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After that argument in the hall, Kunigami’s own thoughts ate away at his mind more than ever before. He used to be able to easily shut out any forms of doubt and self hatred, but just remembering the disappointed look in Chigiri’s eyes was enough to make it crumble into tiny pieces. He tried to play games the way he did before, tried to remember the training he went through that was pure hell and the pain that ensued whenever he fell short, but that same wary glint Chigiri gave him was enough to completely shake whatever mental walls he had put up.
He first noticed that he was not playing as he usually did when they had their first practice. He had naturally chosen whatever team Noel Noa was on, but this meant he was also stuck playing beside people who were equally as egotistical as himself most of the time. Playing beside Micheal Kaiser was an experience in and of itself, and Kunigami soon learned that they were not on the same level like he once thought.
Seishorou Nagi had grown to be an expert player all by himself, and it surprised Kunigami to see that he was not as reliant on other player’s moves to make goals. Nagi was almost a monster on the field if it weren’t for how little time he actually had the ball. Still, Kunigami could never shake him on the field, no matter how fast he ran or how he guarded.
Isagi Yoichi was a completely different person than the one Kunigami had grown to know, and despite how well he thought he knew Isagi, he might as well have been the one who was most unfamiliar to Kunigami. Isagi was always right where the ball would be, even in places that Kunigami could not understand or predict. Whereas Kaiser was methodical in everything he did, Kunigami could not place what Isagi’s method was. How he did anything was a complete mystery to him; it was as if Isagi had a magic 8 ball in his mind that told him everything he needed to know, including what Kunigami would do next.
While these three weren’t nearly as dangerous as the rest of the team, they definitely outshined Kunigami the most in terms of playstyle. And worst of all, is that he still couldn’t get rid of whatever cloud was hanging around his head the entire time he played.
Come find me when you decide to stop losing…
As he kicked, those words rang out into his mind and he knew right when his foot met the rough exterior of the ball that he had massively overshot his goal. The ball went flying off in a direction he didn’t intend for it to fly off to, far off to the side, away from the goal. A loud whistle blew, and everyone’s attention was tethered to Noel Noa who stood on the sidelines.
“We’ll take a break for a moment. Kunigami? I want a word with you.” Noa pointed a thumb back at the training facility's door, and Kunigami followed with a grim determination. No doubt, the other had noticed his missed shot earlier and Noel Noa “talking” with him afterwards could only spell trouble.
Kunigami followed Noel Noa into the hall and stopped as the man turned to look down at him with crossed arms. Kunigami waited a moment for the usual disappointed tone that Ego took on, and jolted slightly when he felt a hand land on his shoulder lightly.
“Are you well?” Noa asked him in a gentle tone. “You seem very distracted today, Kunigami. Is something bothering you?” Kunigami blinked in surprise at how concerned Noa seemed to be for him. It was in this moment that he remembered that Noel Noa was not just there as an inspiration, but as a mentor.
Kunigami’s brow furrowed as he looked down at his feet. He felt two sides of himself warring with the other, but finally he relented and looked up at Noa with a sad stare. “I…feel like I have lost sight of my goal here in Blue Lock.” Kunigami began slowly. “I know before that Ego said my only goal should be to win and to surpass you, but now…I don’t even know if that’s what the right answer is.”
Noel Noa hummed as he thought silently. “Well I can’t say I 100% agree with everything Ego Jinpachi has done here in Blue Lock. The Wild Card path was…not my idea to begin with.” He explained. “I thought perhaps that putting someone through training to be exactly like me would not work…since everyone is different and being like me isn’t a sound ideal to go off of forever.” Noa sighed tiredly as his shoulders sagged, and Kunigami stared at him in shock. He had never thought that Noel Noa of all people disagreed with Ego’s philosophy. When he was training under the Wild Card project it certainly felt like Noa agreed with it.
Though maybe that was just Kunigami ignoring the obvious in favor of being starstruck again. “I don’t even know what my ideals are anymore. Should I continue down this path to try and become the best striker? It certainly doesn’t feel like I’m becoming the best this way…and well…” Kunigami paused, a short tightness in his throat forming as he tried to get the words out. “I feel as if I have been left behind. Like everyone else finished some test before I did, and I’m still filling in all the answers. I abandoned my old resolve because that’s what Ego told me I needed to do to advance…but was he really right in that assumption?”
“I don’t think he was.” Noa said confidently. “He…didn’t want me to have too many meetings with you while you were training. He said it would distract you from your true ‘egotism’, or something along those lines…However, now I see that in truth he just wanted to fill your head with some nonsense version of me instead of getting to know the real Noel Noa.” An annoyed look crossed the old soccer player's face as he shook his head. “In order to truly become the best, you must separate your ideals from others. A true egoist wouldn’t model their own goals after anothers. My resolve may not be your resolve, because it will not drive you in the way it drives me. Do you understand?”
