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Peter wasn’t sure whose idea it was to have a Halloween weekend over at the cabin. Or whose idea it was to have many, many, children running all over the place. He found out, only after he and May arrived, that Tony invited Clint’s family, as well as Sam’s nephews over for the weekend.
Peter wasn’t used to being around that many kids.
Growing up he didn’t have siblings or cousins to deal with on holidays or any other time of the year. He didn’t have any babysitting gigs, only saw the kids who lived in his building briefly, usually coming and going. Ned had an older sister who wanted nothing to do with them and a younger one who wanted everything to do with them, but even then it was manageable and he only dealt with her when at Ned’s house.
He didn’t have an aversion to younger children, he just didn’t know if he could relate to them, or even how he could manage to hold a conversation with one.
But Morgan Stark made the whole thing pretty easy from the jump. She acted as if Peter had been in her life since the minute she was born, not missing for 4 years before randomly coming back. She was easy to talk to, to play with and he felt a bond with her within minutes. He also wasn’t used to sharing her with anyone.
Which made Peter feel a little lost sitting on the couch, watching her chase around the other younger kids, high pitched giggling echoing in his ears.
There was an overwhelming feeling to protect her, to watch over her even though he knew she was safe right now. He’d messed up once before, it took so little to mess up again. In just a blink of an eye, she could go from laughing and happy, to crying and screaming.
“You alright there?” Tony asked, hovering beside him as if summoned by Peter’s negative feelings.
He was so focused on Peter and Morgan, ever since the kidnapping. Tony had become his constant shadow, even when they weren’t close to each other. Peter had made the decision to attend Empire University instead of MIT, which seemed to make Tony and May both happy and sad. Truthfully, after everything that’d happened, he didn’t think he could be that far away from his family.
So, when he wasn’t taking classes, or patrolling, Peter spent a lot of his time at the cabin. Tony was always welcoming, coming out to pick up Peter anytime he felt like it. Making sure he was in constant contact with the kid. Peter felt the same magnetic pull towards his mentor, the same need to be around him, to be part of his orbit and not drifting along into the emptiness of dark and soundless space.
“Pete?” Tony repeated, already sitting down next to him, arm slumped around his shoulder. He must have zoned out for a moment, he shook his head, to clear out any lingering thoughts of the darkness.
Tony looked worried and a little goofy, there were bits of glitter left over from the Halloween basket making stuck to his face and shirt. Anytime he turned his head, he shimmered just a bit, making Peter’s heart warm.
“Sorry,” he said in a small voice, knowing how much Tony hated the words. “A little tired, zoned out for a minute.”
“That’s alright. It’s almost time for the kids to head off to bed anyways, you’re welcome to lights out whenever you need to. You’ll need your sleep to handle the chaos for tomorrow.”
The reason, Peter assumed, for the influx of children was for the small town’s Halloween Festival. It was a mini carnival experience, with hay rides, corn mazes, haunted houses, and a smattering of kiddie rides and activities. Peter was actually looking forward to it, a nice break from the constant homework and crime fighting he’d been doing lately.
“I’ll be ready,” Peter answered, trying to sound confident. Morgan’s sudden scream had him turning his head, already half off the couch. He started to look for her, turning around but Tony had stood up too, grabbing Peter’s arm and pulling his attention away.
“She’s fine,” Tony said, carefully, waiting until Peter was looking at him. “She’s just playing with AJ and Nate, that’s all. They’re chasing her around, she’s just being super loud.”
“Oh,” Peter said dumbly, suddenly sitting back down on the couch. “Sorry, I just, you know how it is.”
“Yeah,” Tony said, sitting next to him once more. “I do, but you can rest now okay? I’ve got this, Morgan’s in a room full of superheroes, you’re all safe.”
And logically, Peter knew that but he still couldn’t shake the bad feelings that crawled up his skin. “I know,” he answered. “Sorry, again.”
“And you need to stop saying that, Pete. I know you’re sorry but you’ve got no reason to be. I’m also on high alert, right? I mean, I’m the one that practically tagged you two kids,” Tony said, looking down at the black band around Peter’s wrist. It was a new development a few weeks after the kidnapping. A GPS tracker with emergency buttons could only be taken off by those whose fingerprints are registered with it, a very limited list of people.
