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The lights were bright, almost blinding if stared at for too long. The crowd was loud, screaming and cheering constantly even when nothing was happening. He could see his opponent on the other side of the room, already in the ring, jumping up and down for a couple of seconds before letting his coach slip his mouth guard in.
“So, Barnes, how do you feel today?”
Bucky looked back at the reporter and shrugged, a cocky smile on his lips, gloves tight and secure on his hands, “Well, seeing as who my opponent is I feel confident.”
The reporter raised her eyebrow at him, probably scoffing and calling him an idiot inside her head, “You’re confident you’re going to beat Steve Rogers? Also known as Captain America for keeping his winning streak in the Summer Olympics and being a military veteran?”
“I never said I was gonna beat the guy,” Bucky pointed out, nodding at her, “just that I’m confident I can get a few of my own swings in before the guy can knock me down.”
She nodded, obviously listening to the piece in her ear that told her just what to ask and how to ask it, “There’s been some recent speculation,” She started, pushing the microphone closer to him like whatever he said next was going to be a major headline- and seeing as it was a recent speculation it probably might be- “that you and Mister Rogers have started a budding friendship-”
“I wouldn’t call it a friendship,” And he wouldn’t call it recent either, but he wasn’t about to tell the tabloids every single thing about his life. But he also wouldn’t let the media scrub over what’s obviously a relationship between him and Steve. They’ve got pictures of them eating candle-lit dinners, holding hands at the park, Steve rushing to the hospital to see Bucky after Brock Rumlow used some illegal moves on him and cracked a few ribs. He wouldn’t let them do that to him or Steve when it took the both of them so long to confess, so long to come out, so long to do anything about what they knew they felt.
“What would you call it?”
Bucky shrugged, looking over at Steve, shirt already off, blue and red lined shorts loose on his hips, “He’s my сладкое сердце.” Russian tongue came easily to him when talking to reporters, he liked tripping them up.
The reporter nodded, acting like she understood, “And is that going to interfere with either of your fighting tonight? This match has been long awaited.”
He and Steve went over what would happen if they’d have to spar since the beginning of their relationship. They’d both fight like normal, going in with a clear head as if it was any other opponent. If either of them wanted to stop fighting, they would, uncaring to the fans or management. After the match neither would care who lost or who won, and if one of them did they’d talk about it in the privacy of their own home. If there were serious injuries the match would stop there and any cuts or bruises would be taken care of directly after the match. After the match they wouldn’t go out. They were to both go home to have a quiet night together. It was a fool-proof plan, and honestly, Bucky was ready for the match to be over.
“We’re both fighting like normal tonight,” He waited for the reporter to nod at him before adding, “but if there’s any serious injuries we’re gonna call it a night.”
She frowned, listening into the piece again, “And does management know about this?”
Bucky nodded, “We got it all cleared up with management, our labels, and coaches.”
The reporter opened her mouth to ask another question, probably what their fans were going to think about that, when Natasha cut her off.
“That’s all the questions Mister Barnes will be taking tonight,” She gave the reporter a smile back from her secretary days, “Any more questions can be asked at a later date, thank you.”
Bucky nodded at the reporter before following where Natasha’s hand was leading him. They stopped before the edge of the ring, Bucky took a breath.
“Are you sure you’re ready for this match?” She asked, bringing his mouth guard up to his lips.
He opened his mouth and took the guard, nodding when it was fitted between his teeth.
She looked him over and nodded, her red hair bouncing, “Try to forget he’s your boyfriend, go in thinking he’s any other opponent, forget any weakness he’s confessed to you- don’t use that against him, you know he won’t use it against you. Don’t get all doe-eyed in the middle of a round-” Bucky rolled his eyes, “And remember that even though he’s your meatball of a boyfriend, he’s also an Olympian and government trained in combat.” She knocked him up side the head with the palm of her hand, “Remember your training, don’t quit if you can keep going, got it?”
Bucky nodded, jumping in place. Natasha was a good coach, she didn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to do like his old coach would, and kept him level headed. She didn’t just watch as he trained, but trained with him and occasionally sparred with him to find his weak points. She was a spitfire, retired boxer from The Motherland, with a heart of gold and a gentle soul. He didn’t know where he’d be if he never got away from Pierce and went to her, probably laying in a ditch with a coma, he supposes.
