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The call ended with a breath, a pause and a click.
It was weird. Ranboo was confused. So confused even Tubbo had noticed it.
"What's going on, boss man? What did Tommy say?", Tubbo asked, still with an easy smile on his face.
"Nothing," Ranboo responded. He knew he wouldn't worry Tubbo, He thinks he couldn't even if he tried, but Ranboo has never been a big fan of risks and telling Tubbo what Tommy had said was a risk all the same. Still, the call was so bizarre because muffled breathing was the only thing he had heard and all else had been quiet. It was bizarre because Tommy never ends with silence. That's just not the way Tommy was at all. If there was one thing Ranboo knew about his friend, it was that Tommy had despised the silence more than anything in the world. ('Reminds me of home,' Tommy had said once and never mentioned it again.) "He didn't say anything. It was so weird."
Tubbo frowned at that, most likely thinking the same. "That is weird."
They stood there for a while, silently looking at the black screen of Ranboo's phone.
"Should I call him back?" Ranboo asked, lost.
Tubbo seemed to shake himself awake then, his smile already returning. “I don’t think it will do anything. You know how Tommy can be.”
And maybe Tubbo’s concern was easily extinguished but Ranboo’s wasn’t. This didn’t feel right and he was so anxious he could cry. (To be fair, he feels like that most of the time but it was just a tad bit worse now.)
“I’m gonna call him back.”
”Suit yourself,” Tubbo said, turning back around and starting a new round of Mario Kart.
He started his phone back up and gently pressed the call button. Ranboo waited and waited-...
"Hello."
A sigh of relief.
"Tommy! Hi! You worried m-"
"You just got pranked! This is my voicemail. Don't leave a message because I won't answer." Beep
Tubbo snickered behind him. Ranboo merely rolled his eyes.
But despite Tommy's warning, Ranboo left a message anyway. It would to nothing to quench his worries, he knew, but what else was there to do? "Hi, Tommy. Uhm, I'm a bit worried about you. You ended the call pretty weirdly and I just wanted to check up on you. Yeah, uhm, I fell for your voicemail thingy by the way, again. I honestly think I always will."
(Ranboo had been there when Tommy had changed his voicemail.
"What if I just do a classic prank." he had said out of nowhere.
Ranboo had looked up from his phone. Tommy'd been sitting crisscross on his bed with a thoughtful frown on his face. That on itself was already an anomaly, "What?"
Tommy had looked up. "For my voicemail. Should I do the classic prank?"
"Sure?", Ranboo had said. He didn't even know what the classic prank was.
Tommy'd nodded seriously. "I'll prank Tubbo so much. He doesn't know what's coming for him."
Ranboo had chuckled fondly. "Sure, Tommy. Whatever."
Tubbo never fell for it but Ranboo, somehow, always did.)
Ranboo cleared his throat. He felt Tubbo's eyes in his back. The snickering had stopped. "I know you won't listen to this but, uhm, well take care I guess? I don't know where I was going with that. Just, yeah, see you at school."
He ended the recording and turned around to see Tubbo already staring at him. His race car was not moving on the screen, facing a wall.
"He didn't pick up?", Tubbo asked already knowing the answer. Ranboo shook his head anyway.
Tubbo sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He didn't seem all too worried. But then again, would he ever be? "I guess we'll just have to talk to him at school. "
It sounded like a promise. It sounded empty all the same.
"Yeah, I guess we'll see him tomorrow."
Somewhere in a garden, a boy died as quietly as a burning star. His blood the same colour as the red roses his dead mother had planted when she was still alive. The stars shone extra bright that night.
Tommy never showed up and Ranboo knew something hadn't gone right.
"I think something's wrong." Ranboo said while watching Tubbo take a massive bite out of his sandwich. It was just the two of them sitting at their lunch table. Some jocks were yelling something at the other side of the cafeteria but Ranboo paid it no mind, "Something's not right."
They both hadn't seen each other that day, not having any classes together, so there had been no Tubbo to ease Ranboo's worries throughout the day. After Tubbo had gone home last night, Ranboo had turned Tommy's words over in his head. 'Ranboo' Tommy had said but there was something so wrong with the way he had said it. 'I need-' What had he needed? Why did he stop talking? Why did he stop-
Oh. Ranboo had interrupted him, hadn't he? He remembers so suddenly it knocks the wind out of his breath.