“For good reason,” Peter added, playing with the band. Not wanting to sit and think about things any longer, he faked a yawn, one he knew wasn’t convincing. “Um, I think I’ll go to bed now.”
“Sure,” Tony said, smiling at him. “I’ll let everyone know you’ve gone. Try and get some actual sleep, okay? No all night conversations with that girlfriend of yours, our walls might be sound proof but-”
“Tonnny,” Peter cut him off with an exasperated moan.
“Yeah, yeah,” Tony said, laughing as Peter got up from the couch. Tony stood too, leaning over and pulling him into a big hug. “Love you, kiddo.”
“Love you too.”
-
Sleep was a bit of a foreign thing to Peter.
Sure he slept, but it wasn’t restful or welcoming. Usually, it took forever to doze off, since being buried alive Peter had a little aversion to complete darkness. He wasn’t brave enough to ask for a night light, so instead, he’d keep the curtains open, or if that wasn’t enough, a small lamp he had both at the cabin and apartment.
His nights were usually the same, laying in bed, eyes open until his body forced him into submission. Eyes closing and sleep pulling him down, no more how much he struggled against it. Nightmares plagued him, not just of being buried alive in a coffin, but of every other terrible thing that ever happened to him. They all blended, like his brain couldn’t deal with them anymore and just threw them at him in a mush.
Sometimes the Vulture would throw him in a coffin. Sometimes the Snap would cause a building to collapse on him. Sometimes Morgan would be drowning and he’d jump in the lake to find her but it would turn into a starless sky and he’d be falling, falling, falling…
They all ended the same way, Peter’s eyes opening, skin beaded with sweat, chest heaving with the effort to pull oxygen into his lungs. Forever grateful Tony had made his room at the cabin soundproof, he knew no one had heard his screaming and shouting. It wasn’t the same for his apartment and May would often come knock on his door after a bad nightmare, making sure he was okay.
He always said he was, but he was always lying. It’s not like he wanted to lie about it, but it usually just slipped from his lips without thought.
The thing was, all of this was Peter’s fault, he should have to deal with the consequences. He’s the one who didn’t notice something was wrong when the men first showed up. He had a little cold at the time, it was affecting his spider sense just enough for him not to realize things were going bad. And then, when he did know, he didn’t use his powers to protect Morgan. He let them get caught and tied up when he could have easily broken free.
He was too concerned about his own identity, too concerned about the world finding out he was Spider-man that it skewed his view of the situation.
He’d broken the promise he made to himself after Ben died. To use his powers to save everyone, not to let another person die because of him. And it was only due to Tony Stark that Morgan survived. He’s the one who dug her from the ground, all Peter did was cry and wallow in self pity, he didn’t do a single thing to save her.
Those thoughts clouded his mind, even 6 months later. He couldn’t escape them, a storm cloud that followed him everywhere he went.
A knock on his door startled him out of his stupor of post nightmare feelings and he jumped to his feet, making his way to the locked door.
Pulling it open a fraction of an inch, he was glad to see Tony standing there, so he pulled it open completely. “Morning,” Peter said, his voice sounding rough.
“Morning kiddo, I wanted to let you know breakfast is in 15 and then we’re out the door.”
“Thanks,” Peter answered, trying his best to smile. “I’m gonna shower and then head down.”
“You sleep okay?” Tony asked, but Peter knew he already knew the answer. They were playing a game of cat and mouse about these nightmares. Even without Tony hearing the screaming, there were other signs. The bags under his eyes, the constant yawning, the dullness that clouded over him most mornings.
But Tony never explicitly said anything, it was as if he was just waiting for Peter to bring them up on his own. Like he knew eventually Peter would spill, would open his mouth, and be unable to stop the waterfall of words.
“Yes,” Peter lied through his teeth, no waterfall today.
“You sure? If you’re not feeling up to it, you can stay home,” Tony said and then quickly added. “I can stay too.”
