Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter 1

I panicked. We had spent the morning riding our motorbikes but were forced to stop when freezing rain began to fall. Having propped the bikes up against the railing of his front porch, we turned towards the warmth coming from inside his house. But as I turned to walk past him into the entryway he grasped my hand. I thought maybe I had forgotten something outside but I knew the look in his eyes. His other hand looked as though it were about to make his way up towards my cheek. My eyes widened and Edward’s voice returned, no longer angry. The imagined voice cracked, pain seeping into the words, “Bella, please, no”.

Shaking off Jacob’s hand I turned and grabbed my bike. Giving it a sudden start I kicked off before Jake could say anything. As I raced out of the reservation I became angry. Why would my subconscious make Edward utter those words? And in such obvious pain? He was the one that left me after all, would I never be allowed to experience intimacy with someone else? I knew the answer of course, there was no one else. There never would be anyone else. I did not want that with Jacob anymore than my imagined apparition of him.

Desolate tears began to mix with the cold rain lashing my face. I did not hear the rumble of Jake’s motorbike following me but I did not trust myself to turn around and look while driving on the increasingly slippery road back to Forks. Only a couple miles more laid between me and home.

The rain began to fall even harder and I slowed down. As I maneuvered around the next bend it happened. My front tire slid across a patch of fresh ice and my bike dragged me down towards the shoulder. I must have screamed. But all I could think about as I rolled down the small incline and into the woods was how lucky I was to have taken the time to put on my helmet in my hasty departure. I rolled to a stop, a low moan escaping my lips as I tried to assess the damage without moving. A couple of sharp pains in my side screamed broken ribs. Closing my eyes and preparing for the worst I wiggled my toes. Then my fingers. More pain in my right arm, perhaps a break then. I shifted on to my good arm and propped myself up. A flash of crimson on the ground below me and the sharp tang of rust alerted me to the cut on my forehead.

Before I could figure out how I was going to make my way home I heard a strange rustling in the woods in front of me. Edward’s voice urged me on suddenly, “Bella, get up! Get up and go now. You must go.”

“Edward?”

I was so startled by the fear in his voice that I did not see the flash of black appear and disappear between the bare trees in front of me. But the voice that spoke next was not his. And it caused a shiver to ripple up my spine, one not caused by the cold or the shock of my crash.

“Hmm, I wonder.”

The voice was almost childlike but too calculating to belong to a child itself. Despite that, the person standing in front of me could not have been much younger than I was. Though upon seeing her shining ruby eyes I knew that she had likely been on this earth much longer than I had. My hand flew up to my forehead in a feeble attempt to hide what I was sure she was more than aware of. Her eyes widened before she gained control and narrowed them once more in my direction. More instincts kicked in and I tried to crawl backwards. I grimaced, having forgotten the break in my arm.

“I don’t suppose you were talking about Edward Cullen?” She sneered.

Two more vampires appeared at her sides, their identical black cloaks floating to a stop, the only sign of the speed at which they must have been running. They both glanced up at my still bleeding forehead before turning to look at the girl between them. Something about the heavy cloaks and the powerful presence of the three vampires warned me against telling the truth. I had a feeling about who I might be talking to but I hoped I was wrong.

I took a trembling breath, “Who?”

The girl, Jane, snarled. “Don’t play stupid. Were you talking about Edward Cullen?”

I found myself incapable of coming up with a suitable lie. Her eyes bore into mine and her head tilted slightly in concentration. Her eyes narrowed for a second before the taller of her two companions laughed.

“Is there a problem, Jane?”

Her gaze shifted to him instead and he instantly dropped to his knees, his teeth clenched together to prevent a scream from escaping. It stopped as soon as it had started and he jumped to his feet, glaring at the girl.

“No, Demitri, everything seems to be in working order. Pick up the girl.”

Demitri balked at the order.

Jane rolled her eyes. “She obviously knows what we are. And for some reason is immune to my...powers of persuasion. Aro will want to see her.”

The other man, who had remained silent during the exchange, turned to Jane. “What about our initial reason for coming here?”

Jane shrugged, “The shapeshifters will still be here. Surely this is a more pressing matter, Alec”.

He nodded in acceptance of her decision and Demitri walked over and kneeled in front of me, scowling. “Here, clean yourself up at least. I may have just fed but if Jane thinks Aro will want to see you then there is no sense in taking extra risks.” His lips curled up into a menacing smile as he handed me a handkerchief. I pressed the piece of fabric to my forehead. He slipped his arms underneath me and stood in one fluid motion. Whether it was because of the pain in my ribs as he grasped me too tight or the shock of all that had transpired, I felt myself slip into unconsciousness just as he took off running.

I awoke soon after but waited to open my eyes, wanting to try and take in as much of my surroundings as I could before they realized I was awake. The thrum of a car engine vibrated around me. My cheek rested against a warm leather seat and I could hear more rain lashing against the windshield. Taking a deep breath, I winced at the stab of pain in my ribs. I decided that my companions likely knew I was no longer asleep so I ventured to open my eyes. The one called Alec was sitting next to me on the back seat. He sat unmoving, hands resting on his lap, staring out the window to his right. Demitri was driving and from what I could tell he had as much disregard for the speed limit as the vampires I had ridden with. As I moved to sit up a little more Jane turned slightly to glance at me from her place in the passenger seat. All three of them appeared to be holding their breath.

Feigning ignorance seemed like my best option at that point so I decided to only speak if they spoke to me. While my lips may have remained silent, my thoughts raced. What would Charlie think when I didn’t make it home? Had Jacob been riding behind me and happened across the scene of the accident? Why were members of the Volturi in Forks? Would the Cullens be in danger if the Volturi found out about their relationship with a human?

Without turning to face me, Jane spoke, her voice cold, “Your arm is broken.”

It was not a question but I decided to respond anyway, “Yes.” I wanted to keep my responses as simple as possible, fearful of saying anything that could incriminate me or Edward’s family. Despite their betrayal, I felt a flash of protectiveness burn through me. Whatever happened going forward, I would try my hardest to not let their name be associated with my knowledge of their supernatural world.

Jane scoffed and I could practically hear her roll her eyes, “Humans. One fall and they snap in half.” Next to me Alec smirked but said nothing else. Based on her comment I deduced that there would be no visit to a doctor in my near future. I certainly could not picture the three cloaked figures huddling around me in the emergency room of a nearby hospital. At least the wound on my head had stopped bleeding. Tucking my arm against my chest, I closed my eyes once more and tried to take a few deep breaths. It hurt, yes, but I reminded myself that I had known worse. When I got a chance I would try and make some kind of makeshift sling.

The car began to slow as we pulled into what looked like a private airstrip. The first thought that occured to me was that my passport was shoved away in one of my desk drawers back at Charlie’s. But then I reminded myself that the Volturi probably operated in their own sphere of things, not unlike the Cullens. I doubted my lack of identification would be problematic for them. Sure enough, when the car came to a stop in front of a small private jet, the guard pulled off their cloaks and hid them away in a bag that Demitri had pulled from the trunk. My door opened and Alec looked at me expectantly. I allowed myself to glare at him before carefully maneuvering my way out of the car and following them to the plane.

Once on board, the three of them sat together. The only indication that they were conversing was the occasional brief movements of their lips. I heard nothing of what they said. Which was undoubtedly their intention. Turning away from the guard, I tried to get comfortable in the leather chair I had chosen on the other side of the plane. They still had not spoken a word to me since Jane’s assessment of my arm. Which suited me just fine. As the plane reached cruising altitude, the events of the day seemed to catch up to me. Waves of different emotions crashed into me from every direction. One second I was angry. Angry at the Cullens for deserting me and leaving me to fend for myself in a situation such as this. Angry at Jacob for wanting more than I could give him. Angry at myself for storming off. In the next breath I felt an overwhelming panic. Worried about what lay ahead for me. I knew that the Cullens and myself had broken the Volturi’s most important rule. That my short-lived time in their world would be sufficient enough of a reason to warrant their demise and mine. A wave of guilt threatened to pull me under. How could I have gotten us all in this situation? The only thing that reassured me was that the Cullens were no longer in Forks. If I could keep from mentioning them then perhaps they would be safe.

I started to think of Charlie coming home to an empty house. Or maybe someone would see the evidence of my accident and he would discover my disappearance while at work. When I started to feel the tears prickling in the corners of my eyes I forced myself to think of something else. I turned my attention back to the three vampires sitting across the aisle from me. At one point Jane suddenly turned her head in my direction, eyes narrowing as she scrutinized me. The look of pure hatred that flashed across her face made me shiver. She growled in frustration and turned back towards her companions.

To pass the time I closed my eyes and tried to will myself to create another apparition of Edward. For once there was a lethal danger looming and he was silent. Hours passed in this way. I drifted in and out of a fitful sleep until the rumbling of my stomach alerted the others to my obvious hunger. Without saying a word, Alec stood and walked towards the back of the plane. A few seconds later a sandwich and an apple appeared on the table in front of me. When I looked in their direction he was already back in his seat and nobody was paying me any attention. I hadn’t eaten since a quick bowl of cereal that morning so within minutes I had finished my meal. The combination of exhaustion, pain, and a full stomach at last brought on the deep sleep I desired.

~~~

The plane landed in the middle of the night. Another isolated airfield. Another car waiting. An overcast sky hid most of the stars from view and the sliver of a moon hardly gave off any light. Soon we were snaking our way through narrow cobblestone streets, a few streetlamps casting a glow over the darkened city. Under different circumstances I would be exhilarated by the discovery of my first European village, but the sense of dread that sat like lead in my stomach made it impossible to feel anything but nauseous. I leaned my forehead against the cool pane of glass and tried to breathe deeply.

At last the car drove through a dark stone archway and came to a stop in an empty courtyard. Alec and Demitri disappeared before I had even reached for the door handle. Stumbling out of the car I jostled the broken arm, eliciting a hiss of pain from my lips. Jane remained motionless, watching with exasperation. Once I reached her side, she nodded towards a large wooden door and took off at a brisk walk.

We weaved through drafty corridors, crossing nobody as we moved deeper into the castle. I knew I would never be able to find my way back out even if I wanted to. Any attempt at escape would be futile. Eventually we reached a sort of waiting room, the green polyester armchairs a stark contrast to the cold stone walls and centuries-old tapestries that hung from the walls.

Jane broke her silence, snapping a quick, “Wait here” in my direction.

I did not need to be told twice. I hardly even dared to sit in one of the chairs. There was no need, for within seconds Jane had reappeared in front of me and beckoned me to follow once more. We turned the corner and paused before a set of towering wooden double doors. Grasping the handles, she turned to look at me with a menacing glint in her eye, before whispering, “Ready?”

Chapter Text

Carlisle's POV

It had been an unseasonably warm month of January for the town of Ithaca. The recurring topic of conversation at the hospital being the absence of a single flake of snow since winter first shook the leaves from the trees. I had taken to working nights to avoid the sun’s lingering rays and hiding away in my study during daylight hours. We had not had any news from Edward since his brief phone call on Christmas Eve and Rosalie and Emmett were making their way through an extended tour of the British Isles. With only four of us at home, an unnatural calm had seeped its way into the bones of the 300-year old structure. We each had our own manner of trying to instill some kind of normalcy into days that felt anything but. Despite that, I could see that Esme suffered. Could see how her eyes glanced out the window every time the wind brought the sound of phantom footsteps running home.

On one such occasion she stood in front of the window, her eyes staring into the surrounding forest hoping to see the blur of one of her children racing through the trees. I walked up next to her and slid my arm around her waist. She leaned into me and sighed, resting her head against my shoulder. As I leaned down to place a kiss on the top of her head, a small gasp sounded from upstairs.

“Carlisle. Wha-” Alice’s bewildered voice was hardly more than a whisper. Esme and I turned towards the staircase in time to see her and Jasper appear at the foot of the stairs.

“Alice?” I could hear the weariness in my voice, knowing her gasp could mean only one thing.

She glanced at Esme before turning to look at me, unease clouding her features, “It was you Carlisle. And you were in Volterra.”

I froze in shock. All human mannerisms of breathing and shifting and movement disappeared as I succumbed to a stillness only known to others of my kind. Volterra. A place I had not returned to in more than two centuries. Memories of my time there unfurled before my eyes. Moments of discovery and contemplation, yes, but many more of unspeakable cruelty and depravity. Esme slipped her hand into mine before asking Alice, “What was he doing there? Was he alone?”

Alice looked down at the floor, “I don’t know. It was nothing but a flicker of a vision.” She looked into my eyes before continuing, “ You were in the same room as the one portrayed in the painting upstairs, that’s the only reason I recognized the location. I could not see who you were with. But you were kneeling, and you had your hands clasped behind your back, your head bowed as though you were praying or asking someone for forgiveness. That’s it, that’s all I saw”.

My mind began to race, recalling every single instance in which I had been in that room to witness as Aro and his brothers upheld their vision of justice. To watch as they acted as judge, jury, and more often than not, executioner. What turn of events looming in my future was destined to bring me to my knees before them?

“You say it was just a flicker of an image, Alice? Maybe it resulted as nothing more than a passing thought that someone had in Volterra. Not a fully formed decision?” Esme’s voice was hopeful. Desperate to find an explanation for a vision that had everyone leaping to the worst of conclusions.

“Perhaps, and her visions are not necessarily set in stone,” replied Jasper. I appreciated his effort to reassure her but the glance we shared above Esme’s head betrayed his true feelings on the matter. He knew as well as I did that if Aro had decided to summon me that there would be no second-guessing on his part. No way to thwart the outcome of Alice’s vision.

At last I found my voice and was surprised to hear the confidence that belied my true dread. Only Jasper would be able to pick up on that and judging by the waves of reassurance he was sending my way I had no doubt that he did.

“We will just have to wait. For the moment we have received no indication that Aro wants to see me. If that day comes, then of course I will have no choice but to heed his summons.”

Esme stopped me, “Are you sure there would be no other option?” But even as she asked the question I could hear the doubt in her voice.

“Yes, love, I am sure. We could try to run and hide in the four corners of the earth. But that would be just as good as an admission of guilt, and guilty of what we can not even be sure. Not to mention, with the tracking abilities of Demitri, the sheer force of their guard, and all the time in the world, they would catch up to us eventually. And I fear the outcome would be much much worse than if I present myself to Aro as soon as he asks it of me.”

The others heard the reason in my arguments but it did not make it any easier to accept.

“We will continue to live as we always have, until the day that we receive news from Volterra. For after all, we have done nothing wrong. In the meantime, we can allow ourselves to hope that whatever my reason for being there is, is a harmless one.”

Jasper and Alice nodded solemnly, before slipping out the back door and disappearing off into the woods. I turned towards Esme and pulled her into an embrace. We stood in silence, unwilling to allow the smallest breadth of space between us.

“We will go with you of course, “ she insisted.

I sighed, “I think it is best we wait and see what Aro asks of us. If I am the only one he mentions, the only one he invites, then I could not in good conscience bring you with me into that city. It is a risk that I am not willing to take.”

“But you should not have to face whatever awaits alone, Carlisle.”

“Aro is an old friend, I am sure we have nothing to worry about.” I could tell she did not believe me but I needed to speak the empty reassurances as much for myself as for her. We would know soon enough what awaited me in the ancient walled city.

~~~

In the end, we did not have to wait long. The following morning, tucked in between the rest of our mail, was a small brown envelope. There was no return address to give any indication of its sender but its origin was obvious. I carried the small pile of mail into the kitchen and placed the rest of it on the counter. Sitting down on one of the stools, I studied the envelope. In the centuries that had passed since my departure from Volterra, I had yet to come face to face with Aro and his brothers. Aro and I had exchanged letters on occasion, an infrequent correspondence with at times a decade or two between letters. The letter I held now gave no indication of being any different from the handful of other ones I had received over the years. But the sense of foreboding emanating from my unbeating heart prevented me from opening it nonetheless.

A small hand grasped my shoulder, I turned to see that Esme had arrived unnoticed by me. She smiled sadly before reaching out and taking the envelope from my grasp. Without a word, she slid her finger beneath the flap and pulled out a single sheet of paper. I watched her face, hoping for a sign as to what the contents of the letter might be.

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath before a look of determination settled across her features, “Please bring me with you”.

I pulled the letter from her hand and looked down at Aro’s unmistakeable scrawl.

To Carlisle Cullen,
Your presence is requested in Volterra. I will be
expecting your arrival within the week.
Yours respectfully,
Aro

I had spent the better part of the night preparing for this but it did nothing to dampen the unease that washed over me upon reading his message. In the hours since Alice’s vision I had planned for a number of different situations.

“We will travel together to France. You, Jasper and Alice, and Emmett and Rosalie if they wish, can remain at our home in Normandy while I continue on alone to Volterra. It is only a few hours away but still far enough that the Volturi will not know you are near. If they truly do have a grievance against me there is no reason to implicate the rest of you,” Esme opened her mouth to interject but I pressed on, my voice infused with all the affection I felt for the woman before me. “Esme, if something were to happen to me, though I truly do consider it unlikely, the others would need you. If I am going to see Aro I need to go into that chamber knowing that the rest of you are safe.”

Esme thought for a moment, her eyes locked on mine before nodding in agreement. She tilted her head up towards mine and our lips met briefly. Taking the letter from me and scanning the words again she whispered, “and Edward?”

I sighed, wishing more than ever that my first true companion in this world was here now. I knew there was little chance that I would see my youngest son again before making my way to Italy. Hoping to appease the Volturi leader, we would be taking the earliest flight possible. The last time we had heard from Edward he was in South America, even if he did answer our call it would take him much longer to arrive on the European continent. “If we are able to reach him we must tell him as soon as possible.” Though both of us knew that unlikely, Edward had yet to answer our calls, preferring to contact us himself every couple of months.

It was time to prepare for our departure, “Jasper?”

Within seconds he was downstairs and stood before us, “yes, Carlisle?”

“Can you book the plane tickets? We will fly into Paris and then make our way to the house in Normandy. Have Alice call Rosalie and Emmett and fill them in. Contact Jenks and make sure everything is in order. Esme and I will try to reach Edward.” He nodded and headed back upstairs, busying himself with the logistics of our parting.

I turned back towards Esme, “I am going to let the hospital know that something has come up. Meet me upstairs? Together we will try and get through to our son.”

Chapter Text

As soon as the doors swung open I recognized the room before me. The marble floors, the trio of identical thrones presiding over the imposing space. It looked exactly as I remembered from the painting in Carlisle’s office. Though I hardly had time to take in any details of the towering circular room before a voice echoed out in the chamber.

“Ah, Jane, so this is our special guest!”

My attention focused on the figure before us, his skin so white as to be almost translucent and his manic eyes nearly black. While Jane continued forward, my own feet planted themselves firmly into the stone where I stood.

“Yes, Aro, this is the human I spoke to you about. Perhaps you will have more success in eliciting information from her than I did,” this last part was spoken in a frustrated hiss.

“Now, now, my dear Jane, do not be discouraged. We will get to the bottom of this,” he said with a giddy laugh.

Aro began to walk towards me, his pitch black cloak mirroring the color of his eyes. I knew this meant he had not fed recently and I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up as he came to a rest mere inches in front of me. He held out his hand as though to greet me. I glanced down at it, my eyes betraying my disgust. A sudden surge of courage coursed through me as I chose not to shake his hand. He soon grew impatient waiting for me to place my hand in his and I sensed the growing tension of the onlookers. In a movement too fast for my eyes to capture, his hand darted out and clasped on to mine. A gasp of surprise escaped my lips. I could feel the strength of his grip, his not-so-subtle display of power. Staring at his face to gauge his reaction, I jumped when he let out a frenzied laugh.

“Ha! You see Jane, she confounds us both. Now tell me, young one, what is your name?”

Aro saw me hesitate and leaned in towards my ear. He added in a wholly unnecessary whisper, considering the supernatural hearing of everyone in attendance, “Do not bother lying to me, the truth always makes itself known in the end.” With an unnerving wink of his eye he stood straight once more and watched me expectantly.

I lifted my chin and spoke in a tone more defiant than I actually felt, having decided to heed his words and tell the truth for at least this first question, “Isabella.”

“Hmm, Isabella. From what Jane has told me, you seem to know something you shouldn’t.” A pause, and silence on my end. “Now, I have an inkling as to who may have disclosed our secret to you, but I take great pride in fair and just proceedings.” Upon hearing these words, I saw the blond-haired ruler behind Aro smirk from his place on his throne. “So, I will make no assumptions for now.”

My mind began to race and I knew everyone in the room could hear my galloping pulse. This was it, I was going to have to come up with some kind of story to keep the Cullens safe.

“I don’t know what you are referring to.” Aro erupted into laughter. Others in the room sniggered. Brilliant, Bella, now you’ve fooled them. I grit my teeth in response to my feeble first attempt at a lie.

“Oh Isabella, if you are thinking of hiding something from us you will have to try harder than that.”

Several scenarios presented themselves to me at that moment. None of which included letting the name Cullen slip past my lips. I did not feel vengeful towards them. Angry, yes, though mostly heartbroken. I knew that persecuting them would not dissipate the fog I navigated through every day. No, the first option was to continue to try and feign ignorance. But my poor lying skills and the Volturi’s ability to hear the speeding up of my heartbeat diminished any likelihood of me escaping in that way. Though attempting to play up my naivete could at least serve to stall them a little. Another option would be to give them a variation of the truth. To tell them that I had heard legends about vampires and upon seeing Jane in the forest my overactive imagination connected the dots. My only concern was that they would insist on knowing more about where I had heard the legends and I did not want to risk implicating the Quileute tribe. The third option I considered also involved bending the truth. To tell them I had once been attacked by a vampire. I could even show them the scar as proof. But that led right back to the Cullens, how else could I explain my survival of such an ordeal?

I thought of Edward, wondering where he might be in the world. Though he had said he did not love me, I held out hope that if he knew I was here he would come. Or perhaps some of the other Cullens. Surely if Alice was aware that I had been kidnapped by the Volturi she would not stand aside and leave me to my fate. Though I felt selfish just for thinking it, any attempt on their part to intervene would place them in harm’s way as well. And I doubt they would be willing to die for a human they had only known for a few months. It had been a long time since I had allowed myself to dwell on thoughts of them. However, instead of shutting down and disengaging with the world around me, I found that imagining their worry for me kindled a warmth in my chest that had been absent for months.

“Isabella?”

My head snapped up and I looked at Aro. “What do you want me to say? I crashed my motorcycle and before I knew what was happening I was swept away by a group of cloaked strangers. Now I have no idea where I am and I can hardly think straight because of how much pain I am in.” Apparently I had subconsciously settled on faking ignorance in the name of stalling.

Part of me expected Aro to roll his eyes but instead he smiled. Though the smile was humorless and conveyed instead a menacing warning. “You fascinate me, human. But you are also infuriating. I told you that it was in your best interest to tell the truth. Jane’s power may not be effective against whatever capabilities you have yourself but we have other ways of making you talk if needed.” Aro’s smile had disappeared by the end of his discourse and had been replaced with an impatient scowl. “I am disappointed Isabella, I thought perhaps we could try and find a solution together.”

I waited, anxious to hear what would come of his not-so-thinly veiled threats. I did not have a death wish but at this point I could not envision too many different outcomes. My mind scrambled to try and find a way to win myself more time.

“Why do I fascinate you?”

Aro was surprised by my question and his lips curled up in a brief smile. “Well, despite your attempt to hide what you know, it is quite obvious that you are aware we are vampires. Not only that, but whatever interaction you had with our kind left you alive. Not a very common occurrence, I can assure you.” Here he paused. I watched as he glanced back towards the guard and his brothers before continuing, “And lastly, it would appear as though you may have the capacity for a special power yourself, some kind of mental shield blocking any of our attempts to access what is going on up here,” I flinched as he placed one of his hands on the top of my head. “To be quite honest, it is the only thing keeping me from discarding you like we would any other human that enters this chamber. My curiosity has been piqued.”

At that I shivered, which caused Aro to laugh once more.

“Isabella, let me explain something to you. One of our kind’s most important laws is to guard the secrecy of our world. Breaking that law, and telling a human of our existence, can be punishable by death. For both the human and the vampire in question.”

I swallowed and fought back images of Aro exacting such a punishment on the Cullens. Though I continued to glare in his direction I could feel my legs begin to tremble. I needed to distract him again.

“How did Jane know? How did she know that I recognized her as a vampire?”

Glancing in her direction, I watched Jane roll her eyes. Aro, however, gave me an indulgent grin, conscious of my attempts to get him talking about anything but a death sentence.

“Is that an admission, Isabella?” His fingers came together, resting against his chin as he paused to allow me to realize my slip-up. An ominous grin hidden behind his fingertips, “When you saw her eyes you tried to conceal the blood dripping from the fresh wound on your head. And if that weren’t enough, you were much too at ease around the guard. Too resigned. As though you knew that nothing you could do at that moment would allow you to escape.”

I could feel tears prickling in the corners of my eyes. They threatened to issue forth not out of fear but out of anger. For I had hardly been here ten minutes and had already admitted to knowledge that could lead to a death sentence. There were sobs building in my chest, trying to force their way out. Taking a deep breath to calm my visceral reaction to Aro’s words, I winced and clutched my side. Since arriving in Volterra, the pain in my ribs and my arm had paled in comparison to the budding panic. But now that I had failed at one of my main objectives, my body allowed itself to feel the injuries in their entirety once more.

“Now, Isabella, why don’t you tell me how you came to harbor this dangerous secret of yours?”

My head was bowed, my eyes staring at the worn tiles beneath my feet. In response to his question all I could do was shake my head. A new voice spoke up then, annoyance clear in his words, “I have had enough of this Aro, either force her hand or summon our old friend.”

Aro sighed in resignation, “Very well, Caius”. Turning his attention back to me, he continued on, “You will remain in the castle. I think you have realized by now that trying to leave would be as much a waste of your time as ours. As far as your arm goes, I am afraid that you will have to wait. An old friend of mine should be arriving soon who may be able to help.” A look of amusement flickered across his face at these words.

I nodded along without truly listening to his words. Exhaustion and the pulsing ache from my injuries was making it near impossible to focus. Jane walked towards us, ordering me to follow her once more.

She led me to a small room, furnished with nothing more than a small wooden bed, a table, and a chair. Everything looked like it could have been centuries old and I reminded myself that it probably was. Another vampire swept into the room and left a tray on the table. It contained what looked to be a bowl of soup and several slices of bread. The adrenaline that had coursed through me during the last day had begun to wear off and left a trail of weariness in its wake. Without speaking a word, Jane and her companion disappeared from the room, closing the door behind them. I expected to hear the click of a lock but of course it would be useless when superhuman beings were strolling through the corridors outside at all hours of the day.

Away from the prying eyes of the Volturi, the tears began to flow freely. Anger, fear, pain, an overwhelming feeling of despair and helplessness surged through me. My morning spent riding with Jacob felt as though it had happened a lifetime ago. Now there I sat, my future at the mercy of an unpredictable ruler. I forced myself to eat what had been provided for me and after cleaning up in the adjoining washroom I climbed gingerly into the bed, careful not to jostle my arm more than necessary.

Having been thrust back into this supernatural world I felt strangely closer to the Cullens than I had in months. After they left Forks, it sometimes felt as though I had imagined the whole thing. They had left with no trace, no physical testament to their passage in my life. A cynical voice in my head had often told me that nothing as fantastic as that could have happened to me. But now that I had found myself once again surrounded by the mythical, it affirmed the most extraordinary memories of my life. So as I shifted uncomfortably on the narrow bed, trying to find a position that was not too painful, I allowed my mind to flood with the many images that I had worked so tirelessly to suppress. Of meadows and chilly hugs and days spent reading in rooms filled with books. Of a family that had seemed to love me as one of their own.

