Archive of Our Own

For the first few weeks after Stop kidnaps him, Rain feels fine. He’s heard about people who are traumatized by things like that, but he seems to have escaped without any trauma. He’s a little jumpy at first, if someone sneaks up on him, and he’s not overly keen on the idea of going to another race, but it’s all minor stuff. He’s fine.

And then he drives to Payu’s house one day after class and absolutely freezes at the sight of a delivery truck parked outside.

He slams the brakes so hard he almost hits the steering wheel, which he’s also clutching so hard his knuckles are white.

He can’t take his eyes off the truck.

It doesn’t even look like the fake truck that Stop’s guys had used as their ruse to kidnap him.  This one is black, for one thing.

But just seeing a delivery truck, here, makes him freeze, and he can’t get his brain to work enough to unfreeze. He can’t take his eyes off the truck either, or unclench his hands from the steering wheel, even though they’re starting to hurt. The longer he looks at the truck, the less he feels like he can breathe, and yet he can’t look away.

He doesn’t even remember much about being in the truck. He’d fallen backwards and hit his head on one of the fake packages when the truck took off, so he’d been in and out of it for most of the drive.

But he remembers the fear he’d felt when Stop’s henchmen had suddenly grabbed him. The mounting terror when they’d put duct tape over his mouth and thrown him in the back. He hadn’t had a clue what was happening or why, other than he was being fucking kidnapped, until they’d arrived at the abandoned building, and he’d seen Stop. That had been kind of a relief, in a strange way. At least then he’d known who was behind it, and he had a good guess as to the why as well.

That relief had disappeared when he’d realized that Stop had awful plans for Payu. Nothing has ever been as horrifying to Rain as watching his boyfriend have to kneel and get beaten up, without putting up a fight, to protect Rain.

And now, because of a stupid delivery truck, he can’t stop thinking about it.

A knock on the car window makes Rain jump so violently that he bangs his wrist against the door. He’s too busy being terrified to notice the pain, though.

Saifha peers in at him, one eyebrow quirked in curiosity. Rain tries to get his heartrate and his breathing as much under control as he possibly can before he fumbles to roll down the window.

“What are you doing just sitting out here, Rainy boy?” Saifha asks.

“Uh… I…” Rain can’t come up with anything good to say. His eyes stray back over Saifha’s shoulder to the delivery truck. It’s still just parked there, but now the delivery guy is leaning against it, checking his clipboard. He also looks nothing like Stop’s henchmen, and yet the sight of him makes Rain’s breath hitch again, and not in a good way.

Saifha looks behind himself as well. When he turns back to Rain, the curiosity is replaced with worry. Rain had told him how he got kidnapped, and Saifha is not an idiot. He’s probably starting to get a good idea about what is up with Rain.

“Rain,” he says carefully. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Rain tries to smile, but it feels weak.

“Come on, let’s get you inside,” Saifha says. He reaches through the open window to turn off the car and open the door. Rain manages to unbuckle himself, then lets Saifha gently tug him out of the car.

“I need to park properly,” Rain says weakly.

Saifha shakes his head. “I’ll take care of it,” he says and starts leading Rain up to the house. Rain doesn’t protest again or shake off the hand Saifha has on his back. The more they walk, the more Rain feels like he’s losing focus of the world around him. He feels dazed. He doesn’t even realize they’ve made it to the house until his feet bump into the steps of the deck because he hadn’t realized he’d need to lift his feet.

When Rain is situated on the couch, he hears Saifha say, “Payu, I think you need to come home. It’s Rain.”

Rain wants to tell Saifha no, wait, don’t call him, but he can’t find his voice right now. He can barely pay attention as he hears the rest of Saifha’s (very short) conversation with Payu. He thinks Saifha tells him about finding Rain frozen in his car, and then not much else before he hangs up.

