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Tony’s mistake, perhaps, was not going to see Peter first.
In his rush to the medbay, Tony intercepted the kid’s tattered and destroyed suit from one of the Tower’s nurses. It’s by accident, she was bringing it to get decontaminated, but Tony saw the red and blue nearly completely black and offered to take it instead.
Peter was already in surgery, there wasn’t much Tony could do besides waiting around anyway. Instead, he took the suit to his lab, told FRIDAY to alert him when something was going on with the kid and tried to fix the one thing he figured he could.
He knew from FRIDAY’s report the kid had run headfirst into a factory fire, determined to rescue the handful of trapped workers. He knew the kid had burns, a lot of them, smoke inhalation, and a handful of other minor injuries but the suit told a far more gruesome tale.
Black soot and ash covered every inch of it, inside and out. The fabric was ripped apart at nearly all seams, and the hand and fingers of the gloves were gone, burned away as was the bottom of the boots. The mask was a lost cause, the smoke had fried all of the electronics and both lenses had cracked under the heat.
All of it scared Tony a lot more than it should have. He had done his homework on the suit, added so many safety features, state of the art electronics, and what should have been fire resistant material. There was no reason the suit should have failed Peter so easily and completely.
His second mistake of the night was watching the little bit of footage FRIDAY was able to pull from Karen before the suit went out. He watched as Peter ran towards the building, flames rising so high it was hard to even see the shape of what he was running into. The fire department and Karen had both tried to stop him, but the kid didn’t listen.
He watched as Peter made his way inside, the smoke immediately too thick to even see through. He had a front row seat to the kid’s screams as the glove of his fingers seemed to melt away when he lifted a large piece of steel. The sound of the kid’s labored breathing and hoarse calls for survivors, as he continued moving.
At some point, Peter fell to the ground, it was impossible to make out any distinctive shapes anymore. He could hear Peter coughing so hard, Tony was positive the kid just expelled both lungs.
He watched as the kid crawled towards the door, body dragging along the floor, the sizzle and pop of fire chasing him as he went. The kid managed to get to the door, managed to somehow pull himself free. Just as a fireman grabbed his arm, the video went out, going black and silent.
It was all too much to even finish. Anger grew inside of him, anger that Peter valued his life so little that he risked it all. Anger that Tony couldn’t keep him safe enough, that nothing Tony did for him mattered one bit in the end.
And then, worst of all, anger over just how angry he was. He didn’t want those feelings associated with the kid. Ever since that day on the bridge, taking away the suit, Tony vowed to never veer down that path again, never to let his fear morph into anger and chase Peter away.
But now, it was hard to control it. He wanted so much more for Peter, wanted the kid to grow up and experience life to the fullest and yet the kid seemed determined to push himself past his limits. It was like the kid just didn’t care about the consequences, not only for him but for the people around him.
If Peter died, it was still on Tony, for not protecting him, for not trying hard enough, and for not doing everything he could.
And it scared him, far more than he thought it would.
The old Tony would have straight to the bar, drank away those fears, hiding them under years of alcohol and self hatred, but this wasn’t who he was anymore. He couldn’t do that, not to Peter. But he didn’t think he was able to hold back anymore, even if he tried.
FRIDAY alerted him a minute later that Peter was out of surgery and currently in his room, May was already there and with him.
He knew if he went now, he wouldn’t be able to hold it in. He’d explode with anger and rage and he’d do things he swore he’d never do to Peter again.
But he couldn’t hold it in. Storming down to the medbay, he pushed open the door to Peter’s room, startling both him and May.
“Oh,” May said. “There you are, I was just about to send a message with FRI that-”
“I need a minute with Peter,” Tony interrupted her. “Alone.”
May didn’t say anything, just stared at Tony, who was refusing to look at Peter just yet. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I just need to talk to him,” Tony said, trying not to explode at May too. She didn’t deserve his anger, she had enough on her plate with Peter alone.
“It’s fine,” Peter croaked. “Go get something to eat, I can hear your stomach rumbling.”
Looking a little torn May eventually nods her head. Getting up and when she walked past Tony, she hesitated, turning to Peter. “Remember, if your breathing gets too bad, put your mask back on.”
“Yes, Aunt May,” Peter said in a dutiful voice, before May slipped out of the room, shutting the door behind her.
Tony finally put all his attention on the kid.