Chapter Text

Our flight to Paris landed the following morning and by noon we had arrived at our home in Normandy. Rosalie and Emmett, having crossed the channel the night before, had opened up the house after our long absence. It had not been lived in since 1962, when a particularly violent slip-up by Jasper had caused us to leave the country for several years. I was sure there would be talk in the nearby village about the isolated manor house being occupied once again. But with a local tradition of homes being passed down in the family it would be easy enough to fabricate a story about some distant cousin from overseas inheriting the ivy-covered residence.

I had decided to wait until nightfall before running to Volterra. It would be quicker than taking a circuitous route by car. Part of me wished to remain with everyone else for a few days, but as Alice hadn't had any more visions regarding my visit with the Volturi I maintained that it was more prudent to go as soon as possible. We had hoped that when we made the decision to fly to France that it would have set in motion a more precise vision of what awaited me. But for now, there had been nothing but radio silence.

Esme and I had spent the prior evening trying everything we could think of to get a hold of Edward. Each call went unanswered. Every attempt cutting right to voicemail, of which we left several. Jasper had even tried to track any credit card purchases, thinking that if Edward had paid for lodging somewhere we might have been able to contact the hotel directly. But he was traveling as a nomad, leaving no paper trail. I refused to admit to the others how distressed it made me feel to go into this without having spoken to him first.

Since opening the letter back in Ithaca, Esme and I had not left each other’s side. Neither of us spoke of the anxious dread coursing through us but we were no longer capable of putting on false smiles and repeating empty reassurances. Now, as the sun raced towards the horizon, indicating my imminent departure, the six of us congregated in the main room of the house. Each of my family members had been processing everything in their own way. Emmett was upset that I would not allow him to accompany me, though his eagerness for a fight would likely cause more harm than good. Rosalie tried to pass off Aro’s request as nothing more than a desire to see an old friend, but a heavy uneasiness emanated from her every time she spoke. Alice stood by the paned window with her eyes closed, desperate for any sign of my future in Volterra. And Jasper was clearly struggling beneath the distressing emotions radiating around the room.

I spoke, my voice maintaining its usual calm and collectedness, “If Edward reaches out, you must make him understand that it is imperative for him to join you here directly. I forbid him to follow me to Italy. I am not afraid of whatever Aro is scheming. My only fear is his discovery of our family’s extra gifts. He is a collector of all things rare, and your abilities would be too good for him to pass up. He would go to great lengths to count a mind-reader, an empath, and a clairvoyant amongst his ranks.”

“Carlisle! We would never-” Alice interjected.

A genuine smile bloomed on my face, her fierce loyalty warming the room around us. “I know, Alice. But I do not know how far he would be willing to take things should you be placed in a situation where you must refuse him.” My smile shrank back down into a pensive frown. “He will, with no doubt, attempt to sift through my thoughts. I will do my best to avoid his prying mind. I may have some practice after living with Edward for a century, but Aro’s gift is much more pervasive. I’m not confident that I could hide everything.”

Our goodbyes were brief. Everyone refused to imagine this as a final parting. After embracing Esme, I placed my hands on her cheeks and held her gaze. “I will be back soon, love. After all, I promised you forever.” We both smiled at the memory of our quiet wedding almost a century before. The vows we had spoken. The promises we had made.

“Be careful, Carlisle. See what Aro wants and then come home, come home to your family.”

~~~

I arrived in Volterra just after midnight. The town was quiet, only one café remained open from which I could hear laughter coming from the night’s last stragglers. As soon as I had crossed into town I could tell that I was being watched. By now Aro would know that I had obeyed his summons.

Having slipped through the shadows and made my way to the castle, I paused in the deserted courtyard. My fingers grasped the wedding ring on my left hand, twisting the simple silver band back and forth. An anxious movement. A means to seek comfort and a reminder of all that it represented: love and belonging, loyalty and devotion. The forever it promised. Fidgeting was a learned behavior for vampires but after centuries of living among humans I found myself doing such things almost subconsciously.

Before I could decide whether or not I should knock or simply enter the castle, a familiar voice spoke from behind me. Familiar, despite the centuries that had passed since I had seen him last.

“Well, I see you wasted no time.”

Turning towards the voice I nodded my head in greeting, “Demitri. Yes, well, in the more than 200 years since I left, Aro has never requested my presence in Volterra. I assumed it must be rather urgent.”

“A request? It seems to me as though it was an order,” Demitri sneered.

“That may well be the case. Regardless, out of respect for my old friend I preferred not to delay.”

My attendant nodded and opened the door, gesturing for me to enter ahead of him. The heavy wooden door made no noise as it closed behind us. Though it did shut out the glowing light from the moon, casting the entryway into darkness. Demitri took off silently down the corridor, I followed a few paces behind. It soon became apparent that he was accompanying me directly to the throne room. I felt myself gulp, the only physical sign of my growing anxiousness. Another unnecessary human mannerism.

All too quickly we arrived in front of the towering oak doors. Demitri knocked twice and they swung open, revealing the imposing space so familiar to me. Not a thing had changed, with the exception of a handful of new guard members. Aro clapped his hands together and came down the steps, a warm but disingenuous smile plastered across his face. Oh Esme, how I wished I could slip my hand into yours at that moment. I knew doing so would bolster my courage but I was thankful that she was far from that place.

“Carlisle! My dear friend, it has been too long!”

I felt myself smile, a weak attempt to hide the growing despair inside of me. Being in this room again prompted a flurry of memories to overrun my thoughts. Flashbacks of the violence I had witnessed reminded me of why I had left in the first place.

“Aro. Yes, I must say I was surprised by your letter. I trust you are well?”

Another empty smile on his part, “Very”. Without taking his eyes off me he spoke once more, “Demitri? I daresay it is time you go and awaken our guest.” Demetri bowed and took his leave. Aro’s order confused me. A human guest? And why the change of subject, did he mean to distract me? Surely he was not going to try and convince me to change my dietary habits once again. On a number of occasions during my prior stay here I had been summoned to this chamber to watch as they fed, as Aro studied my resolve in fascination.

“You’ve been busy, Carlisle, since we last saw you. Managing a coven of your own. You proved us wrong of course, having convinced not one but six other vampires to adopt your...peculiar tastes.” The direction his speech was taking troubled me, my most fervent wish going into this had been to avoid the topic of my family. To spare them any involvement with whatever he had in mind. Holding my hands behind my back I grasped my ring once more, twisting it back and forth on my finger.

“If you would be so gracious as to allow me to catch up on your exploits, I am most intrigued to discover how you have fared since we last parted ways. I would be honored if you would accord me an inside view of your unusual lifestyle,” a malicious eagerness dripped from every word he spoke. His formal speech came across as mocking instead of simple courteousness. I had feared this moment, knowing it would be nearly impossible for me to hide my family’s rare gifts from him. He raised his eyebrows in expectation, a ghostly white hand sliding out of the sleeve of the black cloak before coming to rest in the air between us. His eyes darkened as he beckoned me forward.

“Is that really necessary Aro? I trust you know that I will answer any questions you put forth?”

Aro smiled as though he had been anticipating such a response, “Even a question, that if answered truthfully, would incriminate you, Carlisle?”

My mind scrambled for a response but Aro continued, speaking more to the room at large than to me, “The way I see it, this was inevitable considering the lifestyle you have chosen. Working and living in constant contact with the human population. To be honest, I am surprised we did not run into this problem sooner. As curious and compassionate as you are, I knew the temptation of building rapport with the humans would be impossible to ignore.” Several in the chamber snickered upon hearing his derisive tone. “Now, that is not to say that I wished such an outcome to befall you. When you took your leave from Volterra all those years ago I wished you nothing but success. And I spoke with honesty.”

He took a step closer, extending his hand once more in my direction. Never had I felt more ill at ease. I feared I would rub a hole right through my wedding band, my right hand still twisting it in soothing circles around my finger. I thought of my family, of the gifts that Aro would no doubt scheme to secure if made aware of their power. Resolve thrummed through me, I would not allow him to gain access to those thoughts. There was no need to give voice to my refusal, he could read it in the steel of my eyes as I met his cold stare. All pretense of amity abandoned.

At the same time that I came to my decision, three things happened in quick succession. Aro stopped his advance in my direction and dropped his hand to his side. The door behind me opened and Aro’s eyes gleamed at whatever he saw, surely the source of the racing heartbeat now echoing in the chamber. He turned his attention to me once more. A look of disgust followed by one of manic excitement flashed across his face as he shifted a glance to his left.

Before I could follow his gaze to see what he saw, my nerves erupted into flame. My back arched, my heart seeking in vain an escape from the fire. My eyes widened but remained unseeing, before at last I fell to my knees. All coherent thoughts flew from my head, dissipating into wisps of smoke. The burning was everything and everywhere, the pain crippling and all-consuming. I felt myself fall forward, my stone form colliding with the marble beneath it as my body continued to convulse. In the distance I thought I heard someone yell my name but I could no longer control my limbs, could not bring myself to turn my head and look for who cried out so desperately. In some deep recess of my mind, hidden beneath the flames, a part of me recognized that voice. An urge to protect whoever it was surged through me but I remained incapicated in agony.

Then, just as soon as it started, the burning disappeared. In one fluid motion I pushed myself up onto my knees and sat back for a moment on my heels. Clutching the ring behind my back I closed my eyes to gain some composure, the embodiment of Alice’s cryptic vision. And then I heard her, the voice who had screamed out my name as I lay burning. Bella.

Chapter Text

For two days I had remained sequestered in the desolate room. My only interaction with the vampires that resided in the castle were the three times daily when one of them swept into the room and left a tray of food. However, by the time I had registered their presence they had usually slipped back out. Not that it mattered anyways. I had nothing to say to them. By the end of the first day, my fear had even begun to dissolve. In its place, the gaping hole that had been my companion during the previous months settled back into place. I was resigned to the grief and my powerlessness in the current situation. What were they waiting for? What was the point of keeping me holed up here? Was Aro plotting some way to get me to divulge who had given me access to their world? I shuddered to think of what he might have meant when he said they had other ways to get me to talk.

It may have been from boredom, or from the hopelessness that dug its heel into any positive thought I tried to conjure, but I spent most of my time lying in the narrow bed trying to sleep. Seeking the only escape I had. Each time that I woke, I was confronted once again by the stiff aching of my injuries. There was a small window that looked out over the city of Volterra, otherwise I would have had no sense of the time that passed. When I was not asleep I stood at the window for as long as my ribs would allow, watching the inhabitants of Volterra move about the city. I worried that my arm would begin to heal in the wrong position and resolved to ask someone if it really was not possible to see a doctor. “It is the least they could do,” I grumbled.

In the middle of my third night there, I was awoken by the sudden appearance of Demitri, who, in a foreboding voice, had ordered, “Get up and come with me, human.” His silent apparition and abrupt command had startled me awake and I was too hasty in clambering from the bed. I shouted out in pain, having forgotten about my ribs in my half-slumbering state. My only clothes were the ones I had been wearing when they found me. Having succeeded in removing the bulky coat without jostling my arm too badly upon my arrival, I grabbed it off the chair and set out to try and slip it back on.

Demitri interrupted me, “There is no time, Aro is waiting. Leave your affairs here.” I let my jacket drop to the floor with a muted thud, turning to glare at him as I brushed past and out into the hallway. He rolled his eyes before walking away just quickly enough that I was nearly jogging to keep up, the thump of my bare feet against the stone the only noise in the corridor. I held my arm out slightly away from my body, clenching my teeth to keep a pained groan from escaping.

At last Demitri stopped before the same towering doors from that first day. He paused for a moment, not to knock as he had before but to listen to whatever was going on inside. Several seconds passed before a satisfied smile materialized on his face. Instead of opening both doors wide, he cracked the right one open just wide enough for him to slip through, beckoning that I should do the same. I shuffled in sideways, watching my arm to make sure I did not bang it into the solid wood. When at last I slid in beside him I allowed myself to look around the room.

I saw Aro first, his eyes afire with excitement upon seeing our arrival. In front of him stood a man with his back to us. My head tilted to the side as I studied his clothing, his wavy blond hair. The sorrow that had taken root in me so many months ago began to beat against the walls of my chest, as though it sensed its tipping point. Just as recognition flickered across my face, breaking through the wall of grief , the man gave an agonized cry. I watched in shock as his body tensed, arching outwards before he dropped to his knees.

“Carlisle!” The scream erupted from deep within my chest. I could feel bile rising in my throat as I saw Edward’s father crumple to the floor. I hadn’t realized that I had lurched towards him until Demitri’s hand closed around my injured arm in an unyielding grip. My own cry added to Carlisle’s as I swayed from the pain of Demitri’s grasp. The room began to blur and I willed myself to stay conscious. I watched as Carlisle continued to writhe in pain. His eyes wide open, his cheek pressed to the floor as his body contorted. Despite the agony of seeing him endure such suffering, I could not bring myself to look away. Doing so felt like an abandonment of him.

Just as soon as it had started, the pain seemed to stop and Carlisle fell silent. What felt like hours had only been mere seconds. He took in a gasping breath as a pained expression flickered in his eyes. It looked almost as though he were ashamed. At human speed he pushed himself up onto his knees. I opened my mouth to call out to him, but instead a dazed murmur slipped out, his name coming out as a question “Carlisle?” I managed to catch a glimpse of Aro’s arrogant leer before I slipped into unconsciousness.

Carlisle’s POV

In a blur of motion I stood and whipped around to face the direction of her voice. She had lost consciousness, her body slumped against her captor’s. He leaned away in disgust. Within half a second I had crossed the short distance between us and lowered her to the floor. I knelt beside her, scanning for injuries and taking an assessment of her overall state. A series of small lacerations on her forehead were red but healing. Her arm had recently suffered a break which had gone untreated. She was thinner than when I had last seen her at her birthday party, and there were dark circles beneath her eyes. I paused in my ministrations and half-turned towards Aro. Anger rattled my calm demeanor. Through my tightly clenched jaw my voice came out as a hiss, “Damnit Aro! What have you done?”

The Volturi ruler raised his eyebrows and in a show of feigning innocence opened his arms, palms facing up. “I have done nothing, Carlisle. My guard found the girl in this state.” I gave him a withering look, unable to hide the disbelief and disgust that overcame my features. I had always been known for my steady composure but I was finding it increasingly difficult to refrain from some uncharacteristically violent thoughts.

I returned my focus to Bella. Unfortunately, there was not much I could do for her in our immediate circumstances. Without an x-ray it was difficult for me to tell if her arm had suffered a partial or total fracture. It would help if I could find something to stabilize it with, but I did not dare leave her side to search. In any case, Aro would never allow me to leave the throne room. Before I could examine things any further she began to stir.

Remaining crouched at her side I whispered, “Bella? It’s Carlisle, it’s going to be alright.”

“Careful not to make promises you cannot keep, Carlisle. You don’t want to give the girl false hope,” Aro’s voice had regained its seriousness. He would waste no time in continuing on with his proceedings.

Upon hearing my voice, Bella’s eyes widened and she tried to sit up. Wincing, her good arm clutched her ribs. She must have broken a few. I still did not know what had caused her injuries.

“Carlisle! Are you alright?! What are you doing here?” Her frantic eyes scanned my form, looking for lingering signs of Jane’s torture. Seeing nothing, she shot a murderous glare in Aro’s direction.

“You!” She raised an accusatory finger at him. Many in the guard shared shocked glances, surprised at a human’s apparent disregard for the power he held. Pride thrummed through me at the sight of her fierceness, a small smile appearing on my face. But I was also touched by her concern. After our abrupt disappearance the previous autumn, I was unsure as to how she would react to seeing me. Any resentment on her part would have been more than justified.

“Now, now Isabella, he was never in any real danger,” Aro waved off her ire dismissively. “However, it would appear as though you two know each other. I presume we now know who shared our secret with you?” His expression transformed into a malicious grin. He basked in the success of his scheming and the implications of his discovery. Of course, I was not the one who had told Bella the truth of our existence. But I would never shift the guilt on to Edward or Jacob Black. Now I just had to hope that Bella would allow me to take the fall.

Bella’s face reddened, her heartbeat quickened. I watched as the irises of those closest to me went from ruby to the darkest black in response to the increased flow of blood mere feet away. Several emotions flashed across Bella’s face in quick succession, embarrassment, anger, guilt.

Glaring at Aro, she spat out, “You used him. You hurt him knowing I would react.” Bella’s eyes shifted in my direction before dropping to the floor. All the vitriol had gone from her voice. “I’m so sorry Carlisle. I’m so, so sorry.” She seemed unable to make eye contact with me. I did not need Jasper’s power to see the guilt and fear she tried so hard to mask.

I reached out and took her undamaged hand in my own, giving it a slight squeeze. “It’s okay, Bella.” My smile was genuine, as were the words I spoke. Even though I still did not have all the details of what led us to this moment, it was clear she had attempted to avoid my involvement, forcing Aro to elicit the information he needed with Jane’s earlier stunt.

A loud clap echoed through the room as Aro exclaimed, “Well! Shall we continue?” Several of the vampires in the room, having grown bored of witnessing our reunion, looked excited once more at the prospect of whatever Aro had in mind. He turned and walked towards the dais, coming to a stop in front of his throne. The highest-ranking guard members followed to stand behind him while I lifted Bella to her feet.

“Now, Carlisle, I am sure you must realize the difficult position I am in here. You are of course an old friend, and after spending several decades living amongst us you are more than familiar with our laws. Unfortunately, I cannot turn a blind eye simply because of our history. It would not be just. And what kind of example would I be setting?” Aro was a good actor. Anyone unfamiliar with his antics would see a conflicted vampire hesitant to punish. I saw straight through his performance.

Next to me, I could feel that Bella had begun to tremble. It could have been from the chill in the room or her recent loss of consciousness. Or simply out of fear for the verdict she could sense approaching. All of my instincts as a healer urged me to help, but I knew Aro would never allow such a delay to interrupt his well-orchestrated trial.

“Although,” Aro paused in reflection, “you do have a large coven. It could have been any of you that had such a slip of judgment.” Upon hearing his words I raised an arm and placed it on Bella’s back, hoping she would receive my message to play along.

“No, Aro. I take full responsibility. The rest of my family has breached no law of the Volturi’s.” Bella opened her mouth as though to speak but I continued with my explanation before she could say anything. “I treated Bella after an incident in her school’s parking lot. We had an engaging discussion and I began to imagine that she might be a possible companion for my son, Edward,” hearing his name she winced. In my head I sighed, regretting once more that I had ever gone along with his insistence that we leave Forks. The grave repercussions of that decision were now glaring. “After seeing him alone for so long, my greatest wish was for him to find a mate. Soon after, Isabella began to notice our differences and I made the decision to share my history with her. However, when Edward realized what had happened he was furious, and insisted that we leave. I did not believe Isabella to be a risk, she had always been nothing if not discreet.” Not exactly a lie but rather a distorted version of the truth.

Sighing, Aro responded, “You have been very foolish, Carlisle. Who knows how many people may have been told of our existence by the gossiping of a teenage girl”.

“I've never told anyone!” Bella interjected.

“I doubt that!” Jane spit out under her breath.

“Be that as it may,” Aro continued, “our most crucial law has been broken. Not only did you tell a human what you were, you left soon thereafter with no way of knowing whether she was maintaining our secrecy. I never considered you to be careless, Carlisle.” He glanced at his brothers before turning to hold my regard, “And the punishment for both human and vampire in the case of such an offense, more often than not, is death”.

At my side, Bella began to cry. But her expression was one of contempt, not the panic I had expected. Behind the tears, her eyes showed a desperate fury that I had never witnessed in her, “That is not fair! I have never said a word of anything to anyone! And despite all that has happened I would never do something that could cause problems for Carlisle and his family!” She took a step towards the grinning Volturi leader but I followed behind, gently grabbing her arm to stop her advance.

At my touch, she turned to look at me, her tears falling more freely. “Carlisle, I’m sorry, I never meant for any of this to happen. Those stupid motorcycles. And now Esme, oh god, Esme.” Hearing her speak my love’s name made my stomach lurch, but where Bella seemed to have lost hope of us making it out alive I still maintained some doubt about any true intention on Aro’s part to kill us.

Sure enough, his next words brought Bella’s continued rambling to a standstill, “Of course, there is one other option. And only one.”

Both Bella and I watched him. I was sure my eyes showed the weariness I felt whereas Bella’s narrowed in skepticism. Aro himself relished in the suspense that hovered in the silent room. His own excited eyes gleamed as he glanced between the two of us.

“Should you wish to avoid such a punishment, Carlisle, you must change the girl.”

Chapter Text

Bella’s POV

My mouth opened, ready to shout out the words that would set the transformation in motion. Ready to insist that Carlisle change me to prevent both our deaths. But just as the words began to clamber their way out, a smaller voice in the back of my head silenced me. Derision dripping from every remembered word.

“I don’t want you to come with me….Time heals all wounds for your kind.”

My kind. Humankind. He had said that I would move on, that my simple human mind would forget. Would that still be true if I was one of them? Would eternity be enough time for my wounds to heal? Or would I be frozen in this state of grieving. My immortal life spent pining after someone that only saw me as a passing distraction. The idea disgusted me, made me feel pathetic. But then I glanced at Carlisle. Benevolence incarnated. Compassion bleeding from every word he spoke, every action he took. And I knew I could not be responsible for extinguishing that light. Despite their disappearance from my life, I knew I still loved the Cullens. And the idea of them losing their leader, their father and husband, left me feeling sick to my stomach. Perhaps I would find distractions of my own to fill the gaping hole left frozen in time by my transformation.

Carlisle’s POV

“...you must change the girl.” Aro’s words, though not unexpected, were no less grim. I held his gaze, refusing to give him the satisfaction of seeing the apprehension that gnawed at me. From the second I had registered Bella’s presence in the chamber I knew there would only be two ways in which it could end for her. It was almost unheard of for a human to leave this room alive. Alive and mortal. When I heard her call my name, two images flickered in my head. One had been of her lifeless form lying on the stone floor. The other, her brown eyes turned a glowing red. Of course, there had been a time when she had insisted on such a transformation. But I could not be sure that after everything that had happened she would be as willing to condemn herself to life as an immortal.

Breaking eye contact with Aro, I allowed myself a sideways glance at Bella. Her mouth hung slightly open as though she had been about to speak. Her heart raced. And though she remained silent, her eyes betrayed the conflicting emotions behind them. I could only imagine what she was thinking. Edward had always spoken of her selflessness, her insistence on putting others before herself. Often to the detriment of her own well-being. I had witnessed it myself on several occasions, most violently when she had sacrificed herself to James in the hopes of saving her mother. It was imperative that my own well-being not be a factor in her decision now. I did not want her to make any sacrifices on my behalf. And while death seemed like the end-all sacrifice, damning oneself to an immortal life of thirsting for blood was by no means a salvation. I turned back towards the Volturi leaders.

“It is not my place to make that decision for Bella. Should she wish to become one of us, I will of course take the necessary action.”

Several members of the guard wore shocked expressions. Jane looked as though she would burst into laughter any second, the mirth in her expression a striking difference from her usual glowering eyes. Caius broke his silence, jeering in my direction, “Don’t be ridiculous Carlisle, surely you are not leaving the question of your survival up to a human girl? Changing her is the only way you will leave this room alive.”

“I will not force this life upon her, Caius.” I could hear the steel in my own voice, so different from its usual gentle tone. My words must have had an effect on Bella as well, for I heard her sharp intake of breath and the slight increase in her heart rate.

Suddenly Bella broke her silence. She faced Aro, her eyes hardening into a look of fierce determination, her words final and leaving no room for compromise, “I would like to discuss this with Carlisle. Alone.”

Aro said nothing but gestured to the doors, his lips curling into a patronizing smile. Demitri exited the room ahead of us, heading towards an area of the castle that I recognized as the rarely-used guest quarters. I walked alongside Bella, worried about her injuries and the lingering effects of her malaise. But it was clear my concern was unwarranted. I knew she must be in pain from her untreated wounds but she appeared to be stubbornly refusing to give any indication of suffering. She marched through the corridors, not sparing a glance for Demitri as he opened one of the wooden doors and let us inside.

Following Bella into the sparse room, I heard our chaperon close the door behind me. Neither of us spoke. Bella stood with her back to me, looking out a small window on the far wall. Away from the Volturi her heart began to slow down to its normal pace while her silence weighed heavily on the room. I was anxious to know what she was thinking. To see what she would say to me now that there were no spectators.

When Edward had demanded that our family leave, I had tried in earnest to convince him otherwise. It was obvious to me that she was his mate and I knew what that kind of separation would do to him. I also believed it foolish to think that because Bella was human that she would suffer any less. In the end, I gave into his insistence because I presumed that within a few weeks Edward would surrender and return to Forks. We had not even bothered to completely empty our home there as we would with any other house we left. But then he had left in pursuit of Victoria and nearly cut off all communication with us. During that time, Esme and I had spoken often of the girl we had grown to love as a daughter. It was as much for her own well-being as for Edward’s that I had hoped he would return to Forks, a plea for forgiveness at the ready. He had never shared with us what he had said to Bella to explain his desertion, and we feared for what his words may have done to her. By the time the letter from Aro had arrived, Esme was ready to forgo her promises to Edward and return to Forks to check on Bella. I decided that now I could, at the very least, begin by offering my own apologies and explanations. My voice came out as little more than a whisper, “Bella-”.

“The transformation heals physical injuries, right? When you changed Esme, she had been so broken. So, so broken.” At these words her voice cracked, and the faint smell of salt hinted at the tears now gathering in her eyes. “And the venom healed it all. Right, Carlisle?”

The question surprised me. Was she worried about her broken arm? The ribs that I suspected to be cracked? “Yes, Bella. The venom corrects any physical abnormalities.” She had still not turned to face me but she nodded slowly. “But if you’d like I can do my best to treat your-”

Her voice interrupted me again, quieter than before, “What about other kinds of injuries? Other sources of pain. Does the venom heal emotional wounds as well?” The words were no longer as sure as they had been in the throne room. Each hesitant syllable seemed to be forced out as the brave front she had put up for the Volturi slipped away.

Careful to maintain my human pace, I crossed the room to join her. “I’m afraid that’s a little more complicated.” Memories of Esme and Rosalie struggling with the trauma of their human lives floated to the surface of my thoughts. Not to mention my own fight to reconcile my transformation with the fiery religious teachings of my youth. She nodded again, as though she had already suspected my answer.

I reached out to place a comforting hand on her shoulder, “Bella, I am so sorry.” Sorry for her current predicament, for what our family did to her, for the anguish that weighed on her so heavily. I was not sure if it was my apology or the contact of my hand on her shoulder, but her fragile facade crumbled and the tears began to flow freely. Turning to face me she hesitated, before she collapsed against me, her good arm grasping me into a hug. Her sudden embrace surprised me but I did my best to catch her in such a way as to not cause discomfort to her injuries. My arms tightened around her shaking form. Her uninjured hand clutched forcefully into my side, as though she was afraid I was going to disappear if she let go.

I wanted nothing more than to think of something reassuring to say, instead of my repeated fervent apologies. They felt too inadequate. “You don’t have to decide yet, let me speak to Aro. Perhaps I can find another solution.” Empty words, I knew.

She released her grip on my shirt and took a small step back. Her cheeks flushed red in embarrassment. A sad but indulgent smile crossed her face as she reached up to brush the remaining tears from her cheeks, “Do you think there is a chance of him changing his mind?”

My hesitation was all the answer she needed.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, resolve settling over her features. Opening her eyes she looked to me and held my gaze, speaking with more assurance than I had heard since she had directed the all-too accurate accusations at Aro. “It’s alright, Carlisle. You have to change me, it is the only option.”

I knew she was right. And deep down I knew it was the conclusion I had hoped she would make, despite the implications that could mean for her soul. Not only to save my own life but hers and Edward’s as well. Because I knew that should she perish at the hands of the Volturi, Edward would not be far behind. Based on the limited information I had from Bella and my own observations since her arrival in the throne room, whatever had transpired between them last fall appeared to have had the same effect on Bella as it did on my son. I began to hope that if we could make it out of Volterra and Bella was changed , then they would have eternity to heal together.

Regardless, I felt obligated to make sure she was making the decision for her, and her alone. “Are you sure, Bella? You mustn't make this decision because of what may happen to me. I could not in good conscience change you because you felt as though you were forced to do so.”

She scoffed, “What? Because the alternative is so much better? I’ve made my decision, Carlisle. Change me, please, and I will figure it out from there.” Her words confused me. Did she expect to be left to her own devices after the transformation was complete? Did she think we would leave her again, to “figure it out” on her own?

“We will figure it out, Bella. But if you’re sure, let's return to Aro. I have a few details to negotiate with him.”