He sits down on next to Rain and puts a hand on his shoulder. Rain flinches a little, but Saifha just gently puts his hand back. It’s a small gesture of comfort, and despite his body’s reaction, Rain appreciates it.

“Payu’s on his way,” Saifha says reassuringly. “He’ll be home soon.”

Still unable to find his voice, Rain just nods.

He’s not sure how long he sits on the couch, not really registering anything. Saifha gets up after what is probably just a couple of minutes. At some point, a cup of tea is put into Rain’s hands. The warmth is nice, as is the smell. Calming, too. He still feels very shaken after what the sight of the delivery truck did to him, but the tea does help his muscles relax some more. The spiral of thoughts about being kidnapped and being threatened and watching his boyfriend get beaten up also slows down some.

None of it goes away entirely, though.

Then Payu’s voice breaks through the haze.

“Rain.”

Rain looks at the door. Payu is standing there, helmet in hand, face and body seeped in worried tension.

“P’Payu,” Rain says.

“Rain, are you okay? What happened?” Payu asks, putting down the helmet and taking a seat next to Rain.

“You didn’t have to come home early, Phi,” Rain says instead of answering.

“Yes, I did,” Payu says and tucks a tuft of Rain’s hair back in place. “What happened? Saifha said he found you just sitting in your car.”

Rain takes a deep, shaky breath. He has no plans to lie to Payu about this, but he needs to prepare himself to say it out loud.

“There was a delivery truck parked outside. Seeing it just made me…” he trails off. He’s not sure how to finish that sentence. Did it make him feel scared? Angry? Pathetic? All of the above?

“Did it make you feel afraid?” Payu asks gently, carefully stroking Rain’s back.

Rain nods a little. “Yeah.”

“And that’s why you were just sitting in your car? You froze?” Payu asks, and he sounds so gentle and supportive and non-judgmental, but Rain still can’t stop shame from curling in his gut and make him lower his head.

“Yeah,” he says again, voice quiet.

“Rain,” Payu says gently. Rain doesn’t move. “Rain.” Rain still doesn’t move. “Darling, look at me.” Payu tips Rain’s chin up, and Rain’s head rises, but hie can’t look at Payu’s face for more than a second. “Rain. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Can you look at me?”

Finally, Rain lifts his eyes and meets Payu’s.

“I don’t know why I’m so scared, Phi,” he mumbles.

Payu strokes his hair. “You’re scared because you were reminded of a really scary experience. It’s normal to be scared.”

“Yeah, but it’s been weeks, and this hasn’t happened before,” Rain says, and it’s the truth. The ordeal with Stop was ages ago, it feels like, and not once since then has Rain felt scared or bothered. Saifha assured them both that Chai would take care of Stop, and Rain trusted that, and trusted that nothing like it would happen again.

And yet here he is now.

Payu stroking his hair is definitely helping him calm down, but Rain can’t shake off all the tension in his body. What he has been able to shake off has been replaced with exhaustion, not any kind of lightness or relief. It all makes him feel off kilter, somehow.

“Why is this happening now?” he asks.

“You said there was a delivery truck outside, right?” Payu asks. Rain nods. “I think people call it a trigger. It’s something that reminds you of a bad experience so much that it’s like you’re back there, in the moment. Even if it happens weeks or months later.”

“Well, it sucks,” Rain says and tries for a smile, maybe even a laugh, but it feels hollow and flat.

Payu doesn’t say anything to that. For once, he looks almost like he doesn’t know what to say.

Eventually he mumbles, “Come here,” and pulls Rain in for a hug. “I’ll draw you a bath. It might help you relax.”

“Will you join me?” Rain asks. He doesn’t want to be alone right now.

“I will if you want me to,” Payu replies.

“I want you to,” Rain says, and that gets him a soft smile from Payu, and everything starts feeling a little less overwhelming. Just a little. Because Payu is here with him and will hold him until he feels better again.

