyk blushes when the Sergeant sings her praises, seconds after introducing them.

"This is Genya Safin-Kostyk. A certified genius and the only person who will believe what you're going through," she said, before grabbing a funny looking device that Genya takes from her hands quickly.

"You know David was the genius," the doctor says in a soft voice before putting the device away.

Aleksander doesn't know who David is but all it takes is one look at her hands, at a lonely wedding band, to connect the dots.

The Sergeant puts a hand on her friend's shoulder, a comforting gesture between the two.

A beat passes and then both pairs of eyes set on him.

"So, what brings you here, Lina?" the doctor asks, inspecting him.

"He's me, before Os Alta," Sergeant Starkova explains. The other woman turns to look at her, mouth hanging open. "He's the key to winning the war."

"You need to start thinking about the mimics as if they are just one," the doctor explains, calm and collected as she operates the board in front of them to illustrate her point. "What I mean by that is that you're not fighting an army, but a single living organism."

Aleksander blinks in surprise as Dr. Safin-Kostyk shows him different holograms that depict the mimics.

"Usually you kill these fuckers, they are pretty common. Pawns if you will…" the Sergeant comments before the doctor pulls up a bigger image. It reminds him of the one he killed.

"You killed an Alpha, which is more rare and what ended up giving you the ability to reset the day."

Aleksander looks at the creature in front of him. Despite knowing it is not the real thing, fear still runs through his veins.

His grandfather's creations will always haunt his dreams—his reality too.

"This is the Omega," Sergeant Starkova continues, unaware of his internal turmoil.

"It's basically the brain of this entire operation. When you killed the Alpha it triggered a response, so the Omega reset the day in order to prevent the killing from happening," the doctor explains before looking at him. "What Ilya Morozov didn't realize was that this unique ability could be transferred. It's the only flaw in his creations."

"It's the flaw that will allow us to win this war," Sergeant Starkova declares.

Aleksander looks at the creature in front of him and tries not to shiver. His grandfather's creations seem to be nightmares even as a hologram. Everything from its claws to its blood-thirsty eyes are designed to scare him.

"Nichevo'ya," Dr. Safin-Kostyk says. "That's the name Ilya Morozov gave them originally but the Tsar changed it so it would be easy for people to name them."

The nothings. That's what the name means.

But as the doctor continues her explanation Aleksander wonders how nothing has created so much chaos and destruction.

"So you want me to die?" Aleksander asks, completely aghast.

"Just a minor inconvenience, you'll see," Sergeant Starkova comments as if it's not a big deal. At least Dr. Safin-Kostyk has the decency to look ashamed. "Now get it together so I can start training you."

It doesn't matter how good you are at anything when the enemy can reset the day.

The game is rigged.

The war is…

Not lost, not yet.

Not with him in the game.

At least, that's what Sergeant Starkova says.

Aleksander wonders if he can really make a difference.

He guesses only time will tell.

The first loops after meeting the Sergeant are hard. She doesn't let him catch a break.

All he's ever done is lie, cheat, and hide. Everything he has done has been to ensure his protection and the safety of the ones he loves.

This training goes against everything he has ever done.

He's sore and pissed off because she keeps shooting him between the eyes, each time.

Solarpunk bitch, very fitting.

She's younger than he is. He doesn't know her age, and hasn't dared to ask. Aleksander is scared the answer might be too much for him. Reality is already too much for him.

She commands every room she's in. Has a complete army at her disposal. Marches to battle head on.

"Do I have something on my face, soldier?" she asks, definitely annoyed by his wandering gaze.

Aleksander thinks of her youth, of the life she lost because of his grandfather's actions.

"No." He shakes his head.

Her face is harsh and her features, while beautiful, are deadly.

It's what he doesn't see on her face what haunts him.

Innocence, happiness, hunger for the world. The light she summons never reaches her eyes.

He wonders if she ever dreamed about a different life.

"Then go again. Try not to die so quickly this time," she orders.

He obeys.

"I don't want any of this! Can't you use some Grisha science to transfer this to you so you can save us all?"

"Don't you think I've tried that?" Sergeant Starkova scoffs, rolling her eyes at him. "I tried everything."

"Everything? Even mer..." He doesn't finish the sentence. Alina tackles him to the ground, using her long delicate finger to poke at his chest, not caring about his armor.

"You don't fucking play with merzost, you hear me?"

He nods, slightly terrified of her. Terrified of what happened to her.

"I already told you. I tried everything."

She sounds defeated, but he doesn't get to evaluate that because before he can blink she's standing and putting him through hell again.

Only after she kills him and he wakes up again does he realize her hair used to be black before she became the Angel of Os Alta.

The armor she wears to battle is different. Created by Materialki and Durasts, the armors of the second army are all special, modified to allow the soldiers to use their small science in battle.

(Small science and not magic because Alina broke his nose when he didn't use the correct term. It hurt.)

Hers is different in every possible way. No helmet. No guns. Nothing remarkable really.

At least until she produces a blade of light that kills thousands of mimics from a single cut.