Tubbo had been screaming something at the tv screen. Screaming because he was losing his stupid Mario Kart game. Ranboo hadn't been able to hear Tommy. 'Shut up, Tubbo!' and it was after this, Tommy had gone quiet.
He hadn't thought about it at the time because Tubbo had yelled right back at him and everything had been so loud that Ranboo just couldn't think but it made sense, now that he thought about it. After Tommy had heard Tubbo and Ranboo were together without him, without even inviting him, he had gone quiet and ended the call. It made sense. Guilt gnawed at his gut.
Tubbo looked at him, not quite worried but still close to it, "It's probably fine but if you're really that worried, we can always go to his house after school."
"Yeah, I'd- I'd like that actually. I'd really like that."
Tubbo smiled at him and it looked disgusting considering that he still had his mouth full of whatever it was that Tubbo had put on his sandwich. But it was sincere and some of Ranboo's concerns washed away.
"Then that's what we're going to do."
And just like that, it seemed as if everything would be okay.
It wouldn't be, of course. But they don't need to know that right now.
Tubbo realised on the way to Tommy's house that he was worried.
Tubbo normally didn't worry very much but there was something different with Tommy's weird call that made him worry anyway. Tommy wasn't like that. He was Tubbo's best friend. They know each other and this was something he knew Tommy would never do. (Maybe he has changed. You haven't been around to change with him) (shut up).
It didn't matter. They would go to Tommy's house, see that he's okay and go back to normal. Easy peasy.
Ranboo was walking beside him. He seemed to be thinking.
"Why do you think he wasn't at school?"
Tubbo avoided the cracks in the pavement as he thought about it. He found he couldn't think of an answer.
"Maybe he was sick?"
It was a stupid excuse, he knew. Tommy always went to school no matter how shitty he felt. ('I don't like being at home,' he mentioned once and shut off when Tubbo began asking questions.) Once, the teachers had sent Tommy home because he had almost vomited in class and the teacherz realised he had a fever. Ranboo and Tubbo had later found him hiding in the library with a bin ready to catch his vomit if needed and a tower of books to keep him company. ('I can't go home,' he had begged, 'Please don't tell anyone I'm here.' and they had sworn not to. The rest of lunch break was spent in the silence of the library, all sounds dampened by the books surrounding them. They stayed as long as they could but eventually they had to go back to their classes. Tommy was gone when the last bell of the day had rung.)
It was no secret Tommy's home life wasn't perfect and he had never specified what exactly made him be so scared of the silence, but Tubbo had some idea of what was going on. It wasn't hard to puzzle the pieces together.
So no, he didn't believe himself when the words made their way up his throat, slipping past his lips.
Ranboo nodded slowly. Tubbo knew he didn't believe it either, "Yeah, maybe he was,"
The following pause was suffocating in a way it definitely shouldn't be. Normally Ranboo and Tubbo could talk for hours and hours until their voices went hoarse and dry. They were just like that. Tubbo and Ranboo, always talking, always connected. But now, when they both seemed to need it the most, they just couldn't.
The rest of the walk went by in silence.
Tubbo hardly remembered the way to Tommy's house. It was more muscle memory than anything. He tried not to think about where he was going too much because he knew that when he did, he would not know where to go anymore. (How long had it been since they had gone to Tommy's house?)
The houses began looking familiar and before Tubbo had fully even processed that, they were already standing in front of Tommy's house.
The house was small. It had always made Tubbo wonder. Four people lived there, how could something so small contain so much life? (It quickly became clear that there wasn't a lot of life in the house in the first place. It became clear there wasn't when you stepped past the pristine looking facade and looked into the eyes of the youngest member drowning in that house that was meant for four. Only they had not wanted Tommy to be that fourth. There was nothing in that house. At least not for Tommy.)
"Why am I so nervous?", Ranboo whispered next to him, hands nervously clenching and unclenching at his sides.
'Because Tommy needs to be fine,' Tubbo thought, his own hands shaking, 'because it will be my fault if he isn't.'
"I don't know," he said instead and after a pause, "I'm nervous too."