Alexander Pierce was the worst coach Bucky ever had. He was promised more than he was given, from an Olympic medal to getting a degree from an Ivy League school while fighting, but Pierce gave him nothing. He’d set Bucky up in matches that were way above his ranking, ending up with him bleeding on the matt or tapping out due to fear and worry, he made Bucky lose on purpose for more money, he made Bucky use illegal moves so people would fear him, he made Bucky his own personal puppet, a shell of a person. Pierce was nothing but an empty promise that Bucky was too young and naive to notice until his first contract was up and he finally read the fine print.
After reading those tiny words that gave truth to the lies Pierce was spewing, Bucky went through the law system to get him off his back and in the meantime hired Natasha. He heard about her from some of the other fighters, comments here and there about her retiring and how she was a coach looking for workable talent. And ever since then he was fine- for the most part. He got everything he was promised in their contract, being able to be his own person instead of a puppet, and signing with more morally correct labels that Pierce could ever work with. But he was still scarred from what Pierce turned him into, and he didn’t think he’d ever be able to get away from that.
Natasha gave him another pat on the head, “Go get your boy.”
Bucky hopped up onto the edge of the ring and slid between the ropes. He threw a wink at Steve who blushed ever so slightly before turning towards the crowd and raising up his arms, getting louder shouts and cheering from them. Rock and roll music was thumping in his ears and the crowds cheering of his stage name made him laugh belly deep.
When Bucky signed with Pierce they created his stage name for him. They wanted his persona to be cold and calculated, they wanted him to intimidate his opponent, so they dressed him in dark colors, made him put on thick eyeliner, and called him “The Winter Soldier”. After he left Pierce, he left the persona behind, going back to his City Boy roots and finding a new name for himself.
Bucky watched as Jack Murdock joined them inside the ring, mic in hand, in a nice suit instead of his usual boxing get up. He bumped the man’s hand with his glove, choosing instead to rest his glove on the inside of Steve’s forearm when given the chance, smirking when Steve blushed.
Jack eyed the both of them and put the mic down so it wouldn’t pick up what he was saying, “Keep it clean boys, and don’t let your.. emotions get in the way of your fighting.”
Bucky nodded, speaking out a “Yes, sir.” through his mouthguard, wanting to blush because Jack, Battlin’ Jack, knew they were so far gone on each other that this match shouldn’t be happening.
He heard Steve echoing his words, voice sounding as far off as the thoughts of fighting Steve did in his head.
Jack nodded and cleared his throat, picking the mic up, “Introducing our judges, former heavyweight champion, Nick Fury, knockout champion, Tony Stark, and two time Olympic winning boxer, Maria Hill!” The crowed cheered as each judge stood up and gave a polite wave- except for Stark who threw up peace signs and blew kisses to the crowd.
Jack let the crowd calm down from their cheering, suspense filling the arena from both the crowd and boxers, “Four boxing rounds scheduled and.. Introducing first,” Jack started, smiling as the crowd started yelling and cheering louder,”From the blue corner, in American flag shorts, weighing in at 240 pounds, from Brooklyn, New York, United States Army veteran, 22 wins, 6 of them being by way knock out, and only 3 defeats, he is the man with a plan, he is the only man in the WBA with a purple heart, the reigning champion of Olympic boxing five years in a row, he is, Steve “Captain America” Rogers!”
The crowd went crazy for Steve, who smiled through his mouth guard and waved one blue glove in the air, and Bucky wanted to kiss that bashful look off his face because Steve was so good and did so much but he was too humble to take any gratification from anyone.
Jack waited until the crowd stopped screaming so much and pointed to Bucky, “Introducing second, in the red corner, in blue shorts with grey trim, weighing in at 210 pounds, also from Brooklyn, New York,” Jack laughed along with the crowd, “ranked by many as one of the best up and comings since Steve Rogers himself, with 30 wins, 15 of them by way of knockout, formally known as “The Winter Soldier”, he is, Bucky “Brooklyn Beatdown” Barnes!”