Aleksander stares in awe the first time he witnesses it, allowing one of the machines from the simulation to hit him so hard Alina has to shoot him.

When he wakes up again, the first thing that goes through his mind is to try and see if he can do the same with his shadows.

"What's your issue? Do you have a problem with me?" Aleksander yells, anger taking over his words.

Tells himself he doesn't sound like a weak pathetic man. Knows he's very good at lying to himself.

Sergeant Starkova doesn't answer immediately. Instead she takes a good look at him.

Silence stretches for a really long time, making him feel uncomfortable.

The awkwardness crawls up his spine when he realizes he has disrespected a Sergeant and on top of that, the person who is helping him.

Although he does believe he has a right to feel frustrated; he's way out of line.

Her response comes in the form of a spit. For a second he just focuses on her saliva. There's blood there and it tells him everything he needs to know.

This is what she thinks of him.

"My problem, darkling, is that I've been fighting this war for too long," she says.

Aleksander isn't sure what hurts the most: the rage behind her words or that she knows who he is.

She picks up on his realization. Somehow she's better at reading him, despite him being the one who has known her for a longer time.

"You think I didn't know? You think you're the only one who feels this pull, Aleksander? This tether between us?" She asks and he tries to hide his surprise. "We are two sides of the same coin. You are meant to be my equal, but some equal you are," she says with disgust. "Yes, I know about your secret, Aleksander. I know everything there is to know about this war. And that, unfortunately, includes knowing you."

He tries not to show how wounded he is, how much her words get to him.

Still, he believes an apology is in place.

"I'm sorry," he says.

Not sure for what exactly. The sins of his grandfather, being a shitty soldier or because maybe if she was stuck with someone else…

"Apologies don't win wars, soldier," she answers.

He doesn't get to finish his thought.

He watches her light dance, his eyes transfixed. It is decidedly deadly, but can also look beautiful.

"You need to learn how to do this," the Sergeant says, stopping with the games and summoning the cut to sever one of the dummies' heads.

Aleksander swallows, knowing far well he can't do that, not even if he tries.

"I…"

"I have trained you long enough that you can survive on the simulation. If we want to win this we need to work on your summoning."

Her voice is final, leaving no room for argument. If he wanted to, he could kill himself and restart the day, but that wouldn't do him any good.

Nothing ever escapes Sergeant Starkova, he's no one to try and fool her.

He will have to face a side of him he has rejected and ignored for years.

The shadows make him a monster, putting him closer to the mimics than to Grisha.

And yet, they seem like the key to winning the war.

He has never considered himself Grisha although technically he comes from the most powerful Grisha to ever exist.

He sees himself as someone weak, as someone who shouldn't exist but instead just goes through life barely living.

"I have always been alone," he says, looking away from the Sergeant. Her gaze is intense, as scorching as her light. He can't survive the scrutiny right now. "My mother and I were always different, even from Grisha so we lived like nomads, hiding our names and our powers. Doing enough just to survive."

He sighs before continuing. He has always been alone, he has always been an outcast.

When he looks at her, she's closer than he expected, hand extended until it touches his chest.

"You are Grisha, you are not alone, Aleksander."

He doesn't say anything, doesn't even dare to dispute her words.

He knows she means it with all her might.

Training his shadows is a brutal task.

Not because of the Sergeant, who is surprisingly gentler when it comes to Grisha science.

It's brutal because he's centuries old and has never used them, never even acknowledged them. It's a part of him he has always kept under lock and key; just like his real name, just like his family tree.

To him, the shadows are nothing but a weight to carry. A weight that does not belong to him, but he was made to carry because of the actions of others.

The idea of embracing them is extremely ridiculous to him, for how can he be proud of something that has caused so much destruction?

But the Sergeant is adamant he's the key to winning this war. And if she believes in him, then he has to believe too.

At first he doesn't understand why she sends her Grisha away. The Sergeant is not merciful enough to allow him to suffer alone while she kicks his ass with exercise and grueling drills.

After a while, he understands.

She wants the whole building to be empty so he can train with his shadows undisturbed. If people were to see him, it would be a dead giveaway of who he is and where he comes from.

For all he thinks the Sergeant is not a kind woman, this is a small mercy she's granting him.

He appreciates that.

There's a secondary benefit to training his shadows.

Aleksander feels stronger, not only because of all the exercise but because he's no longer suffering from the wasting sickness. He's no longer wilting, no longer dying while alive.

For most of his life he barely used his shadows, he was always afraid of getting caught and only ever used to make himself and his loved ones invisible.

Baghra was never around to actually show him how to defend himself, and he had no interest in learning to use them. They were a curse.

Sergeant Starkova is a great trainer and a patient teacher. Despite what she thinks of him, she's very good at coaxing him and getting him to reach his full potential.

By the time he manages to knock her down on her ass, she decides he's ready for the field.

And that's when the fight really begins.

The visions started to appear slowly. At first there were images he was unable to understand. There was a crippling feeling that put him on his knees and left him unable to breathe.

He hadn't been told it would be like this, that the visions would overtake him. Ever since that alpha blew up on top of him his life has become something he's not in charge of.

