Chapter Text
“I mean, if you want me to give you pointers or whatever, I’m happy to,” Richie said as he shifted through a pile of old comics.
“What?”
“On kissing. Pointers on kissing. I’ve had lots of practice with my dearest Sonia, y’know.” Richie said it like he was offering Eddie a glass of cherry coke. “That way you know what to expect.”
Eddie stared at him. How the fuck had he gotten here?
The two of them had been hanging out in Richie’s room all afternoon. It was a chilly early autumn day, and no one wanted to be outside in that frigid breeze.
The week before, Richie and Bill had picked up a cardboard box of free comics from the side of the road. They’d been practically elated, and decided to split the books between them. Richie and Eddie had been reading those comics for the last two hours, draped over the sides of Richie’s bed, commenting on the books occasionally.
Eddie had been flipping through a newer copy of X-Men, when Richie made eye contact. “Hey Eds…” He started, and Eddie knew by Richie’s tone of voice that he wasn’t going to like whatever came out next.
“Why haven't you ever been on a date? I mean, at least three girls have asked you out, why didn’t you accept? I bet you haven't even had your first kiss!”
Eddie looked down, his face heating up. “Um…” He trailed off.
“Oh. Oh my god.” Richie’s eyes widened, his eyebrows raising above his glasses. “Have you not kissed anyone?”
Eddie grimaced, staring at a purple stain on Richie's carpet. It was probably ink. “Uh, no?” He glanced back up. “Is that a problem for you ?”
“Oh my fucking god. Eddie Kaspbrak, The heartthrob of the nerds, has never had his first kiss! this is gold!” Richie practically cackled.
Eddie rolled his eyes, trying to blink away the heat he’d gained on his cheeks. “In what world am I the ‘heartthrob of the nerds?’” He asked, sticking out his tongue.
“In Julia Autin’s world. You saw her the other day, practically fell apart after you rejected her ask to go to that new horror movie.” He made kissing sounds in the air. Eddie swatted at Richie’s shoulder.
“Shut the fuck up. She was not falling apart. She just looked a bit sad, is all.” Eddie had felt bad, seeing the brunette girl with the bright red ribbons in her hair, wiping embarrassed tears from her eyes as she walked back to her locker.
“Whatever. We need to get you your first kiss.”
“Um, fuck no.” There was really only one person Eddie wanted to kiss. “I mean, I’d probably be ass at it anyway. Like, so bad that the other person would puke straight in my mouth.”
Richie snorted. “Who knows. I’ve been through worse.”
“What can be worse than someone up–chucking in your mouth ? That’s embarrassing plus, like, incredibly gross. All the pieces of chewed up food, all acidy and shit-” He shuddered. “I swear to god I’d get some sort of STD.”
There was a thick silence. Almost suffocated. Eddie fiddled with the hem of his t-shirt. He wanted to stop talking about this.
“I mean, if you want me to give you pointers or whatever, I’m happy to,” Richie broke the silence as he shifted through the pile of old comics. He didn’t make eye contact with Eddie.
“ What?”
“On kissing. Pointers on kissing. I’ve had lots of practice with my dearest Sonia, y’know.” Richie said it like he was offering Eddie a glass of cherry coke. “That way you know what to expect.”
So that’s how Eddie had gotten here.
His whole world seemed to pause for a good few seconds. It was only Eddie and Richie, sitting on Richie's bed, staring at each other. Eddie’s cheeks went pale. He sputtered out “ Fuck no!” and shoved Richie’s shoulder. “Thats- thats- I don’t even know how you’ve managed to get a first kiss! Who would want to suck face with you?”
Richie’s straight face broke and he raised his eyebrows above his glasses. “Mary Peters, apparently. And Jennifer Roberts. And Olivia Brians. But you know all that. Y’know what, forget I offered. I guess my specialties won’t be taken advantage of.”
Eddie shook his head. “Maybe you’re the heartthrob,” He rolled his eyes. He wasn’t disappointed Richie hadn’t been serious. He wasn’t.
“I’d say so, dear Eds, but Jennifer Roberts is not a nerd. Neither is Mary Peters.”
