Chapter Text
It was simultaneously the most beautiful and the most hideous moment of Louis Tomlinson's life. The rain beating down on his dirty windshield did nothing to distract him from the oncoming car drifting into his lane.
The speed and proximity didn't allow for any action on his part so he was able to watch, in almost slow motion, the crash sure to come. The sleeping face of the other driver showed exhaustion and sleep-deprivation, and Louis' painted the somewhat blurred lightness he felt.
The taste of mortality rose in Louis' throat like bile and with every separate moment that passed, the shadows inside the other car began morphing into figures not unlike those of his own family. But he was alone and he'd been that way for a while… It was infinitely selfish but he wished for someone to share in those last moments before impact, when death seemed inevitable. He'd always been selfish though. Always.
He's never felt more relieved and simultaneously afraid in all of his short existence. The blare of headlights enveloped Louis' vision and he closed his eyes for possibly the last time, the only thought going through his mind, the only sentiment he had for himself and his life, was a simple "Finally". And then the screeching of twisting steel and metal blocked out everything as his world faded into white noise.
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Beeping.
There is some beeping… racket… filling Louis' ears.
It's a sharp contrast from the soft vibration of white noise he'd last heard, and he wanted to move, to say something to make it stop, but his body didn't respond. He was so tired though, so very tired and the beeping noise was fading away anyway so he let himself be pulled back into the inky blackness of his mind.
The next time Louis was thrust into something resembling consciousness the beeping was still incessant in his ears, but there were other noises to focus on to block it out. A deep rasp spoke solemnly from somewhere nearby, but the effort of trying to open his eyes almost cast him back into darkness so he just listened.
It wasn't a terribly long time before the voice went quiet and a lighter shrill took over, murmuring in return. Their words were unintelligible, somehow their meanings lost to Louis as he bathed in the pulsations of his heart, somehow keeping in perfect time with the beeping. The white noise faded in, lulling him back down into the shadows.
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It continued like that, though Louis is entirely unsure as to how long. Each time he was able to hold his head above the surface for a bit longer and he felt and heard more. Someone whispering into his ears startled him multiple times, but their words went in one ear and bounced around his head, indecipherable. Louis didn't think or remember or even wonder. He just waded and treaded through the thickness and listened.
The awareness that slowly began spreading through his body was like molasses, so heavy and sluggish. He could feel the scratchy starch of sheets below his body, the breeze that swept across his arms accompanied with the sound of a closing door, and the clicks and scratches of occasional writing. It was like clockwork, Louis assumed, though he had no idea of time and the actual passage of it. There weren't many voices to listen to during much of his waking moments, only the beeping that matched his heart to keep him company a lot of the time.
~~~~~
The former ocean had slowly become smaller and smaller in Louis' mind, a little pond all that's left. The time spent conscious seemed endless, only interrupted by random dives into the inky thickness. The exhaustion only crept up when he tried to move his body, to show some outward sign that he was here, sometimes in reaction to the voices. The first time Louis opened his eyes the light was blinding, absolutely excruciating in its abundance. Just that small act was grueling, but now that he'd seen something outside his skin, he couldn't help myself. Louis pried his eyes open for a few more seconds, blinking against the light.
The ceiling above him was a dull grey mixed with holes from the plaster and the sight of it was enough to fill Louis with awe. It was the first color other than black he could remember seeing in such a long while that it was transformed into a beautiful miracle for him to feast his eyes upon. The pull quickly dragged him under, holding him in a tight grip as Louis' world once again faded to black.
Louis had become very good at opening his eyes without too much trouble and even managed to twitch his fingers and almost clench into a fist. The awareness of himself ended at what Louis assumed was his stomach due to its swishing and clenching from time to time. He knew there was more but there was no feeling, no weight. Louis often wondered if it would come, or if he'd be left with this.
The voices came often, so he screwed up his face and clenched his fists and, once he'd found his mouth, opened it to release some sort of noise. The silence in between visits was deafening and the only reprieve was to make sounds of his own to fill up the corners of the room. Louis' voice was only a rasp and his throat burned with the effort of it.
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The first time Louis turned his head was like being born again. There were so many new things to look at and study that he squirmed non-stop in his skin. There wasn't much joy in staring at a ceiling that he'd counted every single dent, hole, and anomaly hundreds of times. Ceilings don't tend to be on the fascinating side in the first place, really.
The sink was at first the most interesting because of the steady drip drip drip that it produced, but quickly became dull due to its similarity to the ceaseless beeping. The machine right by Louis' bed was colorful and even had a clear bag of liquid suspended from it.
The machines screen had little squiggles that spiked to the same tune of the beeping, so perhaps that's where it was coming from. There were numbers and words that held no meaning to him surrounding the animated lines, so they were easy to forget. He'd almost turned his head again when he caught a wire running from the bag to the bed. His eyes followed it as best as possible before he could no longer see over his cheeks.
With some(much) effort Louis tilted his head until his eyes met with the alien wire reaching his wrist. It was attached there with clear tape and seemed to disappear into his skin. He clenched his fist multiple times but couldn't feel anything wrong that the offending object could be doing, so Louis let it be. He turned back to the ceiling and began counting again.
~~~~~~
He heard voices through the muck of his mind and quickly surfaced to catch them. Louis could recognize the deep grumble and lighter lilt of two of the voices, as they visited occasionally, and with that he opened his eyes to match a face to a voice. Four figures stood over his bed in conversation over a clipboard, an older greying man, two gorgeous young men, and a cute blonde woman. He had only seen passing snapshots of their retreating backs out the door, but never their faces. The greying man looked tired and worn out, and something about that caused an itch in Louis' peripherals.
Louis' focus immediately zeroed in on the two young men though, their faces so familiar and comforting that the prickle of tears could soon be felt behind his eyes. He wanted to say something, anything for an interaction with another person after so long trapped in his mind.
He couldn't find his mouth though, something that occasionally happened right after welcoming consciousness. Louis begged, pleaded, ORDERED them to look. Just look and see him and acknowledge him because he's here, and he's so lonely and he KNOWS these two people and he's tired of being alone. So very tired.
It's amazing how sheer force of will can make things happen sometimes; at least, that's what Louis would like to think is what caused the woman to casually glance over. She looked away before snapping her neck in a double take that surely gave her whiplash, locking eyes with him. She nudged the older man and he also laid eyes on Louis, quickly assessing like one would a particularly trying puzzle. The other two chanced a look in confusion, eyes widening and joy filling them.
Louis tried opening his mouth once again but only managed a quirk of his lips, but the look on the parties faces suggested it was nothing short of amazing.
The man nodded subtly, locking eyes with Louis before barking out orders to the woman. She jumped and scurried quickly out of the room, leaving the door open behind her. The two younger males had jumped to his side and where petting and cooing at him, their eyes filled with tears. The older man gave Louis a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes as he whispered, "Welcome back".