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Jiang Cheng fights the urge to throw his phone into the next wall. It’s not going to help with the feelings inside of his chest and it’s certainly not going to help his bank account if he has to get a new phone.
So instead of giving in to his impulses he takes a deep breath and darkens the screen of his phone again.
He needs a moment.
He was just innocently scrolling through his social media, not expecting to be attacked like this. He was just trying to stave off his boredom and now he pays the price for it.
When Jiang Cheng feels marginally calmer he takes his phone back in hand and unlocks it once more.
His heart skips a beat in his chest and his stomach does something funny when his eyes fall onto the same devastating pictures that caused his outburst in the first place.
It’s innocent enough; just two pictures of Nie Mingjue, smiling. It’s really nothing to write home about.
Except for how they are a devastating blow to Jiang Cheng’s fragile feelings.
He’s been in love with Nie Mingjue for a long while now and seeing him like this–it hurts like Jiang Cheng never expected it to.
He has always been sure that he could be happy for Nie Mingjue when he inevitably finds someone he loves but it’s clear as day now that that is not the case.
Jiang Cheng is the opposite of happy.
The pictures are titled Out for a coffee and half of his face is even cut off but the half that is visible is so beautiful that Jiang Cheng has a hard time looking at it.
Nie Mingjue is smiling at whoever snapped the picture–and there must be someone else there, there’s no way he took these by himself–and Jiang Cheng has never seen him look so soft, with his dimples on full display.
He looks as if he’s head over heels for whoever is on the other side of the phone and suddenly Jiang Cheng feels like crying.
It’s not him, he reminds himself even if the pictures make it look like it is. It’s not him and it’s never going to be him, because what could he possibly offer someone like Nie Mingjue when people way better than Jiang Cheng are out there.
Jiang Cheng takes another peak at the photo, hoping that maybe with enough exposure the pain will subside, but it blooms just as bright and sharp in his chest as before.
So he does the only thing he can think of doing: he blocks Nie Mingjue on his account.
At least like that he won’t be assaulted by anymore pictures of this beautiful man, smiling at someone else as if they are his entire world.
It has to be enough, even though Jiang Cheng will probably never forget that look on Nie Mingjue’s face.
He just has to practice not to care until he meets him in person the next time.
Mind made up, Jiang Cheng slumps down on his bed and promptly tries to sleep.
Surely a nap will help.
~*~*~
Jiang Cheng had hyped himself up before going over to the Nies, trying his best to lock all those stupid feelings and his hurt deep away, but he’s not sure how successful he is.
He will just have to find out because there is no way he can skip out on their weekly movie night. Nie Huaisang would have his head, should he not show up, and Jiang Cheng is not going to risk angering his only friend. He’ll just have to get through this evening somehow.
“Hi,” he weakly says when Nie Mingjue opens the door for him but he barely gets back a nod before Nie Mingjue turns around and walks away without even saying anything to him.
Jiang Cheng frowns at that behaviour, and the traitorous pang of hurt is back in his chest, throbbing with every breath he takes.
It seems like he already fucked up somehow without even knowing what he did.
“Okay,” he breathes out as he steps fully into the hallway and he’s not sure if he should take off his shoes or if he’s that unwelcome that he should leave right away again.
“What are you doing there, get in here,” Nie Huaisang yells over from the living-room and with the decision taken out of his hands like that Jiang Cheng finally takes off his shoes.
“Hey,” he says as he makes his way over to the couch and he’s not really surprised when he notices Nie Mingjue’s absence.
“Da-ge says he has something else to do today,” Nie Huaisang tells him, clearly noticing his look and Jiang Cheng nods, defeated.
He wonders if there’s a way he can make it up to Nie Mingjue without even knowing what he did wrong but the chances are slim.
“Should I–leave?” he asks and is met with the full force of Nie Huaisang’s frown.
“Why the hell would you do that?” he demands to know and then narrows his eyes at Jiang Cheng. “Did you do something?”
“I don’t know?” Jiang Cheng tries but of course it’s not convincing Nie Huaisang. “I mean–he didn’t even say hello. Clearly I did something, so I was wondering–”
“I’m going out,” Nie Mingjue suddenly says, appearing in the doorway, boots and jacket already on, and Jiang Cheng thinks that it’s not just his imagination that Nie Mingjue is very deliberately not looking at him.
Nie Huaisang must notice it too because his eyes are darting rapidly between Jiang Cheng and Nie Mingjue right until Nie Mingjue nods once and then turns around to leave.
“What the fuck,” Nie Huaisang breathes out, staring after his brother. “What the fuck was that?”
He stares after Nie Mingjue until they hear the door and then he turns probing eyes on Jiang Cheng.
“What did you do?” Nie Huaisang demands to know and Jiang Cheng shrugs helplessly.
“I don’t know,” he gives back, and truthfully so.
The only thing he can think of is that he blocked Nie Mingjue on that one social media site but he doubts that is the explanation. He doesn’t think Nie Mingjue even noticed that he has been blocked or that Jiang Cheng is following him at all.