Turns out, he's not even in charge of his body.

The Sergeant picks up on the way he's acting and coaxes him through the process, accidentally showing him a softer side of her.

She holds his hand and tells him to breathe, never leaving his side as foggy images invade his mind. She waits for him to come back to himself before continuing with the training.

Aleksander knows she must be eager to know what he sees, but she doesn't push him for details.

He waits several loops to tell her what he sees, wanting to be sure of the road ahead.

"The White Chapel?" She asks when he tells her what he saw. He nods, still silent. "Then that's where we are headed."

Now it's when the real fight begins.

There's a mutual trust when they both enter the battlefield. She might still not like him that much, there's no denying that, but he's the one who holds all the answers.

She needs him, whether she likes it or not.

And while she thinks he's the key to win the war, Aleksander knows they are.

They are a team now.

She has a ritual, he knows as much. It's one of the things he catches on to from the very beginning.

It's impossible not to pay attention to her, Sergeant Alina. There's a beauty to her features, a certain ferocity to them.

He paid attention, even before meeting her.

She's a force to be reckoned with. Her light is as beautiful as it is deadly. Lethal, this woman.

Finds out she has a ritual, one she keeps away from prying eyes like his.

However, nothing can escape him, not when he's mastering time.

Her ritual ends and begins with a blade.

A blade that does not belong to her, looking out of place in her hand.

A blade that accompanies her everywhere. Probably in replacement of someone else.

Being inside the Fold is always a chilling, unnerving experience.

Not even now, after he has endured several loops of training and is able to master his shadows, does he feel more at ease. The Fold is not the place he wants to be, but it is the only way to reach East Ravka and enter the White Chapel.

They must do the work and cross the Fold to find the Omega, to finally end this war.

It is in those moments, while they fight for their lives in a place made of shadows, that he sees Sergeant Starkova in a new light.

She's fierce and deadly, capable, and level headed.

She's wartorn. War has shaped her into someone scary, something deadly.

But she's also loyal, has his back and supports his ideas and suggestions. She might be a bit stubborn and she might not like it when he's right, but she's a true partner.

As she uses the cut and massacres hundreds of mimics, he realizes she was right.

They will change the world.

He knows better than to have these kinds of thoughts. War is not the place to have a crush and yet…

Sergeant Alina Starkova is absolutely gorgeous.

Even when she does, indeed, have something on her face.

(Usually it's blood.)

After several loops of fighting mimics, of ever changing plans and developing strategies, the two of them manage to reach the other side of the Fold.

There's a light at the end of it.

It doesn't come from Alina.

It comes from East Ravka.

There's a light at the end of the Fold.

It doesn't come from Alina.

It comes from hope.

Because finally, Aleksander allows himself to feel hope.

"What's your favorite flower?" "Is your middle name Ruby?" "Day person or night person?"

Not the moment to ask questions but he reasons that if she answers, at least he can pretend it's a road trip.

And not a death trap with mimics looking to take his blood.

She never bares her soul to him. Her guard is always up. She never rests, never quits. She never sleeps.

The war is never ending and there's always something to do. Aleksander is pretty sure that if she were to rest she would also find a war to fight in her dreams.

She's a warrior. She's the perfect warrior.

"You think I had a choice," Alina mentions on the loop where they have finally found the right car to escape the carnage that awaits them after they escape the Fold. Aleksander turns to look at her; she's behind the wheel and looking ahead. Her face is harsh and unforgiving, but that's always the case with her.

Before he can ask what she's talking about, she explains.

"You think I decided to join the war and fight against your grandfather's creatures. That's what everyone thinks. But keep in mind I didn't have a choice. I don't think anyone has the power of choosing when it comes to war. I certainly didn't."

Aleksander doesn't know anything about her, not really. He knows about the person the Tsar and his ministers have made an icon for everyone to follow. He knows Sergeant Starkova, the Angel of Os Alta and leader of the Grisha. He knows the Sun Summoner, but Alina, the person? He doubts anyone really knows her.

He needs to keep that in mind.

They stop at an abandoned house in a forgotten town. Alina says he should keep going but he refuses to go on without her.

Instead he nurses her back to health, tries not to worry too much about the bruise on her cheek.

He has died so many times already and yet, this is what actually hurts him.

The little cottage is such a welcoming sight he always releases a content sigh when they reach it.

After several loops, he already knows where everything is but still hides that information from her, insisting they explore the premises—all to delay the moment she marches straight to her death.

"Coffee?" He asks.

Maybe this time she won't die.

He's died several times now; he got tired of counting after loop sixty-nine. Aleksander thinks he's numb to death given how often this happens but as he looks at her, at Alina, he thinks:

In another life, I would have loved doing laundry and taxes with you.

He would have settled with a chance to know her better. No such luck.

There's nothing they can do to win. All their strategies are futile against the Omega.

What's worse, she dies each time.

He tries to convince her to wind down, but Alina has war in her bones and is stubborn as the mimics they kill.

But he is as stubborn as she is.

So, he strips and enjoys the warm water of the pond. While she doesn't join him, she sits in the grass, seemingly enjoying the calm.

