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“Purah, I can’t see.”
“Then open your eyes.”
Namjoon sighed heavily, breathing in the scent of old parchment. His eyes were open; it’s just that there was a large map blocking his vision, courtesy of Purah shoving it in his face. Alas, arguing with the feisty researcher was rarely worth the struggle.
“What are you trying to show me?” Namjoon spoke slowly, careful not to spit or sneeze on the map.
“Eventide Island!” Purah squealed, the map now tickling his nose. “The Guidance Stone has been giving off readings of unusual activity, and it’s all coming frooom here!”
“I see.” Namjoon still couldn’t see anything. “How come I’ve never heard of it before?”
“It’s uninhabited. And difficult to access.” The tiny Sheikah woman suddenly flung the map to the side, grabbed Namjoon’s collar, and pulled his face close to hers, widening her eyes and whispering in a spooky voice. “Legends say that it’s haunted. That once you step onto its shores, you can never leave.”
Namjoon gulped. “That doesn’t sound very pleasant.”
Purah’s voice reverted back to her childlike tone. “Awww, come on! Where’s your sense of adventure? There could be piles of treasures! Or a new shrine! Besides, it’s only a four hour boat ride from Lurelin.”
“I’ll go, I’ll go! Still, four hours is a long time.”
“By yourself, maybe, but if you make it a romantic getaway with Jin, time will fly by!” A lewd grin spread across her face. “Kissing on a raft all by yourselves? Sex on a secluded beach? That’s what honeymoons are made out of!”
Namjoon’s nose twitched.
“I have suddenly decided to make this a group trip.”
“You could make it a triple date—”
“I’ll see you later, Purah—ahh—ACHOO!” He covered his nostrils just in time for him to release a violent sneeze, knocking into Symin’s bookshelf and sending all the meticulously organized books tumbling to the floor.
Purah just cackled as Namjoon spent the next hour apologizing and cleaning up Symin’s corner of the laboratory.
Convincing the rest of Bangtan to join Namjoon on his quest was a piece of cake. Of course, Jin was happy to support his boyfriend in any venture. Then, all Namjoon had to do was tell Taehyung that he had first dibs on undiscovered treasure. And once Taehyung was in, Jimin and Jungkook quickly followed. And since Yoongi was whipped for Jimin, he was in, too. And by this point, Hoseok might as well go along with the rest of the group.
But there were so many unknowns regarding Eventide Island. What was the climate like? Was it lush with vegetation or completely barren? What kinds of monsters lived there? Such unanswered questions gnawed at Namjoon as he concocted batch after batch of defense-boosting elixirs.
He wasn’t the only one feeling underprepared. Jin went on a cooking spree, preparing a feast of sautéed nuts, fish skewers, and meaty rice balls. Yoongi stuffed his knapsack with numerous mighty bananas, while the other members secured their strongest weapons and armor.
With heavy knapsacks weighing down on their shoulders, the Bangtan Research Group borrowed two rafts from Lurelin Village and set sail.
Thus began the long journey to Eventide Island.
Hoseok and Jungkook were elected as the primary sailors, swinging giant korok leaves to create powerful gusts of wind against the cloth sails. Yoongi and Jimin sat in Hoseok’s raft, marveling at the wide expanse of the ocean, while Namjoon, Jin, and Taehyung rode on Jungkook’s raft, where Taehyung was scrolling through old photos on the Sheikah Slate to cure his boredom.
“Where was this taken?”
“Highland Stable,” Jin answered. “That’s where I invited Hoseok to join Bangtan.”
“Really? An invitation? Haha, I just barged right in!”
“Yes, yes you did.”
They laughed, reminiscing over the memory, before Taehyung swiped to a different picture. “What about this?” This image showed Namjoon and Jin smiling at each other in front of an oversized pink flower, surrounded by fairies in a golden glow, with Jin holding a single blue nightshade. In other words, the epitome of romance.
“That’s the Great Fairy Fountain near Kakariko Village, right after I asked Jin to be my boyfriend.” Namjoon tenderly cupped Jin’s hand inside his own. “Do you remember that?”
“Of course I do,” Jin sighed fondly. “That was one of the happiest moments of my life.”