The offer sounded good, having time just to spend with Tony. He’d become a little averse to being home alone lately, especially while in the cabin. That and there was no way Tony would even dream of leaving him behind.
But this was Morgan’s day too and he wasn’t going to spoil more things for her. Instead, he tried to stand up a little straighter, look a little less tired. “Nah, we’re good.”
Tony nodded his head, looking slightly disappointed before retreating from the doorway.
Peter shut the door behind him, locking it once more, and then went to shower.
-
Peter ended up, completely by Tony’s hand, driving in the car with him, Pepper, May, and Happy to the festival. Sam and Bucky got stuck with the “kiddie” car, having AJ, Morgan, and Nate, while Clint took the "practically young adults” that were Cass, Cooper, and Lila. Secretly, Peter was happy not to drive in those cars, he liked being thought of as an adult, but also knew it was partially Tony and May being worried about him.
The drive was only 20 minutes, but Peter found himself leaning against the cool car window and dozing off. The weather was nice for October, chilly but being in his Stark Industries hoodie was enough to keep him warm.
“You didn’t want to dress up?” May asked from beside him. The younger kids were in Halloween outfits.
“No,” Peter said with a shrug. “I mean, I’m like 19 May, I think that’s a little too old.”
May grinned. “I don’t think so, you always looked so cute in your little Iron Man outfit.” The look on her face told him exactly what she was attempting to do.
Tony cooed from the driver’s seat, Pepper even turned around to look at him.
“Maaaay,” Peter whined, but he smiled anyway. It was all in good fun, she was just trying to make him feel better. He was pretty sure Tony had already seen enough embarrassing baby pictures of Peter, this hardly mattered.
“Peter went as Iron Man for at least 4 years in a row, starting when you were what, 8?” she continued.
“Please tell me there are plenty of pictures,” Pepper said with a grin.
“Of course,” May scoffed. “He even went as Tony Stark one year. Took us forever to find a suit in his size and then we painted on a mustache and beard. They spent hours making a fake light up arc reactor too.”
“Pictures,” Tony responded immediately. “As soon as this car stops, I better see pictures.”
“Guys,” Peter said, but there was zero heat in his voice. He really didn’t mind all of this, it was nice that everyone was laughing, smiling, and in a good mood around him. He knew they were all trying for him, to make things normal again.
Reaching out, May grabbed his arm. “I’m just sayin’, Peter, you should have been Tony again this year.”
“Next year,” Tony added. “I’ll make you an actual mini Iron Man suit. Morgan can go as Rescue, you’ll be an adorable pair. And we’ll just make the two of you, too.”
“Maybe,” Peter answered, but knew deep down inside there was no way out of this one. Once Tony made a decision, it was usually set in stone now. “As long as me and Morgan can make the outfits ourselves, not using any nanites or fancy tools. Old school style.”
“Morgan would love that,” Happy added.
Tony humped. “I guess, but you can at least let me handle some electrical things.”
And then suddenly, Peter felt an intense sense of panic. Sucking in a quick breath, he braced himself, his entire body going taunt, with the anticipation of something terrible about to happen. There was a sharp ringing in his ears, his head going a bit cloudy, as did his field of vision.
“Pete?” Tony’s voice broke through the panic, as it usually did. “What’s wrong?”
And then, it was over just as quickly as it started. Peter’s heart rate dropped, his body sagged in his seat and he looked to see three adults (May, Happy, and Pepper) looking at him with worry.
“Baby?” May questioned her face wash with concern.
“Sorry, I’m fine, just felt a little weird for a second. I woke up with a headache,” Peter partially lied, the lack of sleep was behind a few headaches he was having, but this wasn’t the result of one.
Since the kidnapping, Peter’s spider sense had felt out of sorts. He’d get the same chill of fear down his spine, the same zap of attention when nothing wrong was happening. He hadn’t told anyone yet and didn't want to make people worry. It was just his senses overreacting, a little off course from what had happened to them. He just needed time to pull himself back together, find a way to get a good night’s sleep, and then things would come back together.
The panic was slowly diffusing from him, Peter relaxed into the car seat, hoping all the attention would move from him.