When he turns to look at her, he realizes the Solarpunk bitch can smile. He made her smile.

And what a beautiful smile she has.

Meow!

It's the discovery of a cat, a cat they have never even seen before, what causes Alina to open up to him.

She cries as she hugs the animal close to her chest, blabbering about every single thing Aleksander has always wanted to know.

"I always wanted a cat," she sobs. "But at the orphanage we couldn't. Still, Mal found a feral one in the meadow and we used to take care of him. He promised that after all this was over he would give me one."

Mal. The name shining on Alina's blade.

"He was my brother, my world. All I had. I didn't want to fight this fucking war but he wanted to do what was right. To right the wrongs of your family's sins."

There's hate in her eyes, there has always been really but now the hate is out there in the open, not carefully concealed under her harshness.

"And they killed him. He died and I wasn't able to do anything other than weep and fucking shine. But that won't bring him back."

Aleksander has never felt worse in his life. There's nothing he can do to help and she obviously doesn't want to be coddled.

"I have been fighting this war alone for so long. I have buried so many good soldiers, friends… and for what? Nothing will ever bring people back. Nothing will ever be like it was."

She's been staring at the horizon as she speaks, her eyes far away from him. The only thing tethering her to earth is the kitten she keeps petting.

But then, she turns to him, chocolate eyes icy cold.

"Nothing will ever bring my brother back."

"Mal wanted a farm. He talked about it all the time. He said one day there would be peace and he wanted a farm. I had other plans, like going to Ketterdam, swimming in the ocean, traveling the world…I promised I would visit."

She turns to look at him, her gaze no longer angry, but subdued. The only thing he sees is grief; she's mourning the future she will never get to have.

"He was good at being a tracker. He taught me everything I know," she sighs, petting the kitty who remains calm and happy in her arms. "He should be here, he should still be here."

Tears fall down her cheeks and Aleksander is unable to do anything other than let her cry.

He kneels in front of the grave.

Her grave.

Aleksander told her not to get on the helicopter and she didn't listen. Infuriating, what she is.

Was.

She was.

Instead of killing himself he decided to have a grave for her. Knowing very well it wouldn't matter, but she matters.

She matters to him.

A tear falls from his eye and onto the ground.

He makes a decision.

"I will love you if I see you everyday. I will love you if I never see you again."

He doesn't have to see her again. He doesn't have to witness her death.

So he won't.

This time he doesn't seek her out, stays with the Crow Squad and endures their endless teasing and merciless bullying. Under the careful eye of General Yul-Erdene, Aleksander trains and goes on about his day just like the first time.

Tries not to think about Alina when, at night, he enters the Fold.

"War is not a place for feelings," he tells himself.

Good god, he even sounds like her.

It's worth the shot, to go to the White Cathedral to fight the Omega alone. Try to fight it without Alina.

She has trained him for a really long time now and even if he doesn't feel ready he knows he just wouldn't stand the sight of Alina dying, again.

He goes to fight the mimics alone.

Maybe it was always meant to be this way.

Maybe she wasn't supposed to accompany him all the way to the end.

Maybe he was always meant to end this alone.

She already carries too much. This war, too heavy on her shoulders.

If he can do this for her it will all be worth it.

He's made peace with dying and never seeing her again.

By the time he reaches the White Cathedral Aleksander has already said goodbye to his sister, Ivan, Fedyor, Alina, the Crow Squad, hell, even goodbye to the fucking royal family.

But he doesn't die, of course he doesn't.

He realizes what is going on after encountering an Alpha and realizing the Nichevo'ya are being far too tactical about their movements.

Nothing like in the battlefield.

It dawns on him as he gets closer and closer to where the Omega should be.

There's nothing.

This is a trap.

They want his power. They have realized one thing is not like the others.

He fell, just like Alina fell for their visions in Os Alta.

And Aleksander really thought he was never going to see her again.

Wrong.

He grabs his gun, pulls the trigger.

Resets the day.

"The Omega is not where I thought it would be," he says to Genya and Alina, hopeless.

All this time they have been banking on the visions revealing the key to end this war and it was all for nothing.

"It was all a ruse. Like Alina's visions of Os Alta." He wants to comfort Alina, whose face reveals how devastated she is. Refrains from doing so, doesn't want a bloody nose.

"There's no hope."

His words are final. They are doomed.

After discovering the visions are fake he decides to escape.

He believes what he says about not having a viable option to win the war. And after so many loops he's beyond tired, so he escapes.

A part of him wants to search for Ulla, for Ivan, for Fedya. If this is the end then he wants to be with them. It will be impossible to find them, he taught them how to hide.

He looks at the sky, feeling hopeless, devastated—feeling like the war is already lost.

There's a single cloud in the otherwise blue sky. It looks like a strawberry. It reminds him of Ulla and her sweet smile. It reminds him that his sister is nine and he really wants her to turn ten.

Maybe he won't be there to witness it.

But she's worth fighting for.

"Saints, Alina you can't barge in here whenever you want to!" Genya complains, but Alina ignores her, going straight for the prototype they always talk about.