He looked terrible, there wasn’t much of him visible under the bandages and blanket. All of the skin Tony could see was burned, dark angry red around, especially on his neck, the darkness crawling up and over the left side of his face, covering his cheek and almost reaching past his eye.
“It’s not bad. It just looks a whole lot worse because it’s healing,” Peter croaked, his voice sounded terrible, he swallowed several times before speaking again. “Didn’t even need a skin graft, it’s growing back just fine on its own.”
And that, of all things, really set him off.
“Are you kidding me?” Tony barked out. “Not that bad? Peter, your suit was destroyed. You burned millions of dollars worth of technology. Technology that I created to take a certain amount of fire damage, completely destroyed. So no, it’s not ‘okay’ or ‘not bad’, Peter.”
“Sorry,” Peter sheepishly said, averting his eyes from Tony’s.
“No,” Tony said sternly, standing at the foot of Peter’s bed and going no closer. “Sorry doesn’t cut it this time, Peter. I watched the footage of what you did. How you ignored what professionals and Karen told you to go back into that fire. Did you even think about what you were doing?”
“Of course I did! I thought about the people that were all still in there” Peter protested, big brown eyes finally looking at Tony’s, full of hurt. “I wasn’t going to let them die!”
“At the cost of your own life?”
“I’m alive,” Peter defended, wincing as he tried to push himself up the bed. The bandages on Peter’s hand just reminded him even more, that the kid had completely burned the skin of his hands. Melted away, blending with the fibers of the suit and just how hot it was in there for that to even happen. The image burned into his mind the longer he looked at Peter’s hands.
“You’re alive because you got lucky,” Tony spat out. “I wasn’t anywhere near getting there, you’re so very lucky you managed to crawl yourself to safety. If you hadn’t… or if the suit didn’t hold, you’d be dead right now. Burnt to a crisp, no body to even bury, Peter. You’d be nothing but ash.”
Peter’s eyebrows furrowed, he let out a wet cough. “But I did make it! All by myself, so it didn’t matter that you weren’t there. And if I wouldn’t pulled myself out, I would have died protecting people. It’s what I signed up for, it’s why I go out there. I do, protect and save people at all costs.”
“No!” Tony’s voice rose. “You don’t get to do that, Peter. You don’t get to do stupid foolish things and risk your life for some… for some people, you don’t even know. You don’t get to ignore everyone and just… do whatever you want! Do you know how hard it was to watch that footage? To know exactly what was happening to you and I wasn’t even, I wasn’t even there, Peter. I couldn’t even get to you before you nearly died.”
Peter frowned, blinking at him. “I’m a superhero, Tony, that’s what I do! Why are you so angry about this? I've been hurt so much worse, this is nothing.” He let out a rough sounding cough, holding his hand to his chest as he did so.
And maybe Peter was right, he certainly had his fair share of medbay stays. Of nights when Tony and May would sit in the hallway, worried until the all clear was sounded. Times when Peter was bleeding, broken, and bruised, but this was different. Tony had never seen it happen, never had a front row view of it, as he had now.
Never time to watch every step Peter took, every little decision he made pushing himself closer and closer to death, without a single thought for anyone else.
“That’s the point!” Tony shouted. “You’re careless, you’re reckless and you’re going to end up dead before we even know it! You have to have a limit, Peter, you aren’t invincible. I saw your gloves, I saw how the material melted into your skin, I saw you get overwhelmed with smoke and fire. And I could have watched your death!”
Peter started coughing, ugly sounding, wheezing coughs that went on for far too long. But Tony didn’t move, didn’t go to comfort him or calm down. All of this was just proving his point. Peter wasn’t just okay, he wasn’t just fine, he was still hurt and sick.
“I don’t know why this is a big deal to you?” Peter wheezed out once the coughing had subsided. His face was flushed red, eyes narrowed and set on Tony. He’d never really seen Peter like this before, this was angry and determined. “I saved those people, today Tony. They would have died if I didn’t go back in.”
“Would they have been worth it, Peter? If you had died to save them? Who makes that call, huh? Who gets to choose who's worth saving or not?”
“I do! When it’s my choice, I get to determine how to value my life. Tony, I just can’t sit back and watch other people die knowing I could have done something to save them. I’m not going to stop and you can’t stop me from doing it.”
“I can take away the suit,” Tony blurted out, the words rushing past him. He never wanted to have this conversation again. Never wanted to throw out the threat, the one he never really meant and shouldn’t have done.
