Work Text:
so the date sucked
i don’t wanna talk about it
i just want the record to reflect that that dude was a creep
also i’m coming over
i have a surprise
also also, ok to crash?
The messages roll in as Basic Tactical Engineering lets out, his last class of the day. He turns to Taz. “Is it okay if Soji spends the night?”
Taz shrugs as they stow their PADD in the pocket of their uniform. “Sure. I’m going over to Elanna’s after I change.”
Together, they exit the lecture hall and begin the long walk back to the dorms. The weather is warm and breezy and the sky a cloudless blue. Groups of cadets in uniform fill the sidewalks while others not in uniform gather around picnic tables and play sports on the quad.
Taz tucks a strand of hair behind their ear. “You know you don’t have to ask every time, right? I don’t mind when partners stay over.”
“Soji isn’t my partner.”
“Date, then.”
“We aren’t dating.”
“Oh.” Taz swivels one bright blue antenna to the left. “Are you sure? She’s over all the time.”
Elnor frowns. “I don’t understand the question.”
Taz tilts their head as their antennae curl into hooks (deep thought, Elnor reminds himself, they aren’t offended; wait for clarification). After several months on Earth, he’s gotten better at cross-species interactions. But he hasn’t stopped missing the sisters, the way he never had to guess what was going on inside their heads.
“Usually,” Taz says, “when a person spends as much time with someone as Soji does with you, it means they have a crush.”
“A crush.”
“Yeah, you know, like romantic attraction? Kissing? Sometimes sex?”
Elnor shudders. “No. That’s not how we like each other.”
Taz laughs. “Okay. Sure.”
Elnor’s shoulders tighten. “Your words say you agree with me, but your tone indicates disbelief.”
“Sorry.” Taz’s cheeks flush midnight blue. “It’s sarcasm. I keep forgetting about the absolute candor thing.” A small pause. “I just meant...maybe you should make sure Soji is just a friend. You know, in case she thinks differently. Otherwise, you might end up hurting her feelings.”
…
When they arrive at the dorm, Soji is waiting, lounging against the wall in sports clothes, hair in a falling-down ponytail.
“What’s all this?” Taz asks, surveying the potted plants, string lights, tools, and bolts of brown fabric.
Soji pushes herself upright. “A project.” She looks at Elnor. “You said you were homesick, right? Well, I can’t get you extra time on subspace comms, but I can decorate your dorm. I asked Picard for reference pics. Raffi chose the plants. Here, help me bring them inside.”
She disappears through the front door and Elnor looks at Taz, who looks back at him with antennae swiveling, an Andorian told you so.
Elnor picks up the nearest plant, a stout, bushy potted tree. “Friend.”
Taz smiles, laughs, shakes their head. Elnor sighs and steps inside.
...
Picard, Soji clarifies as she begins to transform his room, was actually zero help. Laris was the one who told her to consult Raffi, who contributed the windchimes and a few plants from her own place, along with detailed descriptions of the Qowat Milat “vibe.”
(“Why didn’t you just ask me?”
“Because I wanted it to be a surprise.”)
“We can use the fan to simulate a breeze,” she says now, standing on the desk chair to hang the final curtain. She’s draped the fabric in a way that makes the tiny room feel cozy instead of small, using spirals of string lights to wash everything in a golden glow. It’s not the same as the billowing, open-air floor plan of the Qowat Milat complex, but it is the next best thing. An Academy-flavored slice of home.
Elnor watches Soji from his seat on the floor cushions beneath his lofted bed. She adjusts a strand of lights and frowns, then adjusts them again and reaches for something else to hang.
“Do you have a crush on me?”
Soji freezes. “Um. No.” She lowers her arms, windchimes clattering. “Why?”
“Taz thinks you do. They said I should make sure we’re just friends, to avoid hurting your feelings.”
Soji steps off the chair with a thud. “Just friends. I hate that phrase. It’s so dismissive. Friends can be important too, you know.”
“I do know.”
“That was a figure of speech. I know you know.” She lays the windchimes on the desk and joins him on the floor. “I don’t think I’m going to have a crush on anyone any time soon.”
“Because of Narek?”
“Yeah. And other things.” She hooks her arms around her knees. “Agnes wants me to go on a tour of the Federation with her and some of the other synths. To foster relations with organics. Build bridges and all that stuff.”
“You don’t sound excited.”
Soji groans. “I don’t even know who I am, Elnor. How am I supposed to get other people to trust me if I can’t even trust myself?” She runs a hand through her hair and sighs. “Thanks for letting me decorate your room. But also for letting me come over all the time. It helps.”