"Can we use this?" Alina asks but Genya shakes her head.

"You know the answer," Genya sighs, fiddling with her wedding ring. "I still can't manage it to work perfectly and I don't fully understand David's writings."

Alina bites her lip and looks defeated for exactly one second before Aleksander sees the determination in her eyes. Something tells him he might not like what happens next.

"And the original is kept by his royal pain in the ass, no?"

"Yes, but—" It's all Alina needs to start walking towards the door. "What are you going to do, uh? Because you need a live mimic in order to make it work!" Genya complains and Alina grins.

"No worries, Gen. I have the next best thing!" Alina replies, patting him so he follows her out.

Then, it dawns on him. Alina was referring to him.

He's the next best thing.

Fuck.

Mouth pursed and brows furrowed, Alina follows his instructions until they reach Vasily Lanstov's office.

It makes him slightly relieved to know Alina hates the man as much as he does, but the truth is they need him.

As crazy as it sounds they need the fucker in order to win the war.

He knocks on the door and Alina enters swiftly, a blade of light aiming at the Tsar's son.

That's a sight he won't get tired of.

"I never thought I'd see the day I'd have my angel, my most condecorated soldier and…you," the Tsarevich says, sneering at him. "Together."

Aleksander isn't even offended. Instead, he can't deny there's a small burst of happiness to be putting Vasily in this situation.

"You need to shut up and listen to what we have to say, you piece of shit," Alina orders. Her voice leaves no room for questioning, still the tsarevich tries.

"The fame clearly went to your head, bitch," Vasily mutters and Aleksander is quick to act. A tendril of shadows quickly grab his throat, constricting it just enough to make a threat.

When Vasily opens his mouth, Aleksander is quick to shut it with his shadows before turning to Alina.

"I think he'll listen now."

"But if it isn't Sankta Alina, the Sun Summoner, the apple of my eye!" Nikolai Lantsov says, grandiosely. The woman in question rolls her eyes. Aleksander tries to fight jealousy.

It has taken them several loops to actually succeed in retrieving the artifact David created from the Tsarevich. But now that they are victorious they have encountered the privateer, which puts their escape plan at a risk.

"What do you want, Nik?" Alina asks and Aleksander can tell she's pissed, which he understands. Her anger, however, seems to come from a personal place. "I'm in the middle of something."

"Too busy for me, sweetheart?" He asks, as if he was offended. "You got my idiot brother to give you the antler but I have something better for you," Nikolai says, standing closer to Alina.

Aleksander, so busy trying to mask his jealousy, doesn't even realize his shadows have darkened the room.

The world knows of privateer Sturmhold, the code name of the Tsar's youngest son, often sent in secret missions to aid the war.

The world knows of Alina, Sun Summoner and leader of the second army. A living Sankta and the last remaining hope.

The world doesn't know about the history that transpires between them. And neither does Aleksander.

Nikolai produces a similar artifact to the one his brother gave them. It is the same antler, but this one has scales, an odd addition if anyone asked Aleksander.

Alina, however, seems surprised and thankful.

"You found it?" She asks, taking the piece from Nikolai's hands.

"For you, gorgeous," Nikolai says. "You know I'd die for you." He's so close to Alina, Aleksander snaps.

"Then perish! We need to fucking go," Aleksander says with a strength unlike himself. They don't have time to waste, every minute is valuable. He grabs Alina's hand and drags her out of the building.

He turns back he looks at Nikolai, watching them with a knowing smile.

"Care to explain what this artifact is and why does it look like an antler with scales?" He asks as they hide from Vasily's army.

Turns out his jealousy alerted the whole building of their presence. Great.

"After Os Alta, I went on a mission to find the stag, a mythical amplifier. I went to Tsibeya and came back with part of its antler. David used Durast technology on it, convinced we could find where the Omega was. He died before we could test it."

They manage to find their way to the basement, looking for a car to get back to their base.

"And the scales?" He asks, grabbing some keys at random. It's not like they care what model they use to escape.

"Rusalye. Genya deciphered part of David's writings and she thought a second amplifier would help us," she explains in ushered tones as they get into the car. "Nik was on a secret mission for months. I actually thought he was dead."

Alina doesn't say anything else because the second she starts the car the oprichniki reveal themselves and start to shoot against them.

"Fuck!" Alina mutters under her breath. "You need to use it now!" She shouts.

"What?" He asks, unable to properly understand because of all the chaos.

Alina, instead of repeating herself, grabs the antler and without preamble, she sticks it in his leg.

The physical pain is unbearable but it's nothing compared to the pain he experiences once his mind no longer belongs to him. Visions flood his brain, like ghosts haunting him, mocking him, hurting him.

He tries to focus, does the breathing exercises she taught him and clears his mind until he can pinpoint exactly what he needs: the Omega's location.

In the end he finds it, but he's not able to share the news with Alina, because one second they are escaping the headquarters and the next she's crashing the car, leaving them both to bleed out.

"AT THE BOTTOM OF THE LITTLE PALACE!" He screams when Alina frees him from his prison—well, the medical bay area at Vasily's quarters.