~~~~

Bella’s POV

“Ah, I had hoped you would come to this decision.” Aro clapped his hands together, his face beaming. Even when he seemed to be genuinely happy his expressions made my skin crawl. I struggled to imagine Carlisle living here for any prolonged period of time. Then again, loneliness can drive us to do things we would not normally do. As I had recently discovered.

Aro continued, “Well, I will let you get to work, Carlisle!” My eyes widened. What, change me this instant, here? I opened my mouth to protest but Carlisle beat me to it, his voice much steadier than mine would have been.

“Yes, about that, Aro. I was hoping you would allow me to accompany Bella back to one of our homes here in Europe, to undergo the transition with my family on hand. They are waiting anxiously to see her again and will be a great help to me in those first weeks and months.”

Aro hesitated, his eyes narrowing slightly. I wondered if he was disappointed about the idea of not witnessing my transformation. I had the feeling he was eager to see how my supposed power would manifest itself once I was a vampire. Or maybe he was worried that we were trying to pull one over on him and make an escape from our punishment. At last he spoke.

“One week, Carlisle. I am granting you one week to make your arrangements and complete the transformation. I will send my guard to confirm your adherence to our agreement. Do not make me regret my leniency towards your transgression.”

Carlisle appeared to exhale in relief, “Thank you, friend. Your generosity will not be forgotten.” His flattering words seemed over the top to me, but by now I had realized that the Volturi leader thrived on those around him recognizing his power. We were so close to being released that Carlisle was most likely pulling out all the stops to remain in the good graces of Aro and his brothers. He bowed slightly in their direction before taking my hand in his and turning us towards the exit.

Chapter Text

We didn’t waste any time leaving the castle. Carlisle asked if I’d like to return to my room to gather anything but I assured him there was nothing of importance. I just wanted to get out of there as soon as I could. He appeared to feel the same.

When at last we emerged into the courtyard from which I had entered several days before, the sky was still dark. Stars blinked down at us from the gaps in between the clouds.

Carlisle paused and looked at me, concern evident in his softened expression. “How are you feeling? Is your arm causing you a lot of pain? And am I mistaken or have you injured your ribs as well?” Nothing escaped his notice.

Without pause I insisted, “I’m fine.”

He raised his eyebrows, not believing my indifference for a second. But instead of pushing the matter he changed topics, whispering conspiratorially, “Bella, how opposed are you to grand theft auto?”

Shock flickered across my face before I recovered it into a small smile, “I’d say under these circumstances, pick the fastest one you can find.” He laughed in response and the sound did more to calm my nerves than any words could have done at that moment. We were going to be okay.

Carlisle took off down a narrow alley, occasionally turning to glance behind us. Slowing his pace to allow me to keep up more easily, he gestured towards the arm cradled against my chest, “Are you willing to tell me what happened? Was Aro being truthful when he said they found you that way?”

We had arrived in front of a sleek-looking black car. Knowing nothing about luxury vehicles and unable to see much in the dark shadows of the alley, I was not even sure what kind of car it was. But I trusted his judgment in picking whichever car would get us as far away and as quickly as possible. I waited next to the passenger side door while he stood on the other side, moving at vampire speed to break into the locked driver side door. A sudden click made him exhale in relief and he flashed to my side, opening the door for me.

I still had not answered his questions. But with a patient smile he beckoned towards my arm, “May I?” It was the same arm that he had stitched with care after my disastrous birthday party. While only a few months had passed since that moment, it often felt like another life entirely. There had been times when a particularly cynical part of my mind wondered if I hadn’t just imagined it all. My time with Edward had always felt too good to be true. Now that Carlisle was once agin tending to my ill-fated injuries, that part of my brain was still trying to accept his sudden reappearance in my life.

Gingerly lifting my arm away from my body, I winced as his cool hands felt for the break. “I was riding a motorcycle-” Carlisle’s eyebrows shot up. “Yeah, um, and it was raining and the bike slipped and I crashed into the ditch along the highway.”

He sighed, “How long ago?”

“I guess it’s been three days? Four?” Carlisle glanced behind me into the back seat of the car. I heard the door open and he reappeared in front of me before I had time to register his movement. Having found some kind of scarf he used it to brace my arm in a makeshift sling against my body.

“I’m sorry, I’m afraid there is not much more I can do right now.” He seemed genuinely ashamed to not be able to heal me then and there. “But I think it is important we leave immediately, once we have gained some distance from Volterra we will stop and I will try and find something to make you more comfortable.”

“It’s alright, Carlisle, I understand.” He made sure I got settled into my seat before returning to the driver’s side and slipping in behind the wheel. I watched him reach underneath it and fiddle with the wires. A second later the car came to life and he pulled out of the deserted street, leaving the headlights off. Within a few minutes we had left the town behind and were racing down the twisting roads of the Italian countryside. Settled into the cool leather seat, I allowed myself a glance in Carlisle’s direction. He was focused on the road before him but seemed relaxed. The quiet hum of the car and the darkness blanketing our surroundings lulled me into a peacefulness I had not felt in months. So many questions remained unanswered, the future was frighteningly unknown, but at that moment I felt safe. Taken care of. It wasn’t that I hadn’t felt cared for with Charlie, but I could never have shared with him the details of what had happened between Edward and I. Despite his earnest attempts to help me, I had been forced to carry the burden alone. Until now.

My realization caused something inside of me to give away and silent tears began to slide down my cheeks at an alarming rate. I could not seem to make them stop. After months of operating in a more or less catatonic state to avoid exactly this kind of reaction, I had reached my breaking point. Embarrassed, I turned my head towards the window. Carlisle cast a quick glance in my direction and seemed to understand without me having to say a word. His hand reached over and squeezed mine briefly before returning to its spot on the steering wheel.

Of course I did not really know what would happen once I had been changed. When Edward left me he had said it was because the family needed to start over, that people were becoming suspicious of their unchanging, unaging faces. He had said he didn’t want me to go with them. Had that really been true for the rest of the family? Once the Volturi guard visits and sees that I am no longer human would the Cullens leave me behind once more? After four months of repeating his hurtful words in my head I could almost convince myself that would be the case. But there was still an instinctual impulse to bat those thoughts away, a nagging insistence that it did not make sense. I was sure they had loved me.

Carlisle’s quiet voice broke the silence and brought my increasingly distressed thoughts to a standstill, “I’m going to call Esme and let her know we are on our way. We were both wary as to why Aro summoned me so I am sure she is anxious to know I am okay.” His words made me sad, had they somehow anticipated his near demise? I thought of Esme waiting for her husband. Preparing herself for the possibility of bad news, bad news that would have been all my fault. “They have been waiting for me back at one of our homes in the north of France.”

They. Would he be there? “When you say they…”

A pained look flashed across Carlisle’s face before he carefully composed himself, “I flew over from New York with Esme, Alice, and Jasper. Emmett and Rosalie met us there.”

I nodded. I was unsure how I felt about Edward’s unspoken absence from the rest of his family. Though a part of me was reassured. He had always been so vehement about his opposition to me becoming one of them that I was afraid of what he would say if Carlisle suddenly arrived with me in tow with orders to change me. I watched as Carlisle pulled a small cell phone out of his pocket and held it up to his ear, his other hand easily navigating the car along the dark country roads. He spoke too quickly for my human ears to follow, his hushed tone melodic. The sound of it had a soothing effect on me and at last I drifted off to sleep.

~~~

When I woke up the sky was still black but I could see the dark outline of mountains looming in the distance.

Carlisle turned his head and caught my eye, smiling, “Did you have a restful nap?” I nodded before he went on to calmly explain, “If it’s alright with you I would like to stop soon. We need to abandon the car somewhere, the owner will have alerted the local authorities to its disappearance. Now that daylight is approaching we will be able to rent one in the city. Seeing as we have an international border to cross I’m not willing to take any extra risks, such as driving a stolen car through a checkpoint.”

Hearing him mention border crossings reminded me of one important detail that had been overlooked, I gasped, “Carlisle! I have nothing with me, no identification. No passport.” In my half-asleep state I was picturing myself standing before a border patrol officer empty-handed, trapped in Italy.

“Shh, it’s alright Bella. We will not need anything right now. For the most part we can circulate between European countries without needing to present a passport. Though that is why I avoided simply hopping on a plane. You would have needed identification. In any case, I was thinking it might be most prudent to leave the car in a secluded place before running across the border into France. That is, if you give me your consent to carry you.”

“Oh. Uh, yeah, that’s fine I guess. Whatever you think is best.”
We drove for a few more minutes until Carlisle slowed down and stopped at what appeared to be a simple highway pull-off. I glanced out the window, jumping when he suddenly opened my door and offered his hand, helping me to clamber out. We were in some kind of valley with mountains grazing the sky in every direction. A faint glow on the eastern horizon was visible even to my eyes. He seemed to watch the sky, a fleeting look of concern on his face. Though I had had the foresight to put my shoes on when we had gone back to my room in Volterra to talk, I was regretting leaving my jacket behind. The ground was covered in snow and a light wind blew a dusting of snowflakes my way. Before I could so much as shiver, Carlisle had removed his own coat and held it out to me.

“We don’t have too far to run. The topography of the area demands that I take a more circuitous route than if it were flat, but it should still only take me a few minutes to get there. Let me help you,” he held the coat up while I slipped my good arm in. Instead of maneuvering my broken arm into the other sleeve he simply wrapped the coat around me. “Ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

He placed one arm gingerly behind my back and used the other to scoop me up behind the knees. I blushed at the close contact and the awkwardness of being cradled like a child. He had no doubt sensed my embarrassment.

“I’ll do my best to prevent the run from causing you further pain. Are you comfortable? You must tell me if I cause your injuries to hurt more than they already do.”

“No, I’m fine.” He looked unconvinced, so as I pulled the hood up over my head I added, “I promise.”

“Alright, it’s about to get a little windy.”

Just as I felt the first woosh of air that indicated the blinding speed at which he ran, I tucked my head against his cotton shirt. My eyes squeezed shut. I focused on taking steady breaths, flinching slightly when an attempt at a deep breath brought on a fresh ache in my ribs. It felt as though he slowed slightly so I tried to reassure him, knowing the words I mumbled against his shirt would not be missed by his vampire-hearing, “it’s ok, I’m fine, keep going.”

The icy wind whistled around me as he raced through the mountain valley. It was impossible to get a sense of the time or distance that had passed so I was surprised when I suddenly felt him slow to a stop. My eyes snapped open as he lowered me to my feet, keeping one hand at my elbow to make sure I was steady enough. We appeared to be in the center of town, though hidden on a small side street.

“It looks as though it is going to be a sunny day, so I am going to go ahead and get us a car as quickly as I can. Then we can get you some food and anything else you might need. Does that sound okay?” He gave me a cautious smile.

My eyes narrowed as I took in my surroundings, “Okay. Where are we exactly?”

We walked towards the main road, “Briançon, France. It’s in the southeastern part of the country, in the Hautes-Alpes.” He spoke the name of the town in flawless French. “The others are waiting for us at our home in Lonlay-l’Abbaye, in the Normandy region. So I am afraid that we still have a ways to go.”

As promised, he soon had us settled into a car that closely resembled the one he had driven in Forks. On the way out of town he stopped at a café so I could freshen up while he stocked up on French pastries from the bakery next door. Luckily, he also had time to slip into the pharmacy and pick up some supplies, taking the time to put my arm in a more stable brace and give me some pain medication before getting back on the road. By the time we left the city limits behind us, the sun had risen fully above the horizon, confining Carlisle to the car for the foreseeable future.

~~~

Carlisle’s POV

Within minutes of our departure from Briançon, Bella was nodding off once again. I was glad to see her rest, knowing that it was one of the last chances she had to disappear into the quietude of sleep. The thought of the impending transformation that was being thrust upon her made my chest tighten. It wasn’t that I was against the idea of her becoming like us, quite the opposite. I knew it was necessary and ultimately inevitable. It was the circumstances that left me feeling grief-stricken. This would be the first time I would change someone who wasn’t gravely ill or injured. The first time I would be stealing someone in (nearly) perfect health from their mortal life and damning them to one of immortal bloodthirst. Though in some ways she was just as much at risk of perishing as the others had been if I did not act. I had no reason to believe that Aro would not follow through exactly as he had warned.

Bella and I had not spoken much beyond discussing the logistics of our escape from the Volturi and consequent travels north. Besides her hug back in Volterra and the tearful beginning to our drive, she had been making a valiant effort to contain her feelings. I still could not be sure why. Was she more angry with me than she let on? Overwhelmed by the traumatic chain of events that had unfolded over the last several days? Or perhaps she was afraid of opening up and being hurt again so deeply? For even though she had not spoken about it, there had been enough clues to signal to me how traumatizing our departure had been the previous autumn. The thought left me heavy-hearted. But it also caused a spark of anger to flash through me. Anger at Edward for the pain he had caused her. Anger at myself for allowing him to go through with it. I sighed. Oh Bella, what have we done to you? I looked over at her as she slept, promising to myself that we would not let her down again.

The hours that followed were uneventful as we sped through the French countryside. I had decided to avoid the freeway in favor of the smaller backroads where there were fewer cars and fewer chances of being caught speeding by one of the French radar cameras. Not to mention there were no tolls to slow me down. It had been decades since I had been back to the pays des lumières and if not for the tragic circumstances of my return I would have found myself fascinated to see how everything had evolved in that time. But as it were, my focus was on Bella. Despite the exhaustion evident in her eyes, she spent most of the trip watching the scenery as it blurred past out the window. Fighting sleep for hundreds of kilometers. At least I was relieved to see that the pain medication had alleviated some of the discomfort in her arm and ribs.

As the car raced further west, the sun began to set and within a couple of hours I was turning onto the long driveway that led to our home. My foot twitched slightly, urging the car forward even faster. I was impatient to hold Esme in my arms. When I had spoken with her that morning and explained to her about Bella’s appearance in Volterra she had been devastated. That’s not to say she was not overjoyed to reunite with her, but she was also horrified by what Bella had gone through and would soon have to endure. I had shared my concerns with her about Bella’s possible reaction to reuniting with everyone at once and Esme had asked the others to give us a day or two with her first. Alice had been reluctant to postpone her reunion with her best friend and almost-sister, but she soon saw that things would go more smoothly if there weren’t five vampires waiting for Bella in the entry hall upon our arrival.

Bella had finally given in to her fatigue and fallen asleep again after our final stop outside of Orléans. She was still sleeping soundly in the seat beside me when the 300-year old half-timbered home came into view, the lights out front casting a warm glow over the gravel drive. As the car came to a stop the front door opened and Esme rushed out. Stepping from the car, I felt myself pulled into the embrace I had feared I would never get to experience again. Her arms swung up and rested on my shoulders, her hands clasped into the hair at the nape of my neck. The aroma of baking bread and blooming sweet peas clouded my thoughts, acting as a balm to my anxiety. “Carlisle,” the tremor in Esme’s voice as she murmured my name replaced the tears she could not shed. There was no need for her to say more. After nearly a century together I felt her emotions almost as acutely as my own. Clutching her against my chest, I laid my cheek on the top of her head and sighed in relief. It seemed impossible that hardly more than a day had passed since we had forced ourselves to say goodbye in this exact spot. How had I ever let her go?

“I’m here, I’m back. We’re okay, love.” She pulled away slightly, grasping my arms in both of hers as she looked me over. Taking her own assessment. Nodding, she allowed a small smile to spread across her face, satisfied that I had returned to her in one piece. Having at last found solace in each other’s company, the strain of the past 24-hours slipped away from us both.

Esme’s attention turned to the car behind me and the girl asleep in the front seat, sadness flooding her features. Her eyes looked back up into mine as she asked, “How is she, Carlisle?” Her concern for the daughter she never stopped loving was undeniable.

Her expression was an uncanny replica of the look she had worn when I had told her that I was accepting Edward’s wishes to leave Forks. Upon hearing his idea, Esme had been cross. A rare occurrence for my otherwise tender-hearted mate. She had spoken her piece, warning him that playing the martyr in this situation would only hurt them both, reproaching him for making such a drastic decision without Bella having a say. But when I had ceded to Edward’s arguments, Esme’s face had fallen, dejection evident in every soft feature. Seeing such sadness in her eyes had almost caused me to go back on my word to our son. In our state it was rare to feel any kind of physical pain, but seeing the hurt I had caused my love had made me feel as though my legs would give out beneath me.

I focused my attention back on the present. Back on Bella. “She hasn’t told me much, but I think she is doing okay, all things considered.”

Doing my best to open the passenger door without waking her, I bent down and scooped Bella into my arms. She gave a slight stir and mumbled, “Please, no. Let go of my arm.” I froze, worried she had woken up and that despite my gentle intentions my grip was hurting her. But Bella’s eyes remained closed as she continued to mumble incoherently. Esme watched her with a heartbroken frown. I carried her inside as fast as I dared, impatient to get her settled more comfortably after so many hours in the car.

Her bedroom was on the top floor of the house, one of several that lined the long hallway. A crackling sound greeted me as we approached and I realized Esme must have lit a fire in the rarely used fireplace. It warmed the otherwise chilly space. Moonlight streamed in through the dormer window, falling across the worn oak floorboards. Someone had made up the bed with fresh linens and as I laid Bella down, Esme pulled the comforter up to her shoulders.

Before taking our leave, we paused in the doorway. Esme wrapped her arm around my waist and settled her head against my shoulder, her eyes never leaving Bella’s sleeping form.

“This isn’t how it was supposed to happen.”

I frowned, imagining how things would have gone differently if we had never left. If we had not forsaken the human girl who had done nothing but love our son and accept us for what we were. Guilt flooded through me. We would have still been in Forks and Bella would still be able to sit down to dinner every evening with her father. Her human life would be progressing as it should, with birthdays and milestones and growing friendships with those around her. Yes, one day she would have been confronted with the transformation. It was the one vision of Alice’s that had never wavered. But there would have been no rush. No imperative to precipitate the life-altering change.

Sighing, I bowed my head, the shame I felt weighing it down, “We have much to make up for. Hopefully she will allow us the chance to do so, even if it is more than we deserve.”

Bella’s POV

“Bella! Bella, wake up! Bella, sweetheart, you’re safe!” A voice was trying to drag me from the depths of my routine nightmare. In the hazy realm of the half-asleep, half-waking world I tried to decipher who was speaking to me. At last my eyes snapped open.

“Esme!” Without thinking I leaped up and wrapped my good arm around her neck. The sobs that erupted must have been a blend of my residual fear from the vivid dream, of the pain in my arm and chest from my sudden movement, and the sight of her soothing presence in front of me. I felt her stiffen under my grasp and I instantly pulled back, looking away in embarrassment.

“No, Bella, it’s quite alright. You just surprised me.” Esme smiled reassuringly and sat down on the edge of the bed. The movement drew my attention to my new surroundings. She waited as my head swiveled in each direction.

“Where are we?” I knew the plan had been to rejoin the family at their home in Northern France, but I wanted to know more.

Esme looked at me. Though she was still smiling warmly, her eyes betrayed a deeper concern. “Are you okay, Bella? You have been screaming in your sleep for several minutes, nothing I was doing to wake you seemed to be working.”

A sheepish look came over my face and I turned to look out the window. “Oh, yeah. I’m, uh, I’m used to it. Don’t worry.” I didn’t want to divulge the details of my nightly terrors. Her son’s desertion, his biting words, my own stumbling through the forest in a fruitless attempt to follow him. The only difference this time was the addition of a convulsing Carlisle, lying on the forest floor in the spot where Edward had been.

I could tell she saw right through my attempts to brush off her concern. Her sad smile as she nodded along to my evasiveness told me she knew exactly what I was keeping from her. Thankfully she let the subject go.

“We are at our home in Lonlay-l’Abbaye. You and Carlisle arrived late last night. We didn’t want to wake you so we took the liberty of carrying you up to your room. I hope that is alright?”

Some part of me thought I should be feeling more angry. Angry about someone using their superhuman strength to carry me inside like a child. Angry about being here. Here with people who I had always trusted before they had disappeared from my life overnight. This bitter voice kept pushing snide comments up the back of my throat. As though to say, come on, spit it out, tell them how much they hurt you.

But I could not bring myself to do it.

Because if I was honest with myself, I was elated to find myself sitting across from Esme. I knew eventually the tragic nature of what led me to this moment would hit. And I would be disgusted with myself for allowing such feelings of warmth to flood through me at the sight of her and Carlisle. Had I already forgotten my own parents? And the despair they were surely experiencing at my sudden violent disappearance? I could only grapple with one source of grief at a time.

“That’s fine. Thanks, I guess I must have been really tired…”

Esme went to stand up, “Would you like me to let you get some more rest?”

“No! I mean, I’m alright now. What time is it? I think I will just get up. Maybe find something to eat.” I wasn’t particularly hungry. But I didn’t want to fall back asleep and worry them with more of my nightmares.

“Of course,” Esme gave a small smile. “Would you like me to show you the way down to the kitchen?”

I nodded and stood up. The aching in my ribs had thankfully begun to subside, leaving a dull throb. However, my arm still caused me a considerable amount of pain, I hoped Carlisle would be able to give me more of whatever I’d taken the day before.

Following behind Esme, I marveled at the home I now found myself in. It was obviously very old, the wide planks beneath my feet creaking every few steps. It did not feel as lived-in as their home in Forks had, the walls were bare, the shelves only half full. But it was just as grandiose. I wondered how long it had been since they’d been here last. Down on the main floor we passed through a doorway into an expansive room. Exposed wood beams on the ceiling ran the width of the entire space. A kitchen took up one whole corner. And on the far wall was an ancient-looking stone fireplace. Carlisle sat in a leather chair, his fingers flipping the pages of a book every few seconds. When he heard us enter he gently closed the book and placed it on the table in front of him.

“Good morning, Bella.”

I knew he had likely heard my screaming and the conversation with Esme that ensued. But after living and working amongst humans for so long he had mastered the habit of acting oblivious when it came to overhearing things no human could have heard.

“Good morning.” My response was mumbled, I suddenly felt shy standing there with them both. The drama of the day before seemed distant. As though it had happened in a different life. My adrenaline had evaporated. But we all knew what was coming and no one seemed eager to broach the weighty subject. Thankfully Esme interrupted the loaded silence with a perfectly mundane detail.

“When I heard you were coming I went out and bought a few groceries. Bread, fruit, cereal. Would you like me to prepare something?”

I jumped at the chance to have an excuse for a distraction, “Oh no that’s okay, I’ll get it!” I walked into the kitchen and started by glancing in the fridge. Pulling out an apple I then moved on to the cupboards. After a couple of tries I found the one with the groceries she had mentioned and grabbed a small tub of oatmeal. While I worked cutting up the apple and stirring it into the oatmeal cooking on the stove, I attempted to listen to Esme and Carlisle’s hushed conversation. Though it was nearly impossible to even hear that they were speaking in the first place.

Once my food was ready I sat down at one of the stools in the kitchen to eat. Within the first couple of bites Esme swept into the kitchen and busied herself with washing the handful of dishes I had dirtied. Carlisle joined us, leaning back against the counter next to Esme, a kitchen towel in his hand to dry what she had already finished cleaning. I could sense that they wanted to speak with me so I cut in.

“Where are the others?”

They shared a glance before Carlisle answered, “We suggested they take a day or two and go hunting. We weren’t sure if you’d want to see everybody right away.”

Before I could censor myself, a derisive huff of air escaped out my nose. I groaned internally at their questioning looks, realizing I should explain my cold reaction. “You can tell me the truth, you know. If they didn’t want to be here that’s fine.” I was staring intensely at my almost empty bowl of oatmeal, willing a hole to open up at the bottom and swallow me whole. Was this it, then? Was I just going to spill all of my insecurities to them? The idea was tempting. But also terrifying. A more vengeful person would tell them everything, tell them how bad things had gotten, wanting to make them feel as badly as I had. But I was not that person.

It was Esme that responded, her voice soft. “No, of course not, Bella. I practically had to push them out the door. Alice in particular.”

My subconscious leaped for joy at her words. But the elation was short-lived. My conscious thought soon regained the upper hand and silenced the hopeful one trying so desperately to claim victory. Esme was the most loving, kind-hearted person I had met, of course she would want to say something to soothe me. They had already left you once, so when they heard you were coming they leapt at the chance to disappear again. The two opposing sides within me continued to grapple with each other as I stared dubiously at Esme.

It was Carlisle that broke the silence, his words hesitant. “Bella, would you be comfortable sharing with us what happened? How did you end up in Volterra?”

I thought back to Jane’s mocking tone. To how she had accused me of sharing their secret like some petty gossip. Surely the Cullens would have known me well-enough to know that I would never do such a thing.

My voice was quieter than I would have liked, “I didn’t tell a soul about you guys. I swear, I didn’t say a thing.”

“We know, dear. Don’t worry. We don’t blame you in the slightest,” Esme reassured me. Carlisle watched her as she spoke, his gentle expression echoing her words.

“It’s stupid, really. I had been learning to ride a motorbike. And I was on my way home during a downpour.” No need to say why or from where. “I must have taken the turn wrong and my wheels slid across the pavement. The bike dragged me down and I ended up in the ditch. As I was trying to figure out how I would get home while in so much pain, I heard a rustling in the woods. When I heard Edward’s-” I cut myself off. I had gotten caught up in the memory of it all and said more than I had meant to. Though my slip-up of course hadn’t fallen on deaf ears.

Carlisle, his expression thoughtful, asked, “When you heard Edward?”

As far as I could tell, hearing voices wasn’t any more normal for vampires than it was for humans. “You’re going to think I’m crazy,” I muttered, my eyes beginning to sting as I clenched my jaw to keep from crying.

His voice softened, “I don’t think you’re crazy, Bella.”

Taking a deep breath, I straightened up and rushed through the next part of the story. “I heard his voice. It was as clear as if he were right next to me. It had happened a couple of times before when I was in a particularly risky situation. But this time it felt even more realistic. He was telling me to get up. To get up and go, right away. For a split second I allowed myself to hope that he had come back and I spoke his name. It came out as a question, as though I were searching for him. But he wasn’t the one to come walking out of the woods. It was Jane.”

Chapter Text

Carlisle’s POV

Bella continued her story, recounting how the Volturi guard had spirited her away from the side of a Forks highway. That is, everything she could remember. It sounded as though the shock from her injuries and the Volturi’s arrival had caused her to lose consciousness as soon as Demitri had taken hold of her. It made me nauseous to think of her in their hands and I had to remind myself that she was no longer in danger.

When she got to the part of the story detailing their arrival in Volterra and her confrontation with Aro, her words became more hesitant, her posture withdrawn.

“He wanted to know how I knew they were vampires. He wanted me to tell him who was guilty of breaking their most important law. I tried to act oblivious at first; I know now that Aro saw through my attempts right away. He watched me squirm as I scrambled to avoid saying what he wanted to hear.” At this Bella’s jaw clenched in anger, the words forced out between her teeth. Her disgust of Aro was clearly visible on her face. “I tried to distract him, to change the subject. He had mentioned that I intrigued him so I tried to get him to elaborate on that instead. But he could tell what I was doing.”

I could picture it clearly. Aro’s scheming words, his subtle threats. After a millennia of maintaining order in the vampire world he was well-practiced at getting what he wanted.