Bucky waved to the crowd, jumping up and down as he did, he nodded to Natasha who was watching him coolly from the outside of the ring, then turned back to Steve and winked. He calmed down after a minute or so, facing Steve, instead, with a smile on his face.
He watched Jack exit the ring, and a referee come in, standing between him and Steve, “You know the rules,” he said, “obey my instructions at all times, protect yourself at all times, go to your corners, wait for the bell, now touch gloves.”
Bucky looked up at Steve, nervousness now fluttering in his chests. He told himself after touching Steve’s glove he wouldn’t think about their relationship anymore, just about the match. He pressed his glove to Steve’s lingering for a second before the referee pushed them apart.
He went to his corner and breathed in and out looking at Natasha who nodded to him and gave his ankle a pat, “You can do this, and remember you can tap out at any time.” He nodded, grateful for the option, then turned to face Steve, both of them bouncing on their toes.
Bucky heard the bell ring, signaling the start of the match, and went for it. He let himself drown out the crowd and slip into the Soldier’s persona- even though he left Pierce, that doesn’t mean he left his fighting style behind.
He met his opponent in the middle of the ring, both of them hopping back and forth for a couple of seconds before Bucky threw it all to hell and made his first move. He lunged forward, letting a glove fly, then moved back when he didn’t hit the opponent. They bounced around the ring some more, Bucky realized a fraction too late when his opponent cornered him. He shifted his weight, moving left then to the right on his toes before he moved forward and threw a punch at his opponent, smirking when it landed, the contact between his glove and the opponent’s skin roaring his head.
The smirk fell off his face when his opponent brought an arm around him, forcing him to move to the other side of the ring. By some grace of God he got out of the opponent’s hold, letting his gloves rest in front of his face, ready to defend himself. The opponent let his gloves fly and Bucky brought his own up again, trying to defend his face when- yet again, goddammit- the opponent got him against the ropes.
Bucky kept his fists up, not expecting his opponent to go for his stomach. He held back a groan as the opponent’s punches landed, not wanting to let his opponent think he was weak. He tried to edge away from his opponent, get himself back in the middle of the ring instead of against the ropes, but his opponent wasn’t letting him. He kept throwing jabs and punches even as Bucky moved towards the corner, hitting glove to skin every so often, he knew his opponent was trying to get him fully cornered, and he wasn’t about to take that, wasn’t about to fail. Bucky pushed himself away from the ropes, punching the opponent wherever he could, and moving him with the tops of his gloves. Somehow he was able to slip out of the tight corner and moved back into the center of the ring, he could almost laugh with giddiness.
They kept with defensive positions for a few seconds, his opponent holding his gloves low- not caring for his face- and Bucky keeping them high. Bucky threw the next punch, trying to catch his opponent off guard but failing when the opponent found an open spot and punched him on the jaw. He felt his teeth hit together even with the mouthguard, and lost his balance for a second, accidentally letting his opponent hit him again but on the side of the face. He shook off the ringing in his ear, and tried to punch the opponent in the stomach, getting in a gut shot that sent the opponent stumbling back.
He lunged for his opponent, not letting him take any time to recover, and got him in a corner. He threw as many punches as he could, not caring where they went as long as they landed. He didn’t know how long he was doing that until his opponent finally pushed him back, using one arm to defend his face and the other to punch Bucky in the stomach, pushing him away with a wave force.
They ended up in the center of the ring again, circling, and occasionally throwing a few punches, but mostly keeping a defensive position, when the bell rang sounding the end of round one.
Bucky stumbled back to his side of the ring, sitting down in the fold out chair they set him up with, letting his head loll back onto the ropes. He didn’t realize how winded he was from the first three minutes until he sat down, places along his stomach aching with bruises, and his jaw already swelling from the hard throw his opponent- Steve landed. He felt sick, thinking about how easily he slipped back into being The Soldier again, and seeing the bruises form on Steve’s body, the injuries he put there by his own will. He wished he could roll out of the ring and curl up somewhere, he thought this match was going to be fun- he and Steve prepared themselves for it- but in reality it’s making him feel like a monster.
“How’re you doing, Barnes?”
