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Language:
English
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Published:
2022-11-16
Completed:
2023-07-18
Words:
2,231
Chapters:
4/4
Comments:
46
Kudos:
34
Bookmarks:
4
Hits:
457

nightcore - bad boy

Summary:

sha-ming comes to a great self-discovery. will he... find love? could he... have feelings for another man?

Notes:

contains yaoi dont liek dont read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

“hey sestu” sha-ming screams

“yeag” setsu setsus

“you know how i like girls and stuff” he whimpers

“and me. youre blatantly obvious about that.” they articulate

“okay yeah whatever. can a very straight heterosexual extremely straight guy be straight and be into a man (also very straight and heterosexual) in his 80s who looks like an alien and still be straight?” he asks straightly and heterosexually

“um. i don’t think so.”

“FUCK”

“sq are you gay” sha-ming roars

“yeah i like tiddies” sq shrills

“hell yeah”

“hell yeah”

they fistbump and sha-ming leaves.

“raqio are you gay” sha-ming slimes

“i’m nonbinary” raqio creaches

“yeah but are you gay” he titters

“yes”

“okay”

he walks away noticing that their headphones are loudly playing the hit song never gonna give you up by famous singer rick astley released in 1987

“chipie are you gay” sha-ming screeches

“bisexual, but yeah” chipie meows, doing a catboy pose :3

“what is that” sha-ming yelps

“i like multiple genders”

“oh” sha-ming gurgles

“yeah” chipie yeahs like its miiverse

“okay”

sha-ming calls shigemichi to his room and puts on his favourite song to hype himself up. nightcore - bad boy on youtube which still exists but is owned by elon musks great great great grandchild.

shige walks in “hey nice tunes bro” he thrusts

“thx bro” sha-ming grunts

“why did you call me here bro” shigemichi bleats

“oh uh i just wanted to tell you im bisexual bro” sha-ming moans

“oh thats cool bro love who you love bro. im okay with all love. regular couples, yaoi couples, yuri couples. i see no difference. love is love bro.”

“but what if. the person i love is you bro” he mewls

“bro”

“i have feeligs for u shige. your my bro forever, the only bro for me”

“bro” shiges eyes shine with anime sparkle sound effects as sakura petals fly aroudn the room

“what do you think bro”

“bro… i think i love you too.” shiggy growls

“will you be a yaoi couple together with me bro? will you be the miles edgeworth to my penis wright?” sha-ming ejaculates

“yes” shige cries happy tears “bro”

they get married and instantly get killed by gnosia and go to superhell the end.

Chapter 2: yaoi 2: electric boogaloo ft. yuri

Summary:

contains yaoi and yuri DON'T LIKE DON'T READ

Notes:

i'm so sorry for this

Chapter Text

(AN: its a new loop so they're not in superhell anymore :P)

sha-ming wears his favorite shirt and feels sexy and very heterosexual in it. he walks through the corridor very heterosexually.

"wow bro can i really?" shigemichi wails, pointing at sha-mings shirt.

sha-mings shirt says ‘sorry you had a bad day, you can touch my dick if you want’

sha-ming still feels sexy in his shirt but much less heterosexual.

"well bro... did you have a bad day?" sha-ming queries.

"what do you think? what witht the fucking gnosia and all" shige growls.

"oh yeah true" sha-ming agrees.

“so can i? consent is very important to me bro” shige moans.

“yeah you can touch it” sha-ming mewls.

they go into someone’s room (probably raqio’s) and come out a half hour later

“what. the fuck. did you two do in my room.” raqio screeches

shigemichi winks. “yeah, it was the fuck! you got it”

raqio screams until they die.

“hey main character-chan. is it just me or do both of their hands get bigger in the loops where they get together” setsu

“yeah its the yaoi hands” main character-chan sings

“the what” setsu cries

“dont worry about it” main character-chan does an anime teehee pose.

sq and gina walk into the room holding hands. shigemichi and sha-ming are holding something else.