As if Tony was reading his mind, the man cleared his throat. “I think next year I’m going to go as Hawkeye. All I need is a bad haircut and some nerf arrows, and that’d be an improvement…”
The rest of the car ride, Peter spent with his head against the cool window, eyes closed, letting May’s hand on his arm and Tony’s voice ground him.
-
The festival was not as bad as Peter thought it would be. Sure it was crowded, full of children running around, way too loud but with May pressed to his side and Tony on the other, he felt well protected. Together, along with Happy and Pepper, they walked through the grounds. Tony bought him and everyone else any food they wanted. Peter found himself eating bags of popcorn and nearly breaking his teeth on the bright red candied apples.
Eventually, they met up with the rest of the group, the kids along with their chaperons Sam, Bucky, and Clint by the arcade games.
“Petey,” Morgan said, grabbing at his hoodie sleeve. “Can you win me the Spider-man bear?”
Morgan pointed at a throwing game whose big prize looked to be a small bear wearing a knockoff of the spider suit. Peter wasn’t the only superhero represented, next to him was all the original Avengers.
Tony made an indignant noise from behind him. “You don’t want the Iron Man bear?”
“No,” Morgan said casually as if she wasn’t disappointing her father.
Tony frowned, but Peter just laughed, taking Morgan by the hand to the booth. Peter paid for the three balls, trying to decide if he should use his powers or not.
A hand on his shoulder made him jump slightly, Tony leaned in. “No one would notice if you did.”
“Are you reading my mind now?” Peter asked, a little astonished at another thing Tony guessed about it.
Grinning, his mentor took a step back. “Or you’re just a really easy read, Pete.”
Rolling his eyes, Peter threw the ball, hitting the target square in the middle, the top bottle fell, the other two stayed stubbornly upright. Putting a little more force into the next one, he managed to clear the table.
Peter let Morgan pick out the Spider-man bear, watching as he hugged it to her chest and skipped off to find another game to play.
Peter looked on fondly, wondering how she could even like Spider-man anymore, after what happened. Spider-man didn’t save her, he didn’t even try to. Peter just let everything happen and she shouldn’t still like him. She should be mad at him, she should hate him but she never has. It’s that thought that tends to make him spiral out of control, even more so at night. The look on Morgan’s face as she was taken away, the sounds of her screaming as she was tossed into the coffin, the way she begged for Peter or her Daddy to come save her.
“Pete,” Tony’s voice, as always, broke through the panic. His hand was on Peter’s shoulder, not pushing down hard, but just enough for Peter to feel it. “Take a deep breath, kid. You look like you’re stuck in that noggin’ of yours again.”
Peter grabbed onto the anchor, pulling himself away from the panic and spiral, until he was back to himself, standing a little aside from the carnival game. Tony stood in front of him, glasses off, eyes staring directly into Peter’s.
“Ah,” he said. “There he is. Lost you there for a minute, bud. Everything okay? Want to go sit in the car for a bit?”
The air around them smelled sweet, it seemed to help mellow Peter’s senses back down to normal. He shook his head fervently. “No, I’m fine. Just got a little overwhelmed again, that’s all.”
“Sure, okay,” Tony said casually, turning and slinging an arm over Peter’s shoulders. “If you do need a break, let me know. There’s no shame in needing help.”
Peter nodded, as they walked from the small area, back into the crowded festival. He could see Morgan in line at the Tilt-A-Wheel, with AJ, Nate, and Clint. May and Happy stood off to the side of the line, seemingly the designated holder of all things while the others went on rides.
A part of Peter nearly burst into tears at the sight, seeing his blended family acting so domestic with each other. They weren’t gathered here to find him and Morgan or unearthed them from the ground but to have fun and laugh and be happy. They were all together, they were safe and they were happy.
But still, Peter couldn’t shake the overwhelming dread of it all. Before they were taken, he and Morgan had been happy and safe. They’d just finished eating ice cream for a pre-dinner snack on the couch, cold bowls balancing on their knees as they watched a movie. Peter had been coughing a lot, feeling a little congested but otherwise capable of watching her. It was the first time he’d ever done it by himself and he wanted to prove he was capable of it.