Bucky raised an eyebrow at Natasha, he let one of the crew take out his mouthguard, nodding for a drink of water and letting the medic tend to him. Bucky swished the water around his mouth, jaw not liking it too much, and thought about his reply. He kept his eyes on Steve whose ivory skin was already purple and red with bruises and shook his head, “‘m not sure I can go into the next round.”
“Why?” Natasha crouched in front of him, a frown on her face, her voice genuinely concerned. Nothing like Pierce who would have told him to suck it up and fight.
Bucky shrugged and kept looking at Steve, “When I’m in the ring I’m not myself, yeah I love it and it’s fun, but I’m him again. I’m that guy that Pierced trained, the guy who doesn’t let their opponents catch their breath and goes in for the kill. I thought.. I thought it would be different since it’s Steve I’m fighting, but it’s not.” He shook his head and looked down at his gloved fist, “I’ll keep fighting if you want me to, but after this fight I’m not doing anymore with Steve. I can’t- I can’t hurt him like that.”
“Do you want to stop?”
Bucky looked up at Natasha, “Please.” He knew Steve wouldn’t be upset with him for it- hell, he’d probably be proud because Bucky’s finally making a decision for himself. He knew his fans and the people betting money on him would be furious because this round would go to Steve due to him being the one that technically tapped out. But he didn’t care, he just wanted to shower in he and Steve’s apartment, maybe eat something, then lay in bed forever- preferably doing all these things with Steve, but he was all for passing out in the car sans shower and food.
Natasha patted his shoulder, calling over both the referee and Steve’s coach to their corner. Steve, of course, followed his coach with a little dip between his eyebrows and a worried look in his eyes. Bucky watched as Natasha waited for everyone to get to his corner of the ring- the referee crossing his arms over his chest, Sam- Steve’s coach- looking cool and collected in front of Natasha, and Steve coming by his side with a protective air to him.
“Mister Barnes has forfeited the match,” She started, raising a hand when the referee tried to talk them out of it, “this is final. Mister Rogers wins the round and if any officials have issues they can contact me directly.”
Bucky ignored the referee’s replies for leaning against Steve, “Sorry, Stevie, I just couldn’t do it.”
Steve knelt down, his gloves already off and on the floor, just bandages covering his hands. He took Bucky’s face in his hands, the bandages warm and rough against his skin, “Don’t apologize, Buck, I know how you felt out there. Hurting you-” he shook his head, “- I know it’s just a game, that we’re not really hurting each other, but I didn’t like it either. I don’t like it. I just didn’t have enough guts to say anything.”
Bucky nodded silently, watching Jack come back into the ring and over to him.
“You sure about this, son?”
“Yeah,” Bucky said, not meeting his eyes, “‘m sure.”
Jack hesitated before placing his hand on Bucky’s shoulder, “Don’t let what that asshole Pierce made you do define who you are, got that?”
Bucky looked up at Jack, studying his face before nodding, “Yes, sir.” A sour taste filled his mouth when he replied, old wounds and thoughts spilling through his head. He remembered all the blood he was forced to shed, all the hits he was forced to take, all the things he was legally contracted to do. If not for Matt- Jack’s son- Bucky figured he’d still be forced on Pierce’s contract, willfully or not.
Jack squeezed his shoulder again before taking the mic from some employee, speaking to the crowd about the situation at hand.
“Wanna’ get outta’ here?” Bucky asked, he wanted to leave before he was booed off the stage or got some drunk’s beer bottle thrown at his head- it happened before.
Steve nodded, offering a hand and a soft smile, “Yeah, Buck, let’s go home.”
Bucky sighed as he unlocked the door to their apartment. The weight of the fight was still heavy on his shoulders and all he wanted to do was sleep, he didn’t care about showering, he didn’t care about eating, but he knew Steve would make that little ‘I’m Not Going To Say Anything But I’m Disappointed In You’ face and he hated seeing that face.
Bucky threw his duffle bag down by the door and his keys on to the little table they had next to the ‘Welcome’ mat. He smiled when he heard a small ‘meow’ come from his feet and knelt down, “Hey, Jaws.” Bucky muttered, ruffling her fur as she butted her head into his hand. He looked up when he felt an a hand on his shoulder and gave Steve a small smile, “What’s up?”
