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It was one of the rare free evenings after Xiao’s return from a long, demanding task out of town.
He reported to Zhongli’s office right upon his return, he passed an infirmary check – part of his agreement with Zhongli was to do it soon after the missions, and as much as he wanted to rest, he didn’t want to return here later just for the sake of it.
Later, he visited Albedo to save time he would spend on his way back home – he had to return to the center in the evening, after all. He was treated with a coffee, and restored some energy.
For some reason, he couldn’t refuse Ganyu when the “Retainer” called him to ask for it.
“You are the best for it, Xiao, I do not know who else would be as perfect as you. Ganyu only needs self-confidence in this field, and if she survives practicing with you, she shall not be scared of the one she’s affectionate to.”
He felt like he should feel offended by the “surviving” part, but it was nothing new that Ganyu, and not only her, were either scared of him, or just disliked his quiet, work-focused behavior. Though, he had such a unique relationship with the secretary-slash-sniper that he couldn’t ignore her in need.
It was relatively late when he met Ganyu – she was late, as usual, and despite her apologetic greeting, he couldn’t help but start harshly. He was tired, and he valued his time. Though, they managed to find a way to help the girl and in the end, the meeting was an interesting experience even for him.
*
After all of that, he was forced to take a day off. He planned to rest alone, to sit and do nothing, or to look at the sky from the roof. Though when he finally returned to his place, he didn't feel good. It wasn’t about the headache, or fatigue, he just… Couldn’t relax. Couldn’t focus. Couldn’t enjoy the surrounding silence. The thoughts and feelings he always kept on hold when he had something to do usually flooded him once he got time alone; sometimes – and it seemed this was such a time – it happened that Xiao couldn’t process them in peace.
He really didn’t want to go straight to his bed and sleep. He tried to tidy up his room, but with those little personal items he had, he didn’t have much to do. He opened the sketchbook – from the day it was gifted to him last spring, Xiao filled it with some small sketches of the things he found interesting; a lot of butterflies, and flowers, and leaves, a weird shaped tree branches, some inanimate objects (still nature - Albedo would say).
He sat on the floor and bit his pen, but nothing came to his mind. Even the paper butterflies he tried to make out of habit turned out so ugly he squeezed them in a fist.
He didn’t regret that he refused to come to the party with others, or that when Albedo texted, he assured he’s alright and doesn’t need company. He really didn’t.
When he was alone, his mood wouldn't impact anyone, or make others unbearably tiring to interact with. He wouldn’t want to concern anyone with such a trivial matter – they gave him enough attention for other stuff.
Though, he really had to force himself to not think about how out of his busy routine, this one day, the day he had for himself, was the one he felt unreasonable, empty sadness settling in.
“Sleep is a good use of solitude when you’re tired,” he recalled somebody else's advice. Was it Zhongli?
He rubbed his eyes and crawled up to his bed. The cold cushion made a small relief to his head, but after some time of lying and staring at space, he started to get goosebumps. The window was cracked open – he left it like this out of habit from the warm seasons when he would wake up from nightmares feeling like he’s suffocating.
He rarely turned on the heating as he was absent most of the time; Wangshuu Inn staff probably either wasn’t sure if he was there, or noticed that he never went downstairs after greeting them before. Verr Goldet sometimes entered his room, but it was never for private matters. When Xiao was there, he was alone.
He ignored it at first – the cold was something he could bear, after all. Feeling it distracted him from the heavy feelings. He decided to give up only when even his nose turned cold.
He stretched before standing up, and his hand landed on a dragon plushie he got from Hu Tao. Suddenly, he remembered something: the plushie had a hot water bottle inside, a thing that he always found an unnecessary gadget; now he decided to give it a try. Xiao filled it with hot water, and returned to bed, on his way turning on the CD player which was always set on one particular disk, and a particular volume.
Curling around the plushie and hiding his nose on its head, he released a breath and narrowed his eyes. At that moment, Xiao might really feel like he needed something warm close to his chest. It was… A little comfort. It was nice.
Sometimes it's fine to not feel good. Sometimes it's fine to let yourself be sad and accept that it’s just a bad day.
*
Verr Goldet places a tea with a cake on the nightstand, biting her lip in focus to not make any noise. The only source of light is the decorative candle lantern Xiao once took a liking to and kept in his room. The candle is very low, which means it’s going to burn out soon. Verr notes to herself to add it to her shopping list.
Xiao is asleep; his messy hair uncovers his face, and a faint frown suggests he has to focus even in his dreams. Though, even if he doesn’t have a fond dream, he remains still – sleep is sleep. She hoped to make him drink the tea while it’s hot (and discreetly check if he’s alright), but she doesn’t want him to wake up now.
“Let the boy rest.”
She stands there for a moment. However Xiao is not a child, and he’s some kind of a co-owner of the Inn, she feels a familial bond to him.
He always checks on what’s needed to do and never fears heavy, mundane tasks. Even if he’s not careful around others and working with him may be risky, he behaves like he needs to do a fair share of work before he’d use the hospitality of his own “home” – even if nobody ever expected him to do so.
He’s… a good kid. And she, who only has those people of Wangshuu Inn, treats them equally to family.
She’s relieved that this time, silent time at home was not a sign that Xiao was hurt and hid like an animal to “assess his state before alarming anyone”. He used to do this for a pretty long time after he moved to Wangshuu Inn, and before they resolved it with Zhongli, both Verr and Huai’an started to check on him every time he returned at unusual times.
She wouldn’t make anyone think she was abusing her position as the Innkeeper, and she learned already that Xiao was not a person who would easily accept her open, familial attitude. Only her husband knows how many worries and thoughts she’s keeping to herself.
“The room is a little cold” , she realizes, when a cool blow reaches her from the cracked window. “Why would he leave it open in such weather…”
She closes the window, and makes her way to the door. Before she leaves, with her hand on the door handle, she gazes at the bed once more, and she can’t help herself. She returns on tiptoes, to pull the blanket up to Xiao’s shoulders, fixing it to not stand out. Xiao gives a huff through his sleep and curls around the plushie toy he once got from that girl from the Funeral Parlor.
Luckily, he took his meds – otherwise he would already be awake and alert.
Verr was sure he would behave all grumpy knowing she did such a gesture; that she watched him looking so vulnerable and innocent, so different from the serious, cold shell he kept most of the time.
Let him think she just brought the cake and left.
*
After she closed the door and a moment passed, Xiao took a deep breath and exhaled, refusing to open his eyes. He was indeed asleep, but he recognized Verr Goldet without giving her a single look. She was tactful for an intruder.
Xiao didn’t know why he pretended to still be asleep. Smelling the tea, hearing her taking care of the temperature and… Gently pressing the blanket around his shoulders… It was something so strange, yet so familiar. She was warm in a way Xiao could not find the words to describe.
The tea was tempting, but he didn’t dare to move. The feeling of being tucked in the blanket was comforting, was different, and he wanted to indulge in it, to keep this feeling until the night ends.
Let the Boss think he was deep in slumber when she visited.