“wow” sq squeals “real life yaoi”

she makes out passionately with gina

“wow” shigemichi hollers “real life yuri”

yuriko appears out of nowhere and explodes shigemichis penis “dont fetishize lesbians”

“but he pretty much just said the same thing as she did??” setsu setsus confusedly

“i dont care” yuriko emotes frostily

she pulls a lesbian flag out of nowhere and puts it on like a cape. “my job here is done”

“but you didnt do anything” sq cries “except for exploding shigemichis penis”

yuriko disappears but not before exploding sha-mings penis

“well bro. at least we have matching exploded penises” shigemichi grunts

“yeah bro” sha-ming moans

they both die of exploded penis disease the end

(AN: just kidding it's not the end!!!! X3)

jonas walks into the room "there's someone i'd like to introduce you to."

setsu gesures at shaming and shigemichis corpses like wtf jonas -_-

"i'd like you all to meet my fiance" jonas requests

jerma walks into the room "hey everyone it's me jerma 895!!! and this is my daughter miku"

"hello everyone it's me world famous vocaloid hatsune miku!!! they call me miku miku oo ee oo"

"woah…miku…" everyone says at the same time even sha-ming and shigemichi and raqio

"hey what about me jerma 598?? you guys will definitely pay attention to me once i let you all 'peep the horror'"

jerma lets chat aka the dqo peep the horror and everyone bursts into laughter before jonas drops dead

"no…jonas…my one true love… how could i have done this…" jerma cries and cries and cries and cries and cries

the end… or is it

(AN: it is XD)

Chapter 3: grandpa got plowed over by a seme

Summary:

shigemichi accidentally got a cylinder stuck in a mini m&ms can... can sha-ming save his cylinder before it's too late????

Notes:

YAOI YURI DONT LIKE DOMT READ!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter Text

sha-ming hears yelling from his best bro guy friend’s room which he is only standing next to for very heterosexual not gay reasons

 

“whats up bro”

 

shigemichi opens the door so sha-ming ca only see his head (the top one) “uhh hi bro not much wbu”

 

“same just the whole gnosia threat y’know. why were u yelling”

 

“oh yeah i have a question. if you got a cylinder stuck in a mini m&m tube filled with butter and mashed banana what would you do?”

 

“cylinder? like my dick?”

“no a cylinder. how would you hypothetically remove the hypothetical cylinder from the hypothetical m&m tube filled with hypothetical buttery mashed banana”

 

“your dick. your hypothetical dick from the hypothetical m&m tube.”

 

“no. my average sized cylinder .”

 

“gotcha bro. i can help you get ur cylinder out though. im an expert at getting my cylinder unstuck from things, trust me bro”

 

“i trust u bro” shigemichi clasps sha-mings hand between his own. they look into each others eyes and have an anime moment. their hands quadruple in size. the yaoi hands strike again.

 

sha-ming uses his newly yaoified hands to help shige get his cylinder out of the goddamn m&m tube

 

"thank you bro. now that my cylinder is free. do you want to help make sure my cylinder still works"

 

"sure"

 

they take an hour to fully test that everything still works .

 

they leave the room and see comet next to a raqio. no, sorry. a radio. easy mistake. the raqio - RADIO is playing a special holiday song, perfect for the time of year, and comet is loudly singing along

 

"grandpa got plowed over by a seme, found a guy on craigslist christmas eve. you can say there's no such thing as ukes…"

 

hatsune miku runs up at mach speed, stands next to comet, and belts out the next line "but after seeing grandpa i believe!"

 

they link arms and continue singing until the song is done. miku turns to comet with massive amounts of sparkles in her eyes. she probably poured a tub of glitter in her eyes tbh. "wow! i've never met anyone else who loves that song as much as i do. thats my favourite song in the whole world!"

 

"m m me t too" comment stammers "its my fave song ever too. can uou sign my hand? im a huge fan"

 

miku holds one of comets hands and kisses the back of it.

 

"that's a good enough autograph right? i forgor to bring a pen with me teehee"

 

comet faints.

 

"uh" shigemichi grunts "it was actually the opposite i'll have you know. this 'grandpa' is no uke"

 

sha-ming blushes "don't need to tell me twice"

 

from down the hallway setsu pounds on main character chans door. "its fucking happening again"

 

main character-chan flies out of their room and stars at the two yaoi lovers with the intensity of a cat "yeah those r yaoi hands. i diagnose them with gay gay homosexual gay"

 

"you what" sha-ming whimpers

 

"we're just heterosexual bros who have sex and kiss each other and even uh…" shiegmichi moans "h*ld h*nds sometimes"

 

main character-chan throws their hands up into the air exasperatedly "you H*LD H*NDS?? of course that's why you have yaoi hand disease now."