Taehyung ignored the two lovebirds making heart-eyes at each other. “It looks so pretty and sparkly! And I’ve never met a Great Fairy before. Can you take me there?”
That snapped Jin out of his reverie, panic flashing in his eyes. “No!”
“Huh?”
“I mean—she’s not really—”
“We’ll think about it,” Namjoon stated with a note of finality.
Taehyung wasn’t satisfied with that response, but he decided not to press further. Pursing his lips, he directed his attention towards the Sheikah Slate, scrolling through the photos until he nearly choked upon seeing one particularly interesting image. “Namjoon. Didn’t expect you to be such a creep.”
Namjoon looked over his shoulder and blushed, frantically trying to swipe to a different picture. “It’s not what you think!”
“Too late.”
“Give me the Sheikah Slate!”
“No way!” Taehyung extended his arm out of Namjoon’s reach, rocking the raft precariously.
“Stop it! You’re going to tip us over!” Jin yelped, clinging onto the raft’s central pole for balance.
“Listen to Jin, and give me the Sheikah Slate.”
“Fine.” Taehyung begrudgingly handed it over, but then he grinned evilly. “Namjoon took a picture of you sleeping!”
“You what?!”
“He’s lying!”
“No I’m not!”
“Don’t listen to him!”
“If I’m lying, then why are you so defensive?”
“Joonie, let me see for myself!”
Startled at the sight of Jin shuffling closer, Namjoon flung the Sheikah Slate across the raft’s floor.
“No!” Jin lunged for the slate, but it slid off the raft and into the sea. “Jungkook, stop the raft!”
Wobbling on his elbows and knees, Jin crawled towards the edge, watching in despair as the Sheikah Slate sank lower and lower. He was prepared to jump into water himself, anything to save the ancient artifact, but Jimin beat him to it, elegantly diving in and quickly recovering the Sheikah Slate before returning to his own raft.
“I can’t believe you threw this into the ocean!” Jin scolded as Jungkook resumed his sailing. “Do you know what would have happened if Jimin wasn’t here? All those memories, all the knowledge we built up over the years… Gone! Forever!”
“I’m sorry, Jin…” Namjoon lowered his head sheepishly.
“Hey, at least it looks waterproof!” Taehyung cheered, tapping at the Sheikah Slate. “Look, I can still access the camera!” He eagerly showed him the screen, expecting it to display an image of Jin drooling in his slumber, but all Jin saw was Purah posing with her fingers shaped like a V.
“That’s nice, Taehyung, but I will hold onto this until we are ashore.” Jin tugged the device away from grubby fingers and powered it off, having forgotten all about the notorious photo that started this whole mess.
Meanwhile, on the other raft, Jimin shivered in his wet clothes, thoroughly soaked from rescuing the Sheikah Slate, while Yoongi was trying not to stare at Jimin’s nipples peeking through his translucent shirt.
Well, he wasn’t trying very hard.
“Yoongi, stop looking at me like that!”
“Want me to take off your shirt? It’ll help you dry faster.”
“No!” Jimin cried, blushing at how Yoongi didn’t even deny the accusation. “You most definitely do not have pure intentions!”
“What’s wrong with appreciating you? Is it not pure to think my angel is beautiful?”
“There are other people around!”
“We really don’t mind,” Hoseok shrugged, much to Jimin’s chagrin. “I mean, Jungkook takes every opportunity to show off his abs, so we’re used to it.” To further prove his point, Hoseok motioned towards the other raft, where Jungkook was indeed topless and Taehyung was hugging his discarded shirt like it was a stuffed animal.
Jimin puffed his cheeks, turning away from his boyfriend’s lingering eyes. “The sun will dry me eventually, thank you very much.”
Hoseok laughed. Riling Jimin up was just too easy, and his reactions were so cute. Jin too, though Jin was currently preoccupied with lecturing Namjoon about how the ancient artifact was irreplaceable, how he should be more careful with his hands, and how they were extremely lucky that it was waterproof, but remember when he broke the Sheikah Slate by dropping it into a cooking pot full of hot oil?
No one made an effort to save the clumsy researcher.
Content to listen to the animated banter from both rafts, Hoseok continued swinging the korok leaf, powering the sails with strong gusts of wind. By this time, the mainland was nearly out of sight, but Eventide Island sure was far. How much longer would it be?