“But something definitely happened,” Nie Huaisang states and Jiang Cheng can only nod miserably.
Clearly something happened and he can already feel how this new home, how these new people he found for himself are slipping through his fingers.
This will probably be the last time Nie Mingjue allows him into this house if he can’t even look at him.
“I’m sorry,” Jiang Cheng says, even though he’s not even sure what he’s apologizing for and Nie Huaisang immediately shakes his head.
“Don’t be stupid now, and come here,” he demands, patting the space next to him on the couch. “Just because da-ge is a grouch doesn’t mean we can’t have a nice evening. I say we order an extra-large pizza on his name. If he is being stupid he can damn well feed us at least.”
Nie Huaisang nods, clearly more than happy with his decision and the knot of worry untangles just the slightest bit in Jiang Cheng’s stomach. It seems as if Nie Huaisang is not going to let whatever problem Nie Mingjue has with him affect their friendship and Jiang Cheng is grateful enough for that that he simply plops down on the couch.
“Alright,” he agrees and then settles in for a nice evening with good company and delicious food.
Nie Mingjue’s absence continues to sting the entire evening though.
~*~*~
It’s three days later when Nie Huaisang almost knocks Jiang Cheng’s door down.
“Alright, what the fuck, calm down,” he grumbles when he finally wrenches it open only to reveal a flustered Nie Huaisang, his hand still raised as if he’s going to knock again. “What?” Jiang Cheng snaps out because he had just found the perfect position on the couch and now he would never achieve that level of comfort again.
“It’s your fault,” Nie Huaisang breathes out and Jiang Cheng’s stomach instinctively drops with those words before he manages to bring a scowl to his face.
“What is?” he demands to know and Nie Huaisang pushes past him into the apartment without waiting to be invited.
“That da-ge is behaving like he is,” Nie Huaisang tells him, toeing off his shoes and draping himself over the couch, completely unaware of the reaction his words spark in Jiang Cheng.
He knew he fucked up. He knew it and yet to hear it confirmed like that still hurts.
“What did I do? Is there something I can do to fix?” he asks, his voice small and he’s certain that if he would hold out his hands they would be shaking.
This is important and not only because he’s hopelessly in love with Nie Mingjue. He needs to know if he can be friends with him again.
“Depends,” Nie Huaisang muses, cocking his head at Jiang Cheng. “Why did you block him?”
“What?” Jiang Cheng breathes out because surely that can’t be it.
“Da-ge continued to be in a bad mood these past few days, so I sat him down and forced him to talk,” Nie Huaisang explains and Jiang Cheng feels bad for Nie Mingjue.
Nie Huaisang can be relentless when he wants to know something.
“And he told me that you blocked him without any reason. He’s been in a bad mood ever since.”
“Is that why he just left last time?”
Nie Huaisang nods. “He thinks he makes you uncomfortable so he thought it would be better if he’s not there. Now,” Nie Huaisang says and the change of tone in his voice makes a shudder go down Jiang Cheng’s back. “I know very well that he doesn’t make you uncomfortable so why don’t you tell me what the hell possessed you to block him.”
“I’m not—how would you know if I hate him or not?” Jiang Cheng blurts out and then shrinks under the almost pitying look Nie Huaisang gives him.
“A-Cheng, I love you, but you are a little bit stupid sometimes and a lot unsubtle. I’m pretty sure even Wei Wuxian knows that you’re in love with my da-ge by now.”
It feels as if Jiang Cheng is losing ground under his feet.
“And Mingjue—” he trails off, feeling sick with the thought that Nie Mingjue had known all along and just pitied him enough to not say anything.
“Oh no, my brother is just as dense as you are, if not more so. He has no clue until someone spells it out for him,” Nie Huaisang immediately says, clearly picking up on Jiang Cheng’s panic.
“Why does it even matter to him why I blocked him?” Jiang Cheng desperately wants to know and Nie Huaisang sends him such a withering look that Jiang Cheng shrinks back.
“Even if he doesn’t know you’re in love with him he considers you a friend. And then you suddenly block him, unprovoked? Of course that would raise questions. Well, with me. He clearly favours the avoidance route.”
“Why would he even notice if I block him?” Jiang Cheng amends his question, his voice barely above a whisper and now Nie Huaisang rolls his eyes.
“Okay, I’m going to let you in on a little secret if you promise me to tell the truth,” he says and raises both eyebrows expectantly at Jiang Cheng.
“Fine,” he gets out, even though nothing is fine at all.
But he knows when he lost.
“Da-ge joined that specific social media site for you.”
Jiang Cheng blinks.
And then blinks again.
“And clearly that piece of information broke you,” Nie Huaisang sighs out and takes Jiang Cheng’s hand in his as if that would help. “Listen to me. Da-ge joined just for you. I wouldn’t say he’s been stalking you on that site but it’s close,” he tells him with a grimace. “So of course he would notice it immediately when you blocked him. Now the only question is why.”
“You’re right, that is the only question!” Jiang Cheng almost yells out. “Why the hell would he join that site to follow me?”