Her voice became so quiet that a human would have missed her next words, “I should have just told him. Then he wouldn’t have had to use you that way, Carlisle.” Her eyes hardened as she remembered Aro’s leering face, his glee at having tricked the information he wanted from her. My own eyes closed briefly as I recalled the experience. During my own stay in Volterra centuries before, I had seen Jane execute her power on more than one occasion. I had witnessed how, over time, she gleaned more and more satisfaction from watching her victims suffer. It had been reason enough to warrant my weariness upon arriving in the chamber this time around. Esme walked over and stood at my side, squeezing my hand. I chose my words carefully, wanting desperately to reassure Bella.

“Bella. You were standing before one of the most gifted manipulators I have ever met. When Aro sets his mind to something he is ruthless in achieving the end he seeks. From the moment you spoke Edward’s name back in Forks, Aro was almost sure of our family’s role in your obvious knowledge of our existence. But though he is manipulative, he is rigid in his application of justice. He would not condemn you without an admission or clear proof. It would set a worrisome precedent for maintaining his control over the vampire world. Usually, he would be able to see the evidence in the thoughts of the person before him. A touch of his hand and he could see every incriminating thought they had ever had. But your mind was silent to him. And that pushed him to use other tactics.”

I paused, letting Bella process everything that I had said so far. Her face had paled at the mention of Edward’s name. But she nodded mutely, motioning for me to continue.

“I will not lie to you and say that it was nothing, what Jane did. The pain of her electrifying power is like nothing I’ve experienced since my own transformation. But it is purely psychological. There is no lasting damage inflicted on the body. As soon as she reigns her power in, the physical pain disappears.” Her eyes began to water and I worried I was going at this the wrong way. But I wanted her to know that I saw her as an equal, that I was not going to censor myself out of fear of her not being able to handle it. If anything, the past few days had proved that she could handle most anything the world, whether the mortal or immortal one, threw her way.

“I do not blame you for what Jane did to me. You were willing to subject yourself to who knows what in order to protect myself and my family. I could never be anything but indebted to you, Bella. And fiercely proud.”

She remained skeptical. “Proud? But I fell for his trap. I gave you away. You could have died, Carlisle.”

I thought for a moment on how best to word what I wanted to say; I was hesitant to scare her but determined to get my point across and free her of the guilt she harbored. “You said that Aro told you he had ways of getting the truth from you, even without his mind-reading ability.” She nodded, and my voice softened in an attempt to temper the sinister words that would come next. “Bella, you can not imagine the things I have seen him do, to vampire and human alike, to get what he wants.” Bella shivered involuntarily. “There is no doubt in my mind that he would have done everything in his power to get you to implicate me. So if suffering at the hand of Jane for a few seconds is my sacrifice to protect you from his more sadistic inclinations, I would willingly do it again. Every time.”

Understanding bloomed across her face; her eyes widened and her pulse began to race. Her body suddenly sensed the threat that her adrenaline had masked since her arrival in Volterra. She had at last realized how much danger she had truly been in. How close it had come to a much more painful outcome. Climbing down from her spot on the stool she walked in a daze around the kitchen island to stand in front of me. She took a tentative look at my face before hugging me tightly with her good arm.

“Thank you, Carlisle.”

I smiled, relieved that she appeared to have released some of the guilt that had weighed on her so heavily since seeing me crumble to the floor at Aro’s feet.

“Of course, Bella.”

Bella’s POV

Carlisle’s speech had left me at a loss for words. My imagination had gone into overdrive, conjuring up all manner of terrifying possibilities that might have happened to me if he had not come to Volterra. All I could think to do was hug him. I hoped he would sense my earnest gratitude, even if all I could sputter out was a simple ‘thank you’.

Having heard the sincerity in his voice, and the intensity with which he told me he would do it all over again to protect me, something shifted inside of me. Things that I had assumed to be true these last few months now felt harder to swallow. If Carlisle and Esme hadn’t wanted me to join the family, why would they be going through all of this trouble to watch out for me now? That is, unless they hadn’t wanted to leave me behind back in September after all? Carlisle and Esme were here; they were here and they obviously cared for me. They weren’t here out of guilt or obligation. At least I didn’t think so. A tiny flicker of hope came to life in that gaping hole inside my chest. No larger than the flame of a matchstick, but enough to give me a taste of what could be. Regardless of what Edward had said, of what he felt, I began to believe that his family did not feel the same way. Or at least some of them didn’t.

It seemed too good to be true. I stepped back from Carlisle. He and Esme watched me expectantly. Concern evident in their eyes, unsure of how I was handling the information he had shared with me.

“So he really means it, then, doesn’t he? Aro will check to see if we follow through?” I was sure of the answer but I needed to hear it from Carlisle anyways.

He held my gaze, his eyes softening as he nodded. “Yes, I’m afraid so. I do not doubt for a minute his intentions to send the guard to verify that you have been changed.” His expression was remorseful; he clasped my hands in both of his. It was how I pictured he would announce bad news to a patient or their family. I suppose in some ways he was. “I am so sorry. If I had thought there was any chance of convincing him otherwise, I would have done whatever I had to.”

So this was it, then. On the surface level I had accepted what was going to happen. Of course I could remember a time when this was all I had begged Edward for, how I had questioned his decision to stop what had been put in motion by James’s attack. Strangely enough, the pain of the transformation itself did not scare me. I could remember the burn of the bite in the ballet studio. Maybe I was naive. But the hollowness that had haunted me these last few months had been more unbearable than any physical pain I had yet to experience, even the burn of venom. It was what came after the change that terrified me. The post-transformation future was still murky. It seemed as though Carlisle and Esme would want me to stay. Edward may be off enjoying his ‘distractions’ now, but he would want to come home eventually. And what would happen to me then? If it was true that he did not love me anymore I knew it would be impossible for me to remain and feign indifference. Maybe it would be best if I separated from the Cullens after all. Even if the thought of doing so made me feel sick.

I glanced up and saw Esme was watching me with a worried look on her face, “You’ve gone pale, Bella. Why don’t you come sit down.”

“Are you in pain? Would you like some more of the painkillers?” Carlisle disappeared for a second and then reappeared with the medicine he’d given me the day before. I allowed them to steer me towards the living room where I sat down in one of the leather chairs in front of the fireplace. My eyes staring into the crackling flames. I suddenly felt anxious to just get it over with, to show the Volturi I was no longer a threat. At least not a human one. Then I could figure out how I would navigate my new life, alone, freeing the Cullens of the burden of another newborn vampire.

“Thanks.” I threw the pills into my mouth and chased them down with the glass of water Esme handed me. “Though I guess it won’t make much of a difference soon anyways. Where do you want to do this? I’m assuming it won’t really matter to me once all is said and done. That way we'll have a couple of days before the Volturi arrive. Is that enough time for you to teach me what I need to know? Show me to hunt? That way once they come and see that I am one of you, they can report back to Aro. Perhaps I will give the nomad thing a try for a while. I know it will be an adjustment but maybe the fact I know what I am getting into will help me adapt more quickly? Then I won’t have to impose much longer.” As soon as I started talking my panic set in and I was unable to stop. The longer I rambled on, the more confused their expressions became.

Carlisle spoke first, “There is no rush, Bella. We have a few days before we need to start the change. And I am sure the others would like to see you first, if you’re willing.”

“Plus,” Esme added, “you are not imposing on us Bella. We want you here with us. We never should have left you in the first place. And now, we would never force you to leave.” Upon hearing her words, the spark that had ignited inside me earlier tried to grow and push back against the darkness in my chest. But the depression that had taken root in me was relentless, blowing out breath after breath to try and extinguish the hope their words were weaving.

How could they say these things knowing how Edward felt? Couldn’t they see how uncomfortable it would be to have us both living under the same roof? I took a deep breath and felt my lungs expand against my still healing ribs, a grimace crossing my face. I couldn’t bring myself to look at them as I spoke, the love in their eyes so genuine. And so terrifying. I couldn’t bear to gain it back now only to lose it again in a few days. “The thing is, he will come home eventually. And now that I know how he really felt, I’m sure my presence here will not be a happy surprise.” There was no need to specify who “he” was.

At their bewildered looks, I continued, “Thank you, for everything. I don’t know what I did to deserve you both. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stay here, in this house, with him. Not after what he told me. It would be unbearable.” My words had gotten quieter and quieter as I spoke. The tiny flame inside of me flickering dangerously. The darkness closing in on it once more.

It felt like several minutes passed before Carlisle spoke softly, “Bella, what exactly did Edward say to you when we left?”

Chapter Text

Carlisle’s POV

In the almost hundred years that I had known him, I had never raised my voice at Edward in anger. My family believed it was my own “gift”. Endless compassion and patience. Perfect self-control. I wasn't sure the reason was so noble as that.

As far as I could remember I had been a meek child. Always deferential to my father’s imposing rank in our family and our community. The way I saw it now, I had learned early on to lead an unassuming life. Everything went more smoothly when I remained subdued in my father’s shadow of piety. In some ways, my compassion was my form of revolt. My subtle way of renouncing everything my father embodied. Where he sought wickedness, I sought understanding. Where he sought punishment, I sought care. He gave no second chances while my forgiveness was limitless.

The first time Edward left Esme and I, we were devastated. Both by his absence and by what we suspected he was doing. But I was never angry. Disappointed, yes, but never angry. Though even then I was disappointed more in myself than in him. I considered myself a failure for having lost him to our most basic instincts. In the years that followed I replayed every conversation, every debate, every argument we had ever had, trying to figure out where I had led him astray. Trying to think of the words I should have spoken. What I could have done differently to help him.

When he returned to us after several years away, black irises encircled in rings of crimson, I welcomed him back into our home, no questions asked. I was overjoyed to have my son back. But heartbroken to see the toll the previous years had taken on him. In some ways, my compassionate reaction to his return had made things harder for him. He would have preferred I berate him, that I unleash the fury he felt he deserved. That I yell and punish and douse our reunion in anger. Even if he knew as well as I did that I was incapable of such a reaction. He could see in my thoughts that I was anything but irate. No, I had allowed my mind to flood with the adoration I felt for him and the relief at having him home. A stream of my most beloved memories of him played out to welcome him home. When he walked forward and threw his arms around me in a rare gesture of affection and asked for my forgiveness, I gave it readily.

But now, listening to Bella speak aloud his words from last September, my benevolence was being tested as never before. I was mortified. And above all, I was enraged.

Bella’s POV

It had never occurred to me that Edward’s family might not know what he said to me in order to explain their sudden disappearance. The idea brought me up short. In a household that included a mindreader, an empath, and a clairvoyant, secrets were rare. Now it sounded as though Edward had managed to keep one from them all. I felt foolish. Could it be that simple? Did they just not know? Was it possible, as absurd as it sounded to me, that they believed I had accepted Edward’s decision to leave? That it was a mutual understanding? That I did not stumble through the woods, desperate to find him and never let go? I felt flustered as my mind raced with the new information. Confusion settled over my face as I realized my memory of that time was likely very different from whatever they imagined had happened.

In the days and weeks that followed Edward’s disappearance from the woods behind Charlie’s house, I could feel myself begin to vanish. Without knowing it, he had taken so much of me with him. I felt weightless. Every gust of autumn wind that rattled my window frame threatened to carry away another piece of me. The half-empty shell that remained was hardly capable of much beyond the bare minimum. A silenced, lucid part of me was disgusted at how I allowed his departure to shatter me so completely; but no matter how badly I wished to be stronger, my body refused to react. Countless days found me sitting, unmoving on my bed, as my inner-monologue screamed at me to just stand up and go outside. Take a walk! Who needs him anyways! Go visit your friends! Or at least sit and pretend to watch the game with Charlie! But the connection between my intentions and my actions must have been severed. Because no matter how many times I screamed internally to just move and live and smile, my body remained frozen. Too tired to move. Atrophy settled over each cell, not unlike the fog that silenced the world outside. It terrified me. But even the terror was not enough to waken me from the fever dream my life had become.

It wasn’t until Charlie threatened to send me to Jacksonville that something inside me finally snapped. With more fervor than I’d expressed in months, I refused to leave. The reality of my time with Edward already felt as though it were slipping through my fingers. It became more and more impossible to believe; losing the physical reminders would break me. I needed to see the rocking chair in the corner of my room and remember the sight of him sitting there, his lips turned up in a smile as I entered the room. If I went to Florida it would feel as though I were leaving his world, just as he had left mine. So in order to appease Charlie I began to expend all of my energy on acting “normal”. Though of course my attempt to build a normal friendship with Jacob had managed to land me back in a world that was anything but ordinary.

I felt a tiny flicker of hesitation upon hearing Carlisle’s request as I worried that retelling Edward’s words would be some sort of betrayal. That I was no better than a tattletale. But in the next second I chased away those thoughts because, God, did I want to tell someone. To release the weight of the words and the power they held over me. Even if it was painful. Even if it made me feel more vulnerable than I was willing to admit. Despite my dizzying evolution of emotions there was one feeling that reigned over the others; a sense of relief washed over me at the thought of finally having someone to share the burden with me. Tattletale or not.

I could feel my lips moving. The brush of my teeth against them, the pressure of my tongue against the roof of my mouth. But my mind refused to hear the words that formed. For months I had been trying to stifle them, to hide each painful word away where they couldn’t gnaw at my already tenuous state. But now someone was asking to hear them. Someone I cared for deeply. And I could feel as each word gave a mocking laugh and jumped at the chance to break free at last. To be spoken aloud once more, each damaging syllable slipping out with perfect recall. My eyes stared at the dancing flames in the fireplace as my voice, seemingly of its own will, repeated the words responsible for slicing open the gaping hole in my chest all those months ago.

“He said that your family had to leave. That Carlisle, you could no longer pass for the age you claimed to be. He said I couldn’t go with you guys, that where you were going was not the right place for me. He said he wasn’t good for me, that his world was not for me.”

I wanted them to know that I tried to argue back. But I remembered how pathetic I had sounded, every word to Edward a plea. So instead I told them how his eyes had hardened, his voice colder than I’d ever heard. My own eyes closed at the memory, my mind conjuring an image of him as he had been at that moment. The sight of his emotionless expression drained the blood from my face once more.

“He told me he didn’t want me to go with him. He said he would always love me…in a way. But he had realized it was time for a change; he was tired of pretending to be something he’s not.”

For some reason I had been expecting them to interrupt me at some point. My body was tense. Not only because of the difficulty in relaying those memories but also because I was preparing for them to cast doubt on what I was saying. I turned my head quickly to look out the paned-glass window next to me. I could feel the stinging in the corners of my eyes as I tried to hold back tears. Couldn’t they see it? He did not want me then. He would not want me now. Panic began to rise in my chest. Anger riding on its tail. Where was the relief that had tempted me into speaking?

“He said that I wasn’t good for him. And then he promised that it would be the last time I would see him. That he wouldn’t come back. That it would be as if he’d never existed. He said my human memory is no more than a sieve,” I practically spat the word, remembering the derisive statement. “He said that time would heal all my wounds.” Was the skepticism in my voice as obvious to them as it was to me? “And that even if he would not forget he could at least be very easily distracted.”

I paused. A heavy silence lingered in the room.

“So you see, that’s the problem. Right now he may be off enjoying his distractions, but he will come back to you eventually. You are his family after all. And when he does, I can’t bear to see that look in his eyes again. To hear those dismissive words. Plus, I still hold out hope that once I am changed those memories will fade. But if I have to hear them again once I am like you then they will be seared in my memory forever. I can’t take that chance.”

The tightness in my chest loosened ever so slightly, relieved and more than a little surprised that I had been able to get through the entire story without crumbling at their feet. And if I was being honest, I did feel the tiniest bit better. It was as though I were no longer the only person to bear the pain from that day in the forest. Someone else knew now, too. Unsure of what to say next, I chanced a glance at Carlisle. My eyes widened. He sat in the chair across from me, his elbows resting on his knees, his face buried in his hands. Unmoving. The stillness of them both put me on edge. I was suddenly very anxious to know what they were thinking. Did they believe me? Would they be angry with me? With him? Esme’s eyes relayed her shock and it was her voice that broke the silence.

“Bella.”

But I could not bear to look into her pitying expression. I turned back towards the window, only giving a slight shake of my head in response. For months I had been in a constant struggle with myself. One minute, convinced that his words weren’t that surprising, for what could he possibly see in me? Then the next minute I would have the tiniest flash of anger, ready to cry blasphemy. But that angry side of me disappeared as quickly as it had come on, replaced once more by sorrow. The ever-evolving thoughts always left my mind swimming. Today was no exception.

In the reflection of the spotless window pane I watched as Esme stood up and took two hesitant steps my way. One of her cool hands reached out and touched my shoulder so gently that I might not have even known it was there if I hadn’t seen it reflected back at me.

“Bella,” she said again. Her voice was soft. Sympathetic. “I may not be a mind reader like my son nor can I feel your emotions as I feel my own. And I have never seen what is destined to befall us in the future.” Esme paused and took a deep breath before coming to stand in front of me, bending down to my level before continuing, “But I love fiercely. I loved you as my daughter the moment Edward brought you to our home. And I never stopped.” Her words were so genuine, her amber eyes begging me to believe her. And I did. Tears streamed down my cheeks in earnest.

“Neither did he, Bella. Every word he spoke to you that day was a lie. He loved you then, and he has never stopped loving you since. Of that I am sure.”

Could it be that simple? A hope, so desperate it clawed at my chest, sure seemed to think so. But the rest of me remained unconvinced, my mind listing reason after reason to cast doubt on what Esme had just finished telling me. I was no expert on love. I had never loved someone as I did Edward. And my parents were by no means shining examples of a normal relationship. But despite my lack of experience, I was pretty sure it wasn’t common practice to abandon someone you love. To leave them stumbling through the woods. Stumbling through months of a depressed fog. If it was true that Edward still loved me, what could possibly have driven him to say such biting words in order to get away from me?

The worst part was that despite all that, I had never wanted anything as badly as I wanted Esme’s words to be true. Beneath the layers of anger, confusion, and desperation that I had been cloaked in all fall, remained the love I felt for him. Wasn’t there a saying, something about love being the source of all grief? It felt as though no matter how upset I got, my world remained anchored to his. It was impossible to tell where the grief ended and the love began. Like no matter what I tried, our lives were so intertwined that in his absence I couldn’t do more than go through the motions. And on the off chance that what Esme said was true, what did that mean for Edward and I now? Even if I loved him still and was desperate to feel complete once again, I knew my anger would not disappear on its own. In that moment, it felt like I would never be able to sort through the delicate balance of emotions that coursed through me.

The internal conflict must have been obvious on my face if not by the weight of the silence that followed Esme’s words. Carlisle slowly lifted his head and the devastation on his face made my stomach clench inexplicably. The entire family had the impeccable ability to hide any emotions that swelled beneath the surface; but he made no attempt to do so now. Seeing such a raw display of pain in his eyes brought fresh tears to the corners of my own.

I scrambled to find excuses to disprove Esme’s words. Maybe I was just afraid of believing them too quickly only to have my hopes dashed later on. “But you didn’t hear his voice. You weren’t there to see how he looked at me. To be honest, it never did make sense to me. How could I have possibly held his interest? So when he said just as much to me that day in the woods, every doubt I ever had rang true. I may have lost a lot but he made it clear that he was hardly losing anything by leaving. Just one simple human among thousands. A distraction like any other.”

While my chest was still hollow, my stomach had tied itself into knots. I felt nauseous.

Carlisle spoke, “I know you have no reason to trust us, not after what we did to you.” I wanted to stop him there and say it wasn’t their fault. But he must have known where my thoughts would go for he continued on before I could interrupt him, “Because it is all of our fault, not just my son’s. I could have stopped him. We could have refused his appeal to leave. We could have come back. All I can hope for is the chance for us to explain. It was a wretched thing to underestimate you as we did, and for that I will be eternally sorry.”

My hands began to rub the tears away, my fingers pressing into the corners of my eyes in a fruitless attempt to stop crying, but each drop slipped out regardless. Carlisle pulled a cotton handkerchief from his pocket and held it out to me, a mannerism leftover from a different era.

“Bella, did Edward ever explain to you what happens when a vampire meets their mate?”

His sudden change of subject surprised me. I caught a glimpse of a small knowing smile as it flickered across Esme’s face in front of me before she stood up and went to sit on the arm of Carlisle’s chair.

“Not really. It always felt as though as soon as we talked more seriously about our relationship he would try to take a step back.”

Carlisle sighed and nodded in understanding. He paused for a moment, gauging my reaction perhaps, before continuing on with his explanation. “When a person is changed into a vampire, the venom replaces every living cell in the body. In many ways, it is as though the person becomes frozen in time. Unchanging. But it is not exactly the body itself that freezes. For instance, as vampires, if we are injured, the venom can heal whatever injury we have sustained. And our brains are constantly evolving as we take in more and more new information. No, what becomes frozen in time is what I suppose you could call our ‘essence’. The essence of who we are at the moment of our transformation solidifies, and almost nothing can alter it from that point on.”

“If I’m not mistaken, you have yet to learn about Jasper’s history? I am sure he will share the details of it with you someday. It is, after all, his story to tell. Not mine. But it is a good example of what I mean to communicate. Before his change, his life revolved around war. And after his transformation, that essential part of him continued. Not only that, it was encouraged and cultivated to the point that it became all he knew. That’s why it has been a longer struggle for him to adopt our way of life. Every second of every day he is fighting against his own essence.”

“Now, one of the few things that does have the ability to alter a vampire’s essence, or core, is meeting his or her mate. It is not an instantaneous thing, not what you would call ‘love at first sight’. It is something that strengthens over time. But once that connection has been formed, it is irreversible. The vampires in question are permanently transformed. It is almost as though each separate essence becomes intertwined with the other, knit together so intrinsically that if one is ripped away, it tears apart the stitches of the one it left behind.”

I sat riveted to the spot, my tears long since dried. Of course his description of what happens when two mates are separated made perfect sense to me. The image of knitted stitches torn apart created a visceral reaction in my chest, where my own woven stitches had been left as little more than tattered scraps. My good arm automatically came up and wrapped itself around my torso, a muscle memory, a mindless attempt to keep the rest of the stitches from unraveling in a heap of wool at my feet.

Carlisle watched me, studying my reaction before inquiring in barely more than a whisper, “I am willing to bet you have an intimate understanding of what I am trying to illustrate?”

My head bobbed up and down in a slow nod. My eyes remained fixed on the tender expression he now wore.

“Bella, you are Edward’s mate. As he is yours. When Edward approached me and said he wanted to leave Forks, I warned him about the consequences of such a rupture between two mates. He already knew, of course, what that would mean for him. But he hoped that as you were still human, that the bond was not as strong for you. That your pain would be that of a human separation. Aching, but bearable. I doubted that to be true. And seeing you now I know I was correct in my thinking. You may not have venom coursing through you but your essence wove itself together with his long ago. But I failed to convince him. And for that I must apologize to you once again. I am sorry I did not do more to protect you. I am sorry I let him underestimate you.”

In my attempts to keep from crying I could feel my body begin to tremble. An onlooker might think I were cold if it weren’t for the crackling fire mere feet in front of me. Carlisle’s explanation had a cascade of effects on me. I felt validated. My inability to function these last few months was not due to a weakness on my part. It was not my fault. The way he explained it, there had literally been entire parts of me missing. I hadn’t just imagined it that way. Oh God, it was not my fault. I was not crazy. I was hurting. And incomplete.

Chapter Text

Carlisle’s POV

The more I spoke, the more Bella’s face lost its color. My mind harbored a moment of doubt, wondering if I should be the one telling her all of this instead of Edward himself. But I dismissed the thought. I had caused her enough pain already due to my failure to intercede as any decent father-figure would. As I finished my explanation and the ensuing apologies, she began to shake from head to toe. Esme saw her trembling and met my eyes, concern evident in her questioning look. An infinitesimal shake of my head was enough to reassure her. We simply waited in silence, allowing Bella time to process all of the information I had given her. I was not sure how I expected her to respond. Several emotions flickered in her eyes in quick succession. Another minute passed before she took several deep breaths and her lips turned up slightly, hinting at a smirk that surprised both Esme and I.

“Okay, well that explains a lot.” Bella spoke without meeting our eyes. It was obvious her mind was moving a mile a minute. “You know, after Jacob’s friend found me in the woods, Dr. Gerandy checked me over. A few weeks later, Charlie talked about bringing me back in to see him. I could tell he thought I had lost it. I think there was a part of me that thought that, too. Though I knew Dr. Gerandy wasn’t going to be able to fix anything.”

I could picture it all too easily, Charlie and Dr. Gerandy sharing concerned looks behind Bella’s back. Unbeknownst to them, a supernatural problem beyond their capabilities at the root of Bella’s pain. At the root of her deathly silence.

“But,” her voice paused, taking on a cautiously optimistic tone, “if what you are telling me is true, then I was not crazy. I wasn’t weak. In fact, I reacted pretty much as you had feared I would.”

Her words held me beneath a crushing weight. I hated that she had been forced to spend months thinking that she might have gone crazy after all. Her relief was evident. And it didn’t come from hearing me say she was Edward’s mate. No, she was consoled to hear that there was a logical explanation to how she had reacted to his disappearance. “No, Bella. You were not crazy. And you certainly were not weak.”

Another small smile settled across her face. A peaceful smile. She thought for a moment more before her eyes suddenly scrunched up. Then she turned her head in our direction and fixed me with a questioning gaze. “Can I ask you both something?”

Esme and I answered at the same time. “Anything.” “Of course, dear.”

“Well, it’s just, if you suspected that the separation would have such an effect, why did you let him go through with it? Couldn’t you have stopped him? Convince him otherwise? Or at least stayed behind while he left?” The smile had disappeared from her face as her voice grew more nettled with each question. I could feel my face twitch as I kept myself from wincing. Her questions were just and served as painful reminders of how we had failed her. Esme reached out and placed her hand on my arm, giving me an encouraging nod.

“When he came to me and spoke of his intentions to leave, I did initially balk at his plans. As did most of the others.” I shared a knowing glance with Esme, my own face chagrined in response to the pointed look she sent my way.

I continued my story, knowing I owed her every ounce of the truth. “But, I could see his determination. And his stubbornness.” At that, Bella nodded in understanding. “At the core of his arguments was his fear for you. Fear that our world would hurt you. That one of us would hurt you. That he might hurt you. And not just physically. Last fall you and I discussed a subject that has always weighed heavily on Edward, the idea of the soul. The way he saw things, your presence in our world would either end with your physical demise or your soul’s demise. And the thought terrified him.”

Bella’s regard was patient though I could sense a growing impatience. She had heard this all before.

“To a certain degree, I understood him. His concerns were justified. But what we-, what I, allowed to happen because of that fear, is not. You see, in the nearly one hundred years that we have lived together, Edward has rarely asked something so desperately of me. Every sudden move that the family had to do to protect one of our own, he never said a word. Every time we have asked him to keep an eye on the thoughts of those around us, in the name of protecting our secret, he has done so dutifully and without complaint. When he begged me to leave, I could not bring myself to say no. I felt as though I owed it to him. But what I realize now is that by agreeing to his demands, I breached my commitment to you, Bella. I owed things to you, too. We all did. You have always given us your unyielding love and acceptance, and we failed you. Yes, we thought Edward would race back to you within days, a couple of weeks at the most. But then he began his pursuit of Victoria-”

“Victoria?” The fierce look on her face transformed into one of shock.

“Yes, Edward feared that she would seek revenge for our family’s destruction of her mate. He was of the opinion that she would return to you eventually, a mate for a mate.”

Bella’s eyes widened further, “An eye for an eye, right.”

I rushed to try and reassure her. “We have no proof that she is planning anything. I think he just needed something to work towards, to feel as though he was still keeping you safe.”

At that she scoffed, “Right, his ‘distractions’.”

“In some ways, I suppose, yes. He left several months ago to track her. And he has only contacted us a handful of times since.”

Silence settled over the room as Bella took in all of the new information.

I tentatively changed the direction of our conversation. “We have another day or two before the change must begin. Whatever you need, whatever questions you have, please know that you can come to us. There are a few-”

“There is one thing.” Bella interjected.

“Of course, anything.”

“I’d like to see Alice.”