**

Rain is surrounded by delivery trucks and men in delivery uniforms. Everything is sort of hazy, and they all blur together, but as Rain turns in a circle, he’s absolutely certain that he’s surrounded and that there’s no escape. When they all start asking him for help with a heavy package, he makes a break for it anyway. They start grabbing at him and pulling him in different directions, but Rain keeps struggling, keeps fighting as hard as he can. He manages to escape and makes a run for it, but they catch up and he’s surrounded again. He escapes again, and this time, he manages to get further away.

When he rounds a corner, everything changes. The world comes into focus again, in a horrifyingly familiar scene. Rain has bags of food in one hand and is walking towards Payu’s house. A single, white delivery truck is parked on the street in front of the house.

“Package delivery?” Rain hears himself ask.

The delivery man looks up from his clipboard at Rain and says, “There’s a package for khun Payu.”

“I’ll receive it for him,” Rain says, even though he knows he shouldn’t. But he doesn’t fully remember why he shouldn’t, or what the deal with all those delivery trucks before had been.

“It’s a big package. Can you help me carry it?” the delivery man asks.

Again, Rain knows he should say no, but he doesn’t. Instead, he nods and follows the man to the back of the truck.

And suddenly everything comes flooding back to him, every reason why he should say no, why he should’ve stayed away, when the man and his partner suddenly grab Rain.

He tries to struggle, but they’re stronger than he is, and it’s two against one, and they have his arms and legs pinned. He tries to scream for help, to call for Payu, even though Payu isn’t here and Rain knows it, but the men have his mouth covered, first with a hand and then with duct tape.

He’s never been so terrified before in all his life.

They toss him carelessly into the back of the truck. Rain hits the floor hard, and it hurts like hell and –

And that’s when Rain wakes up.

He’s gasping for air and scrambles to sit up and get the duvet off, because it feels too heavy and restrictive and hot. He’s drenched in cold sweat and shaking all over, and he can’t really remember where he is.

Arms come up around him, and terror spikes in Rain again, because he can still feel the arms of those men kidnapping him around him, restraining him. He pushes weakly at the arms with numb, shaking hands for a few seconds, before a soothing, familiar voice breaks through the haze.

“Rain, Rain, calm down, calm down, it’s me, it’s P’Payu.”

And finally, Rain registers the world around him.

He recognizes Payu’s bedroom. He recognizes Payu’s big, comfy bed, and most importantly, he recognizes Payu. His voice, shushing and whispering to Rain. His arms, strong and comforting around him. Still gasping for air, Rain presses as close to Payu and his soothing comfort as he can. He curls into Payu’s side and buries his face in his neck. He’s crying, he realizes when his wet cheeks touch Payu’s skin, but he doesn’t care.

“It’s okay, Rain. You’re okay. You’re safe,” Payu says quietly, rubbing Rain’s back with one hand and stroking his hair with the other. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you, okay? You’re safe, Rain.”

With every word Payu says, Rain’s breathing becomes a little easier.

After what feels like an eternity of just sitting there, letting Payu rock him gently, Rain finally feels calm enough to lift his face out of Payu’s neck again. He glances at the clock at the head of the bed. It’s 4.17am.

“Sorry I woke you up,” Rain mumbles.

“Don’t be,” Payu says. The hand that was stroking Rain’s hair has moved to stroke his cheek instead. “Did you have a nightmare?”

Rain nods and takes a shaky breath. “I dreamt about being kidnapped.”

He can hear Payu suck in a deep breath through his nose and feel the way Payu’s arms tighten around him.

“Are you okay?” Payu asks.

“It was really scary,” Rain says. He’s not sure if that’s really an answer to Payu’s question, but it’s all he can think to say. Is he okay? Right now, he’s not sure, but he’s sure that the nightmare and the experience were both scary.

“You’re safe now,” Payu says reassuringly. “I won’t let anything like that happen ever again, I promise.”

