Work Text:
Sam counted the marks on his arms, cuts. What he hated most was letting his brother down. Those were the deepest cuts.
One, for leaving Dean and going to Stanford. He only wanted to be normal.
Two, for being unable to kill Azazel when he possessed John. He couldn’t do it. He just wasn’t strong enough.
Three, for allowing Meg to take possession of his body, and kill a hunter. He didn’t do it, but it was his body.
Four, for not being able to save his brother from going to Hell.
Five, for the demon blood, for consorting with Ruby. A deep cut, because he knew he’d let Dean down.
Six, for killing Castiel and Bobby, and beating up Dean. It was Lucifer, Sam reminded himself. It didn’t ease the guilt.
Seven, for all the innocents that were killed over the years because of his own negligence. You can’t save everyone, he knew that, but that again didn’t ease the guilt.
Eight, because soulless Sam let Dean get turned into a vampire. Another deep cut.
Nine and Ten, because Hallucifer told him to.
Eleven, Twelve, and Thirteen, for not completing the Trials.
Fourteen, for killing Kevin.
Fifteen, for the Book of the Damned.
Sixteen, for letting Charlie get killed. Yet another deep cut.
Seventeen, for releasing the darkness and starting the apocalypse yet again.
Eighteen, for when Dean discovered Sam’s cuts and got angry, but later pleaded with him to stop.
Finally, Nineteen and Twenty, because Sam was too tired. The deepest cuts of all. One on each wrist, down the center…