Archive of Our Own

The mind was a sacred thing.

The gateway to one's person, where all thoughts, memories, and feelings were safely kept. Within it's confines were the experiences that had lovingly and painstakingly crafted you into yourself, and right alongside them were the weight-bearing connections that you had to others- to friends, to enemies, to strangers. To family.

Raph knew what he was about. He was "more brawns than brains", to put it bluntly. He knew he wasn't as intelligent as Donnie, or as cunning as Leo, or as creative as Mikey. He was the muscle, the rock, the tank. His areas of expertise consisted more of "smash stuff really good" and "do a really big punch" and "make sure your dumb brothers don't get themselves killed" and "smash MORE stuff really good". So yeah, he didn't consider his smarts to necessarily be a part of his appeal.

And yet, the mind was sacred.

He often thought back on that day, when the Shredder had made his return. That day when Raph had dragged his brothers out to the forest, ignored their protests as he left Dad and Draxum behind. The guilt had gnawed at him for hours on end, but then, just when he'd begun to believe that hope was lost, that he had failed, that he couldn't save them... April had reached out to him. And he'd seen her, Hamato Karai, his Gram-Gram, in all her glory. It had been a trick of the mind; a beautiful, wonderful trick. It had given him strength. Hope. That was what being a Hamato was about. Hope. An invention of the mind, a magnum opus if you will.

Now, Raph found himself clinging to it as he faded in and out of consciousness. That hope, burning in the core of his being, drove him onwards, gave him the strength to persist. Everything ached. The wound in his shoulder kept flaring up, sending pangs of hurt through his shell and plastron. It was worth it, though. Of course it was. His brothers were safe. That was all that mattered. That was all that had ever mattered, to him.

He kept calm. He braced himself, and he bore the pain, and he kept his wits about him, however little he might have. He kept his mind clear.

Sacred things were not impenetrable. Far from it, in fact.

He awoke to the feeling of flesh.

Slimy, cold and oozing, it restrained him, snaking around his body. Collections of eyes dotted the mass of skin, each one staring at him with a gaze more unsettling than the last. All four of his limbs were held back by a tendril of their own, pulling at him as he hung in the air.

Aw man, gross, ew! As soon as he processed what he was seeing, Raph couldn't help but gasp in horror. Then, just as quickly, he began his struggle. He fought against the grasp of the tendrils, trying to twist his body so he could get enough leverage to break free. All that greeted him was a spike of red hot pain, shooting through his shell and arm, making him seize up. He grit his teeth. Then tried again. He had to get out of here. He had to find his brothers. He had to make sure they were alright, that they hadn't been hurt by-

Speak of the devil.

The first Kraang to enter was the mid-sized one of the trio, the one that had been called 'sister'. The one who had been so eager to attack him and his family. "Oooh, look at it!" She said as she scurried along the tendrils towards him, eyes alight with an excited repulsion. Raph grimaced while she wrapped one of her tentacles around his head, viscous tissue pressing against his face. She moved to his other side, stepping on his injured shell in the process. He bit back a groan. "Disgusting," the Kraang sneered.

Raph sucked in a breath, and scowled back up at her with an abhorrence just as strong. "Try lookin' in a mirror."

"Ugh, it's talking at me!" She frowned, and the tentacle pushed again, twisting his neck at an odd angle. She circled back around, covering his whole jaw with the fleshy limb. Luckily, Raph had closed his mouth just in time to not get it full of Kraang mucus. The sister grinned maniacally, leaning towards him. "I'm going to rip out it's tongue."

Raph stiffened, heart pounding in his chest. This one seemed the most violent of the three. Just his luck that she was the one who he was dealing with. He'd never had his tongue ripped out before, but he couldn't imagine it would be fun.

"Forgive my sister," a voice across the room spoke. Both of the other Kraang looked up, then leapt downwards into a bowing position. Raph took this as an opportunity to struggle again, this time trying to loosen the tendrils by moving his arms back and forth. It was to no avail, but at least the agony was getting less worse, thanks to his entire body slowly going numb. What was that thing Mikey kept telling them to do? See the bright side of things?

"She's got a bit of a temper," the tallest Kraang said as he came into view. He was the leader, it seemed, the one who exited the portal first. The one who had nearly-

The tendrils around Raph's legs suddenly dragged him downwards. Those around his arms yanked at him before they eventually followed, part of them shifting their weight to his wounded shoulder. Nope. Shit, ow, body not completely numb yet that was for sure! He was planted onto the floor, where he slumped over backwards, putting even more pressure on his damaged shell. Raph grunted in pain, then forced himself upright, facing the Kraang. He closed his eyes for a moment. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. He could do this. He could- He had to do this. Focus. A clear mind.

"And being in prison for a thousand years hasn't done her any favors." The Kraang tutted, looking him over in curiosity. "You're not human... What are you?" He lifted Raph's chin with one tentacle, examining him like he was some circus oddity.

Raph glared, mustering up all the courage he had (which, in the end, turned out to be quite a lot). "Let me go and I'll show you," he snarled. Having said that, he lunged forwards with a shout, pulling against his restraints. His body burned in protest, but frankly, he didn't give a shit. This thing had threatened his city, his people, his world, his family. They'd stolen his and his brother's powers, they'd seriously injured Dad, they could've killed Leo.

Raph looked into the Kraang's eyes with a hatred he did not yet know himself capable of.

The Kraang recoiled only slightly, observing the mutant's furious and labored breathing. "Hm. You're more powerful than the people of this planet... yet you defend them. Why?"

"It's my duty." Raph said with unwavering certainty. His responsibility to the world and those he loved was the most irrefutable thing he knew. The highest of truths. He would fulfill it to his last breath.

The Kraang simply chuckled. "A word used by the weak. Many planets before yours have spoken of duty. They too have been consumed by the Kraang." He smiled, and began to stride in the other direction. "And now our glorious crusade continues, to restore the natural order of things. The strong will devour the weak."

"Last I checked, we weren't the ones locked in a prison dimension for a thousand years," Raph deadpanned. ...These guys weren't so scary, if he considered that they'd been beaten before. He trusted his family. He knew that, even against all odds, they had the power to defeat these bozos. Just like they had with The Shredder. Mystic powers or not, the Kraang didn't know what they had coming to them. He smirked. "That's called trash talk."

That seemed to get a rise out of the alien. He turned back towards Raph, glaring. "A rare misstep. Once I retrieve the key from your comrades, I will bring forth the mighty Technodrome, and you will witness the TRUE power of the Kraang. Now!" He stepped forward. "Where have they taken my key?!"

The sister Kraang sauntered up, grinning at Raph. "It won't tell you anything. Let me kill it."

With that, she swung one razor sharp tendril towards their prisoner, close enough to nearly slice his neck right open. Raph recoiled, eyes wide and carefully locked onto the threatening appendage, until it was lowered away from him.

Despite having just been mere inches away from death, Raph found that nearly all of his usual anxiety was missing in action. Must have been the sheer adrenaline and rage coursing through his veins, or something. "Lady brain face here's right. I'm not tellin' you jack!" He didn't have the sense to realize that the best course of action probably wasn't to agree with the person that had just suggested murdering him. Oh, sure, sue him, he wasn't at peak mental performance right now!

Didn't matter. Didn't matter what they did to him, he wouldn't tell them where his family was. They could interrogate and threaten him all they wanted, they could torture him or hurt him further for all he cared. He still wouldn't tell them anything. Not a single word. He would never, NEVER, let these things get to any one of them, not on his watch. That was final.

(This was it, wasn't it? They'd kill him for defying them. He was going to die. There was no time to process this.)

Again, the Kraang laughed, but this time he descended into more of a cackle. Raph felt his stomach drop. "You don't have to tell me," The Kraang purred. He loomed over the mutant, eyes sparkling with cruel delight. "I'll look for myself."

Sacred things were often objects of desecration. You strike the animal in it's heart, and it will die. You strike the animal in it's mind and-

Raph shouted as the Kraang pounced on him, an earsplitting shriek resonating within his skull. He tried to escape the alien's grasp, but they had him pinned, like a lamb to the slaughter. Futilely, he kicked his legs, but they found no purchase, no method of freedom, there was only this, there was only submission, there was only-

Anguish. That was the one word that could come even close to describing it. His shouting turned to screaming. The slippery tendrils of the Kraang clutched at his face, creeping into the folds of his mask. He found himself powerless to stop the intrusion as it reached his eyes, and began to sink it's way into his retinas. It filled his entire head with a writhing, pulsating pressure, a foreign heartbeat overtaking his own. He felt like he was going to crack into pieces any second now, like someone was trying to crush his skull into smithereens. He tried to close his eyes, but found that he had no control of them as they were pried open.