In some ways, Rain knows that’s not a promise Payu can keep. It’s not like he let it happen this time. There was nothing Payu could have done to stop Rain from being kidnapped. He had been at work and neither of them had been aware that it was even a possibility.

But it still makes Rain feel safe to hear Payu make that promise. To have Payu protect him. It makes Rain relax in his arms.

After a moment, Payu pulls back and gently brushes Rain’s hair out of his face. “Are you okay?” he asks again.

This time, Rain nods.

“I’m okay,” he says. Payu kisses him and pulls him back into a hug, and Rain concludes that there’s no place in the world that can make him feel safer than Payu’s embrace.

**

Despite Rain saying he’s okay, he still doesn’t feel like he can go back to sleep. He’s not sure why. It’s not like he feels jittery or scared, and his heart isn’t beating a mile a minute. Maybe he’s afraid that if he goes back to sleep, he’ll have another nightmare. Or a worse one. He’s not sure. All he knows is that he feels too unsettled to go back to sleep just yet.

Payu stays up with him, even though Rain tells him to go back to sleep. Instead, he takes Rain’s hand and leads him downstairs, where he gets Rain seated at the dining table while Payu himself goes to the kitchen to make them both tea.

“P’Payu?” Rain prompts.

“Hm?”

“I saw that, the day I got kidnapped, you called me like fifty times,” Rain says. He doesn’t look up from the table, but he knows he’s got Payu’s attention. “Did you already know I was in trouble?”

Payu sighs and leans against the kitchen island. Next to him, the kettle rumbles as it starts heating up.

“I had a feeling,” he replies. “You suddenly stopped texting me. And you didn’t reply when I texted you back. When I tried calling and you didn’t pick up, I knew something was wrong.”

Rain knows his phone got turned off. “My phone could’ve died,” he argues softly.

Payu sighs again. He doesn’t say anything immediately, instead turns back to the kitchen island and finishes getting the cups ready for the tea. He uses tea eggs with loose leaf tea for both of them, because he’s as fancy with his tea as he is with his coffee. Rain lets the silence remain between them and watches as Payu pours the boiled water into the cups.

Once Payu has sat down and given Rain his cup, he finally looks back at Rain. There’s something in his face that looks almost like regret or shame or something.

“I told you that Stop had been banned and that the whole thing was over,” he begins, “but I knew that might not stop him from coming up with something himself. P’Pakin and P’Chai knew as well. That’s why P’Chai was supposed to take care of him and make sure he didn’t do anything. Even though I told you it was all over, I was worried that Stop would do something dangerous. So when you didn’t reply or pick up… I hoped he wasn’t involved, but I had a feeling he might be.”

“Oh,” Rain says faintly.

Payu gives him an anxious look. It’s not that different from how he’d looked when he’d stormed into that abandoned building and seen Rain tied up.

“Are you mad?” he asks quietly.

“No, of course not,” Rain replies, surprised more than anything. “Why would I be mad? Even if you had told me back then, it probably wouldn’t have made any difference. You couldn’t have done anything. And I would probably still have been stupid enough to fall for the ruse and get kidnapped.”

“Oi.” Payu grabs one of Rain’s hands firmly between his own and gives Rain an imploring look. “You’re not stupid. It’s not your fault that Stop kidnapped you. Okay?”

Rain doesn’t say anything to that. He still can’t quite shake the feeling that it was his fault that Payu got beaten up so badly.

Payu squeezes his hand. Rain looks up to meet his eyes.

“Rain,” Payu says, “None of what happened was your fault. And I’d do all the same things again, to keep you safe.”

Despite the guilt, that does make warmth bloom in Rain’s chest. It’s nice to know that his boyfriend is willing to do all that he did to keep him safe.

“Okay,” Rain finally says and nods a little. That does help with the guilt, even if the guilt will never fully go away.

They drink their teas in silence for a minute, playing with each other’s fingers as they do. Rain starts to feel less unsettled, and the tiredness of being awake in the middle of the night (very early morning by now) starts to seep in.