“God, poor Jennifer. Poor Mary, too. They’re better off with their basketball boyfriends,”
Richie punched him in the shoulder and continued shifting through the pile of comics. He raised up a newer copy of Spiderman and waved it in Eddie’s face. “That’s incredibly untrue. Have you read this one yet?”
The topic was forgotten about, and the two boys went back to their normally scheduled bickering. Richie ordered pizza from a nearby place, with pineapple and without asking Eddie if that was alright.
He picked off the pineapple in distaste- but pizza was pizza, and Eddie honestly enjoyed anything his mother wouldn’t have wanted him to ingest. He practically inhaled two and a half salty, greasy slices of cheese and sausage.
With their stomachs full, they leaned against the headboard of Richie’s too-small bed and watched some soap opera Eddie didn’t remember the name of. The boxy TV Richie had in his room had a botched speaker, so sometimes the voices of the soap’s characters warbled. At some point Richie had pushed open his window and lit up a cigarette. Eddie wrinkled his nose. He hated this habit of Richie’s. He hated the smell of tobacco, hated the riskiness of his best friend smoking. But he still looked a moment too long as Richie’s lips curled around the cig, inhaling slowly.
“Hey Richie?”
“Yeah, Eds?”
“Why do you not have a girlfriend? I mean if you’ve kissed all these girls, I just thought…”
Richie went red. “Uh. I just-” He paused for a second. “Okay. Y’know how I told you I kissed both of them out of their own free will? Like after class and behind the bleachers?”
Eddie shot him a horrified expression, scooting a little farther away from him on the bed. “Richie, you didn’t, like, sexually assult them, did you?” He asked, eyes wide.
Richie shook his head hard. “No, no, no, no, no- that’s not what I meant. I- You know I wouldn’t do that. I meant I kissed Mary and Jennifer during… spin the bottle. We were all drunk.” He whispered the last part, not meeting Eddie’s eyes. “And I never kissed Olivia.”
What the fuck? Eddie furrowed his eyebrows. Richie was slumped over against the headboard, cigarette hung loosely from his forefingers, hazy smoke drifting out the window. He quiet for a moment, before hastily beginning to explain further.
“And it’s not like, they didn’t want to, neither of them seemed disgusted and the kiss with Mary went on for a little longer but-”
“Why did you tell me Mary kissed you after Bio? And Jennifer during that football game, what the fuck , Rich?”
Richie stared at the floor. When he spoke his voice was smaller than Eddie had ever heard it. “I wanted to be one of the boys that girls liked, Eds. I wanted so badly for you to think I was one of the boys that girls liked.” He bit his lip so hard that Eddie was afraid he’d draw blood.
“That’s why I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“Oh.”
“I’m sorry.” The words were barely there. Richie stared out the window, taking a last drag off his cig before putting it out against the wall and flicking the butt out the window. Eddie didn’t even scold him.
“It’s… well, I still don’t get it but… it’s not the biggest deal in the world not to have really kissed someone, Rich. Y’know full well I haven’t. I just dunno why you felt like you had to lie, you’re not an idiot.”
“Yeah, I know.” Richie seemed to sink further into the bedsheets. “But maybe I am an idiot.” He looked up at Eddie, lips quavering. “I just- I just wanted you to think I was cool ,” His voice cracked and he squeezed his eyes shut as a stray tear ran down his freckled cheek. Eddie hadn’t seen him cry in what felt like forever. He swallowed thickly. His hand subconsciously struck out to wipe the hot tear away and Richie stiffened at the contact.
“Eds-”
“Richie.”
Richie let his weight fall against Eddie. He was warm and shaking and Eddie didn’t know what to do so he just wrapped his arms around Richie’s shoulders and held him to his chest. “Shit, shit, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t cry- this is so stupid-”
“Shut the fuck up, Richie.” He muttered into his friend’s hair. “It’s not stupid,”
“Hah, beep beep, right?” Richie let out a sniff, clutching at Eddie’s polo. “I’m so sorry. I just wanted… I mean, who would want someone like me anyways? It’s so fucking dumb to think anyone would, I’m so loud and and my jokes aren’t funny, I know they aren’t funny, but I make them anyway and I don’t know when to stop- it’s so stupid, I’m so fucking stupid for thinking that lying was a good idea-”
“Richie.”