Fortunately, the rest of the journey at sea was uneventful, but the peace was broken when they reached the shores of Eventide Island.
Hoseok had bolted onto the beach as soon as possible, relishing the feeling of solid ground under his feet after four grueling hours on a cramped raft. Not even the heavy knapsack he was carrying weighed down on his joy. He was free.
It wasn’t until after he heard his friends shriek in alarm that Hoseok realized perhaps he felt too free, for there wasn’t anything weighing on his shoulders. All their weapons, food, and clothes were mysteriously gone.
Except for their underwear, thank goodness. Hoseok didn’t want to think about what chaos would occur if they were all stripped naked.
“Yoongi, stop looking at me!” Jimin whined as he attempted to cover his bare chest.
“And take my eyes off your gorgeous body? Not a chance.”
“Yoongi, please, we’re in public!”
“On a deserted island,” he corrected. Yoongi then leaned in close, wrapping an arm around Jimin’s slim waist. “Say, why don’t we make out behind that big tree for a couple minutes—”
Jimin let out an exasperated groan. Why couldn’t Yoongi be chivalrous like Namjoon, who was enveloping Jin’s shivering body with a chaste embrace, murmuring words of comfort in his ear as Jin mourned the loss of his cooked meals. But as embarrassed as he was, Jimin couldn’t deny that he loved Yoongi’s sweet talk and sweeter touches.
Still, there were more important things to worry about, as evidenced by Taehyung ignoring Jungkook’s abs for once in his life, although that was because he was panicking and running around in circles.
“Aaah, where is my falcon bow?! Where are my arrows?! I’m going to die!” he wailed dramatically.
"Taehyung, you’re not going to die,” Jungkook assured, though he too felt exposed without his trusty stone smasher.
“No, no, no. We’re all going to die here, on this deserted island, far away from any civilization, where no one will find our bodies!”
Jungkook gripped his shoulders. “Tae, chill! We can always leave. We still have the Sheikah Slate.”
“Actually,” Namjoon said as he walked over, holding up the device he reclaimed from Jin, “I haven’t been able to access the map since we got here, so I’m afraid we can’t teleport.”
“And all the food I made is gone!” Jin lamented.
Yoongi stopped ravishing Jimin to add, “And didn’t all our weapons disappear, including the korok leaves?”
“Oh.”
“Oh.”
“Oh.”
“Fuck.”
“… At least we won’t die from starvation.” Hoseok tried to look at the bright side. Yes, even though their prepared food supply was gone, there were palm trees on the beach and a dense forest inland. Surely they would provide some sustenance.
“So what do we do now?” Jimin asked worriedly.
An ominous voice from the heavens answered them.
To you who have traveled to this island...
“Who said that?”
“Shut up, Taehyung.”
I present you with a challenge. In your travels, you’ve relied on the equipment you’ve found along the way. Here, you must cast this equipment aside and face this trial with only your wits and whatever you can scavenge. Offer up the orbs to the three altars on this island. Only then will I acknowledge your skill and return your items.
“This must be the quest Purah was talking about,” Namjoon nodded in understanding. “Don’t worry, guys. The monks will keep their word, so we will get our stuff back. Let’s start looking for these orbs, and hold onto any food or weapons you come across.”
They strolled along the beach until they spotted a small bokoblin camp close to the water. Jungkook picked up an abandoned boat oar and easily disposed of the monsters, allowing Bangtan to raid the bokoblins’ loot. Jin opened a treasure chest containing a traveler’s sword, Jimin and Hoseok collected several boko spears, while Taehyung swiped the roasted bass near the campfire and greedily stuffed it in his face.
“Taehyung, leave some for the rest of us!” Hoseok ripped off the half that wasn’t in the archer’s mouth. He then evenly distributed the fish to the rest of the members. By no means was it a significant portion, but they needed every bit of energy they could get.
“But I’m hungry!”
“We all are,” Yoongi grumbled. “Learn to share.”
“Funny you’re the one telling me to share. Earlier, you were hoarding all the mighty ba—” A large boulder slammed into Taehyung’s head, causing him to trip and fall on the sand. He glared towards the direction of the sea, spotting a bulbous monster concealing itself under the water.