Before either Esme or I could respond, the sound of squealing tires resounded from the road. I could hear the car race up the driveway, gravel spraying at every bend in the narrow road. Bella’s head turned sharply towards the front door at the sound of a car door slamming.

The three of us spoke in unison, “Alice.”

Chapter Text

Carlisle’s POV

The front door burst open with such force that Esme winced, concerned for the state of the 200-year-old wood in its frame. A squealing blur of ivory skin and jet-black hair raced across the room. Bella seemed to have found nothing out of the ordinary with Alice’s electric arrival; the glowing smile that lit up her face was proof of the joy she felt at reuniting with the person she had once considered a sister and best friend. Her genuine happiness at Alice’s return left me feeling hopeful.

Thankfully, Alice had been made aware of Bella’s injuries ahead of time and managed to grind to a halt in front of her, instead of jumping straight into the borderline bone-crushing hug I knew her instincts begged for. Despite the excitement I could sense thrumming within her, Alice hesitated. She was clearly unsure of how to approach Bella. No doubt she found herself wondering the same things I had back in Volterra. What would Bella say? Would she be angry? However, Alice could not contain her zeal for long and soon broke into a rushing stream of apologies.

“Oh, Bella! I am so, so sorry! I’m sorry I listened to him, I’m sorry I didn’t come back. I will completely understand if you’re furious. I can’t believe this is all happening. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. God, I have missed you so much!” She finally caved and wrapped her arms around Bella, being careful not to squeeze too hard. Bella hugged her back, tears falling past her grin as she struggled to decide if she wanted to cry or laugh.

“I missed you so much, Alice.”

Alice beamed, reassured by Bella’s words. “I’ve been so anxious to see you, but I was kind of afraid of what you might say. I wasn’t sure you’d want to see us. To see me.”

Esme and I shared a glance, we were both curious to hear what Bella’s response would be. Because of the way the events of the last few days had unraveled, Bella had more or less been obligated to reunite with us. From what we had heard from her and witnessed so far, she seemed to accept our renewed presence in her life, perhaps even be comforted by it. But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t surprised that she hadn’t really expressed any anger towards us yet.

Bella took a step back from Alice’s embrace and stared down at the floor. Her wistful half-smile spoke of hope but also immeasurable pain.

“I didn’t at first. Once the shock of seeing Carlisle in Volterra wore off, I was terrified of seeing you all again. Which was confusing, because I have spent the last four months desperate for your return. But once I was actually confronted with reuniting with your family, I just felt weary. I knew I couldn’t survive finding and losing you all over again.” Alice reached out and grasped Bella’s hand, giving it an imperceptible squeeze.

Looking up towards Esme and I, Bella’s smile grew. “But I have a clearer picture of things now. Yes, I am still furious about how things unfolded, but I understand what led to it a little better. And my relief at not being alone, at not carrying that pain on my own anymore, is still stronger than my anger. Perhaps that part will come later, after I’ve been changed.”

I grinned, “That’s kind of what I’m afraid of.”

A snort of laughter came from Bella before she added, “Well, good thing there are plenty of you to keep my newborn fury in-check”. I was startled to hear Bella reference her upcoming change with such levity. But of course she was right, we would be here to help and support her as best we can. “Are the others coming, too, Alice?”

“Yes, they will be home soon. We were hunting in a different region and when I had a vision of you asking for me I took off without a second glance. But they shouldn’t be long, I called them from the road.”

Bella nodded, “Okay. In the meantime I think I’m going to clean up a bit, wash Volterra off me.” With her good arm she gestured at herself with a look of disgust. She turned towards Esme and I, shifting uncomfortably, “I, uh-, I don’t suppose you guys have an extra pair of clothes I could borrow? I’ve been in the same outfit since the accident and I wouldn’t mind putting on something that doesn’t remind me of motorcycle crashes and the Volturi…”

Esme smiled, “Check your dresser, dear. I picked up a few things before you arrived. But if anything is missing or you’d like something else then don’t hesitate to ask.”

“I’ll come help!” Alice beamed, then stopped herself and added, “That is, if you’d like a hand.”

“Sure, thanks Alice.” Bella began to make her way back to the staircase, it was clear she was still stiff from her injuries. I let her know that if she wanted more pain medication she could have another dose in a couple of hours.

“Thank you, Carlisle. For everything.”

I smiled and bowed my head in her direction, “Of course, Bella.”

Bella’s POV

The house may have been old but it had been impeccably renovated. I guess when you have eternity ahead of you, you can spare the time to make sure your numerous houses keep up with the times. At first I couldn’t decide if I wanted to soak in the clawfoot tub or stand under a steady stream of scalding water in the beautifully tiled walk-in shower. In the end I settled on the rainfall shower.

I was glad that Alice had accompanied me upstairs. Being with her once again left me feeling more lighthearted and hopeful than I had in months. Part of me had been worried that the past autumn’s events would make things awkward between us. And while I knew we still had a lot of things to talk about, I was too happy to see her to worry about that now. Plus, I realized it would be complicated and a tad painful to try and get changed with my arm and ribs still throbbing. She had helped me in the weeks following the accident with James so I didn’t shy away from her offer to help now.

Once I was finally in the shower I sighed from relief. The heat of the water calmed the ache from my injuries and I felt as though I could see the remains of my time in Volterra disappear in rivulets down the drain. Ever since Carlisle had explained to me what the Volturi were capable of, I had felt as though a shadow of their sinister dealings clung to my skin. I scrubbed for what felt like hours. When at last I turned off the water with a reluctant frown, the bathroom was filled with steam and the mirror was rendered useless from all the fog. I took my time drying off, wincing slightly when my ribs groaned in protest as I bent forward to dry my legs. Alice had left a robe sitting on the counter which I managed to slip into on my own.

I opened the door that led back into the room where I was staying and Alice sat up from the spot where she had been lounging on my bed. “Need a hand?”

I nodded sheepishly and pulled open the top drawer of the dresser Esme had mentioned. After digging through the next few drawers I had an outfit picked out and Alice helped me gingerly back into a pair of jeans and a button-up flannel shirt. Esme obviously hadn’t forgotten my preferred style. However, Alice smirked at my choice of clothes and I knew what she was thinking. “Don’t say it, Alice.”

She laughed and said, “Oh great, like this house needs a second mind-reader”.

Both of us froze. My chest clenched at the casual reference to Edward while Alice watched anxiously to see my reaction. “I’m sorry Bella, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

My breath came out in a slow exhale as I smiled reassuringly at her, “No, no, it’s fine. Really, I promise. I do want to see him, you know. Just not yet.”

Alice smiled in understanding, “I know. There’s no rush.” Then her expression perked up, “Plus, there will be plenty of time for me to help you with your wardrobe later on.” I rolled my eyes in fake exasperation.

For the next few minutes we sat in a companionable silence while Alice ran a brush through my hair. Then with a sigh she set the brush down and met my eyes in the reflection of the mirror. “I am sorry, Bella. For all of this.”

I didn’t say anything at first. Though I did have many questions, I was hesitant to ruin our joy-filled reunion with the heavier things that had been weighing on me. I didn’t want to hurt Alice but I knew I owed it to myself to share with her what their leaving did to me.

“Did you know, when I was in kindergarten my mom brought me to see the movie Aladdin. I think she loved Disney movies more than I did. Afterwards, in the car on the way home, she asked me what I would wish for if we found a magic lamp with a genie in it.” I paused, smiling at the memory of Renée’s enthusiasm for coming up with impossible wishes. “I took the question pretty seriously and after thinking about it for a few seconds I told her that one of my wishes would be to have a sister.”

“I was never one of those kids that had a large circle of friends at school. We discovered early on that sports were disastrous, and Renée couldn’t afford for me to take extra music lessons so my middle school orchestra attempts were short-lived. But even from a young age I didn’t mind the relative solitude, I was always most content on Thursday afternoons when Renée got off work early and would bring me to the library. My happy place was running my fingers across the spines of books and filling up my backpack with that week’s selections. By the time I was ten I had even memorized my library card number after one-too-many times of Renée forgetting it at home. But, I had always daydreamed about having a sibling, a sister if possible. Perhaps my love for the book Little Women was to blame. I wanted a Meg or a Jo. A Beth or an Amy.”

Alice listened as I continued, her eyes downcast.

“Did you know I wrote to you? Even after the first couple of emails were sent back to me with error messages, I continued to write. I needed to tell someone. And you were my someone, Alice.”

Chapter Text

Bella’s POV

“And you were my someone, Alice”.

“He asked us not to contact you. He wanted a clean break. He thought it would help you move on more quickly.” Alice’s voice was small when she spoke, the shame in it a sharp contrast from her usual bubbly banter.

I had of course heard the excuses before, he had said as much to me himself. But I struggled to believe that Alice had accepted it all so easily.

“And you believed him?”

Her head snapped up to look at me, her eyes resolute, “Not for a second.”

My own eyes widened in frustration and a groan slipped from my throat, “Well then why did you listen to him? Dammit, Alice, you didn’t even say goodbye!” Huh, maybe my anger wasn’t as stifled away as I’d thought.

She winced at my outburst but launched into an explanation. “I rarely see humans with my power, you know. They are much harder for me to get a read on, unless it is in a vision where they are interacting with one of our kind. But then you came into our lives and I became closer to any human than I ever had before. With practice, I was able to see your future almost as clearly as any of ours.”

Despite my irritation, I found myself fascinated with her story. I had never heard details about how her gift functioned. When she took a step back from me and walked towards my bed I followed along. In one fluid motion she pulled herself up onto the white comforter. I clambered up next to her. The two of us sat facing each other on the edge of the bed, her own legs dangling from the elevated height of the wooden frame.

“When my brother insisted on leaving- Which, by the way, I did protest vehemently, along with Esme and Emmett- he asked me not to watch your future anymore. But he needn’t have worried, because as soon as he left you, as soon as we left you, I couldn’t see you anymore. It was like looking into an impenetrable fog. I started to worry, usually when that happens it’s because the person isn’t there anymore. I was ready to forsake my promise to him and turn around, go back to Forks and check on you. But then, as I strained to catch a glimpse of your future, I saw you. It was a vision I had seen many times before. You, Bella, as a vampire.”

She must have seen the shock and confusion on my face. Even before my run-in with the Volturi she was still seeing my future as an immortal? Alice hurried on with her story, eager to clear things up for me. I couldn’t help but wonder why she didn't come back if she saw me as one of them? Why didn’t she tell Edward his efforts would be useless?

“When I saw you in that vision I immediately decided to return to Forks. If you were going to end up like us then surely that meant Edward’s inane plan was bound to fail, right? Why wait for him to realize his mistake before setting things right? Unfortunately, as soon as I resolved to come back to Forks, my vision of you evaporated. Your future was nothing but a murky haze. I was terrified. I reluctantly decided to wait and stay in New York. Within hours I saw another flash of you as a vampire. You were back. In the weeks that followed, anytime I made a decision that would lead me, or one of us, back to you, that original vision of you with pale skin and red eyes would go up in smoke. I felt like I was stuck. It became obvious to me that if I tried to intervene it would somehow ruin whatever string of events was set in motion that would lead to your change. And I couldn’t be sure if the fog that blinded me meant that for some inexplicable reason you would literally die because of my decision to come back; or if it was simply my own inability to see you because of not spending time with you anymore. Or maybe it was something else altogether, Carlisle has his theories. In any case, I was too afraid to risk it. I tried so hard to see you, to know that you were doing okay, but each attempt was fruitless. The fog was impossible to see through.”

Alice’s voice had shrunk down to a whisper. The distant look in her amber eyes held the memory of days spent in cloudy despair. I could only imagine how upsetting it must have been for her to constantly be searching for a way back to me that wouldn’t cause my future to disappear. A constant pull against which she was powerless. One thing in particular that she had said stuck out to me though.

“What is Carlisle’s theory for why you were suddenly unable to see my future?”

Alice pulled her legs up onto the bed and turned to face me, sitting cross-legged. Her hands reached out and grasped my good hand, her cold fingers dancing mindlessly over my own. She gazed down at them as she spoke, lost in thought.

“Well it’s just that, a theory. But he thinks you have a sort of mental shield, which explains why Edward can’t read your thoughts. It also explains why Jane’s power didn’t work on you in Volterra. Both of those are examples of skills that work by breaking into your innermost consciousness. The shield is your mind’s way of protecting itself from outside interference.”

I sat unmoving, riveted by the information. It reminded me of something that I had forgotten about during the dramatic string of events in Italy. “Aro said the same thing. He said it was one of the only reasons they hadn’t ‘discarded’ me yet”. I shivered slightly at the memory and Alice’s hands tightened around my own.

“Well, Carlisle believes that when we left, you suffered a trauma so great that your mind doubled-down to protect itself even further. It began to shield itself against powers that functioned even without accessing your inner thoughts.”

Everything she had said made perfect sense to me. It was as though deep down my mind recognized it all as truth, recognized itself in her words. Though I was curious about how she could explain the glaring exception to the rule, “If that’s the case, then why could you still see the vision of me as a vampire?”

Her expression turned into one of revulsion, her eyes looking into mine with so much pity that I wondered what she could possibly be about to say.

“Because it was never going to truly be your decision. The change was destined to be out of your control.”

I balked at her response. Arguing back I nearly shouted, “But I’m the one that decided in Volterra to go through with it!”

“No, Aro let you think that. But he had already made his decision. He could see too much potential in you, he never would have had you killed. If you had tried to choose death over immortality, he would have forced the change upon you anyways.”

I felt like I was going to be sick. I could see Aro’s figure before me, the gleaming black hair and heavy cloak, that greedy glint in his eyes as he approached me as a collector would approach his prize. “What about Carlisle? If I had willingly chosen death would he have been spared as well?”

A tiny shake of her head told me all I needed to know. The image of Aro descending on me to force the change, his guard surrounding Carlisle to end his life, it was too much. Nausea rolled through me and my heart began to race. Tunnel vision reduced the room around me to a distant pinprick of light. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to fill my lungs up with air. Maybe this was the fog Alice had been seeing in her visions, come to suffocate me. From out of the dark, two cold and firm but gentle hands grasped me by my shoulders and laid me back on the feather-light duvet.

“Bella? Bella, it's going to be okay. We are both here now, we are both safe. Can you take a deep breath for me?” My forehead wrinkled at the new voice, where was Alice? A few more seconds passed and I opened my eyes to see both Carlisle and Alice watching me. I could feel as blood rushed to my cheeks in embarrassment.

Carlisle smiled and repeated what he had been saying before, “We are safe, Bella. Everything is going to be okay.”

The ominous images of what might have been kept playing themselves before my eyes like some scene from a horror film. I raised my arm up and laid it across my eyes, blocking out the anxiety-inducing scenes as well as the concerned looks of my companions. Then I slowly pushed myself up into a sitting position and took a few more deep breaths. Shaking my head slowly to dispel the nightmarish image from my head, I asked, “I just don’t understand. If Aro knew that I would be changed one way or another, why even offer death as an option?” Carlisle had told me he was manipulative but I had a feeling I was only just beginning to discover the depths of Aro’s insidiousness.

Carlisle sighed and sat down in the armchair beneath the window, “Because had that been your choice, it would have allowed him to lawfully exterminate the leader of the second largest coven in the world.”

At the sight of my confused expression he elucidated a little more, “After the Volturi, our family is considered to be the largest ‘coven' in the world. Most vampires only travel alone or with a mate. He has no reason to fear us, of course. But he couldn’t pass up the opportunity to reduce the imagined threat.”

My eyes widened in disgust, my face scrunched up as though a malodorous smell permeated the room. “He’s sadistic.”

Carlisle nodded, “he is.”

“Did you know all of this when you were in Volterra with me? When you left the decision up to me?”

Carlisle answered, “No. Though I suspected Aro was up to more than he let on. Alice told me afterwards. You must have considered it at some point, death over immortality. She saw a vision of the Volturi changing you and me being executed at the hands of the guard.”

Shame flooded through me. I could remember that moment in Volterra, wondering if I could live through eternity with the pain that had become my closest companion over the previous months. But I hardly had the time to realize I was considering that option before I firmly decided on the change to save us both. Apparently that momentary decision that death would be the easier choice had been enough to create a vision for Alice. “I’m sorry Carlisle, I would never have chosen that, I just wasn’t sure if I could-”

“Bella, it’s okay. I know. I’m not upset.”

I sat with my thoughts for a moment, trying to grapple with how differently things might have gone. Here I was, given a second chance with the family I loved. In another world I might have been in the midst of the painful transformation within the walls of that ancient Italian castle.

“Why did he let me leave with you, Carlisle, if he is that desperate for my supposed gift?”

A grimace crossed his face before he answered, “Aro can be very patient.”

The implication of his response settled over me in a wave of disgust. “I would never join them.” I had never been so sure of anything in my life. Was Aro really so confident in his ability to count me amongst his ranks that he willingly let me leave?

Carlisle smiled at the finality of my voice, nodding in agreement, “I believe you. Plus, as the vampire responsible for your discovery of our world, as Aro has been led to believe anyways, I am responsible for your change. He did not have lawful grounds to keep you then and there and do it himself as long as I was still in the picture.”

The Volturi laws seemed at once rigid and perplexing. I couldn’t believe I had considered embarking on my life as an immortal alone, without the guidance and information that I would have alongside the Cullens. A sudden thought occurred to me. “Wait, Alice I thought you couldn’t see my future, how did you see the outcome of my decisions in Volterra?”

“Oh yeah, I didn’t get to that part,” Alice replied, and launched back into her story. “It was something I had actually been hoping to ask you about. You see, as long as I stayed put in New York I could count on the occasional flicker of you as a vampire. It was my only reassurance that things were still going to turn out in the end. But I could not see anything else. Until one day a few weeks ago I saw a brief glimpse of you driving your truck. I remember feeling so relieved that had I been human I would have wept! There you were, human, and whole. The next day it happened again. It was a similar vision, you were driving your truck, seemingly on the same road, though you had a different shirt on. This continued on for several days, I would see longer and longer stretches of you driving, each time you were wearing something different. But then all of a sudden it looked as though your truck would drive through that same stupid fog and I would lose you again. At first I worried it was because of an accident or something. But then there you would be in the other vision, transformed, a vampire.”

“I was going to see my friend Jacob.” Both Carlisle and Alice looked at me questioningly. Her description of the timing and the situation lined up perfectly with those first days of driving to see Jacob in La Push. “Yeah, that’s when I found those old motorbikes and decided to bring them to my friend in La Push to see if he could help me fix them up. It was the first time in months that I started to feel a little more, well, a little more whole. Not better necessarily, but like my unraveling had been put on pause.”

Carlisle was clearly interested in what I was sharing with them, his expression taking on a curious and almost analytical look.

Alice looked at him, “Maybe you’re right then, Carlisle. If visiting her friend was helping with the depression, it may have been enough for her subconscious to lower the additional shield from time to time. To let her guard down.”

“It is certainly a possibility.” Carlisle looked like he was debating saying more on the subject but then stood up suddenly and made his way towards the door. Before leaving, he turned to look at Alice and I, saying, “The others should be home soon. If you’re up for it Bella, we have a few things to discuss together to plan for the days ahead.”

“Oh. Yeah, of course.” I smiled up at him, my attempt at nonchalance. While on the inside my stomach dropped as his words reminded me that only a day or two remained of my human life.

Chapter Text

Carlisle’s POV

Leaving Bella and Alice to their continuing discussion, I slipped back downstairs. Esme stood at the center island, her hands a blur of motion as she prepared a meal for Bella. She paused her work, setting the knife down next to a cutting board covered in perfectly chopped carrots, onions, and celery.

“How is she?” Esme asked, wiping her hands off on a kitchen towel before meeting me at the foot of the stairs. She reached up and swept a lock of my hair to the side, her hand coming to rest affectionately on my cheek. Her thumb brushed back and forth across my cheekbone as a smile flitted at the corner of her lips. My eyes closed at her touch and I leaned into her caress, welcoming the calm that settled over me.

When I opened my eyes a few moments later, the first thing I saw was the worry etched on her face. We had both been listening anxiously as Alice shared more details about Aro’s intentions in Volterra. I’d raced upstairs upon hearing the first telltale signs that Bella was on the verge of a panic attack. “She will be okay. It’s just a lot of information to take in.”

Esme nodded in agreement but her eyes remained troubled. “I know it’s important for her to hear all of this, but Carlisle, she has suffered so much already.”

While Bella had slept the previous night, Esme and I had sat for hours discussing the events that had unfurled in Volterra as well as the necessary plans for the coming week. Ideally, Bella’s final days as a human would have been peaceful. Esme’s maternal instincts agreed. At first she had been inclined to protect Bella from the distressing information and emotional pain that loomed ahead. She feared that the last few months had been hard enough on Bella. In the end, we both agreed that in order to reestablish the girl’s trust in us we would have to be honest and forthcoming in regards to the situation we now found ourselves in.

“It will not be easy. But Bella is strong, and we owe her complete transparency. She deserves to go into this new life fully aware of the events that led to it and the events that lie ahead yet.” There was still a lot to discuss with her, necessary details to hammer out before the chaos of newborn life began.

“Do you think- will you be able to offer her anything for the pain before you change her?” Asked Esme.

I paused, not wanting to disappoint her. “Yes, I’ve managed to acquire some morphine so I will let her know it’s an option. But I’m afraid I’m rather doubtful about its efficacy. I fear the venom will burn through it before it can do much to ease the pain. But it certainly can’t hurt to try.” It may have been wishful thinking on my part but I remained hopeful that the morphine might alleviate at least some of the pain.

I had never had the chance to prepare ahead of time for a transformation; I had never changed someone that wasn’t already on the brink of death. Despite the situation having its advantages, I still struggled with the immense guilt that came with each change.

“It’s never gotten any easier,” I sighed.

“Performing the change?” questioned Esme.

“The self-condemnation. After I changed Edward I remember thinking that if I ever felt inclined to create another member for our family, the sin of what I’d done couldn’t possibly weigh as heavily on my conscience the second time. That the first would be the hardest but that I might grow accustomed to it with each successive change. Not that I ever imagined performing the task as many times as I have. But regardless of the circumstances, each time I feel as though I’m going against everything I stand for.” Esme had heard it all before but listened with patience as I shared my anxieties.

She smiled and tilted her head up to kiss me lightly on the cheek. “I should think it more worrisome if the task did become easier, if you grew numb to the gravity of the situation. The grief that accompanies you for each transformation is an expression of your respect for each human life and death. Though of course I am sorry you must shoulder the burden of it on your consciousness.”

Esme was right of course, I was amiss to hope that performing such an act would one day be any less burdensome. For if that were the case, it would mean I had lost even more of my humanity, of what little I had left in this immortal half-life. From the moment I awoke from my own fiery transformation, I had taken every measure possible to live a life as far-removed from that of a typical vampire as possible, to maintain the illusion of humanity that remained to me. In dedicating my immortal life to distancing myself from the murderous instincts of our kind, I had made myself a pariah in the vampire world. With the added impossibility of establishing relationships with humans, my life became one of crushing loneliness. Loneliness that drove me to do the one thing I’d sworn I’d never do. Each time that I had leaned over the broken human bodies of my family, my teeth hovering above their weakening pulses, the shame had threatened to conquer my resolve. But the ache of solitude, my desperation for family, always won out. And for three days I would sit and listen to the desperate screams, disgusted with myself. Would the availability of modern medicine make this change any different? Or would Bella’s screams be seared in my infallible memory alongside the others?

The sound of Alice and Bella making their way downstairs pulled me from my stream of thought. I whispered a thank you to Esme, her responding smile a reminder of the beauty that followed the grief of each change.

“The others will be here in a few minutes!” Alice chirped excitedly.

Bella’s expression was a mixture of determined resolve and wariness. I could understand her hesitancy to see them. Or at least Jasper and Rosalie. The last time she had seen Jasper he had been lunging for her throat while Rosalie had always been cold at best towards Bella. But I knew she would want to wear a brave face, hence the attempt at steel in her glances towards the front door.

Esme saw the nervousness in her features and held a hand out to Bella, “It's going to be okay, they’re eager to see you.” Bella didn't bother trying to hide the skepticism written across her face but allowed Esme to lead her into the kitchen. “I was just working on some lunch for you. How does chicken pot pie sound?” Esme asked, drawing the girl’s attention away from the entryway and to the spread of ingredients on the countertop.

Bella’s expression softened as she took in the ordered chaos of half-chopped vegetables, homemade pastry pie dough, and the sauce quietly simmering on the unused stove. She was clearly touched by Esme’s attentions. “That sounds delicious, Esme. But you know you don’t have to go through so much trouble on my account. I’m more than happy with a sandwich or something.”

The front door had made almost no sound as it crept open; instead it was my son’s baritone voice that announced his arrival, “Hey little sis, you’ve only got a few more days left to eat that foul-smelling stuff so you might as well make the most of it!”

Bella’s POV

The laughing tilt of Emmett’s booming voice caused me to jump into the air, which only encouraged his boisterous laughter even more.

“Emmett!” I turned to face him and watched as he crossed the room in a blur, Jasper and Rosalie walking in behind him with more discretion. His massive form now in front of me, he held open his arms for a hug, an earnest grin on his face. I stepped towards him and winced as his bear-like grip surrounded me. I had expected his enthusiasm to translate into a tighter hug than my ribs or arm could handle but he had gauged the strength of his embrace just right. Though Carlisle didn’t seem as sure.

“Emmett-” Carlisle’s voice had a tone of warning in it and I felt the arms around me slacken.

I did my best to reassure them both, “No, it’s okay. He was careful.” I found myself smiling up at him shyly. Alice had said that Emmett had been one of the others that fought against Edward’s demands to leave, and his excitement over seeing me now certainly proved he cared, but I still hesitated. It had been the same with each of the others. Once I was past the initial shock and relief at seeing them, a confusing wave of emotions followed in its wake. Though I knew I could count on Emmett’s lightheartedness and easy-going manner to strike a welcome balance with the distressing situation in which we’d found ourselves.

“What, didn’t Carlisle patch you up?” Emmett, eyebrows raised, cast a doubtful look in his father’s direction.

Before I could answer, Carlisle sought to justify his apparent inaction, “I’m afraid I’ve only been able to work at managing the pain. By the time I arrived in Volterra her arm had already begun to heal in its fractured state. I would have had to break the bone anew to set it right. We decided it wouldn’t be worth the extra trouble, not to mention the extra pain, considering the venom will heal it soon”.

“Dang, kid, you really do know how to attract danger.” Emmett shook his head and gave me an endearing look.

I thought I heard him mutter something about proper motorcycle lessons and I couldn’t help but grin. Though my smile faltered as I caught sight of Rosalie and Jasper behind him, maintaining their usual distance from me. At some point I hoped to talk to Jasper about what had happened at my birthday, Alice had reassured me it would go just fine. But Rosalie didn’t seem to have changed her feelings towards me, her eyes as cold as ever.

“Hi Jasper, Hi Rosalie.” My voice sounded more confident than I felt.

A small half-smile softened the expression on Jasper’s face as he responded, “Hey, Bella. It’s good to see you again.” Rosalie inclined her head a fraction of an inch in unspoken greeting.

I suddenly felt shy having almost the entire family surround me once more. For months I had tried to imagine this moment but had always stopped myself before the pain of its impossibility could torment me further. Even when I had believed that Edward didn’t want me anymore I had dreamed of seeing his family again. After all, I had begun to consider them as family long before their disappearance. Now that I was in their midst again, the gaping hole in my chest had truly begun to stitch itself back together, of that I was sure. The newfound warmth that filled the empty space was exhilarating, if not a little bit terrifying.

Carlisle’s serious tone distracted me from my thoughts, “Now that you are all home, we have some things to discuss as a family. In order for the change to be complete by the time the Volturi guards return, we should start Bella’s transformation no later than-”

Emmett interrupted, “Are we sure we have to rush into this? Couldn’t we hide her?”