They stood there for a second because the world suddenly seemed so big and they were so incredibly small. But Tubbo didn't dwell on it very long, he didn't think that would end well for anyone, and before either of them could get more scared, he stepped forward and rang the bell. (ring, ring, ri-)
The door opened almost immediately.
In front of them stood a very tall, anime looking man with pink hair. Tubbo remembered that this was Technoblade and the only reason he did, was because the name was fucking weird. His hair was a mess of loose braids and a bunch of knots. Something about him looked exhausted, the bone deep exhaustion that doesn't come from a lack of sleep. There was an off look in his eyes, something alike broken glass.
Tubbo smiled at him. It didn't reach his eyes, "Hey, Techno."
For a second Techno seemed confused, didn't seem to recognise them, but then something like recognition sparked in his eyes. Tubbo hadn't known it was possible, but he seemed to grow even more tired. Techno did not reply.
And it must've been just a couple of seconds but it felt like an eternity, Tubbo could not bear the silence any longer. "We're looking for Tommy."
Techno stared at them, looking defeated and so incredibly tired. He stared and stared. Then, "Follow me."
Tubbo and Ranboo locked eyes with each other. 'Should we?', Ranboo's seemed to say. 'Should we really?'
'Why shouldn't we?', Tubbo's eyes asked in return-because why shouldn't they? It was just Techno. There was nothing wrong with Technoblade. (Maybe they were just bitter because Techno was one of the reasons Tommy learnt to never hope again. Though that shouldn't be an excuse.)-and so he quickly followed Techno who was already halfway down the hallway. Ranboo hurried behind him.
The house was familiar in a way that only a best friend's house could be. (Best friend?) Tubbo missed coming here, he realised quickly when he saw the hole in the wall (Tubbo) and the random spot of red paint on the ceiling (Tommy). Tubbo had missed coming to this house and he had missed Tommy and- fuck, what happened to them?
They walked through the living room, Tubbo saw- what was his name again? Philip or something. Well, the name didn't really matter, did it? It was Tommy's dad on the couch. There was something wrong with him, it seemed, he was just staring and staring. It almost looked like he was a statue. If it had not been for the rising and falling of his chest, Tubbo would've thought he was dead. It was awfully eerie. Tubbo looked away.
Techno lead them through the house and to the garden. He lead them to the rose bushes and sat down on the already drying grass. There was a weird stain next to him and Techno was so close to it, it gave Tubbo anxiety just by looking at how close his fingertips were to it. Tubbo and Ranboo stayed two steps behind.
"What's that stain?", Tubbo asked out of curiosity.
Techno looked to his side, at the stain, as if it was the most usual thing in the world. It probably was. Tubbo doesn't know why his heart was beating faster than it was before or why his breathing was picking up because there's nothing to worry about. It doesn't make sense. Tubbo was just overreacting-
"It's blood."
oh
oh
Oh, fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Well, Techno was definitely going to murder them, wasn't he?
Tubbo took a step back which made him bump into Ranboo who stood nailed to the ground, frozen in fear. He grabbed Ranboo's hand in his and squeezed. We need to go. We need to go. But Ranboo shook his head.
(Petrified, anxious Ranboo didn't run from a potential murderer because he was that concerned about his friend and Tubbo wonders when that became Ranboo's job instead of his? Wasn't Tubbo supposed to be the strong one? Since when was Ranboo braver than he was?)
Ranboo took a stuttering breath, still standing safely behind Tubbo. (huh, not so brave after all.) "Is it- is it Tommy's?"
Techno looked back at them, then back to the blood and eventually settled on the two children that were gripping each other's hands like a lifeline again. Realisation bloomed on his face.
"I- It is, but I didn't kill him. I swear."
Tubbo couldn't believe him. "That's exactly what a murderer would say! Where the fuck is Tommy?"
He was so fucking scared.
It was hard to describe what exactly happened to Techno's face when he said those words. Tired was perhaps the closest thing he could call it. Guilty wasn't far off either. His eyes seemed to get watery but Techno looked away before Tubbo could take a proper look.
"You see his bedroom window?" Techno asked. Tubbo looked up to where he knew the window was and nodded his head. For some reason, the curtains were closed. They normally never were. "yes."
Techno was staring at his hands, "He- There's blood here because he jumped from his bedroom window."