“Rain, can I ask you something?” Payu asks carefully.

“Mhm,” Rain hums around a mouthful of tea.

“I know Stop had you for a few hours,” Payu says carefully. Rain puts his cup down just as carefully. He can feel himself starting to tense up. His fingers are getting tense around Payu’s as well, and Payu must notice, because he starts stroking the back of Rain’s hand with his thumb soothingly. “What did he do in that time?”

Rain is silent for a moment. He’s not sure he wants to answer.

“Why do you wanna know?” he asks instead.

Payu takes a deep breath. He looks down for a moment, then back up at Rain with wide, worried eyes. “I’ve had nightmares too,” he says. Rain nods a little, feeling his heart clench. A few nights after the incident, Rain had woken up to Payu thrashing, in a cold sweat, muttering in his sleep. It had taken some vigorous shaking to wake him up. He’d had nightmares a few times after that, too. “They’re always about not being able to save you. Not getting there in time, or not managing to hold Stop back, or…” Payu takes another deep, shaking breath, “or having to watch them beat you up or… or worse.”

“Phi,” Rain mumbles. He doesn’t know what else to say. He just wants to make Payu feel better.

“I can’t stop thinking about the time he had you before I even knew you were in danger. Before I could do anything to help,” Payu says. “You don’t have to tell me, but I’d like to know what happened.”

It’s Rain’s turn to take a deep breath.

“Not much happened. Stop and his henchmen hit me a few times when they were tying me up, but nothing more than that. I guess they wanted to wait until you were there,” he tells. Payu nods a little. Rain isn’t sure this will actually help, but it’s worth a try, he supposes. “But…”

“But?” Payu prompts.

“Remember when Stop told you he’d let his men fuck me if you didn’t let him do what he wanted?” Rain asks quietly. He can see Payu’s free hand clenching into a white-knuckled fist, but his face doesn’t change much, and he just nods in response. “That wasn’t the first time he said that.”

Payu sucks in a harsh breath and his whole body tenses.

“He’d said that before?” Payu asks. His voice is carefully controlled. Even Rain can tell.

“He said he wasn’t into that kind of thing, but he might let his men have a go at me,” Rain says. He’s not sure if it’s the information that’s making Payu angry, or just the reminder that Stop had said that shit in the first place, but he keeps talking anyway. “He said it a few times. To get me to behave, at first, and later, like he thought it would be a good way to get to you. I guess to make sure you’d show up? Or to get back at you for humiliating him? I don’t really know. He didn’t seem to have much of a plan, anyway. I don’t think he ever seriously considered hurting me unless I shouted at him until he realized that might hurt you.”

Payu nods a little. His clenched hand unclenches and instead reaches out to stroke Rain’s wrist.

“Were you ever afraid of what he’d do? Or let his men do?” Payu asks.

Rain thinks about it for a moment. He was terrified when he got kidnapped, yes, but once he’d seen Stop, he hadn’t been all that afraid, until he realized what Stop wanted to do to Payu. Or at least, that’s how Rain remembers it. But had he been afraid of what they might do to him? The knife sure had been worrying. And the threat of getting raped wasn’t exactly something Rain had just shaken off in the moment. But did it even compare to the fear he’d felt watching Stop beat the crap out of Payu?

“I was afraid when they took me, and I didn’t know what was happening or why,” he says. “I was less afraid after I saw Stop, cause at least then I had an idea what it was all about. I was more angry than afraid, most of the time. But… yeah. I was scared. I was scared the first couple of times Stop threatened to have his men fuck me. I was afraid when one of them held a knife to my face.” There’s suddenly a lump in Rain’s throat, and he has to stop to swallow it down. His eyes sting as well. And Payu looks so, so worried, and so upset, and Rain kind of just wants to shut this whole conversation down and go back to bed, and hope that he can sleep peacefully. But this might be something he needs to get off his chest and something Payu needs to hear, so he barrels on. “But mostly, I was really scared of what he was gonna do to you. How he was gonna hurt you. How far he’d go. Watching you take that beating was terrifying.”