Getting up to get more tissues, things went from normal to terrible in a matter of seconds. The door swung open, and several armed men ran in and had Morgan at gunpoint before Peter got back into the living room. The urge to use his powers was strong, but with the guns pointed at both of them, he faltered just a little. His sense had been messed up already, didn’t alert him to anything happening and he feared it would possibly cost Morgan her life if he trusted it then.
“Tilt-a-Whirl?” Tony asked, pulling him from the memories of the night.
“Sure,” Peter answered, getting in line with Tony. The second Morgan saw them, she let out a little shriek and got out of line to walk back to them.
“Daddy,” she said in an excited voice. “Can you spin us really, really, really, super, duper fast?”
“Hmm,” Tony said, hand on his chin. “Maybe, do you want to go fast enough to fly into space?”
Morgan’s eyes lit up. “YES!” She shouted. “PLEASE!!”
Tony looked at Peter. “What do you think, Petey?”
“Sure,” Peter said, with a smile.
The rides had helped keep Peter in check. Instead of dwelling on what happened, he was too busy using his stickiness to stay in his seat, as Tony twirled them at alarming speeds. It helped that he was using a gauntlet on his hand, letting the nanites take control and spin them.
Morgan loved it, screaming with glee as she flung back and forth between them. Peter was thankful the spider bite gave him good balance and, as a bonus, the ability not to get dizzy. When the ride stopped, Tony and Morgan, however, did not possess such powers.
After a quick break to avoid both of them throwing up, Peter found himself being dragged onto the giant swinging pirate ship next, sitting up at the very top with May next to him. She held onto his arm the entire time, shrieking everything they reached the tippy top, and their bodies lifted from the seats.
After that it was something called the Freak Out, sitting in a bottomless seat, with his legs swinging freely. Bucky on one side of him, Nate on the other as the claw began to rotate, swinging them back and forth. After that it was another swinging one, sending them high up before dropping them down again.
By the time they finished, it was getting dark outside, the Festival was coming to an end and it seemed their little group was heading toward the end of their night too. Most of the kids, Morgan included, were tired, the adults stuck carrying all the loot they gathered from the day.
The Haunted House at the dark of the Festive had been looming in Peter’s peripherals all day long. Growing up, he used to watch scary movies with Ben all the time, even if they were a little inappropriate for his age. Ben used to sit next to him and cover Peter’s eyes at bad parts and sometimes when Peter was scared, he’d hide his face in Ben’s lap, until he was told the scary parts were over. As he got older, they still watched their movies, but Peter was less and less terrified of them.
Going to haunted houses was normal, he’d been to several before and as he stood in front of it, he wasn’t scared. It was clearly aimed toward a younger crowd anyways, the line was filled with kids holding their parent's hands.
He wasn’t sure who first shouted about going, but the group moved towards the line. A few people refused, May didn’t like it when strangers followed her around, Nate and AJ backed out as well, with Sam and Clint staying behind too.
“You sure you want to?” Tony asked him as they crept closer to the entrance.
“Yeah,” Peter answered, not sure at all. Morgan was holding his hand, wanting to walk through with Peter. “I’ll be fine, just uh, you know, stay close?”
“Always will be,” Tony answered, grabbing Morgan’s other hand.
They were forced to walk single file into the building, there was a narrow hallway ahead, pointing them towards a room decorated like an operating room. It was bloody, that’s for sure, actors covered in blood and guts, a few surgeons holding knives, rushing towards them.
It was fine, Morgan squeezed his hand and Peter responded in kind. They moved on and on, walking through what Peter thought of as PG-13. There was nothing particularly scary to him, the blood and guts were just there, the actors ran around but never touched anyone. All of the kids were screaming, jumping anytime someone came around the corner.
Peter wasn’t really sure what set him off, they were towards the end of the house, another long narrow hallway to walk through. He could see the metal glint of Bucky’s arm in front of him, could hear the somewhat frantic heartbeats of the group, including Tony’s slightly irregular one.