“-And I’m sorry, I really am, and-”
“Rich.”
“-I promise I’ll be better, I promise I’ll try my hardest-”
“ Richie.”
Richie pulled away slightly to make eye contact. “Yeah?” He sniffed.
“It’s okay. You’re okay.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Eddie engulfed him in a hug, and after a second Richie’s arms snuck around his waist and held on tightly. They rocked back and forth a little, and Eddie relished being so close to Richie, Richie’s breath hot on his skin. “You’re not stupid, you’re not dumb. You’re loud because that’s your- well, your personality. That’s what makes you a Loser, Richie. You’re different. And we love you because of it. We love you. All of you.” It was probably the sappiest thing that had ever spewed from Eddie’s lips. He found his cheeks heating up in embarrassment.
Richie just let out a little laugh. “Really Eds? Yuh dare say yuh think as much?” He inquired in one of his new Voices, the Southern Bartender. It needed a lot of work, but Eddie chuckled, his blush cooling off.
“I do.”
They laid there in quiet contemplation until Richie finally spoke.
“Eddie?”
“Yeah?”
“Can you, uh, stay the night maybe?” His voice was tentative as he began to ramble. “I know your mom’ll probably say no, and you probably-”
“Yes.” Eddie interrupted. “Yeah of course, I’ll call her, and if she says no- well, I’ll stay anyway.”
Richie’s smile was watery. “Thank you, Eds.”
Eddie rolled his eyes. “Don’t call me that.”
He picked up the pale yellow phone on Richie’s nightstand, and dialed his house number. It rang twice before Sonia Kaspbrak answered.
“Mom?”
“ Eddie! Eddie, it’s almost nine!”
“Yeah Mom, I know. I’m staying the night.”
“ No, you are certainly not!” Sonia cried, voice cracking through the receiver. Eddie winced and Richie sent him a sympathetic glance.
“Yes I am. It’s a Friday.”
“ Not with that Tozier boy, you’re not. He’s not safe. I don’t like you hanging around him at all, let alone sleeping over.”
“He’s perfectly safe, mother. His parents are here, and we ate a perfectly healthy supper.” Two lies. Greasy pizza is not very healthy, and Richie’s parents were off on an accounting trip for the weekend- “Probably fucking in some motel in Bangor, if you ask me” was what he had led with .
“ Edward Kaspbrak. You had better be home soon, you don’t have your medication!”
“I took it this morning.” Eddie sighed. “Mom. I am staying the night, don’t tell me otherwise. I’m almost seventeen!”
“ I don’t care how old you are, Eddie, I need you!” Her voice was trembling with panic. “I need you to come home, Eddiebear!”
“You’ll be fine for one night.” Eddie felt like screaming, he had to do this every single time he wanted to sleep over anywhere and didn’t feel like biking home, pretending to go to sleep, and then sneaking out again. “I have a spare toothbrush and mouthwash here. We’ll go to bed before eleven. I’ll be home tomorrow. Period.”
“ But Eddie-”
Eddie hung up before she could finish, and fell back onto the bed in a huff. “I hate this.” The bedsheets were cool against his anger-warmed skin. “I hate her .” He added in a whisper, squeezing his eyes shut.
“I know.” Richie said softly from beside him. “But you’ll be out of here and away from her soon. Less than two years, Eds. Just remember that.”
“Yeah.” Eddie smiled a little bit at the prospect of college. “Soon.”
*
Eddie lay awake hours later, staring at the Lost Boys poster on Richie’s wall. Richie was asleep next to him, having graciously taken up all the blankets.
They had always shared a bed during their sleepovers, so while it may be ‘weird’ for other guys, it was normal for them. It was nice to not worry about those things with Richie, but for now, Eddie was freezing.
He rolled his palms down from his biceps to his wrists, and over again, trying to rub away the goosebumps. He shivered, wishing he had a sweater. The only one in sight was a gray hoodie of Richie’s, which lay in the corner. He contemplated it for a moment before rolling out of bed and picking it up from the floor. He pulled it over his head and sighed.
