Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

ohana means family :)

callme_rafi: hey y'all I was cleaning out my servers and I don't remember joining this??

callme_rafi: did someone change the name, or...

Dontron97: erm... there's no chat logs or welcome messages

newage_red_artist: wtf is this

Cpt_Leo: Who are the rest of you guys?

happy_Mike: ???

sleepdeprived_shell: ERM...

sleepdeprived_shell: EVERYONE TAKE A STEP BACK AND READ THE NAMES.

happy_Mike: oh em gee

newage_red_artist: oh great, we're doing the alternate universe thing again.

im_blue_katanas: /Again?/

Dontron97: Are you sure you're a Leo?

Dontron97: You did the italics thingy.

im_blue_katanas: Where the hell did you get my name?

happy_Mike: trust issues, check, thats a Leo my dudes

dear_pizza_supreme: okay so @Cpt_Leo @NeonLeon9000 can everyone pls clarify who is who's brothers. 

callme_rafi: yeah also @mystic_mike @red_raph @Bootyyyshaker9000 are y'all going to talk or not

Cpt_Leo: Well, I was planning on sending a text asking why I was disturbed. Figured my family knew I was supposed to be sleeping.

Cpt_Leo: So I'm sorry, Raph.

Cpt_Leo: Anyways. This is a development.

dear_pizza_surpreme: ew ew ew

im_blue_katanas: Chill out, other-me. We're fine.

Dontron97: happy, artist, and cpt are my brothers, and so i'm going to assume everyone who isn't talking are a set of brothers, and then that leaves the rest of you as a set

dear_pizza_supreme: ty dontron

newage_red_artist: @im_blue_katanas @NeonLeon9000 are either of you the tinies please confirm or deny

im_blue_katanas: tinies?

Dontron97: no hate if you guys are here, but i would be genuinely curios how they have access to any chatroom this advanced.

newage_red_artist: what part of those guys made any sense

Dontron97: valid, continue

dear_pizza_supreme: i def wouldn't call any of us tinies. @NeonLeon9000 would you care to speak up or are we going to have to keep nagging you?

sleepdeprived_shell: are pronouns a concern here or are we all good because we're technically the same ppl

happy_Mike: all my bros are he/him except for donnie who's he/they

im_blue_katanas: AHEM

dear_pizza_supreme: oh god are we about to out ourselves to ourselves

dear_pizza_supreme: lets do this

im_blue_katanas: Leo, he/xe :)

sleepdeprived_shell: Donnie/Dani, she/he :D

callme_rafi: Raphi/Rafi, he/they

callme_rafi: still choosing the preferred spelling, but raph is so annoying to say with my fucking accent i HATE IT

dear_pizza_supreme: Mike/Angie, he/she!!

Dontron97: this feels wrong to know

Dontron97: this is going to give me an identity crisis while running on pure caffeine

sleepdeprived_shell: I've found mental breakdowns to be easier when wearing glasses

newage_red_artist: KSDASLKDALSKDJAL

im_blue_katanas: Dani NO

Cpt_Leo: Am I the only one concerned with how this chat exists?

happy_Mike: im still worried about the alternates who havent spoke

Dontron97: they're probs just asleep. its possible some versions of us are awake more during the day and/or exist in different time zones

dear_pizza_supreme: but still. they have a donnie. and a raph. someone is supposed to be awake.

im_blue_katanas: i'd say spam them, but at the same time they could be in the middle of a fight or smth

newage_red_artist: For this long??

Dontron97: raph you KNOW how long post-fight cleanup can last

Cpt_Leo: You know what, I'm going to bed if we're not going to do anything about this.

Cpt_Leo: Can someone stay online in case the other four end up responding? I want to be there. Thanks.

im_blue_katanas: ... now that he's gone

im_blue_katanas: why does he talk like that

newage_red_artist: You are my leo now. I have claimed you.

happy_Mike: Raph.

newage_red_artist: look Mikey!!! there's a Leo right here that's up for grabs and he hasn't gone all splinter jr yet

callme_rafi: if that's what you think then ig u can have him now

sleepdeprived_shell: guys no--

Chapter Text

newage_red_artist: @here still no word from the others, huh

callme_rafi: you're lucky i was awake man

callme_rafi: yeah. dan stayed up most of the night waiting to see if they'd hop on, she's passed out now

happy_Mike: make sure she didnt have a coffee + energy drink monstrosity, just in case

Dontron97: that was ONE TIME

happy_Mike: mhm

Dontron97: the others don't count because April shared it with me, thus making them allowed.

dear_pizza_supreme: what the hell raphi i was NAPPING

newage_red_artist: you're really stuck between rafi and just putting an i after your name??

callme_rafi: stfu

im_blue_katanas: which one of you fuckers set my alarm to Everything Moves.

im_blue_katanas: bullying

im_blue_katanas: homophobia

dear_pizza_supreme: leo, honey, you need to accept that warrior cats was an important part of your childhood

im_blue_katanas: SHUT UP

newage_red_artist: wait whats warrior cats

callme_rafi: did you just ask for him to infodump

im_blue_katanas: i haven't picked up one of those since i was 12, fuck off

dear_pizza_supreme: You still listen to the audiobooks.

im_blue_katanas: you do not understand how sleepy that man's voice makes me

im_blue_katanas: i do not care that i am falling asleep listening to cats talk about rituals, i care about that mans amazing voice

callme_rafi: we're really doing this in the big gc huh

im_blue_katanas: no now i'm pissed off

im_blue_katanas: What do you have against Macleod Andrews, Mikey?

newage_red_artist: our Leo was a Space Heroes kid

happy_Mike: dont mind me wheezin my heart out over here-

callme_rafi: whats space heroes

newage_red_artist: correction, he still is a space heroes kid

*@mystic_mikey is typing*

dear_pizza_supreme: FINALLY

mystic_mikey changed the server name to: I didn't mean to

happy_Mike: ominous

newage_red_artist: oh gee, very conspicuous

dear_pizza_supreme: it might be time to wake the beast

im_blue_katanas: sadly, it's probably for the best.

im_blue_katanas: but it's going to be with the icarly theme, because i need some sort of payback in this cruel, unforgiving hellscape

dear_pizza_supreme: why can't you be this dramatic irl? why only over text

im_blue_katanas: i'm not being dramatic??

Dontron97: oh honey--

Chapter Text

Donnie's lab door flew open with a noise so loud Leon jumped.

"Mikey's active on Discord," Purple shrieked.

"He's what?" Raph snarled.

"His account randomly came online an hour ago, did one thing, and then logged off again.

"Well, what did he do?" Blue asked.

Donnie took a deep breath. "Well, that's the other thing."

red_Raph: Hello?

happy_Mike: eyyyy

dear_pizza_supreme: eyyyy

newage_red_artist: welcome to hell, other me

red_Raph: Donnie.

Bootyyyshaker9000: red can we not do this rn?

NeonLeon9000: asldkasld WHAT.

red_Raph: Hamato Donnatello.

happy_Mike: *grabs popcorn*

sleepdeprived_shell: i'm hungry thats my popcorn now

Bootyyyshaker9000: we have more important things to worry about than a small miscommunication.

red_Raph: SMALL???

NeonLeon9000: yo is the popcorn buttered

NeonLeon9000: i usually dont get to sit back and enjoy the show, i want in

Dontron97: oh god, this ones even weirder

newage_red_artist: @im_blue_katanas guess you aren't a minority after all

Bootyyyshaker9000: OKAY, ENOUGH.

Bootyyyshaker9000: @mystic_mike

Bootyyyshaker9000: @mystic_mike

Bootyyyshaker9000: MIKEY WE CAN'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW.

red_Raph: @mystic_mike This isn't time for mind games, Mikey, we've been worried.

callme_rafi: @im_blue_katanas this makes me feel weird

callme_rafi: make it stop

callme_rafi: this texting his horrendous

red_Raph: Hamato Michelangelo, it has been 3 days since you came back to the lair, and the only contact you have initiated is changing the name of this server.

[7 People Are Typing]

Chapter Text

sleepdeprived_shell: Oh shit.

callme_rafi: that doesn't sound good

im_blue_katanas: oh fucfk

red_Raph: Hey, uhm,,,

happy_Mike: thats a problem

dear_pizza_supreme: well, thats a solid reason to not answer, ill give you that

NeonLeon9000: Raph, bud?

NeonLeon9000: You want to log off for a bit?

Bootyyyshaker9000: I'll make you a smoothie, Raphie, kay?

red_Raph: Yea, raph's going to go for a bit

NeonLeon9000: That's a good idea, Raph.

happy_Mike: ...

happy_Mike: /so/

NeonLeon9000: is there anyway we can stop raph from seeing these messages

Bootyyyshaker9000: is there any way we can stop raph from seeing these messages

Bootyyyshaker9000: blue stop doing that

im_blue_katanas has banned red_Raph for 30 minutes

NeonLeon9000: ty

Bootyyyshaker9000: SO.

Dontron97: Yeah, SO.

NeonLeon9000: Sorry, first of all, Raph was going to have a flashback if he kept digging this hole, we needed to get him offline.

Bootyyyshaker9000: Second of all, Angel's only talked in here once, right?

NeonLeon9000: THIRD OF ALL

NeonLeon9000: Leon/Blue, he/they

Bootyyyshaker9000: Violet/Donnie/Purple, they/he

happy_Mike: does this make us the boring brothers?

NeonLeon9000: i mean

NeonLeon9000: according to mikey its bad we still prefer our colours as names because we shouldn't want to be colour coded

NeonLeon9000: but at the same time blue is my colour and donnie needs to know that he CANT HAVE IT

Bootyyyshaker9000: for the last time, nardo, i cannot change the color of my eye. I am allowed to paint my nails.

NeonLeon9000: No.

Bootyyyshaker9000: No?

NeonLeon9000: No.

Bootyyyshaker900: Sigh

newage_red_artist: okay so were all thinking it right its not just me

callme_rafi: you two are suspiciously close for a leo and a donnie

happy_Mikey: i do not understand what i am witnessing

Bootyyyshaker9000: why are the raphs so??

NeonLeon9000: yeah

im_blue_katanas: dani, your spinning concerningly fast over there

dear_pizza_supreme: raphs recording you

sleepdeprived_shell: THE MULTIVERSE LEO

sleepdeprived_shell: I JUST REALISED WE HAVE BREACHED THE MULTIVERSE

sleepdeprived_shell: THROUGH A /CHATROOM/

callme_rafi: [Video: Thirty seconds of Mikey spinning in a chair. About halfway through, Dani looks up from his phone, right at the camera. He stares for a moment, sighs, and then gets up and walks away.]

Bootyyyshaker9000: PUMP THE BREAKS

Bootyyyshaker9000: @sleepdeprived_shell you're HARDSHELLED?

Dontron97: shells? are hard?

NeonLeon9000: Vi im in my room lets send a pic

dear_pizza_supreme: things are happening very fast goddamn

Bootyyyshaker9000: [3 Images. 1: Blue is startled by Violet who is yanking him into the frame with a harsh grip on Blue's harness. 2: A more organised selfie, with Violet's arm around Blue's neck and the other one holding up the phone. Blue is holding up one of his hands in a three-fingered approximation of a peace sign. 3: A slightly blurry pic of Violet, sitting on Blue's mattress, with their shell facing the camera. One can see the window's of Blue's bedroom in the background.]

im_blue_katanas: Blue, in the kindest way possible, are you sure you're not a Raph? You got the red and everything.

dear_pizza_supreme: your shell looks like a swamp my dude

sleepdeprived_shell: why are you in a subway station

callme_rafi: holy fuck yall r TINY

Cpt_Leo: Just scrolled up. What do you mean your Mikey is missing?

happy_Mike: morning leo!

NeonLeon9000: LET US HAVE ONE MOMENT OF PEACE UGHH

NeonLeon9000: i hate being the responsible one

Bootyyyshaker9000: youve been the responsible one for two years <3

NeonLeon9000: okay so

NeonLeon9000: angels been missing for a few days now. The only lead we have is the name of this gc

newage_red_artist: then why the hell are you joking around

NeonLeon9000: cause raph is stressed and that makes me stressed cause when raph is stressed that means something is wrong. purple is also stressed

Bootyyyshaker9000: tl;dr everyones stressed

Dontron97: ehn

Dontron97: what else is new

Chapter Text

red_Raph: red/raph, he/she :D

NeonLeon9000: eyy welcome back big guy

red_Raph: So, how much procrastination occurred in my absense?

NeonLeon9000: are you imitating don rn? /genq

Bootyyyshaker9000: *offended*

happy_Mikey: does anyone understand whats going on with the 9000 brothers

dear_pizza_supreme: nope

callme_rafi: yall r so different from the rest of us and we've known you for like 45 min

*@mystic_mike is typing*

im_blue_katanas: second times the charm?

mystic_mike: [Audio: "Hello? leo, n- no you're not leo. You're not him! You're not him!"]

im_blue_katanas has been banned for 2 hours

Bootyyyshaker9000: so i figured out whats up with mikey

NeonLeon9000: lemme guess, starts with an m?

red_Raph: And ends with a visit to Barry's.

Dontron97: ??

Bootyyyshaker9000: let me spell it out for you fellow dons

Bootyyyshaker9000: FUCKING MAGIC

dear_pizza_supreme: well this is a development

callme_rafi: yall figured that out fast

Dontron97: can we circle back to MAGIC

Bootyyyshaker9000: As a scientist, the technical term is mystics. As myself, I fucking hate it.

dear_pizza_supreme: can someone unban leo

red_Raph: Why am I the only one getting ready to head out?

NeonLeon9000: im already halfway there, dearest sibling

red_Raph: 

Bootyyyshaker9000: jfc who taught you how to do that

NeonLeon9000: Sorry red ill wait for you

red_Raph: That's what I thought.

happy_Mike: Am i somehow the team self control what the heck is going on here

red_Raph: And also, language, Violet.

Dontron97: raise your hand if you choked

Dontron97: ✋

newage_red_artist: ✋

callme_rafi: ✋

sleepdeprived_shell: ✋

happy_Mike: ✋

dear_pizza_supreme. ✋

Chapter Text

sleepdeprived_shell has unbanned im_blue_katanas

im_blue_katanas: i am a reasonable ammount of stressed rn

callme_rafi: did u hear that audio recording? Thats a fuckin child, leo, we're all worried

newage_red_artist: in other news, our mikey is passed out on top of donnie and they dont know how to get him off

sleepdeprived_shell: on... top?

newage_red_artist: [Image]

dear_pizza_supreme: that is officially the cutest me in the multiverse. he looks so squishyyy

im_blue_katanas: ehn

im_blue_katanas: mystic mikes still got a chance

*@mystic_mike is typing*

callme_rafi: if i didn't know any better id say (s)hes waitng for ya, blue

mystic_mike: [Audio: "Shit! No no no no, stay calm Orange. Stay frickin' calm Orange. AAA-"]

newage_red_artist: i hate this

newage_red_artist: i cannot stress enough how much i am scared for this kid and i hate it.

NeonLeon9000: ill give update in a few. Busy with medic shit

sleepdeprived_shell: i dont like the sound of that

Chapter Text

NeonLeon9000: Okay. SO.

NeonLeon9000: I'm rly tired, me n CJ are having tea rn, but we need to give you all an update at some point

newage_red_artist: you read up on what happened while you were off?

NeonLeon9000: jfc this is going to sound insane

sleepdeprived_shell: thats nothing new carry on

NeonLeon9000: so apparently, mikey has sort have wiggled? in between universes. Like some sort of statis. And his body is trying rly hard to keep him there, but he keeps calling out to us and has 100% locked onto something, we just dunno what atm

NeonLeon9000: Then again Barry and Purple were explaing this to us and when those two work together it all ends up in half japanese.

im_blue_katanas: so what your saying is...?

NeonLeon9000: not sure

Bootyyyshaker9000: Furthermore, we're not sure what exactly keeps catching his attention in this gc. he sent something when we made contact, but we're not really sure why.

NeonLeon9000: why are you awake

Bootyyyshaker9000: why are /you/ awake

red_Raph: Blue?

NeonLeon9000: ya

red_Raph: Red's cold.

NeonLeon9000: did you check on angel's room again?

red_Raph: ye

NeonLeon9000: im in the kitchen <3

red_Raph: coming

Bootyyyshaker9000: turtle pile time, i'm going to make sure leon doesn't get strangled. gn

im_blue_katanas: they rly took the word 'alternate' and ran with it huh

sleepdeprived_shell: yeep

Chapter Text

Bootyyyshaker9000: Day 2! Or 3! Or 5!

Dontron97: mood

NeonLeon: on today's agenda, we are trying to stop the wild scientist from 'ethically' experimenting on our little brother!

Bootyyyshaker9000: its not experimenting if its for a good cause.

red_Raph: Said every marvel villain ever.

Bootyyyshaker9000: I AM SENDING. A MESSAGE. WITH MYSTICS. AND I'M GOING TO SEE IF HE RESPONDS.

Dontron97: still curios how those work btw

happy_Mike: eurgh my legs hurt

happy_Mike: why did i chose to do this

Dontron97: mine hurt worse, I assure you <3

im_blue_katanas: well tron's in a good mood it seems

happy_Mike: is it just me or are you always online

im_blue_katanas: i dont sleep, i just nap way too much

Dontron97: mood

Bootyyyshaker9000: Fingers crossed.

mystic_mike: [Image]

Image is a selfie of Angel's shell, her yellow and vermilion eyes just barely peaking out, seeming to glow in the none-existent light of wherever they are.

Bootyyyshaker9000: well at least we know she's awake??

im_blue_katanas: wait can we have your mike's pronouns?

NeonLeon9000: did we not clarify yet?

NeonLeon9000: mikey/angel/orange, he/she/they

im_blue_katanas: we're not gonna get a response out of him while their in their shell

Dontron97: how does one go in their shell

Dontron97: do you just like

Dontron97: /squish?/

red_Raph: Tron, what species of turtle are you?

newage_red_artist: good lord don't call him tron

newage_red_artist: i don't need more flashbacks

Dontron97: me and my brothers are all either diamondback terrapins or box turtles, why??

red_Raph: No, like which one are you specifically?

Dontron97: as i just said, we're all either diamondback terrapins or box turtles

NeonLeon9000: wait are y'all all the same species?

im_blue_katanas: wait what

newage_red_artist: duh, we're brothers

happy_Mike: yea?

Bootyyyshaker9000: So THATS why Dani's a hardshelled turt. They were generic to begin with.

im_blue_katanas: you just attacked all four of my bros with that i hope you know it

Bootyyyshaker9000: well none of them are awake, are they??

dear_pizza_supreme: nah me and raphi have been awake for a bit. went out to do some parkour like 20 min ago tho

dear_pizza_supreme: and hes pouting at his phone rn so he's def reading these texts

Dontron97: What species are all of you then?

NeonLeon9000: In order of youngest to oldest:

NeonLeon9000: Mike's an ornate box, that's like y'all with orange spots

NeonLeon9000: Violet's a spiny softshell turtle, that means he fuckin bites and has a sensitive squishy shell

NeonLeon9000: I'm a red-eared slider, that's why i have all the red and yellow stripes. And the neck.

NeonLeon9000: And Red's an alligator snapping turtle, so he's all spikey and like double our size. he also can't go in his shell.

happy_Mike: [Ihaveseveralquestionsmeme.mp4]

Bootyyyshaker9000: were not twins and you are not older than me. we've been over this leon

im_blue_katanas: mikey why in the world do you have that downloaded

im_blue_katanas: wait i just read the end of that hold the phone

Dontron97: Raph? is the oldest?

newage_red_artist: :)

Cpt_Leo: ...

newage_red_artist: BLUE YOU BROKE FEARLESS

dear_pizza_supreme: sometimes, not knowing our birthdays comes in handy

Dontron97: lowkey want to see what the four of y'all look like now

Dontron97: we've only seen 2 of y'all

Bootyyyshaker9000: the most recent file i have saved featuring all four of us is that one time leo and angel hosted a 'karaoke night' so that they could angrily shout the lyrics to crazy = genius at me

Bootyyyshaker9000: here

Bootyyyshaker9000: [Image: Blue and Orange are both holding up karaoke mics and look to be mid-scream. Purple stands in front of them, facepalming. In the background, Red is filming the interaction on his own phone.]

newage_red_artist: am i crazy or do leon's mask tails go past his shell?

NeonLeon9000: thats the casual one. When we do ninja stuff they don't go past my forearms, but when i'm at home i like having them long to fidget with

happy_Mike: red sweetie you look so done with their bullshit

red_Raph: Language, first off.

red_Raph: Second of all, that's my wince when I don't want to bite myself. They're both terrible singers.

red_Raph: There's also a concerning element when your 14-year-old brother is screaming "then i'm a frickin' arsonist" at the top of his little lungs.

newage_red_arist: Red, the more i get to know you, the more i get the vibe that you listen to crime podcasts while hitting a punching bag and it concerns me

red_Raph: Comedy's more my style.

callme_rafi: that was the wrong answer.

newage_red_artist: agreed

newage_red_artist: go away. we're sacrificing you to the leos.

red_Raph: :,(

NeonLeon9000: MUST. RESIST. THE PUPPY EYES.

Bootyyyshaker9000: HOW DARE THE OLDER SIBLING HAVE THIS MUCH POWER

im_blue_katanas: well we'll gladly take her but you're going to have to take cap in return

newage_red_artist: actually no we'll keep red tysm

Dontron97: not even a week and were already trying to trade eachother, jfc

Chapter Text

Dontron97: @Bootyyyshaker9000 @sleepdeprived_shell are either of u awake

sleepdeprived_shell: always

Bootyyyshaker9000: mhm

Dontron97: SO i've been trying to traced the signal of this gc to see how it came to be

callme_rafi: guys its a nerdfest RUN

Dontron97: but i keep getting this weird error? not like i've messed something up, but like the location is literally: ERROR

sleepdeprived_shell: well that sounds inviting

Bootyyyshaker9000: if i may

Bootyyyshaker9000: screenshot?

Dontron97: ofc!

Dontron97: [Image]

Bootyyyshaker9000: ignoring how old your software looks-

Bootyyyshaker9000: that means that its an invalid location, correct? and i'll just assume you have some sort of device capable of sensing signals across dimensions

sleepdeprived_shell: ew ew ew thats windows 7

Dontron97: yeah, i've got a portal thingy. and its technically invalid, i think anyways

Dontron97: okay sure dani, lemme just PrE-oRdEr WiNdoWs 10

sleepdeprived_shell: what year are you in???

Bootyyyshaker9000: Invalids the same thing me and Drax got when we sent the signal out to mikey.

Dontron97: 2015, why?

Dontron97: you know what, lets put a pin in this for the time being.

sleepdeprived_shell: its 2017 for me

NeonLeon9000: wai wha

NeonLeon9000: its 2022 over here

Dontron97: But wouldn't that imply that wherever mikey is or whoever took him is sending out the signal?

Bootyyyshaker9000: no, its a lot more interesting than that

Bootyyyshaker9000: i think angel /is/ the signal

happy_Mike: just glossing over the fact that the 9000s apparently live 7 YEARS in the future

newage_red_artist: really mikey? after everything this stuff still surprises you.

happy_Mike: yes. yes it does.

sleepdeprived_shell: how does one become a signal??

Bootyyyshaker9000: take one guess.

Dontron97: oh is it that mystic stuff again

Bootyyyshaker9000: unfortunately.

NeonLeon9000: at least we have somewhere to start this time???

Bootyyyshaker9000: i suppose that this information, while annoying, is important to getting our sibling back.

NeonLeon9000: that's almost the spirit!

Chapter Text

When Red reached out her ninpo, Orange didn't reach back.

Red knew that his little sister's spirit was there, she could feel it when she reached, just for a moment, her hand would brush against their hazy form before the contact would fade.

Pounding your problems out into a punching bag? Angel would probably call that a good way to release pent up frustration, and then would either sit down and have a chat as Dr. Feelings or let Red sit down and just hold him for a little.

Violet was going to test something soon. They were planning it all out with the other Don's, making sure that nothing would mess up.

How was tech supposed to make the ninpo bond any stronger? It didn't make any sense.

Red recoiled at the sound of a snap, and tuned back in to see that the chain holding up the punching bag had broken.

Chains weren't supposed to do that.

The punching bag was made by Draxum and Violet, as many things in the house were, designed specifically so that his spikes would never penetrate it, and he could hit it as hard as he pleased. Supposedly.

They'd forgotten to reinforce the chain.

And wasn't that familiar, huh?

Chapter Text

Bootyyyshaker9000: Alright, alright, it's time to get down to business.

Bootyyyshaker9000: As much as I have enjoyed the distractions you all have provided, it's time to double down on getting Angelo back.

Bootyyyshaker9000: @Dontron97 @sleepdeprived_shell I have sent you a zip with all of the needed programs, did everything convert properly?

Dontron97: Just ran a check, I think we're good!

sleepdeprived_shell: All good here!

Bootyyyshaker900 has muted NeonLeon9000, dear_pizza_supreme, happy_Mike, newage_red_artist, callme_rafi, im_blue_katanas, red_Raph, & Cpt_Leo for 5 minutes

Bootyyyshaker9000: Tron, Dani, I assume you read through all of the additional info I provided in the mystics_H file?

sleepdeprived_shell: yeepers. very different from our universe, but what else is new

Dontron97: the amount of questions i am hoping to answer tonight is staggering. nothing that i find consequential, however. we're good to proceed, Violet!

Bootyyyshaker9000: Alright. We're on 3 sec.

sleepdeprived_shell: Status?

mystic_mike: Hungry and thirsty. Not sure why I haven't died yet. There's no temperature here, but I feel consistently cold.

Dontron97: Are you alone?

mystic_mike: Yes.

Dontron97: Did you feel that?

mystic_mike: Yes.

Bootyyyshaker9000: Good. I want you to focus most of your mystic energy onto that phantom-touch, alright? Let it pull you in.

mystic_mike: Okay.

Angel hadn't been wrong with the assessment that they were cold.

When Violet's spirit first made contact with her shoulder for a light tap, they flinched at how cold their sibling was. Being cold-blooded and all, they were all colder than humans, but their sibling who was filled with mystic flames had felt like ice to the touch.

When Orange reached out, however, the familiar unnatural warmth of his hand made the spirit of Purple sigh with relief as their body in the real world's shoulders sagged. It had been too long since they'd felt that touch.

Dragging Orange the rest of the way out was the difficult part. His body still didn't want to budge, and was putting up a valiant effort. At some point, Red's spirit reached out an arm and helped Donnie drag their little sibling fully into the spiritual plane, the thump of his real body in the lab not registering in Violet's current state.

That was until the spirit of Leo made a brief appearance to flick Violet's ear, which irritated them enough for him to snap out of the trance they'd been in and rush to get Mikey on a cot.

"Hey..." Angelo rasped, offering his siblings a weak smile that they'd all missed dearly. "I think I landed on my tail."

Blue smiled softly, reaching out for a hug that Orange gladly accepted.

"And I'm thirsty as shit."

"Language," Raph muttered.

Chapter Text

im_blue_katanas: 5 minutes are up. 

Dontron97: The signals still going, but I'm trying to trace it again and this time I'm getting results, so I think that's a good sign.

callme_rafi: well hurry it up cuz theres a KID on the line

Cpt_Leo: They're probably not going to tell us what happened any time soon. Michelangelo will need time to recover.

happy_Mike: lets be clear y'all. he is THE younger of this gc, coming in at a whopping /14 years old./

dear_pizza_supreme: and if anything happened to him we'd kill everyone in this gc and then ourselves. 

sleepdeprived_shell: im going to take a nap, then. @ me when any of the 9000's come online

mystic_mike: good evening, gentlemen and gentlegays.

mystic_mike: and purple, who is not gentle in any way, shape, or form

happy_Mike: hi Angel :D

mystic_mike: i'd like to give a formal apology in advance for anyone who wanted to give me a dramatic intro, i'm all caught up.

dear_pizza_supreme: awww

dear_pizza_supreme: damn it

im_blue_katanas: @sleepdeprived_shell mystics online

Dontron97: Hi!!

mystic_mike: oh mi gosh why are my brothers like this

sleepdeprived_shell: like what?

newage_red_artist: you can't say shit like that then go afk

callme_rafi: we rly got ditched already, huh

callme_rafi: too boring for ya, angie?

mystic_mike: [Video]

"Oh my god," a small voice, probably Angel's, laughed.

