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In that moment, he realized he had lost everything.
"No! Anything but the gnosis!"
There was a ringing in his ears, he could barely hear his own voice. His vision became blurred. And yet, he still reached out for the gnosis. And then -
Snap.
Nahida took the gnosis from him. And -
Snap.
Those cables, those cords, those… strings broke. The only things that kept him connected to that false god were severed and couldn’t hold him any longer.
Just like that he fell. The light in his eyes grew dim as he lost the thing that meant everything to him. It was at that moment that he stopped caring. He didn’t care about the Traveler and Nahida, he didn’t care about the gnosis, he didn’t care about his life. He gave up. As he was falling all he could think about was the silence that would follow.
When he hit the ground, he felt nothing.
Silent.
It was silent.
But it still was .
Truthfully, it was not that simple for a puppet to die.
Was he instead… sleeping? That eternal slumber he has meant to undergo after all this time? To die, to sleep - what difference would it make to him? To be in that eternal sleep - for what dreams would it bear him?
‘I curse my stars in bitter grief and woe.
I have lost everything and have fallen so low.
For the crimes I've committed,
for the power I've saught,
what greater punishment than to reap what I’ve sowed?’
“...me? ...ni …zushi?”
There was a voice, soft-spoken and familiar. It was that Dendro Archon, Buer or rather Nahida.
“Can you hear me?”, she asked, her voice clearly reaching him now.
He strained his eyes, trying to see from which direction that voice came from. When he turned his head, that small radish-like form of an Archon stood right in front of him.
“Is this your way to mock me? Right after you took my gnosis?”
“You misunderstand. I do not wish you any more harm, you have already been through enough.”
“Then leave me alone.”
“And here I thought you might feel lonely in this dreamscape.”
“Lonely?” He scoffed. “Do you feel sorry for me?”
“I know all too well what that feels like. And after all, that battle took a serious toll on you. But don’t worry, I made sure you were put in a safe place, so you can have a speedy recovery.”
“What could I possibly worry about now? It’s over. There’s nothing for me left to do. You were better off leaving me to rot on the floor.”
“I couldn’t possibly allow that to happen”, she replied. “Besides, if anything you are just afraid to live.”
“I’m not afraid. What should I be afraid of? The consequences of my actions? Don’t be ridiculous.”
“There’s no reason to hide it from me. Fear is a human emotion, Kunikuzushi. Soon enough it will disappear. Everything that is unfair, unpleasant, ungrateful. That too shall pass.”
“What does it matter? I’ve lost it all. There is nothing you can do for me.”
“You still have a lot to figure out. This is not who you’re meant to be. I can help you understand that.”
“And why do you care? Have you forgotten the reason it has come to this?”
Nahida shook her head.
“Please listen. Even if you feel like this world has betrayed you. Even if you hate it. Even if you fear it… I… I want you to live.”
She wants him to live? He would have laughed at that response, but he could not find the strength for such bitterness.
“You really believe in what you’re saying, don’t you?”, he asked.
“Everything possible to be believed is an image of truth.”
“Except a truth with bad intent beats all lies ever told.”
“And what do you think my intention is?”
“You know I hold knowledge that you don’t possess yet. You wish to understand it, so you will use me just like everyone before you did.”
“You are wrong. Let me ask you this - what do you think is humanity’s greatest achievement?”
Humanity’s greatest achievement? What sort of question was that?
“Humans are fragile and their lives fade in the blink of an eye. What greatness could they possibly achieve?”
“I want you to really think about it. Can you do that for me?”
He decided to indulge in her request. When he stopped to look at her - that divine image - a revelation hit him as clear as day.
‘For Mercy has a human heart…’
‘Pity has a human face…’
"Empathy…”
“Is that your answer?”
“Yes.”
“Then, do you understand what it means?”
“Their greatest achievement is empathy - their ability to care for one another. It is what allowed them to survive for so long. Not out of egoism, not out of greed, but out of true selflessness.”
“Yes, empathy made that possible.”
“But it’s a contradiction”, he continued. “It allows them to feel pain. It makes them act on their emotions. Fear, anger, jealousy… They cannot let go of it and so that also makes it their greatest weakness.”
“Do you think it would be easier for them if they could never get hurt? To not bear the agony of such tribulations?”
“Yes.”
“Ah”, she said as if she just realized something. “Then I get it.”
“Get what?”
“Was it not what you’ve been trying to do? ‘Scrub away every last trace human emotion’. Was it really to receive the gnosis or was it to no longer endure those pains of the past?”
He did not respond to that.
“You were hurt so much and even now refuse to move on. This was not because of apathy, instead your own ability to feel overwhelmed you. There was no one to guide you through these emotions and that’s why you cling to those memories-”
“Stop”, he interrupted her. “Stop acting like you know me. You cannot help me! I don’t understand you. You’ve been just as betrayed by those sages! Aren’t you mad at them? Why do you choose to forgive them for what they’ve done?”
“Just like the cut worm forgives the plow, I will forgive the sages. There is no point in seeking revenge, so I decide to be the better person. All I can do is step forward and face the growth that lies ahead of me.”
“You are making it sound so simple, it’s borderline naive.”
“It is anything but simple. But what counts is that I keep my mind in the right space.”
“And is that how you’re going to help me? Just keeping my mind in the right space?”
“Well, for one, you would have to allow me to dig through your memories. But I assume you wouldn’t be comfortable with that now.”
“Hmpf.”
“So instead I’ll give you some time to reflect on things. Maybe then you feel ready.”
“Whatever.”
“Then I have one final question for you. If the freedom of the caged bird is to sing to their own tune, what is the freedom of the prisoner?”
She did not wait for an answer and instead vanished on the spot. As Scaramouche thought about that question, he wondered if she was using it as an analogy for himself. Wasn’t he basically a prisoner now? Or would he be free to go if he complied with whatever conditions Nahida had prepared for him?
The longer he thought about it, the more he understood why this was the question she choose to ask. He had to come to his own conclusion. He had to define what freedom meant for himself. At that instant he knew the answer.
‘If the freedom of the caged bird is to sing to their own tune,
then the freedom of the prisoner is their own mind,
for no chains or ropes those dreams and thoughts could bind.’