Alina smiles at the information. An actual, genuine smile that's not a product of his suffering or a sarcastic gesture tainted with hate.

She actually seems proud.

"Good. Finally you're of use, little darkling," she says, taking her blade and getting ready to kill him. "Now die."

"Wait," he screams, evading her with a swift move. "They gave me a transfusion! I lost my power."

Alina's eyes grow in size, surprise and devastation taking over her features. She looks at the discarded blood bag and drops to her knees.

A woman down if he ever saw one.

He steps closer. Tentative steps until he's on the floor in front of her, wiping her tears away.

Aleksander hasn't touched anyone so tenderly since he started resetting the day. Sure, she held his hand when the visions started, but it's not the same. He has always been too afraid of her.

But now she needs him. It's only fair he repays her after all the grief he has caused.

"Alina, I, um—" He really has no clue on how to make this better. "I'm sorry."

He settles for the truth. He is sorry. For what his grandfather did, for being useless and scared and a coward. For not being the partner she deserved.

Maybe someone more skilled would've ended the war sooner.

Maybe, who knows, even Mal would be alive.

Her hand settles on top of his, starting him. It's calloused, but small and warm. Not quite soft, but almost.

The war already took care of taking that away from her.

"I know," she says, softly. Her eyes lock with his and he feels like she's looking straight into his soul.

The connection lasts for a lifetime and yet, for a second too short. She blinks and it's over.

He watches her stand up and put an armor around herself. There's no trace of the woman he just tried to console. She's Sergeant Alina Starkova again. Solarpunk bitch kicking his ass again.

"Now, get up, soldier. We have to win this war."

"We have one shot at this," Aleksander says and Alina scoffs.

"No need for the dramatics, soldier." By now she should be comfortable using his name but, at the same time, it's not like she has known him for a long time. "But thanks for stating the obvious."

"What I mean," he says, trying to project his voice. She needs to listen to him now. "Is that we can't do this alone. We need a team."

And for the first time ever, Sergeant Alina Starkova shuts up and listens to him.

About damn time.

"And why should we believe you?" Inej asks, voice showing no emotion, face unreadable. Aleksander, however, knows her well. The firm grip she has on her knives is a dead giveaway.

She met him a couple of hours ago, but he has known her for a lifetime already.

"Yeah, you show up here and disappear! You know how many laps we had to do because of you?" Zenik asks, with Helvar trying to physically restrain her. He's thankful for it. Doesn't want Nina to knock a couple of teeth out.

"Guys, he told me things I haven't told anyone," Wylan comments. Jesper's hand resting on his shoulder. "We need to believe him."

"Besides, I'm not asking you to follow me to battle." He steps aside, letting Alina enter the room that suddenly goes silent. "I'm asking you to follow her."

"I have a sister," Aleksander tells Alina as they prepare the plane to fly to the Little Palace.

It is not the appropriate time to be disclosing this information, but she has shared so much about herself he only thinks it's fitting to pay her in kind.

Alina blinks and looks at him. For a second he worries she might chastise him for his behavior and how poorly timed this is, but instead she nods and smiles softly at him.

"Tell me about her," she coaxes him and Aleksander opens his locket, where he keeps a simple photo of her.

"Her name is Ulla. She's my favorite person in the world," Aleksander says. Alina takes the photo in her hands and a bittersweet smile appears on her face. "I just want her to turn ten, because she's been waiting for forever. She wants to be a big girl."

Hopefully she will get to have her birthday and live a life free of fear. Hopefully what they are doing is all worth it. Hopefully their sacrifice is enough.

"Then let's make sure that happens," Alina says, giving the locket back to him.

Her hand closes around his own for a second, a comforting gesture he gets lost in.

Zenik and Helvar are the firsts to die because of this suicide mission.

Once the plane crashes, it is Nina and Matthias that suggest they use the aircraft to slide closer to the palace. Because it would attract a lot of noise and therefore it would attract the mimics, they decide to use themselves as bait.

They give their all, killing mimics left and right as if they have been born for it. It's more than enough to buy them time to sneak into the Little Palace.

Aleksander watches them burn, taking no less than fifty mimics with them.

He hopes their deaths are not in vain.

The rest of the Crows follow the same path as Nina and Matthias.

There are too many mimics and there's only six of them. It's not enough to get him and Alina to the throne room. Once again, the creatures have the upper hand, especially since they cannot kill the Alphas.

Just like when he first met them, the day before his life changed, Aleksander is in awe of their bravery. They had come to terms with their deaths, well aware that they were meant to perish during Operation Downfall and this is no different.

He sees them all go.

Wylan first. He doesn't even think about it, Aleksander notes. While Alina is busy trying to strategize, Wylan kisses Jesper goodbye and leaves their hiding place, attracting the mimics' attention. He uses the last of his ammunition to lure them away from the palace doors and allow the rest of them a way in.

Once they are inside the palace it's just a matter of arriving at the throne room. Still, it's not easy.