Red sighed long-sufferingly. "At least neither of them are drooling."

Red was leaned up against a medbay cot, the metal base of it dented exactly the size of his shell already. In his lap are Donnie and Leo, both of which are in big hoodies and wrapped around Raph's arms like the world's comfiest leeches. 

"I can't move," Red said softly. "Help."

"This is an SOS," Mikey giggled into the phone. "There's two wild turtles going around and stealing people's arms. If found, please contact 1-800."

"Just 1-800?"

"Yes."

mystic_mike: their shells are facing the middle too so i can't join in on the stealing raph's limbs pile

dear_pizza_supreme: steal one of leo's

mystic_mike: Angie you are BRILLIANT

mystic_mike: update: i have been shoved off by a still-sleeping leo. he told me to "get away, donnie."

newage_red_artist: whatever i was expecting out of a mikey, it was not this

mystic_mikey: oh honey

mystic_mikey: make no mistake, i have psycho-analyzed every single one of you little shits and everyone, especially Captain and Shell, will be having a talk with me once i find all my shit tmr

newage_red_artist: ...

newage_red_artist: my point still stands

Chapter Text

im_blue_katanas: now that all of the dramas over, someones got to ask

im_blue_katanas: what the hell is up with captain

newage_red_artist: he's just weird like that

newage_red_artist: he's pretty chill but doesn't really like to show it around ppl, especially when he's trying to be his 'fearless leader' persona.

callme_rafi: yeah but there's two relatively stable versions of him in this gc why does he need to be an old man

Dontron97: that's just how leonardo is.

happy_Mike: hell probabs be more open in dms if your that curious, blue katanas.

im_blue_katanas: jfc just call me kat if it bothers u that much to call me leo

im_blue_katanas: and i might try that

newage_red_artist: dont like

newage_red_artist: form a leo cult or smth

im_blue_katanas: Noted.

Chapter Text

NeonLeon9000: @dear_pizza_supreme you fucking traitor

callme_rafi: morning to you too

dear_pizza_supreme: what did i even DO

NeonLeon9000: you told this leech to climb on my shell and i cant get it off

NeonLeon9000: I AM NOT A JUNGLE GYM

red_Raph: Oh, buddy do I have news for you.

red_Raph: Neither am I.

Cpt_Leo: Now that you 3 are awake, how is Angel?

Cpt_Leo: They talked a little last night but we didn't get any updates.

red_Raph: She's fine, dw

NeonLeon9000: not for long!

red_Raph: Hamato Blue do not body slam your little brother I swear to god.

dear_pizza_supreme: tf is going on over there

NeonLeon9000: but when they wake up hes gonna hiss in my ear

red_Raph: Donnie, does your ai work in here?

NeonLeon9000: no no raph im sorry

sleepdeprived_shell: @dear_pizza_supreme @callme_rafi im making popcorn if you want it

Bootyyyshaker9000: yes it does

red_Raph: Great!

red_Raph: @Bootyyyshaker9000 SHELLDON, compile alll of the footage Donnie has of my siblings sitting on top of my shell and screaming. How long is it?

Bootyyyahaker9000: 9 minutes and 32 seconds, Boss2!

Dontron97: STOP STOP STPOP

Dontron97: YOUVE  FIVEN THEM ISEAS

newage_red_artist: if the shell fits motherfucker

happy_Mike: boo

Dontron97: whd djejeurur A was

Bootyyyshaker9000: saddest keysmash in the history of keysmashes

newage_red_artist: OH LEOOOOO

Cpt_Leo: Raphael, please don't.

Cpt_Leo: I can hear you.

Cpt_Leo: Do I need to remind you I use a cane, or is that not important to you?

Cpt_Leo: Odjrueueuebj

Bootyyyshaker9000: see at least this guy doesnt keysmash the spelling suggestions

happy_M: [Image: Mikey is holding onto Donnie's shell with one arm, the other taking a selfie. Donnie is very obviously mid annoyed sigh.]

NeonLeon9000: c'mon raph! u can get the victory selfie!

dear_pizza_supreme: [areyousureaboutthatmeme.mp4]

Cpt_Leo: My lesson for the day: no matter how old, the man with the stick always prevails.

im_blue_katanas: holy shit you really are a leo

callme_rafi: did captain just call himself an old man with a stick

Dontron97: lol raph just got beat 7 days to sunday and mikey went to check on him. you can never keep me down long

sleepdeprived_shell: this escalated quickly

Chapter Text

newage_red_artist: ughhhhhh

im_blue_katanas: ?

newage_red_artist: we are having enforced family time

Bootyyyshaker9000: and you came here??

happy_Mike: our sis is back from japan and is in the lair. at least leos in a good mood rn

NeonLeon9000: you mothefucker i just choked on a cookie

callme_rafi: SISTER??????

NeonLeon9000: tf was she doing in japan??

happy_Mike: aw fuck

happy_Mike: did yall not know about karai yet

im_blue_katanas: you call her your sister?????

Bootyyyshaker9000: yeah, uh, we KNOW about karai

Bootyyyshaker9000: but shes not our sis

newage_red_artist: Shes leos sister

Dontron97: she is everyones sister, raph

Bootyyyshaker9000: is she a turtle mutant in your world, then?

happy_Mike: shes sensei's son

NeonLeon9000: OMFG

NeonLeon9000: that is NOT the same here

Dontron97: what is she, ShReDdErS dAuGhTer

red_Raph: Our Karai founded the Hamato clan.

Bootyyyshaker9000: and then went into anti-demon statis for 500 years

callme_rafi: i guess things can always be worse

NeonLeon9000: and then she died

Bootyyyshaker9000: and now she just possessed april?? they wont give us details for some reason

dear_pizza_supreme: how did your splinter get game hes a literal RAT

newage_red_artist: he wasnt always a rat

im_blue_katanas: but he was tho???

Dontron97: ?

Dontron97: like he was /a rat/ pre-mutation you mean?

sleepdeprived_shell: duh?

Dontron97: damn did he explain nothing to you guys

happy_Mike: okay guys its time for you to tell ur tragic backstory

happy_Mike: im too interested now

callme_rafi: theres not much to it man

callme_rafi: lab -> lab pets -> fire -> mutugen -> no longer pets

newage_red_artist: and your splinter?

callme_rafi: that goes for him as well

NeonLeon9000: wait so in your world hes a literal lab rat??

NeonLeon9000: UGH NOW IM THINKING ABOUT THE TV SHOW UGHHH

happy_Mike: wait ignore us two conspiring in the corner i love this show so much

happy_Mike: (Angie as bree, rafi as adam, dani as chase, kat as leo (THAT WAS UNINTENTIONAL LMAO) and splinter as davenport)

NeonLeon9000: my thoughts EXACTLY

happy_Mike: writing that out has lead me to discover every femal besides bree in that show has a love element involved, including perry. There is no april equivalent in that show.

mystic_mike: no pls dont ruin that show for me it was my CHILDHOOD

mistic_mike: wait yall r in 2015 you dont even know how it ends--

sleepdeprived_shell: please stop

sleepdeprived_shell: we are not fictional characters

Bootyyyshaker9000: theres no guarantee to that second one but okay

newage_red_artist: yall came back from the sister thing weirdly fast--

Chapter Text

NeonLeon9000: new battle strategy unlocked!!

Bootyyyshaker9000: wrong channel

im_blue_katanas: wait no tell us

NeonLeon9000: okay so me and donnie were fighting this mutant alone cuz red and mikey still arent allowed to fight

NeonLeon9000: and donnie was rly struggling. pretty much cornered

newage_red_artist: wait why isnt red allowed to fight

Bootyyyshaker9000: and then leo just screams "MOZZARELLA" at the top of his lungs.

Bootyyyshaker9000: and the dum-dum of the week goes DEAD STILL

Bootyyyshaker9000: terrified of what this "threat" could mean

callme_rafi: why can't red fight

mystic_mike: oh did we not cover this?

sleepdeprived_shell: no

red_Raph: I can fight.

mystic_mike: you really can't, though

red_Raph: I'm fine!

NeonLeon9000: YOUR FUCKING EYE WAS RIPPED OUT, RAPH

happy_Mike: and the surprises just keep coming huh

red_Raph: okay mr. broke all his limbs

mystic_mike: trauma doesnt discriminate!!

Bootyyyshaker9000: you are the least traumatised of us you cant say anything

mystic_mike: AS THE FAMILY THERAPIST I AM PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN

im_blue_katanas: and i thought my life was weird

sleepdeprived_shell: yeah r we really about to gloss over that--

newage_red_artist: why was my first thought "holy shit thats so sick"

mystic_mike: off to do damage control BYEEEE

dear_pizza_supreme: jfc

Bootyyyshaker9000: HELP

Bootyyyshaker9000: HE'S TRYING TO GIVE US THERAPY

Bootyyyshaker9000: MY ONE WEAKNESS

Dontron97: we need that!!

Chapter Text

newage_red_artist: im bored

newage_red_artist: somebody tell me abt the dumest shit youve ever done

mystic_mike has muted NeonLeon9000 for 20 minutes

red_Raph has muted Bootyyyshaker9000 for 20 minutes

mystic_mike: they dont get to speak on this topic

red_Raph: Neither do you, little man.

callme_rafi: NO NO I HAVE THIS ONE

callme_rafi: THESE ABSOLUTE FUCKHEADS

callme_rafi: THAT I AM STUCK WITH

callme_rafi: JUMPED OUT OF A FUCKING PLANE

callme_rafi: WITHOUT A PARACHUTE

happy_Mike: slay

red_Raph has muted happy_mike for 2 minutes

red_Raph: Wrong answer.

mystic_mike: anywho, starting off strong with The Incident.

red_Raph: It's been 2 years, we can drop the titles.

mystic_mike: well its still unsolved so we cant

red_Raph: Leo broke violet's foot with a pineapple.

Dontron97: well if were starting off tame then ig theres that time mikey tried to make us omlets but used smoke bombs instead of eggs

sleepdeprived_shell: why do you just have smoke bombs lying around

im_blue_katanas: and where tf did blue get a pineapple

red_Raph: You know what, time to steal the show.

red_Raph has muted mystic_mike for 3 minutes

red_Raph: So I'm out on patrol, right, when I find out that one of our local idiots is going around and poisoning the food of all of his old rivals.

red_Raph: Of course, I take as much of it as I can track down and until I find a safe way to dispose of it or Don removed the toxin, it's staying in the lair.

red_Raph: But apparently by drawing the Danger: Do Not Eat sign in red, I was essentially claiming it as my food, so these idiots EAT IT.

Dontron97: honestly i wouldn't put it below my bros to do the same thing.

red_Raph: And I get up the next day to find my brothers have all been poisoned, to the point they cannot remember I am Raph. 

mystic_mike: your sparring out the fun details

mystic_mike: like how you also forgot you were raph for a lil there

red_Raph has muted mystic_mike for 5 minutes

red_Raph: Unimportant.

dear_pizza_supreme: stop bullying the local clementines bitch

red_Raph: Language. But sorry.

newage_red_artist: ooh ooh i just remembered a good one

newage_red_artist: leo and don both developed crushes on the first girls they ever talked to

Dontron97: WE WERE FIFTEEN FUCK OFF

Cpt_Leo has muted newage_red_artist for 3 hours

callme_rafi: and we've already cut the group in half. damn.

Chapter Text

NeonLeon9000 created the channel: #LeoCult

NeonLeon9000 has added im_blue_katanas & Cpt_Leo

NeonLeon9000: i have been muted and im making it yalls problem

im_blue_katanas: no complaints over here

im_blue_katanas: rafis busy bullying my awesomness

NeonLeon9000: aww I want to jump out of a plane :(

im_blue_katanas: we jumped onto another plane! it was rly fun

Cpt_Leo: What the heck.

NeonLeon9000: hey captain boring!!

Cpt_Leo: I'm not boring, I'm just responsible.

im_blue_katanas: sure, sure

NeonLeon9000: GASP

NeonLeon9000: i think reds about to talk about The Incident

im_blue_katanas: ooh whats that

Cpt_Leo: Where did you even find a pineapple?

NeonLeon9000: the fridge???

Cpt_Leo: Why did you have a pineapple in your fridge?

NeonLeon9000: Mikey's the one who's on grocery duty, blame her.

NeonLeon9000: eugh you sound too much like raph

Cpt_Leo: You've never even heard my voice.

NeonLeon9000: you raise a good argument

NeonLeon9000: AW FUCK NOT THIS STORY

im_blue_katanas: i'm imagining popcorn so hard rn

im_blue_katanas: sitting back and waiting on our disgusting sewer couch like the real ones do

Cpt_Leo: In your defense, that sounds like something Mikey would do. 

Cpt_Leo: But Mikey's got the situational awareness of a literal stick, so I wouldn't exactly call that a compliment.

NeonLeon9000: damn i was expecting a lecture nvm your alright cap

im_blue_katanas: nevermind

NeonLeon9000: YALL R STRAIGHT?????????

im_blue_katanas: ew ew ew get him away from me

Cpt_Leo: No, I was an idiot who lived off the limited media I had while not seeing the sun for the 15 years of my life. 

Cpt_Leo: As was Donnie.

NeonLeon9000: wait,,, you never saw the sun till you were 15?

NeonLeon9000: bro i first started scavenging when i was like 8. with supervision but still

im_blue_katanas: you do understand that thats bad, right cap?

Cpt_Leo: Mutants were a completely new concept when we were mutated. Our Sensei just did what he thought was best for our family, and that was hiding underground. 

NeonLeon9000: if i could rn i'd be giving you a bone-crushing hug cause its what you deserve

im_blue_katanas: same

Cpt_Leo: Mind the knee, please. 

Chapter Text

Tortlz and Co.

Mikey: if we were to give the alternates a place in misery/cpr/puffs who would be which

Raph: not now mikey were on patrol

Raph: actually

Raph: yeah what would they be

Donnie: kat's crew is definitely puffs, no questions asked.

Donnie: y'all want to duel mystic's team for misery???

Raph: well we don't really give off cpr energy like they do

Mikey: yeah tbf we have only a little but they be giving it off in DROVES

Casey: wai wha

Donnie: it has come to my attention that we have neglected to inform april and casey of our recent endeavors

Raph: you've been talking too much with dan and vi

Raph: anywho yeahhh we probably should have sent something earlier

Leo: We have a server with versions of ourselves from alternate universes.

Mikey: not the 90s ones tho!! we're smarter than that

Donnie: im smarter than that and you all just listen to me, but thats besides the point

Raph: pfft we dont listen to you

April: holy shit

April: whats other me like

Leo: Language.

Raph: erm...

Donnie: we,,, uh,,, forgot to ask

April: OH COME ON

Mikey: we got

Mikey: uh

Raph: distracted

Leo: One of the Mikey's was in the middle of something.

Casey: oh my god how many of them are there now

Raph: if were only counting the gc, just 3

April: ADD USSSSS

Mikey: no can do girl

Mikey: turtles only

Casey: :(

Raph: we have to ask the others for permission.

Donnie: and if you added they might add the other aprils and caseys and then the chat has 18 people which is insane

April: okay that does sound a little chaotic

Donnie: anywho we got misery. violet said that them and blue were enough cpr energy to out-volume the actual song which is uh. concerning, but pretty accurate

Chapter Text

mystic_mike: guys guys guys guys

mystic_mike: if yall r from 2015

mystic_mike: your culture is so underdeveloped

Bootyyyshaker9000: mikey they still haven't seen the ending to gravity falls

NeonLeon9000: this is so sad alexa play despacito

dear_pizza_supreme: i feel so bad for them

callme_rafi: they dont even have the good place

dear_pizza_supreme: or STRANGER THINGS

happy_Mike: adding that to our future watchlist when it comes out

Bootyyyshaker9000: AMPHIBIA AND INFINITY TRAIN

Bootyyyshaker9000: THEY DONT HAVE AMPHIBIA AND INFINITY TRAIN

mystic_mike: whats the point of 8 new friends if you cant have brainrot over tv shows with them

im_blue_katanas: they're still in the middle of steven universe season TWO

Dontron97: how many are there??

sleepdeprived_shell: is anyone up for pirating some stuff onto here and hopping on a vc for a big family movie night??

NeonLeon9000: oh mi gosh

NeonLeon9000: YES

NeonLeon9000: what i wouldn't give to see someones genuine reactions to these masterpieces

mystic_mike: guys is it too spoilers-y to say that steven eventually gets a neck

callme_rafi: hell yes i'm in

callme_rafi: movie night time

Cpt_Leo: I'll join!!

Chapter Text

red_Raph: I'm considering just leaving them as is

red_Raph: [Image: All three of Red's little brothers are asleep in gaming chairs in Violet's lab. Blue's face is against both his glasses and a textbook]

dear_pizza_supreme: how many bandanas does blue have??

red_Raph: Five, I think.

red_Raph: Vi has more than that. Mike's got one lying around somewhere but when she feels like putting on extra layers they just go for a gas mask.

happy_Mike: where do you get all that fabric

red_Raph: Knowing my brothers, they steal it. I usually just cut them out of my old clothes.

Dontron97: isnt stealing a crime

red_Raph: Well, in their words, we already steal heat, electricity, and water, what's a little more?

callme_rafi: those are literally the tamest of the crimes we commit, but okay

Dontron97: wait why is leon reading a textbook

red_Raph: Good question.

red_Raph: @Bootyyyshaker9000 SHELLDON can you send me a video log of what they were doing last night?

Bootyyyshaker9000: 👍

Dontron97: what is shelldon

red_Raph: Shelldon's the ai that ran Don's old systems. His body was destroyed a few years back but he still runs a lot of stuff around here. And Violet may have downloaded him into their brain. Leo says that they're totally possessed but he doesn't get a say on it because he's the only one who we know for certain hasn't been possessed.

dear_pizza_supreme: tf is up with your world and possession

callme_rafi: fr

red_Raph: We don't actually know if they're possessed or not but they used to talk to Shelldon out loud but now their headphones just randomly glow and then Shelldon does stuff, so it's a 50/50.

red_Raph: And before you ask about the rest, Karai possessed April to save April's life. But I guess it worked for them because Karai still pops up every so often.

red_Raph: Orange isn't exactly possessed they just have this weird fire thingy that he can order around.

red_Raph: And then I ripped out my eye to free myself from possession, + I have a weird 3rd person and talking to the voices in my head thing.

callme_rafi: your lot is just one big group of oversharers huh

red_Raph: Ramblers is the correct term.

Chapter Text

callme_rafi: im beging to wonder if yall were joking about the "idiot of the week" thing

newage_red_artist: tf gavw you that impression

dear_pizza_supreme: idk but lately things have just gotten like 10x more weird

sleepdeprived_shell: theres like 3 new mutants running around and we have to go out every night to shut them down

mystic_mike: awww

mystic_mike: babies first villain 

callme_rafi: bitch

Cpt_Leo: Who are they? Maybe one of us has fought them before.

sleepdeprived_shell: well we know theres 3 but weve only seen one

dear_pizza_supreme: [Image: A tall, snarling, humanoid cat wearing tattered clothes and an eyepatch]

red_Raph: Hey! Shredded clothes and eyepatches are my thing. :(

NeonLeon9000: LMAO

Bootyyyshaker9000: so yall are just in one longer, with more reptiles, more violent version of Cats?

mystic_mike: IM FUCKINF WHEEZIN

mystic_mike: DONNIE PLRSSE

Bootyyyshaker9000: am I wrong? bitch looks straight out of the 2019 movie

callme_rafi: stfu

newage_red_artist: they made cats inro a MOVIE

mystic_mike: at least this is a step up from the annoying gay hippos

happy_Mike: you mean bebop and rockstesdy?

NeonLeon9000: hell kind of name is bebop

dear_pizza_supreme: my thoughts exactly

im_blue_katanas: this is a sad amount of disinterest

Chapter Text

NeonLeon9000: hey so all my bros are asleep rn

sleepdeprived_shell: and were in the middle pfe a ifght talk mto the others

happy_Mike: i didnt know that any donnie was capeable of that many spelling errors

Dontron97: hey :(

Dontron97: cut him some slack she just said shes in the middle of a fight

NeonLeon9000: ueah so i was just wondering if we could possibly add our CJ to this? he doesn't have any friends from outside the lair and even if yall r us he really needs to get out of this inner circle at some point. 

newage_red_artist: CJ?

NeonLeon9000: hes the smaller casey

newage_red_artist: that answered absolutely nothing

Dontron97: you have two caseys???

NeonLeon9000: yeah

NeonLeon9000: we have cass and cj. cass is her own bag of worms tho we're not talking about her atm

happy_Mike: my mind is giving me the image of raph in front of two caseys, all of them manically grinning at any sewer rat that dares wrong them

happy_Mike: and its no prob as long as hes not more casey than our casey

newage_red_artist: i'm always down to hang with casey tbh

NeonLeon9000: ight fair warning this boy has never used this app in his life, i think

NeonLeon9000 has added CJones to the chat

NeonLeon9000: @CJones saw boy get on here.

CJones: What is it, Sensei?

Bootyyyshaker9000: better spelling than i was expecting

NeonLeon9000: yeah where tf did you learn to type

NeonLeon9000: also donnie when did you wake up--

CJones: Screaming into comms while in a safe space for the time being wasn't exactly the definition of stealth.

newage_red_artist: i have several questions

Dontron97: yeah so I think the alternate version of our casey is that cass you mentioned

CJones: Sensei? Who are these guys?

NeonLeon9000: CJ, presenting us from another dimension.

CJones: Wait, other dimension!! Does that mean Master-L is in here?

Bootyyyshaker9000: nope. sorry j

newage_red_artist: can someone please explain cj to us

CJones: I'm going to assume you're a version of Raphael, right?

newage_red_artist: mhm

NeonLeon9000: to oversimplify a bit, hes the sole survivor of an apocalyptic future 

NeonLeon9000: its very confusing for everyone involved

CJones: Really, you told them nothing?

CJones: Your lack of situational awareness continues to astound me, Little-Leonardo.

Bootyyyshaker9000: PFFT

NeonLeon9000: so i'm going to bounce before the newbies get back

NeonLeon9000: yeah so CJ this can be like your place now. you are among fellow foreigners. kinda. 

Bootyyyshaker9000: yeah i'm going to hop off as well byee

Chapter Text

Dontron97: raph just reminded leo that police exist and he's been staring at us for a really long time. tips?

sleepdeprived_shell: wh

sleepdeprived_shell: how do you forget that the police exist

newage_red_artist: thats leo for you

im_blue_katanas: its really not though

dear_pizza_supreme: it'd take amnesia for us to forget the police, you sure hes alr?

NeonLeon9000: in his defense

NeonLeon9000: police are too incompetent for what we need them for

callme_rafi: aren't we like

callme_rafi: honorary cops??

sleepdeprived_shell: rafi, none of us understood what happened there tbh

dear_pizza_supreme: yeah i didn't process any of that for like week

Dontron97: ooh y'all are finally about to talk about yourselves more give us the DEETS

sleepdeprived_shell: i should have figured every version of myself would be taking notes

Bootyyyshaker9000: without question!

im_blue_katanas: so basically april and casey got arrested

im_blue_katanas: while we were in the middle of some shit

im_blue_katanas: and since the police had already seen us when all that went down

im_blue_katanas: we just let them help us because it was our best option

newage_red_artist: "the police had already seen us" bitch WHAT

NeonLeon9000: how slick do you think you are

NeonLeon9000: with all the shit that goes down the police obvs know there's SOMEONE protecting the city

NeonLeon9000: and at that point its better to be showy with it so if we ever do need to go to the police for smth they know we're not the threat

mystic_mike: wait theres a reason why we're flashy i thought it was just because we're all neurodivergent morons

NeonLeon9000: ASDLKASLDJASLKDJAS you don't have to be so blunt about it

dear_pizza_supreme: wait hold up that reminds me of something

dear_pizza_supreme: yalls splinters were once human right

Bootyyyshaker9000: yep

Dontron97: yeep

dear_pizza_supreme: WE CAN FINALLY HAVE A LAST NAME JFC

callme_rafi: you are way to focused on that mike

NeonLeon9000: yall could be like vikings tho. the ✨splintersons✨

newage_red_artist: i think i speak on behalf of everyone when i say i'd rather use the last name of my clan than /splinterson/

Dontron97: do you guys even have the Hamato clan?

im_blue_katanas: never heard of it but it wouldn't surprise me if we're just not connected to it

mystic_mike: pfft idk why this is funny but imagine this mutant turtle comes up to you and just goes

mystic_mike: hi, i'm hamato mikey

mystic_mike: IT SOUNDS SO WEIRD

NeonLeon9000: meanwhile us:

NeonLeon9000: hi, i'm hamato blue 🤡

Dontron97: i've just come to a horrible realisation

Dontron97: if y'all were made purely with mutugen

newage_red_artist: YOU'RE ALL AMERICAN EW EW EW

Dontron97: then .-. raph stole my point, okay then

Bootyyyshaker9000: i can call them uncultured swines because they have no culture, correct?

sleepdeprived_shell: we'd probably look asian if we were human actually

sleepdeprived_shell: but in terms of culture we learned it almost purely by looking through sewer grates

sleepdeprived_shell: so we're a little lacking

im_blue_katanas: i can vividly remember the day that dan discoverd spanish

im_blue_katanas: she thought it was an alien language and so we all gathered to observe this one woman who was on the phone wondering if she was like us

NeonLeon9000: i love spanish

NeonLeon9000: languages are just amazing

NeonLeon9000: violet will never know every swear word that i know

Bootyyyshaker9000: spanish is also the reason he's trying to make one of the pizza guys our uncle. its not working

NeonLeon9000: I am not trying i am SUCCEEDING ON ACCIDENT

NeonLeon9000: Senor Hueso has claimed me in the same way i have claimed him

Bootyyyshaker9000: *shakes head in dissapointment*

Bootyyyshaker9000: you oblivious idiot

Chapter Text

sleep is for the weak

Dontron97: do you ever just

Dontron97: HHHHHHH

Bootyyyshaker9000: all the time bestie

sleepdeprived_shell: usually theres a few "NNNG"s thrown in there but pretty much

Dontron97: i am finally. FINALLY. on one of my personal projects, my queue of work for the impatient idiots is DONE

Dontron97: AND THEN LEO

Dontron97: BLOWS UP

Dontron97: THE FUCKING TOASTER

Bootyyyshaker9000: hold the phone

Bootyyyshaker9000: what was the reason all of your personal projets have been put onto the backburner?

Dontron97: cuz my bros are always BREAKING SHIT

Bootyyyshaker9000: word of advice

Bootyyyshaker9000: stop fixing it

Dontron97: excuse me?

sleepdeprived_shell: purples right on this one

sleepdeprived_shell: if you refuse to fix it, either one of them will start to smarten up (never happened with me but there's always that hope) or eventually they'll start being more carefull

Bootyyyshaker9000: yeah. angel helped me talk out a boundaries talk with red and leo, and they both understood

Bootyyyshaker9000: and i wouldn't say leo smartened up, but sometimes when he can't sleep he comes into my lab and reads my textbooks to me. he has some page numbers memorised, so i'm getting somewhere. though since i'm move of an inventor than somewhere in the medical fields, it's never been a direct interest of his.