And deeper still. From his eyes, they went inside his mind. His place of refuge, his dear and precious memories; what was once kept safely guarded, now was exposed to whatever attacks might come. He remembered sitting on the rooftops, looking down at the street, just taking in the night air. He remembered sneaking out of a sewer grate with his brothers when they were young, shushing them so they wouldn't wake Dad. He remembered standing around the table in their living room, watching Donnie showcase his latest tech on the projector there. He remembered the feeling of a scraped knee from a skating accident, the aroma of freshly made pizza wafting in from the kitchen, the muffled sounds of the TV (Scorpion Treadmill, yet again). He remembered coming out of the wreckage of the old, and working damn hard to build the new. Together. Home. His home.

"Ghk- Aagh-!" Raph twitched. He choked and gagged, unable to speak, unable to scream, unable to do anything but toil in this new shade of agony. His kicking and struggling slowly came to a stop. He hung there limply, broken.

"There it is."

It was over. The Kraang removed the tendrils from him, sliding them out of his mask. Raph's whole body shuddered, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. He gasped for air, and for a horrible second he thought he was suffocating.

"They always do it the hard way."

Raph grit his teeth and balled his hands into fists. He kept himself still for the time being. He couldn't let them see him be weak, because they'd smell it like wolves, and then they'd kill him for sure. From the blurry corners of his vision, he saw the trio of Kraang turn away. They each slithered out of the holding area, leaving him on his own. He waited another couple of seconds-

Before he crumbled entirely.

The arm restraints were the only things that kept him from fully falling onto the floor. Raph drew in a breath, and his entire body shook when he exhaled. He grimaced, closing his eyes. It still felt like something was inside them. He blinked, again and again, but the feeling wouldn't go away, it wouldn't stop. Another breath, and this time it came out as a sob. Hot tears began to roll down the sides of his mask as he curled in on himself. He just- That was... That-

He couldn't process it. All he could do was descend into heaving sobs until his chest ached and his throat burned. He could hear muffled sounds outside- screams- but he was too distraught to really listen. Everything hurt. His shoulder, his arms, his shell, his head, his eyes. Everything hurt, and he just wanted to go home, he just wanted to see his family, his brothers, make sure they were okay, and to never have to think about the feeling of something else being in his head again. He was so tired. He was so alone.

Raph didn't know how long he sat there, just crying. It felt like forever.

But it wasn't, and eventually he came to. He steadied himself, doing his best to regain his composure. To clear his mind. His head felt like it was rotting from the inside still, but he tried nonetheless. He couldn't just stay here feeling sorry for himself. Getting torture-probed or not, he still had a duty to-

To...

"No." Only now, once he he had "moved past" the immediate pain, did it really sink in. What the Kraang had wanted, what Raph had given them. "No-"

His home. The location of his family, of Dad, and April, and his baby brothers. That's what the Kraang had found inside of his mind. They- They knew where his family lived. They knew where they were all hiding. The Kraang could launch an attack on them, they were probably planning to do it right now, to catch his family off guard so they could get the upper hand- And- And he had given them the information. Not by choice, sure, but he still had. The Kraang could hurt them, they were going to hurt them- and it was Raphael's fault. He had led the enemy right to them.

And here he was. Held prisoner, while his family was in trouble because of him. They were also undoubtedly trying to form some plan to get him back this very instant, because they were stubborn and stupid and brave like that, so they'd all be off of their guard. God, sometimes Raph wished they loved him enough to stay safe for him, instead of loving him enough to run directly into danger for him. (He was one to talk.) He just wanted them to be okay. That was all. Usually, he would be out there, making sure that wish came true, protecting them as big brothers were supposed to. That wasn't an option now, obviously. All he could do was sit here, useless, betraying them all with his stupid mind, being used as bait. Alone.

...Actually. Wait a minute. Hold on. You know what? You know what?! Screw that!

Since when did Hamato Raphael sit by and wait at the sidelines while his family was in trouble? Since when did he let his family get into a tough spot without him being there to back them up? Since when did he sulk around and mope about silly stuff like being captured and also getting a little tortured? Since absolutely never in a million years, that's when!

The Kraang wanted to threaten him? They wanted to hurt his family? Well, fine. That was their choice to make, and their mistake. Because Raph was going to give them hell for it.

The mutant opened his eyes, looking down at the tendrils around his legs and arms. He was still being held down, one glob wrapped around his waist, with two others pinning his thighs and calves together as he kneeled. These ones all looked less like unbreakable chains and more like ropes, spread thinner than the restraints that had held him in the air before. Maybe the Kraang had underestimated how soon he'd be willing to fight again after going through- through that.

Experimentally, Raph tugged his arms forward. He hissed through his teeth as his shoulder flared again, the tendril there pulling right at his stab wound like a suction cup. Good grief. Okay. So there was an option, but one that really hurt, so it should probably be plan B. As for plan A....

The strand of flesh connecting his torso to the ground seemed to be the most flimsy. If he could manage to uproot it, then he'd be able to kick his legs forward. From there, he could probably snap the bonds around his legs and stand-! Perfect, now all he had to do was figure out how to actually do all that! And then probably some other stuff! This was a great plan.

"Alright." Raph shifted his lower body a bit, testing how much he could move around. Not very much, but enough to brute force it. Thankfully, he was highly skilled at brute force. "Let's do this."

Raph leaned forward slowly, dipping down as far as the arm restraints would allow him. Then, with all of his body weight, he violently lurched backwards and to the side, pulling the tendril around his waist taunt. It didn't snap. Raph huffed, scowling with determination. He readied himself again, repeating the same process, to the other side. Forwards, lurching, pulling. Failure. Again. Forwards, lurching, pulling. Failure. Again. Forwards, lurching-

"AAAGGHH-!" This time as Raph pulled back, the tendril gave way completely, almost sending him tumbling backwards. He steadied himself just in time, using his newfound freedom to pull his legs up. The restraints around his thighs and calves were no match for him, snapping with ease as he kicked.

"Yes!" Raph cried in triumph. "Haha, like a b-!"

His victory was cut short as something barreled into him, knocking the air out of his lungs. The next thing Raph knew, he was wrestling on the ground with some sort of- monster. He'd seen some messed up stuff before, but never something quite like this. The creature was mostly all upper body- or was it's upper body it's entire head? Three eyes stared back at Raph as it tried to pin him, snapping at him with a gaping mouth where it's torso should be.

Raph flipped onto his side, throwing the creature off of him. He scrambled away- hey, he was free!- and leapt back on his feet. He faced the creature, ready to fight... Only to remember he couldn't summon his sai. Raph grumbled in irritation. He'd do just fine without his weapons, sure, sai technique wasn't too difficult to adapt to hand to hand combat, but it did give him a disadvantage. And he could sure use an advantage right now.

Ask and ye shall not receive.

Suddenly, Raph felt something leap onto his back. He flailed around a bit as the other attacker clawed their way up him like a tree, heading to his shoulder. There, they began to claw at the right ridge of his shell, the exact spot where he'd been shot through by the Kraang, which was still exposed and vulnerable. It was as if they knew just how to hit him where it hurt. Raph shouted as the pain rippled again, knees buckling out from under him. "Ch- Cheap move!"

The monster just looked at him with their one huge eye, perching on him like a bird (he guessed they did sorta look like a chicken). The other monster joined them, grabbing at Raph and shoving him downwards. The mutant squirmed, but that only managed to scoot them around in a circle a bit. Usually he'd be able to take out a couple of crooks like this with no issue. Right now though, he wasn't exactly at his physical best, with his body sore and his head swimming.

"This is quite an ornery one." Great. Everyone's favorite alien freaks were back.

Raph watched as two of the Kraang entered the room, the leader and the small one who hadn't said anything so far. The leader walked up to him, expression unreadable. "A rather stubborn weed."

The turtle scoffed. "Pretty sure I'm not the invasive one here." Vocab word! He hoped Donnie would be proud. Raph glanced back at the two creatures holding him. They didn't look quite like the Kraang did, but also they were kinda similar? They were obviously working together, at least. "Who're your friends?" He asked against his better judgement.

"You haven't met them? Interesting. I would have thought you were at least somewhat acquainted with these two."