 

"but…" shigemichi holds up one of sha-mings disturbingly oversized hands in one of his own grotesque collection of digits "it was these very hands that rescued my cylinder. how could there be anything wrong with something so beautiful?" he kisses sha-mings hand, which then gains a mouth and kisses him back. his hand also grows a mouth and he kisses sha-mings face mouth with his hand mouth.

 

"late stage yaoi hand disease" dr. main character-chan elaborates "they will make out until they die"

 

they make out until they die. the end.

Chapter 4: the yaoi hand curse....

Summary:

contains yaoi and yuri donnt like dont read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter Text

“hey main character chan” setsu questions “what the hell is going on with sha-ming and shiegmcihi”

“i had heard of this before but i am afraid it is happening for real. the yaoi hands curse” main character chan says dejectedly with a :( face

“the what”

“yeah”

“you said in another loop they had yaoi hand disease. is that the same thing”

“no >:(”

“okay :/”

“yaoi hand disease is a result of the yaoi hand curse in this scenario. the balance between yaoi and yuri is becoming unstable. have you noticed? sq and gina are becoming less gay in each loop i experience”

“you’re right. in my last loop they were just gal pals. so there’s too much yaoi and not eniugh yuri?”

“yeah”

“so what can we do about it”

“see, i know a lot about the problem but not how to fix it. maybe try to increase the lesbianism between sq and gina. thats all i got”

“sounds about right”

“objection” yuriko appears, pointing at them like penis wright from hit video game penis wright ace attoenry “and thats where youd be wrong”

“yuriko????”

“i have something to tell you losers. i am actually the goddess of yuri. i know how to fix this”

“goddess of yuri…?”

“your right about sq and gina, but that alone is not enough to fix the yaoi yuri imbalance. the high yaoi levels are emanating almost solely from shigemichi and shaming. look.”

she gestures around them. there are many sigemichis and sha-mings around them. sha-ming coming out to shigemichi. their first kiss. shigemichi and sha-ming being sent to superhell. sha-ming sha-ming helping shigwmichi get his cylinder out of a m&ms can. shigemichi testing that his cylinder still works.

“oh shit yeah”

“also” yuriko postulates “have you not fucking noticed. gina isnt even fucking here” she points at rico the girl astronaut from hentai milf quiz 3. “we just have gina from wish”

“oh fuck. yoyre so right”

“cant we just try to get her together with sq instead. that’’l increase the yuri power anyway won’t it?” setsu setsus

“good enough to me. what does our goddess of yuri think.”

“theres a lot that i think. one of those things is that your plan is fucking garbage. setsu, come with me” she extends a hand out to setsu

setsu takes her hand and the two teleport away

“well. what now.” main character chan grumbles glaring at both rico and the source of the yaoi hand curse

“uhh so what did you need me for” setsu questions

“i have a plan. setsu, do you know whats stronger than girl yuri?”

“no?”

“nonbinary yuri. and do you know whats stronger than nonbinary yuri?”

“no??”

“polyamorous nonbinary yuri. do you see my vision setsu”

“i dont think so???”

yuriko sighs “you probably dont know this but i am nonbinary. you probably do know this but raqio is nonbinary. you definitely know this but you are nonbinary”

setsu blushes “o-oh. i see”

“and? what do you think?”

“i think… it might be a good idea”

setsu looks up and sees that the place yuriko has teleported them too is raqio’s room which is thankfully free of shigeming, yaoi hands, and other such stuff this time. however, what is there is raqio themself. they stare at setsu and yuriko, red as a tomato.

“you what. HOW did you even GET HERE???”

yuriko smiles smugly like :3

“uhhhhh. what do you think raqio” setsu queries

“i. well. i already had my suspicions about the yaoi problem. theres no way youll ever be able to fix this without someone as intelligent as i…” they blush even brighter to the point where part of there face is literally on fire

“RAQIOS ON FIRE????” setsu goes :O

raqio slaps themself in the face putting out the fire “im in”

they then hold hands as yellow, white, purple, and black lilies bloom everywhere on all the walls and floors and ceiling of the dqo

yuriko smirks “its working. their yaoi is no match for us”

the nonbinary yuri wins and shigeming get sent to superhell again the end