“Fucking octorok!” Taehyung yanked the boko spear out of Jimin’s hands and threw it into the ocean, missing his target by a wide margin.
“Hey, I needed that!”
“If only I had my arrows…” He shook his fist at the monster, which continued to shoot rocks at his face. “You think you’re so tough, huh?! Mark my words, someday I’m gonna obliterate the shit out of you, and you’re gonna regret crossing me!”
A blue bomb flew over his head and exploded in the water, ending both the octorok and Taehyung’s tirade.
“Taehyung…” Namjoon sighed, lowering the Sheikah Slate he just used to activate the bomb rune. “Please calm down. We need to conserve our energy and our weapons.”
“Bombs are an infinite resource,” Taehyung pouted.
“That’s not the point and you know it. Let’s keep moving.”
The first orb was easy enough to find. Jin, Jungkook, and Hoseok made quick work of the archer bokoblins guarding a monster camp in the forest, allowing Namjoon to freely collect the orb without being battered by a rainstorm of arrows.
Getting the orb into the altar, however, was an entirely different story.
“Yah! You missed again!”
“I’m trying!”
“You need to use more power!”
“Well,” Hoseok glared at Jin, throwing his hands up in frustration, “why don’t you try it, since you know exactly what to do?”
“Alright, I will! Joonie, give me the orb.”
Namjoon obediently retrieved the orb from the water and set it in front of Jin, who activated the Sheikah Slate’s stasis rune and whacked the orb several times. Once the stasis rune was released, the orb went flying through the air, shooting past the altar and into the ocean.
Yoongi yawned from where he was perched next to the altar on the rocks off the main island. “You guys suck at this,” he complained. Who knew that moving a ball was so difficult?
“You’re not even doing anything!” Hoseok argued back.
“I would be catching the orb if only someone could aim properly.”
“This is gonna take a while,” Taehyung muttered as the older members continued to quarrel.
“Do you think they’ll be alright?” Jimin winced as the orb splashed in the sea again, not even close to the target.
“Who knows?” Taehyung flippantly answered. “Poor Namjoon. He’s just running back and forth, fetching the ball like a dog.”
“If only there was another way to get the orb out of the water…”
Jungkook hadn’t been following his friends’ conversation since he was busy drawing a bunny in the sand, but Jimin’s musings got him thinking. Getting things out of the water, huh? Or, he looked at the orb floating in the sea yet again, from the water?
Jungkook suddenly shot up, clapping his hands in excitement.
“Everyone stop what you’re doing!” he commanded. “Jimin, go near the orb!”
Jimin obliged, swimming to where the orb was now drifting near the rocks. “Okay? And?”
Instead of answering, Jungkook plucked the Sheikah Slate out of Hoseok’s hands, tapping at the screen to activate the cryonis rune.
A large pillar of ice jutted out from the surface of the water, lifting the Sheikah orb along with it.
Jimin immediately understood, climbing the ice pillar with ease, and once he was on top, he picked up the orb and threw it as far as he could.
“What the fuck?” Hoseok and Jin stared dumbfounded as Yoongi caught the orb and placed it in the altar. “It was that easy?”
Luckily, getting the second orb proved to be less difficult. All they had to do was destroy the monster camp at the top of a cliff, which was more than doable once everyone acquired weapons.
“Okay, here’s the plan,” Yoongi said as the group huddled together. “Taehyung and I will shoot the archer bokoblins. Then, Namjoon will throw bombs at the exploding barrels. That should weaken our enemies enough for everyone to rush in and finish the job. Watch out for that moblin, though.”
“Sounds good to me,” Namjoon nodded in support. “Alright, let’s get into position.” At his signal, Taehyung and Yoongi sniped the bokoblins, with Namjoon blowing up the barrels, triggering a massive explosion and a random, energetic dance sequence from Taehyung and Jungkook. For a moment, everyone stared in confusion as they confidently danced with their backs to the flames, despite the fact that several monsters were escaping the blast and headed their direction.
“Burn it all up!”
“Bow wow wow!”
“What in the world…” Namjoon mumbled, shaking his head at their antics.
“Really?! We're in the middle of a fight!” Yoongi screamed.
Taehyung shimmied over to where Jimin was standing with an unamused look. “Sing with us! FIRE!”