What?
That didn't make sense.
"Where is he then?" Tubbo asked impatiently, letting Ranboo's hand go and crossing his arms. Why couldn't Techno just answer his fucking question? If Tommy was in the hospital, he could've just said so.
Ranboo's hand landed on his shoulder. It squeezed once, defeated and scared. "Tubbo."
He spun around, probably more aggressively than needed and shrugged Ranboo's hand off of his shoulder in the process. Tubbo could do nothing as he stood there watching one single tear roll over Ranboo's cheek. There was some horrible realisation there, in his eyes, and Tubbo just didn't understand what exactly it could be. (Of course he did know, there weren't a lot of options to choose from. What fate was so horrible it made Techno silent, that it made Ranboo cry?)
"What," he yelled. "What is it! Just fucking tell me!"
He looked back at Techno who opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something but then decided to close it again. Techno continued staring at his fidgeting hands. He seemed to wish he was anywhere but there.
Ranboo was full-on crying now. It was not a very pretty sight. "Tubbo, please."
Don't make me say it, he seemed to say. And it-
Fuck
It sucked. It really fucking sucked.
Because suddenly it became all too clear that Tommy didn't just fall from his window, he jumped. It became all too clear that Tommy was dead.
Tubbo was aware of what must've happened and he was aware that he should be sad about it. Tommy was dead and Tubbo was seething because why can he never grief in the way he is supposed to. Why isn't he crying now when this life shattering news has broken the protective layer of Tommy is fine and no need to ever worry about him. Why doesn't he feel any different than before it hit him while Ranboo was bawling his eyes out and Techno looked like he was dead inside.
Tubbo closed his eyes for just a second and imagined that everything was still fine. But when he opened his eyes Techno was still staring ahead and Ranboo was still sobbing his heart out. When he opened his eyes, Tommy was still dead.
"Oh," his throat felt dry, "That sucks," and words could not describe how he really felt. He hated this more than anything in the world.
There was a sinking feeling in his stomach, like a stone plummeting down. Only, the stone did not have mass and the stone was not real. What was real was the blood on the grass and Ranboo's tearstained face. A feeling of dread settled and some quiet realisation that his best friend, his brother in everything but blood, was dead. The realisation settled for a while and then, just like that, Tubbo didn't want to exist anymore.
Ranboo moved next to him, almost tripping over his own feet. Stuttering words fell from his quivering lips. Tubbo's head hurt. "How- Tech- Techno, when did he die? Was he dead yesterday?"
Techno stood then. Tubbo and Ranboo took a step back. They knew now that he was no murderer, but something about this man drowning in his own guilt and grieving in a way that Tubbo was so foreign with, was scarier than any possible killer could be. Techno was mad and he was afraid. It made Tubbo want to cry. (He doesn't think he'll ever be able to. Not when crying is such a little thing for a reason so big. The gesture felt too small.) Techno walked past them, steps never faltering. He didn't looked back. "They think so, yeah."
And just like that, Techno was gone. Next time they'd see each other they wouldn't even acknowledge each other's presence and they would be dressed in black tuxedos that were meant to represent a sorrow so big. How could they ever expect Tubbo to handle such a thing?
Ranboo sobbed and only then did Tubbo process Techno's words. The knife in Tubbo's chest twisted and turned until there was nothing but a gaping hole where his heart should be.
The reason was clear.
Tommy died and they had done nothing but sit on the couch in Ranboo's house. Tommy had died and they were playing fucking Mario Kart.
They were sitting in Tubbo's garden. The sun was setting, but it was barely visible. The sky was cloudy that evening.
After Techno had walked away, Ranboo and Tubbo had been left there in that stupid garden. There had been some form of grief and the feeling of what do we do now? Ranboo had stood there, sobbing like a little kid and Tubbo had squeezed his shoulder in a way that was meant to be soothing but only reminded him of what was lost. They had stood there until Tommy's creepy neighbour had begun talking to them, leaning against the wooden fence, and deciding he just needed to have a conversation about their dead friend.
(Well, he wasn't Tommy's neighbour anymore. Tommy was dead.