He scoots closer so they’re sitting shoulder to shoulder, backs against the wall as they look out at the room. “You should talk to Seven.”
“No offense, but I’m sick of talking to people. I just want to exist.”
“Then you should sit with Seven. She’s very good at existing.”
Soji laughs, and a wave of warmth washes over him as he watches her face smooth into a smile. “I’ll think about it, okay?”
“Okay.”
elnor
Remember last month when you said you didn’t think you were going to get a crush on anyone for a while?
soji
yes
elnor
Have you heard of asexuality?
soji
yes
but i don’t think i’m ace
like
i think it’s trauma
for me personally
i like sex
and i find other people attractive
there are just a lot of layers right now
so it’s easier to not deal with this one
[…]
wait do you think you’re ace?
elnor
Yes
Also maybe aromantic
Or something
soji
❤
elnor
There are so many words
It’s hard to know which ones fit
soji
link me to the stuff you’re reading?
i wanna research with you
elnor
I don’t know how to use the little pictures, but I am sending many hearts right now
soji
in a move that surprises absolutely no one, i am spiraling
elnor
About what?
soji
sexuality
like
do i like people because i’m programmed to like people or because i like people
elnor
It’s very early in the morning and I have a test soon
Perhaps we can continue this conversation in a few hours
soji
shit
i forgot the time difference
this tour schedule has me fucked
elnor
I miss you ☹
soji
i miss you too
we’ll be back in the sol system next month
we should hang out
elnor
Yes please
Can we cuddle?
soji
always
you give the best cuddles
elnor
🥰
soji
good luck on your test
i’m going to go have floor time
elnor
Floor time?
soji
*lying on the ground staring at the ceiling while i process thoughts and feelings
agnes taught me
it’s great
It’s Soji’s idea to use La Sirena’s holodeck for kitten therapy, but it’s Elnor’s to open the doors and let forty-seven holographic cats spill out into the ship’s cargo hold.
“This is getting out of hand,” Seven sighs, stepping out of the holodeck and planting her hands on her hips. “He’s going to overload the holographic projection system.”
Soji shrugs. “You can turn them off.”
“And ruin his day? Raffi would never forgive me.”
Soji bites back a laugh.
“You’ve got thirty minutes!” Seven calls as Elnor sprints past in pursuit of an enormous Maine coon. “After that I’m shutting them off.” She sighs and rescues her thigh holster from an orange tabby cat’s claws, then carries it and the kitten up to the bridge, Soji trailing behind. Once there, she slings the holster across a console and sits in the captain’s chair. “All right,” she says, planting the kitten on her lap. “Spill.”
“Spill?”
“You’ve been looking at me sideways for the past half hour. I’m giving you permission to ask whatever it is you’ve been debating is appropriate to ask.”
Soji looks down and fiddles with the edge of a darkened console. “It’s about your ex. The one you ran into on Freecloud.”
“Okay.”
She looks up. “That doesn’t bother you?”
“Can’t until I hear the question. I’ll draw a line if I need to.”
Soji crosses her arms and leans against the console. “Did you feel broken after it happened? Like you couldn’t connect with people the same way because of what she did?”
“Yes.”
“How long did it take to go away?”
“It hasn’t,” Seven says. “Not completely. But if you’re asking about the immediate aftermath, that took about a year.”
“Great.” She bites her lip and looks over Seven’s shoulder, across the ship and back to Elnor sprawled on the transporter pad, cats milling around him as he hoists another in the air. “Sometimes I wish I were more like him,” she says. “Like, I wish I just knew.”
“Knew what?”
“Myself. Who I am, who I like, how I love. What I want to do. Not whatever I’m programmed to do.”
“Is there a reason why who you are can’t coexist with who you’re programmed to be?”
Soji looks at her, hard. Seven returns the look unruffled, and Soji remembers what Elnor said about Seven being good at just existing.
Seven leans back in her seat. “You know where I’m from, right?”
“I mean, yeah.”
“Not the Borg, though that’s true too. I meant Voyager.”
Soji scoffs and looks away. “If you’re going to give me the it’s possible to exceed your programming speech, don’t bother. I’ve gotten that from three different therapists.” And every time she’d gotten up and left the room.
“I’m not talking about the Doctor. I’m talking about how I went from being a drone to being a blank slate that everyone thought they had the right to draw all over and how fucking confusing it was to figure out how to be a person in the middle of all that. You think Janeway raised me to be a Fenris Ranger? She and half the crew had their hearts set on me becoming a Starfleet officer.”
“But you didn’t want that.”