Alice sighed. Carlisle shook his head, “They will no doubt send Demitri to check that we have followed through on my promise to Aro.” Glancing at me he explained, “Enhanced tracking is Demitri’s power. It is almost like he becomes attuned to the person’s frequency and can follow it directly to them.”

“Yeah but wouldn’t Bella’s shield protect her from being found?” Emmett sounded hopeful, encouraged by what seemed to him a foolproof idea.

“It is possible that Demitri won’t be able to tune into her location. But we can’t be sure. Plus, even if he is not able to track Bella directly, he will have no problem finding us-”

“Absolutely not.” My voice was hard, my words uncompromising. The family fell silent and watched me as my head shook in slow motion back and forth. “I’m not going to let you stand between me and the Volturi. It’s out of the question.” I refused to let them endanger themselves or the family any further on my account. Even though Carlisle had assured me he would do anything in his power to prevent the Volturi from hurting me, I would not take any sort of action that would guarantee another episode with Jane. I looked to Carlisle and Esme, willing them to back me up. But it was someone else altogether that voiced her support for my refusal to hide from the Volturi.

“Bella is right,” said Rosalie, her voice cool and assured. “We have drawn enough attention to ourselves where the Volturi is concerned. It would be foolish to think that we could escape what they already consider a lenient punishment.”

A stunned silence settled over the room following her words. Our eyes met for a second and the slight nod of her head was the most significant sign of support she had ever shown me. My slack-jawed reaction must have shown some of the shock I felt because the next thing Rosalie did was roll her eyes.

Chapter Text

Bella’s POV

Before Rosalie or I could say anymore, Carlisle upheld the decision to change me as required by Aro. His steady gaze found my own and his expression turned solemn as he spoke, “Bella has made her decision. We will respect her choice and go through with the change.”

I felt myself release the breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding. “Thank you, Carlisle. And, uh, I guess I just want to thank you guys, for welcoming me back into your lives like this.” Carlisle slid his arm around Esme, they wore matching knowing smiles. This wasn’t the first time I had thanked them since our sudden reunion. Turning towards the others I admitted, “I don’t think it has fully hit me yet, that things are going to change so drastically. To be honest, I am still struggling to accept that you are really here, and here to stay. But despite that, I am relieved to be with you all again.”

Alice took a step towards me and slipped her hand into mine, giving it a squeeze. Emmett and Jasper sat down on two of the stools at the far end of the center island while Esme returned to her work at the cutting board, Rosalie perched on the counter behind her. I pulled myself up a little straighter, ready to go into the change head-on, my family at my side.

“What did you want to talk to me about, Carlisle?”

“Well, first of all there are a few logistics that we can decide on now, so that they are taken care of before your newborn year begins.” Here he shared a glance with Jasper, who gave a curt nod of his head.

I could feel my brow furrow, unsure of what kinds of details he had in mind. “Sure, like what?”

“For example, getting your new paperwork sorted out. Forged birth certificates, passports, etcetera. Though theoretically you won’t need them right away, it usually takes almost a year before you are able to be around humans for any length of time. But it is still better to have them on hand, just in case. Now, I know the others share my sentiment when I say that we wish nothing more than for you to remain a part of our family after the change. But I also know that after what happened last fall you may not share that same desire. However, it will be my responsibility, as your sire if you will, to help you adapt to your new life. So, if it’s okay with you, I must ask that you remain here with us for at least a year, or until the turbulent newborn phase has calmed.”

“I don’t want to leave,” could they hear how my pulse quickened? Now that they were back in my life, and things had gone okay so far, the idea of striking out on my own was more terrifying than rebuilding my relationship with them. I was pretty confident that Carlisle already knew that I would stay. But he wouldn’t want me to feel as though I was being forced to remain beyond my will.

Esme smiled, “We are very glad to hear that, Bella.” She had finished preparing the food and turned to slip the pan into the oven.

“Thank you, Bella. In that case we will go ahead and get new documents made up.” He gestured towards Jasper before continuing on, “Jasper has suggested that this time around you take the name Platt, which is Esme’s maiden name. If anyone asks, the official story will be that you are Esme’s younger sister. Would that be okay?”

It was slightly jarring to imagine myself changing names overnight. I knew that forging and secrecy played an integral role in their ability to maintain an almost human-like life, but it was still strange to try and think of myself as Bella Platt.

“Platt…” My voice was hesitant, testing out the new name.

Jasper took a few steps towards me. He had a knowing grin on his face and spoke to reassure me, “It will just be on paper. All of us consider ourselves as Cullens, regardless of which name we currently have on our passports. You are still Bella Swan, and someday we will use that name in our continually evolving list of aliases. Though for now it would be too risky.”

He didn’t elaborate anymore but his explanation had helped to put things in perspective. Using my own name would make it too easy to trace me for the time being. And I didn’t quite feel ready to consider myself a Cullen. So for now I would be a Platt.

“Of course, Platt would be fine.” I sent a small smile in Esme’s direction, feeling oddly touched to have this more personal link with her.

Carlisle was the one to respond, “Thank you Bella, we will get everything sorted out as soon as possible. Though like I said, I’m afraid during your first weeks and months after the transformation you will be spending most of your time here at the house, besides frequent hunts. Most of us needed that much time to prepare before coming into close contact with the human population.”

Edward had never been very frank with me in regards to what the change entailed. I think he had hoped that by avoiding the subject I would change my mind and choose to stay human. As a result, I felt out of the loop when it came to what to expect. Hearing Carlisle speak about it now made me feel slightly anxious. Back when I had looked forward to becoming a vampire I had focused solely on living an eternity with Edward and his family. I had imagined myself as their equal. But I had never given much consideration to the fact things wouldn’t be that simple right off the bat. Carlisle’s words now had a grounding effect on me. There was a very real risk of me killing another human being. I would do whatever they deemed best in order to avoid that.

My eyes widened and my head shook back and forth as I looked at my new family. “That’s fine, I will stay here for as long as it takes. I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“Don’t worry, Bella, we will help you!” assured Alice. “Between Emmett’s strength and Jasper’s ability to calm a newborn, we should be able to make sure you don’t hurt anybody.” While her words were meant to put my mind to rest, they only served to remind me that the instinct to kill would be so strong that the physical strength of the hulking vampire next to me and the manipulation of emotions by his gifted, and equally intimidating brother, could be necessary to deter me.

“Uh, thanks Alice.” My forced smile was far from reaching my eyes. Jasper must have sensed my unease, for the next thing I felt was a gentle wave of reassurance wash over me. A slight quirk of his lips was the only outward sign that he had tried to help.

Carlisle’s steady voice reiterated what Alice had said, but the conviction in his words was more effective at calming me down, “We will all be here to support you, Bella. And though accidents can be a grim part of the learning curve, I will do everything in my power to avoid placing you in a situation that could risk such an outcome. You are a part of this family, and as such, you will not need to go through this alone.”

I hadn’t noticed that my eyes had welled up with tears until I felt one slip below my cheekbone. I brushed it away and let out a huff of air, “I still can’t believe this is happening. I mean, I can, but a few days ago I was beginning to believe that I had imagined everything. And now I am being thrusted headfirst back into the thick of things.” I took a deep breath, momentarily forgetting that they were all standing around me watching and listening to each word I spoke, “Okay, this is fine. Everything is going to be fine.”

A thought had just occurred to me, “Carlisle, you said that it will take at least several months before I can venture back out into society.” He nodded. “Do you think it would be possible for me to go into town or something before the change. You know, one last chance to interact with other humans before my overriding instinct will be to attack them?”

Emmett grinned at my frankness. Alice’s face lit up. Carlisle smiled, “Of course, Bella. Unfortunately most shops are closed as it is Sunday, but tomorrow we can go wherever you’d like.”

“We could even take you to Paris!” burst out Alice, the excitement in her voice palpable.

I didn’t want to let her down but I knew I wasn’t in the right state of mind to fully appreciate a whirlwind tour of France’s capital. All I really wanted was to visit the nearby village, to feel, even momentarily, as though I could be any other person out for a walk in town. Jasper must have sensed my reservations and took it upon himself to dash Alice’s hopes.

“You know, love, I think it's best if we don’t stray too far from where the Volturi believe us to be. And Bella will have plenty of time to discover one of your favorite cities once she has a handle on her thirst. You will have more fun if you aren’t rushed.”

Alice, her expression slightly deflated but not discouraged, turned back towards me, “Of course. You’ll see, Bella, Paris is incredible. We will spend a week there as soon as you’re ready!”

“Sounds good, Alice.” Jasper could feel my relief. His mouth turned up into a grin as we shared a knowing look.

For the rest of the afternoon, Carlisle spoke to me more in-depth about what to expect during the transformation and the weeks that would follow. His tone was almost clinical as he explained to me how he would be able to administer morphine in the hopes of lessening the pain of the venom. Though I didn’t tell him, it seemed too good to be true; I began to mentally prepare myself to feel the full force of the painful change. If preparing for such a thing is even possible. The rest of the family came and went throughout our conversation. Alice remained for most of it, as did Emmett, both of them adding in their own commentary and reassurances, and in Emmett’s case the occasional joke to try and alleviate the tension.

As the sun began to set, and I finished my second helping of Esme’s incredible pot pie, I broached one of the subjects I had been doing my best to avoid.

“You guys haven’t really mentioned Edward’s absence much…” A couple of them shared glances but I hurried on, “... and I know you are probably doing that on purpose to try and avoid hurting me. Which I do appreciate, but I was wondering… does he know about all of this? Is he aware of what’s going on? You said he has been pursuing Victoria- is he going to come here soon?”

His parents locked eyes, a silent conversation passed between them. At last Carlisle spoke, “We have been unable to reach Edward for the last few days. He is unaware of what has happened.”

Esme added, “We have left him messages asking him to contact us as soon as possible. But so far we have not heard from him.” The sadness in her voice was palpable, and an undercurrent of uncertainty told me that I wasn’t the only one anxious to know where he was.

I hated that my gut instinct was to worry about him, to wonder if something had happened to him that would cause him to ignore his family’s attempts to speak to him. Despite my growing acceptance of the situation, I was still angry with him. Furious. Though for the most part I kept those emotions restrained, only Jasper would be able to feel them simmering behind my otherwise composed exterior.

Having made her way back into the living room, Rosalie gave her take on the situation, unknowingly responding to my internal struggle. “Oh don’t worry about him, he is just being melodramatic. Ever since he left he refuses to answer our calls, preferring to leave Esme in a constant state of worry. He only calls back when the spirit moves him.” The contempt in her voice was accompanied by a well-practiced eye roll.

“I’ve no doubt that he will contact us soon. And when he hears about what has happened he will want to join us immediately. But I will leave that decision up to you, Bella,” said Carlisle, casting a disapproving look in Rosalie’s direction.

Did I want him here so soon? Would I be ready to see him? Despite the negative feelings that came with my thoughts of him, my overriding emotion in regards to Edward was still love. Nothing changed the fact that I had never felt more complete or more blissful than I had during the months that we were together. And based on what Carlisle had told me, that connection was an eternal one. I wasn’t so naive as to say that his arrival would mean an immediate return to how things were before, but I knew I wanted to work towards that. I just hoped my newborn self wouldn’t hinder my efforts too much.

“You guys said you would do your best not to let me hurt anybody, right?” They all nodded, Emmett smirked. He had caught on to my train of thought. “Okay, well in that case, when Edward calls, tell him to come home.”

Carlisle’s POV

From where I sat in the living room, I could hear Bella tossing and turning up in her room. Sleep seemed to be evading her and I worried her injuries or the day’s discussion were making it difficult for her to rest. A minute later, I heard her give an exasperated sigh followed by the sound of her feet padding quietly across the oak floors. Even though she knew none of us were sleeping she still took care to move about with as little sound as possible. Esme had left to go on a quick hunt and the others were upstairs in the library, discussing what to do in regards to Edward. When they heard Bella make her way down the hallway they lowered their voices, no longer loud enough for human ears to pick up.

The telltale creak of the top two steps told me that Bella was making her way downstairs. As she neared the bottom, I fidgeted slightly in my chair and allowed the pages of my book to make a rustling sound so that she would know I was here. Instead of going towards the kitchen to get something to drink as I thought she might, Bella came and joined me in the sitting room. Clad in pajamas and a zip-up sweatshirt, she stood with her back to the dying flames in the fireplace. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, absorbed in thought.

“Is everything alright, Bella?”

She bit her bottom lip, disquiet emanating from her every movement. It felt as though she were working up the courage to speak to me. I slipped the bookmark into my book and set it on the table between us, letting her know she had my undivided attention.

Instead of answering my question she asked her own, “Can I join you for a minute?”

“Of course,” I replied, as I slid over, making room on the couch for her to sit next to me. She sat down, her eyes continuing to stare into the glowing embers.

Without looking at me she spoke in a halting voice. “There is something I have been wondering about. But I’ve been afraid to ask you. I know that once I find out the answer it is going to make everything that much more real. More final. And I wasn’t ready to hear it yet.” I could hear the tremor in her voice and had my suspicions about what was troubling her.

“You can ask me anything, Bella.” I hoped she heard the sincerity in my voice, that she knew I would always be there to support her in any way I could.

After taking a slow, deep breath she worked up the courage to turn to me and ask, “Do you know what Char- what my dad thinks happened to me?”

I felt my lips turn down into a slight frown. Despite having prepared myself for this conversation eventually, I still found it difficult to look into her worried eyes and have to tell her that her father was currently mourning her apparent death.

“When I called Esme after leaving Volterra and told her about what had happened to you, Jasper looked into the fallout of the accident.” She gave no indication that my first words upset her, so I took a deep breath and continued. “When you did not return home that night, Charlie called around to try and find you. Your friend Jacob told him that you had left earlier that morning so Charlie and a couple of his colleagues drove out that way. That's when they found the site of the crash.”

I watched Bella carefully. This was usually a conversation that happened after the change, but the others had all occurred under duress. There wouldn’t have been time to go over such details beforehand. But now we had some time, albeit not much, to work through the repercussions of her impending entry to the immortal world.

“The Volturi covered their tracks, of course. There would be no sign of their presence in the woods. The final conclusion was that an animal must have come and your injuries prevented you from getting away.”

My decision to avoid details of Charlie’s reaction was intentional. I was afraid of causing Bella more distress than was absolutely necessary. Though if Bella asked, we would of course tell her anything she wanted to know. For now, there was no need to tell her how Charlie had called every hospital in a 200-mile radius, desperately hoping someone had found his daughter and brought her in. Or how he had returned to the site of the accident every day since, determination driving him to scour the area over and over again for an unmissed clue.

“It wasn't supposed to happen this way.” Her words echoed Esme’s from the previous night. “He must be so upset. I can’t believe I’ve done this to him.”

“This is not your fault, Bella. You must not blame yourself.” Eventually I would tell her every bit of the story. I would tell her that we would make sure both Charlie and Renée had what they needed. But such a topic would be unfitting to mention while she grieved. There would be plenty of time for that later.

As her eyes stared into the dying fire, she began to cry. She mourned the loss of her human life, she mourned the loss of her human family. Each silent tear that fell on to her black cotton sweatshirt might have been the last she ever shed, for the ability to cry would be stolen from her once I changed her. One loss amongst so many others. I said nothing, for there was nothing that could be said that would soften the grief she felt. But I hoped my presence gave her some comfort.

Eventually she leaned against me, her head resting against my shoulder. She didn’t bother to wipe away the tears, she knew there would be more that followed behind them anyways. Each drop now slipped on to my own shirt, darkening the gray linen where they landed. I hesitated, then put my arm around her shoulders. I could feel her relax slightly against me and within a few minutes the tears began to slow at last. By then she had closed her eyes and the rhythm of her breathing told me she was asleep. That was how Esme found us upon her return an hour later, Bella asleep on my shoulder, her face troubled by grief even in sleep.

Chapter Text

Bella’s POV

I woke up the next morning on the sofa, tucked beneath a heavy quilt. Someone had rekindled the fire and the crackling blaze was the only source of light in the vast room. Reveling in its warmth I closed my eyes, unwilling to leave the comforts of the makeshift bed. The house was quiet and I wondered if nights were always this silent in a household of vampires, it seemed unlikely when one of them was Emmett. The thought of his jokes and antics made me grin. But soon enough my thoughts drifted back to my conversation with Carlisle the previous night and I groaned. Everyone that had known me in my human life now believed me to be dead. But here I was, still very much alive. It felt as though I now existed in some parallel world, I could know what was happening in the real world but I could not be in it myself.

“Good morning, Bella!” Alice’s melodic voice sang out from behind me. “Are you alright? I heard you groan and Carlisle sent me to see if you were in pain.”

I stayed hidden under the blanket, my voice muffled when I answered her, “No, I’m fine. It was just a general ‘what-is-happening-to-me’ groan.”

“Well-” started Alice, “what’s happening right now is you are going to get dressed so that I can bring you into town for a breakfast of fresh-baked French pastries. Obviously I cannot attest to their deliciousness myself but it does seem to be one of the essential human experiences here!”

Images of croissants and other buttery pastries replaced the more morose thoughts that had been waiting for me when I woke up. It felt a little absurd to think of such things as sightseeing and French delicacies considering all that loomed over our heads. But part of me just wanted to act like a normal human being for a couple of hours. Now that the change was sure to happen I felt a sense of urgency to have as many human experiences as I could in the little time that was left to me. I smirked as I realized that I had begun to understand some of Edward’s reasons for wanting me to delay the transformation.

“That’d be great, thanks, Alice.” I savored the warmth of the quilt for another few seconds and then forced myself to stand up. When I turned to fold up the blanket I noticed it was no longer in a bundle on the cushion behind me but already sitting in a neatly folded square on the arm of the sofa. I raised my eyebrows at Alice, “I’m not a complete invalid you know.”

“I know! But either way I am faster. Now hurry up and get ready! You don’t want all the best food to be gone, do you?” She grinned and led me to the staircase, half-pushing me up the first few steps.

Climbing up the stairs, I joked over my shoulder, “No, god forbid I have to settle for some of the perfectly good food downstairs that Esme was thoughtful enough to buy for me!”

~~~

A half hour later I found myself in the back seat of Carlisle’s car, while Jasper drove and Alice sat up front with him. The sight of their hands clasped over the center console gave me flashbacks of our escape from James the previous spring, when they had raced me to Phoenix in an attempt to hide me from his menacing tracking powers. I shivered at the memory of it.

“Are you cold?” Alice asked.

“Nope, I’m fine.” Her eyes met mine in the rearview mirror and I smiled at the doubt in her expression. But instead of insisting any further, it was Jasper that spoke next.

“You know, Bella, I had been hoping to have a moment to talk to you.” Keeping one hand perched on the steering wheel, he turned in his seat briefly to face me, “I owe you an apology.”

In the days and weeks that followed my disastrous birthday party, I had never held any ill will towards Jasper. Some may have placed the blame for what happened on his lack of self-control, arguing that if he hadn’t lunged for me then Edward would not have insisted on leaving. But I had always considered the accident as an excuse for Edward to put in motion something he had been planning all along.

“It wasn’t your fault, Jasper.”

From where I sat behind Alice I could see the edge of his lips turn up into a sad smile, “You have always been so understanding towards us. But I could have done better; I should have done better. I can’t help but think things would have unfolded differently if I had been able to keep myself in check that night.”

I shrugged, “Maybe. But probably not. He would have left eventually anyways.”

Jasper glanced back at me again and I felt a wave of remorse settle over the car’s interior. “I’m sorry. Forgive me, Bella.”

I paused, wondering if he could read my own feelings of concern and affection for him “I forgave you a long time ago, Jasper.”

One of his rare chuckles preceded his words, “You may give Carlisle a run for his money when it comes to benevolence. Thank you.”

~~~

Instead of bringing me to the small village nearest their home, Alice had insisted we drive a few miles further in order to amble around a larger town. The day was overcast, the sky a solid drifting mass of gray. There would be no need for Alice and Jasper to hide from stray rays of sunlight. As we pulled into Domfront I knew my eyes must have looked ridiculous, being practically glued to the window and as wide as silver dollars. But it felt surreal. The narrow streets, the ancient stone buildings. And people just walking about their business as though their town didn’t look like it had been plucked from a movie set. Despite all that I had read and seen in my life, part of me was still shocked that places like this actually existed.

Jasper pulled into a small gravel parking lot that was interspersed with small trees, bringing the car to a stop in the farthest corner. I stepped out of the car and slipped on the coat Esme had given me. While there wasn’t any snow on the ground the temperatures were still nearing freezing. Alice produced a knit scarf from out of nowhere and wrapped it around my neck, standing on the tips of her toes to do so. I grinned in thanks.

We took off walking and soon passed in front of a massive stone building. Towering paned-glass windows looked out over a walkway flanked on either side with different colored flags. The building was imposing but regal and I nearly tripped as I tried to walk and stare at the same time. Jasper’s hand appeared in time to steady me and he nodded in the direction I was looking, “City hall.”

“Wow.”

Alice and I continued down the street, walking side by side on the sidewalk while Jasper followed right behind. The streets were narrow and many of them paved with cobblestones. Each time a car rumbled by I was surprised to see that it actually fit between the buildings that lined both sides of the road. Centuries had passed since their construction and many of them seemed to lean ever so slightly towards the road itself. Faded wooden storefronts in blues and greens and pinks stretched ahead of us, leading towards what appeared to be a soaring church steeple. A butcher’s shop, a pharmacy, a florist. Each with its own charming hand painted sign above the front window. When we wandered past a bookshop I couldn’t help but stop and Alice and Jasper joined me inside. Every wall was covered with floor-to-ceiling shelves. I reached my hand towards the spines and ran my fingers across them, imagining what the titles might mean. The older gentleman behind the desk greeted us heartily, his eyes widening for a moment as his gaze fell on Alice and Jasper. I had grown accustomed to the surprised glances that people gave everyone in the Cullen family, and neither of them seemed concerned about the stares they had been attracting since we’d arrived.

After browsing for close to an hour, with Alice translating the names of each book I pulled from the shelves, we prepared to leave. The owner, having heard us speaking English, had shown me a small nook beneath the shop’s narrow staircase that held his collection of English books. A well-worn copy of E.M. Forster’s Howard’s End had caught my eye and Jasper added it to his own pile of discoveries. Now, back outside, he walked with the pile of books tucked beneath his arm. Just before the street opened up into an airy expanse around the church, we stopped in front of a shop marked Boulangerie. A gust of warm air welcomed us as we stepped into the bakery, my eyes widening. An entire wall behind the counter held countless shapes and colors and forms of bread. Intricately-designed cakes and tarts in every color sat behind the glass case in front of us. A young man pushed through a swinging door carrying a tray of fresh croissants. My stomach growled.

“Amazing.”

“You like it, then?” asked Alice excitedly. “What would you like to eat?”

I didn’t know where to start, and when the woman behind the counter suddenly barked out a greeting I panicked. “Um, a croissant?”

Alice stepped forward and greeted the woman, whose expression immediately softened. A few seconds later she had grabbed a large kraft paper sac and begun to fill it with pastries. Alice ordered in what sounded to me like perfect French and the woman happily grabbed one of each item that Alice indicated. Jasper stepped towards the counter and paid, leaving me gawking in front of the rows of gleaming treats.

“Come on, Bella, let’s eat!” Her remark caught my attention and I looked at her questioningly, my eyebrows raised.

Laughing, she looped her arm through mine and reassured me, “Oh, you know what I mean. Here, let’s go over here.”

We sat down on a bench in the small square near the church, Alice and Jasper on either side of me. Jasper reclined slightly, his legs stretched out in front of him one arm lying across the back of the bench with the other bent behind his head. He leaned back and closed his eyes, passersby might almost think he was dozing off. Alice turned towards me and asked with a gleam in her eyes, “So? Which one are you going to try first?”

I opened the bag and looked at the various still-warm pastries waiting inside. I grabbed the first one I saw and held it up for Alice to see, “Which one is this?”

She smiled and pronounced in her perfect singsong French, “They call that one a ‘pain aux raisins’. It’s a bit like a flaky dough with pastry cream and raisins.”

I didn’t hesitate to take a generous bite. An actual groan of satisfaction escaped from behind my mouthful of food and Jasper smirked. My cheeks flamed a violent shade of red before I burst out laughing. “I’m sorry, but oh my god. That is ridiculous.”

For the next ten minutes I took a bite or two (or three) from each of the pastries Alice had ordered for me. As I pulled each one from the bag either Alice or Jasper would pronounce its name and encourage me to try repeating the words in French. Pain au chocolat. Croissant. Chausson aux pommes. By the time I pulled a brioche from the bottom of the bag I was beginning to feel full, but I was determined to taste each one. Before it was too late, added the bleak voice in the back of my mind.

Just as I ripped off a small piece and took a bite, Alice gasped aloud. My head shot up and I looked around, trying to find what had caused her sharp intake of breath. But I soon realized that what she was seeing was not in front of us now. Though it would be soon.

Her eyes regained focus just as quickly as they had taken on their faraway look.

"Damnit. Of course he would.” I had rarely heard her use such a dark tone. It contrasted sharply with her usual spiky-haired bubbly persona. As her eyes faded from ochre to black I could see her lethal nature in the shadow that crossed her face. Jasper stood quickly in one fluid motion, all the while maintaining the human charade. Anyone looking on would think he had suddenly realized he had forgotten an important appointment or something. The piece of brioche I had swallowed felt as though it was lodged in my throat. Panic began to sweep through me and the breakfast I had been reveling in mere seconds ago now felt like a solid lead weight in the pit of my stomach.

“What is it Alice?” I finally managed to choke out..

Her eyes left Jasper’s and she turned to look at me. Her expression was heartbroken, with an undercurrent of fury. “I’m sorry Bella, but we have to leave right away.”

With a distracted look she turned and began to head back in the direction we had meandered that morning. Jasper offered me his hand and I stood to follow, feeling the slight pressure of Jasper’s arm at my back as he led me away. He whispered from the corner of his mouth as we walked quickly through the growing crowd of people, “Don’t worry, she will explain in the car.”

Within minutes we were back on the road and I could hear the almost silent rapid stream of mumbling coming from the front seat that meant Alice and Jasper were communicating at decibels too low for my own ears to capture. A second later Jasper pulled a cell phone from his back pocket and held it to his ear. After a brief pause I heard him greet Carlisle.

While he spoke, Alice twisted around to face me and broke the news, “Aro has decided to send the guard early. He is leery and does not want to wait a full week to see if Carlisle will keep his word.”

“When?” My voice was stronger than I thought it would be. But then again a part of me was not surprised to learn that Aro would not hold up his end of the bargain. It had always felt too good to be true for him to let us leave as we did, an entire week ahead of us to carry out the change.

“They will arrive today, the guard will find us just before dusk.” Alice looked apologetic. I pitied her for always having to be the bearer of bad news.

“Okay. It’s fine. Okay, so, wow. I, um, I don’t- .” My mouth continued to move, trying to find the words that would make this all make sense. But my mind had gone blank, trying to grasp the incomprehensible. The remainder of my human life could no longer be counted in days or weeks or months. In just a matter of hours the transformation will have been set in motion, the scorching venom no longer a mere memory of a few seconds’ worth of burning in a Phoenix ballet studio.

“I think I’m going to be sick.”

Jasper must have heard me and taken my words seriously, for the car came to a quick stop on the side of the rural highway we were weaving down. I pushed my door open and scrambled for the grassy ditch just inches from the asphalt’s edge. I didn’t even have time to be ashamed about what they were going to witness before all of my breakfast made a reappearance in the tall weeds at my feet. My heart was beating violently, as though trying to escape the body that would soon no longer have a need for it. I retched a few more times, bent over, my hands on my knees. My ribs protested at the position, but the pain was little more than a stitch in my side compared to the panic that had anchored itself in my chest.

I felt a cold hand settle on the nape of my neck and a handkerchief appeared in my line of vision.

“Thanks,” I glanced up at Alice, “Ugh, I’m sorry.”