Dontron97: i'm going to put the broken toaster back in the kitchen

sleepdeprived_shell: yes there you go

Dontron97: with a sticky note that says "fix it your damn self or get a new one"

Bootyyyshaker9000: SLAYYYYY

Dontron97: you lying sacks of shit

Dontron97: fearless-leader-sensei-master leonardo is lecturing me now :(

Bootyyyshaker9000: tell him you know how tall he will be when he is thirty. you don't but they don't know enough science to know that

Bootyyyshaker9000: its what CJ does whenever we step out of line and he's from the future and DEFINITELY knows

sleepdeprived_shell: i'm already like 5'10 i'm good

Bootyyyshaker9000: mikeys just started growing a lot more, he's around 5'4, me and leo are both like 5'7-ish rn

Bootyyyshaker9000: AND THEN RAPH OVER THERE

Bootyyyshaker9000: IS JUST CASUALLY 7FT

Bootyyyshaker9000: the logic of our mutations irks me

Dontron97: it worked!!

sleepdeprived_shell: yeah me and my brothers all got taller once we started getting enough vitamin d

sleepdeprived_shell: haven't actually measured in a bit tho

Dontron97: my raph is 5'1 😭

Bootyyyshaker9000: heatpats. give the little turtle tot the headpats he deserves.

Dontron97: ASLDASKDLAJSLDA

sleepdeprived_shell: i think rafi would try to stab me if i did that

Dontron97: oh no, not the SalAd ToNgS

Dontron97: well, you know what, raph?

Dontron97: EAT STICK BITCH

sleepdeprived_shell: my new catchphrase: "eat stick, bitch"

Bootyyyshaker9000: who needs a stick when you have titanium poles

sleepdeprived_shell: wait what?

Bootyyyshaker9000: i could tell you were both more traditional than i, but alas, i was holding out on the hope that you'd be more of an engineer like me

Bootyyyshaker9000: [2 Images: 1; A three fingered hand holds a tube with a piece of purple tape wrapped securely around it. The tube has many buttons and patterns welded into it, and appears to have been made recently because of the lack of rust. 2; Violet smugly leaning against a technological bō, which has faint glowing patterns etched into it.]

Dontron97: 🤩

Dontron97: Blueprints. Gib.

sleepdeprived_shell: i have lil zappy things in my staff

sleepdeprived_shell: but that looks so much more fun

Bootyyyshaker9000: why of course

Bootyyyshaker9000: @Bootyyyshaker9000 SHELLDON, can you send over the blueprints for the staff? I need to dedicate my own processing power to less boring affairs.

Bootyyyshaker9000: On it, boss! Just give me a minute.

sleepdeprived_shell: i want a robo-slave so bad. i'm going to start coding one fuck the rules

Dontron97: 'processing power' i knew that i wasn't the only one who called my brain power that. fuck the rules

Bootyyyshaker9000: Found it! 

Bootyyyshaker9000: tb13.pdf

sleepdeprived_shell: i don't have enough RAM to deal with your bullshit 😎

Dontron97: asldkalsdasldkas

Bootyyyshaker9000: taking my mystic cyborg ass to where i won't be discriminated against :( /s

Dontron97: 👀

sleepdeprived_shell: 👀

Bootyyyshaker9000: did you not read the entire mystic_m file??

Dontron97: just the bits directly retaining to the situation, not everyone has all the time in the world for that sort of stuff

sleepdeprived_shell: or good enough eyes. i didn't want to struggle through that late at night but i didn't want to make angie (my local vision slave) do it either

Bootyyyshaker9000: page 24, i go into a detailed explanation as to how i experience mystics, it's is fascinating to even me, there's not really words for it but i TRY

sleepdeprived_shell: am i the only one who had that mutugen that could turn you into humans?

Dontron97: the only reverse mutugen that i have turns you back into your og form, so it'd make us back into normal turtles.

Bootyyyshaker9000: not mutugen that does it over here.

sleepdeprived_shell: well i once tested a lil on myself and now i constantly forget the amount of fingers on my hand. i can still sorta remember? that they were there? but they're gone now.

Bootyyyshaker9000: theres this thingy in the hidden city called cloaking brooches

Bootyyyshaker9000: my bros don't know that i own any, they're ridiculously expensive for obvious reasons

Bootyyyshaker9000: anyways anyways, sometimes i wear it and it shows that i have five fingers, but i can only touch stuff with the pointer and pinky. if i zone out for too long the extra two move along with the ones next to them.

Dontron97: i wish i could be a human

Bootyyyshaker9000: its not worth the effort if you don't partially stick to the turtle life

Bootyyyshaker9000: loss of your protective armour, for starters

sleepdeprived_shell: + the fact you don't legally exist anyways, so you wouldn't be able to do much if you suddenly looked human

Dontron97: how much thought have yall put into this

sleepdeprived_shell: more than is healthy

Bootyyyshaker9000: and anyways, if i really need to go up to the surface i can just tell any human that sees me that i'm some over the top cossplayer. humans are dumb

sleepdeprived_shell: sadly, i don't think that'd work for us

Dontron97: yeah NO

Bootyyyshaker9000: suit yourselves

sleepdeprived_shell: i'm finally getting a room for my lab space and just

sleepdeprived_shell: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

sleepdeprived_shell: I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I AM IN MY HAPPY PLACE AND ITS SO ASLKDALSKDLAKLAHHHHHHH

Bootyyyshaker9000: my dad made me get one when i was 7. made. leo can complain very loudly when he wants, and we used to share a room

Dontron97: I used to have a room lol

Dontron97: but i just bunk in my lab most nights, my rooms just more of a storage space these days

Bootyyyshaker9000: coming from a donatello, that's encouraging bad eating, drinking, and sleeping habbits and if you do that you're eventually going to ware out when it matters

Bootyyyshaker9000: the point of a laboratory is to have a distraction free area to work, of course, but respecting the needs of your body is not a distraction

sleepdeprived_shell: those are... some strong feelings

Bootyyyshaker9000: i know. orange found a psychology textbook when he was 10 and has never been the same since

Dontron97: yeah i got that vibe from him

Bootyyyshaker9000: AH AH AH

Bootyyyshaker9000: i want you to get up from your desk right now, stretch, and then take out the trash. then i want you to go back in your room and get rid of all of the trash you didn't put in the trash, i know how we operate. then i want you to take a drink of WATER and have an APPLE

Bootyyyshaker9000: are we clear?

Dontron97: this is the most aggressive way i have ever been told to take care of myself. i feel threatened i'm going to go do that now

Bootyyyshaker9000: you better

sleepdeprived_shell: raphi's reading over my shoulder and says that i should print out those instructions as a big poster and put them on the lab walls

sleepdeprived_shell: going to do it in pink text on a yellow background like a mf second grade classroom

Bootyyyshaker9000: i know you all are hardshelled turtles but i was thinking it might be a good idea for me to share the designs for my protective gear

Bootyyyshaker9000: for the sake of covering injuries/storage

Bootyyyshaker9000: idk

Dontron97: i mean

Dontron97: if we ever end up needing it, which is unlikely rn, i could just ask

Dontron97: but all of your shit is RLY COOL so i wouldnt' mind

Bootyyyshaker9000: i probably am just feeling like infodumping but idk i'm sending it

Bootyyyshaker9000: bas36.pdf

Dontron97: okay then

Bootyyyshaker9000: i just remembered that y'all are both in the mid 10's. i bring you this pirated gift

Bootyyyshaker9000: mitchellesvsthemachines.zip

Bootyyyshaker9000: may not be my fav movie, but it is THE soundtrack of my brain

sleepdeprived_shell: i trust your judgement violet don't let me down

Dontron97: seems like the sort of thing leo might watch with me, idk about mikey and raph. i'll see.

Bootyyyshaker9000: the important bit is the soundtrack i'm telling y'all

Dontron97: really

Bootyyyshaker9000: just trust me on this one its good

sleepdeprived_shell: we were not let down in the slightest

Dontron97: i am very self aware about my taste in music but this was a pleasant surprise

sleepdeprived_shell: the ominous vibes are so there and it makes me so happy

Bootyyyshaker9000: so this is one thing that's consistent: we all have a burning hole inside that this movie fills in a strange way

sleepdeprived_shell: while thats a bit of an exaggeration, i'm glad i didn't have to wait 3 years for this

Dontron97: OH DEAR GOD

Bootyyyshaker9000: good evening to you too

Dontron97: I JUST REMEMBERED TIMOTHY

sleepdeprived_shell: who's timothy

Dontron97: he was really, really badly mutated and now lives in a statis chamber in my lab. i completely forgot about him

Dontron97: its been three years now i feel bad

sleepdeprived_shell: you just have someone?? living??? in your lab?

sleepdeprived_shell: and forgot about it?

Dontron97: well we didn't really like timothy because he was a dumbass when he was human

Dontron97: but that doesn't mean that i want to leave him like this!! he has a family, i think

Bootyyyshaker9000: i make an effort to not have any conscious organisms inside the sanctity of my laboratory, the fact he's been in there for three years and you haven't noticed is admirable.

Dontron97: well so much for personal projects its timothy time

sleepdeprived_shell: welcome to hot mess, express

sleepdeprived_shell: this train only lets you off three stops away from your destination, deal with it

Bootyyyshaker9000: alternatively: it's a mental breakdown (LOUD KAZOOS)

sleepdeprived_shell: damn it idk that one

Bootyyyshaker9000: its from 2018 sorry i have no time for your tragically undeveloped meme culture

sleepdeprived_shell: its not underdeveloped its just at a different stage of development

Bootyyyshaker9000: i never should have tried making friends who had the same amount of intelect as i.

sleepdeprived_shell: your most recent mistake of many, i presume

Chapter Text

newage_red_artist: y'all are boring

NeonLeon9000: bitch--

Bootyyyshaker9000: fair point

newage_red_artist: i want to talk to the caseys

callme_rafi: you /want/ to talk to casey?

callme_rafi: he's not that fun when you're not messing with him

newage_red_artist: then i'm letting in my casey >:(

happy_Mike: dude i don't think you know what that angry face means

NeonLeon9000: i mean we let mine in and then he never spoke again, so ig its fine

Dontron97: you two already have your stupid brofests three times a week how much more do you need

im_blue_katanas: god please no

im_blue_katanas: this is a casey jones-free zone

newage_red_artist: great thanks

newage_red_artist added sticks_n_pucks

newage_red_artist: welcome to hell bro

sticks_n_pucks: you can't just drop the bomb of alternate universe CASEY JONES'S and expect me to not be intrigued

sticks_n_pucks: i can have an ARMY, raph!!! an ARMY.

happy_Mike: in the silence of new york city at night, a group of raphaels and caseys chorus "GOONGALAAAAAAAA" so loud that every window within a mile shatters. i think they could do it.

callme_rafi: two seconds in and we already have very different caseys

sticks_n_pucks: wait bro

newage_red_artist: bro

sticks_n_pucks: bro

newage_red_artist: i'm coming gimme 10

NeonLeon9000: ALKALSKDAJSDLA

Bootyyyshaker9000: oh god you've unleashed raph's inner football player WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

Dontron97: to give you the full picture, raph just threw a box of mnms at me and ran out screaming "BYE SWEETIES"

Dontron97: so i think he's about to fight crime like an idiot

NeonLeon9000: good to know every raph has that problem

callme_rafi: 

im_blue_katanas: 👀

dear_pizza_supreme: raaaaaaphi

callme_rafi: this is now how i thought i'd get exposed

sticks_n_pucks: aprils sending me home

sticks_n_pucks: 'school night' or whatever, i can take a sick day jfc

newage_red_artist: damn it

im_blue_katanas: well then

im_blue_katanas: uhh status update??

sleepdeprived_shell: took y'all long enough to figure it out

dear_pizza_supreme: donnie shut the fuck up

im_blue_katanas: we only have two mutants on the loose!!

callme_rafi: how do you convert your casey into bro-ism

callme_rafi: mines boring i want a fun casey

Bootyyyshaker9000: well i mean

Bootyyyshaker9000: our other casey is a homicidal ex-foot with an army of girl scouts but i don't know how you'd get one to that point

Dontron97: why can i picture that 😭

happy_Mike: "CHARGE, SWEETIE!! YOU'RE DOING GREAT FOR YOUR FIRST GANGSTER!"

newage_red_artist: i'm coming home and i am going to sit on the remote.

Cpt_Leo: But what if you don't sit on the remote?

newage_red_artist: i'm going to sit on the remote

Cpt_Leo: But what if your brothers are trying to watch tv?

newage_red_artist: i'm going to sit on the remote

CJones: And I thought my versions of the brothers were idiotic.

im_blue_katanas: seriously

happy_Mike: he sat on the remote

happy_Mike: welp night yall entertainment has been ruined

Chapter Text

mystic_mike: where the fuck are the eggs, @Bootyyyshaker9000

Bootyyyshaker9000: the fridge?

NeonLeon9000: this is the wrong gc guys

mystic_mike: i'm not that dumb donnie what are you doing to those eggs

Bootyyyshaker9000: i dont have the eggs

mystic_mike: okay then leo what are you doing with the eggs

newage_red_artist: placing bets on violet having the eggs

callme_rafi: seconded!

NeonLeon9000: why would i want eggs

mystic_mike: exactly. donnie give me the eggs

Bootyyyshaker9000: I DON'T HAVE THE EGGS

mystic_mike: THEN WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY EGGS

red_Raph: Language.

Bootyyyshaker9000: i swear on the 34th edition of the battle shell that i did not take the eggs

dear_pizza_supreme: idk i feel like dude just needs to look through the fridge again to find his eggs

red_Raph: I don't have the energy for this right now.

red_Raph added sherlock_corn to the chat

red_Raph: April, the children are your problem now.

sherlock_corn: wait what chat is this

Dontron97: hi!!

mystic_mike: then i'm confiscating it because you have my eggs

Bootyyyshaker9000: the doors locked

mystic_mike: WHY WOULD THE LAB DOORS BE LOCKED IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE EGGS

sherlock_corn: uhm

NeonLeon9000: oh hey april!!

sherlock_corn: i may or may not have a box of 12, ovoid objects in my fridge

mystic_mike: What.

sherlock_corn: well someone had to make a cake for cassandra's birthday

Bootyyyshaker9000: WE FORGOT CASSANDRA'S BIRTHDAY??? 

newage_red_artist has banned sticks_n_pucks for 2 days

newage_red_artist: WAIT OUR CASEYS BIRTHDAY IS ALSO TMR FUCK FUCK FUCK

callme_rafi: i don't know my caseys birthday but ima go ask dani to make sure byeeee

mystic_mike: YOU DIDN'T THINK TO TELL ME I LOVE BAKING CAKES I'M COMING OVER

sherlock_corn: i'm in class

mystic_mike: I AM COMING OVER IN AN HOUR

Chapter Text

newage_red_artist has unbanned sticks_n_pucks

Dontron97: happy birthday casey!!

sticks_n_pucks: ty!!

happy_Mike: [Image: Donnie smiling down at his phone, sitting on the couch right next to Casey]

Cpt_Leo: See, this right here is a new sort of entertaining.

Dontron97: WAIT HE'S HERE

newage_red_artist: PFFT

im_blue_katanas: that's CASEY??/

happy_Mike: ye

callme_rafi: why has he been emo-ified

NeonLeon9000: he looks like a stoner version of our CJ, respectfully

Dontron97: rude

sleepdeprived_shell: i thought he had the bromance with newage

sleepdeprived_shell: i got the vibes that he exhausts you

Dontron97: yes he does i hate him

Dontron97: oh fuck raph just fell over gimme a sec

Cpt_Leo has banned Dontron97 for 5 minutes

Cpt_Leo has banned sticks_n_pucks for 5 minutes

Cpt_Leo: They are. Idiots.

happy_Mike: bro i cannot understand how you are not laughing im retreating into my room already

newage_red_artist: THEY ARE. SO DUMB.

Bootyyyshaker9000: ew ew ew i think i can tell what is going on here and i DONT LIKE IT

Cpt_Leo: April's been here for two minutes at this point. They haven't even noticed yet.

NeonLeon9000: i don't like the look of this either dontron

sleepdeprived_shell: i am with you on that point

im_blue_katanas: i'm just jealous that your casey is your age ours is like 25

newage_red_artist: [Image: April's got an arm over both Donnie and Casey's shoulders, the latter two of which are both glaring at each other while April grins aggressively.]

NeonLeon9000: who's that?

NeonLeon9000: also how do you not know how old ur casey is its his FRIGGIN BIRTHDAY

happy_Mike: ASDLKASLDKASLJDLASDKJASKSDXLASLDASLKDLA I CANT BEREATHHH

Cpt_Leo: thats april

sherlock_corn: thats WHO

sherlock_corn: also afternoon to yall junior is in my apt and panicking because he also has the forgot casey's birthday dissease

Bootyyyshaker9000: @CJones we've got two more hours until she comes by, you don't have to worry. 

NeonLeon9000: excuse me but are you 100% sure that's april

newage_red_artist: i mean theres always a chance that one of our locals has replaced her with a really good robot, but historically that hasn't worked

happy_Mike: |Where is the location of the Kraang where the Kraang is located?|

newage_red_artist: shut the fuck up

CJones has banned NeonLeon9000 for 1 minute

CJones has banned Bootyyyshaker9000 for 1 minute

CJones has banned red_Raph for 1 minute

CJones has banned sherlocked_corn for 1 minute

Cjones has banned mystic_mike for 1 minute

CJones: Hello. The Kraang is possibly the worst topic you could have brought up and please do not say their name again.

newage_red_artist: man i hate them too, we get it but like. they're a nuisance to all of us and i ain't going to avoid it

CJones: I am from a future where the Kraang did beat the brothers and everybody died, Raphael number 3, and behalf on all six of my Sensei's, respectfully, fuck off.

CJones: Be back in a bit.

CJones has banned CJones for 2 hours

callme_rafi: [Video]

"Hey, Casey! Thanks for coming on such short notice," Leo greets.

Casey squints at him suspiciously. "Why did you need to talk to me on 'such short notice?'"

"Happy birthday, brah!" Angie cheers.

Casey's face changes from annoyed to horrified in the span of a second. "Who the hell told you my birthday?" He demands, pointing a finger at Angie before sweeping it towards Leo, and then the camera.

"Don't worry about it," Angie smirks, which just annoys Casey even further.

"I never told you my birthday!"

"Happy 26th, Case," Raphi pipes up.

"DONNIE!" Exclaims Casey, "DONNIE WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?"

callme_rafi: splinters watching us now. i'll give an update in a few

sticks_n_pucks: damn man your lairs so sick

NeonLeon9000: it looks like a dirtier version of our old lair, when was the last time y'all cleaned?

Bootyyyshaker9000: with one watch i've already counted five pizza boxes. five.

Cpt_Leo: I mean, for the sewers, it's pretty clean. 

Cpt_Leo: But you definitely need to do some maitenence.

callme_rafi: [Video]

"Happy birthday, Mr. Jones," Splinter says with a dip of his head. "I wish you a very good year."

Casey makes a face at the camera that clearly reads 'I will end you later' before he serenely says, "Thank you, Master."

Angie looks at the camera and cringes so hard in silent laughter that his head is halfway into his shell.

"Now, Mikey," Casey pipes up, and Angie frantically begins to unclip her skateboard from her shoulders. "Can we talk really fast?"

"No can do bro!" Angie exclaims frantically before getting on her skateboard and jetting.

dear_pizza_supreme: nobody can resist splinters formalities

dear_pizza_supreme: he's just to kind nobody knows that he's one big ol' prankster like the rest of us

NeonLeon9000: you have a HOVER SKATEBOARD 🤩

Bootyyyshaker9000: before you even ask, having a flying skateboard completely defeats the purpose of skateboarding and thus i refuse to taint our family hobby with such horrendous cheats

mystic_mike: someimtes i hate logic

Bootyyyshaker9000: do you hate spelling as well?

NeonLeon9000: ik its super late rn, just realised that we never posted anything for cass's b-day

NeonLeon9000: it was small anyways. just a big fam get together at april's followed by a lil roof hopping.

Dontron97: i love how our collective definition of small is roof jumping. if a human told that to another human they'd freak out, but us? no. jumping across rooftops is something that isn't special at all

sticks_n_pucks: can i see woman me i wanna know if shes hot or not

mystic_mike: shes gay and i bet 20$ that you are as well

NeonLeon9000: orange you have to wait at least 15 seconds to stay stuff like that now he's going to realise that he doesn't have us fooled

NeonLeon9000: wait minute

Bootyyyshaker9000: and yall say i'm a bad liar

sticks_n_pucks: fuck this alternate dimensions are for losers BYEEEE

NeonLeon9000: bye jock!!

im_blue_katanas: jock?

NeonLeon9000: cuz he's got the whole hockey thing going on

Bootyyyshaker9000: is now a bad time to remind you that casey broke a naginata so that it'd look like a hockey stick

NeonLeon9000: ehn but like. she fights better with it like that theres a difference

im_blue_katanas: well then. ninja casey. 

im_blue_katanas: polar opposite from ours

mystic_mike: she looks more like urs then she does like jock

Dontron97: we're really going to call him jock in here huh

mystic_mike: idk its kinda catchy

newage_red_artist: you know what i'm going to bed. night to everyone except donnie

Dontron97: just for that i'm going to tuck you in

newage_red_artist: i am suddenly sleeping on the dojo mats. i am not dead, yet anyways

Dontron97: bold of you to assume that i can't carry you into bed

newage_red_artist: bitch come here

Dontron97: if you attack me you'll wake leo. what's your pick?

newage_red_artist: I hate you two

NeonLeon9000: is this what raph would be like if he was our little brother?

NeonLeon9000: its kinda cool tbh. 

red_Raph: Why are you awake again?

NeonLeon9000: AW FUCK NIGHT Y'ALL

red_Raph: Y'know, now that I think about it, tucking in is actually a pretty impressive threat, huh.

Bootyyyshaker9000: I AM IN MY BED NOW MY LAB I SWEAR

happy_Mike: anyways anyways

sleepdeprived_shell: why are you awake at 7 in the morning

happy_Mike: unimportant

happy_Mike: anywho,,, our b-days the 28th. in this timeline. so uh. do with that what you will, we don't celebrate but ima assume that we're still next up

CJones: In this timeline?

happy_Mike: man we have done so much shit for all i know i could be in my 30s but i don't think i am so we just kinda

happy_Mike: HHHHHH

happy_Mike: cuz by a technicality i am the oldest out of all of us but we don't count it because we were in different dimensions when it happened

CJones: I just chose to celebrate my birthday where it lies on the calendar now, it's as close as I can get to my real age.

sleepdeprived_shell: can i ask you both some questions

CJones: Sure!

red_Raph: Mine's just under a month away, it's Oct. 3rd.

Chapter Text

sherlock_corn: i have never been more infuriated than i am in this moment

mystic_mike: hey aps!!

callme_rafi: do you have any human friends to talk to about this

sherlock_corn: ofc not

sherlock_corn: im the kid who smells like sewers and keeps a baseball bat in my locker

sherlock_corn: but thas beside the point

Bootyyyshaker9000: let it all out, april

sherlock_corn: EVERY. SINGLE. GROUP. PROJECT.

sherlock_corn: someone always has to ask "wait, you're left handed!?"

sherlock_corn: like stfu michael ive known you since second grade

sherlock_corn: AND ANYWAYS

sherlock_corn: 10% of the entire population is not "rare"

dear_pizza_supreme: girl you good--

happy_Mike: i felt that

sherlocked_corn: AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON THOSE DAMN SCISSORS

mystic_mike: oh that one hit a sore spot in me

sherlocked_corn: THOSE FUCKING "BOTH" SCISSORS

im_blue_katanas: THOSE.

sherlocked_corn: THEY ARE PHYSICALLY PAINFUL FOR ME WTF ARE THOSE ADVERTISERS ON ABOUT

happy_Mike: the mention of those monstrosities is enough to make my fingers ache

sherlocked_corn: AND THEN WHEN YOU FINALLY GET THE LEFTY ONES

sherlocked_corns: THEY STILL FEEL WRONG CUZ UR NOT USED TO YOUR FINGERS FITTING

im_blue_katanas: you are officially my new fav april. this anger at the world is bad, but its for a good cause and thats US

sticks_n_pucks: once in like 3rd grade i asked a teacher if she had any lefty scissors and she gave me the both ones and i handed it back to her

happy_Mike: next year in august ima donate a few packs of lefty scissors to a few schools in yalls honour jfc

sticks_n_pucks: theyd throw them out for being defective i swear to god

sherlocked_corn: the day i find a school with left handed scissors is the day i go to another dimension

callme_rafi: hate to break it to yall but judging by this convo its a multiversal thing

newage_red_artist: reading this feels wrong. am i intrudinh for being here

NeonLeon9000: after caseys last message mikey let out a feral scream and threw his phone. it hit the projector and ruined our SU matathon wth april

newage_red_artist: is the phone okay?

Chapter Text

CJones: Hello.

newage_red_artist: hi?

CJones: Michelangelo said that it would be a good idea if I talked to you guys.

CJones: Sorry, I'm not very good at this.

dear_pizza_supreme: nah man its fine

dear_pizza_supreme: we grew up alonw in the sewers its happened to us before

im_blue_katanas: where is the rest of ur group

CJones: Well, I'd call it kareooke night but it sounds more like taking then singing.

im_blue_katanas: kaeroke nights are no argument nights, send vid u probs just don know the song

CJones: Okay, one second.

CJones: [Video]

sleepdeprived_shell: i think thats from hamilton

newage_red_artist: ugh dont remind me of that play unless i get to see it 

NeonLeon9000: OKAY OKAY sorry lol we got really into that

Bootyyyshaker9000: we now know that mikey can do a great hamilton impression

sherlocked_corn: give us like 5 more minutes to get here were practicing

sleepdeprived_shell: yall sure this is kareoke night?

mystic_mike: our pops is a theatre kid and we were raised on the same sorta stuff as him

mystic_mike: also just like,, singing is fun

NeonLeon9000: no, fun is annoying dee by getting hyped to sing then playing the kidz bop cover

sherlocked_corn has added girlf1 to the chat

sherlocked_corn has added girlf2 to the chat

sherlocked_corn changed their name to girlf3

happy_Mike: we could change our names on here?

mystic_mike: its magic i think she just willed it to be so

girlf2: we are doing say my name from beetlejuice and we are going to crush your hamilton

girlf3: we dont need to make everything a competition--

NeonLeon9000: hell yes its on

red_Raph: Guys, please can we for once have a normal game night.

girlf2: No.

girlf1: [Image: Cassandra sitting on April's bathroom counter and putting on makeup]

girlf1: this is the most agressive mascera ive ever seen i think yall are in for a treat 2nite

NeonLeon9000: EYY SUNI

girlf1: i will not get you free pizza.

NeonLeon9000: dammit

im_blue_katanas: can yall take this to private chat

mystic_mike: shjt sory-

girlf1 has been removed from the conversation

girlf2's name has been changed to free_brownies

girlf3's name has been changed to sherlocked_corn

Chapter Text

happy_Mike: whats a good way to explain we are NOT normal ninjas

happy_Mike: there are many ways to say "I am not a normal teenager" with the green skin and all but what about the ninja part

callme_rafi: not normal ninja?

callme_rafi: i'd use a puns, ninjas aren't known for their quips

dear_pizza_supreme: i don't just nunchuck, i chuck the nun

happy_Mike: sjkasdlakslaksa

NeonLeon9000: i have never been hit by a bus, bus several buses have been hit by me

mystic_mike: i may have never thrown a volleyball, but i have thrown a skyscraper

Dontron97: don't forget the several counts of arson

sticks_n_pucks: one of these is not like the others

sleepdeprived_shell: i momentarily forgot about that part of your insanity

free_brownies: i don't just kick ass, i--

sticks_n_pucks: one of these is NOT LIKE THE OTHERS

NeonLeon9000: cassandra why are you like this

dear_pizza_supreme: cassandra i think this may be your first text in the chat since the day you were added

dear_pizza_supreme: how does that maek you feel

free_brownies: good

happy_Mike: i'm not just endangered, i'm in danger!!

happy_Mike: okay that one wasn't my best but whatever

im_blue_katanas: wait a sec can we go back to the bit about arson was that a joke or not

NeonLeon9000: this entire chain reads like something out of an incorrect quotes generator

mystic_mike: do you ever zone out for a minute and tune back in only to realise in horror that you've just put a spoon of nutella in your pocket

sleepdeprived_shell: all the time

callme_rafi: (can't think of a quip)

dear_pizza_supreme: rafi don't worry about it

dear_pizza_supreme: your unoriginal and we love you for it

callme_rafi: BITCH

NeonLeon9000: why do we have nutella that acessible in the lair?

mystic_mike: probably cass, idk

mystic_mike: someone better throw it out before raph finds it tho

happy_Mike: why can't you

mystic_mike: BECAUSE I JUST SHOVED NUTELLA IN MY POCKET

sticks_n_pucks: first time?