Had he met them before? He would remember if he did, right? Raph squinted at the monsters a bit harder. Now that he was looking for it, yeah, he guessed they did seem kind of familiar. They looked a little like-

Raph's eyes went wide. Bile rose in his throat. Those tattoos. That robe-like clothing. That shoulder that was actually more of a face. "F- Foot Clan guys?" He whipped back around to the Kraang. "What did you do to them?" He'd never really liked the Foot Clan guys. Actually, he actively disliked them, because they kind of totally sucked, and summoned Shredder and also the Kraang and all that jazz. But this- No one deserved whatever the hell THIS was. He wouldn't wish this on anyone. Had they done this to the whole Foot Clan? Raph immediately thought of Cassandra, the former Foot Clan member who was now a good friend of his. She had only been a kid when she'd joined. Some of the members of the Foot were just teenagers- God, Raph was gonna be sick.

"This is the beauty of the Kraang." The alien smiled fondly, proudly even. "From the drivel that is this world, we will breed something magnificent. Something truly, wholly strong. I am the evolution catalyst this planet desperately needs. I am your metamorphosis."

Raph huffed. "Do metamorphosis-es usually look like somethin' I'd find stuck to the bottom of my shoe or...?"

The Kraang rolled his eyes, then turned to his brother, gesturing to Raph with one tentacle. "Prepare this for transportation to the landing site. It's resolve will lead to a more thorough gestation being required, so we must bring it as it is. You may begin the process once our conquest of the site is complete!"

Gestation?? What the hell did that mean? It sounded gross and bad, but most things that the Kraang said and did were gross and bad, so that didn't come as much of a shock. Before he could ask, the zombified Foot Clan duo shoved him towards the aliens. Raph growled at them, more than a bit ticked off by being manhandled so much today. He wasn't used to other people moving him around, since most couldn't if they tried.

That was about to be the very least of his problems. The shorter Kraang had his tentacles pressed to the floor, deep in concentration. New tendrils sprouted out from where he touched, snaking their way towards Raph. Closer, closer, closer-

Something in him snapped. He couldn't do it. He couldn't go through that again, his face, his eyes, his mind, pulsating and ringing, constricting and squeezing everything out- Raph barreled backward, causing the larger Foot member to topple over, letting him go. The smaller shrieked, latching onto him with sharp talons, it's scythe-like hands flapping in the air in order to steady itself. Raph grabbed at it, only wincing slightly as it's arm sliced open his own. He threw the zombie off of him, then-

Then it reached him. Those horrible things, climbing up his legs. Raph tore at them as fast as possible, uprooting whatever bits of it he could get his hands on. But more kept coming, spreading like wildfires and weeds, clinging to every part of him. Suffocating. Strangling. Legs. Torso. Arms. Neck. He kept tearing, desperation his only guide. Something was ringing in his ears, and through his frenzy he couldn't tell that the sound was his own shouting. Get it off, get it off, get it off- Head. Eyes. Mind.

Raph went still. He stood there for a moment, before taking one trembling step forward... Then promptly collapsed onto the floor, unconscious yet again.

The Kraang snickered. "What a scene."

He really needed to stop passing out while in enemy custody. In his defense, Raph was pretty sure that the Kraang's weird alien goop powers had something to do with it. So far those abilities included "Go Inside Your Whole Entire Brain" and "Turn People Into Messed Up Beasts Of Some Sort", so he wouldn't be surprised if they had a "Makes You Go To Sleep At Really Inopportune Moments" power or something.

Raph blinked the blurriness out of his eyes, fighting to fully wake himself up. His head still hurt like hell. He couldn't stay sleeping though, he still had to find a way out of... Here...

Well, they weren't in the cargo barge anymore, that was for sure. He'd been brought inside of a building- a tall one. Big glass windows stretched along the walls. They were covered in goo and Kraang membrane, bathing the room in a reddish-pink light. It vaguely reminded Raph of the inside of a stomach. Eugh. That mental image wasn't reassuring in the slightest.

As for Raph himself, he was currently being lugged around by a Foot Clan Member-Turned-Monster. He was thrown over their shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and wrapped in alien gunk like a burrito. Raph grimaced, every part of him feeling sticky and slimy, courtesy of the blanket of flesh. He was beginning to understand what Donnie meant when he said some textures were evil. He took a few deep breaths, trying to banish his own urge to puke. He just needed to clear his mind.

He was met only with static. He tried to think clearly, form a plan, collect himself so he could take action- But his entire brain was buzzing, a foggy and indecipherable mush. He could barely hear himself think, let alone come up with something coherent. He'd never been a great planner- that was more Leo's wheelhouse- but it had never been this bad before. His mind had completely shut itself down, against his own volition. He guessed that was a reasonable response to getting infiltrated and tortured and all that but, man, was it inconvenient.

Alright, so, thinking his way through this was out of the picture. Fine. He'd unpack all of what the overwhelming static in his head meant later. Right now, he still had a job to do, and enemies to escape from and then kick the asses of. This was a job for Raph's specialty: Excessive Usage Of Brute Strength (Like A Boss).

Raph squirmed, rocking himself from side to side. The Kraang-ified Foot seemed to notice right away, dropping him altogether. With an unceremonious thud, Raph landed against a pillar.

Ow, okay, not part of the not-plan. Still, he wasn't being carried anymore, so that was an achievement, right?

Wrong. (Jeez, he just couldn't catch a break today, huh?)

"Good, it's been roused. Right on schedule, brother," the approaching Kraang said with a smile. He had walked out of some sort of doorway made out of the same goo that was covering most of the building. His brother followed behind him, as silent as ever. Apparently the sister still wasn't back from- Where had she gone? There was a sister one right, the third one? C'mon, brain, think-

"This location will do. They're in the tunnels still, yes?" The Kraang asked his brother, who only nodded in response. "Wonderful."

Raph blinked, head lolling to the side a bit. "Who?"

In typical pompous asshole fashion, the Kraang ignored his question completely. "Once we use this to secure the key, we may call forth the mighty Technodrome and crush this pathetic realm! All that is left is to make sure the process goes smoothly." He turned back to the mutant. Raph watched as the Kraang rose one tentacle up, reaching for him. He recoiled, but that didn't stop the Kraang from grabbing his face, cupping it thoughtfully. Raph really, really wished they would just stop touching him, like he was some doll they could just throw around willy-nilly.

Who was he kidding, though? To them, he probably was more of a doll than a person. A plaything, something they could just do anything to without consequence. They'd already tortured him. What was stopping them from killing him? Raph found that his heart was pounding again, breathing quick. He hated feeling scared. It was something he felt often. It never got easier.

"Such physical strength and natural will; it's disheartening to see it be so utterly wasted on weak ideals. Attachments to this world have poisoned you. However! Thanks to the Kraang, you will be set on a path much more suitable."

"I'm-" Raph faltered for a moment, but only a moment, "-not followin' you anywhere."

The Kraang hummed disapprovingly. He tilted to the side a bit, confused as to why anyone (anything) would refuse him. "Do you really believe you have no room to improve? To be taught?"

"Nah. Somethin' just tells me you'd be a real shitty teacher."

With a scoff, the Kraang finally let go of him. "Vulgar thing."

To be honest, at this point Raph was so out of it he wasn't really thinking about the whole "let's not piss off the supernatural crazy alien that has you captured and would not hesitate to kill you" thing. He was more in the opinion that the Kraang should fuck off.

"Said your mama," Raph responded, oh so poetically.

Now the alien just looked confused. "What?"

"Aaand you're dumb. And you suck. My little brothers s'argonna beat the shit outta you." Was the room spinning or was that just him? "I'm gonna-" Everything was too bright. Too much movement. Too many colors. He couldn't close his eyes. Whenever he did, he kept feeling them behind his eyelids. He had to keep them open. Had to stay alert. Had to stay- Had to keep- Had to- Had to-

"Your brothers?" The Kraang questioned. Raph snapped to attention. His brothers. His siblings. His family. Leo, Donnie, Mikey. April. Splinter. That was what he had to do- He had to get back to them. Had to protect them from this thing. "Is that what you call your associates?"

"They- They ain't associates. They're my family." Raph found some of that edge again, harnessing the storm of emotions swirling around in him so that he could focus his ire on the Kraang.

"Ha! You hear that brother? Family." The alien rolled his eyes. "He thinks things like him can have family."