“Ignore them!” Jin shouted, swiftly hacking down one of two red bokoblins, while Jimin pierced the heart of the other monster with his spear. “Come on! There’s still one bokoblin left. You can do your silly dance afterwards!”
Taehyung ignored Jin and continued dancing vigorously, but Jungkook obeyed, swinging his boat oar towards a blue bokoblin and knocking it off its feet. The monster landed on its back with a loud thud, but it quickly recovered, picked up a flaming boko spear, and spun it over its head, shielding itself with a ring of fire.
Jungkook gripped his weapon; surely, the boat oar was long enough to strike, even if it was heavy and slow to maneuver. But before he could land another blow, the blue bokoblin suddenly lunged and dug the fiery spear straight into his elbow.
With a pained cry, Jungkook dropped his boat oar and fell to the ground, throwing his uninjured arm in front of his face to protect himself.
“Kookie!”
Seeing his boyfriend wounded was what finally snapped Taehyung into a serious mood, shooting an arrow into the bokoblin’s shoulder before rushing to Jungkook’s side. “Kookie, are you okay?”
“I-I’m okay.” Jungkook forced himself to stand on his feet, still maintaining a determined expression on his face even though his left arm was hanging limply.
“You’re hurt! We need to get you to safety!”
“But—”
“Tae, move! We’ll handle the monsters!” Jimin growled, successfully distracting the bokoblin with a rock to the head. He expertly dodged its attacks, but couldn’t deal any damage without risking getting burned. “Guys, help! I can’t get close!”
Right before the bokoblin lunged again, Yoongi shot an arrow directly in its eye. Jimin took this opportunity to grab the flaming spear it dropped and stab the monster repeatedly, slaying it in a red-hot blaze.
“Yo! Moblin alert!” Hoseok called from the other side of the monster camp. The tall, lanky monster swung its sword at Hoseok, who parried it with a shoddy boko shield. Jin closed in to attack, but his sword broke when it sliced the moblin’s flesh.
“Our weapons are too weak!” Jin shouted. “How will we kill it?”
“We won’t,” Namjoon said. He activated the stasis rune, freezing the moblin in place. “Send it off the cliff!” Hoseok hit the monster with a flurry of strikes before Namjoon released the stasis rune. All the pent-up energy knocked the moblin off the cliff and into a thicket of trees below, and while the fall wasn’t great enough to kill it, at least the moblin would stay down there.
Hoseok surveyed the scene behind him. Bokoblin horns, scraps of wood, and broken weapons littered the scorched earth. His friends were sweating and panting despite it being dusk. Jungkook was clutching his injured arm. Only Namjoon was alert enough to retrieve the orb, but even his movements were sluggish as he plopped the orb into the altar.
Once Bangtan regrouped, they all glanced at each other, telepathizing one thing and one thing only.
We. Need. Food.
Namjoon walked along the beach, his eyes pointed upward in search of palm fruits hanging on tall trees. But his vision was starting to swim from hunger, the heat, and exhaustion from their battle. This island was really doing a number on all of them. Namjoon perked up when he noticed a razorclaw crab scurrying across the sand. He excitedly picked it up, cradling it in his hands. He was about to show Jin his discovery when Yoongi suddenly appeared right in front of him with intense, hawk-like eyes.
“Give me the crab.”
Namjoon protectively pulled the creature closer to his chest. “W-why?”
“Just give me the crab,” Yoongi repeated instead of giving an explanation, though his grumbling stomach did all the explaining for him.
“You’re going to eat him, aren’t you?” He took a step back while Yoongi took a step forward. “I won’t let you harm him!”
“Namjoon, we are on a deserted island, and we need to eat! Why the fuck do you care about this thing so much?”
“It’s not a thing; it’s a beautiful crab!”
“It’ll look beautiful roasting on the fire.”
“No!”
“Stop being a pussy about this!”
“Let go of my arm!”
“Not until you give me the damn crab!”
“No!”
“Joonie.”
Namjoon shivered at the cool tone of his boyfriend’s voice. Jin had a gentle, calm smile on his face. But his eyes were not smiling.
Oh no no no. They were positively terrifying.
“Joonie, please give Yoongi the crab.”
“Jin!” Namjoon gasped in disbelief. “How could you betray me like this? You know how much I adore crabs!”