“I don’t need you or your suit! Didn’t I prove myself to you already? I did it without you, I can do it again! I don’t know why,” he paused to cough some more, “you’re being a jerk about this when all you do is enable me. You’re the one,” he coughed again, “who trains me. Who gives me an AI to help fight crime? You can’t have it both ways.”
“I enable you to make smart and safe decisions,” Tony yelled, his voice rising. “Not to run blindingly into a fire that will kill you! You have zero regard for your own life or the lives of those who care about you! What happens when you die? Huh? Who's going to have to tell May? Who's going to have to plan your funeral, say your eulogy, bring your grave flowers? Who's going to have to deal with losing you? Do you for one second of the day think about the people who love and care about you?”
“Every day,” Peter spat out, his voice nearly completely gone. “I think about them every single day, which is why I do this. I do this so no one else has to deal with losing their parents, their uncles, or their friends. I do this because I think about everyone else.”
The anger in Tony was at its boiling point, he stalked around the bed, getting closer to Peter. The kid didn’t cower, he sat up straight, lips pressed in a hard line. He was not backing down, he was not scurrying away. Peter’s coughing was starting to get uncontrollable again, his whole body jerking with each heavy cough and yet, Tony didn’t care. Peter did this to himself, he deserved to feel the pain. An alarm on Peter’s bed started going off, and neither of them even looked at it.
“You’re just a child, a child who has this fantasy of being a superhero and doing whatever. But let me tell you something, Peter, being a reckless idiot? That’s not being a superhero. Did you ever stop to think if one of those firemen might have gone in after you? Did you give two shits about them? No, you just want to play the hero without any of the consequences.”
“You’re just a bitter old man,” Peter hissed. “And I will never, ever, ever stop putting people in front of myself. You can have your suit, you can take my tech, go ahead. I,” Peter’s voice cracked, and Tony could sense the tears coming. “I don’t care anymore. I stopped being a child,” he coughed again. “When that spider bit me…”
“You’ll always be a child if you keep doing this!” Tony shouted. “You need to start putting yourself first, Peter. Because soon you’re not going to have backup or a nice hospital to stay in. If you want out, then go, pack your shit and leave. If you want to get yourself killed, then, by all means, go for it.”
“What would happen if it was Pepper, huh? Or maybe Happy? Or you, May? How could you ask me to choose between saving May and dying, or letting her die?” Peter asked. “You can’t just… you can’t just act like..,” he stopped to fall into a coughing fit, so violent, Tony almost stopped being angry with him.
Before he could do anything, offer comfort, help, or even yell some more, May came storming into the room, a nurse following hot on her heels. “Get out,” she said to Tony, then moved around him to be at Peter’s side.
Tony turned on his heels and left the room without another word.
-
The last person Tony thought would come knocking on the lab door three hours later was May Parker.
FRIDAY had alerted him of her arrival and he allowed the doors to open at her first knock. She walked in, Tony looking at her from the corner of his eye. After leaving Peter’s hospital bed, he stormed off to take sanctuary in the lab, a place he could let out his frustration in a somewhat safe manner.
The old Tony would have grabbed the nearest drink, drowning himself in pity and sorrow, drinking until he couldn’t remember what he saw in those videos or the way Peter’s eyes shined with tears as he yelled at him.
But he couldn’t do that anymore. Instead, he took all of his anger and frustration into making the kid a new suit, one to protect him better than all the rest.
“So this is where you and Peter spend a ridiculous amount of time,” she said, walking over to Peter’s lab table as if she knew it was his. “This is Peter’s right?”
Tony nodded. “How’d you know?”
“Organized chaos, it’s a Parker trait. What looks messy to everyone else, is completely organized to Peter. I’m sure if you asked him for something, he’d know exactly where it was. I’m just surprised his stuff hasn’t taken over anything else.”
“It has,” Tony answered. “He’s got another table over there, mostly his Spidey stuff but I think it’s also migrating this way.”
May laughed. “That’s just the way Peter is, he takes over your whole life, in the best way possible, of course.”
Tony was waiting for anger from May, just like the kind he showed Peter downstairs. But she seemed normal and calm. She came over to where Tony stood and leaned against the edge of the table. “Did Peter ever tell you what Ben did for a living?”
“No,” Tony answered. The topic of Ben Parker was a sacred one, only brought up by Peter when he wanted to. Tony never asked questions or pressed Peter to talk about his Uncle. He only knew what he’d scoped out about the kid before going to recruit him. The rest was small little facts, peppered in. He knew Ben liked fresh tomatoes on his pizza, but Peter didn’t like how they squished when he ate them. He knew Ben’s favorite movie was Back to The Future and Peter knew all of Marty McFly’s lines by heart because he and Ben would play out the movie sometimes.
