Work Text:
“I really enjoyed myself tonight!”
That smile, the one that’s seemed to be brighter than a thousand fucking suns, shining all at once. The smile that caused so many strange sensations all inside of him and made his knees weak. The same one that never seemed to fade whenever they were together. It was the most beautiful torture to look at it every day, and— he knew he was the luckiest guy in the world by the mere fact that he was the cause of that smile.
“Me too. We should do this again someday.”
His own smile wasn’t as bright, in fact, his was nervous and he felt his hands a little sweaty around the steering wheel.
He knew he couldn’t do much about his feelings, I mean, he was aware of how popular Satoru was amongst girls. . . and guys. And yeah, he might be his best friend, and yeah maybe they have kissed a couple of times, and yeah, maybe the feeling of being near him made him feel safe and warm, and maybe he wished he could say all these things out loud.
«I love you, darling.»
But how could he? He was lucky enough that the albino cared about him enough to stop him from doing a stupid thing like, what? Go against humanity? I mean, any idiot could think that it was a bad idea, Satoru just happened to be the one person that realized on time. And he helped him. It was like starting over, yeah. He was trying his best. And every day he realized that he was so down bad.
“Of course, you idiot, we hang out every day. Are you sleeping here tonight? You should, it’s kind of late.”
Sleep there. He meant like, in his bed? With him? Cuddling? While he fell asleep against his body, dreaming about how this could be their lives, if only life was a little simpler. If he could only just be honest and say what was on his mind. But he knew that wasn’t necessarily what the other wanted.
Yeah, he knew he cared and loved him. Maybe just not the way that he wished.
“Yeah, sure, give me a moment I have to call home, but I’ll meet you inside, okay?”
The blue-eyed boy only nodded, raising his eyebrow a little. That was signal before he said something incredibly cocky, that and that tiny smile that wasn’t as sincere, and more like a little playful.
“Yeah, okay. Don’t try to escape though, you’re spooning me tonight.”
“I am, don’t worry, you giant baby.”
“You love me.”
He did.
It was so painful, nevertheless. Not in a sad way, he just had so much love towards him, he might as well end up insane.
He watched as Satoru left the car and went inside his apartment. The world seemed to be on mute for a moment, just as his forehead hit the steering wheel, once, twice— twenty times.
«I found you.»
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”
His breathing was heavy as if he just fought a lion. He screamed to the top of his lungs. He needed to let it out, the silence inside of the car was too much for his heart to bare.
How many times was he going to do something like this? Satoru was back there in the house, and him just screaming in the silence, letting all of his feelings out, making sure there was nothing left that he could say once he met him inside that could cause him to mess up.
«I love you, darling.»
He just needed a quiet place, to yell. Only he could know this. It was the end of the world if he dared to say something. But he wanted to, badly. He probably could do it, right? Just like a test, maybe as a joke? He could say some dumb shit in the middle and okay dumb in case he got rejected, right? He could say it as Satoru was falling asleep in his arms, he probably wasn’t gonna remember anyway, right?
«I want you, I want you, I want you…»
His knuckles turned almost white by the way he was gripping the handle.
Why was his face so hot?
That was enough.
He got out of the car once he calmed down. Hoping that he didn’t spend much time so no questions would be asked towards him.
He just needed to pretend for one more night.
He could hold that one card for a little longer, because, yeah, he wanted to. He wanted him, but he couldn’t use it.
He’s done.