NeonLeon9000: thats not an excuse

mystic_mike: i am not ruining this STUPID HOODIE

sleepdeprived_shell: guys run he's unleashing his inner raphael

callme_rafi: counterpoint

callme_rafi: i am logging off like a civilized human being

dear_pizza_supreme: you are neither civilized or a human being

callme_rafi: good point

callme_rafi: BITCH U GOT A PROBLEM WITH ME

sleepdeprived_shell: several, in fact.

im_blue_katanas: so we're just brushing over the arson, okay then.

Chapter Text

Cpt_Leo –> red_Raph

Cpt_Leo: Violet is a terrible influence on my Donnie.

red_Raph: ugh

red_Raph: what did he do this time

Cpt_Leo: He's staying up to even more ungodly hours than before and he's putting his pet projects above broken appliances.

red_Raph: lemme go handle that first one but we're talking bout that second one

that moment when your family multiplies

red_Raph: @sleepdeprived_shell @Dontron97

Dontron97: yo?

sleepdeprived_shell: evening red!!

red_Raph: Did you know that blinking rapidly for a minute straight can wake you up? My Don just told me, sounded cool.

sleepdeprived_shell: holy shit what

im_blue_katanas: ??? why are you encouraging their behavior

newage_red_artist: WHAT IN THE NAME OF HYPNOSIS

im_blue_katanas: wtf

red_Raph: They're both asleep, right?

newage_red_artist: HOW.

red_Raph has banned Dontron97 & sleepdeprived_shell for 5 hours

red_Raph: Blinking really fast tires out your eye muscles, just like how running tires you.

im_blue_katanas: but how do the DONNIE's not know that??

red_Raph: Probably a mix of sleep deprivation and gaslighting.

red_Raph has created a new channel

red_Raph added 3 people

Cpt_Leo: Morning?

red_Raph: Captain, we need to talk about what you brought up last night.

newage_red_artist: leo whag did you do

happy_Mike: whag

newage_red_artist: stfu

red_Raph: Violet said they were handling it, but we need to have a discussion about your mentalities of, "oh, Donnie can just fix it if it breaks."

red_Raph: Because, believe it or not, engineering is this thing called a /hobby/ which means something someone does for fun, believe it or not, and by constantly just going "hey Donnie, I broke this again, can you fix it?" you are giving him more to do, so he stays up later doing his personal projects, and then you get mad at him for not getting any sleep.

Cpt_Leo: This isn't any of your business.

red_Raph: It really isn't, is it? And yet I'm still here.

red_Raph: Guess I'm a Raphael, huh? Who would've guessed?

red_Raph: Who would have guessed that we could possibly similar people?

red_Raph: But what would I know about your Donnie.

happy_Mike: bro are you good??

red_Raph: No. I'm annoyed and I'm taking it out on someone else which is just making me more upset.

red_Raph: Just think about it, I'm out. ✌

Chapter Text

dear_pizza_supreme: irrational fears. go.

happy_Mike: leo's scared of the vaccum

Cpt_Leo: I am not.

mystic_mike: once this is over i need to do my bros all at once cuz i have a list

Dontron97: then why do you yell at us whenever we try to vaccum

Cpt_Leo: I don't let you vacuum anymore because you burned my carpet with it?

callme_rafi: lol imagine spending the time to carpet your floors, weakling. use concrete like the rest of us

newage_red_artist: then why don't you vacuum

Cpt_Leo: No thanks.

sticks_n_pucks: i have personally witnessed him run out of the lair whenever donnie opens 'the closet'

NeonLeon9000: several jokes just popped into my head

Bootyyyshaker9000: the closet you say~

sticks_n_pucks: not the point

Cpt_Leo: Okay.

Cpt_Leo: Listen.

Cpt_Leo: I associate that cursed object with the smell from the time you vacuumed up my charger and nearly set the room on fire. That is completely rational.

happy_Mike: okay then raph's afraid of cockroaches

newage_red_artist: okay that one is completely normal c'mon y'all

dear_pizza_supreme: but we grew up with cockroaches. they're like our sewer-disgusting version of pets

Dontron97: we've literally fought a mutant cockroach and its still a fear

newage_red_artist: TRAUMA COUNTS AS RATIONAL.

happy_Mike: that level fear of innocent bugs is worrying, my dude

newage_red_artist: you know what

newage_red_artist: you have no ground to stand on you are afraid of squrriels

Dontron97: counterpoint, you can't even spell squirrels. 

newage_red_artist: now this is just bullying.

Dontron97: anywho lets go by year so @dear_pizza_supreme start us off

dear_pizza_supreme: raphs afraid of heights

callme_rafi: no. i am a normal person who is afraid of jumping out of planes.

dear_pizza_supreme: humans jump out of planes all the time tho

callme_rafi: stfu

sleepdeprived_shell: thats it for us 😎

NeonLeon9000: sure, sure

mystic_mike: okay so starting it off with donnie's fear of beach balls

Bootyyyshaker9000: SHUT UP

mystic_mike: it is so dumb

Bootyyyshaker9000: I AM A TRAUMATISED TURTLE

NeonLeon9000: if that were true then the rest of us would share this fear

Bootyyyshaker9000: but y'all are hardshelled :(

mystic_mike: oh shit wait there's a reason behind this one

mystic_mike: whoops

Bootyyyshaker9000: you literally?? played the footage?? during the games??? from 18??

mystic_mike: bruh

NeonLeon9000: wait donnie i'm sorry-

Bootyyyshaker9000: >:(

NeonLeon9000: brb

red_Raph has muted NeonLeon9000 for 20 minutes

red_Raph has muted mystic_mike for 20 minutes

red_Raph has muted Bootyyyshaker9000 for 20 minutes

red_Raph: I'm just going to shut them up before they talk about my fear. 

red_Raph: ✌

sherlock_corn: [Image]

red_Raph: THAT THING WAS LITERALLY POSSESSED APRIL

sleepdeprived_shell: WHEEZE

red_Raph: NO I AM NOT CRAZY FOR THIS ONE

red_Raph: THAT THING LITERALLY HOG TIED YOU ALL

sherlocked_corn: raph just acknowledge your irrational fear

red_Raph: THERE IS FOOTAGE OF YOU ALL BEING HOGTIED BY THAT THING. IT HAS KNOCKED DOWN DOORS. I AM NOT DUMB. 

sherlocked_corn: yeah but did you always know that

red_Raph has muted sherlocked_corn for 20 minutes

red_Raph has banned red_Raph for 30 minutes

happy_Mike: well

happy_Mike: we finally got him to use improper grammar

Chapter Text

NeonLeon9000: you know when someone asks you if you know what a certain musician is known for and your like

NeonLeon9000: no??

NeonLeon9000: and suddenly your lectured for liking them

im_blue_katanas: so lemme guess

im_blue_katanas: april

NeonLeon9000: no some random ppl on tumblr

NeonLeon9000: they were all lecturing me for not knowing about the impact MCR had and like

NeonLeon9000: well i can't exactly tell them that i grew up with sewer culture

Cpt_Leo: Ah yes, "Sewer culture."

im_blue_katanas: sewer culture because we're PIECES OF SHIT BAYBEE

NeonLeon9000: you and your mikey are frightetningly simular

im_blue_katanas: we are nothing alike

NeonLeon9000: wait so cap is the oldest sibling

NeonLeon9000: kat what are you again

im_blue_katanas: also the oldest

NeonLeon9000: fml

im_blue_katanas: caps doesn't count tho because its what he assigned himself

Cpt_Leo: The other version of us I met had a Leo in charge, but we never really got a chance to talk to them much.

Cpt_Leo: The Donnie's also met one other version of us, apparently, but that world was black and white so they weren't really sure what was going on.

NeonLeon9000: wait

NeonLeon9000: so us *colour-coded* turtles and were in black and white

Cpt_Leo: I wasn't there, but that's how Donnie explained it.

Cpt_Leo: It's called the Prime Universe, if your Donnie wants to go exploring there, but from what we know, all four of those turtles mean business, so good luck.

im_blue_katanas: so thats still a 50/50 on oldest and not oldest leos

NeonLeon9000: somewhere out there

NeonLeon9000: theres probably a world where donnies the oldest

im_blue_katanas: somewhere, there exists a world where MIKEYS the oldest

NeonLeon9000: no see from my understanding, my raph is the oldest and that coems with its own set of character traits that he shares with cap

NeonLeon9000: but can you imagine a version of DONNIE who acts like cap or my raph? not possible.

im_blue_katanas: i can't imagine mikye as the oldest tho

NeonLeon9000: the bab of the family in every universe

NeonLeon9000: mus protec from trauma

Cpt_Leo: I honestly still have trouble wrapping my head around your Raph being the oldest.

NeonLeon9000: its very obvi if you don't think about ur raph for a sec

im_blue_katanas: raph as the oldest tho? its like impossible to picture

im_blue_katanas: but somwhere out there

im_blue_katanas: ~its real~

NeonLeon9000: do you ever wonder if there's a universe where we didn't fight any of our enemies and forever stayed the peaceful roofhopping turtles of NY

Cpt_Leo: Well, wherever they are, I hope they die in the most embarrassing ways possible.

im_blue_katanas: i'm with you on that one

NeonLeon9000: wth

im_blue_katanas: happy birthday cap!!

NeonLeon9000: oh shit yeah happy b-day!

Cpt_Leo: Ugh, I'm old.

NeonLeon9000: how old are you now

im_blue_katanas: yeah nobody said how old they are in their intros--

Cpt_Leo: And there's a good reason for it.

Cpt_Leo: I can't really tell you how old I am, because I've spent a lot of time in other dimensions and time traveling to the point I'm not really sure any more.

Cpt_Leo: According to the date, it's out 18th, but we've known April for at least 5 years at this point, I think.

Cpt_Leo: Very confusing.

NeonLeon9000: so when yall said u don't celebrate??

Cpt_Leo: Yeah. 

im_blue_katanas: yall r wild

Cpt_Leo: At what point to these groupchats stop being between friends and start being between brothers?

NeonLeon9000: i mean i see yall as just like a really tight group of online friends as is

NeonLeon9000: i have a few of them on twitter as is

NeonLeon9000: except this is better cuz yall are also turtles and so i can relate to your experiences at some point

im_blue_katanas: yeah thats how i've been seeing it

Cpt_Leo: I don't really have a lot of friends to go off of. 

im_blue_katanas: damn

Cpt_Leo: It's all very confusing? Because April and Casey are basically family, Karai's basically family, there's only like one or two people who are between enemy and family for me.

Cpt_Leo: Whatever, I'm too tired to explain my thoughts without getting gloomy.

NeonLeon9000: no no it makes sense

NeonLeon9000: the line gets pretty hard to draw

im_blue_katanas: we should rly get some sleep before we have this discussion

NeonLeon9000: good idea

NeonLeon9000: guys the local pirate is trying to kidnap me into my own room

NeonLeon9000: i refuse to give into the urge of unconsiousness

NeonLeon9000: I WILL NOT BE SILENCED

Cpt_Leo: Who's the local pirate, again?

NeonLeon9000: rafa

NeonLeon9000: he is forever the family pirate, even when he isn't wearing his eyepatch

im_blue_katanas: y'know sometimes i like to forget that your bro lost an eye

NeonLeon9000: he did it to himself

NeonLeon9000: so i'm allowed to be grumpy instead of sad about it

NeonLeon9000: or at least that's what i tell my traumatised half

Cpt_Leo: Only half?

Cpt_Leo: Ameture.

im_blue_katanas: r yall like,,, okay

NeonLeon9000: pfft

Cpt_Leo: I know what death feels like.

im_blue_katanas: oh dear god 

NeonLeon9000: what was victorious even about

im_blue_katanas: they put a bunch of brodway actors into a tv show and then autotuned like the worst singer out of all of them to make her the lead

im_blue_katanas: thats all you need to know about it

Cpt_Leo: I have a great story about that show, actually.

Cpt_Leo: If you want it, of course.

NeonLeon9000: 👀

NeonLeon9000: tell me about your life old man

Cpt_Leo: So, one time we left Raph and Casey alone in the lair unsupervised, and they decided to test how loud they could make the new tv speakers. They turned it all the way to 100 and then played the Victorious theme. When we all came home they were shouting the song at the top of their lungs and the speakers were loud as heck, and they informed us that the tv's graphics implied the volume could still go above 100 which was insane, so we politely moved their sleepover out of our living room.

NeonLeon9000: ✨TOMORROW YOU'LL BE EVERYBODIES 𝓕𝓐𝓒𝓘𝓝𝓐𝓣𝓘𝓞𝓝 ✨

im_blue_katanas: god that song tho

im_blue_katanas: it doesn't desesrve to be that catchy

Cpt_Leo: The woman who played Tori was actually named Victoria.

NeonLeon9000: WHAT

im_blue_katanas: NO WAY

Cpt_Leo: I Googled it like three times over when I found out, it doesn't sound real but it's true.

NeonLeon9000: omg that is way too good

NeonLeon9000: this bitch really has a tv show centered around herself and forced her real naem into it

im_blue_katanas: my life is a lie

NeonLeon9000: yeah me and don loved those sitcoms as a kid

NeonLeon9000: we still watch them ocasionally but now we can see how stupid they all are so

NeonLeon9000: eh

Cpt_Leo: You guys are about to be nostalgic for tv shows that are still coming out for me, aren't you?

NeonLeon9000: ofc we are <3

NeonLeon9000: THIS IS V IMPORTANT

NeonLeon9000: do either of yall happen to know your universe's usagi?

im_blue_katanas: no sry

Cpt_Leo: ...

Cpt_Leo: No.

NeonLeon9000: okay ty

(mid-fic notes section: i decided to do a quick pronoun change for one of the leo's, this scene is over the span of a lot longer than you'll read it)

Cpt_Leo: What happens in the Leo cult stays in the Leo cult, right?

NeonLeon9000: ofc cap

im_blue_katanas: you know everyone uses that quote but nobody knows what fight club was really about

im_blue_katanas: including me

NeonLeon9000: kat pls tell him yes

im_blue_katanas: figured it was a given, ofc everything in here stays a secret

Cpt_Leo: Are you sure?

NeonLeon9000: yes, ofc.

Cpt_Leo: Like 100% sure?

NeonLeon9000: Leo, if you need to get something off your chest, just do it. It will make you feel 10 times better, I promise.

im_blue_katanas: we r literally the same person we know what its like to not wanna tell our bros smth

Cpt_Leo:
             

im_blue_katanas: yooo

NeonLeon9000: another queer blue one to add to the pile--

im_blue_katanas: BLUE LITERALLY SHUT UP 

im_blue_katanas: ty for telling us!!

NeonLeon9000: just going to say it, tell. your. siblings.

NeonLeon9000: yall are the closest bunch i've ever met and your donnie is already out

NeonLeon9000: there is nothing to fear. just go. fucking. say it.

Cpt_Leo: How do you make it sound that easy?

NeonLeon9000: i mean

NeonLeon9000: my experience is a lil different because i am the gayest person i know

NeonLeon9000: but your sibs have been stuck with u your entire live and thats not going to change just because of your pronouns

Cpt_Leo: Ty <3

im_blue_katanas: *gasp*

im_blue_katanas: YOU DO KNOW HOW TO TEXT. YOU LIAR.

NeonLeon9000: can you clarify pronouns tho

Cpt_Leo: she/he, I think? Literally the most confusing thing ever to understand.

im_blue_katanas: welp time to go question my own gender identity for the night

im_blue_katanas: ty for telling us cap

Cpt_Leo: Thank you for being so nice!!

Chapter Text

happy_Mike: guys cass has been typing for an alarming amount of time

Bootyyyshaker9000: omg yes cass has the best long texts

sticks_n_pucks: i hate reading long texts

Bootyyyshaker9000: lol sucks to suck

free_brownies: So I was hanging out with Thea and she offered me a pretzel and I was like "nah" bcuz my mouth rly hurt and she asked me what I ate and so I told her "cookies" and she looked at me in horror and demanded i show her the cookies and so i did and then she got confused because they were normal chips ahoy cookies so ofc the next thought she had was "are they poisoned?" but this was a second too late because COOKIES and i must nibble, and then she looks at me in horror and screeches "DID YOU JUST EAT THAT WHOLE" and now i have semi-permanent hearing loss and also aren't cookies made to be eaten in one bite?

Cpt_Leo: ...

Cpt_Leo: Do I need to give a lecture on why you shouldn't eat something hole if it's bigger than your wrist or are we all clear on how stupid that whole paragraph was.

happy_Mike: cookies totally can be eaten all at once, they're mouth sized

Cpt_Leo: For something to be made to be eaten in one bite, it needs to be in small pieces or specifically say on the tin "one-bite."

newage_red_artist: ^^^ he's lying, i've personally witnessed him eat 2 two-bite mini brownies at once

mystic_mike: this is a food crime and everyone who thinks chips ahoy cookies are made to be eaten in one bite are going to fucking jail

sticks_n_pucks: i've evaded the cops for two years, what are you going to do lil man?

Cpt_Leo: Language.

mystic_mike: I know your signature, Casey Jones. I can find you at any time if I so please.

mystic_mike: :)

free_brownies: sometimes ill get bags of like 7 or 8 cookies and take them into bed to crunch on as i scroll through tumblr

Bootyyyshaker9000: i can understand eating a cookie all in one go but THAT is a food crime cassy

free_brownies: nah i'm with sticks on this one FUCKIN TRY ME

Bootyyyshaker9000: :L

Bootyyyshaker9000: no thanks.

free_brownies: pfft dee are you actually threatened

Bootyyyshaker9000: no

free_brownies: you did a panic smiley

happy_Mike: what are the living conditions in food-crime jail and how good is the food there, i wanna know if its worth it

Cpt_Leo: I'll go there. I think eating Mikey's experiments counts as a felony.

happy_Mike: GASP

happy_Mike: how could you leo

newage_red_artist: i say no on account that would mean all five of us would be in jail and i don't wanna be locked up with yall ever

newage_red_artist: but this is seriously making me reconsider learning to bake

Bootyyyshaker9000: lol isn't that familliar

Bootyyyshaker9000: last night leo had a random spout of boredom and stole all of the fucking yarn and string in the house and put it in a box in his room and keeps hissing at us when we try to take it back

Cpt_Leo: Language.

sticks_n_pucks: wait who in our group isn't going to jail

mystic_mike: is this turning into an rp or am i going crazy

newage_red_artist: you and april because casey in prison sounds wrong and april is the one who brings us every food that is not a crime

free_brownies: i've been to jail before. not fun. 0/10 would not recommend. 

free_brownies: well like. the one at the police station. that i broke out of. but same difference

Bootyyyshaker9000: how did you break out of prison

free_brownies: why do you wanna know

Bootyyyshaker9000: we've

Bootyyyshaker9000: uh

Bootyyyshaker9000: unimportant

mystic_mike: can we circle back to the food felonies

free_brownies: oh no he's so angry hes alliterating

Bootyyyshaker9000: we've never been locked in a cage before

Bootyyyshaker9000: lol

Cpt_Leo: We all have, you can stop now.

free_brownies: anyways, the real crime is biting into cookies like you do orange one

free_brownies: and of course actual criminals

free_brownies: ✌

Chapter Text

red_Raph: Yo, has anyone heard anything from my Donnie?

red_Raph: He's been out of the lair all afternoon.

Dontron97: nope

Cpt_Leo: Donnie, go to bed.

Dontron97: Leo, go to bed.

callme_rafi: adjalsdkasl they've reached a standoff

callme_rafi: also shouldn't you ask the people from your universe first

red_Raph: I have.

sticks_n_pucks: well gl

red_Raph: I just want to sleep. So badly. But I have an idiot to locate.

Cpt_Leo: I feel for you.

red_Raph: I am exhausted.

callme_rafi: tell us about your troubles old man

red_Raph: Firstly, shut up.

red_Raph: Secondly, it turns out he was hiding in the old lab, which he neglected to mention was fixed, and his master plan to keep me out was to inform me that he brought nuts into the lair because I wasn't visiting. Now he's trying to plot a cleaning spree so that I can start helping him fix the rest of the old lair.

red_Raph: And he's just basically trying to delay the repairs for another week which is insane because the rest of us just want our childhood home back and then I have this IDIOT over here.

dear_pizza_supreme: woah man

dear_pizza_supreme: your home was destroyed??

callme_rafi: mikey why are you awake and what made you think that was a good idea to ask

red_Raph: No, it's fine, happened almost a year ago at this point.

Cpt_Leo: We've had to abandon our lair before. Not a fun experience.

red_Raph: Last time I got an update, the lab was supposedly still an electrical hazard but I'm sitting here rn in Leo's old chair and wondering how long these two have been working under my nose.

NeonLeon9000: i am offended you think that i would ever betray you so rafa.

red_Raph: GO TO BED.

NeonLeon9000: no thank you

red_Raph: IT IS PAST YOUR BEDTIME.

NeonLeon9000: what am i 5

red_Raph: You want to ask Pops?

NeonLeon9000: ight night y'all~

NeonLeon9000: wait raph are you planning on sleeping in our lab

red_Raph: I am too tired to come home.

NeonLeon9000: no get your sweaty ass out of my lab

NeonLeon9000: get off my chair right this instant

Bootyyyshaker9000: how the turned tables have turned

Bootyyyshaker9000: wait

red_Raph: YOU.

red_Raph: I took your phone.

Bootyyyshaker9000: get out of my lab

red_Raph: I am HOLDING a box full of the tech I confiscated from you.

Bootyyyshaker9000: you tried to confiscate tech. from me.

red_Raph: You're going to have to carry me out of your lab if you want me out so bad, Leo.

NeonLeon9000: but then i wouldn't be so tired, would i

red_Raph: Guys please.

NeonLeon9000: <3 <3 i wuv uuuu

Bootyyyshaker9000: ^-^

Cpt_Leo: How did it go?

callme_rafi: you got lost didn't you

red_Raph: UGH

Chapter Text

im_blue_katanas: gimme song recs my playlists feel repititive

Bootyyyshaker9000: did you know that spotify uses an algorithm to 'randomize' the shuffle option and doesn't truly randomise the playlists

im_blue_katanas: wtf

im_blue_katanas: i've been LIED TO

dear_pizza_supreme: wait what

Bootyyyshaker9000: yeah put your playlist into youtube music and hit shuffle and itll hit different

im_blue_katanas: well then

newage_red_artist: fuck wait lemme look through my playlist i have nothing better to do

NeonLeon9000: dude if your anything like my raph you swing violently between rap and early 2010's pop and i'm not ruining xer playlist like that

dear_pizza_supreme: as long as nobody sends in any imagine dragons

callme_rafi: tf is wrong with imagine dragons mikey

free_brownies: imagine dragons is good :(

NeonLeon9000: cass they're from 2015 and 2017

NeonLeon9000: that's like Warriors and Demons era of imagine dragons, Sharks isn't out yet

free_brownies: ew ew ew nvm

free_brownies: uhm the only song i can think of is riot by hollywood undead but i don't think that comes out for another few months for you, sorry kat

callme_rafi: i still am offended wtf

Bootyyyshaker9000: Bird Song by Florence + The Machine

Bootyyyshaker9000: Saint Bernard by Lincoln

Bootyyyshaker9000: Could Have Been Me by The Struts

NeonLeon9000: for reference donnie's scrolling down his favourite playlist and just copying all of the names

Bootyyyshaker9000: Brave as a Noun by AJJ

Bootyyyshaker9000: Hayloft by Mother Mother

Bootyyyshaker9000: Two Birds by Regina Spektor

im_blue_katanas: *frantically taking notes*

dear_pizza_supreme: i know like half of these songs already wtf

Bootyyyshaker9000: Afraid by the Neighbourhood

Bootyyyshaker9000: that's because they're good songs, angie

newage_red_artist: like 70% of these don't exist yet for me asshole

Bootyyyshaker9000: okay gimme a sec to find some good ones from like 2014, rare but whatever

callme_rafi: what has this chat become

NeonLeon9000: i don't even know

Bootyyyshaker9000: i'm getting mixed results on wether this came out in 2021 or 15 but Alien Blues by Vundabar

newage_red_artist: whats so wrong about early 2010's pop, anyways? its current for us but still, it ain't that bad

dear_pizza_supreme: a lot of it is painfully awful tbh

Bootyyyshaker9000: this is harder than i thought

sleepdeprived_shell: i'm looking as well and omg this is tragic

sleepdeprived_shell: I Am Not a Robot by MARINA

mystic_mike: wait wait this is actually tragic how little of the good stuff they have

mystic_mike: Can't Hold Us by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

Bootyyyshaker9000: YOU GUYS DON'T HAVE DUMB DUMB

NeonLeon9000: oh my god NO

free_brownies: dumb dumb is a tiktok edit song and its tragic that you three unironically listen to it

Bootyyyshaker9000: stfu + L + ratio + ~ EVERYONE IS ~

NeonLeon9000: ~ DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB ~

mystic_mike: ~ da-da dumb! ~

sleepdeprived_shell: Problems by Mother Mother hits hard when you are emotionally unstable

im_blue_katanas: guys i can't work this fast

callme_rafi: stop trying to donnie-ify my sibling

NeonLeon9000: Hell of a Ride (Studio) by Bo Burnham

mystic_mike: this ones obvi but So What by P!nk

dear_pizza_supreme: Cooler than Me ft. Big Sean by Mike Posner

Bootyyyshaker9000: guys we got an alert but right before we leave

Bootyyyshaker9000: I Can't Handle Change by Roar

sticks_n_pucks: one of these days ima jaunter up to a criminal with a JBL speaker playing california girls just to see what theyd do

free_brownies: oh fuck yes

Chapter Text

mystic_mike: best view in the city!!

mystic_mike: [Image: Orange holds up a peace sign over a sunset on a seemingly random city block]

happy_Mike: 🤩

Dontron97: holy shit is that LA

NeonLeon9000: PFF

NeonLeon9000: SORRY THAT CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD--

Dontron97: ?

dear_pizza_supreme: CITY THAT NEVER SLEEPS BAYBEEE

im_blue_katanas: woah ur city is all neon it looks so much cooler than ours

newage_red_artist: can we stop pretending that thats nyc for a sec

Bootyyyshaker9000: yeah the view is pretty spectacular

Bootyyyshaker9000: wai red wdym

happy_Mike: that is so clearly not nyc idk what to tell you man

NeonLeon9000: ???

newage_red_artist: at best its like the nyc from the old comics

happy_Mike: FR

dear_pizza_supreme: wait is this serious or a joke

happy_Mike: serious??

NeonLeon9000: but its NEW YORK

Dontron97: yeah the city where you get kidnapped by aliens and mad men with knives

mystic_mike: city that never sleeps??

Dontron97: haven't heard that one in a while

im_blue_katanas: i think one of us is misinterpreting this whole thing and so can anyone who's joking please come forward

Bootyyyshaker9000: i don't think anyone is

Dontron97: wait what

mystic_mike: hold up

mystic_mike: [3 Images: all birds-eye views of random parts of the city, buzzing with light and life]

newage_red_artist: how is that nyc??

happy_Mike: but this is nyc

happy_Mike: [2 Images: hastily taken pictures of random city blocks] 

im_blue_katanas: why is your city abandoned wth

Dontron97: wait so that's what new york looked like before??