Later Tommy's neighbour would be someone called Katherina Booker. A nice lady who died in 1957. There hadn't been enough money for a proper gravestone, so it was just a plank with a name and a year lovingly scraped on it with a pocketknife. The wood was rotting and decaying. Really, it was a miracle that it still stood there after all this time in the first place. Katherina's grave was a bit sad to look at. Tommy's wasn't. Tommy's grave was made of some slick, grey stone. There was no quote on it. Not because there hadn't been enough money for it, but because no one knew what to put there. Tommy's grave would be loved. Too bad that he himself hadn't been.
Maybe it was the universe's cruel version of a joke, to lay someone so lonely next to the woman who would've considered herself the most loved woman in the whole entire world. It sounded like some twisted punchline. A lonely boy and a loved woman lay next to each other six feet under the surface and it's funny how life works like that, isn't it?
Right?)
They had gone home in silence. Nobody spared them a glance. Ranboo had expected that people were supposed to see someone with a tearstained face and red, swollen eyes, send them a look and move on with their lives. But the reality of it was that people didn't even care enough to look. Ranboo doesn't know how to feel about it.
He didn't want to go home because then he'd have to tell his parents and he'd have to deal with it, helped by people who didn't understand. So he didn't. Ranboo didn't go home, opting to stay with Tubbo instead because Tubbo was the only one who did understand.
Telling Puffy was probably the saddest conversation he'd ever have to witness. Tubbo's aunt had basically become Ranboo's third mom at this point and you never see mothers cry. But to finally witness it happening? It was the worst thing and he hadn't even broken the news to her. Tubbo had.
It had been different in Tommy's garden. Ranboo's vision had been blurry from all the tears and it had prevented him from seeing the exact moment Tubbo realised Tommy was gone. It was different because when Tubbo told Puffy- almost apathetically so- that Tommy had killed himself by jumping out of his bedroom window, Ranboo could see her face morphing as the news hit her. He saw the moment she heard it, the moment it began processing and the moment when- oh, oh- she realised Tommy was gone. It made Ranboo's heart break just a bit more.
Puffy hugged them both. Ranboo hadn't known what to do.
And that's how they got there, in the garden. Puffy was inside, calling Ranboo's parents. Ranboo felt guilty, of course. How could he ask his mothers to sit in their home and do nothing as their child's heart gets ripped out piece by piece? Ranboo felt guilty but he found himself not wanting to do anything else.
"Should we go to the police?"
Ranboo turned his head. The grass rustled underneath him.
"What?"
"We- You were the last one that talked to Tommy," Tubbo clarified awfully calm considering the situation they were in, "Shouldn't the police know about that?"
Ranboo sighed and turned his gaze back to the sky. He hated this.
"They already know what happened, don't they? Why would they need to know anything else?", he said. His throat was threatening to close up.
It was very surreal to talk about this. Ranboo didn't feel like he was talking about Tommy anymore, just someone. A person that didn't actually exist. Just someone who was and wasn't.
"What if he didn't kill himself though?", Tubbo asked and-
Ranboo really wished he could still see Tommy as this unkillable menace of a friend but suicide made too much sense somehow. Like puzzle pieces it just seemed to click and the realisation was so sad and so true, if it hadn't been for the lack of water in his system he would've cried again.
He closed his eyes. The sky looked the same as the back of his eyelids anyway.
"Don't say that, Tubbo."
Tubbo propped himself on his elbows and looked down at Ranboo. "Why not, Ranboo? Can't I have a bit of hope. Is that really too much to ask for?"
"It'll just hurt you."
"That doesn't matter.", Tubbo said while sitting upright, suddenly and painfully.
"Wh- Tubbo, what?", confusion clawed itself up his throat.
"It just doesn't matter, okay? It- It really fucking doesn't."
Ah.
Here's the thing.
Ranboo prided himself in being able to understand things quickly. It was funny how your mind could run through a thousand thoughts in just a matter of seconds, Ranboo knew he was able to process those thoughts and arrange it all quicker than the average person could. He understood that Tommy had died immediately after he saw the closed curtains and the blood and Techno's silent, broken gaze. He understood when Tubbo hadn't yet.
So he understood what Tubbo had meant. It would've been easier if he hadn't.
"You don't need to hurt yourself because Tommy hurt, you know?"
Tubbo flinched slightly, pulling his legs towards his chest and hugging them tightly. He seemed incredibly small in that moment.