He had Morgan’s hand in his, his arm twisted around his back so she could hold on. Then between one second and the next, Morgan’s hand was gone. He twisted around, suddenly desperate to find her again, but she was gone. Looking around all he saw was darkness, large, empty darkness that swallowed him whole.
The only thing he could hear was his rapid heartbeat and the sounds of someone screaming out.
“MORGAN?” he shouted, turning around and around, seeing nothing. He stumbled forward, hands dragging along the walls as he shouted. “MORGAN!!”
It couldn’t happen again, he was supposed to be ready. He was supposed to protect her and now she’s been taken again. Hands reached for him, he couldn’t tell who it was but it didn’t matter. He pushed them away, his hand connecting with the person’s shoulder and he could hear him fall to the ground.
The world around him was nothing but darkness and he couldn’t even remember where he was. Sucking in deep breaths, his lungs screamed for attention, screamed to be satisfied and not denied as they had been before. His body still remembered it, the suffocation, the way breathing felt when there was no air to suck in. His lungs burned with each frantic gasp for air, precious air that was going to be sucked away from him again.
“No, please,” he shouted, running into something solid and falling backward, landing on his butt. Black spots marred his vision, he swung his arms, trying to ward off whoever was coming for him. “Please, please, please,” he chanted out.
As hard as he tried to escape, to get away and save Morgan, he simply couldn’t. As he struggled to his feet, there were two sets of hands on his forearm, lifting him. Peter didn’t even bother to struggle, defeated and tired, he allowed the men to carry him away.
“Don’t bury me, please,” he said, feeling cold tears rolling down his face. “Not Morgan, please.”
“Pete,” A voice said, one he recognized immediately, the only voice that could ever cut through the fog and save him, bring him back into the light.
“Tony,” he cried, and then, a second later, Tony was in front of him and the arms holding Peter let go. He fell into Tony’s arms, holding him, scared if he let go for a second the man who disappeared.
“It’s okay,” Tony said, his hand rubbing Peter’s back. “You’re okay.”
“Morgan?” He asked with a whimper. “Is she okay?”
“Yes, she’s fine Pete. She’s with everyone else, can we sit down real quick? I want you to drink something before we try to move.”
Peter let himself be put onto a chair, he drank the water Tony handed him, the fog lifting from his eyes and brain. He could see Tony, Bucky, and Sam hovering around him. They were sitting on some picnic tables, the dark haunted house behind them.
“I’m sorry,” Peter croaked out. “I didn’t... I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright, Pete. Come on kiddo, let’s get ourselves back to the car and home okay?”
For a second Peter almost protested, but instead, he nodded and with Tony’s help, made his way back to the car. May was there, she came rushing up the second she saw them, pulling Peter into her arms.
“It’s okay baby,” she said softly, as he hugged her back. When they parted, Happy came over with a blanket, draping it over Peter’s shoulders. He felt a little silly, nothing had happened. He just had a mild panic attack when he couldn’t find Morgan.
The door to the car opened and Morgan came bounding out, running straight to Peter. May moved away just in enough time for Peter to catch Morgan up his arms. He felt better now, with her here, knowing she was safe.
“I’m sorry,” she said in a stuffy voice like she’d been crying. “I didn’t mean to lose you.”
“It’s okay,” Peter said, squeezing her tightly. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Morgan sniffed, laying her head on Peter’s shoulder. Tony came over, herding them towards the car. Morgan put up a little fight when she was asked to sit in her seat and not on Peter’s lap, but he promised to hold her hand and cuddle with her the entire ride home. And he did just that, letting her rest her head on his side, she eventually fell asleep.
-
Peter didn’t know where everyone else went, but when they got back to the cabin, no one was around. It was late already, Tony had to carry Morgan back into the house, she woke for a minute but was back to sleep as he disappeared up the stairs.
“Do you need anything?” May asked him, as they stood in the living room.
Peter thought for a moment, but nothing came to mind. He wasn’t tired, not really. He wasn’t panicking either, he was in some cloudy far away place that he goes after a panic attack. Not quite there and not completely gone, just softly floating along until he could tether back to his body.
“I’m good, I’m just going to go to bed.”