“Eddie?” A muffled voice came from across the room. “Y’okay?” His words were tinged with sleep.
Eddie reddened. “Um, yeah… just…” He trailed off, glancing down at the hoodie, which in the moonlight looked a little more brown than gray.
“Hey, ‘s that my hoodie?”
“No…?”
“That a question?”
“Yeah, it's your hoodie, asshole. I was cold.” Eddie grumbled, falling back onto the bed.
“I’m not cold.” Richie supplied as if it was the answer to all of life’s secrets.
“Of course you're not! You took up all the fucking blankets!” Eddie cried in a stage whisper, socking Richie gently in the shoulder.
Richie let out an “ Ow!” of dramatized pain, reaching over to grab Eddie by the waist and pull him into him. His fingers cut into the skin of Eddie’s waist, and Eddie struggled to pull away. “Let go, fuck face!” He could hear Richie’s grin as he caught Eddie in a headlock. “Richie, seriously, let the fuck go of me-!”
“No, I don’t think I will.”
“Oh, you’re such a little-” Eddie brought up all his strength and wrapped his arms tightly around Richie’s torso, before flipping them both over. Richie looked as if the wind had been knocked out of him, so Eddie took the chance to grab his wrist and pin him to the bed. “Hah!” He cried, a satisfied grin taking over his face. Richie didn’t move, just stared up at him, with those soft eyes… Eddie realized the position they were in, and froze. He felt an itching blush rapidly climbing up the back of his neck and reaching his cheeks. He scrambled off Richie, pressing himself up against his side of the headboard, and running a hand over his face. They did this sort of thing all the time- westled- but it never felt like this. Well, it did sometimes, if he thought about it properly.
There was a thick silence. Eddie suddenly remembered what Richie had said earlier. “Did you mean it?”
Eddie could see Richie raise an eyebrow in the dim moonlight. “What?”
“I mean, your offer… does it still stand?” Eddie hoped he was saying the right thing.
Richie’s eyes widened. “Oh. Oh, well yeah, sure. If you want.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, but I mean, I dunno if I’d be any help considering… Well, spin the bottle doesn’t really count.” Richie muttered, looking embarrassed.
“Well then… it could be for practice. For both of us.” The words came out easily, and Eddie was surprised at how not nervous he sounded, considering how fast his heart was beating.
Richie thought about it and then nodded. “I mean, it makes sense I guess. We don’t wanna head off to college total lip virgins. Outside of stupid highschool games, I mean.” He added.
“Exactly.” Eddie nodded. He wanted his first kiss to be with Richie. Period. Even if it was just for practice, Richie was the only person Eddie wanted to kiss. Richie was the only person he’d be actually comfortable kissing. Richie was the person he thought about kissing much too much.
“Wait.” Richie’s eyes widened as if he’d had an idea. “I’ll be right back.”
“What d’you mean you’ll be right back, Rich-” He started, but Richie had already flown down the hall. Eddie heard what he knew was the bathroom door, creaking closed. It had always been louder than the others- Eddie knew this.
The Toziers had always been like a second home to him. Maggie loved him, and always made sure he had everything he needed when he was over, never asking questions about his mom. Wentworth always tried to talk to him about school and sports, and would listen to him and Richie bitch about Bio for more than ten minutes without getting irritated. Eddie assumed that this was what living in a normal household was like.
Richie slammed back into the room a second later.
“Did you just have to take a shit, or-?” Eddie asked, crossing his arms from the foot of the bed.
Richie grinned, sinking back into the pillows. “Brushed my teeth.”
Eddie’s eyes widened. “Oh.” His face softened a little. “Thank you.”
“Of course, Eds.”
There was a pregnant pause. “So d’you wanna get your ass over here?” Richie asked from across the bed. “We can’t suck face five feet away from each other.”
Eddie made a face. “Ew, don’t call it that,” But he scooted over anyway, stopping in front of Richie and crossing his legs. They stared at each other. Eddie tried to memorize how Richie looked, how his usually pale, freckled face was dusted over with a faint flush in the moonlight, how his deep brown eyes sparkled, how his bright red t-shirt hung off his body loosely, his collarbone peeking above the neckline.