A tear slips down Rain’s cheeks, despite his effort to hold it back.

Payu gets up and walks round the table. He pulls Rain’s chair, so the table is to his side, and then squats down in front of Rain.

“Rain, listen to me,” he says and takes Rain’s hands. “I won’t let anyone lay a hand on you ever again. Not like that. Not ever. I promise, I’ll do everything I can to protect you.”

It’s all nice to hear, it is, but the one thing still niggling Rain is the idea of Payu getting hurt like that again.

Payu must be able to tell, because he says, “And I won’t get hurt like that again either. I promise.”

Rain takes a deep breath and nods. Logically, he knows that Payu won’t be able to fully prevent a situation like the one with Stop again, because he’d have to have known what Stop was planning to prevent it this time. But Rain takes that promise and holds onto it and lets it soothe him and calm him down. There’s nothing else he can do either, so he might as well take it.

Payu pulls him in for a hug. They sit like that for a minute, maybe two, before Payu pulls back and Rain yawns.

“Tired?” Payu asks.

“Yeah. Finally,” Rain replies.

“Let’s go back to bed, then.” Payu gets up from his squat and gently pulls Rain up from his chair. They throw the remains of their teas (now cold, anyways) in the sink and then head upstairs.

It’s almost 5am now. Thankfully, Rain only has class in the afternoon tomorrow.

When they get settled in bed, Payu arranges them so they’re spooning, with himself as the big spoon and Rain as the little spoon. They’re pressed together as closely as they can, and Rain entwines their fingers over his stomach.

“Sweet dreams,” Payu mumbles against Rain’s neck, placing a soft kiss there.

“Sweet dreams, P’Payu,” Rain mumbles back. He’s tired and he finally also feels comfortable and settles.

A minute later, he drifts off into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

**

Afternoon classes are a goddamn blessing when Rain was up in the middle of the night and didn’t get back to sleep until 5am. He still feels groggy and tired from the lack of sleep when he gets up at eleven, but he gets ready for class anyway.

Payu has apparently called in to work and told them he won’t be in the office until afternoon as well.

As they get ready together, Payu eyes Rain worriedly.

“Maybe you should stay home today,” he says when Rain pulls on his blue faculty shirt.

“You’re the one who taught me to be a good student,” Rain says. As much as the idea of staying home today is appealing, he doesn’t want to miss class and risk either falling behind or getting extra assignments that make him fall behind. And besides, if he just goes to class like normal, he thinks he’ll feel more normal too.

“You had a rough night,” Payu counters, worried.

“I’ll be okay,” Rain says.

Payu, also fully dressed for work, pulls Rain into his arms. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. I mean it, I’ll be okay,” Rain assures him. Payu looks reluctant to let him go (and that makes Rain feel all tingly and warm and in love), but with a soft kiss, he steps back and goes downstairs to start making some food (late breakfast? Early lunch?), while Rain packs his stuff for class. As they eat together and talk about their plans for the weekend, things almost start feeling normal again.

Then Rain asks, “When is the next race?” and Payu gives him a concerned, perplexed look.

“Next weekend. Why?” he says.

“Can I come with you again?” Rain asks.

The perplexed look turns into a hesitant one. “You want to come to the race again?” Payu asks. Rain just nods. “Why? You didn’t want to go to the race last month. And even if Stop is banned, after what happened with him, I’d understand if you never wanted to go to a race again. Especially after last night as well.”

“I told you, I’m fine.”

“Rain.”

Okay, so Rain is still not all that keen on going to another race. Payu is right about that. What if someone like Stop turns up again?

But these races are part of Payu’s life. He won’t be quitting them (and Rain wouldn’t want him to), so Rain wants to go, so he can get used to it and keep supporting Payu like he wants to. Because he does want to support Payu. And hey, the actual race had been fun. If he can go to another one and come back without any incidents, then Rain thinks he might be able to fully put the whole ordeal with Stop behind him.