Dontron97: woah

NeonLeon9000: before WHAT

happy_Mike: before the aliens came along and started kidnapping people and before the foot started running the criminal underworld

newage_red_artist: back when the city didn't have ppl like us running around

Bootyyyshaker9000: you know what

Bootyyyshaker9000: one of these days y'all are coming here and you're going to get the REAL nyc experience

Bootyyyshaker9000: not the ghost town you live in

Chapter Text

red_Raph: You guys remind me of this meme.

red_Raph:
               

               (Img Desc: Text message where a Dad says: RISE | RISE | RISE | Where's your anger? | Where's your fucking rage?)

callme_rafi: accurate

newage_red_artist: i ain't yo fuckin father-

callme_rafi: pff

red_Raph: I'm the dad here, honestly. Captain qualifies but he doesn't have the right energy.

newage_red_artist: leos the mom

newage_red_artist: your the uncle

red_Raph: No, I am your Uncle. April's my big sis and then the rest of my siblings are my children, sans CJ who is the nephew, except his mom is also one of my stupid kids.

callme_rafi: if i'm understanding things correctly here

callme_rafi: does that make the tinies the weird second cousins who don't know anybody there but are there anyways

newage_red_artist: yess

red_Raph: Wait, so where would y'all's Aprils and Caseys be in all this?

callme_rafi: aprils either sister or aunt, leaning towards sister me thinks, and she totally has a crush on casey and thats the only reason we kepe him around SO

newage_red_artist: wait APRIL has the crush on casey

newage_red_artist: OH THAT IS TOO GOOD

red_Raph: Wait, what?

newage_red_artist: before i say anything can we all agree not to bring this up to anyone else except maybe my mikey

callme_rafi: ofc

red_Raph: Sure?

newage_red_artist: okay so my donnie has a crush on april and casey and my casey has a crush on april and donnie and then april is kinda good at hiding who she has the hots for but she def knows about it and it is HILARIOUS to witness

newage_red_artist: there are several bets about when those three are going grow a pear and get together.

newage_red_artist: + in this new theoretical family tree that makes them our sis and bro in law which is accurate

red_Raph: I cannot imagine Donnie having a crush on anyone, let alone his sister, ew. 

callme_rafi: donnies good at hiding that sort of tihng but ik he had a one or two fictional ones as a kid

callme_rafi: but april? i cant see it

newage_red_artist: well yall both have big histories with your april right

callme_rafi: i mean if you count pre-mutation as a history than yeah

newage_red_artist: IGNORING THAT for the time being

newage_red_artist: we met her on our 15th birthday and we're in our early 20s now so

newage_red_artist: feels more natural than whatever yall got going on

red_Raph: We met April when I was 8, we've seen her as a sister basically from the start.

callme_rafi: is there any other drama that yall can tell me about because now i'm interested

red_Raph: Well, as you saw the other week, April's dating Cass as well as her bestie Sunita.

red_Raph: Sunita's dad works at our favorite restaurant and so Leo keeps trying to use her for free pizza, despite the fact the owner of the place has totally claimed Leo as his personal nephew.

callme_rafi: how does that work with the whole

callme_rafi: mutant thing

red_Raph: OH, yeah so Sunita and all the other peeps at that restaurant are not human, it's a secret not human hangout area.

newage_red_artist: ugh i wish we had that

newage_red_artist: we have this one place thats owned by a blind dude who knows we're mutants anyways, and thats it

callme_rafi: april has an in with a pizza guy. we hop down roofs right past him and replace the box with the money

red_Raph: Dang.

newage_red_artist: respectfully

newage_red_artist: rafi you have like

newage_red_artist: the boringest universe ever

callme_rafi: believe me, i don't need a reminder, i've already got plently on my phone

red_Raph: At least he can tell the difference between NYC and LA.

newage_red_artist: OFFENDED GASP

newage_red_artist: DID DAD JUST BULLY ME

newage_red_artist: FOR SHAME

red_Raph: Please don't make that a thing.

callme_rafi: yeah ew

Chapter Text

NeonLeon9000: having hobbies is EXHAUSTING

sleepdeprived_shell: i feel you

NeonLeon9000: how am i supposed to make sure i don't miss anything on twitter while i am having fun sewing

NeonLeon9000: not fair

red_Raph: How am I supposed to sew while Leo is having fun sewing?

red_Raph: Not fair.

NeonLeon9000: get your own kit

red_Raph: That's literally my kit.

NeonLeon9000: no~

Bootyyyshaker9000: stop taking over our hobbies and workspaces

NeonLeon9000: i have done NONE SUCH thing

im_blue_katanas: that sounded suspicious

mystic_mike: just kick him out like i do

Bootyyyshaker9000: no

sleepdeprived_shell: violet just admit that you like having him as a lab partner and move on

Bootyyyshaker9000: i do not. he is obnoxious and annoying.

NeonLeon9000: this turned into a session for people to bully me

NeonLeon9000: ugh

NeonLeon9000: i'm out of here

Dontron97: we arent here for you to bitch at us, go do that somewhere else

mystic_mike: [Video]

Blue storms out of his room, loudly declaring: "I hate this FUCKING family!"

He spins around.

"See you at dinner!" Angel calls.

Blue attempts to slam his bedroom door but there's a very concerning noise and something sparks.

"Uh..."

"What's for dinner tonight?" CJ calls from offscreen.

The camera pans over towards Purple, who is standing in the enterance to his lab, and CJ who is carrying a suspicious black bundle and desperately trying to pretend it was normal.

"Hamato Leonardo I swear to the pizza supreme in the sky if you broke that door I will-"

mystic_mike: ahh just another day with the sewer fam

sleepdeprived_shell: wait i wanna test something rly quick

Dontron97: ???

sleepdeprived_shell: If you use Penne instead of noodles, but still use the same sauce, is it still spaghetti?

mystic_mike: OH YOU. DID. NOT.

sleepdeprived_shell: test sucessful

Chapter Text

sleepdeprived_shell: did you know that the only state in which cannibalism was actually declared illegal was idaho

sticks_n_pucks: wait what

newage_red_artist: ???

newage_red_artist: cannibalism sounds lkie something that should be a illegal in all 50 states 

newage_red_aritst: if i'm being entirely honest here ofc

sleepdeprvied_shell: see in idaho it's only allowed it you're in a situation where it is necessary to survive. meaning, if you were say locked in a room and another person was your only source of food, you could eat them.

Bootyyyshaker9000: yeah i heard about that

Bootyyyshaker9000: whats illegal about cannibalism every where else is actually how you OBTAIN the body

Cpt_Leo: I'm going to need to ask you both very seriously why you have this knowledge.

Bootyyyshaker9000: reddit

sleepdeprived_shell: reddit

NeonLeon9000: you know when you see your sibling googling cannibalism laws knowing damn well how many times they bit you as a child you tend to look the other way

mystic_mike: "as a child"

Cpt_Leo: Bit!?

sticks_n_pucks: this discussion is going to make me give my donnie a good long squint

sleepdeprived_shell: yeah so theres laws about desecrating corpses and ofc murder and all that jazz but there's nothing against actually eating a human body part

sleepdeprived_shell: as long as you can find a way to legally buy it, you can eat it

im_blue_katanas: can we stop discussing cannibalism please--

free_brownies: lets absolutely keep discussing the laws of cannibalism

sleepdeprived_shell: to avoid giving myself a new round of nightmares i've halted my research on this topic for the night

sleepdeprived_shell: sorry cass

Bootyyyshaker9000: i mean cannibalism doesn't really need to be made illegal, it's not worth the effort

Bootyyyshaker9000: to obtain the meat legally is insanely expensive, you're better off just getting some normal, every day meat from the supermarket

Bootyyyshaker9000: as fun as bragging to be a cannibal sounds

mystic_mike: guys don't worry they're joking when they say things like that

mystic_mike: we think

newage_red_artist: i've officially decided that i never want to meet any of you in person. or at least the donnies.

Chapter Text

dear_pizza_supreme: *sobs*

dear_pizza_supreme: WE MADE A MISTAKE

newage_red_artist: is this the dumb kinda mistake or the major fuckup kinda mistake

im_blue_katanas: somewhere in hte middle

callme_rafi: i am... i am.

happy_Mike: what happened?

mystic_mike: is this entertainment I smell?

mystic_mike: whoops continue

dear_pizza_supreme: we are. 

happy_Mike: take your time

newage_red_artist: just spit it out already

happy_Mike: RAPH-

sleepdeprived_shell: we just checked our heights for the first time in like. 5 years.

mystic_mike: OH DEAR GOD

red_Raph: Give us the heights, boys. You asked for it.

callme_rafi: no this is not that kind of shock

callme_rafi: jesus h christ

sleepdeprived_shell: i am hysterically giggling--

im_blue_katanas: HOW DID NONE OF US NOTICE--

dear_pizza_supreme: casey is so done with this already

newage_red_artist: guys please stop pandering

dear_pizza_supreme: i am the shortest. brother. right?

happy_Mike: yeah? and?

dear_pizza_supreme: I AM 6'1

mystic_mike: b r u h

newage_red_artist: well thats cool

happy_Mike: you are a foot taller than my raph

newage_red_artist: stfu

im_blue_katanas: he is. the SHORTEST. this is insane.

sleepdeprived_shell: i don't understand the logic of the mutugen sometimes

red_Raph: Oh look, fellow abnormally tall turtles. Join the club of confusion. 

im_blue_katanas: right so anyways 

im_blue_katanas: 6'4 over here

callme_rafi: 6'6 

sleepdeprived_shell: 6'8

mystic_Mike: guys please

NeonLeon9000: PFFF

NeonLeon9000: OKAY SO

NeonLeon9000: orange passed the 5ft mark like 3 months ago--

NeonLeon9000: mikeypleasedon'tmurderme

red_Raph: I remain the tallest turtle for yet another day.

CJones: :D

mystic_mike: ... ominous cj

mystic_mike: you want to elaborate?

CJones: I didn't know that you could make smileys like that!!

happy_Mike: daaawww

mystic_mike: sure, sure

newage_red_artist: ...

newage_red_artist: wait angel how tall r u

mystic_mike: 5'3 i think why

happy_Mike: RIP

im_blue_katanas: this is what we call irony folks

newage_red_artist: I AM NOT THE SHORTEST

sleepdeprived_shell: none of us used that term yet :)

newage_red_artist: BITCH

red_Raph: I'm 7'1.

red_Raph: Just putting that out there.

callme_rafi: dear LORD

Chapter Text

callme_rafi: the cat has a name!!

callme_rafi: aand nobody cares

dear_pizza_supreme: thank you for figuring this out dearest servant of mine

callme_rafi: fuck off

NeonLeon9000: tell us about your new enemy rafi, let it all out

callme_rafi: okay so basically he's this mutant cat right

callme_rafi: but he's literally just this mutated street cat that leads a gang, i thikn i he once talked about getting kicked out onto the streets but i? do not care??

Bootyyyshaker9000: is it time we tell them about

Bootyyyshaker9000: shit what was his name again

newage_red_artist: banxster stinkbug?

mystic_mike: no i think it was more like william phone or smth

sherlocked_corn: *breathes*

mystic_mike: girl pls don't ruin this joke for us

happy_Mike: no raph it was more like Bob Stacks or smth

callme_rafi: this has told me absolutely nothing

NeonLeon9000: okay so basically

NeonLeon9000: theres this mutant worm

NeonLeon9000: thats it

im_blue_katanas: no, there has to be an 'and' there

happy_Mike: lmao we were talking about stockman

newage_red_artist: a worm??

Bootyyyshaker9000: that's literally it. his boyfriends the one that really matters

mystic_mike: yea hes dating this mutant hippo that's like the real version of the magicians that do childrens birthday parties

mystic_mike: with like rabbits in hats and shit except the rabbits are demons that want to bite my toes or smth

newage_red_artist: so he's just a worm??

NeonLeon9000: yes

newage_red_artist: are you sure there's nothing else there? does he breathe fire? super strength?

Bootyyyshaker9000: just the ability to slowly and painfully regenerate the lower half of his body when sliced in half

NeonLeon9000: don't ask.

dear_pizza_supreme: i really want to ask

im_blue_katanas: yall r wild

Chapter Text

newage_red_artist: fcuk

NeonLeon9000: that is the most relatable message i have ever receieved please continue

newage_red_artist: this ron us dusgudting

sleepdeprived_shell: bro u good

newage_red_artist: it fucjung smelks

newage_red_artist: sorryvimvtyling eithvine hand tge other is cobtamibated

Dontron97: So my little brothers have both acquired a sickness.

Dontron97: I'd give a diagnosis but I can't find Mikey and Raph is sitting on the bathroom floor and being a whiny bitch over text.

newage_red_artist: stop taliing likr lee

newage_red_artist: im too tired for langyage

NeonLeon9000: relatively tame for a sickness i see

sleepdeprived_shell: id call it fairly standard

sherlocked_corn: my bros all act high as fuck whenever they get sick

NeonLeon9000: its not my FAULT im a theatre kid

Cpt_Leo: [Video]

"Cary me, Leo. I cannot handle the burden of standing across the hall to my room."

Mikey is, in fact, lying flat on his plastron in his own bed.

sleepdeprived_shell: sorry i dont have any videos of me n my bros being sick, we act like rational human beings and dont do that

Dontron97: its all for blackmail purposes

sherlocked_corn: dear lord i have so many sic vids

sherlocked_corn: oh my gods i have one of SPLINTER

newage_red_artist: guve it to me mayve uf i cey ill tgrow up

NeonLeon9000: april o'neil i swear to shit if you send ANYTHING from the yearly tapes i will END YOU

sherlocked_corn: what if i cut out all of the dumbassery and cut to the part where everyones teaterinf on the edge of madness

NeonLeon9000: i am always teetering on tje edge of madness so yes thats allowed

sherlocked_corn: ight so this first one was from when raph was 12 i think

sherlocked_corn: [Video]

"Psst, April," the high-pitched voice of a 12-year-old Raph hisses. "I turtle!" He announces, stars in his eyes.

He's in the zipped off quarantine of his room, clutching a stuffed bear to himself as he drowsily sways.

"Sharp turtle. Oh no, April, am I knife turtle!? That's not allowed!"

The camera pans over to wear a brown furred Splinter stands, his eyes sunken and exhausted. He takes in a long, deep breath and repeatedly reminds himself, "it always runs it's course."

NeonLeon9000: OH EM GEE I REMEMBER THAT ONE

NeonLeon9000: that was the year that donnie got sick cuz he didnt like me being quarantined in my own room right

sherlocked_corn: yeep

sleepdeprived_shell: k n i f e  t u r t l e

sherlocked_corn: okay now this one was a few weeks after we moved lairs

sherlocked_corn: [Video]

Leo hangs from the rails of their almost untouched bedroom, looking down at the floor with a curious expression gracing his features.

"Blue, what'chya doin'?" April asks seriously from behind the phone.

"Did you know humans vibrate on silent?"

"Oh em gee," Purple's voice says before the camera pans to where they've set up a hammock at the end of the subway car, "vibration. Yes."

"If you wanna do it," Blue offers, "all you gotta do is shut your fucketh voice hole."

As if on cue, Blue lets out a deep cough, falls from surprise, and lands flat on his face.

"Don't worry, Lee. Just believe in the power of the slippery slider and you'll never walk again."

newage_red_artist: puked ✅

sleepdeprived_shell: ugh i never get any good blackmail

callme_rafi: i used to have a lot but we lost it when SOMEBODY got us in a fucking plane crash

callme_rafi: and all my stuff got waterlogged

newage_red_artist: plane is a weird word

mystic_mike: wait pril now i wanna know what i'm like when i'm sick

sherlocked_corn: you just kinda wanna be cocooned. once cocooned a mikey is dealt with

happy_Mike: i always wanna be cocooned. caterpillars have it GOOD

happy_Mike: they get to go in a cocoon for a few months and when they come out they get WINGSSSS

mystic_mike: you. you get it.

newage_red_artist: but then what about ground

newage_red_artist: at least the ground is nice to people

Dontron97: i don't even know what to call their mental states rn but i think we're good over here y'all

sleepdeprived_shell: where there goes that five minutes of entertainment

mystic_mike: i mean we always have more at the ready

mystic_mike: quick someone think of an interesting story that doesn't relate to anything important

Dontron97: when we were teens mikey was constantly scared of choking on all swallowable pills, but despised the flavour of any and all medication so he suffered through any and all headaches and or sicknesses

Dontron97: unless we forced medication down which is uh. ofc no

Dontron97: and we TRIED to get him to have meds. we'd give him liquid meds and pump it with chocolate sauce but he wouldn't be swayed

Dontron97: and so eventually leo came up with this master plan and it was to teach mikey to swallow pills with mnms

Dontron97: and then when he FINALLY did it without chewing mikey cried because he didn't get to taste the mnm first

NeonLeon9000: i'm sorry but when in the hell was i expected to learn how to swallow without chewing? tell mike that he was valid for that right now

Dontron97: can't sorry i'm on raph duty

NeonLeon9000: CAPTAIN

NeonLeon9000: APOLOGISE FOR YOUR SINS

Cpt_Leo: Can't, sorry I'm on Raph duty. 

Cpt_Leo: Donnie. 

Dontron97: too late now leo you've already send a vid

Cpt_Leo: Ugh, fine.

Tortlz and Co.

Mikey: eon

Mikey: eon

Mikey: @NeonLeon9000 !!

Leo: Mikey, I swear to god. How did you get your phone and where are you hiding it?

Mikey: shhsh we cant ket leo know u fiund ne phobe

Raph: i stkllk have mu pnone cyz diknnies a beetter nurse tgan leo

Raph: also feeliung a lil whoozy again lol

Karai: What the hell have i woken up too

Mikey: karai shhh

Leo: You know what, I've given up.

Mikey: jono eob dint go i sorry

Raph: thats leonardidymbass

Raph: thefr was suoposed ti be a soace un that word u orinise

April: on a scale of 1-10 how sick are they

Mikey: i an bot sich i am amazinf 

April: ah, got it

Karai: Sick? weaklings

Casey: just a warning mikes def about to start sicktexting leon

April: ???

Casey: other leo

April: what happened to "turtles only?"

Mikey: pff itcsrillvis

Raph: leob assed his casey furst

April: i demand entry.

Donnie: okay then?? warning pronouns are inconsistent as are personalities and the usernames are not very useful

Dontron97 has added ello_yello to the chat

Dontron97: girl why is that your default user

ello_yello: i was an uncreative child

elly_yello: n e ways HI IM APRIL!!

sherlocked_corn: ayooo

sherlocked_corn: greetings fellow april

ello_yello: wait

ello_yello: DONNIE

ello_yello: WHAT HAPPENED TO NO HUMANS

sherlocked_corn: see im this special breed of not-quite-human called "big sis to idiot ninja turtles" so i dont count

callme_rafi: oh great more humans 

free_brownies: 🖕

CJones: I'm with Rafi on this one. We are a horrible species.

Chapter Text

NeonLeon9000 created the channel helpp

NeonLeon9000 added 3 people

NeonLeon9000: helpp

Dontron97: eon?

NeonLeon9000: my donnie

NeonLeon9000: im in the old lab

sleepdeprived_shell: what is going on

NeonLeon9000: I CANT FUCKING CODE

Dontron97: well this is a development

Bootyyyshaker9000: i feel like thats a given nardo but what appears to be the issue?

sleepdeprived_shell: not only do i have a bro asking aobut tech willingly but he's asking how to make his own?

sleepdeprived_shell: this is surreal

NeonLeon9000: okay okay so i was just doing some html website shit out of boredom but every time i save my code vanishes

Bootyyyshaker9000: save harder then

Dontron97: image??

NeonLeon9000: first of all, fuck you purple

NeonLeon9000: [Image]

Dontron97: well thats code alright

sleepdeprived_shell: i'm going to be honest here

sleepdeprived_shell: i've sadly made this mistake in the past

sleepdeprived_shell: and seeing any version of one of my brso develop to the point of making the same mistake both infuriates and amazes me

Bootyyyshaker9000: can you hurry it up before he starts whining in real life

sleepdeprived_shell: lee you're kinda sorta typing the html into the css section

NeonLeon9000: wh

NeonLeon9000: excuse me

Bootyyyshaker9000: ah

Bootyyyshaker9000: yeah i've done that actually

Dontron97: it happens to the best of us

Dontron97: that is to say the ones that can handle running on pure caffine

NeonLeon9000: it...

NeonLeon9000: fml

NeonLeon9000: TWO HOURS OF THIS SHIT

NeonLeon9000: i am upset.

Bootyyyshaker9000: just an idea

Bootyyyshaker9000: take a nap before you continue

Dontron97: don't fall for his tricks eon

Dontron97: i believe in you

NeonLeon9000: pff why would i take a nap

sleepdeprived_shell: (one of us)

sleepdeprived_shell: (one of us)

sleepdeprived_shell: (ONE OF US)

NeonLeon9000: dee oyu fucking hypocrite

Bootyyyshaker9000: your baby code will still be there in the morning

NeonLeon9000: fuck you i'm going to go format it now byeee

Bootyyyshaker9000: i mean it was just a suggestion

Dontron97: kudos for trying it at least

Dontron97: my mikes got a head filled with random bio facts but none of my bros have ever put in the effort before

NeonLeon9000: no don't get me wrong i hate coding it is a nightmare

NeonLeon9000: but i'm also a poor innocent neurodivergent

NeonLeon9000: with a lot of thinking time on my hands

sleepdeprived_shell: yeah thats everyone here youre gonna have to be more specific

NeonLeon9000: i also have a case of the uh

NeonLeon9000: one sheep, two sheep, cow, turtle, duck, ol' mcdonald had a farm, EEEY macarena

Dontron97: well me myself have a case of the "last night i dreamt i finally got a full 8 hours of sleep"

Bootyyyshaker9000: am i the only one who suffers from "got an extra hour of sleep and is still tired"

sleepdeprived_shell: personally i suffer from "best of luck to sleep on winning tonight's battle against the seven cups of coffee i had today"

NeonLeon9000: that last one made no sense i'm going to take a quick screen break

Bootyyyshaker9000: guys please we shouldn't be encouraging this for non-dons

Dontron97: but bonding over insomnia is literal friendship goals am i wrong

sleepdeprived_shell: go bond with your casey and april

Dontron97: fuck off

NeonLeon9000: also dee we're all just going to quietly ignore the fact you're also awake at this hour

Bootyyyshaker9000: its only like 1 hour past my normal?

NeonLeon9000: (:

Bootyyyshaker9000: MOTHER FUCKER-

Chapter Text

mystic_mike: so all of y'all are technically quadruplets right

newage_red_artist: sadly

sleepdeprived_shell: there's no proof otherwise for us but a turtle can dream

mystic_mike: so do y'all ever experience like

mystic_mike: twin telepathy?

newage_red_artist: no?

Dontron97: twin telepathy is a myth. we only talk similarly because we were raised in practically the same environment

sleepdeprived_shell: lol that's a no

ello_yello: i'm going to answer for them, actually

ello_yello: they 100% do experience quadruplet telepathy but they enver realise it because they are consistently terrible at listening to eachother, forever and always

mystic_mike: pff okay that does sound like twin telepathy's consequence huh

NeonLeon9000: WE ARE NOT TWINS

Bootyyyshaker9000: WE ARE NOT TWINS

mystic_mike: ight then who's birthday is it tmr

Booyyyshaker9000: leon's

NeonLeon9000: donnie's

red_Raph: To reiterate Mikey's earlier point: twin telepathy.

NeonLeon9000: >:( i'm done with y'all for the nigth

Bootyyyshaker9000: you know what im' done for the night byeee

newage_red_artist: yeah but have you ever seen us do that? no. no you haven't.

sticks_n_pucks: yep i've never seen it happen before in my life

sticks_n_pucks: what even is twin telepathy lmao

ello_yello: *sigh*

dear_pizza_supreme: wait holy fuck time flies

dear_pizza_supreme: red your 18th was like a MONTH ago and you didn't say anything!?!? happy b-day dude!!

red_Raph: Don't worry about it, birthdays for me are generally pretty low key. 

im_blue_katanas: but thats the BIG birthday

red_Raph: Whether I'm 18 or 17, I'm still the only one with a sane head on my shoulders. The only difference is now that I can tell them to listen because I'm an adult.

sherlocked_corn: checkmate bitch i'm also 18 now

red_Raph: I didn't forget, April.

sherlocked_corn: 🥰

NeonLeon9000 —> callme_rafi

NeonLeon9000: rafi i need your help

callme_rafi: what the hell are you coming to me for

callme_rafi: i know that you and the leos have some sort of secret hivemind forming over there

callme_rafi: go bother my brothers

NeonLeon9000: nono

NeonLeon9000: if i am understanding this correctly you and donnie are the middle children in your family, right?

callme_rafi: well sometimes its mikey and me

callme_rafi: it varries from moment to moment depending on donnie's caffine to water ratio

NeonLeon9000: right so donnie just walked into my room, said "concerning giggle" and then strung up a fucking hammock and passed out

NeonLeon9000: is this worrying behaviour or not

callme_rafi: idk but i'd check the lab

NeonLeon9000: i'm not allowed to go in the lab tonight its where we store the gifts

callme_rafi: honestly?

callme_rafi: it sounds like he looked at the gifts. 

NeonLeon9000: ugh lemme check with rafa to see if anythings been touched

NeonLeon9000: nothing incriminating. as far as i'm aware

callme_rafi: lock the bedroom door so that he can't escape in the morning

callme_rafi: then interrogate

NeonLeon9000: i knew that you had a devious side

NeonLeon9000: ty

callme_rafi: don't mention it

callme_rafi: seriously if dan figured out how readable she was to me she'd find a way to fuck up my vocal cords

Bootyyyshaker9000 —> Dontron97

Bootyyyshaker9000: i found leo's energy drink supply

Bootyyyshaker9000: there is no longer a leo's energy drink supply

Dontron97: WOOOOO

Dontron97: good job!!!

Dontron97: also out of curiosity do you have any idea where one casey jones would hide an entire fucking minifridge with drinks inside

Bootyyyshaker9000: check his apt ig? 

Bootyyyshaker9000: mine would probably steal it for her girl scout warehouse thingy but uh

Bootyyyshaker9000: that's a my universe specific thing thus far

Bootyyyshaker9000: unless dani & co have been hiding something from us

Dontron97: ight ig thats worth a shot

Dontron97: but i'm still kinda in shock over the fact that he stole my entire fridge under my nose

Bootyyyshaker9000: yeah it'd probably be good for you to get like a motion sensor set up then

Dontron97: see when i give you this information you give me good advice.

Dontron97: when i give raph this information he tells me to sleep.

Bootyyyshaker9000: see normally i'd do the saem thing 

Bootyyyshaker9000: but i have to be grumpy because big sis has told me i'm sleeping in lee's room tonight so that i'm unable to stay up late without notice

Dontron97: b r u h

mystic_mike: *sigh*

mystic_mike: every. goddamn. year.

mystic_mike: [Image: Blue and Violet are both curled around almost identical clumps of almost black fabric, aside the small tint of their signature colour thrown in. Purple's notably has some bright embroidered designs around it while Blue does not.

CJones: It's the same gift? 

dear_pizza_supreme: dear LORD

CJones: Sorry, I feel weird asking aloud. Why did they get each other the same gift?

red_Raph: Because they're too similar for their own good. 

red_Raph: And they're both too obsessed with their new jackets to remember that they bought the other one a jacket.

happy_Mike: in reference to last nights conversation, this is what i'd call twin telepathy

sherlocked_corn: i give two minutes before leo starts bragging about his is better cuz he embroidered it

Dontron97: twin telepathy, for the last time, IS NOT REAL

Cpt_Leo: Where did he even learn to do it?

mystic_mike: probably the internet

free_brownies: or master splinter

red_Raph: **Splinter.

free_brownies: master splinter

red_Raph: **SPLINTER.

free_brownies: SENSEI.

red_Raph: NO FORMALITIES ON SPECIAL OCCASIONS.

free_brownies: HE IS THE LEADER OF THIS CLAN AND SHALL BE ADDRESSED AS SUCH. 

mystic_mike: can we not do this right now please

Bootyyyshaker9000: i am the most fashionable one here and i take no criticism

Cpt_Leo: And judging by the fact that the humans are probably all busy, there's about a 90% chance you're the only one actually wearing more than the bare minimum.