Kunigami nodded slowly, he understood all too well. The feeling that he had been shoving down over and over that Chigiri forced to the surface was finally revealed. He didn’t want to be Noel Noa. He wanted to be his own hero, someone who was different from the ones he always looked up to as a child. The biting loneliness that he had felt throughout his training and his time returning to Blue Lock was nothing more than proof that he had chosen the wrong answer to his problem.
“I…get what you mean, sir. Thank you.” A short alarm rang out through the halls, alerting the guests in the facility that their time in the training room was up.
“Hm, looks like we spent too long out in the halls…we can finish training tomorrow.” Noa patted his shoulder lightly, and gave him a rare smile that was unbecoming of the old man. “The next time you feel bogged down with your own thoughts, remember our talk here Kunigami.” He quickly left to gather the rest of the players on the field and ushered them all to the shower rooms. Kunigami didn’t head there though. His feet moved in the opposite direction, towards the viewing room that was usually empty around this time save for the one person he knew used it regularly.
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Chigiri had been sitting in the dark viewing room for about an hour when the alarm rang and he knew his time was cut short. Soon, he’d have to meet up with the others and slip back in with the rest of the group. He had slipped away in the midst of training to come to the viewing room, mostly because he didn’t feel like training with Kunigami that day. Chigiri had tried to practice with the team when Kunigami first returned, but the stony cold attitude and glaring had annoyed him to such an intense degree that he couldn’t bare to look him in the eye anymore.
Their argument in the hall was the first time he had ever spoken to Kunigami since his return, and it was then that he knew the old Kunigami he had grown to care for was long gone. At least he thought he was completely erased until Chigiri saw the hurt look in his eyes when he walked away from him.
As he stood up from the floor and went over to the viewing room's door, he bitterly thought about finding Kunigami to try and talk to him again. Chigiri thought, not for the first time, that he had maybe been too harsh on Kunigami that day. When he opened the door, he stepped back a little in surprise to see the tall figure of Kunigami standing there before him. Chigiri quickly adopted an annoyed face and pushed past him, but Kunigami grabbed a hold of his arm, and stopped him in his tracks.
“Wait. I wanted to talk to you.” Kunigami said, though Chigiri continued to ignore him and turned his head away from him.
“I thought you were busy sulking and glaring at anyone who comes close? What happened? Did that get boring after a while?” Chigiri scoffed and walked down the hall away from him.
“Hyouma, please. I just want to talk for a moment.” Chigiri halted instantly, and craned his head back to look at Kunigami. Finally, he turned to face Kunigami fully with crossed arms and a scowl.
“Alright then…what do you want to say to me?” Chigiri asked him.
Kunigami let go of his arm and then sighed deeply, before he began to speak again. “I’m…sorry. For the way I’ve been acting recently.” He said as he struggled to meet Chigiri’s eye. “I could probably make some lame excuse about how I had no idea what I was doing, but the truth is that…you were right. That day, when I lost in the second selection I threw away an important part of myself that I thought was worthless when it came to advancing in Blue Lock. But I needed it more than I realized. And in turn, I ended up pushing away people I really cared about. I wasn’t acting like a hero at all…” Kunigami finally managed to look up at Chigiri. “So…I’d like to start over. If you’ll let me.”
Kunigami searched Chigiri’s face with hopeful eyes for any sense of forgiveness. Chigiri still had that same scowl in the downturn of his mouth, but for a moment it flickered. With gritted teeth Chigiri glared more fiercely at Kunigami, “I may forgive you, but! You still have to apologize to Isagi and Bachira! And Nagi too! And the rest of Team Z!” He exclaimed, ignoring the small relieved smile on Kunigami’s face.
“I will.” He said. He chuckled softly as Chigiri pointed a finger directly into his chest for emphasis.
“And you have to say ‘Hyouma is right about everything’! And you have to promise you will listen to me when I say you’re doing something stupid next time!” Chigiri’s glare lessened as he stared up at Kunigami who just nodded.
“Hyouma is right about everything.” Kunigami repeated. “I promise I’ll listen the next time I do something stupid…though I hope for my sake I won’t do something this foolish again.”
After a short moment, Chigiri finally smiled at him fondly. He reached up and gently took Kunigami’s face in his hands, before placing a kiss on his cheek. “There’s my hero.” He said softly. Kunigami felt then that he had truly made the right decision this time.