“We are in a dire situation, and like Yoongi said, we need to eat.”
“Any other animal, please, Jin, I’m begging you.”
“Namjoon.”
Oh shit. Jin never called him by his real name, except in very specific situations. Like when he spoke formally with Paya or Impa. Or when his tongue would slip during nights of passionate lovemaking.
Or in the absolute worst case, when Jin was cranky from hunger.
Was Namjoon really going to sacrifice an innocent creature to avoid his boyfriend’s wrath? It did nothing wrong, but on the other hand, being the subject of Jin’s ire was so, so terrible.
“Namjoon.”
With a sob, the researcher placed his beloved crab into the evil hands of Min Yoongi, who gleefully beelined to the campfire. Jin left to join Yoongi in the massacre, leaving Namjoon to drop down on his knees and cry.
“What have I become?” he muttered. Horrendous thoughts about dismembered crabs plagued his mind. In fact, he was pretty sure he heard a distinctive cracking noise in the distance. Namjoon sat there for several minutes, unmoving, until he felt a presence behind him that smelled suspiciously like seafood.
“There, there,” Hoseok soothed, patting his back. “It’ll all be okay.”
“I don’t know, man. They’re so cruel. I’m so cruel.” He couldn’t believe it. He really did murder that crab.
“I’m sure it had a good life, and now it has served a good purpose.”
“Everyone is so cruel.” As Namjoon rolled into a fetal position, he remembered an ancient text titled Lord of the Flies. It was a riveting story, but when he first read it, he thought that surely, it was impossible for humanity to be this selfish and wicked. Perhaps people were more barbaric 10,000 years ago.
No… as today had proven, as everyone’s strings were pulled tight, as the pangs of hunger twisted people’s sense of morality, as the innocent animal was viciously torn apart by ravenous boys, Namjoon realized:
They’re all savages.
“Mmm, that was delicious,” Jungkook grinned as he patted his satisfied stomach. Nothing tasted better than freshly cooked blackened crab. “Thanks for cooking, Yoongi.”
“No problem. You feeling better?”
Jungkook flexed his arm, barely wincing at the pain. Under the light of the moon, the raw skin on his elbow didn’t look too bad. “Yup! I just need a good night’s sleep, and then I’ll be good as new.”
“What? No!” Taehyung gently tackled Jungkook to the ground, sitting on his torso to prevent him from moving. “You need to rest! I won’t allow you to fight until we get back home!”
“No fighting?” Jungkook cracked a smile. “You know it’s hard for me to sit still.”
“I will literally tie you up.”
“Kinky.” He chuckled at Taehyung’s pout before rubbing his hip in reassurance. “I’m just kidding, Tae. I’ll stay out of the fight, as long as you promise to be careful.”
“I’m always careful!”
Jin silently raised an eyebrow. ‘Careful’ was not the word he’d use to describe Taehyung gleefully dancing during today’s fight. “We’ll all take precautions from now on, but in any case, we should be settling down for tonight. Please get off of Jungkook.”
Taehyung stubbornly crossed his arms, pressing the entirety of his weight on Jungkook’s stomach.
“I don’t mind,” Jungkook giggled. “But shouldn’t we be more worried about Namjoon? I thought Hoseok went looking for him.”
“He’s probably still consoling Namjoon,” Yoongi said.
“I should go apologize,” Jin frowned. He felt guilty about forcing Namjoon to relinquish the crab when they could’ve tried foraging for fruits or hunting literally anything else. “I’ll be back.” With that, he descended the cliff, taking a boko bat with him for protection.
After cleaning up their campsite, Jimin stood up with his boko spear. “I can keep watch tonight while you guys sleep.”
“I’ll join you,” Yoongi said, never missing an opportunity to be with Jimin.
“Gross.” Taehyung playfully stuck out his tongue. “Stay far away so we can’t hear you boning each other.”
Jimin blushed furiously, sputtering at the implications. “I don’t want to hear that from someone grinding on his boyfriend’s lap!”
“Now that’s an idea.” Putting on an excessively sultry expression, Taehyung shimmied down Jungkook’s bare torso, cackling as Jimin and Yoongi fled the area for the rest of the night.
“We have good news and bad news,” Jimin reported, voice chipper and bright even at the crack of dawn.