"I-" Before Raph could respond, he was suddenly picked up again by the Kraang'ed Foot Clan guy. This time, he was being dragged, towards the center of the room. Both of the Kraang watched, looking nothing but amused.

"We'll see how your so-called 'family' holds up against a real dynasty."

Fury surged through him again, lighting every muscle in Raph's body on fire. He kicked and thrashed, his spikes slowly ripping at the bonds as he was hauled across the floor. "You touch them- You even think about hurting them and I'll make you wish ya were still in that prison-!" He snarled, voice nothing short of venomous.

The Kraang hummed, ever entertained. "Oh, don't you worry about that."

Something shifted nearby, knocking a broken pipe to the ground. Raph looked towards the sound, squinting to see what had caused it. A pair of yellow eyes stared back at him, and from there another pair, and another. Then, they began to emerge from the shadows, like beetles crawling out of the woodwork. People, humans, now each possessed by the Kraang- eyes, arms, torsos, entire bodies replaced by the parasites, living hosts and husks. They shrieked and growled like animals as they skittered across the floor.

The Foot Clan member had stopped dragging him now, setting Raph down in the middle of the commotion. The cocoon of muscle around him began to shrink away, fastening him onto the floor instead. He could feel it pulsing now, beating in a steady, rhythmic chant. It was all beginning to remind him way too much of the first time they went inside his head. Were they going to do that again? God, he hoped not. Maybe he could figure out some way to stop them. What would they even be trying to access? His family's weaknesses or something? Should he be trying to put those thoughts on lockdown right now? Would that help at all? He had to do something.

The smallest Kraang stepped forward, holding his tentacles to the ground again, sending tendrils sprawling outwards. This time, there seemed to be even more of them, going in all directions, circling and weaving, forming- Something. Something big, with dark spires that reached into the ceiling like fingers, or rather, like spider-webbing. Each of them then tilted downwards to Raph. Waiting. Expecting.

"The Kraang has no interest in crushing those imbeciles ourselves; it's simply not worth the effort."

Raph struggled again, this time managing to free his arms- only for them to be caught by newer coils of membrane on the ceiling, hoisting him upright. At this point, his confusion was beginning to morph into terror. He had no idea what was going on, what the Kraang were capable of. He'd thought he'd already seen the worst of it- getting his memories infiltrated like that- but he knew that was dangerous thinking. It was important to have hope, yes. But it was also important to be prepared for when things got worse. Raph grit his teeth and-

"So you'll be doing that for us."

And he was not prepared.

Everything in him froze. He stopped struggling, flames thoroughly extinguished and replaced by a paralyzing cold. The chill ran up his spine and through his veins, everything turning to ice in a mere instant.

"What-" Raph choked.

The Kraang provided him with no answer, letting the realization come naturally, slowly, like letting an animal bleed to death. Raph's eyes darted around the room. The spires above, beckoning and awaiting him. The way the Kraang had spoken earlier, about a process, a certain precision being required. The disfigured faces of the Foot Clan soldiers and New Yorkers staring back him, their own bodies overtaken, their minds beyond their own control. Infiltration. Infestation. "Such physical strength-"

The final twist of the knife.

Raph lurched as if he'd been stabbed in the gut. He stared blankly ahead as waves of shock and horror washed over him. He couldn't- He'd never- They couldn't just make him. They couldn't just make him do that, he'd never let them, he-

He had thought the exact same thing in regards to keeping their location a secret. And he had been wrong. So, so wrong.

He couldn't breathe. The anger and frustration and resentment had given away to sheer panic, suffocating him as he was hurled into it's icy depths. Dimly, he realized that he was hyperventilating. If he kept this up he might hurt himself, there were tricks to stopping himself from doing this. Mikey had taught him some-

Mikey.

His brothers. It was his duty, as the biggest brother (the one who was the biggest), to keep them away from harm. To make sure that, no matter what, they could handle anything that came their way. To protect them through thick and thin, no matter the consequences, no matter the tough choices that had to be made in order to do so. He was willing to do whatever it took to keep them happy, to keep them safe, to keep them alive. He'd rather die then fail any of those responsibilities (the wound in his shoulder ached). He'd rather die than see them hurt or suffering or worse. He was the oldest. This had been his task for years, his task since the moment they had been created. He'd been doing it all his life. It was hard sometimes, and it weighed on him, and every so once in a while he could feel it crushing him. But that was okay. It was to be expected, after all. Sacrifice was in the job description.

Yet here he was. Strung up like a marionette, being hoisted higher and higher, the two Kraang watching him with beady eyes, reveling in his turmoil. He was a puppet, a pawn. No, worse: A weapon. One that would be used against those he cared about the most, against those whose lives he was supposed to be protecting. Raph knew what he was about. He knew he was a strong and capable brawler, thanks to both natural ability and experience. He was good at fighting. He was good at hurting people.

You're going to kill them.

He watched as the tendrils around him started to curl forwards, connecting and stretching and creating. He was being encased. Cocooned. Metamorphosis. Raph's breath caught in his throat.

You're going to kill them.

He screamed at the top of his lungs.

"AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHH!" The cocoon had a head-start on him, already half-formed by the time he began to fight against it. He could barely move, the restraints around him tighter than ever. They dug patterns into his skin, winding muscles refusing to soften their iron grip. He snapped at them (a nasty habit from his youth, one he'd corrected painstakingly), clacking his jaw so hard it hurt, head shaking left and right. His vision was going red, either from desperate fury or from the way the tendrils around him were thinning out and expanding into a pinkish translucent bubble. He strained and ripped and lashed out at everything around him. It did nothing. It was over. It had been over the moment he'd been captured, the moment he'd seen Leo run for the key (because, by then, the decision to take that hit for him had already been made). He'd failed.

Raph, still shouting, watched as the last bit of the capsule molded into place. For a split second, his eyes met those of the Kraang leader's. The alien smiled at him and raised one tentacle to give a mocking wave.

Raph's voice died in his raw throat. With the red-tinted pod fully encasing him, the world had become muffled. He could only hear one thing- A heartbeat. One that wasn't his own. It echoed around him, going from faint to cacophonous, vibrating within every bone in his body, pulsing through every vein and muscle, burrowing itself into his mind. The beat was so deafening and overwhelming that it took him a while to realize his other plight; fluid was being cycled into the enclosed space. Thick and gelatinous, it began to surround him, making him float within the pod.

Finally, he did notice, eyes widening. He raised his chin higher, trying to keep his head above the gel, but it only kept rising. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The entire bubble had been filled now, and Raph was completely submerged with no escape. Suspended there, he felt as though he was swimming in molasses.

His lungs were starting to ache. He couldn't keep this up much longer. Were they really going to drown him here? After all that?

After everything...

Everything he'd worked so hard for, worked so hard to do, to build, to protect. It was all leaving him behind. In the dust. Alone. He hated being alone. He hated being alone.

"Anata wa hitori ja nai."

The mind was a sacred thing.

When they were younger, the sewers would flood whenever there was heavy rain. (Eventually, Donnie would implement offshoots to redirect the water, preventing the floods from reaching their home, but back then they had no such defenses.) It was a natural thing, one that they had come to expect. Splinter would gather them all up in a tizzy, and take them to the highest room in the lair (what would, one day, become Mikey's room), then seal off the door. For the next few hours, all four of the toddlers would complain about being bored and tired and hungry, until they fell asleep or the storm passed and it was safe to go outside. But as time went on, Raph began to learn more about what was happening and why it was happening. And the more he began to understand the world around him, the more he wanted to help. So when the rainy season reared it's head, Raph was there at his dad's side, ushering his brothers to safety (a responsibility that he would continue to carry indefinitely).

"Red, Blue, Purple, Orange-" Dad would count them, one by one. "Red, Blue, Purple, Orange." And, eventually, he would pass out from his frantic exhaustion, falling into a deep slumber on the hoard of pillows gathered in the corner. The amount of time it took for him to do so varied. Raph remembered one particularly short time, in which Dad had fallen asleep almost immediately, leaving the eldest to act as look-out. (Such was the unspoken agreement between them. Parenting was hard, especially when you'd had it dropped onto you in such a life-altering way. Raph didn't mind taking that role from him from time to time. Maybe he should of, but he didn't.)

But something else had gone wrong that day. Mikey, two years old and having just discovered the joys of artistic expression, had left all of his masterpieces in Splinter's T.V. room. Surely, the papers would get ruined from the rapids, all of those carefully crafted crayon creations rendered to mush. Upon this realization, the youngest burst into tears. The brothers debated what to do, but they were running out of time- The flooding would start any moment now. They needed to come to a solution quick. They needed someone to just rush in, headstrong, and save the day. Like a boss.