“He was a military police officer. He went into some dangerous situations, always willing to put his life on the line if it meant saving others. When we met, it sounded… brave and amazing but you know, that changes pretty quickly once something happens. We had just gotten engaged when he got shot. I don’t know all the details, but Ben tried his best to spare me from it.”
She paused, Tony could see her eyes watering just so, he wanted to stop her, but he resisted. “Anyways, it wasn’t bad, not really, just in his upper arm. When he came home, I begged him to stop, to try something safer because of the thought of… of losing him…”
A tear streamed down her cheek, but she hastily wiped it away. “It was difficult but Ben told me that he couldn’t stop. That knowing he could help people, to save lives, to make a difference, it was all he wanted to do.”
She paused again, taking a very measured breath in. “But then, Peter’s parents passed away 5 years later and he took an honorable discharge. He gave all of that up because he knew Peter needed stability in his life, and didn't want to put any undue risk for Peter again. He couldn’t bear the thought of … well, leaving Peter with no one left.”
“He sounds like a very good person,” Tony responded, only glancing back up at May. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
“He was and all that he felt about protecting people and risking your life, that’s what Peter feels. I know you can understand, on some level, how your loved ones feel when you risk your life. But Tony, he’s not going to stop. That kid downstairs, he knows what good he can do, he jumped headfirst into this whole thing and that’s not going to change.”
“He’s being stupid,” Tony admitted, truthfully. “May, he ran into a warehouse on fire, his suit burnt up, melted into his skin. The only reason he’s alive is because of his powers and one day that's not going to be enough to save him.”
Nodding her head, May took a deep breath. “Ben told him, before he died, that with the type of power Peter has, he has a responsibility to use it in a way to better the world. Those were his Uncle’s dying words and there is nothing on this Earth or anywhere else that will stop him from fulfilling those words. He has these amazing powers, beyond what I can even comprehend sometimes and he uses them with such great responsibility and care. He chose to save people, to do good without a second thought.”
Pausing she wiped a few more tears from her eyes, but didn’t look any less determined and calm.
“And I know that means one day he’s going to run head first into another fire and this time, not come out. I know one day I’m going to say goodbye to that sweet, loving boy in there, the last of my family but… if Peter’s willing to sacrifice his life to save others… then so be it.”
The worst part about the whole thing was how much of a hypocrite Tony felt. Didn’t he once defend his superhero tendencies to Pepper and others? Didn’t he claim he had an obligation to save people, to change the world of mass destruction that he created? Wasn’t he just on the other side of the whole thing too?
But that wasn’t what Tony was really feeling. There was something else, a fear bubbling underneath his skin. A truth he hadn’t even spoken out loud yet.
“I can’t lose him,” Tony admitted. “May, I don’t know what I would do if something happened to Peter. I love that kid in there, I can’t… if he dies because I didn’t do enough to help him, I’ll never forgive myself.”
May hummed for a second before speaking. “But you’re also going to make him safe, make his suit better, teach him ways to save himself, help him grow, but that’s what you’ve got to do, Tony. You know Pete, he’s a good kid, he doesn’t want to fight with you. He doesn’t want to upset you, he looks up to you, and … well, he doesn’t want to disappoint you.”
“I,” Tony started, words struggling to come out. He hadn’t known Peter for very long so far, a year and a half at best, but the kid wormed his way into Tony's heart. The very thought of him getting hurt was enough to scare him. “I don’t like it,” he finished. “I just need him to understand how dangerous this is.”
“And he does, Tony. When you cool down a little, go talk to him about it. He’s already talking about how sorry he is and how much he regrets yelling at you.”
“And I regret yelling at him, I thought… I yelled at him before, took his suit, and promised myself I'd never do that again. That man, that’s my father and I never want to put Peter in that situation. How do you handle it? How do you go to bed every night not sick to your stomach with worry?”
“I still do, every time he’s out there, I’m worried. I think about it all the time, sometimes I stay awake at night when he’s out patrolling and just listen for him to come home. Hell, there’s been times I just get up and check on him, make sure he’s still in bed and breathing. It scares me to death, the thought of losing my kid. But I also trust him and I trust you, to make sure he’s safe. And even when you can't, I trust that my kid has a good heart. It’s part of being a parent, Tony, you’re always going to be scared and concerned for what your kid is doing, but you just have to trust that you taught him well enough.”