"He killed himself, Ranboo", His voice sounded cold and dead. It contradicted his whole positon. "and we did nothing."
The easy thing to do would be saying there's nothing they could've done but Ranboo didn't feel like being a liar today. That was too much. Ranboo kept his mouth shut. There was nothing he could say that would make things better.
It was quiet for a few painful moments but then Tubbo started to move.
Two things happened then in the span of just a couple of second, all too quickly.
One. Tubbo turned and grabbed Ranboo's shoulders, shaking them wildly.
Two. He began yelling at Ranboo. It would've been comforting to see some crazed look in Tubbo's eyes, but there was nothing outside the playful craziness that was usually present, dulled but still there. It hurt because Tubbo knew exactly what he was doing.
"He killed himself and he called you! God fucking dammit! He called you!"
Ranboo lay there, dazed.
"He fucking called you and you did nothing! I did nothing! We- We didn't-"
And as quickly as the whirlwind of emotions had started spilling, it stopped. Tubbo's hand stopped shaking him and his eyes closed for a second before he opened them again.
He seemed exhausted.
It was the same exhaustion Ranboo had seen in Technoblade. He didn't like where that lead Tubbo.
Tubbo's arms started quivering and before Ranboo could say anything, Tubbo laid his head on top of Ranboo's chest.
He laid his head on Ranboo's chest and started sobbing.
Something inside of Ranboo snapped out of place and broke beyond repair.
Even though they had been friends for so long, Ranboo had never seen Tubbo cry. He had always been the emotional one. Not Tubbo, never Tubbo. But somehow it was still Tubbo sobbing in his chest. Somehow the roles weren't reversed. (Ranboo had never seen Tommy cry either. He quickly buried that thought. Again, he didn't like where that lead Tubbo.)
It must've looked weird to anyone that did not know how their minds worked. Ranboo still laying on his back staring at the sky, not even trying to do anything to console his friend and Tubbo with his face buried in Ranboo's sweater, sobbing like there was nothing else he could do. Still, Ranboo knew there was no other way they could ever do this.
So Tubbo kept sobbing in his chest and Ranboo kept staring at the cloudy evening sky. They must've stayed like that for a while.
"Do you think Tommy would've liked stargazing?", Ranboo asked conversationally when he felt like he had to say something. Tubbo only continued sobbing in response.
The sobs started quieting down until they were nothing more than sniffles. The air was still and the only thing Ranboo could hear outside of Tubbo's silent cries were the many crickets singing in a chorus of white noise around them.
"I think he would be more of a sun person," Tubbo murmured, tired, and for a moment Ranboo forgot what the response was for in the first place.
"Yeah, I think so too," Ranboo couldn't help but agree when he finally remembered.
Nothing had ever seemed more fitting.
How wrong they were.
Ranboo gently closed the door behind him. He was finally home.
His hand lingered on the doorknob. He was not ready to deal with the world yet but it appeared that he did not give himself a choice in the matter.
He sighed and let go of the knob. He slowly turned around and walked down the hallway.
There was a light shining from the living room and Ranboo knew his mothers were still up. He looked at his watch- 3:43 am greeted him- and cringed.
The original plan was for him to stay the night at Tubbo's but Tubbo shut off after his breakdown. It was selfish of Ranboo to leave him just like that but it made his heart ache and his eyes water. He could not handle it, so he went home.
His mothers were sitting on the couch watching television with a blanket pulled up to their chins. They were murmuring silent words in each others ears and they laughed every few seconds. They seemed happy. Ranboo imagined that this was what they had looked like every day before he came along. It was a shame he was about to ruin it.
He stepped into the light and his mothers' attention snapped towards the sound he had made. There were a few seconds of staring where no one moved until the tense atmosphere was broken by his mothers making space between them and moving the blanket out of the way.
He loved his mothers.
Ranboo took off his shoes and made his way to the couch where he sat down between his mothers. They pulled the blanket back over their laps and silently continued watching whatever show was playing.
Ranboo had no clue what was happening on the screen. Two women were sitting in front of what seemed to be a portal. They were both crying. 'I love you' the one with her back towards the blue portal said and disappeared in a cloud of particles that got absorbed by the portal. 'I love you' the other said (was she a nun?) but there was no one left to say it to.