“So. What do I do?” Eddie asked. “You probably know more than me, anyway.”
“Well, I’m kind of assuming you put your hand somewhere on the girl you’re kissing first, to kind of imply you… want to go in for a kiss. That’s what they do in the movies,” Richie said. “Not in a weird place, more like her waist,” He set his hand on Eddie’s waist, “or her neck,” he mimed strangling Eddie with a grin.
Eddie scowled. “Fuck you! Be serious about it, Rich.”
Richie moved his hand to the back of Eddie’s neck instead. Eddie could feel his hair stand on end as Richie stroked his thumb over the skin. “So then, I guess you just… kiss?”
Neither of them moved. “You do want to do this, right?” Richie started, “You know it’s just for practice and-”
Eddie moved on instinct, leaning forward to press his lips against Richie’s. He felt a burning heat bubbling up in his chest. The kiss was unmoving for a second, chaste, before Eddie realized that’s not what you’re supposed to do, and began to tilt his head a little to move his lips. The hot feeling grew stronger. Richie seemed to catch on, and began kissing him back. Richie’s mouth was hot against his, and the only thing he could think now was I’m being kissed I’m being kissed I’m being kissed by Richie Tozier.
And it felt good .
They parted far before Eddie was ready, breathing in a disjointed manner.
“Oh. Oh that was- Oh.” Richie muttered. His face was flushed a deep red, all the way from the tips of his ears across his nose. The silence was almost suffocating. As they stared into each other's eyes, it was almost as if something between them had changed entirely. Eddie couldn’t place what.
“Was it bad?” Eddie finally asked, breaking whatever moment they’d been having.
Richie grinned. “No, not at all, Mistah K, you’re a bloody excellent kisser!” He exclaimed in his British Guy Voice. “Much better than your dearest mother!”
Eddie rolled his eyes, smacking him on the shoulder. “Again, I’m just asking you to be serious, Rich.” He grumbled, but he couldn’t help the smile that spread over his lips. “Am I really better than my mother? ” He asked.
Richie nodded. “Well of course, Eddie my love, you-” his breath caught and Eddie’s heart sped up. “You… you’re good at it.” He muttered the last part, obviously embarrassed.
“You wanna go again?” Eddie asked, regretting it instantly.
Richie’s eyes widened and before Eddie could take it back, going on about how maybe this wasn’t such a good idea and the works, he crashed his lips back into Eddie’s. Their noses bumped, and Eddie felt a flare of pain, but just tilted his head, kissing him back. He felt one of Richie’s hands trail down his back to clutch at his waist, and he shivered violently. Richie tasted like peppermint toothpaste, but the memory of cigarettes still lingered in the back of his mouth.
Eddie still couldn’t believe this was happening. He was really kissing Richie. And he liked it. He found himself wanting this to last as long as possible, knew after this they’d go back to being best friends, probably acting like this never happened. So when Richie started to pull away, Eddie rocked forward so that he was pressed up against the headboard. Richie buried his hands in Eddie’s shirt, inhaling sharply. Oh shit. Eddie felt himself make an embarrassing noise in the back of his throat as the heated sensation began to bubble up in his chest again.
They pulled away a second later to breathe, and Richie fell back on the bed. “Enough practice?” the taller boy asked quietly, and Eddie wanted to say no, wanted to keep kissing him all night, but he only nodded.
“Yeah.”
“And things aren't gonna be weird tomorrow, right?” Richie’s voice was softer than before, and trembled a little at the end. Eddie wished it wouldn’t. He felt sick to his stomach.
“No. No, of course not.”
“Okay.” Richie had already turned his head into his pillow, so that his words became muffled. “Okay. Goodnight, Eddie.”
“G’night, Rich.” Eddie blinked a few times, trying to clear the itching feeling from his eyes. He suddenly felt incredibly lonely, even with Richie, who was just moments from sleep, laying right next to him. He didn’t know what to do with the feeling, so he let himself drown in it.