He sighs and pokes at his food.

“I liked the race. That was fun. I like P’Aek and P’Tho. And I like being with you,” he begins. Payu gives him a brief smile after the last sentence before his face turns hesitant and worried again. “It’s true that last month, I didn’t want to go. And I’m still a little nervous of what might happen. But I want to go. I want to spend time with you. I want to support you. And I want to put everything that happened with Stop behind me. I don’t want him to have that kind of power over me, where he stops me from doing things I like. And I feel like if I go to the next race, I can make that happen. I can put him behind me.”

“You don’t have to push yourself, though,” Payu says gently. “Are you sure you’re ready? Think about what happened yesterday.”

“I know. And I know that I don’t have to push myself. But why wait when I don’t know if I’ll be more ready next month? Why not do it now?” Rain says.

Payu bites the inside of his cheek, contemplating. Rain just watches him in silence. If Payu decides he thinks it’s too dangerous for Rain to be at the race, then Rain will accept it for now and wait another month before he tries again, because he really does feel like he needs this. Hopefully Payu will understand that.

Maybe Payu sees something on his face, because after looking at Rain, seeming to study his face, Payu’s face relaxes a little and he nods.

“Okay. You can come to the race,” he says.

Rain smiles brightly, relieved, and grabs one of Payu’s hands with both of his. “Thank you!”

Payu gives him a soft smile back. He moves his free hand to put it on top of Rain’s.

“I want you to promise me that if you feel uncomfortable, in any way, at any time, you tell me,” Payu says, and his voice leaves no room for arguments. “Tell me so I can take care of you.”

“I promise,” Rain says.

After a moment, they let go of each other’s hands and continue eating. It’s quiet at first, but Rain asks Payu about his current work projects, and the conversation flows from there in the handful of minutes it takes them to finish their food.

“How about I drop you off and pick you up again after class?” Payu asks when they’re putting the dishes in the kitchen.

“No, you have to get to work,” Rain replies. Not only does Payu have work, but he’s already late because of Rain.

But Payu puts his hands on Rain’s hips and holds him so they’re facing each other. “It’s fine. I have time. And I wanna do this for you. I want to take care of you.”

And, okay, that’s not fair. That’s exactly the kind of thing that makes Rain melt, and Payu knows it.

“Won’t you have to work late today? Since you’re going in late,” Rain asks.

Payu just shakes his head with a smile.

“P’Mohk won’t mind. Please?” His eyes go big and pleading, and Rain doesn’t really want to say no anyway, so he relents with a nod.

“Okay. Then thank you for driving me,” he says. Clearly pleased, Payu kisses his forehead, then his lips, before he lets Rain go. They finish cleaning up, pack up their stuff, and then get in Payu’s Range Rover and head for the university. When they get there, Payu turns Rain.

“Text me when you’re done for the day,” he says.

“I will,” Rain promises, unbuckling himself.

Payu turns more towards him. “And call me if you need me. Don’t keep it in if you get scared like yesterday again.”

Rain pauses in his seat.

Yesterday, and Rain’s nightmare, must have scared Payu more than he thought. Or at least worried him. Maybe it’s stupid, but Rain hadn’t really thought about how his fear might affect Payu, but of course it could. Rain was scared when Payu got beaten up, and he was worried when Payu had nightmares, so of course Payu would experience the same now with Rain. And Payu always wants to take care of Rain. Really, it’s no wonder he insisted on driving Rain to school today.

So instead of telling Payu not to worry, Rain says, “I will, I promise.”

Some tension seems to leave Payu’s shoulders, and Rain knows he said the right thing.

Payu kisses Rain goodbye before Rain exits the car, grabs his bags from the boot, and Rain waves to Payu when he pulls away from the curb and heads to work.