Jesper goes next, using his guns in a way Aleksander has never seen. A violent, gruesome display of blood and bullets that annihilate several mimics. Just like in life, Jesper goes out in a blaze of glory, allowing them to get closer to the Omega.

Inej and Kaz are the last ones to go.

As they get closer to their goal, the mimics become deadlier and the Alphas appear, doing everything to keep them from going forward.

Alina doesn't even need to shout orders anymore. Aleksander watches as Inej and Kaz share a single glance before they go towards the creatures.

He moves forward, one foot in front of the other, silently saying goodbye and thanking them for their service.

"We can use the light to attract it," Alina proposes, once they are outside the throne room, her voice barely a whisper.

He looks at her in shock, realizing she's not proposing but rather informing him. She plans to use herself as bait for these creatures.

"Alina..." He knows he won't be able to change her mind, the determination on her face is crystal clear.

"It's okay, soldier. All men must die," she lets him know. There's a small smile on her face as she looks at him. "It was a pleasure knowing you, Sasha."

Aleksander takes a deep breath, swallowing the words he wants to say to her. Instead of talking, he closes his eyes and rests his forehead against hers.

He's afraid she won't reciprocate the gesture but he feels the weight of her forehead against his own, eliciting a small smile on his face.

They don't say anything for a second.

The world might be ending, but they allow a minute to themselves.

Her hand caresses his cheek and his caresses the back of her neck.

He opens his eyes and looks at her.

This is goodbye.

Aleksander watches her go, throwing herself in front of the Alphas, distracting him from his mission.

His eyes are glued to her as she sacrifices herself, allowing a mimic to attack him.

A scream escapes his mouth as he falls to the ground, blood falling from the nasty wounds on his face.

For a moment, everything stills.

One beat, then two.

He can feel the blood in his mouth and the sharp pain from where his skin was torn open but he's strong enough to conjure his shadows and decimate the mimic who wounded him.

He's not strong enough to watch as she dies.

Still, he loves her so much he doesn't look away, witnessing the second her beautiful eyes close forever.

He's the last one still standing.

Maybe it was always meant to be like this.

No one else could face his grandfather's creations.

It's Aleksander's duty to end his family legacy.

He and the Omega are the ones that remain, but he knows there is no world in which he survives this.

As he bleeds out he produces the cut. One single blade to end it all.

He strikes, mortally wounding the creature.

Aleksander closes his eyes and smiles.

The world is finally free.

Chapter Text

Aleksander is woken up by the morning sun, the rays feeling warm and kind on his face.

He blinks, looking at his surroundings. His brain feels fuzzy and confusion reigns supreme as he realizes he's alive.

He shouldn't be.

But then, maybe Alina is alive.

He has been stuck on Monday, the 24th of October for what it feels like an eternity.

It's been a while since Aleksander hoped to ever see the light shine on another day.

He didn't think he would get to live another day.

When he used the cut he did it knowing it would be the end of his life, but at least that would mean the beginning of Ulla's life.

He would die, but his death would put an ending to his grandfather's mistake.

Tuesday, October the 25th should not exist for him.

But it does.

"Sasha? You're squeezing me!" Ulla complains, but Aleksander doesn't let her go.

For her it's been less than 24 hours, but for him…for him it's been so long he really thought he wouldn't ever get to see his little sister again.

To get to hug her, feel her soft hair and hear her voice.

She doesn't know what he's been through and Aleksander doesn't plan on ever disclosing it with her.

"I just love you, okay? I love you," he says, cupping her cheeks and looking into her eyes. The fact that he gets to tell her that once again means everything to him.

"I love you too, even if you act all crazy big brother," she giggles and he hugs her again. Unwilling to let go.

Aleksander sees their worry, silent but suffocating all the same.

Ever since Ivan and Fedyor broke the news of the war ending, since they realized he wouldn't disclose how he got the scars, how he found them, what he did to set himself free of the Tsar's men, they have been more and more anxious.

Especially after he announces they have to look for Alina.

He can't explain, he can't verbalize it, he can't share it with his family, but he needs to know if she's okay.

Aleksander needs to know if Alina is alive.

The war might have ended, Fedyor said, but that doesn't mean you can live outside the shadows.

Your power is still rare, Aleksander, Ivan seconded, people might still fear you because of your ties to Ilya.

Only Ulla happily followed him.

His younger sister takes his hand and smiles at him, following him without question.

To think he had made peace with never seeing her again, unbelievable.

The base is a sight for sore eyes. While not particularly welcoming it is a place he never thought he would see ever again.

Fedyor and Ivan would follow Aleksander through hell, but they refuse to go inside. He understands so he enters with his sister, not knowing what to expect.

The first time he showed up there he was weak and scared, he had said goodbye to the people he loved and was ready for death.

He is not that man anymore.

"I want to introduce you to some friends," Aleksander says to Ulla. She smiles at him, eager and welcoming.

She's going to like the Crows.

The Crows found him before he was able to find them, hugging him tightly and inviting him and Ulla to the barracks to celebrate.

Just like he thought, everyone adores his sister. The Crows introduced themselves, a fond smile on their faces as Ulla peppered them with all the questions she could think of.