She rolled her eyes and steered me back to the still-running car, “Don’t worry about it, Bella. Honestly, if I had known what was coming before my own change I would probably have done the same. In fact, we’ve always found your reactions on the subject to be shockingly mild.” We stepped back into the car, this time Alice sat by my side in the back, her hand holding mine in a consoling grip. Jasper took off again, the speedometer jumping into triple digits before I’d even buckled my seatbelt.

Chapter Text

As soon as we reached the house I made a beeline for my bedroom. Perhaps it was rude of me to brush past everyone else in the entryway but I knew the rest of the family would want to speak with Alice, intent on hearing every detail from the vision for themselves. All I craved was a few moments alone to try and gather my thoughts. I didn’t need the play-by-play of what she’d seen, the outcome would remain the same for me either way.

I clambered up the stairs and moved as quickly as I could down the hallway. Having reached the privacy of my room, I closed the door behind me and strode across to the paned windows. I flipped up the latch in the middle and both of them swung inwards, accompanied by a gust of frigid winter air. With my hands clutching the window frame, I stared out at the surrounding countryside and gulped down the fresh air now blowing in through the open window. Our car ride home had not lasted more than ten minutes, but the confined space had made it nearly impossible for me to think straight. Now I found myself relishing each cool breath that reached my lungs, and I began to relax as my heart rate slowed to normal.

So the date for my change gets bumped up, did it really matter? In the grand scheme of things, four or five days was hardly significant. But I was still frustrated. Sure I was afraid, but I was more bitter than anything else. It felt as though everything that had happened during the last few months had been completely out of my control. When Aro had afforded us the chance to return to France and perform the change on our own terms I had felt so much more self-assured. Of course, a week wasn’t a huge reprieve or anything, but at least it had been a step up from Carlisle being forced to change me in that horrible castle. My skin prickled with goosebumps as my mind conjured an image of Carlisle leaning over me in that spine-chilling throne room, Aro watching greedily from nearby.

I shook my head to dispel the thought. No, even if I were to be changed today instead of later in the week I could still attempt to maintain some level of control over the situation. Closing the window I turned and shuffled around the room, feeling as though I ought to be preparing myself somehow. But what would that even look like? Should I take a shower? Tidy up? There was no manual for the situation I now found myself in. A soft knock at the door gave me something else to focus on, and when I opened the door I found Esme standing in the hallway.

“Can I come in?” Her eyes creased in the corners as she looked at me with worry. For a second I couldn’t fathom how anyone could call Esme a ‘cold one’. To me she had always been the embodiment of warmth and affection.

I stepped back and gestured for her to come in, “Of course. I’m sorry for not saying hi earlier, I just needed a second to pull myself together.”

She reached out and gave my uninjured arm a light squeeze, “There’s no need to apologize. Is there anything I can do for you?”

A huff of air escaped me as I gave a humorless laugh, “I don’t know. No, I don’t think so. I mean, there’s nothing left to do now but the change itself, right?”

She thought for a moment before answering, “No, I suppose there isn’t.” She looked at me tenderly, as a mother would look at her daughter on the eve of any life-changing event, an encouraging smile for support. My nerves began to settle. Esme continued, “You’ve always been so brave, I truly admire you, Bella.”

Mumbling, I evaded her compliment, “I’m not that brave.”

I sunk into the tweed armchair and shook my head. “At least I don’t feel brave. I mean, I know I am making the right choice, I know I am meant for your world. I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. But- these feelings that remain, this anger and despair for what happened with Edward, I’m terrified it’s going to carry over into my new life. Carlisle told me back in Volterra that the venom heals physical wounds but that it’s more complicated when it comes to emotional scars. Does that mean I will be frozen in this state of anxiety? If I am angry with him now, will I be stuck like that afterwards, a roadblock to moving forward together? That is, if that truly is what he wants…”

Esme smiled softly and moved to sit on the end of the bed. A thoughtful expression settled over her features and her gentle voice drifted over to me.

“Is that what you wish, to move forward? To heal?”

Her question confused me, why wouldn’t I want to heal? I still imagined a future with Edward, it was simply the path that would lead me there that was murky and filled with several uncomfortable discussions. After a lifetime of sacrificing my own wants and needs to accommodate those around me, I dreaded the moment when I would have to confront him about what happened. But I wanted a chance to do just that.

“Yes, of course!” I assured her.

She nodded thoughtfully. “Well, then, I think that will make all the difference.”

At the sight of my skeptical look she explained further, “Had you been the vindictive type, I think it would have been much more difficult to reconcile after the change. But you are compassionate and understanding, you are determined to mend. It’s that determination and that love that will carry through, not the anxiety. Not the fear.”

Her words settled over me and I began to feel hopeful for what was to come.

“I’m not saying it will come to you right away, but with a little time, and a little patience, you’ll find your happiness again, dear.”

Her words felt too good to be true, “How can you be so sure?”

A shadow of sadness blinked across her face before she recovered herself and smiled at me, “Because I found mine.”

Before I could ask what she meant, Esme began to tell me her story. She started from the moment she first met Carlisle as a tree-climbing young woman and moved on to the years of abuse she suffered at the hands of her first husband.

“I never forgot the handsome doctor who listened to me with such interest and care. And in my darkest moments I would recall his face and tell myself that if such goodness existed in the world then there was still a chance for me to find it for myself.”

Upon discovering she was pregnant, she gathered the courage and strength to leave in order to begin a new life on her own. But then she lost her newborn son. And what had felt to her like her last chance at finding joy had been snatched away.

“I still yearned for happiness,” she explained. “If I had thought there was any chance of finding it I might have been able to survive. But holding that helpless still boy in my arms crushed my will to seek out the love I was so desperate for.” Esme had gone through the transformation with emotional scars much deeper and numerous than my own. But despite her pain, she had been determined to make the most of her second chance. She had chosen love over regret, and had at last found peace in her new immortal life.

Her story had left me speechless. But her words had empowered me. If she had been able to overcome so much agony then I knew I could do the same. I stood up and walked towards her, wrapping my arm around her waist and letting my head come to rest on her stonelike shoulder. She reached out and held me against her.

“You can do this, Bella. And we will be right here with you.”

Her arms tightened around me briefly before she stood and made her way back to the door.

She looked back at me solemnly, “Alice is growing anxious, if it’s alright with you I will send Carlisle up?”

I nodded, “Thank you, Esme, for everything.”

Carlisle’s POV

I had never changed someone that knew what was coming. I had never changed someone that was alert enough to watch as I leaned forward and placed my teeth at their neck. None of them had been in a position to give me their consent. Bella would be the first. So why was I finding it so much more difficult to envision the physical act of changing her? It seemed to me as though it should be the opposite, that her consent should liberate me from the shame and guilt of what I was about to do. And yet I found myself almost wincing at the idea of biting her while she lay there, conscious and waiting.

Perhaps the other times had been easier because in some part of my mind I viewed the change as I would any other life-saving treatment. With each of my family members I had been in the mindset of a physician. Either I had found them in the hospital as was the case with Edward or Esme, or because when I came face to face with their injuries I first tried to assess if it would be possible to save them otherwise, such as with Rosalie and Emmett. The change had been a last resort, a desperate act to save the goodness I had seen in each of them. An instinctual pull to bring them into this immortal life with me. In each of those moments, the healer in me had been more present than the vampire. But with Bella that was not the case.

She was not here because of a fatal illness or injury. I was not at her side scrambling to save her humanity, doing everything in my power to keep her heart beating. No, she was innocent and whole. She was in this position solely because of her association with my family. When I finally built up the courage to walk upstairs and change her it would be because I was a vampire and she was a human and I had been tasked with ending her mortal life. I had never felt more like the monster I was. I had a newfound understanding for Edward’s refusal to change her himself. And though I was weary about the change, I was relieved that it would ultimately be my burden to bear instead of his.

Alice joined me at the bottom of the staircase and both of us looked up towards the bedroom where we could hear Bella pacing. “It’s time. Everything will be okay, Carlisle.”

I looked down and smiled at her, “Thank you, Alice.”

“We’ll be down here if you need anything.” She took a step back and watched as I disappeared up the dark staircase. Halfway up I crossed paths with Esme, who paused on the step above me. I had listened earlier as she shared her story with Bella and worried now that recalling such violent memories had been distressing for her. It was a topic she rarely brought up with anyone other than myself. She must have suspected what I would say and reassured me before I could ask.

“I’m just fine, Carlisle. It was a long time ago now,” she reminded me.

“I know, but I still can’t help but worry about you.” I climbed a couple of more stairs and bent down to kiss the top of her head.

“I love you, Carlisle. And she does, too, you know. Don’t doubt that.” Esme reached up and held my face between her hands as she spoke, willing me to see the fervent truth of what she said reflected in her eyes.

“Thank you, darling,” my hushed voice traveled no further than our embrace. And then she was gone and I continued up the stairs on my own, making not a sound as I arrived at the furthest bedroom.

With one hand I reached up and knocked softly on the door. To me it felt as though the sound echoed off the chestnut wood, alerting the entire house to my arrival. The silence at my back told me that the home’s other inhabitants waited in inhuman stillness, not even a breath of air escaping them. Only the occasional draft slipped under the doorways, the house hardly daring to breathe itself.

Bella inhaled deeply before speaking, “Come in.”

I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me. Bella stood at the window, watching as the sun dipped lower towards the horizon in its late afternoon descent. Then she spoke without turning to look at me, her voice steady.

“They’ll be here soon.”

The words came out as a statement instead of a question, but I answered her regardless. My head gave a solemn nod. “They will.”

She seemed hesitant to tear herself away from the frost-tinted window panes but after a few more moments she turned and faced me, her expression unreadable. Without a word she made her way to the side of the bed and sat down, her legs just long enough so that the tips of her toes brushed against the rug beneath her feet. I took a couple of small steps in her direction.

“I have to ask- are you absolutely positive that this is what you’d like, Bella?” I knew what her answer would be- but I had to afford her one last chance to back out. I would not deprive her of that.

She scoffed, an almost impatient sound if it wasn’t for the endearing smile that curled up at the corner of her lips, “What? And have the Volturi guard arrive here in a few minutes and slaughter the entire family?”

Downstairs I heard Emmett grumble, “We could take them”. I didn’t need to be in their presence to imagine the numerous eyerolls the others would resort to in response to his naive overconfidence.

“Well, I admit the alternatives are not very promising. But I just wanted to be absolutely sure.”

She responded confidently, “I understand. But even beyond the whole ‘Volturi threatening our lives’ thing, I want you to change me. If what you say is true, and there is a possibility of me regaining the happiness I once had with Edward, then I am willing to take the risk. Please, Carlisle.”

“Of course. In that case, we don’t have much time to spare. I’ve prepared some morphine, if you’d like me to try that. Though I prefer to be honest with you and say that I am doubtful in regards to its efficacy. In a normal human body an injection such as this only lasts for several hours. Once the venom is in your system I fear it will burn through the morphine rapidly, negating its effects. But it may help in those first few hours.”

She thought about it for a second and grimaced “I hate needles, you know.”

I held back a grin, “I remember.” The irony of someone with a fear of needles and blood asking to become a vampire had never been lost on any of us.

“But- I suppose even if it helps the tiniest bit it will be worth it. Go ahead,” she acquiesced.

I pulled the small leather case from the front pocket of my vest, taking care to move at human speed. Bella looked the other way as I prepared the needle, her breathing becoming more shallow in anticipation of the prick.

“Take a few deep breaths, Bella.” She did as I asked and on her second intake of breath I injected the morphine. I had everything packed up and tucked back into my pocket before she finished her third exhale. “All done.”

“So, this is it then?” Her frankness caught me unawares. Her strength and conviction in regards to what was about to happen bolstered my own courage.

I bowed my head in acknowledgement, “When you’re ready.”

Bella took another deep breath and laid back, her head resting on one of the white pillows, her eyes staring up at the ceiling. In what could only have been described as an attempt at reassurance, either for her sake or mine, she gave a half-hearted smile. But silent tears slipped from the corners of each of her eyes, betraying her efforts. My stomach tightened, the remorse I felt seemed to pull all of the air from the room.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying. I mean, I do, but I’m not afraid. I trust you completely. And I’m not upset with you, Carlisle.”

I leaned back against the edge of her bed for a moment, staring at my hands as they lay folded in my lap. Would she think I was praying? Perhaps I should have been.

My head turned in her direction, “It’s okay, Bella. You don’t have to apologize for crying. You are allowed to be scared and angry and sorrowful. You are allowed to mourn. And if it helps, you can be upset with me. You don’t have to maintain a brave face for my sake.”

Her gaze remained fixed on the ceiling, as more tears slid down and dampened the pillowcase beneath her head. From downstairs I heard Alice speak in an urgent whisper that only immortal ears would hear, “Fifteen minutes…”

Before long, Bella’s brown eyes met my amber ones and her hand reached out to me. I clasped it in my own and felt the warmth radiate up my arm, a final reminder of the humanity she was about to lose.

“I’m ready, Carlisle.”

I could do no more than nod in response to her words. She closed her eyes, a look of peace settling over her features. Taking a deep breath I leaned forward with renewed determination, my eyes stinging with nonexistent tears as her own continued to fall in a final silent expression of grief.

In little more than a murmur I promised, “I will not fail you. Forgive me, Bella.”

With the pressure of the Volturi’s imminent arrival on my conscience, and my deeply buried instinct causing venom to pool in my mouth, I bowed my head in the direction of her throat. My own eyes closed as I bared my teeth and punctured the delicate skin, venom racing into the veins. I heard her surprised gasp and felt her grip on my hand slacken. My control was well-practiced, but I could still feel as my free hand clenched into a fist against the pull of human blood. In a flurry of movement I repeated the necessary wounds on both of her wrists and down on her ankles, hoping the numerous points of entry would allow the venom to work more quickly.

And then I could do nothing more but wait. I dropped to my knees, overcome with disgust for what I was and what I had been forced to do. But at the same time I allowed myself to feel optimistic. To hope that my family would soon be whole once again.

Bella’s POV

Beyond the sharp sting of each bite, the fire began as little more than a smolder. No worse than a fever raising my body’s temperature by a few degrees. For a second I allowed myself to hope that the morphine was working. But what began as embers soon grew into full grown flames. Flames licked up each limb, wrapping themselves around my neck, encasing me in a suffocating embrace of blistering heat. I could hear a groan and wondered what was wrong with Carlisle. Did he regret changing me? Had something gone wrong? The groaning grew louder and it dawned on me that it was not Carlisle making such gut-wrenching sounds but me. It baffled me that any sound could escape past the roaring wall of fire that surrounded me.

A glacial touch grazed my arm. An image of Renee swirled in my memory. A cool washcloth in her hand, the soft touch of her fingers brushing hair from my brow, the trickle of water from the cloth dripping down my fevered forehead. I tried to focus on the point of freezing reprieve offered to me now, was it Carlisle? No, I could hear a woman’s voice speaking, shushing as one would comfort a crying infant. Esme then. Either way, the icy pressure on my arm could do little to fight against the inferno that was now raging through every vein and artery my body had spent the last eighteen years making.

I could no longer tell where one part of my body began and another ended. It was all the same blaze. My mind was searching desperately for some kind of exit. Would I lose consciousness? Or would the venom keep me awake for every second of its torture? As the heat that engulfed me pulsated to higher and higher temperatures I could sense myself being pulled under some kind of oblivion. I ran towards it eagerly. Then, just before I succumbed to the fiery abyss, a sudden piercing sound rent the air. It rang over and over, and it occurred to me that I was hearing someone’s phone ring. Why wasn’t anyone answering? Perhaps I was imagining it, but the sound had been so clear. At last Carlisle’s voice broke through the dense wall of smoke and flames.

“Edward.”

The burning engulfed me, and I crumbled beneath the wildfire.

Chapter Text

Carlisle’s POV

What little hope I had for the morphine’s ability to temper the venom’s searing effects had been dashed within minutes of the final bite. Bella’s immediate reaction to my venom had been restrained. But her anguish soon made itself known as tormented moans filled the room. My own memories of the change had not dulled with time and I could remember with agonizing clarity the feeling of a force larger and stronger than myself holding my body captive in the fire. I had gasped desperately for air, as Bella did now, while the flames had scorched my lungs, trapping me in their suffocating blaze. Tears continued to slip down her cheeks, each salty drop chased out of the ducts by my venom as it coursed through her body. The sight of them filled me with helplessness. Ever since I had found my refuge in medicine, my purpose in life had been to heal the humans around me. But I knew there was nothing I could do to alleviate this pain, and it riddled me with grief. Suddenly, a small ivory hand reached out and brushed the droplets away. Esme had come up to join me in my vigil, and was gently tracing the pads of her thumbs across Bella’s cheeks, wiping away each tear as it fell. Her other hand rested on Bella’s forearm in what would have been a comforting gesture under normal circumstances.

Just then a shrill note rang through the air. Both of us froze as it repeated itself over and over. Without taking my eyes off Bella, I slipped my hand into the pocket of my waistcoat and pulled out the frenetic ringing phone. A sense of foreboding settled over me. It was rare that anyone outside of the family called, and we were all under the same roof. With one exception.

I stood unmoving, staring at the name that had lit up on the small screen. The phone continued to ring, the sound of its peal colliding with the increasing volume of Bella’s cries. I looked to Esme as though waiting for direction and from the set of her eyes I knew that if I did not answer the phone then she would.

“Edward.”

Bella stilled, her body no longer straining against invisible bonds. Her cries reduced to almost indistinguishable whimpers, though I knew the stillness did not bring her peace. Over the following days, as the body tried to defend itself against the venom, it would also seek to protect the mind. The quiet that descended over her now suggested that she had receded into herself, much like a patient in a coma. I knew it could not last. For even the mind would soon undergo the venom’s vicious alterations.

The voice on the other end of the line brought me back to the current problem at hand.

“Carlisle, what’s going on?” He tried to sound agitated, as though our numerous calls from the last week had been unwelcome, but I could hear the concern he tried so hard to hide. And I was reminded that despite his intelligence and his maturity, he remained frozen in a 17-year-old’s body, a seventeen year old who would have been loath to show others his anxieties. I had to choose my words wisely with the little time I had before the Volturi would arrive. I needed him not to panic.

“It’s good to hear your voice, son. I’m afraid I don’t have time to explain very much. Something has come up and we had to relocate to our home in Normandy. But- ”

“All of you? Emmett and Rosalie as well? Why, what happened? Did someone lose control? Did Jasper-” In those rare moments when he was unable to pluck the answers straight from our thoughts Edward often resorted to an impatient stream of questions. For the first time in months I was grateful for the distance between us.

“No, no, nothing like that.” I paused for a fraction of a second to prepare myself for how he would react to what I said next, “But I must ask you to return home, Edward.”

Esme’s watchful eyes gleamed with hope, everyone reunited under one roof having been her desperate wish during the long months that our family had been scattered.

There was a pause on the other end of the line and I glanced at the screen to make sure the connection had not been lost.

“Carlisle, you know I can’t,” his voice was hesitant, choosing his words as carefully as I had been choosing mine. “I’m so close to catching her. If I give up now I’m afraid of losing the trail completely. And if I join you in France then who will be here to…I mean, how will I-”

“Bella is not in any danger-” I knew my words would exasperate him, it was an argument we had had many times already.

Sure enough, a frustrated growl echoed from his end, “You don’t know that! Victoria will want reven-

“At least not from Victoria.” I continued, my voice silencing his interruption. I could hear the dejection in my voice and knew it would not go unnoticed by Edward.

“What do you mean, not from Victoria. What do you know, Carlisle? Is Bella in some kind of danger?” His voice now had a hard edge to it and I pulled from all of my reserves to maintain my composure. At least I didn’t have the added complication of hiding my thoughts from him.

“Bella is here, Edward. She is here with us in France.”

