Chapter Text
Mike Wheeler is confused. It’s not odd for him to feel that way, it’s typical, even. Being 15 and having saved the world is more than confusing. His failing relationship with El just adds to it. Sure, he’d finally said he loved her 8 months ago, but everyone could tell it was a lie. In the heat of the moment. Words that were not his own, but his best friends. So with everything regarding Vecna being said and done and the party finally returning to normalcy after 3 months of cleanup, it’s no surprise to anyone that he’s currently sitting cross legged on Eleven’s bed, staring at the somber look on her face on a cold November day.
“Mike,” El says. Her gaze is focused on him and his hands are in hers. Mike knows what's coming, and he feels sad, but not as sad as he’s supposed to feel. It’s like he’s mourning the years wasted over the relationship itself. He wants to break up too, he has for a while, he just didn’t know how, or when or why. “You and I don’t love each other like we thought we did.”
El shows him a sad smile.
“I know,” he starts, flashing a smile in return. “I tried to, I just couldn’t.”
And he means it, he really tried. He wanted to, he just couldn’t and he never knew why. He still doesn’t know why.
Eleven nods and squeezes his hands in understanding. It’s as if she’s agreeing, saying I did too. A tear slips from her eye and Mike’s heart stings at the sight. He feels guilty for even getting into a relationship with Eleven when he knew neither of them felt that way. He wasn’t oblivious to her unreciprocated feelings. She probably didn’t know how or when to dump him either. They were great as friends, but together they just held each other back.
“It feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders now,” she smiles. It's a wide, toothy grin filled with genuine happiness. A smile that he’s never seen from her. A smile that he returns. She pulls her hands away and wipes the tear from her face as she giggles. El glows with a newfound confidence, and Mike hopes she never stops. He also hopes that he is too, although he can feel his own dimness around him. The relationship is over, yet one thing remains unresolved. Why couldn’t Mike even pretend to love Eleven? He furrows his brows in thought unconsciously and taps his finger against his knee. El was pretty, smart, strong, and so many other things that anyone would want in a girl. I mean, she saved the fucking world, who wouldn’t be in love with her? He could understand why El wouldn’t love him. On top of Mike just being Mike, Eleven spent a good portion of her life in a lab. She could barely speak, let alone understand the concept of love. The Party had expected them to be together, so it’s understandable that she went along with it. That’s partly the reason Mike did too, he just figured he’d fall in love eventually. He loved her as a friend, and that was good enough at the start. It was glaringly obvious after a year that he never did fall and knew he never would.
“Mike? Are you okay?”
He snaps his head up instantly and clasps his hands together. El looks concerned, like she’s worried she somehow misread things and actually broke Mike’s heart.
“Yeah! Yeah I’m just…thinking.” He hopes that she won’t press for more information, as he doesn’t really want to tell his ex-girlfriend that he can’t figure out why he doesn’t love her. He gives her a pleading look, but she hasn’t exactly mastered social cues yet.
“About what?” She tilts her head slightly and waits in anticipation for a response. Mike knows she’s not trying to be pushy, but it certainly feels that way. He looks down at his hands while he thinks of a way to phrase this that doesn’t sound bad or confusing.
“I don’t know why I couldn’t love you,” he says. He looks at El, hoping to see clarity on her face, but she looks more confused than before, so he goes on. “Anyone would be lucky to have you the way I did. You’re like the whole package! I just…couldn’t. And I don’t know why.”
El smiles gently. “You didn’t need to love me, Mike. Some people just don’t fall in love with each other.”
Mike ponders this answer for a moment. She’s right, some people just stay friends. They never fall in love with each other. In theory, this would explain it, but Mike feels that there's more to it than that. He’s never had a crush on anyone before, and all of his friends have. Dustin loves Suzie, Lucas loves Max, hell even Will supposedly liked some girl in Lenora. All of Mike’s friends have girlfriends and crushes and he just…doesn’t. He should be filled with raging hormones, a horny mess who drools over any girl he sees, but he isn't. He doesn’t know exactly how to explain this to El, so he chooses to keep it to himself.
“Yeah, you’re right. Thanks, El,” he says warmly, flashing her a smile. El claps quickly in excitement, filled with pure joy that she’s finally free of their relationship and that she understood someone as complex as Mike.
“Of course! I’m glad I could help,” she says cheerfully. She reaches for a magazine on her bedside table as Mike stands to leave, but stops before she grabs it. “Oh! Will wanted me to tell you that he’ll be home soon if you wanted to hang out to get your mind off things. I think he meant the breakup, but maybe you could get a second opinion on your thoughts from him.”
Mike smiles at the mention of his best friend, who he’s worked endlessly to repair his relationship with. He would be perfect to talk to about this. Despite the multiple times Mike went to Will for relationship advice, he never once mentioned the issue at hand.
“Cool, thanks again.”
“You’re welcome,” El says, finally grabbing the magazine and flipping to a page she dogeared before. Mike walks briskly out of her room and down the hall to the kitchen. While he waits, he might as well get a glass of juice. The Byers always kept apple juice in the fridge for Mike since his father only allowed them to keep orange juice at his. He’s always been grateful for the Byers hospitality towards him, especially recently since his house has been non stop fighting since his parents announced their divorce. It’s like they aren’t even trying to hold the arguments back anymore. He shudders at the most recent fight he had witnessed. His dad commented on how often Mike and Will were together, claiming that it was “gay”. His mother didn’t take very fondly to his fathers word choice, and they began to argue. His dad always had a comment to make on Mike and Will’s closeness, and Mike never really understood why. He shakes off the thought as he grabs a glass from the cabinets. He places the glass on the counter and wanders to the fridge, grabbing the juice from its typical place next to the milk. He fills the glass half way and puts the carton back in the fridge. He takes a sip and puts the glass back down in front of him. He leans on the counter and places his head in his hand and lets his mind wander.
Has he really never had a crush on a girl? He thinks back to every girl he's ever come in contact with since kindergarten, but none of them make his heart skip a beat. He just thinks they're kind of gross. Maybe that’s it, girls are just gross and he’ll be alone forever.
As if he could hear Mike’s crisis starting again, Will walks through the door laughing alongside Jonathan, grocery bags in hand. He’s bundled up in a puffy jacket, yellow gloves, and a blue hat that he most definitely stole from Mike at some point. Cold air and tiny snowflakes drift through the open door and send a chill through the whole house, and Mike visibly shivers. Will carries his bags over to the counter Mike’s been standing at as Jonathan kicks the door closed. Will plops the groceries down on the counter and finally meets Mike’s gaze.
“Hey, Mike,” he says with a smile in his voice. It’s only then that Mike realizes he’s been staring at Will this whole time.
“Hey.”