So Raph left the room. He opened the makeshift metal door just a smidge and slipped out of their sanctuary, making sure to shut it tightly behind him. He didn't want his brothers following after all. In case something went wrong, he was the best swimmer- second only to Donnie, but they couldn't risk injury to that soft shell of his. He was the oldest, the most responsible! It was only natural for him to take on this duty. He crept through their Lair, heading to where Mikey had left his drawings. And he found them there- safe and sound, mission accomplished!

Behind him, there was a loud creaking sound. Raph froze like a deer in the headlights. And before he knew it, a tsunami of sewer water was upon him. Raph shrieked, only getting about two steps in before the waves crashed into his small body, the force alone knocking the wind out of him. He gasped and struggled, trying to tread the water, but he didn't know which way was up, which way it was to the surface. He could only tumble along with the rapids, still holding the papers (or what was left of them) to his chest. He thought about his siblings, waiting for him, counting on him. He never should have left them. This had all happened because he went out by himself. Alone- All alone- Without his brothers, without his dad. No-one here. No-one to-

Bony paws gripped the back of his shell and heaved, laboriously dragging him out of the water. Raph kicked a bit before he realized that he was being rescued, saved from certain doom. Familiar hands clutched him to a familiar chest, keeping him there safely as his father swam. Higher and higher, he guided them, until Splinter used his tail to latch onto the top level. He swung upwards and burst inside the safe room where the others were. He slammed the door shut again with his own body weight, then kneeled down-

Raph tumbled out of his father's arms. He coughed as he spat out sewer water, lungs burning, entire body sore. He felt as though he had just been through the washing machine, which he guessed was an accurate description. He couldn't stop shaking. He felt so small, so weak, so-

Alone, alone, alone, Raph's mind repeated as he shivered. He looked down to see the ruined mush of Mikey's drawings underneath him. He reached for them with trembling hands, helplessly trying to salvage what was already gone. He had to- To-

Again, arms curled around him, his dad pulling him close, cradling him in a way that he hadn't for some time (Raph was big, he was spiky, he understood, it was okay). Splinter was just as soaked as he was, but his fur and natural body heat still came as a welcome warmth. Raph curled inwards, eyes screwed shut. He cried, feeling both guilty and a victim. Splinter just shushed him soothingly, running one hand over his head, a sign that someone else was here for him, he was with them, he wasn't... Wasn't that.

Soon, his brothers joined the hug. Mikey seemed to have forgotten about the drawings altogether, instead clinging onto Raph for dear life, crying harder than Raph himself was (it began a cycle, Raph crying more because Mikey was crying, and visa versa, but it felt good to cry sometimes). Leo and Donnie were on either side of him. Leo was muttering something about being here, about being together, everything being okay. Donnie was silent, but it was clear that he was thinking very hard about something, his forehead pressed to Raph's. Slowly, but surely, Raph felt his panic begin to die down, melting further and further away (but not gone; it would never be gone).

"My son..." Splinter said once everyone had calmed down as much as they could after such an experience. "That. Was very, very dumb. I love you very much. You are grounded."

His brain fought against him, a tug-of-war between certain death by asphyxiation or likely death by drowning. It chose likely death, because "likely" meant there was at least a chance (there's your optimism for you, Mikey). Raph, on the precipice of unconsciousness, inhaled despite himself. He felt the liquid enter, scorching his throat and lungs raw, making everything burn. It felt wrong. His brain was screaming at him now, panicking, realizing that it was trapped much later than Raph had. He struggled upon reflex, but knew it was no use, not really.

And yet. Even as he kept breathing in the strange substance, he did not drown. He sure felt like he was. He was positive that if the other heartbeat wasn't bearing down on him right now, he'd be able to hear his own terrified one loud and clear. But he remained conscious, he remained "breathing" in some way or another. He remained alive.

"Anata wa hitori ja nai."

As with most sacred things, one's mind had a tendency to surprise.

He'd lost Leo. Only their second trip topside by themselves and he'd lost Leo. He was the worst brother ever. If the guilt didn't kill him, Dad surely would. He'd trusted Raph to look out for his younger brothers and he'd failed miserably, Leo disappearing within the first fifteen minutes. He should've known this would happen, that Leo was going to wander off, probably to go look for some grand adventure, a chance to prove himself as their resident daredevil. He should've kept a better eye on him. What if he was in trouble? What if humans spotted him and captured him or hurt him? Raph tried to stop imagining his brother, lost and scared and alone, but the image was burned into his mind, only making him panic more.

Raph paced each alleyway up and down, frantically searching. Mikey and Donnie followed at his heels, Donnie firmly gripping Mikey's hand. At least they were okay, but they needed to ALL be okay. Raph couldn't lose one of them, he just couldn't. But he had, that's why they were in this mess, and he had to fix it, he had to do it, there was so much he had to do, so much he had to make sure of, so much riding on his shoulders, so much-

"Hey!" A voice rang out, and Raph shrieked. He rushed forward, holding his arms out to block Donnie and Mikey from the source of the noise. He made a pretty measly shield, shaking like a leaf, with tears and snot running down his face, but it was the thought that counted. He tried to puff himself up as a human girl approached them. She tilted her head to the side, oversized glasses threatening to fall off her face. "You guys missing someone?" she asked, then tugged her other arm forward, pulling someone else into the alleyway with her.

Leo rounded the corner, his wrist held by the girl. He seemed disgruntled by this turn of events, pouting as he was dragged around by the human. He kicked at the floor, then looked up at his brothers. "Um. Heyyyyy," he said, giving them a sheepish grin. Raph knew Leo knew he was in trouble. At least he was correct in that assumption.

Everything in Raph wanted to rush over to Leo, bring him back into his personal bubble, at his side, where he belonged. Where he never should have left in the first place, and where Raph never should have let him leave. However, he wasn't about to just approach a human like that. Dad had warned them about humans, how they didn't take too kindly to things they didn't understand, mutants included. That was why they had to stick to alleys or only nighttime ventures. Why hadn't they just left once it was dark outside?! Ugh! Raph shook his head, trying his best to not appear as freaked out as he really was. "Human! Person, lady! Give us our brother back or- or, um..."

"We'll fight cha!" Mikey piped up. He was holding one of the old nun-chucks that Dad had given them (he brought that?! Why hadn't Raph seen him bring that?!), swinging it around menacingly. "We'll kick your butt with our mad skills!" Donnie nodded along.

The human held up her hands. "Whoa, hey, it's okay man I- Are those nunchucks?" Mikey nodded proudly, and the girl smiled, eyes glimmering with awe. "That's sick! Where'd you get them, do you guys do martial arts training or something? Oh! Oh, you've got little masks and stuff too, wait, hold up. Are you guys real life ninjas?!"

Raph shifted his weight around uncomfortably. "Uh... Yeah?"

"Wow! That's awesome!" She finally let Leo's arm go as she stepped forward, holding one hand out to Raph. "You guys are totally cool. My name's April O'neil by the way! I found your blue guy tryna sneak around but he was kinda bad at it so I thought he might be lost and looks like I was right. Scooooore for April."

Raph stared down at her hand, then back up at April's face. He tried to gauge her expression, but he'd never been good at telling if people were lying. "Wait, so, you don't- You don't care about, uh. This whole situation??" He gestured to his very much mutant and very much turtle face.

April shrugged. "Well. You are kinda funny looking. But Mama says not to judge people by their looks, so I'm not judging." She looked from Raph to the others. "Are you all lost?"

"No!" Raph exclaimed at the same time Donnie deadpanned "Yes."

"Ha! You're funny too, I like you guys. We're friends now, okay? Come on, I'll help ya'll get home, I know this neighborhood, like, super good, trust me. You come here often? Probably not, I woulda seen you running around. How old are you?"

"Um. I'm eight," Raph said. He was still nervous being around a human, but April had a sort of aire to her that made things just a little less scary. He grabbed onto Leo's arm, perhaps a bit too roughly, and followed April as she led them further down the alley. "Donnie and Leo are seven. Mikey's six." He gestured to each of his brothers as he spoke.