NeonLeon9000: everyone shut the fuck up i need to ✨ 𝒷 𝑒 𝒹 𝒶 𝓏 𝓏 𝓁 𝑒 ✨ my new favourite jacket

dear_pizza_supreme: h-

dear_pizza_supreme: how did you get the fancy font that fast

Bootyyyshaker9000: you always gotta be ready to ✨ 𝒷 𝑒 𝒹 𝒶 𝓏 𝓏 𝓁 𝑒 ✨

Bootyyyshaker9000: dumbass

happy_Mike: what does bedaggle mean

Bootyyyshaker9000: its ✨ 𝒷 𝑒 𝒹 𝒶 𝓏 𝓏 𝓁 𝑒 ✨ 

Bootyyyshaker9000: and it means that i am the most colourful ever

im_blue_katanas: ah yes of course

mystic_mike: "we're not twins" leo proclaims as they steal raph's sewing stuff for the second time this month in order to make him and donnie yet another matching outfit

NeonLeon9000: to ✨ 𝒷 𝑒 𝒹 𝒶 𝓏 𝓏 𝓁 𝑒 ✨ is more important than to fight about petty things like how i am two months older than donnie

Bootyyyshaker9000: its not but okay <3

ello_yello: this is the most passive agressive sibling dynamic i've ever seen

ello_yello: i'm saying this knowing damn well that karai has tortured and tried to kill her brothers on multiple occasions

im_blue_katanas: well isn't that a delight

im_blue_katanas: i'm starting to be glad my splinter started as a rat

ello_yello: as you should be

mystic_mike: FML

im_blue_katanas: ... uhm?

mystic_mike: I JUST REMEMBERED I'M STILL 15 FOR ANOTHER 3 GODDAMNED MONTHS

Dontron97: WHAT

newage_red_artist: EXCUSE ME

Cpt_Leo: You're 15?

Dontron97: *offended*

happy_Mike: lol i thought you were still 14

Chapter Text

ello_yello: good evening yall

ello_yello: so over here its a really cold for november

ello_yello: and now 3/4 of the idiots have fallen into cold-induced slumber

sticks_n_pucks: and worst of all donnie's not awake and we don't know where the controls for the fucking heater are

mystic_mike: how long do they usually stay asleep for??

happy_Mike: up to a week

happy_Mike: according to outside sources

NeonLeon9000: lol there was this one time i was out for nearly two months

sleepdeprived_shell: over here we all usually shut down in early december and don't get up until mid-jan

sleepdeprived_shell: but now i have actual human resources to keep us warm so i guess we'll see

sherlocked_corn: WAITWAITWAIT

sherlocked_corn: does that mean you never celebrate christmas??? TRAGIC

callme_rafi: to reiterate

callme_rafi: everyone in this household were originally animals in a laboratory

sherlocked_corn: T.R.A.G.I.C.

free_brownies: just butting in that i had christmas in THE FOOT so there is frankly no excuse

free_brownies: unless you are of another religion, i'll amend. one excuse. 

im_blue_katanas: i think aprils plotting to get us all smth but other then that theres no reason for us to give gifts

im_blue_katanas: actually april is plotting absolutely nothing and mikey deserves to live in blissful ignorance :D

NeonLeon9000: lol

happy_Mike: its too quiet ugh ugh ugh

happy_Mike: and cold

sticks_n_pucks: how do you keep a turtle from falling into hibernation(?)

sticks_n_pucks: brumation?

sticks_n_pucks: whatever the fuck

NeonLeon9000: warmth????

NeonLeon9000: we learned through experience man our dad knew literally nothing about turtles

red_Raph: Why did I just remember tortoises? Why did I forget about tortoises?

callme_rafi: whatthefuck

callme_rafi: guys tortoises exist--

sleepdeprived_shell: 🤯 /s

im_blue_katanas: they're easily forgettable

Bootyyyshaker9000: inferior creatures

NeonLeon9000: for me they are below both turtles and kappa and thats saying something because kappa are TERRIBLE

mystic_mike: mutant turtles tho

NeonLeon9000: oh right mutant turtles

NeonLeon9000: below kappa, but probably not below tortoises. tortoises are just land turtles and that doesn't even matter because turtles have almost land species anyways

mystic_mike: HEY

mystic_mike: mutant turtles are the BEST and you should stop putting yourself down

NeonLeon9000: mutant turtle biology is confusing there is no way i can put them above normal turtles

sleepdeprived_shell: mutant turtle biology is only confusing to you because there's been a shorter window of study. 

sleepdeprived_shell: as a species they've only been around for, what, 16 years in your world? that's not a long time to figure things out

callme_rafi: guys

callme_rafi: can we not talking about studying out biology? please.

happy_Mike: ^^^

im_blue_katanas: bad memories are coming back rn

NeonLeon9000: fuck sorry

mystic_mike: ofc

mystic_mike: is it finally time for me to pull out dr. feelings or what

red_Raph: If you do, keep it in DM's. You know the rules.

mystic_mike: kay!!

ello_yello: can someone get on a call with mikey he's falling asleep and i can't hold a conversation with him while also trying to control casey's panicking

NeonLeon9000: on it

sticks_n_pucks: I AM NOT PANICKING

ello_yello: *sigh*

sherlocked_corn: if we end up meeting sometime this year i swear to god i am going to find yall a christmas present

sherlocked_corn: i'm on amazon RN

free_brownies: i will contribute food

im_blue_katanas: oh so now were going back to this

im_blue_katanas: okay

Chapter Text

sleepdeprived_shell: okay question

sleepdeprived_shell: so when yall see animals do you really get the irrational urge to litreally RUB THEM

sleepdeprived_shell: i've never understood

happy_Mike: wh

happy_Mike: what

im_blue_katanas: no she's got a point

im_blue_katanas: what is the concept of petting? why do humans ask random strangers if they can casually rub their dogs??

mystic_mike: cuz they're CUTE??

red_Raph: Side note, congrats on not falling asleep, Mikey!

Bootyyyshaker9000: i can understand it with the tiny ones but what the hell is cute about golden retrievers

Bootyyyshaker9000: or like great danes?? eugh why do ppl want them as pets

im_blue_katanas: especially in areas that aren't big cities like ours. like don't dogs literally just shit in the yard?

callme_rafi: ... leo this is the first time you've sworn in over a week

im_blue_katanas: because i have FEELINGS and i need to EXPRESS THEM

sleepdeprived_shell: OH MY GOD

sleepdeprived_shell: I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT DOGS IN SURBURBAN CITIES I DID A NIGHT OF RESEARCH ON THIS SHIT

NeonLeon9000: they're cute? there's nothing more too it how many thoughts possibly can fit in yalls heads--

im_blue_katanas Many.

im_blue_katanas: many thoughts

sleepdeprived_shell: so they have to do their business in the yard, you should probably walk them every so often, you often need to invest in a fence or even an electric fence and sometimes a shock collar, they demand constant attention and you need to make sure they can't get into their /specially bought/ food supply. they like to scream at other dogs through the window. they are a secondary full time job for so many goddamned human beings and for what? for a funny video of them carrying around a bone?

happy_Mike: *gasp* NO ANIMAL HATERS IN THIS HOUSEHOLD

happy_Mike: you are so lucky that my bros are still out rn because ik raph will be ALL OVER YOU in a couple of days. i'm going to write him a NOTE about it cuz i don't have the energy to defend dogs rn

Bootyyyshaker9000: this also applies to cats because theyre dumb and they smell but some cats fur looks like something i'd want as a rug

happy_Mike: oh you did NOT

happy_Mike: I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I'VE HAD A PET KITTY FOR A GOOD HALF A DECADE AND SHE IS THE MOST PRECIOUS THING IN THIS GODDAMNED HOUSEHOLD

NeonLeon9000: holy shit it's dr. delicate touch in his raw form

dear_pizza_supreme: im sorry. i tried to stop them from bringing this up but they would not be swayed

dear_pizza_supreme: at least i no longer have to suffer through this in silence

mystic_mike: yeah but now WE have to suffer as well

CJones: If I may?

NeonLeon9000: hi case!!

CJones: Mayhem's the only nice pet that I've ever met. Other than Donnie's lab rat, of course.

Bootyyyshaker9000: my what?

CJones: Leo?

mystic_mike: KSJFSLKDJNSLDNDNFKSJALK

Bootyyyshaker9000: AOTEHATOEHANOEHATOHEANTEOHA

NeonLeon9000: *sniffles*

NeonLeon9000: is that all i am to you, dee? a lowly lab rat??

Bootyyyshaker9000: like father, like son, i suppose.

mystic_mike: casey please tell em where you got your sense of humor i have to know

CJones: I'll give you three guesses. Hint: I knew 3 people before you.

Chapter Text

NeonLeon9000: "it is too dangerous for you to have a boyfriend"

NeonLeon9000: he says as if hes not horny for good ol' no horns

sherlocked_corn: sir since when did you have game??

NeonLeon9000: thats the thing

NeonLeon9000: I  D O N T

mystic_mike: and youve just told that to the entire extended gc. Have fun ✌️

dear_pizza_supreme: first question 

Dontron97: ...

dear_pizza_supreme: who are we talking about here??

sleepdeprived_shell: congrats on your new lease on consciousness tron!!

Bootyyyshaker9000: papa thinks that leos dating a rabbit yokai

Bootyyyshaker9000: hes wrong their both still in the painstakingly awkward crushing stage

Dontron97: ty shell! i had to claw tooth and nail for it lmao

NeonLeon9000: "and anyways, you are too young–" SHUT THE FUCK UP POPS

newage_red_artist: wait

newage_red_artist: rabbit yokai...

newage_red_artist: are we talking about USAGI??

NeonLeon9000: "do not mistake me for a fool, Blue" UGH 😩😩

im_blue_katanas: actually now that u mention it

im_blue_katanas: eon brought up usagi a while back and cap started acting weird

Bootyyyshaker9000: i didnt take cap for a romantic. huh

Dontron97: please im cryinggg

Dontron97: guess whos still conked out

dear_pizza_supreme: well now we need to know about usagi.

dear_pizza_supreme: weve got a big bro to torture, c'mon throw us a bone

callme_rafi: r... rabit yokai?

sleepdeprived_shell: rafi whats going on in that head of...

sleepdeprived_shell: HOLY FUCK

NeonLeon9000: IM FINALLY FREE

NeonLeon9000: ... it has come to my attention this is not the right gc.

dear_pizza_supreme: bros fill me in on jr thoughts pls

sherlocked_corn: NO--

callme_rafi: mikey i need you to clear your head and think through this from start to finish

im_blue_katanas: this is harassment and you are spreading missinformation

dear_pizza_supreme: ill try

sleepdeprived_shell: leo i know damn well you had to ask casey for those terms stfu

Bootyyyshaker9000: ... that took me a minute-

Bootyyyshaker9000: followup, PFFFF

red_Raph: Be kind to them. Please.

callme_rafi: crush. on a rabbit.

im_blue_katanas banned themself for 30 minutes

dear_pizza_supreme: ??

dear_pizza_supreme: OH

happy_Mike: dees gonna pass out from cackling

NeonLeon9000: homophobia

NeonLeon9000 banned themself for 2 hours

Chapter Text

the spoilt reptiles and their  supervisors

blue-one: lair is officially closed for the winter!

dumbass: ?

dumbass: Who changed my name?

old-news: who named the gc that 🤣

orange-one: april learn to use emojis jfc

dumbass: Donnie, unlock the names right this instant.

old-news: anyways why do you close the lair every year? are we that annoying?

red-one: yes.

purple-one: its cuz if you show up it's only gonna be splinter

old-news: ... why?

red-one: in other news i'm in chinatown sewers and in need of evac

dumbass: Oh, where are you going for the winter? A family trip 🤨

orange-one: ugh ugh ugh i forgot how bad you guys text i'm going back to the big gc with my fellows

purple-one: hibernation. 

old-news: big gc?

red-one: guys someone pls come i get loopy rn rn

old-news: h... hibernation. what.

orange-one: well thats what we call it

orange-one: our bodies just kinda give up on us during the winter lmao

blue-one: dw raph i'm en-rute

dumbass: When my drinking budies mock me cuz i finally have some free time, what do I tell them?

dumbass: "Oh, yeah. The people who are better than company than you are actually hibernating in the sewers at the minute. It's good to see you, though!"

orange-one: L

old-news: thats actually the perfect way to get out of unwanted plans

old-news: i'm going to use that now for the entirety of winter just do see what people do

purple-one: literally lies but go off ig

blue-one: found him. he's out for the year guys.

orange-one: RIP

purple-one: i will not be second out again. i swear.

orange-one: sorry dee you know i'm the last one standing every year

purple-one: NOT THIS TIME.

blue-one: if your sleep schedule continues the way its going you're going to pass out from normal exhaustion and then you're going to fail.

purple-one: you have no right to speak, second placer.

old-news: you know what

old-news: i'm coming to visit once you're all out because splinter deserves some company.

orange-one: ight have fun with that

orange-one: hes violently protective

purple-one: and in desperate need of a break

orange-one: but i'm sure he'll appreciate it!!

dumbass: you guys are the weirdest kind of siblings

Chapter Text

the holy trinity

happy: mystic are you on?

happy: ik its a lil early so im not gonna @'cha if your asleep

mystic: i think mikeys were all cursed with being the only early risers

mystic: even if it is 1:30-- damnn

mystic: wassap?

happy: i just remembered that you like. made this gc and all

happy: so i just wannted to make sure you're all good

mystic: o dw about that!!

mystic: its not as strenuous as you might think, and i've outsourced a lot of that energy into some of dee's things so that i'm still anchored to my dimension. as long as we don't make like 50 chats i'll be fine.

happy: what does strenuous mean

mystic: uhh

mystic: demanding exertion i think

mystic: idk i found this book with a lot of words i didnt know and i read it over and over to the point i kinda forged my definition for those words in my head. like some definitions from words i probably have like 2 steps in the wrong direction but whatever

happy: looking at the way you're texting all in one paragraph, i say we both sohuld get some more sleep.

mystic: ight yeah ill try that

mystic: mornin' y'all

mystic: sry sometimes i get the urge to type with a random accent lol

happy: i felt that 

pizza: wh

pizza: why are there four people in this chat

happy: tf?

mystic: aw damn it

secretly_mikey: hello??

secretly_mikey: what is this

mystic changed secretly_mikey's name to secretly

pizza: a hallucination

happy: you're asleep my dude

secretly: looking at names rn

secretly: why are 2 of you also named mike??

secretly: is this one of those internet cults

secretly: who's the leader? i want in.

mystic: its a josh fight situation. 

secretly: josh fight??

mystic: fist fight to be the one and only mikey. you want in?

secretly: nvm nah sorry 

pizza: sadly opting out is not actually an option

pizza: were all in nyc. the fights in one weeks time. be there or be a sad, depressed-ass square

✨𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓑𝓲𝓰 𝓖𝓒✨

red_Raph: My sense is telling me that the Mikey's are doing something dumb.

im_blue_katanas: which one?

red_Raph: Both the Big Bro one and the Common one.

im_blue_katanas: ah valid

the holy trinity

mystic: okay can we just cut the shit

happy: no no pls i'm having fun with this

secretly: i should probably leave but now yall have my interest piqued

pizza: okay so i know what you're going to do

pizza: but please don't leave till we're done explaining

secretly: ... ominous.

mystic: happy why don't you explain

happy: i mean

happy: this is kinda your fault and last few tiems we've had to do it without you so

mystic: UGH

mystic: okay so basically we're all alternate universe you's

mystic: orange banded bros and such

happy: W̴͔̏̕è̷̛̗̳͚̙͇̘͍͕̊̑̿͘͜l̶̘̫͚͎̟̙̺̼̦͈̋̽̔c̷̡̪̘͎̻̦̀͑̒̈̂̿̑̓̚͜͝ō̵̝̭͙̊m̶̜̍̄è̷̛̗̳͚̙͇̘͍͕̊̑̿͘͜ ţ̸̛̞̒̑̌́̄̽̀͝ō̵̝̭͙̊ ţ̸̛̞̒̑̌́̄̽̀͝h̸͎̲͍̉̉͊̈́̓̕͝è̷̛̗̳͚̙͇̘͍͕̊̑̿͘͜ c̷̡̪̘͎̻̦̀͑̒̈̂̿̑̓̚͜͝ų̷͕̙͚͖̲̱̐̒̀̆̎̈͜l̶̘̫͚͎̟̙̺̼̦͈̋̽̔ţ̸̛̞̒̑̌́̄̽̀͝


secretly: ... i don't know whats more concerning

secretly: that i trust this

secretly: or that i trust this.

secretly: also happy that message was literally just like 200 error boxes what the fuck is that--

pizza: can you not see the fancy text? OOF

mystic: so i've given up on texting which is normal

mystic: happy goes with the flow

mystic: and pizza is still trying desperately to fit into the normalised 'texting etiquette' as you can see

secretly: ah got it

✨𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓑𝓲𝓰 𝓖𝓒✨

Bootyyyshaker9000: not to alarm anyone

Bootyyyshaker9000: but the "device" that i have currently running the four big side gcs is overheating more than usual

Bootyyyshaker9000: so the leo and raph chat are going offline until i can transfer them to something else

NeonLeon9000: see this happened before when we started being able to dm and its always us leo's.

im_blue_katanas: would it kill you 3 to shut off the don chat for once?

newage_red_artist: *whistles* we absolutely do not have a raph chat

newage_red_artist: what are you even talking about

red_Raph: They mean our DMs. Rafi's already out for the winter.

newage_red_artist: since WHEN??

im_blue_katanas: we said this already did we not??

sleepdeprived_shell: yeah he's already out lmao. he always is the first one to go.

the holy trinity

secretly: so uh

secretly: how and why??

secretly: sorry i am too tired to put energy into text form

pizza: dude

pizza: i felt that on a spiritual level

happy: well the why is the easy bit: why the hell not?

secretly: yes yes okay fair point noted

happy: and uh

happy: mystic how about you explain the how

mystic: bitch--

mystic: UGH fine

pizza: wait wait pause

pizza: there's four of us now so we can't be the holy trinity

pizza changed the chat title to we the dream team

mystic: pizza you have just inflicted so many emotions on me please think of something else

pizza: alright uhmm

pizza: lmao google genuinly gave me the idea of 'tech ninjas'

happy: somebody pass that off to the donnies

secretly: wait wait are there more of these?

mystic: yeah there's also ✨𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓑𝓲𝓰 𝓖𝓒✨ which is all of us alternates + 2 sets of aprils and caseys

secretly: dear lord above

happy: thats such a boring swear

secretly: oh my gum stuck on my shoe

happy: NOW WE'RE COOKIN'

pizza changed the chat title to chamber of secrets

mystic: okay thats acceptable

mystic: anyways

mystic: to make a WAY TOO LONG story short, this gc was conceived via magic, and my sheer force of willpower. and now it runs on magic-ified donnietech. 

secretly: there are so many pieces that i cannot even begin to process

secretly: so uh

secretly: can we add my don to the don chat? theyve been down lately and i wanna see them light up when they find out they were right about the multiverse theory

happy: np!!

mystic: i kinda have to ask permission--

mystic: what happens in the mikey chat stays in the mikey chat ofc but outside of that i kinda need to verify everything with dee because this is all partially running on their servers

pizza: SHIT WAIT

pizza: name and pronouns??

secretly: ugh ugh ugh i was trying to avoid that you dick

secretly: Micah for the name, since y'all have clearly taken Mike from me, tragic but I won't complain. 

happy: where did the fucking punctuation come from

secretly: and uh?? I feel weird not being adressed as He but at the same time I'm not like? Male? its v confusing up in the brain and i odn't really like changing tenses for they/them pronouns but i don't really feel girl either tho

secretly: this is all v new

mystic: we canjust adress you solely as micah for now, if that's alr? it's fine, i'm pretty sure the only one to completely abandon their assigned gender is my leo and he did that to acquire the he pronouns so

secretly: yes yes ty

pizza: i also have. a concerningly lengthy list of neo's if you need them.

secretly: ty??? 

secretly: this really a mikey safe space. damn.

happy: it draws you in, doesn't it?

happy: creepy.

secretly: yeah fr fr 

mystic_mike —> Bootyyyshaker9000

mystic_mike: permission to infiltrate the serenity of the tech ninja chat with a fourth member?

Bootyyyshaker9000: do they also happen to be a tech ninja?

mystic_mike: wh

mystic_mike: how did you know

Bootyyyshaker9000: i got a feelin'

Bootyyyshaker9000: that tonights gonna be a good night--

mystic_mike: lol

mystic_mike: so was that a yes or a no

Bootyyyshaker9000: why the fuck not. i've been needing something fresh.

sleep is for the weak

don_247 was added to the chat

Bootyyyshaker9000: eyy

sleepdeprived_shell: ???

don_247: mikey i do not care what ungodly cereal brand you have found its 7 in the goddamned fucking morning

don_247: UHM

Dontron97: you. i like you.

don_247: oh fuck no

don_247: i'm not hallucinating right

don_247: god please tell me i'm not hallucinating

sleepdeprived_shell: erm

don_247: i'm too young to suffer from this shit

Bootyyyshaker9000: can confirm, yee good.

don_247: holy shit i was right about the mutliverse theory

don_247: multiverse**

sleepdeprived_shell: wait is that another one

don_247: SQUEEEEEEE

Dontron97: i think we've got another one, people

don_247: apologies

don_247: just a lil bit emotional due to lack of caffination

Dontron97: alright alright

Dontron97: with all that being said

Dontron97: can i ask about why your mikey sends you random cereal brands at 7 in the morning??

don_247: honestly??

don_247: i think he's just testing to see if raphs awake

don_247: but mikes always had the tenancy to find the stupidest, most random shit possible.

Bootyyyshaker9000: L

sleepdeprived_shell: anyways anyways anyways

sleepdeprived_shell: AND DON'T Y'ALL DARE INTERRUPT

sleepdeprived_shell: i have my notes app open. lets talk circumstance.

Bootyyyshaker9000: oh fuck yes

don_247: ??

sleepdeprived_shell: whats going on in ur world rn. like enemies and stuff

don_247: waitwaitwait

don_247: can everyone share their age rq

Dontron97: sure??

Dontron97: somewhere in the early 20's

sleepdeprived_shell: 19

Bootyyyshaker9000: 17

don_247: oh shit on a brick

don_247: there is a CHILD

don_247: I'M 20

don_247: so yall are still doing the whole

don_247: "i am a turtle ninja and thus i must be violent vigilante"

don_247: thing

Dontron97: is stopping it an option??

don_247: i mean

don_247: there's this fuckface called the nighwatcher whos popped up recently but nah we haven't really been needed much since leo left

Bootyyyshaker9000: whatwhatwhat

don_247: oh fuck i probbles wasn't supposed to say that huh

sleepdeprived_shell: wdym your leo LEFT

don_247: well he didn't leave, per-say

don_247: he just fucked off to south america and doesn't write us anymore

Bootyyyshaker9000: i

Bootyyyshaker9000: i need to go take a moment if thats okay

Bootyyyshaker9000: possibly to strangle/hug my dumb dumbs

sleepdeprived_shell: erm yeah same thing here

Dontron97: o' buddy o' pal

Dontron97: you've just said that to a room full of teetlz with separation anxiety and abandonment issues

don_247: sorry

don_247: i think i just kinda stopped caring once raph made his opinions on the whole thing clear. 

don_247: we can avoid the topic if need-be. i've got a casey and april that we can talk about instead?

don_247: aw fuck y'all actually left.

don_247: i'm sorry.

Chapter Text

Cpt_Leo: I think the Donnie's are feeding each other's mad scientist tendencies.

red_Raph: Whatever he did, I'm sorry.

newage_red_artist: he hasnt done anything yet which honestly makes me more concerned

dear_pizza_supreme: what are the tells?

dear_pizza_supreme: everyones got their tells for when theyre feeling a lil psycho, even the leos

sticks_n_pucks: only tell rn but its a big one

sticks_n_pucks: [Video]

The video opens as someone, presumably Casey, shoves open Donnie's lab door.

Inside, Donnie is lit only by their computer and a hanging light on the opposite side of the room, where their chair has mysteriously ended up.

He's standing in front of his desk, dancing actually as music plays from it. 

"~It only helps me meassure how much skin you have!~" Donnie sings along with the speaker.

"Dee?" Casey calls out.

Donnie continues to sing over him, "~Oh, and the topmost layer of fat. But I won't make an incision 'till you're nice and numb. Oh and laughing gas can be so. much. fun.~"

red_Raph: ...

red_Raph: Don't worry it's probably just stuck in their head.

sleepdeprived_shell: omg that song always gives me the bouncies

NeonLeon9000: YOU DIDNT EVEN GET TO THE GOOD PART

mystic_mike: this'll be 𝑜𝑜ℎ

NeonLeon9000: this’ll be 𝑎ℎ

Bootyyyshaker9000: this will be absolutely ✨𝑾𝑬𝑬✨

red_Raph: This is, sadly, how our main groupchat often looks.

mystic_mike: THIS WILL BE NICE.

NeonLeon9000: THIS WILL BE NEAT.

dear_pizza_supreme: with every lyric this song gets more and more concerning

Bootyyyshaker9000: AND BRING YOU 𝑪𝑳𝑶𝑺𝑬𝑹 𝑻𝑶 𝑴𝑬

sherlocked_corn: me, my bro, and our psychopathic lil ones

sherlocked_corn: and the caseys

happy_Mike: how has donnie not spotted yall doing this yet jfc

free_brownies: 𝗦𝗢 𝗗𝗢𝗡’𝗧 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗦𝗤𝗨𝗜𝗥𝗠

free_brownies: 𝗗𝗢𝗡’𝗧 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗙𝗥𝗘𝗧

free_brownies: 𝗜’𝗠 𝗡𝗢𝗧 𝗚𝗢𝗡𝗡𝗔 𝗛𝗨𝗥𝗧 𝗬𝗢𝗨

free_brownies: 𝗬𝗘𝗧.

red_Raph: One of these days, I'm gonna find the guy who showed them the stupid fonts app and give them a taste of my tonfa.

Dontron97: holy shit are we doing the gc sings thingy

sticks_n_pucks: as much as i hate to admit it

sticks_n_pucks: this song slaps. A little.

Dontron97: i just feel the need to be gettin'

mystic_mike: a little of 𝘺𝘰𝘶

Bootyyyshaker9000: ᴀ ʟᴏᴛ ᴏꜰ ʙʟᴏᴏᴅʟᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ

Dontron97: I know the sensation, you’re probably dreading

NeonLeon9000: but 𝖈𝖚𝖙𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖚𝖕 will be s̆̈ŏ̈ r̆̈ĕ̈f̆̈r̆̈ĕ̈s̆̈h̆̈ĭ̈n̆̈ğ̈ ｆｏｒ ｍｅ

newage_red_artist: there are so many layers of what-the-fuckery in this chain where do i even start

Cpt_Leo: Language.

dear_pizza_supreme: donnie why the fuck does this give you the bouncies

Bootyyyshaker9000: simple answer?

Dontron97: the viciousness ig

NeonLeon9000: am i going to have to be the one to point out thats the first language from cap in like. 2 months.

sleepdeprived_shell: singing like a mad scientist helps me be myself

sleepdeprived_shell: which

sleepdeprived_shell: bouncies

red_Raph: Just. No. Just no.

mystic_mike: lol and that was the tame part of the song

dear_pizza_supreme: just. why

happy_Mike: can we go back to the part where my big bro unironically knew all of the lyrics and was belting them out randomly at 11 fucking pm at night

Dontron97: cuz its a good song??

Dontron97: like sleep said

Dontron97: it give bouncies

Dontron97: and after SOMEBODY stole my fridge

Dontron97: bouncies gotta power me through tonight

mystic_mike: stole your what-now?

sticks_n_pucks: somebody stole his energy drink fridge

Dontron97: I KNOW IT WAS YOU CASEY.