It made Ranboo emotional even though he did not know what was going on.
He heard sniffles and he found both his mothers crying. Ranboo giggled. Someone was still talking on the screen (She looked like a lizard. Why is she a lizard?) but Ranboo payed it no mind. He was warm and his mom glared at him fondly. Everything was fine.
Then he remembered it wasn't supposed to be.
The smile fell from his face in an instance.
Ranboo realised that this was how life was going to be from now on. He would continue mourning but then he would continue existing with no death on his mind. Existence would keep on going and Ranboo would forget his life before Tommy's death for more moments than he didn't. Ranboo would forget Tommy and suddenly remember him on late nights when he isn't able to sleep. He'll remember him and be flooded by a bittersweet feeling. He'd think and think and wonder what would've happened if Tommy had still been alive. He'll wonder and then he'd go to sleep. The next day would go like it always did. The world would keep on spinning even though it had stopped for a dead friend years ago.
"Are you okay, sweetie?" his mama asked. It was a stupid question. Ranboo didn't bother with an answer.
She sighed and pulled Ranboo close to her.
"Poor, Tommy," his mom said and it made Ranboo squeezed his eyes shut. Why would she say that now? "and on his birthday too."
What? "What?"
His mom blinked at him. "Today's April ninth, is it not?"
No, that couldn't- That was not true, was it?
He grabbed his phone and turned it on.
It was-
It was April ninth which means-
oh
oh
Ranboo kept staring at his phone but it only kept confirming what he already knew.
He wondered if Tommy had lain there and cried because he would never know what it would be like to be a proper adult. If he had lain there and wondered why Ranboo hadn't wished him a happy birthday on the phone, why he had been dying all alone with no one but the stars to witness his last breath. Maybe he hadn't even decided to kill himself yet. Maybe he was staring wistfully out his window, looking down, considering killing himself. Maybe he called Ranboo to make his decision. Maybe Ranboo was the catalyst.
What if it really was his fault?
Ranboo began crying.
His mothers immediately panicked and engulfed him in a hug, "Oh, I'm sorry, Ranboo," his mom said and she sounded genuinely guilty. "I shouldn't have brought it up."
No, he thought, you shouldn't have. But he kept his mouth shut. He knew his mom meant well, she always did.
Ranboo cried and cried. He felt the sudden urge to just talk. Spill all his darkest worries and be done with it. But he was crying and it turned into sobbing, uncontrollable horrid sobbing, and it was too hard.
He called me, he wanted to scream, I might be the reason he's dead in the first place.
But no one could hear him.
In this universe there were no mind readers. In this universe Ranboo was cold because a part of him seemed to have died, he's warm because he has so much love surrounding him that it burns.
On the television the credits roll and a serie ends. It feels too familiar.
Ranboo kept crying until he fell asleep and when he woke up, he kept on existing and forgetting. He kept on living life
And If Tommy forgot his birthday because everyone else around him seemed to, no one would ever know. A dead man tells no tales.
Ranboo and Tubbo would go to the same college when they got older.
They would pick the college carefully and they would smile because they were adults now and they were never going to fall apart because they had survived something together. Nothing would ever be able to tear them apart because death had glued them together and grief had made them into one.
Though they should know that they shouldn't say that aloud, they would jinx it.
It would start of small. Both meeting different people and liking them but still basically being attached by the hip.
But as most things do, it would not stay small.
They'll hang out with these people more and more until they only spoke every month. It would evolve until they would pass each other on the street and smile because they couldn't do anything else. Strangers they would never be, but they would get close.
And it's not like they would start to hate each other. They would never start to like each other less because it seemed as if they were incapable to ever do such a thing. The fact is that they just started liking other people more.
Life has a funny way of dealing with childhood friends. They don't really manage to last most of the time and Ranboo and Tubbo had never been special in the grand scheme of things.
On nights when they would be feeling extra nostalgic, they'd think of a life long gone and wonder if things would be different if Tommy were still alive. They think and smile because they had been best friends at some point, they'd had a best friend at some point, but life was still going and neither of them would ever want to change this outcome.
On nights like these they would go outside and wonder how many stars had died since their's had burned up.
Life would go on and nothing else would matter.