"Pffft, babies! I'M nine and three-quarters," April bragged. Mikey made various sounds of awe. Something twisted in Raph's gut. He didn't like the idea of not being the oldest, for some reason. That was his responsibility, not anyone else's. But... He had to admit, April was doing a good job of leading them. Donnie was describing the sewer entrance to her right now, and she was nodding along, like she knew just what he was talking about. She'd only been around for about five minutes and she was already being a better older kid than Raph was. He didn't like it. He didn't need help like that, he could lead his siblings just fine- But could he? Leo had gotten lost because of him, he was only still here because of April-

"Hey, big guy?" Raph zoned back in to see April giving him a concerned look. They'd arrived at the manhole now, Leo carefully helping Mikey start to climb down (even if the former was still pouting). "Are you alright? You look out of it."

"Raph's fine," he snapped, immediately regretting the snippy tone. He sighed, gaze firmly planted on the floor as shame washed over him. "Sorry, sorry. S'just... I kinda messed this whole thing up. I was s'posed to keep everyone together but Leo got lost 'cause I wasn't looking and then you had to help us get home and..." He trailed off, feeling awkward and unsure.

A hand softly touched his shoulder. "It's alright." April gave him a warm smile, and the knot in Raph's stomach began to untwist. "I'm sure Raph's a great big brother. Everybody needs a little help sometimes s'all. So, I can be like! The big sibling to your big sibling if you need!" She grinned, and he laughed. "Two minds are better than one, right?"

And they were.

His body was trying to get him to stop. His vision had become blurry, his muscles and limbs no longer responding to him, his head full of a thick fog. Raph was drifting further and further, barely managing to keep himself awake. His brain was trying to force him into a comatose state, if only to relieve the pain. It was sure that he was drowning, it was positive, it was time to give up, time to give in, time to let the world fade to black and accept a peaceful death. This was a losing battle.

Raph was determined to fight it nonetheless.

He clung onto his own consciousness, forcing himself to stay alert. He wouldn't let himself go under. He wouldn't let them get into his head like that again. He wouldn't let them control him. He'd fight it, fight them, with everything he had. He was good at fighting. He was good at surviving, at facing things head-on. He could do this. For them, he would do anything.

"Anata wa hitori ja nai."

It was stubborn, after all.

Raph sat in the Med-Bay, sipping on the complimentary "Ouch, Yikes, Sorry You Got Beat Up" juice box that typically came with Leo's medical checkups. According to him, Raph had fractured several bones during his tussle with the larger Foot Clan guy. Something about greensticks and traverses, whatever that jargon meant. He'd kind of went crazy with the casts at first, in a hurry to treat every possible injury so they could play their new copy of Hot Soup: The Game (gee, thanks Leo, for your attentive nursing). After said game turned out to be a bust, he'd actually gone back and assessed the extent of the damage. Turned out the neck brace was a bit overkill, who could have guessed?

"Gagh-!" Raph's juice box had suddenly exploded all over him and the bed. Shoot! He hadn't been paying attention and he'd stress-bit a hole right through it. He was going to need an actual neck brace when Leo came in to see his precious Med Bay soaked in Fruit Punch. And it wasn't like Raph could get up and find himself some towels so... He guessed he'd just sit here, literally red-handed.

"Hey Raph- WHAAA!" Mikey popped his head through the screen door, and immediately jumped backwards in alarm. "OMIGOSH, YOU'RE BLEEDING ALL OVER!"

"It's just juice, Mikey," Raph said, not able to hide the disgruntled tone in his voice. He knew he shouldn't be snippy with him; this whole situation was Raph's fault for not trusting Mikey to complete his solo-mission. Still, having a mistake rubbed in your face (quite literally) would make anyone feel a little bitter, even if it was deserved. He wasn't in the mood to hear more of Mikey's justified gloating.

"Ohhh! Riiight, gotcha." Mikey relaxed, snapping his fingers as he pointed towards Raph. He then proceeded to hover there awkwardly, in a way that meant he was waiting for something. Raph sighed and pat a spot beside him on the bed, motioning for Mikey to come sit- an offer that the youngest was happy to take up, skipping over to plop himself down. Raph watched as Mikey twiddled his thumbs for a bit, eyes fixed on the floor. He was nervous about something (Mikey had always been the easiest to read out of his brothers, wearing his emotions on his sleeve, much to Raph's appreciation). Finally, he looked up. "I'm sorry you got jacked up by the Foot Clan guys."

"Eh, don't worry about it. Raph's had worse." He shrugged, the motion a bit difficult thanks to his casts. The extra weight was throwing him off. Raph chuckled sheepishly. "Just, uh. Got a bit carried away there, I guess." Angry. He got angry. The burlier one had insulted Mikey, called him a pipsqueak. He couldn't just let that slide, let someone call his baby brother names like that, especially when he knew Mikey was struggling with feeling like a baby- God, he was a hypocrite. "I'm... Sorry-" Was he? Well, he was, but could he really apologize for something he knew he'd do again? Being overprotective was his job. "-that your game turned out to be lame."

"I don't care about the game, Raph." Mikey pulled his knees to his chest, and Raph felt his heart ache to see him so downtrodden. "I mean, I do. They did Lou Jitsu SO dirty! But it's... It's more about me doing something on my own, y'know? I just- I had it. I was so close-" Mikey clenched his fists, eyes shut tight. Oh. Oh, he was actually Upset upset about this. Shit. "I had it."

Raph put one hand on Mikey's shoulder, giving him a firm pat. "Mikey. I know you did. And I'm-" He sighed. "I'm sorry for gettin' in your way. Donnie's security cams showed you fighting that Foot Clan lady and I- I couldn't let you get hurt because I wasn't there. What kind of big brother would I be if I left you hanging like that?" What kind of big brother was he for actively hindering Mikey's success? For sheltering him, for stifling him, for not letting him reach his full potential and become the ninja that everyone knew he could be?

Mikey listened carefully (he always did). Raph could see him think, see him put all the pieces together in that smart as hell brain of his. "...It seems tiring," he observed. "Doing that all the time. Looking out for me- for everyone." He met Raph's eyes again, and there was a determination there. An indomitability beyond his years, one that had always shone in Mikey like fire, one that never ceased to surprise and amaze Raph. It was bright, and it was powerful, and it scared him sometimes, to see his baby brother with that look on his face. One day that stubbornness, that immortal drive to do good, was going to come back to bite them. Raph could feel it.

"I can protect myself," Mikey insisted.

"I know you-"

"No. Just- Listen to me, okay?" Mikey said, grabbing onto the arm without the cast. Raph hesitated for a moment, before he nodded. He was listening (he should have always been listening). "I can protect myself. And if I need to, I can protect you, and Leo, and Donnie, just like you do for me. We look out for ourselves and for each other. That's what brothers are for."

"Right," Raph said simply. He wasn't sure what else there was to say.

Mikey's hand squeezed his, that fire unyielding. "Let me do this for you. I want to help you, and everyone, and I know I can. So just let me. Trust me." Raph swallowed. He stared down at his hands, deep in thought, then looked up to finally met Mikey's determined gaze.

"I'll try."

He was doing it, little by little. Keeping himself afloat just above the surface of sleep. He breathed in, out, doing his best to focus on the familiar repetition, and not the way his lungs were filling from the inside. He couldn't feel his own body very well, his senses having abandoned him, but it was strangely peaceful that way.

Although the whole "Hamato Clan tradition" thing hadn't worked out for them, Raph still enjoyed meditation from time to time. It made him relaxed, made all the anxiety buzzing around inside of him just a little quieter. Made the weights feel just a little less crushing. He held onto that feeling steadfast. Distantly, he could sense something else- some disturbance- but he blocked it out, not wanting to shatter the buoy of calm he had found.

"Anata wa hitori ja nai."

And even if desecrated, sacred things often refuse to die.

It was 4 a.m. and the lights to Donnie's new lab were still on. Raph could see them from his own bedroom. In a stroke of genius, he had chosen this spot specifically so he could keep an eye on that light, make sure their resident workaholic was getting his shut-eye. As expected, he wasn't. He hadn't been for the past week. Raph would cut him a little slack; it was hard for them all to sleep, after their re-re-rematch with The Shredder. After everything. But he couldn't stay up forever. It was only going to make things worse. Donnie's paranoia tended to spike pretty bad around the one week of no sleep mark, and that mixed with fresh Shredder-related memories couldn't be good.

"Raph." Donnie addressed him before the door was even half-way open. He was hunched over an invention, screwdriver in hand. His welding mask was sitting on his head, with a blowtorch off to his side. Raph could see him shaking slightly.