Seven shakes her head. “I wanted approval. Recognition. I wanted to fit in. But the things I’m good at—I’m good at them because I don’t fit in. But it took me a long-ass time to figure that out. Sometimes the best thing you can do is cut out everyone else’s noise and take as long as you need to sort through what happened. If that takes ten weeks, fine. Ten months? Fine. Ten years? Fine.” She bends to pick up a passing cat. “There’s no timeline on healing, Soji. It happens when it happens.”
It’s nothing she hasn’t been told before, and part of her wants to scream and stomp and rend the trite words in two. But the rest of her looks at Seven, looks at La Sirena, looks at Elnor in the distance with his holographic cats.
“Trauma fucking sucks,” she says.
Seven passes her the cat. Soji takes it. In the end, it’s all she can do.
elnor
terrible news
soji
oh no
who died??
elnor
no one, why?
soji
you said terrible news so my brain jumped to death
elnor
sorry
I was attempting hyperbole
soji
omg
amazing
i feel like a proud parent
*big sister
ok moment over, what’s this terrible news
elnor
I held hands with someone and it felt so nice but then they tried to kiss me
soji
OH NO
elnor
it was slimy
I do not understand the appeal of putting my mouth on another person’s mouth
soji
what did you do?
elnor
I ran away
soji
wait
like
you literally ran away
elnor
yes
it was not my best moment
I’m having floor time about it
soji
i love you so much
elnor
thank you
I love you too
taz
it has been zero (0) days since elnor accidentally propositioned someone
soji
NO
elnor
shut up (affectionate)
soji
you’re getting so good at text speak [proud_tears_face]
taz
no he is not
elnor
[rude_romulan_gesture]
taz
that means something very different to andorians
soji
of course it does
taz
he just walked into his room and sighed
soji
new emojis just dropped [klingon_nerd_face]
elnor
please do not remind me
taz has been in my room all night teaching me what not to text so that I don’t accidentally proposition someone like last time
soji
[ferengi_laugh_cry]
soji
dude
i LEARNED something today
elnor
congratulations?
soji
no
you don’t understand
i learned something i didn’t know how to do
and i was bad at it
elnor
are you excited or upset
I can’t tell
soji
excited!!
i finally found something i know i’m not programmed to do
elnor
OH
I understand now
CONGRATULATIONS
what did you learn?
soji
PAINTING
but like, a specific style
very complicated
it took me the whole trip to get it right but i can make walls look like nebulae now
it’s so cool
tangentially related: do you think raffi will let me paint her living room
Raffi sets the groceries on the counter and joins Soji and Elnor in the living room, careful not to ruck the drop cloths into wrinkles as she steps across the floor.
“This is gorgeous,” she says, surveying Soji’s progress. “I love how vibrant you’ve gotten the paint without losing the watercolor effect.”
Soji steps back and beams. “An artist on Trill taught me.”
“She’s excited because she didn’t know how to do something,” Elnor says without turning his attention away from his half of the wall.
“Ah,” Raffi says. “And am I allowed to ask what you’re working on yet?”
He flicks on his PADD’s holo function, projecting a constellation of faces and names onto the wall. Soji’s used bright blooms of red and purple to make it look like a nebula shot through with blues and golds and pinpricked with silvery stars. “It’s a web of care,” he says as Raffi steps closer. “I’m in the middle, and these are the people who are important to me, and then these are all the people that are important to them.”
“And these lines,” Raffi says, tracing the air with her index finger. “What are they?”
“They indicate the type of relationship,” Elnor says. “Romantic, platonic, biological, sexual. Some relationships have multiple connections. Others just have one.”
“The idea is to create a chart that celebrates the diversity and possibility of relationships, rather than prioritizing just one,” Soji says. “It’s actually a common practice on a lot of worlds. The Bajorans adopted a similar system in the aftermath of the Occupation.”
Raffi tilts her head as she studies the chart. “Seven said our relationship is romantic?”
“Do you disagree?”
“No. I’m just surprised she told you. She’s a very private person.”
“Elnor is very persistent,” Soji grins.
“We’ve talked about it a lot actually. She said she doesn’t know how to describe it but that romantic is an adequate substitute.”
“Substitute for what?”
“A word she hasn’t found yet.”
Raffi presses a hand to her collarbone.
“She also said it’s okay to call it romantic because you see it that way. It’s very confusing.”
Raffi laughs and pats him on the shoulder. “Welcome to the club.”
“There’s a club?”
“Not really,” Soji says. “But we should make one.”
soji
thanks for being my person
elnor
🥰