When Rain turns around, he sees Sky and Sig standing by the entrance to the faculty, watching him. Sky looks smug, while Sig has a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Ohooo, getting dropped off by the hot department god boyfriend now, huh?” Sig teases when Rain joins them.

“Jealous?” he counters.

“Damn right I am,” Sig replies immediately, and Rain can’t help but laugh. “Wouldn’t anyone be?”

Next to him, Sky shakes his head fondly. Then his eyes fall on Rain again, and his eyebrows quirk down for a moment. “You look tired, Rain,” he says. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Rain says, maybe a little too quickly, but whatever. “I just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”

“Oh really? And why might that be, Nong Fon? Did that hot department god boyfriend keep you up all night?” Sig asks loudly.

“No, it’s not like that, Sig, shut up,” Rain says and gives sig a light shove. “I had a bad dream, that’s all.”

“Oh,” Sig is immediately more serious. “Sorry to hear that.”

“It’s fine,” Rain says.

“You sure?” Sky asks. It’s typical of him to be able to see when Rain is hiding stuff. And at some point, Rain might tell him what the nightmare was about, but not right now. Not in front of Sig. And not when all Rain wants to do is go back to normal, instead of dwelling on a bad experience.

“I’m sure. Let’s go to class,” Rain says, shouldering his bag, and begins to walk towards their classroom.

Today is going to be a good, normal day.

**

The experience with the truck doesn’t happen again, but in the week leading up to the next race, Rain does have nightmares a few times. They’re not always about the same things. One of them is about Stop’s men putting their hands on Rain’s naked body. Another is about Payu getting beaten so badly he almost dies. They wake him up gasping and shaking, and while he feels bad that he wakes up Payu with his nightmares, he’s thankful that Payu is there to hold him and reassure him afterwards.

After the one about Payu, Rain spends approximately an hour just running his hands over Payu’s arms and chest while they talk, just to reassure himself that Payu really is fine.

But none of the nightmares make Rain doubt his decision to go to the next race.

On Saturday night, he smiles and follows Payu down to his car.

Payu talks about the pre-scheduled races for tonight, and who he thinks might challenge who. He tells Rain about Pakin looking at some new bikes he might potentially buy. Rain asks about the set-up and take-down and how that works, and about how one even gets an invite to these things.

It’s all very good at distracting Rain from how his nerves start rising the closer they get to the venue.

When they get there, the guard confirming their identities gives Rain a nod and then looks at Payu like he’s trying to convey a message. But all he says is, “Have a good night.”

Payu parks the car, but before he gets out, he looks at Rain. “Are you ready?”

Rain takes a slow, steadying breath. He’s more scared than he’d hoped he would be, but not so scared that he’s backing out. He knows Tho, Aek, and Prapai are all here – Payu had made sure they’d be. And Saifha is here too, to help with the work, so Payu can spend more time with Rain. Chai is here as well. Despite this being an illegal street race, full of rich assholes looking for wild ways to spend their time and money, Rain will be safe.

Last time had been fun, right up until Stop showed up. And nothing had happened with Stop at the actual race, other than Stop acting out and getting kicked out.

Rain wants to be here. He wants to see the race. He wants to support his boyfriend.

He wants to put this whole ordeal with Stop behind him, once and for all, and this race is a good way to do that. Once he gets through this night with a good ending, he can move on for real (at least he hopes so).

Rain gives Payu a determined smile.

“I’m ready. Let’s go,” he says.

Pride shines on Payu’s face and makes joy bubble up in Rain. Payu leans in to give him a quick, searing kiss, before he opens his own door.

“Let’s go,” Payu says.

With a nod, Rain follows him out and into the crowds. The atmosphere is good. A few people greet Payu with smiles and they smile at Rain as well, when they notice his arm hooked through Payu’s. Rain is already starting to feel better about tonight. Yes, tonight will be a good night.

And Stop won’t be haunting him again.