"Donnie." He walked over to the desk, careful to keep his movements slow. Raph leaned beside his brother, arms crossed in a way he hope said 'I'm not mad, just disappointed'. "It's 4 a.m."

"So?"

Raph huffed. He'd anticipated that Donnie would be in a bitchy mood, but that didn't make dealing with him when he was like this any less difficult. He and Donnie usually got along just fine, but when the softshell was feeling agitated he could easily become the most vexing out of all of them. " So you need to go to bed. You can't keep burning both ends of the candle like this, Don, you're gonna run yourself into a breakdown." If this didn't already qualify as one. For any other person, it probably would, but for Donnie it was a normality.

Donnie scoffed at him. "This is more important. Besides, I have plenty of alternative energy sources that are way less time consuming."

Raph's eyes drifted to the mountain of empty energy drink cans in the corner. "Yeah, you're sure consumin' something alright." He took a moment to weigh his options and decide whether or not he wanted to keep playing Donnie's game, or drag his brother's sorry butt to bed already and camp there until he finally slept. The latter would be easier but... Unproductive, in the long run. Raph hummed. "What's this thing that's so much more 'important' anyway?"

Donnie hesitated for a moment, screwdriver finally still. He was weighing out his own options too. Would he close himself off even further, lock Raph out to protect himself and his own self-view, and continue with this routine he had trapped himself in, or... "They're escape pods."

"Escape pods," Raph echoed, uncrossing his arms. "Like... in Jupiter Jim: Final Revenge Of The Super Alien Slimeball?" Donnie nodded. Raph thought for a moment. He didn't think Donnie even liked JJ:FROTSAS, but that didn't mean he couldn't take inspiration from it. Escape pods, huh? "That's... I'll admit, Donnie, those sound like a pretty good idea. It'd be nice to have a way to get us all out of a tight spot when we need it." He let the praise hang in the air for a moment. He knew Donnie needed it. "But it can still wait. We're good, Donnie. It's over. He's gone. You can stop prepping for the worst." (Raph knew he was being a hypocrite. He didn't care anymore.)

"You don't know that." Donnie went back to his screwdriver. "You don't know if something will happen or not-"

"You don't know either." Raph turned, eyes scanning across the shelves of Donnie's lab. He'd already been able to rebuild so much of it... "I get it, okay? You're scared. We all are. But I promise you, Donnie, I would never let anything happen to you. To any one of you."

Donnie sighed, deep and long-suffering, in a way that 15-year-olds and little brothers should never have to sigh. The room was quiet for a while, only the soft thrumming and buzz of screens and machines daring to break the silence. Then, Donnie spoke. "I don't want to die, Raph."

His words were a knife to his brother's gut. Raph's stern expression immediately fell to one of shock. He opened his mouth to say something, to reassure him, he'd just said he wouldn't let that happen, Donnie had to know that Raph would do anything to-

Donnie flicked his welding mask back on. "And I don't want anyone else dying for me." He took up the torch, sparks filling the room as he went back to his work. Raph knew there would be no stopping him.

The tough part of meditation was that his happy place always led him back to his brothers. His rowdy, reckless, chaotic little brothers, who would have surely turned him grey by now if Raph wasn't a mutant turtle. Being around them made him happy, made him feel safe and cared for and comfortable. It wasn't exactly the most calming environment, however. It was a paradox of sorts.

Quietly, in the back of his mind, he wondered where they were now. He hoped that they would be okay without him. He hoped that they were keeping each other and April and Dad safe like he knew they could. He wondered if they were coming for him- Yeah. Yeah, they definitely were. (That something stirred again, just underneath his skin. He pushed it down, not brave enough to face it quite yet.)

"Anata wa hitori ja nai."

Because broken down to it's very basics, faith made the sacred, and faith was derived from hope- a foundation, a pillar. Magnum Opus.

Out of all his brothers, Leo was the one he worried about the most.

Mikey was the one who Raph tended to fuss over the most, since he was the family baby and had the most impulsive streaks out of all of them. Donnie was the one who Raph had to bring back down to Earth the most, given his propensity to get wrapped up in his science and forget about things like eating or basic ethics. But Leo? Leo was the one who kept him up at night, staring at the ceiling, brow furrowed into that crease. Because Leo was headstrong, he was clever, he was quick on his feet and he was even quicker with his wit. He was a good brother, a great planner, and Raph knew he had the potential to become ten times the leader that Raph ever had been.

He worried about him. He worried about him so goddam much. That overconfident look at his eyes, that way he insisted that everything and anything would be a piece of cake for them. The way they had succeeded so often in these recent months, by way of their powers or dumb luck, with each and every victory reinforcing that self-assured mentality. One day, Leo was going to find something he couldn't pull the rug out from under. One day, he was going to find something that scared him, something that made him feel like he was being crushed. Made him feel like Raph had.

He worried about Leo being the leader not because he doubted his brother's skills- far from it- but because he knew firsthand how detrimental that burden could be. "You only learn things the hard way," Splinter had once said to them. God, Raph hoped Leo didn't have to learn the hard way. He hoped he'd get it soon. That he'd come to understand that leadership wasn't something he could do alone, that he had to rely on his family too. That Leo could learn the same lesson Raph had, without the added trauma. He hoped, and he prayed, and he worried. Because that was what he was best at.

Things continued that way for a while. During those months after their encounter with the Shredder, a mounting dread brewed within him, a fear that something was just around the corner- something that Leo would have to face. It festered and grew until it reached it's boiling point; Leo had lost the key. He'd gotten cocky and screwed up, let the Foot Clan get away with whatever that thing was. And Raph expected him to care about that, to double-back just a bit in the face of failure. But Leo coped with that sort of thing much differently than Raph. He shrugged it off, and he marched on, always moving, never stopping to grapple with the consequences. (Raph didn't understand.)

"You just don't get it Leo." Raph was tired of waiting for him to get it. He was tired of walking on eggshells, anticipating the moment when the universe would throw his little brother a curve-ball, sending him spiraling. Why couldn't he just get it? Why couldn't he understand? Raph wasn't trying to coddle him or undermine him or force him into things. He wasn't trying to be the strict and overbearing older brother- He was just trying to help him understand. He was just trying to prepare him, all of them, for anything that might happen. Trying to fulfill his duty. "I'm the oldest here." Because if he didn't...

Looking back, he really shouldn't have been surprised that Leo went for that key. He should've spotted the signs, the wide-eyed guilt on Leo's face as Casey explained their predicament, the restless impatience with which he interrupted the Foot Clan ceremony, the adamance in his voice as he insisted that they didn't retreat. He should have caught onto Leo's desperation for recognition and appreciation, his tendency to use self-sacrifice as a way to apologize for his mistakes, the cracks in his facade and the nervous twitch in his smirk. The way Leo, when face-to-face with danger, flung himself into the fray, always moving, always trying (Raph knew he tried so damn hard).

With hands slightly trembling, Raph made sure the escape pod around their injured father was comfortable and secure. He watched with concern as the pod flew off, but he knew it would all be alright soon. They'd be out of here in a jiffy, and then they could regroup and think of a better plan. Raph looked up as his own pod hurtled closer. To his right, Leo's was starting to activate too, and once his was done then everyone would be accounted f-

Leo jumped. The blue escape pod uselessly rocketed away without him.

Time stood still.

"Leo-!" Raph called out, but it was too late. His brother, his arrogant and brilliant and troubled star of a baby brother, was leaving. Running right out of Raph's grasp and into the arms of danger. Flying too close to the sun.

For a long and terrifying moment, his limbs were frozen. Shock and terror gripped him, holding him in his place. The world was blurry, just shapes, just colors, blending into each other, a mud of sensations that he could not sift through. But, through it all, there it was, there he was- Blue. Raph's eyes locked onto the tassels, pulling him forward like a lifeline within a raging storm. He stumbled and tripped, desperation rendering him clumsy (too big, too heavy, too burdensome). But he got there nonetheless, dragged himself through the sea of slow-motion.

Leo, the key in his hands, tumbled away from the force of the portal closing. The Kraang leader, fury in his eyes, jumped into their arm with one tentacle aiming to pierce-

Time resumed, and Raph had already made his choice.

The sound of the tentacle ripping through flesh was sickening. The world flashed white, sharp and overpowering, as pain relentlessly shot through him. The metallic scent of blood hung heavy in the air. Underneath him, laid Leo, staring at him in absolute horror, eyes pin-pricked. Raph watched as a drop of his own blood fell onto his little brother's face.

"Raph?"

