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Slade wasn't certain why he was here. Boredom, maybe? He didn't usually allow himself to be summoned like this, but that had been a requirement of the contract the League had offered.
The amount of zeros and the fact that having more knowledge on the League was always a good thing- especially with the obsession Ra's had with a certain little bird's family- had made it so Slade had shown up.
But that still hadn't prepared him for this.
"You want me to what?!" Slade asked incredulously.
Ra's frowned deeply before repeating himself. "You have successfully managed to court your beloved, despite the fact that the two of you are on opposite sides. I merely require to know how so that I may do the same."
For once, Slade was truly gobsmacked.
He'd known that Ra's had had an unhealthy obsession with Dick's younger brother, but really? Really???
(Gods, if his little bird were here and could see his face, he'd be recording this. ...If he weren't busy going for Ra's throat, that is.)
As the silence continued and it became clear that yes, Ra's had said that, and yes, he actually expected an answer, Slade sighed deeply and decided to give the man what he wanted.
(After all, if Nightwing found out, Slade could point to the fact that if Dick didn't want him to kill, Slade had to... well, entertain himself somehow, since he really did have plenty of money. The expression on Dick's face at having his attempts to turn Slade good thrown back in his face would likely be priceless. Slade literally couldn't lose.)
"Alright. Here's what you need to do."
***
"So Ra's hired me to teach him how to fuck your little brother." Slade said in explanation for his absence this week as his little bird raised his arms to wrap them around his shoulders and welcome him home.
"What." Dick asked blankly, his arms falling loose.
"Mmm. Well, court, but I imagine fucking is the end goal."
"Seriously, Slade, tell me you didn't!" Dick snapped, turning to him with the full force of his fury brewing in his eyes. "Which one." he was unable to hold back from asking a few minutes later.
"Your youngest one." Slade informed.
Dick paled. "Damian?" he asked, horrified.
"Second youngest." Slade amended quickly.
Dick's glare refreshed. "Did you just forget Damian again?"
"And you don't have to worry about it, little bird." Slade spoke over him. Yes, yes he had. He endeavored to forget about that little demon and his attachment to his lover as often as he could. (What was worse, Slade himself was starting to become fond of the little brat. It was all the time his lover was forcing them to spend together, Slade was sure of it.) "I'm fairly certain that my advice is only going to work to your brother's benefit."
Dick's eyes narrowed further.
"Slade." He said with a forced levelness. "What did you tell him?"
"Just some knowledge gained from courting my own reluctant bird." Slade said as he rolled over top of his glaring boyfriend. "One that hasn't seen fit to properly welcome me home, yet. That can't be right, can it?"
Dick huffed even as he finally finished wrapping his arms around Slade's neck.
"I know you're avoiding it, but we're talking about this later." he muttered before pulling Slade down.
Slade smiled as he went, claiming Dick's lips in a deep kiss hello.
No.
No they weren't.