“I’m gonna’ start a shower, you can join me if you want.”
Bucky nodded, still petting Jaws, “Okay, I’ll be there in a few.” He watched Steve nodd, drop his bag on top of Bucky’s, and walk towards their ensuite- running a hand through Bucky’s hair as he went.
Bucky let himself fall back onto his butt and pulled the cat into his lap, petting her soft fur, muttering praises each time she purred loudly. Bucky heard the shower turn on from where he was sitting and sighed into Jaws’ fur, “‘Gotta go and talk to your other dad,” He held her up to his face, snorting when she placed a cold paw on his nose, like she was telling him to get on with it. Bucky pushed himself up from the floor and cradled the cat to his chest, he let her squirm until she got comfortable then made his way to he and Steve’s bedroom.
The door to their bathroom was open, illuminating the dark room, puffs of steam seeping through the door. He could hear Steve already in the shower, the water raining down on skin and tile unevenly, the sound of soap bottles opening and closing. Bucky set Jaws on their bed, knowing fully that when he came back she wouldn’t be there, and moved into the bathroom.
He slowly stripped off his clothes. Throwing each article, along with his shoes, into the corner with Steve’s, before stepping into the shower.
Bucky admired Steve’s body for a moment- the way soap slipped down his muscular back, the perfect curve of his ass, how taut the muscles from his thighs down were- before moving up against Steve’s body. He pulled him into his chest, stepping into the spray himself, and rested his forehead against the back of Steve’s neck.
It wasn’t something sexual, he didn’t want anything to go farther than just this, he just wanted the intimacy. And Steve knew that, Steve could read him better than anyone he’s ever known, so he let him relish in it. They stayed like that for a while. Bucky up against Steve’s back, Steve’s hands resting on his arms where they were wrapped around his chest, fully silent except for their breathing and the shower water, until Steve broke the silence.
“Let me wash your back?” He asked, his voice still soft in the vast silence of the bathroom.
Bucky nodded, unhooking his arms from Steve’s chest and trading places with the other man. He closed his eyes against the spray, letting it fully wash away the day’s sweat and grime, cutting off one of his senses so he could fully relax. Bucky sighed in content when Steve slowly lathered his body with soap, the mint scent filling his nose, and Steve’s hands making the coiled muscles in his back loosen.
“You did good today, Buck,” Steve started, moving the sponge along his neck now, “don’t let what your fans or the media say begrudge that.”
“I just wish I could have given both you and the fans that fight, though.” He murmured, exhaustion rolling over him in waves, “I know you were excited about it.”
Steve hummed, giving his bruised knuckles attention, “I’d rather have you safe and comfortable, Buck, that goes precedent over everything else. Besides, I wasn’t entirely on board with fighting you if you remember”
Bucky remembered what Steve said after that first round and nodded, “I know,” he repeated, letting more of his weight rest against the other man, “I just wish what that bastard did to me didn’t mess with my head as much. It sucks, ya’ know?”
“I know,” Steve said softly, kissing the side of his neck, “But you’re getting better. You weren’t afraid to hit me, you lasted a whole round, you tapped out because you wanted to, not because someone made you.”
Bucky listened to Steve’s words, taking them in as Steve spoke. He knew he was getting better, somehow getting over what Pierce made him do and not do. He just wished he could be that guy he was years ago, that wasn’t afraid of anyone or anything, that would have finished this fight without worrying too much about Steve. But he can’t be that cocky, self assured guy again. And he’s not the soulless machine that Pierce made, either. He’s somewhere between the two, an odd mix of fear and fearless, of stoic and caring.
But he knew a few things about this weird mix of himself that he had going on in his head: He was strong, he was smart, he had skills unlike most others, he wasn’t being controlled anymore, he had people behind him, and most of all- the shining sun in the darkness that was his life when he was still Pierce’s puppet- that he loves Steve.
And that was enough. He didn’t need a round with Steve to prove how mentally well or unwell he was, he didn’t need another win under his belt. He just needed Steve, Natasha, Jaws, and maybe even some of his other friends. But for now, with Steve slowly rubbing soap into his back and laying gentle kisses down his neck, this was all he needed.