The line went dead.

~~~

Frustration, fear, and sorrow welled up in me. I immediately tried to call him back, though I knew it would be futile. Why had he hung up so suddenly- was it anger towards me for bringing Bella back into our lives against his wishes? Perhaps he believed me to be lying, could he have thought it was an attempt on my part to trick him into coming home? I would hope he knew me well enough to know that I would never manipulate him in such a manner. Or maybe- and here I almost didn’t dare hope- maybe he heeded my words and was on his way now.

Before Esme and I could strive to find out more, Jasper’s sober voice muttered from downstairs, “We have visitors.”

Sure enough, I could hear the almost silent padding of feet gliding across the frozen ground a couple of miles away. Running as only our kind could run. The whisper of cloaks against gravel. I tucked the phone back in my pocket and took Esme’s hand in mine. She turned and glanced at Bella, her features riddled with anxiety. I knew she hated to leave her side.

“Come, it sounds like we have guests to greet.” The contempt in my voice had caught her attention.

She took my hand in hers, worry etched on her face and a warning tone in her voice. “Carlisle-”

I immediately regretted the scornful tone of my words. My brief exchange with Edward had left me feeling distracted and I forced myself to compartmentalize my concerns for him in the name of focusing on the Volutri’s arrival. It would be unwise to speak in such a manner to the guard members, and I didn’t want to upset Esme more than she already was. I gazed into her eyes and slowly raised my hands to her face, my thumbs caressing her furrowed brow in an attempt to smooth the worried lines.

“Everything will be alright, love. I promise.” With one final glimpse at Bella, we turned to leave, closing the door gently behind us.

As we made our way downstairs I found myself trying to anticipate my family’s reaction to meeting the members of the Volturi guard. I had spent the better part of the pre-dawn hours trying to prepare them for what to expect when Demetri and the others arrived. For after all, I was almost certain that Demetri would be there, his tracking abilities indispensable in the search to find us. But beyond that I could not be sure who Aro would send, though Jane was a likely choice. I warned my family that the most insignificant of excuses was more than enough for her to play with her debilitating power. For that’s what it was to her, a sadistic game. I was fearful that she would try and needle a reaction out of one of us, which would then justify whatever violence the Volturi acted out afterwards. If Jane was there, my family’s complete compliance was the only way we would come out unscathed. Upon hearing the gravity in my voice, even Emmett had cast aside the jokes and listened attentively to what I had to say. He did not take the protection of his family lightly.

Within a few seconds Esme and I were standing in the entryway with the others. They were uncharacteristically silent. As I walked past them to the front door, Alice gave me a reassuring nod. Had she seen that all would go well? I had warned them not to give any indication of their heighted powers while the Volturi were in hearing range. if she had seen something while I was upstairs then she would not be able to speak of it now that the Volturi were almost here.

I opened the heavy oak door and stepped out into the brisk winter air, turning to face the direction of their approaching steps. I sensed, more than I saw, my family fall into step behind me. We all did our best to maintain relaxed positions. I knew it would be easier for some more than others.

Where the driveway emerged from the wooded grounds and opened up into the gravel courtyard, four hooded figures came into view. I could see them quickly scan the surroundings, taking in the manor house looming before them. Finally their gaze settled upon us. Beneath the shadows of their hoods I could see Jane, Demetri, Felix, and an unknown guard member eyeing Jasper, his myriad of scars a glaring warning signal. I felt an instinctual urge to shift slightly in his direction, as though I could protect him from their scrutinizing stares.

Jane’s ruby eyes darted suddenly to my own.

“Carlisle.”

“Good evening, Jane.” My voice was steady, a perfectly tuned mask to hide the tension beneath the surface.

Before we could say more, a scream pierced the air and four pairs of blood-red eyes glanced towards the house. Felix sneered. Alice flinched at the sound of Bella’s suffering. At my side I could feel as Esme ached to return to Bella, her muscles tensing as her maternal instincts pulled her towards her daughter. I reached out and intertwined my hand in hers, my thumb rubbing slow circles against her wrist. She relaxed infinitesimally. But her eyes now narrowed wearily in the direction of the guard.

“You’ve managed to change the girl without killing her, then?” Jane's eyes slanted in my direction. A hint of disappointment and boredom leaked through her words.

Emmett scoffed behind me, clearly affronted at Jane’s suggestion that I might have killed the girl in my attempt to change her. Before he could attract Jane’s attention his way I answered her, “Yes, Bella did not wish to delay the inevitable and asked me to begin the change earlier this evening.”

“Show us.” Her order rang with authority. I had known they would want to see her, preferring to witness the transition themselves rather than take my word for it. Aro was likely counting on their visual testimony, something he would greedily watch with the help of his telepathic power when the guard had returned to Volterra.

I bowed my head, “Of course.” As though I had any other option.

Still clutching Esme’s hand in my own, we led them towards the front door. I saw Jasper stiffen as I turned my back to the guard. It went against all of his most basic survival instincts. But the four vampires followed me without a word and Jasper fell into step behind them, Emmett at his side. I was relieved that they had not tried to interfere yet with the proceedings and I could not begrudge them the need to follow closely behind our guests.

When Esme and I began to climb the stairs the others held back in the sitting room. After much argumentation, we had decided to limit our numbers upstairs in order to appear less confrontational. When the guard saw that Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, and Alice were remaining behind, Jane signaled to Felix and the guard member I did not know to stay with them. We hurried the rest of the way to Bella’s room, determined to show Jane and Demetri the proof they needed as soon as possible.

Upon seeing Bella’s writhing form I struggled to maintain my impassive expression. She no longer suffered in silence, her strained voice forced between clenched teeth as she begged for us to end the pain. Begged for us to kill her. This part of the transformation had always been the most difficult for me, more so even than fighting the instinct to drink the blood as I pierced the skin. For every person I had changed had at one point or another implored me to kill them as the fire raged inside of them. The sight of Bella doing so now was too much for Esme to bear at a distance and she immediately made her way to the girl’s side. Her hand brushed the strands of hair out of Bella’s eyes and whispered encouraging words.

“Shh, Bella, I’m right here. Carlisle is right here. It will be over soon, you are doing so well.”

“Hmm.” Jane watched for a second, dissatisfied, before she ordered in a flat voice, “Step away from the girl and let me get a closer look.”

I could see Esme pause and my heart clenched as I feared what her hesitation might cause Jane to do. I had anticipated problems with Emmett, or perhaps Jasper, but I had failed to anticipate how Esme’s maternal love for Bella might drive her to place herself in harm’s way. No one breathed. The only sound was Bella’s gut-wrenching sobs, “Esme, please! Oh god please, it’s burning! Make it stop, please make it stop, Carlisle!”

Esme gave Jane a sideways glance and I saw that the golden hue of her eyes had darkened to ink. In a cool voice, she pleaded “Are her cries not sufficient enough evidence for you? Can you not see- “

Jane’s order came out as an angry hiss, her eyes flaring , “I said, step. Away.”

I knew what was coming before she had spoken her last word. But Demetri knew as well, and before I could so much as move an inch towards my wife, his hands shot out and yanked my own arms behind my back in a painful grip. Everything moved in slow motion as I watched Esme drop to her knees beside the bed, one hand gripping the frame in an attempt to remain upright. Tremors wracked her body as she gritted her teeth against the screams that rose up her throat. Jane’s eyes narrowed and Esme crumpled to the floor, her neck craning in search of an escape from the anguish. Venom filled my mouth as I fought back the instinct to come to her defense, a small part of my brain remembering that to do so would be lethal for us all. Jane grinned and Esme finally let out a harrowing scream, her eyes pressed shut. My mind went blank, the pain of seeing Esme suffer being a thousand times more excruciating than receiving Jane’s tortuous glare myself.

While maintaining her psychological hold on Esme, Jane walked nonchalantly over to Bella’s side and took no more than a cursory glance at her.

“I’ve seen what I need to see. Let’s go, Demetri.”

He released his grip on me with a shove and I fell to the ground. The hem of a cloak appeared in my line of vision and Jane spoke one last time, “Take heed, Carlisle, the Volturi is never as far as you think.”

I raced to Esme’s side as the bedroom door slammed shut. She had gotten back on her feet as soon as the pain had ceased and she now stood with her arms at her side, watching me warily.

Downstairs, the front door opened and then closed a second later. They had gone.

“I’m sorry, Carlisle. I don’t know what came over me. It was as though I suddenly could not stomach the idea of Jane stepping even a foot closer to- “

I silenced her apology as my lips crashed into her own, the need to be as close to her as possible was overwhelming. Pulling back a fraction of an inch I whispered fervently, “Don’t apologize. I understand, darling, I understand. Are you alright?”

My hands caressed her face and trailed down her arms, coming to rest on her hips. I knew Jane’s power could leave no physical trace but I had a desperate urge to make sure for myself.

“I will be fine,” she reassured me. My forehead came to rest against hers, as I searched the depths of her amber eyes for any sign that she was in distress.

With our bodies pressed together, we could both feel as the phone in my front pocket buzzed, announcing the arrival of a message. Without breaking eye contact, Esme slipped her hand into my pocket and pulled out the now silent phone. After a silent exchange we glanced down at the same time, apprehension filling the space around us.

“I’m on my way.”

Before we could react to his message, the others burst through the door; I hastily put my phone into my back pocket. I wanted a moment to process what Edward’s arrival would mean for the family before I spoke to them about it. Though I suspected if Alice hadn’t seen his decision yet she would know soon enough. She had been trying to keep tabs on him ever since he had left Ithaca the previous fall. Much to her disappointment, his movements had often been too impulsive for her to have any kind of reliable prescience, leaving her more or less in the dark when it came to her drifting brother.

“Esme!” It was Alice’s panicked voice that rang out now. She raced over and wrapped her arms around her adoptive mother, her eyes grief-stricken. I took a small step back but kept Esme’s hand in mine, unwilling to break the contact just yet. Emmett and Rosalie were not far behind, slipping into the room and casting uneasy glances in Esme’s direction. Jasper stood further back. I knew it was impossible for a vampire to feel fatigued but that was the only way to describe how Jasper looked then, worn down. The emotional atmosphere this week had been anything but peaceful and I found my concern for him growing. He met my eyes from across the room and gave a small grimace, giving a slight shake of the head to try and allay my concerns.

Alice pulled back from Esme’s embrace and released a flurry of words, “I’m so sorry! I don’t know what happened! I didn’t see anything until it was too late. All day I had the same vision of the guard arriving and then leaving minutes later with no problems arising.” She had no need to breathe and so no need to pause in her stream of consciousness, “And then a new vision began to play before my eyes and before I even reached the end you had begun to scream. I could feel Emmett struggling to restrain himself next to me. It didn’t help that the guard members next to us looked eager for a fight.”

“They would have gotten one, too, if Jasper hadn’t had me feeling so out of it. Christ, Jazz. For a second there I thought I might actually fall asleep.” Emmett rolled his eyes.

“Or maybe if I had seen something sooner we could have-”

“Alice- had you seen what was coming you would have stayed put.” Esme cut in. “You all did exactly as Carlisle asked. Had any of you intervened I’m not sure we would all be standing here to talk about it.”

I nodded my agreement, “Esme’s right, and I’m proud of all of you. I know it can’t have been easy, it certainly wasn’t for me. Jasper- thank you.”

Esme gave Jasper an appreciative smile, though it just as quickly melted into a discouraged frown as she continued, “But I must apologize to you all, my rash actions could have placed us all in danger. I’m not sure what happened. I would never have imagined challenging Jane in such a way. But when I saw her get closer to Bella it was as though I was no longer myself. Something inside me cracked and I just couldn’t bear it. The instinct to protect her in that moment was almost as strong as the pull of blood itself. Before I realized what was happening I had protested Jane’s orders and then, well, you know.”

Turning my head in Esme’s direction I sought to reassure her, baffled that she could fear our disapproval. “You love her as your own daughter, it was only natural for you to want to protect Bella. We would never hold such a thing against you, love.” I squeezed her hand as the others voiced their agreement.

The sound of Bella’s cries had quieted into pained moans since the guard’s departure. But now she cried out once more and we all turned to watch her, her chest seeming to rise into the air as though pulled up by an invisible cord. Then she collapsed back down and her eyes squeezed shut even harder than they already were. It looked as though she was trying to flinch away from the invisible source of the pain. Rosalie ducked out of the room, an uncomfortable look flickering across her perfect features as she gave Bella one last glance. Emmett followed wordlessly behind her.

“Please, somebody, please. I can’t-” Bella’s words became unintelligible beneath the tearless sobs.

Esme took a slow step towards her and spoke to us without taking her eyes from Bella’s trembling form, “If it is alright with everyone, I think I’d like a moment to sit with Bella.”

Alice looked as though she wanted to object but then joined Jasper in the hallway. I knew she would not go far, though. Finally, I turned and kissed Esme lightly on her forehead. While I ached to be next to her, I knew she needed time to process what had happened. And she would not be leaving Bella’s side anytime soon. Instead I retired to the study, confident that she would seek me out when she was ready. A gust of air greeted me as I opened the door, carrying the scent of ink and musty book pages. I sat down behind the antique cherry desk and placed my phone on the polished surface. With a couple of clicks the message from Edward stared back at me once more. He was on his way.

A wave of relief flooded through me. And apprehension. More apprehension than I was willing to admit. For what was I to say to him when he arrived? On the one hand I wanted to comfort and reassure him, tell him as many times as necessary that all would be well. But I had not forgotten what Bella had shared with us, the cutting lies he had fed her before he left. I could not suppress the disappointment and chagrin I had felt ever since learning what he had said to her in the forest that day. Did that mean I should admonish him? The thought left me with a fair share of misgivings. In all of our time together I had never gone beyond a mild reprimand, a subtle nudge in the right direction. But he had never caused such grievous pain to someone we both loved. Even his occasional spats with Rosalie had never come close to the destruction that his leaving wrecked on Bella. And I hated to even think it, but it was not difficult to imagine that had Edward not insisted on leaving, had I not accepted his pleas to do so, Bella would still be human. He would be devastated when he learned that I had been forced to change his mate. And I was afraid that a reproach from me would only serve to cause him more pain.

But then, isn’t that what caused this mess: my inability to deny Edward what he so ardently demanded? My misplaced need to protect my son at the cost of those around him? Had my need to shield Edward from the inevitable pain of either changing or losing his mate blinded me to the possibility of Bella’s own suffering? The shame that flooded through me was palpable, filling the room like a noxious gas. I had failed her and I had failed Edward. And now Bella was in my care. My own venom flowed through her veins. More than that, Esme and I loved her as though she were our own daughter. And had anybody else besides Edward spoken to her the way he had, I would not hesitate to say something. I owed it to Bella.

Chapter Text

Carlisle’s POV

“He’s coming home? You’re sure, then?” Everyone but Esme had gathered in my study so that I could tell them about Edward’s message. Rosalie was skeptical. The sharp bite to her words was evidence of her doubt, a doubtfulness which was by no means misplaced. After all, Edward had not been very responsive since his separation from Bella. And although Rosalie had been almost gleeful about the move from Forks (or at least as close to gleeful as she was apt to be in this life), she had been resentful of Edward for what had happened after the move. When she accepted his request to leave she did so because she hoped it would mean a return to normal, a return to the predictable and discrete life we had lived. But our life in Ithaca had been far from whole.

At any given time we have several alternate homes and identities lined up. The necessary paperwork is always tucked away in safekeeping should a hasty departure be called upon. When the decision was made to leave the Pacific Northwest, we chose to relocate to Ithaca. It was an area we had not inhabited since our fateful stay in Rochester seventy years prior. Not to mention, several years ago Esme had purchased a historic home there that had been slated for demolition, as she had the habit of doing with homes dotted throughout the country. And so we chose to move across the country, putting as much space between us and Forks as possible. Not that we worried about Bella raising suspicions.

As soon as we had moved into the centuries-old Victorian farmhouse north of town, Esme set to work renovating it. But anyone could see that her heart was not in it. Her usual flurry of excitement when it came to returning an old home to its former glory was absent, and an occasional flicker of inspiration was the only sign of enthusiasm for her project. She went about the half-empty home with a permanent furrow between her brows. Her actions were automatic. Sanding down a banister here. Adding a second coat of paint there. Her craftswoman hands on autopilot while her thoughts alternated between mourning and frustration.

Jasper and Alice spent as much time out of the house as possible. Jasper enrolled in undergraduate level courses at Cornell as soon as we arrived. He said it was to double-down on his time around humans, more determined than ever to prove he could do it. But I suspected the emotional tenor of the house most days was simply too much for him to bear. Between my worry and regret, Esme’s heartache, and Edward’s desolation, Jasper was hardly ever home for more than an hour or two at a time. Alice tried to stay home more often, usually to work alongside Esme, but ultimately the pull to soothe her mate was stronger, and she accompanied him to the university campus during the day and on his runs through the northeastern forests at night.

And Edward…Edward had claimed one of the topmost bedrooms as his own and remained sequestered in the empty room for days at a time. He refused to speak to any of us. His door remained locked and though any of us could have snapped the handle off with little more than a flick of a finger, none of us dared do so. That did not stop me from trying to see him though. Every morning I would stand outside the door, its paint chipped and peeling as it awaited Esme’s restorative touch. I would knock once, twice, three times. Sometimes I would hear him shift around on the other side and for a second I would feel the hope inside of me imagine him coming to open the door. But he never did. So instead I would let my thoughts do the talking.

I love you, son. And I am here if you need me. Please, let me help you.

Always the same reassurances, the same promises. And always the same silence in return.

The irritation grew and smoldered in Rosalie. She could not understand how a simple human could have such a hold over him. More than once she had climbed the stairs and rattled the door on its hinges, speaking to her brother in tones fluctuating between agitation and consolation. When he said nothing, did nothing, in response, she would leave in a huff, a string of mumbled insults following in her wake. Her attitude towards her brother came across as insensitive, but I knew she had confided to Esme about the misgivings she felt at seeing Edward suffer because of his separation from Bella. Even if she did not understand his love for Bella, it still hurt her to watch as he wasted away. When it got to the point that she began to question whether or not she had made the right choice in defending Edward’s decision to leave, Rosalie packed bags for Emmett and herself and put them on the first plane to Europe.

But now they were here with us once more and she watched me expectantly, waiting for a response to her question.

“Yes, Rose. I’m sure.” My words did nothing to alter the expressionless gaze on her face.

“I’ve seen it, too. He is probably boarding his plane as we speak,” added Alice.

We did not know where Edward was traveling from. When we spoke with him at Christmas he had been in South America. But that had been over a month prior. By now he could be anywhere in the world. Regardless of where he was, though, he would no doubt arrive within a day. Even the world’s furthest destinations were only a day’s flight away.

Emmett spoke up then, “So he doesn’t know about Bella? I mean, he doesn’t know that you changed her?”

“No, he only knows that she is here with us. He hung up before I could say more. Though to be honest I don’t know what more I could have said over the phone, it feels more like a subject that should be brought up in person.” I didn’t add that I had been afraid of what he might do had I told him that I had cursed Bella to a life like ours. Would he have listened long enough for me to tell the whole story? I didn’t like the idea of upsetting him further while not knowing where he was or in what kind of state he might have been. When I broke the news to him I wanted him to be with his family. I wanted to be there for him.

“He is going to be so mad,” groaned Emmett.

Rosalie and Alice responded at the same time, the tone of their voices as drastically different as the reactions themselves.

“A little, but mostly just devastated,” sighed Alice.

“Angry! He lost that right a long time ago,” growled Rosalie. Emmett wrapped a comforting arm around Rose’s shoulder and she relaxed slightly.

I spoke up, hoping to ease some of the tension that was building between everyone, “Knowing Edward, most of the anger he feels will be directed at himself.”

“As it should be,” muttered Rosalie under her breath.

“We will not place blame on anyone-” I tried to respond.

“Carlisle, you could have died! For all we know the entire family could have been in danger. For Christ’s sake the Volturi guard just left our home not four hours ago! And all because of Edward’s absolutely abysmal handling of the situation.” She had shaken off Emmett’s arm and stood before me, her eyes blazing. She lowered her voice, the vitriol in it fissuring and laying bare the true fear that motivated her outburst. “For almost an entire day we sat here knowing you were in Volterra, with no way of knowing what was happening. That same blasted image of you kneeling as though at your execution was the only vision Alice could give us. Each of us watching as Esme tried valiantly to hide the fact that she was splitting at the seams. All while Edward was god knows where. Leaving us to clean up his mess. So yes, Carlisle, I blame him.”

She did not wait to see how I would respond before storming out of the room. Emmett stood as though to follow her but Alice’s small hand shot out and gripped his wrist, yanking him back down to the couch and telling him to wait.

The shock must have been visible on my face as I heard Rose open the door to Bella’s room. It was one of the last places I had expected her to go. But then Esme’s whispered voice drifted down to us, “It’s alright, Rose. Here, come and sit with me.” I let out the breath I had been holding, relieved that she had sought Esme’s comfort instead of taking off into the night.

I turned back towards Alice, “Have you seen his arrival? His response to what happened?”

She glanced at Jasper and then locked eyes with me, “It looks like he will get here tomorrow night. It won’t be pretty, Carlisle.”

Her words confirmed what I had been fearing for days. The way I saw it, Edward’s arrival was guaranteed to be tumultuous. There would be his immediate frustration geared towards us, as he battled against feelings of betrayal. He had, after all, explicitly asked us not to contact Bella. Not that we’d had much of a choice in this case. Once he grasped the situation he would likely move on to feelings of remorse, placing all of the blame for what had happened on himself. While Rosalie may be of a mind to agree, I was not. At least not entirely. I was not upset about his desire to leave Forks but rather the treacherous lies he fed Bella to create what he believed was a clean break. And finally, when he realized I had changed Bella I fully anticipated unbridled anger. Whether it would be directed at myself or Aro remained to be seen.

Alice offered me what little information she had so that I might prepare myself as best I could. But her visions shifted relentlessly as the dawn approached. It could only mean that Edward’s thoughts were chaotic. I could picture him easily, tense in his seat on the plane, his thoughts racing as he tried to figure out how Bella could have arrived in France with us. Each scenario would cause him to shift the blame. Shift the outcome of his arrival. Shift the vision. In one case it was my fault. In another it was Alice’s. Or perhaps Bella had succeeded in seeking us out on her own.

Eventually Alice let out a huff and pulled Jasper towards the door, “I need some air.” Jasper looked almost relieved to escape the tense emotional climate for something more neutral.

Emmett and I stood up, our thoughts in sync, and made our way upstairs. It was not lost on me that this was the first transformation that he was witnessing, his own change having been the most recent. Though it had been over seventy years prior. We moved at a human pace up the staircase, his footsteps heavier than usual. Bella’s screams had calmed again in the early morning hours, and now only the sound of her pained moans echoed through the dark hallways.

“I don’t know what I had imagined, but it wasn’t this,” mumbled Emmett. “I mean, I remember my own change, obviously I remember how much it hurt. But I didn’t expect it to be this hard to hear her suffer through it.” He winced as Bella began to weep more loudly. His eyes shifted towards the direction of her room. “I wish I could switch places with her, shoulder the pain myself.”

His words brought back memories of the previous summer. When Bella wasn’t working she could often be found at our home. While much of that time had been spent with Edward, she had also grown closer to the rest of the family, to Alice and Emmett in particular. Rosalie rarely acknowledged her presence, and Jasper always erred on the side of caution, preferring to leave both a physical and emotional distance between himself and Bella. But Emmett had no such reservations. He had fallen into his role of older brother with such ease that it was impossible to imagine that he had once suggested Edward just “get it over with” and give in to his basest instincts upon discovering that Bella was his “singer”.

Indeed by the end of the summer Emmett’s boisterous laughter could be heard ricocheting off the walls as he played pranks on the sole human member of our family, or convinced her to watch his favorite parody comedy films. When it came to Monty Python and Young Frankenstein Bella’s unrestrained laughter had danced alongside his own. The memory made me ache.

“Watching someone we love suffer is in many ways more painful than if we were subjected to the pain of the suffering ourselves. You care for her deeply.” We were standing on the landing, both of us hesitating.

He shrugged. “Of course I do. But I really, really regret this all. I never should have agreed to Edward’s asinine plan. This never would have happened, at least not like this, if we had stayed in Forks. I should have gone back.”

It was not easy to find the words to reassure him when I struggled with the same thoughts myself. All I could think to do was relieve him of as much guilt as possible by acknowledging my own responsibility in what happened. “It was my job to make that final decision about leaving. And I made the wrong one. You should never have been put into a position where you had to choose between remaining loyal to Edward and protecting Bella’s own best interests. I’m sorry, Emmett.”

He shook his head. “You don’t have to take all the blame, Carlisle. We all deserted her. And now we are all paying the price. Though once again Bella is paying the heaviest price of us all.”

A renewed howl of pain rent through the air in response. We turned towards the sound and took the final few steps towards Bella’s room, joining Esme and Rosalie at their bedside wake.

~~~

It was a clear night, and the dark skies glowed with stars and a waning moon. There was no light pollution to create that artificial glow so common now near populated areas. On more than one occasion over the years I had found myself pitying the many humans alive today that had never witnessed a pitch-dark night, accustomed as they were to the constant presence of light. Cities humming with electricity, billions of stars overshadowed by billions of filaments in billions of bulbs. But tonight the darkness was an unwelcome friend. I hovered at the entrance to our home, wrapped in the warmth of the light spilling from the entryway.

I stood on the front step, my hands clasped behind me. My expression was neutral, giving no indication of what I was thinking. Keeping my thoughts controlled was harder, though, and I resorted to translating the Universal Declaration of Human Rights into the various Semitic languages. He would know that I was trying to shield my thoughts from him, but that was the least of my concerns. I wanted to be intentional with which thoughts I shared with him, and when.

Our driveway was almost almost a kilometer long but I could hear the car as it slowed briefly, turning onto the hard packed gravel. He immediately picked up speed again and began to race along the narrow drive. The sound of shifting gears could be heard as he turned the final bend. And then he was home, the car brought to a smooth stand still next to the garage. I maintained my position, having not moved a muscle since I first heard the car approaching. A flash of bronze burst from the driver’s side door and he was there, standing several meters in front of me.

Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion-

My mind continued with the articles of the declaration, shifting from Aramaic to Hebrew to Arabic to Amharic as I went. Edward raised his eyebrows at my display. He took a few hesitant steps towards me. The only movement my body made was the shifting of my eyes as I took in his state. He was still in the same clothes he had been wearing when he left all those months ago. And upon seeing his onyx eyes I couldn’t stifle the surprise that he had taken the risk of sitting through an entire international flight while suffering such thirst. My feeble display of authority threatened to deflate at the sight of his obvious misery.

“Carlisle. What happened? Please. Why did you bring her here?” His expression was a mixture of defeat and indignation. But there was also a sense of relief hidden behind his bravado. After all, he would not have come if he was not willing to see Bella. If he had not reconciled himself to that fact that such a separation was futile for them both. Despite what he had told her in the woods behind her home, I knew he had never stopped loving her. I had seen for myself how he had suffered in those first weeks, before he had taken off to hunt down Victoria for the risk she posed.

My voice was firm, “I had no other choice, son.” At least not a choice that I could have lived with. I struggled to keep my memories of Volterra at bay. The translations continued, growing louder in my head.

Yàlidïn ìnon čoln-ènašëya čwaþ χeḁrrëya we šàwyëya va ǧurča we va zìdqëya.

“There is always a choice,” he countered.

I opened my mouth to defend my actions but instead of my steady voice, it was Bella’s scream that filled the winter air above us. Edward’s eyes widened, his irises as dark as the night that threatened to swallow us in its depths. His legs appeared to give way and his knees crashed to the ground below him, his head falling into his open hands. Pure, unfiltered torment altered every muscle in his body. I took a hesitant step towards him, and the sound of my footsteps made him look up. His eyes narrowed and fury flickered behind the pain in his eyes.

Edward’s POV

Bella’s heartbeat. The sound of it that first day in biology had almost been my undoing. Every wet, pulsating beat had driven me closer to the brink of madness. In that moment, the very muscle keeping her alive had become the target of my unbridled hatred, its contracting and decontracting setting the rhythm to the violent scenarios playing through my mind. Then, as the weeks had passed and I had gained more control, and as our bond had strengthened, my reaction to that sound had evolved. It no longer symbolized my weakness or the monster that I am, but rather that cardiac marvel was the physical proof that my love was still human. I relished each beat. I knew its intricacies, the tenor of its excited state and the gentle thrum of it while she slept. I knew the nuances of its various speeds, the way it sometimes stuttered and skipped when we were together. I would know its sound from a mile away and I could pick it out of a packed stadium.

And so when Bella’s screams pierced the air, I heard the erratic thumping from the house and I immediately knew something was wrong. When I had arrived minutes before, her heartbeat had been normal. A bit fast perhaps but I assumed that meant she was anxious or angry about my reappearance in her life. As she had every right to be. But as she screamed, the steady beating began to jump and stutter and race and slow to a sluggish, forced pumping. There was no rhyme or reason to its melody. It was as though blood still flowed smoothly in certain places while in others it was fighting to move at all. Only one thing could cause that, and the agony of my realization brought me to my knees. The sound of her screams was torturous. Memories of blood-soaked floorboards in a dark ballet studio flooded my thoughts. A bite mark, my desperate attempt to save her humanity. And all of it for nothing. My attempts to save her from this life of the damned had been absolutely worthless.

Confusion began to creep into my despairing mind. What could have happened for her to end up like us? Had she been attacked? Before I could ask someone, I heard Carlisle take a tentative step my way. He was still continuing his translations and I briefly wondered what he was trying to protect me from. But then for the briefest of moments he slipped. It was just the tiniest flash of a memory but it was more than enough. He was there at her bedside, his teeth bared at her neck. A whispered apology. The most despicable of betrayals. My vision blurred red and I succumbed to my fury.

Carlisle’s POV

Before I could allow myself to wonder whether Edward would actually attack me, he raised himself back up and began to take measured steps in my direction.

“Son, I know you are in pain, and rightfully so. I would not have done it this way had I had any other choice.” I began to take a few steps back, raising my hands to try and communicate to him that I would not fight him. Alice had warned me that one of the possible outcomes of today’s reunion would be a physical altercation but I was determined not to cause him additional pain. It was obvious that his emotional suffering was already crushing him.

“You betrayed me, Carlisle.” His words came out as a snarl. In a blur of motion he lunged towards me and I could feel the force of his hands as they connected with my chest. My body went flying towards the stone walls of the house behind us. Before I could cause any damage to the centuries-old structure, a larger set of hands caught me and set me back on my feet. I caught a glance of Emmett before he raced ahead and grabbed Edward. He had been stalking back in my direction, yelling at me to fight back. Begging me to give him the reaction he craved. As if I could ever so much as raise a hand against my own son.

“Christ, Edward. Look at yourself.” Emmett’s usual jovial voice was instead full of pity as he held Edward in place. I stayed frozen where I was, waiting to see if he would calm down. Sure enough, his frenzied expression began to cloud over. Even his limbs began to slacken and soon it looked as though he would have crumpled to the floor had Emmett not been holding him up.

Jasper appeared at my side, his eyes narrowed in concentration. Without breaking his focus or the gaze he held on his brother, he spoke to me, “Show him, Carlisle.”

I had hoped to be able to speak to Edward first instead of greeting him with an onslaught of images from the last week, but it was glaringly obvious that he would need to see these things for himself in order to believe a word I said. At a human pace I crossed the short distance between us.

Edward, I called out to him in my thoughts.

He raised his head and looked at me, his expression still heartbroken, his black eyes hollow. I glanced back at Jasper and he nodded. Taking another step forward, I reached out and gingerly placed my hands on his shoulders.

I am sorry, son. But please, let me show you for yourself what has led us to this moment. It was not a decision I made lightly. He did not respond. Only his wary eyes glanced up at me before he shifted his focus and stared up towards the topmost floor of the house.

I allowed the first images to come to the forefront of my thoughts. Figuring it best to start at the beginning, I recalled how I had received Aro’s letter and how we had made the decision to travel as a family to France. He did not react much to this first bit of information, the only sign that he had been paying attention was the way he raised his eyebrows slightly upon seeing the summons from Aro. Next, I remembered glimpses of my run to Volterra and the way I had clung to thoughts of Esme and our family as a way to calm my nerves upon reentering the castle. When I got to the memory of Jane I could see him flinch and turn his head back to face me, the shock no longer masked on his face. I hurried on, recalling how in the next moment I had heard Bella yell out my name.

Edward’s eyes grew wide and a sharp inhale of breath was the first sound he had made since Jasper and Emmett had arrived. The discovery that Bella had been in Volterra had brought him up short. His residual anger appeared to melt away and he pulled himself up straighter. Emmett tentatively loosened his grasp and Jasper seemed to relax slightly, pulling back on his control over Edward’s volatile emotional state.

His voice came out in an ominous hiss, “No. Impossible.”

My hands slipped off his shoulders and came to rest behind my back. Instead of speaking aloud to him I kept going through the chain of events that followed. There would be time for further discussion afterwards. For now he needed the essential information. I showed him Bella’s brief loss of consciousness and her fiery verbal attack on Aro when she discovered how I had been used to trick her into giving them the information they sought. And at last, I played back our moment of judgment before Aro, how he had initially reminded us that our due punishment should have been death. Had it been possible for Edward’s skin to become even paler it would have done so at that moment. Instead, a strangled sob escaped his mouth as his head fell forward into the palm of his hands. His mumbled words would have been heard even by those still inside.

“What have I done…”

I half expected a snide, under-the-breath comment from one of his siblings, but everyone waited in silence. Edward’s evident pain prevented them from saying anything.

By now I was nearly lost in my own memories, swept up in the intensity of what might have been. I forced myself to remain composed, carefully picking only the images I wished for him to see. Bella’s reaction to Aro’s verdict played out in my mind next. Even in the face of death she had been desperately apologizing to me, agonizing over how my own death would affect the family that had abandoned her.

“Carlisle, I’m sorry, I never meant for any of this to happen. Those stupid motorcycles. And now Esme, oh god, Esme.” His head still cradled in his palms, Edward shook his head slowly black and forth.

But then Aro had provided the out that he had been withholding, having preferred to watch us grapple with the threat of execution, “Of course, there is one other option. And only one. Should you wish to avoid such a punishment, Carlisle, you must change the girl.”

Edward looked up and held my gaze. Understanding and humility shone through each jetblack iris, communicating his sorrow and regret to me while he searched for his words. Emmett and Jasper had slipped discreetly back into the house, leaving me to comfort their brother.

I ended my recollections there; they had been more than sufficient to pull Edward back from the chaos of his tumultuous arrival. In my mind the images of Volterra faded to fog. From behind the mist came a series of notes. Each one flowed from the keys of a piano behind which sat a young musician in a Saint-Paul music hall. It was a memory I often liked to recall when trying to keep Edward from accessing my other thoughts, for it simultaneously brought me a great sense of calm. The year was 1924, and the three of us had run from Ashland the previous night in order to attend the concert. I had changed Esme several years prior and after a handful of devastating slip-ups she had at last felt comfortable enough to spend time amongst a large crowd of humans. The young man that evening was playing a selection of Chopin’s Nocturnes, and we had spent the entirety of the show enraptured by his talent. While she had been anxious at first, Esme had soon relaxed back into the red velvet seat, her hand still clutched in mine. Edward had sat on my other side, his head tilted back and his eyes closed for much of the show, a smile tugging at the side of his lips.

“I’m so sorry, Carlisle. If I had known- If I had had any idea-,” his words now came out in a bereft groan, pulling me from my reverie.

I stepped forward and pulled him into a tight embrace. His head fell forward onto my shoulder and he began to tremble, grief forcing its way out through the tearless sobs. An almost silent click from the door behind me was the only sound Esme made as she approached us. Coming up to my side, she reached her hand out and grazed her hand across her son’s bronze-colored locks of hair.

“It will be alright, Edward.” My words felt insufficient, but what more could I offer him at that moment? For while the world felt anything but right to him, I was confident that eventually things would settle and he and Bella would find their peace. But for now the sandy-haired musician continued to play in my thoughts, the Nocturnes, Op. 27: I. Larghetto filled the silent hall while my memory of Edward grinned at my side, his fingers tapping silently on his knee in preparation for ivory keys of his own.