He hoped they came for him. It was selfish to do so. They'd be risking their lives if they tried to save him. It was dangerous here, the Kraang were dangerous, Raph was dangerous. (That something squirmed.) But he wished for it anyway. He could imagine them all sitting in the Lair together once this was over, stacked onto each other with Raph at the bottom. It provided him with a unique sort of weight, one that never failed to make him feel grounded and secure and loved.

He wouldn't mind being rescued, just this once. Letting them protect him, just as he did for them. It was a nice thought.

He was tired. He couldn't rest now. He had to keep hanging on. He had to have faith. Hope.

"Anata wa hitori ja nai-"

A ninja's greatest weapon.

You.

Are..

Not...

Something shifted beneath him.

Raph's labored breathing caught in his throat. Something was going on- the pod around him was leaning now, moving to one side. He was too out of it to really process the motion, head filled with a thick fog, eyes shut from exhaustion. He still couldn't even feel his own body. So he simply let whatever was happening happen, let himself veer further.

Suddenly, he came crashing down, vessel and all. The force from the fall hit him like a ton of bricks, thanks to him being so unprepared for it. He gasped, excess liquid spilling from his mouth, his respiratory system doing it's best to drain it from his lungs as quickly as possible. The pod seemed to have been cut off from it's roots or whatever, because it was no longer cycling more of the gunk inside. And also, you know, it had fallen from the sky. He couldn't even begin to piece together what that meant.

There were voices outside, sounding as if they were underwater. He felt as though he were a million miles away from them, away from everything, from himself. Trying to decipher his senses felt like treading through tar, syrupy and slow and strenuous.

Then, there was a blinding light. His eyes were still closed, but he could see it behind his lids, the white piercing through the veil. His prison had been breached. Someone was saying something, and he was being dragged forward, out of the orb and into the world outside- free. What had been too little suddenly became too much as he felt every muscle in his body ache, everything feeling much too tense, pain still echoing through his shoulder, up his arm, to his chest. The sounds around him continued before they fell into a hushed whisper.

"Raph?"

Oh.

Something writhed. Just underneath his skin, he could feel it, an alien sort of pressure and presence there. Something very, very unwelcome. It twisted and churned, skittering along his muscles, his shoulder, his head, his- His eye. Any sense of relief he felt at the sound of Leo's voice was crushed within an instant. He could feel that something trying to break through the surface, trying to break through him. Trying to get outside, to his brothers, to his family, so it could-

They had to get away. He had to get them away from him, so that that something couldn't reach them, so he couldn't hurt them. He could feel one hand on his shoulder, another softly cradling his head. A gentleness that he'd usually be grateful for now made him panic even more. (He could snap that hand in a second, break those fingers into pieces, kill that gentleness in one swift motion.)

Raph's fingers twitched. Already, he felt distant from them, could feel the lack of control that he had over himself. But there was still a window, a chance, and he could use what little authority he had to keep them safe. Keep them out of harm's way. Away from him.

His hand clenched into a fist and swung, meaning to push Leo off of him, but instead socking his little brother right in the face. Leo went flying and skidded onto the ground. Too much force. It had already begun. It was already over. And yet, Raph kept trying, stumbling to his feet. He wanted nothing more than to apologize, to help Leo up and make sure he was alright, both after that punch and after what had happened with the Kraang. But he couldn't. He needed to run, to stay away from them.

But his brothers, bless them, were nothing if not stubborn.

Mikey was at his side in an instant, reaching to cling onto his arm and pull him from whatever spell he was under. Teeth bared, Raph raised his arm and then shoved it into him, sending a startled Mikey onto the floor. He rolled a bit before coming to a stop, looking up at Raph in hurt and confusion. But Raph had no time to process that, with Donnie now holding back his left arm. The softshell clung to him with both hands, determined to not let go. Curse them for caring so much. Raph frowned at him, then swung upwards, the momentum alone enough to hurl his brother through the air. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see their father reach out to him, April keeping him still with a cautious hand on his shoulder. Good. He appreciated that.

The writhing had become unbearable now. It echoed in his skull, pounding, thrumming, chanting, taking him over from the inside out. He protested against it, concentrating all of his energy, all of his will, into keeping it at bay. But he was weak, he was exhausted and injured and panicked. He stood no chance against it.

Raph paid close attention to his body. As a ninja and fighter, he found it important to keep himself in good shape. He trained with Frankenfoot in his spare time, made sure he had enough to eat and drink, and even let Leo or Mikey treat any injuries that he might have. Ever since he was young, he had known that he was physically different from his brothers. He was taller, wider, spikier. He was more prone to knocking things over, pillows and blankets got stuck to his shell. He even injured his siblings a few times while roughhousing, something that the others rarely ever did. Incidents like that had kickstarted a more mindful attitude in him. He was constantly aware of himself, of his size and his strength. He knew just how much space he took up, just how much force to put behind a playful hit, just how much he should be holding himself back.

"Snapping" was in the name, after all. He was more prone to doing so when he was much younger (his mutation-induced teething process was a nightmare), chomping down on anything around him when he was startled or even just excited. And as time went on, he learned how to control it, how to stop himself from lashing out. That applied to his emotions as well- His anger. He could feel it like a storm inside of him, a fiery sort of feeling that crackled and brewed. It was ever-growing: inconveniences, petty insults, when his family was endangered, when he himself was endangered, the way he had to play guardian since they were kids, feelings of loneliness and frustration and powerlessness and confusion that he just couldn't begin to express, his dumb brain and his monstrous body. There was an ocean of things that angered him. So Raph built a dam. He locked those feelings up tight within himself, ruled them with an iron fist. Because if he didn't, then he would snap, he would yell and he would lash and he would take it out on those he cared very, very much about. So down it went, into the deepest, darkest recesses of his mind. He hoped, he prayed to the universe, that the Kraang, the Something, could not break into that vault. Mentally, he tried to lock it away to stop that from happening, keep the vault closed and think of anything else. Shove it down deeper, deeper, deeper-

It was not his anger that the Kraang sunk it's roots into and used as it's foundation. No. It was the fear. Something much more deep and ancient than anger could ever be, it's forebear and architect, the reason dogs bit and horses kicked, cats hissed and turtles snapped. Raph had many, many things to fear. Some were more rational than others, and some more ingrained into him. But, when broken down to their basics, they were all the same. A survival instinct, one that extended to those around him, the urge to fight and to protect and to worry. His anxiety was a fundamental part of who he was, it had made him Raph. He couldn't imagine living without it, without a constant fear underlying his every move. It's intensity would vary, from day to day, scenario to scenario, but it was still there, still present. It was integral to him. It was the perfect fertilizer for the Something in his head, the perfect string to pull the puppet by. A scared animal was a dangerous animal, one much more likely to attack, to tear, to kill. Fight or flight was a powerful thing. And between the two, Raph would always be a fighter. That was just what the Kraang needed. He was just what they wanted.

It pushed at the brim of his socket, swelling and bulging within his left eye. Raph struggled to keep it closed, a doomed attempt. He'd fought with all he had, and he'd lost. (He could only hope that his brothers would not do the same. That they would find some way to stop him, to keep him from hurting them. He trusted them. He should probably trust them more than he trusted himself.) And then, with a kind of incomprehensible torment, it broke him, burst from his eye and grew, eager to govern it's host. Raph's shouting became one with the all-too familiar shrieking of the Kraang. He clutched at where it had broken through, less to stop it and more to put an end to the agony pulsating there. He lurched forward as he gripped at his head, felt it creep through his shell, through his arm, every muscle, every vein-

He was falling. Slipping. His mind was being hollowed out, the Something replacing him, possessing him. It wasn't quite fully the Kraang, and it definitely wasn't quite him, but rather some horrible amalgamation of both. Something animalistic and terrified and savage. And in order to get to the surface, it was dragging Raph under.

Through glimpses, he could see his family, staring back at him in shock and fear. It felt rotten, to be feared. Especially by those he cared for. And, in some sickening way, it felt right, as though this was an inevitability finally realized. Despite his efforts, this was always bound to happen. He was always bound to give in. Soon, the glimpses subsided, red swallowing his vision. He could still see but he couldn't begin to process what he was looking at, couldn't feel anything other than the pounding of his own(?) heart, the terror coursing through him. Everything felt heavy. He was sinking deeper. Deeper, deeper, deeper, and then-

Raph was drowned out, dragged into his mind's own subconscious. Watching himself from afar.

Alone.

Until someone reached for him.