"I can understand," Kaz says, eyes on the trio in front of them. "Why were you so keen on surviving."

Aleksander nods but doesn't reply. Out of all of them, Kaz is the one who understands a sibling bond the best.

"We are so happy to see you are alive," Inej says with a smile. "After we woke up and we didn't see you…" She doesn't finish the thought, instead she shakes her head. "It's good to see you, Aleksander."

"The Sergeant is going to be happy as well," Nina comments. She thinks she's subtle but Aleksander can detect the teasing in her tone. He tries to hide the blush on his cheeks.

"You should go," Matthias says and Aleksander nods.

He's right. He should go and look for her.

The Crows offer to take care of Ulla while he goes to find Alina, so he hugs his little sister, promising to come back for her. She doesn't seem bothered by him leaving, especially after Matthias lets her climb his back.

He smiles at the image before leaving them and going to the place where the tether takes him. All these weeks he has been terrified of calling her through it, afraid of realizing she didn't make it, that he refused to even consider tapping into their connection.

But now that he knows she's alive, he pulls on it, waiting for her answer. When the answer doesn't come he tries not to be scared.

He enters the Grisha headquarters with his heart in his throat. At first he didn't want to harbor hope of her being alive but now that he knows she is, he still worries. Why isn't she answering? Why can't he feel her anymore?

Worry is all he feels, all he experiences because sure, she's alive, but maybe she doesn't remember him. Alina said they were two sides of the same coin, so maybe while he kept his memories she lost hers.

Or maybe she simply doesn't want to deal with him. The war is over, she doesn't need him anymore.

It would be fine, he thinks. He would understand if she doesn't want to deal with him. But first, he needs to see her.

He walks towards the deserted rig, where he found her, loop after loop. It's no surprise she's there, in the same yoga pose he always found her. It's also no surprise she turns to look at him.

Her eyes are still sharp, still deadly.

"A…"

"Yes? Who said you could talk to me?" She asks, standing up from the floor and walking towards him.

Alina forgot him. She doesn't know who he is. Everything they went through together died as he killed the Omega.

They won the war, but Aleksander realizes the cost is immense for him.

"I…" He doesn't know what to say, so he shakes his head. "I'm sorry Sergeant. I didn't mean to bother you."

Aleksander turns around, unable to look at her any longer. He can't bear to look into her eyes and realize she doesn't recognize him. It wouldn't matter if she hated him, if all he could see in her eyes is anger, disappointment, hate. It wouldn't matter because she would know who he is and that would be fine.

"So you'll leave, again?" She asks, making him turn around. He's not sure what she's talking about. "Do you have any idea what it was? Waking up here, alone? You weren't here but my memories were. I had to re-live everything we went through and I had no one. I was alone. Why would you do that to me?"

"You remember me?" He asks, still in disbelief. If what she's saying is true then not only does she remember their last loop but also everything that happened. "How is that possible?"

"One of your grandfather's tricks I assume," she answers, rolling her eyes. He can see the unshed tears in them and it breaks his heart to think about what she went through. "It still doesn't matter, you weren't here and I thought you were dead! You know what that did to me? I had to meet you and mourn you at the same time."

The war took so much from her, including him. He can't even bear it.

"I woke up where the Tsar's men found me. I had to find my sister, to see if she was okay…"

"I understand that! But you never used the tether and I drove myself crazy thinking you were dead!" He grabs her hands, putting them close to his chest. Trying his best to console her.

"I'm sorry, Alina," he says, in a soft voice. "I'm sorry it took me weeks to find you but I will always come back to you. I will do everything, including looking for you in a base full of people who would kill me if they knew about my shadows. I would still look for you, no matter the distance, no matter the noise. Nothing matters other than the fact that I want to be with you. I will always, always want to be with you."

She lets herself cry and Aleksander uses one of his hands to wipe her tears, cupping her face when he realizes it's okay to just let her cry.

Alina is finally free of the burden that accosts her. She can cry all she wants. He's there to hold her.

Alina will never have to be alone again. He's there for her, to carry the burden, to help her with whatever she needs.

"What did you do all this time without me?" He asks, once his arms are wrapped around her body and she rests against his chest.

"I waited for you to come back," she answers, looking at him. She uses one of her hands to trace the scars on his face. Her hands have killed many, but they feel soft and warm on his skin. "I held onto hope. I did my best, because if I was alive and the Crows were alive then you had to be alive. I couldn't bear the thought of you being gone."

He rests his forehead against hers, looking into his eyes.

"You won't ever be alone ever again, Alina."

"You say that but there's so much to do, the war is over but we need to rebuild and get rid of the Tsar before he bleeds this country dry, before people turn on Grisha again. I want to see the world, I know I have responsibilities but I need to live my life, Sasha. I never thought I would have a life."

"We will do what we need to do and then what we want to do. Your life is yours Alina and you deserve to enjoy it. I will be happy to be by your side, to help you carry the burden, to accompany you as we swim in the ocean and watch the stars." She smiles when she hears him, pressing a kiss to his scars, making him smile.

"You promise?"

"I promise."

fin.