He said his goodnights to everyone, finding Tony at the top of the steps. He didn’t look like he wanted Peter to be alone in his room but didn’t object completely. Instead, he hugged him, rubbing his back and telling Peter that everyone was fine.
Peter went into his room, got ready for bed, but knew he wouldn’t be sleeping tonight. There was just too much weighing him down, making him think of those hours spent in the dark and cold coffin. The feeling of the wood splintering when he hit it, how the dirt rained down on him as he struggled to stay above it all.
The climb through the dirt was the easiest part, surprisingly. The Earth had recently been disturbed, so the dirt pushed away with each punch upwards. There’s a gap in his memory at some point, he knew he came out but after that things get blurry and uncertain.
Trying to starve the memories away, Peter went to his phone, getting ready for a long night.
-
The knock on the door came around 3 am, Peter had just finished reading an incredibly long and hilarious Reddit post trying to prove that Spider-man is really a clone of Tony Stark. He knew without a doubt that it was Tony, he was prepared for this.
Unlocking and opening the door, his thoughts were correct. Tony stood, holding out a gray hoodie in his hands. “Come on,” he said, shaking the clothing item. “Let’s go.”
“Um?” Peter questioned, but took the hoodie and pulled it on.
“We’re going outside and I don’t want you to become a spider popsicle.”
Tony started down the steps, and Peter followed. “Oh, I have my own you know.”
“You do, but I know you have weird things with taking and wearing other people’s clothing, so.”
Looking down, Tony recognized the hoodie as Tony’s MIT one. It was old, the letters barely visible, with lots of black stains on it, especially on the sleeves. But Tony was right, he liked wearing his friends' clothing. He had countless shirts and hoodies that belonged to both Ned and MJ. He had some stuff from May (a really nice jacket) and Ben too. There was something comforting about wearing stuff that belonged to someone else. It was like they were there with you, giving you a big hug.
Silently, they walked downstairs and out onto the front porch, where there was a bench sitting along the right side. Peter sat down on the end, Tony followed, sitting close enough for their knees to touch.
“I’m sorry,” Tony started, taking Peter by surprise. He was not expecting, nor needing an apology.
“You don’t need to be,” Peter said softly, unsure of where this was going.
“No, I do because I didn’t realize how bad this has been for you. I thought you were doing better and I should have been better at helping you and looking out for you.”
“I should have said something,” Peter said in a small voice.
“No, you shouldn't have to have said anything. I should have noticed something was going on. I should have seen it and been more attentive to it, Pete. And for that, I am really sorry.”
“It’s fine, I’m fine, really. You’ve got to worry about Morgan, she’s your daughter.”
“And you’re my son,” Tony said. It was the first time something like that had ever been vocalized. Everyone knew it already, Peter felt that way but it was never directly said.
The words hit Peter hard, breaking all the resolve and pain he’d been holding in.
“I’m sorry,” Peter said in a sob. “I just, I got so scared in the dark, and then Morgan wasn’t behind me anymore and all I could think about was what happened if she got taken again and I let it happen. I keep thinking something bad is going to happen, that I’m not prepared,” he said all in one long breath, words pouring out of him. “I can’t sleep, Tony. I’m so tired and I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes I’m back there and my nightmares, they’ve been a mix of every bad thing that’s ever happened to me, like getting buried alive just opened the door to everything. And I can’t stand the dark, I have to have a light on because if it’s dark then I can’t see and I’m here again too. Everything I do, it’s just like I’m waiting to be buried alive again or for something worse to happen.”
The speed at which Tony moved to hug him, surprised Peter. The second he finished talking, he was suddenly in Tony’s arms, pulled nearly into the man’s lap. Reaching up to hug him too, Peter let the tears fall, letting the emotion he’d been holding onto finally out into the cold October night.
“It’s alright,” Tony said softly, rubbing his hand up and down Peter’s back. “Let it all out, Pete, I’m right here.”
And Peter did, for what felt like hours, he just cried. When he finally finished, snot all over his face and Tony’s shoulder, he pulled away.
Out of nowhere, Tony produced a few tissues, wiping Peter’s nose and then another one to wipe the tears off Peter’s cheeks. It felt so intimate like Peter was a child again and needed this much taking care of.