“Oh, A-Cheng,” Nie Huaisang breathes out. “Please. Use that brain of yours. I know you’re not stupid. Come on, turn those grey cells around. Why could he possibly want to stalk you on that site?”
“Because he hates me and wants to keep taps on me?” Jiang Cheng blurts out, too afraid to even entertain the only other possible option.
“Close. Hate and love do usually go hand in hand together,” Nie Huaisang says and Jiang Cheng is glad that he’s already sitting.
“But he’s not—with me—I’m just a nobody!”
“Do not let my da-ge hear that, you know how he can rant,” Nie Huaisang says. “So, he follows you on that site because he’s stupidly in love with you. Now tell me why you blocked him.”
“Because of those photos!”
“Those photos?” Nie Huaisang doesn’t seem to understand if his frown is anything to go by so Jiang Cheng holds out his hand for his phone.
He’d have to unblock Nie Mingjue to show Nie Huaisang on his own phone and he’s not sure if he’s ready for that. If he believes Nie Huaisang yet.
Nie Huaisang hands his phone over and Jiang Cheng quickly pulls the pictures up. They are just as devastating to look at as the first time.
“Oh, those,” Nie Huaisang says. “I see.”
“He’s clearly—someone must have taken these,” Jiang Cheng explains, keeping his eyes on the couch. “And he looks so—look at him. He’s in love. And it’s not—” Jiang Cheng cuts himself off but Nie Huaisang nods as if he finally understands.
“I was there with him that day,” Nie Huaisang says. “I was the one who took those pictures. And we were talking about you.”
Jiang Cheng shakes his head with disbelieve.
“That morning you posted pictures from your walk with the dogs from the shelter,” Nie Huaisang explained. “And I was just showing those to him because he had been busy and I was certain he hadn’t seen them yet. He was looking at your pictures when I snapped those.” He shakes the phone slightly and then pockets it again. “You were the one who put that look on his face.”
Suddenly, Jiang Cheng feels as if he’s burning with need.
“Are you certain?” he asks Nie Huaisang, his voice imploring and he believes him when he nods.
“I promise.”
“Where is he?” Jiang Cheng then demands to know and Nie Huaisang grins at him.
“Home, moping. Much like you.”
“Rude,” Jiang Cheng huffs out as he gets up from the couch. “Don’t come home today,” he tells him even as he pats Nie Huaisang’s head in thanks.
“That’s rude!” Nie Huaisang yells after him when Jiang Cheng rushes to the door but if he has any more complaints, Jiang Cheng doesn’t hear them anymore.
He has to find out if he can make Nie Mingjue look at him like that in real life.
Jiang Cheng makes it to the Nie house in record time and then he’s stuck knocking on the door, not unlike Nie Huaisang just a short while ago.
It does take Nie Mingjue significantly longer to open though and by the time he finally hears him on the other side Jiang Cheng feels as if he’s going to burst with nerves.
“What?” Nie Mingjue snaps out as he yanks the door open and then he freezes when he sees Jiang Cheng on the other side.
“I love you,” Jiang Cheng blurts out and then fights the urge to slap his hand over his mouth.
He’s not here to be a coward like he usually is, so instead he squares his shoulders and looks straight at Nie Mingjue.
“I’m in love with you. I blocked you because you posted those photos last weekend and I thought you were looking at someone you love. Someone who isn’t me.”
He’s not sure if his explanation makes any kind of sense but when Nie Mingjue’s face softens, he knows that he understood.
“I was looking at pictures of you,” he says, reaching out to cup Jiang Cheng’s cheek in his hand.
“I know that now,” Jiang Cheng admits. “Huaisang told me.”
“So he did meddle.”
“Doesn’t he always?”
“Usually, yes,” Nie Mingjue agrees. “Though this time, I suppose, I have to be thankful.”
“Yeah?” Jiang Cheng asks and takes a step closer. “Why’s that?”
“Because I’m in love with you, too,” Nie Mingjue says and he gives Jiang Cheng the same smile that Nie Huaisang captured in those photos and in all honesty, it makes Jiang Cheng’s knees go weak.
“And this is why I blocked you,” he mutters, even as he leans his face further into Nie Mingjue’s hand. “Because that is bad for my health.”
“Mh, maybe I should stop then,” Nie Mingjue teases and tries for a frown but it seems as if he can barely hold it.
“Please don’t,” Jiang Cheng says and tries to smooth the pretend-frown out with his fingers. “I like it better the other way.”
“Alright then,” Nie Mingjue says, instantly smiling that devastating smile at him again and this time when Jiang Cheng’s knees wobble he takes the opportunity to take a step forward, even further into Nie Mingjue’s space.
“Hi,” Nie Mingjue breathes out, clearly not at all displeased with Jiang Cheng’s actions.
“Hi,” Jiang Cheng gives back sounding just as breathless as Nie Mingjue and he doesn’t get a chance to catch his breath either because then Nie Mingjue’s lips meet his own and breathing is really the farthest thing on his mind at the moment.
Not that he’s going to complain about that, he thinks, even as Nie Mingjue pulls him inside the house without letting go of him at all.
There are worse ways to die than this, after all.