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Ava's day had been anything but good.
The ER had been swamped and she was bouncing from patient to patient all day long, she'd had three of her patients die, two on her watch, and worst of all (in her books at least), she had found herself sucking her thumb earlier.
She couldn't slip, she couldn't.
Not today when the ER was swamped, and she couldn't just pull Nat away because she couldn't hold it together on a day everyone else was getting through just fine.
Every time she passed Natalie she wanted to just jump into the brunette's arms and never let go of her, she wanted her mama.
People started to notice around 3, Ava kept bumping into things, her memory seemed to be a thing of the past and she couldn't keep from spacing out.
"Ava are you ok?" Maggie questioned when Ava had spaced out once again at the nurse's desk.
"Mhm, fine" Was all the blonde had managed to croak out, she could feel herself slipping but had no mental strength to pull herself out of it.
All she had to do was get through three more hours, then she was off for the night and she could slip into some pink fluffy PJs and cuddle up with her stuffies, she could even call Nat if she had to.
"I'm uh- I'm gonna head to the break room for a sec, review some stuff." Ava said, knowing she could stim and/or act little in whatever ways she could.
"Ok, I'll page you if something comes in." Maggie said, nodding to the girl as Ava headed to the break room.
Ava almost ran to her locker and pulled out her - extremely chewed - elephant stuffie and held it close to her chest smelling it closely.
It smelled like her mama.
Ava sat down on the couch and placed the stuffie in her lap, patting the purple elephant's head.
Her little-space smile immediately came across her face as the girl picked up a pen and started to sign some charts.
Within two or three minutes Ava was a bluey theme away from running out of the break room, screaming for her mama, her thumb was in her mouth and she was rocking back and forth on her knees.
Thankfully, the surgeon wouldn't have to wait that much longer, Natalie walked into the break room looking for her clipboard when she found the girl scribbling on the corners of one of the forms she was meant to be signing.
"Hey, Aves." Nat said as she grabbed the clipboard out of her locker and sat down next to the blonde, only planning to sit for a few seconds but that changed in her mind the second she saw both the familiar stuffed animal sitting in her little's lap and the small doodles Ava was doing in the corner of the page she was working on.
"Hey, baby, look at me." Nat said brushing a strand of hair out of Ava's hair as the change in her voice tone caught the little's attention.
"Mama?" Ava asked, checking for confirmation that it was ok for her to be little right now.
"Mama's here baby" Natalie assured the small girl.
"Mama." Ava repeated, not a question now.
"Mama." Natalie repeated back to her little, pointing to herself.
"I'm Mama." Nat said once more, but before she could reassure Ava anymore, she found herself with the girl clinging to her chest, Ava holding herself against her caregiver's body tightly, Natalie stroking the girl's back out of instinct.
"Mama help." The girl whimpered almost as tears started to break through the dam Ava had so carefully built throughout the day.
"Oh, baby..." Nat whispered, immediately going into mama bear mode.
"Mama I wanna go home." The little - who Nat suspected was about 3 or 4 - looked up at her caregiver with eyes full of tears and mascara running down her cheeks, (which had most definitely stained Nat's scrub top and would need to be washed out later.) making Nat's heartbreak into a million pieces.
"If you can be a big girl for 5 minutes after mama cleans your eyes up I can take you home ok? I have even some paci's in the car for you my princess." Nat said with a smile as she looked down at the girl, whose face had a small smile that had crept on her face at the comforting nickname.
Ava nodded quickly and settled back, shifting herself off of Nat's lap and grabbing onto the elephant that had fallen into Nat's lap.
Natalie grabbed some tissues out of her back pocket and carefully wiped the mascara off Ava's cheeks.
"There we go." Nat said with a smile as her little went back to fidgeting with the stuffed animal that's ear had ended up in Ava's mouth.
Natalie giggled to herself as she simply let the girl chew on the stuffed animal because she knew she needed that right now.
"Ava, honey I need you to look at me, sweetheart." Nat said, bringing the girl's head to face her own as the girl looked up at her caregiver.
"Can you be a big girl for me and let me put Ella in my bag and we can head home? You'll need to act big outside with the others ok? And you need to tell Connor what's going on." Nat said, Ava's facial expression immediately changing when Nat mentioned Connor.
"No, no, no, no-" The young girl started repeating over and over again Nat immediately going to comfort the girl by stroking her arm.
"You just have to tell him you're leaving, but you need to be a big girl baby." Nat responded, Ava, taking a deep breath and nodding.
"I can do that," Ava said, clearly having pulled herself back into her 32-year-old state of mind and Nat gave her a small nod as she held Ella close to her chest one last time.
"Thank you, Nat." Ava added.
"Always A." Nat said, holding out a hand for the stuffie Ava was incredibly reluctant to hand over.
"Can I- keep her in my bag?" Ava asked, gripping the toy tightly.
"Of course Ave, as long as you're comfortable, I'm gonna go talk to Will, you talk to Connor ok?" Nat confirmed, receiving a nod from Ava in return.
Nat got up from the couch and gave the girl a kiss on the head, something Nat had always done for Ava in a purely platonic way for Ava's comfort and support.
Nat headed out to explain the situation to Will and Ava grounded herself by taking some deep breaths and holding onto Ella tightly.
She knew deep down she had to tell Connor, she had to tell him everything, just not today.
She took one last deep breath of Nat's smell that was embedded in the stuffed animal.
She placed Ella in her small black bag she had retrieved from her locker and placed her so that she would be noticeable to Ava if she looked for her, but only to her.
Ava took one last deep breath before standing up and heading out of the breakroom, receiving a smile from Nat who was waiting for the girl.
She found Connor quite quickly and walked over to where he was standing at the nurse's desk.
"Hey I'm gonna head home early, today's been exhausting and Nat's gonna take me home." She said, gripping tightly onto her bag, finding safety in knowing Ella was inside.
"Yeah, that's ok, do you want me to come over tonight?" Connor replied, sending worry through her mind.
"No it's alright, you just go home and rest, Nat's got me." Ava assured him, patting his arm with the hand that wasn't gripping tightly on the bag with Ella inside.
"Ok, I'll see you tomorrow." Connor smiled before giving Ava a small kiss and brushing a hand down her back as he pulled away from the kiss.
"I'll see you then." Ava smiled and turned around to see Natalie waiting for her at the door.
"Hey." Ava said as she took the hand Nat offered to her.
"You did so good, little one, I'm so proud of you." Natalie whispered as Ava brought her hand into her bag and she gripped Ella.
Ava smiled and gripped Nat's hand tightly.
--Fin--