“There you go,” Tony said, pocketing the gross tissues, before reaching down and taking Peter’s hand into his. “That was a lot of pent up emotions, Pete. I am really sorry it had to get this bad.”
“‘S not your fault,” Peter answered in a small hiccup.
“Let’s not worry about the blame game, okay?” Tony asked, he waited until Peter nodded his head before continuing. “First of all, I think it’s time you started seeing Katie again. I know your schedule with school and Spider-man is a lot but I think it’ll be beneficial.”
Peter agreed. “Yeah, I uh, I would really like that, actually. She’s been super helpful in the past.”
“Good, I’ll call her this afternoon and we’ll work on times,” he continued. “I know I can’t make things better for you, not 100% yet at least, but Peter, you’re okay. Morgan’s okay. I’m okay. What happened to the two of you, is not your fault. I know you feel like you didn’t protect her enough but you did.”
“I really didn’t, Tony. I could have fought those guys, I could have escaped with her…”
“Maybe, or maybe they would have shot and killed you before you could. We don’t know how it would have happened, Pete. You were outnumbered and without your web shooters and suit. Trying to attack or escape, was a really high risk thought. I know you wanted to protect Morgan, I know you would have done anything but sometimes you can’t.”
Peter hated hearing that, he shook his head. “I can’t just accept that, Tony. I told you when we met that I can do the things that I can, but I don’t, and then bad things happen, they happen because of me.”
They sat in silence, the words settling into both of their minds.
“I get it, Pete, I really do,” Tony finally spoke, he squeezed Peter’s hand. “But sometimes things are beyond your control, even with your powers. Sometimes you have to accept that you can’t always save someone or stop something from happening and that it’s not going to be your fault.”
Sniffing, Peter wiped his eyes with the hoodie sleeve, trying to trust the words Tony was telling him.
“As for the nightmares and the lack of sleep, seeing Katie will help that but you also need to tell me or May when that happens. We can sit with you, or we can find something that makes the nightmares not as bad. I can get you a nightlight too, I think they sell an Iron Man one with the arc reactor the light part.”
Peter blanched. “I’m not a little kid, Tony.”
“Doesn’t mean you can’t use it. We’re gonna handle this as a family, Peter. You’re not the only one who has to carry this fear and burden. We’re going to work together and make this better for you.”
Despite all the fear and anxiety that sat deep in his stomach, Peter believed him. Tony had always been there for him, Tony always saved him for everything.
“Okay,” Peter said softly. “Thank you, thank you for everything you’ve done for me and May.”
“Thank you, Peter Parker, for showing up in my life exactly when I needed you and sticking around no matter how much of a mess I am,” Tony said and then pulled Peter back into a hug. He placed a kiss on the top of Peter’s head. “I love you, Pete.”
“I love you too,” he said into Tony’s shoulder and then let out an aggressive yawn.
“Alright kiddo, let’s head back to your room, okay? I’ll sit with you as long as you need me to. I think my little spider baby needs a solid 8 to 10 hours of sleep.”
Nodding, Peter got up, following Tony into the cabin, up the stairs, and back into his room. Keeping Tony’s hoodie on, he climbed into bed, pulling the covers. Tony had taken a little detour into Morgan’s room and he came back into Peter’s holding a small nightlight shaped like a moon.
“I know I know, but it’s better than leaving the lights on to sleep,” he said, going to plug it in. “I’m getting you the Iron Man one and if I can’t then I’m building it.”
Tony turned off the lights, the small nightlight was nice, it wasn’t too bright but kept the room from going completely dark.
“Thank you,” Peter said in a small voice, burrowing himself further into the covers.
Tony came over, sitting next to Peter in the bed. His hand reached over and quickly found its way into Peter’s hair, scratching his scalp.
“May used to do this all the time,” Peter said into a yawn.
“I know,” Tony said. “She told me about it, I figured I can give it a go and see if it helps you sleep?”
And it was, along with the predictable sound of Tony’s heart beating, it was like a lullaby weirdly, making him feel comfortable and warm. He would have answered Tony’s question but he was already asleep.