Dontron97: all i have to do now is prove it

sticks_n_pucks: gl with that ig

Cpt_Leo: The real question here is where Donnie got the fridge in the first place.

Bootyyyshaker9000: bouncies as an energy source only works if you have a proficient enough bouncies playlist that you can listen to it for less than 5 minutes and get an energising amount of bouncies.

newage_red_artist: leo i am so sorry that you are against basic theft to compensate for the fact we are completely alienated by society but you're going to have to learn to live with it at some point in your life if you ever even think about moving out

happy_Mike: violet are you encouraging or discouraging this behaviour

Bootyyyshaker9000: Yes.

Chapter Text

sticks_n_pucks:
                       

sleepdeprived_shell: wh

sleepdeprived_shell: casey

sleepdeprived_shell: you're aware that is an image of a fork

dear_pizza_supreme: omg lets discuss utensil anatomy

Dontron97: fork?

Dontron97: why fork

mystic_mike: i found out that the round part of spoons are called the bowl of the spoon and now i'm wondering why we need actual bowls when we could have giant spoons

im_blue_katanas: no need to wonder, my friend.

im_blue_katanas:
                           

mystic_mike: no see those are big versions of "dry" measuring cups

mystic_mike: i'm talking one that is intentionally annoying af to balance because sometimes i need some comedy in the world yk?

Dontron97: i'd actually love to watch raph desperately contain his breakfast cereal in a giant spoon that sounds v entertaining

mystic_mike: and anyways bowls are already easy enough to spill if you fill them full enough. might as well make it into a practicable talent

im_blue_katanas: we're ninjas that wouldn't be that long of a time killer sadly

Dontron97: no i think it still would

im_blue_katanas: i mean

im_blue_katanas: i'd say with all the silent parkour we do ew're pretty good at balancing, even with our shells

im_blue_katanas: so a lot of our ninja skilz just kinda apply to everything else

mystic_mike: hes right

mystic_mike: his katana "skilz" make him annoyingly good at beatsaber

dear_pizza_supreme: whats beatsaber?

mystic_mike: ...

mystic_mike: *cries out in anguish*

sleepdeprived_shell: so we're just going to ignore the fact that casey sent an image of fork anatomy and logged off? okay--

newage_red_artist —> sticks_n_pucks

newage_red_artist: bro you good

sticks_n_pucks: Fork.

newage_red_artist: followup; are you possessed? 

sticks_n_pucks: Fork. 

newage_red_artist: fork you too

sticks_n_pucks: F o r k.

newage_red_artist: say something other than fork or i'm sending april to read your mind to make sure you're not been like, forkwashed or smth

sticks_n_pucks: don't you forking dare

newage_red_artist: ... alrighty then

Tortlz and Co.

Raph has banned Casey for 2 hours

Raph: guys i think caseys possessed

Donnie: is this about the fork thing

Raph: [Image: Screenshot of the previous dm's]

Donnie: dear fucking god

Mikey: was the fork anatomy some kinda sos then??

April: are y'all sure he's not just fucking with us

Leo: I for one say we should just leave him. It's literally 11° outside.

Leo: I don't want to fall into another week-long sleep.

Raph: agreed

Mikey: ehn

Mikey: i mean its a lil worrying but he'll probbles be fine

Mikey: this is probably just the potato thing all over again

April: guys wtf

Karai: can i have a little more context, please? 

Karai: specifically on the "fork anatomy" thing, i'm curious.

Donnie: well i for one am going to check on my friend like a reasonable fucking individual

Raph: at least try shooting him a text before you do that

Mikey: ... he already left hte lair, didn't he?

Leo: Yep.

Karai: srsly now i wanna know about caseys opinions on the parts of a fork

April: at least i get to stay in bed lmao

Raph: sorry aps

Raph: hate to burst your bubble

Raph: but odds are once he finds casey he's going to fall over dramatically from exhaustion. he's not made for that weather and he and casey have been in a heated battle over his energy drink supply for a good two weeks so he's not running on much.

Raph: and i doubt caseys dignity will let him take donnie back to the lair

Karai: holy shit

Karai: was that critical thinking, raphael?

Raph: 🖕

Karai: love u 2 bro <3 <3 <3

Okay, so, see here.

Casey was in that sort of nebula state that usually came around 9pm where he wasn't exhausted but he wasn't exactly awake either. It made him something between a clingy toddler and a 30-year-old man on a sugar high.

Something like that, anyways.

And then he'd discovered the fork anatomy thingy. And laughed his fucking ass off at the concept of sending it to a groupchat without context.

So he did that.

What he didn't expect when he began this endeavour was for Donnie to literally climb up his fire escape, somehow covered in snow, and flop dramatically on top of Casey's legs, already down for the count.

Eurgh. He'd have to dry his sheets. Or replace them. Or what-the-fuck ever.

"Dee?" He asked groggily, setting his phone onto his... bedlamp holder- nightstand, right. He set his phone on his nightstand.

"You possessed?" Donnie responded in a somehow even worse exhausted voice.

"Yep. Absolutely. Here, c'mon, let's get you into a comfier position."

"I'm fine," Donnie declared.

Casey sighed. "Dee, everything above your shell is hanging of the side of my bed. That's not good, and I know you're trying to die before you're in your thirties but I'm not letting it be in my apartment, dead people stink more than sewer-people and turtles combined."

Donnie did the best flipping off gesture he could without moving his upper arm and with only three fingers. It was actually a little impressive.

"It was 12° outside, you know."

Jesus fucking Christ. Casey was awake for real now.

"You came all the way over because of some stupid joke about a fork?"

"Raph said y' could'a been forkwashed."

Dear lord, how was Donnie still awake in this state?

"Dee, can you lemme up?"

"No. Comfy."

Casey took a deep breath. "Lemme get you a sleeping bag, alright, Donna?"

"No. Comfy."

How the hell did Leo handle this on a daily basis? Casey was already on the verge of loosing his shit.

"Well, I'm not comfy."

Donnie managed to grab onto his dignity for a few entertaining seconds and his whole entire being shot backwards and he proceeded to fall the other way and then thud onto Casey's bedroom floor.

"So, do you--"

"Ohmygod Casey I am so so so so sorry--"

"Yep, I'll go get the sleeping bag. Sleepover time."

"No, no, I'll--"

Donnie let out what had to be the world's longest and loudest yawn, curling himself further and further into a ball as it continued.

Casey very, very slowly closed the closet door that gave him a view of the energy drink fridge. Just in case.

After locating his sleeping bag, buried under the last 3 years worth of extra school papers in Casey's closet, he proceeded to chuck it at Donnie with full force, because he deserved a little vengeance after being unceremoniously crushed, and was dignified with a startled squawk when it hit Donnie directly in the plastron. 

"Bedtime, asshat," Casey declared.

Donnie untied the sleeping bag and nearly crawled into it face-first before remembering how to get into it propperly.

It took nearly 10 minutes of Casey laying awake in the dark of his room to remember that he hadn't given Donnie a pillow. 

Ehn. Whatever. Finding one would take too long. Dee would just have to deal.

Chapter Text

NeonLeon9000: you know when you're listening to music and you start creating animatics in your head

NeonLeon9000: and then you can't listen to the song without seeing the animatic

NeonLeon9000: and then you slowly stop listening to the song because you refuse to think about it without the animatic in case you forget it but as you slowly forget the animatic due to other onse taking its place you still steadfastly refuse to listen to the song until your playlist is a song shorter

NeonLeon9000: whoops sorry

dear_pizza_supreme: you're actually so valid for admitting you do this

ello_yello: i have so many abandoned playlists cuz of that

NeonLeon9000: are you even a person if you don't have a playlist that is entirely songs that don't have head animatics for the sole person of listening to music in teh background without having to think about the animatic

dear_pizza_supreme: literally my entire library was dedicated to this one hyperfixation before i navigated to a new one and now i have all of these songs downloaded that i never fucking listen to

ello_yello: when you start trying to write one for an old obsession but then give it up and then you're stuck in a corner cuz its a great animatic song but sadly its dedicated to that other set of characters in your head and its impossible to think of the one you want

newage_red_artist: what the fuck have i returned to

dear_pizza_supreme: hell, as usual.

sticks_n_pucks: lololol also i think donnies gon be out for realzies this time around

sleepdeprived_shell: NOOOO

sleepdeprived_shell: not my favourite alternate!

sleepdeprived_shell: R.I.P.

Bootyyyshaker9000: whthe fuck

NeonLeon9000: can we get back on topic please

newage_red_artist: can we even call the above messages a topic?

ello_yello: anything can be a topic with enough sleep deprived teenagers, which we clearly have in this gc

NeonLeon9000: okay so anyways

NeonLeon9000: my current head animatic person is absolutely panic at the disco

NeonLeon9000: especially emperors new clothes, idk when that releases here and i'm not going to even check

Bootyyyshaker9000: has anyone else noticed that we have way too many music-oriented conversations 

dear_pizza_supreme: actually we don't have enough actually

dear_pizza_supreme: ugh did i just say actually twice

Bootyyyshaker9000: actually is a really fun word for emphasis i get it

sherlocked_corn: well then

sherlocked_corn: i don't have enough energy to read up through that entire conversation so ig i'm officially off for the night lmao

NeonLeon9000: no no aps i'm sorry don't go :( :( :(

sherlocked_corn: that nickname only sounds good in verbal form

NeonLeon9000: :{ 😭😭☹️ :(

Chapter Text

sherlocked_corn:

sherlocked_corn: remember these?

red_Raph: I violently flinched at the thought.

happy_Mike: omg yes

happy_Mike: leo accidentally cut the string on mine and i've never been the same since

Cpt_Leo: Vaguely. 

NeonLeon9000: sir how the fuck you spell vaugley first try

Cpt_Leo: Spellcheck?

im_blue_katanas: yeah those were my mortal enemy from the day we found them (4, i think)? to the day it was contaminated by... sewer gunk.

newage_red_artist: literally those were crimes against humanity and they deserve to BURN.

Bootyyyshaker9000: so i take it mikey was the only child who could figure them out in every universe?

dear_pizza_supreme: idk what to tell you, man

dear_pizza_supreme: it just comes with the territory of being the awesomest turtle

newage_red_artist: hold up

newage_red_artist: @free_brownies @sticks_n_pucks could you figure those things out in your youth or what??

free_brownies: what are the "those things" in question

sherlocked_corn: scroll up a lil

sticks_n_pucks: all i remember is fighting over those with like 20 other kids in kindergarden indoor recess 

sticks_n_pucks: i usually gave up and joined the daily game of yahtzee hosted by kids who didn't have the faintest clue how to play yahtzee

free_brownies: i had great hand eye coordination when i was 7

free_brownies: most of my life was a blur before that point sadly. got concussed a little too many times as a youth

sticks_n_pucks: yeah same lol my earliest memories are all in kindergarden and i've heard people talk about having them earlier and i just. cannot??? imagine that??

Bootyyyshaker9000: i'm sorry but i couldn't resist

Bootyyyshaker9000: kindergarten **

sherlocked_corn: i just have a shit memory

sherlocked_corn: i can only remember like,,, 1 thing outside of school from before i met the turtles

sherlocked_corn: my bros are such an integral part of my life ig i just blocked off the thought of ever not knowing yall

happy_Mike: my first memory is of me swallowing a bouncy ball and i think that says a lot about me as a person

Cpt_Leo: Wait, when was that? I can't remember that.

happy_Mike: okayokay so

happy_Mike: sensei had found like,, an abandoned dentist bag in an alley and he gave it to me because we all know my teeth were digusting

happy_Mike: but there was also a bouncy ball in there. it was my precious i would only bounce it on cleaner areas of the sewers

happy_Mike: meaning my room and the kitchen

happy_Mike: you know what ima just put the rest in one text jfc

happy_Mike: so one of these fine days i discover mouth fidgeting. y'all know like putting mancala pieces and like,, beads in your mouth? yeah i discovered how nice that was and decided to test tat out with my fav round object, the bouncy ball. so, being an idiotic child who only knew how to throw balls when offered them, i throw the ball directly at my face. and it absolutely went back onto the floor, but i'd convinced myself it went in. so, when to my horror i discovered there wasn't in fact a bouncy ball in my mouth, i came to the conclusion that i'd swallowed the ball. 

NeonLeon9000: damn

Bootyyyshaker9000: see i knew i wasn't the only one who mouth fidgeted

red_Raph: ?

red_Raph: Don, that felt pointed.

Bootyyyshaker9000: it was. at you. with a glock.

red_Raph: Why? I do it all the time with the tooth.

Bootyyyshaker9000: you said that i wasn't allowed to "stab my tongue" when i asked if i could have a tongue piercing.

newage_red_artist: you WHAT

red_Raph: First of all, that'd be stabbing yourself in the tongue, Don. Unsafely. And it'd be very hard to keep a piercing uninfected while living in the sewer tunnels.

red_Raph: Plus, the piercing would be in your tongue so you wouldn't be able to fidget with it easily.

Bootyyyshaker9000: fuck you

dear_pizza_supreme: *gasp*

free_brownies: don just saying you wouldn't like piercings.

free_brownies: if you don't get the same one on both sides it makes you feel super uneven and ik you don't like that

free_brownies: ++ if the tongue one is even slightly off centred, which would happen cuz your not a professional, it'll bug you for literally the rest of your life

Bootyyyshaker9000: let me have my teenage rebellion assholes

sherlocked_corn: your idea of teenage rebellion was drawing eyebrows on your bandanna so that you'd have eyebrows.

newage_red_artist: bruh i'd kill for a piercing stfu cass

newage_red_artist: CAN YOU IMAGINE? HOW MUCH COOLER I'D LOOK?

Bootyyyshaker9000: april shut the fuck up that was literally a decade ago

Cpt_Leo: Raph no.

free_brownies: and as a finisher, literally none of you have ears which are like. the easiest to find anything for.

sherlocked_corn: bruh i was trying to talk about childrens sport toys and was rudely shut down. i hate you all

sticks_n_pucks: no no this still counts i think

sticks_n_pucks: ik ppl getting piercings as early as 1st grade

im_blue_katanas: you know, i'm learning donnies are prone to research a lot of dumb things in the middle of the night

im_blue_katanas: *cough cough*

im_blue_katanas:
                         

sherlocked_corn: thats not the point but i've given up. whatever.

red_Raph: No, we're sorry sis :(

sherlocked_corn: you're my fav sibling you know that

red_Raph: 🥰

sherlocked_corn: <3 <3 <3

NeonLeon9000: lol sorry i missed that entire thing cuz i just had a flashback to the time i swallowed a mancala piece while mouth fidgeting and then my neck felt mysteriously clogged for the next 2 weeks

NeonLeon9000: not a fun experience 0/10 do not recommend.

NeonLeon9000: also kat i see you, you're valid, and besides me your the funniest one here rn for getting that image so speedy quick

happy_Mike: i have one in my mouth rn what the hell man

dear_pizza_supreme: see my donnies a smart one and he bought me a collection of chew necklaces for this exact reason. i don't think mouth fidgeting is very useful

NeonLeon9000: it is when there are mnms present

red_Raph: Oh come on.

red_Raph: Did you buy mnms and not tell me?

NeonLeon9000: its the nut ones sorry

NeonLeon9000: but if you want i can get the fudge ones tonight

newage_red_artist: fuck you've unlocked the cravings

newage_red_artist: sometimes i forget how good the original mnms are tho. i'm going to go... get some

Bootyyyshaker9000: HOLY SHIT YES YES YES GIVE THE FUDGE EMMY NEMMIES TO PAPA

Bootyyyshaker9000: sorry that just slipped out

Cpt_Leo: Please don't steal just for your "cravings." Casey, can you go buy some? We'll pay you back when you get here.

im_blue_katanas: "emmy nemmies"

im_blue_katanas: my ass over here snacking on some lettuce

free_brownies: eurgh get your salad-craving ass out of our aggressive chocolate lover safe-space

im_blue_katanas: oh i'm so sorry that i keep a healthy diet sometimes

im_blue_katanas: I'm so sorry i eat the normal food of my species, i'll stop.

sticks_n_pucks: yes. please do.

sticks_n_pucks: and also lee i'm assuming that you want some sour patch kids??

Cpt_Leo: Thank you so much!!

sticks_n_pucks: its np

happy_Mike: if y'all don't share your munchies with me i swear--

dear_pizza_supreme: That's it. I'm making brownies.

im_blue_katanas: mikey have i ever told you how much i love you like you are my favouritest sibling omg

newage_red_artist: ???

dear_pizza_supreme: see according to everyone i make the best brownies in the house but that? is false?

newage_red_artist: yeah thats my understanding as well

NeonLeon9000: idk man

NeonLeon9000: mikey brownies are pretty yum yum good

happy_Mike: i've been reliably informed that i have no sense of good food

Bootyyyshaker9000: literally everyone but mikey in this house have set the kitchen on fire at least twice

newage_red_artist: yeesh

newage_red_artist: leo's been known to have some ungodly war with toasters but other than that we all know how to use the kitchen at least

NeonLeon9000: donnie made the microwave float that one time??

Bootyyyshaker9000: that required a little bit of... trial and error

sticks_n_pucks: pff--

mystic_mike: i am in shock that any version of myself could have bad taste

dear_pizza_supreme: EYY LOOK WHO JOINED THE PARTY

newage_red_artist: counterpoint: pizza shakes

mystic_mike: wh... what??

newage_red_artist: pizza shakes

Cpt_Leo: He puts pizza in a blender with whatever fruit he's feeling like that day.

dear_pizza_supreme: WHAT THE FUCK

mystic_mike: BETRAYAL. YOU'RE OUT OF THE MIKEY SQUAD.

dear_pizza_supreme: COME BACK WHEN YOU LEARN ABOUT HUMAN GODDAMNED FOOD

sticks_n_pucks: in his defence

sticks_n_pucks: before he was regularly going to the surface, they ate pretty much a normal turtle diet

Bootyyyshaker9000: *shudders*

Chapter Text

dear_pizza_supreme: okay so see here i've invented a new way to pass time

CJones: Oh, do tell.

dear_pizza_supreme: okay, so basically

dear_pizza_supreme: walk in front of a clock

dear_pizza_supreme: and boom

dear_pizza_supreme: time has been passed

newage_red_artist: and then to kill time

newage_red_artist: stab the clock

dear_pizza_supreme: exactly

NeonLeon9000: what do i do if the clock cries out in agony and/or lives

im_blue_katanas: bandage it?

mystic_mike: save up because you're gonna be the one replacing the clock

sleepdeprived_shell: my first thought was "yo where's leo, i need to test this out."

sleepdeprived_shell: and then i realised what we were discussing here

NeonLeon9000: ?

NeonLeon9000: why would that change anything

newage_red_artist: welp next time mikey loudly announces he's bored, i know what i'm doing

CJones: Alarm clocks are good for basic target practice.

newage_red_artist: and look! this conversation killed a whole 3 minutes.

Chapter Text

mystic_mike: okay now that christmas is over

mystic_mike: can we get a recount as to who is and isn't out for the year

newage_red_artist: leo's done lol

happy_Mike: we're staying strong tho!!

red_Raph: It's also just me and Mike over here.

im_blue_katanas: still all three of us so sucks to suck ig

sticks_n_pucks: how would you know?

happy_Mike: well then 

happy_Mike created a new chat

happy_Mike named the chat secrets and secrecy

happy_Mike: we're here to discuss my donatello, now that he is officially conked

mystic_mike: "officially conked"

im_blue_katanas: i'm sensing a story a-brewing

newage_red_artist: oh this is an old one but we're not allowed to tell it under threat of death

red_Raph: Do tell, then.

happy_Mike: okay so we were talking about his uh

happy_Mike: oblivious pining

mystic_mike: actually can we go back to avoiding this topic at all costs please

dear_pizza_supreme: ewhat??

newage_red_artist: and he threatened to eat his cup

newage_red_artist: to shut us up and all

newage_red_artist: and ofc leo told him to under no circumstances to eat the cup

happy_Mike: which is dumb because paper is delicious

newage_red_artist: and don looks us dead in the eyes

newage_red_artist: pulls out a knife

newage_red_artist: and begins methodically cutting slices of paper cup and stuffing them into his mouth

red_Raph: All because he didn't want to admit that he had a crush?

newage_red_artist: all because he didn't want to admit he had a crush.

mystic_mike: can we go back to the "paper tastes good" thing because what the flippity fuck

Chapter Text

It's a surprise when the call comes.

Of course it is, as a general rule none of them call one another and anyways, Raphael's by default weren't the most talkative types.

It doesn't stop Raph from flicking his T-Phone all the way open and quickly answer the call that had been specifically directed between the three Raphs.

"Hello?" He calls into the phone.

"Hello?" Mikey, Rafi's brother, similarly calls on the other end of the line.

Instead of responding, they get a torrent of heavy breathing on Red's end of the line.

They're both driven into a startled silence as Red continues to hyperventilate, each and every breath a strange strangled thing. 

It's hard too listen too, so Raph decides he isn't gonna.

"Hey, hey, you're okay, Red. I need you to listen close here. Breathe in... and breathe out. C'mon, follow my voice. Breathe in... and breathe out."

Red's breathing doesn't really level out, but it's clear she's trying.

"Breathe in... and breathe out. Everyone's fine. Breathe in... and breathe out."

Mikey's silent on the third end of the call, but she hasn't hung up yet. Raph's hoping that it stays that way, he's never really learned how to handle things like these properly and he's pretty sure if anything broke his concentration right now he'd get reflexively snappish and that'd just make everything worse.

"Breathe in... and breathe out. You're okay. Breathe in... and breathe out."

It takes a few more rounds of it before Red's calm enough to speak.

"He's so cold. Numb."

Raph inhales sharply, already seeing the mental image taking shape before it's fully presented to him. 

"Who, Raph?" Mikey finally speaks up on the other end of the line.

"Bl- Blue. Numb. I couldn't feel him- I- shit, sorry, I meant to call my sister. I can just--"

"Don't you dare hang up," Raph hisses under his breath.

He's manoeuvring himself into Leo's room, quickly locating his big brother's T-Phone and quickly shooting a text off to the main gc.

-_-_-_-

Cpt_Leo: its raph just got a call from red hes having a panic attack @mystic_mike @sherlocked_corn @CJones

-_-_-_-

He's played this song and dance too many times with his own family to not already have plans drilled into his brain. He knows where every device in the house is stored in case the person is alone, knows how everyone tends to react to touch in these sorts of states, he knows everything that he needs to know to make sure his family were okay. 

Silently, he prays Red's close enough to his expertise.

Red gulps loud enough to be heard over the phone, and Raph prepares himself in case he needs to say anything.

"Wh- when the Kraang took me. They- they did- they infected me with- with their tentacles. They went all- all up in my head and brain and- and, they told me to hurt Blue. I hurt Blue. And- and the tendrils, they wrapped around- around my arms and- and I couldn't stop them- I wanted to- I wanted to kill him. Bu- but I c-couldn't. So I ripped them out- out of my brain. It- it worked, and I was okay- but it stung, god it stung, and- and- and-"

He takes in a breath that sounds more like a wheeze and before Raph can make a move, Mikey's already started up the chant of "Breathe in... breathe out." for him.

For a few minutes, he lets Mikey sort it out. Lets himself sit there as Red continues to gasp and heave and desperately choke down his sobs.

But there's only one thought that rings true in his head, at that moment.

He's barely 18.

This poor kid, barely 18, had nearly killed his brothers. 

This pure-hearted kid, who refused to let his little brothers swear purely out of spite, had to sit back and enjoy the show as he tried to kill the only things that mattered in his world.

This innocent kid, this child, had taken the choice between harm coming to his brothers or himself, and had ripped out his eye without hesitation.

This kid, who had a pile of stuffed animals that he talked to sometimes just because he could, had seen so many goddamned horrors before even the age of 18.

And then he was hardly thinking about just Red, because somewhere in there, Raph realised that at least 50% of his spiralling thoughts could also be applied to himself and his brothers, no matter how hard they'd tried to deny it back when they were- fuck, they'd been kids.

"--aph. Raph. Raph, hello? Are you hearing me? Hellooo?"

Crud, he hadn't responded in too long there.

"Just... uh, yeah."

He'd been mind controlled of all sorts in the past. He'd even been full-on bodyswapped, once.

Back then, all that mattered is that it happened. Now that he'd matured, it finally clicked that god, he'd been just a kid. He hadn't deserved any of it, and yet he'd signed himself up for it anyways.

"Good, sorry I thought I lost you for a sec there. Red hung up."

Good, that was good. That meant that one of his siblings had gotten the message, or found her on their own, or his Splinter had found her.

Her Splinter, who got to live when Raph's didn't.

"Raph? Are you... okay there, pal?"

"Y-yeah."

"Are you sure? You're sounding a little hoarse, pal."

Raph's eyes briefly flashed down to Leo's phone, still clutched a little desperately in his shaking hand.

-_-_-_-

dear_pizza_supreme: @ello_yello @happy_Mike @sticks_n_pucks someone go find your raph he's sounding a little shaky

-_-_-_-

"Just... I never realised how young he was. How young w- we all were. He didn't deserve to- we didn't deserve any of that."

Fuck, damnit, shit, he was making all about him again and-

"Raph?"

The phone pinned to his ear finally fell as the blurry - so blurry, fuck Raph needed to see him - figure of his little brother finally came into view.

"Raph, hey, hey, it's okay."

"It's okay."

Chapter Text

CJones: Guys I hate automatic toilets and this has been nagging at me for at least a month but I've hit my goddamned fucking limit.

sticks_n_pucks: i think this is the most genuinely intriguing notification i've ever receiver. i am in fact working right now but whatever

newage_red_artist: bitch 'works' for doordash don't feel bad cj

free_brownies: see sometimes i wonder why he's so grumpy when he comes home in the middle of the night but then he says shit like this and i've just accepted that its future shit and we don't talk about it unless prompted.

free_brownies: so go ahead, JJ

happy_Mike: there's a such thing as automatic toilets WHAT

CJones: I hate these fucking toilets they fucking got shit in my mouth and they're fucking trash and whoever invented them was a piece of shit and I hate this fucking timeline.

newage_red_artist: can we commend him for the fact he wrote the entirety of that out while clearly fuming and managed to have completely perfect grammar because this feels like im reading an email and its surreal

ello: also yes, mikey, automatic toilets are in fact a real human invention made for their convenience so that we don't spread germs by everyone touching the handle

CJones: Sorry, sorry. 

CJones: Just a little upset.

ello_yello: i could perfectly hear my casey saying that and if it weren't for the fact you two aren't direct alternates id say that i'd gotten the impression completely correct

CJones: Okay, attempt two.

free_brownies: we all have bad days, JJ, you're fine

CJones: Was out n about by myself for the first time in like. 2 weeks and was feeling a little nauseated.

CJones: I dove into the nearest public bathroom and leaned over a toilet in case I puked.

CJones: But I forgot about the motion sensor thingy and it flushed in my face.

CJones: Bright side, I did in fact get the puke out.

sticks_n_pucks: O O F

CJones: And I get that it's more sanitary or whatever but. That really doesn't matter in comparison to other things.

CJones: So you're actually wrong, April.

newage_red_artist: humans need better pre-planning. then they'd be golden.

happy_Mike: you're really one to talk about planning--

newage_red_artist: now? really? and you? fuck off

happy_Mike: lol just felt like saying that sorry raph

newage_red_artist: ugh. 

CJones: So, how have you all been?

ello_yello: pff-- that was abrupt

CJones: I'm serious!

CJones: I've been told by at least 6 different people that I need to converse more with others. So I'm here.

sticks_n_pucks: you're seriously 13?

CJones: What's it to you.

happy_Mike: he's finally starting to text like a casey, rejoice!

