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"Well, I reckon it's harvest time, innit?" Ed asks, a stick of wheat hanging from his mouth.
He's wearing overalls with no shirt on underneath, one clasp undone and hanging down over his stomach. He has a straw hat on his head. He's glistening in the sun.
"Aint it, though," replies the scrawny blond man beside him, wearing a dusty tee-shirt, jeans, and a cowboy hat.
"And what do we do after harvest time, Steve?" Ed asks, wheat bobbling up and down in his mouth as he speaks. He puts his hands on his hips.
"Jesus fucking Christ, Stede, where did you even find this?" Ed groans at the screen.
"Hush, Ed, I can't wait to see what happens next!"
"Well, Joe, I reckon we'll take these pistachios down to the farmer's market as usual, nice and fresh for the good folks of California!" Steve smiles, showing several gaps in his teeth.
Ed covers his eyes. "Oh my god this was so fucking offensive."
If the Ed on the screen agrees, he doesn't show it. He gives a thumbs up to the camera, instead.
"That's right, because Californian Pistachios are happy pistachios!"
Stede starts laughing so hard he bends over, grabbing his middle.
"And any ol' idiot can tell ya that happy pistachios are the tastiest pistachios!"
"Fuuuuuuuuuck," Ed can only say in reply.
On the screen the words, "CALIFORNIA PISTACHIOS FROM MADERA" pop up in a bold font. At the bottom of the screen it says, "Now featured on Huell Howser's California Gold."
Stede falls off of the chair then, right onto the floor.
"Oh my god, oh my god," he gasps, "I can't breathe, Ed, I can't... Huell Howser... Edward!" Then he just laughs and laughs at Ed's misery.
"Come on, Stede, I had to pay the bills somehow." Ed is smiling though.
"How... how much did you get paid for that?"
"I dunno, probably like a hundred bucks."
"Oh no!" Stede doubles down with laughter. "Oh no Ed, that was not worth your dignity!" There are tears running down his face.
"Hey, man, some of us are born being able to buy pistachios, some of us have to sell 'em."
Ed lays down next to Stede, cradling Stede's head with his arm. He looks his boyfriend in the eyes and winks.
"I reckon you're happy about this, aintcha?" He asks.
"No... no Ed... seriously," Stede is wiping his eyes. "I'm just so happy."
"You know what they say about happy directors?"
"They're... they tastiest?" Stede bursts into a fit of giggles again, but Ed isn't laughing. Instead, he cocks an eyebrow.
Stede stops laughing.
That's when Ed starts laughter of his own as he scoots down to undo Stede's pants.
"Yep... I reckon they might be."