Not knowing what to say, Tony shrugged his shoulders. He wasn’t Peter’s Dad, he knew that but he felt some responsibility for him. “I… I don’t know what I should do.”
“I know what you shouldn’t,” May said. “You shouldn’t let your anger and fear drive a wedge between the two of you. You’re allowed to be angry and scared, but yelling at him, that’s not going to solve anything. You just have to work out a way to make both of you okay.”
“Thanks,” Tony said, truly meaning it. “You’re a pretty smart and wise woman.”
May grinned, shrugging her shoulders. “I’m going to run out and pick up sometimes for dinner for us. He’s been asking for that soup at Delmar’s since he woke up, so might as well. Why don’t you go in and talk to him?”
Tony thought on it for a minute, surprised May even wanted him anywhere near her nephew. “Yeah, okay.”
-
Peter was on his phone when Tony walked in, the kid didn’t even look up, which Tony probably deserved.
“If you’re gonna yell at me again,” Peter said in a raspy voice. “Let me know, I’ll just put on the oxygen now so I don’t cough to death.”
“I’m not here to yell at you again,” Tony said walking to the right side of Peter’s bed, where a chair sat. He took it, pulling it closer, Peter still didn’t look away.
“I’m not saying sorry,” Peter continued. “I did the right thing and I stand by that but I am sorry that I yelled at you and said some mean things.”
Peter finally looked up quickly and then back down to his phone.
“I know you’re not going to stop, Pete. I guess, uh, well, what you did was really, really stupid. You ran head first into danger-”
“To save someone,” Peter jumped in, letting the phone drop to his lap so he could cross his arms. “Which I successfully did.”
Tony tried not to rise in anger, he didn’t want to yell, but he needed Peter to hear him. “I know, kid, trust me, I know. But listen, please? I don’t want you to stop being Spider-man, I don’t want you to stop helping people and saving lives, but you need to think before you act.”
“I do,” Peter insisted, his voice cracking. He let out a few small coughs, nothing as bad as before. “I thought, if I don’t go in now, those people will die. I knew the suit could take the heat, I knew I could get in and out before it was too late.”
“And you just barely did, Pete!” Tony said, his voice growing in volume. Peter looked like he was ready for a fight again, his whole face was gearing up for it but Tony didn’t want that, not again. May had been right, there was nothing anyone could do to stop Peter and unless he wanted to lose the kid forever, he needed to move away from anger and show Peter what he really felt concerned about.
“Kid,” he started. “I’m, I’m just scared. Seeing that footage of you, watching what was happening and knowing that I wasn’t there to help you or that I could have even gotten there in enough time… that was too much.”
“I,” Peter started, his whole posture changing from gearing to a fight, to looking sad and small. “I don’t want to die, Mr. Stark. And I’m not trying to but I can’t just help. I’ve made up my mind when… when I couldn’t save Ben, that no one else deserves to feel like I do.”
And Tony too had made a promise like that to himself once before. To protect the ones he loved, no matter what the personal cost. What made him and Peter so different? What made it so much harder to look at the kid and understand the choices he made? How many times had Pepper had this same conversation with him?
“I understand,” Tony settled on, unable to think of something else to say. Remembering what May told him, he knew there was only so much he could offer the kid. “And I promise that I’m going to keep you as safe as I can and teach you as much too. If you’re going to keep doing this, then you’re going to be as safe as I can make you.”
“You already do that,” Peter said, shrugging. “I mean you made me a really good suit and you help me when I need you.”
“It’s not enough,” Tony blurted out, his feelings seeping through despite all he did to stop them. “We’re going to make a new suit together, a safer one, and then, we’re going to train you together.”
Letting out another set of smaller coughs, Peter looked way too tired. “Okay,” he answered simply.
A fondness was growing in his heart for the kid, the stupid brave kid who ran headfirst into a fire, just at the chance of saving someone. The kid who without a suit, took down a plane and defeated a bad guy. A kid that was, to Tony’s worst nightmare, a lot like him.
“Okay,” Tony said. “You look pretty exhausted, why don't you take a nap before May gets here with the food? Don’t want you to fall asleep face down in your favorite soup.”
Nodding, Peter leaned back in his bed, closing his eyes. “Will you be here when I wake up?”
“Yeah,” Tony answered truthfully. “Always.”