Chapter Text

sherlocked_corn: is it too late to invite college people out for icecream??

sherlocked_corn: or shouls i do like an italian plade instead??

sherlocked_corn: or is that too fancy??

sticks_n_pucks: why do you think we'd know??

sherlocked_corn: idk but HELP ME

ello_yello: gurl how often do you think we hang with our human friends

ello_yello: hell, one of my humann friends was actually a robot in disguise who wanted my body for study or smth

sherlocked_corn: yeesh

free_brownies: how do you think i feel?? the only humans ive hung out with since i left the foot are my girlfriends!!

free_brownies: but all these unknown entities are asking me to hang oht with them and? me wants?

mystic_mike: yall dont hang out with ur college friends? WHAT

sticks_n_pucks: hell r u still doing awake

mystic_mike: ...

sherlocked_corn: actually dont answer that i feel stupid now

mystic_mike: i run hot.

mystic_mike: but seriously!! WHAT

ello_yello: we'd honsedly rather hang with yall

sticks_n_pucks: you think we spend our money on yall for nothing?

free_brownies: humans are huge dicks and yall r like the only unbiased people on earth

mystic_mike: but you deserve sustainable friendships!!

mystic_mike: theres no guarantee that a government agent doesnt find us and were half-turtle which pretty much guarantees a shorter lifespan!!

free_brownies: well thats then. in the now, im glad to spend a little business money keeping my friends living despite the genuinly shitting hand theyve been dealt

mystic_mike: just

mystic_mike: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

ello_yello: shall we relocate for the time being

ello_yello: i want more of yall to swe tjis actually 

sticks_n_pucks: yeah uh 

sticks_n_pucks: probably

Chapter Text

 ello_yello: a story in four parts

ello_yello: [4 Images]

1: Leo is sitting upright on a couch, a turtle shell balanced lazily on his thigh. She's subtly glaring at the camera.

2: Leo is now curled around the turtle shell, clutching it to his own plastron as she looks at it with a mix of fondness and concern.

3: It's a very motion-blurred picture of four limbs shooting out of the shell, one arm of with nailing Leo in the face, making her lurch to the side.

4: A very groggy yet pouty Raph sitting in Leo's lap, Leo is clearly mid-cough in the background.

sherlocked_corn: PFFF

newage_red_artist: hedrsereced jr

newage_red_artist: i aint his duckin stucfed animal 

newage_red_artist: fuxjing** 

newage_red_artist: FUCKING 

newage_red_artist: screw this im having some cinnamon toast xeunxh rhwn im fojfnrnback ro bes

sherlocked_corn: is 

sherlocked_corn: is he rly about to put cinnamon on toast

ello_yello: no he means the cereal 

sherlocked_corn: OH THANK GOD

sleepdeprived_shell: 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐝. 

sticks_n_pucks: WHO KEEPS SENDING THE FANCY FONTS AROUND AND NOT FUCKING TELLING ME

sleepdeprived_shell: you dont deserve them, underling

sherlocked_corn: ... soembodies hyper

sleepdeprived_shell: SPLINTER MADE ME TEA WHEN I WOKE UP 

sleepdeprived_shell: DO YOU KNOW HOW FUXKING LONG ITS BEEN SINCE I HAD TEA 

sleepdeprived_shell: I AM REFRESHED AND READY TO FUCK UP MY SLEEP SCHEDULE THE RIGHT WAY THIS YEAD

sherlocked_corn: 🤩🤩

sherlocked_corn: FUCK WAIT 

sherlocked_corn: FUCK ERONG EMOJI 

sherlocked_corn: hold up can someone send a new message so that this isnt directly above jt

sticks_n_pucks: *WHEEZE*

sherlocked_corn: 🤬🤬 BOY I SWEAR IF YOU DONT TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF ILL COME OVER TO YOUR DUMBASS DIMENSION MYSELF AND TEACH YOUR LEO HOW TO BE OUT AND LOUD LIKE MINE

sleepdeprived_shell: okay so 

sleepdeprived_shell: this is the second time that someone from your dimension has threatened to give me self care and with the little weve shared of one anothers splinters in getting worried over how exactly yall learned all this

sleepdeprived_shell: like i'm starting to get the vibe you've learned this from experience and gotten better and thats starting to worry me

sherlocked_corn: oh is it?

sherlocked_corn: good.

NeonLeon9000: gy altsld ,a; ,slhdoglu js, mt ,avd fr iapp ,dlk

NeonLeon9000: sld sy mt aom; usk lkfsv gl mt ;jdpp alh g hghlqk lskgid flkgp g ,a; gl kjd nakjossm alh pssvglu gl kjd mgrrso alh g ,a; mg;;glu al aom alh kjdl g jah a ralgi akkaiv ndiaf;d ic slid mdlkgsldh kjak jg; p;l;dg ,a; mg;;glu al aom alh g;lqk kjak ogslgi alh app kjak yfl ;kfyy alh hah hghlqk vls, algsld ,a; a,avd ak kjak rgslk ;s jd ,jdl jd ysflh md kjd ygo;k kjglu jd hgh ,a; kot ks vgpp md

newage_red_artist: holy mother of typos what the fuck am i looking at here

Cpt_Leo: And I thought Mikey-on-a-sugar-high's typing was horrific.

free_brownies: blue

free_brownies: blue are you still reading

NeonLeon9000: tddrdo;

NeonLeon9000: yfiv gqm ld.do ;atglu kjak auagl g ;sflhdh pgvd hsllgd dfouj

free_brownies: blue you're on the wrong keyboard layout

NeonLeon9000: ,agk ,jak

NeonLeon9000: jsph sld a ;dishl

sleepdeprived_shell: can we acknowledge the fact that leo just reffered to mikey on a sugar high as a seperate entity as regular mikey

newage_red_artist: was he wrong though?

NeonLeon9000: FUCK THAT WAS EMBARASSING SORRY

sherlocked_corn: are your eyes okay??

NeonLeon9000: no sorry i can't find my glasses rn 😭😭

NeonLeon9000: and its too early to put on contacts rn even if i knew where they are

NeonLeon9000: tts coming in clutch big time fr fr

sleepdeprived_shell: how did you get the right emoji without your glasses

NeonLeon9000: shear force of will power mostly

NeonLeon9000: but the only other blue-lined emoji face in my recently typed was the sad but relieved face i'm pretty sure so i didn't have much to lose there

free_brownies: just found a text converter for the above shitshow

free_brownies: are you okay??

NeonLeon9000: yeah i'm fine

NeonLeon9000: cj is the boy ever and got me this nice boba from a place he discovered recently, apparently

NeonLeon9000: also i have candy rocks and i'm a starved gremlin child

sherlocked_corn: CANDY ROCKS

sherlocked_corn: MINE MINE MIN GIB PLEASE LEO YOU ARE MY FAVOURITE BRO EVER

free_brownies: candy rocks are only good cause of the texture. i'll leave them for red.

free_brownies: though i wouldn't be opposed to stealing some of donatello's 

newage_red_artist: i don't think i've ever actually had candy rocks

newage_red_artist: haven't really gone in many candy stores to be fair.

sherlocked_corn: casey PFFT

NeonLeon9000: i went in a candy store once. it was closed.

NeonLeon9000: it was also wildly innapropreate for a candy store

NeonLeon9000: there were those giant lolipops but they were cock shaped

NeonLeon9000: that didn't stop the kids from flooding in the next morning

Cpt_Leo: That is wrong on so many levels.

NeonLeon9000: oh they also had cool socks

NeonLeon9000: i got ones that said "i woke up this gay" and i think i got mikey "same bitch different day" as a lil treat

free_brownies: i think i have a repressed memory of donnie showing off a pair of socks that said "same bitch different day" so probably not

sleepdeprived_shell: i need these socks IMMEDIATELY.

Cpt_Leo: Which pair?

sleepdeprived_shell: ALL OF THEM

NeonLeon9000: oh right

NeonLeon9000: mike's said "you crafty bitch"

CJones: Wasn't that where you bought Draxum the candy bar that said "Dys-functional family survival bar" on it?

sticks_n_pucks: wait i know this store

sticks_n_pucks: that's where i got leo a "mom gets shit done" mug for his birthday

Cpt_Leo: You're the one who bought that!?

Cpt_Leo: I thought that was Donnie!

NeonLeon9000: oeobthjbotehbto;mbtjhe

Cpt_Leo: Betrayal. Of the highest degree.

newage_red_artist: ^^ liar that's his favourite mug he once had a minor freakout when we got white paint on it and he thought it cracked

Cpt_Leo: I missed when you were asleep.

newage_red_artist: fuck you i don't want any more sibling cuddles

sticks_n_pucks: DKHJNDKSJNKJNH

CJones: Since I think we're all sharing when everyone wakes up in real time.

CJones: Donnie announced his return to the conscious plane by sliding into the room in hightop heelys.

CJones: And instantly tripped and banged his head on the way down.

sleepdeprived_shell: slay

CJones: The shoes aren't even the same colour. He bought two different pairs of heelys for this.

ello_yello: i want to have heelys just to know what they feel like. they look like heels but somehow even more tedious

sherlocked_corn: donnie used to keep an extra pair of roller skates in the vehicle. nobody knows where. he'd just sometimes pop up wearing them and forced us to accept it.

sherlocked_corn: wouldn't be surprised if he's owned them for a while

CJones: What's this?

sherlocked_corn: uhm... casey?

CJones: Who are you all?

sherlocked_corn: FUCK

sherlocked_corn: uhm i mean

sherlocked_corn: pops can you please get off cj's phone?

sherlocked_corn: its your darling oldest daughter

CJones: Oh. Apologies. Good to see he's making friends.

ello_yello: *dramatic exhale*

ello_yello: so that was your splinter?

sherlocked_corn: he was absolutely snooping on casey's phone but we don't like to let him know that we know.

sherlocked_corn: when we catch him in the act we like to tediously pretend that we believe his lie of "i thought that this was my phone" despite the fact the only electronic in the house he'll touch is the projector

sherlocked_corn: and oh right the stove

sleepdeprived_shell: shit brb i hear noise

dear_pizza_supreme: WASSAH BOITCHES

NeonLeon9000: pizza you couldn't have been 5 minutes earlier? you got been by vi thanks to your arrogance.

dear_pizza_supreme: this is bad for my early riser reputation

dear_pizza_supreme: i must salvage this immediately.

newage_red_artist: i can't believe that all of the mikeys got beaten by 2/3 dons. incredible.

newage_red_artist: and theres still a chance the other two won't wake up before my bro

dear_pizza_supreme: I WILL NOT GIVE UP HOPE YET

chamber of secrets

pizza: @secretly are you awake?????? 

secretly: damn what is that 7 question makrs

secretly: yeah ofc i'm always the first of my bros to wake up after hibernation

pizza: HUHA

secretly: ??

pizza: 2 of the dons woke up before me :(

secretly: loser

pizza: bitch--

secretly: wait wait i'm sorry don't go its so quiet

dear_pizza_supreme: oh btw 

dear_pizza_supreme: rafi's allergic to fun and refuses to join in on our dramatic-entrance fest 

sticks_n_pucks: gasp 

sticks_n_pucks: party pooper

red_Raph: im here and im here to fucking stay

sticks_n_pucks: hello?

red_Raph: hi

newage_red_artist: what the fuck

newage_red_artist: why are you typing like a functioning human being

red_Raph: if i ignore their bullshit for a few weeks then amybe leo can take a turn being the responsible one for a change like he did in yalls universes

red_Raph: hes already leader

red_Raph: isnt this hibernation bullshit supposed to be a slate wiper in a way anyways

ello_yello: holy fuck

ello_yello: this whole time

ello_yello: you've really been a raph

red_Raph: oh shut the hell up

NeonLeon9000: introducing groggy raph

NeonLeon9000: aka anger issues supreme

Bootyyyshaker9000: he's my favourite. he's more likely to say yes to arson.

red_Raph: I'm. Still. Raph.

NeonLeon9000: ooh is this the "don't eat the pizza puffs" voice i smell

red_Raph: BITCH YOU WANNA FUCKING GO

NeonLeon9000: FUCKING TRY ME

newage_red_artist: red. red do me a favour and don't ever go back to normal.

sleepdeprived_shell: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

CJones: You know when I first came to the lair, it was a few hours after a Leo vs. Raph fight in which Leo was apparently punched by Raph so hard that he created a hole in his wall.

CJones: So maybe we shouldn't be encouraging this?

Bootyyyshaker9000: i think leo's about to tickle his shoulder idk man

Bootyyyshaker9000: last time we had that brand of fights it was the normal "slightly aggravated parental unit/brother/uncle" raph

dear_pizza_supreme: i'm sorry but the brain won't let me not say this

dear_pizza_supreme: druncle raph

CJones: Accurate.

sleepdeprived_shell: DRUNCLFLEM FKJDSDKLFSLKFMLSML

Bootyyyshaker9000: yep its a tickle fight

Bootyyyshaker9000: disgusting.

Dontron97: 👋 Hi everyone!!

Bootyyyshaker9000: AHA THE DONNIES ARE VICTORIOUS LEO YOU OWE ME 20

Bootyyyshaker9000: i mean

Bootyyyshaker9000: hi tron!!

NeonLeon9000: EUURAAAUAUUUGUHHHHH

NeonLeon9000: i mean hi tron ;E

NeonLeon9000: FUCK

NeonLeon9000: :D**

Dontron97: Warm welcome all around, I see.

dear_pizza_supreme: *cries out in anguish*

dear_pizza_supreme: THERES ANOTHER DRY TEXTER IN OUR MIDST

Dontron97: Usually, I just don't have the energy to type like this. I still have the capability to use slang and all that.

Bootyyyshaker9000: 🖕 betrayal

happy_Mike: current earworm: everybody talks by neon trees

happy_Mike: IT STARTED WITH A WHISPURRRR

happy_Mike: 🥹 somebody indulge me please

happy_Mike: wait

happy_Mike: wait wheres the sad version of that emoji

red_Raph: "🥺?"

red_Raph: its called pleading face

happy_Mike: THANK YOU RED

happy_Mike: 🥺 pls indulge me

NeonLeon9000: AND THAT WAS WHEN I KISSED HURRRRR

free_brownies: ik this song came out recently so y'all won't get this reference but

happy_Mike: AND THEN SHE MADE MY LIPS HURRRTTTTT

free_brownies: current mood: everything sucks by vaultboy

NeonLeon9000: I COULD HEAR THE CHIT-CHATTTT

Bootyyyshaker9000: i'm listening to something super sweet and having a bag of candy rocks

Bootyyyshaker9000: so both of these songs are invalid right now

happy_Mike: TAKE ME TO YOUR LOVE SHAAAAACK

Bootyyyshaker9000: my athstetic is stronger

happy_Mike: damn more of these lyrics are about love then i remembered

NeonLeon9000: MAMA'S ALWAYS GOT A BACK TRACKKKK

newage_red_artist: not that this isn't an interest course of conversation

newage_red_artist: but does this make us the first fam to be awake? does this not make me 20 dollars richer mikey?

happy_Mike: dammit

red_Raph: for what its worth i'm just listening to 10 things i hate about you

Bootyyyshaker9000: EUGH EUGH EUGH GET AWAY

free_brownies: sing the chorus in one breath i dare you

NeonLeon9000: cass translation: "Suffocate."

im_blue_katanas: Was informed that we were sharing when we awoke

NeonLeon9000: LEO CULT REUNITE

Cpt_Leo: No.

newage_red_artist: keep the space-fest where i can't see it, thanks

Cpt_Leo: Wait...

NeonLeon9000: LEO CULT LEO CULT LEO CULT

NeonLeon9000: FUCK YALL BYE

#leocult

Cpt_Leo: Was that strictly necassary?

NeonLeon9000: yes.

im_blue_katanas: well then. what did i miss?

NeonLeon9000: *𝙞𝙣𝙝𝙖𝙡𝙚*

mystic_mike: how tf was I /last/ this year??

Cpt_Leo: Language.

callme_rafi: damn

callme_rafi: self-assured much?

mystic_mike: i'm so hot i'm basically warm-blooded

sleepdeprived_shell: that is NOT how that works 

sticks_n_pucks: its not??

Dontron97: Casey. What?

sticks_n_pucks: isn't that a thing??

sticks_n_pucks: like when something gets too cold it starts to shut itself down

Dontron97: Are you implying that you thought humans brumate?

CJones: Sticks, that is called freezing to death.

sticks_n_pucks: idk?? 😭😭😭

mystic_mike: b r u h

mystic_mike: the definition of spending too much time with mutants, right here

sleepdeprived_shell: why do i even bother at this point

Chapter Text

sticks_n_pucks: you ever wonder what goes on in the mind of a water bottle

Bootyyyshaker9000: no actually

happy_Mike: constantly.

NeonLeon9000: would anyone like to gaze upon the glory of my water bottle?

Cpt_Leo: ...

NeonLeon9000: its been three months since she's been washed, theres a crack in the cap and if i drink from certain angles it leaks, and when you swing your finger around the inside plastic it comes away a nice dark brown!!

NeonLeon9000: it also makes water very tasty

callme_rafi: forgive me if this is rude but

callme_rafi: are you straight up drinking DIRT

Bootyyyshaker9000: it says "drink clean water" on it and i swear to fuck it is the most unsanitary thing in this household

NeonLeon9000: yes but the difference is i'm AWARE of it

sticks_n_pucks: well in his defence dirt water much good

Bootyyyshaker9000: its actually the third version of the same bottle he's used for these water-related crimes

NeonLeon9000: no its not <3

Bootyyyshaker9000: whatever you want to think <3

sleepdeprived_shell: guys i'm still a little confused by the wind of a mind of a water bottle comment can someone explain if thats okay

newage_red_artist: omg dirt water

NeonLeon9000: hold up for a sec shell i'll get you a vid

callme_rafi: don

callme_rafi: as in my don

newage_red_artist: amazing

sleepdeprived_shell: yeah?

callme_rafi: please reread that message for me

Cpt_Leo: Raph.

sleepdeprived_shell: ??

Cpt_Leo: Is there something in your room that I need to confiscate and/or cleanse?

callme_rafi: seriously??

newage_red_artist: ... no

callme_rafi: "wind of a mind of a water bottle" 

NeonLeon9000: hold up dan its gonna be a minute

NeonLeon9000: i think i accidentally filmed my foot at the start gimme a sec

Cpt_Leo: Dani, get some sleep.

Cpt_Leo: And Raph.

sleepdeprived_shell: np!!

happy_Mike: dont worry dudes i've got something for the meantime

happy_Mike: [Video]

The video opens on a very... messy bedroom. There are pizza boxes covering one corner, and in another is a completely empty trash cans with several crumpled papers and napkins in its vicinity.

Mikey pushes himself off his bed with a grunt, quickly approaching the exit of his room.

"--Give it."

The camera pans around the threshold to Mikey's room to reveal Leo, standing in front of an entrance to another bedroom with a hand resting angrily on her hip and the other leaning against the unidentified room's doorframe.

From inside the room comes an animalistic hiss, causing Leo to sigh.

"Raph, please."

"No."

"He's pouting," Mikey whispers into his phone with a muffled giggle.

"Raph, that things disgusting. I can tell it's brown from here."

"I'm not giving it to you!"

A high-pitched garble suddenly resounds through the door, causing Leo to sigh even more tiredly -- somehow -- as Raph proudly declares, "see, Chompy agrees."

"If you get sick from the bacteria in that thing," Donnie shouts from somewhere off screen, "don't come running to me!"

sleepdeprived_shell: ... what is chompy??

newage_red_artist: only the cutest alien turtle on this side of the galaxy <3 <3

newage_red_artist: the boy ever

Dontron97: raph's pet

Dontron97: fire turtle

Dontron97: thing

Dontron97: guys i think we forgot to explain the entirety of those months

callme_rafi: what what WHAT

happy_Mike: yeah it was like that

happy_Mike: pretty sure i watched leo do like. a reverse eye cross at one point

happy_Mike: a lot was going on

NeonLeon9000: i hath returtned!!

NeonLeon9000: [Video]

The video opens with a cut off giggle as Leon tries to prop his phone up on something. Keyword here being tries because the phone falls over at least two separate times before he walks backward quickly and it stays.

"Okay. Okay, great. Okay!"

He does a spin with the last repeat of the word, reappearing in one smooth motion holding a water bottle that is barely bigger than his hand.

"So, look. This is water. Water in bottle. Bottle made for containing liquid, anyways. It speaks to me, sometimes. You just gotta get it right. Kinda have to seal it with your lip. Here!"

Blue suddenly leans backward slightly as they take a quick drink of their water bottle, the bottle instantly letting out a hum that sounds like a scream with a lazer fight in the background. After a few seconds he stops, quickly placing the water against the top of a seat. 

The phone wobbled slightly. "Don't you dare." Blue growled at it.

The phone did not fall. 

"Okay, now, here, look. Listen to this water bottle."

Leon held the water bottle up to the microphone.

The water bottle's noise could not be described as something other than a human scream. "AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII."

Blue moved the water bottle back and pulled the top open quickly. The screaming stopped.

"Thank you, and good night," he said with a slight bow.

The video cut off as the phone finally fell.

Bootyyyshaker9000: eon i SWEAR if you try and change the subject away from ALIEN FIRE TURTLES i will commit fucking fratricide on your ass

Chapter Text

mystic_mike: my online friends are discussing near death experiences and am i allowed to randomly go therapist mode completely spontaneously please confirm or deny

Dontron97: i mean

Dontron97: what sort of near death experiences we talking here

mystic_mike: apparently one of them drove their car?? off a cliff?? into a lake??

mystic_mike: AND THEY SAID THEY'VE ALMOST CRASHED SEVERAL OTHER TIMES

newage_red_artist: i'd love to meet them some day

mystic_mike: 2 different people are discussing their near death by hurricane

ello_yello: well then. thats uh. hope everyone in theres alive and well

mystic_mike: THATS IT I'M THERAPISING THESE FUCKERS

dear_pizza_supreme: good luck with that ig?

mystic_mike: guys

mystic_mike: guys please

red_Raph: Is it still the online friends?

mystic_mike: *sob*

newage_red_artist: did the therapy not stick... or??

mystic_mike: i need everyone to shut up for this because if i'm interrupted while i type this shit out i might cry

red_Raph: Got it!

mystic_mike: so apparently one of these fucks used to live in nyc during the invasion

mystic_mike: and it just so happens that cj saved them

mystic_mike: and they have.

mystic_mike: the hots.

mystic_mike: for cj.

mystic_mike: you may speak

Bootyyyshaker9000: i've got my gun, do you happen to know their real name

NeonLeon9000: br  u h

im_blue_katanas: violet, ol buddie ol pal, we're going to need an tone indicator emoji for that statement

sleepdeprived_shell: really? i can't imagine anyone having the hots for casey

Bootyyyshaker9000: apologies

Dontron97: shell!! don't bully the caseys.

Bootyyyshaker9000: i've got my gun, do you happen to know their real name ^w^ /gen

im_blue_katanas: never mind. that is worse.

red_Raph: If this is how they act in the main gc, I wonder what goes on in the depths of the Donnie-chat.

NeonLeon9000: its best that we don't ask those kinds of questions

Chapter Text

red_Raph: Raph wants a lava lamp.

NeonLeon9000: he has urges, everybody.

red_Raph: The goop inside looks like the stuff from those terrible fidget squishes.

newage_red_artist: eh

newage_red_artist: i myself prefer to be a lil cold so

red_Raph: I have to observe it.

sleepdeprived_shell: i saw an image of a purple and black one the other day and i have never wanted anything more in my life

happy_Mike: they are very observable.

Dontron97: while i cannot provide exactly what you all are reffering to

Dontron97: these 🤤

Dontron97:
               

NeonLeon9000: 👀 desk fidget

NeonLeon9000: IN MY COLOUR

Dontron97: hold up let me see if i can find a video

Dontron97: [Link]

Dontron97: imagine the thing shown in this video but like. actually good and without the blockers in the middle.

happy_Mike: 💸 I WILL PAY FOR THIS PLEASE 💸

happy_Mike: i need this in my life

red_Raph: hhhhhhhhhhh

red_Raph: Happy.

NeonLeon9000: something more entertaining to stop me from getting anything done. incredible. take my money, whoever made it. ingenious.

red_Raph: wbwbwbwbwbwbwb

red_Raph: Blue?

NeonLeon9000: coming

sleepdeprived_shell: red's right

sleepdeprived_shell: wbwbwbwbwbwbwb

mystic_mike: anywhizzle we're going to be up all night

Dontron97: shit is something going down

mystic_mike: NO NO nothing like that

mystic_mike: its cuz i made the mistake of discovering disney+ updates its contents at 3am and the local insomniacs also got this information

mystic_mike: and a tv show we all like is getting its first 2 episodes tonight so we're waiting all night to binge it

happy_Mike: what happened to disney to make it start releasing the good shit at 3am

happy_Mike: dont all tv channels beside the news turn off at like 10pm anyways

Dontron97: ^^ VHS child if you can't tell

mystic_mike: okay so

mystic_mike: imagine netflix

mystic_mike: but with disney-owned shows

mystic_mike: and of course expensive as fuck

happy_Mike: oh

mystic_mike: yeah and when they add new shit it always comes jout at 3am here. in other places its probbles a little later but its supposed to happen overnight so i'm p sure it happens at 12am on the dot somewhere

mystic_mike: ugh sorry i'm infodumping

sleepdeprived_shell: no no its interesting

sleepdeprived_shell: just have nothing to respond cause i'm still a little in the "wbwbwbwb" state

im_blue_katanas: if we're still sorta talking about figet toys

im_blue_katanas: there are like

im_blue_katanas: crystal looking jelly bouncy balls if that makes any sense

happy_Mike: 🤨 not really but please elaborate

im_blue_katanas: i've never been able to hold onto one because they always get disgusting + mikey always tried to put them in her mouth

im_blue_katanas:
                         

im_blue_katanas: these are like. squishy tho. not plastic.

Dontron97: i'll pay you a dollar for one of those holy shit

sleepdeprived_shell: that's so cheap?? i'll give 2

Dontron97: i've seen 50 packs of bouncy balls for 20$ what i'm giving him is a fucking fortune for just one

mystic_mike: new money making scheme unlocked 👀

Chapter Text

dear_pizza_supreme: just randomly remembered the puppy bowl

dear_pizza_supreme: that is all

Dontron97: The what ⊙_◎

im_blue_katanas: what is that face??

Dontron97: either looking at you from one goggle or just flat out unhinged

Dontron97: a.k.a the donnie emoji

dear_pizza_supreme: the puppy bowl is a football tournament except its dogs with chewtoys instead of dumbass humans

dear_pizza_supreme: oh we're changing topics dammit

mystic_mike: don't ask me how i made this so fast

mystic_mike: but behold: the donnie emoji

mystic_mike:

sleepdeprived_shell: omg

sleepdeprived_shell: its finally in all its glory

Dontron97: hail!! the donnie emoji!!

callme_rafi: needs goggles

Dontron97 banned callme_rafi for 2 minutes

Dontron97: fuck you!!

sleepdeprived_shell: coding this into my phone immediately.

Bootyyyshaker9000: literally--

im_blue_katanas: why are the eyes so far from the mouth? just sayin--

Bootyyyshaker9000: SHUT UP IT IS LITERALLY PERFECTION

sleep is for the weak

Dontron97: behold

Dontron97:
                 

Dontron97: the don emoji

don_247: what the fuck is that and why does it look like my soul

sleepdeprived_shell: it's coffee, personified.

don_247: <3 ???

Bootyyyshaker9000: more accurately, us without the tism

Bootyyyshaker9000: coffee personified would have a cookie monster face and i stand by that fact

don_247: coffee personified is mikey but without the kaleidoscope of emotional capacity

Dontron97: coffee, personified is the don emoji but with rainbow sclera

sleepdeprived_shell: before i say my piece is this an open-ended discussion or a slightly passive agressive argument?

Bootyyyshaker9000: the latter

Dontron97: the former

don_247: eh

sleepdeprived_shell: the coffe moji is 😊 except when it opens its face they look high

Dontron97: actually never mind there are actually wrong answers to what the coffee personified emoji would be