“Let me guess the good news,” Jungkook yawned, managing to smooth out his hair despite Taehyung clinging to him. “You two fucked.”
“NO! Jungkook, what the hell?!”
“Tell us the bad news first,” Namjoon requested, trying to keep the conversation on track.
“Well, the bad news is that we found where the last orb is. There’s a blue hinox at the bottom of the cliff, and the orb is on a string around its neck. But we all know the weapons here aren’t very strong.” Everyone nodded in understanding. It’s one thing to kill a horde of bokoblins, but another to slay a giant hinox.
“But,” Yoongi interjected excitedly, with unusually shining eyes. “Last night, I found ten mighty bananas! Today, we are feasting!”
“That’s only good news to Yoongi,” Hoseok quipped.
Jin rolled his eyes at Yoongi’s obsession with the yellow fruit. “At least they’ll boost our strength, which, now that I think about it, is actually helpful once we find some more weapons.”
“Oh, well what are we waiting for? Let’s go and kill that hinox!”
“Say, you grew up in Zora’s Domain, right?”
Jimin had been lying on the ground peacefully until this moment. All he wanted was a nice nap while the other Bangtan members fought the hinox. He deserved it after dutifully guarding them last night, but with Jungkook bored and itching for conversation, it would be a long time before he could finally rest. Jimin lifted his head off the ground and narrowed his eyes.
“Yes, I did.”
“So you have a lot of knowledge on the Zora race.”
“I do…”
“And you must have interacted with male Zoras.”
“You have as well.”
“But you have more experience.”
“Just get to the point already,” Jimin snapped.
Jungkook slowly breathed in and out, ignoring Jimin’s signals to hurry up so that he could go to sleep.
“Soooo…” he dragged.
“Jungkook, I swear—”
“Is it true that male Zoras have two dicks?”
With a groan, Jimin dropped his head, feeling a headache starting to grow.
“I do not want to have this conversation.”
“But female Zoras only have one hole… so why would males have two dicks? Where does the second one go?”
“Hylia, please give me strength.”
“Oh come on, Jimin! You can’t tell me that you’ve never wondered about this!”
“As a matter of fact, I have not.” Jimin rolled on his side, turning away from Jungkook. “Ugh, this is what I get for keeping you company? I should’ve gone and fought with the others.”
“Speaking of the others, is that them?”
“Yoongi!” Excited to see his boyfriend, Jimin scrambled to his feet, but he dropped his smile after noticing their crushed expressions. “Did… something happen?”
“All our weapons broke, and we couldn’t get the orb,” Yoongi mumbled in defeat. He felt his body relax as Jimin pulled him into a comforting hug. “Sorry to disappoint.”
“You did your best, and that’s what matters.”
“But what will you do now?” Jungkook asked.
“I’m not sure.” Namjoon paced back and forth, scratching his head for viable solutions. “I guess we could wait until the hinox falls asleep and try to sneak up on it? But that’s incredibly dangerous if it backfires…”
“Wait!” Taehyung tugged at Namjoon’s shoulder. “Can I borrow the Sheikah Slate?”
“Uh, sure, but why?”
Everyone stared as Taehyung procured a remote bomb, flung it down the cliff, and detonated it right under the hinox. The monster roared in pain but didn’t move since it couldn’t tell where the bomb came from. As soon as the bomb rune recharged, Taehyung then repeated the same actions.
Another bomb exploded.
And another one.
One after the other.
“Are we really just going to throw bombs until it dies?” Hoseok asked, surprised to see that this strategy was actually working.
Taehyung flashed a brilliant smile.
“Bombs are an infinite resource.”
It took another two hours of throwing bombs, but they eventually killed the hinox, allowing them to safely collect the orb and place it in the final altar.
Needless to say, the Bangtan members were extremely relieved when the shrine erupted from the ground and their clothes were magically returned, signifying the end of this grueling journey.
“Holy shit. We are never coming here again.”
“Agreed.”
“All that pain for only 300 rupees.”
“I was so hungry…”
“You are all savages for decimating that innocent crab!”
“It was for the greater good.”
Yoongi said nothing, choosing to vent his frustration by sticking a middle finger up at the sky. A few seconds later, a bird flew overhead and pooped on his hair.
Some shrine quest this was.